1 00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,232 - Previously on "Time Traveling Bong"... 2 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:16,798 - I can'’t get off without HD porn, Sharee. 3 00:00:16,798 --> 00:00:18,757 [whooshing] 4 00:00:18,757 --> 00:00:20,150 - Watch out! - Hey! 5 00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,325 - Oh, my God. 6 00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:23,153 "Time traveling bong." 7 00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:27,070 [dramatic music] 8 00:00:27,070 --> 00:00:29,246 - Witchcraft has come to Salem. 9 00:00:29,246 --> 00:00:30,725 We will stamp it out. 10 00:00:30,725 --> 00:00:31,726 - [screams] 11 00:00:31,726 --> 00:00:32,684 [glass shatters] 12 00:00:32,684 --> 00:00:33,772 both: No! 13 00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:35,295 - I found a glassblower. 14 00:00:35,295 --> 00:00:36,253 I think he'’s gonna do an amazing job. 15 00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:37,776 - Your vase-pipe, Sir Jeff. 16 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,212 - This looks like shit! [goat bleats] 17 00:00:39,212 --> 00:00:40,344 Here goes the witch! 18 00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:42,259 [Sharee screams] [whooshing] 19 00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:44,304 - The glassblower messed up the bong when he blew it. 20 00:00:44,304 --> 00:00:45,610 - Now we have no ability to control where we go, 21 00:00:45,610 --> 00:00:47,177 forcing us to bounce around 22 00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,440 the space-time continuum indefinitely? 23 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,269 We'’re going to raise Michael Jackson as our son. 24 00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:53,618 I can'’t do this. - Me either. 25 00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:55,228 Holy shit. 26 00:00:55,228 --> 00:00:57,535 The best time in human history: ancient Greece. 27 00:00:57,535 --> 00:00:58,797 both: Greek salad! 28 00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:01,756 [funky music] 29 00:01:01,756 --> 00:01:09,547 ♪ 30 00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:12,463 [upbeat bouzouki music] 31 00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:15,205 ♪ 32 00:01:15,205 --> 00:01:18,164 - Wow, great view. 33 00:01:18,164 --> 00:01:19,687 - Yeah, it'’s okay. 34 00:01:19,687 --> 00:01:21,211 - Huh. 35 00:01:21,211 --> 00:01:22,951 - I can read this. 36 00:01:22,951 --> 00:01:24,562 - What? - Yeah. 37 00:01:24,562 --> 00:01:26,085 I know the Greek alphabet. - Wait, how? 38 00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:28,392 - From my one semester at SDT at Rutgers before I dropped out. 39 00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:30,481 I'’m a sorority girl, remember? 40 00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:32,744 - Right. Yeah. 41 00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:36,269 - [speaking Greek] 42 00:01:36,269 --> 00:01:38,576 There'’s an event or something? 43 00:01:38,576 --> 00:01:40,447 Hold on. Excuse me. 44 00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:45,931 - Wow. 45 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,368 - Okay. [burps] 46 00:01:48,368 --> 00:01:50,849 There'’s a really hot party tonight. 47 00:01:50,849 --> 00:01:54,113 Free wine, beans, chestnuts, and toasted wheat! 48 00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:55,984 Yes! - Nice! 49 00:01:55,984 --> 00:01:58,248 Dude, I could so use a party after that child rearing. 50 00:01:58,248 --> 00:01:59,423 My God. 51 00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:00,424 - We earned this time period, right? 52 00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:01,816 - Yeah, we did. Yes. 53 00:02:01,816 --> 00:02:03,688 - I'’m gonna do a smoky eye and a nude lip. 54 00:02:03,688 --> 00:02:05,603 What are you gonna do? 55 00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:06,865 - I guess I'’ll put on a toga. 56 00:02:06,865 --> 00:02:08,649 - Greek salad. - Greek salad. 57 00:02:08,649 --> 00:02:11,652 [exotic techno music] 58 00:02:11,652 --> 00:02:19,530 ♪ 59 00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:25,623 - ♪ Hey 60 00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:27,625 ♪ Hey 61 00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:35,502 ♪ 62 00:02:44,555 --> 00:02:47,035 - This party is great, huh? - Yeah. 63 00:02:47,035 --> 00:02:48,733 Thank you. - Except for all the kids. 64 00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:49,908 - No, it'’s good, you know? 65 00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,083 Greeks are way more enlightened. 66 00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:52,476 Kids should mingle with adults. 67 00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:55,609 We should treat them like real people. 68 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,655 She literally doesn'’t know anyone else here. 69 00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,396 ♪ 70 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:00,745 - ♪ Hey 71 00:03:00,745 --> 00:03:03,313 ♪ 72 00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:06,316 - [speaking Greek] 73 00:03:06,316 --> 00:03:09,014 ♪ 74 00:03:09,014 --> 00:03:10,233 - ♪ Hey 75 00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:13,714 ♪ 76 00:03:13,714 --> 00:03:16,195 [woman moaning] 77 00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:19,154 - Oh, it'’s that kind of party. 78 00:03:19,154 --> 00:03:20,243 - Oh. 79 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:23,855 - Mm. 80 00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:26,727 - Well, when in Rome, right? 81 00:03:28,468 --> 00:03:30,905 - Wait, we'’re in Rome? 82 00:03:30,905 --> 00:03:32,298 - No, we'’re in Greece. 83 00:03:32,298 --> 00:03:33,604 - Oh, yeah, I thought Greece. 84 00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:35,867 I just--I got confused when you said Rome. 85 00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:37,172 - No, yeah, Greece. 86 00:03:37,172 --> 00:03:38,173 - Okay. 87 00:03:38,173 --> 00:03:39,349 - Okay. Bye. 88 00:03:39,349 --> 00:03:42,352 [upbeat bouzouki music] 89 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:47,400 ♪ 90 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,403 [intense techno music] 91 00:03:50,403 --> 00:03:58,324 ♪ 92 00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:09,988 [people moaning] 93 00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:13,731 - Hey! - Oh, hi! 94 00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,080 How are you? - Oh! 95 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,908 I'’m great. This is crazy, right? 96 00:04:16,908 --> 00:04:18,562 - I know. 97 00:04:18,562 --> 00:04:20,172 Do you think it'’s safe? - I don'’t know. 98 00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:22,479 I mean, I'’m wearing a sheep'’s bladder as a condom, 99 00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,350 but I mean, I hope it works. 100 00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,091 I think people are really drawn to my teeth, 101 00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:28,441 because I don'’t-- I'’m, like, doing really well. 102 00:04:28,441 --> 00:04:30,008 - Yeah, everybody'’s doing really well. 103 00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:31,052 It'’s an orgy. 104 00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:32,140 - Well, yeah. 105 00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:33,141 [both laugh] 106 00:04:33,141 --> 00:04:34,142 Good point. 107 00:04:34,142 --> 00:04:36,144 - You know what? 108 00:04:36,144 --> 00:04:37,929 I don'’t think we'’ve partied together since high school. 109 00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:38,930 - Whoa. Is that true? 110 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,235 How can that be true? 111 00:04:40,235 --> 00:04:42,150 - I don'’t know. 112 00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:44,979 We just started hanging out with different groups, you know? 113 00:04:44,979 --> 00:04:46,198 - Yeah. 114 00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:47,852 - And then when Grandma died... 115 00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,593 - We became roommates, and when you'’re roommates, 116 00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,029 you never make plans to hang out. 117 00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:52,726 You just complain and... 118 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,468 - Talking about how you leave piss on the seat. 119 00:04:55,468 --> 00:04:56,817 - Or how you never take out the trash 120 00:04:56,817 --> 00:04:58,123 or do the dishes. 121 00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:01,431 - Or how you ejaculate on my electronics... 122 00:05:01,431 --> 00:05:03,781 - [laughs] - Repeatedly. 123 00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,652 - Sorry. I know. Sorry. 124 00:05:05,652 --> 00:05:06,653 Well, you know what? 125 00:05:06,653 --> 00:05:08,089 It has been really great 126 00:05:08,089 --> 00:05:09,787 seeing you blossom on this trip. 127 00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,702 - And how about you, dude? 128 00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,878 Back at home, I feel like you were... 129 00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:15,662 stuck. 130 00:05:15,662 --> 00:05:19,536 But here you put yourself out there, and it pays off. 131 00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,973 I mean, a girl is sucking your [bleep] right now. 132 00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,278 - I know! 133 00:05:23,278 --> 00:05:24,410 It'’s crazy. 134 00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:26,151 This has been so fun. 135 00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,327 - I wouldn'’t have wanted to time travel with anybody else. 136 00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:32,113 - Aw. That'’s cool. Me either. 137 00:05:32,113 --> 00:05:33,332 Best cousins. 138 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:34,464 - Best cousins. Greek salad. 139 00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:35,987 - Greek salad. 140 00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:37,858 ♪ 141 00:05:37,858 --> 00:05:38,946 Ooh! 142 00:05:38,946 --> 00:05:40,208 ♪ 143 00:05:45,039 --> 00:05:46,171 Huh. 144 00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:47,694 - Oh! - [gasps] 145 00:05:47,694 --> 00:05:49,087 - What is that? - Oh! 146 00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,262 - Is that a b-- 147 00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:51,655 - Did we-- - Did we f-- 148 00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:53,483 [both scream] 149 00:05:55,441 --> 00:05:56,442 - Oh, my God. 150 00:05:56,442 --> 00:05:58,444 Did we f-- [retching] 151 00:05:58,444 --> 00:06:00,228 - [retching] 152 00:06:00,228 --> 00:06:01,795 I don'’t know. 153 00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,101 I don'’t think so. I don'’t think so. 154 00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:04,494 Oh, God, but it'’s hard to remember. 155 00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:05,930 It'’s such a blur. 156 00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,845 Bodies and passion and-- 157 00:06:07,845 --> 00:06:10,456 [gagging] 158 00:06:10,456 --> 00:06:12,589 [both retching] 159 00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,460 - We'’re cousins, Jeff. 160 00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:17,724 - [retching and spitting] 161 00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:19,334 I know, Sharee. 162 00:06:19,334 --> 00:06:20,945 - [retches] 163 00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:22,599 I knew I shouldn'’t have come with you. 164 00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:23,643 - What? 165 00:06:23,643 --> 00:06:25,689 - I knew this was a bad idea! 166 00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:26,777 - Before you time traveled, 167 00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:28,343 you'’d never had an orgasm 168 00:06:28,343 --> 00:06:29,867 and you were dating a married guy. 169 00:06:29,867 --> 00:06:31,912 - I like my life. I like my job at Hertz. 170 00:06:31,912 --> 00:06:34,480 I like my shitty married boyfriend. 171 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,569 You were the one trying to escape your sad life. 172 00:06:36,569 --> 00:06:39,659 Now we'’re both weird loser [bleep]-cousins. 173 00:06:39,659 --> 00:06:40,660 - Alleged! 174 00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:42,445 - Ew! Ew! 175 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,577 - You didn'’t seem to mind when your finger was in my butthole. 176 00:06:44,577 --> 00:06:45,970 - That was you? 177 00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,711 - You said my butthole was tighter than a dime 178 00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:49,016 and I need to loosen up. 179 00:06:49,016 --> 00:06:50,627 - Stop! Oh, God! 180 00:06:50,627 --> 00:06:51,845 Listen. 181 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,456 If we ever get back to 2016, 182 00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,414 I think you should move out. 183 00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:56,937 - Fine. You know what? 184 00:06:56,937 --> 00:06:58,591 If we ever get back to 2016, I will. 185 00:06:58,591 --> 00:07:00,811 In fact, I think we need some space right now. 186 00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:02,334 - Great idea. 187 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:05,555 - [giggling] 188 00:07:05,555 --> 00:07:07,165 - But let'’s maybe get it somewhere else. 189 00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:09,210 - Yeah, there'’s some serious abuse happening here. 190 00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:10,385 - Oh, it'’s rough. 191 00:07:10,385 --> 00:07:13,388 [dramatic music] 192 00:07:13,388 --> 00:07:20,787 ♪ 193 00:07:20,787 --> 00:07:22,180 [whooshing] 194 00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:24,312 Oh, I forgot to get a Greek salad! 195 00:07:24,312 --> 00:07:26,401 ♪ 196 00:07:26,401 --> 00:07:27,620 [whooshing] 197 00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,143 [both grunting] 198 00:07:29,143 --> 00:07:31,102 It does not get any easier. 199 00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,713 - Ah. - God. 200 00:07:33,713 --> 00:07:35,585 Is that a flying car? 201 00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:38,631 [engine whirring] 202 00:07:38,631 --> 00:07:39,327 - It'’s the future. 203 00:07:39,327 --> 00:07:40,328 - [laughs] 204 00:07:40,328 --> 00:07:42,287 Oh, my God. 205 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:43,810 ♪ 206 00:07:43,810 --> 00:07:44,985 - This must be a dump. 207 00:07:44,985 --> 00:07:46,509 - God. 208 00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,249 - Let'’s get out of here. 209 00:07:48,249 --> 00:07:49,250 - Yikes. 210 00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:52,166 ♪ 211 00:07:52,166 --> 00:07:53,298 Ugh. 212 00:07:53,298 --> 00:07:54,691 - Nope. 213 00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,606 - Another dead end. 214 00:07:56,606 --> 00:07:58,738 - Maybe we should get high. 215 00:07:58,738 --> 00:08:01,567 - Ooh, there'’s got to be something to smoke out of here. 216 00:08:01,567 --> 00:08:03,003 - No, I mean get higher up 217 00:08:03,003 --> 00:08:04,483 and see if we can see where the exit is. 218 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:05,571 - Fine. 219 00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:09,662 - All right, come on. 220 00:08:13,361 --> 00:08:14,972 - [grunts] 221 00:08:16,364 --> 00:08:19,367 [ominous music] 222 00:08:19,367 --> 00:08:21,326 ♪ 223 00:08:21,326 --> 00:08:24,068 Oh, my God. 224 00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:25,460 Did you just fart? 225 00:08:25,460 --> 00:08:26,853 - No! 226 00:08:26,853 --> 00:08:27,898 I think you'’re probably smelling 227 00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:28,899 the huge pile of trash you'’re on. 228 00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,640 - Duh. Sorry. 229 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:31,902 - It'’s okay. 230 00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:38,909 ♪ 231 00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:41,738 - [grunting] 232 00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:43,435 Ooh, God. 233 00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:46,003 God, it is redonkulously hot. 234 00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:47,657 - Oh, my God, you'’re really red. 235 00:08:47,657 --> 00:08:49,484 - Holy shit, so are you. 236 00:08:49,484 --> 00:08:50,573 - Ah. Ow! - We'’re burning alive! 237 00:08:50,573 --> 00:08:51,922 - Ooh! Ow! 238 00:08:51,922 --> 00:08:53,314 Get in the shade. Get in the shade. 239 00:08:53,314 --> 00:08:54,707 - There'’s no shade. It'’s just trash. 240 00:08:54,707 --> 00:08:55,839 - Shit. - Oh! 241 00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,928 - Oh! - Oh, God! 242 00:08:57,928 --> 00:08:59,756 I can smell your skin. 243 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,192 - Ooh, it'’s sizzling. 244 00:09:01,192 --> 00:09:02,497 - Oh, my God. 245 00:09:04,108 --> 00:09:05,239 - Oh. - Good idea. 246 00:09:05,239 --> 00:09:06,632 Let'’s get out of here! 247 00:09:06,632 --> 00:09:07,590 - Give me the bong. Give me the bong. 248 00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:08,591 - Go! - I can'’t. 249 00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:09,679 My fingers are too sweaty. 250 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:10,854 [gasps] Oh, my God. 251 00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:13,857 [hip-hop music playing] 252 00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:16,163 ♪ 253 00:09:16,163 --> 00:09:17,034 [music stops] 254 00:09:18,818 --> 00:09:20,646 Oh, thank you. 255 00:09:20,646 --> 00:09:23,475 - [speaking a Chinese language] 256 00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:25,825 - English. - Do you speak English? 257 00:09:25,825 --> 00:09:27,871 - [with Chinese accent] Yes, English. 258 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:28,915 I am Dasani. 259 00:09:28,915 --> 00:09:30,613 This is my friend Aquafina. 260 00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:31,788 And that'’s JoJo. 261 00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,659 - Are you guys doing an accent? 262 00:09:33,659 --> 00:09:36,619 - Yeah, I know we just met, but that'’s kind of racist. 263 00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:38,316 - I'’m not doing accent. 264 00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:40,753 Chinese is first official language of America. 265 00:09:40,753 --> 00:09:43,147 - You use accent like drunk uncle does at holiday. 266 00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:44,975 It'’s very passé. [laughs] 267 00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,106 - Me so sorry. 268 00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:50,502 Ah, it is almost noon. 269 00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:51,851 We must get inside. Come. 270 00:09:51,851 --> 00:09:53,679 - "Me so sorry"? 271 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,768 - It just came out. I don'’t know. 272 00:10:01,861 --> 00:10:03,733 - We are so happy to meet new defectors 273 00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:05,691 of the evil corporation Nomsanto. 274 00:10:05,691 --> 00:10:07,867 - Now that you'’re out, you can finally learn the truth. 275 00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:09,260 - Yeah, walk us through some stuff. 276 00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:11,175 Pretend like we don'’t know anything. 277 00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:13,743 - [blowing forcefully] 278 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:16,397 Nomsanto is agricultural biotechnology company 279 00:10:16,397 --> 00:10:17,877 that rules our world. 280 00:10:17,877 --> 00:10:20,532 - In 2009, Citizens United allowed corporations 281 00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:22,229 to sponsor elections. 282 00:10:22,229 --> 00:10:24,014 - Nomsanto gained influence and abolished 283 00:10:24,014 --> 00:10:26,059 the Environmental Protections Agency. 284 00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,061 - So Earth grew too hot for plants to grow, 285 00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,802 and the world was plagued with famine. 286 00:10:29,802 --> 00:10:32,239 Corporations kept merging until there were only two: 287 00:10:32,239 --> 00:10:34,372 Nomsanto and Vivid Entertainment. 288 00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:35,547 - The porn company? 289 00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:36,548 - Yes. 290 00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:37,549 - That'’s awesome. 291 00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:39,072 - Why did you defect? 292 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,726 Is the resistance forming? 293 00:10:40,726 --> 00:10:42,685 - Actually, we'’re not defectors. 294 00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:44,034 - Are you spies? 295 00:10:44,034 --> 00:10:45,600 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 296 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:46,689 We'’re not spies, okay? We'’re not spies. 297 00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:47,864 - No. No, no, no, no. 298 00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:49,256 - Well, who are you, then? 299 00:10:49,256 --> 00:10:52,042 - We'’re time travelers. 300 00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:53,913 - [gasps] 301 00:10:53,913 --> 00:10:56,786 Did you employ the principles of the Tipler Cylinder? 302 00:10:56,786 --> 00:10:59,702 - Can you confirm our Schroedinger equation in QM? 303 00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:01,791 - Mm...no. 304 00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:03,183 - We'’ve been working 305 00:11:03,183 --> 00:11:05,272 on a time traveling tool to save our world. 306 00:11:05,272 --> 00:11:07,710 And we developed this. 307 00:11:07,710 --> 00:11:09,102 - The bong but fixed. 308 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,147 - We can go home. 309 00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:12,062 - It'’s a time traveling bong. 310 00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:13,454 - We know. - Yeah. 311 00:11:13,454 --> 00:11:15,413 - It started as a silly idea among friends 312 00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:16,936 when we would drink gasoline. 313 00:11:16,936 --> 00:11:18,721 - But then it actually turned out to be a thing. 314 00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:20,505 - Which is pretty hilarious. 315 00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:21,854 - Since nothing can grow on Earth anymore, 316 00:11:21,854 --> 00:11:23,682 we cannot use it 317 00:11:23,682 --> 00:11:26,250 '’cause it'’s fueled by the ancient herb marijuana. 318 00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,251 - Oh, my God, I have weed. 319 00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:28,556 - [gasps] 320 00:11:28,556 --> 00:11:31,559 [ethereal vocal music] 321 00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:34,127 ♪ 322 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,346 - Sticky, right? 323 00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,914 - So [bleep] sticky. 324 00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,916 [bird screeches] 325 00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,874 [blipping] 326 00:11:41,874 --> 00:11:43,484 [beeping] 327 00:11:43,484 --> 00:11:46,400 [alarm beeping] 328 00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:50,143 [both speaking a Chinese language] 329 00:11:52,972 --> 00:11:55,888 - We should use your sweet bud to time travel immediately. 330 00:11:55,888 --> 00:11:59,587 - Or we could keep the seeds and synthetically replicate it. 331 00:11:59,587 --> 00:12:00,893 There'’s a huge market for it. 332 00:12:00,893 --> 00:12:01,981 I know some guys who could distribute. 333 00:12:01,981 --> 00:12:03,548 - We don'’t have to be "dealers." 334 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,680 We would just sell enough that we smoke for free. 335 00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:06,638 - No, no, no, no, or you guys 336 00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:07,900 could do your original plan, 337 00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,336 which is to time travel. 338 00:12:09,336 --> 00:12:10,947 - Well, we don'’t know if the bong works yet, 339 00:12:10,947 --> 00:12:12,644 so we might as well get high first anyway. 340 00:12:12,644 --> 00:12:14,080 - No, it does work. Look. 341 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,342 We used it to get here. 342 00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:20,043 - Uh, what the [bleep] is that? 343 00:12:20,043 --> 00:12:21,609 - It'’s your bong. 344 00:12:21,609 --> 00:12:22,959 - It looks like shit. 345 00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:24,830 - Yeah, well, we broke it. 346 00:12:24,830 --> 00:12:27,572 - But we used it to get here. 347 00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:28,791 We got it from these future people, 348 00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,009 this black lady and this white dude. 349 00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:31,881 They'’re wearing "Star Trek" stuff-- 350 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:32,969 [both gasp] 351 00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:36,755 [all groaning] 352 00:12:36,755 --> 00:12:39,453 [dramatic music] 353 00:12:39,453 --> 00:12:46,069 ♪ 354 00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:49,072 - [groaning] 355 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:56,644 ♪ 356 00:12:56,644 --> 00:12:58,124 - Sharee. 357 00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:03,521 - Sharee! 358 00:13:04,783 --> 00:13:06,089 - They took the weed. 359 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,786 - Yeah, and Sharee. 360 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:08,831 Where did they take her? 361 00:13:08,831 --> 00:13:10,006 - There'’s an incinerator room 362 00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:11,746 at the core of the Nomsanto Center. 363 00:13:11,746 --> 00:13:12,791 - Oh, my God. 364 00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:14,532 I have to save her. 365 00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:15,489 Sharee! 366 00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:30,374 - Hey, actually, I don'’t know my way around here. 367 00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:32,985 Can you guys show me how to get to the Nomsanto Center? 368 00:13:32,985 --> 00:13:34,117 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, definitely. 369 00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:35,118 - All right, let'’s hurry, though. 370 00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:37,076 - Get my gloves. 371 00:13:37,076 --> 00:13:38,077 - Guys, please, no. 372 00:13:38,077 --> 00:13:39,600 What are you gonna do to me? 373 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,603 - You were found in possession of plant life, 374 00:13:42,603 --> 00:13:43,604 which is illegal. 375 00:13:43,604 --> 00:13:44,997 - That is such bullshit. 376 00:13:44,997 --> 00:13:46,956 Nature rules us, not the other way around. 377 00:13:46,956 --> 00:13:49,523 [both laugh] 378 00:13:51,134 --> 00:13:54,137 [dramatic music] 379 00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:56,443 ♪ 380 00:13:56,443 --> 00:13:58,663 - We can go no further. 381 00:13:58,663 --> 00:14:00,360 Our ID chips might sound the alarms. 382 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:01,971 You must go alone. 383 00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:04,147 - I don'’t know if I can do this alone, guys. 384 00:14:04,147 --> 00:14:06,018 - Here, take this. 385 00:14:06,018 --> 00:14:08,281 - It is your only hope to escape. 386 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,327 But promise us, Jeff, you will come back for us. 387 00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:13,025 Together we must save the planet. 388 00:14:13,025 --> 00:14:14,940 - Uh, I mean, I'’ll try, yeah. 389 00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:16,246 I gue--I'’ll try. 390 00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:17,595 Okay? Cool. 391 00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:18,988 So is there, like, a secret entrance, 392 00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:20,467 or, like, can you override an access code? 393 00:14:20,467 --> 00:14:21,729 Can you hack into the system 394 00:14:21,729 --> 00:14:23,035 and shut down security so I can-- 395 00:14:23,035 --> 00:14:24,341 - Nope. - That'’d be great, right? 396 00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:25,472 We can'’t. Just can'’t do it. 397 00:14:25,472 --> 00:14:26,473 - I wish. That'’d be so cool. 398 00:14:26,473 --> 00:14:28,214 - Oh. 399 00:14:28,214 --> 00:14:30,303 - But there is one way you can get inside undetected. 400 00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:33,437 You must climb through the biohazard chute. 401 00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:34,568 - This shit? 402 00:14:34,568 --> 00:14:35,700 - Through there will take you 403 00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:36,744 straight to the n'’energy core. 404 00:14:36,744 --> 00:14:38,224 - I can'’t climb up there. 405 00:14:38,224 --> 00:14:39,182 There'’s condoms and syringes and shit. 406 00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:40,574 What if I get AIDS? 407 00:14:40,574 --> 00:14:42,576 - What? Oh, no, AIDS has been eradicated. 408 00:14:42,576 --> 00:14:44,491 - It has? 409 00:14:44,491 --> 00:14:47,799 Wow, I guess that'’s one good thing about the future. 410 00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,105 [sighs] Okay. 411 00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:50,367 Thank you, guys. 412 00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:52,282 I'’ll never forget you. 413 00:14:52,282 --> 00:14:54,153 - You are coming back for us, though, right? 414 00:14:54,153 --> 00:14:55,459 - Yeah, I'’ll do my best. 415 00:14:57,156 --> 00:14:58,375 Oh, this is just open. 416 00:14:59,637 --> 00:15:01,204 Whoof. 417 00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:03,815 This is the only way? No other way? 418 00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:05,686 Wow. Wow. 419 00:15:05,686 --> 00:15:06,861 Okay. 420 00:15:06,861 --> 00:15:08,689 Okay. Oof, Jesus. 421 00:15:08,689 --> 00:15:11,040 God, it stinks! Oof! 422 00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,259 - AIDS hasn'’t been eradicated. 423 00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:14,347 - I know. 424 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,783 It'’s worse than ever. 425 00:15:15,783 --> 00:15:18,656 But he was freaking out, so that'’s life. 426 00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:21,789 [scanner beeping] 427 00:15:28,883 --> 00:15:30,059 - Oh, God. 428 00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:32,844 [whimpering] 429 00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:34,150 Please, no. 430 00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,760 Please, please, please. 431 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,979 Please, please. 432 00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:38,241 What are you doing? 433 00:15:38,241 --> 00:15:40,199 No! 434 00:15:40,199 --> 00:15:42,375 Oh, God! 435 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,029 Oh, God damn it! 436 00:15:44,029 --> 00:15:45,857 That was just starting to heal. 437 00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:48,773 [muffled screaming] 438 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:53,560 - [laughs] 439 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:56,302 [dramatic music] 440 00:15:56,302 --> 00:15:58,391 - I can'’t do this. 441 00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,610 Mm-mm. 442 00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,483 Oh! Oh! 443 00:16:08,923 --> 00:16:09,924 Where am I? 444 00:16:09,924 --> 00:16:10,969 Oh! 445 00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:19,021 [spits] 446 00:16:19,021 --> 00:16:21,153 Okay. 447 00:16:21,153 --> 00:16:24,026 [alarm blaring] 448 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,734 Oh. 449 00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:39,389 [sputtering] 450 00:16:43,523 --> 00:16:45,830 Oh! Oh! 451 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:52,315 [gasping] 452 00:16:53,968 --> 00:16:56,884 [whimpering] 453 00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:09,941 [dramatic music] 454 00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:14,859 ♪ 455 00:17:17,905 --> 00:17:19,733 - [muffled whimpering] 456 00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:26,218 - You are an illegal citizen, 457 00:17:26,218 --> 00:17:29,395 and possession of plant life is punishable by death. 458 00:17:29,395 --> 00:17:37,273 ♪ 459 00:17:39,405 --> 00:17:42,408 - This is the third computer you'’ve destroyed. 460 00:17:42,408 --> 00:17:43,888 [echoing] Destroyed. 461 00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:44,932 - It'’s not my fault everything breaks 462 00:17:44,932 --> 00:17:46,195 if a drop of jizz hits it. 463 00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:47,239 [echoing] Drop of jizz hits it. 464 00:17:47,239 --> 00:17:48,501 - Aim, Jeff. 465 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,502 [echoing] Aim. 466 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:56,509 ♪ 467 00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,511 - [moans] 468 00:18:01,253 --> 00:18:04,952 ♪ 469 00:18:04,952 --> 00:18:08,130 Oh. You can do it, Jeff. Come on. 470 00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:10,001 [echoing] I can'’t get off without porn. 471 00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:12,090 I can'’t get off without porn. 472 00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:15,180 ♪ 473 00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:16,355 - [muffled whimpering] 474 00:18:16,355 --> 00:18:20,054 ♪ 475 00:18:20,054 --> 00:18:22,013 - Oh, please. 476 00:18:22,013 --> 00:18:24,363 ♪ 477 00:18:24,363 --> 00:18:27,366 [exciting music] 478 00:18:27,366 --> 00:18:28,454 ♪ 479 00:18:28,454 --> 00:18:30,717 [electricity crackling] Oh! Oh! 480 00:18:30,717 --> 00:18:34,025 [dramatic music] 481 00:18:34,025 --> 00:18:36,070 [alarm blaring] 482 00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:38,943 [woman speaking a Chinese language over P.A. system] 483 00:18:50,868 --> 00:18:51,999 - Come on. Come on, Jeff. 484 00:18:51,999 --> 00:18:53,218 Come on. Come on. 485 00:18:53,218 --> 00:18:54,524 - [groaning] 486 00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,917 Sharee, I [bleep] without porn. 487 00:18:56,917 --> 00:18:58,963 - I saw. I literally couldn'’t look away. 488 00:19:01,095 --> 00:19:02,445 - I have the bong. 489 00:19:02,445 --> 00:19:04,186 - Yes! We can smoke it and go home. 490 00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,144 - It'’s going to be hard without this. 491 00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:11,410 - No! 492 00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:13,760 I'’m gonna kill you, bitch! 493 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,633 [alarm continues blaring] 494 00:19:30,864 --> 00:19:31,909 Yes! 495 00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:32,823 Ow, God. 496 00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:37,915 [whooshing] 497 00:19:41,179 --> 00:19:42,789 [whooshing] 498 00:19:42,789 --> 00:19:44,791 - Oh! [laughs] - Oh! Oh! 499 00:19:44,791 --> 00:19:45,966 - Oh, my God! - We'’re home! 500 00:19:45,966 --> 00:19:47,446 - We'’re home! Oh! 501 00:19:47,446 --> 00:19:48,447 We'’re home! 502 00:19:48,447 --> 00:19:49,709 - Wait, wait. - Yes. 503 00:19:49,709 --> 00:19:51,276 - Did you just smoke your hair? - Yeah. 504 00:19:51,276 --> 00:19:53,670 Remember in 2007 when Britney Spears had her meltdown? 505 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:55,454 She saved her head '’cause she didn'’t want to be tested for THC 506 00:19:55,454 --> 00:19:56,890 '’cause she would lose her children. 507 00:19:56,890 --> 00:19:58,805 And I realized I must have enough THC in my hair, 508 00:19:58,805 --> 00:20:00,154 so I smoked it, and it worked. 509 00:20:00,154 --> 00:20:02,331 - That'’s genius. You are so smart. 510 00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:03,810 - I am. I'’m smart now. 511 00:20:03,810 --> 00:20:05,159 - Oh. 512 00:20:05,159 --> 00:20:06,335 [gasps] Crispin! - Crispin! Hi! 513 00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:09,033 - Oh, Crispin! - Oh, my God! 514 00:20:09,033 --> 00:20:10,991 Hi! - Oh, we missed you, buddy. 515 00:20:10,991 --> 00:20:13,211 - Oh, my God, there is so much I missed. 516 00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:14,430 - Me too. 517 00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:15,735 - Running water. 518 00:20:15,735 --> 00:20:19,391 [triumphant music] 519 00:20:19,391 --> 00:20:20,827 Medicine. 520 00:20:20,827 --> 00:20:22,829 - Toilet paper! 521 00:20:22,829 --> 00:20:25,267 [doorbell rings] 522 00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,529 both: Food! 523 00:20:26,529 --> 00:20:28,792 [laughter on TV] 524 00:20:28,792 --> 00:20:31,011 [both laugh] 525 00:20:31,011 --> 00:20:33,013 [pounding at door] 526 00:20:36,408 --> 00:20:37,453 - Oh, God, yeah. 527 00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:38,845 - Come on, let'’s go. 528 00:20:38,845 --> 00:20:40,282 Applebee'’s happy hour ends in 30 minutes. 529 00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:41,674 I'’m not paying full price for shit. 530 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:43,676 - Jesus. Okay, we'’re not dating anymore. 531 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,243 I'’m breaking up with you. 532 00:20:45,243 --> 00:20:46,940 - Cut the bullshit, fat tits. Come on, let'’s go. 533 00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:48,464 - You know, I might have [bleep] my cousin, 534 00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:50,727 and it was a healthier situation than this. 535 00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:52,163 - Wait a minute. What did you say? 536 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:53,512 - [slurping] 537 00:20:53,512 --> 00:20:55,906 Mm, sorry. 538 00:20:57,342 --> 00:21:00,171 This is the best time. 539 00:21:00,171 --> 00:21:01,738 - It really is. 540 00:21:01,738 --> 00:21:04,697 You know, I didn'’t realize before 541 00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:06,960 how shitty the world has been 542 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,006 for women forever. 543 00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,399 - Mm. Yeah. 544 00:21:10,399 --> 00:21:12,705 - I really learned that I need to be 545 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:14,141 the best woman that I can be. 546 00:21:14,141 --> 00:21:17,493 I owe it to the women who'’ve suffered before me. 547 00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:20,539 - I learned...how to masturbate without porn. 548 00:21:20,539 --> 00:21:21,540 - That'’s something. 549 00:21:21,540 --> 00:21:22,715 - That'’s huge. 550 00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:23,716 - It'’s something. 551 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,762 - That'’s huge. 552 00:21:25,762 --> 00:21:26,763 [sighs] 553 00:21:26,763 --> 00:21:28,025 I always said I was... 554 00:21:28,025 --> 00:21:28,982 both: Born in the wrong decade. 555 00:21:28,982 --> 00:21:30,723 - I know. 556 00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,290 - But I was just blaming my stupid life on that. 557 00:21:32,290 --> 00:21:35,685 And the fact is, I'’m really lucky to have been born now, 558 00:21:35,685 --> 00:21:36,947 and I need to take advantage of it 559 00:21:36,947 --> 00:21:38,557 and not make excuses, you know? 560 00:21:38,557 --> 00:21:39,689 - Totally. That'’s amazing. 561 00:21:39,689 --> 00:21:41,560 - Thank you. 562 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:43,388 - Another classic from the king of pop, Michael Jackson. 563 00:21:43,388 --> 00:21:44,955 both: Whoa! 564 00:21:44,955 --> 00:21:46,609 - One of his greatest hits from 1986... 565 00:21:46,609 --> 00:21:47,827 - Our son. 566 00:21:47,827 --> 00:21:49,438 - "Left Behind." 567 00:21:49,438 --> 00:21:53,311 - ♪ You took me 568 00:21:53,311 --> 00:21:55,400 ♪ Then you left me 569 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,619 - You don'’t think that'’s about us. 570 00:21:56,619 --> 00:21:59,926 - ♪ My mommy, my mommy 571 00:21:59,926 --> 00:22:02,799 ♪ My mommy and my daddy 572 00:22:02,799 --> 00:22:04,409 ♪ Hee-hee 573 00:22:04,409 --> 00:22:05,454 - That'’s about us, yeah. 574 00:22:05,454 --> 00:22:06,803 - Okay. - Ooh. 575 00:22:06,803 --> 00:22:09,109 - I'’m definitely done with time travel. 576 00:22:09,109 --> 00:22:10,763 - Me too. 577 00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:12,461 - What should we do with the bong? 578 00:22:12,461 --> 00:22:14,985 - Hmm. 579 00:22:14,985 --> 00:22:17,944 [somber music] 580 00:22:17,944 --> 00:22:25,561 ♪ 581 00:22:25,561 --> 00:22:26,953 [sighs] 582 00:22:26,953 --> 00:22:28,215 - Okay, I have to talk a couple things through. 583 00:22:28,215 --> 00:22:29,652 - Yeah. 584 00:22:29,652 --> 00:22:30,566 - Why aren'’t there doubles of us? 585 00:22:30,566 --> 00:22:31,697 - Oh. 586 00:22:31,697 --> 00:22:33,351 - Also, how did the future people 587 00:22:33,351 --> 00:22:34,483 get here in the first place if they didn'’t have weed? 588 00:22:34,483 --> 00:22:35,875 - Mm-hmm. 589 00:22:35,875 --> 00:22:38,182 - Also, I'’m like, "Why didn'’t we land 590 00:22:38,182 --> 00:22:39,531 "where the future people landed in the street 591 00:22:39,531 --> 00:22:41,185 when we first saw them?" 592 00:22:41,185 --> 00:22:43,274 You know, aren'’t there parallel, alternate timelines 593 00:22:43,274 --> 00:22:45,189 that we'’re dealing with here? 594 00:22:45,189 --> 00:22:46,799 - Yeah, there'’s a lot of theory about time travel, right, 595 00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:48,366 and I'’ve been giving it a lot of thought, 596 00:22:48,366 --> 00:22:49,802 and I think I figured it out. 597 00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:52,022 Here'’s the airtight logic. 598 00:22:52,022 --> 00:22:53,197 So-- [door slams] 599 00:22:57,157 --> 00:23:00,117 [dramatic percussive music] 600 00:23:00,117 --> 00:23:03,033 ♪ 601 00:23:07,690 --> 00:23:08,734 - Action! 602 00:23:08,734 --> 00:23:10,519 [both grunting and screaming] 603 00:23:10,519 --> 00:23:12,259 - Oh, my God! - Ah! 604 00:23:12,259 --> 00:23:13,435 - ♪ Blame it on the dro 605 00:23:13,435 --> 00:23:14,697 ♪ Blame it on the pills 606 00:23:14,697 --> 00:23:15,828 ♪ Got my eyes sittin'’ low ♪ 607 00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:16,873 ♪ Blame it on the dope 608 00:23:16,873 --> 00:23:18,048 ♪ Blame it on the dro 609 00:23:18,048 --> 00:23:19,353 ♪ Blame it on the pills 610 00:23:19,353 --> 00:23:20,572 ♪ Got my eyes sittin'’ low ♪ 611 00:23:20,572 --> 00:23:21,573 ♪ You can blame it on the dro