1
00:00:02,457 --> 00:00:04,157
Okay, guys, Mommy and I
are gonna be leaving
2
00:00:04,159 --> 00:00:06,526
in a couple minutes,
and we're, uh...
3
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:08,695
(chuckles)
4
00:00:08,697 --> 00:00:10,296
Are you watching
The Hangover?
5
00:00:10,298 --> 00:00:13,500
Uh, no, that's rated R.
6
00:00:13,502 --> 00:00:15,168
Uncle Don came in
and turned it on.
7
00:00:15,170 --> 00:00:17,570
It's way better
than SpongeBob.
8
00:00:19,474 --> 00:00:23,076
I sat on the remote
and it just came on.
9
00:00:23,078 --> 00:00:25,211
That's not what happened at all.
10
00:00:25,213 --> 00:00:26,513
He searched for it,
found it, and then said,
11
00:00:26,515 --> 00:00:27,814
"Buckle up, kids."
12
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,051
Come on, man.
13
00:00:32,721 --> 00:00:34,621
I also told you
not to tell your dad.
14
00:00:35,724 --> 00:00:37,624
Hey, what's with
the suit?
15
00:00:37,626 --> 00:00:39,459
Looks like you're selling pianos
at the mall.
16
00:00:40,395 --> 00:00:42,395
It's Valentine's Day.
17
00:00:42,397 --> 00:00:44,130
I'm taking Andi out
18
00:00:44,132 --> 00:00:45,598
because I love her.
Hmm.
19
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,134
And because she told me to.
20
00:00:48,136 --> 00:00:50,470
Really doing it up
fancy, huh?
21
00:00:50,472 --> 00:00:52,072
Oh, yeah, yeah.
22
00:00:52,074 --> 00:00:54,307
I called three weeks ago
to get us in at Staiano's
23
00:00:54,309 --> 00:00:55,742
for dinner and dancing,
24
00:00:55,744 --> 00:00:59,412
pre-ordered their special
lovers package for two,
25
00:00:59,414 --> 00:01:01,781
and had the truck detailed for
when she throws herself at me
26
00:01:01,783 --> 00:01:03,616
on the way home.
Hmm.
27
00:01:03,618 --> 00:01:05,518
I forgot nothing.
28
00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:08,254
Who's babysitting tonight?
I forgot something.
29
00:01:08,256 --> 00:01:10,490
Oh, this is not good,
30
00:01:10,492 --> 00:01:12,592
I don't have a babysitter.
31
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:15,395
Wha-- hey, are you and Marcy
doing anything special tonight?
No.
32
00:01:15,397 --> 00:01:17,664
Every night I let Marcy lay
her head on this bear skin rug.
33
00:01:17,666 --> 00:01:20,233
So, you know,
34
00:01:20,235 --> 00:01:22,535
it's always Valentine's Day
at our house.
35
00:01:22,537 --> 00:01:25,171
Sounds like it's always
Halloween at your house.
36
00:01:26,408 --> 00:01:28,842
So can you babysit?
Let me call Marcy.
37
00:01:28,844 --> 00:01:30,710
(phone rings)
Hello?
38
00:01:30,712 --> 00:01:32,545
Hey, babe, I got a question
about tonight.
39
00:01:32,547 --> 00:01:35,515
So do I, where are you taking me
for Valentine's Day?
40
00:01:35,517 --> 00:01:38,184
We got a big night
ahead of us, baby,
41
00:01:38,186 --> 00:01:40,320
so lay out
my good underwear.
42
00:01:41,490 --> 00:01:42,856
I can't babysit,
I screwed up big.
43
00:01:42,858 --> 00:01:44,491
I got to find some place
to take Marcy.
44
00:01:44,493 --> 00:01:46,426
Wha... you're never
gonna get in
45
00:01:46,428 --> 00:01:48,595
anywhere on Valentine's Day.
46
00:01:48,597 --> 00:01:51,431
Hey, I snuck into three Cher
concerts, I could do anything.
47
00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:53,600
(door closes)
48
00:01:55,470 --> 00:01:56,736
So are you guys
not going out?
49
00:01:56,738 --> 00:01:58,838
No, no, no,
I can still save this.
50
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,573
I'll call Marie.
51
00:02:00,575 --> 00:02:02,475
She's been single
a long time.
52
00:02:02,477 --> 00:02:05,645
It's a sad, sad-- Marie!
53
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,180
Hey, uh, any chance
54
00:02:07,182 --> 00:02:09,516
you could babysit tonight?
No can do.
55
00:02:09,518 --> 00:02:12,585
I'm here with your favorite
kindergarten teacher,
56
00:02:12,587 --> 00:02:14,921
and we are drowning
our sorrows in meat.
57
00:02:14,923 --> 00:02:17,323
Hey, Burns, the best thing
about tonight
58
00:02:17,325 --> 00:02:19,392
is I've hit rock bottom.
59
00:02:19,394 --> 00:02:20,927
I can only go
up from here.
60
00:02:23,865 --> 00:02:26,599
Katie, some phone calls
make you feel very lucky.
61
00:02:27,636 --> 00:02:29,769
Lowell, it's Adam.
62
00:02:29,771 --> 00:02:31,237
Hey.
63
00:02:31,239 --> 00:02:32,839
Hey, uh, can you watch
my kids tonight?
64
00:02:32,841 --> 00:02:35,508
I wish I could, Adam,
but I've got romantic plans
65
00:02:35,510 --> 00:02:37,243
with my wife all night.
66
00:02:40,182 --> 00:02:43,316
Time for lefty.
67
00:02:44,486 --> 00:02:46,186
Oh, I am in big trouble.
68
00:02:46,188 --> 00:02:47,720
Big trouble.
69
00:02:47,722 --> 00:02:49,189
I could babysit.
70
00:02:49,191 --> 00:02:50,690
What?
71
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,525
Wait.
72
00:02:52,527 --> 00:02:55,195
Wait, wait.
73
00:02:55,197 --> 00:02:57,630
Yeah, you're 13,
you're old enough now.
74
00:02:57,632 --> 00:02:59,599
Yeah, and happy
to do it any time.
75
00:02:59,601 --> 00:03:01,868
Wasn't even thinking
about any time.
76
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:05,405
I was just thinking
about tonight.
77
00:03:05,407 --> 00:03:07,574
Yeah, but any time
means, like,
78
00:03:07,576 --> 00:03:09,509
if I have to run back to
the office, you'll be here.
79
00:03:09,511 --> 00:03:12,612
Or if Mom and I want to
see a movie, you'll be here.
80
00:03:12,614 --> 00:03:15,648
Or if we just don't want
to be here, you'll be here!
81
00:03:18,486 --> 00:03:20,220
This could
change our lives.
82
00:03:21,489 --> 00:03:23,623
One thing though,
if I babysit,
83
00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:25,758
it's gonna cost you
three dollars an hour.
84
00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,328
Three dollars an hour?
85
00:03:28,897 --> 00:03:30,530
Katie, honey...
86
00:03:30,532 --> 00:03:32,532
that's not how
you negotiate, okay?
87
00:03:32,534 --> 00:03:34,334
You go high, I go low.
88
00:03:34,336 --> 00:03:36,836
Start at, like,
ten or $15.
89
00:03:36,838 --> 00:03:38,738
Okay.
90
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:40,440
$15, then.
91
00:03:40,442 --> 00:03:41,975
No, no, no, no, it's three,
you already said three.
92
00:03:44,646 --> 00:03:47,447
Whoa, look at you.
93
00:03:47,449 --> 00:03:49,682
And look at you.
94
00:03:49,684 --> 00:03:52,452
I can't wait to get
you out on the town.
95
00:03:52,454 --> 00:03:53,753
(chuckles)
When's the babysitter
getting here?
96
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:57,323
Ah, Valentine's
surprise number one.
97
00:03:57,325 --> 00:03:59,626
She's already here.
Oh.
98
00:03:59,628 --> 00:04:00,860
In fact,
99
00:04:00,862 --> 00:04:03,730
she's been here
for 13 years.
100
00:04:03,732 --> 00:04:07,400
She's responsible,
well-raised,
101
00:04:07,402 --> 00:04:09,769
you know her and you
love her, it's Katie!
102
00:04:11,673 --> 00:04:14,774
(chuckles) You forgot to book
a babysitter, didn't you?
103
00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:17,944
That's Valentine's
surprise number two.
104
00:04:17,946 --> 00:04:19,746
Yeah, honey,
105
00:04:19,748 --> 00:04:21,681
I-I just don't think
she's ready yet.
106
00:04:21,683 --> 00:04:24,884
I mean, babysitters need to be
a little more, you know, mature.
107
00:04:24,886 --> 00:04:27,620
Wha...
You let Uncle Don babysit.
108
00:04:27,622 --> 00:04:32,325
Good point, Katie,
my smartest child. Huh?
109
00:04:32,327 --> 00:04:33,760
Don was here
for five minutes
110
00:04:33,762 --> 00:04:36,562
and Emme learned
every bad word ever.
111
00:04:36,564 --> 00:04:38,798
They're all up here now.
112
00:04:40,335 --> 00:04:42,035
Okay, Adam, we need to talk
in the kitchen.
113
00:04:42,037 --> 00:04:44,404
(sighs)
That means no.
114
00:04:44,406 --> 00:04:46,873
Do you see
how smart she is?
115
00:04:46,875 --> 00:04:48,308
Look, I tried everyone.
116
00:04:48,310 --> 00:04:49,776
Katie is our
only option.
117
00:04:49,778 --> 00:04:51,444
Look, I'm fine with
Katie babysitting.
118
00:04:51,446 --> 00:04:53,079
Just not our kids.
119
00:04:53,081 --> 00:04:54,814
Yeah, I mean, let her
work out all the kinks
120
00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,617
on that frog killer,
Tabitha, down the street.
121
00:04:57,619 --> 00:05:01,621
Andi, the restaurant's only
a few minutes away, okay?
122
00:05:01,623 --> 00:05:03,956
The kids will watch a movie,
we'll have some dinner,
123
00:05:03,958 --> 00:05:05,725
dance to Sinatra,
124
00:05:05,727 --> 00:05:07,427
maybe squeeze in a little
125
00:05:07,429 --> 00:05:09,429
truck action
on the way home.
126
00:05:09,431 --> 00:05:10,697
Come on.
127
00:05:10,699 --> 00:05:11,998
I don't know.
128
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,433
It's just scary
to think about
129
00:05:13,435 --> 00:05:15,702
leaving her in charge.
I mean,
130
00:05:15,704 --> 00:05:17,437
I have bras
older than her.
131
00:05:18,707 --> 00:05:23,076
And like those bras,
Katie has been through a lot.
132
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:28,081
Look, she helps me
already, okay?
133
00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:29,682
When we get home from school,
134
00:05:29,684 --> 00:05:31,351
she gives Teddy and Emme
their snacks,
135
00:05:31,353 --> 00:05:33,019
she gets them started
on their homework.
136
00:05:33,021 --> 00:05:35,088
She's really good at it.
137
00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:37,590
Isn't that what
you're supposed to be doing?
138
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,027
Let's not get bogged down
in details, okay?
139
00:05:41,029 --> 00:05:42,528
You know what?
Look, look, look,
140
00:05:42,530 --> 00:05:44,097
if...
141
00:05:44,099 --> 00:05:47,433
if Katie starts babysitting,
we can go out whenever we want.
142
00:05:47,435 --> 00:05:50,737
All right? We can be that
spontaneous, happy couple
143
00:05:50,739 --> 00:05:54,707
we used to be before the kids,
you know, ruined everything.
144
00:05:57,112 --> 00:05:59,946
I think it's fun to
stay home with the kids.
145
00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:05,485
They can't hear you.
You can tell the truth.
146
00:06:05,487 --> 00:06:06,919
Look, can we just
try it for tonight?
147
00:06:06,921 --> 00:06:09,889
Okay, fine.
All right?
Okay.
148
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:12,925
But if anything goes wrong
at the house while we're gone,
149
00:06:12,927 --> 00:06:14,827
Katie babysitting
goes on the list of things
150
00:06:14,829 --> 00:06:16,863
you are not allowed
to ask me to do again.
151
00:06:16,865 --> 00:06:18,464
Okay, sure, sure, sure.
152
00:06:18,466 --> 00:06:19,899
I'll put it
next to skydiving
153
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,667
and that thing I tried
on New Year's Eve.
154
00:06:21,669 --> 00:06:23,102
Now, let's...
155
00:06:23,104 --> 00:06:25,838
let's do this before
you change your mind, okay?
156
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,607
That's what you said
on New Year's Eve.
157
00:06:29,477 --> 00:06:31,677
Katie,
158
00:06:31,679 --> 00:06:34,147
your mother and I have
decided to let you babysit.
159
00:06:34,149 --> 00:06:36,015
EMME AND TEDDY:
Yay!
Really?! That's amazing!
160
00:06:36,017 --> 00:06:38,418
I won't let you down,
I promise.
Okay. All right.
161
00:06:38,420 --> 00:06:39,952
But I have some rules,
all right?
162
00:06:39,954 --> 00:06:42,021
No running, no jumping,
no climbing, no fighting,
163
00:06:42,023 --> 00:06:44,791
no biting, no cooking,
all right?
164
00:06:44,793 --> 00:06:46,826
A-And no trying anything
for the first time.
165
00:06:46,828 --> 00:06:49,429
If you're not already great
at it, don't do it, okay?
166
00:06:50,765 --> 00:06:52,131
(chuckles)
Okay, listen,
167
00:06:52,133 --> 00:06:54,834
if you need anything, you call
me, not your mother, me.
168
00:06:54,836 --> 00:06:56,602
Got it?
Got it.
169
00:06:56,604 --> 00:06:58,871
Okay. And...
170
00:06:58,873 --> 00:07:00,940
if you need anything,
you call me, okay?
171
00:07:03,611 --> 00:07:05,745
(all say good-byes)
172
00:07:05,747 --> 00:07:07,814
Be good, bye!
Oh, and lock this door.
173
00:07:07,816 --> 00:07:08,881
Don't answer
this door.
174
00:07:08,883 --> 00:07:10,216
Nothing with doors.
175
00:07:10,218 --> 00:07:12,218
Doors equal death.
176
00:07:17,225 --> 00:07:19,125
(knocking on door)
177
00:07:21,529 --> 00:07:22,895
And you're dead.
178
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,032
¶ ¶
179
00:07:35,810 --> 00:07:38,544
Do you think it's
too early to call home?
180
00:07:38,546 --> 00:07:40,613
Honey, we left six
and a half minutes ago.
181
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,050
The kids are in good hands,
will you just relax?
182
00:07:44,052 --> 00:07:46,886
Okay, well, as long as
everything is fine at home,
183
00:07:46,888 --> 00:07:48,788
I'm fine.
Well...
184
00:07:48,790 --> 00:07:50,590
I like this place.
Mm.
185
00:07:50,592 --> 00:07:51,908
It's fancy.
Yeah.
186
00:07:51,909 --> 00:07:53,225
You know, when I went to
the ladies' room,
187
00:07:53,228 --> 00:07:55,962
the toilet seat
was heated. Yeah.
188
00:07:55,964 --> 00:07:57,497
And not from somebody else
sitting on it.
189
00:07:57,499 --> 00:07:59,098
Oh.
190
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:02,101
Oh, and, since I'm only paying
Katie three dollars an hour,
191
00:08:02,103 --> 00:08:05,638
I am gonna order us the second
cheapest bottle of wine.
192
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,840
Mm.
(chuckles)
193
00:08:07,842 --> 00:08:10,676
Hi, may I help you?
Hey, yeah, uh, we have
a reservation for two.
194
00:08:10,678 --> 00:08:11,711
Burns.
195
00:08:11,713 --> 00:08:13,179
Hmm. Oh,
I just seated
196
00:08:13,181 --> 00:08:14,680
the Burns party.
197
00:08:14,682 --> 00:08:16,015
(chuckles)
198
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,584
I think I would've
remembered if that happened.
199
00:08:19,721 --> 00:08:21,153
Is that Don?
200
00:08:21,155 --> 00:08:23,523
Yes.
201
00:08:23,525 --> 00:08:26,859
That seven-foot howler monkey
stole our table.
202
00:08:27,996 --> 00:08:29,862
What the hell are you doing
at our table?
203
00:08:29,864 --> 00:08:32,832
I took a gamble you
wouldn't find a babysitter.
204
00:08:32,834 --> 00:08:34,166
I kind of bet
my marriage on it.
205
00:08:34,168 --> 00:08:36,202
Okay, well,
206
00:08:36,204 --> 00:08:37,703
Marcy's looking at me,
207
00:08:37,705 --> 00:08:39,272
so tell me
all the lies quickly.
208
00:08:39,274 --> 00:08:41,874
I told her I invited you guys
here to surprise her.
209
00:08:41,876 --> 00:08:44,243
And that you're fighting,
and that's why you looked mad.
210
00:08:47,782 --> 00:08:49,048
Okay, fine,
but you are buying us
211
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,716
the third cheapest
bottle of wine.
212
00:08:50,718 --> 00:08:52,218
No problem.
213
00:08:52,220 --> 00:08:53,853
I'm not doing that.
214
00:08:53,855 --> 00:08:55,888
(phone rings)
215
00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:57,657
(grumbles)
216
00:08:57,659 --> 00:08:59,725
Oh, no,
Katie's calling me.
217
00:08:59,727 --> 00:09:02,895
Katie, hey.
Are you okay?
218
00:09:02,897 --> 00:09:04,664
Uh, yeah, we're fine.
I think that fuse blew again,
219
00:09:04,666 --> 00:09:05,965
the lights went out.
220
00:09:05,967 --> 00:09:07,800
Oh, oh, you just have
to reset the breaker.
221
00:09:07,802 --> 00:09:10,303
You know where the breaker box
is out on the garage wall?
222
00:09:10,305 --> 00:09:13,005
Yeah, you mean that thing you
told me to touch never ever?
223
00:09:13,007 --> 00:09:16,042
That was when you were four,
but you're old enough now.
224
00:09:16,044 --> 00:09:17,310
Just-- but, uh,
before you open it,
225
00:09:17,312 --> 00:09:18,711
bang your hand on the cover
226
00:09:18,713 --> 00:09:21,781
a couple of times
to scare the spiders.
227
00:09:21,783 --> 00:09:24,750
Spiders? We'll just leave the
power off till you come home.
228
00:09:24,752 --> 00:09:25,952
No, no, no, no, no, if...
229
00:09:25,954 --> 00:09:27,753
if the power's off
when Mom gets home,
230
00:09:27,755 --> 00:09:30,756
we'll never get our
spontaneous life back.
231
00:09:30,758 --> 00:09:32,725
What are you talking about?
You'll understand in 30 years.
232
00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:34,794
You know what?
I'll be home in a minute.
233
00:09:34,796 --> 00:09:36,963
Okay, listen,
I got to run home,
234
00:09:36,965 --> 00:09:39,131
but Andi can't know that
Katie called or that I left,
235
00:09:39,133 --> 00:09:40,366
so cover for me,
all right?
236
00:09:40,368 --> 00:09:41,901
Tell her that, uh...
237
00:09:41,903 --> 00:09:43,803
Tell her you saw me
running into the bathroom.
238
00:09:43,805 --> 00:09:45,905
Yeah, got it. You were sweating,
your hands were on your butt.
239
00:09:45,907 --> 00:09:49,709
Right? And you were screaming,
"Oh, Lord help me."
240
00:09:49,711 --> 00:09:51,210
What? No, no!
241
00:09:51,212 --> 00:09:53,679
What's the matter?
Too religious?
242
00:09:56,784 --> 00:09:59,719
(keys jingle)
Hey, hi, everyone.
Okay, it's just me.
243
00:09:59,721 --> 00:10:01,988
Hi. How's everybody doing?
You good? Good? Okay.
244
00:10:01,990 --> 00:10:03,923
Playing a board game,
that's nice. All right, good.
245
00:10:03,925 --> 00:10:05,825
Just gonna run out here
and trip the breaker.
246
00:10:05,827 --> 00:10:07,893
All right, nothing--
will only take a second.
247
00:10:07,895 --> 00:10:09,161
Okay.
248
00:10:09,163 --> 00:10:11,764
Lights will be
on in a second.
249
00:10:11,766 --> 00:10:13,733
And the lights
are back on. Yeah.
250
00:10:13,735 --> 00:10:16,268
Okay, all right, that's good.
And I can...
251
00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:18,904
see that there's a spider on me!
252
00:10:18,906 --> 00:10:23,709
This is so fun that Don invited
you guys here to surprise me.
253
00:10:23,711 --> 00:10:25,978
Yeah, we're
all surprised.
254
00:10:27,181 --> 00:10:30,750
Hey, what'd I miss?
255
00:10:30,752 --> 00:10:31,834
Hey, how's your tummy?
256
00:10:31,835 --> 00:10:32,917
Don said you had to
borrow a pair of pants
257
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,920
from the lost and found.
258
00:10:36,891 --> 00:10:38,824
Thanks, Don.
259
00:10:38,826 --> 00:10:40,059
No, it was just
260
00:10:40,061 --> 00:10:41,727
an upset stomach,
but I feel great so,
261
00:10:41,729 --> 00:10:43,262
uh, let's get out night started.
262
00:10:43,264 --> 00:10:44,964
May I have this dance?
263
00:10:48,069 --> 00:10:49,902
Happy Valentine's Day.
264
00:10:49,904 --> 00:10:51,437
Here are your personalized
champagne glasses
265
00:10:51,439 --> 00:10:53,806
that were included
in your lovers package for two.
266
00:10:53,808 --> 00:10:55,141
(gasps)
267
00:10:55,143 --> 00:10:58,210
Why do they say
Adam and Andi?
268
00:10:58,212 --> 00:11:00,079
What?
269
00:11:00,081 --> 00:11:01,447
Well, shouldn't they have
our names on them?
270
00:11:01,449 --> 00:11:03,382
I mean,
you did make the reservation.
271
00:11:03,384 --> 00:11:07,853
Or is there something going on
that I should know about?
272
00:11:07,855 --> 00:11:10,456
Just that this is an outrage!
273
00:11:10,458 --> 00:11:13,325
This is fun.
(Adam chuckles)
274
00:11:13,327 --> 00:11:15,127
(phone buzzing)
Is that your phone buzzing?
275
00:11:15,129 --> 00:11:16,395
Um...
Oh, is it Kate?
276
00:11:16,397 --> 00:11:17,763
Well, let me check.
277
00:11:17,765 --> 00:11:18,864
Uh,
278
00:11:18,866 --> 00:11:19,899
no...
279
00:11:19,901 --> 00:11:20,900
No, no, no.
280
00:11:20,902 --> 00:11:22,134
No, that's a, uh, uh,
281
00:11:22,136 --> 00:11:24,003
an alarm that I set for myself
282
00:11:24,005 --> 00:11:27,373
to remind me to tell you
that I love you.
283
00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:28,474
Oh...
284
00:11:28,476 --> 00:11:30,176
I love you, I got to go.
285
00:11:30,178 --> 00:11:31,343
Wait, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
286
00:11:31,345 --> 00:11:33,012
Go where?
287
00:11:33,014 --> 00:11:36,749
Babe, a love like ours
is beyond questions.
288
00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:43,089
Listen, what's so hard about
getting a name on a glass?
289
00:11:43,091 --> 00:11:45,458
I'm begging you,
find a Sharpie and get it done.
290
00:11:46,728 --> 00:11:48,394
Katie called again,
I got to call her back.
291
00:11:48,396 --> 00:11:50,229
Okay, I'll stand in front
of you so Andi can't see.
292
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:51,864
Fine, fine, yeah.
293
00:11:51,866 --> 00:11:54,166
Hey, Katie, it's Dad.
Are you okay?
294
00:11:54,168 --> 00:11:56,168
Dad, there's a bat flying around
in Emme's room
295
00:11:56,170 --> 00:11:57,503
and she's
freaking out.
296
00:11:57,505 --> 00:11:59,038
How did a bat get in the house?
297
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,172
It must have flown in when you
298
00:12:00,174 --> 00:12:02,108
left the back door open
to fix the fuse.
299
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:04,810
Okay, no need to point fingers.
300
00:12:04,812 --> 00:12:06,846
All right,
I-I'll be home in a minute.
301
00:12:06,848 --> 00:12:09,782
Okay, listen,
tell Andi, uh...
302
00:12:09,784 --> 00:12:12,251
I'll make something up.
No, no, no, no, no.
303
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,453
Uh, tell her, uh,
tell her I had to move the car.
304
00:12:14,455 --> 00:12:16,522
I-I accidently parked
in a loading zone.
305
00:12:16,524 --> 00:12:18,958
Okay, but I got to find a
strong drink for Marcy first.
306
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,526
She's starting to
get suspicious.
307
00:12:20,528 --> 00:12:22,261
Really?
308
00:12:22,262 --> 00:12:23,995
You having a hard time
outsmarting her, are you?
309
00:12:23,998 --> 00:12:25,030
Oh, always.
310
00:12:25,032 --> 00:12:26,332
Huh.
311
00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:28,000
Oh, this drink looks good.
312
00:12:28,002 --> 00:12:30,035
It's called a Mind Eraser.
313
00:12:31,439 --> 00:12:34,039
Yeah. Mom must've
had a few of those
314
00:12:34,041 --> 00:12:36,108
when she was pregnant with you.
315
00:12:37,044 --> 00:12:39,145
Okay! I'm here.
316
00:12:39,147 --> 00:12:40,880
I'm here!
317
00:12:40,882 --> 00:12:41,847
Hello?
318
00:12:41,849 --> 00:12:42,982
Oh, it's okay,
319
00:12:42,984 --> 00:12:44,850
I got him to fly
out the window.
320
00:12:44,852 --> 00:12:47,486
Really?
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
321
00:12:47,488 --> 00:12:49,088
You're the best babysitter ever.
322
00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:50,089
See that?
323
00:12:50,091 --> 00:12:51,056
Nothing to be scared of.
324
00:12:51,058 --> 00:12:52,792
Just a little bat.
(chuckles)
325
00:12:55,096 --> 00:12:56,896
Ah! The bat's out here!
326
00:12:57,999 --> 00:12:59,532
It's chasing me!
327
00:13:02,170 --> 00:13:04,103
(phone buzzing)
328
00:13:04,105 --> 00:13:06,238
Not again.
329
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,340
Hey, Katie.
What is it this time?
330
00:13:08,342 --> 00:13:10,843
Never mind, I'm coming.
331
00:13:10,845 --> 00:13:12,278
Hey, pal.
332
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,313
Hi, Dad.
333
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:18,984
Okay, ready?
334
00:13:18,986 --> 00:13:20,119
Yeah.
Out you go.
335
00:13:20,121 --> 00:13:21,287
(both grunt)
336
00:13:21,289 --> 00:13:24,824
(whoops)
What a rush.
337
00:13:24,826 --> 00:13:26,058
Yeah, it's good, right?
338
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:27,526
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay,
339
00:13:27,527 --> 00:13:28,993
please don't do that again,
all right?
340
00:13:28,994 --> 00:13:30,460
All right, I got to go.
You call me if you need me.
341
00:13:30,464 --> 00:13:31,463
(door closes)
342
00:13:31,465 --> 00:13:33,999
(phone rings)
343
00:13:34,001 --> 00:13:36,001
Hey, Mom.
344
00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:37,369
Hey, honey, just checking in.
345
00:13:37,371 --> 00:13:39,205
Oh, uh, don't worry,
Dad just left.
346
00:13:39,207 --> 00:13:42,474
Wait, your-your dad was there?
347
00:13:42,476 --> 00:13:45,444
Yeah, to get Teddy's head
out of the banister.
348
00:13:45,446 --> 00:13:46,979
What?
349
00:13:46,981 --> 00:13:48,514
(stammering):
Kate, what happened?
350
00:13:48,516 --> 00:13:49,982
Which time?
351
00:13:49,984 --> 00:13:52,484
"Which time?"
352
00:13:52,486 --> 00:13:54,453
Oh, it... it's no big deal.
353
00:13:54,455 --> 00:13:56,288
Dad only came home
when the fuse blew out,
354
00:13:56,290 --> 00:13:58,390
when the bat was upstairs
and when Teddy's head got stuck.
355
00:14:00,628 --> 00:14:02,328
I thought you guys
told each other stuff.
356
00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:04,330
Yeah, so did I.
357
00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:06,298
Okay, honey, well, I think
358
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,900
we'll be home very soon.
359
00:14:07,902 --> 00:14:10,102
Okay? Bye-bye.
360
00:14:10,104 --> 00:14:12,071
Excuse me?
361
00:14:12,073 --> 00:14:14,974
I would like your most expensive
bottle of wine, please.
362
00:14:21,582 --> 00:14:23,315
This drink is delicious.
I don't even care
363
00:14:23,317 --> 00:14:25,551
if my name's not on the glass.
364
00:14:25,553 --> 00:14:26,986
(chuckles)
There you go.
365
00:14:26,987 --> 00:14:28,420
And there's hardly
any alcohol in there,
366
00:14:28,422 --> 00:14:30,155
so you could have
as many as you want.
367
00:14:31,626 --> 00:14:33,659
Hey.
368
00:14:33,661 --> 00:14:35,628
ANDI:
Hey.
369
00:14:35,630 --> 00:14:38,430
Honey, it sure took you
a long time to move the car.
370
00:14:38,432 --> 00:14:41,166
Yeah, well,
I had to circle around forever.
371
00:14:41,168 --> 00:14:43,135
Practically ended up
back at the house.
372
00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:44,904
(Adam and Andi laugh)
373
00:14:44,906 --> 00:14:47,172
I hate when
I can't find a parking spot.
374
00:14:47,174 --> 00:14:49,909
It just makes me
want to blow a fuse.
375
00:14:51,646 --> 00:14:55,347
Well, that... that was very
specifically worded.
376
00:14:55,349 --> 00:14:58,217
It just drives me...
(groans)
377
00:14:58,219 --> 00:14:59,652
batty.
378
00:15:00,688 --> 00:15:03,989
It's over, man.
379
00:15:05,927 --> 00:15:07,960
Why didn't you tell me you
had to go home three times?
380
00:15:07,962 --> 00:15:09,228
I'm sorry.
381
00:15:09,230 --> 00:15:11,430
I wasn't thinking straight
because I got caught up
382
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,966
in this beautiful
fantasy.
383
00:15:13,968 --> 00:15:15,701
Imagine this:
it's a typical night,
384
00:15:15,703 --> 00:15:17,970
the kids are tired and fighting,
385
00:15:17,972 --> 00:15:19,405
and what do we do?
386
00:15:19,407 --> 00:15:21,206
We just walk out the door.
387
00:15:22,944 --> 00:15:24,376
Because the babysitter
is already there.
388
00:15:25,947 --> 00:15:28,981
All right, I mean,
that does sound pretty good.
389
00:15:28,983 --> 00:15:30,983
And Katie did the right thing:
every time there was a problem,
390
00:15:30,985 --> 00:15:32,217
she called me.
391
00:15:32,219 --> 00:15:33,619
We can trust her.
392
00:15:33,621 --> 00:15:35,955
'Cause she was raised
by a good mother.
393
00:15:35,957 --> 00:15:38,157
A good, smokin' hot mother.
394
00:15:38,159 --> 00:15:39,625
Okay, okay.
395
00:15:39,627 --> 00:15:41,627
Too much?
396
00:15:41,629 --> 00:15:43,996
No, I mean, I like it.
397
00:15:44,732 --> 00:15:46,732
I like the fantasy,
398
00:15:46,734 --> 00:15:48,968
I-I like the whole thing.
399
00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:50,569
Yeah.
You know what?
I'm gonna call Katie
400
00:15:50,571 --> 00:15:52,338
and tell her what a good job
she's doing.
401
00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:54,406
Great, great.
Then let's go enjoy our night.
402
00:15:54,408 --> 00:15:56,608
We still got a lot to look
forward to: dinner, dancing,
403
00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:59,645
fireworks when Don's night
goes up in flames.
404
00:16:01,983 --> 00:16:03,449
Adam, she's not picking up.
405
00:16:03,451 --> 00:16:06,485
What?
406
00:16:06,486 --> 00:16:09,520
(blender whirring)
(phone ringing)
407
00:16:09,523 --> 00:16:11,690
This night is going great.
408
00:16:11,692 --> 00:16:13,759
I think I'm actually
gonna get away with it.
409
00:16:13,761 --> 00:16:15,745
Hey, bartender,
410
00:16:15,746 --> 00:16:17,730
another Mind Eraser,
shaky, shaky.
411
00:16:17,732 --> 00:16:19,665
Five rings,
412
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:22,368
six rings... voice mail.
413
00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:24,670
Voice mail, Adam!
Well, why isn't she answering?
414
00:16:24,672 --> 00:16:26,572
I don't know, but we need to
get home to our kids right now!
415
00:16:26,574 --> 00:16:27,706
All right, all right, that's it,
416
00:16:27,708 --> 00:16:28,674
we're out of here.
417
00:16:28,676 --> 00:16:29,675
Oh!
418
00:16:29,677 --> 00:16:31,043
Oh...
419
00:16:31,045 --> 00:16:31,677
Oh, sorry, buddy.
420
00:16:31,679 --> 00:16:33,445
Uh, he'll pay for it.
421
00:16:33,447 --> 00:16:35,547
I-I got to go!
422
00:16:35,549 --> 00:16:37,383
Why do I have to pay for it?
423
00:16:37,385 --> 00:16:38,751
It wasn't even my reservation!
424
00:16:41,455 --> 00:16:43,288
What did you just say?
425
00:16:44,692 --> 00:16:47,760
(sighs)
Oh, I was so close.
426
00:16:48,696 --> 00:16:51,063
Still no answer.
427
00:16:51,065 --> 00:16:52,531
Can you drive faster?
428
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:53,732
Well, I...
(scoffs)
My God,
429
00:16:53,734 --> 00:16:54,733
when we're going
for fried chicken,
430
00:16:54,735 --> 00:16:56,368
you're breaking
the sound barrier.
431
00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:58,203
All right, hold on.
432
00:16:58,205 --> 00:17:01,273
(siren chirps)
433
00:17:01,275 --> 00:17:03,709
Oh, you got to
be kidding me!
434
00:17:03,711 --> 00:17:07,112
(groans)
435
00:17:07,114 --> 00:17:08,647
I'm soaked in booze.
436
00:17:08,649 --> 00:17:10,282
He's gonna think
I've been drinking.
437
00:17:10,284 --> 00:17:12,384
You got any perfume
or something to cover the smell?
438
00:17:12,386 --> 00:17:14,520
Uh... ooh, this'll work.
439
00:17:14,522 --> 00:17:15,621
This'll work, okay.
440
00:17:15,623 --> 00:17:17,556
Ow! What the
hell was that?
441
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:19,124
It's-it's lavender hair spray,
442
00:17:19,126 --> 00:17:20,793
with-with a little bit
of glitter.
443
00:17:20,795 --> 00:17:23,095
(Adam gags)
It's why I look
like a princess tonight.
444
00:17:24,799 --> 00:17:27,099
It's in my eyes!
445
00:17:27,101 --> 00:17:28,133
Okay, uh...
446
00:17:28,135 --> 00:17:30,135
Give me something
to wipe my eyes.
447
00:17:30,137 --> 00:17:32,071
I don't...
I don't have anything.
448
00:17:32,073 --> 00:17:33,839
I... here, oh, here.
(groans)
449
00:17:33,841 --> 00:17:36,108
Use my dress.
Okay.
450
00:17:36,110 --> 00:17:38,677
Oh...
451
00:17:38,679 --> 00:17:41,380
(knock on window)
452
00:17:45,719 --> 00:17:47,820
Good evening, officer.
453
00:17:47,822 --> 00:17:50,656
Well, I pulled you over
for doing 50 in a 35,
454
00:17:50,658 --> 00:17:53,759
but by the look of things, we
have a bit more to talk about.
455
00:17:53,761 --> 00:17:55,861
Oh...
456
00:17:55,863 --> 00:17:58,597
Doesn't he look
like a princess?
457
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,500
(knock on door)
458
00:18:14,815 --> 00:18:16,448
Are these your parents?
459
00:18:16,450 --> 00:18:18,550
(sighs)
I'm afraid so.
460
00:18:22,256 --> 00:18:24,556
What do you two have to say
for yourselves?
461
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:27,793
I'm sorry, honey.
462
00:18:27,795 --> 00:18:30,129
Oh, sure,
apologize to her.
463
00:18:30,131 --> 00:18:31,497
My eyes got glittered,
464
00:18:31,499 --> 00:18:34,366
it's like I'm living
in a snow globe.
465
00:18:34,368 --> 00:18:37,302
Look, me babysitting
isn't gonna work
466
00:18:37,304 --> 00:18:39,238
if you can't be
more responsible.
467
00:18:41,142 --> 00:18:42,307
You're right.
468
00:18:42,309 --> 00:18:44,443
Yeah.
(mumbles)
469
00:18:44,445 --> 00:18:45,577
What was that?
470
00:18:46,547 --> 00:18:50,782
You're right. God.
471
00:18:50,784 --> 00:18:51,850
Now...
472
00:18:51,852 --> 00:18:53,719
I'm gonna put
these two to bed.
473
00:18:53,721 --> 00:18:56,355
Just know, I'm not mad.
474
00:18:56,357 --> 00:18:57,689
I'm disappointed.
475
00:18:59,827 --> 00:19:01,927
We're all
disappointed.
476
00:19:04,632 --> 00:19:07,199
(scoffs)
477
00:19:07,201 --> 00:19:10,602
Well, clearly Kate's
bossy enough to babysit.
478
00:19:10,604 --> 00:19:12,771
I'm sorry, honey.
479
00:19:12,773 --> 00:19:15,207
I really wanted this
to be a special night for you.
480
00:19:15,209 --> 00:19:17,876
Well, I mean, you know,
we got covered in drinks,
481
00:19:17,878 --> 00:19:20,412
covered in glitter and
detained by the police.
482
00:19:20,414 --> 00:19:24,316
Before we had kids, we would've
called that a pretty fun night.
483
00:19:24,318 --> 00:19:26,385
Yeah.
484
00:19:26,387 --> 00:19:28,487
And it's not over yet.
485
00:19:28,489 --> 00:19:30,956
I still have one more
Valentine's Day gift for you.
486
00:19:31,725 --> 00:19:33,325
But I have to give it
to you upstairs.
487
00:19:33,327 --> 00:19:36,328
Oh, so the same thing
you got me last year?
488
00:19:38,299 --> 00:19:40,199
Well, it might be
in a different order,
489
00:19:40,201 --> 00:19:41,833
but we end up
in the same place.
490
00:19:41,835 --> 00:19:44,236
All right, let's go.
491
00:19:44,238 --> 00:19:45,904
(Adam chuckles)
492
00:19:45,906 --> 00:19:47,506
(knock on door)
493
00:19:50,578 --> 00:19:52,678
(groans)
494
00:19:58,953 --> 00:20:01,753
Turns out Mind Erasers wear off.
495
00:20:03,324 --> 00:20:06,992
Get in here,
you big howler monkey.
496
00:20:14,535 --> 00:20:16,368
Okay, Kate, we're headed out.
497
00:20:16,370 --> 00:20:18,704
Now remember,
doors are still death
498
00:20:18,706 --> 00:20:20,672
and try to keep Teddy's head
out of the banister.
499
00:20:20,674 --> 00:20:21,974
I know he's quick.
500
00:20:21,976 --> 00:20:24,476
And, uh, call us
if you need anything.
501
00:20:24,478 --> 00:20:26,411
Same deal as before,
three dollars an hour.
502
00:20:26,947 --> 00:20:29,548
I'm thinking ten.
503
00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:32,284
What?
When did the price go up?
504
00:20:32,286 --> 00:20:35,520
When you bought
non-refundable movie tickets.
505
00:20:37,024 --> 00:20:39,391
Now that's how you negotiate.
506
00:20:39,393 --> 00:20:42,394
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
507
00:20:42,396 --> 00:20:44,529
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org