1
00:00:03,292 --> 00:00:05,760
Gentlemen, I got a problem.

2
00:00:05,794 --> 00:00:08,330
I've gathered you here because I
need the smartest guys I know.

3
00:00:08,363 --> 00:00:11,133
My life is what it is,
so that's you.

4
00:00:12,467 --> 00:00:16,471
He's talking to you
guys, so step it up.

5
00:00:16,505 --> 00:00:18,773
Yesterday, I was the only one
home and the doorbell rings.

6
00:00:18,807 --> 00:00:20,342
It was Carl Tompkins.

7
00:00:20,375 --> 00:00:22,344
That son of a bitch.

8
00:00:22,377 --> 00:00:24,346
Who's Carl Tompkins?

9
00:00:24,379 --> 00:00:26,815
Pastor Carl? The guy who married
me and Andi at our wedding.

10
00:00:26,848 --> 00:00:29,151
That son of a bitch.

11
00:00:29,184 --> 00:00:31,120
Dad, will you listen, please?

12
00:00:31,153 --> 00:00:32,654
He gave me some very bad news.

13
00:00:32,687 --> 00:00:35,324
17 years ago, when I
married you and Andi,

14
00:00:35,357 --> 00:00:37,392
I had a nasty gambling problem.

15
00:00:37,426 --> 00:00:40,829
But I'm in a program now,
and I'm on the ninth step,

16
00:00:40,862 --> 00:00:43,198
which is making amends.

17
00:00:43,232 --> 00:00:46,468
Amends? That's never good.

18
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:48,370
When I did your ceremony,
I was broke,

19
00:00:48,403 --> 00:00:50,472
so I hadn't renewed
my credentials.

20
00:00:50,505 --> 00:00:52,641
I forged your paperwork
and your marriage isn't legal.

21
00:00:52,674 --> 00:00:54,443
What?

22
00:00:54,476 --> 00:00:56,411
We're not legally married?

23
00:00:56,445 --> 00:00:58,180
But why would you
do the ceremony

24
00:00:58,213 --> 00:00:59,481
if you knew
it wasn't real?

25
00:00:59,514 --> 00:01:01,883
I just love
making people happy.

26
00:01:01,916 --> 00:01:04,419
Do I look happy now?

27
00:01:04,453 --> 00:01:06,721
So I was right--
he is a son of a bitch.

28
00:01:06,755 --> 00:01:09,258
Andi's not
gonna like this.

29
00:01:09,291 --> 00:01:10,625
But she's not
gonna blame Adam.

30
00:01:10,659 --> 00:01:12,594
It's not your fault the guy
had a gambling problem.

31
00:01:12,627 --> 00:01:16,531
See, this is
where it gets tricky.

32
00:01:16,565 --> 00:01:19,468
H-He's not the guy
Andi told me to hire.

33
00:01:19,501 --> 00:01:20,635
I picked him
'cause he was cheaper.

34
00:01:20,669 --> 00:01:23,472
Oh, Adam.

35
00:01:23,505 --> 00:01:25,640
What? Well, I had
to do something.

36
00:01:25,674 --> 00:01:28,343
Look, we agreed on a simple
courthouse ceremony,

37
00:01:28,377 --> 00:01:29,878
then the bride magazines
started showing up

38
00:01:29,911 --> 00:01:31,446
and everything got expensive.

39
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,448
She wanted to move it
to the Bahamas.

40
00:01:33,482 --> 00:01:34,916
I had to show her a bunch
of shark attack videos

41
00:01:34,949 --> 00:01:37,186
just to keep it on the mainland.

42
00:01:37,219 --> 00:01:38,387
So you're not legally married?

43
00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:39,488
And it's your fault.

44
00:01:39,521 --> 00:01:40,655
And Andi doesn't know.

45
00:01:40,689 --> 00:01:42,791
That's pretty much it.

46
00:01:42,824 --> 00:01:44,759
Yeah, you're gonna need
smarter guys.

47
00:01:46,961 --> 00:01:49,164
*

48
00:01:58,473 --> 00:02:00,375
First of all, I am
really pumped to be included

49
00:02:00,409 --> 00:02:02,344
in this advice circle.

50
00:02:02,377 --> 00:02:03,545
We don't name our meetings,
Lowell.

51
00:02:03,578 --> 00:02:05,247
And if we did, it would
be something cool,

52
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,716
like "war council."

53
00:02:07,749 --> 00:02:11,886
But a wedding is not something
to cut corners on.

54
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:15,390
You blew it, bubba.
Sorry for the language.

55
00:02:15,424 --> 00:02:18,260
Money is for saving,
not spending.

56
00:02:18,293 --> 00:02:19,828
That's right, and you're
gonna need that money

57
00:02:19,861 --> 00:02:21,263
when the storm comes.

58
00:02:21,296 --> 00:02:23,265
And there is always
a storm coming.

59
00:02:23,298 --> 00:02:24,566
You taught us that, Pop.

60
00:02:24,599 --> 00:02:26,268
I'm never not afraid.

61
00:02:26,301 --> 00:02:29,304
Damn straight.
It keeps you frosty.
Mm-hmm.

62
00:02:29,338 --> 00:02:31,540
So how do I tell Andi
we're not legally married

63
00:02:31,573 --> 00:02:33,208
because I wanted to save
a few bucks?

64
00:02:33,242 --> 00:02:35,544
Now, keep in mind,
not being married might be

65
00:02:35,577 --> 00:02:37,746
a hot-button issue for her.

66
00:02:37,779 --> 00:02:40,882
Well, you could
soften her up with some romance.

67
00:02:40,915 --> 00:02:43,452
Ooh, take her to
a nice hotel for a weekend.

68
00:02:43,485 --> 00:02:44,686
I don't like the idea
of being locked

69
00:02:44,719 --> 00:02:47,389
in a tiny room with her
when she finds out.

70
00:02:47,422 --> 00:02:49,591
Whenever I've screwed
up with Marcy--

71
00:02:49,624 --> 00:02:52,561
and it has happened--

72
00:02:52,594 --> 00:02:54,396
I tell her I did
something much worse,

73
00:02:54,429 --> 00:02:55,930
and then when I tell
her the real thing,

74
00:02:55,964 --> 00:02:57,732
(exhales)
she's relieved.

75
00:02:57,766 --> 00:03:00,469
So what could I tell Andi
that's worse than this?

76
00:03:00,502 --> 00:03:01,870
Nothing.

77
00:03:02,871 --> 00:03:04,373
I was just saying, you know,

78
00:03:04,406 --> 00:03:05,940
if you'd done something
not so big,

79
00:03:05,974 --> 00:03:07,676
that would be the solution.

80
00:03:09,010 --> 00:03:11,513
This is the worst war council
I've ever been on.

81
00:03:12,747 --> 00:03:15,016
Son, you got to think
outside the box.

82
00:03:15,049 --> 00:03:17,819
Men have been screwing up with
women for thousands of years.

83
00:03:17,852 --> 00:03:19,254
They're on to us.

84
00:03:20,589 --> 00:03:21,856
You need something new.

85
00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:24,959
So your idea is:
come up with a good idea.

86
00:03:24,993 --> 00:03:27,662
That's right.
Run with that.

87
00:03:27,696 --> 00:03:30,665
Okay. Well, a lot of good
perspectives here.

88
00:03:30,699 --> 00:03:32,867
But the thing is, Andi
is the best, all right?

89
00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:34,669
I got a good one,
so I'm just gonna go home

90
00:03:34,703 --> 00:03:36,405
and tell her;
she'll understand.

91
00:03:36,438 --> 00:03:37,606
Attaboy.
Absolutely.
Good for you.

92
00:03:40,642 --> 00:03:42,577
He's not coming
back from this.

93
00:03:42,611 --> 00:03:43,678
He's a dead man.

94
00:03:43,712 --> 00:03:46,548
I should have told him
I loved him.

95
00:03:49,718 --> 00:03:51,753
Hey, sweetie.
Hey.

96
00:03:51,786 --> 00:03:53,688
You'll never guess what happened
at work today.

97
00:03:53,722 --> 00:03:54,689
I hope it was good.

98
00:03:54,723 --> 00:03:55,757
It's so good.

99
00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:57,759
Okay. I finally figured out

100
00:03:57,792 --> 00:04:00,695
who's been microwaving fish in
the break room. It was Karen.

101
00:04:00,729 --> 00:04:03,632
Yeah. We're gonna have
a whole meeting about it

102
00:04:03,665 --> 00:04:05,767
and everything.

103
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,603
Yeah. Funny thing happened
to me today, too. Get this.

104
00:04:08,637 --> 00:04:10,705
Wait. Wait.

105
00:04:10,739 --> 00:04:12,741
Babe, what's this? They didn't
have the organic chicken?

106
00:04:12,774 --> 00:04:14,609
No, no, they did, but we'll
get to that in a minute.

107
00:04:14,643 --> 00:04:16,478
Yeah.
Okay, but, um,

108
00:04:16,511 --> 00:04:18,380
I thought we agreed we
were gonna go organic.

109
00:04:18,413 --> 00:04:19,514
Remember? We watched
that documentary.

110
00:04:19,548 --> 00:04:21,950
You cried a little.

111
00:04:21,983 --> 00:04:24,519
Then I saw how much
organic chicken costs,

112
00:04:24,553 --> 00:04:25,687
and I cried more.

113
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,756
They just charge you
twice as much

114
00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:30,492
'cause they slap
a fancy label on it.

115
00:04:30,525 --> 00:04:32,927
Okay, Adam, we've
talked about this.

116
00:04:32,961 --> 00:04:34,529
Don't be cheap.

117
00:04:34,563 --> 00:04:37,966
Well-- I am not cheap,
I am frugal.

118
00:04:37,999 --> 00:04:39,801
Okay, see what you did there?

119
00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:42,604
You just took "cheap" and you
slapped a fancy label on it.

120
00:04:42,637 --> 00:04:45,507
Okay, this isn't a big deal,
it's just chicken,

121
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,108
but I-I do need to...

122
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:51,012
Okay, look, Adam, we both
know it's not just chicken.

123
00:04:51,045 --> 00:04:53,882
I mean, like, for example,
all of our napkins

124
00:04:53,915 --> 00:04:56,651
come from fast food places.

125
00:04:56,685 --> 00:05:00,689
You should never have
to pay for napkins.

126
00:05:00,722 --> 00:05:03,492
They're free everywhere.

127
00:05:03,525 --> 00:05:04,893
And when company comes over,

128
00:05:04,926 --> 00:05:07,729
we put out the good ones
from Arby's.

129
00:05:10,499 --> 00:05:12,701
Okay. Let's talk about
our coffee situation.

130
00:05:12,734 --> 00:05:15,470
These coffee pods
come 12 to a box,

131
00:05:15,504 --> 00:05:18,507
but somehow every box
seems to last us for a month.

132
00:05:21,142 --> 00:05:23,445
I did not know that
you noticed that.

133
00:05:23,478 --> 00:05:25,747
Oh, I did.

134
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:27,482
Says right on it,

135
00:05:27,516 --> 00:05:30,118
"single use only."

136
00:05:32,487 --> 00:05:34,456
You've been double dripping,
haven't you?

137
00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:38,627
You're damn right I have.

138
00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:39,928
They would love for you to
only use each pod once.

139
00:05:39,961 --> 00:05:41,696
That's their whole scam.

140
00:05:41,730 --> 00:05:43,097
I bet you there's a
documentary about that.

141
00:05:45,099 --> 00:05:47,502
Okay, Adam, it's not a scam,
okay?

142
00:05:47,536 --> 00:05:48,770
I've been drinking brown water

143
00:05:48,803 --> 00:05:50,839
and falling asleep at 10:30
in the morning.

144
00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:53,174
Okay, you know
I love a bargain.

145
00:05:53,207 --> 00:05:56,678
But isn't it fun when you
find out and we have a laugh?

146
00:05:56,711 --> 00:05:57,812
Huh?

147
00:05:57,846 --> 00:05:59,147
Yeah, so fun.

148
00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:03,051
Hey, um, let me ask you
something.

149
00:06:03,084 --> 00:06:05,820
Last week, when you made
the reservation

150
00:06:05,854 --> 00:06:07,756
for our family trip
to Keystone Lake,

151
00:06:07,789 --> 00:06:10,859
um...

152
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:13,862
you said that the hotel
right on the water was full,

153
00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:17,932
so that we had to stay at the
cheap one six blocks away.

154
00:06:17,966 --> 00:06:20,034
Yeah.

155
00:06:20,068 --> 00:06:22,036
Yeah. I-I-I-I told you that

156
00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:24,072
because that's what happened.

157
00:06:24,105 --> 00:06:27,776
And if I'm remembering
right, and I hope I am,

158
00:06:27,809 --> 00:06:30,779
I said there was a convention.

159
00:06:30,812 --> 00:06:33,114
Uh-huh. So if I call
the good hotel right now,

160
00:06:33,147 --> 00:06:34,749
they'll say they're booked.

161
00:06:34,783 --> 00:06:36,818
Oh, they absolutely will.

162
00:06:37,886 --> 00:06:39,120
They might not.

163
00:06:39,153 --> 00:06:40,589
I knew it.

164
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:43,625
You know what?

165
00:06:43,658 --> 00:06:46,127
I can deal with
the napkins and the coffee,

166
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,096
but you can't skimp
on the big stuff.

167
00:06:48,129 --> 00:06:51,766
The family stuff, that's what
makes me crazy, all right?

168
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,802
I don't want to hear
about any more secret ways

169
00:06:53,835 --> 00:06:55,136
that you've been
cheaping out.

170
00:06:55,169 --> 00:06:58,507
Well, d-don't
worry, you won't.

171
00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:00,709
Okay, good.

172
00:07:00,742 --> 00:07:02,711
Hey, what did you want
to talk to me about?

173
00:07:02,744 --> 00:07:04,178
Nothing.

174
00:07:05,747 --> 00:07:08,917
Uh, well, I just wanted
to talk... in general.

175
00:07:09,751 --> 00:07:11,686
And we did.

176
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,522
Great job.

177
00:07:14,923 --> 00:07:17,191
So I'm not telling her.

178
00:07:17,225 --> 00:07:20,829
I'm sorry it didn't go well,
but I'm thrilled to be back.

179
00:07:20,862 --> 00:07:23,031
I'm this close to
making us all T-shirts.

180
00:07:23,064 --> 00:07:24,999
What happened?
I didn't have time
to get the design right.

181
00:07:25,033 --> 00:07:26,668
Not you.

182
00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:28,202
What happened?

183
00:07:28,236 --> 00:07:30,872
Well, I was gonna tell her,
but inside of five minutes,

184
00:07:30,905 --> 00:07:34,743
she busted me on discount
chicken, reused coffee pods,

185
00:07:34,776 --> 00:07:36,878
and a secret budget hotel.

186
00:07:36,911 --> 00:07:39,681
It did not seem wise or healthy
for me to tell her

187
00:07:39,714 --> 00:07:41,883
I picked Pastor Carl
because he was cheaper.

188
00:07:41,916 --> 00:07:43,151
I mean, "frugaler."

189
00:07:43,184 --> 00:07:45,854
I once had a frugaler
at a Jewish wedding.

190
00:07:45,887 --> 00:07:47,956
It was delicious.

191
00:07:48,957 --> 00:07:50,825
So the problem isn't
that you're not married,

192
00:07:50,859 --> 00:07:53,595
it's that you're not married
because you were cheap.

193
00:07:53,628 --> 00:07:55,930
And she does not like that,
which is sad,

194
00:07:55,964 --> 00:07:58,232
because I think it's one
of my greatest qualities.

195
00:07:58,266 --> 00:07:59,267
Look,

196
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:00,268
when it comes to money,

197
00:08:00,301 --> 00:08:01,803
I'm right and she's wrong,

198
00:08:01,836 --> 00:08:04,005
but this will prove
that I'm wrong.

199
00:08:04,038 --> 00:08:06,174
If it proves you're wrong,
doesn't that mean you're wrong?

200
00:08:07,041 --> 00:08:09,611
Clearly I'm wrong.

201
00:08:09,644 --> 00:08:11,780
It will upset the balance
of our whole marriage.

202
00:08:11,813 --> 00:08:13,948
I'll lose every
money argument forever.

203
00:08:13,982 --> 00:08:15,784
We'll just be sitting
in the poor house

204
00:08:15,817 --> 00:08:18,820
with our rich black coffee
and high-end napkins.

205
00:08:18,853 --> 00:08:20,622
So you're not gonna
tell her at all?

206
00:08:20,655 --> 00:08:21,823
You're just gonna
stay not married?

207
00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:23,792
I thought about that.

208
00:08:23,825 --> 00:08:25,960
I could tell her now, or...

209
00:08:25,994 --> 00:08:27,829
I could fix it
and tell her never.

210
00:08:27,862 --> 00:08:29,330
Huh? How about this?

211
00:08:29,363 --> 00:08:30,799
Andi's always talking about

212
00:08:30,832 --> 00:08:32,000
renewing our vows someday.

213
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:33,802
Why can't that be now?

214
00:08:33,835 --> 00:08:36,337
And why can't that be done
by a real pastor?

215
00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:38,206
Then you'll be
legally married.

216
00:08:38,239 --> 00:08:39,974
I like it. It's got
Lowell's romance,

217
00:08:40,008 --> 00:08:41,576
it's got Dad's
outside the box,

218
00:08:41,610 --> 00:08:43,544
and it's kind
of shady, like me.

219
00:08:52,921 --> 00:08:54,923
What?

220
00:09:03,965 --> 00:09:07,902
You are so beautiful.

221
00:09:07,936 --> 00:09:09,938
Even when you're
about to spit.

222
00:09:09,971 --> 00:09:11,973
Mmm. Thanks, honey.

223
00:09:15,009 --> 00:09:17,045
You know, I was
just thinking,

224
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:19,981
we haven't done something
really romantic in a long time.

225
00:09:20,014 --> 00:09:21,883
You know, to
celebrate our love.

226
00:09:21,916 --> 00:09:24,619
Aw, sweetie, you don't have
to do a whole song and dance.

227
00:09:24,653 --> 00:09:26,688
You know I'm always up
to roll around a little.

228
00:09:26,721 --> 00:09:29,323
We can do that,
too, but I'm talking

229
00:09:29,357 --> 00:09:31,926
about a spontaneous event.

230
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,863
Like... (gasps)

231
00:09:39,868 --> 00:09:42,170
Ah, never mind,
it's too romantic.

232
00:09:42,203 --> 00:09:45,039
No. Whoa. What? What?
No, no, no.
It's too magical.

233
00:09:45,073 --> 00:09:46,875
(gasps)
Tell me.

234
00:09:50,044 --> 00:09:52,046
(sighs)

235
00:09:53,748 --> 00:09:56,017
What if we renewed our vows?

236
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:57,418
(gasps)

237
00:09:57,451 --> 00:10:01,022
Oh, I've always
wanted to do that.

238
00:10:01,055 --> 00:10:02,891
Oh, but, I mean,
shouldn't we wait

239
00:10:02,924 --> 00:10:04,292
for a big anniversary?

240
00:10:04,325 --> 00:10:06,194
Like our 20th or our 30th?

241
00:10:06,227 --> 00:10:08,196
No, no, no. No, no, no.

242
00:10:08,229 --> 00:10:11,032
I-I-I, I think we
do it right now

243
00:10:11,065 --> 00:10:13,868
for our 17-and-a-half-ieth.

244
00:10:13,902 --> 00:10:14,969
Huh?

245
00:10:15,003 --> 00:10:17,005
No one will see that coming.

246
00:10:17,038 --> 00:10:18,873
What's gotten into you?

247
00:10:18,907 --> 00:10:21,109
Just a bunch of love.

248
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:23,277
Huh? Think about it.

249
00:10:23,311 --> 00:10:25,313
The girls can wear
matching outfits.

250
00:10:25,346 --> 00:10:27,115
Teddy can wear suspenders.

251
00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:29,884
You love Teddy in suspenders.

252
00:10:29,918 --> 00:10:31,720
He looks so cute--

253
00:10:31,753 --> 00:10:33,454
like a tiny Southern lawyer.

254
00:10:33,487 --> 00:10:35,089
Yeah.

255
00:10:36,758 --> 00:10:38,326
Okay, let's do it.

256
00:10:38,359 --> 00:10:40,962
We're doing it.
(laughing):
Yeah. This is so exciting.

257
00:10:40,995 --> 00:10:44,065
(gasps)
Ooh. What about having
it in the Bahamas?

258
00:10:44,098 --> 00:10:45,299
Huh?
Uh... (chatters teeth)

259
00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:47,168
Oh.
Nah.

260
00:10:47,201 --> 00:10:48,970
Sharks. I forgot.
Mm-hmm.

261
00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:51,105
Yeah, but it's still
gonna be great.

262
00:10:51,139 --> 00:10:53,708
Yeah, yeah. Oh, and this
time, my dad won't be trying

263
00:10:53,742 --> 00:10:57,278
to talk me out of it as
I'm walking down the aisle.

264
00:11:02,150 --> 00:11:05,920
I did not know he did that.

265
00:11:05,954 --> 00:11:08,022
Huh. Look, but-- hey,
let's get married again.
Yay! (laughs)

266
00:11:15,096 --> 00:11:16,164
Okay, great,

267
00:11:16,197 --> 00:11:18,132
you guys are all set for
the renewal ceremony tonight.

268
00:11:18,166 --> 00:11:20,434
We look
like dweebs.

269
00:11:20,468 --> 00:11:23,171
Yes, you do. That's your wedding
present to your mother.

270
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:27,708
These suspenders are pulling
my pants up too high.

271
00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:31,279
I feel like I'm
sitting on a rope.

272
00:11:31,312 --> 00:11:33,782
Go loosen 'em up a little.
I want grandkids.

273
00:11:36,985 --> 00:11:39,187
Okay, I'll take these
out to the backyard

274
00:11:39,220 --> 00:11:40,755
and arrange them
around the altar.

275
00:11:40,789 --> 00:11:42,290
Oh, and, Adam, I think

276
00:11:42,323 --> 00:11:44,458
what you're doing today
is incredibly romantic.

277
00:11:44,492 --> 00:11:48,029
(laughs)
That's a hint, Don.

278
00:11:48,062 --> 00:11:49,130
I'm all over it, baby.

279
00:11:53,201 --> 00:11:54,836
So in a few hours, you're
gonna make an honest woman

280
00:11:54,869 --> 00:11:56,270
out of Andi.
Yeah.

281
00:11:56,304 --> 00:11:57,972
She's very excited.

282
00:11:58,006 --> 00:12:00,174
Apparently, I'm the world's
greatest husband...

283
00:12:00,208 --> 00:12:02,877
based on her limited
information.

284
00:12:02,911 --> 00:12:05,079
But after tonight
we'll be back to being married,

285
00:12:05,113 --> 00:12:07,348
and I can pretend
this whole thing never happened.

286
00:12:07,381 --> 00:12:09,183
You seem
a little jumpy, son.

287
00:12:09,217 --> 00:12:12,253
I saw that look run past me
in Vietnam a lot.

288
00:12:12,286 --> 00:12:14,488
Yeah, I'm jumpy. I got

289
00:12:14,522 --> 00:12:17,158
a lot of balls in the air, a lot
of stories. It's complicated.

290
00:12:17,191 --> 00:12:19,260
Hey, listen, if you were
gonna tell her the truth,

291
00:12:19,293 --> 00:12:21,262
you should have done it
the day you found out.

292
00:12:21,295 --> 00:12:23,264
The cover-up is always worse
than the crime.

293
00:12:23,297 --> 00:12:28,202
Why didn't you say that when
we were having the war council?

294
00:12:28,236 --> 00:12:31,105
I just thought of it.
Oh.

295
00:12:31,139 --> 00:12:32,540
Don't give me
a bunch of beers

296
00:12:32,573 --> 00:12:35,043
and then ask me
serious questions.

297
00:12:35,076 --> 00:12:37,145
Well, you know what? Andi
will be home any minute

298
00:12:37,178 --> 00:12:39,080
from getting her hair done,
she'll see how beautiful

299
00:12:39,113 --> 00:12:40,348
everything looks out there,

300
00:12:40,381 --> 00:12:42,416
we'll tie the knot,
and I'll be home free.

301
00:12:42,450 --> 00:12:45,186
All right, I'm gonna
go get your mom.

302
00:12:45,219 --> 00:12:46,587
She's been up on blocks

303
00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:48,522
at the beauty shop
getting a full refurb.

304
00:12:48,556 --> 00:12:52,060
(knocking)
Oh, that'll be Lowell
with cake. Okay.

305
00:12:52,093 --> 00:12:54,228
Yeah.

306
00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:56,264
Who are you?
Pastor Carl.

307
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,032
Son of a bitch.

308
00:12:59,968 --> 00:13:02,170
Pastor Carl, what
are you doing here?

309
00:13:02,203 --> 00:13:04,338
(scoffs)
I need to talk to Andi.

310
00:13:04,372 --> 00:13:06,540
Turns out, I got
to make amends to her, too.

311
00:13:06,574 --> 00:13:08,242
I got a meeting
in a few hours,

312
00:13:08,276 --> 00:13:10,244
and if I get Andi,
I can move on to step ten.

313
00:13:10,278 --> 00:13:12,346
Well, settle in to step
nine 'cause you're
not talking to her.

314
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:13,547
You got to get out of here.
No, no.

315
00:13:13,581 --> 00:13:17,018
I'm not going anywhere
until I see Andi.

316
00:13:17,051 --> 00:13:19,253
Okay, uh, fine. Um...

317
00:13:19,287 --> 00:13:21,222
Tell me what you want to say
to her, and I'll text it to her.

318
00:13:21,255 --> 00:13:23,391
Then you can leave,
and I'll text you what she says.

319
00:13:23,424 --> 00:13:25,093
She'll probably say
something like, "I forgive you.

320
00:13:25,126 --> 00:13:27,395
Don't ever come to my house
again, and, you know..."

321
00:13:27,428 --> 00:13:29,263
No. Don't sit!

322
00:13:29,297 --> 00:13:31,332
I got bad knees from
standing at the craps table.

323
00:13:34,068 --> 00:13:36,337
Okay, fine. You know what?
I'll go get her.

324
00:13:36,370 --> 00:13:38,372
She's out in the driveway.
Yeah. Hey, is this champagne
for anybody?

325
00:13:38,406 --> 00:13:41,175
Yeah, anybody but you.

326
00:13:41,209 --> 00:13:42,476
So I just need you
to pretend

327
00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:44,378
to be my wife for,
like, five minutes.

328
00:13:44,412 --> 00:13:46,480
You have got to be kidding me.

329
00:13:46,514 --> 00:13:48,249
Do it for Andi, huh?

330
00:13:48,282 --> 00:13:49,650
How you would feel
if you found out

331
00:13:49,683 --> 00:13:51,385
you weren't really
married to Don?

332
00:13:51,419 --> 00:13:54,355
Yeah, that's not gonna
get you there.
Yeah, okay, okay,

333
00:13:54,388 --> 00:13:56,424
bad example. Look,
but I'm in a real spot here.

334
00:13:56,457 --> 00:13:58,526
This is my home.
I'd like to keep living here.

335
00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,194
Well, I don't know.

336
00:14:00,228 --> 00:14:03,097
Maybe I'll like
Andi's second husband better.

337
00:14:03,131 --> 00:14:04,632
Yeah, maybe he'll want
to play tennis with me.

338
00:14:04,665 --> 00:14:07,335
Oh.
Well, think about
Andi's feelings, okay?

339
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,403
She loved our wedding.
It meant everything to her.

340
00:14:09,437 --> 00:14:11,940
If you could help me fix this
without her finding out,

341
00:14:11,973 --> 00:14:13,607
it would really spare her
a lot of heartache.

342
00:14:13,641 --> 00:14:16,444
Okay, I'll do it...
for Andi.
Okay.

343
00:14:16,477 --> 00:14:17,678
But I have one condition.

344
00:14:17,711 --> 00:14:19,981
Anything.
I'm taking voice lessons,

345
00:14:20,014 --> 00:14:21,682
and you're gonna let me sing
at the renewal ceremony.

346
00:14:21,715 --> 00:14:23,617
Whatever you want. Yeah.
How long you been taking

347
00:14:23,651 --> 00:14:25,186
voice lessons?
My first one is Tuesday.

348
00:14:25,219 --> 00:14:27,355
Oh.

349
00:14:27,388 --> 00:14:29,590
Okay.

350
00:14:29,623 --> 00:14:33,361
Here's my wife Andi, so you can
make your amends and move on.

351
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:35,329
You looked a lot different
at the wedding.

352
00:14:35,363 --> 00:14:38,332
(mutters)
Well, you know, living
with me takes it toll.

353
00:14:38,366 --> 00:14:40,168
I'm not buying this.

354
00:14:40,201 --> 00:14:42,203
If that's really Andi, kiss her.

355
00:14:42,236 --> 00:14:45,406
Whoa. Hey, Padre,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

356
00:14:45,439 --> 00:14:47,375
If you're looking for a
thrill, go to the library,

357
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:49,477
get on their Wi-Fi,
like the rest of us.

358
00:14:50,478 --> 00:14:53,347
Don.
You're not
kissing my wife.

359
00:14:54,482 --> 00:14:57,485
Okay, fine.
She's not my wife.

360
00:14:57,518 --> 00:14:58,686
But you got to
get out of here.

361
00:14:58,719 --> 00:15:00,321
My real wife will
be here any minute.

362
00:15:00,354 --> 00:15:01,722
I'll tell you what-- I'll
give you a hundred dollars

363
00:15:01,755 --> 00:15:03,324
to just go back
to being a gambler.

364
00:15:03,357 --> 00:15:04,658
Remember how fun
that was, huh?

365
00:15:06,995 --> 00:15:09,297
Hey... honey.

366
00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:11,132
Oh, my God.

367
00:15:11,165 --> 00:15:12,433
Pastor Carl?
DON:
All right.

368
00:15:12,466 --> 00:15:15,236
Let's back it up.
This is gonna get bumpy.
Mm-hmm.

369
00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:16,971
I can't believe this.

370
00:15:17,005 --> 00:15:18,739
You got Pastor Carl
to do the renewal

371
00:15:18,772 --> 00:15:20,441
because he married us
the first time?

372
00:15:20,474 --> 00:15:22,176
You are

373
00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:23,978
full of surprises.

374
00:15:24,012 --> 00:15:26,147
(laughing):
I sure am, yeah.

375
00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:28,349
But, unfortunately,
Pastor Carl can't do it

376
00:15:28,382 --> 00:15:30,118
'cause he's,
uh... he's booked.

377
00:15:30,151 --> 00:15:34,122
Yeah, he just came by to give
us the bad news in person.

378
00:15:34,155 --> 00:15:36,190
Oh, that's such a shame.

379
00:15:36,224 --> 00:15:38,492
You know what?
I'll do it.

380
00:15:38,526 --> 00:15:40,094
I'll cancel
everything.

381
00:15:40,128 --> 00:15:41,495
You will?
Yeah.

382
00:15:41,529 --> 00:15:43,464
I just love making people happy!

383
00:15:43,497 --> 00:15:45,333
Yay!
Yay!

384
00:15:45,366 --> 00:15:47,168
ADAM:
Hey!

385
00:15:47,201 --> 00:15:50,038
But you said you didn't
have your license anymore.

386
00:15:50,071 --> 00:15:51,639
Well, who cares?
It's just a renewal.

387
00:15:51,672 --> 00:15:53,274
Yeah, let's get happy.

388
00:15:53,307 --> 00:15:54,775
ANDI: Yes!
ADAM: No! No! No! No!

389
00:15:54,808 --> 00:15:56,744
Andi, Pastor Carl can't do it.

390
00:15:56,777 --> 00:15:58,579
Well, why not?
He just said he could.
Yeah.

391
00:15:58,612 --> 00:16:00,481
But he isn't a
licensed pastor.

392
00:16:00,514 --> 00:16:03,517
And-and-and...

393
00:16:03,551 --> 00:16:07,455
And he wasn't when he
married us the first time.

394
00:16:10,524 --> 00:16:12,493
What?

395
00:16:12,526 --> 00:16:14,695
Oh. Uh, what does that mean?

396
00:16:14,728 --> 00:16:17,431
Okay, technically--
and this is really

397
00:16:17,465 --> 00:16:20,534
just a small clerical thing--

398
00:16:20,568 --> 00:16:23,237
we're not legally married.

399
00:16:25,239 --> 00:16:27,608
Amends made.
Good night.

400
00:16:29,343 --> 00:16:30,511
(door closes)

401
00:16:30,544 --> 00:16:33,547
Oh, my God, so that's why...

402
00:16:33,581 --> 00:16:35,583
She's putting
it together.

403
00:16:35,616 --> 00:16:37,718
Wait. What?!

404
00:16:37,751 --> 00:16:39,287
Nope. She lost it.
Oh.

405
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,422
I-I'll walk her through it.
Oh.

406
00:16:41,455 --> 00:16:44,292
The renewal wasn't a renewal.

407
00:16:44,325 --> 00:16:46,560
He was trying to marry you
without you knowing

408
00:16:46,594 --> 00:16:48,629
because that guy
wasn't pasteurized.

409
00:16:51,465 --> 00:16:54,535
Okay, she's all caught up.
Back to you.

410
00:16:56,470 --> 00:17:00,274
But the good news is we're all
set to fix this today, okay?

411
00:17:00,308 --> 00:17:02,143
I got a real pastor coming over.

412
00:17:02,176 --> 00:17:04,712
I checked his papers and
everything, so what do you say?

413
00:17:04,745 --> 00:17:06,547
Let's get hitched.

414
00:17:06,580 --> 00:17:08,416
I don't think so.

415
00:17:08,449 --> 00:17:10,084
(to "Here Comes the Bride"):
* Da, da-da, da

416
00:17:10,118 --> 00:17:12,520
* Da, da...

417
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:14,522
Oh, Adam.

418
00:17:20,294 --> 00:17:22,496
You're so beautiful.

419
00:17:24,398 --> 00:17:27,468
Remember when
that was fun?

420
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:30,171
You know what?
It's all coming back to me now.

421
00:17:30,204 --> 00:17:32,640
I gave you the pastor
to hire for our wedding.

422
00:17:32,673 --> 00:17:34,808
Where did Pastor Carl
even come from?

423
00:17:34,842 --> 00:17:37,111
I mean, why didn't you just
hire my guy?

424
00:17:37,145 --> 00:17:39,647
My actual minister guy,
my not-addicted-to-gambling guy?

425
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,216
I didn't know he was
addicted to gambling.

426
00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:43,684
I was just trying
to save a few bucks.

427
00:17:43,717 --> 00:17:46,220
Your guy was so expensive.

428
00:17:47,888 --> 00:17:50,824
I'm sorry.

429
00:17:50,858 --> 00:17:54,895
We're not married
because you're cheap?

430
00:17:54,928 --> 00:17:59,867
You know, some people say
that's one of my best qualities.

431
00:18:01,869 --> 00:18:06,274
You know, I can deal
with a discount chicken, okay?

432
00:18:06,307 --> 00:18:08,742
But this? I mean, come on, Adam,
we're not really married.

433
00:18:08,776 --> 00:18:11,645
I just know that there's always
a storm coming.

434
00:18:11,679 --> 00:18:13,647
I think the storm is here.

435
00:18:13,681 --> 00:18:15,849
I'm just saying,

436
00:18:15,883 --> 00:18:19,320
we have been through some times.

437
00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:22,656
You remember 2008? I didn't
build a house for ten months.

438
00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:25,359
We almost had
to move in with my parents.

439
00:18:25,393 --> 00:18:26,827
They had one bathroom, Andi.

440
00:18:26,860 --> 00:18:29,830
One bathroom, no fan,
just a book of matches.

441
00:18:29,863 --> 00:18:31,665
But we had

442
00:18:31,699 --> 00:18:34,535
our rainy day fund,
so we got to stay here.

443
00:18:35,736 --> 00:18:37,505
Okay, I get it.

444
00:18:37,538 --> 00:18:41,642
But our wedding, Adam?
You skimped on our wedding.

445
00:18:41,675 --> 00:18:44,945
I skimped on our wedding because
I cared about our marriage.

446
00:18:44,978 --> 00:18:47,715
Which doesn't
legally exist.

447
00:18:47,748 --> 00:18:49,650
I am working on that.

448
00:18:49,683 --> 00:18:52,286
I almost had it today.
I was this close!

449
00:19:01,229 --> 00:19:03,364
(clears throat)

450
00:19:03,397 --> 00:19:06,867
Look, when we were
first engaged,

451
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:09,603
I didn't know
if the business was gonna work.

452
00:19:09,637 --> 00:19:11,472
I was freaking out.

453
00:19:11,505 --> 00:19:14,575
Well, why didn't
you just tell me that?

454
00:19:14,608 --> 00:19:16,677
Because I didn't
want you to worry.

455
00:19:16,710 --> 00:19:19,447
Andi, I wanted
to give you everything,

456
00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:22,616
but I didn't have... anything.

457
00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:25,586
All I had was you.

458
00:19:25,619 --> 00:19:27,588
(sighs)

459
00:19:27,621 --> 00:19:29,823
Well, now look
what you did.

460
00:19:29,857 --> 00:19:32,293
You gave me the feels.

461
00:19:34,928 --> 00:19:36,897
You know, if you marry me again,

462
00:19:36,930 --> 00:19:40,000
I promise that every time
I make coffee...

463
00:19:40,033 --> 00:19:41,769
You'll only use the
coffee pod once?

464
00:19:41,802 --> 00:19:43,537
No, I can't do that.

465
00:19:44,805 --> 00:19:47,641
But I will always
give you the first cup.

466
00:19:50,644 --> 00:19:52,780
I'll take it.
(laughs)

467
00:19:52,813 --> 00:19:54,615
Let's get married again
for the first time.

468
00:19:54,648 --> 00:19:56,717
Great! Yeah.

469
00:19:56,750 --> 00:19:58,686
I get another crack
at our wedding night.

470
00:19:58,719 --> 00:19:59,653
I know what you like now.

471
00:20:08,696 --> 00:20:10,998
Thanks for marrying me
today, Mrs. Burns.

472
00:20:11,031 --> 00:20:15,269
Turns out that was a real quick
fix down at the courthouse.

473
00:20:15,303 --> 00:20:16,770
Mm-hmm.

474
00:20:16,804 --> 00:20:18,506
If I just told you
in the beginning,

475
00:20:18,539 --> 00:20:20,941
I could have avoided
a lot of trouble.

476
00:20:20,974 --> 00:20:22,910
Well, you're right
about one thing.

477
00:20:22,943 --> 00:20:25,446
Our first wedding night
was pretty wild.

478
00:20:25,479 --> 00:20:29,283
Mm-hmm.
But... this one's
even better.

479
00:20:30,884 --> 00:20:34,021
Yeah, I see what you're going
for there, but no.

480
00:20:34,054 --> 00:20:35,623
(laughs)

481
00:20:35,656 --> 00:20:37,791
Well, you're a good man.

482
00:20:37,825 --> 00:20:40,060
It's not easy to find
a guy to marry you

483
00:20:40,093 --> 00:20:43,464
when you're in your 40s
and you got three kids.

484
00:20:45,065 --> 00:20:47,668
Whose feet stink?

485
00:20:51,605 --> 00:20:54,575
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

486
00:20:54,608 --> 00:20:57,611
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org