1
00:00:03,091 --> 00:00:04,257
Oh, no.
2
00:00:04,259 --> 00:00:06,259
DON:
What happened?
3
00:00:06,261 --> 00:00:08,528
You finally get that picture
of me licking your toothbrush?
4
00:00:10,232 --> 00:00:11,765
What? No, no.
5
00:00:11,767 --> 00:00:13,500
Oh, forget I said anything.
6
00:00:13,502 --> 00:00:16,202
We just got the tickets
Andi ordered
7
00:00:16,204 --> 00:00:18,304
for all of us to go to
Lord of the Dance.
8
00:00:18,306 --> 00:00:20,040
(sighs)
9
00:00:20,042 --> 00:00:22,208
Why did we agree to go to that?
10
00:00:22,210 --> 00:00:23,777
Well, it was just easier
to say yes.
11
00:00:23,779 --> 00:00:26,813
Why ruin that day when this day
seemed so far away?
12
00:00:26,815 --> 00:00:29,516
Well, I say treat those tickets
like a jury summons
13
00:00:29,518 --> 00:00:31,284
and throw them in the trash.
14
00:00:33,321 --> 00:00:35,288
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
15
00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:37,357
Whoa, what did Mommy say
about playing ball in the house?
16
00:00:37,359 --> 00:00:39,692
I don't know.
17
00:00:39,694 --> 00:00:42,595
Well, what do you
think she said?
18
00:00:42,597 --> 00:00:44,731
Well, if you know,
can you just tell us?
19
00:00:47,302 --> 00:00:49,235
Emme?
20
00:00:49,237 --> 00:00:50,303
No ball in the house.
21
00:00:50,305 --> 00:00:51,704
That's right.
22
00:00:51,706 --> 00:00:54,274
And that little girl
gets a butterscotch.
23
00:00:55,477 --> 00:00:57,477
That's how
you do that.
24
00:01:03,285 --> 00:01:05,452
Hey, check it out.
25
00:01:05,454 --> 00:01:06,820
Into the laundry
basket from downtown.
26
00:01:09,124 --> 00:01:10,790
(vase shatters)
Oh, no!
27
00:01:10,792 --> 00:01:12,592
No, Andi got that
from her grandma.
28
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,394
She's gonna kill me.
29
00:01:15,764 --> 00:01:18,131
Here's what you do: you just
break everything in the room.
30
00:01:18,133 --> 00:01:19,799
She won't know what
to get mad about first.
31
00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:22,869
Quick, help me clean this up
before she gets home.
32
00:01:25,474 --> 00:01:27,373
Hey, honey, how was your d...
33
00:01:30,178 --> 00:01:32,345
What did you do to my vase?
34
00:01:32,347 --> 00:01:34,180
Well, it-it was an accident.
35
00:01:34,182 --> 00:01:35,315
An accident?
36
00:01:35,317 --> 00:01:37,283
Adam, I got this
from my grandmother.
37
00:01:37,285 --> 00:01:38,785
It's irreplaceable.
38
00:01:38,787 --> 00:01:40,720
I mean, technically,
I could buy it again,
39
00:01:40,722 --> 00:01:42,822
but it wouldn't be from her!
40
00:01:42,824 --> 00:01:45,825
Actually, it wasn't him,
it was me.
41
00:01:47,195 --> 00:01:49,462
Oh.
42
00:01:49,464 --> 00:01:50,663
Well...
43
00:01:50,665 --> 00:01:52,732
accidents happen.
44
00:02:00,442 --> 00:02:02,275
Did you see that?
45
00:02:02,277 --> 00:02:04,377
Something she would've been
upset about all afternoon
46
00:02:04,379 --> 00:02:06,346
is just... over.
47
00:02:06,348 --> 00:02:07,447
Thanks, man.
48
00:02:08,583 --> 00:02:10,884
It's the least I could do.
49
00:02:10,886 --> 00:02:13,153
I really put your toothbrush
through a lot.
50
00:02:16,825 --> 00:02:18,258
Hey, w-what
did you want?
51
00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:19,726
Why did I have to
rush over here?
52
00:02:19,728 --> 00:02:21,661
It's your turn to take
the blame with Marcy.
53
00:02:22,764 --> 00:02:24,364
For what?
54
00:02:24,366 --> 00:02:26,733
MARCY: Don, what did
you do to the toilet?
55
00:02:29,871 --> 00:02:31,704
Oh, no.
56
00:02:31,706 --> 00:02:33,373
Of all the weird
things you've done,
57
00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:34,674
this has to be
the weirdest.
58
00:02:36,411 --> 00:02:39,345
Uh, it wasn't him,
it was me.
59
00:02:40,549 --> 00:02:43,516
Oh. Why would you have
a sandwich in the bathroom?
60
00:02:50,892 --> 00:02:53,226
That is a
great question.
61
00:02:54,563 --> 00:02:55,762
Uh, I guess
62
00:02:55,764 --> 00:02:59,599
it's because I'm
a disgusting pig.
63
00:02:59,601 --> 00:03:02,502
And why would you try to
flush it down the toilet?
64
00:03:08,543 --> 00:03:11,578
He probably just wanted
to see if it would work.
65
00:03:15,984 --> 00:03:18,518
Hard to believe
that was me.
66
00:03:20,322 --> 00:03:22,722
Okay. Well, just don't eat
in my bathroom anymore.
67
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,591
Oh.
68
00:03:24,593 --> 00:03:26,392
Ugh.
69
00:03:26,394 --> 00:03:27,460
Did you see that?
70
00:03:27,462 --> 00:03:28,861
She just walked away.
71
00:03:28,863 --> 00:03:30,496
Yeah.
72
00:03:30,498 --> 00:03:32,632
Yeah, the blame thing
worked again.
73
00:03:32,634 --> 00:03:35,535
Even on Marcy.
74
00:03:35,537 --> 00:03:37,537
This feels like a dream.
75
00:03:37,539 --> 00:03:39,872
But it can't be because
I'm not naked.
76
00:03:39,874 --> 00:03:43,276
Oh, no, this is very
real, my friend.
77
00:03:43,278 --> 00:03:45,345
You know what we just did?
78
00:03:45,347 --> 00:03:46,946
We just solved marriage!
79
00:03:49,718 --> 00:03:52,418
I can't believe
that just happened.
80
00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:54,487
I feel giddy.
81
00:03:54,489 --> 00:03:57,257
Yeah, it's nice to leave
the house without Marcy saying,
82
00:03:57,259 --> 00:03:58,591
"Get out of the house."
83
00:03:59,861 --> 00:04:02,328
You know what?
84
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:05,832
I think it worked because
I don't have baggage with Marcy
85
00:04:05,834 --> 00:04:07,800
a-and you don't have
baggage with Andi.
86
00:04:07,802 --> 00:04:08,968
See, when our wives
87
00:04:08,970 --> 00:04:10,570
get mad at us,
88
00:04:10,572 --> 00:04:13,473
it isn't only about
what we just did,
89
00:04:13,475 --> 00:04:16,576
it's also about all the
screw-ups that came before.
90
00:04:17,746 --> 00:04:19,612
That's heavy, man.
91
00:04:19,614 --> 00:04:20,580
Yeah.
92
00:04:20,582 --> 00:04:22,815
Yeah, when I mess up
big-time,
93
00:04:22,817 --> 00:04:27,587
Andi always brings up
the delivery room hot dog.
94
00:04:27,589 --> 00:04:30,890
They had hot dogs in
your delivery room?
95
00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:34,527
You must have great insurance.
96
00:04:34,529 --> 00:04:36,796
No, no, no.
97
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:39,465
I never told you this story?
Mm-mm.
98
00:04:39,467 --> 00:04:41,567
When Andi was in labor
with Katie, right,
99
00:04:41,569 --> 00:04:43,503
it was taking a long time.
100
00:04:43,505 --> 00:04:45,371
And from the delivery
room window,
101
00:04:45,373 --> 00:04:47,507
I could see a hot dog cart
on the street.
102
00:04:47,509 --> 00:04:49,409
Mm.
103
00:04:49,411 --> 00:04:51,544
I was starving; I knew,
once that baby's born,
104
00:04:51,546 --> 00:04:53,579
no hot dog for Adam.
105
00:04:55,483 --> 00:04:56,849
So I said I had to go
to the bathroom
106
00:04:56,851 --> 00:04:58,384
and I ran down there, right?
107
00:04:58,386 --> 00:04:59,786
Then my phone rings,
it's the nurse,
108
00:04:59,788 --> 00:05:02,021
"The baby's coming,
the baby's coming."
109
00:05:02,023 --> 00:05:04,824
And here's where I make
a terrible mistake.
110
00:05:07,562 --> 00:05:09,729
I didn't throw away the hot dog.
111
00:05:12,033 --> 00:05:13,866
(exhales)
112
00:05:13,868 --> 00:05:16,369
You should've just flushed
that thing down the toilet.
113
00:05:18,873 --> 00:05:21,541
And then Andi hands Katie
to me and says,
114
00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:22,975
"Would you like to hold
our daughter?"
115
00:05:22,977 --> 00:05:25,511
And I say,
"Sure, hold my hot dog."
116
00:05:27,415 --> 00:05:29,649
That's the kind of thing
a wife hangs onto.
117
00:05:29,651 --> 00:05:30,717
Yeah.
118
00:05:30,719 --> 00:05:33,619
Yeah, I see what
you're saying.
119
00:05:33,621 --> 00:05:35,922
You know, Marcy still brings up
the time at our wedding
120
00:05:35,924 --> 00:05:37,690
when they said,
"Kiss the bride,"
121
00:05:37,692 --> 00:05:40,727
and, for laughs, I turned
and kissed the priest.
122
00:05:42,797 --> 00:05:44,997
Yeah, that was
a swing and a miss.
123
00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:46,666
Yeah.
124
00:05:46,668 --> 00:05:47,967
But-but this blaming
each other is like
125
00:05:47,969 --> 00:05:49,736
a Get Out of Jail Free card.
126
00:05:49,738 --> 00:05:52,572
(chuckles): I know.
We unlocked a great power here.
127
00:05:52,574 --> 00:05:56,809
Yeah, yeah. But, hey, but we got
to use it wisely and sparingly.
128
00:05:56,811 --> 00:05:58,745
Oh. Yeah.
129
00:06:01,449 --> 00:06:02,849
Well, I'm not
doing that.
130
00:06:02,851 --> 00:06:04,984
Me neither.
131
00:06:04,986 --> 00:06:07,620
¶ ¶
132
00:06:15,697 --> 00:06:18,965
Don, you ruined our guest
towels with your greasy hands!
133
00:06:18,967 --> 00:06:21,067
Why are you always so careless?
134
00:06:21,069 --> 00:06:22,769
Wait, honey, Adam did it.
135
00:06:24,472 --> 00:06:26,639
Oh.
136
00:06:28,476 --> 00:06:30,710
Adam, what happened
to all the cookies
137
00:06:30,712 --> 00:06:32,478
that I made for
Emme's class?
138
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,147
And keep in mind,
when I ask that question,
139
00:06:34,149 --> 00:06:35,848
I already know the answer.
140
00:06:37,051 --> 00:06:38,451
Don ate them.
141
00:06:38,453 --> 00:06:40,520
Oh.
142
00:06:45,994 --> 00:06:48,127
I'm telling you, this
blame game is the best thing
143
00:06:48,129 --> 00:06:49,762
that ever happened to us.
144
00:06:49,764 --> 00:06:51,197
Yeah, it's good,
145
00:06:51,199 --> 00:06:54,100
but don't you feel
a little guilty?
146
00:06:54,102 --> 00:06:56,869
Guilt is how I know I'm alive.
147
00:06:58,773 --> 00:07:00,106
Hey, babe.
148
00:07:00,108 --> 00:07:01,507
Check it out.
149
00:07:01,509 --> 00:07:03,443
I got your favorite ice cream.
150
00:07:03,445 --> 00:07:04,744
Oh, look,
151
00:07:04,746 --> 00:07:06,145
Don's here.
152
00:07:07,715 --> 00:07:11,651
Anything broken or eaten
or otherwise screwed up?
153
00:07:11,653 --> 00:07:13,686
(chuckles) Not today.
He kept an eye on me.
154
00:07:13,688 --> 00:07:15,221
But I better
get out of here
155
00:07:15,223 --> 00:07:17,824
before I screw
something else up.
156
00:07:17,826 --> 00:07:19,659
Don!
157
00:07:20,762 --> 00:07:22,061
That's our ice cream.
158
00:07:22,063 --> 00:07:23,930
Oh, sorry, there I go again.
159
00:07:28,236 --> 00:07:31,471
Man, I do not envy Marcy.
(scoffs)
160
00:07:33,107 --> 00:07:36,108
You know, sometimes it
takes a Don in your life
161
00:07:36,110 --> 00:07:39,178
to realize how lucky you
are with your own husband.
162
00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:41,180
(nervous chuckle)
163
00:07:41,182 --> 00:07:43,616
What's all this about?
164
00:07:45,553 --> 00:07:47,520
I don't know, I just...
165
00:07:47,522 --> 00:07:50,556
I feel bad for always accusing
you of things you didn't do.
166
00:07:50,558 --> 00:07:52,024
So...
167
00:07:52,026 --> 00:07:53,693
I wanted to apologize.
168
00:07:53,695 --> 00:07:56,496
Oh, you don't
have to apologize to me.
169
00:07:56,498 --> 00:07:59,599
You really, really don't.
170
00:07:59,601 --> 00:08:00,800
No, I do.
171
00:08:00,802 --> 00:08:02,268
I mean, come on,
172
00:08:02,270 --> 00:08:04,837
you're not a cookie thief
or a vase breaker.
173
00:08:04,839 --> 00:08:06,506
That's not the man I married.
174
00:08:09,143 --> 00:08:11,878
(chuckles):
Yeah.
175
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,214
You know what I'm gonna do
for you because I'm sorry?
176
00:08:15,216 --> 00:08:19,018
I am gonna give you
a foot massage.
177
00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:22,989
Oh, I-I don't think it has
to be an apology foot massage.
178
00:08:22,991 --> 00:08:24,524
Can't you just
179
00:08:24,526 --> 00:08:27,560
do it for the love of
rubbing my feet?
180
00:08:27,562 --> 00:08:31,063
Great husbands get great things.
Come on.
181
00:08:31,065 --> 00:08:33,633
Uh, just out
of curiosity,
182
00:08:33,635 --> 00:08:35,701
what do bad husbands get?
183
00:08:35,703 --> 00:08:38,971
Oh, you don't want to know.
184
00:08:43,878 --> 00:08:45,878
Oh, hey, Lowell.
185
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:47,246
What are you doing here?
186
00:08:47,248 --> 00:08:48,848
I wanted to give you these
187
00:08:48,850 --> 00:08:51,584
all access passes
to the car show this weekend.
188
00:08:51,586 --> 00:08:53,052
(Lowell chuckles)
189
00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:55,555
Lowell, this
is incredible!
190
00:08:55,557 --> 00:08:58,691
I've never had
all access to anything.
191
00:08:59,327 --> 00:09:01,594
I don't even have
all access to Marcy.
192
00:09:02,897 --> 00:09:05,598
Don, we can't go to
the car show;
193
00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,100
it's the same day as
Lord of the Dance.
194
00:09:08,102 --> 00:09:11,604
That is the saddest thing
I've ever said in my life.
195
00:09:11,606 --> 00:09:13,306
Come on, we'll just find a way
to use the blame thing
196
00:09:13,308 --> 00:09:15,525
to get out of
Lord of the Dance.
197
00:09:15,526 --> 00:09:17,743
Yeah, Don was telling me
what you guys have been up to.
198
00:09:17,745 --> 00:09:21,013
It sounds, well, appalling.
199
00:09:21,015 --> 00:09:22,148
ADAM:
No, no,
200
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:23,683
you're right.
201
00:09:23,685 --> 00:09:25,351
Last night,
Andi gave me
202
00:09:25,353 --> 00:09:27,286
a foot massage
under false pretenses.
203
00:09:27,288 --> 00:09:30,623
I had to "ooh" and "ah"
and pretend I was into it.
204
00:09:30,625 --> 00:09:32,625
I faked it.
205
00:09:32,627 --> 00:09:35,328
Look, there's no other way
to avoid getting our wives mad.
206
00:09:35,330 --> 00:09:37,830
Well, I have a thought: you
could just not do the things
207
00:09:37,832 --> 00:09:39,165
that make them mad.
208
00:09:39,167 --> 00:09:40,933
(chuckles)
209
00:09:40,935 --> 00:09:42,602
We're trying to have
a real conversation here
210
00:09:42,604 --> 00:09:44,203
about real stuff,
if you don't mind.
211
00:09:45,673 --> 00:09:47,773
Look, maybe we should just
lay off the blame thing.
212
00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:48,774
Oh, come on.
213
00:09:48,776 --> 00:09:50,376
One more, for the car show.
214
00:09:50,378 --> 00:09:52,945
One last big job,
and then we'll go straight.
215
00:09:52,947 --> 00:09:54,380
I don't know.
216
00:09:54,382 --> 00:09:56,649
I read in the paper
they got the Trans Am
217
00:09:56,651 --> 00:09:58,651
from Smokey
and the Bandit.
218
00:09:58,653 --> 00:10:01,621
You could take a picture next
to cardboard Burt Reynolds.
219
00:10:03,825 --> 00:10:06,659
Well, I don't want to miss that.
220
00:10:06,661 --> 00:10:09,028
Okay, all right,
one last job.
221
00:10:09,030 --> 00:10:10,896
Or you could do something
nice for your wives
222
00:10:10,898 --> 00:10:13,232
and give up one afternoon
for their sake.
223
00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:18,371
Lowell, I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.
224
00:10:21,042 --> 00:10:22,908
MARCY:
I can't believe
225
00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:25,177
that the boys have to miss Lord
of the Dance this afternoon.
226
00:10:25,179 --> 00:10:27,980
Why would Adam schedule
a meeting on a Saturday?
227
00:10:27,982 --> 00:10:29,315
Where'd you hear that?
228
00:10:29,317 --> 00:10:31,100
From Don.
229
00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:32,884
Well, Adam said the
reason they couldn't go
230
00:10:32,887 --> 00:10:34,420
is 'cause Don messed
up a client's floors
231
00:10:34,422 --> 00:10:35,388
and they had to fix them.
232
00:10:35,390 --> 00:10:36,922
That's what he told you?
233
00:10:36,924 --> 00:10:40,292
Yeah, but why would
they blame each other?
234
00:10:47,402 --> 00:10:49,368
Let me just
ask you something.
235
00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:53,906
Has Adam ever tried to flush
a sandwich down the toilet?
236
00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:57,076
No.
237
00:10:59,013 --> 00:11:01,280
What have they done?
238
00:11:02,850 --> 00:11:04,150
DON:
Okay.
239
00:11:04,152 --> 00:11:05,685
We're all set for the car show.
240
00:11:05,687 --> 00:11:07,286
I blamed you and I told Marcy
241
00:11:07,288 --> 00:11:08,921
you scheduled a meeting
for this afternoon.
242
00:11:08,923 --> 00:11:10,189
We're free, baby.
243
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,924
What?
244
00:11:11,926 --> 00:11:13,693
I blamed you
245
00:11:13,695 --> 00:11:15,394
and told Andi you wrecked
a client's floors.
246
00:11:15,396 --> 00:11:17,396
They'll tell each other
and we'll get busted.
247
00:11:17,398 --> 00:11:19,899
You think they'll talk?
248
00:11:30,111 --> 00:11:32,478
I think they talked.
249
00:11:33,781 --> 00:11:37,083
Wait, let's see
how this plays out.
250
00:11:43,725 --> 00:11:45,191
So, you two have just been
251
00:11:45,193 --> 00:11:47,393
blaming each other
to get out of stuff?
252
00:11:47,395 --> 00:11:49,428
Well, how long has
this been going on?
253
00:11:49,430 --> 00:11:51,731
Well...
Oh, I got this.
254
00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:53,999
What's the earliest one
you know about?
255
00:11:58,773 --> 00:12:00,740
MARCY:
Don, I think we need
256
00:12:00,742 --> 00:12:03,509
to finish this at home, 'cause I
can't use all my special words;
257
00:12:03,511 --> 00:12:06,946
there's children upstairs.
258
00:12:06,948 --> 00:12:09,381
Cheer up. We had a good run.
259
00:12:09,383 --> 00:12:11,450
(door closes)
260
00:12:15,389 --> 00:12:18,057
(chuckles)
That guy, huh?
261
00:12:19,293 --> 00:12:23,229
Sometimes it takes a Don in your
life to make you appreciate...
262
00:12:23,231 --> 00:12:24,530
Nope.
263
00:12:27,068 --> 00:12:29,034
Would you like a foot rub?
264
00:12:29,036 --> 00:12:30,836
I would not, no.
265
00:12:30,838 --> 00:12:33,839
Okay. Here's what it is.
266
00:12:33,841 --> 00:12:36,041
Yes, we blamed each other,
267
00:12:36,043 --> 00:12:39,311
but it's actually
kind of your fault.
268
00:12:39,313 --> 00:12:43,215
Okay, i-if this
i-is your apology,
269
00:12:43,217 --> 00:12:45,985
I'm gonna have to give it a...
(blows raspberries)
270
00:12:45,987 --> 00:12:48,954
Look, when I screw
something up,
271
00:12:48,956 --> 00:12:52,024
you get madder at me
than you would at someone else,
272
00:12:52,026 --> 00:12:53,959
because I'm also
catching the heat
273
00:12:53,961 --> 00:12:57,563
from the baggage of everything
I've ever done before.
274
00:12:57,565 --> 00:13:00,499
This is seriously
what you're going with?
275
00:13:00,501 --> 00:13:03,869
Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense.
276
00:13:03,871 --> 00:13:06,872
Okay, when you thought
I broke that vase,
277
00:13:06,874 --> 00:13:08,174
what popped into your head?
278
00:13:08,176 --> 00:13:09,441
How careless you were.
279
00:13:09,443 --> 00:13:10,876
Which made you think...?
280
00:13:10,878 --> 00:13:12,812
How sometimes
you don't stop and think
281
00:13:12,814 --> 00:13:14,313
about how what you do
affects me.
282
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:15,414
Which reminded you of...?
283
00:13:15,416 --> 00:13:17,049
The delivery room hot dog.
284
00:13:17,051 --> 00:13:17,950
Aha!
285
00:13:20,855 --> 00:13:22,521
"Aha" what?
286
00:13:22,523 --> 00:13:24,056
See, it always goes there
287
00:13:24,058 --> 00:13:26,058
'cause it's always
in the back of your mind.
288
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:28,294
Okay.
289
00:13:28,296 --> 00:13:31,030
I-I can kind of
see that, I guess.
290
00:13:31,032 --> 00:13:34,033
Right? I-It makes sense, right?
291
00:13:34,035 --> 00:13:38,904
I have to admit that is pretty
perceptive and insightful.
292
00:13:38,906 --> 00:13:40,906
And it can help us.
293
00:13:40,908 --> 00:13:43,909
Okay, because now that
you're aware that you've been
294
00:13:43,911 --> 00:13:46,145
hanging onto that
dumb, old hot dog,
295
00:13:46,147 --> 00:13:49,215
you can just
let it go. Right?
296
00:13:50,985 --> 00:13:53,619
You know what? No.
297
00:13:55,523 --> 00:13:57,056
What?
298
00:13:57,058 --> 00:13:58,858
You remember when I was
perceptive and insightful?
299
00:13:58,860 --> 00:14:00,893
I was right over here.
300
00:14:02,496 --> 00:14:06,532
Well, yeah, you figured it out,
but the baggage is still there.
301
00:14:06,534 --> 00:14:07,833
I mean,
302
00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:09,133
when they figured out gravity,
303
00:14:09,136 --> 00:14:11,136
it didn't just stop
affecting people.
304
00:14:11,138 --> 00:14:14,039
I mean, we're not just all
floating around in space.
305
00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:17,042
(chuckles): Okay, well,
it wouldn't go like that
306
00:14:17,044 --> 00:14:18,143
for starters.
Oh.
307
00:14:18,145 --> 00:14:19,211
It wouldn't?
(chuckles)
308
00:14:19,213 --> 00:14:21,080
Oh, okay, I have
a better example.
309
00:14:21,082 --> 00:14:23,916
Let's just say there's
a jackass in front of me, okay?
Uh-huh.
310
00:14:25,019 --> 00:14:27,086
And I call him a jackass...
Right.
311
00:14:27,088 --> 00:14:29,355
...he doesn't just
disappear, did you?
(chuckles)
312
00:14:33,928 --> 00:14:36,262
I think you just
called me a jackass.
313
00:14:37,231 --> 00:14:39,932
You snuck it in,
but I heard it.
314
00:14:39,934 --> 00:14:43,135
You let me give you a foot rub.
315
00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:45,104
Yeah, but I
didn't enjoy it.
316
00:14:45,106 --> 00:14:48,040
Okay. Okay, you know what?
317
00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:49,575
You go to your car show.
318
00:14:49,577 --> 00:14:51,077
Okay? I am gonna go
319
00:14:51,078 --> 00:14:52,578
to Lord of the Dance with Marcy.
320
00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:55,247
You don't deserve
to watch wild Irishmen
321
00:14:55,249 --> 00:14:57,249
tap-dance their way
into your heart!
322
00:14:57,251 --> 00:15:00,019
Great. I will go
to the car show.
323
00:15:00,021 --> 00:15:01,320
And while I'm there,
I'll have a hot dog,
324
00:15:01,322 --> 00:15:02,521
and I hope somebody has a baby
325
00:15:02,523 --> 00:15:04,256
in front of me
while I'm eating it.
326
00:15:07,528 --> 00:15:10,029
Okay, so this is a car show.
327
00:15:10,031 --> 00:15:13,065
What do we do?
328
00:15:13,067 --> 00:15:15,034
We look at cars.
329
00:15:15,036 --> 00:15:16,235
That's it?
330
00:15:16,237 --> 00:15:19,204
You know what, guys,
331
00:15:19,206 --> 00:15:20,406
I'm not having fun.
332
00:15:20,408 --> 00:15:22,675
Oh, thank God,
someone said it.
333
00:15:22,677 --> 00:15:24,710
No, it's this thing with Andi.
334
00:15:24,712 --> 00:15:27,146
I'm right, but I still feel bad.
335
00:15:27,148 --> 00:15:29,048
Interesting.
336
00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:30,983
Let's unpack those emotions.
337
00:15:30,985 --> 00:15:32,318
And I'm out.
338
00:15:35,122 --> 00:15:37,589
I think you're feeling bad
because even though
339
00:15:37,591 --> 00:15:41,460
you were technically right,
you did lie to her, and also,
340
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:43,162
I don't think you were right.
341
00:15:43,164 --> 00:15:45,264
But I am right.
342
00:15:45,266 --> 00:15:46,999
A-And what about the baggage?
343
00:15:47,001 --> 00:15:48,200
She has baggage.
344
00:15:48,202 --> 00:15:50,235
That you gave to her.
345
00:15:50,237 --> 00:15:52,137
You know what,
I'm gonna to go talk to Andi.
346
00:15:52,139 --> 00:15:53,722
I can't believe after all this,
347
00:15:53,723 --> 00:15:55,306
I'm still gonna end up
at Lord of the Dance.
348
00:15:58,145 --> 00:16:00,112
I got to tell you,
I'm not feeling great
349
00:16:00,114 --> 00:16:02,181
about the boys getting out
of Lord of the Dance.
350
00:16:02,183 --> 00:16:04,350
Well, they don't want to
go, what are you gonna do?
351
00:16:04,352 --> 00:16:07,052
Make them do it.
That's what a marriage is.
352
00:16:07,054 --> 00:16:09,722
No, this whole thing
with Adam, I just...
353
00:16:09,724 --> 00:16:12,558
I don't like the way
I feel right now.
354
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,094
And seeing all these
miserable husbands
355
00:16:15,096 --> 00:16:19,999
watching sports on their
phones reminds me of him.
356
00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:22,001
Well, go talk to him.
I'll be fine.
357
00:16:22,003 --> 00:16:23,168
Maybe I'll sneak backstage
358
00:16:23,170 --> 00:16:26,071
and see if I can towel off
a sweaty Irishman.
359
00:16:28,642 --> 00:16:30,709
(whispering):
Andi.
360
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:34,747
Andi, where are you?
361
00:16:34,749 --> 00:16:36,248
MARCY (whispering):
Adam.
362
00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:38,417
Over here.
Oh.
363
00:16:38,419 --> 00:16:40,119
(whispering):
Excuse me. Yeah.
364
00:16:40,121 --> 00:16:41,286
Hi. Excuse me.
365
00:16:41,288 --> 00:16:42,421
Excuse me, excuse me.
366
00:16:42,423 --> 00:16:44,189
Excuse me. Thank you.
Hi, how are you?
367
00:16:44,191 --> 00:16:46,258
Excuse me, excuse me.
368
00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:47,559
Where's Andi?
369
00:16:47,561 --> 00:16:50,029
She's on her way
to the car show to find you.
370
00:16:50,031 --> 00:16:51,196
Shh!
371
00:16:51,198 --> 00:16:52,264
Oh, do not shush me.
372
00:16:52,266 --> 00:16:53,665
We have three
long hours together.
373
00:16:53,667 --> 00:16:55,334
You don't want
to start like this.
374
00:16:58,406 --> 00:17:00,305
Excuse me, excuse me.
375
00:17:00,307 --> 00:17:02,508
Excuse me,
excuse me.
376
00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:05,277
Oh, boy.
377
00:17:05,279 --> 00:17:07,112
Excuse me!
378
00:17:07,114 --> 00:17:09,715
Has anyone seen a middle-aged
man in a flannel shirt?
379
00:17:13,354 --> 00:17:16,321
Wow, I have got
to take him shopping.
380
00:17:24,298 --> 00:17:25,831
Hey.
381
00:17:25,833 --> 00:17:29,168
Hey. How was the car show?
382
00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,136
Bad.
383
00:17:32,239 --> 00:17:35,174
I left early
'cause I went to find you.
384
00:17:35,176 --> 00:17:37,443
You did?
385
00:17:38,279 --> 00:17:40,479
I went to the car show
to find you.
386
00:17:40,481 --> 00:17:43,615
Yeah, I know.
Marcy told me at the theater.
387
00:17:43,617 --> 00:17:47,119
Then the usher wouldn't let me
leave for, like, 20 minutes.
388
00:17:49,190 --> 00:17:50,689
When I made a break for it,
389
00:17:50,691 --> 00:17:52,591
the other husbands
cheered for me.
390
00:17:55,529 --> 00:18:00,332
Well, um, what did you want
to say to me at the theater?
391
00:18:03,404 --> 00:18:06,338
Well, what did you want
to say to me at the car show?
392
00:18:10,411 --> 00:18:11,877
Okay.
393
00:18:11,879 --> 00:18:15,247
I guess I wanted to say that
394
00:18:15,249 --> 00:18:19,384
I wasn't having any fun
without you and I missed you.
395
00:18:19,386 --> 00:18:23,522
That's what I was gonna say!
396
00:18:26,193 --> 00:18:28,393
But...
397
00:18:28,395 --> 00:18:30,662
I felt the same way.
398
00:18:30,664 --> 00:18:34,500
Aw. It still worked.
399
00:18:34,502 --> 00:18:38,403
Look, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I ate that hot dog.
400
00:18:39,907 --> 00:18:42,641
That was a dumb thing to do.
401
00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:44,343
It's just...
402
00:18:44,345 --> 00:18:46,345
I was scared.
403
00:18:47,414 --> 00:18:49,448
That delivery room,
all those machines
404
00:18:49,450 --> 00:18:53,919
and metal clanking and people
coming to life, it was like...
405
00:18:53,921 --> 00:18:56,588
like Frankenstein's laboratory.
406
00:18:58,425 --> 00:19:00,592
And then I looked
out the window
407
00:19:00,594 --> 00:19:04,363
and I saw an old, familiar
friend, the hot dog.
408
00:19:04,365 --> 00:19:08,433
Yeah. It was pretty
hard-core in there.
409
00:19:08,435 --> 00:19:09,868
(exhales)
410
00:19:09,870 --> 00:19:12,371
I mean, I was on, like,
six different kinds of drugs,
411
00:19:12,373 --> 00:19:15,474
but you had to see
all that sober.
412
00:19:15,476 --> 00:19:17,442
But you were awesome.
413
00:19:19,413 --> 00:19:22,581
Hey, remember how mad
that delivery room nurse
414
00:19:22,583 --> 00:19:24,516
got at you for
eating in there?
415
00:19:24,518 --> 00:19:27,419
Yeah. She remembered me when
we went back to have Teddy.
416
00:19:27,421 --> 00:19:29,621
She called me Dr. Wiener.
417
00:19:30,758 --> 00:19:34,259
Made me a name tag
and everything.
418
00:19:34,261 --> 00:19:36,428
I might've told her
to do that.
419
00:19:36,430 --> 00:19:37,863
(chuckles)
420
00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:42,201
You know what, babe?
421
00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:46,705
I'm thinking
our baggage isn't baggage.
422
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:49,908
It's just... it's memories
of our life together.
423
00:19:49,910 --> 00:19:51,910
Yeah.
424
00:19:51,912 --> 00:19:54,546
I love our memories.
425
00:19:54,548 --> 00:19:58,350
That day Katie was born was
one of the best days of my life.
426
00:19:58,352 --> 00:20:00,285
Yeah, and afterwards,
those doctors sent us home
427
00:20:00,287 --> 00:20:02,454
with a baby like we knew
what we were doing.
428
00:20:04,625 --> 00:20:08,493
Well, we did, because
she turned out great.
429
00:20:09,797 --> 00:20:11,563
And then Teddy.
430
00:20:16,003 --> 00:20:17,736
Well, we bounced back
with Emme.
431
00:20:24,011 --> 00:20:25,611
Hey, I need a hot dog.
432
00:20:25,613 --> 00:20:27,779
Want grilled onions?
Takes a little longer.
433
00:20:27,781 --> 00:20:31,850
Well, I'm kind of in a hurry,
but, yeah, I want them.
434
00:20:31,852 --> 00:20:34,753
(cell phone rings)
435
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,421
Hello?
436
00:20:36,423 --> 00:20:37,990
It's happening?
437
00:20:37,992 --> 00:20:39,458
Okay, I'll be right there.
438
00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:40,559
Hey, how much longer
on those onions?
439
00:20:40,561 --> 00:20:42,494
A couple more minutes.
440
00:20:42,495 --> 00:20:44,428
Well, take your time,
get them right.
441
00:20:44,431 --> 00:20:46,999
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