1
00:00:03,045 --> 00:00:06,413
(HONKING HORN LOUDLY)
2
00:00:06,816 --> 00:00:09,060
All right, all right.
3
00:00:09,085 --> 00:00:11,718
Hey, Dad, there's this new thing
people are doing these days.
4
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,586
It's called knocking.
5
00:00:13,588 --> 00:00:15,488
I'm old, you come to me.
6
00:00:16,658 --> 00:00:18,758
Listen, I'm on my way to buy a new car.
7
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,493
I'm gonna use the Burns system.
8
00:00:20,495 --> 00:00:22,929
The Burns car buying system is a legend.
9
00:00:22,931 --> 00:00:25,498
- Yeah.
- Your dad handed it down to you,
10
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:29,035
and then you handed it
down to, well, my brother.
11
00:00:29,037 --> 00:00:31,471
Well, this time I want you
in the showroom with me.
12
00:00:31,473 --> 00:00:33,273
Wh... you and me?
13
00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:34,641
You always do it with Don.
14
00:00:34,643 --> 00:00:35,842
Oh, not today.
15
00:00:35,844 --> 00:00:38,078
Oh, is Don sick?
16
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,412
Are you coming or not?
17
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,842
Let me just go tell
Andi we're heading out.
18
00:00:40,867 --> 00:00:42,248
(CLEARS THROAT)
19
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:43,883
(CAR HORN BLARING)
20
00:00:43,885 --> 00:00:46,019
All right, I'm hurrying.
21
00:00:46,021 --> 00:00:48,088
Adam, look what Emme just brought down
22
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:49,689
from her room. I-It's a snake!
23
00:00:49,691 --> 00:00:51,024
ADAM: What? Emme,
24
00:00:51,026 --> 00:00:53,195
we don't allow weird pets in the house
25
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,187
ever since I accidentally
drank Teddy's sea monkeys.
26
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,555
Put him back in there.
27
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,327
- But he's cute.
- No, no, no, honey.
28
00:00:58,352 --> 00:00:59,618
You're cute,
29
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:00,959
'cause you have cute little ears,
30
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,195
and your cute little hands
and your cute little feet.
31
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,596
Snake's got none of that.
32
00:01:04,961 --> 00:01:05,864
ANDI: Yeah.
33
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:08,200
Yeah, he's just a
legless killing machine.
34
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:10,368
They go for the
eyeballs first, you know.
35
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:12,571
Honey, you have to get rid of it.
36
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,539
I can't. Dad's outside,
he just invited me
37
00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:16,208
to do the Burns system with him.
38
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:17,809
Oh, is Don sick?
39
00:01:19,947 --> 00:01:21,713
No, no, he wants me.
40
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:24,249
After years of having to wait
in the car and watch them do it,
41
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:27,586
today I get to finally
go inside the showroom.
42
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,855
- I'm moving up!
- Okay.
43
00:01:29,857 --> 00:01:32,157
Look, I'm all for you
bonding with your dad,
44
00:01:32,159 --> 00:01:34,659
but, you know, this is your job, okay?
45
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:36,895
You handle the creepy-crawlies.
46
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:39,097
What? It's just a harmless corn snake.
47
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,532
You can do this.
48
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:43,832
You are a strong,
independent woman, okay?
49
00:01:43,857 --> 00:01:45,924
And in the name of women's liberation,
50
00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:49,777
I will not... no, no, I cannot
51
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,375
do something that you
can do on your own.
52
00:01:52,377 --> 00:01:54,043
- (CAR HORN HONKS)
- Gotta go.
53
00:01:54,045 --> 00:01:55,578
Wait, you mean... whoa!
54
00:01:55,580 --> 00:01:57,113
You're really going to
leave me here with a snake?
55
00:01:57,115 --> 00:01:58,899
Equal rights!
56
00:02:04,489 --> 00:02:05,889
Emme, where'd you even get that thing?
57
00:02:05,891 --> 00:02:08,191
I traded it for a Twinkie at school.
58
00:02:09,661 --> 00:02:12,429
Honey, y-you can't
keep that gross snake.
59
00:02:12,431 --> 00:02:13,763
He's not gross.
60
00:02:13,765 --> 00:02:16,248
His name is Brian and I love him.
61
00:02:19,746 --> 00:02:23,949
What if I traded you two
Twinkies for that snake?
62
00:02:25,511 --> 00:02:27,402
So long, Brian.
63
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,720
All right, this is the one.
64
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,995
Now we just have to make the deal.
65
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,097
I can't believe I'm here,
doing the Burns system.
66
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:47,432
I've been on the bench so long
67
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:48,900
and you finally put me in the game.
68
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,869
I won't let you down, Coach.
69
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:52,504
Settle down, Sally.
70
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,862
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
71
00:02:53,887 --> 00:02:55,240
There's the salesman.
72
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:57,575
Now, here's what we
do: you be the good cop,
73
00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:00,436
I'll be the grouchy-old-man-
who-hates-everything cop.
74
00:03:00,461 --> 00:03:02,280
Roger that, partner. (CHUCKLES)
75
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:03,815
I don't need to do that.
76
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:05,984
She's a beaut, isn't she?
77
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,485
This one's loaded.
78
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:09,498
It's got radar cruise
control and parking assist.
79
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,291
It can park itself.
80
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,283
Sounds like it doesn't
need me. Let's go.
81
00:03:13,285 --> 00:03:15,175
W-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
82
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,420
Ea-Ease up, Dad. He's
just doing his job.
83
00:03:17,422 --> 00:03:19,730
Sorry about that.
He's-he's pretty tough.
84
00:03:19,755 --> 00:03:20,724
Tell us more.
85
00:03:20,726 --> 00:03:21,991
Well, this is our first model
86
00:03:21,993 --> 00:03:24,222
with a completely digital dashboard.
87
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:25,542
There's no ignition.
88
00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:26,696
Where does the key go?
89
00:03:26,698 --> 00:03:29,065
There's actually no key, just a fob.
90
00:03:29,498 --> 00:03:31,181
You're a fob.
91
00:03:32,244 --> 00:03:34,501
He likes to make the names
of things into insults.
92
00:03:34,526 --> 00:03:37,574
(CHUCKLES): Yeah. Yesterday,
he called me a doorbell.
93
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:39,110
(CHUCKLES)
94
00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:40,610
Well, I should tell
you about the Bluetooth.
95
00:03:40,612 --> 00:03:42,074
You're a Bluetooth.
96
00:03:42,378 --> 00:03:44,307
Reggie. It's actually Reggie.
97
00:03:44,332 --> 00:03:45,447
- (CHUCKLES)
- Hey, Dad,
98
00:03:45,472 --> 00:03:47,372
why don't you, uh,
have a seat? Let me talk
99
00:03:47,397 --> 00:03:49,263
to this guy for a second, huh?
100
00:03:51,755 --> 00:03:53,823
Hey, listen, uh,
101
00:03:53,825 --> 00:03:56,378
neither of us wants to spend our
whole Saturday dealing with him.
102
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,128
Okay? So we need to be on the same team.
103
00:03:58,130 --> 00:04:00,169
Thanks. You think we can
get him to take a test drive?
104
00:04:00,194 --> 00:04:02,108
'Cause that's where I shine.
105
00:04:02,319 --> 00:04:05,187
Definitely. I mean, you're gonna
have to throw in chrome wheels
106
00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,211
if we buy the car.
107
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:07,716
I can swing that.
108
00:04:07,741 --> 00:04:09,966
Good, good. Oh, and, also,
you're gonna need to take him
109
00:04:09,991 --> 00:04:11,374
to a drive-through and
buy us some breakfast.
110
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:14,010
He needs to see if he can eat
and drive at the same time.
111
00:04:14,012 --> 00:04:16,323
I don't have any cash. Oh, don't worry.
112
00:04:16,348 --> 00:04:17,557
We'll take you to an ATM.
113
00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:19,409
- (SIGHS)
- Reggie, Reggie,
114
00:04:19,434 --> 00:04:21,378
I don't want to see you lose this sale.
115
00:04:21,545 --> 00:04:22,978
Okay.
116
00:04:23,003 --> 00:04:24,025
I'll grab the fob.
117
00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:26,332
I mean the key. We'll call it a key.
118
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,322
I like you, Reggie.
119
00:04:28,347 --> 00:04:29,559
I knew right away you were special.
120
00:04:30,328 --> 00:04:31,961
(CHUCKLES)
121
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:35,732
How'd it go?
122
00:04:35,757 --> 00:04:37,005
You get the chrome wheels?
123
00:04:37,030 --> 00:04:39,436
Not only that... I got
him to throw in breakfast.
124
00:04:39,438 --> 00:04:43,003
Oh! Oh, Donny never did that.
125
00:04:43,028 --> 00:04:44,879
Welcome to the bigs, son.
126
00:04:44,904 --> 00:04:47,010
Yeah.
127
00:04:47,012 --> 00:04:47,967
What's the matter?
128
00:04:47,992 --> 00:04:49,992
I-I just got something in my eye.
129
00:04:54,821 --> 00:04:56,296
Look at him.
130
00:04:57,078 --> 00:04:59,222
Just staring at me.
131
00:05:00,016 --> 00:05:02,325
Trying to figure out how to
get all of me in his mouth.
132
00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:05,077
So what are you gonna do with it?
133
00:05:05,102 --> 00:05:07,076
Well, how 'bout this?
134
00:05:07,101 --> 00:05:08,634
I leave the room,
135
00:05:08,659 --> 00:05:11,026
and then you take care
of it however you want.
136
00:05:11,794 --> 00:05:13,353
And, uh, if I hear the blender,
137
00:05:13,378 --> 00:05:14,744
no judgments.
138
00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:17,855
I am not blending your snake, okay?
139
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,009
I am not touching that thing at all.
140
00:05:20,011 --> 00:05:21,377
Well, I don't want to touch it either.
141
00:05:21,379 --> 00:05:22,973
Well, then we're stuck.
142
00:05:23,301 --> 00:05:24,807
What happened to me?
143
00:05:24,832 --> 00:05:26,783
You know? I mean, I-I
used to take care of
144
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:30,004
all the creepy-crawlies
before I got married.
145
00:05:30,051 --> 00:05:31,721
And I was good at it.
146
00:05:32,004 --> 00:05:34,104
I think having a husband's made me soft.
147
00:05:34,129 --> 00:05:35,425
Oh.
148
00:05:35,427 --> 00:05:36,326
That's not good.
149
00:05:36,328 --> 00:05:37,627
I read on the Internet that,
150
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:40,563
in ten years, there won't
be any men left at all.
151
00:05:42,734 --> 00:05:44,715
They carry their phones
in their front pocket,
152
00:05:44,740 --> 00:05:46,231
and the radiation is turning them all
153
00:05:46,256 --> 00:05:48,130
into a bunch of Ken dolls.
154
00:05:50,412 --> 00:05:53,676
(GROANS) I've never gotten
sick from a test drive before.
155
00:05:53,678 --> 00:05:56,379
I do panic stops to make
sure the brakes work.
156
00:05:57,349 --> 00:05:59,118
Hey, thanks again for breakfast.
157
00:05:59,143 --> 00:06:01,050
Sorry you couldn't keep yours down.
158
00:06:01,347 --> 00:06:03,244
I don't trust a guy with a weak stomach.
159
00:06:03,269 --> 00:06:06,036
- Let's go to the dealer next door.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
160
00:06:08,036 --> 00:06:09,870
Okay, listen, you're losing him.
161
00:06:09,895 --> 00:06:12,529
You're gonna have to sweeten the
pot with an extended warranty.
162
00:06:12,669 --> 00:06:14,602
Okay. Okay, I'll see what I can do.
163
00:06:14,627 --> 00:06:16,308
Great, great. And on your
way back, don't be afraid
164
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:18,133
to bring us some of your fancy coffees.
165
00:06:18,158 --> 00:06:20,818
All right? He gets sleepy
after a big breakfast.
166
00:06:20,843 --> 00:06:22,709
- All right.
- And maybe get yourself a mint.
167
00:06:25,487 --> 00:06:27,443
This is going great. He's
agreeing to everything.
168
00:06:27,445 --> 00:06:30,159
Yeah! And here comes phase two.
169
00:06:30,184 --> 00:06:32,417
- Oh, what's phase two?
- Donny.
170
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:34,717
What's he doing here?
171
00:06:34,719 --> 00:06:36,052
I called in a closer.
172
00:06:36,054 --> 00:06:39,117
Closer? Dad, I can be a closer.
173
00:06:39,461 --> 00:06:41,453
I'm here. Where's the mark?
174
00:06:42,515 --> 00:06:44,178
Why don't you mind your own business?
175
00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:45,483
Lowell, are you part of this?
176
00:06:45,508 --> 00:06:47,120
I've just heard so much
about the Burns system,
177
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:48,444
I had to see it in person.
178
00:06:48,469 --> 00:06:49,699
Did you come to watch, too?
179
00:06:50,933 --> 00:06:52,733
No! I'm doing it.
180
00:06:52,758 --> 00:06:54,350
I was here first.
181
00:06:54,375 --> 00:06:56,806
Oh, good, there's more of you.
182
00:06:56,808 --> 00:07:00,053
This is my older son.
He's a real car expert.
183
00:07:00,078 --> 00:07:03,186
That's right. I've been riding
in cars since I was a kid.
184
00:07:03,211 --> 00:07:04,710
Started in the backseat.
185
00:07:04,735 --> 00:07:07,107
Did so well, they moved me up front.
186
00:07:08,419 --> 00:07:10,253
I thought we were doing great together.
187
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:12,889
Yeah. Just watch him
work. The kid is a star.
188
00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:15,718
Hey, let me ask you something.
189
00:07:15,743 --> 00:07:19,161
- Are there any ghosts in that car?
- What?
190
00:07:19,186 --> 00:07:21,655
Is the car ghost-free?
It's a basic question, man.
191
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,901
You seem like the kind of guy
that might sell me a ghost car.
192
00:07:25,618 --> 00:07:27,303
Where does he get this stuff?
193
00:07:27,328 --> 00:07:30,545
From me. You know how much
time we spend together.
194
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:35,929
ANDI: Okay, well,
195
00:07:35,931 --> 00:07:37,748
I called the zoo, I
called the pet store.
196
00:07:37,773 --> 00:07:38,889
Nobody wants Brian.
197
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,700
And most of the people I talked to
198
00:07:40,702 --> 00:07:42,335
tried to get me to take their snakes.
199
00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:45,805
I guess we leave the snake
here and you just move.
200
00:07:45,807 --> 00:07:48,074
It's Brian's house now.
201
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:50,485
No, he's going to the pet store, okay?
202
00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:53,546
We'll just take him out of
the box and we'll sneak him in.
203
00:07:53,548 --> 00:07:55,681
How are we gonna get the
snake from here to the store
204
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:58,050
if neither one of us wants to touch it?
205
00:07:58,052 --> 00:08:01,954
(GASPS) I know. We'll sneak
him in there in my other purse.
206
00:08:01,956 --> 00:08:04,023
It's snakeskin.
207
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,358
(GASPS)
208
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,123
He'll feel right at home.
209
00:08:07,412 --> 00:08:09,778
Okay. All right. So...
210
00:08:09,803 --> 00:08:10,863
(GROANS) Ew.
211
00:08:11,021 --> 00:08:12,420
Uh...
212
00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:16,168
Okay, Brian, jump on in.
213
00:08:16,170 --> 00:08:18,070
Come on. (WHISTLES)
214
00:08:18,072 --> 00:08:19,673
Come on. You can do it, boy!
215
00:08:19,698 --> 00:08:20,873
Come on. (WHISTLES)
216
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,508
- Come on!
- Yeah, I don't think
217
00:08:22,510 --> 00:08:24,823
snakes follow directions
without a flute.
218
00:08:27,142 --> 00:08:28,962
Okay. Well, uh...
219
00:08:28,987 --> 00:08:30,320
you hold the purse.
220
00:08:30,838 --> 00:08:32,047
- (SNIFFS)
- (GROANS)
221
00:08:32,072 --> 00:08:33,552
- All right, ready?
- Ugh.
222
00:08:34,111 --> 00:08:35,087
Here goes nothing.
223
00:08:35,089 --> 00:08:36,371
(GROANS)
224
00:08:37,825 --> 00:08:40,559
- (GROANS)
- (MOANING)
225
00:08:41,449 --> 00:08:42,762
We did it!
226
00:08:42,764 --> 00:08:44,063
Yeah.
227
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,032
- (PANTING)
- Huh. All right.
228
00:08:46,034 --> 00:08:49,345
- (CHUCKLES)
- Good job, us. (CHUCKLES)
229
00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:52,171
There's an old Twizzler in there.
230
00:08:53,274 --> 00:08:55,548
Oh, maybe he'll fall in love.
231
00:08:57,868 --> 00:09:00,765
All right. All Dad has to do
is sign on the dotted line.
232
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:01,747
You can thank me later.
233
00:09:01,937 --> 00:09:04,250
Whatever. We were
doing fine without you.
234
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:06,285
Hey, you got your dad a great car.
235
00:09:06,287 --> 00:09:08,788
Does it diminish it just
because your brother helped?
236
00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:10,856
Yes!
237
00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:13,059
Don't you know how family works?
238
00:09:13,317 --> 00:09:14,559
JOE: Forget it.
239
00:09:14,584 --> 00:09:15,786
I'm not signing this.
240
00:09:15,811 --> 00:09:16,662
What happened?
241
00:09:16,664 --> 00:09:19,532
None of your Bluetooth business, fobbo.
242
00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:21,348
Is that part of the system?
243
00:09:21,373 --> 00:09:23,569
Who knows? Nobody tells me anything.
244
00:09:23,571 --> 00:09:25,337
This is definitely new.
245
00:09:25,339 --> 00:09:26,272
I'm leaving.
246
00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:27,573
- What?
- Yeah.
247
00:09:27,575 --> 00:09:28,641
What about the car?
248
00:09:28,643 --> 00:09:29,775
I don't need a car.
249
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:31,477
I don't know, Dad. I
liked that car, too.
250
00:09:31,479 --> 00:09:32,745
Who asked you?
251
00:09:32,747 --> 00:09:34,447
Dad, this is me, Donny.
252
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,517
That's the voice you use for Adam.
253
00:09:36,931 --> 00:09:38,918
Okay, I think we should
all just settle down.
254
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:39,901
You want a piece of this?
255
00:09:39,926 --> 00:09:41,244
No, sir.
256
00:09:42,023 --> 00:09:44,486
How can I have a piece of it
when I'm all the way over there?
257
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:46,385
Just tell me what happened.
258
00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:48,408
I don't have to tell you anything.
259
00:09:48,627 --> 00:09:49,662
What, are you waiting for me to leave
260
00:09:49,664 --> 00:09:51,430
so you can tell your number one son?
261
00:09:51,432 --> 00:09:53,599
He's too emotional. I should
have left him in the car.
262
00:09:53,601 --> 00:09:55,768
Okay, you know what? I'm leaving.
263
00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:57,436
I wasted my whole
Saturday because I wanted
264
00:09:57,438 --> 00:09:59,238
to get closer to you.
But I'm through trying.
265
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,340
Maybe you two can go to Six
Flags together again, huh?
266
00:10:01,342 --> 00:10:03,075
Which I know you took him
to, even though you said
267
00:10:03,077 --> 00:10:04,465
you were going to the doctor.
268
00:10:04,490 --> 00:10:06,757
Nobody comes home from a
checkup with cotton candy.
269
00:10:08,116 --> 00:10:09,782
(EXHALES)
270
00:10:09,981 --> 00:10:12,017
I told you to ditch the cotton candy,
271
00:10:12,019 --> 00:10:13,886
but you had to be a show-off.
272
00:10:13,888 --> 00:10:16,489
It was my half-birthday.
273
00:10:16,814 --> 00:10:18,324
Just take me home, Donny.
274
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,728
(SCOFFS)
275
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,627
They left?
276
00:10:21,629 --> 00:10:23,429
I think something went
wrong with their system.
277
00:10:23,431 --> 00:10:25,197
Oh, they have a system?
278
00:10:25,703 --> 00:10:27,700
Teach it to me.
279
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,069
I-I shouldn't.
280
00:10:30,071 --> 00:10:31,670
I've already said too much.
281
00:10:32,023 --> 00:10:35,453
We can offer you
complimentary flavored Perrier.
282
00:10:40,133 --> 00:10:41,351
Okay.
283
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,865
Well, hello.
284
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:53,325
Hi. (CHUCKLES)
285
00:10:53,327 --> 00:10:55,661
Uh, we are shopping for a snake.
286
00:10:55,663 --> 00:10:57,974
Ah, so you're snakies like me.
287
00:10:57,999 --> 00:11:00,566
Sure, yeah. Love snakes.
288
00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:02,668
H-H-How they don't
have feet and stuff.
289
00:11:02,670 --> 00:11:05,146
(CHUCKLES) So, uh, so where are they?
290
00:11:05,171 --> 00:11:08,908
Okay, my serpent friends are
chilling along the back wall.
291
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:11,343
It's a, uh, cold-blooded joke.
292
00:11:11,345 --> 00:11:14,380
(LAUGHS) That's terrifying.
293
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,116
Um, do-do... uh, if you don't mind,
294
00:11:17,118 --> 00:11:18,417
we'd like a moment alone to browse.
295
00:11:18,419 --> 00:11:19,518
Yeah, of course.
296
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:20,869
- Okay.
- Great.
297
00:11:22,504 --> 00:11:23,689
All right, all right, all right,
298
00:11:23,691 --> 00:11:25,024
- let's get rid of this thing.
- Okay.
299
00:11:25,730 --> 00:11:27,754
Adios, Brian.
300
00:11:28,299 --> 00:11:29,645
Hey.
301
00:11:31,866 --> 00:11:33,599
You're trying to leave a snake.
302
00:11:33,601 --> 00:11:37,203
This happens every time
a woman comes in here.
303
00:11:37,205 --> 00:11:38,748
(GASPS) Look, another woman.
304
00:11:42,498 --> 00:11:43,742
Brian?
305
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:46,312
What? Where is he?
306
00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:47,580
I think we both closed our eyes
307
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:48,899
when you were putting him in your purse.
308
00:11:48,924 --> 00:11:50,705
I'll bet he never made it in.
309
00:11:51,634 --> 00:11:53,945
That means there's a
snake loose in my house.
310
00:11:53,970 --> 00:11:56,734
Ooh. Sounds like my kind of house.
311
00:11:57,392 --> 00:11:58,057
(CLEARS THROAT)
312
00:11:58,059 --> 00:11:59,458
Okay, a little tip.
313
00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:01,193
Um, you're creepy. Stop it.
314
00:12:05,730 --> 00:12:08,150
Hey. How was car shopping with Grandpa?
315
00:12:08,175 --> 00:12:10,002
All right, listen, guys.
316
00:12:10,004 --> 00:12:12,738
I just want you to know that
I love all of you equally.
317
00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:14,473
If I take one of you to Six Flags,
318
00:12:14,475 --> 00:12:16,308
I take all of you to Six Flags.
319
00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:18,177
We're going to Six Flags?
320
00:12:18,915 --> 00:12:20,715
No, no, it's too expensive
to take all of you.
321
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:21,940
Go read a book.
322
00:12:24,399 --> 00:12:25,828
(SIGHS)
323
00:12:29,435 --> 00:12:30,781
(SCOFFS)
324
00:12:32,326 --> 00:12:34,326
Where is the remote?
325
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:42,836
Aah!
326
00:12:52,951 --> 00:12:54,647
(LAUGHING): Yeah.
327
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,435
You better run.
328
00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:00,131
That scream was a war cry.
329
00:13:02,981 --> 00:13:05,524
It's been 20 minutes and
there's still no sign of Brian.
330
00:13:06,071 --> 00:13:06,945
Wait.
331
00:13:06,970 --> 00:13:08,837
Can a snake climb stairs?
332
00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:10,680
Let's say no.
333
00:13:11,376 --> 00:13:12,798
I can't find him.
334
00:13:12,977 --> 00:13:14,800
We may need to buy a hawk.
335
00:13:15,848 --> 00:13:17,903
Okay, let's just sit down and look like
336
00:13:17,905 --> 00:13:19,886
we're not paying attention
and then, you know,
337
00:13:19,911 --> 00:13:21,006
maybe Brian'll come out
338
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:23,542
and, you know, try to murder us.
339
00:13:24,489 --> 00:13:25,589
Hey.
340
00:13:25,614 --> 00:13:27,546
How was your big,
special day with your dad?
341
00:13:27,548 --> 00:13:29,348
Ugh. He brought Don in,
342
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:31,550
so I think it was
their big, special day.
343
00:13:31,552 --> 00:13:33,652
Aw. I'm sorry, honey.
344
00:13:33,654 --> 00:13:35,087
Ah, it's okay.
345
00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:36,121
I'm fine.
346
00:13:36,327 --> 00:13:37,956
I'm the number two son.
347
00:13:37,958 --> 00:13:41,193
If I'm that guy, I'm that guy.
348
00:13:41,504 --> 00:13:43,395
And being number two is not bad.
349
00:13:43,684 --> 00:13:45,097
No, like Batman and Robin.
350
00:13:45,099 --> 00:13:46,598
Sure, Batman gets all the glory,
351
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,467
but Robin... (CHUCKLES)
352
00:13:50,449 --> 00:13:53,672
Who am I kidding? Robin sucks.
353
00:13:53,674 --> 00:13:56,108
Adam, you've got to tell
your dad how you feel.
354
00:13:56,110 --> 00:13:59,172
Look, I can't have a real
conversation with that guy.
355
00:13:59,197 --> 00:14:01,313
You know, emotional
stuff's your department.
356
00:14:01,587 --> 00:14:03,434
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
357
00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:04,992
I'm not great at your stuff, either.
358
00:14:05,017 --> 00:14:07,152
I mean, being married has made me soft.
359
00:14:07,154 --> 00:14:09,455
I mean, you do all
the yucky stuff for me.
360
00:14:09,457 --> 00:14:10,656
But I thought you liked that.
361
00:14:10,658 --> 00:14:13,093
Well, I did, but now I just...
362
00:14:13,118 --> 00:14:15,361
I'm a little disappointed
in myself, you know?
363
00:14:15,363 --> 00:14:16,829
I don't understand
why I can't... (GASPS)
364
00:14:16,831 --> 00:14:17,796
Adam, there's Brian.
365
00:14:17,798 --> 00:14:19,184
- Get him. Get him.
- Okay.
366
00:14:19,209 --> 00:14:20,366
Uh...
367
00:14:21,514 --> 00:14:23,512
- No.
- What?
368
00:14:23,537 --> 00:14:24,782
Pick up that snake, Andi.
369
00:14:24,807 --> 00:14:25,973
This is your moment.
370
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,537
- What? No, it's not.
- Yeah.
371
00:14:27,881 --> 00:14:29,641
You want to do it, right? So do it.
372
00:14:29,643 --> 00:14:30,609
Well, I can't.
373
00:14:30,611 --> 00:14:32,764
Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
374
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:33,979
You remember when Teddy was little,
375
00:14:33,981 --> 00:14:35,214
and his nose was all stuffed up
376
00:14:35,216 --> 00:14:36,448
and you had to pull all that gunk out?
377
00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:37,983
And it just kept coming and coming
378
00:14:37,985 --> 00:14:39,952
and coming like a magician's scarf?
379
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,187
Huh? Only it wasn't a scarf.
380
00:14:42,189 --> 00:14:44,490
It was a snot snake.
381
00:14:44,492 --> 00:14:47,159
That's much worse than a real snake.
382
00:14:47,435 --> 00:14:48,594
I did do that.
383
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,929
Yes, you did and you can do this.
384
00:14:51,872 --> 00:14:52,998
Yeah.
385
00:14:53,989 --> 00:14:54,739
Okay.
386
00:14:54,764 --> 00:14:55,918
- Yeah.
- I'm doing it.
387
00:14:55,943 --> 00:14:56,902
Okay.
388
00:14:57,544 --> 00:14:59,344
- I'm doing it right now.
- Yeah.
389
00:15:02,374 --> 00:15:03,599
You got to get a little closer.
390
00:15:03,624 --> 00:15:05,144
Oh.
391
00:15:05,843 --> 00:15:06,849
Okay.
392
00:15:06,874 --> 00:15:08,814
- Hey, little buddy.
- Come on.
393
00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:10,571
I'm gonna pick you up now.
394
00:15:11,212 --> 00:15:12,584
Here I come.
395
00:15:13,196 --> 00:15:15,664
Stay away from my eyeballs.
396
00:15:15,689 --> 00:15:16,488
Aah.
397
00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:18,090
Look at you.
398
00:15:18,092 --> 00:15:20,025
I know. I did it.
399
00:15:20,027 --> 00:15:21,860
- (LAUGHS)
- I did it!
400
00:15:21,862 --> 00:15:23,662
Oh, sorry, Brian.
401
00:15:24,999 --> 00:15:28,421
Aw. Hey, you know what?
402
00:15:28,843 --> 00:15:30,269
He is kind of cute.
403
00:15:30,271 --> 00:15:31,499
- Mm.
- (CHUCKLES)
404
00:15:31,820 --> 00:15:33,896
Hey, maybe we could keep him.
405
00:15:33,921 --> 00:15:34,947
What does he eat?
406
00:15:34,972 --> 00:15:36,238
Dead baby mice.
407
00:15:36,263 --> 00:15:37,453
So long, Brian.
408
00:15:38,091 --> 00:15:39,606
There you go.
409
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:43,582
Hi, Andi.
410
00:15:43,584 --> 00:15:44,783
Hey, Joe.
411
00:15:44,785 --> 00:15:46,581
Enough small talk. Let's eat.
412
00:15:47,581 --> 00:15:48,751
You know,
413
00:15:48,776 --> 00:15:51,156
any time you make my
mother's beef stew recipe,
414
00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:52,224
I come running.
415
00:15:52,226 --> 00:15:53,651
I do know that.
416
00:15:53,676 --> 00:15:55,360
And I-I told a little fib.
417
00:15:55,362 --> 00:15:57,262
Yeah, you're not here to have beef stew.
418
00:15:57,264 --> 00:15:59,565
You're here to have feelings with Adam.
419
00:16:00,611 --> 00:16:01,892
What?
420
00:16:02,103 --> 00:16:04,470
I smell Grandma's beef stew.
421
00:16:04,472 --> 00:16:06,267
(CHUCKLES) Wait.
422
00:16:07,970 --> 00:16:09,163
What's he doing here?
423
00:16:09,214 --> 00:16:10,247
ANDI: I called your father
424
00:16:10,279 --> 00:16:12,080
over here because, you know,
425
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,545
you helped me with my thing,
426
00:16:13,547 --> 00:16:16,148
so now I'm gonna help you with yours.
427
00:16:16,173 --> 00:16:18,650
- (GROANS)
- This is your moment.
428
00:16:18,652 --> 00:16:21,119
(WHISPERING): Pick up that snake.
429
00:16:22,595 --> 00:16:23,694
I don't want to.
430
00:16:23,719 --> 00:16:25,691
Ah, no talking, no stew.
431
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:27,693
All right? I will dump
this in the sink right now.
432
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,928
Okay, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
433
00:16:33,055 --> 00:16:34,224
Let me see it.
434
00:16:35,936 --> 00:16:37,186
(GROANS)
435
00:16:39,059 --> 00:16:40,842
Damn, that looks good.
436
00:16:42,537 --> 00:16:44,543
Okay, fine.
437
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,078
Okay.
438
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,880
Then I will leave you to it.
439
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:51,581
And if I don't hear
feelings, the stew gets it.
440
00:17:02,317 --> 00:17:03,983
You got something to say to me?
441
00:17:04,008 --> 00:17:05,975
You got something to say to me?
442
00:17:07,468 --> 00:17:09,197
Okay, fine. I'll start.
443
00:17:11,986 --> 00:17:14,473
I thought we were gonna do the
Burns system just the two of us,
444
00:17:14,475 --> 00:17:16,427
like you and Don always did.
445
00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,694
Then you brought him in and...
446
00:17:19,613 --> 00:17:21,446
I got my feelings hurt.
447
00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:23,515
That's what the yelling was all about?
448
00:17:23,517 --> 00:17:26,634
The Burns system was
never a two-man operation.
449
00:17:26,702 --> 00:17:28,287
Well, then who else was in it?
450
00:17:28,289 --> 00:17:30,455
Some other guy I don't even know about?
451
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,093
You!
452
00:17:32,118 --> 00:17:33,501
You were the kid in the car
453
00:17:33,526 --> 00:17:35,454
that had a baseball game to get to.
454
00:17:35,479 --> 00:17:37,663
You were our clock to rush the guy.
455
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,831
Then why did Don
always get to go inside?
456
00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:41,900
It had to be you inside the car.
457
00:17:41,902 --> 00:17:44,136
Nobody's gonna feel sorry
for Don sitting out there
458
00:17:44,138 --> 00:17:47,773
with his head sticking out of
the sun roof like a giraffe.
459
00:17:50,309 --> 00:17:51,643
So I was in it.
460
00:17:51,645 --> 00:17:52,794
Yeah.
461
00:17:54,148 --> 00:17:57,049
There was never a Burns
system without you.
462
00:18:01,924 --> 00:18:03,430
I see.
463
00:18:04,407 --> 00:18:05,641
What's the matter?
464
00:18:06,492 --> 00:18:09,962
I got something in my eye again.
465
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:12,230
Must be allergy season. Yeah.
466
00:18:12,255 --> 00:18:13,332
You got something in your eye, too?
467
00:18:13,334 --> 00:18:14,733
No.
468
00:18:16,037 --> 00:18:17,135
I'm just
469
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:19,271
sorry that we didn't close the deal.
470
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:20,539
Yeah, what happened back there?
471
00:18:20,541 --> 00:18:21,640
Why didn't you buy the car?
472
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,175
It's not important.
473
00:18:24,511 --> 00:18:26,539
Andi, Dad won't tell
me what he's feeling.
474
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:29,682
All right. All... all right.
475
00:18:30,667 --> 00:18:33,185
The thing is, when I
went to close the deal,
476
00:18:33,187 --> 00:18:37,117
the salesman said that that car
would last me a good 15 years.
477
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,194
So?
478
00:18:38,219 --> 00:18:41,531
So, I-I realized this
might be my last car.
479
00:18:42,117 --> 00:18:43,648
It just kind of hit me.
480
00:18:44,672 --> 00:18:46,289
Oh.
481
00:18:49,203 --> 00:18:52,270
Well... I get it.
482
00:18:54,077 --> 00:18:55,708
It happens.
483
00:18:56,747 --> 00:18:59,458
I fell asleep sitting in a
chair at Ikea the other day.
484
00:19:00,935 --> 00:19:02,581
That's not something a young man does.
485
00:19:02,583 --> 00:19:03,729
(CHUCKLES)
486
00:19:03,754 --> 00:19:06,556
Listen, napping is one
of the perks of old age.
487
00:19:06,581 --> 00:19:08,420
We should go to a
baseball game together.
488
00:19:08,422 --> 00:19:11,003
That's a good three
and a half hour siesta.
489
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,595
- Hey, I got an idea.
- Huh?
490
00:19:16,992 --> 00:19:18,597
Let's lease you a car.
491
00:19:18,599 --> 00:19:20,399
Those only last a couple years.
492
00:19:20,401 --> 00:19:22,601
Oh, I like the sound of that.
493
00:19:22,775 --> 00:19:23,874
Good.
494
00:19:23,899 --> 00:19:25,232
Yeah, good.
495
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:27,662
Listen, um,
496
00:19:27,687 --> 00:19:30,124
don't tell Don about what I-I told you.
497
00:19:30,149 --> 00:19:32,678
He doesn't like to talk
about feelings like you do.
498
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:33,836
Oh.
499
00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:36,033
Because you guys aren't
as close as we are?
500
00:19:36,058 --> 00:19:40,828
No. Because he lacks your
overabundance of lady hormones.
501
00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,723
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
502
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,915
Aw, I'm really proud of you both.
503
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,052
Hey. Here, look at me.
504
00:19:53,357 --> 00:19:55,610
Say "feelings."
505
00:19:57,380 --> 00:19:59,513
Oh! That's going on the Christmas card
506
00:19:59,515 --> 00:20:01,349
and you can't stop me.
507
00:20:01,351 --> 00:20:04,390
She's bossy, but she
sure makes a fine stew.
508
00:20:04,733 --> 00:20:06,601
Well, she's good at a lot of things.
509
00:20:06,626 --> 00:20:08,608
You should see her handle a snake.
510
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:16,564
I don't want to hear
about your private life.
511
00:20:20,999 --> 00:20:22,728
- What's happening?
- ANDI: Hey, Don.
512
00:20:23,218 --> 00:20:25,606
It's stew night and nobody called me?
513
00:20:26,171 --> 00:20:27,652
Come on. There's plenty.
514
00:20:27,677 --> 00:20:30,450
Already picked out most
of the good stuff, anyway.
515
00:20:34,761 --> 00:20:36,328
What's wrong with you?
516
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,252
I just bought a car.
517
00:20:41,291 --> 00:20:43,291
The salesman offered me free Perrier
518
00:20:43,293 --> 00:20:44,659
and the next thing I
know, I'm driving home
519
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:47,061
in a new 15-passenger van.
520
00:20:49,365 --> 00:20:51,927
I don't even know 15 people.
521
00:20:52,380 --> 00:20:57,380
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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