1
00:00:01,757 --> 00:00:03,423
Okay, only six more days
2
00:00:03,425 --> 00:00:06,059
till you, me, Andi and Marcy
are on a plane to Vegas.
3
00:00:06,061 --> 00:00:07,494
(laughs)
Oh,
4
00:00:07,496 --> 00:00:09,529
we have been planning this trip
for three years
5
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:12,599
and something always,
always screws it up.
6
00:00:12,601 --> 00:00:14,100
Well, it was your fault
we cancelled last year.
7
00:00:14,102 --> 00:00:16,403
You had to go out
and get food poisoning.
8
00:00:16,405 --> 00:00:20,106
Yeah, because you cooked me fish
you bought from a guy in a van.
9
00:00:20,108 --> 00:00:23,610
He was wearing a captain's hat.
He seemed legit.
10
00:00:23,612 --> 00:00:27,180
And the year before that,
you had to pet that coyote.
11
00:00:27,182 --> 00:00:29,249
He came right up to me.
12
00:00:29,251 --> 00:00:33,286
Okay, for the next six days,
we play it safe.
13
00:00:34,189 --> 00:00:36,423
No dares, no bets,
14
00:00:36,425 --> 00:00:39,325
no making the crew laugh
with your nail gun tricks.
15
00:00:40,429 --> 00:00:42,128
Nothing is gonna get in the way
of our trip.
16
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:43,263
All right?
17
00:00:43,265 --> 00:00:44,564
Did you confirm
the hotel reservation?
18
00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:45,765
Yeah, I even talked them into
19
00:00:45,767 --> 00:00:47,333
giving us
the convention discount.
20
00:00:47,335 --> 00:00:48,701
Uh-huh.
21
00:00:48,703 --> 00:00:50,437
Okay, what's the catch?
22
00:00:50,439 --> 00:00:52,072
No catch.
Just, someone's gonna have to
23
00:00:52,074 --> 00:00:53,740
pretend to be a podiatrist.
24
00:00:53,742 --> 00:00:56,176
And, um, possibly give
a quick 90-minute speech.
25
00:00:59,281 --> 00:01:01,614
Hey, Emme,
how was ballet?
26
00:01:01,616 --> 00:01:03,616
Great, I was the cutest one.
27
00:01:05,487 --> 00:01:07,821
She's gonna be trouble,
isn't she?
28
00:01:07,823 --> 00:01:09,155
Yeah, a little bit.
29
00:01:10,559 --> 00:01:12,425
(sing-songy):
Six days to Vegas.
30
00:01:12,427 --> 00:01:13,927
I know, I'm excited.
31
00:01:13,928 --> 00:01:15,428
Oh, but, uh, guess what I heard
at ballet?
Hmm?
32
00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:17,630
Chad Thompson
had a birthday party last week
33
00:01:17,632 --> 00:01:19,165
and Teddy wasn't invited.
34
00:01:19,167 --> 00:01:21,634
What? Wait, which one's
Chad Thompson?
35
00:01:21,636 --> 00:01:23,169
The one that
calls you "toots"?
36
00:01:23,171 --> 00:01:24,804
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
37
00:01:24,806 --> 00:01:26,706
He's the one who's got the head
that's too big for his body.
38
00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:28,775
Oh, yeah, yeah,
Bubblehead Thompson, yeah.
39
00:01:28,777 --> 00:01:32,378
Yeah. I just--
I hope Teddy's not upset.
40
00:01:32,380 --> 00:01:33,813
Oh, well, let's find out.
41
00:01:33,815 --> 00:01:35,248
I don't suggest this often,
42
00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:36,516
but let's go
talk to our children.
43
00:01:40,455 --> 00:01:41,788
(door closes)
44
00:01:43,191 --> 00:01:44,257
Okay, you go.
45
00:01:46,328 --> 00:01:48,795
Why don't you go?
You're closer.
46
00:01:50,732 --> 00:01:52,799
Teddy?
47
00:01:53,869 --> 00:01:57,537
Listen, uh,
Mom wants to talk to you.
48
00:02:01,743 --> 00:02:03,843
So, Teddy...
49
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,547
Hey, what's going on with
Chad Thompson these days?
50
00:02:07,549 --> 00:02:09,749
I-I heard he had a
birthday party last week?
51
00:02:09,751 --> 00:02:11,751
I didn't want to go to that.
52
00:02:11,753 --> 00:02:13,486
We don't really hang out
anymore.
53
00:02:13,488 --> 00:02:15,155
Oh, oh.
(chuckles)
54
00:02:15,157 --> 00:02:16,656
Well, so,
who do you hang out with?
55
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:18,424
The guys who play
Astroline Rebellion,
56
00:02:18,426 --> 00:02:20,527
the greatest computer game
of all time.
57
00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:21,694
Oh. Huh.
58
00:02:21,696 --> 00:02:23,663
So, kids at your
school play that?
59
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:25,632
No. I've never met them
in person.
60
00:02:25,634 --> 00:02:26,900
They're online friends.
61
00:02:26,902 --> 00:02:29,769
Oh. Wow.
(chuckles)
62
00:02:29,771 --> 00:02:32,572
That is, um...
Troubling?
63
00:02:33,909 --> 00:02:35,308
They're great guys--
64
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:38,278
SpaceBoss, LonerZero,
TheGoobs43.
65
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,381
The-the goobs?
What-what's a goobs?
66
00:02:41,383 --> 00:02:42,815
Wh-What kind of kids are these?
67
00:02:42,817 --> 00:02:44,184
They're called dorks.
68
00:02:45,587 --> 00:02:47,320
All right, but,
um, sweetie,
69
00:02:47,322 --> 00:02:50,590
you-you hang out with actual
kids at your school, too, right?
70
00:02:50,592 --> 00:02:52,659
Yeah, yeah, kids you definitely
know aren't, like,
71
00:02:52,661 --> 00:02:55,461
grown men in some Internet cafe
in Bangkok.
72
00:02:57,199 --> 00:03:00,833
Not really. I'm more of
an online presence these days.
73
00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:02,702
Oh.
Hmm.
74
00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:05,572
Oh, I should have
taken him fishing more.
75
00:03:08,977 --> 00:03:10,343
Okay, I didn't do it sooner
76
00:03:10,345 --> 00:03:11,444
because I didn't
want to jinx it.
77
00:03:11,446 --> 00:03:13,279
But I booked
our flights to Vegas.
78
00:03:13,281 --> 00:03:15,882
Great news: all
middle seats.
79
00:03:15,884 --> 00:03:18,484
Okay, how come we let
Don plan these trips?
80
00:03:18,486 --> 00:03:20,253
Next year, we got to
make sure
81
00:03:20,255 --> 00:03:22,355
someone's in charge of
making sure he's not in charge.
82
00:03:23,592 --> 00:03:25,358
I don't if now is the right
time to go, you know?
83
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,595
I mean, what, with Teddy
and the space goobers.
84
00:03:28,597 --> 00:03:30,496
What? So he's a nerd.
He's happy.
85
00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:34,400
You're just saying that 'cause
you want to go to Vegas.
86
00:03:34,402 --> 00:03:37,370
Yes. Yes, but also,
he seems fine.
87
00:03:37,372 --> 00:03:39,439
Yeah, the world
needs nerds.
88
00:03:39,441 --> 00:03:41,507
What do you think would have
happened if Bill Gates' parents
89
00:03:41,509 --> 00:03:43,309
had freaked out about
him being a nerd, huh?
90
00:03:43,311 --> 00:03:45,245
There'd be no Angry Birds,
I'll tell you that.
91
00:03:46,448 --> 00:03:47,880
I just don't want the
other kids to think
92
00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:49,315
he's weird and then
give him a hard time.
93
00:03:49,317 --> 00:03:51,451
Growing up is tough.
(chuckles)
94
00:03:51,453 --> 00:03:53,753
You know, I don't have
any personal experience
95
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:56,022
being an outsider, 'cause I've
always been hot and athletic.
96
00:03:56,024 --> 00:03:57,690
Mm-hmm.
But, um,
97
00:03:57,692 --> 00:03:59,959
I think Don can relate.
Mm.
98
00:04:01,029 --> 00:04:02,495
Yeah. In high school,
99
00:04:02,497 --> 00:04:03,997
Jimmy Dugan used to
follow me around
100
00:04:03,999 --> 00:04:05,431
and call me
a shaved gorilla.
101
00:04:05,433 --> 00:04:06,899
(laughs)
Oh...
102
00:04:08,036 --> 00:04:10,570
Oh, a shaved gorilla.
That's a...
103
00:04:12,641 --> 00:04:15,008
Yeah, well, I was a nerd
growing up and it wasn't easy.
104
00:04:15,010 --> 00:04:16,576
(scoffs) You know,
you're always saying that,
105
00:04:16,578 --> 00:04:17,744
but I am not buying it.
106
00:04:17,746 --> 00:04:19,612
If anything,
you were a hot nerd.
107
00:04:19,614 --> 00:04:21,648
Like, uh, like Velma
on Scooby-Doo.
108
00:04:23,652 --> 00:04:25,051
Ah, you think so, huh?
109
00:04:25,053 --> 00:04:26,486
Oh, yeah.
110
00:04:26,488 --> 00:04:27,720
When you wear
your reading glasses...
111
00:04:27,722 --> 00:04:28,721
(whistles)
112
00:04:32,027 --> 00:04:32,843
All right...
113
00:04:32,844 --> 00:04:33,660
Well, that's because I didn't
go to the same high school
114
00:04:33,662 --> 00:04:35,762
as the three of you.
115
00:04:35,764 --> 00:04:37,363
Okay, I am gonna tell
you guys something
116
00:04:37,365 --> 00:04:39,432
I have never told
anyone before.
117
00:04:40,335 --> 00:04:41,668
My freshman year...
118
00:04:41,669 --> 00:04:43,002
You slept with a teacher?
You got a boob job?
119
00:04:43,004 --> 00:04:44,604
Why is no one else guessing?
120
00:04:44,606 --> 00:04:46,739
Okay, I had just
moved here
121
00:04:46,741 --> 00:04:48,608
from Virginia and I
hadn't made many friends.
122
00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:51,644
I thought, "I'm gonna make a big
splash at the homecoming game."
123
00:04:51,646 --> 00:04:53,079
So, I go to the mall.
124
00:04:53,081 --> 00:04:56,816
And there, in the window,
is a leather suit. Okay?
125
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:59,519
Just like the one Eddie Murphy
wore in his stand-up special.
126
00:04:59,521 --> 00:05:00,853
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
127
00:05:00,855 --> 00:05:03,022
It was shiny, skintight
128
00:05:03,024 --> 00:05:04,724
and bright red.
129
00:05:04,726 --> 00:05:05,692
Oh, no.
130
00:05:05,694 --> 00:05:07,560
Oh, yeah.
131
00:05:07,562 --> 00:05:09,362
And I spent all my
babysitting money on it
132
00:05:09,364 --> 00:05:10,563
'cause I thought...
(scoffs)
133
00:05:10,565 --> 00:05:12,799
"With this suit, I can't lose."
134
00:05:12,801 --> 00:05:15,401
I hope this works
out for her.
135
00:05:15,403 --> 00:05:17,937
You're not good
with tone, are you?
136
00:05:17,939 --> 00:05:19,005
ANDI:
Yeah,
137
00:05:19,007 --> 00:05:20,106
I realized my mistake
138
00:05:20,108 --> 00:05:21,541
as soon as I hit
the bleachers.
139
00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:23,076
You see...
140
00:05:23,078 --> 00:05:24,711
leather makes a sound.
141
00:05:26,648 --> 00:05:29,382
It's a sound that-that
makes people stop
142
00:05:29,384 --> 00:05:31,384
and stare.
143
00:05:31,386 --> 00:05:33,386
Why do I
know this story?
144
00:05:33,388 --> 00:05:35,755
And that's when I
started to sweat. A lot.
145
00:05:35,757 --> 00:05:37,357
And then,
146
00:05:37,359 --> 00:05:38,691
a cheerleader from
the other school
147
00:05:38,693 --> 00:05:40,760
saw me in my
Eddie Murphy suit
148
00:05:40,762 --> 00:05:42,895
and she flipped her little
ponytail at me and she said,
149
00:05:42,897 --> 00:05:44,497
"Oh, hey, look, it's..."
150
00:05:44,499 --> 00:05:45,531
BOTH:
Sweaty Murphy.
151
00:05:45,533 --> 00:05:46,632
What?
152
00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:53,840
But how did you know that?
153
00:05:53,842 --> 00:05:55,041
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
154
00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:57,643
You're Sweaty Murphy?
155
00:05:57,645 --> 00:05:59,645
(laughs)
156
00:05:59,647 --> 00:06:01,647
I played in that game.
157
00:06:01,649 --> 00:06:02,949
We talked about you
in the huddle.
158
00:06:02,951 --> 00:06:04,851
We laughed so hard,
they threw a flag.
159
00:06:05,854 --> 00:06:07,053
No, no, no, no,
160
00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:09,589
the only way you would
know that is if...
161
00:06:09,591 --> 00:06:10,923
(swallows hard)
162
00:06:10,925 --> 00:06:12,992
Oh, my God.
163
00:06:14,462 --> 00:06:16,829
You're the girl
with the ponytail.
164
00:06:16,831 --> 00:06:17,964
Oh! (laughs)
165
00:06:17,966 --> 00:06:19,098
And you're the girl
in the suit,
166
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:20,733
this is so funny!
(laughs)
167
00:06:22,670 --> 00:06:24,837
You don't think
it's funny.
168
00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:26,873
DON: Well,
I'm just glad
169
00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,441
you're okay, because
word on the street was
170
00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:29,675
that Sweaty Murphy
went crazy
171
00:06:29,677 --> 00:06:31,477
and ended up in
a home somewhere.
172
00:06:33,882 --> 00:06:34,748
Yeah, my home.
173
00:06:34,749 --> 00:06:35,615
I can't believe
I married Sweaty Murphy!
174
00:06:35,617 --> 00:06:36,949
(laughs)
175
00:06:36,951 --> 00:06:37,950
It's not funny.
176
00:06:37,952 --> 00:06:39,018
It's a little funny.
177
00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:40,420
Funny.
178
00:06:40,422 --> 00:06:42,021
I can't believe we
have been friends
179
00:06:42,023 --> 00:06:44,757
all these years
and that was you.
180
00:06:44,759 --> 00:06:46,893
You are not really mad
about this, are you?
181
00:06:46,895 --> 00:06:48,094
It was years ago.
182
00:06:48,096 --> 00:06:50,997
No, no, I'm not mad.
183
00:06:50,999 --> 00:06:53,633
I mean, I guess I would have
recognized you sooner,
184
00:06:53,635 --> 00:06:56,035
but your hair's too thin
for a ponytail now.
185
00:06:56,037 --> 00:06:57,970
(gasps)
186
00:06:57,972 --> 00:06:59,972
Oh, yeah, I said it.
187
00:07:05,046 --> 00:07:06,546
Don, car.
188
00:07:06,548 --> 00:07:08,548
No, no, no, don't
bother leaving,
189
00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:10,116
I'm going upstairs.
190
00:07:13,188 --> 00:07:14,554
(Adam groans)
191
00:07:14,556 --> 00:07:16,055
Wow.
192
00:07:16,057 --> 00:07:17,590
Yeah. Well, I'm glad
193
00:07:17,592 --> 00:07:20,092
none of that was Marcy's fault.
194
00:07:20,094 --> 00:07:22,528
What are you talking about?
195
00:07:22,530 --> 00:07:25,198
Well, I'm just practicing
for the car ride home.
196
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,233
Ah...
197
00:07:27,235 --> 00:07:29,502
¶ ¶
198
00:07:39,714 --> 00:07:41,914
Oh, boy. How
was your night?
199
00:07:41,916 --> 00:07:43,115
Bad.
200
00:07:43,117 --> 00:07:45,084
Marcy wanted to talk.
201
00:07:45,086 --> 00:07:47,253
I spent years training her
not to depend on me
202
00:07:47,255 --> 00:07:49,789
for emotional support.
That's all out the window!
203
00:07:50,792 --> 00:07:52,225
After you guys left,
204
00:07:52,227 --> 00:07:54,727
Andi went off about Marcy.
205
00:07:54,729 --> 00:07:56,662
She went through
all the English curse words,
206
00:07:56,664 --> 00:07:59,131
then started swearing in
Portuguese like her grandmother.
207
00:08:00,134 --> 00:08:02,702
This Vegas trip
is starting to feel very shaky.
208
00:08:02,704 --> 00:08:04,604
Oh, don't even say that.
I need this trip.
209
00:08:04,606 --> 00:08:06,239
All year, I've been working
in this dump...
210
00:08:06,241 --> 00:08:09,041
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
This is our business.
211
00:08:09,043 --> 00:08:10,810
I'm sorry,
you know I love this place,
212
00:08:10,812 --> 00:08:12,578
but the thought of Vegas
is the only thing
213
00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:14,280
that gets me through the day
in this hellhole.
214
00:08:14,282 --> 00:08:16,549
Look, I want to go, too.
215
00:08:16,551 --> 00:08:17,917
But I don't think
it's gonna happen,
216
00:08:17,919 --> 00:08:19,919
unless Marcy apologizes.
217
00:08:19,921 --> 00:08:22,054
Well, there's two things
Marcy never does:
218
00:08:22,056 --> 00:08:24,023
one of them,
she did before we got married
219
00:08:24,025 --> 00:08:25,625
and then she stopped.
220
00:08:26,961 --> 00:08:30,096
The one you're talking about,
she's never done.
221
00:08:30,098 --> 00:08:32,698
Well, we got to figure out
a way to talk her into it.
222
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,700
Yeah, I'll be fine.
223
00:08:34,702 --> 00:08:36,936
You know, it's been so long,
I don't even miss it anymore.
224
00:08:40,842 --> 00:08:42,842
Oh, you mean the other thing.
225
00:08:44,946 --> 00:08:46,913
You want me to apologize?
226
00:08:46,915 --> 00:08:48,247
That's a great idea.
227
00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:51,584
Adam, you know I love Andi.
228
00:08:51,586 --> 00:08:55,555
She's one of my best friends,
but she totally overreacted.
229
00:08:55,557 --> 00:08:57,056
All right, between you and me,
230
00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:58,558
I totally agree.
231
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,760
Also between you and me,
I never said that.
232
00:09:00,762 --> 00:09:04,597
She also said
a very hurtful thing to me.
233
00:09:04,599 --> 00:09:08,000
My hair is thick and luxurious,
right, Don?
234
00:09:08,002 --> 00:09:10,770
Like a yak's chest, baby.
235
00:09:10,772 --> 00:09:12,138
Thank you.
236
00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:14,607
Well, look, Marcy,
237
00:09:14,609 --> 00:09:16,008
you are a very powerful woman.
238
00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:17,310
Like a yak!
239
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:23,316
Okay, uh, Don here
is a shell of a man,
240
00:09:23,318 --> 00:09:24,817
so job well done.
241
00:09:25,987 --> 00:09:28,120
But with that power
comes responsibility.
242
00:09:28,122 --> 00:09:31,891
You have the opportunity now
to be the bigger person.
243
00:09:31,893 --> 00:09:34,226
Hmm. Appealing to my vanity,
I like it.
244
00:09:35,863 --> 00:09:37,163
Okay, I'll do it.
245
00:09:37,165 --> 00:09:39,899
Yes! Great.
This'll mean a lot to Andi.
246
00:09:39,901 --> 00:09:41,267
Oh, and when you do it,
247
00:09:41,269 --> 00:09:42,902
if she starts talking
in Portuguese,
248
00:09:42,904 --> 00:09:45,271
just power through,
that's all compliments.
249
00:09:47,075 --> 00:09:48,774
(door opens)
250
00:09:48,776 --> 00:09:50,610
There she is.
251
00:09:50,612 --> 00:09:51,744
Surprise!
252
00:09:51,746 --> 00:09:53,980
Look who came
to see you.
253
00:09:54,916 --> 00:09:57,149
Hello, Marcy.
254
00:09:57,151 --> 00:09:59,952
That was in English,
that's a good sign.
255
00:09:59,954 --> 00:10:02,355
So, Andi,
I just wanted to say...
256
00:10:02,357 --> 00:10:05,157
Oh, you know what? Nothing you
say can change what happened.
257
00:10:05,159 --> 00:10:06,192
All right?
I mean,
258
00:10:06,194 --> 00:10:07,660
all these years,
I have regretted
259
00:10:07,662 --> 00:10:09,095
not thinking of
the perfect comeback
260
00:10:09,097 --> 00:10:10,663
for when you called me
"Sweaty Murphy"...
261
00:10:10,665 --> 00:10:12,064
(groans)
...but I see now
262
00:10:12,066 --> 00:10:14,200
that I'm not small
and mean like you.
263
00:10:14,202 --> 00:10:17,336
I don't have to blow out
other people's candles
264
00:10:17,338 --> 00:10:18,871
to make mine
shine brighter.
265
00:10:20,208 --> 00:10:22,908
I saw that on a poster
in the dentist's office,
266
00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:24,076
I thought it was
quite something.
267
00:10:24,078 --> 00:10:25,845
Mm-hmm.
You know what?
268
00:10:25,847 --> 00:10:28,681
I cannot believe that you
are still upset about something
269
00:10:28,683 --> 00:10:30,683
that happened when we were kids!
270
00:10:30,685 --> 00:10:31,851
It's kind of crazy.
271
00:10:31,853 --> 00:10:34,253
Who are you calling crazy,
doll hair?
272
00:10:34,255 --> 00:10:35,921
Oh!
Okay, okay, okay,
273
00:10:35,923 --> 00:10:38,224
I think we're moving
in the wrong direction here.
274
00:10:38,226 --> 00:10:40,259
Honey, Marcy came over
to apologize.
275
00:10:40,261 --> 00:10:41,827
No, no,
I am not apologizing anymore.
276
00:10:41,829 --> 00:10:43,996
She's completely overreacting
again.
277
00:10:43,998 --> 00:10:46,399
Overreact-- uh.
A-Are you hearing this?
278
00:10:46,401 --> 00:10:48,334
Do you think I'm overreacting?
279
00:10:48,336 --> 00:10:50,403
Me?
280
00:10:50,405 --> 00:10:52,972
Uh... Do I think
you're overreacting?
281
00:10:52,974 --> 00:10:54,240
She's looking right at you.
Everyone in the room
282
00:10:54,242 --> 00:10:55,675
knows she's talking to you.
283
00:10:57,278 --> 00:10:59,078
Adam?
284
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,381
Well, you are reacting.
285
00:11:02,383 --> 00:11:05,951
And it's definitely not
too little. (chuckles)
286
00:11:05,953 --> 00:11:09,955
It's... Well,
there's underreacting.
287
00:11:09,957 --> 00:11:13,259
Right? Then there's
regular reacting. You know.
288
00:11:13,261 --> 00:11:16,128
Then there's, uh... you.
289
00:11:16,130 --> 00:11:17,296
That means over!
290
00:11:17,298 --> 00:11:19,298
I never said it!
291
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:20,733
All right.
I gave it a shot, Adam.
292
00:11:20,735 --> 00:11:22,268
I'm out. Don, car.
293
00:11:22,270 --> 00:11:24,336
(Don inhales, exhales)
294
00:11:26,808 --> 00:11:28,774
I never get to stay anywhere.
295
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:34,780
I can't believe
you didn't back me up.
296
00:11:34,782 --> 00:11:36,849
Come on, Andi.
I always have your back.
297
00:11:36,851 --> 00:11:38,417
I just don't think that
something that happened
298
00:11:38,419 --> 00:11:41,721
in high school should cause
all these problems today.
299
00:11:41,723 --> 00:11:43,756
Because you turned out awesome.
300
00:11:43,758 --> 00:11:45,791
Well, yeah. I am pretty great.
301
00:11:45,793 --> 00:11:48,928
You know, but it was
a long road to get here.
302
00:11:49,964 --> 00:11:51,163
(exhales)
When she said,
303
00:11:51,165 --> 00:11:52,965
"Don, car," I guess she meant,
304
00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:54,767
"Don, I'm taking the car."
305
00:11:54,769 --> 00:11:55,901
Okay, well, good.
I'm glad you're back,
306
00:11:55,903 --> 00:11:57,303
because you can help me.
307
00:11:57,305 --> 00:11:58,938
Okay, don't you think everybody
308
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:01,741
would be better off
if Andi just let this go?
309
00:12:01,743 --> 00:12:05,745
Be the bigger person,
and just forgive Marcy.
310
00:12:05,747 --> 00:12:07,913
Yeah, I-I mean, I did that
to the guy from high school
311
00:12:07,915 --> 00:12:09,048
who used to call me
a shaved gorilla.
312
00:12:09,050 --> 00:12:10,382
Really?
Yeah.
313
00:12:10,384 --> 00:12:12,051
Wait, you're not just making
this up as you go along?
314
00:12:12,053 --> 00:12:13,319
No.
'Cause I need
something good here.
315
00:12:13,321 --> 00:12:15,788
No. I-It's a nice story,
actually.
316
00:12:15,790 --> 00:12:18,324
Couple years ago,
he came to me looking for a job,
317
00:12:18,326 --> 00:12:20,926
and I took that opportunity
to be the bigger man.
318
00:12:20,928 --> 00:12:22,862
I told him to go to hell.
319
00:12:22,864 --> 00:12:25,397
How does that make
you the bigger man?
320
00:12:25,399 --> 00:12:27,433
Well, he's like five-seven.
I'm way bigger.
321
00:12:27,435 --> 00:12:29,201
I knew it.
322
00:12:29,203 --> 00:12:32,338
All the parts of a good
story, but still useless.
323
00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:34,774
Don, why are you
on his side?
324
00:12:34,776 --> 00:12:37,476
You were a nerd in high school,
too, and he doesn't get it.
325
00:12:37,478 --> 00:12:38,911
I get it.
326
00:12:38,913 --> 00:12:40,479
Oh, really?
Have you ever been so desperate
327
00:12:40,481 --> 00:12:43,082
to get out of a leather suit
that you broke the zipper?
328
00:12:43,084 --> 00:12:45,050
And then your dad
had to cut you out
329
00:12:45,052 --> 00:12:46,552
with an electric carving knife?
330
00:12:46,554 --> 00:12:50,022
Okay. To be fair,
that's a really small club.
331
00:12:51,359 --> 00:12:53,325
You know,
now that I think about it,
332
00:12:53,327 --> 00:12:54,894
Adam sailed through high school.
333
00:12:54,896 --> 00:12:56,929
He was always the winner,
always popular.
334
00:12:56,931 --> 00:12:59,231
Okay. Look, I can't help it
if people are drawn to me.
335
00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:02,301
I'm... magnetic. I don't know.
336
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:03,969
Life's been easy
for you, hasn't it?
337
00:13:03,971 --> 00:13:05,371
It's... It's been
a good run, yeah.
338
00:13:06,407 --> 00:13:08,240
Well, you remember at dinner,
339
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:10,442
when I told you they called me
a shaved gorilla?
340
00:13:11,379 --> 00:13:12,411
He laughed.
341
00:13:12,413 --> 00:13:14,413
Oh, no. I do remember that.
342
00:13:14,415 --> 00:13:16,849
It's a funny idea.
343
00:13:16,851 --> 00:13:18,150
I mean, picture a gorilla.
344
00:13:18,152 --> 00:13:21,520
Then, you shave him.
You never see that.
345
00:13:21,522 --> 00:13:23,389
(chuckles)
346
00:13:23,391 --> 00:13:25,558
You know, I think
I'm on Andi's side now.
(groans)
347
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,992
And I don't think
she overreacted at all.
348
00:13:26,994 --> 00:13:28,260
I think you underreacted.
349
00:13:28,262 --> 00:13:29,862
You're an underreactor.
350
00:13:31,132 --> 00:13:33,999
You are on the right
side of history, Don.
351
00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:36,168
What? What is happening here?
Now you got him nuts?
352
00:13:36,170 --> 00:13:39,004
Just because of one day,
like, a million years ago?
353
00:13:39,006 --> 00:13:41,140
Adam, it wasn't
just one day.
354
00:13:41,142 --> 00:13:43,342
I mean, people called me
Sweaty Murphy for months.
355
00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:45,144
All right? Even
my homeroom teacher.
356
00:13:45,146 --> 00:13:46,879
She'd do roll call in the
morning, she'd be, like,
357
00:13:46,881 --> 00:13:48,547
"Murphy," comma, "Sweaty?"
358
00:13:48,549 --> 00:13:51,150
And I'd have to be,
like, "Here."
359
00:13:51,152 --> 00:13:54,186
Oh. Okay. I didn't know
any of that.
360
00:13:54,188 --> 00:13:57,022
I think it's time
you leave, Adam.
361
00:13:59,327 --> 00:14:01,427
It's my house, Don.
362
00:14:01,429 --> 00:14:03,562
Well, it looks like you win
again, doesn't it?
363
00:14:03,564 --> 00:14:04,964
¶ ¶
364
00:14:10,037 --> 00:14:12,304
(door closes, knocks on wall)
365
00:14:12,306 --> 00:14:13,505
Hey, Marcy.
366
00:14:13,507 --> 00:14:14,940
Why are you here?
367
00:14:14,942 --> 00:14:16,609
Apparently, I'm on
your team, now.
368
00:14:16,611 --> 00:14:18,911
Oh, ho, ho. We're gonna be
unstoppable!
369
00:14:18,913 --> 00:14:20,312
What? No... No! It's not good.
370
00:14:20,314 --> 00:14:21,881
So how do you want to get 'em?
371
00:14:21,883 --> 00:14:23,082
Okay, we're getting them.
372
00:14:23,084 --> 00:14:25,351
Look, Andi is really upset.
373
00:14:25,353 --> 00:14:28,320
(sighs)
And now, she's got Don
all worked up, too.
374
00:14:28,322 --> 00:14:30,589
She even took him to the
school-parent mixer tonight,
375
00:14:30,591 --> 00:14:33,559
instead of me, because
he's on her team.
376
00:14:33,561 --> 00:14:36,996
I had no idea this would be
such a big deal to her.
377
00:14:36,998 --> 00:14:38,464
Okay, look. I don't think either
one of us really understood
378
00:14:38,466 --> 00:14:40,232
her point of view before,
because she's right.
379
00:14:40,234 --> 00:14:41,667
We haven't gone through it.
380
00:14:41,669 --> 00:14:43,602
(sighs)
And I definitely
didn't handle things
381
00:14:43,604 --> 00:14:45,204
the way I should've.
382
00:14:45,206 --> 00:14:47,907
Well, to be honest,
I feel terrible.
383
00:14:47,909 --> 00:14:49,441
I mean, I love Andi.
384
00:14:49,443 --> 00:14:52,544
But I think the reason that I
got so upset was because I...
385
00:14:52,546 --> 00:14:55,648
I wasn't proud of the way
I behaved back then.
386
00:14:55,650 --> 00:14:58,584
I was young and selfish, and
I... I didn't care who I hurt,
387
00:14:58,586 --> 00:15:02,021
so, maybe Andi's right about me.
388
00:15:02,023 --> 00:15:03,489
Wow.
389
00:15:03,491 --> 00:15:06,558
Wow. You just said a lot
of really great things
390
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:10,129
at a really unhelpful time.
391
00:15:10,131 --> 00:15:11,931
Okay, look. I think
the question is...
392
00:15:11,933 --> 00:15:13,465
How do we get her to forgive us?
393
00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:15,401
How would I know
how to do that?
394
00:15:15,403 --> 00:15:17,269
Okay, Marcy. Look, it's...
everyone in town knows
395
00:15:17,271 --> 00:15:19,171
you hold a hell of a grudge.
396
00:15:19,173 --> 00:15:21,440
Oh, that's nice
that people notice.
397
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,575
Yeah, okay, well. So, if
the roles were reversed,
398
00:15:23,577 --> 00:15:25,444
what would it take
or you to forgive?
399
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:27,413
Well, talking's not gonna do it.
400
00:15:27,415 --> 00:15:29,214
We need something
to let her know
401
00:15:29,216 --> 00:15:31,317
that we understand
how she feels.
402
00:15:31,319 --> 00:15:33,352
Right? A big gesture.
403
00:15:33,354 --> 00:15:35,454
Would that by any chance
be... a trip to Vegas?
404
00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:37,089
No. No.
Oh.
405
00:15:37,091 --> 00:15:39,058
No. What I would need
406
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:41,060
is something that would
make me feel better,
407
00:15:41,062 --> 00:15:43,562
while at the same time,
making you feel bad.
408
00:15:43,564 --> 00:15:46,332
You know, preferably, in
a public place with a lot
of people watching.
409
00:15:46,334 --> 00:15:48,100
Okay? And on top of that,
410
00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:51,170
making a profound statement
about the underlying issue
411
00:15:51,172 --> 00:15:52,705
that started the problem.
412
00:15:52,707 --> 00:15:54,440
That's all.
413
00:15:54,442 --> 00:15:56,575
Wow.
414
00:15:56,577 --> 00:15:59,345
My brother Don is a saint.
415
00:15:59,347 --> 00:16:02,581
¶ ¶
416
00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:03,582
So I told Adam,
417
00:16:03,584 --> 00:16:05,217
I'm gonna go to the parent mixer
418
00:16:05,219 --> 00:16:06,719
with someone who's on my team:
419
00:16:06,721 --> 00:16:08,721
Don.
420
00:16:08,723 --> 00:16:11,557
And I misplayed my hand
terribly, so I'm here.
421
00:16:12,727 --> 00:16:14,226
Well, this may come as a shock
to you,
422
00:16:14,228 --> 00:16:16,195
but I was not
the most popular person
423
00:16:16,197 --> 00:16:17,496
in high school either.
424
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:20,232
Oh, I believe it.
You seem soft, son.
425
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:33,579
Oh, my God.
426
00:16:33,581 --> 00:16:35,514
Now we got a party.
427
00:16:37,451 --> 00:16:39,785
Why are you dressed like that?
428
00:16:39,787 --> 00:16:43,655
You... sweet, ridiculous man.
429
00:16:43,657 --> 00:16:48,027
I want to be
on Team Sweaty Murphy.
430
00:16:48,029 --> 00:16:51,497
Even though
you have really bad uniforms.
431
00:16:51,499 --> 00:16:53,065
Honey, you didn't
have to do this.
432
00:16:53,067 --> 00:16:55,100
Yes. I did.
433
00:16:55,102 --> 00:16:56,101
And believe me,
434
00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:57,569
now I understand
435
00:16:57,571 --> 00:16:59,371
how you must've felt.
436
00:16:59,373 --> 00:17:00,572
Sweaty...
437
00:17:00,574 --> 00:17:03,075
in every area.
438
00:17:03,077 --> 00:17:05,244
And humiliated.
439
00:17:05,246 --> 00:17:06,478
Hey, Jim.
440
00:17:07,515 --> 00:17:09,681
Oh...
441
00:17:09,683 --> 00:17:13,685
Oh... Now you do get me.
442
00:17:13,687 --> 00:17:16,221
This team sucks.
Take me home.
443
00:17:16,223 --> 00:17:18,624
Ugh.
Look what he wore for me.
444
00:17:18,626 --> 00:17:20,159
Is he not the cutest?
445
00:17:20,161 --> 00:17:23,562
Well, we wanted
to make a point.
446
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:25,664
We? W-We who?
447
00:17:25,666 --> 00:17:26,765
We...
448
00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:28,434
Marcy?
449
00:17:28,436 --> 00:17:32,237
MARCY: I don't want to
do this anymore, Adam!
450
00:17:33,441 --> 00:17:35,307
Marcy!
451
00:17:35,309 --> 00:17:38,277
(leather creaking)
452
00:17:38,279 --> 00:17:40,813
(laughing):
That's the stuff!
453
00:17:40,815 --> 00:17:42,581
¶ ¶
454
00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:44,316
ADAM:
Okay, I got my keys,
455
00:17:44,318 --> 00:17:46,151
I got the tickets.
456
00:17:46,153 --> 00:17:47,386
Vegas, here we come!
(laughs)
457
00:17:47,388 --> 00:17:48,520
I got to tell you,
I didn't think
458
00:17:48,522 --> 00:17:49,655
this would actually happen.
459
00:17:49,656 --> 00:17:50,789
(chuckles)
Hey, are we still getting
460
00:17:50,791 --> 00:17:52,458
the fake doctor discount?
461
00:17:52,459 --> 00:17:54,126
Yeah. I just got
to write a 90-minute speech
462
00:17:54,128 --> 00:17:56,195
about feet. I got the title.
463
00:17:56,197 --> 00:17:58,864
"Feet: The Hands of Your Legs."
464
00:17:58,866 --> 00:18:00,532
Okay, guys. Come on.
We're gonna drop you at Nana's
465
00:18:00,534 --> 00:18:01,600
on the way to the airport.
466
00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,569
All right.
467
00:18:03,571 --> 00:18:04,870
Daddy, my throat hurts.
468
00:18:04,872 --> 00:18:07,339
What? No. No, no, no.
469
00:18:07,341 --> 00:18:10,676
Aw, honey. Come here.
470
00:18:10,678 --> 00:18:12,744
Oh, Adam. She's got a fever.
471
00:18:12,746 --> 00:18:14,746
No! No, no, no.
472
00:18:14,748 --> 00:18:17,883
Yep. Teddy's warm, too.
473
00:18:17,885 --> 00:18:21,353
Every year.
474
00:18:21,355 --> 00:18:23,822
What are we gonna do? Uh...
475
00:18:23,824 --> 00:18:25,691
Don't look at me.
I'm a foot doctor.
476
00:18:25,693 --> 00:18:26,859
¶ ¶
477
00:18:33,234 --> 00:18:34,600
Goobs, watch your tail.
478
00:18:34,602 --> 00:18:36,602
This guy's level 30 xenomorph.
479
00:18:36,604 --> 00:18:38,237
(gasps)
Nice shot, LonerZero!
480
00:18:43,344 --> 00:18:44,543
High five, guys.
481
00:18:44,544 --> 00:18:45,743
Okay, that's it. We're going
fishing next weekend.
482
00:18:45,746 --> 00:18:47,146
And I'm buying you a BB gun.
483
00:18:47,148 --> 00:18:49,882
And this is how you high five.
484
00:18:49,884 --> 00:18:51,283
With another hand.
485
00:18:51,285 --> 00:18:53,352
¶ ¶
486
00:18:56,757 --> 00:18:58,657
Good morning, folks.
(clears throat)
487
00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:01,226
Von Burns, foot doctor.
488
00:19:01,228 --> 00:19:02,528
Foot specialist.
489
00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:06,165
Footballer, if you will.
490
00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:08,534
Let's break down
the word "feet."
491
00:19:08,536 --> 00:19:12,871
From the Latin word "feetatoe."
492
00:19:14,441 --> 00:19:18,443
Ten toes, two feet.
493
00:19:18,445 --> 00:19:21,613
Five toes, one foot.
494
00:19:21,615 --> 00:19:23,649
(Don clears his throat)
495
00:19:23,651 --> 00:19:25,851
I'm gonna let that sink in
for the next...
496
00:19:25,853 --> 00:19:28,587
88 minutes.
497
00:19:28,589 --> 00:19:30,289
In the meantime,
498
00:19:30,291 --> 00:19:32,591
I'm gonna walk with my feet
to the back bar,
499
00:19:32,593 --> 00:19:36,261
get myself
a nice little rum and Coke.
500
00:19:36,263 --> 00:19:38,197
These are my feet, right here,
ladies and gentlemen.
501
00:19:38,199 --> 00:19:40,265
My feet are walking
toward the bar in the back.
502
00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:42,568
Thank you for coming out.
Enjoy the next 88 minutes.
503
00:19:42,570 --> 00:19:43,969
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