1
00:00:04,567 --> 00:00:05,693
[Andi] That's so weird.
2
00:00:05,776 --> 00:00:08,779
I left a fun-size Baby Ruth
on the kitchen island, and now it's gone.
3
00:00:08,863 --> 00:00:11,991
Huh. Well...
maybe one of the kids took it.
4
00:00:12,074 --> 00:00:13,868
Yeah, that's what I would have thought
5
00:00:13,951 --> 00:00:15,411
except I saw you take it.
6
00:00:16,787 --> 00:00:20,416
You didn't let me finish. I was gonna say,
"Maybe one of the kids took it"
7
00:00:20,499 --> 00:00:24,378
is one theory that would later
be proven false.
8
00:00:25,629 --> 00:00:28,007
You know, if you keep telling little lies,
9
00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:29,967
I won't believe you
when you tell the truth.
10
00:00:30,843 --> 00:00:32,595
Why does that sound so familiar?
11
00:00:33,387 --> 00:00:36,640
Wait a minute, that's the same speech
you gave to Teddy last night.
12
00:00:36,724 --> 00:00:38,559
Yes, it's The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
13
00:00:38,642 --> 00:00:41,479
Oh. So I'm the sexy wolf.
14
00:00:42,938 --> 00:00:45,107
-No. [chuckles]
-Hmm?
15
00:00:45,191 --> 00:00:46,609
You're the boy who gets eaten
16
00:00:46,692 --> 00:00:49,653
because the villagers don't believe him
when the wolf shows up.
17
00:00:50,488 --> 00:00:52,072
Oh, come on, it was a candy bar.
18
00:00:52,156 --> 00:00:54,617
If it was something important,
people would believe me.
19
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:56,327
I have a face you believe.
20
00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:57,953
That's why I lie so good.
21
00:00:58,871 --> 00:01:01,707
You know, I told Teddy that story
because he tells fibs too.
22
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:06,253
And it just made me think that
maybe we're not setting the best example.
23
00:01:07,171 --> 00:01:08,839
And when I say "we," I mean you.
24
00:01:11,092 --> 00:01:12,426
Well, now I feel bad.
25
00:01:13,177 --> 00:01:15,888
And when I say "I,"
I mean you made me feel bad.
26
00:01:17,431 --> 00:01:19,391
Okay, fine. I promise.
27
00:01:19,475 --> 00:01:20,684
Thank you.
28
00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:25,981
Except for any little fibs
I'm currently in the middle of,
29
00:01:26,065 --> 00:01:27,525
those are grandfathered in.
30
00:01:27,608 --> 00:01:29,819
[chuckles] No, they're not.
31
00:01:29,902 --> 00:01:31,654
Oh.
32
00:01:31,737 --> 00:01:33,697
Well, in that case, um...
33
00:01:35,074 --> 00:01:38,536
Teddy quit soccer a month ago.
We've just been going to Froyo.
34
00:01:44,083 --> 00:01:46,836
If your mother asks,
I was with you all night.
35
00:01:47,878 --> 00:01:49,046
What?
36
00:01:49,130 --> 00:01:50,464
What's going on?
37
00:01:52,007 --> 00:01:53,884
Nope. Not happening. [chuckles]
38
00:01:53,968 --> 00:01:56,095
You are not going to school wearing those.
39
00:01:56,178 --> 00:01:57,179
Why not?
40
00:01:57,263 --> 00:01:59,181
Because we came
to this country as Pilgrims
41
00:01:59,265 --> 00:02:01,767
and ever since then,
it's been one long striptease
42
00:02:01,851 --> 00:02:03,602
and it stops now. [snaps fingers]
43
00:02:07,106 --> 00:02:08,107
Dad?
44
00:02:09,859 --> 00:02:11,652
Adam, where's your father?
45
00:02:12,695 --> 00:02:16,282
I woke up to a message saying
he was here and ended up staying over.
46
00:02:16,365 --> 00:02:17,366
What happened?
47
00:02:17,908 --> 00:02:19,702
That is a great question.
48
00:02:20,536 --> 00:02:22,663
You don't know. I know.
49
00:02:22,746 --> 00:02:23,956
But I haven't told you.
50
00:02:24,039 --> 00:02:26,041
That's what we're all waiting for, right?
51
00:02:27,168 --> 00:02:29,044
Oh, there's my girl.
52
00:02:29,128 --> 00:02:30,546
Are-- Are you okay?
53
00:02:30,629 --> 00:02:33,090
Yeah, I just got a little sick last night.
54
00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:35,050
-From what?
-Andi's lasagna.
55
00:02:35,134 --> 00:02:37,511
Oh. How many times do I have to tell you?
56
00:02:37,595 --> 00:02:39,013
Eat before you come over here.
57
00:02:39,930 --> 00:02:43,225
Okay. Well, thanks for letting him stay.
58
00:02:43,309 --> 00:02:46,187
Uh, yeah, no problem.
It was like he was never even here.
59
00:02:52,318 --> 00:02:53,444
Still no.
60
00:03:04,246 --> 00:03:06,248
This stuff with your dad
sounds pretty shady.
61
00:03:06,874 --> 00:03:07,875
Yeah.
62
00:03:07,958 --> 00:03:09,710
What's with the clogs, Lowell?
63
00:03:10,669 --> 00:03:12,171
Did you lose a bet?
64
00:03:12,838 --> 00:03:15,382
No, I won great arch support.
65
00:03:16,383 --> 00:03:17,718
You know, I hate to say it,
66
00:03:17,801 --> 00:03:20,429
but this reminds me
of when my ex was cheating on me.
67
00:03:20,512 --> 00:03:23,682
Except with less of me
screaming "why" into a pillow.
68
00:03:25,059 --> 00:03:27,102
My dad is not having an affair, Lowell.
69
00:03:27,186 --> 00:03:28,312
He's 80 years old.
70
00:03:28,395 --> 00:03:31,815
With all the pills they have these days,
old age is an endless sex party.
71
00:03:31,899 --> 00:03:33,359
And they're into some kinky stuff.
72
00:03:33,442 --> 00:03:35,569
That's why they have handles
in the showers.
73
00:03:37,029 --> 00:03:38,614
You need to stay off the Internet.
74
00:03:39,573 --> 00:03:41,325
I'm getting to the bottom of this.
75
00:03:43,577 --> 00:03:44,578
[phone rings]
76
00:03:45,079 --> 00:03:46,080
What?
77
00:03:46,705 --> 00:03:48,290
Is that how you answer your phone?
78
00:03:48,374 --> 00:03:51,252
Is that how you talk to the guy
who's about to hang up on you?
79
00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:53,545
What was going on this morning?
80
00:03:53,629 --> 00:03:56,507
Here's some joe for my Joe.
81
00:03:56,590 --> 00:03:58,384
Thank you, sweetheart.
82
00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:02,054
I can't talk. Meet me at Mick's for lunch.
83
00:04:04,265 --> 00:04:05,432
That's weird.
84
00:04:05,516 --> 00:04:07,601
He didn't want to say anything
in front of my mom.
85
00:04:07,685 --> 00:04:11,772
Hmm. What secret would
he want to keep from his wife?
86
00:04:12,690 --> 00:04:14,400
Not everything's an affair, Lowell.
87
00:04:14,483 --> 00:04:16,110
Well, I hope you're right.
88
00:04:16,193 --> 00:04:18,362
But I bet your new mom will agree with me.
89
00:04:22,574 --> 00:04:25,202
-All right.
-Lowell.
90
00:04:25,911 --> 00:04:28,455
I think you accidentally
bought some women's shoes.
91
00:04:29,581 --> 00:04:31,583
Dad,
will you just tell me what's going on?
92
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:33,294
Not in front of the dame.
93
00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:39,425
Okay.
But just so you know, in ancient Holland,
94
00:04:39,508 --> 00:04:41,635
these were worn by kings.
95
00:04:45,306 --> 00:04:46,515
All right.
96
00:04:47,266 --> 00:04:50,185
I had my physical, and I need a pacemaker.
97
00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:52,688
What? Are you okay?
98
00:04:52,771 --> 00:04:55,482
Yeah, I'm fine.
Just a small heart flutter.
99
00:04:55,566 --> 00:04:56,984
-Heart flutter?
-Mm.
100
00:04:57,067 --> 00:05:00,279
And last night, I had to stay
at the hospital for some pre-op tests.
101
00:05:00,362 --> 00:05:03,198
So that's where you were.
But I don't get it.
102
00:05:03,282 --> 00:05:05,826
-Why are you keeping it from Mom?
-Well, she worries too much.
103
00:05:05,909 --> 00:05:08,037
I'll tell her after it's done.
104
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,873
I just, I hate to see my bride upset.
105
00:05:10,956 --> 00:05:13,584
You do? When did that start?
106
00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:17,338
I need you to drive me
to the hospital tomorrow for the procedure
107
00:05:17,421 --> 00:05:19,381
and then pick me up the next day.
108
00:05:19,465 --> 00:05:22,343
Of course, of course. But I'm not gonna
leave you there by yourself.
109
00:05:22,426 --> 00:05:25,637
I'll just tell Andi I'm staying the night
with you. I don't want you to be alone.
110
00:05:25,721 --> 00:05:27,348
No, no, you can't tell Andi.
111
00:05:27,431 --> 00:05:29,099
-Why not?
-Well, it's too risky.
112
00:05:29,183 --> 00:05:30,392
She'll tell your mom.
113
00:05:30,476 --> 00:05:34,521
[groans] But I'm in the middle
of a whole thing with Andi about lying.
114
00:05:34,605 --> 00:05:36,398
She's coming out strongly against it.
115
00:05:38,150 --> 00:05:40,069
I can't do it, Dad. I'm sorry.
116
00:05:40,152 --> 00:05:42,946
All right. I'll ask your brother.
117
00:05:43,614 --> 00:05:45,407
Don probably loves me.
118
00:05:46,283 --> 00:05:47,951
Why do you always have to go nuclear?
119
00:05:48,035 --> 00:05:49,369
Because it works.
120
00:05:51,038 --> 00:05:52,623
So, I can't lie to Andi,
121
00:05:52,706 --> 00:05:53,957
but I have to lie to Andi.
122
00:05:54,041 --> 00:05:57,002
It's okay to bend the truth
with your wife now and again.
123
00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:58,295
That's what I think.
124
00:05:59,046 --> 00:06:01,173
Marriage is a marathon,
125
00:06:01,256 --> 00:06:04,802
and the lies are the bananas
they give you every couple of miles.
126
00:06:04,885 --> 00:06:07,429
Without them,
you'd never make it to the finish line.
127
00:06:07,513 --> 00:06:10,307
I just came very close to hugging you.
128
00:06:11,391 --> 00:06:12,392
All right, I'll do it.
129
00:06:13,102 --> 00:06:15,229
Because it's you and me, together,
without Don,
130
00:06:15,312 --> 00:06:16,730
doing stuff without Don.
131
00:06:16,814 --> 00:06:18,107
Good boy.
132
00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:20,234
But hey, hey. Andi can't know.
133
00:06:20,317 --> 00:06:23,362
So we need to come up with a good story
to explain why I'm gone all night.
134
00:06:23,445 --> 00:06:26,073
Don't worry about it. I've got a guy.
135
00:06:27,783 --> 00:06:29,243
Marcy is your guy?
136
00:06:29,326 --> 00:06:31,954
She came up
with that dynamite lasagna story.
137
00:06:32,704 --> 00:06:35,040
It's well-known that
Andi makes a weak lasagna.
138
00:06:35,124 --> 00:06:37,501
The best lies are perfectly seasoned
with the truth.
139
00:06:37,584 --> 00:06:39,336
My guy's good.
140
00:06:40,629 --> 00:06:43,674
Marcy's Andi's best friend.
She's gonna tell her everything.
141
00:06:43,757 --> 00:06:47,136
No. Normally, I'm on team Andi,
but this is for Joe.
142
00:06:47,219 --> 00:06:49,555
The man who protects me
from my greatest enemy...
143
00:06:49,638 --> 00:06:50,889
his lovely wife, Bev.
144
00:06:51,682 --> 00:06:53,809
If he hadn't convinced her
that I was right for Don,
145
00:06:53,892 --> 00:06:55,686
I'd still be single
and picking up random--
146
00:06:55,769 --> 00:06:57,521
You know what, that's in the past.
147
00:06:58,230 --> 00:07:00,899
The point is... I won't tell Andi.
148
00:07:02,985 --> 00:07:05,112
You and Dad are friends?
149
00:07:05,195 --> 00:07:07,573
How long has this
unholy alliance been going on?
150
00:07:07,656 --> 00:07:10,826
We have been secretly running
this family for decades.
151
00:07:10,909 --> 00:07:12,953
It's a shadow government.
152
00:07:13,036 --> 00:07:17,040
So, you both need an excuse
to be out of the house tomorrow night.
153
00:07:17,124 --> 00:07:20,836
I saw something that might help
while I was cutting up Don's newspaper.
154
00:07:20,919 --> 00:07:24,715
Every day I do that to keep him
from being tempted by bad ideas.
155
00:07:25,382 --> 00:07:28,385
Wow. It's like North Korea over here.
156
00:07:29,261 --> 00:07:30,345
Oh, like this.
157
00:07:30,429 --> 00:07:32,473
"Free owl to a good home."
158
00:07:32,556 --> 00:07:36,018
No. I won't sit across the dinner table
from Don and his owl.
159
00:07:36,977 --> 00:07:38,604
Oh, here we are.
160
00:07:39,438 --> 00:07:41,773
"Fishing store grand opening."
161
00:07:41,857 --> 00:07:44,776
Ooh... that's not bad.
162
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:47,029
But it's not just what you say,
it's how you say it.
163
00:07:47,112 --> 00:07:48,864
The reason you get caught a lot
164
00:07:48,947 --> 00:07:51,241
is because your lies are obvious
and lack finesse.
165
00:07:52,242 --> 00:07:53,619
I got this.
166
00:07:54,161 --> 00:07:55,746
Finesse is my middle name.
167
00:07:55,829 --> 00:07:57,080
And my shampoo.
168
00:08:01,460 --> 00:08:03,921
-You ready?
-Don't worry, I got a plan.
169
00:08:04,004 --> 00:08:06,423
I'm gonna pretend to be nervous
and get caught lying
170
00:08:06,507 --> 00:08:08,217
so that Andi will believe the real lie.
171
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:10,719
See, most people when they get caught,
they admit the truth--
172
00:08:10,802 --> 00:08:12,763
Just do it. I've got a heart flutter.
173
00:08:15,015 --> 00:08:16,808
-Hi, guys.
-Hey, Andi!
174
00:08:16,892 --> 00:08:18,727
I mean, hey... Andrew.
175
00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:23,690
-What's going on?
-Nothing, nothing, nothing.
176
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:28,111
It-- It was just, uh,
Dad and I wanted to, um...
177
00:08:29,404 --> 00:08:30,697
uh...
178
00:08:30,781 --> 00:08:32,950
[exhales] Is it hot in here?
179
00:08:33,033 --> 00:08:36,495
Wait, before you go on,
I can tell that you're about to lie
180
00:08:36,578 --> 00:08:39,248
and I just want to remind you
that you made a promise.
181
00:08:40,749 --> 00:08:43,001
You're right. You caught me.
182
00:08:43,544 --> 00:08:47,297
Okay. Um... here's the truth.
183
00:08:47,756 --> 00:08:50,884
There's a grand opening
at this fishing store
184
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:53,512
and the first ten customers
get lots of free stuff.
185
00:08:53,595 --> 00:08:56,848
So Dad and I wanted to camp outside
on the sidewalk tonight
186
00:08:56,932 --> 00:08:58,976
so that we can be first in line tomorrow.
187
00:08:59,726 --> 00:09:01,645
See? Doesn't the truth feel better?
188
00:09:01,728 --> 00:09:05,524
So much better. Yeah, you know,
it really will set you free.
189
00:09:05,607 --> 00:09:07,067
-Yeah.
-[both laugh]
190
00:09:07,150 --> 00:09:08,986
Well,
I am happy to handle the kids tonight.
191
00:09:09,570 --> 00:09:10,654
Okay, great.
192
00:09:10,737 --> 00:09:13,532
So, uh,
I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning.
193
00:09:14,491 --> 00:09:16,118
You guys have fun.
194
00:09:16,201 --> 00:09:19,705
I'm headed over to your mom's.
She asked me to bring over my lasagna.
195
00:09:20,706 --> 00:09:23,166
Maybe today's the day
that she'll admit mine's better.
196
00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:25,043
Maybe.
197
00:09:27,754 --> 00:09:30,632
Let's go get you a pacemaker. [chuckles]
198
00:09:30,716 --> 00:09:33,385
See what I did there?
I am one silver-tongued devil.
199
00:09:33,468 --> 00:09:34,845
Yeah, just run the bases.
200
00:09:34,928 --> 00:09:37,014
Don't stand there
and watch the ball leave the park.
201
00:09:37,097 --> 00:09:38,098
Yeah.
202
00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:47,232
[sighs] This tiny juice
makes me feel like a giant.
203
00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:50,402
Oh, yeah. Whee!
204
00:09:51,737 --> 00:09:52,738
How was the surgery?
205
00:09:52,821 --> 00:09:54,406
I feel groovy.
206
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,950
And they give you unlimited juice.
207
00:09:57,034 --> 00:09:59,953
Oh, he's got a lot more than juice
running through his system right now.
208
00:10:00,037 --> 00:10:02,122
[laughs] You're funny, son.
209
00:10:02,205 --> 00:10:04,833
And I like your new hairdo, Andi.
210
00:10:06,293 --> 00:10:08,712
We should've gotten him
on this stuff years ago.
211
00:10:11,423 --> 00:10:14,051
Okay, now we need to focus
on finishing this thing
212
00:10:14,134 --> 00:10:15,177
without me getting caught.
213
00:10:15,260 --> 00:10:18,263
[Joe] ♪ I'm looking over
A four-leaf clover ♪
214
00:10:18,347 --> 00:10:20,182
♪ That I've overlooked before ♪
215
00:10:20,265 --> 00:10:23,769
This is the most critical part
of the mission: re-entry.
216
00:10:23,852 --> 00:10:27,064
Okay? The hard part's not going
to the moon, it's getting home.
217
00:10:27,773 --> 00:10:29,524
I don't think that's true.
218
00:10:29,608 --> 00:10:32,152
Don't question me about space, Marcy.
I'm an expert.
219
00:10:32,235 --> 00:10:34,529
I once had a beer with Ned Armstrong.
220
00:10:34,613 --> 00:10:36,865
-You mean Neil?
-No, Ned. Neil's cousin.
221
00:10:36,948 --> 00:10:38,283
-Uh-huh.
-He told me everything,
222
00:10:38,367 --> 00:10:40,577
including the fact that Neil said,
and I quote,
223
00:10:41,244 --> 00:10:43,121
"I'm just worried about getting home."
224
00:10:44,164 --> 00:10:45,624
I wouldn't tell that story again.
225
00:10:46,875 --> 00:10:50,087
The point is,
Andi cannot catch me lying to her.
226
00:10:50,170 --> 00:10:51,338
I promised.
227
00:10:51,421 --> 00:10:54,883
Yes, I immediately broke that promise,
but I would like to do the right thing,
228
00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:56,385
and make her think I kept it.
229
00:10:56,468 --> 00:10:58,637
Okay. Trust the lie, Adam.
230
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:02,057
Okay? I'm off to babysit your mom
and keep her distracted.
231
00:11:02,140 --> 00:11:03,809
She's not gonna want to hang out with you.
232
00:11:03,892 --> 00:11:05,602
-She doesn't like you.
-I'm gonna use that.
233
00:11:05,686 --> 00:11:07,479
I'll let her talk about
her favorite subject.
234
00:11:08,063 --> 00:11:09,147
What are you doing here?
235
00:11:09,231 --> 00:11:11,942
I had the night free, and I thought
you'd like to tell me all the ways
236
00:11:12,025 --> 00:11:15,153
I could be a better daughter-in-law,
wife and human being.
237
00:11:15,821 --> 00:11:18,073
This is so exciting. Come on in!
238
00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:21,868
We'll start with unannounced visits.
239
00:11:23,328 --> 00:11:25,789
Dad said no, but I think they look fine.
240
00:11:25,872 --> 00:11:29,000
Those shorts are what people put on
before they put their shorts on.
241
00:11:30,043 --> 00:11:32,421
You know, my friend's parents
have already given up.
242
00:11:32,504 --> 00:11:33,505
Try that.
243
00:11:34,464 --> 00:11:37,300
Hey, everybody. Oh, I'll come back
when Kate's finished getting dressed.
244
00:11:37,384 --> 00:11:38,635
No, no, no, no, no, no.
245
00:11:38,718 --> 00:11:41,304
This is why I wanted you to come over.
They're too short, right?
246
00:11:41,388 --> 00:11:44,433
You're gonna take fashion advice
from a man in clogs?
247
00:11:44,516 --> 00:11:47,060
These are the best-looking shoes
money can buy...
248
00:11:47,561 --> 00:11:48,979
at a doctor's office.
249
00:11:50,981 --> 00:11:53,024
It's a hard "no" on the outfit.
250
00:11:53,108 --> 00:11:54,401
[sighs]
251
00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:57,320
Can my Build-A-Bear have his shorts back?
252
00:11:57,404 --> 00:11:58,697
Shut up!
253
00:12:00,699 --> 00:12:01,992
Where's Adam?
254
00:12:02,075 --> 00:12:05,328
Oh, he and Joe are camped out
at some new fishing store all night.
255
00:12:05,787 --> 00:12:07,038
He didn't tell you about that?
256
00:12:08,290 --> 00:12:11,251
Right, right. The fishing store.
257
00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:13,920
He told me they were going to buy...
258
00:12:14,004 --> 00:12:15,797
-Win.
-Win...
259
00:12:17,632 --> 00:12:18,925
some fish.
260
00:12:20,302 --> 00:12:21,887
-I should go.
-Hold on.
261
00:12:22,387 --> 00:12:23,847
What are you covering up?
262
00:12:23,930 --> 00:12:25,974
I don't know enough to cover anything up.
263
00:12:26,057 --> 00:12:28,059
Yeah, but you know something.
264
00:12:28,143 --> 00:12:29,686
Spill it, Dutch boy.
265
00:12:31,271 --> 00:12:34,900
All I know is Joe lied about where he was
the other night, and Adam's helping him.
266
00:12:34,983 --> 00:12:38,111
But I wasn't allowed to hear the rest
because Joe is shoe intolerant.
267
00:12:39,029 --> 00:12:40,322
Unbelievable!
268
00:12:40,405 --> 00:12:42,282
You know, Adam promised me no more lying.
269
00:12:42,365 --> 00:12:43,909
I mean, is he even at the fish store?
270
00:12:43,992 --> 00:12:46,286
I mean, I can't trust
a word that man says, Lowell!
271
00:12:46,870 --> 00:12:48,079
Face it.
272
00:12:48,163 --> 00:12:51,041
We're just a couple of dames
on the outside looking in.
273
00:12:53,168 --> 00:12:54,961
-Hurry up, Lowell.
-I'll be right there.
274
00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:56,630
I've got a rock in my clog.
275
00:12:57,923 --> 00:13:01,051
If I drink enough free juice,
I'll make money on this deal.
276
00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:03,011
Slow down.
277
00:13:03,094 --> 00:13:05,722
You sneezed earlier,
and the whole room smelled like pineapple.
278
00:13:06,389 --> 00:13:07,682
[cell phone rings]
279
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,601
Hello?
280
00:13:09,684 --> 00:13:11,269
Adam? It's Lowell. I did a bad thing.
281
00:13:11,353 --> 00:13:13,939
-Wear whatever shoes you want, goodbye.
-Wait!
282
00:13:14,022 --> 00:13:17,067
I may have accidentally implied to Andi
that you weren't at the fishing store.
283
00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:18,360
She thinks you're lying again.
284
00:13:18,443 --> 00:13:20,779
We're going to Don's
to see if he knows what's going on.
285
00:13:20,862 --> 00:13:23,823
But I didn't tell him what's going on.
I mean, nothing's going on!
286
00:13:23,907 --> 00:13:25,909
I mean... wrong number.
287
00:13:26,868 --> 00:13:28,537
-Adam?
-[Andi] Lowell!
288
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:29,996
Cheese and crackers.
289
00:13:31,456 --> 00:13:34,793
-Things are starting to heat up, Dad.
-Well, cool off with some juice.
290
00:13:36,670 --> 00:13:37,921
-Your man works hard.
-Mm.
291
00:13:38,004 --> 00:13:40,423
It wouldn't kill you
to put on some pantyhose.
292
00:13:40,507 --> 00:13:42,175
[cell phone rings]
293
00:13:44,261 --> 00:13:45,262
Hey, what's up?
294
00:13:45,345 --> 00:13:47,472
Andi's onto us.
You have to come to the hospital
295
00:13:47,556 --> 00:13:49,432
and stay with Dad
while I go put out this fire.
296
00:13:49,516 --> 00:13:50,892
I'm on it.
297
00:13:50,976 --> 00:13:53,144
You know what, Bev?
It is getting late. [chuckles]
298
00:13:53,228 --> 00:13:56,523
I'd better hurry and buy those
teeth-whitening strips you mentioned.
299
00:13:56,606 --> 00:13:59,818
Think about a hat if you're not gonna
do anything with your hair.
300
00:14:04,573 --> 00:14:05,782
This is so great.
301
00:14:05,865 --> 00:14:08,577
The doctor said you're doing so well,
you get to go home early.
302
00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:11,371
-What about Adam?
-His cover's blown. Save yourself.
303
00:14:11,454 --> 00:14:13,957
Good thinking.
That's why we run this family.
304
00:14:19,838 --> 00:14:22,090
-Hey.
-Oh, thank God you showed up.
305
00:14:22,173 --> 00:14:24,050
There's nothing going on in this town.
306
00:14:25,302 --> 00:14:26,553
Adam told me that he and Joe
307
00:14:26,636 --> 00:14:28,930
were going to the grand opening
of some new fishing store.
308
00:14:29,014 --> 00:14:30,557
But we went by, and they weren't there.
309
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,977
Grand opening? You'd think
something like that would be in the paper.
310
00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:36,980
Don, Adam, and Joe are up to something.
311
00:14:37,063 --> 00:14:39,774
I want to know where they are
and why Adam's lying about it.
312
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,401
I'm sure it's nothing.
313
00:14:41,484 --> 00:14:42,819
Probably just an affair.
314
00:14:44,237 --> 00:14:46,197
He takes his dad with him
to have an affair?
315
00:14:46,781 --> 00:14:48,325
Maybe Dad's got a gal, too.
316
00:14:48,408 --> 00:14:50,201
You know,
one of those mother-daughter things.
317
00:14:51,745 --> 00:14:53,955
Ah, look who's here.
318
00:14:54,039 --> 00:14:56,833
-How was the fishing store?
-I know where you're going with this.
319
00:14:56,917 --> 00:14:58,251
How do you know where I'm going?
320
00:14:58,335 --> 00:14:59,753
Lowell called me.
321
00:14:59,836 --> 00:15:02,380
-Lowell!
-I'm not sorry. He's my hero.
322
00:15:02,464 --> 00:15:05,675
Okay, you caught me not being
entirely honest with you,
323
00:15:05,759 --> 00:15:08,678
but on the way here,
I realized, I can tell you everything,
324
00:15:08,762 --> 00:15:11,723
because the thing
I couldn't tell you is over.
325
00:15:11,806 --> 00:15:12,933
And when you hear this,
326
00:15:13,016 --> 00:15:16,353
I think you are gonna be touched,
and proud, and a little sorry--
327
00:15:16,436 --> 00:15:17,938
You know what? I'll just tell you.
328
00:15:18,021 --> 00:15:19,981
I can't wait to finally hear the truth.
329
00:15:20,732 --> 00:15:23,193
My dad got a pacemaker today. He's fine.
330
00:15:23,276 --> 00:15:25,987
But he didn't want anyone else to know,
especially Don.
331
00:15:26,071 --> 00:15:27,864
[chuckles]
332
00:15:27,948 --> 00:15:29,324
So I lied.
333
00:15:29,407 --> 00:15:31,409
But only for the love of my father.
334
00:15:32,118 --> 00:15:37,040
So, to recap:
Dad, pacemaker, a son's love.
335
00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:39,876
-Come on.
-Please.
336
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,504
-What?
-This is a new low.
337
00:15:42,587 --> 00:15:44,881
Dad would never get a pacemaker
and not tell me.
338
00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:46,424
He's my best friend.
339
00:15:47,050 --> 00:15:48,468
What? You don't believe me?
340
00:15:48,551 --> 00:15:50,345
I don't know what to believe anymore,
Adam.
341
00:15:50,428 --> 00:15:51,680
This is so sad.
342
00:15:51,763 --> 00:15:53,098
You're my new hero, Andi.
343
00:15:53,181 --> 00:15:54,599
What? No! No!
344
00:15:54,683 --> 00:15:57,394
But this is 100% true!
345
00:15:57,477 --> 00:15:59,229
Come to the hospital. I'll prove it.
346
00:16:00,063 --> 00:16:02,649
Prepare to apologize.
347
00:16:08,905 --> 00:16:10,448
I'm sorry.
348
00:16:12,283 --> 00:16:16,538
Dad, I need you to tell Andi the truth
about where we were tonight.
349
00:16:16,621 --> 00:16:18,081
Okay.
350
00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:20,208
I went to the fishing store,
you weren't there,
351
00:16:20,291 --> 00:16:22,085
so I felt betrayed and came home.
352
00:16:23,044 --> 00:16:24,254
That's not true.
353
00:16:24,963 --> 00:16:25,964
I know the truth.
354
00:16:26,047 --> 00:16:28,758
Mom, Dad and Adam are having an affair
with a mother-daughter team.
355
00:16:29,968 --> 00:16:31,136
What's happening?
356
00:16:31,219 --> 00:16:32,679
Don't ask. He's got a theory.
357
00:16:32,762 --> 00:16:33,972
Oh, no. No, I'm right.
358
00:16:34,055 --> 00:16:36,599
There are tons of mini documentaries
about it on the Internet.
359
00:16:37,475 --> 00:16:39,310
Andi, honey, you have to believe me.
360
00:16:39,394 --> 00:16:41,104
But nobody believes you.
361
00:16:41,646 --> 00:16:42,981
I, uh...
362
00:16:43,773 --> 00:16:44,941
Marcy does.
363
00:16:45,025 --> 00:16:48,236
She masterminded the whole plan to
keep it a secret from you. Right, Marcy?
364
00:16:48,319 --> 00:16:50,071
What? Why would I keep a secret from Andi?
365
00:16:50,155 --> 00:16:52,240
Because of the shadow government.
366
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,160
Are you on drugs?
367
00:16:56,327 --> 00:17:00,165
This is crazy. I'm telling the truth,
and nobody believes me.
368
00:17:00,248 --> 00:17:03,209
Huh. That doesn't feel great, does it?
369
00:17:04,085 --> 00:17:07,380
Why are you using your
"I'm about to teach you a lesson" voice?
370
00:17:07,464 --> 00:17:09,674
Because I've known about
the pacemaker all day.
371
00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:11,217
-What?
-Yeah. It's a good thing
372
00:17:11,301 --> 00:17:13,678
you're not wearing a hat,
'cause your mind just got blown.
373
00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:15,930
-You knew?
-Mm-hmm.
374
00:17:16,014 --> 00:17:18,725
And you let me lie to you
while you were lying to me?
375
00:17:18,808 --> 00:17:20,185
That is something I would do!
376
00:17:21,811 --> 00:17:24,522
Wait. It's true? Daddy?
377
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:28,359
I didn't want anyone to know.
378
00:17:28,902 --> 00:17:31,613
Especially my bride.
I didn't want you to worry.
379
00:17:31,696 --> 00:17:35,241
Oh, honey,
it was so sweet of you to think of me.
380
00:17:35,825 --> 00:17:38,286
This is how your man treats you
when you wear pantyhose.
381
00:17:39,370 --> 00:17:42,624
You hear that, Don?
I'm gonna start dressing like your mom.
382
00:17:42,707 --> 00:17:43,958
Enjoy.
383
00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:46,377
I can work with that.
384
00:17:47,545 --> 00:17:49,380
Uh, wait-- Hold on.
385
00:17:49,464 --> 00:17:51,800
So Don and Lowell were in on it, too?
386
00:17:51,883 --> 00:17:53,093
Yes.
387
00:17:53,176 --> 00:17:55,345
-No, you weren't.
-No, I was not.
388
00:17:56,888 --> 00:17:59,516
I wanted you to know
that you are the boy that cried wolf.
389
00:17:59,599 --> 00:18:00,975
Right? And I needed witnesses.
390
00:18:01,059 --> 00:18:02,393
I mean, if the boy cries wolf
391
00:18:02,477 --> 00:18:04,813
and there are no villagers there
to see him get eaten,
392
00:18:04,896 --> 00:18:06,064
what's the point?
393
00:18:07,232 --> 00:18:08,399
Wow.
394
00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:12,112
-This is next level.
-Yeah.
395
00:18:12,195 --> 00:18:14,030
I wasn't even close
to pulling this off, was I?
396
00:18:14,114 --> 00:18:15,865
[chuckles] No, honey.
397
00:18:17,075 --> 00:18:20,578
So when I came over, you got me
to accidentally blab something about Adam?
398
00:18:20,662 --> 00:18:21,663
Yep.
399
00:18:21,746 --> 00:18:23,623
You didn't need
any information from Don at all?
400
00:18:23,706 --> 00:18:26,167
Nope. I just needed villagers.
401
00:18:26,251 --> 00:18:28,253
I don't like just being a villager.
402
00:18:28,753 --> 00:18:30,255
Next year, I'm trying out for wolf.
403
00:18:31,756 --> 00:18:34,968
So how do you feel about telling the truth
and not having people believe it?
404
00:18:35,051 --> 00:18:36,261
Not great.
405
00:18:36,344 --> 00:18:38,012
Kind of like how Ned said Neil felt
406
00:18:38,096 --> 00:18:39,889
when people thought
he faked the moon landing.
407
00:18:40,557 --> 00:18:42,267
-Who's Neil?
-Who's Ned?
408
00:18:42,350 --> 00:18:43,476
He is on drugs.
409
00:18:44,769 --> 00:18:46,729
I told you not to tell that story.
410
00:18:51,067 --> 00:18:53,236
Okay, here's the last one.
411
00:18:53,319 --> 00:18:55,655
You know how we're finally
watching Breaking Bad together?
412
00:18:55,738 --> 00:18:56,990
Mm-hmm.
413
00:18:57,073 --> 00:18:59,284
I watched it three years ago
with Don in the trailer.
414
00:19:00,243 --> 00:19:02,912
It was when we were working nights
on the O'Bannon job.
415
00:19:03,788 --> 00:19:05,206
Also, there was no O'Bannon job.
416
00:19:06,791 --> 00:19:08,585
Oh, hey, one more thing.
417
00:19:08,668 --> 00:19:10,253
[sighs]
418
00:19:10,336 --> 00:19:12,172
There's something wrong with your lasagna.
419
00:19:14,841 --> 00:19:17,510
Okay, I think we've covered
enough lies for one night.
420
00:19:17,594 --> 00:19:19,470
Hey, I got a question.
421
00:19:19,554 --> 00:19:21,681
How did you find out
about my dad's pacemaker?
422
00:19:21,764 --> 00:19:22,807
Bev told me.
423
00:19:22,891 --> 00:19:24,058
[both] What?
424
00:19:24,559 --> 00:19:27,770
So Joe's getting a pacemaker
and there's no fishing store?
425
00:19:28,688 --> 00:19:30,064
Adam lied to me?
426
00:19:30,148 --> 00:19:32,192
Of course he did, he's your husband.
427
00:19:32,984 --> 00:19:34,194
I see.
428
00:19:35,236 --> 00:19:38,948
Hey... do you mind
if I have a little fun with this?
429
00:19:39,032 --> 00:19:40,742
Be my guest.
430
00:19:42,202 --> 00:19:44,996
Oh, honey?
You can take that thing with you.
431
00:19:51,711 --> 00:19:52,837
How did you know?
432
00:19:52,921 --> 00:19:55,965
I'm your emergency contact.
I know everything.
433
00:19:56,758 --> 00:20:00,053
But I didn't want you to worry
about me worrying about you,
434
00:20:00,136 --> 00:20:01,971
so I wasn't gonna tell you.
435
00:20:02,597 --> 00:20:04,891
Dad, I thought you and Marcy
had a shadow government.
436
00:20:04,974 --> 00:20:06,476
What? Don't be ridiculous.
437
00:20:06,559 --> 00:20:08,144
There's no shadow government.
438
00:20:08,228 --> 00:20:11,522
[chuckles] That's right.
Bev and I run this family.
439
00:20:13,149 --> 00:20:14,484
Bev runs this family.