1
00:00:02,883 --> 00:00:05,317
Andi, is that you?

2
00:00:05,385 --> 00:00:06,980
Yeah.

3
00:00:07,005 --> 00:00:09,464
I'm in the bathroom
and I forgot my phone.

4
00:00:09,489 --> 00:00:12,056
Ask me some trivia questions.

5
00:00:12,526 --> 00:00:15,460
Okay, here's one:

6
00:00:15,529 --> 00:00:17,721
whose wife doesn't like talking to you

7
00:00:17,746 --> 00:00:19,412
while you're in the bathroom?

8
00:00:20,808 --> 00:00:22,941
But it's just me and my thoughts.

9
00:00:22,966 --> 00:00:25,300
It's like 1980 in here.

10
00:00:26,622 --> 00:00:28,655
Andi?

11
00:00:28,708 --> 00:00:30,371
Siri?

12
00:00:31,728 --> 00:00:34,028
Anybody?

13
00:00:34,097 --> 00:00:38,149
It's funny, you always want to
talk to me when I'm watching TV,

14
00:00:38,174 --> 00:00:40,307
but you know where
I'm a captive audience?

15
00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:42,933
The Admirals Club.

16
00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,341
I told you I had two
rules when we got married.

17
00:00:45,366 --> 00:00:49,302
All right? No cheating and no
talking to me from the bathroom.

18
00:00:49,327 --> 00:00:51,961
Oh, and if you do cheat, she's
not gonna like that, either.

19
00:00:54,016 --> 00:00:54,982
Hey, Mom?

20
00:00:55,007 --> 00:00:56,174
Since there's no school today,

21
00:00:56,198 --> 00:00:57,490
will you take me and my
friends dress shopping

22
00:00:57,514 --> 00:00:59,881
- for the spring formal?
- You mean drop you off?

23
00:00:59,906 --> 00:01:02,573
No, it has to pass dress code so
we need an old person's opinion.

24
00:01:03,820 --> 00:01:05,648
It'll only take, like,
four or five hours.

25
00:01:05,673 --> 00:01:08,540
Well, I can't think of a reason why not.

26
00:01:08,648 --> 00:01:10,014
Unfortunately.

27
00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:11,866
Is Dylan going to the dance?

28
00:01:11,891 --> 00:01:14,742
I don't know. He was like,
"Eh," and I was like, "Yeah,"

29
00:01:14,767 --> 00:01:16,701
and we were like, "Meh," you know?

30
00:01:16,726 --> 00:01:17,751
Totes.

31
00:01:17,776 --> 00:01:19,872
You're always like, "What?"
and he's like, "What?"

32
00:01:19,897 --> 00:01:21,630
and we're like, "Whoa."

33
00:01:21,714 --> 00:01:23,747
Uh, excuse me,

34
00:01:23,772 --> 00:01:25,438
do you know what they're saying?

35
00:01:25,463 --> 00:01:27,029
I mean, you seem normal,

36
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:29,988
but maybe that's because
you haven't talked yet.

37
00:01:30,095 --> 00:01:35,310
Uh, Kate, your dad's talking
to me and it's, like, you know?

38
00:01:36,026 --> 00:01:38,226
Nope. She's just like the other ones.

39
00:01:39,162 --> 00:01:41,091
All right, girls, I'll take you.

40
00:01:41,128 --> 00:01:42,261
Thanks, Mom.

41
00:01:42,666 --> 00:01:44,999
Sup. Any of you gals
want to share a Go-Gurt

42
00:01:45,068 --> 00:01:46,601
with a good listener?

43
00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:52,302
Nice try, Teddy.

44
00:01:52,676 --> 00:01:55,543
You see the way they noticed me?

45
00:01:56,965 --> 00:01:58,565
I can't believe I have

46
00:01:58,634 --> 00:02:00,801
to spend the whole day
at the mall with them.

47
00:02:00,869 --> 00:02:02,969
Yeah, that's not fun.

48
00:02:02,994 --> 00:02:05,594
You buy them a five dollar
pretzel and they take one bite.

49
00:02:05,619 --> 00:02:08,853
They don't have the attention
span to get through a pretzel.

50
00:02:09,624 --> 00:02:12,089
Last time I took them, I tried on a hat

51
00:02:12,114 --> 00:02:14,881
and they laughed about
it for three hours.

52
00:02:14,950 --> 00:02:17,417
Listen, honey, if I could
take the girls, I would.

53
00:02:17,486 --> 00:02:20,053
Oh. Great.

54
00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:21,074
- They're all yours.
- What?

55
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:22,395
No, no, no. No.

56
00:02:22,420 --> 00:02:23,957
I was just being nice.

57
00:02:24,026 --> 00:02:25,650
Let me say things I don't mean.

58
00:02:25,675 --> 00:02:27,353
That's how a good marriage works.

59
00:02:30,132 --> 00:02:32,532
- Oh.
- Uh, what are you doing out there?

60
00:02:32,601 --> 00:02:35,202
Well, I was waiting for a
lull in the conversation.

61
00:02:35,270 --> 00:02:37,604
Then I got interested,
like a good podcast.

62
00:02:37,673 --> 00:02:39,818
Is Adam going to keep talking
to you from the bathroom?

63
00:02:39,842 --> 00:02:41,875
Will Teddy ever find love?

64
00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,276
Hmm...

65
00:02:43,345 --> 00:02:44,418
Why are you here?

66
00:02:44,443 --> 00:02:45,840
Uh, I stopped by on my way to the office

67
00:02:45,864 --> 00:02:47,309
to tell you Don's not coming in today.

68
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,133
He has to take care
of his grandson Parker.

69
00:02:49,158 --> 00:02:51,261
Oh, please.

70
00:02:51,286 --> 00:02:53,956
This is just his latest
scam to get out of work.

71
00:02:53,981 --> 00:02:55,489
All right, you go to the office,

72
00:02:55,514 --> 00:02:57,202
put on a pot of coffee.
I will be right there

73
00:02:57,226 --> 00:02:58,392
as soon as I bust Don.

74
00:02:58,417 --> 00:02:59,539
No, he could be telling the truth.

75
00:02:59,563 --> 00:03:01,438
I mean, I know Parker's
staying with them.

76
00:03:01,463 --> 00:03:04,831
He's not taking care of that
kid with his wife in the house.

77
00:03:04,856 --> 00:03:06,390
What's that supposed to mean?

78
00:03:06,414 --> 00:03:09,281
Parker's a kid. Marcy is a woman.

79
00:03:12,007 --> 00:03:14,141
What's that supposed to mean?

80
00:03:14,209 --> 00:03:16,676
Don't answer, just curl up into a ball.

81
00:03:17,713 --> 00:03:19,579
I can answer because I have

82
00:03:19,648 --> 00:03:21,348
science on my side.

83
00:03:21,417 --> 00:03:24,851
Women are designed to take care of kids.

84
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,521
You have special body
parts that make food.

85
00:03:28,582 --> 00:03:31,349
Nothing that comes out
of me helps anybody.

86
00:03:32,225 --> 00:03:34,594
Well, technically, men can lactate.

87
00:03:34,663 --> 00:03:37,697
I'll wait outside.

88
00:03:37,766 --> 00:03:39,594
What you said is so sexist.

89
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,078
Sexist?

90
00:03:41,103 --> 00:03:44,587
Your body provides
anything a child could need.

91
00:03:44,612 --> 00:03:47,513
You're like 7-Eleven for babies.

92
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:49,438
And if you have a problem with that,

93
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:51,311
take it up with Mother Nature, a woman.

94
00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:52,612
Right, Lowell?

95
00:03:52,681 --> 00:03:55,282
You're the bravest man I've ever known!

96
00:04:06,806 --> 00:04:09,374
Okay. You don't like spaghetti.

97
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,818
He doesn't like spaghetti.

98
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,072
I've got to say,

99
00:04:15,097 --> 00:04:16,394
I didn't believe you
were really watching him.

100
00:04:16,418 --> 00:04:19,191
But I can tell it's true
'cause it is not going well.

101
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,192
Hey, Parker,

102
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,629
why don't you go in there and
not be in here for a while?

103
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,931
You look like Frankenstein.

104
00:04:29,550 --> 00:04:31,335
Hurts every time.

105
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:33,018
Where's Marcy?

106
00:04:33,043 --> 00:04:34,773
Marcy's had food poisoning for two days,

107
00:04:34,798 --> 00:04:36,708
so I'm taking care of my grandson.

108
00:04:36,733 --> 00:04:40,068
- Ah.
- He might not be a nice person.

109
00:04:40,093 --> 00:04:41,258
I got problems, too.

110
00:04:41,283 --> 00:04:44,858
I just got into a whole thing
with Andi about feminism.

111
00:04:44,883 --> 00:04:47,383
You know how hard it is to
explain feminism to a woman?

112
00:04:48,796 --> 00:04:52,358
Ooh, chicken salad. Now we're talking.

113
00:04:52,383 --> 00:04:54,936
No, no, no. Put that back.
It's what made Marcy sick.

114
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,624
Well, then, why don't you throw it away?

115
00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:59,130
That's Marcy's job. She
puts stuff in the trash,

116
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:01,365
I take the trash out. I stay in my lane.

117
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,613
Where's my sweet great-grandbaby?

118
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,739
Mom, Dad, Marcy's sick.
Will you watch Parker for me?

119
00:05:07,764 --> 00:05:12,357
Oh. N-No, we're-we're
not hands-on anymore.

120
00:05:12,428 --> 00:05:14,529
We visit the zoo, we
don't handle the animals.

121
00:05:15,143 --> 00:05:18,244
Come on, Bev. Reverse engines.

122
00:05:19,435 --> 00:05:23,304
You know, I'd feel bad for
you if it wasn't so funny.

123
00:05:23,373 --> 00:05:24,583
Marcy, you're up, you're better.

124
00:05:24,607 --> 00:05:26,007
You can take care of Parker.

125
00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:27,630
I-I'm a little better.

126
00:05:27,655 --> 00:05:29,610
I still need the weekend to recuperate.

127
00:05:29,679 --> 00:05:30,611
What's that?

128
00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:32,248
I'm taking out my trash.

129
00:05:32,273 --> 00:05:33,704
I take out the trash.

130
00:05:33,729 --> 00:05:35,528
Okay? Stay in your lane, baby.

131
00:05:37,199 --> 00:05:40,433
By the way, Parker told me that
you tried to feed him spaghetti.

132
00:05:40,458 --> 00:05:43,059
Only animals eat
spaghetti for breakfast.

133
00:05:46,307 --> 00:05:47,795
Hey.

134
00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:49,463
Does she still look sick to you?

135
00:05:49,532 --> 00:05:51,946
Well, her color's good, she's not sweaty

136
00:05:51,971 --> 00:05:52,900
and she hurt my feelings.

137
00:05:52,969 --> 00:05:54,635
I'd say she's in top form.

138
00:05:54,704 --> 00:05:57,138
I think she's better,
but she's milking it.

139
00:05:57,206 --> 00:05:59,016
Oh. Well, let's find out.

140
00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:02,447
Let's see what she's been up
to by going through her trash.

141
00:06:02,472 --> 00:06:03,945
That's how they got bin Laden.

142
00:06:07,761 --> 00:06:10,918
Empty bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

143
00:06:10,987 --> 00:06:13,721
People with food poisoning
don't eat flamin' hot anything.

144
00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:16,424
She's playing you, man.

145
00:06:16,492 --> 00:06:18,893
And she was trying to
get rid of the evidence.

146
00:06:18,918 --> 00:06:20,072
I can't believe she's lying

147
00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:21,707
just to get out of helping around here.

148
00:06:21,731 --> 00:06:23,242
Well, maybe she's trying to get you back

149
00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:25,399
for that time you did
it to her for 25 years.

150
00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:29,315
Oh, there's a woman. Are you
here to take care of the kid?

151
00:06:29,339 --> 00:06:31,505
No, I'm here to take care of Marcy.

152
00:06:31,574 --> 00:06:32,989
She called and told me how sick she is.

153
00:06:33,013 --> 00:06:34,875
Oh, which means you'll have to take

154
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:36,070
the girls shopping this afternoon.

155
00:06:36,094 --> 00:06:38,976
What? No. Marcy's fine.

156
00:06:39,001 --> 00:06:40,514
Look what I found in her trash.

157
00:06:40,583 --> 00:06:42,950
Flamin' Hot Cheetos.

158
00:06:43,681 --> 00:06:46,087
You went through a sick woman's trash?

159
00:06:46,112 --> 00:06:48,279
Yeah... I am appalled.

160
00:06:49,403 --> 00:06:50,902
It fell open. Uh...

161
00:06:50,927 --> 00:06:52,693
Uh-huh.

162
00:06:52,762 --> 00:06:55,863
Look, I'm taking care of Marcy,
and you are going to the mall.

163
00:07:01,604 --> 00:07:02,937
Did you see that?

164
00:07:03,006 --> 00:07:04,331
She didn't answer about the Cheetos.

165
00:07:04,355 --> 00:07:05,985
She accused me of doing something wrong.

166
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,375
That's deflection.

167
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,601
She hit me with some verbal judo.

168
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,279
I don't get judo.

169
00:07:12,304 --> 00:07:15,583
Judo's like karate for
when you're not that mad.

170
00:07:16,565 --> 00:07:19,487
You really just zone in
on one word, don't you?

171
00:07:19,555 --> 00:07:20,821
Pay attention.

172
00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:23,658
The only reason Andi would do that

173
00:07:23,726 --> 00:07:26,390
is if she knows Marcy's
not sick anymore.

174
00:07:26,415 --> 00:07:28,329
Which means she's in on it, too.

175
00:07:28,398 --> 00:07:31,666
Which means they're both a
couple of flamin' hot liars.

176
00:07:31,734 --> 00:07:34,171
Which you thought was funny
when it was only happening to me.

177
00:07:34,196 --> 00:07:36,737
Well, now it's happening to me.

178
00:07:36,851 --> 00:07:40,068
I can't be following teenagers
around the mall all day.

179
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:41,475
I just turned 50.

180
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:44,398
Every minute I have left is precious.

181
00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:46,325
Go tell your wife you
know she's faking it.

182
00:07:46,349 --> 00:07:48,916
No way. The last time I accused
Marcy of faking something,

183
00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:50,351
it almost ruined our honeymoon.

184
00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:53,988
All right, listen, listen.

185
00:07:54,013 --> 00:07:56,213
We know what they're doing,
but they'll just deny it.

186
00:07:56,325 --> 00:07:58,109
And they're good with words
that make you feel bad.

187
00:07:58,133 --> 00:07:59,343
Like "appalled."

188
00:07:59,368 --> 00:08:01,762
- That's a principal's office word.
- Mm.

189
00:08:01,831 --> 00:08:04,031
Well, there's only one move left.

190
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:06,367
Way ahead of you. We let
them get away with it.

191
00:08:07,162 --> 00:08:09,203
Nope.

192
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,106
We poison you.

193
00:08:13,656 --> 00:08:15,556
Or we do my thing.

194
00:08:22,552 --> 00:08:24,742
Don't think of it as bad chicken,

195
00:08:24,967 --> 00:08:27,868
think of it as freedom chicken.

196
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:31,392
Just take one bite, get a little sick.

197
00:08:32,624 --> 00:08:33,802
I don't want to.

198
00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:35,585
It'll be worth it.

199
00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:37,514
Marcy gets up and takes care of the kid,

200
00:08:37,554 --> 00:08:39,220
Andi doesn't have to take care of Marcy,

201
00:08:39,289 --> 00:08:40,466
so she takes the girls shopping.

202
00:08:40,490 --> 00:08:41,756
Everybody wins.

203
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:44,025
I won't win. I'll be sick.

204
00:08:44,094 --> 00:08:46,734
No, no. You'll be a hero.

205
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,264
Will you call me that
in front of other people?

206
00:08:50,277 --> 00:08:52,744
Probably not, but maybe.

207
00:08:57,652 --> 00:08:59,251
What if I get caught?

208
00:08:59,276 --> 00:09:01,242
You won't.

209
00:09:01,311 --> 00:09:04,112
I have dipped my toe in
these dark waters before.

210
00:09:06,416 --> 00:09:09,027
One time, when Teddy was
little and got strep throat

211
00:09:09,052 --> 00:09:10,718
and nobody was getting any sleep,

212
00:09:10,787 --> 00:09:13,700
I brushed my teeth with his toothbrush.

213
00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:16,190
It was the perfect crime.

214
00:09:16,259 --> 00:09:18,559
Two days in bed, unlimited Jell-O.

215
00:09:25,779 --> 00:09:27,612
No, it's not worth it.

216
00:09:28,438 --> 00:09:29,771
Don!

217
00:09:29,839 --> 00:09:31,773
It's time for Parker's bath!

218
00:09:36,393 --> 00:09:38,913
I'm glad you called. A day off is fun.

219
00:09:38,982 --> 00:09:41,249
I've realized there's
an upside to being sick.

220
00:09:41,317 --> 00:09:43,084
I enjoyed lying in bed

221
00:09:43,144 --> 00:09:45,324
watching Don do all
the work for a change.

222
00:09:45,349 --> 00:09:47,421
Yeah, one time when
the kids were little,

223
00:09:47,482 --> 00:09:50,026
Adam got strep throat and part
of me thought he enjoyed it.

224
00:09:51,094 --> 00:09:52,894
Wait, but be careful with those Cheetos,

225
00:09:52,962 --> 00:09:54,907
they might be catching on
that you're feeling better.

226
00:09:54,931 --> 00:09:56,063
Nah, it's fine.

227
00:09:56,132 --> 00:09:57,572
I'll just tell them that I'm testing

228
00:09:57,634 --> 00:09:59,421
my body to see how much it can take.

229
00:09:59,446 --> 00:10:02,270
That's just good medicine.

230
00:10:02,338 --> 00:10:04,234
Well, I am happy to jump on board.

231
00:10:04,259 --> 00:10:06,285
Okay? 'Cause there was no way I
was taking those girls shopping

232
00:10:06,309 --> 00:10:08,075
after what Adam said this morning.

233
00:10:08,144 --> 00:10:10,077
"Women have different body parts.

234
00:10:10,146 --> 00:10:11,821
You can make your own food."

235
00:10:12,102 --> 00:10:14,282
- How dare he?
- Right?

236
00:10:16,553 --> 00:10:19,720
- I mean, yes, it's true.
- Yeah, but it's not very nice to say.

237
00:10:21,452 --> 00:10:22,592
And then,

238
00:10:22,617 --> 00:10:25,669
Adam tells me to make coffee
because he'll "be right there."

239
00:10:25,694 --> 00:10:29,095
Two hours later, no Adam,
no phone call, no nothing.

240
00:10:29,982 --> 00:10:31,959
Try being the middle kid.

241
00:10:31,984 --> 00:10:34,635
I haven't been to the
dentist in a year and a half.

242
00:10:35,281 --> 00:10:37,715
You're a good listener, Teddy.

243
00:10:41,762 --> 00:10:44,231
Parker just said I look like Shrek.

244
00:10:45,315 --> 00:10:47,415
Do you see it?

245
00:10:47,483 --> 00:10:49,016
Maybe in the shoulders.

246
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,019
Are you feeling anything?

247
00:10:52,088 --> 00:10:53,788
Nothing. I think I have to eat more.

248
00:10:53,857 --> 00:10:55,256
Hey, don't overdo it.

249
00:10:55,325 --> 00:10:57,091
Remember when you
tried those pot brownies

250
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,693
before the Van Halen concert?

251
00:10:58,761 --> 00:11:00,628
You ate too many, we had to leave early,

252
00:11:00,697 --> 00:11:02,875
and you rode all the way home
with your head out the window

253
00:11:02,899 --> 00:11:04,131
like a dog.

254
00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:07,034
A dog that could see
into other dimensions.

255
00:11:08,317 --> 00:11:10,084
I'm eating more.

256
00:11:14,244 --> 00:11:15,276
Is it happening?

257
00:11:15,345 --> 00:11:16,345
I don't know.

258
00:11:16,412 --> 00:11:18,012
Maybe it was just
that last bite landing.

259
00:11:19,883 --> 00:11:21,215
Nope, it's on.

260
00:11:21,938 --> 00:11:23,951
See you on the other side, brother.

261
00:11:29,883 --> 00:11:31,304
Dad!

262
00:11:32,148 --> 00:11:34,215
Teddy started doing
push-ups outside my room,

263
00:11:34,283 --> 00:11:36,400
and now my friends think he's weird.

264
00:11:37,801 --> 00:11:39,500
I only did three.

265
00:11:39,525 --> 00:11:41,589
But I started counting at 98.

266
00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:44,525
You do listen to me.

267
00:11:45,206 --> 00:11:46,738
I think it's time to head upstairs

268
00:11:46,763 --> 00:11:48,429
and do some curls for the girls.

269
00:11:48,498 --> 00:11:51,332
Teddy, no!

270
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,767
Teddy, leave your
sister's friends alone!

271
00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:56,704
What a guy.

272
00:11:58,908 --> 00:12:00,114
You're not gonna believe this.

273
00:12:00,139 --> 00:12:01,405
Don is sick now.

274
00:12:01,644 --> 00:12:03,161
What?

275
00:12:03,216 --> 00:12:06,250
That is a crazy turn of events.

276
00:12:07,050 --> 00:12:11,218
Yeah, so I came home, because
Marcy has to watch Parker.

277
00:12:11,862 --> 00:12:12,862
Well...

278
00:12:12,922 --> 00:12:15,550
at least now, you can
take the girls to the mall.

279
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,726
Oh, well... but you were
already planning on it.

280
00:12:18,794 --> 00:12:19,894
So why not you?

281
00:12:19,962 --> 00:12:21,629
- Or why not you?
- Or why not you?

282
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:23,564
- Or why not you?
- Okay.

283
00:12:23,633 --> 00:12:24,633
You know what,

284
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:25,912
let's not be childish about this.

285
00:12:25,936 --> 00:12:27,268
- Okay. Yeah.
- Okay?

286
00:12:27,293 --> 00:12:29,536
Kate, your dad's ready
to take you to the mall!

287
00:12:30,723 --> 00:12:32,292
Or your mom!

288
00:12:32,317 --> 00:12:33,520
One of us!

289
00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:35,812
My money's on your mom!

290
00:12:36,145 --> 00:12:37,912
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?

291
00:12:37,980 --> 00:12:38,980
Look, I...

292
00:12:39,015 --> 00:12:40,314
I just don't want to go.

293
00:12:40,383 --> 00:12:43,250
Well, I don't want to go either.

294
00:12:43,319 --> 00:12:44,483
Okay, you know what,

295
00:12:44,508 --> 00:12:46,177
this is clearly a thorny issue.

296
00:12:46,202 --> 00:12:47,552
Let's keep talking about it.

297
00:12:47,584 --> 00:12:49,429
Well, great.

298
00:12:49,454 --> 00:12:52,259
Okay, well, first of all,
in terms of mall trips,

299
00:12:52,328 --> 00:12:54,528
I have definitely done more of those...

300
00:12:56,065 --> 00:12:57,148
Keep talking.

301
00:12:57,173 --> 00:12:59,140
I'm in the bathroom, but I am listening.

302
00:13:01,829 --> 00:13:04,171
So I got Don to eat the chicken salad,

303
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,607
and now Andi is at the mall.

304
00:13:06,676 --> 00:13:08,075
And you're proud of this?

305
00:13:08,144 --> 00:13:10,010
A little bit, yeah.

306
00:13:10,079 --> 00:13:13,981
My generation handed down
a paradise to our sons.

307
00:13:14,050 --> 00:13:16,013
Men didn't lift a finger.

308
00:13:16,038 --> 00:13:17,628
And then some sap comes along,

309
00:13:17,653 --> 00:13:19,353
smokes a jazz cigarette and says,

310
00:13:19,422 --> 00:13:21,689
"I don't think I'm doing
enough around the house."

311
00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:23,757
Hey, we're holding our own.

312
00:13:23,826 --> 00:13:26,596
You've sunk so low, you're
poisoning yourselves.

313
00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:29,430
Face it, you've lost
the battle of the sexes.

314
00:13:29,498 --> 00:13:31,632
I... We didn't lose.

315
00:13:31,701 --> 00:13:34,268
We're just using guerilla warfare now.

316
00:13:34,337 --> 00:13:35,847
You wouldn't get it. It's very tactical.

317
00:13:35,871 --> 00:13:37,338
I'm basically a Navy SEAL.

318
00:13:40,509 --> 00:13:42,209
So you're not dead in a ditch.

319
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:46,714
And your phone works. Interesting.

320
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:48,983
I made six pots of coffee!

321
00:13:49,821 --> 00:13:51,819
I'm sorry, Lowell, I got busy

322
00:13:51,887 --> 00:13:53,918
and forgot to tell
you I wasn't coming in.

323
00:13:54,216 --> 00:13:55,515
And?

324
00:13:55,676 --> 00:13:57,419
Uh...

325
00:13:57,444 --> 00:13:59,493
And from now on, I will try to be

326
00:13:59,562 --> 00:14:01,655
more sensitive to your feelings.

327
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,213
Thank you.

328
00:14:07,919 --> 00:14:09,085
What?

329
00:14:09,185 --> 00:14:12,820
Teddy Roosevelt wouldn't
even recognize you as a man.

330
00:14:14,410 --> 00:14:16,402
I got your text. What's the code red?

331
00:14:16,427 --> 00:14:20,622
You're not going to believe what
Don told me those idiots did.

332
00:14:20,668 --> 00:14:23,114
Marcy, it burns.

333
00:14:23,926 --> 00:14:25,325
Good!

334
00:14:30,465 --> 00:14:32,183
- Hey, honey.
- Hey.

335
00:14:32,208 --> 00:14:33,527
Where you been?

336
00:14:33,596 --> 00:14:35,796
Oh, that's right, the mall.

337
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:40,789
- Why, wh-what do you got there?
- Oh.

338
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:42,614
Uh, I stopped by to
check on Don and Marcy,

339
00:14:42,638 --> 00:14:44,171
and I found this chicken salad.

340
00:14:44,653 --> 00:14:46,173
Huh.

341
00:14:46,242 --> 00:14:48,742
I had no idea they had that.

342
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,989
Yeah, well, I figured
they're too sick to eat it,

343
00:14:51,013 --> 00:14:52,613
so I thought I'd make you a sandwich.

344
00:14:53,010 --> 00:14:55,646
It'll make me so happy
to watch you eat it.

345
00:14:58,754 --> 00:15:01,541
You know what, I, uh...

346
00:15:02,247 --> 00:15:04,514
I think I'm done eating chicken.

347
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,694
Really?

348
00:15:06,762 --> 00:15:08,228
Yeah.

349
00:15:08,297 --> 00:15:11,265
You ever hold a chicken
in your arms? Huh?

350
00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:12,966
It's pretty beautiful.

351
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,407
It'll lay its little beak
right there on your shoulder.

352
00:15:18,641 --> 00:15:21,141
Okay, well, if you don't want it,

353
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:22,976
I guess I'll eat it.

354
00:15:31,585 --> 00:15:33,412
Okay, go ahead.

355
00:15:40,309 --> 00:15:42,576
I'm gonna do it, Adam.
I'm gonna take a bite.

356
00:15:44,806 --> 00:15:46,826
Well, if you want to, you should.

357
00:15:48,451 --> 00:15:51,552
Your body, your choice.

358
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,151
That's equal rights.

359
00:15:55,778 --> 00:15:57,474
Stop!

360
00:15:58,054 --> 00:15:59,988
Why? What's the problem?

361
00:16:01,458 --> 00:16:03,684
Okay, I should probably admit... Wait.

362
00:16:03,753 --> 00:16:05,352
Before I do, how much do you know?

363
00:16:05,421 --> 00:16:06,702
Everything.

364
00:16:07,147 --> 00:16:09,323
Don told Marcy everything.

365
00:16:09,391 --> 00:16:12,259
You poisoned your own brother
to get out of going to the mall.

366
00:16:12,562 --> 00:16:13,961
Yes, I did.

367
00:16:14,647 --> 00:16:16,663
But your hands aren't clean either.

368
00:16:16,732 --> 00:16:18,413
You knew Marcy wasn't sick anymore,

369
00:16:18,438 --> 00:16:19,845
but you pretended to take care of her

370
00:16:19,869 --> 00:16:22,102
so you could get out
of going to the mall.

371
00:16:22,171 --> 00:16:23,728
You would accuse me of that?

372
00:16:23,753 --> 00:16:26,065
You... I am appalled.

373
00:16:26,090 --> 00:16:29,353
Oh, oh, you're appalled again, huh?

374
00:16:29,378 --> 00:16:31,612
Not this time, sister.

375
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,191
You're just trying to make me feel bad

376
00:16:33,215 --> 00:16:34,681
to cover up your own crimes.

377
00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:37,117
My crimes are nothing compared to yours.

378
00:16:37,186 --> 00:16:38,385
You said all that stuff about

379
00:16:38,454 --> 00:16:41,855
women and body parts, so I got mad.

380
00:16:41,924 --> 00:16:45,626
I've been telling you my poorly
thought out theories for years.

381
00:16:46,884 --> 00:16:49,477
- Why do you have such a problem today?
- Because...

382
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,067
Because I didn't want to go to the mall,

383
00:16:54,136 --> 00:16:55,956
and I thought I could use that.

384
00:16:57,654 --> 00:17:00,088
- I am appalled.
- Okay.

385
00:17:00,998 --> 00:17:02,230
You know what,

386
00:17:02,255 --> 00:17:03,721
we're both appalling.

387
00:17:04,174 --> 00:17:05,807
Neither of us wanted to do something,

388
00:17:05,832 --> 00:17:07,514
and instead of working it out,

389
00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:09,082
we tried to screw each other over.

390
00:17:09,151 --> 00:17:11,952
Yeah, that sounds like us.

391
00:17:13,184 --> 00:17:14,804
What if we're not good people?

392
00:17:16,154 --> 00:17:18,840
That's only true if you think about it.

393
00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:23,057
Adam, I think we need to do
some real soul searching here.

394
00:17:23,082 --> 00:17:24,482
You know? I me...

395
00:17:24,633 --> 00:17:26,767
I have a relationship workbook upstairs

396
00:17:26,836 --> 00:17:28,062
about this very thing.

397
00:17:28,087 --> 00:17:29,922
Okay, all right. Wait
a minute, wait a minute.

398
00:17:29,947 --> 00:17:31,839
Let's not go bananas.

399
00:17:32,931 --> 00:17:35,075
We are not bad people.

400
00:17:35,144 --> 00:17:36,710
We're normal.

401
00:17:36,735 --> 00:17:38,759
Maybe low normal.

402
00:17:39,348 --> 00:17:41,114
Upper bad.

403
00:17:41,923 --> 00:17:44,585
Are we the worst
people in the world? No.

404
00:17:44,653 --> 00:17:47,754
Could we improve? Probably not.

405
00:17:49,124 --> 00:17:51,124
Look, honey,

406
00:17:51,499 --> 00:17:53,460
sometimes in parenting,

407
00:17:53,529 --> 00:17:56,630
a job comes along
that is truly horrific,

408
00:17:56,699 --> 00:17:58,699
like five hours of dress shopping.

409
00:17:58,767 --> 00:18:00,503
Yes. And we panicked.

410
00:18:00,528 --> 00:18:03,863
Right. Our fight-or-flight
instinct kicked in.

411
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:07,040
And I would make the
argument that of the two,

412
00:18:07,109 --> 00:18:10,644
fight is definitely better than flight.

413
00:18:11,447 --> 00:18:14,081
That's true. I mean, I
could have chosen flight.

414
00:18:14,149 --> 00:18:16,116
I could have moved
to Santa Fe and opened

415
00:18:16,185 --> 00:18:18,285
a cute little pottery
shop with a green awning

416
00:18:18,310 --> 00:18:21,104
called "A Penny For Your Pots."

417
00:18:22,244 --> 00:18:25,713
Well, that's way too specific, but yeah.

418
00:18:26,908 --> 00:18:29,429
We don't run.

419
00:18:30,213 --> 00:18:32,199
And you know what that is?

420
00:18:32,573 --> 00:18:34,506
That's brave.

421
00:18:36,460 --> 00:18:40,629
Yeah. We're bad, but we're brave.

422
00:18:42,408 --> 00:18:44,645
Like Han Solo.

423
00:18:45,431 --> 00:18:47,314
Everybody loves that guy.

424
00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:49,086
Right?

425
00:18:49,485 --> 00:18:50,937
Okay, good.

426
00:18:50,962 --> 00:18:52,753
We are back on track.

427
00:18:53,047 --> 00:18:55,822
I am throwing this chicken
salad out in the trash,

428
00:18:55,847 --> 00:18:58,394
and we are never gonna
talk about it again.

429
00:18:58,419 --> 00:18:59,939
May the Force be with you.

430
00:19:03,365 --> 00:19:04,464
You.

431
00:19:04,533 --> 00:19:06,044
I know. I ran over between emergencies

432
00:19:06,068 --> 00:19:07,301
to tell you I'm sorry.

433
00:19:07,369 --> 00:19:09,469
Why'd you have to tell Marcy everything?

434
00:19:09,538 --> 00:19:10,971
I thought I was dying.

435
00:19:10,996 --> 00:19:13,888
I lost control of everything,
including my mouth.

436
00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:16,763
I threw up the truth.

437
00:19:17,279 --> 00:19:19,846
I told you not to eat too much.

438
00:19:19,915 --> 00:19:21,715
Why can't you barely poison yourself,

439
00:19:21,784 --> 00:19:23,417
like a normal person?

440
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,040
And I didn't tell her everything.

441
00:19:26,088 --> 00:19:27,999
I didn't say a word about you
giving yourself strep throat

442
00:19:28,023 --> 00:19:29,023
when Teddy was sick.

443
00:19:29,091 --> 00:19:30,721
You did what?

444
00:19:39,033 --> 00:19:40,933
This time I choose flight.

445
00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:46,807
If you want to talk to me,
I'll be in the Admirals Club.

446
00:19:48,673 --> 00:19:50,444
See you on the other side, brother.

447
00:19:56,648 --> 00:19:57,773
How's your tummy?

448
00:19:58,304 --> 00:20:00,188
Everything hurts.

449
00:20:00,213 --> 00:20:02,113
That's the lies leaving your body.

450
00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:06,437
All right, I'm taking off.

451
00:20:06,718 --> 00:20:09,025
Hey, where are you headed so fancy?

452
00:20:09,094 --> 00:20:10,948
Kate's dance. I'm gonna go try my luck

453
00:20:10,973 --> 00:20:12,639
with some of the girls crying outside.

454
00:20:12,757 --> 00:20:15,091
I'll see you around 10:00.

455
00:20:16,368 --> 00:20:17,898
What a guy.

456
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:20,671
I-I mean, you should
probably go stop him.

457
00:20:20,696 --> 00:20:23,209
No, no, no, this is definitely on you.

458
00:20:23,234 --> 00:20:25,904
I mean... he's thinking with a body part

459
00:20:25,929 --> 00:20:28,345
I don't even have.

460
00:20:30,082 --> 00:20:32,083
- You enjoyed that, didn't you?
- I didn't hate it.

461
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,188
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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