1
00:00:02,124 --> 00:00:03,792
Come on, guys,
we're gonna be late for school.

2
00:00:03,825 --> 00:00:05,660
We don't have school.

3
00:00:05,694 --> 00:00:09,564
No, no, no, I'm not
falling for that again.

4
00:00:09,598 --> 00:00:11,700
No, it's for real.
It's Teacher Reading Day.

5
00:00:11,733 --> 00:00:13,168
They sent home a note.

6
00:00:13,202 --> 00:00:15,537
What note?
I didn't see any note.

7
00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:18,307
Teddy, did you start
eating paper again?

8
00:00:19,574 --> 00:00:21,743
Well, I found the note.

9
00:00:21,776 --> 00:00:24,713
And the upstairs remote. Teddy!

10
00:00:25,747 --> 00:00:28,583
We both have to work.
What are we gonna do?

11
00:00:28,617 --> 00:00:30,252
Katie can babysit.

12
00:00:30,285 --> 00:00:32,121
Yes! I knew there was
a reason we had three.

13
00:00:32,154 --> 00:00:33,688
Yeah.

14
00:00:33,722 --> 00:00:35,224
Sorry, no day off
for high school.

15
00:00:35,257 --> 00:00:37,226
You know, I can't wait
to go to college

16
00:00:37,259 --> 00:00:38,760
and skip class all the time.

17
00:00:40,895 --> 00:00:42,764
She's gonna be trouble.

18
00:00:46,768 --> 00:00:49,538
You know, the
teachers are there.

19
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,540
What if we just drop
these two at school

20
00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,875
and act like
we didn't know?

21
00:00:53,908 --> 00:00:55,777
The trick is to
drive away fast.

22
00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:57,712
I have an idea.

23
00:00:57,746 --> 00:01:01,783
You guys are going to work
with Daddy today!

24
00:01:01,816 --> 00:01:03,652
Yay!

25
00:01:03,685 --> 00:01:05,120
No, no yay.

26
00:01:05,154 --> 00:01:07,356
No, I can't take them.
I have to work.

27
00:01:07,389 --> 00:01:08,857
Well, I have to work, too.

28
00:01:08,890 --> 00:01:10,792
So what
are we gonna do?

29
00:01:10,825 --> 00:01:14,329
Guess we're just gonna have to
sit down and talk it out.

30
00:01:14,363 --> 00:01:17,832
Aw, I always lose
when we do that!

31
00:01:17,866 --> 00:01:19,801
Oh, how about this?

32
00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:21,770
A race to the
door, okay?

33
00:01:21,803 --> 00:01:23,805
Last one out stays
home, all right?

34
00:01:23,838 --> 00:01:24,806
On three.
Okay, come on.

35
00:01:24,839 --> 00:01:27,542
One, two...

36
00:01:27,576 --> 00:01:30,879
Thought I could hurdle that
coffee table, I really did.

37
00:01:30,912 --> 00:01:34,216
Okay, why can't you
take the kids today?

38
00:01:34,249 --> 00:01:36,251
I have a meeting with
the mini-mall developer.

39
00:01:36,285 --> 00:01:38,153
And she's already
bent out of shape because

40
00:01:38,187 --> 00:01:40,689
there's a trucker's strike
and construction is delayed.

41
00:01:40,722 --> 00:01:43,492
Okay, well, no rational person
can blame you for that.

42
00:01:43,525 --> 00:01:45,927
She's not rational.

43
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,862
She fired her own mother.

44
00:01:47,896 --> 00:01:49,498
Well, I can't take them either.

45
00:01:49,531 --> 00:01:50,899
My boss is out for the morning,

46
00:01:50,932 --> 00:01:52,867
and he just made me
his number two.

47
00:01:54,736 --> 00:01:57,906
Hey, you know, a promotion
like that deserves a reward.

48
00:01:57,939 --> 00:01:59,941
Congratulations, honey,
you just won a day at home

49
00:01:59,974 --> 00:02:01,810
with our beautiful children.

50
00:02:01,843 --> 00:02:06,147
Oh. So I have to stay home
because I'm a woman?

51
00:02:07,982 --> 00:02:09,951
:
Okay.

52
00:02:09,984 --> 00:02:11,953
Didn't know you'd
play that card this early.

53
00:02:11,986 --> 00:02:14,556
Hey, if I'm holding an ace,
you're gonna see it.

54
00:02:15,957 --> 00:02:19,294
There's no good
solution to this.

55
00:02:19,328 --> 00:02:21,830
I don't understand why kids
can't stay home alone.

56
00:02:21,863 --> 00:02:23,932
Remember that movie, Home Alone?

57
00:02:23,965 --> 00:02:24,966
Huh?

58
00:02:24,999 --> 00:02:26,701
That was a big hit.

59
00:02:26,735 --> 00:02:28,270
You know,

60
00:02:28,303 --> 00:02:29,938
when I was Teddy's age,
my parents would just

61
00:02:29,971 --> 00:02:32,507
leave Don and I with a sign
around our necks that said,

62
00:02:32,541 --> 00:02:35,477
"If found, please return
to 247 Maple Street."

63
00:02:35,510 --> 00:02:38,513
Is that true?

64
00:02:38,547 --> 00:02:40,415
Just let me tell my story.

65
00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:44,619
All this babying
is not good for the kids.

66
00:02:44,653 --> 00:02:48,189
You know, we...
we cut up their bananas.

67
00:02:48,957 --> 00:02:50,925
Bananas, Andi!

68
00:02:50,959 --> 00:02:54,195
A monkey knows
how to work a banana.

69
00:02:55,730 --> 00:02:58,300
If we keep this up, when the
kids get out in the real world,

70
00:02:58,333 --> 00:02:59,934
they are never gonna survive.

71
00:02:59,968 --> 00:03:01,236
Okay, okay.

72
00:03:01,270 --> 00:03:03,238
You know what?
This weekend,

73
00:03:03,272 --> 00:03:05,240
we will drive the kids
out to the woods,

74
00:03:05,274 --> 00:03:08,610
give them a banana and see
who makes it home. Huh?

75
00:03:08,643 --> 00:03:10,912
But for now, take them to work.

76
00:03:10,945 --> 00:03:13,815
I knew I'd lose
if we talked it out.

77
00:03:14,916 --> 00:03:16,117
Fine, I'll take them.

78
00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:18,887
But we are definitely doing
that banana Hunger Games thing.

79
00:03:20,789 --> 00:03:23,892
I'll tell you what, when my boss
gets back this afternoon,

80
00:03:23,925 --> 00:03:25,860
I'll-I'll fake a lady problem

81
00:03:25,894 --> 00:03:27,862
and I'll come take
Teddy and Emme from you.

82
00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:30,765
Yes. Men don't ask questions
about lady problems

83
00:03:30,799 --> 00:03:32,634
'cause we don't
want the answers.

84
00:03:35,804 --> 00:03:37,972
Teddy, Teddy,
don't-don't touch that.

85
00:03:38,006 --> 00:03:39,841
Don't touch that, okay?
All right.

86
00:03:39,874 --> 00:03:41,576
Emme, Emme, Emme,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

87
00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:43,578
Honey, that's-that's
my boss's chair, okay?

88
00:03:43,612 --> 00:03:45,314
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

89
00:03:45,347 --> 00:03:47,015
Teddy, Teddy, Teddy.

90
00:03:47,048 --> 00:03:47,816
Give me that.
Give me that.

91
00:03:47,849 --> 00:03:50,018
Stop playing-- No.
Will you stop it?

92
00:03:50,051 --> 00:03:52,787
Stop. Stop it. Stop it!

93
00:03:52,821 --> 00:03:54,823
Lisa!

94
00:03:54,856 --> 00:03:58,960
Oh, look, you brought
your children to my workplace.

95
00:04:00,362 --> 00:04:02,364
I'd just like to point out that
I didn't bring any kids.

96
00:04:02,397 --> 00:04:05,567
Good, Don. Very good.

97
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,035
Now, why don't you
and the little ones

98
00:04:07,068 --> 00:04:09,904
celebrate your victory
by going out into the hall.

99
00:04:09,938 --> 00:04:10,972
That's a good idea.

100
00:04:11,005 --> 00:04:13,007
Why don't you guys
wait for Daddy outside. Okay.

101
00:04:13,041 --> 00:04:14,676
Really? Are you sure
you want me to...

102
00:04:14,709 --> 00:04:16,044
Yep, uh-huh.
Now you're doing it.

103
00:04:16,077 --> 00:04:18,046
Okay.

104
00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:19,714
Uh, sorry about that.

105
00:04:19,748 --> 00:04:21,350
There was a scheduling thing
with school,

106
00:04:21,383 --> 00:04:22,917
and my wife is very liberated.

107
00:04:22,951 --> 00:04:24,953
Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
It's best if I don't know

108
00:04:24,986 --> 00:04:26,588
too much about
your personal life.

109
00:04:26,621 --> 00:04:29,358
It'll make it easier
if/when things go south

110
00:04:29,391 --> 00:04:31,726
with the mini-mall, and
I have to, you know...

111
00:04:33,628 --> 00:04:35,530
Kill me?

112
00:04:35,564 --> 00:04:37,098
No, fire you.

113
00:04:37,131 --> 00:04:37,966
Oh.

114
00:04:37,999 --> 00:04:39,634
Although my therapist
would tell me

115
00:04:39,668 --> 00:04:41,069
to be more sympathetic.

116
00:04:41,102 --> 00:04:42,404
Your therapist
sounds very smart.

117
00:04:42,437 --> 00:04:44,906
I fired her.
Serves that idiot right.

118
00:04:44,939 --> 00:04:47,108
Uh, we have to make this
a quick meeting.

119
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:48,810
The Developers Association

120
00:04:48,843 --> 00:04:51,112
is honoring me
with an Innovator Award,

121
00:04:51,145 --> 00:04:54,115
and I'm a little frightened
of public speaking.
Oh.

122
00:04:54,148 --> 00:04:55,917
I'm much more likeable
one-on-one.

123
00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:57,752
Sure. Yeah.

124
00:04:57,786 --> 00:05:00,889
I say that because I don't want
you to...

125
00:05:00,922 --> 00:05:02,991
What is that?

126
00:05:03,024 --> 00:05:04,693
I was just doing what you did.

127
00:05:04,726 --> 00:05:06,395
You don't do that.
I do that.

128
00:05:06,428 --> 00:05:07,496
Okay.

129
00:05:07,529 --> 00:05:09,398
Let's talk about
why you're here.

130
00:05:09,431 --> 00:05:12,066
I am not happy about
the delays on the mini-mall.

131
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,636
Lisa, this truckers' strike
is causing problems.

132
00:05:14,669 --> 00:05:17,038
If it helps,
I have 20 other contractors

133
00:05:17,071 --> 00:05:19,140
that can replace
you guys by tomorrow.

134
00:05:19,173 --> 00:05:22,644
I wouldn't call it
super helpful.

135
00:05:22,677 --> 00:05:25,113
Look, we will bring
this thing in on time, okay?

136
00:05:25,146 --> 00:05:27,816
The Burns brothers are
as professional as it gets.

137
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,684
Hey, random question.

138
00:05:29,718 --> 00:05:32,587
Was that vase
out here expensive?

139
00:05:32,621 --> 00:05:35,023
The kids broke the vase?

140
00:05:35,056 --> 00:05:37,992
Right. Yeah, the kids.

141
00:05:38,026 --> 00:05:40,629
But don't ask them about it;
they'll just lie.

142
00:05:43,898 --> 00:05:45,900
*

143
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,816
Whoa, what's
going on here?

144
00:06:01,850 --> 00:06:03,852
I have bugs on my head.

145
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,789
Welcome home, honey.
The kids have lice.

146
00:06:09,123 --> 00:06:11,092
Would you stop telling
everybody about that?

147
00:06:11,125 --> 00:06:15,430
He's your dad.
You've pooped in his hand.

148
00:06:15,464 --> 00:06:17,832
Stop telling everybody
about that!

149
00:06:19,668 --> 00:06:20,502
How can we have lice again?

150
00:06:20,535 --> 00:06:22,170
I thought you could
only get that once.

151
00:06:22,203 --> 00:06:24,873
No, that's mono.

152
00:06:24,906 --> 00:06:28,710
And somehow I've taken that
around the block a few times.

153
00:06:28,743 --> 00:06:31,546
Lowell was kind enough
to come and treat everybody.

154
00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:33,548
Actually, I told Andi it's easy
and she could do it,

155
00:06:33,582 --> 00:06:35,950
and she said, "Oh, I have to
do it because I'm a woman?"

156
00:06:35,984 --> 00:06:36,985
And I came right over.

157
00:06:39,153 --> 00:06:42,023
Wow, you are milking that
like a dairy cow.

158
00:06:43,224 --> 00:06:44,225
It's no big deal.

159
00:06:44,258 --> 00:06:46,528
I had the supplies because
I just treated my kids.

160
00:06:46,561 --> 00:06:48,196
Apparently,
the whole school has it.

161
00:06:48,229 --> 00:06:51,199
Well, why wouldn't
they tell us that?

162
00:06:52,166 --> 00:06:54,669
Wait a minute.

163
00:06:57,906 --> 00:06:59,874
Here it is.

164
00:06:59,908 --> 00:07:01,242
Teddy!

165
00:07:01,275 --> 00:07:03,545
Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

166
00:07:03,578 --> 00:07:06,748
You're not the messenger.
You never deliver the message!

167
00:07:07,649 --> 00:07:09,618
Okay, guys, you're done.

168
00:07:09,651 --> 00:07:12,086
Go upstairs and rinse the little
dead bodies out of your hair.

169
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,222
Ugh.

170
00:07:14,255 --> 00:07:16,090
Just talking about
these bugs makes me itchy.

171
00:07:16,124 --> 00:07:18,493
Actually, um, you guys
should get checked.

172
00:07:18,527 --> 00:07:20,895
Oh, and we have to
tell your dad, too.

173
00:07:20,929 --> 00:07:23,665
He took the kids to that
ball pit place yesterday.

174
00:07:23,698 --> 00:07:25,667
You should let
them know, too.

175
00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:28,136
Hey, if you go to a ball pit
and all you catch is lice,

176
00:07:28,169 --> 00:07:30,939
you dodged a bullet.

177
00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:33,074
The kids' feet don't reach
the bottom, but mine did.

178
00:07:33,107 --> 00:07:35,243
It's wet down there.

179
00:07:35,276 --> 00:07:37,245
Okay, Don's clean.

180
00:07:37,278 --> 00:07:39,614
Yeah, they couldn't make
it up to the penthouse.

181
00:07:41,249 --> 00:07:43,284
But Adam's got
some friends on top.

182
00:07:43,317 --> 00:07:44,586
:
Oh.

183
00:07:44,619 --> 00:07:46,688
I can't believe this.

184
00:07:46,721 --> 00:07:47,989
Honey, it's okay.

185
00:07:48,022 --> 00:07:50,158
It just means you're
a loving, affectionate dad.

186
00:07:51,693 --> 00:07:53,261
And Don's a cold, distant uncle.

187
00:07:53,294 --> 00:07:57,265
You're gonna have to notify
everybody you were with today.

188
00:07:57,298 --> 00:08:00,001
Well, we weren't with
anyone except each other.

189
00:08:00,034 --> 00:08:03,204
Oh!

190
00:08:03,237 --> 00:08:05,239
*

191
00:08:10,178 --> 00:08:12,747
Adam, are

192
00:08:12,781 --> 00:08:15,249
The kids were all over
Lisa's office.

193
00:08:15,283 --> 00:08:16,918
They probably gave her lice!

194
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,922
If we left them home
with signs around their necks,

195
00:08:20,955 --> 00:08:22,957
this never would've happened.

196
00:08:22,991 --> 00:08:26,761
I-I'm sure she'll understand.
I mean, she's probably got kids.

197
00:08:26,795 --> 00:08:29,130
The only way she has kids
is if she lured them

198
00:08:29,163 --> 00:08:31,099
into her candy house
to eat them for dinner.

199
00:08:35,136 --> 00:08:37,105
Listen, we got to
get out in front

200
00:08:37,138 --> 00:08:38,740
of this lice
thing with Lisa.

201
00:08:38,773 --> 00:08:41,175
Okay, we gave up all of
our other work for this job.

202
00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:43,244
We got expenses,
we hired Lowell.

203
00:08:43,277 --> 00:08:44,746
You guys better
fix this.

204
00:08:44,779 --> 00:08:46,648
I can't go back
to being a house-husband.

205
00:08:46,681 --> 00:08:49,083
My father-in-law
just stopped calling me Nancy.

206
00:08:51,319 --> 00:08:53,321
Wow, Nancy's worried.

207
00:08:54,789 --> 00:08:57,726
Okay, all right, uh...
Oh, how about this?

208
00:08:57,759 --> 00:08:59,160
Lisa's got that
awards banquet tonight.

209
00:08:59,193 --> 00:09:00,929
Let's just go down there
and check her out.

210
00:09:00,962 --> 00:09:02,296
No, no. I'm mad at her.

211
00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:04,699
She put me out in the hall
with the kids.

212
00:09:04,733 --> 00:09:06,167
No, no, Don.

213
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,302
We'll just hang back
and see if she's scratching.

214
00:09:08,336 --> 00:09:10,071
If she's not, then we're just

215
00:09:10,104 --> 00:09:12,340
a couple of business partners
there to support her.

216
00:09:12,373 --> 00:09:13,842
That's nice of us.

217
00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:14,843
Yeah. Yeah.

218
00:09:14,876 --> 00:09:17,011
And if she does have lice,
we'll come clean.

219
00:09:17,045 --> 00:09:19,814
Hopefully, she'll appreciate our
honesty and not send us packing.

220
00:09:19,848 --> 00:09:23,384
Wait, wait, you're betting
our jobs on her humanity?

221
00:09:23,417 --> 00:09:25,019
Yep. And it's
a high-risk move

222
00:09:25,053 --> 00:09:27,288
'cause I'm not
convinced she's human.

223
00:09:27,321 --> 00:09:30,591
I'm pretty sure I saw a zipper
on the back of her head.

224
00:09:33,394 --> 00:09:36,364
I better have all my hair
when you wash this stuff out.

225
00:09:36,397 --> 00:09:40,401
My inventory's
running low already.

226
00:09:40,434 --> 00:09:43,672
All right, we're heading down
to Lisa's awards banquet.

227
00:09:43,705 --> 00:09:45,774
No big deal,
just trying to save our jobs.

228
00:09:45,807 --> 00:09:48,009
Oh, I'm sure
you'll do great.

229
00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:50,178
Don, let Adam
do all the talking.

230
00:09:50,211 --> 00:09:51,379
Right. I'll just be eye candy.

231
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:55,750
Joe, I'm really sorry
the kids turned your head

232
00:09:55,784 --> 00:09:57,418
into a bug motel.

233
00:09:57,451 --> 00:10:00,855
You know, Bev's
probably got them, too,

234
00:10:00,889 --> 00:10:03,257
and she's on a river
cruise with her gal pals.

235
00:10:03,291 --> 00:10:06,127
A boat full of itchy women
scratching together.

236
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,762
Huh.

237
00:10:07,796 --> 00:10:09,698
That-that makes me chuckle.

238
00:10:09,731 --> 00:10:12,300
Okay, let's check you out.

239
00:10:12,333 --> 00:10:14,769
Okay, well, get ready,

240
00:10:14,803 --> 00:10:16,871
'cause last time
the kids gave them to me,

241
00:10:16,905 --> 00:10:20,975
it was like the
million lice march on my head.

242
00:10:21,009 --> 00:10:23,211
I guess that's just the curse of
being an affectionate mother.

243
00:10:23,244 --> 00:10:25,780
Nope. You're clean as a whistle.

244
00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:28,382
Huh?

245
00:10:28,416 --> 00:10:30,218
No, no, no, that-that
can't be right, Lowell.

246
00:10:30,251 --> 00:10:31,219
Ch-Check it again.

247
00:10:31,252 --> 00:10:35,389
I checked. You're good.

248
00:10:35,423 --> 00:10:38,827
:
Okay.

249
00:10:38,860 --> 00:10:41,095
Listen to me very carefully,
all right?

250
00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:42,797
I'm their mother. Right?

251
00:10:42,831 --> 00:10:45,433
Every time they get the flu,
I get the flu.

252
00:10:45,466 --> 00:10:47,702
When they had strep throat,
I had strep throat.

253
00:10:47,736 --> 00:10:49,838
And the last time
they got these bugs,

254
00:10:49,871 --> 00:10:52,974
I got hit the worst because
I am a warm and loving mother!

255
00:10:53,007 --> 00:10:55,443
Okay, don't beat yourself up.

256
00:10:55,476 --> 00:10:57,145
You can't compare then to now.

257
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,113
I mean, these days,
you're busy working.

258
00:11:02,917 --> 00:11:05,153
What... what are you
implying, Lowell?

259
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:06,988
Don't engage.

260
00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:10,091
No, I'm not implying anything.

261
00:11:10,124 --> 00:11:12,360
I'm just pointing out
a factual difference.

262
00:11:12,393 --> 00:11:13,427
Stand down, boy.

263
00:11:15,396 --> 00:11:18,867
I think you're saying
that I don't have lice

264
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:20,902
because I'm not around enough.

265
00:11:20,935 --> 00:11:24,238
No, no, I did not
mean that at all.

266
00:11:24,272 --> 00:11:25,874
What do I do?

267
00:11:25,907 --> 00:11:29,077
Play dead and
hope she moves on.

268
00:11:30,244 --> 00:11:32,947
Okay, look, there could be
lots of reasons for this.

269
00:11:32,981 --> 00:11:36,818
Like here-- it says lice are
only attracted to clean hair.

270
00:11:39,921 --> 00:11:42,991
So I'm either an absent mom
or a dirty one.

271
00:11:44,826 --> 00:11:47,962
Maybe you're both.
Who says you can't have it all?

272
00:11:50,799 --> 00:11:52,767
Wow, look at this spread.

273
00:11:52,801 --> 00:11:54,903
They got the giant
shrimp and tiny pickles.

274
00:11:54,936 --> 00:11:56,204
The whole world's
upside down.

275
00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:59,307
Will you stay focused?
We have a job to do.

276
00:11:59,340 --> 00:12:01,776
Ooh, they got the olives with
a red thing in the middle.

277
00:12:01,810 --> 00:12:03,812
How they do that?

278
00:12:03,845 --> 00:12:06,848
Go to a grocery store, man.
That's just regular stuff.

279
00:12:06,881 --> 00:12:11,119
All right, now use your
freakish height to find Lisa.

280
00:12:11,152 --> 00:12:12,453
There she is.

281
00:12:12,486 --> 00:12:16,090
Ladies and gentlemen,
our Innovator Award winner,

282
00:12:16,124 --> 00:12:18,092
Lisa McCaffrey.

283
00:12:24,065 --> 00:12:25,466
Uh-oh.
She's scratching her head.

284
00:12:25,499 --> 00:12:27,101
Hold on, hold on.

285
00:12:27,135 --> 00:12:30,204
Maybe she's just
coming up with an idea.

286
00:12:30,238 --> 00:12:33,541
This is... such an honor.

287
00:12:34,943 --> 00:12:37,511
Must be a real brainstorm.

288
00:12:37,545 --> 00:12:39,180
Okay.

289
00:12:47,255 --> 00:12:49,090
Oh, my God.

290
00:12:49,123 --> 00:12:52,226
We just turned our boss
into the Bride of Frankenstein.

291
00:12:54,195 --> 00:12:57,198
Now, where was I?

292
00:13:04,605 --> 00:13:06,274
Don, we're screwed.

293
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:08,276
We gave our boss lice,
and she just humiliated herself.

294
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:10,244
She sees us.

295
00:13:10,278 --> 00:13:11,445
Just look away.

296
00:13:11,479 --> 00:13:13,281
I can't; her
hair's too funny.

297
00:13:15,083 --> 00:13:17,151
What are we gonna do?
I thought we had to tell her.

298
00:13:17,185 --> 00:13:18,486
No, no, no, it's too big.

299
00:13:18,519 --> 00:13:20,421
Remember when we were kids,
we shot that bottle rocket

300
00:13:20,454 --> 00:13:22,323
into the woods and
all the trees caught on fire?

301
00:13:22,356 --> 00:13:24,625
We didn't tell anyone, we just
got the hell out of there.

302
00:13:24,658 --> 00:13:27,595
Everything's on fire, Don!
Let's get the hell out of here!

303
00:13:27,628 --> 00:13:29,230
You're right, let's go.

304
00:13:32,033 --> 00:13:35,136
What kind of frickin' lice
don't get on the mother's head?

305
00:13:38,106 --> 00:13:40,441
She's upset. One of us is
gonna have to go in there.

306
00:13:40,474 --> 00:13:41,442
You go.

307
00:13:41,475 --> 00:13:42,510
You're related to her.

308
00:13:42,543 --> 00:13:45,413
Not by blood, so let's just
take that off the table.

309
00:13:47,148 --> 00:13:48,349
You know what this is?

310
00:13:48,382 --> 00:13:52,320
This-this is society trying
to keep the working moms down!

311
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:53,888
I'm out.

312
00:13:53,922 --> 00:13:56,057
What? Don't leave me.

313
00:13:56,090 --> 00:13:59,060
Hey, you pulled the pin
on the grenade; you jump on it.

314
00:13:59,093 --> 00:14:00,128
Feel better, honey!

315
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:16,044
So... you know
what I was thinking?

316
00:14:16,945 --> 00:14:18,412
I bet that you don't have lice

317
00:14:18,446 --> 00:14:21,182
because they just
flew off your head

318
00:14:21,215 --> 00:14:24,986
while you were running around
being a great mom.

319
00:14:25,019 --> 00:14:26,955
Nice try, Lowell,
but I think we both know

320
00:14:26,988 --> 00:14:28,056
why I don't have the bugs.

321
00:14:28,089 --> 00:14:31,125
There could be
other reasons.

322
00:14:31,159 --> 00:14:33,461
Like, did you put your head
too close to the microwave?

323
00:14:34,996 --> 00:14:39,100
Were you underwater
for 45 minutes?

324
00:14:39,133 --> 00:14:41,302
Have you been in space?

325
00:14:41,335 --> 00:14:43,637
Are you having fun, Lowell?

326
00:14:43,671 --> 00:14:46,307
No.

327
00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:50,979
And not that I'm ready to go,
but have you seen my car keys?

328
00:14:51,012 --> 00:14:55,183
Wait. Is this
your hair spray?

329
00:14:55,216 --> 00:14:57,651
No, I stole it.

330
00:14:57,685 --> 00:14:59,620
Among my many flaws,
I'm also a kleptomaniac.

331
00:14:59,653 --> 00:15:04,025
I guess once you light the fuse,
all the bombs go off.

332
00:15:04,058 --> 00:15:05,226
I'm just saying,

333
00:15:05,259 --> 00:15:08,262
your hair spray
has tea tree oil in it.

334
00:15:08,296 --> 00:15:10,364
That repels lice.
It does?

335
00:15:10,398 --> 00:15:12,933
Look, it's on the sheet
from school.

336
00:15:15,769 --> 00:15:18,239
So it's not my fault?

337
00:15:18,272 --> 00:15:21,542
I am a good mother.

338
00:15:21,575 --> 00:15:24,212
Great mother.

339
00:15:24,245 --> 00:15:27,148
Little bit of
an aggressive host.

340
00:15:27,181 --> 00:15:29,417
Okay, I'm gonna get out of here
while you're smiling.

341
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:30,718
Thanks so much, Lowell.

342
00:15:30,751 --> 00:15:32,953
Anytime. But never again.

343
00:15:34,722 --> 00:15:36,757
Hey, Lowell.

344
00:15:36,790 --> 00:15:38,559
There's my handsome man.
How'd it go?

345
00:15:38,592 --> 00:15:40,128
I don't want to tell you

346
00:15:40,161 --> 00:15:43,231
because you look like
you're in a good mood.

347
00:15:43,264 --> 00:15:44,365
She is now.

348
00:15:44,398 --> 00:15:47,235
Thanks for meeting me at
the exit of the roller coaster.

349
00:15:51,272 --> 00:15:52,440
ADAM:
Wait a minute.

350
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:56,077
You thought you were a bad mom
because you didn't have lice?

351
00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:58,612
Yeah, I felt terrible.

352
00:15:58,646 --> 00:16:02,416
So I did the healthy thing
and I took it out on Lowell.

353
00:16:02,450 --> 00:16:05,319
Well, I don't hate that someone
else took that shrapnel.

354
00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:09,057
I mean, I actually thought
about quitting my job.

355
00:16:09,090 --> 00:16:11,525
I can't believe you were
beating yourself up like that.

356
00:16:11,559 --> 00:16:13,327
And there's no way
you're quitting.

357
00:16:13,361 --> 00:16:15,063
After Lisa's speech tonight,

358
00:16:15,096 --> 00:16:17,331
you might be
the only one of us working.

359
00:16:17,365 --> 00:16:19,167
Was it really that bad?

360
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,335
Yeah, yeah.
She's got a bundle of lice,

361
00:16:21,369 --> 00:16:23,537
and she's gonna realize
it was because of us.

362
00:16:23,571 --> 00:16:25,806
We have until Monday
to figure our way out of this.

363
00:16:27,275 --> 00:16:29,810
Who is it?

364
00:16:29,843 --> 00:16:31,279
LISA:
It's Lisa McCaffrey!

365
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:35,183
Don, she's at my house.

366
00:16:35,216 --> 00:16:36,184
She knows!

367
00:16:36,217 --> 00:16:37,185
Turn off the lights.

368
00:16:38,786 --> 00:16:42,090
Oh! Andi, you talk to her.

369
00:16:42,123 --> 00:16:44,192
Oh, I have to talk to her
because I'm a woman?

370
00:16:44,225 --> 00:16:46,294
Yes! I'm playing the card now.

371
00:16:46,327 --> 00:16:48,096
The card works both ways.

372
00:16:48,129 --> 00:16:49,330
LISA:
Hello?

373
00:16:49,363 --> 00:16:51,599
I know you're in there.

374
00:16:51,632 --> 00:16:54,135
You know what?
This seems like man's work.

375
00:16:54,168 --> 00:16:55,469
Yeah, I'm reverse
playing the card.

376
00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:05,313
Lisa. Hey, what's up?

377
00:17:05,346 --> 00:17:08,116
So, my speech didn't
go very well tonight,

378
00:17:08,149 --> 00:17:09,750
and we need to talk about it.

379
00:17:09,783 --> 00:17:11,619
Uh, look, I just want
to say I'm sorry...

380
00:17:11,652 --> 00:17:13,587
I had an anxiety attack.

381
00:17:13,621 --> 00:17:15,323
Or you go.

382
00:17:15,356 --> 00:17:18,259
I called my therapist,
Dr. Klein,

383
00:17:18,292 --> 00:17:20,228
and she explained
that the itching was

384
00:17:20,261 --> 00:17:23,297
a physical manifestation
of my fear of public speaking.

385
00:17:25,166 --> 00:17:27,768
That sounds about right.
She nailed it.

386
00:17:27,801 --> 00:17:31,472
I just came by
because we work together,

387
00:17:31,505 --> 00:17:34,675
and I felt I owed you
an explanation.

388
00:17:34,708 --> 00:17:38,379
Well, just don't
let it happen again.

389
00:17:40,381 --> 00:17:42,416
Bottom line:

390
00:17:42,450 --> 00:17:44,785
what happened on that stage
tonight was my fault.

391
00:17:44,818 --> 00:17:46,320
It was my failure,

392
00:17:46,354 --> 00:17:49,257
and I have to figure out
a way to deal with that.

393
00:17:52,293 --> 00:17:54,228
No. Don't you do it.

394
00:17:54,262 --> 00:17:55,529
Don't you do
the right thing.

395
00:17:55,563 --> 00:17:58,366
Lisa! Lisa! Wait, wait.

396
00:17:58,399 --> 00:18:00,668
Oh, he's doing it.

397
00:18:00,701 --> 00:18:03,337
Yeah, c-come on in.

398
00:18:03,371 --> 00:18:05,473
Um...

399
00:18:05,506 --> 00:18:09,477
What happened tonight--
the problem's not in your head,

400
00:18:09,510 --> 00:18:12,546
it's on your head.

401
00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:14,915
What are you saying?

402
00:18:14,948 --> 00:18:18,319
Well, you see...

403
00:18:18,352 --> 00:18:21,589
Don's niece and
nephew gave you lice.

404
00:18:25,426 --> 00:18:27,795
You let me make a fool
out of myself

405
00:18:27,828 --> 00:18:29,497
in front of my entire industry.

406
00:18:29,530 --> 00:18:31,799
I should fire you right now.

407
00:18:31,832 --> 00:18:34,435
Hey, you know what?

408
00:18:34,468 --> 00:18:36,670
My wife has a job, okay?

409
00:18:36,704 --> 00:18:39,673
So sometimes I have to bring
my kids to work,

410
00:18:39,707 --> 00:18:42,776
and almost every time, they have
something you can catch.

411
00:18:44,312 --> 00:18:46,380
And I'm not gonna
apologize for that.

412
00:18:47,348 --> 00:18:49,617
I will.
I'm sorry for both of us.

413
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:52,620
No, no, no. I'm tired of
everyone feeling bad.

414
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:55,323
My wife felt bad because she
thought she was a bad mom.

415
00:18:55,356 --> 00:18:57,425
I felt bad because
I thought I was a bad employee.

416
00:18:57,458 --> 00:18:58,792
We're all doing
the best we can,

417
00:18:58,826 --> 00:19:00,494
and if that's not
good enough for you,

418
00:19:00,528 --> 00:19:02,663
then you know what,
go ahead, fire us, go ahead.

419
00:19:02,696 --> 00:19:06,767
Well, you really took
the wind out of my sails.

420
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:10,338
If you don't mind getting fired,
it's not fun for me.

421
00:19:10,371 --> 00:19:13,341
I'd like to be
fired, too, then.

422
00:19:15,509 --> 00:19:20,448
Look, if it means anything,
we never meant for it to happen.

423
00:19:20,481 --> 00:19:24,718
Well, I guess the lice
is a bit of a relief.

424
00:19:24,752 --> 00:19:27,255
I can fix that with shampoo.

425
00:19:27,288 --> 00:19:30,958
I thought I was gonna
have to improve myself.

426
00:19:30,991 --> 00:19:32,726
Good luck, am I right?

427
00:19:33,894 --> 00:19:36,564
Okay, uh, are we still
working for you?

428
00:19:36,597 --> 00:19:39,567
Sure. For now.

429
00:19:41,502 --> 00:19:43,471
Meanwhile, I'm gonna
call my therapist,

430
00:19:43,504 --> 00:19:45,406
Dr. Klein, and fire her.

431
00:19:45,439 --> 00:19:47,775
And then I'm gonna swing by
my ex-husband's house

432
00:19:47,808 --> 00:19:51,879
and give his new girlfriend
a big licey hug.

433
00:19:51,912 --> 00:19:54,582
That sounds fun.

434
00:19:54,615 --> 00:19:56,717
Maybe don't lose
Dr. Klein's number.

435
00:20:01,522 --> 00:20:03,324
That was good stuff.

436
00:20:03,357 --> 00:20:04,992
I was worried,
but you landed that plane.

437
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:08,529
ANDI:
Hey, honey.

438
00:20:08,562 --> 00:20:10,764
I heard everything.
I'm so proud of you.

439
00:20:10,798 --> 00:20:12,433
You've earned these.

440
00:20:12,466 --> 00:20:13,601
Oh.
Oh.

441
00:20:13,634 --> 00:20:14,935
I meant what I said.

442
00:20:14,968 --> 00:20:16,970
If I have to take my kids
to work every day,

443
00:20:17,004 --> 00:20:18,472
then I am happy to do it.

444
00:20:18,506 --> 00:20:20,774
Oh, good.

445
00:20:20,808 --> 00:20:22,910
'Cause I just got an e-mail.
They're fumigating the school,

446
00:20:22,943 --> 00:20:25,479
and the kids are gonna be off
for the next three days.

447
00:20:27,381 --> 00:20:29,383
I'm calling in
with lady problems.

448
00:20:37,491 --> 00:20:39,760
TV REPORTER: And in other news,
a river boat was quarantined

449
00:20:39,793 --> 00:20:41,862
offshore due to a lice outbreak.

450
00:20:47,067 --> 00:20:50,604
Never tell your mother
how much I enjoyed this.

451
00:20:50,638 --> 00:20:52,806
You want us to rewind it
and play it again?

452
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,041
He's seen it
three times.

453
00:20:54,074 --> 00:20:55,876
Once more for the old man, huh?

454
00:20:55,909 --> 00:20:58,812
And in other news, a river boat
was quarantined...

455
00:21:04,818 --> 00:21:06,820
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

456
00:21:08,889 --> 00:21:10,891
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org