1
00:00:02,357 --> 00:00:04,524
Ugh, Don, you have got
to get over this.
2
00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:06,292
I'm not buying you a Cinnabon
3
00:00:06,294 --> 00:00:08,695
every time
we go see our accountant.
4
00:00:08,697 --> 00:00:11,231
It's right downstairs.
5
00:00:11,233 --> 00:00:12,599
I could smell it
the whole meeting.
6
00:00:12,601 --> 00:00:14,267
Now I'm just
7
00:00:14,269 --> 00:00:16,369
sitting here eating an orange,
like a hippie.
8
00:00:16,371 --> 00:00:17,804
ANDI:
Hey, babe.
9
00:00:17,806 --> 00:00:20,106
Hi, Don. Hi.
Oh, hey, honey.
10
00:00:20,108 --> 00:00:22,308
I've got some good
news for you.
Yeah?
11
00:00:22,310 --> 00:00:23,710
You know that, uh, fundraiser
at my hospital
12
00:00:23,712 --> 00:00:25,145
that we're going to
this weekend?
13
00:00:25,147 --> 00:00:26,212
Oh, yeah, yeah. That party.
14
00:00:26,214 --> 00:00:28,148
(coughs)
Ooh.
15
00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:30,417
Where'd that cough come from?
16
00:00:31,319 --> 00:00:32,619
(coughs)
17
00:00:32,621 --> 00:00:34,621
Whoa.
I hope it's not contagious,
18
00:00:34,623 --> 00:00:37,223
'cause I really am looking
forward to putting on a suit
19
00:00:37,225 --> 00:00:38,725
and talking
to a bunch of strangers.
20
00:00:38,727 --> 00:00:40,660
(coughs)
21
00:00:40,662 --> 00:00:43,797
That does sound
like a pretty bad fake cough.
22
00:00:43,799 --> 00:00:46,299
Should I call a fake ambulance
23
00:00:46,301 --> 00:00:49,169
and have some fake doctors
take a look at you?
24
00:00:49,171 --> 00:00:51,171
You think I would fake
being sick to get out
25
00:00:51,173 --> 00:00:52,238
of going to your fundraiser?
26
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,340
I am so offended. I...
27
00:00:54,342 --> 00:00:57,744
I don't think I can go
to the fundraiser anymore.
28
00:00:57,746 --> 00:00:59,612
You're cute. Are you done?
29
00:00:59,614 --> 00:01:01,581
Yeah, I'm done.
Okay.
30
00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:04,451
The good news I was gonna tell
you is you don't have to go.
31
00:01:09,291 --> 00:01:11,191
Really?
32
00:01:11,193 --> 00:01:12,425
Okay,
33
00:01:12,427 --> 00:01:14,227
when you say I don't have to go,
34
00:01:14,229 --> 00:01:16,763
do you mean
I really don't have to go
35
00:01:16,765 --> 00:01:18,498
or I don't
have to go
36
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,267
but I should go,
37
00:01:21,269 --> 00:01:22,502
unless I want to hear about this
a month later
38
00:01:22,504 --> 00:01:24,504
in some completely unrelated
argument?
39
00:01:24,506 --> 00:01:26,773
You know what? I'm going.
40
00:01:26,775 --> 00:01:30,243
No, you really don't have to go.
Marcy said she'd go with me.
41
00:01:30,245 --> 00:01:31,211
Don't take my wife.
42
00:01:32,848 --> 00:01:35,582
You should make Adam go.
43
00:01:35,584 --> 00:01:38,284
What are you doing?
44
00:01:38,286 --> 00:01:40,320
I'll tell you
what I'm not doing:
45
00:01:40,322 --> 00:01:41,454
eating a Cinnabon.
46
00:01:41,456 --> 00:01:44,157
My God, every week
with this guy.
47
00:01:44,159 --> 00:01:45,592
Why don't you just go
get one yourself?
48
00:01:45,594 --> 00:01:48,128
He says it tastes better
when I buy it.
49
00:01:48,130 --> 00:01:51,764
Okay, but, seriously, babe, you
are off the hook for the party.
50
00:01:51,766 --> 00:01:54,767
Marcy will keep me company.
And, plus, all my work friends
51
00:01:54,769 --> 00:01:58,304
from the lab will be there.
You know, Amy, Sarah, and Bob.
52
00:01:58,306 --> 00:02:00,907
Oh. That sounds great.
Uh, who was that last one?
53
00:02:00,909 --> 00:02:03,376
I didn't catch her name.
54
00:02:03,378 --> 00:02:04,611
Bob. He's a he.
55
00:02:04,613 --> 00:02:06,379
We watch the same cooking shows.
56
00:02:06,381 --> 00:02:08,815
Oh, and if I get
behind on an episode,
57
00:02:08,817 --> 00:02:11,551
he puts me in coffee jail.
58
00:02:12,721 --> 00:02:14,487
And that means
I can't have any coffee
59
00:02:14,489 --> 00:02:15,788
until I catch up.
60
00:02:15,790 --> 00:02:17,490
Ooh.
Yeah.
61
00:02:17,492 --> 00:02:20,493
Everyone at work thinks
it's hilarious.
62
00:02:20,495 --> 00:02:23,429
He sounds like a great guy.
63
00:02:23,431 --> 00:02:25,198
Huh. Wow.
64
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,300
You have come a long way.
65
00:02:27,302 --> 00:02:29,702
You know, there was a time that
you would've been very jealous
66
00:02:29,704 --> 00:02:31,237
that I had a male work friend.
67
00:02:31,239 --> 00:02:33,173
Oh. No. Not anymore.
68
00:02:33,175 --> 00:02:34,674
No, I left
my jealous days behind
69
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:37,410
with my jean shorts
and my mullet.
70
00:02:37,412 --> 00:02:39,512
I am a modern man now.
71
00:02:39,514 --> 00:02:41,514
(chuckles)
72
00:02:41,516 --> 00:02:43,650
Yep. That's right.
73
00:02:43,652 --> 00:02:46,719
Don, you want to help me
carry this out to my truck?
74
00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:53,660
I don't know
if you noticed,
75
00:02:53,662 --> 00:02:55,428
but it doesn't really take
two guys to carry this.
76
00:02:56,731 --> 00:02:58,498
I don't like this Bob guy
one bit.
77
00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:00,266
First of all, his name's Bob.
78
00:03:00,268 --> 00:03:02,335
It's the same backwards
as it is forwards.
79
00:03:02,337 --> 00:03:06,506
Y-You can't trust
somebody like that.
80
00:03:06,508 --> 00:03:07,907
You mean like Mom?
81
00:03:07,909 --> 00:03:09,375
Exactly.
82
00:03:10,946 --> 00:03:13,513
Who cares if some guy
likes Andi's TV shows?
83
00:03:13,515 --> 00:03:15,982
I do. 'Cause it's a move, man.
84
00:03:15,984 --> 00:03:18,418
I used the same one on Andi
when we were dating.
85
00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:20,353
(gasps)
"You love Ally McBeal?
86
00:03:20,355 --> 00:03:21,487
"I love Ally McBeal.
87
00:03:21,489 --> 00:03:23,656
Let's take off our pants!"
88
00:03:23,658 --> 00:03:26,359
I think if I tried
that move on Marcy,
89
00:03:26,361 --> 00:03:28,461
I'd just end up
washing her pants.
90
00:03:28,463 --> 00:03:29,963
Here's the problem,
91
00:03:29,965 --> 00:03:32,498
Andi was home with the kids
for a long time.
92
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,334
Now she's back at work. I mean,
93
00:03:34,336 --> 00:03:37,804
you put that honey out there,
bears are gonna show up.
94
00:03:37,806 --> 00:03:40,473
I got an idea--
just don't be jealous.
95
00:03:40,475 --> 00:03:42,609
I can't help it.
Yes, I am sophisticated
96
00:03:42,611 --> 00:03:44,611
on the outside, okay?
97
00:03:44,613 --> 00:03:47,680
But on the inside,
I'm an animal, just like you.
98
00:03:47,682 --> 00:03:49,983
We're a couple
of wild stallions.
Mm.
99
00:03:49,985 --> 00:03:52,318
Okay, then be jealous
100
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,020
and just tell Andi
you don't want her
hanging out with that guy.
101
00:03:54,022 --> 00:03:55,455
I can't do that either.
102
00:03:55,457 --> 00:03:57,257
She hates when I get jealous.
103
00:03:57,259 --> 00:03:59,425
Remember when we were dating
and that guy in the bar
104
00:03:59,427 --> 00:04:00,627
put his arm around her?
105
00:04:00,629 --> 00:04:02,528
Yeah. You put him
in the trash can.
106
00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:04,464
Upside-down.
107
00:04:04,466 --> 00:04:07,500
I'd seen that in cartoons
but never real life.
108
00:04:07,502 --> 00:04:10,470
I actually got the idea
from a cartoon.
109
00:04:10,472 --> 00:04:13,573
But she was so mad,
she broke up with me.
110
00:04:13,575 --> 00:04:14,907
So when we got back together,
111
00:04:14,909 --> 00:04:16,643
I promised
I was done being jealous.
112
00:04:16,645 --> 00:04:19,579
I'm not done.
I'm livin' a lie, Don.
113
00:04:20,482 --> 00:04:21,881
Hey, honey, um, how do you feel
114
00:04:21,883 --> 00:04:23,449
about a kale salad for dinner?
115
00:04:23,451 --> 00:04:25,285
You know I love kale.
116
00:04:25,287 --> 00:04:27,820
Huh? I am a modern man
117
00:04:27,822 --> 00:04:30,556
who loves his kale.
(chuckles)
118
00:04:30,558 --> 00:04:32,592
Okay.
119
00:04:32,594 --> 00:04:35,361
Now I got to choke down
another bowl of rabbit food.
120
00:04:35,363 --> 00:04:38,598
What happened to you, man?
Look,
121
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,600
do me a favor,
if you see me getting jealous,
122
00:04:40,602 --> 00:04:42,568
you got to do something
to stop me.
123
00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:44,570
Can I get physical?
Yes. Usual rules:
124
00:04:44,572 --> 00:04:46,572
above the waist and-- I can't
believe I have to say this--
125
00:04:46,574 --> 00:04:48,374
no biting.
126
00:04:48,376 --> 00:04:50,476
A brother waits a lifetime
for something like this.
127
00:04:50,478 --> 00:04:52,612
Okay. Good. Yeah.
128
00:04:52,614 --> 00:04:55,014
¶ ¶
129
00:05:03,058 --> 00:05:04,957
ANDI:
Thanks for meeting me, Marcy.
130
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:06,893
I love visiting you
at the hospital.
131
00:05:06,895 --> 00:05:08,861
We haven't had lunch
since you went back to work.
132
00:05:08,863 --> 00:05:10,930
In the future,
is it okay if I bring wine?
133
00:05:10,932 --> 00:05:13,966
Well, you can't bring a bottle.
But if you bring a thermos,
134
00:05:13,968 --> 00:05:15,835
whatever's in it's
your business.
Oh.
135
00:05:15,837 --> 00:05:17,970
So it's church rules.
136
00:05:17,972 --> 00:05:20,006
Sure.
137
00:05:20,008 --> 00:05:23,376
Hey, um, I wanted
to run something by you.
138
00:05:23,378 --> 00:05:24,777
Hmm.
Um,
139
00:05:24,779 --> 00:05:27,613
yesterday, I told Adam
that I had a guy friend at work,
140
00:05:27,615 --> 00:05:30,450
Bob, and he seemed fine with it.
141
00:05:30,452 --> 00:05:31,617
What a jerk!
142
00:05:31,619 --> 00:05:33,086
I know!
143
00:05:33,087 --> 00:05:34,554
I mean, at first,
I was... I was proud of him,
144
00:05:34,556 --> 00:05:37,857
but then I started thinking,
why is he so fine with it?
145
00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:39,592
No, no.
This is totally unacceptable.
146
00:05:39,594 --> 00:05:41,427
You deserve a little jealousy,
okay?
147
00:05:41,429 --> 00:05:43,696
If I was your husband,
Bob would be in a suitcase
148
00:05:43,698 --> 00:05:45,698
at the bottom of a river.
149
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:48,368
Aw. That's sweet, Marcy.
150
00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,503
I don't know.
Maybe it's normal.
151
00:05:50,505 --> 00:05:53,072
I mean, Adam and I have been
married for 15 years.
152
00:05:53,074 --> 00:05:56,476
And the other night,
we... we made, um,
153
00:05:56,478 --> 00:05:59,746
you know, a date to fool around,
and we both fell asleep.
154
00:05:59,748 --> 00:06:02,515
Oh.
Yeah. That's the first time
that's ever happened.
155
00:06:02,517 --> 00:06:04,584
It wasn't during, was it?
'Cause if Don mistimes
156
00:06:04,586 --> 00:06:06,419
his blood pressure pill,
I'm not crawling out
157
00:06:06,421 --> 00:06:07,920
from under that
until the morning.
158
00:06:08,990 --> 00:06:11,691
No, it wasn't
quite like that.
159
00:06:11,693 --> 00:06:13,126
I don't know.
160
00:06:13,128 --> 00:06:15,628
Maybe I should just talk
to Adam about it.
161
00:06:15,630 --> 00:06:17,163
And, what, get pity jealousy?
162
00:06:17,165 --> 00:06:19,499
Is that what you want?
163
00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:21,801
Oh, you know what,
I want the real thing.
Well, if you want
164
00:06:21,803 --> 00:06:23,469
to mess with a man's head,
you are having lunch
165
00:06:23,471 --> 00:06:24,504
with the right person.
166
00:06:24,506 --> 00:06:26,539
Okay, here's
what you do:
167
00:06:26,541 --> 00:06:28,474
you tell him
that Bob is texting you.
168
00:06:28,476 --> 00:06:29,876
That'll wake Adam up.
169
00:06:29,878 --> 00:06:33,146
But Bob's my boss.
He doesn't text me.
170
00:06:33,148 --> 00:06:35,047
You know who doesn't know that?
Adam.
171
00:06:35,984 --> 00:06:37,150
Hey, Adam, I just got
172
00:06:37,152 --> 00:06:40,086
the funniest text from Bob.
(chuckles)
173
00:06:42,157 --> 00:06:44,424
Damn.
174
00:06:44,426 --> 00:06:45,558
(chuckles)
175
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,461
Your texts are too much, Bob.
176
00:06:48,463 --> 00:06:51,531
Aw, come on.
177
00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:53,166
Hey, uh, careful you
don't shock yourself,
178
00:06:53,168 --> 00:06:55,034
there's a bare spot
on that cord.
179
00:06:55,036 --> 00:06:56,035
(buzzing)
180
00:06:56,037 --> 00:06:57,437
(yells)
181
00:06:57,439 --> 00:06:58,571
(laughing)
I touched it.
182
00:06:58,573 --> 00:06:59,839
I was gonna fix it,
183
00:06:59,841 --> 00:07:02,208
but I knew
you were gonna do that.
184
00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:04,877
Hold on, my heart
stopped beating.
185
00:07:05,914 --> 00:07:07,547
There it goes.
Okay, we're back.
186
00:07:07,549 --> 00:07:09,182
Yeah, hey, you didn't tell Marcy
187
00:07:09,184 --> 00:07:10,616
what we talked about, did you?
188
00:07:10,618 --> 00:07:12,485
About Andi and that guy at work?
189
00:07:12,487 --> 00:07:13,586
Oh, don't tell me it's a secret.
190
00:07:13,588 --> 00:07:14,720
I cannot keep a secret
from Marcy.
191
00:07:14,722 --> 00:07:15,705
She senses it,
192
00:07:15,706 --> 00:07:16,689
like an old sailor
senses a storm.
193
00:07:16,691 --> 00:07:18,691
But you lie to her all the time.
194
00:07:18,693 --> 00:07:20,159
And she catches me all the time.
195
00:07:20,161 --> 00:07:21,461
Well, that's not true.
196
00:07:21,463 --> 00:07:22,695
She still doesn't know about
197
00:07:22,697 --> 00:07:24,096
our secret fishing boat
up at the lake.
198
00:07:24,098 --> 00:07:25,932
Both our wives are in the dark
on that one.
199
00:07:25,934 --> 00:07:27,700
Well, I was only able
to keep that a secret
200
00:07:27,702 --> 00:07:29,635
because I never paid
for my half of the boat.
201
00:07:29,637 --> 00:07:31,204
Not my boat, not my secret.
202
00:07:31,206 --> 00:07:32,805
See how I did that?
203
00:07:32,807 --> 00:07:34,774
Hmm, yeah, someone should
study your brain.
204
00:07:36,211 --> 00:07:37,510
Okay, just keep your mouth shut.
205
00:07:37,512 --> 00:07:38,678
Hey, babe,
Huh?
206
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:39,679
dinner's gonna be
ready soon.
207
00:07:39,681 --> 00:07:40,680
(laughing)
208
00:07:40,682 --> 00:07:42,715
I'm sorry I'm laughing. I just--
209
00:07:42,717 --> 00:07:44,550
I got the funniest text
from Bob.
210
00:07:44,552 --> 00:07:46,219
(Andi laughing)
211
00:07:46,221 --> 00:07:48,654
You know, i-it's actually weird
that he's funny,
212
00:07:48,656 --> 00:07:50,056
because, I mean,
you wouldn't think that
213
00:07:50,058 --> 00:07:51,757
someone that does triathlons
214
00:07:51,759 --> 00:07:53,192
would have a sense of humor.
215
00:07:53,194 --> 00:07:56,162
Wow, he runs,
he bikes, he swims.
216
00:07:56,164 --> 00:07:57,897
I hope the sharks don't get him.
(chuckles)
217
00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:00,666
You know, you should hear
218
00:08:00,668 --> 00:08:02,768
his stories about
trying to find bicycle pants
219
00:08:02,770 --> 00:08:04,637
that are big enough
to fit his muscular thighs--
220
00:08:04,639 --> 00:08:06,506
I mean, they're hilarious.
221
00:08:06,508 --> 00:08:07,640
(chuckling)
222
00:08:07,642 --> 00:08:09,775
And touching.
223
00:08:09,777 --> 00:08:11,511
Okay...
224
00:08:11,513 --> 00:08:12,945
(buzzing)
(yelps)
225
00:08:14,916 --> 00:08:16,916
Oh, what happened there?
226
00:08:16,918 --> 00:08:18,150
You seem mad.
227
00:08:18,152 --> 00:08:22,121
N-no. No, no. No, Don
228
00:08:22,123 --> 00:08:23,623
accidentally shocked me...
229
00:08:23,625 --> 00:08:25,157
too much.
230
00:08:25,159 --> 00:08:27,793
Oh, okay, well,
231
00:08:27,795 --> 00:08:29,529
I guess I'll just go
finish dinner.
232
00:08:29,531 --> 00:08:30,162
Yeah.
Yeah.
233
00:08:30,164 --> 00:08:32,064
Pound that
chicken flat.
234
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:34,834
Did you hear what she said?
235
00:08:34,836 --> 00:08:38,070
Bob and his giant thighs
are texting her now.
236
00:08:38,072 --> 00:08:39,839
I'm starting to root for Bob,
237
00:08:39,841 --> 00:08:41,173
he sounds like a winner.
238
00:08:42,744 --> 00:08:45,811
I got no reaction out of Adam!
239
00:08:45,813 --> 00:08:47,747
I mean, I did everything
short of
240
00:08:47,749 --> 00:08:49,682
telling him that
Bob and I were slow dancing
241
00:08:49,684 --> 00:08:51,851
in the cafeteria.
242
00:08:51,853 --> 00:08:53,920
Well, maybe you just have
to accept the fact
243
00:08:53,922 --> 00:08:55,187
that things are different now.
244
00:08:55,189 --> 00:08:58,624
(scoffs)
Marcy,
245
00:08:58,626 --> 00:08:59,926
I did not call you
246
00:08:59,928 --> 00:09:01,861
to get a levelheaded
and fair assessment
247
00:09:01,863 --> 00:09:03,763
of the situation.
248
00:09:03,765 --> 00:09:05,197
You're right, my bad.
249
00:09:05,199 --> 00:09:06,065
Okay,
250
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,333
maybe I can get some intel
251
00:09:07,335 --> 00:09:08,801
from Don,
but in the meantime,
252
00:09:08,803 --> 00:09:10,269
you-you got to
kick it up a notch.
253
00:09:10,271 --> 00:09:11,771
It's like with dogs,
254
00:09:11,772 --> 00:09:13,272
okay? You can't just
put the food out
255
00:09:13,274 --> 00:09:14,874
and expect that they'll find it.
256
00:09:14,876 --> 00:09:16,742
You got to shake the bowl.
257
00:09:16,744 --> 00:09:18,978
Oh, I'm gonna shake my bowl.
258
00:09:19,747 --> 00:09:21,614
Wait, am I the food
259
00:09:21,616 --> 00:09:23,349
or the bowl?
260
00:09:23,351 --> 00:09:26,352
Well, I'm not the dog, am I?
261
00:09:26,354 --> 00:09:29,956
This guy Bob is definitely
flirting with Andi now.
262
00:09:29,958 --> 00:09:31,190
Well, are you flirting with her?
263
00:09:31,192 --> 00:09:32,792
Yeah,
264
00:09:32,794 --> 00:09:34,760
sometimes I walk around
with my robe open.
265
00:09:34,762 --> 00:09:37,897
That's not flirting,
that's just sloppy.
266
00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:39,765
You need to get
back in the game.
267
00:09:39,767 --> 00:09:41,801
Hey, text her a sexy picture.
268
00:09:41,803 --> 00:09:43,102
Really?
269
00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:44,837
Yeah, it's called sexting.
270
00:09:44,839 --> 00:09:46,806
(scoffs)
What do you know about sexting?
271
00:09:46,808 --> 00:09:49,208
I like to dip my toe
in popular culture.
272
00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:51,744
(scoffs)
Actually,
273
00:09:51,746 --> 00:09:53,646
a picture's
not a bad idea.
274
00:09:53,648 --> 00:09:55,081
I think getting
shocked by that cord
275
00:09:55,083 --> 00:09:57,750
might have fired a neuron
or two up in your attic.
276
00:09:57,752 --> 00:09:59,085
Look, all you need to do
is remind her
277
00:09:59,087 --> 00:10:00,820
that she's got this
slightly faded stud
278
00:10:00,822 --> 00:10:02,221
waiting for her at home.
279
00:10:02,223 --> 00:10:03,389
Well, if I'm faded,
280
00:10:03,391 --> 00:10:04,790
then what the
hell are you?
281
00:10:04,792 --> 00:10:06,158
I do all right.
282
00:10:10,932 --> 00:10:13,265
This is stupid;
I feel ridiculous.
283
00:10:13,267 --> 00:10:16,302
I could tell.
I'm not feeling the sexy.
284
00:10:16,304 --> 00:10:18,104
Look, I'm gonna give you
one smoldering look,
285
00:10:18,106 --> 00:10:19,872
because I know that
works for me.
286
00:10:19,874 --> 00:10:21,874
And you're gonna take
a picture on my phone,
287
00:10:21,876 --> 00:10:23,809
and then we are never
gonna speak of this again.
288
00:10:23,811 --> 00:10:25,911
You ready?
Yeah.
289
00:10:25,913 --> 00:10:27,980
(sighs)
290
00:10:33,354 --> 00:10:35,788
Okay. Actually,
that's not bad.
Oh.
291
00:10:35,790 --> 00:10:37,256
Okay, I'm gonna send it.
292
00:10:37,258 --> 00:10:39,692
And... oops.
293
00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:42,828
Who's Alicia?
What?
294
00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:45,831
I accidentally sent it to
someone named Alicia Rodriguez.
295
00:10:45,833 --> 00:10:47,800
That's Emme's
kindergarten teacher.
296
00:10:47,802 --> 00:10:49,702
Her name is right next
to Andi's on your phone.
297
00:10:49,704 --> 00:10:51,203
These fat fingers,
I'm telling you.
298
00:10:51,205 --> 00:10:52,972
That picture's gonna go around
the whole school.
299
00:10:52,974 --> 00:10:54,740
I can fix it,
I can fix it.
300
00:10:54,742 --> 00:10:56,709
Hold on... Oops.
301
00:10:56,711 --> 00:10:57,810
Oops, again?
302
00:10:57,812 --> 00:10:59,445
I was texting to say sorry,
303
00:10:59,447 --> 00:11:01,380
and it autocorrected
to salami.
304
00:11:01,382 --> 00:11:02,682
Give me that.
305
00:11:08,956 --> 00:11:09,989
Okay, kids.
Let's move it along.
306
00:11:09,991 --> 00:11:11,957
We're wheels up in five minutes.
307
00:11:11,959 --> 00:11:14,960
(laughs)
Sorry my shoes are so loud.
308
00:11:14,962 --> 00:11:16,362
High heels.
309
00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:21,167
You never wear high heels
to work.
310
00:11:21,169 --> 00:11:22,735
Well, I dressed up.
311
00:11:22,737 --> 00:11:24,303
Why?
312
00:11:24,305 --> 00:11:26,272
Well, it's the finale
of the cooking show
313
00:11:26,274 --> 00:11:27,740
that Bob and I watch,
314
00:11:27,742 --> 00:11:28,774
so he's taking me out
315
00:11:28,776 --> 00:11:30,009
for a, you know,
316
00:11:30,011 --> 00:11:32,111
a special lunch
to celebrate.
317
00:11:32,113 --> 00:11:33,813
Just the two of us.
318
00:11:40,388 --> 00:11:42,054
Got to love that Bob.
319
00:11:42,056 --> 00:11:43,956
Great.
Great.
320
00:11:43,958 --> 00:11:45,157
(door closes)
321
00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:47,226
(sighs)
322
00:11:51,132 --> 00:11:53,466
Oh. Uh,
I'm sorry, buddy.
323
00:11:53,468 --> 00:11:56,102
Let me clean you up
a little bit.
324
00:12:00,842 --> 00:12:02,108
Okay, turn around.
325
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:04,443
Let's just go, uh, up.
326
00:12:06,414 --> 00:12:08,047
So, um,
327
00:12:08,049 --> 00:12:09,915
has Adam ever said
anything to you
328
00:12:09,917 --> 00:12:11,217
about Andi's friend, Bob?
329
00:12:11,219 --> 00:12:13,953
Let me think.
330
00:12:13,955 --> 00:12:16,055
Are you saying "Bob" or "Rob"?
331
00:12:16,057 --> 00:12:19,091
Bob. B-O-B.
Todd?
332
00:12:19,093 --> 00:12:22,528
Are you trying to hide
something from me?
333
00:12:22,530 --> 00:12:24,163
No. And you're not gonna
get the secret out of me.
334
00:12:24,165 --> 00:12:25,397
I'm like a rock.
335
00:12:25,399 --> 00:12:26,932
So there is a secret.
336
00:12:27,935 --> 00:12:30,202
Okay, I see what I did there.
337
00:12:30,204 --> 00:12:32,972
Okay. Spill it, Don.
338
00:12:32,974 --> 00:12:34,073
Fine. You want the secret?
339
00:12:34,075 --> 00:12:36,208
Adam's gonna kill me, but okay.
340
00:12:36,944 --> 00:12:38,778
We have a secret fishing boat
341
00:12:38,780 --> 00:12:41,413
we never told you about.
342
00:12:41,415 --> 00:12:43,082
You want to know my secret?
343
00:12:43,084 --> 00:12:45,284
I've known about that boat
for six months.
344
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:48,220
Wow, no keeping anything
from you.
345
00:12:48,222 --> 00:12:49,255
So,
346
00:12:49,257 --> 00:12:51,824
nothing about Bob?
347
00:12:51,826 --> 00:12:52,825
Rod?
348
00:12:52,827 --> 00:12:54,160
Don!
349
00:12:54,162 --> 00:12:55,227
Well, I'm Don.
350
00:12:59,267 --> 00:13:00,266
Bye, Dad.
Bye, Dad.
351
00:13:00,268 --> 00:13:01,433
Bye, Dad.
ADAM: Bye-bye, bye.
352
00:13:01,435 --> 00:13:03,068
Have a good day.
All right, bye.
353
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:04,436
(chuckling)
354
00:13:04,438 --> 00:13:06,438
Good morning, Burns.
355
00:13:07,441 --> 00:13:10,376
Good morning, Mrs. Rodriguez.
356
00:13:10,378 --> 00:13:13,045
(imitates motor revving)
357
00:13:14,382 --> 00:13:17,082
I'm glad everyone enjoyed
the motorcycle picture.
358
00:13:17,084 --> 00:13:19,251
Yeah, we had a little
caption contest.
359
00:13:19,253 --> 00:13:23,255
Mine was, "Born to be
wild-ly embarrassed."
360
00:13:23,257 --> 00:13:25,858
Okay, that picture was
supposed to be for my wife,
361
00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:28,360
but mistakes were made.
362
00:13:28,362 --> 00:13:31,363
Why are you taking pictures
of yourself on a motorcycle?
363
00:13:31,365 --> 00:13:34,066
Besides to delight me.
364
00:13:34,068 --> 00:13:35,401
I'm not talking to you about it.
365
00:13:35,403 --> 00:13:37,102
From now on, I'm not talking
to anyone about it,
366
00:13:37,104 --> 00:13:38,470
except Andi, which is what
I should have done
367
00:13:38,472 --> 00:13:39,905
in the first place.
368
00:13:39,907 --> 00:13:41,173
So, I'm gonna go
find her at work
369
00:13:41,175 --> 00:13:42,374
and settle this whole thing.
370
00:13:42,376 --> 00:13:43,843
All right, and I'm see
how much it costs
371
00:13:43,845 --> 00:13:45,311
to rent a billboard.
372
00:13:47,281 --> 00:13:50,249
Okay, Bob, I finished
processing these samples
373
00:13:50,251 --> 00:13:51,851
and I'm gonna go
grab a cup of coffee.
374
00:13:51,853 --> 00:13:52,852
You want some?
375
00:13:52,854 --> 00:13:54,086
Uh...
(chuckles)
376
00:13:54,088 --> 00:13:55,421
oxygen potassium.
377
00:13:55,423 --> 00:13:57,156
What?
From the periodic table.
378
00:13:57,158 --> 00:13:58,858
They're "O" and "K."
379
00:13:58,860 --> 00:14:00,125
Oh.
(laughing)
380
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:01,327
(laughing)
That's a good one,
381
00:14:01,329 --> 00:14:02,428
Bob.
Yeah.
382
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:04,263
Yeah, yeah,
Oxygen...
383
00:14:04,265 --> 00:14:05,397
yeah, yeah, yeah.
384
00:14:08,169 --> 00:14:09,401
You must be Bob.
385
00:14:09,403 --> 00:14:10,636
Yeah, that's right.
386
00:14:10,638 --> 00:14:12,137
Yeah.
(chuckling)
387
00:14:12,139 --> 00:14:14,540
Yeah...
388
00:14:17,511 --> 00:14:19,245
Yeah,
389
00:14:19,247 --> 00:14:21,347
let's get a look at
those muscular thighs.
390
00:14:21,349 --> 00:14:23,315
Huh?
391
00:14:23,317 --> 00:14:25,284
They're not so great.
You want to see my thighs?
392
00:14:25,286 --> 00:14:26,652
Uh, no.
393
00:14:26,654 --> 00:14:29,255
Let's put our thighs
against each other.
394
00:14:29,257 --> 00:14:31,590
Thigh to thigh.
Come on, Bob, let's do this.
395
00:14:31,592 --> 00:14:32,658
Who are you?
396
00:14:32,660 --> 00:14:34,193
I'm Andi's husband,
now hold still.
397
00:14:34,195 --> 00:14:35,361
No, you first.
398
00:14:37,064 --> 00:14:39,331
Okay, listen, pal.
I don't like you
399
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:42,334
watching TV shows
with my wife.
400
00:14:42,336 --> 00:14:44,303
Okay? I don't like you
401
00:14:44,305 --> 00:14:46,038
having special lunches with her,
402
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,474
or making her wear high heels.
403
00:14:48,476 --> 00:14:51,043
I think there's been
a misunderstanding.
404
00:14:51,045 --> 00:14:52,945
Oh, look at that, you're
right next to a big trash can.
405
00:14:52,947 --> 00:14:54,113
You ever watch cartoons?
406
00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:57,383
Adam?
407
00:14:57,385 --> 00:14:58,617
W-What are you doing here?
408
00:14:58,619 --> 00:15:00,252
I'm just letting this guy know
409
00:15:00,254 --> 00:15:02,121
it's not okay
to text another man's wife.
410
00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:03,622
I never texted her.
411
00:15:03,624 --> 00:15:06,625
Oh, you just keep walking
into problems, Bob.
412
00:15:06,627 --> 00:15:09,361
Andi told me about the texts.
413
00:15:09,363 --> 00:15:10,596
Right, Andi?
Andi, I'm right, right?
414
00:15:10,598 --> 00:15:12,131
Andi, am I right?
415
00:15:12,133 --> 00:15:15,167
Okay, um...
(clears throat)
416
00:15:15,169 --> 00:15:16,435
...funny story.
417
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:17,970
Um...
(clears throat)
418
00:15:17,972 --> 00:15:19,505
I-I may have mentioned
419
00:15:19,507 --> 00:15:21,206
that Bob was texting me...
420
00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:22,141
(laughs obnoxiously)
421
00:15:22,143 --> 00:15:23,208
...but that was a--
422
00:15:23,210 --> 00:15:25,144
a slight exaggeration
423
00:15:25,146 --> 00:15:27,179
in-in the sense that, um,
424
00:15:27,181 --> 00:15:30,149
h-he never did anything
like that, ever.
425
00:15:30,151 --> 00:15:33,319
Where's the funny part
to that story?
426
00:15:33,321 --> 00:15:35,321
Oh, well, um,
the funny part is,
427
00:15:35,323 --> 00:15:37,423
he's my boss,
Bob Thompson.
428
00:15:38,392 --> 00:15:40,326
That is funny.
429
00:15:40,328 --> 00:15:42,027
(laughing)
430
00:15:42,029 --> 00:15:44,263
(laughing):
Well, that is funny.
431
00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:46,231
And I hope that one day,
432
00:15:46,233 --> 00:15:47,333
we'll can look back on this
433
00:15:47,335 --> 00:15:49,001
and laugh.
434
00:15:49,003 --> 00:15:50,169
(chuckling)
435
00:15:50,171 --> 00:15:52,471
I'll do whatever you want.
436
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:55,474
A-And I also hope that
this little misunderstanding
437
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,743
won't cause a problem
with Andi's job.
438
00:15:57,745 --> 00:16:00,379
No, no, her--
her job is safe.
439
00:16:00,381 --> 00:16:02,181
Uh, we may tighten up our
440
00:16:02,183 --> 00:16:04,316
"no spouses at work" policy.
441
00:16:05,753 --> 00:16:09,121
(Adam and Bob chuckling)
442
00:16:09,123 --> 00:16:10,356
Oh...
443
00:16:10,358 --> 00:16:11,490
Andi, what are you doing to me?
444
00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:12,491
Well, I...
445
00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,393
I don't know.
446
00:16:14,395 --> 00:16:16,161
(sighing)
Okay,
447
00:16:16,163 --> 00:16:19,365
w-when I mentioned that
I had a guy friend at work,
448
00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:21,033
you didn't seem to care.
449
00:16:21,035 --> 00:16:22,735
Didn't care?
450
00:16:22,737 --> 00:16:24,269
Well, I cared a lot!
451
00:16:24,271 --> 00:16:25,471
I was going crazy!
452
00:16:25,473 --> 00:16:27,206
Well, why didn't you
say something?
453
00:16:27,208 --> 00:16:30,342
Because you hate it
when I get jealous.
454
00:16:30,344 --> 00:16:32,111
Well, I hated it when
we were in our 20s
455
00:16:32,113 --> 00:16:33,746
and guys were hitting on me
all the time.
456
00:16:33,748 --> 00:16:35,214
Guys were hitting on you
all the time?
457
00:16:35,216 --> 00:16:36,415
Who were these guys?
Are they tall?
458
00:16:36,417 --> 00:16:38,217
See,
459
00:16:38,219 --> 00:16:39,451
that's what I was looking for.
460
00:16:39,453 --> 00:16:41,020
What?
461
00:16:41,022 --> 00:16:44,189
Well, a little jealousy is nice.
462
00:16:45,192 --> 00:16:47,326
Wha-- since when?
463
00:16:47,328 --> 00:16:50,362
Apparently, the older I get,
the more I'm gonna need.
464
00:16:50,364 --> 00:16:53,399
Good...
465
00:16:53,401 --> 00:16:55,067
'cause I am tired of pretending
466
00:16:55,069 --> 00:16:56,435
to be someone I'm not.
467
00:16:56,437 --> 00:16:57,736
I'm a jealous man.
468
00:16:58,773 --> 00:16:59,772
And I'll tell you another thing:
469
00:16:59,774 --> 00:17:01,240
I don't like kale.
470
00:17:01,242 --> 00:17:02,541
I don't like kale, either.
471
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:04,777
Then why are we eating
yard clippings?
472
00:17:04,779 --> 00:17:07,212
Because we're supposed
to like it.
473
00:17:07,214 --> 00:17:09,415
Just like I'm supposed to get
my confidence from the inside
474
00:17:09,417 --> 00:17:11,784
and you're supposed to be
so secure in our marriage
475
00:17:11,786 --> 00:17:13,585
that you don't care
who I'm friends with.
476
00:17:14,588 --> 00:17:16,221
That sounds like
477
00:17:16,223 --> 00:17:17,756
something they do in France!
478
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:20,359
This is America, damn it.
479
00:17:20,361 --> 00:17:23,462
We are jealous,
insecure, kale haters.
480
00:17:24,265 --> 00:17:25,798
I love you.
481
00:17:27,768 --> 00:17:29,134
I love you, too.
482
00:17:30,171 --> 00:17:31,470
Oh, by the way,
483
00:17:31,472 --> 00:17:34,540
I texted Mrs. Rodriguez
a sexy photo of myself.
484
00:17:34,542 --> 00:17:36,442
And, uh, the word "salami."
485
00:17:36,444 --> 00:17:38,177
So, there might be
some fallout from that.
486
00:17:38,179 --> 00:17:39,845
But, uh, okay, here we go.
487
00:17:49,356 --> 00:17:51,256
So, after all of this,
488
00:17:51,258 --> 00:17:53,625
we have decided to be completely
honest with each other.
489
00:17:53,627 --> 00:17:55,828
That's right,
no more secrets.
Mm.
490
00:17:55,830 --> 00:17:57,763
I like that, Don.
We should do that, too.
491
00:17:57,765 --> 00:17:59,731
Hey, I'm way ahead
of you, baby.
492
00:17:59,733 --> 00:18:01,867
That's why I told you
about Adam's secret boat.
493
00:18:05,806 --> 00:18:07,372
Don!
494
00:18:07,374 --> 00:18:08,540
W-What boat?
495
00:18:08,542 --> 00:18:10,542
You said there's no secrets.
496
00:18:10,544 --> 00:18:12,511
I meant no new secrets.
497
00:18:13,414 --> 00:18:15,347
Wait, you bought a boat
without telling me?
498
00:18:15,349 --> 00:18:16,748
Ooh, that's bad.
499
00:18:17,718 --> 00:18:19,234
Oh, yeah?
500
00:18:19,235 --> 00:18:20,751
Marcy, Don bought
your engagement ring
501
00:18:20,754 --> 00:18:22,488
from a mortician.
502
00:18:24,225 --> 00:18:25,390
What?
503
00:18:25,392 --> 00:18:27,593
Oh, that's worse!
504
00:18:27,595 --> 00:18:30,829
Hey, the dearly departed
didn't need it anymore.
505
00:18:30,831 --> 00:18:31,763
It's not like they
506
00:18:31,765 --> 00:18:33,532
cut it off her finger.
507
00:18:33,534 --> 00:18:34,833
(mouthing):
They did.
508
00:18:42,443 --> 00:18:44,676
(Adam sighs)
509
00:18:46,447 --> 00:18:48,247
(laughing)
510
00:18:48,249 --> 00:18:49,799
What's so funny?
511
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,350
Have you looked at your
passenger side door lately?
512
00:18:51,352 --> 00:18:52,417
No, why?
513
00:18:52,419 --> 00:18:54,686
What happened there?
514
00:18:57,391 --> 00:18:58,690
Don.
515
00:19:02,429 --> 00:19:05,364
I bet that's payback
for the mortician.
516
00:19:05,366 --> 00:19:08,734
(laughing): "Honk if
you think I'm sexy."
517
00:19:10,638 --> 00:19:12,838
Hey, I didn't get
a single honk!
518
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,541
Oh...
I'm going back out there.
519
00:19:15,543 --> 00:19:18,944
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
520
00:19:18,946 --> 00:19:21,613
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org