1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,037 She's coming in hot. She's The Mick. 2 00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:05,173 -Yaah! -I just built that. 3 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:06,407 It didn't take. 4 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,476 Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays. 5 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,511 And check out our other Fox programs-- Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 6 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,380 The Last Man on Earth and Ghosted. 7 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,548 I don't really know how to do any of this stuff. 8 00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:15,749 Only on Fox. 9 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,721 (cooing) 10 00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,926 (pigeons cooing) 11 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,497 Damn it, Chip! You forgot to bring him in last night. 12 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:32,032 -Shoo! Get out of here! -Be gone! Be gone! 13 00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,501 -Shoo! -Go. 14 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,369 You're the one who wheeled him out here. 15 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,438 Yeah, well, I can't have him watching me eat. 16 00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,940 His skin looks like oatmeal. It's disgusting. 17 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,909 What the hell'd you guys do the colonel? 18 00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,411 Chip left him outside all night. 19 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,113 Don't put this on me! I'm not his frickin' nurse. 20 00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,680 No, you're his family. 21 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,549 You two are unbelievable. 22 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,084 This poor bastard opens up his home to us, 23 00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:52,353 and this is how you repay him? 24 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,687 You're lucky that he's still kind of alive. 25 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,456 Oh, please. If he still had his vocal cords, 26 00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,858 -he'd tell you to get your lazy ass out of his house. -Hey! 27 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:00,361 When I was your age, I shared a room with my grandfather, 28 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:01,695 and he used to have nightmares about the war, 29 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,931 and try and ride me around like his horse. 30 00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:06,367 The least you can do is take this guy to the groomer. 31 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,635 -Long hair is in again. -Yeah. 32 00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,036 If you love him so much, you take him. 33 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,572 Can't. I got plans. 34 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,407 Oh, really? What plans? 35 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:16,210 Important plans... that are none of your business. 36 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,379 Yeah, well, I got plans, too. 37 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,813 The new Kevin Durants are dropping today. 38 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,048 I got to get in line. 39 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,550 They're coke white. So sick. 40 00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,985 They make Yeezy Red Octobers look like Stan Smiths. 41 00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:26,487 You hear that, Colonel? 42 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,056 Your grandson's leaving you for footwear. Excuse me. 43 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,391 (Sabrina sighs heavily) 44 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,393 I don't know. Maybe he's right. 45 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,727 I mean, we can't leave him like this. 46 00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,263 The man looks like a melted candle. 47 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:36,564 All right, well, tonight, 48 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,232 we'll shave him and hose him down. 49 00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:40,434 Chip, we got to do something now. 50 00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,002 -But what about my kicks? -Too bad! 51 00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:44,738 -I can't lug him around by myself. -He's got wheels. 52 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:48,142 Great, so you can wheel him to the car, and I'll get the keys. 53 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:54,282 Nah. 54 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:58,619 (children laughing) 55 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,424 (screams) What?! No! 56 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,959 No! Who threw this?! No... 57 00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,329 -So help me, God, I... -(Mickey sighs, children giggle) 58 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,764 -I got to get off this bus before I lose it. -Oh. 59 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,333 The sanitation center was not nearly 60 00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:13,767 as awesome as you promised. 61 00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,036 -Yeah, so I lied to you. Get over it. -I loved it! 62 00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,138 The floor was all gooey, and my shoes made a noise like... 63 00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:19,773 -(makes squishing sounds) -Ugh. 64 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,776 -Can you guys come on every field trip from now on? -No. 65 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,813 Who learns anything at the dump? It's outrageous. 66 00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,282 You have any idea how much money we give this school? 67 00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:30,117 -How much? -What? 68 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,120 -Money. -Oh, I don't know, but I'm guessing it's a lot. 69 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,556 If I wanted to work in a dump, I would get in a time machine 70 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,990 and go back to the worse summer of my life 71 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,326 where I worked in a dump. 72 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:39,860 If Gibbons ever tries to force me 73 00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,229 into something like this again, 74 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:43,297 I will snatch his ass right out of his pants. 75 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:44,665 You forced me to come. 76 00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,133 I didn't force you into anything. 77 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,337 Oh, you said if I don't come, I will be your enemy. 78 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,138 It's a figure of speech. 79 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,740 You don't treat me like an equal. 80 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,676 Oh, shut up, dummy. I treat you fine. 81 00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:01,982 No, no, no, no, no! Sit down! Sit down! 82 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,384 Got to do a quick head count. 83 00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,319 Two, four, six, eight, ten, 12, four... Sit down! 84 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:06,754 (muttering) 85 00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,156 -21? -Yeah, that's what I got. 86 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,824 Two, four, six, eight, 87 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:12,159 ten, 12... (muttering) 88 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,394 -21. -Yeah, 21. 89 00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:14,895 -Yeah? -Yeah. 90 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,497 How's that possible? We left the dump with 20. 91 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,198 -What? -What, did we pick up an extra kid? 92 00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:22,303 -No. -All right, raise your hand if you go to Lockwood. 93 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:26,006 You-- what's your name? 94 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,876 Hey, Benny, you know this kid? 95 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,878 I've never seen him. 96 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:34,214 Boy, did you come from the dump? 97 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,250 Hello? Speak to me. 98 00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:37,885 ¿Hablas español? 99 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,720 Welcome back. 100 00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,188 Did we have fun? 101 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,857 Oh, gosh, what a dump. What a dump. 102 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:47,094 Nice work. Looks like everyone made it back alive. 103 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,597 Yeah, and then some. 104 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,544 Hey, Chip, think you forgot something. 105 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,113 Sabrina. Sabrina, wait. No, you can't leave him here. 106 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:09,149 Hey, hey! Take him back. Go. (groans) 107 00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:10,818 Chip! 108 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,422 Why do you want to look like these idiots anyway? 109 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,490 This dude's wearing tights and a tunic. 110 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:19,427 Sabrina, you know nothing about culture. 111 00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,794 (Chip groans) 112 00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:22,930 -Get him out of here! -No! 113 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,800 Dude, you took my spot. 114 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,737 Damn it, Sabrina. 115 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,572 Now I have to go all the way to the back of the line. 116 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:32,840 You've ruined my life! 117 00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,508 Chip, you don't even play basketball. 118 00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,310 You're four foot two and you have the legs of a bird. 119 00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:37,745 They're not for basketball. 120 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,448 They're on his lifestyle line. God, I hate you! 121 00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,683 Yo, little man, go ahead and 122 00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,918 grab yourself a pair of Durants so you can help your grandpa. 123 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,955 -Seriously? -Most def. You shouldn't have to choose 124 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,391 between sneakers and family. 125 00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,428 My man! (laughs) 126 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,029 BEN: * We're going back to the dump * 127 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,298 -* Dump, dump, dump, we're going... * -Okay, relax. 128 00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,600 We're just dropping off your friend, 129 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:01,034 and then we're going straight home. 130 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,003 It's okay that we're doing this, right? 131 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,705 Of course. We didn't do anything wrong. 132 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,607 If anything, we'll be celebrated for returning him. 133 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,308 This whole thing is a big misunderstanding. 134 00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,710 Cops, cops. Drive, drive. 135 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,144 -Drive, drive, drive. Drive. -Why? What? 136 00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:12,880 -Go, go, go, go, go. Keep driving. -Okay, okay. 137 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,314 (engine revving) 138 00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:16,684 My Aunt Mickey hates cops. 139 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,023 Okay, Ben, here's some snacks. Why don't you take Dump 140 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:27,194 -and go show him your room? -Come on, Dump, this way. 141 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:30,864 -His name is Dump now? -We had to call him something. 142 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,700 Well, can't we do better than Dump? 143 00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:34,502 Sure, Alba. What do you want to call him? 144 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,203 -Ignacio, after my great... -Cool, sounds good. 145 00:05:36,236 --> 00:05:38,639 -What the hell are we gonna do? -I don't know. 146 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,307 You're the one that made me drive away. 147 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,675 Cops make me nervous. 148 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,577 But I do know that we just need to stay calm 149 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,245 because we did not do anything wrong. 150 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:46,647 Well, except we brought him home. 151 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,315 Yeah, yeah, we did that. 152 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,318 Okay, but maybe the cops were looking for something else. 153 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,686 -You know, it's a dump! -Mm. 154 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,722 People dispose of all kinds of shady stuff. 155 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,424 Mm-hmm. Okay, so, we go back, 156 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,225 and we talk to them, and we sort it all out. 157 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,528 What are you, nuts? Nah, they-they go poking around 158 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:01,829 into our business, and before you know it, 159 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,230 I'm doing hard time, and you're deported. 160 00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,766 -Well, I'm a citizen. -They don't care anymore! 161 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,736 -Well... Oh, that is true. -But 162 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,238 we could call the cops and find out what they know. 163 00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:13,040 I just said that. 164 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,842 You said talk to them, which is absurd. 165 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,610 I said call them. Much smarter. 166 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,278 Okay, okay, fine, we call them. 167 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:19,913 -What? Are you insane?! Not from our phone. -(gasps) 168 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:22,249 Are you trying to get us arrested? 169 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:23,684 Well, you said we were innocent. 170 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,119 Ah, we are. Will you just please listen to me, all right? 171 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,088 -Go grab Ben and Ignacio and meet me in the car. -Okay. 172 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:30,023 And do you know what? I got to say, 173 00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,959 after hearing it on its feet, we're going back to "Dump." 174 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,795 -I don't like "Ignacio." It's stupid. -(Alba scoffs) 175 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:40,601 I can't believe they let you cut the line. 176 00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,369 This guy's like a celebrity. 177 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,438 And they gave us free kicks. 178 00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,874 These are straight fire and impossible to get. 179 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,810 Kids-- they're getting stomped on over these. 180 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,379 I'm gonna be straight dunking on fools. 181 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,781 Kobe! 182 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,883 Thought they were a lifestyle shoe. 183 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,651 They are, but you can still hoop in 'em. 184 00:06:57,685 --> 00:06:59,319 God, you're so ignorant. 185 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:03,123 Do you think everybody would treat the colonel like that? 186 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,892 Probably. When I said he was a war hero, 187 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,227 -they all looked like they were gonna cry. -Ah. 188 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,896 Oh, what sweet children. 189 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,731 Those are some dope kicks, Gramps. 190 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:13,166 Wow. People are really suckers for old men in wheelchairs. 191 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,902 Yo, am I a horrible person for thinking, like, 192 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,504 what else we could we get out of him? 193 00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:19,339 No. This is way better than getting crapped on by birds. 194 00:07:19,372 --> 00:07:21,775 Yeah, he's out here, he's getting fresh air, 195 00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:23,076 getting the respect he deserves. 196 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,678 Yeah, we're not doing anything wrong. 197 00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:26,847 I mean, last I checked, this was a free country. 198 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,516 (scoffs) Yeah, thanks to him. 199 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,484 Exactly. This is what he fought for. 200 00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:33,687 You know what? I have an idea. Let's get him cleaned up. 201 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,430 Hey, wake up. Sorry, gotta use this phone. 202 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,798 I'm sure you know it's kinda the last pay phone 203 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,467 in the world, so move it-- hyah. 204 00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:50,804 -Ah! Ew! God, why is it so wet? -Ugh. 205 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,139 -Here. -What? Why do I have to call? 206 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,207 Because I've done literally everything else. 207 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:56,376 You want to be equals, start pulling your weight. 208 00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,445 (groans) 209 00:07:58,478 --> 00:07:59,947 OPERATOR: 911 emergency. 210 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,216 Yo, yo, you jive-ass turkey. 211 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:04,985 What's the skinny on the po-po down at the dump? 212 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,654 OPERATOR: I'm sorry? 213 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,622 The coppers down at Fairfield county sanitation, 214 00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:10,023 you mark-ass trick. 215 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,792 OPERATOR: Are you calling to report a crime? 216 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:15,128 You tell me, Jack. Five-O be buggin' me out! 217 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,797 OPERATOR: I'll patch you through to the detective on the case. 218 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,165 What are you doing? 219 00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:20,668 I disguise my voice to protect my identity. 220 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,335 Yeah. Yeah, I got that part. 221 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:23,671 Did you have to be so racist? 222 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,305 Is that how you think black people talk? 223 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,642 No! Who said anything about talking like a black person? 224 00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,310 That was a cool white lady. 225 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:34,982 Oh, no, you're a racist for thinking that was a black voice. 226 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,751 Huh. Okay. 227 00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,653 DETECTIVE HURLEY: Hello? Hello? 228 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:41,989 -Yeah? -This is Detective Hurley. 229 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,324 -Who am I talking to? -Shut your mouth, bacon, 230 00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,827 -before I fry your greasy ass. -All right. 231 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,429 HURLEY: Okay. Do you have information 232 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,231 regarding the kidnapping? 233 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,500 Kidnapping? No! No, no, no, no kidnapping. 234 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,735 We took him by accident. 235 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,236 -What? -HURLEY: So you do have the boy. 236 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,706 -Dah! -What did... What did you do? 237 00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,774 Well, he said we kidnapped him, but we didn't. 238 00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:03,543 Well, now they think we did! Ah! You blew it! 239 00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,012 Oh, no. You know what? I call back, 240 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,680 and I go, "Yo, yo, it's just a prank, yo." 241 00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:08,849 It's not a prank! There's a child missing. 242 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,417 And now they probably already traced the call. 243 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,652 -We gotta move. -Yeah, yeah. 244 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:19,092 MAN: I'm gonna have to see some ID. 245 00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:21,962 No, of course it's not for me, it's for my dear grandfather. 246 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,097 Yeah, he's a freaking war vet. 247 00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,699 He's killed, like, a ton of Germans, 248 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,735 and he does not like waiting, so hurry up. 249 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:29,637 Unless you hate freedom. 250 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:31,471 Okay, one lemon drop, coming up. 251 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,807 Holy crap, it actually worked. 252 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:37,544 People are so stupid. Or patriotic, I guess. 253 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:41,148 Excuse me, I noticed that your grandfather has a purple heart. 254 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:44,652 I served in Iraq, and I'd like to pay for the officer's drink. 255 00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,453 Aw, be my guest, soldier. 256 00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:51,124 You know, he mentioned wanting to try the ahi tostada as well. 257 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,765 He'd salute you back, but his arms are paralyzed 258 00:09:57,798 --> 00:10:00,768 from punching so many Nazis in the dong. 259 00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,305 The colonel frickin' rules. 260 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,240 I don't even find him that disgusting anymore. 261 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:11,244 -For someone so ancient, he's a pretty legit guy. -Mm-hmm. 262 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,247 Oh. Sweet. And you can keep 'em coming. 263 00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,849 He might seem like a lightweight, 264 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,250 but those Navy men can really put 'em back. 265 00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:20,020 -Alcohol helps with his PTSD. -Mm-hmm. 266 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:21,689 Where is he? 267 00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,657 He's right over-- 268 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,793 -What the hell? -Where'd he go? 269 00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,427 -Colonel? -Wha... 270 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,797 Colonel? Colonel? 271 00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:35,703 We just gotta figure out where the kid lives, 272 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,037 you know, so we can just drop him off 273 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,672 and wash our hands of this whole mess. 274 00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:39,807 -Oh, check his wallet. -He's seven. 275 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,341 He doesn't carry a wallet. 276 00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:42,442 Well, look in his pockets. 277 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,643 I'm not rooting around in 278 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:46,013 some little boy's pants, all right? 279 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,514 Look, he obviously knows more than he's telling us. 280 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,816 We just gotta dig it out of him. 281 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,017 Yeah, okay. 282 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,319 -I will be bad cop. Yeah. -No, no cops. 283 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,721 I-I don't, I don't like where you're headed with that. 284 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,788 Let's not do cop thing. 285 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,890 We'll just talk to him, 286 00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:59,392 have a casual conversation. 287 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:00,627 (gunfire from video game) 288 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:01,895 Okay, guys, 289 00:11:01,929 --> 00:11:03,196 we're going to take a little break from 290 00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,132 -the video games for a second. -Hey, I was playing that. 291 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,835 Dump, listen, I'm gonna ask you some questions, 292 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:11,038 and if you answer those questions, uh... 293 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,373 you get to take all the video games home. 294 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:14,842 Those are mine. 295 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,145 You like golf, Dump? I don't. Never have. 296 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:21,314 It's too slow. And I don't like slow things. 297 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,151 Maybe because I've never been a very patient person. 298 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,654 Do you think you two could just be quiet for a second 299 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,322 and let me ask the questions? 300 00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,524 -It's all yours. -Yeah, wouldn't that be cool? 301 00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,493 -Everyone's cool. -Does that sound nice? 302 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:35,829 -We're all gonna be cool. -Okay, you ready for this one? 303 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:39,266 Uh, where do you live? 304 00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,337 What are you doing? 305 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,273 What? You said he could have the games if he answered. 306 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,507 Well, I didn't say smash everything 307 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,842 to pieces if he didn't. 308 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,277 Well, you didn't have to, it was implied. 309 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,846 No, it wasn't implied. Stop it. 310 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,948 What is wrong with us? He's a little kid. 311 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:56,349 We should be able to figure this out. 312 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,785 Okay, okay. 313 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,252 Yeah. Maybe we don't feed him. 314 00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:00,520 No. 315 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,922 Okay, maybe we overfeed him. 316 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,924 No torture. That's what kidnappers do, 317 00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,425 and we're not kidnappers. 318 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,027 Well, we kinda are. 319 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,361 I mean, we took him. 320 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,197 We established communication with the police. 321 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,032 We brought him to a second location. 322 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,134 All right, well, when you list it all out like that, 323 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,036 it sure doesn't sound good. 324 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,470 Mickey, what are we going to do? 325 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:18,972 I don't know! 326 00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:21,208 -Mickey! -I don't know what we're gonna do 327 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,811 -because you won't let me think for two seconds! -Mickey, stop! 328 00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:29,416 You know what, I got an idea. Let's go find a new pay phone. 329 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,284 All right. 330 00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:40,427 Ooh! Wow. This one smells like someone gave birth. 331 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,895 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 332 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,630 Maybe we don't push our luck with the police. 333 00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:46,233 Why can't we leave Dump here? No body, no crime. 334 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,335 No, that's a murderer thing-- we're kidnappers now. 335 00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:50,603 Now, here's the plan. We're gonna call the police 336 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,605 and give 'em a drop point-- it's kidnapping lingo-- 337 00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:53,740 and then when they're off 338 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,741 on a wild goose chase, 339 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,843 we will safely unload Dump 340 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,577 -on the other side of town. -Okay. 341 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,847 -Do you think this will work? -We don't have much of a choice, 342 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,915 do we, Huggy Bear? 343 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:03,450 OPERATOR: 911 emergency. 344 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:06,419 Uh, yah, I kidnap-a from a sanitation center. 345 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:10,790 I demand speak with most honorable policeman. Shh. 346 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,362 HURLEY: This is Detective Hurley. Who am I talking to? 347 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:18,265 Oh, you talk to yourself, you don't shut your mouth. 348 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,334 You listen to me. I have boy you seek. 349 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:22,802 HURLEY: Is the child unharmed? 350 00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,137 Yes, child fine! 351 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,206 HURLEY: Look, the boy is hearing-impaired, 352 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,775 -and his parents are very worried. -Can't hear. 353 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,210 HURLEY: They're prepared to comply with all of your demands, 354 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,778 they just want him back safely. 355 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:36,116 Oh, you greedy Americans think everything about money. 356 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,885 Well, I have no demand. 357 00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,787 No, I seek a peaceful resolution. 358 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,155 -No, wait, wait, wait. -What? 359 00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:43,991 Isn't a kidnapper without demands 360 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,859 just a child molester? 361 00:13:47,727 --> 00:13:49,997 Oh, sorry, no, no, no. 362 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:53,066 I-- I have demand. Big demand. 363 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:56,203 I-I ask one million American dollar. 364 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,839 Uh, Greenwich Park one hour. Arigato. 365 00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:04,177 Wha... Ah, Mickey, that was very offensive. 366 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:06,313 Wh-What are you talking about? That's what you did. 367 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,681 I picked an accent and disguised my voice. 368 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,383 An Asian accent? 369 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,719 Oh! Oh, you... 370 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,988 Oh, Alba, who's racist now, huh? 371 00:14:15,022 --> 00:14:16,423 You thought that was Asian? Hmm? 372 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,091 -Mm-hmm. -You said "arigato." 373 00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:20,760 Y-Yeah, I mean, for authenticity. 374 00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,562 And with the u-utmost respect. 375 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,498 There is no one more ancient or mystic than the Chinese. 376 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,100 "Arigato" is Japanese. 377 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,236 Okay... (stammers) 378 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:31,738 ...uh, how do you say "good-bye" in Chinese? "Chow." 379 00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:34,007 -And that is Italian. -Okay, I'm sorry, all right? 380 00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:36,509 I-I'm... I don't know, I'm doing my best here. Okay? I'm sorry. 381 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,278 I'm uneducated and I'm ignorant. 382 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,280 Excuse me if nobody bothered to-to teach me stuff. 383 00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:41,514 You kn-- t-this is your fault. 384 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:42,882 -What? Ooh. -This is all your fault. 385 00:14:42,916 --> 00:14:44,851 I could have figured this out if you had just left me alone, 386 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,720 I could have figured it out, but no, you insist on being equals. 387 00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,356 And before I know it, I-I'm a racist kidnapper 388 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,723 with a child being molested in the... 389 00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,859 Oh, where'd they go? 390 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,394 -Uh, Ben? -But... 391 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,696 What? 392 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,231 They left a note. 393 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,233 "You can't take my new best friend. 394 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,802 "We are going to the coolest place in the world 395 00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,437 where you will never find us." 396 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,473 Oh. (moans) 397 00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,442 -Those sons of bitches went back to the dump. -Ugh. 398 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,382 And what'd he look like? 399 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,384 He's, like, 80 pounds, 400 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:20,220 three and a half feet tall, at least a hundred years old. 401 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:23,123 He's like a human statue on wheels, dressed like JAG. 402 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:25,725 Nope, I haven't seen anyone like that. 403 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,560 Maybe he decided to go home. 404 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,762 He can't decide anything, his brain's a wasteland. 405 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,099 His mind's working overtime just to blink. 406 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,466 You know what? Forget it. 407 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,235 This is useless. 408 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,104 (sighs) I hope he's okay. 409 00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:40,407 Maybe Jimmy was right about us. 410 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,075 Screw Jimmy. None of this would have happened 411 00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,310 it if he hadn't forced us to hang out 412 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,078 with the Colonel in the first place. 413 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:48,081 I mean, we shouldn't have to do anything we don't want to do. 414 00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:49,849 Duh. This is a free country. 415 00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,484 Once again, thanks to him. 416 00:15:51,518 --> 00:15:52,919 He basically fought for our freedom 417 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,254 to not have to hang out with him. 418 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,089 Yeah, plus, we shouldn't be trusted 419 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,424 with this kind of responsibility. 420 00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,426 -We're just kids. -(scoffs) 421 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,860 (gunshot sounds) 422 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:03,196 (phone ringing) 423 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,332 (groans) What? 424 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:07,500 Where are you? What's that noise? 425 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,436 Chip, I'm in the middle of something, what do you want? 426 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,704 All right, we need your help. We lost the colonel. 427 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,040 How the hell did you do that? 428 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:14,507 I don't know, he just escaped. 429 00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:15,875 Doesn't he have, like, a microchip in him 430 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,777 -or something you can track? -No. 431 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,846 There's not a microchip in him. He is not a dog. 432 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,981 He's a helpless old man. He's probably out there 433 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,516 getting mugged or raped 434 00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:26,453 or turned into some kind of sex doll-- uh... 435 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,121 You there? 436 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,058 ARCADE GAME: Reload. 437 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:32,859 You got it. 438 00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,627 -Why'd you hang up? -He doesn't have a chip, but I left my phone 439 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:38,398 in his chair. We can track that. 440 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:40,967 (shouts) 441 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,335 (gasps) 442 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:43,670 Oh. 443 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,973 Oh... 444 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,576 I hate this place so much. 445 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:53,646 Are you okay? 446 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,349 Oof. 447 00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:58,418 -Oh, shh, shh. -(dog growling) 448 00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,420 Just... big dog. 449 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,389 -Okay. Ooh... -(dog growling) 450 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,523 Okay. 451 00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:04,724 Just stay calm. 452 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:07,994 If we just relax, he'll leave us alone. 453 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,329 Just go. 454 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,863 What? 455 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,332 (barks) 456 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,434 I will take care of the dog. 457 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,503 -Okay. -(barks) -And if I do this, we are equals? 458 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,938 Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. 459 00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:21,708 Okay, doggie. 460 00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,676 Okay, I'm ready for you. 461 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,011 -(barks) -(screams) 462 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,946 Ben! 463 00:17:26,979 --> 00:17:28,415 (sighs) 464 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,250 Ben! 465 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,520 (whimpers) 466 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,856 Come on, Ben, let's go home. 467 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,191 BEN: I am home. 468 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:39,792 Dump and I are gonna live here forever, 469 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:41,761 and you can't take him away. 470 00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:45,365 Buddy, his parents are very worried about him. 471 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,033 But he's my friend. 472 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,368 I'm your friend, too. 473 00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,036 No, you're not, you hate trash, 474 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,271 and you said you'd never go 475 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,206 on another field trip with me again. 476 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,109 All right, I'm sorry. 477 00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:58,445 I see that that was very selfish, okay? 478 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,046 And I'll make it up to you. 479 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,881 Whatever you want, just name it. 480 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:06,586 I want you to come on every field trip with me from now on. 481 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,388 Oh, man, that's not gonna happen. 482 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,257 Then I'm not coming down. 483 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,092 Okay, how about this? 484 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,162 I will go on one more field trip with you, okay? 485 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:19,132 Every field trip for the next ten years. 486 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,967 What? Have you lost... 487 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,235 All right. 488 00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:24,070 I got a great idea. 489 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,338 'Cause you drive such a hard bargain. 490 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,340 I will go on one field trip with you 491 00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:30,743 every other year for a hundred years. 492 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,245 100 years? 493 00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,846 Yep, a cool century. 494 00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:34,947 Deal. 495 00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:37,016 Yes! Come on. 496 00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:40,320 All right, you guys okay? 497 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:44,090 Oh, dear God. 498 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,226 It's taken care of. 499 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,502 Where the hell are we? 500 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:57,270 -This place looks like Detroit. -Shh. Quiet. 501 00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:59,439 You're gonna get us jumped. It says that he's over there. 502 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,107 SABRINA and CHIP: Grandpa! 503 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,775 CHIP: No! They took his Durants! 504 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,277 Oh, my God. 505 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:06,145 Thank God, everything's still here. 506 00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,647 Except his Durants. 507 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,150 Savages! I told you, people are going nuts for these. 508 00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:12,852 I'm so sorry, Grandpa. 509 00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,454 Dude, I'm not even sure he felt them on his feet. 510 00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,122 Of course he did, they're Durants. 511 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,790 Then give him yours. They're the same size. 512 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,526 No frickin' way, I already 'grammed them. 513 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,828 People are gonna be expecting me to rock them tomorrow. 514 00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:24,231 Whatever, let's just bring him home, okay? 515 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:28,067 -(sniffles) -Uh, well, we had a great day with you, Grandpa. 516 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,403 -You're the best. -A genuine American hero. 517 00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,205 Now I understand when they call you guys 518 00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:33,540 the greatest generation. 519 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:37,076 You're an all-around chill-ass guy. 520 00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:38,077 Good? 521 00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,012 (strains) 522 00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,915 Come on, Grandpa. 523 00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,351 -I got it. -(chuckles) 524 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,185 SABRINA: Great day. 525 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,156 He's over here! 526 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,359 (indistinct police radio transmission) 527 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,203 OFFICER 2: Is he okay? 528 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,775 (children laughing) 529 00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,282 Ugh! 530 00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:17,116 Get any more on my jeans, and me and you 531 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,918 are gonna have words, understand? 532 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:23,022 Aunt Mickey, what did you think of the mustard factory? 533 00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,024 It was, uh, not my favorite. 534 00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:27,126 Honestly, that school needs to fully reimagine 535 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,595 its entire field trip program. 536 00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:30,397 Like, what happened to the classics? 537 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,365 Your zoos, your botanical gardens? 538 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,767 Your-your old-timey villages? 539 00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:36,269 Well, speak for yourself. (chuckles) 540 00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:37,437 That place delivered. 541 00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,238 Yeah, mustard rules. 542 00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,873 I can't wait to go back. 543 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,041 (sighs) 544 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,376 (grunts, shouts) 545 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,711 That's it! 546 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,713 The next person who throws anything at me 547 00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:49,215 is getting drowned in a vat of mustard! 548 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,983 CHILDREN: Yay! 549 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,619 No! No, no... 550 00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,487 That's a punishment, not a reward. 551 00:20:54,521 --> 00:20:56,723 What is the matter with you maniacs? 552 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,257 Stop it! 553 00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:01,928 Stop it! Stop! 554 00:21:04,130 --> 00:21:05,732 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 555 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:07,434 ALBA: Shut your mouth, bacon! 556 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,173 Hope you enjoyed kickin' it with The Mick. 557 00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:16,476 Now here are a few more shows to check out from Fox. 558 00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,413 It's time we fly this old bird. 559 00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:23,350 * It feels good * 560 00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:26,285 MULDER: I want to believe. I would just like to see. 561 00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:27,086 I can help you. 562 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:29,088 * It feels good * 563 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,690 -You want to do the honors, Alan? -Yeah! 564 00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,091 No, you never touch this. 565 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,860 * You know it feels good * 566 00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:35,495 -(shrieks) -* It feels good * 567 00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:37,464 * Oh, you know it feels good * 568 00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:39,532 Let's do it. 569 00:21:39,566 --> 00:21:41,868 Everything you thought you knew about medicine is wrong. 570 00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:45,938 Unbelievable. 571 00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:47,540 * It feels good *