1
00:00:03,025 --> 00:00:04,424
Thanks for cooking, Ma.
2
00:00:04,426 --> 00:00:06,426
I haven't had a real
home-cooked meal in...
3
00:00:06,428 --> 00:00:08,695
one day.
4
00:00:13,702 --> 00:00:17,103
God, you're pretty.
5
00:00:18,507 --> 00:00:20,774
Oh, you're lucky
you're pretty, too.
6
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:23,643
Oh, I've missed
nights like this.
7
00:00:23,645 --> 00:00:26,513
Everybody I love
under the same roof.
8
00:00:26,515 --> 00:00:28,715
Well, my wife couldn't make it,
so not everyone.
9
00:00:28,717 --> 00:00:30,550
I knew what I was saying.
10
00:00:32,054 --> 00:00:34,521
You guys got to come see
what the girls did to Grandpa.
11
00:00:34,523 --> 00:00:36,322
It's awesome.
12
00:00:36,324 --> 00:00:38,458
I bet it's not as awesome
as your mother's coffee.
13
00:00:38,460 --> 00:00:39,626
I made that.
14
00:00:39,628 --> 00:00:41,061
It's bitter. I don't...
15
00:00:50,338 --> 00:00:52,472
We turned him
into a princess.
16
00:00:53,675 --> 00:00:55,542
He's all over my
Instagram now.
17
00:00:56,478 --> 00:00:58,211
You're about
to break the Internet.
18
00:00:58,213 --> 00:00:59,846
Good. I hate the Internet.
19
00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:06,086
Princess Cranky, the grumpiest
princess in all the land.
20
00:01:07,856 --> 00:01:11,124
You're such a pushover when
it comes to these kids, Joe.
21
00:01:11,126 --> 00:01:14,094
Well, I can't say no
to these sweet faces.
22
00:01:14,096 --> 00:01:15,395
Ah, well,
when you live with them,
23
00:01:15,397 --> 00:01:16,596
that wears off pretty quick.
24
00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:18,665
Okay, guys,
up to bed.
25
00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:20,200
Good night, Grandpa.
Good night, Grandpa.
26
00:01:20,202 --> 00:01:21,534
Good night.
Night. Night.
27
00:01:21,536 --> 00:01:23,169
Love you.
Night. Oh.
28
00:01:23,171 --> 00:01:27,240
Ooh, this damn shoulder's
barking at me again.
29
00:01:27,242 --> 00:01:28,842
You got a couple of pain pills?
30
00:01:28,844 --> 00:01:30,343
Did you check
your purse?
31
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,215
Relax, Princess. I'll get
you some from the kitchen.
32
00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:38,818
I worry about your dad.
33
00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:41,454
He's been taking
way too many pills lately.
34
00:01:41,456 --> 00:01:43,723
Well, if they're mood enhancers,
they've met their match.
35
00:01:45,260 --> 00:01:47,393
What does his doctor
say about all this?
36
00:01:47,395 --> 00:01:49,662
Oh, he hasn't been
to the doctor since...
37
00:01:49,664 --> 00:01:52,732
Well, it was the morning
after Obama first won.
38
00:01:54,169 --> 00:01:56,302
His blood pressure
shot through the roof.
39
00:01:56,304 --> 00:01:59,339
Ma, that's almost
ten years ago.
40
00:01:59,341 --> 00:02:01,274
You got to get him to go.
41
00:02:01,276 --> 00:02:04,544
I've tried, but he is
so stuck in his ways.
42
00:02:04,546 --> 00:02:06,312
About everything.
43
00:02:07,249 --> 00:02:08,414
Bought him a cordless phone.
44
00:02:08,416 --> 00:02:09,782
He still stands
right next to the base.
45
00:02:09,784 --> 00:02:11,251
Makes me furious.
46
00:02:12,420 --> 00:02:14,254
Well, somebody
should talk to him.
47
00:02:14,256 --> 00:02:15,488
Any volunteers?
48
00:02:19,261 --> 00:02:20,860
Fine, I'll do it.
49
00:02:20,862 --> 00:02:22,629
Oh, thank you, honey.
Mm-hmm.
50
00:02:23,865 --> 00:02:25,698
No, no, no. No.
51
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:27,700
Let's go upstairs and
pretend like we don't know
52
00:02:27,702 --> 00:02:29,836
what's happening.
Come on.
53
00:02:29,838 --> 00:02:32,272
I learn something new
from you every day.
54
00:02:33,341 --> 00:02:35,175
Dad, you got to
go to the doctor.
55
00:02:35,177 --> 00:02:36,676
If you don't
get a check-up,
56
00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:38,711
how will you know if
something's wrong with you?
57
00:02:38,713 --> 00:02:40,446
I'd rather not know.
58
00:02:40,448 --> 00:02:42,682
Smile, smile, smile, dead.
59
00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:45,485
That's how I want
to punch my ticket.
60
00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:50,723
Okay.
61
00:02:50,725 --> 00:02:52,592
Okay, when did you ever smile?
62
00:02:52,594 --> 00:02:54,327
(laughs)
63
00:02:54,329 --> 00:02:56,296
He smiles at me
all the time.
64
00:02:56,298 --> 00:02:58,598
Yeah, see? Why can't you be
more like your brother?
65
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,433
He's always on my side,
right, Donny?
66
00:03:00,435 --> 00:03:03,336
Ah, you got it, Pops.
67
00:03:03,338 --> 00:03:06,639
He's not on your side,
he's just a big yes man.
68
00:03:06,641 --> 00:03:09,342
Everybody's a yes man
when you're always right.
69
00:03:09,344 --> 00:03:12,245
All right, all right,
so let me get this straight.
70
00:03:12,247 --> 00:03:14,847
You two jokers have decided
you don't need doctors.
71
00:03:14,849 --> 00:03:18,284
I got through the Vietnam War
on aspirin and Bengay.
72
00:03:20,522 --> 00:03:21,888
That's not true.
73
00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:23,223
You weren't there.
74
00:03:25,493 --> 00:03:27,427
You weren't there!
75
00:03:27,429 --> 00:03:29,762
Adam, let me talk to you
for a minute in the kitchen.
76
00:03:29,764 --> 00:03:31,531
Come on.
77
00:03:43,945 --> 00:03:46,246
What?
78
00:03:46,248 --> 00:03:48,381
I just brought you in here
so Dad could leave.
79
00:03:48,383 --> 00:03:49,682
What?
80
00:03:49,684 --> 00:03:51,084
Dad!
81
00:03:51,085 --> 00:03:52,485
Thanks for letting me
borrow your car.
82
00:03:55,290 --> 00:03:57,624
¶ ¶
83
00:04:05,567 --> 00:04:07,433
All right, Mom and Dad'll
be here any minute.
84
00:04:07,435 --> 00:04:09,469
Dad's been avoiding
me all week about
85
00:04:09,471 --> 00:04:11,371
going to the
doctor, but I know
86
00:04:11,373 --> 00:04:13,390
he can't resist brunch.
87
00:04:13,391 --> 00:04:15,408
That man would walk into a hail
of bullets for a plate of bacon.
88
00:04:15,410 --> 00:04:17,543
Yeah. I turned
the exhaust fan on high
89
00:04:17,545 --> 00:04:19,012
so the smell wafts outside.
90
00:04:19,014 --> 00:04:21,781
He's gonna float in here
like a cartoon bear.
91
00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:25,551
You guys might get along better
if you stop nagging the old man.
92
00:04:25,553 --> 00:04:27,687
Hey, I'd much rather
be the fun son, like you,
93
00:04:27,689 --> 00:04:30,390
but someone has to step up
and deal with things.
94
00:04:30,392 --> 00:04:32,292
And that kind of attitude is why
he doesn't invite you
95
00:04:32,294 --> 00:04:33,693
to go mall walking with us.
96
00:04:33,695 --> 00:04:36,763
You guys go mall walking
together?
97
00:04:36,765 --> 00:04:40,066
Yeah. We got matching
sweat suits. It's adorable.
98
00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:42,669
I'd mall walk
if someone asked me.
99
00:04:42,671 --> 00:04:44,437
Three guys
in matching sweat suits?
100
00:04:44,439 --> 00:04:46,005
That's a boy band, Adam.
101
00:04:49,778 --> 00:04:51,444
Honey, I'll go mall
walking with you.
102
00:04:52,947 --> 00:04:54,947
Not you.
103
00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:56,416
Hey.
Morning.
104
00:04:56,418 --> 00:04:57,684
ADAM:
Hey, Ma.
105
00:04:57,686 --> 00:04:58,851
Where's Dad?
106
00:04:58,853 --> 00:04:59,919
He won't come. He doesn't want
107
00:04:59,921 --> 00:05:00,987
to hear it about the doctor.
108
00:05:01,723 --> 00:05:02,855
But Lowell was nice enough
109
00:05:02,857 --> 00:05:04,324
to give me a ride.
110
00:05:04,326 --> 00:05:06,059
He told me
if I ever needed anything,
111
00:05:06,061 --> 00:05:07,627
I should call him.
112
00:05:07,629 --> 00:05:09,796
I didn't think
she'd really call.
113
00:05:09,798 --> 00:05:10,797
Oh, she calls.
114
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,399
ADAM: Oh.
I love him.
115
00:05:13,401 --> 00:05:15,401
It's like having a house boy.
116
00:05:18,673 --> 00:05:21,808
Lowell, you do not want
to start driving her around.
117
00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:23,343
All right? She's got
a million places to go,
118
00:05:23,345 --> 00:05:24,677
and they all suck.
119
00:05:24,679 --> 00:05:27,814
I can't tell her no;
she's too nice.
120
00:05:27,816 --> 00:05:29,349
Listen, when I first
married Adam,
121
00:05:29,351 --> 00:05:30,883
I got roped into
driving her everywhere.
122
00:05:30,885 --> 00:05:32,885
And the only way I got out of it
123
00:05:32,887 --> 00:05:34,487
was by going into labor
with Kate
124
00:05:34,489 --> 00:05:35,955
in the middle of a yarn shop.
125
00:05:35,957 --> 00:05:38,624
And before Andi,
I used to drive her.
126
00:05:38,626 --> 00:05:40,393
That's when I learned
a little trick called
127
00:05:40,395 --> 00:05:41,961
"pretending to fall asleep."
128
00:05:42,797 --> 00:05:43,830
I got it from
watching the possums
129
00:05:43,832 --> 00:05:44,897
on The Animal Channel.
130
00:05:45,967 --> 00:05:47,433
Who wouldn't
mind driving me
131
00:05:47,435 --> 00:05:48,968
to the outlets
on Saturday?
132
00:05:54,542 --> 00:05:55,708
I can't believe
Dad wouldn't come.
133
00:05:55,710 --> 00:05:56,776
He is so stubborn.
134
00:05:56,778 --> 00:05:58,111
Oh, the both of you
are stubborn.
135
00:05:58,113 --> 00:05:59,645
Hey, don't say I'm like Dad.
136
00:05:59,647 --> 00:06:00,780
You know I hate that.
137
00:06:00,782 --> 00:06:02,148
I wasn't going to.
138
00:06:02,150 --> 00:06:04,684
I was just going to look
at Andi knowingly.
139
00:06:04,686 --> 00:06:06,786
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
140
00:06:06,788 --> 00:06:09,455
Okay, so nobody's
gonna do anything?
141
00:06:09,457 --> 00:06:11,057
Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
142
00:06:11,059 --> 00:06:13,159
Fine.
143
00:06:13,161 --> 00:06:14,927
I'll go over there
and talk to Dad--
144
00:06:14,929 --> 00:06:16,429
who I'm nothing like...
145
00:06:17,399 --> 00:06:18,931
...and be the bad guy
like I always am.
146
00:06:18,933 --> 00:06:20,433
Bacon's not my only weapon.
147
00:06:20,435 --> 00:06:22,435
I got one more way
to turn up the heat.
148
00:06:22,437 --> 00:06:24,871
Good luck. He already
keeps the heat on 82.
149
00:06:24,873 --> 00:06:27,507
You should see how I sweat
through my nightgown.
150
00:06:28,510 --> 00:06:29,809
Ma, no.
151
00:06:35,016 --> 00:06:38,518
Dad, I know you're home.
I heard you yelling at the news.
152
00:06:40,688 --> 00:06:43,423
Hey. Would you stop
banging on my house?
153
00:06:43,425 --> 00:06:45,491
I'm trying to get my dad
to come out here.
154
00:06:45,493 --> 00:06:48,461
Wait, you're the landlord.
Can you unlock his door for me?
155
00:06:48,463 --> 00:06:50,430
Nah, I like him more than you.
156
00:06:50,432 --> 00:06:51,664
You like him?
157
00:06:51,666 --> 00:06:53,966
He calls you
Mrs. Chiquita Banana.
158
00:06:53,968 --> 00:06:55,668
Yeah, and I call him
Colonel Sanders.
159
00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:56,969
We have a thing, we're fun.
160
00:06:56,971 --> 00:06:58,287
(groans)
161
00:06:58,288 --> 00:06:59,604
What's with all
the yapping, Charo?
162
00:06:59,607 --> 00:07:01,707
Dad, just get
in the car.
163
00:07:01,709 --> 00:07:03,476
I don't have to do what you say.
164
00:07:03,478 --> 00:07:06,112
Fine, I can stand
out here all day.
165
00:07:06,114 --> 00:07:08,448
Eh, not on my front
porch, you can't.
166
00:07:08,450 --> 00:07:09,949
All right, you old drumstick,
167
00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:11,951
get your Kentucky Fried butt
in the car.
Okay.
168
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:14,921
Okay, settle down. I'm going.
169
00:07:16,024 --> 00:07:17,957
You want to learn
how to be a man?
170
00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,025
Watch her.
171
00:07:20,895 --> 00:07:22,228
Wow.
172
00:07:22,230 --> 00:07:23,896
He got us both in one shot.
He's good.
173
00:07:23,898 --> 00:07:25,064
Mm.
174
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:30,136
Grandpa,
please go to the doctor.
175
00:07:30,138 --> 00:07:31,737
TEDDY:
Yeah, Grandpa.
176
00:07:31,739 --> 00:07:34,006
If you're gone,
who's gonna ask me
177
00:07:34,008 --> 00:07:36,042
to pull their finger
every morning?
178
00:07:39,147 --> 00:07:40,813
Grandma?
179
00:07:42,183 --> 00:07:44,984
No, that's a grandpa's job.
180
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:46,619
He's teetering.
181
00:07:46,621 --> 00:07:49,255
Yep. And now the little one
for the win.
182
00:07:54,662 --> 00:07:57,163
Please go to the
doctor, Grandpa.
183
00:07:57,165 --> 00:07:59,499
I love you so much.
184
00:07:59,501 --> 00:08:03,736
Oh, kids,
I can't say no to you.
185
00:08:03,738 --> 00:08:06,172
So why don't you leave the room
so I can say no to your dad.
186
00:08:07,609 --> 00:08:10,176
Come on!
187
00:08:10,178 --> 00:08:12,645
(scoffs) Everybody
in this room
188
00:08:12,647 --> 00:08:14,247
goes to the doctor once a year.
189
00:08:14,249 --> 00:08:16,215
Okay, it's what
normal humans do.
190
00:08:16,217 --> 00:08:17,850
What is your problem?
191
00:08:17,852 --> 00:08:20,853
Look, I had this friend, Barney,
from the VFW.
192
00:08:20,855 --> 00:08:23,022
His wife was named Libby.
193
00:08:23,758 --> 00:08:25,258
I always found that strange.
194
00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:28,728
Libby. What's that short for?
195
00:08:30,665 --> 00:08:32,632
Elibabeth?
196
00:08:33,868 --> 00:08:34,867
Can I talk here?
197
00:08:35,937 --> 00:08:37,904
Anyway, it had been a while,
198
00:08:37,906 --> 00:08:39,939
and Barney went in
'cause he had a cough.
199
00:08:39,941 --> 00:08:41,707
When he came out
of that doctor's office,
200
00:08:41,709 --> 00:08:43,075
his cough was gone.
201
00:08:43,077 --> 00:08:44,610
Because he was dead.
202
00:08:46,948 --> 00:08:48,614
Poor Elibabeth.
203
00:08:50,552 --> 00:08:52,618
Now she's a wibow.
204
00:08:54,756 --> 00:08:57,189
Don't do what he does.
205
00:08:58,192 --> 00:09:00,209
Let's go, Donny.
206
00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:02,227
I'm with you, Dad,
just like on our mall walks
207
00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:04,263
that Adam is not invited to.
208
00:09:06,234 --> 00:09:08,834
Yeah, did you know
they go mall walking together?
209
00:09:11,105 --> 00:09:13,105
I never should have said
anything to Adam.
210
00:09:13,107 --> 00:09:14,807
Now they're just in a big fight.
211
00:09:14,809 --> 00:09:15,942
(Andi groans)
212
00:09:15,944 --> 00:09:17,710
Bev, this is
going nowhere.
213
00:09:17,712 --> 00:09:19,912
Oh, they're throwing handfuls
of snow at each other.
214
00:09:19,914 --> 00:09:22,982
Oh, well, that's nice.
I like to see my boys playing.
215
00:09:24,986 --> 00:09:27,119
Here's what we'll do:
I will call Adam's doctor
216
00:09:27,121 --> 00:09:28,688
and make Joe an appointment,
217
00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:30,256
and then you will annoy him
until he goes.
218
00:09:30,258 --> 00:09:31,791
I can do annoying.
219
00:09:31,793 --> 00:09:33,225
Hi, um, I'd like
to make an appointment
220
00:09:33,227 --> 00:09:34,727
with Dr. Phillips, please.
221
00:09:34,729 --> 00:09:36,862
What?
222
00:09:36,864 --> 00:09:38,864
Oh. Uh...
223
00:09:38,866 --> 00:09:40,733
No, that's okay.
I'll call back.
224
00:09:40,735 --> 00:09:42,668
Okay, bye-bye.
What happened?
225
00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:45,938
Dr. Phillips retired
five years ago.
226
00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:48,274
But Adam said
he sees him every year,
227
00:09:48,276 --> 00:09:50,876
which means someone's a liar.
228
00:09:50,878 --> 00:09:54,947
Why would Dr. Phillips lie
about his retirement?
229
00:09:57,752 --> 00:10:00,820
Oh, that's right,
you're Don's mom, too.
230
00:10:04,025 --> 00:10:07,126
Listen, you can't make me do
what I don't want to do.
231
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,028
So why don't you go
back in the kitchen
232
00:10:09,030 --> 00:10:10,763
with the rest
of the jibbedas.
233
00:10:10,765 --> 00:10:12,632
What's a jibbeda?
234
00:10:12,634 --> 00:10:14,700
You know,
jibbeda, jibbeda, jibbeda.
235
00:10:15,637 --> 00:10:16,302
Adam?
236
00:10:16,304 --> 00:10:18,104
Look, I was thinking,
237
00:10:18,106 --> 00:10:20,740
maybe your dad would feel better
if you told him
238
00:10:20,742 --> 00:10:22,742
how your last physical went.
239
00:10:22,744 --> 00:10:25,177
Huh? Wh-When was that again?
240
00:10:25,179 --> 00:10:26,646
Uh, I don't know,
I saw Dr. Phillips,
241
00:10:26,648 --> 00:10:27,647
like, six months ago.
242
00:10:27,649 --> 00:10:28,381
Checked my heart,
243
00:10:28,383 --> 00:10:29,782
my blood pressure,
244
00:10:29,784 --> 00:10:31,651
gave me the one-handed juggle.
245
00:10:34,856 --> 00:10:36,055
That's interesting because
246
00:10:36,057 --> 00:10:37,923
Dr. Phillips retired
five years ago.
247
00:10:37,925 --> 00:10:39,458
Yeah.
248
00:10:39,459 --> 00:10:40,992
I just called his office.
Busted.
249
00:10:40,995 --> 00:10:43,929
No, no, not busted.
250
00:10:43,931 --> 00:10:46,332
I still go to his office,
but I see a different doctor.
251
00:10:46,334 --> 00:10:48,434
Oh, really? What's his name?
252
00:10:48,436 --> 00:10:51,137
Dr. Pepper.
253
00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:54,140
Literally any other name
would've worked.
254
00:11:02,784 --> 00:11:05,384
Adam, why haven't you been
going to the doctor?
255
00:11:05,386 --> 00:11:08,721
Get him, Bev.
256
00:11:08,723 --> 00:11:10,322
How can you say that to me
and not Dad?
257
00:11:10,324 --> 00:11:12,858
Because I live with him and
he controls the thermostat.
258
00:11:12,860 --> 00:11:14,126
God.
259
00:11:14,128 --> 00:11:16,996
A person can only buy
so many nightgowns.
260
00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:19,732
Okay, look, last time I went,
261
00:11:19,734 --> 00:11:21,133
they wanted to run
all these extra tests,
262
00:11:21,135 --> 00:11:23,369
and I had to sweat
the results out for a week
263
00:11:23,371 --> 00:11:24,937
before they came back normal.
264
00:11:24,939 --> 00:11:27,373
It scared the crap out of me.
265
00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:28,974
So you lied
and stopped going?
266
00:11:28,976 --> 00:11:31,110
Hey, you have secrets, too,
upstairs candy drawer.
267
00:11:31,112 --> 00:11:32,878
(gasps)
268
00:11:34,949 --> 00:11:38,350
That is not mine, that
was here when we moved in.
269
00:11:38,352 --> 00:11:41,487
Dad, you're a doctor-hater,
back me up on this.
270
00:11:41,489 --> 00:11:44,223
Adam, you are being a moron
for ignoring your health.
271
00:11:44,225 --> 00:11:46,092
What?!
272
00:11:46,094 --> 00:11:47,960
From you? Seriously?
273
00:11:47,962 --> 00:11:50,763
Well, this is different.
274
00:11:50,765 --> 00:11:53,365
You have young kids,
a beautiful wife.
275
00:11:53,367 --> 00:11:55,201
You have a reason to live.
276
00:11:56,504 --> 00:11:57,837
I heard that one, Joe.
277
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,773
God, you're pretty.
278
00:12:01,876 --> 00:12:03,476
Very funny.
279
00:12:03,478 --> 00:12:06,212
The point is,
we all want you to go.
280
00:12:07,381 --> 00:12:10,750
Okay, okay, I'll go.
281
00:12:10,752 --> 00:12:12,218
But on one condition:
282
00:12:12,220 --> 00:12:13,352
You're going, too.
283
00:12:13,354 --> 00:12:15,521
So you won't go unless I go?
284
00:12:15,523 --> 00:12:17,206
That's right.
285
00:12:17,207 --> 00:12:18,890
Just like when
you potty-trained him.
286
00:12:20,461 --> 00:12:21,861
Fine.
287
00:12:21,863 --> 00:12:23,262
Ha-ha!
288
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:24,930
You're going, too, Don.
289
00:12:30,471 --> 00:12:32,271
These gowns are ridiculous.
290
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:33,839
Well, at least
your gown fits.
291
00:12:33,841 --> 00:12:35,941
I'm flapping in the
breeze down here.
292
00:12:35,943 --> 00:12:38,444
That's because they don't have
the Jolly Green Giant size.
293
00:12:38,446 --> 00:12:40,179
Speaking of that...
¶ Ho, ho, ho ¶
294
00:12:40,181 --> 00:12:41,447
Legs together.
295
00:12:43,151 --> 00:12:44,917
You know, we could be home
watching the game right now,
296
00:12:44,919 --> 00:12:48,020
but, no, you had to go and
make a big stink about this.
297
00:12:48,022 --> 00:12:49,922
Hey, I'm just trying
to be a good son.
298
00:12:49,924 --> 00:12:51,056
I mean,
look at this one.
299
00:12:51,058 --> 00:12:52,224
He keeps licking
tongue depressors
300
00:12:52,226 --> 00:12:53,359
and putting them back.
301
00:12:54,829 --> 00:12:56,095
I got to be better than him.
302
00:12:57,532 --> 00:12:59,331
Well, all I know is
I've had enough already.
303
00:12:59,333 --> 00:13:03,202
And no way in hell you're
getting me through that door.
304
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,938
Good morning, gentlemen.
305
00:13:05,940 --> 00:13:07,072
I'm Dr. Knox.
306
00:13:07,074 --> 00:13:08,574
I'll be doing your
check-ups today.
307
00:13:08,576 --> 00:13:10,576
So, who's up first?
308
00:13:10,578 --> 00:13:12,578
That'd me be.
309
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:14,346
Let's get this party started.
310
00:13:17,819 --> 00:13:20,219
Here we go.
Thank you.
311
00:13:20,221 --> 00:13:22,588
Well, it's a good thing
I threw on some pants,
312
00:13:22,590 --> 00:13:24,190
'cause I really thought
this house was empty.
313
00:13:24,192 --> 00:13:26,458
Oh. Hi, honey.
314
00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:27,493
I just wanted to be
here when the boys
315
00:13:27,495 --> 00:13:29,428
came home from
the doctor.
316
00:13:29,429 --> 00:13:31,362
And Lowell was nice enough
to give me another ride.
317
00:13:31,365 --> 00:13:32,932
We got up so early,
we already stopped
318
00:13:32,934 --> 00:13:34,233
at the farmer's market.
319
00:13:35,303 --> 00:13:38,103
We helped
the farmers set up.
320
00:13:39,307 --> 00:13:42,608
I found a potato
that looks like Elvis.
321
00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:45,411
Oh.
Lowell said he'd glue
some sideburns on.
322
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,247
I did.
I did say that.
323
00:13:48,249 --> 00:13:50,950
I don't know why.
324
00:13:50,952 --> 00:13:52,484
You know, Bev,
325
00:13:52,486 --> 00:13:55,054
Lowell has a family
and-and responsibilities.
326
00:13:55,056 --> 00:13:57,323
He-he can't keep
giving you rides everywhere.
327
00:13:57,325 --> 00:13:58,390
Oh.
328
00:13:58,392 --> 00:13:59,625
I'm so sorry, dear.
329
00:13:59,627 --> 00:14:01,227
I just wasn't thinking.
330
00:14:01,229 --> 00:14:04,163
You don't have to
take me to the outlets.
331
00:14:04,165 --> 00:14:05,865
Oh, Andi, you can take me.
332
00:14:05,867 --> 00:14:07,900
No. No. What...
333
00:14:07,902 --> 00:14:09,101
What just happened?
334
00:14:09,103 --> 00:14:11,237
I'm free.
Lowell?
335
00:14:11,239 --> 00:14:13,339
Get back here!
No, you got to help me.
336
00:14:13,341 --> 00:14:15,541
No chance, sister. One of us
has to live to tell this story.
337
00:14:15,543 --> 00:14:17,109
You...
Hey, Lowell.
338
00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:18,944
Out of my way!
Whoa.
339
00:14:18,946 --> 00:14:20,246
BEV:
Hey, boys,
340
00:14:20,248 --> 00:14:21,580
did you get a clean bill
of health?
341
00:14:21,582 --> 00:14:23,515
Yeah, yeah, we're all good.
342
00:14:23,517 --> 00:14:25,084
But this lucky guy
343
00:14:25,086 --> 00:14:29,088
won himself a date
with a colonoscopy.
344
00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:31,390
These prep instructions
read like a war movie,
345
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,492
and my rear end's
Omaha Beach.
346
00:14:34,662 --> 00:14:36,362
This is all your fault.
347
00:14:36,364 --> 00:14:38,097
Hey, I was just
looking out for you.
348
00:14:38,099 --> 00:14:40,532
Well, I don't need it. Why don't
you just mind your own business?
349
00:14:40,534 --> 00:14:42,234
Because you are
my business.
350
00:14:42,236 --> 00:14:44,637
You know, I took the day
off of work to make sure
351
00:14:44,639 --> 00:14:46,472
you stay healthy
and live a long time.
352
00:14:46,474 --> 00:14:48,140
Jibbeda, jibbeda, jibbeda.
353
00:14:50,244 --> 00:14:52,011
And you wonder why I'd rather
hang out with your brother?
354
00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:53,545
Wow.
355
00:14:53,547 --> 00:14:55,948
You know, I haven't been
a dad as long as you,
356
00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:57,950
but I'm pretty sure you're
not supposed to say that.
357
00:14:57,952 --> 00:14:59,118
Oh.
358
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,653
You and your new rules.
359
00:15:00,655 --> 00:15:02,554
In the old days, you could
hurt anybody's feelings.
360
00:15:02,556 --> 00:15:04,256
Okay, I can't even
talk to him anymore.
361
00:15:04,258 --> 00:15:06,425
Well, I can't talk
to you either!
Ah!
362
00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,294
Joe, I think
you're overreacting.
363
00:15:08,296 --> 00:15:11,297
Yeah, I mean, they do these
colonoscopy things all the time.
364
00:15:11,299 --> 00:15:13,565
You know, they scare you
with the thought of
365
00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:15,234
aliens probing your butt,
366
00:15:15,236 --> 00:15:17,503
but it's your own people
you have to worry about.
367
00:15:22,243 --> 00:15:23,442
Aw, Oreos and milk?
368
00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:25,311
That's your sad snack.
369
00:15:25,313 --> 00:15:27,313
I'm not even
pulling them apart
370
00:15:27,315 --> 00:15:29,114
and having fun with them.
Aw.
371
00:15:30,184 --> 00:15:31,383
You know,
372
00:15:31,385 --> 00:15:33,018
I'm just trying
to help my dad.
373
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:35,254
Would it kill him
to say "thank you"?
374
00:15:35,256 --> 00:15:36,722
Oh, honey, I think it might.
375
00:15:36,724 --> 00:15:38,190
Yeah.
376
00:15:40,328 --> 00:15:42,461
I'm not asking for much,
just a little,
377
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,396
"Adam, I see that
you look out for me
378
00:15:44,398 --> 00:15:46,332
"and I appreciate that,
because your older brother
379
00:15:46,334 --> 00:15:47,666
is a narcoleptic ape."
380
00:15:50,171 --> 00:15:52,204
Look, he appreciates you.
381
00:15:52,206 --> 00:15:54,273
He's just not the kind of guy
that lets it out,
382
00:15:54,275 --> 00:15:57,076
but it's in there,
deep, deep down in there.
383
00:15:57,078 --> 00:15:59,411
Maybe they'll find it
during the probe.
384
00:16:03,017 --> 00:16:05,417
Look, hon, it's always been
this way with you guys.
385
00:16:05,419 --> 00:16:06,986
He doesn't like
to talk about feelings,
386
00:16:06,988 --> 00:16:08,220
you don't like to
talk about feelings.
387
00:16:08,222 --> 00:16:09,555
You're both incredibly stubborn.
388
00:16:09,557 --> 00:16:11,690
(scoffs)
In fact, you could say
389
00:16:11,692 --> 00:16:13,692
that the both of you
are almost exact...
390
00:16:13,694 --> 00:16:15,361
Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa!
391
00:16:15,363 --> 00:16:16,762
Don't say it.
392
00:16:16,764 --> 00:16:20,099
We agreed many years ago
you can't say that.
393
00:16:20,101 --> 00:16:23,168
I mean, what if I were to say
that you and your mother are...
394
00:16:23,170 --> 00:16:26,772
Hey, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
395
00:16:26,774 --> 00:16:30,542
Let's just put the pins
back in these grenades
396
00:16:30,544 --> 00:16:32,644
and walk away.
397
00:16:49,663 --> 00:16:52,531
So your dad's colonoscopy
went very well.
398
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:54,133
Oh, good. Good news.
399
00:16:54,135 --> 00:16:56,135
I have seen that man eat
his whole life,
400
00:16:56,137 --> 00:16:58,037
and I just want to say
I'm very sorry
401
00:16:58,039 --> 00:17:00,072
for what you had
to go through today.
402
00:17:01,142 --> 00:17:03,042
Uh, just to warn you,
403
00:17:03,044 --> 00:17:05,144
he's probably going to be
a little loopy
404
00:17:05,146 --> 00:17:06,645
from the anesthesia.
405
00:17:06,647 --> 00:17:09,581
He might say some things
he wouldn't normally say.
406
00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:12,284
What, like what
he's really feeling?
407
00:17:12,286 --> 00:17:14,186
If he's feeling it,
you'll hear it.
408
00:17:15,289 --> 00:17:16,789
Sometimes it's beautiful.
409
00:17:16,791 --> 00:17:18,624
Most of the time, it's creepy.
410
00:17:23,164 --> 00:17:25,297
Hey, Dr. Foxy.
411
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:28,801
Dad, it's Dr. Knox.
412
00:17:28,803 --> 00:17:31,303
That's what I said,
Dr. Knockers.
413
00:17:34,075 --> 00:17:35,441
So how you feeling?
414
00:17:35,443 --> 00:17:36,675
Jazzy, like a jazz man.
415
00:17:36,677 --> 00:17:38,077
(imitates jazz drumming)
416
00:17:38,079 --> 00:17:39,278
Okay.
417
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,413
Okay. Yeah.
418
00:17:41,415 --> 00:17:42,848
You know, when they
were putting me under,
419
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:44,483
I got worried
I'd never wake up.
420
00:17:45,619 --> 00:17:48,387
And then I'd never see
the people I love again.
421
00:17:48,389 --> 00:17:51,423
Your mother,
your brother, Andi...
422
00:17:52,426 --> 00:17:54,226
...those kids...
423
00:17:54,228 --> 00:17:56,328
Yeah, and?
424
00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:58,230
Tony.
425
00:17:59,333 --> 00:18:00,799
Tony?
426
00:18:00,801 --> 00:18:03,535
Yeah, Tony.
I met him on the way in.
427
00:18:05,439 --> 00:18:07,406
I love that guy.
428
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:17,116
Ah, I just need a signature
on these release papers.
429
00:18:17,118 --> 00:18:19,351
Oh, he's just getting dressed;
he'll be out in a minute.
430
00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:21,620
Uh, actually, these are for you.
He put you down as his proxy.
431
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:24,323
He did?
Before he went in,
432
00:18:24,325 --> 00:18:26,358
he kept saying, "Make sure
Adam takes care of everything.
433
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,460
He's the only one I trust."
434
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,663
He actually said that?
435
00:18:31,665 --> 00:18:33,165
B-Before the drugs?
436
00:18:35,336 --> 00:18:36,568
Yeah.
437
00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:39,371
Well...
438
00:18:39,373 --> 00:18:40,772
on to the next butt.
439
00:18:40,774 --> 00:18:42,274
Ah.
440
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:53,919
Hey, Dad.
441
00:18:53,921 --> 00:18:55,687
What are you grinning at?
442
00:18:58,526 --> 00:19:00,259
Nothing.
443
00:19:00,261 --> 00:19:02,561
Come on, everyone's home,
waiting to see you.
444
00:19:02,563 --> 00:19:04,730
I just had a damn
movie camera up my ass.
445
00:19:04,732 --> 00:19:07,399
I'm moving
as fast as I can.
446
00:19:09,303 --> 00:19:12,604
Well, if we time it right,
we can finish our mall walk
447
00:19:12,606 --> 00:19:15,507
right when Cinnabon opens.
448
00:19:15,509 --> 00:19:16,875
Hey, guys.
449
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:20,846
What are you
doing here?
450
00:19:20,848 --> 00:19:22,814
Just heading down
to the mall for a walk.
451
00:19:22,816 --> 00:19:24,550
Are you guys going
to the mall, too?
452
00:19:24,552 --> 00:19:26,218
That's lucky.
(chuckles)
453
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:27,886
No, no, no, no, no,
this is our thing.
454
00:19:27,888 --> 00:19:30,556
Your thing is fighting,
our thing is friends.
455
00:19:30,558 --> 00:19:32,224
I'm going. Mom said I could.
456
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,860
And you know what
I have in my pocket?
457
00:19:34,862 --> 00:19:36,595
Three gift cards for Cinnabon.
458
00:19:37,498 --> 00:19:38,830
All right, let him in.
459
00:19:38,832 --> 00:19:41,800
And you know what I have
in my other pocket?
460
00:19:41,802 --> 00:19:43,735
Another gift card for suck it.
461
00:19:43,737 --> 00:19:45,204
Hey, Dad, wait up!
462
00:19:50,311 --> 00:19:51,843
Yeah, Bev, we want you to
be able to get around
463
00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:53,812
without depending
on, well, me.
464
00:19:53,814 --> 00:19:55,881
Um, and we found
a solution.
465
00:19:55,883 --> 00:19:57,916
It's a driving
service called Uber.
466
00:19:57,918 --> 00:19:59,384
Uber?
467
00:19:59,386 --> 00:20:01,687
Sounds German.
I don't like it.
468
00:20:03,624 --> 00:20:05,924
No, it's an app
on your phone.
469
00:20:05,926 --> 00:20:08,660
You press a button and a
nice driver comes to you.
470
00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:10,395
How do they know
where I am?
471
00:20:10,397 --> 00:20:13,265
I don't want the damn
Germans knowing where we are!
472
00:20:14,535 --> 00:20:17,402
World War Three breaks out,
I'm on the list!
473
00:20:17,404 --> 00:20:18,670
BEV:
He's right.
474
00:20:18,672 --> 00:20:20,005
And something's coming.
475
00:20:20,007 --> 00:20:22,774
Things have been too
good for too long.
476
00:20:22,776 --> 00:20:25,010
Okay, look, there's not
gonna be-- you don't have--
477
00:20:25,012 --> 00:20:27,012
look, even if
that happens,
478
00:20:27,014 --> 00:20:29,715
I'm pretty sure you're
way down on the list.
479
00:20:29,717 --> 00:20:32,851
On the list
is on the list.
480
00:20:34,822 --> 00:20:36,655
I am nothing
like him.
481
00:20:36,657 --> 00:20:38,924
Of course not.
Not at all.
482
00:20:38,926 --> 00:20:40,559
Mm...
Mm...
483
00:20:41,462 --> 00:20:43,662
Oh, jibbeda,
jibbeda, jibbeda.
484
00:20:43,664 --> 00:20:46,365
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
485
00:20:49,737 --> 00:20:53,805
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org