1
00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:04,203
- (SIGHS)
- Hey.
2
00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:05,140
How was lunch?
3
00:00:05,165 --> 00:00:06,825
Oh, well, your dad wanted to go
4
00:00:06,850 --> 00:00:08,306
to the Chinese buffet.
5
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:09,540
It was all-you-can-eat,
6
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:11,075
and we took that as a challenge.
7
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:13,237
(CHUCKLES) It was like the war.
8
00:00:13,262 --> 00:00:15,377
I went into the jungle
innocent and hopeful,
9
00:00:15,378 --> 00:00:17,625
and I came out just
looking for a bathroom.
10
00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:20,365
And we blame you.
11
00:00:20,390 --> 00:00:21,853
Hey, before I pulled in,
12
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,354
I asked, "Are we really doing this?"
13
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,456
And I got nods from you and you.
14
00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:28,159
We all knew what we were getting into.
15
00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:29,560
What's this?
16
00:00:29,562 --> 00:00:31,529
Oh, that got delivered
while you were out.
17
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,164
Ooh, let's see what we got.
18
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:34,999
(ADAM AND ANDI SCREAM)
19
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:37,001
(KIDS LAUGH)
20
00:00:37,003 --> 00:00:38,803
KATE AND TEDDY AND EMME: April fools!
21
00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:39,668
(LAUGHS)
22
00:00:39,709 --> 00:00:42,126
You almost scared the
all-you-can-eat out of me.
23
00:00:43,792 --> 00:00:45,418
Hey, Dad started it.
24
00:00:45,429 --> 00:00:47,329
Look what he did to us.
25
00:00:47,331 --> 00:00:50,601
Yeah, this morning I hit 'em
with the old sneaker snake.
26
00:00:50,626 --> 00:00:52,502
- Ah.
- But guys, listen,
27
00:00:52,503 --> 00:00:54,303
I want to have a serious
discussion with you
28
00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:55,904
about this April Fools' stuff.
29
00:00:55,906 --> 00:00:57,072
That's right.
30
00:00:57,074 --> 00:00:59,341
I am so proud of you.
31
00:00:59,343 --> 00:01:00,909
ANDI: What?
32
00:01:00,911 --> 00:01:02,411
No, no, don't encourage that.
33
00:01:02,413 --> 00:01:05,080
Oh, come on, it's just
good, clean family fun.
34
00:01:05,082 --> 00:01:07,049
We've been pranking
each other for years.
35
00:01:07,051 --> 00:01:09,518
Yeah, I taught your
dad everything he knows.
36
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,698
Remember the time I sewed the
legholes of your underwear shut?
37
00:01:13,713 --> 00:01:14,757
(LAUGHING): Yeah.
38
00:01:14,759 --> 00:01:17,189
I hopped around for 20
minutes and finally got one leg
39
00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:19,835
- through the flap hole in the front.
- (LAUGHS)
40
00:01:19,876 --> 00:01:22,668
How about the time you put
the fake dog poop on my bed?
41
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:27,136
We didn't have the
money for fake dog poop.
42
00:01:27,585 --> 00:01:28,871
What?
43
00:01:29,573 --> 00:01:31,073
Oh, you still got it.
44
00:01:31,083 --> 00:01:32,333
- He still got it.
- Ah.
45
00:01:35,155 --> 00:01:36,354
DON: Having a little prank war
46
00:01:36,375 --> 00:01:37,416
with the kids, huh?
47
00:01:37,417 --> 00:01:39,081
Yeah, you're living the dream.
48
00:01:39,083 --> 00:01:41,917
Ah, see? I'm not the only
one who likes this stuff.
49
00:01:41,919 --> 00:01:43,619
I go through this with you every year,
50
00:01:43,621 --> 00:01:45,687
and I still don't
understand why you like it.
51
00:01:45,689 --> 00:01:47,222
Well, I don't know. It's fun.
52
00:01:47,224 --> 00:01:49,291
You love fun. You're fun-loving.
53
00:01:50,961 --> 00:01:53,362
You know, like Marcy used to be.
54
00:01:55,466 --> 00:01:56,799
I was fun,
55
00:01:56,801 --> 00:01:58,901
but then something made me tired.
56
00:02:00,429 --> 00:02:02,037
Well, there's just got
to be more of a reason
57
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,472
than just fun.
58
00:02:03,474 --> 00:02:05,741
Look, not everything
has a deeper meaning.
59
00:02:05,743 --> 00:02:07,142
It's those books you read.
60
00:02:07,144 --> 00:02:08,710
You got to get out
of the self-help aisle
61
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:11,991
and come join the rest of
us over by the comic books.
62
00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:14,483
Last time I took you to a bookstore,
63
00:02:14,485 --> 00:02:16,151
you laid on the floor
like a five-year-old.
64
00:02:16,153 --> 00:02:17,463
(LAUGHS)
65
00:02:17,923 --> 00:02:20,355
It was boring.
66
00:02:20,994 --> 00:02:23,725
Look, I think the problem
is you don't like pranks
67
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,160
because of that little
thing with your sister.
68
00:02:25,167 --> 00:02:27,751
- That was not a little thing.
- (GROANS)
69
00:02:27,765 --> 00:02:29,224
All right, when I was seven,
70
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,667
my sister told me that
my room was haunted
71
00:02:31,669 --> 00:02:33,669
by the ghost of a lady with a hook hand.
72
00:02:33,671 --> 00:02:35,139
Oh.
73
00:02:35,164 --> 00:02:36,615
She lost her wedding ring
74
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,540
'cause it kept sliding off the hook.
75
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:42,377
And she would sneak
into my room every night
76
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:43,846
and search for it.
77
00:02:45,263 --> 00:02:46,882
That's ridiculous.
78
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:51,127
- Who would marry a lady with a hook hand?
- ANDI: Okay.
79
00:02:53,918 --> 00:02:57,419
Anyway, then my sister would come in
80
00:02:57,461 --> 00:02:59,328
while I was sleeping
and open all the drawers,
81
00:02:59,330 --> 00:03:01,930
just like a hook-handed ghost would do.
82
00:03:02,579 --> 00:03:04,967
And that's why I used to wet the bed,
83
00:03:04,969 --> 00:03:08,871
not because of some social issue, Mom.
84
00:03:09,247 --> 00:03:10,239
Yeah, but that's because
85
00:03:10,241 --> 00:03:11,573
your sister did it wrong.
86
00:03:11,575 --> 00:03:13,442
You were too young for a scary prank.
87
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:14,843
No one's gonna laugh at that.
88
00:03:14,845 --> 00:03:17,179
Well, you laughed the
first time I told you.
89
00:03:18,309 --> 00:03:20,649
But that... but that's
because you told it funny.
90
00:03:20,651 --> 00:03:22,317
You're a great storyteller.
91
00:03:23,554 --> 00:03:25,087
You know, back when we were dating,
92
00:03:25,089 --> 00:03:27,556
Don used to fake
propose to me at dinner.
93
00:03:29,193 --> 00:03:32,032
I'd get down on one knee
at the table, and I'd say,
94
00:03:32,057 --> 00:03:34,698
"Darling, will you spend the rest of...
95
00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,585
- these nachos with me"
- "These nachos with me?"
96
00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:40,369
Mom, something's wrong with my mouth.
97
00:03:40,375 --> 00:03:41,666
(GASPS) Oh, my God.
98
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:43,626
- April fools.
- April fools.
99
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,974
(DON, TEDDY AND ADAM LAUGH)
100
00:03:47,301 --> 00:03:48,610
Wait, what?
101
00:03:48,612 --> 00:03:49,778
We got you.
102
00:03:49,780 --> 00:03:51,613
That's joke shop toothpaste.
103
00:03:51,615 --> 00:03:53,615
You were right, her face was funny.
104
00:03:55,356 --> 00:03:57,619
I just thought your teeth were
so surprised to see a toothbrush
105
00:03:57,621 --> 00:03:59,421
that your mouth exploded.
106
00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:03,959
That is a classic. Me and my
dad got my mom with that one.
107
00:04:03,961 --> 00:04:05,227
Oh, so this was your idea.
108
00:04:05,229 --> 00:04:07,329
Hey, this is some beautiful,
109
00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:10,016
intergenerational magic here.
110
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:13,468
How can you like The
Lion King and not this?
111
00:04:14,077 --> 00:04:16,204
Okay, don't talk about
The Lion King to me,
112
00:04:16,206 --> 00:04:19,074
because you, sir, are no Mufasa.
113
00:04:19,413 --> 00:04:20,542
Okay?
114
00:04:20,544 --> 00:04:22,084
Now, come on, let's
go get you cleaned up.
115
00:04:22,109 --> 00:04:23,111
I'll help.
116
00:04:23,113 --> 00:04:24,906
I'm good at getting blood out of things.
117
00:04:26,083 --> 00:04:28,284
Don always forgets how tall he is.
118
00:04:30,756 --> 00:04:32,220
That's a shame, but it's not your fault
119
00:04:32,222 --> 00:04:34,800
you got the one gal who
wet her bed over pranks.
120
00:04:35,841 --> 00:04:37,492
I think I can turn her around.
121
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:40,829
I don't know. Once a bed
wetter, always a bed wetter.
122
00:04:41,974 --> 00:04:44,675
No, she hasn't done
that since she was a kid.
123
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:47,502
A-And one time on an airplane
when I was tickling her.
124
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:48,770
Hmm. Yeah.
125
00:04:48,772 --> 00:04:51,373
Look, all I'm saying is
we all love pranks, right?
126
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:52,955
But Andi thinks she doesn't
127
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,793
because her sister screwed her up.
128
00:04:54,812 --> 00:04:57,045
So I just need to find one
that she thinks is funny,
129
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:59,614
and she'll see that she's wrong.
130
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:01,211
Yeah.
131
00:05:02,649 --> 00:05:04,353
If there's one thing wives love,
132
00:05:04,355 --> 00:05:06,321
it's being taught a lesson.
133
00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:20,334
Look, we got to think
of a fun prank for Andi.
134
00:05:20,375 --> 00:05:23,167
Something lighthearted to ease her in.
135
00:05:23,541 --> 00:05:25,602
Hmm. She loves animals.
136
00:05:25,627 --> 00:05:28,001
So throw a fish in the tub with her.
137
00:05:28,003 --> 00:05:29,805
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
138
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,859
Uh, no, thanks.
139
00:05:30,884 --> 00:05:32,439
I think I'll stay married.
140
00:05:34,243 --> 00:05:36,076
Joy, Rudy, what's going on?
141
00:05:36,078 --> 00:05:38,878
I'm annoyed. And I was
having a perfectly good day.
142
00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:41,449
- Which is rare.
- Rudy.
143
00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:42,582
And what shows up
144
00:05:42,584 --> 00:05:44,651
in my mailbox for the
third month in a row?
145
00:05:44,667 --> 00:05:47,199
- Your redneck racecar magazine.
- Yeah.
146
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,203
You know,
147
00:05:48,228 --> 00:05:49,789
I am so tired of walking over here.
148
00:05:49,791 --> 00:05:51,691
Why don't you just change the address?
149
00:05:51,693 --> 00:05:54,812
Joy, if I did that,
we wouldn't have this.
150
00:05:56,665 --> 00:05:58,598
Now, tell you what, honey,
why don't you run home?
151
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,448
I'll stay here and yell at Adam.
152
00:06:00,473 --> 00:06:03,598
Okay, but don't be
afraid to get personal.
153
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:06,270
You can start with
that shirt he's wearing.
154
00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:10,377
That is the ugliest shirt I've ever seen
155
00:06:10,379 --> 00:06:11,845
in my entire life!
156
00:06:11,847 --> 00:06:15,025
She bought me the same
shirt for Christmas.
157
00:06:15,502 --> 00:06:17,416
So how long does she
expect you to yell at me?
158
00:06:17,417 --> 00:06:20,001
I can stretch it out about 15 minutes.
159
00:06:20,002 --> 00:06:22,751
That is three beers if
we focus. Come with me.
160
00:06:22,788 --> 00:06:24,764
Come on.
161
00:06:24,789 --> 00:06:27,127
Check out Adam's well-behaved kids.
162
00:06:27,129 --> 00:06:29,562
There's a real Children
of the Corn vibe, huh?
163
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,031
Okay, there's no vibe.
164
00:06:32,056 --> 00:06:34,701
They just respect me as a parent.
165
00:06:34,703 --> 00:06:36,436
Oh!
166
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,071
(KIDS LAUGHING)
167
00:06:38,073 --> 00:06:39,372
We got you, Dad.
168
00:06:39,374 --> 00:06:41,141
Oh, you sure did.
169
00:06:41,143 --> 00:06:44,411
I don't know if it's pride
or the beer in my eye,
170
00:06:44,413 --> 00:06:47,005
but I'm tearing up.
171
00:06:47,030 --> 00:06:49,582
Hey, you taught us well.
172
00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,551
That was pretty impressive.
173
00:06:51,553 --> 00:06:54,521
I wonder how they knew
which one would be your beer.
174
00:06:55,357 --> 00:06:58,425
(KIDS LAUGHING)
175
00:06:58,911 --> 00:07:00,994
Okay, I see what they did.
176
00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:07,500
(CHUCKLES) Oh, here she comes.
177
00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:10,252
Hey, kids, how about a snack?
178
00:07:11,054 --> 00:07:12,292
(DOOR OPENS)
179
00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:14,210
- Hey, honey.
- Hey.
180
00:07:14,242 --> 00:07:16,476
I, uh, just made the kids some cereal.
181
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,814
(LAUGHING)
182
00:07:24,914 --> 00:07:26,514
See, I froze it.
183
00:07:26,539 --> 00:07:28,645
Your children are
disappointed and confused.
184
00:07:28,670 --> 00:07:30,594
That's fun.
185
00:07:32,476 --> 00:07:33,593
I'm sorry, Adam.
186
00:07:33,595 --> 00:07:36,563
I-I want to love it, but I just don't.
187
00:07:37,010 --> 00:07:39,077
Kind of like quinoa.
188
00:07:40,271 --> 00:07:41,105
All right.
189
00:07:41,130 --> 00:07:43,436
All right. Uh, here.
190
00:07:43,438 --> 00:07:45,338
How about a cup of tea
as a peace offering.
191
00:07:45,375 --> 00:07:48,334
- Huh? Yeah.
- Aw, that's sweet. Thank you.
192
00:07:50,112 --> 00:07:52,746
(ADAM AND KIDS LAUGH)
193
00:07:52,748 --> 00:07:55,415
Mommy got owned.
194
00:07:56,941 --> 00:07:58,184
See, you thought you were getting tea,
195
00:07:58,185 --> 00:07:59,668
- but it's frozen, too.
- Yes.
196
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,121
Yes.
197
00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:02,765
Yes, I get it.
198
00:08:02,790 --> 00:08:03,757
You've been home all day
199
00:08:03,759 --> 00:08:05,225
freezing things your family loves.
200
00:08:05,227 --> 00:08:06,359
(LAUGHS)
201
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:09,028
Uh, guys, I want to talk
to Daddy for a minute.
202
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,501
I don't hate this.
203
00:08:17,506 --> 00:08:19,873
Okay, maybe you're not appreciating
204
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,358
the thoughtfulness here.
205
00:08:21,383 --> 00:08:25,364
See, I know that every time you
come home from grocery shopping,
206
00:08:25,389 --> 00:08:26,579
you make yourself tea.
207
00:08:26,581 --> 00:08:27,814
And I also know
208
00:08:27,816 --> 00:08:29,816
that you take the tea bag
out before you drink it.
209
00:08:29,818 --> 00:08:31,918
So if you think about it,
210
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:34,354
it's like a love letter.
211
00:08:36,158 --> 00:08:39,125
Okay, Adam, I need you to understand
212
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:40,994
how I feel about this. Okay?
213
00:08:40,996 --> 00:08:42,662
I hate pranks like...
214
00:08:43,118 --> 00:08:45,498
you hate country western line dancing.
215
00:08:46,149 --> 00:08:49,035
Ooh, I hate that so much.
216
00:08:49,037 --> 00:08:51,371
I know, which is why we don't do it
217
00:08:51,373 --> 00:08:53,139
even though I am never more alive
218
00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:54,374
than when I'm dancing in a line
219
00:08:54,376 --> 00:08:56,543
to a song about whiskey and mud flaps.
220
00:08:57,446 --> 00:08:59,746
I love it, but I respect that you don't.
221
00:08:59,748 --> 00:09:01,114
Then let's not talk about it.
222
00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:03,316
I don't even like talking about it.
223
00:09:03,787 --> 00:09:05,018
But if we're gonna do things
224
00:09:05,020 --> 00:09:06,453
that the other person doesn't like,
225
00:09:06,455 --> 00:09:08,455
then I don't have to
respect that anymore.
226
00:09:08,457 --> 00:09:09,689
I can go right upstairs
227
00:09:09,691 --> 00:09:11,925
and snap you into your cowboy shirt.
228
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,462
You wouldn't.
229
00:09:16,449 --> 00:09:18,617
Oh, I would. Yeah.
230
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,544
So please play another prank,
231
00:09:20,597 --> 00:09:23,550
because I really want
to go line dancing.
232
00:09:25,909 --> 00:09:28,047
Geez, you play rough.
233
00:09:30,073 --> 00:09:30,577
ADAM: Okay, come on, guys.
234
00:09:30,579 --> 00:09:32,045
Grandpa will be here any minute
235
00:09:32,047 --> 00:09:33,246
to take you to school.
236
00:09:33,248 --> 00:09:34,781
Hey, Dad, you really got us good
237
00:09:34,792 --> 00:09:36,684
- with that cereal thing.
- (LAUGHS)
238
00:09:36,685 --> 00:09:38,952
Oh, yeah, we wanted to show
you there were no hard feelings,
239
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:40,386
so we got you
240
00:09:40,388 --> 00:09:43,323
this million-dollar lottery scratcher.
241
00:09:44,759 --> 00:09:46,626
Good luck, Daddy.
242
00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:49,738
Guys, come on. Huh?
243
00:09:49,763 --> 00:09:52,090
You don't give someone who
doesn't even do scratchers
244
00:09:52,115 --> 00:09:55,277
a scratcher in the
middle of a prank war.
245
00:09:55,302 --> 00:09:57,871
I know this is one
of those fake winners.
246
00:09:57,873 --> 00:09:59,639
Huh? (CLICKS TONGUE)
247
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,208
Dang it. You're too good.
248
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:04,777
Well, I didn't want to say
it, but I'm glad you did.
249
00:10:04,779 --> 00:10:05,812
(DOOR OPENS)
250
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,280
All right, let's go.
251
00:10:07,282 --> 00:10:09,516
All right, thanks for
taking the kids to school.
252
00:10:09,518 --> 00:10:10,714
Oh, you're my boy.
253
00:10:10,739 --> 00:10:13,707
There's nothing I wouldn't do for you.
254
00:10:16,878 --> 00:10:18,900
(CHUCKLES) Nice try, Dad.
255
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,085
"Danger: Gas leak." Boy.
256
00:10:21,096 --> 00:10:24,058
If that isn't the pot
calling the kettle black.
257
00:10:24,083 --> 00:10:26,017
Well, I had to give it a shot.
258
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,635
I mean, we're the Burns family.
We've been accusing each other
259
00:10:28,637 --> 00:10:31,105
of gas leaks since
the Pilgrims came over.
260
00:10:31,751 --> 00:10:34,460
You've got to get up pretty
early to out-prank me.
261
00:10:34,498 --> 00:10:36,331
All right, have a good day, kids.
262
00:10:40,172 --> 00:10:42,148
(LAUGHING)
263
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:44,944
You got to get up really
early to out-prank me.
264
00:10:44,969 --> 00:10:48,288
Seriously, I can't sleep past 4:00 a.m.
265
00:10:48,985 --> 00:10:51,824
Old age... that's God's prank.
266
00:10:57,099 --> 00:10:58,935
Man, I was just at the bank,
267
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,535
and everyone was smiling at me.
268
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,603
I think people are getting nicer.
269
00:11:04,519 --> 00:11:05,572
Well, no.
270
00:11:05,574 --> 00:11:07,908
Try cutting out dairy.
That worked for me.
271
00:11:07,933 --> 00:11:10,853
Oh. Dad distracted
me with the first sign
272
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,445
so I'd fall for this one.
273
00:11:12,447 --> 00:11:14,900
Yesterday he put a bouillon
cube in my shower head.
274
00:11:14,918 --> 00:11:16,877
I tried to cover up the
soup smell with cologne,
275
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:18,885
but I just smelled like
a chicken going on a date.
276
00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:21,790
So the old man got both of us.
277
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,156
You know, he can put all this together,
278
00:11:23,158 --> 00:11:26,192
but he can't remember
where he parked at the mall.
279
00:11:26,194 --> 00:11:28,595
I know Andi said no more pranks,
but we got to get him back.
280
00:11:28,597 --> 00:11:32,131
I can help. I'm quite the
mischievous prank artist myself.
281
00:11:32,355 --> 00:11:34,261
I once switched my wife's lotion
282
00:11:34,286 --> 00:11:36,336
from lavender to violet.
283
00:11:36,338 --> 00:11:37,904
- Get out.
- Yeah.
284
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,739
Had she noticed the difference,
285
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,709
it would have been pretty wild.
286
00:11:42,893 --> 00:11:45,164
Sure. Yeah. You know,
287
00:11:45,189 --> 00:11:47,013
Dad loves scratchers,
288
00:11:47,015 --> 00:11:49,415
and my kids tried to give me
a fake winner this morning.
289
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:52,485
Oh, that's good. He's
got a bunch lying around.
290
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:55,124
We can slip the fake one into
the pile and wait for the fun.
291
00:11:55,125 --> 00:11:56,043
Okay, great.
292
00:11:56,057 --> 00:11:58,457
So after work, we'll grab it
and then head over to his place.
293
00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:00,393
This is so weird.
294
00:12:00,695 --> 00:12:03,896
I remember leaving that
lottery scratcher right here.
295
00:12:03,918 --> 00:12:05,583
- Hey, honey.
- Hey.
296
00:12:05,584 --> 00:12:07,750
I have to tell you, it is really nice
297
00:12:07,751 --> 00:12:09,834
- to be in a prank-free house.
- Oh.
298
00:12:09,871 --> 00:12:11,804
So thank you for respecting how I feel.
299
00:12:11,834 --> 00:12:12,834
Ah.
300
00:12:12,959 --> 00:12:15,626
I'd thank you in a handsier
way, but your brother's here.
301
00:12:17,538 --> 00:12:19,404
I could turn around.
302
00:12:20,709 --> 00:12:22,876
Oh, I'm not falling for that again.
303
00:12:23,353 --> 00:12:24,617
Hey, uh, did you
304
00:12:24,626 --> 00:12:27,168
by any chance see a lottery
scratcher lying around?
305
00:12:27,169 --> 00:12:29,322
Oh, yeah. I gave it to Joy.
306
00:12:32,923 --> 00:12:34,041
What?
307
00:12:34,042 --> 00:12:35,876
Yeah, well, I got her a card
to apologize for your magazines,
308
00:12:35,897 --> 00:12:38,197
and I... you know, I put it
in as a token of good will.
309
00:12:38,199 --> 00:12:39,999
I just dropped it in her mailbox.
310
00:12:41,998 --> 00:12:43,880
That is so thoughtful.
311
00:12:43,905 --> 00:12:47,340
Well, it just feels good
to do good, you know?
312
00:12:47,342 --> 00:12:48,675
Yeah.
313
00:12:48,677 --> 00:12:50,208
Good. (LAUGHS)
314
00:12:50,209 --> 00:12:52,127
- This is not good.
- No.
315
00:12:52,496 --> 00:12:53,880
The only reason that scratcher was here
316
00:12:53,882 --> 00:12:55,748
was because I started a prank war.
317
00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:57,238
If Andi finds out about this,
318
00:12:57,263 --> 00:13:00,418
she'll be so mad, she'll
make me put on chaps.
319
00:13:01,209 --> 00:13:04,710
Okay. I don't need to hear how
you guys work your stuff out.
320
00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:06,875
Wait a minute. Wait a
minute. Wait a minute.
321
00:13:06,918 --> 00:13:09,127
- Andi just put it in Joy's mailbox, right?
- Yeah.
322
00:13:09,167 --> 00:13:11,209
So all we got to do is
get it out of the mailbox
323
00:13:11,232 --> 00:13:13,242
before Joy sees it, and we're home free.
324
00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,500
- Now you're thinking.
- Yeah.
325
00:13:14,536 --> 00:13:16,536
That means no yelling,
no stupid line dancing.
326
00:13:16,538 --> 00:13:18,604
I mean, if I'm dancing,
I do my own thing.
327
00:13:18,606 --> 00:13:21,030
I go where my hips lead me.
328
00:13:21,756 --> 00:13:22,801
You know what I mean?
329
00:13:22,826 --> 00:13:25,186
One for you, one for you,
one for you, one for you.
330
00:13:30,375 --> 00:13:32,417
All right, let's just get the
scratcher out of the mailbox
331
00:13:32,420 --> 00:13:34,875
before Joy finds it.
332
00:13:34,876 --> 00:13:36,918
- Is it in there?
- Yeah, yeah, I see it at the bottom.
333
00:13:36,925 --> 00:13:38,207
All right, reach in.
334
00:13:38,232 --> 00:13:40,726
I'd do it, but my hands are
too big. You have dainty hands.
335
00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:43,129
I don't have dainty hands.
336
00:13:43,131 --> 00:13:45,731
I'm normal-sized. You're
the one who looks like
337
00:13:45,751 --> 00:13:48,210
he should be swatting
airplanes out of the sky.
338
00:13:52,607 --> 00:13:54,106
Okay, I feel the card, okay?
339
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,958
It's coming. It's coming.
340
00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:59,334
- And my hand's stuck. My hand's stuck!
- All right. All right.
341
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,460
Don't panic. We're
two intelligent adults.
342
00:14:01,847 --> 00:14:02,999
I have an idea.
343
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,334
What? Ow!
344
00:14:04,352 --> 00:14:05,409
Ow!
345
00:14:05,434 --> 00:14:07,041
Okay, that did not work.
346
00:14:07,042 --> 00:14:08,876
- Cross it off the list.
- Okay.
347
00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:11,440
Let's just unbolt the whole
thing, bring it to my house, and
348
00:14:11,465 --> 00:14:14,040
we'll take it apart. Grab my Leatherman.
349
00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:15,709
- It's in my back pocket. I can't reach it.
- Well, no.
350
00:14:15,751 --> 00:14:18,165
I'm not touching your butt.
This is a family neighborhood.
351
00:14:18,166 --> 00:14:19,143
Will you please?!
352
00:14:19,167 --> 00:14:22,250
- I got my hand stuck in a mailbox here.
- Right.
353
00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:27,540
Don't flex it. You're
making the pocket tight.
354
00:14:27,542 --> 00:14:30,143
Just relax and let it happen.
355
00:14:33,945 --> 00:14:35,782
(GRUNTS)
356
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,301
What are you doing
with my mailbox?
357
00:14:41,326 --> 00:14:44,184
I figured, this way, if
Joy sees hers is missing,
358
00:14:44,209 --> 00:14:46,559
you can say there's a
mailbox thief on the loose.
359
00:14:46,561 --> 00:14:48,628
You know what? Don't freelance.
360
00:14:49,209 --> 00:14:51,751
Aha! I got it. What?
361
00:14:51,802 --> 00:14:53,232
Wait. This isn't Andi's thank you note.
362
00:14:53,234 --> 00:14:55,635
It's a renewal card from my magazine.
363
00:14:55,637 --> 00:14:58,336
Oh. That means Joy
already has the scratcher.
364
00:14:58,337 --> 00:15:00,543
- (SIGHS)
- I told you this wouldn't work.
365
00:15:00,544 --> 00:15:03,009
You never said that.
366
00:15:03,011 --> 00:15:04,777
Now I got to go in there
and come clean with Andi
367
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:07,380
before Joy thinks she
won a million dollars.
368
00:15:07,382 --> 00:15:09,342
Come on. Let me do the talking.
369
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,417
- Bringing the mailbox, right?
- No! No!
370
00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:13,545
Put that down.
371
00:15:14,529 --> 00:15:15,755
Andi. Oh, oh, oh.
372
00:15:15,757 --> 00:15:17,523
Oh, good. Everyone's here.
373
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:20,460
Adam, we're rich!
374
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:24,063
Great. I'm so happy for you, I
need to be alone. Come on, Don.
375
00:15:24,065 --> 00:15:26,242
Wait. No. Wait, wait, wait. Honey,
376
00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:27,733
you are not gonna believe this.
377
00:15:27,735 --> 00:15:29,469
Okay, you know that
scratcher I gave Joy?
378
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:30,968
Never heard of it.
This is all new to me.
379
00:15:30,993 --> 00:15:33,239
I don't know about Adam, though.
380
00:15:33,241 --> 00:15:35,208
We won a million bucks!
381
00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:38,586
Yeah. I bought a boat.
382
00:15:38,626 --> 00:15:41,626
It's so big, it's got a
little boat attached to it.
383
00:15:41,981 --> 00:15:42,918
And I...
384
00:15:42,919 --> 00:15:44,169
I quit my job.
385
00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:46,152
I said all kinds of things to my boss.
386
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:49,055
Religious, I got a little racial.
387
00:15:49,372 --> 00:15:51,157
I burned bridges!
388
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,192
Oh. Oh, that's good to hear.
389
00:15:53,194 --> 00:15:55,655
Can I... can I talk to you for a second?
390
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:56,843
What's going on?
391
00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:59,699
Joy and Rudy won a million dollars!
392
00:15:59,701 --> 00:16:02,301
(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)
393
00:16:02,303 --> 00:16:04,170
This is gonna change our life.
394
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,272
We can move out of this
crappy neighborhood.
395
00:16:06,274 --> 00:16:07,673
RUDY: Yeah.
396
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,114
Yeah, somebody stole our mailbox.
397
00:16:10,723 --> 00:16:13,557
And since you gave us this scratcher,
398
00:16:13,582 --> 00:16:16,115
we want to give you $100,000 of it.
399
00:16:16,117 --> 00:16:18,017
What?! (GASPS)
400
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:21,754
$100,000? We're millionaires!
401
00:16:22,411 --> 00:16:23,890
Uh, Andi, I need to talk to you.
402
00:16:23,892 --> 00:16:26,153
I-I-I... I really need
to talk to you right now.
403
00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:27,959
Oh. Okay.
404
00:16:28,006 --> 00:16:31,330
So, about this mailbox thief...
I was at the movies all day.
405
00:16:32,834 --> 00:16:35,418
- What's going on?
- Joy's scratcher is a fake.
406
00:16:35,459 --> 00:16:37,459
- What?!
- Shh!
407
00:16:38,792 --> 00:16:41,668
Talking loud defeats the whole
purpose of coming over here!
408
00:16:45,484 --> 00:16:48,915
Joy's scratcher was a
prank. You got to help me.
409
00:16:48,917 --> 00:16:50,816
This will devastate Joy and
Rudy, and it's all your fault.
410
00:16:50,818 --> 00:16:52,184
Why should I help you?
411
00:16:52,186 --> 00:16:53,671
Because if Joy kills me,
412
00:16:53,696 --> 00:16:55,755
you're gonna have to raise
our children by yourself,
413
00:16:55,757 --> 00:16:58,457
and that will be exhausting!
414
00:16:59,083 --> 00:17:00,667
- Adam.
- Well, okay.
415
00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:02,785
You were right, okay? I screwed up.
416
00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:04,797
I should have listened
to you. Pranks aren't fun.
417
00:17:04,799 --> 00:17:08,999
But if you please help me out
here, I will never do one again.
418
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,038
- Good.
- Okay.
419
00:17:11,039 --> 00:17:13,401
Because April fools. (LAUGHS)
420
00:17:16,292 --> 00:17:19,084
ALL: April fools!
421
00:17:26,834 --> 00:17:29,335
This was all a prank?
You pranked me?
422
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:30,985
And me.
423
00:17:31,626 --> 00:17:33,693
I-I think?
424
00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:35,795
I don't really know what's going on.
425
00:17:36,508 --> 00:17:37,601
So I knew
426
00:17:37,626 --> 00:17:38,798
you couldn't quit on your own,
427
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,833
so I had the kids
bring you the scratcher.
428
00:17:40,835 --> 00:17:42,368
Which we knew you wouldn't fall for.
429
00:17:42,370 --> 00:17:43,618
And because you never put anything
430
00:17:43,643 --> 00:17:44,813
in the actual garbage can,
431
00:17:44,838 --> 00:17:46,508
I knew you'd leave it lying around.
432
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,332
So we told Mom where you left it.
433
00:17:48,357 --> 00:17:51,239
And then I grabbed it, and
told you that I gave it to Joy.
434
00:17:51,264 --> 00:17:54,413
See, I used all the things
that I know about you, so,
435
00:17:54,415 --> 00:17:56,303
if you think about it...
436
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,739
it's like a love letter.
437
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:06,875
(LAUGHS, MUTTERS)
438
00:18:08,008 --> 00:18:11,269
Okay, this is the last
of it. Fake toothpaste.
439
00:18:12,567 --> 00:18:16,576
Oh. Bug in the ice cube. (LAUGHING): Oh.
440
00:18:16,601 --> 00:18:20,970
Aw. And this one
hurts... Snakes in a can.
441
00:18:21,758 --> 00:18:23,453
Oh.
442
00:18:23,891 --> 00:18:25,843
Hey, well, I'm proud of you,
443
00:18:25,868 --> 00:18:30,045
but I still don't get why
you like this stuff so much.
444
00:18:30,070 --> 00:18:32,645
And don't say it's because it's fun.
445
00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:36,145
Look, it's just a thing I
always loved doing with my dad.
446
00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:37,923
Most of the time if
he was talking to me,
447
00:18:37,925 --> 00:18:39,525
he was mad about something,
448
00:18:39,527 --> 00:18:42,561
but when we were doing
pranks, we were laughing.
449
00:18:42,925 --> 00:18:45,823
And when he'd put pudding
in my baseball glove,
450
00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:51,056
yeah, it was funny, but it also meant
451
00:18:51,081 --> 00:18:52,872
that he knew I liked baseball.
452
00:18:53,542 --> 00:18:55,241
And pudding.
453
00:18:56,334 --> 00:18:58,293
- Yeah, I was husky for a while.
- Mm.
454
00:18:59,461 --> 00:19:02,679
So in a way, it's how he
told you that he loved you.
455
00:19:02,704 --> 00:19:03,696
(GASPS)
456
00:19:03,721 --> 00:19:05,888
I knew it was deep! Ha!
457
00:19:07,889 --> 00:19:11,424
The self-help aisle
is making a comeback!
458
00:19:11,426 --> 00:19:14,126
All right, all right. Nobody
likes a touchdown dance.
459
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:18,064
Well, I know that you
love me and the kids
460
00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:20,750
because you say it all the time, okay?
461
00:19:20,755 --> 00:19:23,569
So please don't show
it with pranks anymore.
462
00:19:23,571 --> 00:19:25,771
All right, you got it.
It's all in the trash now.
463
00:19:25,792 --> 00:19:29,126
Okay, good. All right, well,
I'm gonna make us a cup of tea...
464
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,876
- Mm.
- Now that I know it's safe again.
465
00:19:47,125 --> 00:19:48,751
(LAUGHS)
466
00:19:50,865 --> 00:19:53,933
I f... I forgot about that one.
467
00:19:56,667 --> 00:19:59,709
(LAUGHING): I put a
rubber band on the sprayer.
468
00:20:01,792 --> 00:20:03,751
I'll just go find my cowboy hat.
469
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:16,959
Adam, we're gonna be late. Come on!
470
00:20:21,034 --> 00:20:22,784
(LAUGHTER)
471
00:20:26,334 --> 00:20:29,709
I did that. I dressed him.
472
00:20:30,125 --> 00:20:33,375
- You look like Roy Rogers' wife.
- (LAUGHTER)
473
00:20:33,486 --> 00:20:35,252
You told me nobody would be here.
474
00:20:35,504 --> 00:20:38,372
Huh. I guess I do like pranks.
475
00:20:39,593 --> 00:20:41,453
Come on, let's go.
476
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,793
Just relax and let it happen.
477
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:51,371
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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