1 00:00:02,295 --> 00:00:05,215 (CHILDREN CHATTER IN DISTANCE) 2 00:00:05,298 --> 00:00:07,259 (SIGHS) Is your aunt always this late? 3 00:00:07,342 --> 00:00:09,719 She said she's on Irish time. 4 00:00:09,803 --> 00:00:11,513 -(DOOR OPENS) -MICKEY: Hey. 5 00:00:11,596 --> 00:00:12,722 Sorry I'm late. Hey, buddy. 6 00:00:13,056 --> 00:00:14,099 BEN: Hi. 7 00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:16,726 MICKEY: Stuck in, uh, traffic for over an hour. Ew. 8 00:00:16,810 --> 00:00:19,854 Well, we have been waiting for almost two hours. 9 00:00:20,605 --> 00:00:22,232 Well, I'm in the middle of a very busy afternoon. 10 00:00:22,315 --> 00:00:23,650 What can I do for you? 11 00:00:23,733 --> 00:00:26,736 Ben is no longer allowed to ride the bus. 12 00:00:26,820 --> 00:00:28,530 He's been urinating on it. 13 00:00:29,781 --> 00:00:31,366 That true, buddy? You peeing on the bus? 14 00:00:31,449 --> 00:00:33,952 No. I peed in Ryan Leggio's backpack. 15 00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,287 Well, that's still not a bathroom. 16 00:00:35,370 --> 00:00:36,496 And then on his shoes 17 00:00:36,580 --> 00:00:37,747 when he called me a "pee freak." 18 00:00:39,416 --> 00:00:40,917 Okay, I can see how that might be a problem. 19 00:00:41,001 --> 00:00:43,920 But look, in the kid's defense, it's a brutal commute. 20 00:00:44,004 --> 00:00:45,672 I had to stop at a gas station on the way here, 21 00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:47,132 or I would have peed myself. 22 00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:50,093 Uh, look, it's not just the bus. 23 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,971 Ben has been doing poorly in his classes, as well. 24 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:54,222 Einstein flunked math. 25 00:00:54,306 --> 00:00:56,683 He's also having trouble making friends. 26 00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:58,226 You think Bill Gates had friends? 27 00:00:58,310 --> 00:01:01,313 And he refuses to wear his uniform properly. 28 00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:03,857 Oh. Huh. You know who else refused to wear a uniform? 29 00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,109 Muhammad Ali, The Champ. 30 00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,403 -Hmm. -Did The Champ wear high heels? 31 00:01:10,322 --> 00:01:12,490 Look, give him a break. The kid probably misses his mom. 32 00:01:12,574 --> 00:01:13,700 They're Sabrina's. 33 00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:15,577 Look, if Ben can't 34 00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:17,913 change his behavior, I think that we're going to have to... 35 00:01:17,996 --> 00:01:20,206 You're going to have to what? Boot him? 36 00:01:20,290 --> 00:01:22,125 (LAUGHING) Oh, no, buddy. 37 00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,336 Too late. We reject you. 38 00:01:24,836 --> 00:01:27,214 Yeah. That kid's special, okay? 39 00:01:28,215 --> 00:01:29,883 Not special like he... 40 00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:31,760 He-He's just a special kid. 41 00:01:31,843 --> 00:01:34,346 And if you can't see that, you can burn in hell. 42 00:01:35,347 --> 00:01:37,349 Okay. Well, I wish you luck. 43 00:01:37,432 --> 00:01:39,559 No, no, no, no. I wish you luck, 44 00:01:39,643 --> 00:01:41,561 because your school is a mess. Have you met the other 45 00:01:41,645 --> 00:01:43,730 two Pemberton kids you've educated? 46 00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,523 Yes, I know Chip and Sabrina. 47 00:01:45,607 --> 00:01:47,317 Well, this place has just about ruined them. 48 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:49,277 You're running a crap factory here, pal. 49 00:01:49,361 --> 00:01:51,321 Just churning out crap. Ugh! 50 00:01:51,404 --> 00:01:53,531 Look at this kid. Are you kidding me? 51 00:01:53,615 --> 00:01:54,824 That kid sucks. 52 00:01:54,908 --> 00:01:56,368 Sucks, sucks. 53 00:01:56,451 --> 00:01:59,287 This is a great school to come to if you want your kid to suck. 54 00:01:59,371 --> 00:02:02,332 Oh, look, here comes another guy. You suck! 55 00:02:02,415 --> 00:02:04,292 Well, it's the middle of the school year. I think you're gonna 56 00:02:04,376 --> 00:02:06,378 find it very difficult to find any school 57 00:02:06,461 --> 00:02:08,213 -that's willing to... -No, no, no. 58 00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:10,173 You're not the only game in town, buddy, okay? 59 00:02:10,257 --> 00:02:12,175 This school's a joke, and not a good one. 60 00:02:12,259 --> 00:02:13,593 Then I think we're done here. 61 00:02:13,677 --> 00:02:15,804 No. I think we're done here. 62 00:02:24,938 --> 00:02:26,523 Should I go with her? 63 00:02:26,982 --> 00:02:28,316 Regrettably. 64 00:02:35,699 --> 00:02:36,992 MICKEY: Seven schools? 65 00:02:37,075 --> 00:02:38,827 Who gets rejected by seven schools? 66 00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:40,537 Maybe you should have thought about that before 67 00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:42,205 you took him out of the best prep school in the country. 68 00:02:42,289 --> 00:02:44,040 Yeah, well, maybe I didn't think it through, 69 00:02:44,124 --> 00:02:46,209 'cause I was too focused on how much Lockwood sucks. 70 00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:47,961 And by the way, your principal's a real tool. 71 00:02:48,044 --> 00:02:49,337 -Nice influence. -I mean, 72 00:02:49,421 --> 00:02:52,173 what is the problem? The kid's got an odd fashion sense. 73 00:02:52,257 --> 00:02:54,009 What's wrong with my fashion senses? 74 00:02:54,092 --> 00:02:55,552 Oh, hey, buddy. 75 00:02:55,635 --> 00:02:57,262 Uh... nothing. 76 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,556 Not a thing. I think you look very handsome. 77 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:01,433 Uh, you want to go play in the other room? 78 00:03:01,516 --> 00:03:04,102 So you can keep talking about me? Okay. 79 00:03:04,686 --> 00:03:06,021 So I can keep talking about you. 80 00:03:06,104 --> 00:03:08,023 That is a smart kid. 81 00:03:08,106 --> 00:03:10,025 I do not understand why he can't get into a school. 82 00:03:10,108 --> 00:03:11,610 Oh, come on. Don't be naive. 83 00:03:11,943 --> 00:03:14,029 -We all know the real reason. -Here we go. 84 00:03:14,112 --> 00:03:16,239 Frederico Diaz, 3.0, 85 00:03:16,323 --> 00:03:18,366 crapped the bed on the SATs, gets into Brown. 86 00:03:18,450 --> 00:03:21,453 Meanwhile, Dustin Wakefield, straight A's, 87 00:03:21,536 --> 00:03:24,247 school treasurer, gets into Wesleyan. Disgraceful. 88 00:03:24,331 --> 00:03:25,916 -What are you talking about? -It's never 89 00:03:25,999 --> 00:03:28,126 been harder to be a white male than it is right now. 90 00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:31,588 I'm gonna have to work twice as hard to achieve half as much. 91 00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:33,131 Preach, brother. 92 00:03:33,215 --> 00:03:35,592 -I haven't had a win in 37 years. -SABRINA: Oh, come on. 93 00:03:35,675 --> 00:03:36,843 Try being a woman. 94 00:03:36,927 --> 00:03:38,595 At least I understand the plight of diverse people. 95 00:03:38,678 --> 00:03:40,889 What? You two are about as diverse 96 00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:42,265 as a Jimmy Buffet concert. 97 00:03:42,349 --> 00:03:43,892 I would call you racist, 98 00:03:43,975 --> 00:03:45,435 but you only hang out with white people. 99 00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:47,103 So I guess that makes you separatists. 100 00:03:47,187 --> 00:03:49,105 You don't know who I hang out with. 101 00:03:49,189 --> 00:03:50,857 Okay. Name one non-white friend. 102 00:03:50,941 --> 00:03:52,067 (SCOFFS) 103 00:03:52,150 --> 00:03:53,276 Alba. 104 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,403 Alba. Super not white. 105 00:03:55,487 --> 00:03:57,072 Oh, don't drag me into this. 106 00:03:57,155 --> 00:03:58,657 Alba is not your friend. 107 00:03:58,740 --> 00:04:00,283 You do not yell at your friend 108 00:04:00,367 --> 00:04:01,910 for putting dressing on your salad. 109 00:04:01,993 --> 00:04:04,287 -You know nothing about her. -I know plenty about her. 110 00:04:04,371 --> 00:04:05,664 What's her last name? 111 00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:08,375 -Gonzalez? -Perez. 112 00:04:08,458 --> 00:04:10,335 -Maldanado. -That's a tough start, guys. 113 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,920 MICKEY: You have lived with Alba 114 00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:14,839 your entire lives, and you don't know her full name? 115 00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,466 Alba is a rich 116 00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:17,676 fountain of culture. 117 00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:18,927 Guzzle from her. 118 00:04:20,095 --> 00:04:21,471 -You know what, Alba? -Hmm? 119 00:04:21,555 --> 00:04:24,307 Tomorrow, me and you, we're going out. On me. 120 00:04:24,391 --> 00:04:26,977 And I want to know every single thing about you, 121 00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:28,770 because you are my new friend. 122 00:04:29,271 --> 00:04:31,523 That sounds good. Okay. (LAUGHS) 123 00:04:31,606 --> 00:04:33,733 Count me in. I frickin' love diversity. 124 00:04:33,817 --> 00:04:36,361 Yeah, uh, okay, I got to get Ben into a good school. 125 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:37,946 I cannot have him turning out like you. 126 00:04:38,029 --> 00:04:39,322 Look, there's only two schools that are 127 00:04:39,406 --> 00:04:40,782 accepting students right now, 128 00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:42,492 the all-girls school across the street 129 00:04:42,576 --> 00:04:44,703 and the public school, but it's, like, 40 minutes away. 130 00:04:44,786 --> 00:04:46,162 Well, enjoy the drive. 131 00:04:48,206 --> 00:04:49,416 (SIGHS) 132 00:04:51,585 --> 00:04:53,962 I know the first day at a new school can be tough, 133 00:04:54,045 --> 00:04:55,547 but you just remember to be yourself, 134 00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,424 and you'll be just fine. 135 00:04:57,507 --> 00:04:59,676 I'm a transformer! 136 00:05:01,011 --> 00:05:02,095 Yeah. Sure. 137 00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:03,889 Transformer. Close enough. 138 00:05:08,977 --> 00:05:10,520 So am I a girl now? 139 00:05:10,604 --> 00:05:12,564 No, only when you're at school. 140 00:05:12,647 --> 00:05:14,232 Or whenever else you want to be. 141 00:05:14,316 --> 00:05:16,401 Cool. Do I have a vagina? 142 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:18,528 No, you don't. Any other questions? 143 00:05:18,612 --> 00:05:21,406 What is a vagina? 144 00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:24,910 Oh, that's like, right up the... in between... 145 00:05:24,993 --> 00:05:26,411 You got... 146 00:05:27,037 --> 00:05:28,580 Can I get back to you on that one? 147 00:05:28,663 --> 00:05:30,123 -Okay. -Thanks, buddy. 148 00:05:30,206 --> 00:05:32,417 You look really good in that dress, by the way. 149 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,794 Thanks. It's breezy on my vagina. 150 00:05:34,878 --> 00:05:36,838 Yeah. Yeah, maybe don't mention that, though. 151 00:05:36,922 --> 00:05:38,590 Now, listen, there are three things 152 00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:39,841 you've got to remember today, okay? 153 00:05:39,925 --> 00:05:41,968 Number one: go wherever the girls go, 154 00:05:42,052 --> 00:05:43,428 do whatever the girls do. 155 00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,430 Number two, and this one's critical, you... 156 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:48,600 What? Are we here already? My God, that's close. Nice. 157 00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:49,851 All right. 158 00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:51,770 Sorry we're late. You know how fussy 159 00:05:51,853 --> 00:05:53,855 -little girls are getting ready. -Well, we are 160 00:05:53,939 --> 00:05:56,608 thrilled to have our very first transgender student. 161 00:05:56,691 --> 00:05:58,235 Oh, say thank you, Ben. 162 00:05:58,318 --> 00:06:00,612 -I thought you said my name was "Beth." -Yes. 163 00:06:00,695 --> 00:06:03,365 That's what I said. He still gets confused sometimes. 164 00:06:03,448 --> 00:06:04,616 Well, you mean "she"? 165 00:06:04,699 --> 00:06:06,576 Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean. 166 00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:07,994 You'll get it. Don't worry about it. 167 00:06:08,078 --> 00:06:09,996 Hey, Ben... th... why don't you run outside 168 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,581 to the playground while we finish up, 169 00:06:11,665 --> 00:06:13,250 -okay? -Okay. 170 00:06:13,333 --> 00:06:14,626 Should I do the thing now? 171 00:06:14,709 --> 00:06:15,710 Yeah. 172 00:06:17,462 --> 00:06:19,297 -Oh! -(LAUGHS) 173 00:06:19,381 --> 00:06:21,049 (CHATTER AND SHOUTING) 174 00:06:21,132 --> 00:06:23,468 -Want to play dolls? -I'm not really into dolls. 175 00:06:23,552 --> 00:06:25,011 Want to play super smash ball? 176 00:06:25,095 --> 00:06:27,097 It's like dodge ball, except we're all ninjas. 177 00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:28,390 Okay. 178 00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:33,520 So, Alba, tell us more about Guatemala. 179 00:06:33,603 --> 00:06:35,564 Oh. Uh, okay. 180 00:06:36,189 --> 00:06:38,817 Well, the national flower 181 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,819 is the White Nun Orchid, 182 00:06:40,902 --> 00:06:43,280 -and the national bird... -Oh, wait. Hold on. 183 00:06:43,363 --> 00:06:45,323 I want to write this down so I can throw it in Mickey's face. 184 00:06:45,407 --> 00:06:47,033 Oh, okay. 185 00:06:47,117 --> 00:06:50,620 Uh, the national bird is the quetzal. 186 00:06:50,704 --> 00:06:55,625 And, uh, oh, the population is 12.7 million. 187 00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,586 -Wow. -This is delicious. Is this eggplant? 188 00:06:58,420 --> 00:06:59,880 No, it's beef. 189 00:06:59,963 --> 00:07:01,673 -(GASPS) -(LAUGHS) 190 00:07:01,756 --> 00:07:03,592 Alba, you know I don't eat red meat. 191 00:07:03,675 --> 00:07:05,135 Why would you order this? 192 00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:07,470 That is strange. 193 00:07:07,554 --> 00:07:08,889 It must be regional. 194 00:07:08,972 --> 00:07:10,682 You know, where I'm from, it's vegetarian. 195 00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:12,475 No, pepian is always beef. 196 00:07:12,559 --> 00:07:14,603 No, it's not. No. Take it away. No. Get it out of here. 197 00:07:14,686 --> 00:07:17,105 No. That's not good. Not where I come from. No. 198 00:07:17,188 --> 00:07:20,525 Alba? Why is your phone on the Guatemala Wikipedia page? 199 00:07:20,942 --> 00:07:22,235 Is it? 200 00:07:22,319 --> 00:07:23,862 Alba. What's going on? 201 00:07:26,156 --> 00:07:28,617 Well, okay, I'm from Guatemala, 202 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:31,161 but my culture is American. 203 00:07:31,244 --> 00:07:32,537 What? I came here 204 00:07:32,621 --> 00:07:34,080 as a little girl, so my culture 205 00:07:34,164 --> 00:07:35,874 -is your culture. -Are you kidding me? 206 00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:38,168 I just blew eight years of no red meat for nothing? 207 00:07:38,251 --> 00:07:39,544 Why didn't you just tell us? 208 00:07:39,628 --> 00:07:41,546 I don't know. Uh, 209 00:07:41,630 --> 00:07:43,048 when I saw how much you guys wanted 210 00:07:43,131 --> 00:07:44,674 to hang out with me, I got excited. 211 00:07:44,758 --> 00:07:46,509 Now I feel terrible. The whole point of this 212 00:07:46,593 --> 00:07:47,969 was to get to know you better. 213 00:07:48,053 --> 00:07:49,930 No, the whole point of this was to hang out 214 00:07:50,013 --> 00:07:52,641 with somebody diverse so we could shut Mickey up. 215 00:07:52,724 --> 00:07:55,310 Ignore him. Alba, is there anywhere 216 00:07:55,393 --> 00:07:56,937 that you actually like going? 217 00:07:57,812 --> 00:08:00,649 Well... there is this one place I really love. 218 00:08:00,732 --> 00:08:01,900 Okay, good, let's go there. 219 00:08:01,983 --> 00:08:04,152 -But first let's send a selfie to Mickey. -Oh. 220 00:08:04,236 --> 00:08:05,904 -Oh, wait. -Oh. 221 00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:08,698 -#ChipsAndGuac. -(CHUCKLES) 222 00:08:08,782 --> 00:08:10,533 (BIRDS CHIRPING) 223 00:08:10,992 --> 00:08:13,495 Getting Ben into a school across the street was genius. 224 00:08:13,578 --> 00:08:15,914 He is cranking through my mascara like a street whore, 225 00:08:15,997 --> 00:08:17,624 but it's worth it. 226 00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,584 Hey, you mind if I go bare-ass? 227 00:08:19,834 --> 00:08:21,419 I'd really rather you did not. 228 00:08:21,503 --> 00:08:23,088 (PHONE VIBRATING) 229 00:08:25,465 --> 00:08:26,550 Hello. 230 00:08:26,633 --> 00:08:27,717 Yep. 231 00:08:28,802 --> 00:08:30,720 What, you mean right now? 232 00:08:30,804 --> 00:08:32,722 Oh, gosh, I'd love to, 233 00:08:32,806 --> 00:08:34,849 but I'm kind of right in the middle of... 234 00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:37,227 Okay. 235 00:08:37,310 --> 00:08:40,230 Yeah, I get it. All right, I'll be right there. 236 00:08:40,689 --> 00:08:42,732 -Everything okay? -Mmm-hmm. 237 00:08:42,816 --> 00:08:44,734 Just got to hike over to Ben's school. 238 00:08:44,818 --> 00:08:46,736 -You want to come with me? -No. 239 00:08:46,820 --> 00:08:49,781 I'm gonna stay here and cook off some of these tan lines. 240 00:08:49,864 --> 00:08:51,616 (MUSIC PLAYING) 241 00:08:53,618 --> 00:08:54,869 (DISGUSTED GROAN) 242 00:08:55,537 --> 00:08:57,831 Ooh, my little pretty one, pretty one 243 00:08:57,914 --> 00:09:00,041 When you gonna give me some 244 00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:01,710 Time, Sharona 245 00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:04,713 Alba, I had no idea you liked karaoke, that's so cool and interesting. 246 00:09:04,796 --> 00:09:09,092 Oh, I love it. As a little girl, I dreamed of being Elton John. 247 00:09:10,093 --> 00:09:11,761 All right, everyone keep their eyes peeled 248 00:09:11,845 --> 00:09:12,971 for an ethnic person. 249 00:09:13,054 --> 00:09:14,598 You're the reason people hate us. 250 00:09:14,681 --> 00:09:17,017 Jealousy is the reason people hate us. 251 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,394 Alba, what song are you gonna sing later? 252 00:09:19,477 --> 00:09:20,770 (LAUGHS) Oh, no, no. 253 00:09:20,854 --> 00:09:23,773 I only sing in the shower or the car 254 00:09:23,857 --> 00:09:24,983 or doing dishes, you know, 255 00:09:25,066 --> 00:09:26,651 getting dressed or folding clothes, 256 00:09:26,735 --> 00:09:30,196 but never in front of anyone, I could never do that, no. 257 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,282 Okay, this is what I'm talking about. 258 00:09:32,365 --> 00:09:34,701 -Hey, man, where are you from? -Nigeria. 259 00:09:34,784 --> 00:09:36,286 Jackpot. 260 00:09:36,369 --> 00:09:37,579 My, my 261 00:09:37,662 --> 00:09:39,247 My-yi whoo! 262 00:09:39,331 --> 00:09:40,957 GIRLS: I'm a little Dutch girl 263 00:09:41,041 --> 00:09:42,626 dressed in blue. 264 00:09:42,709 --> 00:09:44,461 These are the things 265 00:09:44,544 --> 00:09:46,087 that I can do. 266 00:09:46,171 --> 00:09:47,505 What are you doing here? 267 00:09:47,589 --> 00:09:49,674 Hi! I just came to see your principal. 268 00:09:49,758 --> 00:09:51,676 I see you made some new friends. 269 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,595 Yeah. I really like this girl Jennifer. 270 00:09:53,678 --> 00:09:55,805 Does that make me a lesbian? 271 00:09:55,889 --> 00:09:57,307 You don't have to worry about labels, buddy. 272 00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:59,517 -Just like who you like. -Good. 'Cause I also like 273 00:09:59,601 --> 00:10:01,686 this kid named Brad from my old school. 274 00:10:01,853 --> 00:10:03,521 Sweet. Keep your options open. 275 00:10:03,605 --> 00:10:04,814 See you in a bit. 276 00:10:04,898 --> 00:10:06,524 GIRLS: I can do the... 277 00:10:06,608 --> 00:10:08,485 Hope this is some sort of an emergency. 278 00:10:08,568 --> 00:10:10,612 I was in the middle of an important meeting. 279 00:10:10,695 --> 00:10:13,114 This is Gene, a parent here. 280 00:10:13,198 --> 00:10:15,492 He has some concerns regarding Beth. 281 00:10:15,909 --> 00:10:17,869 You kept me waiting, so I'm gonna get right to it. 282 00:10:18,370 --> 00:10:20,080 My wife and I aren't comfortable with our daughter 283 00:10:20,163 --> 00:10:22,666 sharing a bathroom with a boy in a dress. 284 00:10:24,084 --> 00:10:26,044 I'm sorry, I don't know anything about a boy in a dress. 285 00:10:26,127 --> 00:10:28,838 I know about a darling little girl in a dress, is that 286 00:10:28,922 --> 00:10:30,882 who you're talking about, Gene? 287 00:10:30,966 --> 00:10:32,842 Okay, look, I'm not trying to pass any judgments here, all right? 288 00:10:32,926 --> 00:10:35,512 Anything anyone wants to do or wear, I'm cool with. 289 00:10:36,263 --> 00:10:38,265 Well, would you listen to that! 290 00:10:38,348 --> 00:10:41,268 Gene here is cool with the rest of the world having free will. 291 00:10:41,351 --> 00:10:42,561 Thank you, Gene. 292 00:10:42,644 --> 00:10:43,853 -I didn't mean it like that. -No? 293 00:10:43,937 --> 00:10:46,022 No. I'm just looking after my daughter's safety. 294 00:10:46,106 --> 00:10:48,316 I mean, come on, it's common sense, all right? 295 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,319 That's why we have a boys' room and a girls' room. 296 00:10:53,446 --> 00:10:54,948 I got news for you, friend. 297 00:10:55,615 --> 00:10:57,659 The world is a dangerous place. 298 00:10:57,742 --> 00:10:58,868 Nobody's safe. 299 00:10:58,952 --> 00:11:00,161 It does not take a little boy 300 00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:02,539 in a dress to molest your daughter. 301 00:11:02,622 --> 00:11:04,124 I use the girls' room. 302 00:11:04,207 --> 00:11:06,585 I could easily molest her any time I want. 303 00:11:06,668 --> 00:11:07,752 Uh, please, 304 00:11:07,836 --> 00:11:08,879 let's not make this personal. 305 00:11:08,962 --> 00:11:10,380 I'm not done, Rita. 306 00:11:10,463 --> 00:11:12,340 I won't do it, Gene, okay? 307 00:11:12,424 --> 00:11:15,510 But maybe... not only am I a sexual predator, 308 00:11:15,594 --> 00:11:17,137 maybe I'm liar. 309 00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:19,139 So maybe I will do it. 310 00:11:19,222 --> 00:11:20,265 Whoa. 311 00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:21,391 Okay. 312 00:11:21,474 --> 00:11:22,726 Stop for just a moment. 313 00:11:22,809 --> 00:11:25,353 I understand this is a very emotional issue. 314 00:11:25,437 --> 00:11:28,607 We thought we were ready for this, but clearly we aren't. 315 00:11:28,690 --> 00:11:30,233 -What? -So I'm sorry. 316 00:11:30,317 --> 00:11:32,235 Beth has to leave Barnsdale. 317 00:11:33,862 --> 00:11:35,405 (GROANS) 318 00:11:35,488 --> 00:11:36,781 No. 319 00:11:37,616 --> 00:11:39,659 No. This isn't over. 320 00:11:42,245 --> 00:11:44,831 You tell your daughter to watch her back. 321 00:11:53,173 --> 00:11:55,926 Can you believe that bigot chucked our little girl? 322 00:11:56,009 --> 00:11:57,928 I got to find a way to get him back in. 323 00:11:58,011 --> 00:11:59,095 Now a transgender person knows 324 00:11:59,179 --> 00:12:00,972 how it feels to be white these days. 325 00:12:01,056 --> 00:12:02,599 Ben is white. And he's not transgender. 326 00:12:02,682 --> 00:12:04,392 He just likes wearing little girl's clothing. 327 00:12:04,476 --> 00:12:05,810 If anything, he's gender-fluid. 328 00:12:05,894 --> 00:12:08,146 You know what? I'm proud to be his big sister. 329 00:12:08,230 --> 00:12:10,190 No, don't make this your thing. This is Ben's thing. 330 00:12:10,273 --> 00:12:11,858 -It seems like it's your thing. -I'm just trying 331 00:12:11,942 --> 00:12:13,652 to get your brother into a school he likes. 332 00:12:13,735 --> 00:12:16,780 And if I can fight injustice and slam my foot up her ass 333 00:12:16,863 --> 00:12:18,573 at the same time, then that's a win. 334 00:12:18,657 --> 00:12:20,367 Oh, yeah, so suddenly you're just this big friend 335 00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:21,952 of the LGBTQ community? 336 00:12:22,035 --> 00:12:23,203 Mmm-hmm. 337 00:12:23,286 --> 00:12:24,371 Wh-What? 338 00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:26,206 Are you serious? Lesbian-Gay- 339 00:12:26,289 --> 00:12:28,041 Bisexual-Transgender-Questioning. 340 00:12:28,124 --> 00:12:30,001 Pretty sure the Q's for "queer." 341 00:12:30,085 --> 00:12:31,336 No, "queer" is offensive. 342 00:12:31,419 --> 00:12:32,837 Why? When I was growing up, 343 00:12:32,921 --> 00:12:34,047 it was the kid with the ball. 344 00:12:34,130 --> 00:12:35,966 And where's the "S" for "straight"? 345 00:12:36,049 --> 00:12:37,551 You don't need to be represented. 346 00:12:37,634 --> 00:12:39,386 So... they can exclude us, 347 00:12:39,469 --> 00:12:41,846 but when we exclude them, we're the bad guys? 348 00:12:41,930 --> 00:12:43,723 When exactly do my people get their justice? 349 00:12:44,933 --> 00:12:46,685 For the last 5,000 years. 350 00:12:46,768 --> 00:12:48,853 -Agree to disagree. -JIMMY: You know, this reminds me 351 00:12:48,937 --> 00:12:51,022 of Massachusetts v. Shepherd. 352 00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:52,232 -Never heard of it. -Well, it was 353 00:12:52,315 --> 00:12:53,692 a case involving me. 354 00:12:53,775 --> 00:12:55,694 I was at the aquarium and I got lost. 355 00:12:55,777 --> 00:12:57,487 I end up in the wrong bathroom. 356 00:12:57,571 --> 00:12:59,281 Next thing I know, I'm getting arrested 357 00:12:59,364 --> 00:13:01,825 for looking like a predator, which, incidentally, 358 00:13:01,908 --> 00:13:03,368 is why they threw out the case. 359 00:13:04,536 --> 00:13:06,246 They profiled the mustache. 360 00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:07,998 -Hmm. -Not a good move. 361 00:13:08,081 --> 00:13:09,291 You should just sue Barnsdale. 362 00:13:09,374 --> 00:13:10,834 No, I'm not suing anyone, okay? 363 00:13:10,917 --> 00:13:12,919 Suing is how rich white people solve their problems. 364 00:13:13,003 --> 00:13:15,046 Yeah, but you don't have to actually sue them. 365 00:13:15,130 --> 00:13:17,382 You could just threaten to sue them. 366 00:13:17,966 --> 00:13:19,426 I do love threatening. 367 00:13:23,179 --> 00:13:25,932 Hey, Sabrina, I'm so happy you wanted to come back here. 368 00:13:26,016 --> 00:13:27,893 Yeah, well, these ribs are delicious. 369 00:13:27,976 --> 00:13:30,520 And... I wanted to sing and show you 370 00:13:30,604 --> 00:13:32,606 there was nothing to be afraid of. 371 00:13:32,689 --> 00:13:34,274 -Really? -Mmm-hmm. 372 00:13:34,357 --> 00:13:36,067 Oh, I'm so nervous for you. 373 00:13:36,151 --> 00:13:38,069 I want to throw up and run away. 374 00:13:38,153 --> 00:13:40,906 MAN: All right, next up, Sabrina Pemberton. 375 00:13:40,989 --> 00:13:42,282 Watch and learn. 376 00:13:42,365 --> 00:13:43,909 Come on up. 377 00:13:43,992 --> 00:13:45,076 (PEOPLE CLAPPING) 378 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,412 So, how long have you been in America? 379 00:13:47,495 --> 00:13:48,663 Since I was 12 years old. 380 00:13:48,747 --> 00:13:49,998 Is your family out here? 381 00:13:50,081 --> 00:13:51,625 My family is dead. 382 00:13:51,708 --> 00:13:54,127 -Mmm. -My mother, she died of malaria. 383 00:13:54,211 --> 00:13:55,962 So I ran away from home. 384 00:13:56,046 --> 00:13:58,423 Then I was taken and made to be a soldier. 385 00:13:58,506 --> 00:14:00,842 -Huh. -They gave me a gun and forced me 386 00:14:00,926 --> 00:14:03,845 to execute a farmer, but my gun jammed. 387 00:14:03,929 --> 00:14:05,305 Thank God you caught a break. 388 00:14:05,847 --> 00:14:08,308 They made me hack him with a machete instead. 389 00:14:08,391 --> 00:14:09,726 (SHUDDERS) 390 00:14:09,809 --> 00:14:11,978 It was my ninth birthday. 391 00:14:13,772 --> 00:14:15,065 Wow. That... 392 00:14:16,399 --> 00:14:17,817 that's just... 393 00:14:18,652 --> 00:14:19,945 perfect. 394 00:14:20,028 --> 00:14:21,988 Do you mind starting from the top? 395 00:14:22,072 --> 00:14:23,990 Just... Record it for a friend. 396 00:14:24,532 --> 00:14:26,826 This next song is for my maid, Alba. 397 00:14:26,910 --> 00:14:27,911 (CHUCKLES) 398 00:14:27,994 --> 00:14:29,329 She's been keeping it real since I was in diapers. 399 00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:31,122 WOMAN: Yeah, Alba! Everybody show her some love! Come on! 400 00:14:31,206 --> 00:14:32,540 You my girl, Alba. 401 00:14:32,624 --> 00:14:33,917 You my girl. 402 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:35,961 I love you, boo. Let's do this. 403 00:14:36,169 --> 00:14:39,381 Uh. Uh. Uh. 404 00:14:39,464 --> 00:14:41,007 -Come on. Ha. -(WHOOPING) 405 00:14:41,383 --> 00:14:44,719 Sicka than your average, poppa twist cabbage off instinct... 406 00:14:44,803 --> 00:14:45,971 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 407 00:14:48,765 --> 00:14:49,975 (GRUNTS) 408 00:14:50,934 --> 00:14:51,935 (GRUNTING) 409 00:14:52,018 --> 00:14:53,395 Easy access, huh? 410 00:14:53,478 --> 00:14:56,147 Mark that down as the school's first security issue. 411 00:14:56,231 --> 00:14:57,274 -Yeah, check. -All right, I'm gonna go 412 00:14:57,357 --> 00:14:58,775 have a chat with that principal. 413 00:14:58,858 --> 00:15:00,986 You stay here and film anything that looks dangerous. 414 00:15:01,069 --> 00:15:03,905 Safety hazards, violations, dangerous birds. 415 00:15:03,989 --> 00:15:06,616 Anything you think we could use as a potential lawsuit. 416 00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:07,826 Okay. 417 00:15:07,909 --> 00:15:09,035 By the time I'm done, 418 00:15:09,119 --> 00:15:11,121 Ben will be prom queen. 419 00:15:13,915 --> 00:15:15,125 (BOOING) 420 00:15:15,208 --> 00:15:18,003 You got some nerve using that word. Racist! 421 00:15:18,253 --> 00:15:19,421 SABRINA: How was that racist? 422 00:15:19,504 --> 00:15:21,047 -Those are the words of the song. -MAN: Have some respect! 423 00:15:21,131 --> 00:15:23,300 Hey. Where you going? I thought we were friends. 424 00:15:23,383 --> 00:15:25,010 You don't even know my name. 425 00:15:25,093 --> 00:15:26,177 SABRINA: Is Mark Twain racist? 426 00:15:26,261 --> 00:15:27,429 Good-bye, Chip. 427 00:15:27,512 --> 00:15:29,639 -Good-bye... you. -I mean, 428 00:15:29,723 --> 00:15:32,517 asking me to sanitize Biggie's art, that's racist. 429 00:15:32,601 --> 00:15:34,227 Yeah, if we didn't buy Biggie's albums, 430 00:15:34,311 --> 00:15:36,438 then he wouldn't be kicking it on a yacht right now. 431 00:15:36,521 --> 00:15:37,647 -Oh, stop. -(BOOING) 432 00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:39,816 Shut up, Chip. You're not helping. 433 00:15:39,983 --> 00:15:44,237 At last... 434 00:15:45,739 --> 00:15:50,035 My love has come along 435 00:15:50,118 --> 00:15:52,037 (WHISTLING, APPLAUSE) 436 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:54,122 WOMAN: Yeah, Alba! (WHOOPING) 437 00:15:54,331 --> 00:15:59,252 My lonely days are over 438 00:16:00,212 --> 00:16:02,214 (WHOOPING) 439 00:16:02,297 --> 00:16:07,177 And life is like a song... 440 00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:09,179 -Damn, girl's got pipes. -(APPLAUSE) 441 00:16:09,262 --> 00:16:11,056 -Wow. -MAN: Go, Alba! 442 00:16:11,139 --> 00:16:13,266 Yeah, yeah... 443 00:16:14,559 --> 00:16:15,977 -Ya! -(SCREAMS) 444 00:16:16,061 --> 00:16:17,187 Molested! 445 00:16:17,270 --> 00:16:19,105 (CHUCKLES) Just kidding. 446 00:16:19,189 --> 00:16:20,690 I will not. But if I did want to violate you, 447 00:16:20,774 --> 00:16:22,776 there would be no one around to stop me. 448 00:16:22,859 --> 00:16:24,694 -Get out! -Eh, fair enough. 449 00:16:24,778 --> 00:16:25,904 You finish up this little operation. 450 00:16:25,987 --> 00:16:27,948 I'll meet you in the hallway. 451 00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:29,950 Oh, my God. 452 00:16:32,786 --> 00:16:34,204 Why are you here? 453 00:16:34,287 --> 00:16:36,039 You no longer have a child at this school. 454 00:16:36,122 --> 00:16:37,874 It's annoying, right? And the thing is, 455 00:16:37,958 --> 00:16:40,210 you could have me escorted out, but you have no security. 456 00:16:40,293 --> 00:16:41,711 And you know what else you don't have? 457 00:16:41,795 --> 00:16:44,297 Security cameras. Ah! 458 00:16:44,381 --> 00:16:46,424 Ooh! Dark, scary room. 459 00:16:46,508 --> 00:16:48,051 You know what they call that in prison? 460 00:16:48,134 --> 00:16:49,719 They call that a blind spot. 461 00:16:49,803 --> 00:16:51,888 It's a real good place to catch a shiv. 462 00:16:52,055 --> 00:16:54,891 Okay. Please stop kicking doors. 463 00:16:54,975 --> 00:16:57,060 I am simply trying to point out that my little Beth 464 00:16:57,143 --> 00:16:58,520 is not the problem. 465 00:16:58,812 --> 00:17:00,397 Let's take a walk. 466 00:17:01,731 --> 00:17:03,149 I mean, take a look around this place. 467 00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:05,318 This school is a hotbed for predators. 468 00:17:06,027 --> 00:17:08,113 Whoa! Hold on, who's that guy? 469 00:17:08,196 --> 00:17:09,739 Hey. Little girl. 470 00:17:09,823 --> 00:17:12,200 Hi. Do you feel safe? 471 00:17:12,284 --> 00:17:14,160 Please tell me you know him and he's a parent 472 00:17:14,244 --> 00:17:15,620 -and not some predator. -Oh, yeah? 473 00:17:15,704 --> 00:17:17,706 -I've never seen that man before. -Pervert! 474 00:17:17,789 --> 00:17:20,166 -Predator! -(GIRLS SCREAMING) 475 00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:21,585 Pedophile! 476 00:17:21,668 --> 00:17:23,003 Not again. 477 00:17:25,171 --> 00:17:27,257 What kind of operation are you running here, lady? 478 00:17:27,340 --> 00:17:30,093 You've just got Peeping Toms milling about, making smut films? 479 00:17:30,176 --> 00:17:32,262 -No. -I've got half a mind to report you. 480 00:17:32,345 --> 00:17:34,556 No, no, no. Wait, wait. 481 00:17:34,639 --> 00:17:36,558 Mmm-hmm. 482 00:17:37,684 --> 00:17:39,477 There's my guy. Hey, 483 00:17:39,644 --> 00:17:41,187 guess who's back in Barnsdale. 484 00:17:41,271 --> 00:17:43,231 I'm thinking a five. 485 00:17:44,107 --> 00:17:45,775 I'm not happy there. 486 00:17:45,859 --> 00:17:47,569 What are you talking about? We love Barnsdale. 487 00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:51,197 Can I go back to my old school? 488 00:17:51,615 --> 00:17:52,824 Really? 489 00:17:52,908 --> 00:17:55,619 I'm sorry for whatever I was doing wrong. 490 00:17:56,369 --> 00:17:57,370 Oh, buddy. 491 00:17:58,663 --> 00:18:01,124 Hey, you didn't do anything wrong. 492 00:18:02,208 --> 00:18:04,127 I was the problem, not you. 493 00:18:05,295 --> 00:18:06,963 Can I still wear skirts and stuff, 494 00:18:07,047 --> 00:18:08,590 or will I get in trouble? 495 00:18:10,133 --> 00:18:11,551 You do whatever you want. 496 00:18:11,635 --> 00:18:13,261 Okay? 497 00:18:15,055 --> 00:18:16,348 I'm sorry. 498 00:18:22,395 --> 00:18:23,480 (HUMMING) 499 00:18:23,563 --> 00:18:24,898 Oh, good. 500 00:18:24,981 --> 00:18:26,900 You're here. Uh, please, have a seat. 501 00:18:26,983 --> 00:18:28,276 I really would like to talk to you about Ben. 502 00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:29,819 I sit there. 503 00:18:30,362 --> 00:18:31,821 You've got assigned seats in here? 504 00:18:31,905 --> 00:18:33,323 Yeah, it's a principal's office. 505 00:18:33,406 --> 00:18:35,492 Hmm. Where I'm from, the guest gets the good seat. 506 00:18:35,575 --> 00:18:37,327 No, not here. Okay. It doesn't matter. 507 00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:39,162 Listen, please give Ben another chance 508 00:18:39,246 --> 00:18:41,498 -and take him back. -I'm sorry, it's too late for that. 509 00:18:41,581 --> 00:18:43,333 I know. I get it. I owe you an apology. 510 00:18:43,416 --> 00:18:45,252 I certainly owe Ben an apology. 511 00:18:46,086 --> 00:18:49,422 I most likely owe the entire LGBTQ community an apology. 512 00:18:50,006 --> 00:18:52,342 But I... Please, just give us another chance. 513 00:18:52,425 --> 00:18:54,719 I'm sorry, but you probably shouldn't have pulled him out. 514 00:18:54,803 --> 00:18:57,138 I know. I shouldn't have. I make bad decisions. 515 00:18:57,222 --> 00:18:59,307 I'm a terrible person and a horrible influence. 516 00:18:59,891 --> 00:19:02,227 I drink, smoke, lie, steal. 517 00:19:02,310 --> 00:19:04,062 I'm drunk right now. (CHUCKLES) 518 00:19:04,145 --> 00:19:05,647 I had to take a cab to get here. 519 00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:07,399 And then I had to run away when it was time to pay, 520 00:19:07,482 --> 00:19:08,567 'cause I didn't have any money. 521 00:19:08,942 --> 00:19:10,193 (SIGHS) 522 00:19:10,986 --> 00:19:12,279 And I stole this from your desk. 523 00:19:12,362 --> 00:19:13,655 Oh. (SIGHS) I... Please. 524 00:19:13,738 --> 00:19:16,324 I'm sorry, okay? I'm awful. I can't help it. 525 00:19:16,408 --> 00:19:19,411 Yes, you are. Now please leave, or I'll have to call security. 526 00:19:19,494 --> 00:19:21,580 Security! You've got security. That's awesome. 527 00:19:21,663 --> 00:19:23,415 That's exactly why Ben needs to go here. 528 00:19:23,498 --> 00:19:26,543 It's a good school. And he was happy here. 529 00:19:26,626 --> 00:19:29,546 Just... Please, if you don't take him back, 530 00:19:29,629 --> 00:19:31,047 I might have to homeschool him. 531 00:19:31,131 --> 00:19:32,173 And I will ruin him. 532 00:19:32,257 --> 00:19:33,466 Please don't let me do that. 533 00:19:33,550 --> 00:19:35,969 All right, fine, fine. Ben can return to Lockwood. 534 00:19:36,052 --> 00:19:37,345 You cannot. 535 00:19:37,429 --> 00:19:39,347 You got it. Thank you so much. Okay. All right. 536 00:19:39,431 --> 00:19:41,099 One last thing, 537 00:19:41,182 --> 00:19:43,018 please cut the kid some slack on his outfits, okay? 538 00:19:43,101 --> 00:19:44,352 He's gender fluid. 539 00:19:44,436 --> 00:19:45,604 He's what? 540 00:19:46,354 --> 00:19:47,606 He's gender fluid. 541 00:19:48,064 --> 00:19:49,399 You're an educator. 542 00:19:49,482 --> 00:19:50,567 Educate yourself. 543 00:19:54,279 --> 00:19:55,655 (DOOR OPENS, SHUTS) 544 00:19:55,989 --> 00:19:59,284 All I'm saying is, I never yelled a racial slur 545 00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:00,785 -at a crowd of people. -I didn't yell it. 546 00:20:00,869 --> 00:20:02,787 I just sang it exactly like it is in the song. 547 00:20:02,871 --> 00:20:05,415 Well, my Nigerian friend is pretty torn up over it. 548 00:20:05,498 --> 00:20:07,417 Again, his name is Kingsley. 549 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,419 Look, here comes Mickey. Let's just keep this 550 00:20:09,502 --> 00:20:11,379 between us, okay? I want to keep capitalizing 551 00:20:11,463 --> 00:20:13,131 on this Guatemalan thing. 552 00:20:13,215 --> 00:20:14,382 Part of my brand. 553 00:20:14,466 --> 00:20:16,051 Absolutely. Plus, I want to rub it in her face 554 00:20:16,134 --> 00:20:17,510 -that we've been hanging out. -Oh, 555 00:20:17,594 --> 00:20:21,139 don't worry. I won't mention you said that word a bunch of times. 556 00:20:22,098 --> 00:20:24,851 Hey, Mickey. Did you know that the national bird 557 00:20:24,935 --> 00:20:26,478 of Guatemala is the quetzal? 558 00:20:26,561 --> 00:20:28,146 'Cause I do. 559 00:20:28,939 --> 00:20:30,398 What's Alba's last name? 560 00:20:33,443 --> 00:20:34,778 Hmm. 561 00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:38,949 Really? 562 00:20:39,032 --> 00:20:40,742 I'm sorry. I... 563 00:20:40,825 --> 00:20:43,161 -Santiago? -Sanchez? No. 564 00:20:43,245 --> 00:20:46,331 -Um, Smith? -With an "R"? Ra-Ramirez. 565 00:20:46,414 --> 00:20:47,707 -It's Ramirez! -Rodriguez! 566 00:20:49,793 --> 00:20:52,254 (JACKHAMMERING) 567 00:20:52,337 --> 00:20:53,630 What the hell is that? 568 00:20:54,047 --> 00:20:56,716 Oh. Barnsdale's doubling the size of their wall 569 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:58,510 to keep out the creepies. 570 00:20:58,593 --> 00:21:00,011 We done good, Mick. 571 00:21:01,763 --> 00:21:04,349 -(JACKHAMMERING CONTINUES) -(GROANS) 572 00:21:04,432 --> 00:21:06,351 -(TRUCK BRAKE HISSES) -(CREAKING) 573 00:21:06,434 --> 00:21:08,103 (TRUCK BEEPING) 574 00:21:08,186 --> 00:21:09,646 I mean... 575 00:21:10,605 --> 00:21:12,524 You good with this? 576 00:21:12,732 --> 00:21:15,735 This is crazy. (GROANS) 577 00:21:19,573 --> 00:21:20,865 MICKEY: Molested!