1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,037 She's coming in hot. She's The Mick. 2 00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:05,173 -Yaah! -I just built that. 3 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:06,407 It didn't take. 4 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,476 Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays. 5 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,511 And check out our other Fox programs-- Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 6 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,380 The Last Man on Earth and Ghosted. 7 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,548 I don't really know how to do any of this stuff. 8 00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:15,749 Only on Fox. 9 00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,354 (school bell ringing) 10 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,492 -(phone beeps) -Hey! 11 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,394 Ah, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's this? 12 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,762 They want to talk to you about my behavior. 13 00:00:28,796 --> 00:00:31,099 Bye, Miss Crandall. 14 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,734 I'm Mr. Reissman. I'm the school counselor. 15 00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,503 We really wanted to talk to you... 16 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,338 About Ben's behavior. I know, the kid just filled me in. 17 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,540 Ben has always been one of my favorite students. 18 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,041 He's so sweet. 19 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,844 But lately he's become a bit dark. 20 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,714 He spends most of his recesses in the classroom, 21 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,850 just sitting there, staring at me. 22 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,385 Yeah, well, maybe he values learning 23 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:52,920 more than eating boogers on the slide. 24 00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:54,888 He's doing it right now. 25 00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:59,093 So the kid does a little light peering, so what? 26 00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,594 Today, Ben bit me. 27 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:01,729 Okay, also some light biting. 28 00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:03,397 Wha-Wha-What's the big deal? 29 00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,733 Mr. Reissman would like to recommend to Ben's doctor 30 00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:09,036 that he be placed on 40 milligrams of ADHD medication. 31 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,571 Is that so? 32 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,541 Oh! Okay, no. No, thank you. 33 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,043 Focusing Ben on his schoolwork would have a tremendous impact 34 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,245 on his overall demeanor. 35 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,812 Mm-hmm. And why do your job 36 00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,614 when you can have a pill do it for you-- am I right? 37 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:21,982 Let me explain something to you. 38 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:23,784 Ben's mind is as pure as his heart. 39 00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,319 And as long as I am around, 40 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:27,721 there will not be a drop of medication in his body. 41 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,590 Ever. End of story. 42 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:31,325 Ben's already on the medication. 43 00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:33,561 We're just suggesting he up his dosage. 44 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,797 We'd just hate to see Ben slip through the cracks. 45 00:01:36,830 --> 00:01:39,467 He hasn't even started his project for this weekend's 46 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,335 Lockwood Little Inventors Fair. 47 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,003 Other students have been working 48 00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:45,139 on their inventions for months now. 49 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:46,907 Well, speaking of slipping through the cracks, 50 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,509 kind of looks like that shirt slipped through the cracks 51 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,010 of your laundry basket. 52 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,512 Oh. (laughs) 53 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,181 Well, I guess years of writing on white boards 54 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,982 takes its toll on the wardrobe. 55 00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,650 (laughs) Yeah, yeah. Good story. 56 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:58,118 I'm gonna take care of Ben. 57 00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,454 And I'm gonna do it with some good old-fashioned 58 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,323 hands-on parenting. 59 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:03,857 Sorry, Big Pharma. 60 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,438 Sorry I'm late. I thought I was being followed. 61 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,640 Ended up just being a bunch of hella cute baby birds. 62 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:22,710 Okay, official Acorn Boys meeting number 682 63 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,044 coming to order. 64 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,113 Secretary Joshua Feldstein presiding. 65 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,881 President Chip, old business, please. 66 00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:30,050 Okay, well, the possum behind the north wall 67 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:31,485 is almost completely decomposed. 68 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,887 Our plan to smoke oregano out of its skull 69 00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:35,289 will commence tomorrow. 70 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:37,325 On to today's biz. What we got? 71 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,500 Okay, decent haul. 72 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,069 Not our best, not our worst. 73 00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:52,340 Off the top of my head, we could soak some tampons in gin 74 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:53,507 and sit on 'em. 75 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:54,908 I'm not doing that again. 76 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,744 It's the same exact thing every weekend. 77 00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:59,313 He's right. This is kid stuff. 78 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:00,414 Maybe it's time we put this whole 79 00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:01,915 Acorn Boys nonsense to bed. 80 00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,317 Am I dreaming right now? 81 00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:04,652 Because if I am, wake me up. 82 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,019 This is a freakin' nightmare! 83 00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,221 We're Acorn Boys for life. 84 00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,389 We took an oath, remember? 85 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,890 We all held hands and-and peed 86 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,191 on that tree stump together. 87 00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,227 -We were ten. -An oath's an oath! 88 00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:16,230 Come on, Chip, you got to admit it's getting kind of stale. 89 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:17,565 I mean, you've literally brought in tampons 90 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,233 five weeks in a row. 91 00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:21,335 These are pads! They go on it, not in it. 92 00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,803 Shows what you know! 93 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:29,009 I'm sorry. I apologize. 94 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,878 The pads aren't that different from tampons. 95 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,447 I can see that now. 96 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,783 Doesn't mean we can't bounce back from this, right, boys? 97 00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,519 -How? -Well, tomorrow I'll bring in 98 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,120 something so undeniably sick 99 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,955 that you'll be embarrassed you ever brought up 100 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,724 breaking up the ACBs. 101 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,463 Meeting adjourned. 102 00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,064 How could you guys not tell me about this? 103 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:53,066 Well, Poodle was a big believer in popping pills. 104 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,068 I've been giving them to him since he was four. 105 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:58,406 Ben has been hopped up on drugs since he was four years old?! 106 00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,141 Relax, it's just medication. Lots of people take it. 107 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,277 And you should be careful pulling him off so quickly. 108 00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,779 When they took me off lithium, I went full-on crazy. 109 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,148 I would argue you were on lithium because you were crazy. 110 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,384 Ben will be fine, all right. He's young. 111 00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,885 His mind's a little spring, he'll bounce right back. 112 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,421 That's what I'm talking about. 113 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,055 If that kid can handle what we've been through 114 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,757 -in the last few months, he can handle anything. -Yeah. 115 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:18,892 Or maybe those pills are his last tether to sanity. 116 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:21,962 -You ever think of that? -No pill is going to parent Ben. 117 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:23,497 -That is our job. -Yeah, that's right. 118 00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,798 We are the pills. 119 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,567 Can't wait to see that old bowl of soup 120 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,969 Crandall's face when he wins that stupid Inventors Fair, 121 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,270 and he does it drug-free. 122 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,440 Oh, yeah, and then shove it in her face 123 00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:34,174 -and show her, yeah, yeah... -Stupid four-eyed nerd. 124 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,609 -She wear glasses? -She doesn't wear glasses, 125 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:36,944 but I bet she's got some in her night table. 126 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:37,945 Dollars to doughnuts, sleeps alone. 127 00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:39,347 Ah, stupid night nerd. 128 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,248 Okay. Wow. Doesn't take much 129 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,850 to get you two on a crusade, does it? 130 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:43,884 -Barely anything. -Almost nothing. 131 00:04:47,521 --> 00:04:51,091 Okay, hands-on parenting, first attempt, take one. 132 00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,961 All right, Benghazi, hit me with an idea. 133 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,964 A vest. I think Miss Crandall would really like a vest. 134 00:04:56,997 --> 00:05:00,768 Hmm, well, not that exciting, but, uh... 135 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,302 how great does it really need to be? 136 00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:05,005 Uh, Mickey, I just looked up some past winners. 137 00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,274 MICKEY: "Toothbrush with toothpaste dispenser inside." 138 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,209 "Self-watering plant pot"? 139 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,211 That vest is gonna get smoked. 140 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:13,547 Yeah, I think we're gonna have to dig 141 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,215 a little deeper, bud-- what else you got? 142 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,385 Toilet pants! 143 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,621 Toilet pants? 144 00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,357 His brain's all jacked up from quitting those meds cold turkey. 145 00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,693 He's used to being artificially stimulated. 146 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:28,295 No. He just needs to dust off the cobwebs a little bit. 147 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,531 Come on, buddy. Come on. Let's go get your mind right. 148 00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,466 I'm warning you, you're playing with fire. 149 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,868 I'm warning you, stop warning me about stuff. 150 00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,753 Oh, God! 151 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,187 Sniffing my undies, bro? 152 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,756 No, I'm just looking for something, okay? 153 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,257 Yeah, what kind of something? 154 00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,428 Something. I don't know. Uh, condoms? 155 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:02,430 Try the Smithsonian. 156 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,033 What are you doing? 157 00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,501 Listen, I need something cool 158 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,269 I can bring back to the Acorn Boys. 159 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:10,838 Who the hell are the Acorn Boys? 160 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:13,273 It's my secret group. 161 00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,242 If you tell anybody, I'll beat your ass. 162 00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:16,577 All right, calm down. 163 00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:17,878 Let me guess: 164 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:19,780 beginning days of the group, 165 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,281 it was a non-stop thrill ride. 166 00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,884 And now you're getting a little bit older, 167 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,118 and the thrill is gone. 168 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,520 So you're looking for something, 169 00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:29,122 anything, just to put you back on top. 170 00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:31,124 That's exactly right. How'd you know? 171 00:06:31,158 --> 00:06:33,126 'Cause I had a group of my own back in the day. 172 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,295 Called ourselves Boys in the Hole. 173 00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,730 Weird. Why? 174 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,932 'Cause we hung out in a hole. 175 00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,801 Give me 400 bucks, I'll fix your problem. 176 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,069 400 bucks? For what? 177 00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,804 It'll be worth it. Trust me. 178 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,939 You're gonna want to hold onto these days for dear life, 179 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:50,110 because once they are over, it is downhill. 180 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,111 I can see that. 181 00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,980 MICKEY: Go, go, go, 182 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:56,617 go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! 183 00:06:56,650 --> 00:07:00,220 Go! Stop! Okay. 184 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,555 -ALBA: Okay. Salmon time. -MICKEY: Yep. 185 00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:02,823 Down the hatch. All of it. 186 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,625 But I don't like the fishy taste. 187 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,326 Well, do you like the coppery taste of failure? 188 00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,628 'Cause that's all you're gonna be tasting 189 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,229 unless you eat that whole plate, okay? 190 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,931 Come on, even the weird gray part at the bottom. 191 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,500 -And the bones. -Not the bone... 192 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,668 Why would he eat the bones? Don't eat the bones. 193 00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:17,137 I don't want to eat any of it. I'm not hungry. 194 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,772 -Uh... -It's not about your belly. 195 00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:20,574 -Uh-uh. -We are feeding your brain. 196 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,943 -There we go, chew it up. -Good boy. Good boy. 197 00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:25,145 All right! What do you think? Any ideas? 198 00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,146 Toilet pants. 199 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,748 You already said that, guy. 200 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,149 You already said that. Remember? 201 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,183 A hat you can pee in. 202 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,685 Isn't that just a toilet hat? 203 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:33,487 You got anything non-toilet-related? 204 00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:35,923 A tree that sings. 205 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:38,125 A basketball I can dunk. 206 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,160 -ALBA: Mm-hmm. -Uh, sparkling milk. 207 00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,029 Uh, a butt you don't have to wipe. 208 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,831 Okay. I have a-- you know what we should do? 209 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,132 We should just... We should take a break. 210 00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,700 Yep. -Let's take a break. 211 00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,035 -Right. -We-We've all been working so hard. 212 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,102 -Yeah. -But I still have more ideas. 213 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,504 MICKEY: You do? 214 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,305 Well, that's great news for me. Go write 'em down... 215 00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,707 -Yeah. -...and I can't wait to read 'em. 216 00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:54,775 -Okay. -Okay? 217 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,109 Okay. 218 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,945 -Okay. Uh, new plan. -Mm. 219 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,213 We're gonna come up with his idea for him. 220 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,515 Can't get more hands-on than that. 221 00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,383 -Oh, yeah. It's good. -Let's go. 222 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:09,156 -All right. I'm leaving. -Hey. 223 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,691 He'll be here. 224 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,560 I-I don't get who this guy is. 225 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:13,561 How old is he? 226 00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,462 Old. He's banging my aunt. 227 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,130 Trust me, this guy's plugged in. 228 00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,666 (knocking on door) 229 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,501 JIMMY: Gentlemen, brace yourselves. 230 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:25,338 The future of the Acorn Boys is now. 231 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,040 (shouting) 232 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,009 -(Jimmy laughs) -No! -No! 233 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,680 What are you doing? I gave you $400, 234 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,181 and you get Silly String? 235 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,684 You're right. 236 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,086 What a giant waste of money. 237 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,154 Good thing I brought this! 238 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,189 -Whoa! -Oh! 239 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,691 -Whoa! -Chill out! 240 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:46,660 Right? She's a beaut. 241 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,829 -That's freaking awesome! -That's awesome! 242 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,397 It is awesome. 243 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,832 But it is not a toy. 244 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,200 This is a serious tactical weapon 245 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,434 designed specifically 246 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,203 for precision target shooting. 247 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,606 Think you could put two arrows in there at the same time? 248 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:01,374 We can sure as hell try. 249 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,043 * Cypress Hill 250 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,544 * Well, I'm an alley cat 251 00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:05,779 -Oh! -* Some say a dirty rat 252 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,380 * On my side is my gat 253 00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,916 * See, I'm all of that, spittin' out buck shots * 254 00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,417 -* Boy, I'm gonna wet'cha -Oh! 255 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,752 * Run and hide, but I'm still comin' to get'cha * 256 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,121 * Thinkin' like a peace smoke 257 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,123 * Comin' on a homicide, you talkin' ish * 258 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,225 * Tryin' to take me for a ride, I'm not a bad guy * 259 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,594 -* See, I'm the funky feel -Yeah! 260 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,095 * Finger on the trigger when my hand's up on the steel * 261 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,196 * Lettin' out a bullet 262 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:25,132 * This is goin' boo-yah 263 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:27,701 * You're stuck in my hood, so what ya gonna do now? * 264 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:30,237 * Bein' the hunted one is no fun * 265 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,973 -(boys shouting) -* Sawed-off shotgun, hand on the pump * 266 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,541 -Yeah! -* Left hand on a 40 -* Puffin' on a blunt... 267 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,576 Ah, thank you, Acorn Boys, 268 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,879 for allowing me to be part of your sacred group. 269 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:42,616 Even if it was for just one destruction-soaked afternoon. 270 00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:52,525 (exhales) 271 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,397 -See you boys in the next life. -Hey, where you going? 272 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,566 Uh, I paid for that. It's official Acorn Boys property. 273 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,934 You think I'm gonna leave a bunch of kids alone 274 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,469 with a crossbow? 275 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:05,072 What kind of moron do you think I am? 276 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,840 -(grunts) -FELDSTEIN: What the hell, Chip? 277 00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:09,176 Now that we've had a crossbow, 278 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,278 we can't just go back to not having one. 279 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,412 All right, don't worry. 280 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,580 I'll think of something, okay? 281 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,648 MICKEY: This is insane. 282 00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:16,283 How is a seven-year-old 283 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,951 supposed to come up with something that no person 284 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,753 -has ever come up with? -I don't know. 285 00:10:19,787 --> 00:10:22,022 They're all jacked up on brain pills, that's how. 286 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,991 We can't compete with that. 287 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,592 Yeah, we're like the one baseball player 288 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,494 not cranked on steroids, while all the other gorillas 289 00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,862 are out there just slamming 290 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:31,164 -home run after home run. -Yeah. 291 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:33,701 You know what I think we got to do? 292 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,836 -Hmm. -I think we got to level the playing field. 293 00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,805 -What? -Hear me out. Listen. I know 294 00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,808 I was heavily against Ben polluting his developing mind, 295 00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:43,443 but think about it this way: our minds? 296 00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,612 Already polluted. 297 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,980 That makes sense. 298 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,281 We just need a little nudge, you know? 299 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,450 So we can give him a little nudge. 300 00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:53,053 You know what? 301 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:56,156 I don't see any other way. 302 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,329 Oh, boy. Ah. Not to be a hypocrite or anything, 303 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,864 but these meds, they are the real McCoy. 304 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,966 -Right? I am feelin' noice! -(exclaims) 305 00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,567 My brain feels like the Internet. 306 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,803 Yeah, okay. So, it's, uh, it's idea time. 307 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,638 -Yeah. -I'm just gonna... I'm just gonna flow from the dome. 308 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,840 -All right, uh... -Okay. Spit! 309 00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:13,907 It should be sleek, am I right? 310 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,343 And modern. Biodegradable. 311 00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:19,146 -Yes, but light. But also heavy. -Oh, oh, oh, I know, I know! 312 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,581 -What? Oh, what? What, what? -Um, uh, write this down. Um... 313 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,184 -Oh, shoot! I can taste it. -Oh, what does it taste like? 314 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,754 -Uh, it's just knocking at the door. -Open it and grab it! 315 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,824 (grunts) It's gone, lost. 316 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:33,160 -Aw, damn it. Close. Okay. -Yeah, I know. Aw, shoot. 317 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,662 All right. (groans) 318 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,865 Well, but here's the thing, though-- 319 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,100 the idea's only, like, ten percent of the thing. 320 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,935 Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean? 321 00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:44,604 Businesses these days-- they're all about branding, right? 322 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,274 -Okay, um... -Apple. You think that's just a-a computer? 323 00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,910 -Is Nike just a sneaker? -Uh-huh. Yes. 324 00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,779 Well, you're kind of right. But you're also wrong as hell. 325 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,546 These guys-- they sell a lifestyle. 326 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,015 The idea is interchangeable. 327 00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,184 What we have to figure out is Ben's booth. 328 00:11:57,217 --> 00:12:00,387 -His-his Apple Store, his Niketown. -Uh-huh, uh-huh. 329 00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,355 Once we figure out the booth, then the invention is just gonna 330 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,091 come to us organically, and that blue ribbon 331 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,393 -will be mine. -Or Ben's. 332 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,561 -What, the ribbon? Ben's. -Yeah. 333 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:10,197 Yeah, it's Ben's. That's what I said. What'd I say? 334 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,865 Uh, let me check my notes. I did not write anything. 335 00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,633 -You're not writing?! -Wha... (stammers) 336 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,402 -Oh, God, I'm gonna rip my hair out. -Okay, let's go. 337 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:18,471 Well, why don't you try saying that to my face, Mom? 338 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,974 What's that? 339 00:12:21,008 --> 00:12:22,575 Uh... 340 00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,744 just a majorly deadly weapon. 341 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:25,779 Can I play with it? 342 00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,547 No, you may not. 343 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,050 That's okay. 344 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,619 I should probably get ready for tomorrow anyway. 345 00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:33,921 What's tomorrow? 346 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,956 You'll see. 347 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:40,760 MICKEY: Yes! 348 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:43,496 -Look at us! This-this booth is amazing. -Oh. 349 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,732 Uh, all we got to do now is just slide some invention 350 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,136 into this box, and that gold medal will be ours. 351 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,904 -Okay, how we doing on time? -Yeah. Uh... 352 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:53,340 -fair starts in a couple hours. -Pill me. 353 00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:54,641 Oh! No más. 354 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,009 -What are you talking about?! -Wha... 355 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,178 -You ate them?! -I was hungry. 356 00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:00,447 Alba, we needed those pills 357 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,149 so we could destroy the competition. 358 00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,184 Okay. We come up with an idea. 359 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,086 No, you ate all of the ideas. 360 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,587 So, yeah, now it's on you. 361 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,122 Go. Yo... That's-that's yours. 362 00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,523 -Come on, think, think, think. -Uh... Okay. 363 00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,525 Okay, okay, okay. Um... 364 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,494 Ooh! 365 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:18,265 Maybe it's not the competition we destroy. Hear me out. 366 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,868 What if something were to happen to Benito's project, 367 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:23,503 like... it got vandalized? 368 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:27,040 (gasps) That way he's a victim, not a loser. 369 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,343 I see no flaws with that plan. 370 00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:31,811 -Yeah! -Let's do it. 371 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,114 (Alba grunting) 372 00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:35,682 * 373 00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:38,251 (Alba yelling) 374 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,462 (yelling) 375 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,731 (both panting) 376 00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:53,233 Okay. 377 00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:56,003 -All right. Okay. -Yeah. Okay. 378 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,005 -Can I ask you a question? -Hmm? 379 00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:01,341 Does it look kind of weird that only Ben's booth was targeted? 380 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,811 Hmm... 381 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,046 We could do a couple more. 382 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,915 -Just to be safe. -Yeah, okay. 383 00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:09,950 * 384 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,229 -Yes! That is more like it. -Yeah! Yeah. 385 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,197 All right, now it looks like somebody came in 386 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,233 -and targeted a specific area. -Yeah. 387 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,535 -That being said... -Uh-huh? 388 00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,670 -Can I ask you one other quick question? -What? 389 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,406 Now does it sort of look like we bashed up these two booths 390 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,908 just to cover up for that one? 391 00:14:34,942 --> 00:14:38,011 Ah, you think a couple more? 392 00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:40,113 -Okay, yeah. -Yeah, okay. 393 00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:52,292 (Alba shouts) 394 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,129 -Right? -Uh-huh. 395 00:14:56,163 --> 00:14:58,398 (panting): I think you got it. I think we got it. 396 00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:00,300 (door opens) 397 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,236 Did you bring it? 398 00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,871 No. 399 00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,406 All I could find is more Silly String. 400 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,275 Yo, are you just doing the same thing Jimmy did? 401 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,210 Yeah, we can see the crossbow behind your back. 402 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,479 Is it the crossbow 403 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:15,415 -or is it the crossbow? -Ow. 404 00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,618 (all screaming) 405 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,190 (gags) 406 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,628 Chip. 407 00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:29,963 ANDREW: Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. 408 00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:31,398 There's an arrow sticking out of his chest! 409 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,900 Okay, okay, okay, everybody just calm down! 410 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,635 Take me, Lord. I'm ready. 411 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,904 You're gonna be fine. Okay? We can fix this. 412 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,106 I'm so sleepy. 413 00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,307 Hey, no. No sleeping. Come on. 414 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,342 Come on, bud. Please don't die on us. 415 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,146 (grunts) 416 00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,947 Stupid Acorn Boys! 417 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,049 Chip! 418 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,586 We got to get that arrow out of him before Jimmy sees. 419 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:58,025 Andrew, I'm sorry I said you look like the tired emoji. 420 00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:00,994 Here. Bite down on this. 421 00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:03,363 Sorry, buddy. 422 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,664 (groans) 423 00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,935 (all screaming) 424 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,303 -EDUARDO: Oh, my God! -CHIP: Put the pad on! 425 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:11,638 (all shouting) 426 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:14,207 (knocking at door) 427 00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:20,147 -ANDREW: This will never work. -EDUARDO: Hurry. 428 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:23,216 CHIP: Hey. What's up, man? 429 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:24,951 Did you, uh, bring the crossbow? 430 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,354 It's funny you should ask. 431 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:30,623 My crossbow has gone missing. 432 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,360 You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you? 433 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:34,994 No, that's mad weird. 434 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,502 I'm gonna ask you one more time. 435 00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:43,536 Hey, you calling us liars? 436 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:44,704 Acorn Boys never lie. Got that? 437 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,646 Yeah, I respect that. 438 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,382 Boys in the Hole had a strict no-lying policy, too. 439 00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:58,218 -Holler if you see it, yeah? -CHIP: Yeah. 440 00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,252 Got it. 441 00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:02,755 (groans) 442 00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,094 Okay. Don't panic. 443 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,262 We're gonna handle this like adults. 444 00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,271 (grunting) 445 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,545 Come on, go, go! 446 00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,148 Go! 447 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,625 Oh, my God. 448 00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:41,027 What's going on? 449 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,595 Remember when I said it was a bad idea 450 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,231 to take Ben off his meds? 451 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,432 Look at these. 452 00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:46,766 I told you this was gonna happen. 453 00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,268 His teacher is covered in blood 454 00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:49,536 and filled with arrows. 455 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,438 -Oh, no. -What? 456 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:53,440 -My crossbow. -What crossbow? 457 00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:55,742 The one I got Chip. Ben must have it. 458 00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:59,179 -Well, where is he?! -School. 459 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:02,782 What the hell, Crandall? 460 00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,317 Do you have any idea 461 00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:06,453 how hard we... B-Ben worked on this? 462 00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:09,389 We have been the victims of a heartless vandalism. 463 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,723 -Oh. -Oh. 464 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:13,126 Whoever did this is a stone-cold psychopath. 465 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,461 I am sick over it. 466 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,230 You know, 'cause Ben, he invented a cherry of an idea. 467 00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:18,731 You got to ask him. 468 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,533 Well, I would love to talk to Ben. Where is he? 469 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:25,338 Oh, now there's that little bugger. 470 00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,511 -Everybody, down! -Shooter! 471 00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,782 He's gonna shoot Crandall with a crossbow! 472 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,084 (people gasp) 473 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,253 Get off me! No, I'm not. 474 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,655 And I made her a vest. 475 00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:45,325 Uh... oh. Why? 476 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:46,826 Because I love her. 477 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:50,129 I invented it so she could stay organized and clean. 478 00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:53,099 (ragged breathing) 479 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,801 MICKEY: Oh, um... 480 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,637 -Well... that was it. -Vest is the answer. 481 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,476 Look, we thought Ben was gonna kill you. 482 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,612 And instead he was making you some kind of vest? 483 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,515 Because he loves you? 484 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,117 I call it the Teacher's Pet. 485 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,852 Well, thank you, Ben. 486 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:15,222 It was very thoughtful and sweet. 487 00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:17,324 And he did it totally clean, I might add. 488 00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,525 ALBA: No, and... 489 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,661 we did not take any drugs, either, FYI. 490 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:24,130 Well, I admit this is a side of Ben 491 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,532 that I have not seen before. 492 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:28,335 He was motivated and focused 493 00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:30,237 and he completed the assignment all by himself. 494 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,371 I'm impressed. 495 00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,873 So, you're saying I was right? 496 00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,141 I don't know about that. 497 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,809 But you are saying I won? 498 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,511 Parenting's not a competition. 499 00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:39,812 Ah, says the woman who lost. 500 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,348 -(Alba laughs) -Come on, big guy. 501 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,882 Let's go take a nap. We earned it. 502 00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,884 Ugh. 503 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:46,586 Wait a minute. 504 00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:50,590 If Ben's invention was ruined in the attack, 505 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:52,859 why did he make this vest? 506 00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:56,396 Okay, so first you're a doctor 507 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:57,764 and then suddenly you're a detective? 508 00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,832 (laughs) Tone it down, lady. 509 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,868 Just be a teacher, okay? 510 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,371 CHIP: Okay, old business. 511 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,573 Yesterday was completely insane. 512 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,741 I can't believe my parents bought 513 00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:10,743 that I skated into a tree branch. 514 00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:13,280 Sit down! 515 00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,618 Acorn Boys betrayed me? 516 00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,753 And don't tell me Feldstein skated into a tree 517 00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,689 because I've been outside listening for a while. 518 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,557 -We can explain. -Don't bother. 519 00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:29,429 You stole my crossbow, shot Feldstein, 520 00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,930 and lied to my face. 521 00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,668 The Acorn Boys are finished. 522 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:43,276 'Cause you Acorn Men now. 523 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:44,511 (can opening) 524 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:55,788 And I am so damn proud of you guys! 525 00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:57,424 -Hell, yeah. -(whoops) 526 00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:59,592 -ACM for life. -Thanks, Jimmy. 527 00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,594 -No. -What? 528 00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:04,764 I said no. 529 00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:07,600 W-We've seen too much. 530 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,671 It's time to move on. 531 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:18,845 I officially declare this the 684th 532 00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:21,481 and final meeting of the Acorn Boys. 533 00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:23,683 President Chip, signing off. 534 00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,840 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 535 00:21:47,874 --> 00:21:49,409 BEN: Toilet pants. 536 00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:55,682 Hope you enjoyed kickin' it with The Mick. 537 00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:57,984 Now here are a few more shows to check out from Fox. 538 00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:04,323 * Hey-ay-ay * 539 00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:07,193 * Hey-ay-ay * 540 00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:09,228 WOMAN: This is our story. 541 00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:11,531 * Can't stop me now * 542 00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:13,633 * Can't stop me now * 543 00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,668 * I'm just doing what I do * 544 00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:17,169 * Won't stop doing what I do * 545 00:22:17,203 --> 00:22:18,705 * Can't stop me now * 546 00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:21,708 -* Can't stop me now * -* Can't stop me now * 547 00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:24,010 -* Cannot beat me * -* Can't stop me now * 548 00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:25,645 * I'm just doin' what I do * 549 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,914 * Won't stop doin' what I do *