1
00:00:02,648 --> 00:00:04,644
- (LAUGHTER)
- This is such a fun way
2
00:00:04,646 --> 00:00:06,947
to celebrate you guys
finishing the mini-mall.
3
00:00:06,949 --> 00:00:08,968
Hey, did Lisa say what
our next project is?
4
00:00:08,993 --> 00:00:10,684
- Mm-mm.
- I hope it's a water park.
5
00:00:10,686 --> 00:00:11,952
I love a lazy river.
6
00:00:11,954 --> 00:00:13,586
You don't have to get out to pee.
7
00:00:14,389 --> 00:00:16,456
ALL: Yes, you do.
8
00:00:17,081 --> 00:00:19,059
Look, Lisa's gonna tell
us about our next project
9
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:22,295
when she gets here,
and she said it is big.
10
00:00:22,297 --> 00:00:24,464
I'm feeling so good,
I splurged on lobster.
11
00:00:24,466 --> 00:00:26,066
Andi, we're lobster people.
12
00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,600
You married good.
13
00:00:27,602 --> 00:00:28,702
(MOUTHS)
14
00:00:28,704 --> 00:00:29,536
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
15
00:00:29,538 --> 00:00:31,108
Oh, that's Lisa.
16
00:00:33,813 --> 00:00:35,313
- Hey.
- Hi.
17
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:38,021
Oh, look at all the people.
18
00:00:38,046 --> 00:00:39,679
That means small talk,
19
00:00:39,681 --> 00:00:42,849
which my therapist
urged me to try, so...
20
00:00:42,851 --> 00:00:45,952
How about sports, huh?
21
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,022
You're so good at that.
22
00:00:49,024 --> 00:00:50,957
Uh, h-hey, come on in.
Come on in. Have a seat.
23
00:00:50,959 --> 00:00:53,693
We were just talking about
the next big project coming up.
24
00:00:53,695 --> 00:00:55,829
Oh, well, I have great news about that.
25
00:00:55,831 --> 00:00:59,199
The next project I
will be working on is...
26
00:00:59,201 --> 00:01:00,767
myself!
27
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,535
I'm going on sabbatical.
28
00:01:02,537 --> 00:01:04,830
I hope that's the name of a water slide.
29
00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:08,353
It's a long-term break to
get my life back in order.
30
00:01:08,477 --> 00:01:09,943
Long-term break?
31
00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:12,145
Uh, so what are we gonna be building?
32
00:01:12,147 --> 00:01:13,513
Well, I don't know about you two,
33
00:01:13,515 --> 00:01:15,982
but I'll be building a new me.
34
00:01:15,984 --> 00:01:19,519
She might have to take that
thing down to the studs.
35
00:01:19,908 --> 00:01:23,156
Uh, Lisa, you said there'd be
more work after the mini-mall.
36
00:01:23,158 --> 00:01:24,390
We're depending on you.
37
00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:26,116
- We let all of our other clients go.
- Yeah.
38
00:01:26,141 --> 00:01:27,494
You can't do this to me.
39
00:01:27,496 --> 00:01:29,229
If I'm home all day,
my wife will make me
40
00:01:29,231 --> 00:01:30,730
take the kids to Mommy and Me.
41
00:01:30,732 --> 00:01:33,266
They don't even have
a men's restroom there.
42
00:01:34,372 --> 00:01:36,083
Okay, fun party.
43
00:01:36,810 --> 00:01:38,442
Wish me luck on my journey.
44
00:01:38,467 --> 00:01:39,633
It's gonna be like that book,
45
00:01:39,658 --> 00:01:41,591
a whole "eat, pray, drink" thing.
46
00:01:42,391 --> 00:01:45,045
I-I think it's Eat, Pray, Love.
47
00:01:45,047 --> 00:01:46,646
Not when I do it.
48
00:01:50,430 --> 00:01:52,085
We just lost our jobs.
49
00:01:52,087 --> 00:01:53,657
(SIGHS)
50
00:01:56,271 --> 00:01:57,912
I can't sleep.
51
00:02:00,595 --> 00:02:01,628
I can't sleep!
52
00:02:01,630 --> 00:02:03,830
- What?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
53
00:02:03,832 --> 00:02:06,533
Did I wake you? I-I can't sleep.
54
00:02:06,535 --> 00:02:10,036
But we did the thing that
usually puts you right to sleep.
55
00:02:11,907 --> 00:02:15,113
Yeah, but I kept thinking about Lisa.
56
00:02:15,138 --> 00:02:16,876
Afterward. Afterward.
57
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:19,712
This whole situation with her,
58
00:02:19,714 --> 00:02:21,003
it's my fault.
59
00:02:21,028 --> 00:02:22,382
Well, how do you figure?
60
00:02:22,384 --> 00:02:24,084
She's the crazy one.
61
00:02:24,086 --> 00:02:25,852
Yeah, but I'm the one
who put all our eggs
62
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:27,654
in her crazy basket.
63
00:02:27,751 --> 00:02:30,090
I convinced Don to
give up our other work.
64
00:02:30,092 --> 00:02:31,954
Oh, Don's fine. Okay?
65
00:02:31,979 --> 00:02:34,761
And don't forget I'm
bringing in money now, too.
66
00:02:34,763 --> 00:02:36,029
- Hmm.
- I mean,
67
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,797
not as much as if I were a man,
68
00:02:37,799 --> 00:02:40,733
but I'm just happy you guys let me vote.
69
00:02:43,451 --> 00:02:45,772
Are we doing women's rights,
or are we gonna do my thing?
70
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:49,442
- Okay. Go ahead.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
71
00:02:50,465 --> 00:02:53,012
There's 20 guys on the crew
that are unemployed now,
72
00:02:53,014 --> 00:02:54,647
and they all have families.
73
00:02:54,649 --> 00:02:56,516
One of them has a secret second family.
74
00:02:56,518 --> 00:02:58,428
That's expensive.
75
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:00,954
Yeah, but you were doing bathrooms
76
00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:02,655
and kitchens before Lisa.
77
00:03:02,657 --> 00:03:04,257
You can just go back to that.
78
00:03:04,259 --> 00:03:05,592
But that takes time.
79
00:03:05,594 --> 00:03:06,759
You know? Residential stuff
80
00:03:06,761 --> 00:03:08,461
is all word of mouth,
81
00:03:08,463 --> 00:03:09,996
and for the last year, we've been saying
82
00:03:09,998 --> 00:03:11,197
we're out of that business.
83
00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:13,466
I... (SIGHS) I don't know, Andi.
84
00:03:13,468 --> 00:03:15,335
You know what, just go back to sleep.
85
00:03:16,538 --> 00:03:17,694
(JINGLE PLAYING)
86
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:19,939
WOMAN: ♪ Go ahead and
get drunk as a skunk ♪
87
00:03:19,941 --> 00:03:22,542
♪ We'll get you out of jail! ♪
88
00:03:22,544 --> 00:03:23,616
MAN: Call me!
89
00:03:23,641 --> 00:03:25,411
If I don't get you out of jail,
90
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:28,148
I'll do the time!
91
00:03:28,150 --> 00:03:30,183
That song's catchy.
92
00:03:31,153 --> 00:03:32,785
That guy is such a bozo,
93
00:03:32,787 --> 00:03:34,934
but his business is going great.
94
00:03:34,959 --> 00:03:36,856
I saw him at the car
wash driving a Corvette
95
00:03:36,858 --> 00:03:38,291
with two hot blondes in it.
96
00:03:38,293 --> 00:03:39,106
(CHUCKLES)
97
00:03:39,131 --> 00:03:41,561
And I felt sorry for him
98
00:03:41,563 --> 00:03:42,629
because he thinks
99
00:03:42,631 --> 00:03:44,697
- he's happy. (SCOFFS)
- Yeah.
100
00:03:44,699 --> 00:03:45,865
You know, maybe he's doing so well
101
00:03:45,867 --> 00:03:47,066
because he has that commercial.
102
00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:48,801
- (SCOFFS)
- (GASPS)
103
00:03:49,283 --> 00:03:50,637
You should make one.
104
00:03:50,639 --> 00:03:53,273
Me? Really?
105
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,440
You'd be great.
106
00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:56,276
Yeah, you're very charismatic.
107
00:03:56,489 --> 00:03:58,397
Well, you may have a point there.
108
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:01,915
When I see myself on the
security TV at 7-Eleven,
109
00:04:01,917 --> 00:04:05,385
I think, "That guy is
stealing nothing but hearts."
110
00:04:06,832 --> 00:04:08,629
Yeah. So do a commercial.
111
00:04:08,654 --> 00:04:10,584
It could bring in a lot of business.
112
00:04:10,609 --> 00:04:12,142
Yeah.
113
00:04:12,827 --> 00:04:14,727
- Thanks, honey.
- You're welcome.
114
00:04:15,134 --> 00:04:16,676
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
115
00:04:19,668 --> 00:04:22,035
You know who wouldn't have
come up with that idea?
116
00:04:22,255 --> 00:04:24,155
Two blondes in a Corvette.
117
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:25,505
Yeah.
118
00:04:25,507 --> 00:04:27,407
- But they have other things they do.
- Eh.
119
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,612
Okay, I looked into it.
120
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,257
Our last payment for the mini-mall
121
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,982
will cover the cost of the commercial,
122
00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,517
including airtime.
123
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,285
I don't know how good I'll be on camera.
124
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,454
I've never taken a single
picture with my eyes open.
125
00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:51,360
My wedding album
126
00:04:51,385 --> 00:04:53,266
looks like Weekend at Bernie's.
127
00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:55,268
Well, just follow my lead.
128
00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:56,903
You've seen me at 7-Eleven.
129
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,805
I light up the screen.
130
00:04:59,648 --> 00:05:01,475
I can shoot it. I've
got a pro-grade camera
131
00:05:01,477 --> 00:05:02,609
and a green screen.
132
00:05:02,611 --> 00:05:03,910
Jen and I like to film ourselves
133
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:07,214
doing role-play against
exotic backgrounds.
134
00:05:07,216 --> 00:05:08,682
Weird guy's got a little spark
135
00:05:08,684 --> 00:05:10,370
- to him, huh?
- (CHUCKLES)
136
00:05:10,395 --> 00:05:12,095
No, it's nothing dirty.
137
00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:13,453
Just soft erotica
138
00:05:13,455 --> 00:05:16,056
with the occasional
lightsaber battle thrown in.
139
00:05:16,058 --> 00:05:18,125
Okay, I'm gonna stop you
right there. Okay? Yeah?
140
00:05:18,127 --> 00:05:20,127
- Uh-huh. Sure.
- Enough?
141
00:05:20,129 --> 00:05:21,628
Okay. All right, let's think.
142
00:05:21,630 --> 00:05:23,830
All right, we'll have 15 seconds
143
00:05:23,832 --> 00:05:25,986
to sell people on Burns
Brothers Construction.
144
00:05:26,011 --> 00:05:27,488
What's our message?
145
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:30,564
All right.
146
00:05:30,589 --> 00:05:32,606
We open on a puppy.
147
00:05:32,608 --> 00:05:34,574
Widen to reveal a girl in a bikini
148
00:05:34,576 --> 00:05:36,618
is holding the puppy.
149
00:05:36,643 --> 00:05:38,242
And then... whoosh...
150
00:05:38,267 --> 00:05:40,534
"Burns Brothers Construction."
151
00:05:42,418 --> 00:05:43,683
I don't hate it.
152
00:05:43,685 --> 00:05:45,585
I'd call after that.
153
00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:49,487
That has nothing to
do with our business.
154
00:05:49,512 --> 00:05:51,630
W-Why don't we just say...
155
00:05:52,232 --> 00:05:54,761
we do quality work at a fair price.
156
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,584
- I like that.
- Hmm?
157
00:05:56,609 --> 00:05:58,316
And to show how low our prices are,
158
00:05:58,341 --> 00:06:00,273
we'll run away from cartoon dollar signs
159
00:06:00,298 --> 00:06:02,165
with the slogan... whoosh...
160
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:04,438
"We hate money."
161
00:06:04,862 --> 00:06:06,111
Who says, "We hate money"?
162
00:06:06,136 --> 00:06:08,475
The puppy or the dame?
163
00:06:09,683 --> 00:06:10,704
ANDI: I feel so bad
164
00:06:10,729 --> 00:06:13,033
for Adam. He was tossing
and turning all night.
165
00:06:13,058 --> 00:06:15,055
(CHUCKLES) Don slept like a baby.
166
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:16,750
When he gets stressed,
his body shuts down
167
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,510
like those goats that tip over.
168
00:06:19,744 --> 00:06:21,243
You know, I'm thinking
169
00:06:21,268 --> 00:06:23,266
about asking my boss for a raise.
170
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:24,918
I mean, I'm the breadwinner now,
171
00:06:24,943 --> 00:06:27,115
so it'd be great if I could,
172
00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:29,359
you know, win a little more bread.
173
00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:31,865
Do it. Demand a raise.
174
00:06:31,867 --> 00:06:35,235
Yeah, but I'm really bad
at awkward conversations.
175
00:06:35,237 --> 00:06:36,570
I mean, I lose my nerve,
176
00:06:36,572 --> 00:06:39,072
and then I just start
to laugh like an idiot.
177
00:06:39,074 --> 00:06:41,842
Isn't part of your job telling
people their blood test results?
178
00:06:41,844 --> 00:06:44,244
Yeah. Yeah, I-I've giggled my way
179
00:06:44,246 --> 00:06:45,899
through some real tough calls.
180
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:47,948
Oh, there's my boss.
181
00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:50,183
Oh, good. Now's the time. Do it now.
182
00:06:50,185 --> 00:06:51,367
Really? Now?
183
00:06:51,392 --> 00:06:52,998
Yeah. I got your back.
184
00:06:53,256 --> 00:06:55,455
Hey, Bob, come join us.
185
00:06:55,761 --> 00:06:57,127
She said that.
186
00:06:58,327 --> 00:07:00,594
Oh, boy. Okay.
187
00:07:00,596 --> 00:07:02,829
- Hey, Andi.
- Hey, Bob.
188
00:07:02,831 --> 00:07:04,197
The boss.
189
00:07:04,565 --> 00:07:06,628
The "Boboss."
190
00:07:07,936 --> 00:07:09,916
Um, I was wondering
191
00:07:09,941 --> 00:07:11,304
if, uh, I could talk to you
192
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:15,069
about some bread-related issues I'm...
193
00:07:15,094 --> 00:07:17,410
(LAUGHING, SNORTS)
194
00:07:17,412 --> 00:07:18,979
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
195
00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:20,447
You-you all right?
196
00:07:20,449 --> 00:07:21,581
Sure, I'm great.
197
00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:23,601
- (LAUGHS, SNORTS)
- Yeah.
198
00:07:23,626 --> 00:07:26,953
No, she's just happy 'cause
she is such a good worker.
199
00:07:26,955 --> 00:07:29,696
I'd sure hate to hear that
she isn't being taken care of.
200
00:07:29,993 --> 00:07:31,291
I'm sorry, who are you?
201
00:07:31,293 --> 00:07:32,492
Well, you don't know me.
202
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,406
But, uh, my husband's on
the board at the hospital.
203
00:07:34,431 --> 00:07:35,996
- Oh, he is? What's his name?
- Mm-hmm.
204
00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:37,864
Yeah, you're not gonna know his name.
205
00:07:37,866 --> 00:07:38,832
No.
206
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:39,900
That's how high up he is.
207
00:07:39,902 --> 00:07:41,034
He's with, um...
208
00:07:41,036 --> 00:07:42,602
Mitch and Glenn's people.
209
00:07:42,908 --> 00:07:44,341
Who are Mitch and Glenn?
210
00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:47,040
(LAUGHING, SNORTING)
211
00:07:47,412 --> 00:07:49,075
I can't feel my feet.
212
00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:50,710
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
213
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:54,714
There are my stars. Okay.
214
00:07:54,716 --> 00:07:56,505
Let's make some TV history.
215
00:07:56,530 --> 00:07:57,996
Remember to keep it clean, Lowell.
216
00:07:58,021 --> 00:08:00,522
This isn't one of your space pornos.
217
00:08:01,925 --> 00:08:03,490
Oh, Don's so nervous.
218
00:08:03,492 --> 00:08:06,192
I just hope he doesn't go
full goat and fall over.
219
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:08,257
ANDI: Don't worry.
220
00:08:08,282 --> 00:08:09,518
Adam will help him.
221
00:08:09,543 --> 00:08:11,298
And we're rolling.
222
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,635
Okay. Hey, don't worry.
223
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,627
- You got this, okay?
- Yeah. Okay.
224
00:08:15,652 --> 00:08:17,823
You start us off, and
I'll bring it home.
225
00:08:17,848 --> 00:08:19,191
- All right. Yeah.
- All right?
226
00:08:19,216 --> 00:08:20,975
- We're good.
- Right, we're ready.
227
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,200
LOWELL: And action.
228
00:08:24,646 --> 00:08:26,823
Hi. My name is Don Burns,
229
00:08:26,848 --> 00:08:28,955
and I own Burns Brothers Construction
230
00:08:28,980 --> 00:08:30,784
along with my brother, Adam.
231
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,882
Cut.
232
00:08:37,994 --> 00:08:39,526
Uh-oh.
233
00:08:39,551 --> 00:08:41,528
We're gonna need a puppy.
234
00:08:42,543 --> 00:08:44,105
Okay, let's try it again.
235
00:08:44,130 --> 00:08:45,165
Uh, Adam,
236
00:08:45,167 --> 00:08:47,183
maybe put your hands in
your pockets this time
237
00:08:47,208 --> 00:08:50,604
and try not to look like
you're falling out of a plane.
238
00:08:50,951 --> 00:08:52,727
Take 16.
239
00:08:52,752 --> 00:08:54,407
Only getting better. (CHUCKLES)
240
00:08:54,494 --> 00:08:56,695
LOWELL: And action.
241
00:08:58,013 --> 00:09:00,113
Hi. My name is Don Burns,
242
00:09:00,115 --> 00:09:02,838
and I own Burns Brothers Construction
243
00:09:02,863 --> 00:09:04,705
along with my brother, Adam.
244
00:09:04,730 --> 00:09:06,052
Ha ha.
245
00:09:06,089 --> 00:09:08,888
You said it, Donald.
246
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:12,151
Can we say "cut"? Because
somebody should say it.
247
00:09:13,073 --> 00:09:13,760
Cut.
248
00:09:13,957 --> 00:09:15,578
Nailed it.
249
00:09:20,130 --> 00:09:21,729
Look at them, Don.
250
00:09:21,849 --> 00:09:23,657
They're starstruck.
251
00:09:25,821 --> 00:09:27,209
Poor Adam.
252
00:09:27,685 --> 00:09:29,254
What happened out there?
253
00:09:29,279 --> 00:09:31,192
Before we started, he was Tom Cruise.
254
00:09:31,217 --> 00:09:34,052
As soon as I said "action,"
he turned into Rain Man.
255
00:09:35,317 --> 00:09:36,783
I mean, was he that bad?
256
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,379
It felt bad, but I thought
the camera would fix it.
257
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:42,088
The camera adds weight, not talent.
258
00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:45,602
Look, we're gonna have
to break it to Adam,
259
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:47,327
but I can't do it on my own.
260
00:09:47,329 --> 00:09:50,593
You saw how bad I am at
awkward conversations.
261
00:09:50,618 --> 00:09:51,531
I mean,
262
00:09:51,533 --> 00:09:52,832
Don, you'll help, right?
263
00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:54,100
Absolutely. We're family.
264
00:09:54,102 --> 00:09:55,755
- We'll all do it together.
- ANDI: Okay.
265
00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:57,856
ADAM: Hey, I found some
champagne in the garage!
266
00:09:57,881 --> 00:09:59,180
Okay, here he comes.
267
00:09:59,327 --> 00:10:01,442
All right, stay calm, Andi.
268
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,076
(LAUGHS, SNORTS) Oh.
269
00:10:03,453 --> 00:10:04,685
Don!
270
00:10:05,347 --> 00:10:06,604
You said you would help.
271
00:10:06,629 --> 00:10:08,581
That's called "acting."
272
00:10:08,583 --> 00:10:10,116
Hey, whoa, w-where's everybody going?
273
00:10:10,118 --> 00:10:11,818
- I got a thing.
- I'm going to his thing.
274
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,620
- I married the thing.
- I don't want to be here,
275
00:10:13,622 --> 00:10:15,622
and I don't care who knows it.
276
00:10:17,777 --> 00:10:19,859
Oh, well. More champagne for us.
277
00:10:19,861 --> 00:10:22,428
- Good. Drinking is a good idea.
- Yeah.
278
00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:24,164
Uh, because, um, yeah,
279
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:25,732
I-I kind of need to tell you something.
280
00:10:25,734 --> 00:10:28,501
Yeah, well, go ahead.
I love compliments.
281
00:10:28,503 --> 00:10:30,170
(BOTH LAUGH)
282
00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:33,807
Um, okay, uh...
283
00:10:34,462 --> 00:10:37,187
Well, about the commercial...
284
00:10:37,212 --> 00:10:39,445
I just... I just think that...
285
00:10:39,447 --> 00:10:42,182
(LAUGHING)
286
00:10:42,184 --> 00:10:45,518
(SNORTING AND LAUGHING)
287
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,320
Oh.
288
00:10:47,819 --> 00:10:50,490
Uh-oh. You're doing your thing.
289
00:10:51,569 --> 00:10:54,027
Okay, you don't have to say
it, 'cause I felt it, too.
290
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:55,195
Oh.
291
00:10:55,975 --> 00:10:57,397
Don kind of stinks.
292
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:00,099
Oh, boy.
293
00:11:00,101 --> 00:11:01,534
But I think Lowell can fix that.
294
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,469
He'll just focus more on me.
295
00:11:04,225 --> 00:11:06,629
Okay. How do I explain this to you?
296
00:11:06,654 --> 00:11:08,041
Um... Oh.
297
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:11,291
Hey, remember how at all
of our friends' weddings,
298
00:11:11,316 --> 00:11:13,533
I used to get up and sing
"Wind Beneath My Wings"
299
00:11:13,558 --> 00:11:14,814
'cause I thought I was a good singer?
300
00:11:14,816 --> 00:11:16,749
And then, finally, you had to wrestle me
301
00:11:16,751 --> 00:11:19,018
into the ladies room at
the Hilton and explain to me
302
00:11:19,020 --> 00:11:22,488
that I was ruining
people's most precious day?
303
00:11:22,912 --> 00:11:25,213
(CHUCKLING): Yeah. Yeah.
304
00:11:27,207 --> 00:11:28,970
Still nothing?
305
00:11:29,839 --> 00:11:32,660
Okay. Well, honey...
306
00:11:32,685 --> 00:11:34,278
(LAUGHS) Uh,
307
00:11:34,303 --> 00:11:36,836
we are in the Hilton ladies room,
308
00:11:36,838 --> 00:11:40,306
and you're about to be
crying by the tampon machine.
309
00:11:41,599 --> 00:11:43,496
This is nothing like that.
310
00:11:43,521 --> 00:11:46,512
Everyone knew you were
a bad singer but you.
311
00:11:46,514 --> 00:11:47,780
(LAUGHING)
312
00:11:47,782 --> 00:11:50,650
Whereas in my case, uh... Oh.
313
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,423
I'm sorry.
314
00:11:55,761 --> 00:11:56,656
Huh.
315
00:11:57,799 --> 00:11:59,030
(LAUGHS)
316
00:11:59,055 --> 00:12:01,581
I kind of pictured this going
in a different direction.
317
00:12:02,276 --> 00:12:03,863
I thought we'd do a
bunch of commercials,
318
00:12:03,888 --> 00:12:07,790
and then Terry Bradshaw
would see it and be my friend.
319
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,437
Well, I'm still your friend.
320
00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:13,524
You know, it's fine.
321
00:12:13,549 --> 00:12:14,969
- It's fine.
- Oh.
322
00:12:14,994 --> 00:12:16,943
I-I'm sorry, honey.
I-I know it's tough.
323
00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,703
Oh, no, no. Hey, hey,
324
00:12:18,728 --> 00:12:20,213
it needed to be said.
325
00:12:20,330 --> 00:12:21,353
Right?
326
00:12:21,378 --> 00:12:23,927
I'm no actor. Big deal.
327
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:27,937
The important thing is
that the commercial is good.
328
00:12:28,210 --> 00:12:30,723
- Yeah.
- So I will give Lowell a call
329
00:12:30,725 --> 00:12:34,999
and tell him he needs
to find a better... me.
330
00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:37,350
I think he knows.
331
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,156
I like our new Adam. You
could really be brothers.
332
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,747
Yeah. It's nice that you're tall.
333
00:12:46,749 --> 00:12:48,309
We could high-five, and I
don't have to crouch down.
334
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:49,882
Whoa-oh! (LAUGHTER)
335
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:54,114
Uh-oh. Adam, you're here.
336
00:12:54,139 --> 00:12:55,736
Didn't you get the e-mail I sent you...
337
00:12:55,761 --> 00:12:58,378
Subject line: "Maybe stay in the house"?
338
00:12:58,456 --> 00:13:00,993
It's fine. This commercial is
important to Burns Brothers,
339
00:13:01,018 --> 00:13:03,297
so I think I should meet
the guy who's playing me.
340
00:13:03,322 --> 00:13:05,219
That's not gonna be
uncomfortable for you?
341
00:13:05,244 --> 00:13:06,766
What? No.
342
00:13:06,791 --> 00:13:08,836
I rise above. That's what I do.
343
00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:12,517
That's the spirit. Hey, New Adam?
344
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,305
- Yeah.
- I'd like you to meet someone.
345
00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:16,711
Oh, great. Is this who
I give my lunch order to?
346
00:13:18,008 --> 00:13:21,914
No. No, this is Adam Burns,
the person you're playing.
347
00:13:22,031 --> 00:13:25,120
It's okay, Lowell. Like
I said, I rise above.
348
00:13:25,122 --> 00:13:27,222
Also, there's no budget for lunch.
349
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:28,757
I have a cherry ChapStick.
350
00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:30,759
You can nibble on that later.
351
00:13:32,624 --> 00:13:36,020
Uh, so, uh, New Adam,
uh, what's your name?
352
00:13:36,045 --> 00:13:37,899
- I'm Leif Forrest.
- I'm sorry?
353
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,502
Leif... Forrest.
354
00:13:43,006 --> 00:13:46,501
(LAUGHING)
355
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:48,192
(LAUGHTER)
356
00:13:48,217 --> 00:13:49,811
Okay, I'm gonna... I'm
gonna go back over there,
357
00:13:49,813 --> 00:13:52,380
'cause it's easier to
rise above back over there.
358
00:13:52,382 --> 00:13:53,548
(LAUGHS)
359
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,483
ANDI: Bob,
360
00:13:55,485 --> 00:13:58,275
yesterday, I had to have
a very awkward conversation
361
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,354
- with my husband, and...
- Yes.
362
00:13:59,356 --> 00:14:02,587
I realized that it's something
I can do if I have to.
363
00:14:02,612 --> 00:14:03,892
So...
364
00:14:03,894 --> 00:14:05,721
can I have a raise?
365
00:14:06,129 --> 00:14:08,049
I'll let you in on a little secret.
366
00:14:08,159 --> 00:14:10,432
Our hospital's getting
bought by SuperMed,
367
00:14:10,434 --> 00:14:13,168
and they said they have
big plans for our lab.
368
00:14:13,170 --> 00:14:15,670
I have a call with them
later to finalize the details,
369
00:14:15,672 --> 00:14:18,659
and when I do, you're
gonna get that raise.
370
00:14:18,684 --> 00:14:20,339
- Really?!
- (LAUGHING): Yes.
371
00:14:20,364 --> 00:14:22,544
Oh, thank you, Bob.
372
00:14:23,510 --> 00:14:25,378
I am so proud of myself.
373
00:14:25,518 --> 00:14:26,913
I didn't even snort on you.
374
00:14:26,938 --> 00:14:27,615
(BOTH LAUGHING)
375
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:29,417
Well, we're both happy about that.
376
00:14:29,419 --> 00:14:30,752
(BOTH LAUGHING)
377
00:14:30,754 --> 00:14:32,220
(SNORTING) Damn it!
378
00:14:32,222 --> 00:14:33,188
Yeah.
379
00:14:34,750 --> 00:14:36,057
All right, let's get started.
380
00:14:36,059 --> 00:14:40,286
Burns Brothers Commercial,
Episode II: A New Hope.
381
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,897
Take one. Action.
382
00:14:43,310 --> 00:14:44,886
Hi. My name is Don Burns,
383
00:14:44,911 --> 00:14:46,860
and I own Burns Brothers Construction,
384
00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:48,418
along with my brother Adam.
385
00:14:48,443 --> 00:14:49,671
Here at Burns Brothers,
386
00:14:49,673 --> 00:14:52,307
we know you need quality
work at low prices.
387
00:14:52,309 --> 00:14:54,943
- Cut!
- No. No, no.
388
00:14:54,945 --> 00:14:58,190
You don't say "cut." I
say "cut." Cut. Now it's official.
389
00:14:58,696 --> 00:15:01,249
Leif, you're doing great so far,
but I just wanted to point out,
390
00:15:01,251 --> 00:15:04,252
you're saying "quality
work at low prices."
391
00:15:04,254 --> 00:15:08,503
- Yeah.
- It's quali-TEE work at low PRI-ces.
392
00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:12,628
But nobody talks like that.
393
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,396
I'm just trying to help, you know?
394
00:15:14,398 --> 00:15:17,966
You've never actually built
a mini-mall, but I have, so...
395
00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:21,469
Well, I went to six weeks of acting
classes in a mini-mall,
396
00:15:21,471 --> 00:15:23,530
so, I know what I'm doing.
397
00:15:24,085 --> 00:15:25,173
LOWELL: Okay, okay.
398
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:27,976
Adam... TV Adam... let's
just give it another try.
399
00:15:30,884 --> 00:15:32,347
Are you sure this guy's better than me?
400
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:35,016
Yes! Sorry. Yes.
401
00:15:36,938 --> 00:15:38,784
And action.
402
00:15:38,947 --> 00:15:40,655
Hi. My name is Don Burns,
403
00:15:40,657 --> 00:15:42,609
and I own Burns Brothers Construction,
404
00:15:42,634 --> 00:15:44,367
along with my brother Adam.
405
00:15:44,392 --> 00:15:46,561
- Here at Burns Brothers...
- ADAM: Cut!
406
00:15:48,165 --> 00:15:49,597
Why are you making that face?
407
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,099
I wasn't making a face.
408
00:15:52,124 --> 00:15:53,435
Oh, sorry, sorry.
409
00:15:53,437 --> 00:15:55,303
I... I thought you were
making a stupid face.
410
00:15:55,305 --> 00:15:56,704
It's just regular, you guys.
411
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,473
It's just his regular face.
412
00:16:01,723 --> 00:16:04,159
And... action.
413
00:16:04,184 --> 00:16:05,749
Hi. I'm Don Burns, and...
414
00:16:05,774 --> 00:16:07,174
Cut.
415
00:16:07,199 --> 00:16:08,409
LOWELL: Adam, what are you doing?
416
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:10,218
Just one second. I think
I can help this guy.
417
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,953
Cut. Son of a biscuit!
418
00:16:11,955 --> 00:16:13,221
Okay. Uh...
419
00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:16,024
You're playing me. Right? Okay?
420
00:16:16,049 --> 00:16:17,719
I am not this.
421
00:16:19,618 --> 00:16:21,663
All right? I am this.
422
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:25,007
Okay, that's it.
423
00:16:25,032 --> 00:16:26,801
I can't work with this guy.
424
00:16:26,803 --> 00:16:28,970
Uh-oh. Looks like we have
425
00:16:28,972 --> 00:16:31,190
a diva on our hands.
426
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:32,373
Let's get you a snack.
427
00:16:32,375 --> 00:16:35,343
Do you eat snacks, or do
you just do push-ups, or...?
428
00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:38,646
- What is with you?
- What?
429
00:16:38,648 --> 00:16:40,348
Look, we need this
commercial to be good,
430
00:16:40,350 --> 00:16:42,851
and Forrest Gump over there
isn't bringing the magic.
431
00:16:43,652 --> 00:16:44,975
And that's it?
432
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,599
Well, yeah. What else would there be?
433
00:16:46,624 --> 00:16:48,524
Oh, come on, man. It's obvious.
434
00:16:48,549 --> 00:16:50,191
You feel threatened
435
00:16:50,448 --> 00:16:52,927
because Leif and I are very tall.
436
00:16:54,651 --> 00:16:56,097
I am normal height.
437
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,366
This is what people look like.
438
00:16:58,368 --> 00:17:00,401
And if I feel threatened,
it's because it's my fault
439
00:17:00,403 --> 00:17:02,103
our company's in trouble.
440
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,938
I feel like you're
losing confidence in me,
441
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:06,086
and now you have literally replaced me.
442
00:17:07,297 --> 00:17:09,110
That was my second guess.
443
00:17:09,922 --> 00:17:13,640
Wow. I think I just
unlocked something there.
444
00:17:14,914 --> 00:17:17,095
My neck feels so loose all of a sudden.
445
00:17:17,698 --> 00:17:21,174
Hey, what happened with
Lisa isn't your fault.
446
00:17:21,342 --> 00:17:23,542
We both screwed that up.
447
00:17:25,395 --> 00:17:27,262
Well, thanks for saying that.
448
00:17:27,264 --> 00:17:29,564
Hey, and you were a little right.
449
00:17:29,566 --> 00:17:31,933
Leif is very tall, and I don't love it.
450
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,335
Look,
451
00:17:34,997 --> 00:17:38,473
if you don't like that guy,
then I don't like that guy.
452
00:17:38,544 --> 00:17:41,339
Hey, Leif, you're out of here.
453
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,236
Wait. What? Why?
454
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:45,847
Because I'd rather make
the worst commercial ever
455
00:17:45,849 --> 00:17:47,715
with my brother than a great commercial
456
00:17:47,717 --> 00:17:50,351
with the most talented
man I've ever met.
457
00:17:51,408 --> 00:17:53,650
Don, you're firing this guy
458
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,557
when he didn't do a single thing wrong.
459
00:17:56,999 --> 00:17:58,694
You're a good brother.
460
00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:02,964
This is the most unprofessional
set I have ever been on.
461
00:18:02,966 --> 00:18:04,866
And I have been on three.
462
00:18:09,973 --> 00:18:12,270
Hey, welcome back.
463
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:14,275
Okay, gentlemen,
464
00:18:14,277 --> 00:18:16,044
let's make a terrible commercial.
465
00:18:16,069 --> 00:18:17,556
Come on.
466
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:22,399
Hi. My name is Don Burns,
467
00:18:22,424 --> 00:18:25,727
and my brother Adam and I own
Burns Brothers Construction.
468
00:18:25,752 --> 00:18:27,822
You want quality work at a low price.
469
00:18:27,824 --> 00:18:30,609
That's why we'll match
or beat our competition,
470
00:18:30,634 --> 00:18:34,228
because here at Burns Brothers,
not only do we love puppies...
471
00:18:36,232 --> 00:18:38,333
BOTH (YELLING): We hate money!
472
00:18:38,335 --> 00:18:40,635
(UPBEAT TUNE PLAYS)
473
00:18:40,637 --> 00:18:41,947
(WHOOSH, RUMBLE)
474
00:18:42,507 --> 00:18:43,905
I love it!
475
00:18:43,907 --> 00:18:46,287
Me not talking was a good idea.
476
00:18:46,312 --> 00:18:48,509
That puppy's got a hell
of a career ahead of him.
477
00:18:48,511 --> 00:18:50,411
- Yeah.
- We did it, brother, you and me.
478
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:52,113
- Yeah.
- Ah!
479
00:18:52,115 --> 00:18:54,003
"Good job, Lowell." "Good job, Lowell."
480
00:18:54,028 --> 00:18:56,168
"Oh, thank you. It's nice to hear."
481
00:18:56,207 --> 00:18:58,135
Great job, Lowell. Thank you.
482
00:18:58,160 --> 00:18:59,654
(DOOR OPENS, ADAM CHUCKLES)
483
00:18:59,656 --> 00:19:01,956
Hey, Andi, we finished our commercial.
484
00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:04,266
I think our troubles are finally...
485
00:19:04,291 --> 00:19:05,493
What's the matter?
486
00:19:05,495 --> 00:19:06,995
I just got laid off.
487
00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:08,997
- What?!
- Yeah. The...
488
00:19:08,999 --> 00:19:10,392
The hospital got bought,
489
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:13,117
and the new owners eliminated
our whole department.
490
00:19:13,142 --> 00:19:16,537
When Bob had his call with
them, they just fired all of us.
491
00:19:16,539 --> 00:19:19,586
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
492
00:19:20,344 --> 00:19:22,273
Whoa.
493
00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:26,581
Wow. I guess now neither
of us are working.
494
00:19:28,786 --> 00:19:31,529
Well, look at it this way.
495
00:19:31,554 --> 00:19:33,950
It's a good thing you guys hate money.
496
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:45,993
Okay, let's just try to think
about the good stuff, huh?
497
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,285
I mean, we have a lot
to be thankful for.
498
00:19:49,862 --> 00:19:51,238
Yeah, you're right.
499
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,274
We've got some money set aside,
500
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,875
and I've got no secret second family,
501
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:57,211
so we're saving money right there.
502
00:19:57,659 --> 00:20:00,680
Yeah, I think we're gonna be all right.
503
00:20:00,783 --> 00:20:02,078
Of course we will.
504
00:20:02,103 --> 00:20:05,171
Hey, I don't want you worrying.
505
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,124
You know what I just realized?
506
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,341
Hmm?
507
00:20:12,466 --> 00:20:15,654
I'm out of work, and you're out of work.
508
00:20:15,802 --> 00:20:19,500
So we're finally getting paid
the same for the same job.
509
00:20:19,502 --> 00:20:21,335
- (CHUCKLES)
- There's your equal rights.
510
00:20:21,337 --> 00:20:23,237
(CHUCKLING)
511
00:20:25,846 --> 00:20:28,376
WOMAN: ♪ Go ahead and
get drunk as a skunk ♪
512
00:20:28,378 --> 00:20:31,645
♪ We'll get you out of jail! ♪
513
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,115
- Damn, it is catchy.
- Mm.
514
00:20:34,117 --> 00:20:36,050
We should have done a jingle.
515
00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:37,336
What?
516
00:20:38,727 --> 00:20:43,727
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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