1
00:00:02,709 --> 00:00:06,043
Good job on your chores.
Emme, that's for you.

2
00:00:06,125 --> 00:00:07,959
Teddy, that's for you.

3
00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:09,257
Two dollars?

4
00:00:09,282 --> 00:00:11,843
That's less than I pay
Emme to do my chores for me.

5
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,112
Ah!

6
00:00:14,137 --> 00:00:15,365
Not so fast.

7
00:00:15,375 --> 00:00:17,209
You still have one more chore.

8
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:18,292
Fine.

9
00:00:18,590 --> 00:00:21,173
(GIGGLES)

10
00:00:22,652 --> 00:00:24,134
Okay, paying for a hug

11
00:00:24,159 --> 00:00:26,285
doesn't make it any less special!

12
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,735
Hey.

13
00:00:28,737 --> 00:00:30,486
So, that Halloween store downtown

14
00:00:30,501 --> 00:00:31,705
is going out of business.

15
00:00:31,706 --> 00:00:33,039
And you know how I love a good deal.

16
00:00:33,042 --> 00:00:34,241
- Right?
- Mm.

17
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,908
So I got this for Emme.

18
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:37,577
Huh?

19
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:38,708
Princess dress

20
00:00:38,709 --> 00:00:40,168
for my little princess.

21
00:00:40,169 --> 00:00:41,533
Huh?

22
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,709
Look, it's sweet of
you to think of Emme,

23
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,543
but you can't give that to her.

24
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:47,045
What? Why not?

25
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:50,048
Because princess stories
are just a bad influence

26
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,633
on little girls, you know?

27
00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:54,586
It teaches 'em stuff like
you need a man to save you.

28
00:00:55,078 --> 00:00:57,088
Who told you that?

29
00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,217
Was it Beyoncé? 'Cause I know

30
00:00:59,218 --> 00:01:01,292
she's got some mysterious hold on you.

31
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:03,228
No, no, no. Think about it, okay?

32
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,763
In Beauty and the Beast,
that girl was just a hostage.

33
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:08,433
Yeah. She had Stockholm syndrome.

34
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,818
And-and in Sleeping Beauty, uh,

35
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:12,270
she marries the first
guy that kisses her

36
00:01:12,292 --> 00:01:14,793
because she got roofied.

37
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,991
What kind of message

38
00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:18,993
do you think that dress sends to Emme?

39
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:22,197
"I love you and I got you a present."

40
00:01:22,967 --> 00:01:24,616
It's just, I've been working for years

41
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:27,118
to keep that stuff out of the house.

42
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,711
I mean, when Kate was little
and she wanted a princess dress,

43
00:01:29,736 --> 00:01:32,840
I told her she was allergic to glitter.

44
00:01:33,375 --> 00:01:35,625
- I didn't know you were doing that.
- Yeah, it's how I keep

45
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:37,462
the kids from doing things
that are bad for them.

46
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:40,499
I call it my protective love bubble.

47
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,851
Your what bubble?

48
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:45,220
My love bubble.

49
00:01:45,222 --> 00:01:48,273
You know, little white lies
that are for their own good.

50
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:51,192
Oh. Hey, I'm not opposed
to lying to our children.

51
00:01:52,129 --> 00:01:53,478
Great. So we're agreed.

52
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,862
No, no.

53
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:57,232
I don't think these dresses are bad.

54
00:01:57,234 --> 00:01:59,284
You kept princesses away from Katie,

55
00:01:59,292 --> 00:02:02,251
and... let's be honest...
she's kind of a frowner.

56
00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:03,871
No, she's not.

57
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:06,791
I happen to know you pay her for hugs.

58
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,708
Emme's my last one.

59
00:02:08,709 --> 00:02:09,959
I want a smiler.

60
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,541
I want a huggy smiler.

61
00:02:12,542 --> 00:02:14,750
- I'm taking that dress back.
- No, you're not.

62
00:02:14,751 --> 00:02:16,167
Okay. (CHUCKLES)

63
00:02:16,579 --> 00:02:18,938
We've been in this situation before,

64
00:02:18,963 --> 00:02:21,923
and it usually doesn't end well for you.

65
00:02:21,925 --> 00:02:25,510
You... you may recall I have
a few tricks up my sleeve.

66
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:26,878
Uh-huh. Like your lie balloon?

67
00:02:26,903 --> 00:02:29,681
It's a protective love bubble.

68
00:02:30,104 --> 00:02:31,316
Well, I'm popping it.

69
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,600
Bubble time is over.

70
00:02:32,602 --> 00:02:35,684
Emme, put down those
gender-neutral toys!

71
00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:38,343
Daddy got you something sparkly!

72
00:02:42,195 --> 00:02:45,363
A toast to Princess Emme.

73
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:46,698
Who got you that pretty dress?

74
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,499
You did.

75
00:02:48,501 --> 00:02:50,418
That's right. Daddy did.

76
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:53,121
And who loved it so much she
wore it to bed last night?

77
00:02:53,125 --> 00:02:55,374
- I did.
- That's right.

78
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:58,653
Mommy's face was so funny.

79
00:02:59,419 --> 00:03:00,178
Hey, guys.

80
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,512
ADAM: There she is.

81
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:02,880
Don't mind us.

82
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:05,466
We're just having another
princess tea party.

83
00:03:05,917 --> 00:03:08,269
There's Mommy's funny face again.

84
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,165
Emme, honey, um,

85
00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:13,057
I hate to pull you
away from all this fun,

86
00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:14,058
but, um,

87
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,693
I got you a new doll.

88
00:03:15,709 --> 00:03:17,792
- (GASPS)
- Yeah. And I think you are gonna love her

89
00:03:17,799 --> 00:03:19,230
even more than you love your dress.

90
00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:20,565
Who is it? Cinderella?

91
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:21,866
Snow White?

92
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,785
No. E-Even better.

93
00:03:24,095 --> 00:03:27,739
Supreme Court Justice
Ruth Bader Ginsburg!

94
00:03:28,658 --> 00:03:30,575
Oh, Andi.

95
00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:34,912
Why does this man have a girl name?

96
00:03:35,522 --> 00:03:37,048
No, it's a girl.

97
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:41,219
She just has more important
things to do than fix her hair.

98
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,839
Where are her sparkles?

99
00:03:42,864 --> 00:03:44,399
On her brain.

100
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:45,558
Yeah.

101
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:46,824
Ruth here has done

102
00:03:46,849 --> 00:03:49,927
a lot of important work for our country.

103
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,262
Oh, yeah? Like what?

104
00:03:52,246 --> 00:03:53,723
What?

105
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,102
Well, you're such an expert
on her accomplishments.

106
00:03:58,104 --> 00:04:00,271
We'd like to hear a few.

107
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:02,384
Let's see what happens.

108
00:04:03,026 --> 00:04:04,575
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

109
00:04:04,782 --> 00:04:06,944
One of her accomplishments is
that she doesn't have a husband

110
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:08,746
that asks too many questions.

111
00:04:11,764 --> 00:04:13,785
Thanks, Mommy. I love her.

112
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:17,038
Oh. Really?

113
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,291
She can be the witch who
puts a curse on the princess!

114
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:22,593
No, no! She's not a witch!

115
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:24,595
She's a judge who's famous for...

116
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,441
She's famous for...

117
00:04:26,964 --> 00:04:28,503
(GROANS) I should've kept the box.

118
00:04:28,528 --> 00:04:30,635
It was all on the box!

119
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,804
(SIGHS)

120
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:36,357
And Adam lived happily ever after.

121
00:04:48,083 --> 00:04:50,265
Check out what happened
to Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

122
00:04:50,292 --> 00:04:52,542
She went upstairs in her judge's robe,

123
00:04:52,557 --> 00:04:56,358
and she came back down in a coconut bra.

124
00:04:58,047 --> 00:04:59,630
(CHUCKLES)

125
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:01,716
Aw,

126
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:02,967
man.

127
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,353
Emme glittered Ginsburg?

128
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:09,558
I don't mind seeing
Ruth cut loose a little.

129
00:05:10,193 --> 00:05:11,692
This is what happens
when you bring princesses

130
00:05:11,694 --> 00:05:13,277
into our house.

131
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,029
They bully the smart girls.

132
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:18,892
This dinner took an odd turn.

133
00:05:18,959 --> 00:05:21,042
- Hit 'em with the dessert we brought, Don.
- Ooh.

134
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,487
Bear claws.

135
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,907
The tastiest of all claws.

136
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:28,124
Ah, I haven't had one of these

137
00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:29,917
since Zellner's Bakery closed down.

138
00:05:29,944 --> 00:05:32,001
Oh, no, no, it's not closed;
That's where we got them.

139
00:05:32,002 --> 00:05:33,581
What?

140
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,216
You told me they went out of business.

141
00:05:35,218 --> 00:05:36,667
No, I didn't.

142
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:37,689
Mm-mm.

143
00:05:40,832 --> 00:05:42,506
You know, that seems like something

144
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,918
you might've dreamed. Yeah.

145
00:05:45,042 --> 00:05:48,251
Ah, y-you do dream
about bakeries a lot.

146
00:05:48,256 --> 00:05:51,174
Like you're trapped, and
have to eat your way out?

147
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:53,009
I had that one.

148
00:05:53,011 --> 00:05:54,594
No, no, I'm pretty sure this was real.

149
00:05:54,596 --> 00:05:56,830
Why would you say it
was closed if it wasn't?

150
00:05:57,197 --> 00:05:59,315
Eh, I guess I can tell you now.

151
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:01,756
It's just, e-every weekend,
you'd make yourself sick

152
00:06:01,781 --> 00:06:03,281
by eating too many bear claws.

153
00:06:03,306 --> 00:06:05,133
You'd swear not to do it again,

154
00:06:05,158 --> 00:06:08,274
but then, the next weekend,
you'd be right back on the claw.

155
00:06:08,843 --> 00:06:11,171
But they made me happy
when they were in my mouth.

156
00:06:11,751 --> 00:06:12,863
Honey...

157
00:06:12,864 --> 00:06:16,546
it was just a little white
lie, for your own good.

158
00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:17,450
ADAM: But that's what you do

159
00:06:17,459 --> 00:06:18,793
to the kids. (CHUCKLES) I...

160
00:06:18,835 --> 00:06:21,092
(GASPS)

161
00:06:22,387 --> 00:06:25,208
You put me in your lie balloon.

162
00:06:25,912 --> 00:06:28,044
It's a love bubble.

163
00:06:28,046 --> 00:06:30,963
And who wouldn't want
to be surrounded by love?

164
00:06:30,965 --> 00:06:32,632
Okay, just because
you put the word "love"

165
00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:34,851
in front of something
doesn't make it good.

166
00:06:35,071 --> 00:06:37,438
"Love murder" is still murder.

167
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:42,094
Well, at least "love
bubble" is a fun name.

168
00:06:42,119 --> 00:06:44,461
Marcy does the same thing
to me, but she just calls it

169
00:06:44,486 --> 00:06:45,935
"take it or leave it."

170
00:06:47,061 --> 00:06:49,293
I had it engraved on the
inside of his wedding band.

171
00:06:49,318 --> 00:06:50,594
Mm-hmm.

172
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:52,235
Right. I make my own decisions

173
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:54,737
about what's good for me...
Even if it's bad for me.

174
00:06:54,739 --> 00:06:57,401
I'm an American man, that's what we do.

175
00:06:57,426 --> 00:07:00,124
(SIGHS) Adam, relax.

176
00:07:00,149 --> 00:07:01,315
You guys are diamonds,

177
00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:02,268
and we love you.

178
00:07:02,293 --> 00:07:03,729
But what makes a diamond?

179
00:07:03,754 --> 00:07:07,166
A chunk of coal under constant pressure.

180
00:07:07,918 --> 00:07:08,918
DON: I did just fine

181
00:07:08,949 --> 00:07:10,084
for 30 years without your help.

182
00:07:10,085 --> 00:07:11,584
- I did.
- Oh, please. Without me, you'd still be

183
00:07:11,589 --> 00:07:13,996
living in that sad
apartment where I found you.

184
00:07:14,709 --> 00:07:17,126
- Hey, that was my groovy bachelor pad.
- Ugh.

185
00:07:17,144 --> 00:07:19,428
I put up some respectable
numbers in there.

186
00:07:19,991 --> 00:07:21,443
When I first met Adam,

187
00:07:21,468 --> 00:07:23,766
everything he wore had the
name of a sports team on it.

188
00:07:24,002 --> 00:07:25,835
His whole wardrobe
looked like it got shot

189
00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:27,860
out of a T-shirt cannon.

190
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:29,857
That's not true.

191
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,941
My... I had that one,
it looked like a tuxedo.

192
00:07:32,375 --> 00:07:33,417
Remember?

193
00:07:33,457 --> 00:07:34,694
I wore it to your cousin's wedding.

194
00:07:34,709 --> 00:07:36,697
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Remember?

195
00:07:36,698 --> 00:07:38,614
It took me six Christmases

196
00:07:38,616 --> 00:07:41,049
to gently replace every
shirt in Adam's drawer.

197
00:07:41,074 --> 00:07:43,619
Oh, I remember. Every time we'd
come to dinner, I'd smuggle out

198
00:07:43,621 --> 00:07:45,454
some of your old T-shirts in my coat.

199
00:07:45,456 --> 00:07:46,589
(LAUGHS)

200
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,291
Was that what it was?

201
00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,959
I just thought after you ate,
your stomach got real big,

202
00:07:49,961 --> 00:07:51,627
like a snake.

203
00:07:57,083 --> 00:07:58,917
I love you.

204
00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:02,221
You told me the washing
machine ripped them.

205
00:08:02,463 --> 00:08:05,539
Mm, washing machine, garbage
truck, me and my scissors,

206
00:08:05,584 --> 00:08:07,502
- something ripped them.
- (MARCY LAUGHS)

207
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:09,195
So, first the bear claws,

208
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:10,696
now the T-shirts; That's two.

209
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,481
Is there anything else?

210
00:08:13,045 --> 00:08:14,345
No.

211
00:08:14,984 --> 00:08:16,491
That's a yes.

212
00:08:16,741 --> 00:08:18,537
What is it? What are you hiding?

213
00:08:18,828 --> 00:08:20,028
(GASPS) Hey.

214
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:24,377
Who wants a bear claw?

215
00:08:24,584 --> 00:08:26,834
Me, for the last seven years.

216
00:08:28,862 --> 00:08:29,821
ADAM: I know

217
00:08:29,846 --> 00:08:31,250
there's something big
Andi's keeping from me,

218
00:08:31,252 --> 00:08:34,228
'cause she's clammed up, like a... a...

219
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:36,168
- Clam?
- Yes.

220
00:08:36,174 --> 00:08:37,640
You've got to put a stop to this.

221
00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:39,058
I didn't, and look at me.

222
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,643
I haven't had a sweater
with sleeves on it

223
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,418
since my wedding day.

224
00:08:42,738 --> 00:08:44,150
Where did my sleeves go?

225
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:46,432
I don't know, my wife won't tell me.

226
00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:49,318
Look, I am gonna figure out
what she's been hiding, because

227
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:53,322
there is no love bubble big
enough to contain Adam Burns.

228
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:54,440
You're doing God's work, brother.

229
00:08:54,459 --> 00:08:56,109
- Ha.
- LOWELL: Okay, so think.

230
00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,827
What are some big
things that you've wanted

231
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,495
that Andi has said no to?

232
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:02,448
Well, uh, I've always
wanted a grill for the patio,

233
00:09:02,450 --> 00:09:04,367
but Andi said it wouldn't fit.

234
00:09:04,716 --> 00:09:05,848
I bet that's it.

235
00:09:05,873 --> 00:09:07,336
Women are anti-grill.

236
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:09,766
They don't like anything we can
do while we're drinking beer.

237
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:13,123
No, no, I measured
the patio; She's right.

238
00:09:13,148 --> 00:09:15,794
Oh, she's good. She's
peppering the lies with truth

239
00:09:15,819 --> 00:09:18,014
to create maximum confusion.

240
00:09:18,214 --> 00:09:20,080
Okay, so what else?

241
00:09:20,105 --> 00:09:21,684
Well, who knows what she's hiding?

242
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:23,135
We've been married 17 years.

243
00:09:23,137 --> 00:09:25,354
We both hide lots of stuff.

244
00:09:25,918 --> 00:09:30,059
I got a hollowed out
book just for M&M's.

245
00:09:31,743 --> 00:09:33,023
Stay focused.

246
00:09:33,048 --> 00:09:34,397
You're doing work for all men, here.

247
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:35,731
You need to crawl up out of the swamp,

248
00:09:35,733 --> 00:09:37,533
and tell us what fresh air smells like.

249
00:09:37,852 --> 00:09:41,281
Okay, uh, well, she knows
I've always wanted a recliner,

250
00:09:41,306 --> 00:09:43,303
but obviously, I can't
have one of those,

251
00:09:43,328 --> 00:09:45,636
because over half of
childhood broken bones

252
00:09:45,661 --> 00:09:47,397
come from recliners. Ha.

253
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,860
Maybe I should remeasure the patio.

254
00:09:54,381 --> 00:09:56,802
Back up. What was that
thing about recliners?

255
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,671
Yeah, that's what Andi told me.

256
00:09:58,673 --> 00:10:00,089
She saw it on the news.

257
00:10:00,091 --> 00:10:01,674
It's true, over half of all...

258
00:10:01,676 --> 00:10:02,758
Uh-uh.

259
00:10:03,121 --> 00:10:05,127
What? No, no, really. Seriously.

260
00:10:05,152 --> 00:10:06,178
If you... when you pull the lever,

261
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:07,263
your arm could get caught...

262
00:10:07,265 --> 00:10:08,597
Nope.

263
00:10:09,851 --> 00:10:11,934
But don't those things shoot
kids right across the...

264
00:10:11,936 --> 00:10:14,603
It's not a rocket, it's a chair.

265
00:10:16,353 --> 00:10:17,387
I can't believe this.

266
00:10:17,412 --> 00:10:19,078
Why would she lie about a chair?

267
00:10:19,103 --> 00:10:20,910
Why wouldn't she lie about a chair?

268
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,196
That's what you need
to be asking yourself.

269
00:10:24,868 --> 00:10:27,666
Oh. So it's the recliner?

270
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:31,754
She has been keeping me
needlessly upright for years.

271
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,422
Men came down from the trees.

272
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,291
We started walking and
then we started reclining.

273
00:10:35,293 --> 00:10:37,793
Andi's messing with evolution.

274
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,296
What are you gonna do?

275
00:10:40,298 --> 00:10:42,681
I don't know, but I
need one of those chairs,

276
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:45,634
because if I'm like
this, I'm uncomfortable.

277
00:10:45,636 --> 00:10:48,471
If I'm like this, I'm asleep.

278
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:50,458
This is where I need to be.

279
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,784
This is the sweet spot.

280
00:11:01,167 --> 00:11:03,334
Hello, darling.

281
00:11:12,111 --> 00:11:14,292
Uh-oh.

282
00:11:14,982 --> 00:11:16,332
Yup.

283
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:19,146
I'm in the sweet spot.

284
00:11:20,042 --> 00:11:22,251
Ah...

285
00:11:23,136 --> 00:11:25,141
I didn't think you'd figure it out.

286
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:29,000
You give me 17 years, I
can figure anything out.

287
00:11:34,292 --> 00:11:40,586
So, recliners cause over half
of childhood broken bones, huh?

288
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,959
Okay, I may have rounded it up.

289
00:11:43,961 --> 00:11:45,794
Or made it up.

290
00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:50,209
The point is it was up and when
things are up, they're good.

291
00:11:50,218 --> 00:11:53,169
That's the rule of up.

292
00:11:55,232 --> 00:11:56,347
Look, okay.

293
00:11:56,372 --> 00:11:58,910
Let me give you a real statistic.

294
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:03,345
This is where I'm gonna be
spending over half of my time,

295
00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:06,515
eating over half of my meals

296
00:12:06,909 --> 00:12:10,686
and believing less than
half of what you say.

297
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:12,729
Let's not make a big deal out of this.

298
00:12:12,754 --> 00:12:14,356
Oh, I'm gonna.

299
00:12:18,829 --> 00:12:21,664
I've never been on the
not-lying side of a lie before.

300
00:12:21,666 --> 00:12:23,602
I am gonna enjoy this.

301
00:12:24,031 --> 00:12:25,648
I guess you deserve that.

302
00:12:25,673 --> 00:12:27,536
Oh, I do. Yeah.

303
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,047
Because you know what I was thinking,

304
00:12:29,083 --> 00:12:32,333
sitting in the warm embrace
of my Pittsburgh spirit chair?

305
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:34,585
And, yes, that's what we're calling it.

306
00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,638
Why would you lie about a recliner?

307
00:12:37,639 --> 00:12:41,585
How is that part of the
protective love bubble?

308
00:12:42,751 --> 00:12:45,876
Well, I was protecting you

309
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:48,349
from bringing that ugly
chair into my living room.

310
00:12:48,818 --> 00:12:52,186
Ah. So this was for you, not me.

311
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,604
Yes. You caught me.

312
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:54,856
Ah-ha! I caught you.

313
00:12:57,334 --> 00:12:58,960
Yeah, I just said that.

314
00:12:58,982 --> 00:13:00,328
I know. I had it in the chamber.

315
00:13:00,330 --> 00:13:02,185
I was gonna say it no matter what.

316
00:13:03,255 --> 00:13:07,085
Honey, the love bubble
started out innocently.

317
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,337
Right? I-I'd tell the
kids not to do something

318
00:13:09,339 --> 00:13:12,388
and then they keep
asking, "Why? Why? Why?"

319
00:13:12,413 --> 00:13:14,709
It was just easier to tell a little fib.

320
00:13:14,734 --> 00:13:15,429
Mm-hmm.

321
00:13:15,454 --> 00:13:17,378
But-but then I used it on you

322
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,765
and-and-and my love
bubble became a...

323
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,050
Lie balloon.

324
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,184
Just like I said. Ah-ha again.

325
00:13:27,372 --> 00:13:30,597
And you were right and I'm really sorry.

326
00:13:30,622 --> 00:13:32,110
What?

327
00:13:32,833 --> 00:13:35,730
You were right and I'm sorry.

328
00:13:40,759 --> 00:13:41,918
Okay, I don't know what to say

329
00:13:41,943 --> 00:13:43,726
because I never thought
this would happen.

330
00:13:46,166 --> 00:13:47,875
Well, it's happening.

331
00:13:48,542 --> 00:13:51,126
I don't buy it. You're up to something.

332
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:52,413
What, do you think I'm lying?

333
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,332
After a multiyear recliner conspiracy,

334
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,134
I tend to be a little skeptical.

335
00:14:00,751 --> 00:14:02,293
I got my eye on you.

336
00:14:06,910 --> 00:14:09,981
Ah, damn. I should've
sprung for the swiveler.

337
00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:13,917
- Andi said she was sorry?
- Yup.

338
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:15,937
Like she's sorry she married you?

339
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:21,442
No, no, but something's...
something's definitely fishy.

340
00:14:21,459 --> 00:14:23,501
She said I was right.

341
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,614
That's not the woman I married.

342
00:14:27,795 --> 00:14:30,200
I bet she's buying time to regroup.

343
00:14:30,225 --> 00:14:32,428
Has she done anything else suspicious?

344
00:14:32,709 --> 00:14:36,457
Yeah. Yeah, she said she
felt so bad that her and Marcy

345
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,759
went all the way across town to Tony's

346
00:14:38,761 --> 00:14:40,824
to get my favorite pizza for dinner.

347
00:14:40,902 --> 00:14:41,963
That's a diversion.

348
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:44,715
There's definitely
gonna be a counterattack.

349
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,995
Although I do hope she got breadsticks.

350
00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:49,834
It's gonna take more than
great pizza to fool me.

351
00:14:49,864 --> 00:14:50,597
That's right.

352
00:14:50,626 --> 00:14:52,335
But all bets are off if
she got the breadsticks.

353
00:14:52,375 --> 00:14:53,959
Okay. Okay.

354
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,861
Uh-huh. (STAMMERS)

355
00:14:56,863 --> 00:15:00,301
O-Okay. Uh, can you hold
on just for one second?

356
00:15:01,075 --> 00:15:03,723
The principal from Emme's
school is on the phone.

357
00:15:03,748 --> 00:15:05,403
Emme's been kissing boys.

358
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,053
What? I don't want my baby doing that.

359
00:15:08,078 --> 00:15:09,935
Yeah, well, apparently,
she's been looking

360
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:13,131
for her Prince Charming, thanks
to your little princess kick.

361
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:16,834
(LAUGHS) You're good.

362
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,418
I see what's happening here.

363
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,920
I thought you'd come after the recliner,

364
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,908
but you're doing an end run
all the way back to princesses.

365
00:15:26,933 --> 00:15:28,426
(CHUCKLES)

366
00:15:28,957 --> 00:15:30,233
What?

367
00:15:30,258 --> 00:15:32,013
Got to admire the technique.

368
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,681
Yeah. So what's your game, huh?

369
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,905
I'm supposed to feel so bad about Emme

370
00:15:35,930 --> 00:15:37,852
that I give up my recliner? Hmm?

371
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:39,020
Is that it? Is that it?

372
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,856
Adam, I have a job and three children.

373
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:45,359
I don't have time to be a
criminal mastermind. Okay?

374
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:48,196
I'm-I'm telling you that Emme's
principal is on the phone.

375
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:51,115
Oh, sure. The old fake phone call.

376
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:54,001
Yeah, well, the kid is one step
ahead of you this time, huh?

377
00:15:54,003 --> 00:15:55,286
What do you think, Don?

378
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,692
It's the sauce. That's the secret.

379
00:16:01,973 --> 00:16:03,627
It's Marcy on the phone, isn't it?

380
00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:04,793
Huh? Where's she hiding?

381
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,881
Upstairs? In the pantry?

382
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,549
Okay.

383
00:16:09,145 --> 00:16:10,839
Yeah. This is Adam Burns.

384
00:16:10,864 --> 00:16:11,852
Let me tell you something.

385
00:16:11,854 --> 00:16:13,965
My daughter can kiss whoever she wants.

386
00:16:14,004 --> 00:16:15,856
In fact, maybe I'll come down there

387
00:16:15,858 --> 00:16:19,560
and give you a big kiss,
too, Principal Marcy.

388
00:16:20,007 --> 00:16:21,507
Who's he talking to?

389
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:27,228
(WHISPERING): It's for you.

390
00:16:28,408 --> 00:16:30,565
Nope. Mm-mm.

391
00:16:32,806 --> 00:16:34,064
Hi.

392
00:16:36,257 --> 00:16:37,878
Uh-huh.

393
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,819
We'll be there first
thing in the morning.

394
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:45,136
Yes, ma'am, I do need
to work on my attitude.

395
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:52,001
You want to tell me
what just happened here?

396
00:16:52,504 --> 00:16:56,151
(LAUGHING): It's funny because I thought

397
00:16:56,176 --> 00:16:57,682
you were doing something,

398
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,351
but you were actually just being honest.

399
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:04,272
I hide M&M's in a book.

400
00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:09,110
I guess we got ourselves worked
up for nothing out there, huh?

401
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:13,197
Ah, what are you gonna do, right?

402
00:17:16,604 --> 00:17:18,385
Although, after your
behavior on the phone,

403
00:17:18,410 --> 00:17:20,354
I shouldn't be too surprised
about your daughter.

404
00:17:20,356 --> 00:17:21,922
And I'll tell you something else.

405
00:17:21,924 --> 00:17:23,591
Kissing boys is a perfect example

406
00:17:23,593 --> 00:17:27,178
of why we discourage these
ridiculous princess obsessions.

407
00:17:29,830 --> 00:17:30,798
Stop looking at me.

408
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,510
You're making my ear hot.

409
00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:37,168
All right, listen.

410
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,973
We need to go in
together and talk to Emme

411
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,068
about this boy-kissing business. Okay?

412
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:42,693
Now, I know we both made some mistakes.

413
00:17:42,718 --> 00:17:45,863
Well, I made a mistake and then
you made a much bigger mistake.

414
00:17:47,273 --> 00:17:49,317
(MUTTERS) The important thing is

415
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:52,153
that when we talk to Emme we
do it bubble-free. No lies.

416
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:54,238
Agreed. But it's a shame, you know?

417
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,574
I mean, the bubble and I had a good run.

418
00:17:56,792 --> 00:17:58,959
- (CHUCKLES DARKLY)
- Oh. Um...

419
00:17:58,989 --> 00:18:02,163
well, I should tell you
that guys in tank tops

420
00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:04,248
don't really get more speeding tickets.

421
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,168
(GASPS) I knew it.

422
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:09,170
Summer can't come fast enough.

423
00:18:11,041 --> 00:18:12,218
Hey, sweetie.

424
00:18:12,252 --> 00:18:14,948
Hey, Emme. Uh...

425
00:18:16,705 --> 00:18:19,513
we talked to your principal today and...

426
00:18:20,209 --> 00:18:22,418
it's not okay to kiss boys.

427
00:18:22,499 --> 00:18:24,935
But I was just looking for my prince.

428
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:25,903
I know, honey.

429
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,599
But those princess stories,

430
00:18:27,624 --> 00:18:28,406
they're-they're just made-up.

431
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,242
You can't act like that in real life.

432
00:18:31,584 --> 00:18:32,709
Why?

433
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,665
Because little girls are strong, too,

434
00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:40,034
and it's better if
they stand on their own.

435
00:18:40,229 --> 00:18:41,435
Why?

436
00:18:44,876 --> 00:18:47,168
Because it's a big
world out there, okay?

437
00:18:47,176 --> 00:18:50,689
And the only thing that
you can really depend on

438
00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:52,863
is your own self-respect.

439
00:18:53,461 --> 00:18:54,659
Why?

440
00:18:58,042 --> 00:18:59,376
Because Snow White called

441
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,055
and said you were being
too cute in your dress

442
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,807
and made her look bad.

443
00:19:03,918 --> 00:19:05,335
- That makes sense.
- Mm.

444
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,231
Welcome back to the bubble.

445
00:19:17,209 --> 00:19:18,543
How about this?

446
00:19:18,584 --> 00:19:19,793
You get rid of the chair

447
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,275
and I'll talk to Teddy
about using deodorant.

448
00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:24,207
Doesn't bother me.

449
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:26,955
His smell is just my
smell on a little kid.

450
00:19:27,238 --> 00:19:29,155
Okay, how about this?

451
00:19:29,486 --> 00:19:33,736
You and I can have sex, lots of sex.

452
00:19:34,265 --> 00:19:35,977
Already having it. You
like it as much as me.

453
00:19:36,002 --> 00:19:37,266
Try again.

454
00:19:37,836 --> 00:19:39,384
(GASPS) I got it.

455
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:42,172
You get rid of the chair, I'll
move the furniture off the patio

456
00:19:42,197 --> 00:19:45,224
and you can put in
a big built-in grill.

457
00:19:45,616 --> 00:19:46,948
Huh?

458
00:19:50,876 --> 00:19:51,898
- Deal.
- Ah.

459
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,115
(CHUCKLES)

460
00:19:53,396 --> 00:19:55,926
So, uh, what are you
gonna do with the chair?

461
00:19:55,951 --> 00:19:57,236
Well, I'll just

462
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,621
put it out on the curb and
hope it finds a good home.

463
00:19:59,623 --> 00:20:02,151
(SCOFFS) What kind of
nitwit would take that?

464
00:20:02,176 --> 00:20:03,222
(CHUCKLES)

465
00:20:05,394 --> 00:20:08,747
(CHUCKLES) There's the sweet spot.

466
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:12,394
No.

467
00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:14,959
Okay, I'll give up the
recliner if you agree...

468
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,994
Honey, it's me or the chair.

469
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:19,224
I'm gonna miss you, baby.

470
00:20:19,226 --> 00:20:20,475
Don.

471
00:20:20,477 --> 00:20:21,549
I was talking to the chair.

472
00:20:21,574 --> 00:20:23,073
Ugh.

473
00:20:24,584 --> 00:20:26,335
I wasn't talking to you.

474
00:20:27,603 --> 00:20:32,603
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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