1 00:00:01,169 --> 00:00:03,037 She's coming in hot. She's The Mick. 2 00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:05,173 -Yaah! -I just built that. 3 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:06,407 It didn't take. 4 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,476 Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays. 5 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:10,511 And check out our other Fox programs-- Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 6 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,380 The Last Man on Earth and Ghosted. 7 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:14,548 I don't really know how to do any of this stuff. 8 00:00:14,582 --> 00:00:15,749 Only on Fox. 9 00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:21,655 ALBA: So if the toaster won't go down, 10 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,157 it's probably because it is not plugged in. 11 00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,692 Yes, we know how a toaster works. 12 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:27,661 Oh, remember to turn the colonel twice a day 13 00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:28,729 or he will get bedsores. 14 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,264 Gross. Somebody been doing that? 15 00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:32,533 Yes, I have. (sighs) 16 00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:35,336 Okay. Ah. If you run out of toilet paper... 17 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,405 Then I'll use the bath mat. Just go, okay? 18 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,839 What are you blathering about? 19 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,174 You know, the list... 20 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,042 of things to get done while I'm gone. 21 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:43,177 I didn't even know you were talking to us. 22 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,178 MICKEY: You know what? We're good. 23 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,179 Right, guys? We're good. 24 00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:46,880 Go have fun in-in... 25 00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:48,516 Uh... where you going? 26 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,218 I'm going to the city for a spa weekend. 27 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,553 -Wait, why do you need a break? -Yeah, you do nothing. 28 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:55,523 Hey. I am the glue that holds this house together. 29 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,057 You think it just magically cleans itself 30 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,526 in the middle of the night? 31 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,061 Oh, no. No, you clean it in the middle of the night 32 00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,296 'cause you're all cranked on amphetamines. 33 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:03,564 Well, it gets done, doesn't it? 34 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,065 But then, I don't sleep all night 35 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,400 'cause you're up there clomping around 36 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:07,868 like some kind of hillbilly Santa Claus. 37 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,970 You know, I just leave this on the fridge. 38 00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,572 MICKEY: All right, great. 39 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:14,074 Hey, Alba, do you want to hear about my dream last night? 40 00:01:14,108 --> 00:01:16,210 Ooh, more than anything, but, you know, 41 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,546 I am off the clock, Benito. Tell it to Mickey. 42 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,281 -Oh... -Do you want to hear about it? 43 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,549 It was a weird one. 44 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,584 -What the hell. Go ahead. -Okay, so, 45 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,086 -I was on the playground at recess -Uh... 46 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,455 and Principal Gibbons came up to me, 47 00:01:27,488 --> 00:01:29,056 but he wasn't Principal Gibbons, 48 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,391 -he was a werewolf. -Oh, yeah? 49 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:33,227 He had the biggest hands and really long nails. 50 00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:35,163 -Oh. -And he was really tall and big. 51 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,231 And then the werewolf army came, 52 00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:40,067 and there was, like, a billion of them. 53 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,069 I was so scared! 54 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,438 And then I shot the biggest werewolf, 55 00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:48,342 and instead of dying, he turned into a robot werewolf, 56 00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:50,811 and he's like, (gruff voice) "Give me candy." 57 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,012 (normal voice) So I ran to the candy store, 58 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:53,747 and I got him some candy. 59 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:57,751 And he ate it so really, really, really fast. 60 00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,154 Then I gave all the werewolves bubblegum. 61 00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,489 Yep. Yep. A little close, though. 62 00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,157 But they were eating it and they were eating it, 63 00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,492 -and it got stuck... -I can still hear you. 64 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,294 You don't have to get so close. There we go. 65 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:07,995 And then I was like, "That's it! 66 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,431 "All the candy in the whole, entire world is gone. 67 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,500 Sorry, Mr. Werewolf Robot." 68 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,001 Yeah, yeah, I get it. He likes candy. 69 00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:17,305 We all have our vices. No more talking, all right? 70 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,872 But... but don't you want to hear how it ends? 71 00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:21,275 I don't, I don't. (chuckles) But only because 72 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:24,445 I want to marinate in the suspense. Sweet dreams. 73 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,113 But it's still light out. 74 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,115 My God, how is it only 6:00? 75 00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,717 Um, okay, well, you know what? 76 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,253 It'll be dark when you close your eyes. 77 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,289 Jimmy, we're going out. Go get ready. 78 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:38,626 (TV playing indistinctly) 79 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,861 I am ready. 80 00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,630 Uh, Sabrina, you're in charge 81 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,064 of Ben and Chip till we get back. 82 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,466 -Decline. -Please? 83 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,468 I've been wrangling Ben all day long. 84 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,536 Sorry. Not my problem. 85 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,304 Come on, just be a team player. 86 00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:51,839 Ladies, please. I'll be in charge. 87 00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,140 (laughs) 88 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,142 Oh, sorry. No. 89 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,645 I wouldn't put you in charge of changing the colonel's diaper. 90 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,313 What are you talking about? I'm capable. 91 00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,482 Mm, well, you're capable of asphyxiating yourself 92 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,851 with a phone cord, or, uh... getting an action figure 93 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,553 stuck up your butt, I'll give you that. 94 00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,154 An act... Why would I have an action figure 95 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,556 stuck up my butt? 96 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,190 I'm not gonna sit here and try and speculate 97 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:11,492 as to why you do the things you do. 98 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,893 I don't-- I don't do that. 99 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,162 Uh, we'll be back in, like, two to ten hours. 100 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,998 Yeah? And if you need anything, Alba left a list on the fridge. 101 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,200 What list? 102 00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,202 I have no idea what she's talking about. 103 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:23,671 (intercom chimes) 104 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,673 WOMAN (over P.A.): Now approaching our final stop, 105 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:26,707 Penn Station. 106 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,643 All passengers, please exit the train. 107 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,184 Penn Station. Last stop. 108 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,353 The train is going out of service for the weekend. 109 00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:42,022 Everyone please exit the train. 110 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,892 Wh... No. Oh, come on. 111 00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,394 Hello? 112 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:48,061 -Penn Station. Last stop. -I'm stuck in here! 113 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,564 -The train is going out of service for the weekend. -Come on. 114 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,200 (screams) No, no! Rat! 115 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,803 Rat, rat, rat, rat! Somebody! 116 00:03:58,105 --> 00:03:59,640 There we go. There-there's one. 117 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,275 Nah, he's already taking it. 118 00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,576 Jimmy, just come on, get in there. 119 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,211 I don't want to drive around all night. 120 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,280 What do you want from me, all right? He's already backing in. 121 00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,716 Okay. Cool. I'll do everything. 122 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,785 Let's not make this a thing, please. Uh. 123 00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:14,254 -Oh, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. -(horn blares) 124 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,889 Hey, excuse me. That's-that's my spot. 125 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,691 How come I'm standing in it then? 126 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:21,929 MAN (scoffs): Bro, are you serious? 127 00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:24,097 I know, man, all right? Come on, I'm trying to take the lady out. 128 00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,499 So just help me out, all right? 129 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:27,267 -How about I give you a few bucks? -Oh, boy. 130 00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:29,002 JIMMY: Oh, God. 131 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,804 -Okay, gentlemen... -No, you know what, I got it. 132 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:32,640 -Just-- No. Mick, no, please. -Everyone back in your... 133 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,174 -Step back, please. -Oh, God. That's... 134 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,776 All right, look, I didn't know there was four of you, 135 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,811 but I could still make it worth your while. 136 00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:40,648 Dude, I'm not doing it, all right? 137 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,983 I got change here. That's, like, at least a whole bunch of... 138 00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:45,419 (grunting) 139 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:48,255 All right, guys. Hey, fun's over. 140 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,657 Why don't you head home. 141 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,926 Whatever. You got lucky, bro. 142 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:55,128 Dude, here's the thing, I don't believe in luck. 143 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,831 (grunting) 144 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:05,839 Oh! Did you just hit that guy in both eyes at the same time? 145 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:08,342 I raccoon'd him. It's my signature move. 146 00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:10,444 -I'm Jimmy -Doug. 147 00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,613 -That's a cool name. -Thanks, man. 148 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,815 (laughs) I-I got to thank you. 149 00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,485 This is the most exciting start of a date night 150 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,453 -(phone ringing) -I've had in my entire life. 151 00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:21,121 -Yeah? -Yeah, oh, yeah. That-that was real nice. 152 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,390 Excuse me one second. 153 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:25,459 Yeah? Yes. 154 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,728 What? From where? 155 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,297 All right, yeah, I'll be right there. 156 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,032 The cops just picked up Ben 157 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:34,635 riding his bike down the side of the highway. 158 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,903 I got to go pick him up. 159 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,304 We just got here. 160 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,072 I can give you a lift. 161 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:40,641 Oh. Is that cool, Mick? 162 00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,310 Yeah. Spend your evening with a-a total stranger. 163 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,012 No problem. I'll do this by myself. 164 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,484 (engine starting) 165 00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:51,652 Buy me a drink, man? 166 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:52,753 -Yeah, bro. -All right. 167 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,555 You can have your spot now! 168 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,495 I woke up in the middle of the night and there weren't any 169 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:03,263 adults home, so I went out to find you. 170 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,898 I can't believe how selfish she is. 171 00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,534 Well, I was around, pal. How come you didn't look for me? 172 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,968 'Cause you're not an adult. 173 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:11,605 Oh, hey. What the hell, man? 174 00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,674 -What? -You said you were gonna stay home 175 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,676 -and watch the kids last night. -No, I didn't. 176 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,745 -Well, it was implied. -No, it wasn't. 177 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,947 I had to go pick up Ben from the police station 178 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,415 because you decided to go out and leave 179 00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:22,783 two little kids home alone. 180 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:24,284 Call me a kid one more time, 181 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:25,886 and I'll box your frickin' ears. 182 00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,688 Alba and I ask for just a little time off, 183 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,189 and this is how you repay us? 184 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,858 Alba was our maid for 17 years. 185 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,359 You talked to Ben for a few hours, 186 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,461 then put him to bed in broad daylight. 187 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:34,962 Hey! No, don't do that. 188 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,564 Don't minimize my work. 189 00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:38,065 You know, I'm starting to think you don't appreciate 190 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,266 anything I do for you. 191 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,568 You do nothing for me. 192 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,935 And I do nothing for you. 193 00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,771 We have a good system, let's not mess with it. 194 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:46,474 JIMMY: Yo, Mick, 195 00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,108 -we're going out tonight. -Yeah? Great. 196 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,276 I'm in. Where we going? 197 00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,044 -You know my buddy, Doug? -Mm-mm. 198 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,946 Doug, from last night. Doug, from the fight. 199 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,982 -The total stranger? -He's, like, the coolest guy 200 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,383 I've ever met, all right? And you know that I have 201 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:57,718 a hard time making male friends. 202 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,653 -You do? -Yeah. They find me intimidating. 203 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,054 Look, Doug and his girlfriend 204 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,590 are gonna meet us out for scorpion bowls. 205 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,324 Okay, there you go. 206 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:05,493 That's what you lead with. 207 00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:06,894 I'm in. 100% in. 208 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:09,162 Just got to, uh, secure a sitter for the kids. 209 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,503 SABRINA: Hey. 210 00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:17,738 -What the hell? -Oh, you are so sweet 211 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,807 to offer to babysit. You didn't have to do that. 212 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,142 Mickey, are you insane? Uncuff me right now. 213 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,745 Tempting, but, um... no. 214 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,514 -Mickey, I'm warning you. I will... -Uh-uh. No. 215 00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,982 You're not warning anybody. You brought this on yourself. 216 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:31,585 I tried to be reasonable, but you weren't having it. 217 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,086 So guess what? Here's how it's gonna go down. 218 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,755 Jimmy and I are headed out for the night 219 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,157 and you're gonna stay here and watch Ben. 220 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:38,526 And if you do a really good job, 221 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,993 I might give you a night off next weekend. 222 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:42,095 Are you serious? What am I supposed to do all night? 223 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,964 I don't know. I'm sure you guys will think of something. 224 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,099 Kid's got a hell of an imagination. Ooh, I know. 225 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,801 Tell her about that dream you had last night. 226 00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,870 -Okay, but it's pretty gross. -It is gross. 227 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,672 -I was floating down a river, -MICKEY: Uh-huh. 228 00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:54,007 but instead of water, it was diarrhea. 229 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:56,109 Diarrhea! Stay tuned. It gets better. 230 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,145 -Uh, you two be good. -SABRINA: Mickey! 231 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,148 -Want to hear about the rest of it? -No! 232 00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:05,285 Hi. We're meeting my buddy, Doug. 233 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,855 Yes. The rest of your party is already here. Right this way. 234 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,858 Can't wait to see Doug's chick. I bet she's a real rocket. 235 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,793 -Settle down. -That means she's hot. 236 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,828 Yup, I know what it means. Who talks like that? 237 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:17,497 I do. I always have. (chuckles) 238 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:24,304 Jimmy-crack-corn! (laughs) 239 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,306 And Mickey. 240 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,008 My goodness, what a rocket. 241 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,043 Oh, thank you. Jimmy can't stop talking about you. 242 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:31,745 I haven't said that much, so it's... 243 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,146 Yeah, we hit it off big-time. 244 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,015 -This is my boyfriend, Eric. -Hey. 245 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,516 -Hi. -Mickey. 246 00:08:37,551 --> 00:08:38,886 -Hey. -Hi. 247 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,721 All right, let's get drunk, huh? 248 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,255 No funny business. 249 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,425 Y-You stay on your side and I will stay on mine. 250 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,695 (mutters) 251 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,262 -(squeaking) -Hmm? Hmm? 252 00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,231 No, you should've brought your own. No. Hey. 253 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,704 Okay, okay. That-that-that is very cute, but... 254 00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:58,138 but you are still a rat. 255 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,343 Okay, okay, here you go. 256 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,445 Okay. 257 00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,514 Here, l-let's be friends. 258 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,249 Let's be friends. 259 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:12,119 Okay. Yup, yup. Okay. 260 00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,626 -(laughing) -Are you serious? 261 00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:21,629 That's what he does, always. Oh, my God. 262 00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:24,264 Everything good, brother? 263 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,565 You're kind of quiet tonight. 264 00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,901 Yeah, no, I-I'm fine. 265 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,470 I'm just feeling a little sleepy, that's all. 266 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,272 You, uh, you want some blow? 267 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:34,808 Eric, give him the blow. 268 00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:37,044 He's kidding. There's no cocaine. 269 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,812 (laughs) You. 270 00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:41,081 That's a dirty trick. Dirty trick. 271 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,250 I'm sorry, does one of you own a blue Geo Metro? 272 00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,719 Is it leaking oil? That's all right, it does that. 273 00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:48,055 It's not that. You better take a look. 274 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,422 Oh, my God. I got it. Come on, Mick. 275 00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:50,791 Nah, it's cool. I'll hang back. 276 00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,325 -No, come on. I need a hand. -No, I'm good. 277 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,426 I don't want to get oil on me. 278 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,561 Mick! 279 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,996 -Please. -All right. 280 00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,265 Order another round, okay? 281 00:09:58,298 --> 00:09:59,232 You got it. 282 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,734 -What's the matter with you? -We're leaving. 283 00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,235 W-We're not leaving. I left my purse there. 284 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,804 Well, I'm sorry, you're gonna have to get a new one. 285 00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,173 -Hey, what is your deal? -I don't have a deal, all right? 286 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,608 I just feel like Doug is not who I thought he was. 287 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,077 So we're gonna leave without saying good-bye. 288 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,111 I... 289 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,280 ("We Like to Party" by Vengaboys playing) 290 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:16,850 JIMMY: What the...? 291 00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:20,153 She chained the colonel to your car? 292 00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:23,657 -(Mickey groans) -(music stops) 293 00:10:23,691 --> 00:10:25,125 BEN: Hi, Mickey. 294 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,260 MICKEY: Have you lost your damn mind? 295 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,129 We can go back and forth like this forever, 296 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,264 but is that really how you want to spend your remaining days? 297 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,967 Don't you battle me, Sabrina, you will lose. 298 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,536 Now kindly unchain the colonel and go home. 299 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,839 -Not until you unlock me. -Okay, you know what, ladies, 300 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:40,107 -why don't we just... -Shut up, Jimmy. 301 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,543 That's it. I'm over this stupid night. 302 00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,813 -Same time. -Count of three. 303 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,514 One... two... three. 304 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:50,283 -You! -I knew it! 305 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,651 Stop screwing around. 306 00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,553 You understand me? 307 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,756 One... two... three. 308 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,194 Here we go. 309 00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,896 Pleasure doing business with you. 310 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,865 -Where are you going? -Back to my scorpion bowl. 311 00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:07,835 -Wait right here. -Okay. 312 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,907 Sorry about that. 313 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,043 Just had to clear something up with my bitch niece. 314 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:19,312 (chuckles) Oh, where were we? 315 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,914 What are you doing? 316 00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:22,315 I'm having dinner with my friends. 317 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:25,152 Everyone, my aforementioned bitch niece. (chuckles) 318 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,020 Look, I'm not babysitting those two anymore, okay? 319 00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,521 They're your responsibility now. 320 00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,824 That's too bad because I've already begun drinking. 321 00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:32,492 Oh, yeah? 322 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,493 -Uh-huh. -So have I. 323 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:34,862 -No, no, no, no, no, you haven't. -Mmm. 324 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,830 -Stop it. -Mmm. 325 00:11:36,864 --> 00:11:38,365 -Let go of that. Stop it. -Don't grab it. 326 00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,332 Let go, Sabrina. 327 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,769 -Give me... Sabrina. Ow! -(grunting) 328 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,170 Stop! 329 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,337 (gasps) 330 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,873 (Sabrina laughs) 331 00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,043 That was a mistake. 332 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,446 (indistinct radio transmission) 333 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,919 (siren chirps) 334 00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,798 (straining): Oh, man, Colonel. 335 00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:13,166 You're really heavy. 336 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,055 (whispering): Mickey. Mickey. 337 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,756 Why is that woman staring at us like that? 338 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:40,560 She's probably deciding which one of us she wants to maul. 339 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,162 Classic alpha behavior. 340 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:43,931 (whispering): So what do we do? 341 00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:45,232 What do we do? 342 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,499 Oh, you don't anything for me 343 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,268 and I don't do anything for you, remember? 344 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:49,903 We got a good thing going, right? 345 00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,004 Let's not mess with it. 346 00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:52,739 Mickey, come on. Please. 347 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,009 All right, I'll make you a deal. 348 00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:58,245 You admit just how much I've sacrificed 349 00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,980 for your selfish, ungrateful ass 350 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,949 and then maybe I'll consider helping you out. 351 00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,488 -(stammers, sighs) -Hmm? 352 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,592 Really? (laughs) 353 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,194 All right, cool. 354 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,429 If you'll excuse me, I've got to go assert my dominance. 355 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,132 Wh... (sighs) 356 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:28,008 (clears throat) 357 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,847 (grunts) 358 00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:36,216 Anybody got a match? 359 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,717 WOMAN (groan): Dang. 360 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:39,319 WOMAN 2: Mm, that's not right. 361 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,521 Oh, we are thick as thieves, Mickey and me. 362 00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:43,023 (laughing) 363 00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:46,359 You know, on paper, it does not seem like it would work, 364 00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:49,462 probably because we are both alphas, 365 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,965 but somehow it does 366 00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:56,036 because we respect each other so much. 367 00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:03,010 Well, rat, that is the end of it. 368 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:06,914 No, no, no, don't go, my friend! 369 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,484 Hello? 370 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,853 Mickey? Sabrina? 371 00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:16,523 Ben? Anybody home? 372 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,659 Finally! 373 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,761 * 374 00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,096 * Iko 375 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:27,167 * Iko, iko, iko un day 376 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,670 * Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na né * 377 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,006 * Jock-a-mo fee na né 378 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,507 * My spy boy 379 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,709 Whoopsie-daisy. 380 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,712 * Sitting on the bayou 381 00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,448 * My spy boy told your spy boy 382 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,917 * "I'm gonna set your tail on fire" * 383 00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:46,186 -* Talking about hey, now -* Hey, now * 384 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,188 -* Hey, now -* Hey, now * 385 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,190 * Iko, iko un day... 386 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,259 Oh, are you boys looking for a good time? 387 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,727 We're already having a great time, but thanks. 388 00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,396 * Fee na né... 389 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,877 * My marraine told your marraine * 390 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,380 * Sitting on the bayou 391 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,383 * My marraine told your parrain * 392 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,386 * "I'm gonna set your flag on fire" * 393 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,888 * We going down to Bedford town * 394 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,324 * Iko, iko, un day 395 00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:28,428 * We gonna catch a little... 396 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:29,562 (shouts) 397 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,498 (screaming) 398 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,269 -(rock music playing) -(engine revving) 399 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,940 (can hisses open) 400 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,442 -(knocking on window) -DOUG: Jimmy? 401 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,578 There you are. We were wondering where you went. 402 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,814 -How many beers have you had? -(engine idling) 403 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,916 Just leave me alone, all right? 404 00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,618 All right. 405 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,420 Whatever you want. 406 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,356 I'm not homophobic, you know. 407 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,991 What? 408 00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,692 I said I'm not a... 409 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,361 Get in the car. 410 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:05,932 (music stops) 411 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,135 (door creaks) 412 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:14,607 I said I'm not homophobic. 413 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:15,842 I just don't like liars. 414 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,311 I'm sorry I didn't know I needed to announce that I was gay. 415 00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:20,047 Yeah, then, how was I supposed to know? 416 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,614 You never told me you were straight. 417 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:22,682 Please. 418 00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:23,950 As if I could hide it. 419 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,719 What's going on, man? 420 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,822 You wouldn't understand. 421 00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:31,891 Okay. 422 00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:35,362 -You don't have to talk about it... -When I was 13, 423 00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,297 I had this friend named Anderson. 424 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,331 And we'd spend all day just kicking 425 00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:40,067 the snot out of each other. 426 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,668 Then, at night, we'd go swimming, and we'd lie 427 00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:45,172 on the docks, and we'd talk about our dreams. 428 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:48,375 You know, all the girls we were gonna suck face with. 429 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,510 Then, one night, Anderson says 430 00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:54,314 maybe we should practice kissing on each other. 431 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,583 So we spent all night practicing. 432 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:57,817 And we got good. 433 00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:01,521 I mean, really good, you know? All the... 434 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:04,357 And then, the summer ends, and Anderson goes home, 435 00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:08,328 and a couple months later, I find out he's got a boyfriend. 436 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,530 And he's totally homosexual. 437 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:13,200 And our entire relationship is based on a lie. 438 00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:16,736 And now, it's happening again. 439 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:23,543 Jimmy, do you ever consider maybe you're gay? 440 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,512 Yeah. 441 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,514 I've thought about that a lot. 442 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:30,517 Unfortunately, I think having sex with dudes is gross. 443 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,619 -No offense. -All good. 444 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:35,688 I think having sex with women is gross. 445 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,291 It's weird, you know? 446 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:42,429 We're so different, but we're alike. 447 00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:43,763 Man. 448 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:48,868 Look, I'm sorry you had that really weird experience, 449 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:51,204 but I'm not Anderson. 450 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:54,774 And I hope that we can still be friends. 451 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,576 Cool? 452 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,548 Cool. 453 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,283 Hey. 454 00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,585 Do you mind if I masturbate in front of you? 455 00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:07,053 What? 456 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,121 I'm kidding. 457 00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:09,222 (laughs) 458 00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,358 (both laughing) 459 00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:17,830 Oh, man, that's classic. 460 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,803 -Ow! -Oh, shut up. 461 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,138 -Dolls don't talk. -Sorry. 462 00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,773 SABRINA: Mickey, a little help here? 463 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,341 You know the magic words. 464 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,643 Okay, fine. I appreciate you. 465 00:18:30,677 --> 00:18:32,512 Oh, yeah? That's a sweet thing to say. 466 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:33,413 For what? 467 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,814 For all the stuff you do for us. 468 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,417 Yeah, I-I drink a lot, so my memory's pretty hazy. 469 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:40,019 You know? Can you remind me what it is I do for you? 470 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:43,089 You live in our mansion and eat all of our food. (gasps) 471 00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,924 You know who else has great braids? 472 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,259 -Allen Iverson. -What? 473 00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:47,927 No, no. No. No. Fine. Okay. 474 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,362 Okay. 475 00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:51,698 I appreciate you because you're our guardian, 476 00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,434 and-and you teach us so much cool stuff 477 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,002 about life or whatever. 478 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,170 I really do, don't I? 479 00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:59,272 -Yeah. -Yeah. What else? 480 00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:00,540 (sighs) Okay. 481 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,642 I appreciate you for leaving your entire life behind, 482 00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:05,044 that I'm sure was super awesome and exciting 483 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,613 and not at all trashy, 484 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,982 to take care of three ungrateful brats 485 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,451 whose lives would be doomed 486 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,620 if it weren't for you being their leader. 487 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:16,456 Well, that is very big of you to say. 488 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,024 I appreciate that. 489 00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,192 All right, beat it. 490 00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:20,760 I want to play with her for a while. 491 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,296 (shouts) 492 00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:26,366 -(gasps) -I'm keeping this one. 493 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,867 -What? -She earned it. 494 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:28,968 You know, to be fair. 495 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,970 Pemberton, Molng. 496 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,138 You're free to go. 497 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,240 (laughing): Oh. 498 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,841 Oh, man, only a few more seconds, 499 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,143 and you wouldn't have had to say any of that stuff. 500 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,811 Whatever. I just want to go home. 501 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:42,549 Yeah, I should probably clock back in at the dream factory. 502 00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:43,850 -Huh. -It's too bad, too. 503 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,385 I was enjoying the peace and quiet. 504 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:49,256 Well, hey, if you want to hang out for a few hours, 505 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:51,224 I can hold down the fort, I guess. 506 00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:53,493 -Really? -Yeah. You know, 507 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,728 at least, until Alba comes back. 508 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:58,164 Thanks. 509 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,000 What do you think? Is it cool if I post up here for a few hours? 510 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,236 No, it's not cool. Unless you've done something wrong, 511 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,504 you have to go. 512 00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,105 You-you want me to spit in your face or something? 513 00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:07,374 Will that do the trick? 514 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:11,911 Have fun. 515 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:14,046 I'll see you at home. 516 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,214 Get out of here. 517 00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:17,350 My spot. 518 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:21,220 (moaning): Oh, yeah. 519 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,857 Hi, Sabrina. 520 00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,693 Hi. Where have you been? 521 00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,495 Oh, I've been out with the colonel. 522 00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,566 (car door opens) 523 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,035 (groans) 524 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,937 Good weekend? 525 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,038 Fantastic. 526 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,072 (grunts) 527 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:43,610 Benny, grab this. 528 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,547 (gasping) 529 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,982 -SABRINA: What the hell? -BEN: What? 530 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,784 ALBA: Chip? Uh... 531 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,387 -Ooh. -Chip? 532 00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:56,423 ALBA: Chip?! 533 00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,058 (gasps) 534 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,560 -BEN: Whoa. -Oh. Hello. 535 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,329 Thank you for coming. 536 00:21:02,362 --> 00:21:03,396 SABRINA: Oh, God. 537 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,964 Chip, are you okay? 538 00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,265 What happened? 539 00:21:06,299 --> 00:21:08,134 It's nothing. I'm fine. 540 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,636 It was a minor accident. 541 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,304 It could've happened to anyone. 542 00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:13,239 I have it all under control. 543 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:14,941 What's "Goo"? 544 00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,477 Oh. 545 00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:20,146 Uh, I was writing "Good-bye, cruel world," 546 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:22,181 but then, I got sleepy and decided to take a break. 547 00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:24,250 Ben, go put some ice in a bucket. 548 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:25,585 Sabrina, grab some towels. 549 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:26,853 (Sabrina whimpers) 550 00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,588 Okay. Come on, Chip. 551 00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:31,023 Get your fingers, we go to the hospital. 552 00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:32,659 Where are your fingers?! 553 00:21:35,194 --> 00:21:36,429 MICKEY: Anybody got a match? 554 00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:38,798 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 555 00:21:41,568 --> 00:21:43,536 Hope you enjoyed kickin' it with The Mick. 556 00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:45,838 Now here are a few more shows to check out from Fox. 557 00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:49,208 (beeps) 911. What's your emergency? 558 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,844 MAN (on phone): I'm on Flight 46, and we're going down. 559 00:21:51,878 --> 00:21:54,647 Just tell my wife I'm so sorry that I cannot come home to you. 560 00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:55,715 Hello? 561 00:21:57,850 --> 00:22:00,820 This is your family. We got you, okay? 562 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:03,623 Rapid response now! 563 00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,559 -We can't save everyone. -Says who? 564 00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:08,828 It's time we showed Gotham who we are.