1
00:00:02,417 --> 00:00:04,959
You guys are in for our March
Madness party this weekend, right?

2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,834
Jen has to work, but she's preapproved

3
00:00:06,835 --> 00:00:08,501
several party jokes for me to tell.

4
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,541
I have a fun one about

5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,460
an elephant who doesn't
have to pack a bag

6
00:00:11,462 --> 00:00:14,129
because he already has a...
You know what, I'll save it.

7
00:00:14,131 --> 00:00:15,958
Oh. I'll go

8
00:00:15,959 --> 00:00:17,668
if you let me try out your
new heated toilet seat.

9
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:18,767
I've been waiting my whole life

10
00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:21,970
for science to invent something useful.

11
00:00:22,451 --> 00:00:24,481
No, I am not letting you up there.

12
00:00:24,506 --> 00:00:26,426
You'll be on it all the
time, and I won't know

13
00:00:26,451 --> 00:00:28,193
if the heat is from
the seat or from you.

14
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,481
Kids! Come on! Your ride's here!

15
00:00:34,310 --> 00:00:35,184
Bye!

16
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:36,085
- Bye-bye.
- See ya.

17
00:00:36,086 --> 00:00:37,458
- Love you.
- Bye. Love you, too.

18
00:00:37,459 --> 00:00:39,124
All right, have a great day.

19
00:00:39,125 --> 00:00:41,709
Bye? Wh-What's happening?

20
00:00:41,710 --> 00:00:43,041
Where are my babies going?

21
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,960
To school. Yeah, I got them in a carpool

22
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:47,045
with what's-her-name,
that mom with the husky kid

23
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,331
that always wears the velour tracksuits.

24
00:00:50,527 --> 00:00:53,198
We call him Tiny Soprano.

25
00:00:53,291 --> 00:00:55,087
And why can't you drive them anymore?

26
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,755
Because I have to leave the office early

27
00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:59,224
to do afternoon pickup, and
as soon as I walk out the door,

28
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,726
Don goes to the dog track.

29
00:01:02,459 --> 00:01:04,834
I do do that.

30
00:01:04,848 --> 00:01:07,015
I didn't think he knew it.

31
00:01:07,017 --> 00:01:09,184
Well, we're all learning things today.

32
00:01:09,186 --> 00:01:10,652
Mm. Yeah.

33
00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:12,904
A carpool would make
my life so much easier.

34
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,901
Well, we should get to work.

35
00:01:14,926 --> 00:01:16,592
Unless you'd allow me
a few minutes upstairs

36
00:01:16,617 --> 00:01:18,117
on your new hot potty.

37
00:01:19,136 --> 00:01:20,336
No way.

38
00:01:20,361 --> 00:01:23,245
Only one king sits on that throne.

39
00:01:25,202 --> 00:01:28,587
Yeah, uh, honey, I'm not
so sure about a carpool.

40
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,706
Okay? I mean, how will I know
if the kids get home safe?

41
00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:34,084
I don't get home until 5:00.

42
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,963
That gives the kidnappers
a two-hour head start.

43
00:01:38,275 --> 00:01:39,514
Morning, guys.

44
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,516
Perfect timing. Look, I know all about

45
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:43,518
your unreasonable fear of kidnappers.

46
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,187
That's why Rudy's here, okay?

47
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,249
I got him to hook us
up with some cameras.

48
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,857
He does security at the stadium.

49
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:50,977
- I like this.
- Yeah, yeah.

50
00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:53,145
The Steelers are way more
valuable than our kids.

51
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:57,699
And so far, not one of
them has been kidnapped.

52
00:01:58,091 --> 00:01:59,123
So, with the cameras,

53
00:01:59,148 --> 00:02:01,482
I'll know if the kids get home safe.

54
00:02:01,507 --> 00:02:04,156
I am finding this practical,
organized side of you

55
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,124
very attractive.

56
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,251
Well, buckle up, baby,

57
00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:11,866
because you can watch all of
the footage from the cameras

58
00:02:11,891 --> 00:02:13,298
on your iPad.

59
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,051
Now, how does the footage get
from the cameras to your iPad?

60
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,303
Don't ask Rudy, because he'll tell ya,

61
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:19,804
and it's very boring.

62
00:02:20,973 --> 00:02:22,556
Yeah, it is.

63
00:02:22,581 --> 00:02:23,743
You know, a lot of people

64
00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:25,510
like to say that nerds are cool again,

65
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:26,978
but we're not.

66
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,147
Anyways, I put one camera

67
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,599
over your front door

68
00:02:30,601 --> 00:02:33,235
and one on the garage
facing the back door.

69
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,903
Where would you like the last one?

70
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:36,605
Uh... Let's put it in the living room.

71
00:02:36,607 --> 00:02:39,357
Yeah. Yeah, then I can figure
out which one of the kids

72
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,526
been eating my M&M'S
and stuffing the wrappers

73
00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:44,446
in the couch cushions. Huh?

74
00:02:44,448 --> 00:02:47,082
Or we could make sure
they're doing their homework

75
00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:48,450
so they can go to college.

76
00:02:48,452 --> 00:02:50,919
- And afford their own M&M'S.
- Sure!

77
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:52,705
Okay, well,

78
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,372
I'll recheck everything
in a couple of days.

79
00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:57,342
If you're not home, I'll just
use the key behind your planter.

80
00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,710
How do you know about that?

81
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,345
Because I'm in security.

82
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,347
It's my job to know these things.

83
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,798
Also, you told me.

84
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,102
But mainly it's because I'm in security.

85
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:08,970
Uh, listen, thanks so much
for all your help, Rudy.

86
00:03:08,972 --> 00:03:10,972
Oh, sure thing. You know,
actually, I should get going.

87
00:03:10,974 --> 00:03:12,891
Joy's out of town for the week,

88
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,610
and I bought a giant ham for dinner.

89
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,209
Yeah, we're gonna have

90
00:03:17,217 --> 00:03:18,550
a session.

91
00:03:19,055 --> 00:03:20,500
I'm sorry, wh...

92
00:03:20,525 --> 00:03:22,317
why can't you eat
that when Joy's around?

93
00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:25,633
Because I like it too
much and she gets jealous.

94
00:03:25,658 --> 00:03:27,822
"Why don't you put that
ham down and come over here

95
00:03:27,824 --> 00:03:29,874
and snuggle with me?"

96
00:03:30,375 --> 00:03:32,334
That's all I hear.

97
00:03:36,356 --> 00:03:38,625
Hmm. You know, in a weird way,

98
00:03:38,626 --> 00:03:40,502
that was a very sweet story.

99
00:03:40,955 --> 00:03:42,387
Yeah, um, he...

100
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,674
he's gonna eat the ham, right?

101
00:03:48,447 --> 00:03:50,011
Hey. So, you'll never guess what I saw

102
00:03:50,013 --> 00:03:51,513
the kids doing today on the cameras.

103
00:03:51,515 --> 00:03:53,848
Were they eating my M&M'S?

104
00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:57,739
Sorry, babe, that-that
case remains unsolved.

105
00:03:57,764 --> 00:04:00,522
They just came home and
started doing their homework

106
00:04:00,524 --> 00:04:02,741
without anybody telling them to.

107
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,359
What?

108
00:04:04,361 --> 00:04:07,731
We're the greatest parents in
the world, and it's on video.

109
00:04:08,121 --> 00:04:11,283
Oh. Let me check the back
door footage. I, uh...

110
00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:13,118
I think a raccoon's been
digging up our flowers,

111
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,786
and I don't want to
accuse him without proof.

112
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:16,037
Otherwise, I'll look like an idiot.

113
00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:17,756
Well, yeah.

114
00:04:18,173 --> 00:04:19,758
Oh, look.

115
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,960
You can see me doing dishes
in the kitchen window.

116
00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:24,208
Yeah.

117
00:04:24,209 --> 00:04:26,001
- Uh-oh.
- Huh?

118
00:04:26,314 --> 00:04:28,967
Was this after the kids
went to bed last night?

119
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,468
Mm-hmm.

120
00:04:30,611 --> 00:04:32,411
Oh.

121
00:04:32,436 --> 00:04:34,603
Am I about to come up behind you?

122
00:04:36,858 --> 00:04:39,227
Oh, no!

123
00:04:41,452 --> 00:04:42,447
Oh!

124
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,400
We accidentally made an S-E-X tape!

125
00:04:45,965 --> 00:04:47,824
And here we go.

126
00:04:47,849 --> 00:04:49,899
Oh...

127
00:04:53,238 --> 00:04:55,076
Huh.

128
00:04:55,957 --> 00:04:58,246
Not bad.

129
00:04:58,248 --> 00:05:00,465
Not bad yourself.

130
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,300
I was talking about me.

131
00:05:03,221 --> 00:05:05,055
Oh, okay, let's start
it from the beginning.

132
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:06,705
I want to watch it when I'm not scared.

133
00:05:19,626 --> 00:05:21,625
Hey, honey.

134
00:05:21,626 --> 00:05:23,585
How's it going, movie star?

135
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:27,668
Well, it's not as
exciting as last night,

136
00:05:27,696 --> 00:05:29,577
Best Supporting Actor.

137
00:05:29,602 --> 00:05:31,321
Supporting Actor?

138
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:32,876
Yeah, yeah, that's right.

139
00:05:32,877 --> 00:05:35,158
At one point, I did have to support you.

140
00:05:35,823 --> 00:05:36,910
Any-Anyway,

141
00:05:36,912 --> 00:05:39,713
I left a present for you.
Check your downloaded videos.

142
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,190
Huh?

143
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,805
Our secret video? You saved it?

144
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,090
I thought you might like it.

145
00:05:50,532 --> 00:05:51,925
Well, meet me at home for lunch.

146
00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:54,352
I'll show you exactly
how I feel about it.

147
00:05:54,719 --> 00:05:55,979
I can't wait.

148
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:57,264
Hold on, hold on.

149
00:05:57,266 --> 00:05:58,956
Are we gonna do what
I think we're gonna do?

150
00:05:58,981 --> 00:06:02,068
'Cause I don't want to skip
lunch just to get yelled at.

151
00:06:04,471 --> 00:06:06,239
Ah, there she is.

152
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,852
Huh? I'm a big fan.
I've seen all your movie.

153
00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:13,334
- Okay, let's go.
- I can't believe this worked.

154
00:06:13,335 --> 00:06:15,665
Well, it did. But
after, delete this video.

155
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,368
Or, or we have a few cameras.

156
00:06:18,370 --> 00:06:21,121
We could do a whole series.
You love to binge watch.

157
00:06:22,031 --> 00:06:24,007
Okay the more you talk about
this, the less it's working.

158
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,625
Okay, okay, you're right.
I promise I'll delete it.

159
00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:26,769
Let's keep this train moving.

160
00:06:26,792 --> 00:06:28,710
- Okay. 
- Choo-choo!

161
00:06:28,714 --> 00:06:30,680
You're right, I'll save the
train noises for the bedroom.

162
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:31,873
Oh...

163
00:06:44,250 --> 00:06:46,063
Uh, where's Mom's iPad?

164
00:06:46,064 --> 00:06:47,230
Uh, none of you guys have it, do ya?

165
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:48,648
'Cause private stuff on there.

166
00:06:48,650 --> 00:06:51,234
I mean, like, taxes, and...

167
00:06:51,753 --> 00:06:54,037
other grown-up words.

168
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,314
Grandma came by and borrowed it.

169
00:06:56,339 --> 00:06:58,431
Grandma has it?

170
00:06:58,456 --> 00:07:00,327
She said she was playing a
mean game of Words With Friends

171
00:07:00,329 --> 00:07:01,544
and broke hers.

172
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:03,796
When did this happen? Where was I?

173
00:07:03,821 --> 00:07:05,632
Upstairs with your new toilet seat.

174
00:07:07,626 --> 00:07:09,168
- Okay, Andi...
- Hey.

175
00:07:09,506 --> 00:07:12,590
How are my perfect angels?

176
00:07:12,789 --> 00:07:14,641
Y-You're talking to us?

177
00:07:15,172 --> 00:07:17,177
Uh, Andi, I-I need a word.

178
00:07:17,179 --> 00:07:20,230
It's about the special
present on your iPad.

179
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:21,513
Oh, what present? I want to see!

180
00:07:21,538 --> 00:07:23,516
No, you don't. You'll never be the same.

181
00:07:25,354 --> 00:07:26,519
What's wrong?

182
00:07:26,542 --> 00:07:28,751
Okay. You are gonna love this.

183
00:07:28,768 --> 00:07:30,564
Remember that time you
told me to get milk,

184
00:07:30,589 --> 00:07:31,571
but I didn't?

185
00:07:31,596 --> 00:07:34,027
Well, we have a similar
situation here, okay?

186
00:07:34,029 --> 00:07:36,696
But the milk is our naked bodies.

187
00:07:36,698 --> 00:07:39,449
And my mom has the milk.

188
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:41,584
Wait, what?

189
00:07:41,612 --> 00:07:43,650
My mom took your iPad.

190
00:07:43,675 --> 00:07:45,205
Well, you deleted the video, right?

191
00:07:45,207 --> 00:07:47,424
Yes, yes. I pulled you
out here on the porch

192
00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:49,542
to tell you everything's fine.

193
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,045
How could you not delete the video?

194
00:07:52,047 --> 00:07:54,547
I-I thought it'd be fun to put
some music under it, you know?

195
00:07:54,549 --> 00:07:57,600
Like... like, uh...
like Chariots of Fire,

196
00:07:57,625 --> 00:08:00,001
or "For Those About to Rock"

197
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,888
You know, pretty spicy, right?

198
00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:04,724
Spicy? What... Where
are you getting this?

199
00:08:04,726 --> 00:08:06,309
I was at the dentist last week,

200
00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:08,061
reading one of those women's magazines,

201
00:08:08,063 --> 00:08:10,730
and there was an article about
keeping relationships spicy.

202
00:08:10,732 --> 00:08:12,282
And one of the things it said was,

203
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,959
"Don't be afraid to
surprise your partner"

204
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,620
So, surprise!

205
00:08:18,037 --> 00:08:19,572
Okay, honey, I have told you,

206
00:08:19,574 --> 00:08:22,742
those women's magazines are not for you.

207
00:08:22,744 --> 00:08:24,411
Okay?

208
00:08:24,413 --> 00:08:26,579
Those ideas, they go
inside your man brain

209
00:08:26,581 --> 00:08:29,299
and they bang around in
there, and then... and then

210
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:31,918
they come out all naked and dirty.

211
00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:35,166
I didn't hear you complaining
by the kitchen sink.

212
00:08:35,167 --> 00:08:36,417
- Adam!
- What?

213
00:08:36,425 --> 00:08:38,428
We have to get that
video back right now.

214
00:08:38,453 --> 00:08:40,844
Okay, okay. I was just
trying to spice things up.

215
00:08:40,846 --> 00:08:43,096
And you got to admit,
for a minute, it worked.

216
00:08:43,098 --> 00:08:45,932
Well, it was definitely
more than a minute, but...

217
00:08:45,934 --> 00:08:47,734
that's just a figure of speech.

218
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,439
I don't have to tell
you. You were there. Okay.

219
00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:53,823
Hey, uh, where's Mom?

220
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,608
She's right...

221
00:08:55,626 --> 00:08:59,124
Oh. I guess she went out.

222
00:08:59,125 --> 00:09:01,537
I'm watching soap operas for no reason.

223
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:03,951
Uh, have you seen my iPad?

224
00:09:03,952 --> 00:09:05,873
She borrowed it, and we need it back.

225
00:09:05,898 --> 00:09:08,565
Oh. Well, here you go.

226
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:12,542
No, no, an iPad.

227
00:09:12,544 --> 00:09:15,795
That's a pad. I gave it
to you. Now it's your pad.

228
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,349
No, it-it's like a little computer.

229
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:20,850
It's more of a tablet.

230
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,268
Like the Ten Commandments?

231
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,388
This could take years.

232
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:27,640
It's that square thing
she's always yelling at.

233
00:09:27,641 --> 00:09:29,293
- Oh, that.
- Mm.

234
00:09:29,311 --> 00:09:31,982
Well, hers broke, so she borrowed yours.

235
00:09:32,670 --> 00:09:33,856
We know.

236
00:09:33,881 --> 00:09:35,698
That's where we started.

237
00:09:36,029 --> 00:09:39,202
Well, then, give me
that back. It's my pad.

238
00:09:40,572 --> 00:09:43,490
Just... tell us where the computer is.

239
00:09:43,492 --> 00:09:44,824
Well, she gave it to Don

240
00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:46,993
so Don could give it
back to you at work.

241
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,996
- Don?
- Great.

242
00:09:48,997 --> 00:09:50,463
If he has it, they're probably already

243
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,715
selling it at truck stops. Come on.

244
00:09:55,077 --> 00:09:57,054
Don! Don! Uh...

245
00:09:57,079 --> 00:09:58,388
Oh, no, no, he's not here.

246
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,557
He went over to Rudy's to visit a ham.

247
00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,393
I don't ask questions anymore.

248
00:10:03,633 --> 00:10:06,563
Um, did he leave my iPad by any chance?

249
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:07,764
Oh, yes, it's right here.

250
00:10:07,766 --> 00:10:09,516
Oh, thank God.

251
00:10:09,518 --> 00:10:12,638
I do not enjoy tiny computers.
They make me feel like a giant.

252
00:10:14,929 --> 00:10:16,656
No, no, no. This-this isn't mine.

253
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,667
- That's Lowell's.
- Lowell was here earlier.

254
00:10:18,702 --> 00:10:20,827
I guess they got them
mixed up, and he took yours.

255
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:23,446
Lowell? That's worse than Don.

256
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:24,914
I'm his hero.

257
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:27,241
Nobody wants to see
Superman without his cape!

258
00:10:27,467 --> 00:10:29,586
Or his underwear.

259
00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:34,958
Lowell?

260
00:10:35,653 --> 00:10:36,543
Hi.

261
00:10:36,545 --> 00:10:37,544
Hi.

262
00:10:38,637 --> 00:10:40,130
Hi.

263
00:10:40,661 --> 00:10:41,612
Hey.

264
00:10:41,626 --> 00:10:43,793
Oh, uh, i-is Lowell here?

265
00:10:43,802 --> 00:10:46,553
Uh, no, he's not here. I'm
Heather. I'm the new nanny.

266
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,707
Outstanding. Uh,
listen, if you're looking

267
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,141
for some extra work, I got
some gutters at my place...

268
00:10:51,143 --> 00:10:53,410
All right, all right, all right.

269
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,528
Uh, we're Lowell's
friends, Adam and Andi,

270
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:58,231
and he has my iPad. H-Have you seen it?

271
00:10:58,233 --> 00:10:59,899
Oh, yes, he took it with him to the gym.

272
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,151
He said he'd bring it by your party.

273
00:11:01,153 --> 00:11:04,120
That's not good enough. I need it now!

274
00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,072
She-she just really
needs her computer, okay?

275
00:11:06,074 --> 00:11:07,907
She's an online gambler. Yeah.

276
00:11:07,909 --> 00:11:10,058
And we don't like to talk
about it. It's very painful.

277
00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:11,914
Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye.

278
00:11:13,313 --> 00:11:15,131
We have to call Lowell
and track him down.

279
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,466
Okay? O-Or...

280
00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,967
or we could report his car stolen,

281
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,419
let the cops do the work for us.

282
00:11:19,421 --> 00:11:20,753
We'll just get it at the party.

283
00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:22,808
We don't need to panic. Okay?

284
00:11:22,833 --> 00:11:24,499
We're married, and we have children.

285
00:11:24,524 --> 00:11:27,325
The secret's out that we
like to bow-chicka-bow-bow.

286
00:11:29,309 --> 00:11:32,075
Okay, but word about this
video will spread, all right?

287
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:34,267
It'll be the thing that
we become known for.

288
00:11:34,269 --> 00:11:36,603
I mean, people will read my
obituary, and they'll say,

289
00:11:36,605 --> 00:11:38,901
"Aw, Sex Tape Andi died.

290
00:11:38,926 --> 00:11:42,275
Yeah, and she's survived by
her husband, Sex Tape Adam."

291
00:11:42,754 --> 00:11:44,588
I don't want to be Sex Tape Adam.

292
00:11:44,894 --> 00:11:47,530
Who's gonna marry Sex Tape Adam?

293
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:49,032
You're getting married already?

294
00:11:49,453 --> 00:11:51,453
You just told me you're dead.

295
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,218
If you don't find my iPad,

296
00:11:53,243 --> 00:11:55,371
I'm gonna be known as
Killed Her Husband Andi.

297
00:11:55,373 --> 00:11:57,040
Let's go.

298
00:11:59,089 --> 00:12:00,458
Yes!

299
00:12:00,459 --> 00:12:01,876
Oh! That's Lowell.
Get it, get it, get it.

300
00:12:01,918 --> 00:12:02,918
Okay.

301
00:12:04,868 --> 00:12:06,038
Rudy. Hey...

302
00:12:06,063 --> 00:12:07,956
Oh. Boy, you don't look so good.

303
00:12:07,981 --> 00:12:10,232
I need you to take my ham.

304
00:12:11,316 --> 00:12:13,306
I have no self-control without Joy.

305
00:12:13,308 --> 00:12:16,392
I ate so much that I
went up a sock size.

306
00:12:17,447 --> 00:12:19,063
I-I'll put it in the fridge for you.

307
00:12:19,088 --> 00:12:21,025
Uh, no... that's okay. I'll do it.

308
00:12:21,682 --> 00:12:23,250
She likes the middle shelf.

309
00:12:25,837 --> 00:12:27,086
Oh.

310
00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:28,459
Lowell. H-Hey.

311
00:12:28,461 --> 00:12:29,743
Come on in, buddy.

312
00:12:29,768 --> 00:12:32,208
I'm marching in, ready for madness.

313
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,820
Give me that.

314
00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:37,714
Listen, you have got to tell
people when you get a new nanny.

315
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:39,249
I made an ass of myself.

316
00:12:39,251 --> 00:12:41,142
All right, eat something. Okay.

317
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,921
I'm gonna miss you, baby.

318
00:12:48,361 --> 00:12:50,265
Okay, you dodged a serious
bullet here, mister.

319
00:12:50,292 --> 00:12:51,569
Now delete this video

320
00:12:51,626 --> 00:12:53,793
- so I can sleep in peace.
- Okay. Right, right, right, right.

321
00:12:53,794 --> 00:12:55,501
What...

322
00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:57,637
Why'd you pause it halfway through?

323
00:12:57,662 --> 00:12:59,686
My best moves are at the end.

324
00:12:59,688 --> 00:13:02,071
Wha... What? No, I-I
didn't watch any of it.

325
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,773
No, uh, see? The video's been played,

326
00:13:03,775 --> 00:13:05,525
and then paused in the middle.

327
00:13:06,343 --> 00:13:08,272
That means someone else watched it.

328
00:13:08,292 --> 00:13:11,542
Someone... in there.

329
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,959
Maybe I should have just
driven the kids to school.

330
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,447
You think?

331
00:13:26,125 --> 00:13:29,492
Okay. Your mom, Don and
Lowell, they all had my iPad.

332
00:13:29,501 --> 00:13:31,168
Any one of them could've
watched our movie.

333
00:13:31,202 --> 00:13:33,352
Well, maybe they didn't know it was us.

334
00:13:36,974 --> 00:13:41,810
Adam, you named the file
"Andi Does Dishes and More"

335
00:13:42,709 --> 00:13:44,918
O-okay, here's what we do: we split up

336
00:13:44,930 --> 00:13:47,417
and find out who watched it, then...

337
00:13:47,797 --> 00:13:49,902
we come up with a real plan.

338
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,987
I'm in. Yeah, uh...

339
00:13:51,989 --> 00:13:53,572
Which one us has to talk to your mom?

340
00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:54,918
- Not it.
- Not it! Dang it!

341
00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:56,751
Ah.

342
00:13:56,770 --> 00:13:58,153
Yeah. I'm quick.

343
00:13:58,178 --> 00:13:59,511
Talk to my mother.

344
00:14:01,456 --> 00:14:03,165
So, Lowell.

345
00:14:03,167 --> 00:14:07,374
I have seen some crazy stuff on iPads.

346
00:14:07,375 --> 00:14:09,834
Now you say something.

347
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,257
I like that shirt, Bev.

348
00:14:12,635 --> 00:14:15,177
Did you buy it on the iPad?

349
00:14:15,179 --> 00:14:16,845
If you're talking about your iPad,

350
00:14:16,847 --> 00:14:18,647
I only have one thing to say.

351
00:14:18,667 --> 00:14:22,418
What I saw on there was
deeply disappointing.

352
00:14:23,542 --> 00:14:24,876
I know what you're getting at,

353
00:14:24,899 --> 00:14:26,675
and I don't want to talk about it.

354
00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:29,168
I'm embarrassed enough as it is.

355
00:14:30,918 --> 00:14:31,918
Andi!

356
00:14:31,919 --> 00:14:33,278
Adam!

357
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:34,863
Lowell definitely watched it.

358
00:14:34,865 --> 00:14:36,365
Well, your mom watched it, too.

359
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,251
- Wha...
- Yeah.

360
00:14:37,258 --> 00:14:38,505
I think she no longer
thinks my meat loaf

361
00:14:38,542 --> 00:14:39,834
is the worst thing I've
ever done in the kitchen.

362
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:43,956
What are you guys doing in here?

363
00:14:43,958 --> 00:14:45,707
Nothing! W-We've never
done anything here,

364
00:14:45,709 --> 00:14:48,162
especially by the sink.

365
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,847
You're avoiding me, aren't you?

366
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:55,050
Look, we all know what
was on that computer.

367
00:14:55,052 --> 00:14:59,271
It's natural, it's human,
and yes, it was hot.

368
00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:03,584
Congratulations to you both.

369
00:15:10,135 --> 00:15:12,728
They all watched it!

370
00:15:14,250 --> 00:15:18,250
And my brother liked it.

371
00:15:18,726 --> 00:15:21,710
Oh, they're probably in there
talking about it right now.

372
00:15:24,968 --> 00:15:27,460
Oh, okay, okay, no, no,
they're-they're not talking.

373
00:15:27,485 --> 00:15:28,967
They're laughing.

374
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,473
Andi, they're not
talking, they're laughing!

375
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,756
Okay, well, y-you got to go
in there and-and clear the air.

376
00:15:34,758 --> 00:15:36,175
Otherwise, every time
we hear them laugh,

377
00:15:36,177 --> 00:15:37,356
we'll know they're laughing at you.

378
00:15:37,381 --> 00:15:38,590
Wha...?

379
00:15:40,934 --> 00:15:43,398
Uh, what do you mean, laughing at me?

380
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,983
Oh, it's ju... it's just, you know,

381
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:46,867
you're so serious on the video.

382
00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:48,487
You know? It's like,
I'm having a good time,

383
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,523
and-and you look like you're
trying to land a plane.

384
00:15:54,189 --> 00:15:56,078
I need Joy to come home.

385
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,914
Without her, I overeat,
I don't do laundry.

386
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:02,148
I'm wearing a bathing suit as underwear.

387
00:16:04,083 --> 00:16:06,500
Voice of experience: when
you run out of swim trunks,

388
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:10,759
you'll start dipping into her underwear.

389
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:13,178
That's when it gets weird.

390
00:16:17,959 --> 00:16:19,042
- Whoa, whoa!
- Hey!

391
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:21,186
All right, all right,
listen up, listen up. Um...

392
00:16:21,209 --> 00:16:24,974
Love is complicated, so
sometimes you have to do

393
00:16:24,975 --> 00:16:28,560
some pretty crazy stuff to
keep things spicy, am I right?

394
00:16:30,209 --> 00:16:32,710
I think this is how
swinger parties start.

395
00:16:35,579 --> 00:16:37,212
I'm gonna move slowly towards the door

396
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:39,417
and try not to look sexy.

397
00:16:40,741 --> 00:16:42,541
Lowell, it's not a swinger party.

398
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,410
My parents are here.

399
00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:46,078
Okay, look,

400
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,996
big deal, we made a sex tape.

401
00:16:47,998 --> 00:16:49,331
You-you what?

402
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:51,466
We know you saw it, Ma.

403
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:52,834
I didn't see anything.

404
00:16:52,836 --> 00:16:56,338
But I'm sure you were great, honey.

405
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:59,650
Wha...? W-Why did you tell
me you were embarrassed

406
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,334
to talk about my iPad?

407
00:17:01,366 --> 00:17:04,179
'Cause I spilled coffee
on it, thought I broke it.

408
00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:06,848
Oh. Well, unfortunately, you didn't.

409
00:17:06,850 --> 00:17:09,067
It still plays fine.

410
00:17:09,503 --> 00:17:11,603
Why are you telling us all this?

411
00:17:11,605 --> 00:17:12,738
Because you saw it.

412
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:14,606
You said you were disappointed.

413
00:17:14,608 --> 00:17:17,015
Andi was doing the best she could.

414
00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,413
I was disappointed because
I read in your e-mails

415
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,582
that you invited Don to
your March Madness party

416
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,284
a full week before me.

417
00:17:25,286 --> 00:17:27,169
You went through my e-mails?

418
00:17:29,224 --> 00:17:30,672
Hey, I'm not on trial here!

419
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,674
You're the ones with the sex tape.

420
00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:36,378
All right, I-I know
Don definitely saw it.

421
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:37,796
Well, first of all,

422
00:17:37,798 --> 00:17:40,132
thank you for such a
delightful and moving speech.

423
00:17:40,134 --> 00:17:41,433
But...

424
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,468
I have not seen the film in question.

425
00:17:43,470 --> 00:17:45,020
You said it was hot.

426
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:47,639
I was talking about
your heated toilet seat.

427
00:17:49,432 --> 00:17:51,883
Rudy told me you put in
cameras so I thought you saw me

428
00:17:51,918 --> 00:17:54,085
when I stopped by for a test
drive when you weren't there.

429
00:17:55,292 --> 00:17:58,959
Little tip: don't
turn it up to ten. Oof.

430
00:18:01,739 --> 00:18:06,397
Okay, so n-nobody knew about the video,

431
00:18:06,422 --> 00:18:09,975
but now you do, because
we just told you.

432
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,831
Look at Sex Tape Andi
trying to put it together.

433
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,667
I told you they'd call
us that! I told you.

434
00:18:15,899 --> 00:18:17,886
Don't be ashamed, son.

435
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:22,091
Your mom and I, we-we made a
Super 8 back in the '70s, huh?

436
00:18:22,810 --> 00:18:23,842
We enjoyed it.

437
00:18:23,844 --> 00:18:26,395
We had some good times with
it, until I accidentally sold it

438
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,729
at a yard sale.

439
00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:32,209
- Best 50 cents that guy ever spent.
- Yeah.

440
00:18:38,042 --> 00:18:40,553
Hey, so if nobody watched the video,

441
00:18:40,584 --> 00:18:42,251
why was it paused halfway through?

442
00:18:42,279 --> 00:18:46,548
I don't know why anyone
would pause that masterpiece.

443
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:48,000
It was probably a glitch.

444
00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:49,501
A glitch? Is that a thing?

445
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:50,919
I'd like to think so. Yeah.

446
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:52,504
You know, it doesn't matter.

447
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:53,462
It's deleted.

448
00:18:54,250 --> 00:18:57,792
But I will never delete it... from here.

449
00:18:59,647 --> 00:19:03,599
So, um, do you really think
we need to spice things up?

450
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,949
I mean, I thought we
were pretty spicy already.

451
00:19:05,959 --> 00:19:09,626
Uh, we are, yeah, but there's
no such thing as too spicy.

452
00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:11,918
Huh? I mean, I only have two moves:

453
00:19:11,919 --> 00:19:14,643
The Go Fast and the Catch My Breath.

454
00:19:17,044 --> 00:19:18,757
- Hey, Rudy. How's it going?
- Hey, guys.

455
00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:20,066
Not too good.

456
00:19:20,067 --> 00:19:23,285
I don't even have a fitted
sheet on my bed anymore.

457
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:25,537
I've hit rock bottom,

458
00:19:25,542 --> 00:19:28,293
and I thought, "You know
what would be great down here?

459
00:19:28,337 --> 00:19:29,553
Some ham."

460
00:19:29,990 --> 00:19:31,144
Hey, uh...

461
00:19:31,169 --> 00:19:32,627
Buddy, I-I don't think we can

462
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:35,732
give this back; you got a
bit of a self-control issue.

463
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:37,807
I have a self-control issue?

464
00:19:37,966 --> 00:19:39,668
You won't even let
your wife do the dishes

465
00:19:39,670 --> 00:19:41,185
without jumping her bones.

466
00:19:44,007 --> 00:19:45,557
You watched it?

467
00:19:45,777 --> 00:19:47,949
And it was you who paused it.

468
00:19:48,011 --> 00:19:49,261
Why would you pause it?

469
00:19:49,263 --> 00:19:51,214
That's not important. Go ahead, honey.

470
00:19:52,985 --> 00:19:54,349
Well, h-how did you see it?

471
00:19:54,351 --> 00:19:56,601
Well, I came by to check
on the security system,

472
00:19:56,603 --> 00:19:59,187
and I opened your iPad
and up popped the video

473
00:19:59,209 --> 00:20:01,085
of you two getting freaky.

474
00:20:01,437 --> 00:20:03,602
Swinging a towel, and...

475
00:20:04,125 --> 00:20:05,459
- bubbles flying everywhere...
- Okay, okay.

476
00:20:05,501 --> 00:20:07,710
- That's enough.
- Yeah, that towel thing

477
00:20:07,751 --> 00:20:09,377
just kind of came to me in the moment.

478
00:20:09,874 --> 00:20:11,449
Yeah.

479
00:20:11,451 --> 00:20:12,667
I can't believe this happened.

480
00:20:12,669 --> 00:20:13,702
So, anyways,

481
00:20:13,704 --> 00:20:16,656
I paused it... sorry...

482
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:20,028
and then I left. I
wouldn't have said anything,

483
00:20:20,042 --> 00:20:22,584
but you guys started ham-shaming me.

484
00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:28,058
Okay, I-I'll tell you what.

485
00:20:28,083 --> 00:20:30,268
We'll give you this back

486
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,687
if you swear to never
speak of that video again.

487
00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:34,597
Don't worry, everything
that happened this week,

488
00:20:34,626 --> 00:20:36,418
I am taking to the grave.

489
00:20:36,754 --> 00:20:38,080
Which could be pretty soon,

490
00:20:38,105 --> 00:20:40,773
because my heart is
beating twice as fast now.

491
00:20:44,981 --> 00:20:46,097
Well, there goes a man

492
00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:48,626
- who's gonna wake up next to a ham.
- Oh.

493
00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:54,833
Synced and corrected by Octavia 
- www.addic7ed.com -