1
00:00:03,285 --> 00:00:04,460
Hey, babe.

2
00:00:05,635 --> 00:00:07,550
What's wrong?

3
00:00:07,593 --> 00:00:09,726
Well, wh-what is it? A ghost.

4
00:00:09,769 --> 00:00:12,424
I told you,
I felt a presence here.

5
00:00:12,468 --> 00:00:15,210
[whispers]:
No. My little sister's here.

6
00:00:15,253 --> 00:00:17,734
You're kidding me.
No, you're not.

7
00:00:17,777 --> 00:00:19,562
Hey, Kelly.

8
00:00:19,605 --> 00:00:23,435
Why did you... when
did you come here?

9
00:00:23,479 --> 00:00:25,133
Oh, I have a conference in town.

10
00:00:25,176 --> 00:00:27,744
They booked me at the The Ritz,
but I stay at nice places

11
00:00:27,787 --> 00:00:29,398
all the time,
so I thought I'd come

12
00:00:29,441 --> 00:00:31,313
to your little cabin instead.

13
00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:34,098
It's not a cabin, okay?

14
00:00:34,142 --> 00:00:36,013
I'll have you know, this is
the sixth-biggest house

15
00:00:36,057 --> 00:00:37,580
on the block.

16
00:00:37,623 --> 00:00:41,236
Well, you look great.
Country life suits you.

17
00:00:41,279 --> 00:00:43,586
Pittsburgh is a city.
How can you not...

18
00:00:43,629 --> 00:00:45,457
Okay, you know what, Adam,

19
00:00:45,501 --> 00:00:48,417
wh-why don't you help me get
Kelly's bag out of the car?

20
00:00:48,460 --> 00:00:51,637
We have sports teams.
Mister Rogers is from here.

21
00:00:51,681 --> 00:00:54,640
Oh, oh, uh, Kelly,
meet our friend Lowell.

22
00:00:54,684 --> 00:00:56,816
Lowell, this is my sister Kelly.

23
00:00:56,860 --> 00:00:58,601
Enjoy.

24
00:00:58,644 --> 00:01:01,734
So, how do you know
Adam and Andi?

25
00:01:01,778 --> 00:01:02,866
I work for them.

26
00:01:02,909 --> 00:01:04,911
Oh, well, you'll bounce back.

27
00:01:07,088 --> 00:01:09,090
When is she leaving?

28
00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:10,569
Her bag's still in the car.

29
00:01:10,613 --> 00:01:12,484
I could drive her
to the airport right now.

30
00:01:12,528 --> 00:01:15,183
She's my sister.
I can't ask her to leave.

31
00:01:15,226 --> 00:01:16,401
Oh, well, she's not my sister.
I'll ask her.

32
00:01:16,445 --> 00:01:17,489
I'll do that right now.

33
00:01:17,533 --> 00:01:19,361
Adam.

34
00:01:19,404 --> 00:01:22,059
It's not good for you
when she's here.

35
00:01:22,103 --> 00:01:23,495
All she does is judge you.

36
00:01:23,539 --> 00:01:25,454
Just don't let her bother you.

37
00:01:25,497 --> 00:01:27,064
Yeah, but I know
she bothers you.

38
00:01:27,108 --> 00:01:28,718
Why do you let her get away

39
00:01:28,761 --> 00:01:31,677
with acting superior
all the time, huh?

40
00:01:31,721 --> 00:01:35,507
"Cabin." We have heated floors
in our bathroom.

41
00:01:35,551 --> 00:01:38,075
We do?They're broken, but yeah.

42
00:01:39,294 --> 00:01:41,165
Look... [sighs]
It'd be great

43
00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:43,298
if my sister didn't always
compare her glamorous,

44
00:01:43,341 --> 00:01:45,169
jet-setting life
to me settling down

45
00:01:45,213 --> 00:01:47,693
in an average town
with an average joe.

46
00:01:49,608 --> 00:01:51,654
Average joe?

47
00:01:51,697 --> 00:01:55,527
I am the sixth-best
husband on the block.

48
00:01:55,571 --> 00:01:57,138
You're amazing,

49
00:01:57,181 --> 00:02:00,184
which is why I am not gonna play
her game, all right?

50
00:02:00,228 --> 00:02:01,968
It's called
taking the high road.

51
00:02:02,012 --> 00:02:03,709
Yeah, but she already
looks down on us.

52
00:02:03,753 --> 00:02:07,322
Let's at least get
our money's worth. Low road.

53
00:02:07,365 --> 00:02:10,890
Adam, I have a wonderful husband
and three loving children.

54
00:02:10,934 --> 00:02:14,503
No matter what she says,
I am happy with my choices.

55
00:02:14,546 --> 00:02:18,463
So even though
I am not competing, I win.

56
00:02:18,507 --> 00:02:21,510
Well, since you already won,
let's celebrate

57
00:02:21,553 --> 00:02:23,860
by taking her to the airport.[groans]

58
00:02:23,903 --> 00:02:25,296
[door closes]

59
00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:28,038
Don't leave me alone
with her anymore.

60
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,519
Do you guys think I look
like Forrest Gump?

61
00:02:31,737 --> 00:02:33,783
No.Only when you run.

62
00:02:35,785 --> 00:02:37,569
How are you two sisters?

63
00:02:37,613 --> 00:02:39,049
You don't even look alike.

64
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,833
[laughs]
Ugh...

65
00:02:40,877 --> 00:02:43,009
Well, she spent
a little time

66
00:02:43,053 --> 00:02:44,837
in Switzerland,
if you know what I mean.

67
00:02:44,881 --> 00:02:48,232
Yeah. When she blinks, you can
see the back of her neck move.

68
00:02:48,276 --> 00:02:52,018
Oh, I got so much good stuff.
Let me at her, coach.

69
00:02:52,062 --> 00:02:53,890
No, Adam. High road, okay?

70
00:02:53,933 --> 00:02:57,850
Let's just live our normal lives
as if she's not even here.

71
00:02:57,894 --> 00:02:59,678
Fresh-squeezed
papaya juice, Kell?

72
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,332
[gasps]

73
00:03:01,376 --> 00:03:03,378
Wow.

74
00:03:03,421 --> 00:03:05,380
Do you make breakfast
like this all the time?

75
00:03:05,423 --> 00:03:08,252
It's like a Four Seasons
in here.

76
00:03:08,296 --> 00:03:10,254
That's a fancy hotel.

77
00:03:10,298 --> 00:03:12,561
[chuckles]:
I know what it is.

78
00:03:12,604 --> 00:03:14,389
I've driven by one.

79
00:03:15,955 --> 00:03:17,218
No, what you're seeing

80
00:03:17,261 --> 00:03:18,697
is just our normal,
everyday life.

81
00:03:18,741 --> 00:03:21,613
I love cooking
for my family.

82
00:03:21,657 --> 00:03:23,267
Mom, my muffin has
a price tag on it.

83
00:03:23,311 --> 00:03:24,877
Honey, put that in your mouth.

84
00:03:24,921 --> 00:03:27,271
[clears throat]
So, um, hey, how did you sleep?

85
00:03:27,315 --> 00:03:28,794
I mean, it's pretty cozy

86
00:03:28,838 --> 00:03:31,928
in a house full of children
and love, huh?

87
00:03:31,971 --> 00:03:33,582
Oh, I slept great.
Oh, but I do

88
00:03:33,625 --> 00:03:35,975
need to go out
and get a memory foam pillow.

89
00:03:36,019 --> 00:03:37,716
I went to the bathroom
last night,

90
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,676
and your pillow completely
forgot how I wanted to sleep.

91
00:03:44,462 --> 00:03:47,639
What's with the spread?
[chuckles]

92
00:03:47,683 --> 00:03:50,251
Oh, shoot. Is it Easter?

93
00:03:52,253 --> 00:03:56,082
No. No, this is just
our regular, typical breakfast.

94
00:03:56,126 --> 00:03:58,084
[chuckles]
We do this every day.

95
00:03:58,128 --> 00:03:59,738
Oh, yeah.
[chuckles]

96
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:02,524
I meant, "is it Easter?" like,

97
00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:04,352
every day is Easter
with my girl.

98
00:04:04,395 --> 00:04:06,397
Oh...
[laughs]

99
00:04:06,441 --> 00:04:09,400
Oh, kids, I brought you
some presents.

100
00:04:09,444 --> 00:04:13,796
I picked them up on my business
trip last week to Tokyo.

101
00:04:13,839 --> 00:04:18,279
It's just a little something to
say domo arigatofor having me.

102
00:04:18,322 --> 00:04:21,238
Oh, sorry, that means...I know what it means.

103
00:04:21,282 --> 00:04:24,197
That's what you say
to Mr. Roboto.

104
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,159
It's candy.This is so cool.

105
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,596
We never get anything
like this around here.

106
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,903
Uh, I think you're forgetting
about the Tic Tacs

107
00:04:33,946 --> 00:04:36,471
I got for you at the gas station
the other day.

108
00:04:36,514 --> 00:04:37,559
KELLY:
I'm so glad

109
00:04:37,602 --> 00:04:38,777
you like it, kids.

110
00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:40,823
Oh, Tokyo is amazing.

111
00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:43,739
It's modern,
vibrant, cultured.

112
00:04:43,782 --> 00:04:45,131
It's so not your thing.

113
00:04:45,175 --> 00:04:47,830
We don't need
to go to Japan.

114
00:04:47,873 --> 00:04:50,746
[chuckles]: Okay?
We go to Benihana.

115
00:04:50,789 --> 00:04:54,489
[clears throat] Uh, hey, kids,
why don't you go up and play?

116
00:04:54,532 --> 00:04:57,492
Well, I'm off to buy a pillow.

117
00:04:57,535 --> 00:05:00,190
How far is Pittsburgh
from a city?

118
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,758
You know what? Never mind.
I'll Google it.

119
00:05:05,064 --> 00:05:08,677
I don't like this.
She's getting to you.

120
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:09,852
She is not.

121
00:05:09,895 --> 00:05:11,244
Oh, come on.

122
00:05:11,288 --> 00:05:13,029
I haven't seen that
crystal punch bowl

123
00:05:13,072 --> 00:05:15,466
since you told me to return
it after our wedding.

124
00:05:16,772 --> 00:05:19,165
This is not how we live.

125
00:05:23,605 --> 00:05:26,216
Look, I make breakfast
for you every morning.

126
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:27,870
Babe.

127
00:05:27,913 --> 00:05:29,915
Yesterday, you put
a frozen Eggo in my pocket

128
00:05:29,959 --> 00:05:32,570
and said my body heat
would warm it up.

129
00:05:35,312 --> 00:05:37,227
Okay, she's getting to me.Mm-hmm.

130
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:39,708
I didn't sleep
at all last night.

131
00:05:39,751 --> 00:05:42,580
I knew I heard someone
rage-whispering in the bathroom.

132
00:05:43,929 --> 00:05:46,454
I'm just glad it was you
and not the ghost.

133
00:05:47,759 --> 00:05:49,239
[sighs]

134
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,546
Growing up, she was
always like this.

135
00:05:51,589 --> 00:05:54,244
Any toy I had,
her toy was better.

136
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:57,247
Any sport I played,
her sport was better.

137
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,727
What sport did you play?

138
00:05:58,770 --> 00:06:00,424
Badminton.

139
00:06:00,468 --> 00:06:03,427
Well, you weren't
doing yourself any favors.

140
00:06:03,471 --> 00:06:06,778
Look, if you won't say anything,
then let me do it.

141
00:06:06,822 --> 00:06:09,302
Okay? She needs to know
that there are consequences

142
00:06:09,346 --> 00:06:10,695
when she's mean to you.

143
00:06:10,739 --> 00:06:12,654
Absolutely not, okay?

144
00:06:12,697 --> 00:06:16,179
You stay out of it.
I have my own plan.

145
00:06:16,222 --> 00:06:18,224
At our 50th anniversary party,

146
00:06:18,268 --> 00:06:20,662
when I'm surrounded by
all my grandchildren

147
00:06:20,705 --> 00:06:23,055
and she's in a wheelchair,
hobbled with loneliness,

148
00:06:23,099 --> 00:06:25,231
she'll look at me,
and we'll both know

149
00:06:25,275 --> 00:06:26,450
[whispers]:
I won.

150
00:06:29,497 --> 00:06:32,717
But that'll take forever.

151
00:06:32,761 --> 00:06:35,677
[sighs]

152
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:40,203
$7.99?

153
00:06:40,246 --> 00:06:43,162
Oh, we're returning these.

154
00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:47,253
♪

155
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:57,263
I can't take much more
of Andi's sister.

156
00:06:57,307 --> 00:06:59,135
I'm trying to get her
out of my house,

157
00:06:59,178 --> 00:07:01,137
Andi's making her
a four-star breakfast.

158
00:07:01,180 --> 00:07:03,966
You don't get rid of rats
by throwing cheese on the floor.

159
00:07:04,009 --> 00:07:05,794
Unless you put poison
in the cheese.

160
00:07:05,837 --> 00:07:08,405
But then you've escalated things
quite a bit.

161
00:07:09,537 --> 00:07:11,016
I'm not a fan of Kelly.

162
00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:13,149
Yeah.When we were Andi's bridesmaids,

163
00:07:13,192 --> 00:07:15,412
she told me that the color
yellow looked good on me

164
00:07:15,456 --> 00:07:17,849
because it matched my teeth.

165
00:07:17,893 --> 00:07:20,678
I let it slide, 'cause I didn't
want to ruin Andi's wedding.

166
00:07:20,722 --> 00:07:21,984
You mean our wedding.

167
00:07:22,027 --> 00:07:24,377
Eh, it was Andi's wedding.

168
00:07:24,421 --> 00:07:26,031
Nobody wants to
look at the groom.

169
00:07:26,075 --> 00:07:28,512
That's why they make you dress
in black, like a roadie.

170
00:07:28,556 --> 00:07:32,560
What I'm thinking is, if we make
life unpleasant for Kelly,

171
00:07:32,603 --> 00:07:35,040
she'll leave, but I can't do it.

172
00:07:35,084 --> 00:07:39,262
No. So what I need is a maker
of unpleasantness, huh?

173
00:07:39,305 --> 00:07:41,003
Which brings me to you, Marcy.

174
00:07:41,046 --> 00:07:42,744
You're really good
at making people

175
00:07:42,787 --> 00:07:44,006
feel bad about themselves.

176
00:07:44,049 --> 00:07:47,009
That is so sweet.

177
00:07:47,052 --> 00:07:49,054
No, I-I'm proud of my skills.
They didn't come easy.

178
00:07:49,098 --> 00:07:50,752
I had to practice on Don.

179
00:07:50,795 --> 00:07:53,189
I'm your speedbag, baby.

180
00:07:53,232 --> 00:07:54,407
So... so you'll do it?

181
00:07:54,451 --> 00:07:55,583
Sure. Sure,
I've had stuff

182
00:07:55,626 --> 00:07:58,237
to say to Kelly
for 18 years.

183
00:07:58,281 --> 00:08:00,457
She has big feet, right?

184
00:08:00,501 --> 00:08:02,764
Oh, you could row
one of her shoes across a lake

185
00:08:02,807 --> 00:08:04,635
like a canoe.[laughter]

186
00:08:04,679 --> 00:08:06,550
Hey, guys.Hey.

187
00:08:06,594 --> 00:08:08,770
What do you got there?They're cookies,
and a woman

188
00:08:08,813 --> 00:08:12,121
gave them to me and she likes me
and I'm not related to her.

189
00:08:12,164 --> 00:08:13,601
[whoops]

190
00:08:15,124 --> 00:08:18,083
Uh... you seeing someone?

191
00:08:18,127 --> 00:08:21,173
I am. Her name is Melanie, and
we met a month ago at the gym

192
00:08:21,217 --> 00:08:23,436
when I became lightheaded
on the StairMaster.

193
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,570
Ooh. A month, huh?
Sounds serious.

194
00:08:26,614 --> 00:08:28,311
Well, I don't like
to kiss and tell,

195
00:08:28,354 --> 00:08:31,967
but I have kissed,
and I must tell you, I liked it.

196
00:08:33,185 --> 00:08:34,360
I know you, Lowell, okay?

197
00:08:34,404 --> 00:08:35,623
Whoever you sleep with,

198
00:08:35,666 --> 00:08:37,625
you're gonna imprint on
like a baby duck.

199
00:08:37,668 --> 00:08:39,235
That's true.

200
00:08:39,278 --> 00:08:41,193
So I think we should
meet this girl.

201
00:08:41,237 --> 00:08:42,717
Maybe you could check her out
and make sure

202
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,022
I'm not blinded by her cookies.

203
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:47,286
Grow up, Lowell.
They're called knockers.

204
00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:48,636
ADAM:
Hey. [stammers]

205
00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,289
Bring her by tonight, okay?

206
00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:52,422
It'll help fill up the room
and distract Andi

207
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:54,946
from my hit man Marcy.Yeah. You're right.

208
00:08:54,990 --> 00:08:56,165
With Lowell and his lady there,

209
00:08:56,208 --> 00:08:57,340
I'll just be
a face in the crowd.

210
00:08:57,383 --> 00:08:58,907
Exactly. You'll do the hit,

211
00:08:58,950 --> 00:09:00,952
drop the gun,
take the cannoli.

212
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:05,217
Adam, this is my date Melanie.

213
00:09:05,261 --> 00:09:07,785
Hi. Nice to meet you.

214
00:09:07,829 --> 00:09:11,136
So, uh, what are your
intentions with Lowell?

215
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:12,964
You know he doesn't
have any money, right?

216
00:09:13,008 --> 00:09:16,620
I figure I'll just take out
some life insurance on him,

217
00:09:16,664 --> 00:09:20,145
put him on a StairMaster
and wait for my payday.

218
00:09:20,189 --> 00:09:22,495
Ah, she's funny.

219
00:09:22,539 --> 00:09:25,368
That's good. Your ex-wife
wasn't very funny.

220
00:09:26,935 --> 00:09:28,980
It's so fun having
your friends over.

221
00:09:29,024 --> 00:09:30,460
It's like a hoedown.

222
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,288
Is there gonna
be a hay ride?

223
00:09:33,855 --> 00:09:35,683
I'll see if I can rustle one up.

224
00:09:36,771 --> 00:09:37,946
ADAM:
So,

225
00:09:37,989 --> 00:09:39,643
tell me about you.Well, I...

226
00:09:39,687 --> 00:09:42,167
Oh, Marcy's here.
Got to go.

227
00:09:42,211 --> 00:09:44,430
You ready for this?Oh, I am more than ready.

228
00:09:44,474 --> 00:09:47,172
We listened to the Rockytheme
the whole way over.

229
00:09:47,216 --> 00:09:49,653
I'm kind of pumped up, myself.

230
00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:51,350
Kelly, hey, uh,

231
00:09:51,394 --> 00:09:53,744
you remember Marcy, don't
you? From our wedding?

232
00:09:53,788 --> 00:09:55,833
Hmm...
Hello, Kelly.

233
00:09:55,877 --> 00:09:58,793
Oh, I didn't
recognize you at first.

234
00:09:58,836 --> 00:10:01,926
Well, people age differently,
and you're doing your best.

235
00:10:01,970 --> 00:10:03,188
Ch...

236
00:10:08,411 --> 00:10:11,153
You just let her walk away.
You didn't even say anything.

237
00:10:11,196 --> 00:10:12,371
I wasn't ready.

238
00:10:12,415 --> 00:10:15,157
She sucker-punched me
before the bell.

239
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,029
I mean, aging is hard,
and I am doing my best.

240
00:10:18,073 --> 00:10:20,684
Okay, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no. Shake it off, champ.

241
00:10:20,728 --> 00:10:22,817
Come on, stay focused.
All right?

242
00:10:22,860 --> 00:10:25,254
Oh! Pretend she's Don.

243
00:10:26,255 --> 00:10:28,474
Yeah, that helps.

244
00:10:28,518 --> 00:10:32,043
You know, sushi isn't
the most popular food in Japan.

245
00:10:32,087 --> 00:10:33,828
It's rom-yon.

246
00:10:33,871 --> 00:10:36,221
You mean ramen?

247
00:10:36,265 --> 00:10:38,310
Oh, we would have
a big laugh in Tokyo

248
00:10:38,354 --> 00:10:42,053
hearing you say it like that.[laughter]

249
00:10:42,097 --> 00:10:45,883
Okay. Hey, who's ready for
another margarita, huh?

250
00:10:45,927 --> 00:10:48,277
Mm. Ooh, look, I am.

251
00:10:50,105 --> 00:10:52,150
Get her, Marcy.

252
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:55,980
So, Kelly, about what
you said to me before.

253
00:10:56,024 --> 00:10:57,808
Oh, I'm so sorry.

254
00:10:57,852 --> 00:11:00,724
What I meant to say was
people age differently,

255
00:11:00,768 --> 00:11:03,074
and you're doing your best.

256
00:11:03,118 --> 00:11:06,251
That's-that's exactly what
you said the first time.

257
00:11:06,295 --> 00:11:07,688
What's up with those two?

258
00:11:07,731 --> 00:11:09,428
Uh, no idea.

259
00:11:09,472 --> 00:11:11,604
You know what, it's okay.

260
00:11:11,648 --> 00:11:13,519
I understand you
lashing out,

261
00:11:13,563 --> 00:11:16,000
seeing your sister
with her wonderful family,

262
00:11:16,044 --> 00:11:17,785
and you all alone.

263
00:11:17,828 --> 00:11:21,136
Mm, it must feel like
such an empty life...

264
00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:23,573
set on top of two
gigantic feet.

265
00:11:25,662 --> 00:11:28,665
Oh, yeah? Well, let me
tell you something.

266
00:11:28,709 --> 00:11:29,666
[chuckling]

267
00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:31,102
You're absolutely right.

268
00:11:31,146 --> 00:11:32,713
[sobs]

269
00:11:32,756 --> 00:11:34,802
Huh?
I'm what, now?

270
00:11:34,845 --> 00:11:36,978
[crying]:
I do have an empty life.

271
00:11:37,021 --> 00:11:39,458
I don't even have a job anymore.

272
00:11:39,502 --> 00:11:40,677
They fired me.

273
00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:43,027
They fired you?
What happened?

274
00:11:43,071 --> 00:11:46,988
I embezzled a tiny bit of money.

275
00:11:47,031 --> 00:11:48,641
Can you believe it?
It's a real

276
00:11:48,685 --> 00:11:50,643
"one strike and you're out"
policy over there.

277
00:11:50,687 --> 00:11:53,951
I-I thought you were in town
for a work conference.

278
00:11:53,995 --> 00:11:55,953
There is no conference.

279
00:11:55,997 --> 00:11:58,956
I came here because Pittsburgh
is the cheapest flight

280
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,002
since nobody wants to come here.

281
00:12:02,525 --> 00:12:04,396
But you said you just
got back from Tokyo.

282
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:07,791
I lied. I got the kids' candy
at Pier 1.

283
00:12:09,097 --> 00:12:10,794
I'm not even sure it's candy.

284
00:12:10,838 --> 00:12:12,970
It might be little soaps.

285
00:12:13,014 --> 00:12:15,668
I ate three of those.

286
00:12:17,192 --> 00:12:19,760
The truth is I'm jealous of you.

287
00:12:19,803 --> 00:12:22,545
I tried to convince myself
that I was winning,

288
00:12:22,588 --> 00:12:25,896
but I guess this is like
the tortoise and the hare.

289
00:12:25,940 --> 00:12:30,118
I'm the sleek, sexy bunny...

290
00:12:30,161 --> 00:12:34,296
losing to you,
the slow, scaly turtle.

291
00:12:34,339 --> 00:12:37,255
[sobbing]:
I'm gonna go pack.

292
00:12:38,953 --> 00:12:40,781
What happened?

293
00:12:40,824 --> 00:12:42,695
She went down
in the first round.

294
00:12:42,739 --> 00:12:44,915
Adam, you didn't tell me
she had a glass jaw.

295
00:12:46,961 --> 00:12:49,180
Why would Adam tell you
anything about her?

296
00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:50,312
Wait.

297
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,708
Wait, wait, wait,
wait a minute.

298
00:12:55,752 --> 00:12:57,972
D-Did you put Marcy
up to this?

299
00:12:58,015 --> 00:13:00,322
Up to what?

300
00:13:00,365 --> 00:13:02,803
Great party, honey.

301
00:13:03,891 --> 00:13:06,154
Adam?
Okay, fine.

302
00:13:06,197 --> 00:13:08,069
I didn't know she was
gonna get so upset.

303
00:13:08,112 --> 00:13:11,028
But you know how many times
I've seen her make you upset?

304
00:13:11,072 --> 00:13:12,551
But that's not the point.
You were supposed to

305
00:13:12,595 --> 00:13:13,901
stay on the high road with me.

306
00:13:13,944 --> 00:13:16,555
Andi! When you met me,
I was in a bar,

307
00:13:16,599 --> 00:13:18,470
passed out in a bowl
of chicken wings.

308
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,996
I don't do "high road."

309
00:13:22,039 --> 00:13:24,085
Okay, but you promised
to stay out of it.

310
00:13:24,128 --> 00:13:25,608
I did stay out of it.

311
00:13:25,651 --> 00:13:27,349
I just put Marcy into it.

312
00:13:27,392 --> 00:13:29,394
I found a loophole.

313
00:13:29,438 --> 00:13:31,005
You're welcome.

314
00:13:31,048 --> 00:13:33,398
I'm not thanking you.Well, I would like you to.

315
00:13:33,442 --> 00:13:34,791
That's why I said
"you're welcome."

316
00:13:34,835 --> 00:13:38,012
Fine. You did the opposite
of what I wanted.

317
00:13:38,055 --> 00:13:39,622
Thank you so much.

318
00:13:43,582 --> 00:13:45,933
That did not seem genuine.

319
00:13:53,592 --> 00:13:55,899
You just stay
right next to Daddy, okay?

320
00:13:55,943 --> 00:13:57,814
As long as you're here,
Mommy can't do

321
00:13:57,858 --> 00:13:59,816
that loud talking
the way she wants to.

322
00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:04,212
Okay? So, when she comes in,
you know what to do?

323
00:14:04,255 --> 00:14:06,301
Pretend to sleep and look cute.

324
00:14:06,344 --> 00:14:08,172
Exactly. Yeah.

325
00:14:08,216 --> 00:14:10,218
Now, when I hear her coming in,

326
00:14:10,261 --> 00:14:13,308
I'll say our code word,
and you close your eyes.

327
00:14:13,351 --> 00:14:14,570
This is fun.

328
00:14:14,613 --> 00:14:15,745
Yeah, isn't it nice
that we could...

329
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,095
[footsteps]Ooh. Potato. Potato.

330
00:14:19,662 --> 00:14:21,011
[quietly]:
Hi. Shh.

331
00:14:21,055 --> 00:14:23,187
I wish we could talk
about tonight,

332
00:14:23,231 --> 00:14:26,321
but we don't want to wake
this sleeping angel.

333
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:30,064
What can you do? Shh.

334
00:14:30,107 --> 00:14:32,283
Well, I guess, if Emme's asleep,

335
00:14:32,327 --> 00:14:34,807
she can't have the ice cream
that's downstairs.

336
00:14:37,549 --> 00:14:39,987
Emme, where you going?
Potato. Potato. Potato!

337
00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:43,120
Stop shouting vegetables,
all right? I'm not mad at you.

338
00:14:43,164 --> 00:14:44,382
You're not?

339
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:45,949
No.

340
00:14:45,993 --> 00:14:51,085
I mean, at first I was,
but then I just kept smiling.

341
00:14:51,128 --> 00:14:52,173
And I can admit this to you

342
00:14:52,216 --> 00:14:53,652
because you're
no better than me,

343
00:14:53,696 --> 00:14:57,743
but hearing Kelly say
the words, "I'm jealous,"

344
00:14:57,787 --> 00:15:00,137
was what I've waited for
my whole life.

345
00:15:00,181 --> 00:15:03,662
I mean, I win. I win so much.
And it's all because of you.

346
00:15:03,706 --> 00:15:06,100
Oh, well, hey, well,
you know what I always say.

347
00:15:06,143 --> 00:15:08,319
I'm petty and small,
and you're lucky to have me.

348
00:15:08,363 --> 00:15:10,756
I am. [chuckles]

349
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,497
You know what, I should
go check on Kelly,

350
00:15:12,541 --> 00:15:14,108
make sure she's okay.

351
00:15:14,151 --> 00:15:16,849
[laughing]:
Yeah.

352
00:15:16,893 --> 00:15:19,330
What?
You just want to do
a victory lap.

353
00:15:19,374 --> 00:15:20,810
I kind of do.
I've never had one.

354
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,161
Look, look.

355
00:15:24,205 --> 00:15:26,163
She's still gonna be upset
when we go in there,

356
00:15:26,207 --> 00:15:27,686
so don't feel bad
and start apologizing.

357
00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:28,992
Oh, no, I-I'll be strong.

358
00:15:29,036 --> 00:15:30,515
You know, just
give her a chance

359
00:15:30,559 --> 00:15:32,256
to talk more about
how much she envies me,

360
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:33,736
and then we'll all get
a good night's sleep.

361
00:15:36,739 --> 00:15:38,871
Hi.
Hi.

362
00:15:40,047 --> 00:15:41,526
You okay, sweetie?

363
00:15:41,570 --> 00:15:42,832
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

364
00:15:45,574 --> 00:15:47,619
Well, do you want to talk about

365
00:15:47,663 --> 00:15:49,534
some of the stuff
you were feeling?

366
00:15:49,578 --> 00:15:51,884
Specifically the jealousy.

367
00:15:51,928 --> 00:15:54,975
Or maybe you'd like us
to help you pack.

368
00:15:55,018 --> 00:15:57,281
You said you were
coming up here to pack.

369
00:15:57,325 --> 00:15:59,327
You don't want to say things
and not do 'em.

370
00:15:59,370 --> 00:16:01,807
People might start
to not like you.

371
00:16:01,851 --> 00:16:04,767
Thanks, guys,
but I seriously feel great.

372
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:07,813
You do?

373
00:16:07,857 --> 00:16:10,033
Well, then, I guess
we'll be going.

374
00:16:10,077 --> 00:16:11,078
Night.

375
00:16:16,953 --> 00:16:18,824
That was no victory lap.

376
00:16:18,868 --> 00:16:21,131
She didn't seem
depressed at all.

377
00:16:21,175 --> 00:16:25,048
If anything, she had a kind
of glow about her.

378
00:16:25,092 --> 00:16:27,398
You know what?

379
00:16:27,442 --> 00:16:29,487
She probably pulled it together
because we knocked.

380
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:30,880
Let's try surprising her.

381
00:16:33,448 --> 00:16:35,276
[screams]

382
00:16:36,625 --> 00:16:38,627
Is that my daughter's robe?

383
00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:41,151
That's what you notice
about this?

384
00:16:42,631 --> 00:16:44,937
I am spent.

385
00:16:44,981 --> 00:16:47,940
I need an egg and some Gatorade.

386
00:16:47,984 --> 00:16:51,596
You can have treats after you
explain yourself, young man.

387
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,686
What happened to the girl
with the nice cookies?

388
00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:56,297
Melanie.
I dropped her off,

389
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:58,299
and then I realized
I forgot my phone here.

390
00:16:58,342 --> 00:17:00,605
So I came back to find Kelly
on the porch.

391
00:17:00,649 --> 00:17:01,867
On the porch?

392
00:17:01,911 --> 00:17:03,652
What was she doing
on the porch?

393
00:17:03,695 --> 00:17:07,699
I don't know, but I ran straight
into a sexual tornado.

394
00:17:07,743 --> 00:17:10,137
It was amazing.
She tore my pants off

395
00:17:10,180 --> 00:17:12,878
like I was a basketball player
coming off the bench.

396
00:17:12,922 --> 00:17:17,100
Yeah, she did that in college
to actual basketball players.

397
00:17:17,144 --> 00:17:18,754
Wait-wait a minute,
she was supposed to be

398
00:17:18,797 --> 00:17:21,148
upstairs in her room, crying.

399
00:17:21,191 --> 00:17:22,845
Was she crying on the porch?

400
00:17:22,888 --> 00:17:25,195
No, she was just standing there

401
00:17:25,239 --> 00:17:28,851
tying a cherry stem
into a knot with her tongue.

402
00:17:30,635 --> 00:17:32,985
Sad people don't do that.

403
00:17:33,029 --> 00:17:35,640
You don't think this could be
a setup, do you?

404
00:17:35,684 --> 00:17:38,643
Adam, she...
she's not a monster.

405
00:17:38,687 --> 00:17:40,210
Of course it was a setup.

406
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,648
I hid his phone
so he'd have to come back.

407
00:17:43,692 --> 00:17:45,259
Why would you go to
all that trouble

408
00:17:45,302 --> 00:17:46,912
for some one-night stand?

409
00:17:46,956 --> 00:17:49,654
It was just
a one-night stand, right?

410
00:17:49,698 --> 00:17:52,092
I mean, yes, it was one night,

411
00:17:52,135 --> 00:17:55,095
and we did stand
for a little bit.

412
00:18:06,845 --> 00:18:08,804
Ah.

413
00:18:08,847 --> 00:18:12,155
Okay, tell me it's not
gonna happen again.

414
00:18:12,199 --> 00:18:14,462
Tell me you didn't
"baby duck" her.

415
00:18:14,505 --> 00:18:16,072
Well, we did a lot of things.
I don't know

416
00:18:16,116 --> 00:18:17,508
what the names
of all of them are.

417
00:18:17,552 --> 00:18:22,470
Oh, my God, she's gonna
peel him like an orange.

418
00:18:22,513 --> 00:18:25,037
You're not serious
about Kelly, are you?

419
00:18:25,081 --> 00:18:27,039
I don't know if I'm
serious about her.

420
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:29,651
I mean, I never want to
be without her again.

421
00:18:29,694 --> 00:18:31,000
I miss her right now.

422
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,393
Is she okay? Is she cold?

423
00:18:32,436 --> 00:18:34,177
Can you give her
my sweater?

424
00:18:34,221 --> 00:18:36,005
But why Lowell?

425
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:37,311
He's cute.

426
00:18:37,354 --> 00:18:39,530
Forrest Gumpis
my favorite movie.

427
00:18:39,574 --> 00:18:42,881
Plus, he's single and
he already has kids.

428
00:18:42,925 --> 00:18:45,057
He gives me everything
you have, Andi.

429
00:18:45,101 --> 00:18:46,885
But better, because
I didn't have to go through

430
00:18:46,929 --> 00:18:49,410
all that pregnancy stuff,
so I can laugh without peeing.

431
00:18:54,284 --> 00:18:57,940
Looks like the speedy
little bunny wins again.

432
00:18:57,983 --> 00:19:00,508
Wait a minute, wait,
you're still leaving, right?

433
00:19:00,551 --> 00:19:03,337
Oh, I'm not going anywhere.She's not going anywhere, Adam.

434
00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:05,339
She's not jealous,
and she's not going anywhere.

435
00:19:05,382 --> 00:19:08,472
I haven't felt this good
since before I got fired.

436
00:19:08,516 --> 00:19:11,171
Lowell is the solution
to everything.

437
00:19:11,214 --> 00:19:12,694
And I figured that out

438
00:19:12,737 --> 00:19:15,479
thanks to your
yellow-toothed friend Marcy.

439
00:19:15,523 --> 00:19:18,526
But Marcy only talked
to you because of me.

440
00:19:18,569 --> 00:19:21,572
So, you're with Lowell
because of me.

441
00:19:21,616 --> 00:19:24,096
And now you're not leaving
because of me.

442
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:27,578
I owe it all to you.
Thanks, Adam.

443
00:19:27,622 --> 00:19:30,277
Well, there's your thank-you.

444
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,800
Did you enjoy it?

445
00:19:31,843 --> 00:19:34,759
I think you know I didn't.

446
00:19:40,765 --> 00:19:42,767
What are you barbecuing
at 10:00 in the morning?

447
00:19:42,811 --> 00:19:44,204
Katie's robe.Oh.

448
00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,598
Good-bye, all.

449
00:19:47,642 --> 00:19:49,557
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
You're-you're leaving?

450
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,515
I'm moving in with Lowell.

451
00:19:51,559 --> 00:19:54,779
Oh, that poor baby duck.

452
00:19:54,823 --> 00:19:56,912
But you won't miss me too much,
because we're gonna

453
00:19:56,955 --> 00:19:59,175
have you over next week
for rom-yon.

454
00:19:59,219 --> 00:20:02,483
It's ramen, okay?
I called the Japanese embassy.

455
00:20:02,526 --> 00:20:04,920
Yeah, and you didn't
even go to Japan.

456
00:20:04,963 --> 00:20:07,705
That's not how I remember it.
Sayonara.

457
00:20:11,361 --> 00:20:13,145
She might be in
Pittsburgh forever.

458
00:20:13,189 --> 00:20:15,713
Wh-What are we gonna do now?I don't know about you,

459
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,280
but I'm gonna get
in that barbecue grill

460
00:20:17,324 --> 00:20:18,716
and close the lid.

461
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,458
No, no, we are not
giving up, all right?

462
00:20:21,502 --> 00:20:23,721
Our problem is the low road
wasn't low enough.

463
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:27,072
I know us.
We can get lower.

464
00:20:27,116 --> 00:20:28,857
Now you're talking.

465
00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:32,469
You see, the high road
may be the road to happiness,

466
00:20:32,513 --> 00:20:35,080
but the low road
is the road to revenge.

467
00:20:35,124 --> 00:20:36,734
[chuckles]

468
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:38,997
I think Gandhi said that.Mm.

469
00:20:43,437 --> 00:20:47,397
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

470
00:20:47,441 --> 00:20:51,445
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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