1
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Gentlemen, I got a problem.
2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,207
I've gathered you here because
I need the smartest guys I know.
3
00:00:08,688 --> 00:00:11,489
My life is what it is, so that's you.
4
00:00:12,671 --> 00:00:15,682
He's talking to you guys, so step it up.
5
00:00:15,707 --> 00:00:19,008
Yesterday, I was the only one
home and the doorbell rings.
6
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It was Carl Tompkins.
7
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That son of a bitch.
8
00:00:22,647 --> 00:00:24,547
Who's Carl Tompkins?
9
00:00:24,549 --> 00:00:27,050
Pastor Carl? The guy who married
me and Andi at our wedding.
10
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That son of a bitch.
11
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Dad, will you listen, please?
12
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He gave me some very bad news.
13
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17 years ago, when I
married you and Andi,
14
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I had a nasty gambling problem.
15
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But I'm in a program now,
and I'm on the ninth step,
16
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which is making amends.
17
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Amends? That's never good.
18
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When I did your ceremony, I was broke,
19
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so I hadn't renewed my credentials.
20
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I forged your paperwork and
your marriage isn't legal.
21
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What?
22
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We're not legally married?
23
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But why would you do the ceremony
24
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if you knew it wasn't real?
25
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I just love making people happy.
26
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Do I look happy now?
27
00:01:04,722 --> 00:01:07,144
So I was right... He
is a son of a bitch.
28
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Andi's not gonna like this.
29
00:01:09,261 --> 00:01:10,827
But she's not gonna blame Adam.
30
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It's not your fault the
guy had a gambling problem.
31
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See, this is where it gets tricky.
32
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H-He's not the guy
Andi told me to hire.
33
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I picked him 'cause he was cheaper.
34
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Oh, Adam.
35
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What? Well, I had to do something.
36
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Look, we agreed on a
simple courthouse ceremony,
37
00:01:28,205 --> 00:01:29,971
then the bride magazines
started showing up
38
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and everything got expensive.
39
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She wanted to move it to the Bahamas.
40
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I had to show her a bunch
of shark attack videos
41
00:01:35,045 --> 00:01:37,145
just to keep it on the mainland.
42
00:01:37,147 --> 00:01:38,613
So you're not legally married?
43
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And it's your fault.
44
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And Andi doesn't know.
45
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That's pretty much it.
46
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Yeah, you're gonna need smarter guys.
47
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First of all, I am really
pumped to be included
48
00:02:00,522 --> 00:02:01,855
in this advice circle.
49
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,890
We don't name our meetings, Lowell.
50
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,482
And if we did, it
would be something cool,
51
00:02:05,484 --> 00:02:08,151
like "war council."
52
00:02:08,153 --> 00:02:12,120
But a wedding is not
something to cut corners on.
53
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,343
You blew it, bubba.
Sorry for the language.
54
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Money is for saving, not spending.
55
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That's right, and you're
gonna need that money
56
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when the storm comes.
57
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And there is always a storm coming.
58
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You taught us that, Pop.
59
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I'm never not afraid.
60
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:29,081
- Damn straight. It keeps you frosty.
- Mm-hmm.
61
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,316
So how do I tell Andi
we're not legally married
62
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because I wanted to save a few bucks?
63
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:35,554
Now, keep in mind, not
being married might be
64
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a hot-button issue for her.
65
00:02:38,448 --> 00:02:40,892
Well, you could soften
her up with some romance.
66
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Ooh, take her to a nice
hotel for a weekend.
67
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I don't like the idea of being locked
68
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:47,165
in a tiny room with
her when she finds out.
69
00:02:47,813 --> 00:02:50,053
Whenever I've screwed up with Marcy...
70
00:02:50,078 --> 00:02:52,314
and it has happened...
71
00:02:52,649 --> 00:02:54,206
I tell her I did something much worse,
72
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and then when I tell her the real thing,
73
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(EXHALES) she's relieved.
74
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So what could I tell Andi
that's worse than this?
75
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,980
Nothing.
76
00:03:02,537 --> 00:03:04,116
I was just saying, you know,
77
00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:05,884
if you'd done something not so big,
78
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:08,152
that would be the solution.
79
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:11,729
This is the worst war
council I've ever been on.
80
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Son, you got to think outside the box.
81
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:17,829
Men have been screwing up with
women for thousands of years.
82
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They're on to us.
83
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,767
You need something new.
84
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:24,870
So your idea is: come
up with a good idea.
85
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That's right. Run with that.
86
00:03:27,930 --> 00:03:30,342
Okay. Well, a lot of
good perspectives here.
87
00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:32,778
But the thing is, Andi
is the best, all right?
88
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,579
I got a good one, so
I'm just gonna go home
89
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,047
and tell her; she'll understand.
90
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,162
- Attaboy. - Absolutely.
- Good for you.
91
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:42,660
He's not coming back from this.
92
00:03:42,685 --> 00:03:43,555
He's a dead man.
93
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,740
I should have told him I loved him.
94
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:51,518
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey.
95
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,265
You'll never guess what
happened at work today.
96
00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,499
I hope it was good.
97
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:55,533
It's so good.
98
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:57,821
Okay. I finally figured out
99
00:03:57,846 --> 00:04:00,865
who's been microwaving fish in
the break room. It was Karen.
100
00:04:00,890 --> 00:04:03,375
Yeah. We're gonna have
a whole meeting about it
101
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,477
and everything.
102
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:08,711
Yeah. Funny thing happened
to me today, too. Get this.
103
00:04:09,156 --> 00:04:10,553
Wait. Wait.
104
00:04:10,578 --> 00:04:12,484
Babe, what's this? They didn't
have the organic chicken?
105
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,252
No, no, they did, but we'll
get to that in a minute.
106
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,954
- Yeah.
- Okay, but, um,
107
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,856
I thought we agreed we
were gonna go organic.
108
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,673
Remember? We watched that documentary.
109
00:04:19,698 --> 00:04:21,660
You cried a little.
110
00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:24,062
Then I saw how much
organic chicken costs,
111
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,397
and I cried more.
112
00:04:26,346 --> 00:04:28,001
They just charge you twice as much
113
00:04:28,026 --> 00:04:29,968
'cause they slap a fancy label on it.
114
00:04:30,799 --> 00:04:32,671
Okay, Adam, we've talked about this.
115
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Don't be cheap.
116
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:37,676
Well... I am not cheap, I am frugal.
117
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,444
Okay, see what you did there?
118
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:42,380
You just took "cheap" and you
slapped a fancy label on it.
119
00:04:43,996 --> 00:04:45,752
Okay, this isn't a big
deal, it's just chicken,
120
00:04:45,777 --> 00:04:46,785
but I-I do need to...
121
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,655
Okay, look, Adam, we both
know it's not just chicken.
122
00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:53,591
I mean, like, for
example, all of our napkins
123
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:56,338
come from fast food places.
124
00:04:57,259 --> 00:05:00,332
You should never have
to pay for napkins.
125
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,967
They're free everywhere.
126
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:04,569
And when company comes over,
127
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:07,539
we put out the good ones from Arby's.
128
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:12,989
Okay. Let's talk about
our coffee situation.
129
00:05:13,014 --> 00:05:15,296
These coffee pods come 12 to a box,
130
00:05:15,321 --> 00:05:18,522
but somehow every box seems
to last us for a month.
131
00:05:20,855 --> 00:05:23,269
I did not know that you noticed that.
132
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,119
Oh, I did.
133
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Says right on it,
134
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,152
"single use only."
135
00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:34,065
You've been double
dripping, haven't you?
136
00:05:35,876 --> 00:05:38,002
You're damn right I have.
137
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,671
They would love for you
to only use each pod once.
138
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,106
That's their whole scam.
139
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:43,032
I bet you there's a
documentary about that.
140
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,978
Okay, Adam, it's not a scam, okay?
141
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,380
I've been drinking brown water
142
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,482
and falling asleep at
10:30 in the morning.
143
00:05:50,812 --> 00:05:53,437
Okay, you know I love a bargain.
144
00:05:53,462 --> 00:05:56,121
But isn't it fun when you
find out and we have a laugh?
145
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:57,432
Huh?
146
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:58,957
Yeah, so fun.
147
00:06:01,148 --> 00:06:03,342
Hey, um, let me ask you something.
148
00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:06,278
Last week, when you made the reservation
149
00:06:06,303 --> 00:06:08,641
for our family trip to Keystone Lake,
150
00:06:09,274 --> 00:06:10,402
um...
151
00:06:11,193 --> 00:06:13,869
you said that the hotel
right on the water was full,
152
00:06:13,894 --> 00:06:17,519
so that we had to stay at
the cheap one six blocks away.
153
00:06:18,222 --> 00:06:22,212
Yeah. I-I-I-I told you that
154
00:06:22,237 --> 00:06:23,648
because that's what happened.
155
00:06:23,894 --> 00:06:27,352
And if I'm remembering
right, and I hope I am,
156
00:06:27,641 --> 00:06:30,355
I said there was a convention.
157
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:33,140
Uh-huh. So if I call
the good hotel right now,
158
00:06:33,165 --> 00:06:34,325
they'll say they're booked.
159
00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:36,361
Oh, they absolutely will.
160
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:38,730
They might not.
161
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,131
I knew it.
162
00:06:42,243 --> 00:06:43,162
You know what?
163
00:06:43,187 --> 00:06:45,737
I can deal with the
napkins and the coffee,
164
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:48,216
but you can't skimp on the big stuff.
165
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,218
The family stuff, that's what
makes me crazy, all right?
166
00:06:51,243 --> 00:06:53,711
I don't want to hear
about any more secret ways
167
00:06:53,736 --> 00:06:55,108
that you've been cheaping out.
168
00:06:55,133 --> 00:06:57,916
Well, d-don't worry, you won't.
169
00:06:58,730 --> 00:07:00,285
Okay, good.
170
00:07:00,599 --> 00:07:02,332
Hey, what did you want
to talk to me about?
171
00:07:02,751 --> 00:07:04,425
Nothing.
172
00:07:05,131 --> 00:07:08,533
Uh, well, I just wanted
to talk... in general.
173
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,995
And we did.
174
00:07:11,263 --> 00:07:13,263
Great job.
175
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,801
So I'm not telling her.
176
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:20,016
I'm sorry it didn't go well,
but I'm thrilled to be back.
177
00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:22,540
I'm this close to
making us all T-shirts.
178
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,542
- What happened? - I didn't have
time to get the design right.
179
00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:25,977
Not you.
180
00:07:26,727 --> 00:07:27,796
What happened?
181
00:07:27,821 --> 00:07:30,693
Well, I was gonna tell her,
but inside of five minutes,
182
00:07:30,718 --> 00:07:34,326
she busted me on discount
chicken, reused coffee pods,
183
00:07:34,351 --> 00:07:36,354
and a secret budget hotel.
184
00:07:36,647 --> 00:07:39,294
It did not seem wise or
healthy for me to tell her
185
00:07:39,319 --> 00:07:41,192
I picked Pastor Carl
because he was cheaper.
186
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,627
I mean, "frugaler."
187
00:07:43,152 --> 00:07:45,351
I once had a frugaler
at a Jewish wedding.
188
00:07:45,376 --> 00:07:47,643
It was delicious.
189
00:07:48,144 --> 00:07:50,435
So the problem isn't
that you're not married,
190
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:53,189
it's that you're not married
because you were cheap.
191
00:07:53,214 --> 00:07:55,473
And she does not like
that, which is sad,
192
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,742
because I think it's one
of my greatest qualities.
193
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:58,810
Look,
194
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,844
when it comes to money,
195
00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:01,524
I'm right and she's wrong,
196
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,581
but this will prove that I'm wrong.
197
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:06,123
If it proves you're wrong,
doesn't that mean you're wrong?
198
00:08:06,928 --> 00:08:08,786
Clearly I'm wrong.
199
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:11,089
It will upset the balance
of our whole marriage.
200
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:13,771
I'll lose every money argument forever.
201
00:08:13,842 --> 00:08:15,159
We'll just be sitting in the poor house
202
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:18,296
with our rich black coffee
and high-end napkins.
203
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:19,898
So you're not gonna tell her at all?
204
00:08:20,127 --> 00:08:21,493
You're just gonna stay not married?
205
00:08:21,518 --> 00:08:23,284
I thought about that.
206
00:08:23,348 --> 00:08:25,448
I could tell her now, or...
207
00:08:25,566 --> 00:08:27,261
I could fix it and tell her never.
208
00:08:27,659 --> 00:08:28,806
Huh? How about this?
209
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,041
Andi's always talking about
210
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,913
renewing our vows someday.
211
00:08:31,938 --> 00:08:33,194
Why can't that be now?
212
00:08:33,219 --> 00:08:35,847
And why can't that be
done by a real pastor?
213
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,682
Then you'll be legally married.
214
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,284
I like it. It's got Lowell's romance,
215
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:40,785
it's got Dad's outside the box,
216
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:43,199
and it's kind of shady, like me.
217
00:08:52,386 --> 00:08:53,962
What?
218
00:09:03,399 --> 00:09:07,278
You are so beautiful.
219
00:09:07,889 --> 00:09:09,347
Even when you're about to spit.
220
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,655
Mmm. Thanks, honey.
221
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,567
You know, I was just thinking,
222
00:09:16,592 --> 00:09:19,324
we haven't done something
really romantic in a long time.
223
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,292
You know, to celebrate our love.
224
00:09:22,074 --> 00:09:23,861
Aw, sweetie, you don't have
to do a whole song and dance.
225
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:25,897
You know I'm always up
to roll around a little.
226
00:09:26,683 --> 00:09:28,700
We can do that, too, but I'm talking
227
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,102
about a spontaneous event.
228
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:34,205
Like... (GASPS)
229
00:09:40,056 --> 00:09:41,479
Ah, never mind, it's too romantic.
230
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:44,215
- No. Whoa. What? What?
- No, no, no. It's too magical.
231
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,217
(GASPS) Tell me.
232
00:09:50,366 --> 00:09:51,826
(SIGHS)
233
00:09:53,757 --> 00:09:55,426
What if we renewed our vows?
234
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,828
(GASPS)
235
00:09:56,830 --> 00:10:00,231
Oh, I've always wanted to do that.
236
00:10:00,456 --> 00:10:02,323
Oh, but, I mean, shouldn't we wait
237
00:10:02,348 --> 00:10:03,947
for a big anniversary?
238
00:10:03,972 --> 00:10:05,839
Like our 20th or our 30th?
239
00:10:05,864 --> 00:10:07,505
No, no, no. No, no, no.
240
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,408
I-I-I, I think we do it right now
241
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,077
for our 17-and-a-half-ieth.
242
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:14,178
Huh?
243
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,247
No one will see that coming.
244
00:10:17,029 --> 00:10:18,862
What's gotten into you?
245
00:10:18,939 --> 00:10:20,518
Just a bunch of love.
246
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,938
Huh? Think about it.
247
00:10:22,963 --> 00:10:24,689
The girls can wear matching outfits.
248
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,491
Teddy can wear suspenders.
249
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:29,624
You love Teddy in suspenders.
250
00:10:29,859 --> 00:10:31,692
He looks so cute...
251
00:10:31,717 --> 00:10:33,788
Like a tiny Southern lawyer.
252
00:10:33,813 --> 00:10:35,346
Yeah.
253
00:10:36,601 --> 00:10:37,635
Okay, let's do it.
254
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,204
- We're doing it.
- (LAUGHING): Yeah. This is so exciting.
255
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:43,274
(GASPS) Ooh. What about
having it in the Bahamas?
256
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:45,480
- Huh?
- Uh... (CHATTERS TEETH)
257
00:10:45,505 --> 00:10:46,801
- Oh.
- Nah.
258
00:10:46,826 --> 00:10:48,413
- Sharks. I forgot.
- Mm-hmm.
259
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,348
Yeah, but it's still gonna be great.
260
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,850
Yeah, yeah. Oh, and this
time, my dad won't be trying
261
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:56,821
to talk me out of it as
I'm walking down the aisle.
262
00:11:01,768 --> 00:11:04,996
I did not know he did that.
263
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,445
Huh. Look, but... hey,
let's get married again.
264
00:11:07,484 --> 00:11:09,373
Yay! (LAUGHS)
265
00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:14,147
Okay, great,
266
00:11:14,172 --> 00:11:16,734
you guys are all set for
the renewal ceremony tonight.
267
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,293
We look like dweebs.
268
00:11:19,295 --> 00:11:21,739
Yes, you do. That's your
wedding present to your mother.
269
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:26,500
These suspenders are
pulling my pants up too high.
270
00:11:26,745 --> 00:11:29,345
I feel like I'm sitting on a rope.
271
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,415
Go loosen 'em up a
little. I want grandkids.
272
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,502
Okay, I'll take these
out to the backyard
273
00:11:37,504 --> 00:11:39,071
and arrange them around the altar.
274
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,639
Oh, and, Adam, I think
275
00:11:40,641 --> 00:11:42,975
what you're doing today
is incredibly romantic.
276
00:11:42,977 --> 00:11:45,586
(LAUGHS) That's a hint, Don.
277
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,167
I'm all over it, baby.
278
00:11:51,452 --> 00:11:53,151
So in a few hours, you're
gonna make an honest woman
279
00:11:53,153 --> 00:11:54,653
- out of Andi.
- Yeah.
280
00:11:54,655 --> 00:11:55,987
She's very excited.
281
00:11:56,012 --> 00:11:58,432
Apparently, I'm the
world's greatest husband...
282
00:11:58,457 --> 00:12:01,193
based on her limited information.
283
00:12:01,195 --> 00:12:03,114
But after tonight we'll
be back to being married,
284
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,640
and I can pretend this
whole thing never happened.
285
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,375
You seem a little jumpy, son.
286
00:12:07,377 --> 00:12:10,545
I saw that look run
past me in Vietnam a lot.
287
00:12:11,323 --> 00:12:12,747
Yeah, I'm jumpy. I got
288
00:12:12,749 --> 00:12:15,416
a lot of balls in the air, a
lot of stories. It's complicated.
289
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:17,518
Hey, listen, if you were
gonna tell her the truth,
290
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,520
you should have done it
the day you found out.
291
00:12:19,522 --> 00:12:22,205
The cover-up is always
worse than the crime.
292
00:12:22,369 --> 00:12:26,427
Why didn't you say that when
we were having the war council?
293
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:29,197
- I just thought of it.
- Oh.
294
00:12:29,199 --> 00:12:30,534
Don't give me a bunch of beers
295
00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:33,011
and then ask me serious questions.
296
00:12:33,191 --> 00:12:34,971
Well, you know what? Andi
will be home any minute
297
00:12:34,996 --> 00:12:37,138
from getting her hair done,
she'll see how beautiful
298
00:12:37,140 --> 00:12:38,606
everything looks out there,
299
00:12:38,608 --> 00:12:40,741
we'll tie the knot,
and I'll be home free.
300
00:12:41,315 --> 00:12:43,511
All right, I'm gonna go get your mom.
301
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:44,879
She's been up on blocks
302
00:12:44,881 --> 00:12:46,714
at the beauty shop
getting a full refurb.
303
00:12:46,903 --> 00:12:48,130
(KNOCKING)
304
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,118
Oh, that'll be Lowell with cake. Okay.
305
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:52,286
Yeah.
306
00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:54,522
- Who are you?
- Pastor Carl.
307
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,257
Son of a bitch.
308
00:12:59,103 --> 00:13:00,805
Pastor Carl, what are you doing here?
309
00:13:00,830 --> 00:13:02,530
(SCOFFS) I need to talk to Andi.
310
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:04,732
Turns out, I got to
make amends to her, too.
311
00:13:04,734 --> 00:13:06,234
I got a meeting in a few hours,
312
00:13:06,236 --> 00:13:08,202
and if I get Andi, I
can move on to step ten.
313
00:13:08,204 --> 00:13:10,654
Well, settle in to step nine
'cause you're not talking to her.
314
00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:11,706
You got to get out of here. No, no.
315
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:15,042
I'm not going anywhere until I see Andi.
316
00:13:15,468 --> 00:13:17,278
Okay, uh, fine. Um...
317
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,447
Tell me what you want to say
to her, and I'll text it to her.
318
00:13:19,449 --> 00:13:21,616
Then you can leave, and
I'll text you what she says.
319
00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:23,117
She'll probably say something
like, "I forgive you.
320
00:13:23,119 --> 00:13:25,653
Don't ever come to my house
again, and, you know..."
321
00:13:25,655 --> 00:13:27,255
No. Don't sit!
322
00:13:27,257 --> 00:13:29,690
I got bad knees from
standing at the craps table.
323
00:13:32,551 --> 00:13:33,973
Okay, fine. You know
what? I'll go get her.
324
00:13:33,998 --> 00:13:36,564
- She's out in the driveway.
- Yeah. Hey, is this champagne for anybody?
325
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:39,167
Yeah, anybody but you.
326
00:13:39,169 --> 00:13:40,668
So I just need you to pretend
327
00:13:40,670 --> 00:13:42,370
to be my wife for, like, five minutes.
328
00:13:42,372 --> 00:13:44,705
You have got to be kidding me.
329
00:13:45,235 --> 00:13:46,274
Do it for Andi, huh?
330
00:13:46,276 --> 00:13:47,875
How you would feel if you found out
331
00:13:47,877 --> 00:13:49,577
you weren't really married to Don?
332
00:13:49,579 --> 00:13:52,380
- Yeah, that's not gonna get you there.
- Yeah, okay, okay,
333
00:13:52,382 --> 00:13:54,649
bad example. Look, but
I'm in a real spot here.
334
00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:56,985
This is my home. I'd
like to keep living here.
335
00:13:57,230 --> 00:13:58,041
Well, I don't know.
336
00:13:58,066 --> 00:14:00,988
Maybe I'll like Andi's
second husband better.
337
00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:02,823
Yeah, maybe he'll
want to play tennis with me.
338
00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:05,259
- Oh.
- Well, think about Andi's feelings, okay?
339
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,528
She loved our wedding. It
meant everything to her.
340
00:14:07,530 --> 00:14:09,897
If you could help me fix
this without her finding out,
341
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,643
it would really spare
her a lot of heartache.
342
00:14:12,799 --> 00:14:14,569
- Okay, I'll do it... for Andi.
- Okay.
343
00:14:14,571 --> 00:14:15,803
But I have one condition.
344
00:14:15,805 --> 00:14:17,604
- Anything.
- I'm taking voice lessons,
345
00:14:17,629 --> 00:14:19,807
and you're gonna let me
sing at the renewal ceremony.
346
00:14:19,809 --> 00:14:21,424
Whatever you want. Yeah.
How long you been taking
347
00:14:21,449 --> 00:14:23,144
- voice lessons?
- My first one is Tuesday.
348
00:14:23,146 --> 00:14:25,479
Oh.
349
00:14:26,264 --> 00:14:27,272
Okay.
350
00:14:27,297 --> 00:14:31,452
Here's my wife Andi, so you can
make your amends and move on.
351
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:33,301
You looked a lot
different at the wedding.
352
00:14:33,326 --> 00:14:33,878
(MUTTERS)
353
00:14:33,903 --> 00:14:36,490
Well, you know, living
with me takes it toll.
354
00:14:36,903 --> 00:14:37,911
I'm not buying this.
355
00:14:37,936 --> 00:14:40,318
If that's really Andi, kiss her.
356
00:14:40,732 --> 00:14:43,297
Whoa. Hey, Padre, whoa, whoa, whoa.
357
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:45,266
If you're looking for a
thrill, go to the library,
358
00:14:45,268 --> 00:14:47,768
get on their Wi-Fi,
like the rest of us.
359
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:51,439
- Don.
- You're not kissing my wife.
360
00:14:53,298 --> 00:14:55,580
Okay, fine. She's not my wife.
361
00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:56,541
But you got to get out of here.
362
00:14:56,566 --> 00:14:58,298
My real wife will be here any minute.
363
00:14:58,323 --> 00:14:59,780
I'll tell you what... I'll
give you a hundred dollars
364
00:14:59,782 --> 00:15:01,215
to just go back to being a gambler.
365
00:15:01,217 --> 00:15:02,883
Remember how fun that was, huh?
366
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:07,997
Hey... honey.
367
00:15:08,022 --> 00:15:08,889
Oh, my God.
368
00:15:08,891 --> 00:15:10,491
- Pastor Carl?
- DON: All right.
369
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,069
Let's back it up. This
is gonna get bumpy.
370
00:15:12,094 --> 00:15:13,187
Mm-hmm.
371
00:15:13,537 --> 00:15:15,137
I can't believe this.
372
00:15:15,179 --> 00:15:16,764
You got Pastor Carl to do the renewal
373
00:15:16,766 --> 00:15:18,532
because he married us the first time?
374
00:15:18,534 --> 00:15:19,903
You are
375
00:15:19,928 --> 00:15:21,802
full of surprises.
376
00:15:21,804 --> 00:15:23,971
(LAUGHING): I sure am, yeah.
377
00:15:23,973 --> 00:15:26,519
But, unfortunately,
Pastor Carl can't do it
378
00:15:26,544 --> 00:15:28,253
'cause he's, uh... he's booked.
379
00:15:28,278 --> 00:15:31,857
Yeah, he just came by to give
us the bad news in person.
380
00:15:31,882 --> 00:15:34,081
Oh, that's such a shame.
381
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,590
You know what? I'll do it.
382
00:15:36,615 --> 00:15:37,952
I'll cancel everything.
383
00:15:37,954 --> 00:15:39,336
- You will?
- Yeah.
384
00:15:39,361 --> 00:15:41,531
I just love making people happy!
385
00:15:42,023 --> 00:15:43,190
- Yay!
- Yay!
386
00:15:43,718 --> 00:15:45,026
ADAM: Hey!
387
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:47,679
But you said you didn't
have your license anymore.
388
00:15:47,704 --> 00:15:49,764
Well, who cares? It's just a renewal.
389
00:15:49,766 --> 00:15:51,132
Yeah, let's get happy.
390
00:15:51,134 --> 00:15:52,867
- ANDI: Yes!
- ADAM: No! No! No! No!
391
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,669
Andi, Pastor Carl can't do it.
392
00:15:54,671 --> 00:15:56,607
- Well, why not? He just said he could.
- Yeah.
393
00:15:56,632 --> 00:15:58,539
But he isn't a licensed pastor.
394
00:15:59,950 --> 00:16:01,763
And-and-and...
395
00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:05,413
And he wasn't when he
married us the first time.
396
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:10,518
What?
397
00:16:10,543 --> 00:16:12,643
Oh. Uh, what does that mean?
398
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,423
Okay, technically... and this is really
399
00:16:15,425 --> 00:16:18,592
just a small clerical thing...
400
00:16:18,594 --> 00:16:21,195
we're not legally married.
401
00:16:23,173 --> 00:16:25,807
Amends made. Good night.
402
00:16:28,104 --> 00:16:29,134
(DOOR CLOSES)
403
00:16:29,159 --> 00:16:31,780
Oh, my God, so that's why...
404
00:16:31,805 --> 00:16:33,374
She's putting it together.
405
00:16:34,633 --> 00:16:35,643
Wait. What?!
406
00:16:35,645 --> 00:16:37,078
- Nope. She lost it.
- Oh.
407
00:16:37,898 --> 00:16:39,837
- I-I'll walk her through it.
- Oh.
408
00:16:40,641 --> 00:16:42,272
The renewal wasn't a renewal.
409
00:16:42,297 --> 00:16:44,352
He was trying to marry
you without you knowing
410
00:16:44,354 --> 00:16:46,587
because that guy wasn't pasteurized.
411
00:16:50,466 --> 00:16:52,586
Okay, she's all caught up. Back to you.
412
00:16:54,498 --> 00:16:58,099
But the good news is we're all
set to fix this today, okay?
413
00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,900
I got a real pastor coming over.
414
00:16:59,902 --> 00:17:02,670
I checked his papers and
everything, so what do you say?
415
00:17:02,672 --> 00:17:04,338
Let's get hitched.
416
00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:06,073
I don't think so.
417
00:17:06,075 --> 00:17:07,775
(to "Here Comes the Bride"):
♪ Da, da-da, da ♪
418
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:10,244
♪ Da, da... ♪
419
00:17:10,871 --> 00:17:12,493
Oh, Adam.
420
00:17:18,828 --> 00:17:20,759
You're so beautiful.
421
00:17:22,845 --> 00:17:25,393
Remember when that was fun?
422
00:17:25,395 --> 00:17:27,928
You know what? It's all
coming back to me now.
423
00:17:27,930 --> 00:17:30,564
I gave you the pastor
to hire for our wedding.
424
00:17:30,566 --> 00:17:32,767
Where did Pastor Carl even come from?
425
00:17:32,769 --> 00:17:34,405
I mean, why didn't you just hire my guy?
426
00:17:34,430 --> 00:17:37,222
My actual minister guy, my
not-addicted-to-gambling guy?
427
00:17:37,247 --> 00:17:39,851
I didn't know he was
addicted to gambling.
428
00:17:39,876 --> 00:17:41,379
I was just trying to save a few bucks.
429
00:17:41,404 --> 00:17:43,904
Your guy was so expensive.
430
00:17:46,183 --> 00:17:48,749
I'm sorry.
431
00:17:49,649 --> 00:17:52,853
We're not married because you're cheap?
432
00:17:54,149 --> 00:17:57,958
You know, some people say
that's one of my best qualities.
433
00:18:00,196 --> 00:18:03,931
You know, I can deal with
a discount chicken, okay?
434
00:18:03,933 --> 00:18:06,634
But this? I mean, come on,
Adam, we're not really married.
435
00:18:06,636 --> 00:18:09,503
I just know that there's
always a storm coming.
436
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,372
I think the storm is here.
437
00:18:12,506 --> 00:18:13,945
I'm just saying,
438
00:18:13,970 --> 00:18:16,846
we have been through some times.
439
00:18:16,871 --> 00:18:20,696
You remember 2008? I didn't
build a house for ten months.
440
00:18:20,721 --> 00:18:22,885
We almost had to move
in with my parents.
441
00:18:22,910 --> 00:18:24,409
They had one bathroom, Andi.
442
00:18:24,434 --> 00:18:27,721
One bathroom, no fan,
just a book of matches.
443
00:18:28,672 --> 00:18:29,563
But we had
444
00:18:29,588 --> 00:18:32,655
our rainy day fund,
so we got to stay here.
445
00:18:34,091 --> 00:18:35,790
Okay, I get it.
446
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,945
But our wedding, Adam?
You skimped on our wedding.
447
00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:42,770
I skimped on our wedding because
I cared about our marriage.
448
00:18:42,772 --> 00:18:45,583
Which doesn't legally exist.
449
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:47,508
I am working on that.
450
00:18:47,510 --> 00:18:50,110
I almost had it today. I was this close!
451
00:18:59,152 --> 00:19:01,318
(CLEARS THROAT)
452
00:19:01,659 --> 00:19:05,192
Look, when we were first engaged,
453
00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:07,428
I didn't know if the
business was gonna work.
454
00:19:07,430 --> 00:19:09,096
I was freaking out.
455
00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:12,266
Well, why didn't you just tell me that?
456
00:19:12,268 --> 00:19:14,268
Because I didn't want you to worry.
457
00:19:15,409 --> 00:19:17,137
Andi, I wanted to give you everything,
458
00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:20,241
but I didn't have... anything.
459
00:19:20,930 --> 00:19:23,410
All I had was you.
460
00:19:24,305 --> 00:19:25,343
(SIGHS)
461
00:19:25,368 --> 00:19:27,102
Well, now look what you did.
462
00:19:27,953 --> 00:19:29,571
You gave me the feels.
463
00:19:32,385 --> 00:19:35,274
You know, if you marry me again,
464
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,791
I promise that every
time I make coffee...
465
00:19:37,793 --> 00:19:39,426
You'll only use the coffee pod once?
466
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:41,295
No, I can't do that.
467
00:19:42,823 --> 00:19:45,599
But I will always
give you the first cup.
468
00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:50,538
- I'll take it.
- (LAUGHS)
469
00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:52,439
Let's get married again
for the first time.
470
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,756
Great! Yeah.
471
00:19:54,781 --> 00:19:56,310
I get another crack
at our wedding night.
472
00:19:56,312 --> 00:19:57,611
I know what you like now.
473
00:20:04,544 --> 00:20:05,831
_
474
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,414
Thanks for marrying
me today, Mrs. Burns.
475
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,518
Turns out that was a real quick
fix down at the courthouse.
476
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,186
Mm-hmm.
477
00:20:14,188 --> 00:20:15,596
If I just told you in the beginning,
478
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,065
I could have avoided a lot of trouble.
479
00:20:18,515 --> 00:20:20,249
Well, you're right about one thing.
480
00:20:20,531 --> 00:20:22,536
Our first wedding night was pretty wild.
481
00:20:22,538 --> 00:20:26,373
- Mm-hmm.
- But... this one's even better.
482
00:20:28,710 --> 00:20:31,378
Yeah, I see what you're
going for there, but no.
483
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:32,813
(LAUGHS)
484
00:20:33,927 --> 00:20:35,277
Well, you're a good man.
485
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:37,585
It's not easy to find a guy to marry you
486
00:20:37,610 --> 00:20:41,012
when you're in your 40s
and you got three kids.
487
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,601
Whose feet stink?
488
00:20:44,975 --> 00:20:49,975
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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