1
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,732
(SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:04,137
(CHILDREN SQUEALING EXCITEDLY)

3
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,151
Brad!

4
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:19,994
- Bye, Daddy!
- Bye, sweetie.

5
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,239
Bye-bye, guys.
I'll pick you up on Monday!

6
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,911
- CHILDREN: Brad!
- What's up?

7
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:26,994
Hey, Brad!
Looking good, buddy!

8
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,582
- Dylan, where's your retainer?
- I left it at Dad's.

9
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,129
Hey, where's your
math workbook?

10
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,755
At Mom's house.

11
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,259
- Where are all your undies?
- DYLAN: I don't know.

12
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,261
How do we got so many undies?

13
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,016
(ALL CHEERING)

14
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,434
DUSTY: Happy Birthday, buddy!

15
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,600
Brad already got me one.

16
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,056
- (CHILDREN CHEERING)
- It was my idea!

17
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:49,436
It was my idea!

18
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,268
Hey, look at that.

19
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:53,519
Guys!

20
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:54,861
Daddy!

21
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,235
Oh!

22
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,703
Megan, hold up!

23
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:05,531
Whoa!

24
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:08,038
Ahh!

25
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,414
- Are you all right?
- I'm okay.

26
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,712
- (GROANS)
- (ALL EXCLAIM)

27
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:16,425
Right here! Don't...
Don't leave without it.

28
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,719
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

29
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:23,266
Come on! Keep it moving!

30
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,514
Inside the cones!

31
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:28,438
Inside the cones
like an ice cream. Let's go!

32
00:02:28,607 --> 00:02:29,688
Braddie!

33
00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,599
Here you go, buddy.

34
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,184
Oh. Thanks, Braddie.

35
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:34,519
- Hot cocoa?
- Yeah.

36
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:36,479
Nice! Little marshmallows
floating around there

37
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:38,439
all in formation.
You are the greatest!

38
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,028
I put a little licorice root
in there, too.

39
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,279
- DUSTY: Oh!
- Tell me what you think.

40
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,906
- DUSTY: Hey, guys!
- Daddies!

41
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,739
- Hey! Hi, how was your day?
- Good.

42
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:47,748
BRAD: All right, guys, hop in.

43
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,917
I'll get them ready and I'll
meet you at Tae Kwon Do.

44
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,082
- See you in 30.
- Great. Looking forward to it.

45
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,587
- Bye.
- CHILDREN: Bye, Dad!

46
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,006
- BRAD: Oh!
- (BRAKES SCREECHES)

47
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:56,424
- Dusty!
- Yeah?

48
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,339
Sorry. You made treats
for tonight, right?

49
00:02:58,428 --> 00:02:59,464
No, I got the gift card.

50
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,544
I thought
you were on treats tonight.

51
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,346
No. I did gift card
and the treats for

52
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,843
the Halloween Spooktacular.

53
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,633
Oh, okay. Well, I guess
I'll hit the bakery

54
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:06,763
- on the way to the pageant.
- Bakery?

55
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:08,098
Unless you don't want me
to go to the bakery.

56
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,645
Usually, when you repeat
what I said

57
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:10,767
and you shake your head
up and down,

58
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:11,938
it really means
you don't want me to do it.

59
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,186
- I'm just thinking...
- DUSTY: What?

60
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,608
- Maybe homemade?
- (HORN HONKING)

61
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,108
Yeah. Hey! Honk at him again,
you better count your teeth!

62
00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,530
No problem, Braddie.
Homemade snickerdoodles

63
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,697
coming right up.
One for you, too.

64
00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:23,364
Should we fist bump again
or would it be awkward?

65
00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:25,786
I don't mind
a second bump. All right.

66
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,113
Thanks, buddy.
See you tonight.

67
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,288
Bye, mate.
Thanks so much for the cocoa.

68
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:29,448
CHILDREN: Bye, Daddy!

69
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,160
- (CRASHES)
- Sorry.

70
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,919
BRAD: These look great.
Thank you.

71
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,467
- Look at that.
- Oh...

72
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:42,344
- Daddy! Karen!
- Hey! Hey, guys.

73
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:45,094
Wow, look how sexy
Karen looks.

74
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,175
Leather pants and side boob.

75
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:48,680
That's perfect
for a school function.

76
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,311
Honey, let's expect
good things, okay?

77
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,433
I know, you're right. Right.

78
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,935
- SARA: Hey! How's it going?
- Hey.

79
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,353
BRAD: Hi.
SARA: Hi.

80
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,773
Wow, look at you guys!

81
00:03:58,113 --> 00:03:59,775
You and Mommy
are so sassy all the time.

82
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:00,901
KAREN: Hi.
SARA: Hi.

83
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,948
Oh, hey! I got your novel.

84
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,447
- It's amazing!
- Oh, I'm glad you like it.

85
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,701
SARA: I don't know
how you write

86
00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:07,995
such powerful dialogue.

87
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,197
I mean, it must just
come naturally, right?

88
00:04:09,291 --> 00:04:10,281
Aww.

89
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,957
- Like everything else.
- You're so sweet.

90
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:13,033
- Are you guys ready?
- Let's go.

91
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:15,961
I want my shirt
like Adrianna's.

92
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,334
Uh, no. No, no, no, honey.
We're not doing that, okay?

93
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,382
Put that back in.
Look like a nice kid.

94
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,927
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

95
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,471
PRINCIPAL HAYES: Welcome to
the One Horse Open Sing!

96
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,969
Before we get started,
notice we have

97
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:31,644
several professional video
and still photographers

98
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,687
to cover all your kids
for free.

99
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,144
So you can all put your phones
in your pockets,

100
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,727
relax, and just be
in the moment.

101
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,148
(DEVICES BEEPING)

102
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:41,779
You don't care.

103
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:43,989
CHOIR: (SINGING)
<i>Dashing through the snow</i>

104
00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:46,158
<i>In a one-horse open sleigh</i>

105
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,946
<i>O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way, hahaha</i>

106
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,954
<i>Bells on bobtail ring
Making spirits bright</i>

107
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,580
<i>What fun it is
to laugh and sing</i>

108
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,957
<i>A sleighing song tonight</i>

109
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,123
...eat candy Santas
and smashed potatoes

110
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:01,298
and dressing up my dog

111
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:02,796
like a reindeer.

112
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:04,127
That's what
Christmas means to me.

113
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,174
- Thank you.
- (ALL CHEERING)

114
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,299
PRINCIPAL HAYES:
And now we have Megan Mayron.

115
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,595
(BEEPING)

116
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:12,176
My name is Megan Mayron,

117
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,182
and I like
Christmas presents a lot.

118
00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:15,763
(ALL LAUGHING)

119
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,141
But I don't
really like Christmas.

120
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,817
My daddy was
at my first Christmases,

121
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,316
but I don't remember
those ones.

122
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,990
Then we had some
with no daddy at all.

123
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:27,825
Then Brad came,

124
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:30,278
but he was always trying
way too hard

125
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,784
and making everyone
feel uncomfortable.

126
00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:34,240
Then Daddy came back,

127
00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,999
and Brad did
a pretend Christmas

128
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,952
to show Daddy that Brad
was better than him.

129
00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:40,580
So now we have to go
to different houses

130
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:42,040
to have different Christmases.

131
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,916
Me and my brother wish
we were like other families

132
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,376
and we had normal Christmases.

133
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:47,136
But we still like
our Christmas presents.

134
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:49,555
I want to be very clear
about that.

135
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:50,802
Thank you very much.

136
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,134
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

137
00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:54,768
(JERRY LAUGHING)

138
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,013
Enjoy paying
for therapy, boys!

139
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,806
You better
shut your mouth, Jerry!

140
00:05:58,900 --> 00:05:59,936
Absolutely, Dusty.

141
00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:01,813
(SIGHING)

142
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:04,145
We're messing up our kids,
Brad, and it's on you.

143
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,147
On me? Why is it on me?

144
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:08,657
Because before you came around
we only had one Christmas.

145
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,234
So it's on you.

146
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,364
SARA: Hold on, hold on.

147
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,535
We don't have to
circle the wagons

148
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,409
every time one of the kids
expresses a negative emotion.

149
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,706
They're fine.

150
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,037
Kids that get up
in front of whole schools

151
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,084
and say they don't like
Christmas aren't fine, Sara.

152
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,709
Well, she said she didn't like
having two Christmases.

153
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,214
Which is on you.

154
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,046
So what if we all spend
a Christmas together?

155
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,960
A Together Christmas.
That's good.

156
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,636
Now you fixed it. See, that...

157
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,055
- Now it's off of you.
- (BRAD GASPS)

158
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,556
Let's invite
Adrianna's dad, too.

159
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:33,716
- What?
- Yes.

160
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:34,971
Are you being serious
right now? No!

161
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,226
Put that hand down.

162
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,599
I've been nothing but nice
to that guy,

163
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,055
and he treats me like
I abducted his kid.

164
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:40,139
I'm not doing that.

165
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:41,558
Why are you messing up
the mood now, all right?

166
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,187
We wanna go tell the kids
my great idea

167
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:44,394
about the Together Christmas.

168
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,065
Wait, how did it become
your idea?

169
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,731
It was your idea, but I
named it Together Christmas.

170
00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,866
<i>People of Bikini Bottom...</i>

171
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,910
Hey, guys?

172
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,197
Guys. Listen up,
I got a surprise.

173
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:57,786
Hello?

174
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:03,454
- Guys. We got a big surprise!
- A surprise?

175
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,043
- Another pony?
- A trampoline?

176
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,123
You leaving?

177
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,503
Not quite, okay? But, no,

178
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,755
we got something better
than that, okay?

179
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,215
So much better.
It's gonna be great.

180
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,046
Guys, this year, no more
back and forth at Christmas.

181
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,802
- No back and forth.
- Nope. I just said that.

182
00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,557
No more back and forth
at Christmas.

183
00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:17,101
This year, we're gonna spend
one Christmas

184
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,723
- all together, all of us!
- BOTH: Yay!

185
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:19,894
All of us.
A Together Christmas!

186
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:21,062
A Together Christmas!

187
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,230
Can you be quiet?

188
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,433
A Together Christmas
like a normal family!

189
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,562
- Yay!
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

190
00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:25,689
I'll get it.

191
00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:27,896
Hello?

192
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:29,571
Grandpa Kurt?

193
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,568
Daddy, Grandpa Kurt
wants to talk to you.

194
00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,364
SARA: No, no, no.
Dusty, I'll just tell him...

195
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,412
No. It's okay, Sara.

196
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:38,990
Thank you.

197
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:40,824
Thanks, buddy.

198
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,587
What, Dad?

199
00:07:46,675 --> 00:07:48,007
Yeah, long time.

200
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:49,675
No, I'm fine.

201
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,585
- Tomorrow?
- No.

202
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:54,005
I could probably
pick you up, I guess, but...

203
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,840
Hey! Psst! Guess what?
My folks are coming tomorrow.

204
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:56,924
I don't care.

205
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:59,101
- We can go together.
- You shut up.

206
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:03,522
Dad, do you want to
just text... Hello?

207
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:04,939
(SIGHS)

208
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:11,057
Dusty, listen to me, I think
you're approaching this

209
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,739
with way too much
negative energy.

210
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:13,990
Brad, you don't know
what you're talking about,

211
00:08:14,077 --> 00:08:15,739
so shut your fat hole!

212
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,661
- Dusty.
- (SIGHS)

213
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,864
I'm sorry, Braddie. I'm sorry.

214
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:21,540
You see what he does to me?

215
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,707
He's not even here yet,

216
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:23,955
and he's already
ruining Christmas.

217
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,128
- Okay, okay, relax. Relax.
- I can't!

218
00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:29,377
Look, your father hasn't met
the new evolved Dusty.

219
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:32,552
You're a progressive,
sensitive, child-first parent.

220
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:33,802
That's exactly the stuff
he's gonna

221
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:34,969
make fun of us for.
You'll see.

222
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,548
He's gonna scoff at everything
we do. He's a scoffer, Brad.

223
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,508
Pepe, you have
a grown son, right?

224
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:40,638
<i>Sí.</i>

225
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:43,392
Why don't you tell Dusty here
how much your son means to you

226
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,222
in this season of good cheer?

227
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:49,902
My son is an abysmal disappointment
whose birth I regret more each day.

228
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,320
- You see?
- He didn't say nice things

229
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:52,487
like you think he did, Brad.

230
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,027
Dusty, you're being silly.

231
00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,824
I mean, who wouldn't be
impressed with you?

232
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:57,784
Come on. (GASPS)

233
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:58,987
Dear God!

234
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,288
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

235
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,909
He looks as if
he's been chiseled

236
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,335
from Gibraltar itself.

237
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,051
This is gonna come off weird,
Dusty, but he's beautiful!

238
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,218
I want to be his friend
so bad.

239
00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:29,438
- Dusty. (CHUCKLES)
- Hey, Pop.

240
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,811
- How was your flight?
- Not bad.

241
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,192
Took 20 minutes to get
to the gate though.

242
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:36,239
What's with that bottleneck
you got out there, huh?

243
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:39,322
I'm sorry
our local airport tarmac's

244
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,528
not up to your standards, huh?

245
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,580
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
you designed this airport,

246
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,032
or I'd have been
more sensitive.

247
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,285
Oh, I guess I'll move to a new
town with a better airport

248
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:48,494
that way
you won't be inconvenienced

249
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,954
when you show up
every five years or so.

250
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:52,540
(CHUCKLES) Same old
Mr. Touchy. I love it.

251
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,591
Here you go, Pancho. Why don't
you bring the car around,

252
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,713
we'll meet you at the curb.

253
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,010
Right away, sir.

254
00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,965
I mean, no, I'm sorry,
I'm not the driver.

255
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,389
No, I'm Brad.

256
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:02,549
The stepdad.

257
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,639
- This is Sara's husband.
- Why is he with you?

258
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:07,062
(GASPS) Dad!

259
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,181
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

260
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,351
That sweater!
He wears the red sweater,

261
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,481
so I can see him in a crowd.

262
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:17,947
Dad!

263
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,196
That's him, that's Dad.

264
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:25,535
(GRUNTS)

265
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,457
Dad! Dad!

266
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,125
(LAUGHING)

267
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,127
I made a sign!

268
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,632
There's my big man!

269
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:43,549
(BOTH LAUGHING)

270
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,726
And this guy's raising
your kids half the time?

271
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:48,020
He hasn't seen his dad
in a really long time.

272
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,646
It's only been
since Thanksgiving,

273
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,064
but it feels like forever!

274
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,600
- It does!
- BOTH: Oh!

275
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,066
Four weeks?
It's been a few years for us.

276
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,814
What should we do?
Want me to take my pants off?

277
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,069
BRAD: Hey, where's Mom?

278
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,692
You didn't get her text?

279
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:04,369
Uncle Arny came down with
a bad case of the shingles.

280
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,913
- Oh, no.
- So Mom's staying back

281
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,411
- to take care of him.
- Okay.

282
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,037
But, hey, you still got me.

283
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,411
I sure do. I sure do!

284
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,712
BOTH: Oh!

285
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,210
BRAD: We're gonna have
the best time.

286
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,216
(GASPS) Oh! Dusty!

287
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,128
- Hey, Don.
- Hey, Muscles, come here!

288
00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:23,889
(STAMMERS) I've got a cold.
Stay away. Don, Don!

289
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,051
Say, Dusty,
Brad told me about this

290
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,681
Together Christmas
we're doing.

291
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:32,724
You two are such wonderful,
progressive co-dads.

292
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:33,891
Co-dads?

293
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,559
Oh, I'm so sorry. Mr. Mayron,

294
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:36,814
this is my father,
Don Whitaker.

295
00:11:36,905 --> 00:11:39,397
The pleasure
is all mine, Captain!

296
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,733
You piloted
the Space Shuttle Atlantis

297
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,743
in 1992 and commanded
the Endeavour

298
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,286
on three missions in 1994!

299
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,280
All right, come on,
we're out this way.

300
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:49,994
Thanks, Dusty.

301
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,746
Say, Kurt, did you meet

302
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,543
any interesting folks
on your flight?

303
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:56,459
- I met a Scotch and a pillow.
- (LAUGHS)

304
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,836
You know, actually,
I always pick the flights

305
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,884
that have the most connections
so that

306
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:04,589
I get to chat with as many
new people as possible.

307
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,890
Oh, so you're a lunatic.
Good to know.

308
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:08,884
DON: <i>That's me!</i> (LAUGHS)

309
00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:11,061
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

310
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,735
(GRUNTS) Looks like one of
your neighbors

311
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,483
is getting
an oversized parcel.

312
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,447
Hello!

313
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,242
Don Whitaker,
United States Postal Service!

314
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,694
Retired, but never too old

315
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,450
to lend a hand
to a fellow carrier.

316
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,326
KURT: Brad, I gotta tell you,

317
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,123
this baby sure gives you
a smooth ride.

318
00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:33,458
Oh, thank you, Kurt.

319
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,752
Yeah, it is
surprisingly responsive.

320
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:36,874
Brad, he's not...

321
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,627
So do they take your balls
right there at the dealership,

322
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,048
or do you send them in
with the registration?

323
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,215
How does it work exactly?

324
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,593
No, no,
they didn't take my balls.

325
00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:43,715
Just $2,000 down.

326
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:46,050
This your place, Dusty?
I pictured it nicer.

327
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,677
BRAD: Yeah,
Dusty's house is nicer.

328
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,883
This is my house.
Just thought

329
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,100
you'd like to step in
and see the kids.

330
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,261
Only if it's okay.

331
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:53,641
Look, we don't want to
infringe on your days.

332
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,727
(SCOFFS) Of course,
don't be silly. Come on, guys.

333
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,524
You got to ask
another man's permission

334
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,817
to see your own kids?

335
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,065
(SCOFFS) Unbelievable.

336
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:05,233
We're back! With more daddies!

337
00:13:05,326 --> 00:13:08,114
Hey! Look how big
you two got!

338
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,454
Come on.
Don't I get a hug? Come on!

339
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:11,781
(KURT CHUCKLES)

340
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,532
And who's this
barroom brawler?

341
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,201
MEGAN: He's our brother,
Griffy, silly.

342
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,703
Hey, come here, pardner.
Dusty, you never told me.

343
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,380
- Why, he looks just like you.
- Yeah, not my kid.

344
00:13:20,550 --> 00:13:22,132
Oh, no, no, no.
I fathered that one.

345
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,214
Oh. Ah, then how does he
relate to me then?

346
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:27,046
Well, he is the brother
of your grandkids, Kurt.

347
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,215
- Oh. Here, here.
- Oh. Okay.

348
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,054
Hey, looking good, Buttercup.

349
00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,559
Good to see you.

350
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,892
- Look who's here!
- BOTH: Pop-Pop!

351
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,018
(LAUGHS)

352
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,815
- Tell us a Pop-Pop joke!
- Ooh, ooh.

353
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:40,813
What's a good one? Uh, why
does a duck have feathers?

354
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:41,893
BOTH: Why?

355
00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:45,405
- To cover up his butt quack.
- (ALL LAUGHING)

356
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,029
Hey, kids,
I got a good one for you.

357
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,325
Two dead hookers

358
00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:50,448
- wash up on the shore...
- Hey, hey!

359
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:52,200
- Whoa, whoa, shut up.
- No way. No way.

360
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,374
- Sara. How's my girl?
- Hi!

361
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:57,868
What, Ginny couldn't make it?

362
00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,245
Oh, she feels terrible.

363
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,626
But she sent a batch of
her special cookies!

364
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,042
Is there milk in that kitchen?

365
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,092
MEGAN: Yay!
DON: I want the first one.

366
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,045
I get the first one!

367
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:11,723
So he gets to be Pop-Pop
and I'm just Grandpa Kurt?

368
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,010
What? I'm in charge of the
cutesy grandpa names now?

369
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,184
Look, if you want
a better name,

370
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:16,352
maybe try showing up
a little more often.

371
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:19,477
Tell the kids, from now on,
it's El Padre.

372
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:22,897
No more hooker jokes.

373
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,855
These don't taste
like La-La's cookies.

374
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,156
They taste like Chips Ahoys.

375
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,701
DON: No, no. I sat right there
in the kitchen

376
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,870
and watched Grandma
bake them just yesterday.

377
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,029
DYLAN: I like them.

378
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,041
So, this co-dads thing,
is that what you call it?

379
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,375
Yeah, that's what we call it.

380
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,795
So, on his watch,
he disciplines your kids,

381
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:43,543
gives them advice,
tucks them in, so forth

382
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:44,714
and that bothers you
not a bit?

383
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,041
Doesn't bother me at all.

384
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:47,964
And his total lack
of masculinity...

385
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,428
I mean, his weak chin

386
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,722
and soft underbelly
influencing your son,

387
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,390
you're good there, too?
Yeah?

388
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,766
You know what?
I'm just feeling like

389
00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,138
maybe you guys
want a little privacy.

390
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,894
Stay right there, Brad,
all right?

391
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,642
He's just trying
to stir the turd.

392
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,314
- (SCOFFS)
- You can scoff all you want.

393
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,562
Everything is rock solid

394
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,314
between me and Brad here.
In fact,

395
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:07,362
- best friends.
- Really? (SNIFFLES)

396
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:08,905
- Thank you.
- Brad. Stop it.

397
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,858
- I'm good.
- DUSTY: Now. He gets

398
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,113
really emotional. Brad.

399
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,779
- Hey. Brother.
- Did you call me "brother"?

400
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,534
B-Dawg. Chill out, man. Relax.

401
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,164
All right? Cut it out.

402
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,292
- Brad, don't.
- I know.

403
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,794
Stop. All right, look.
Hey. Brad, stop!

404
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,965
Looks like you two guys
have a real solid arrangement.

405
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,292
You're spending Christmas
together and everything.

406
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,628
Speaking of which, whose place
are we doing that at?

407
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:32,797
We're totally happy to host
if it makes it easier.

408
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,472
Yeah, we could do it at
my place. I got more room.

409
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:36,551
We can do presents at
our place, dinner at yours.

410
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,468
Nah, all that back and forth,
who needs that?

411
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:39,770
This place, that place.

412
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:43,065
Why don't I book us
a great vacation spot

413
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:44,983
for all of us,
and we can all spend

414
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,310
the holiday week together?

415
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:47,561
- Yay! Cool!
- Thanks, El Padre.

416
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:48,691
(SPEAKS SPANISH)

417
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,693
- (DUSTY AND BRAD MOUTHING)
- DON: I love this idea!

418
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,069
It's something
extra Christmasy,

419
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,278
with lots of snow and family
activities for all of us.

420
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:56,949
Dad, I'm just worried about
finding a place,

421
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,280
you know,
this close to the holiday.

422
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,121
- (BEEPS)
- Booked it! Airbnb. All done.

423
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,956
- Yay, El Padre!
- (KURT LAUGHS)

424
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,253
It's gonna be so fun,

425
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,626
since we're all such
great friends, huh?

426
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,632
BRAD: Off to the mountains.
Here we go, Griffy.

427
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,463
- SARA: Here we go.
- Big fun trip!

428
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,298
DUSTY: Let me get that
for you, Sara.

429
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:17,724
- SARA: Thank you.
- You're welcome.

430
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,472
You know, Dusty,
I think you and Kurt

431
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,474
spending some time around me
and my dad might do

432
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,138
you both some good.

433
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,432
Hey, don't you see
what he's up to here?

434
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:25,686
He thinks you and me
are harboring

435
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:26,983
bad feelings
for one another

436
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,189
and sticking us together
in some cabin

437
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,815
is gonna bring out
whatever we're harboring.

438
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,480
But you're not, are you, Brad?

439
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:32,818
- I'm not what?
- Harboring!

440
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:33,899
No, I'm not
harboring anything.

441
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,029
Good, 'cause I'm not
harboring anything either.

442
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:36,405
BRAD: Okay, well, let's use
this as an opportunity

443
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,657
to show him
that we're not harboring.

444
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:38,783
'Cause we're not harboring.

445
00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,072
You're looking at
one safe harbor right here.

446
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,202
DUSTY: All right, good.

447
00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,373
You sure you want to
pack it like that?

448
00:16:42,460 --> 00:16:43,496
Is that
how you're gonna do it?

449
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:44,918
Look, me and Brad got
everything under control

450
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,370
as a team, okay? Right, Brad?

451
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:47,454
That's right.

452
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:48,834
Yeah, what would I know
about travel?

453
00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,211
I've only been
to frickin' space.

454
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,584
What, did you pack
the space shuttle yourself?

455
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:52,884
You pop the trunk,
arrange all the bags

456
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,051
for you
and your little space friends?

457
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:56,305
I did, as a matter of fact.
Yes, I packed the shuttle.

458
00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,633
That's so cool!

459
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,802
I love how you're always
jotting down ideas

460
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:03,683
for your book
in your little notepad.

461
00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,267
People ever get crazy
and think

462
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,894
you might be writing something
bad about them?

463
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:12,028
Say, uh, Brad,
would you mind doing some

464
00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,447
"Yes, And" drills with me
on the way?

465
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:17,109
"Yes, And" thank you
for asking me.

466
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,113
I recently joined
an improv comedy workshop.

467
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,038
Brad's been pushing me
to do it for years. (CHUCKLES)

468
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,615
Because you're so funny.

469
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:24,996
Yeah, I enjoy it.

470
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:26,122
You should look into it,
too, Kurt.

471
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:27,919
I'd rather look
into a loaded gun.

472
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,962
- Did you hear that?
- Did you just make that up?

473
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,873
- Zinger!
- That's provocative, too.

474
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,716
You ready to let me do that,
Mr. Stubborn?

475
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,468
- I got it.
- KURT: It's never gonna fit.

476
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,178
Hey, kids, no, no, no, no,

477
00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:39,973
why don't you jump into my car
with Adrianna, all right?

478
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:41,425
So Grandpa Kurt here

479
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:44,478
can enjoy Pop-Pop's company
on the way up. (CHUCKLES)

480
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:45,683
Already warmed up a spot

481
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,059
in the capsule
for you, Captain!

482
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,228
Still never gonna fit. Ever.

483
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,354
No, I got it.
It's fitting fine.

484
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,440
I just had to
put it wheels-in.

485
00:18:00,204 --> 00:18:03,288
(GRUNTS) Perfect fit!
All right, let's go.

486
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,282
Hey, Adrianna, you know,
when we're up there,

487
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:06,457
I can teach you
how to snowboard.

488
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:08,001
You're not my dad.

489
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,295
All right.
It's gonna be a fun trip.

490
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,469
BRAD: It's time for
One-Word Story.

491
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:18,719
Anyone can join in,

492
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:19,887
doesn't have to be
just Dad and I.

493
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:21,966
You always give us
the best start.

494
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,476
- Uncle...
- ...Thomas...

495
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,019
- ...went...
- ...tiptoeing...

496
00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:27,304
BRAD:...into the...

497
00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:28,938
...Empire State Building.

498
00:18:29,025 --> 00:18:30,141
(BOTH LAUGHING)

499
00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,816
Where were you going
with that one?

500
00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:35,320
This all took place
at the pancake breakfast!

501
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,106
(SINGING) <i>Fifty-six bottles
of beer on the wall</i>

502
00:18:37,199 --> 00:18:38,610
<i>Fifty-six bottles of beer</i>

503
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:40,867
"G." Georgia,
Georgia license plate!

504
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,782
Ready, and... Quiet Game.

505
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,290
- I'm terrible at this game!
- I can't do it!

506
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:48,959
- I just can't do it.
- I hate the Quiet Game!

507
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,542
(DON AND BRAD
CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

508
00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:09,471
DON: We always liked
the Shimpahs.

509
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,147
BRAD: The movers thought
the Shimpahs' house

510
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:14,021
was our house
and almost moved us in there!

511
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:15,602
DON: The wrong family!
We would've been

512
00:19:15,696 --> 00:19:16,812
living with the Shimpahs!

513
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,605
BRAD: Which I wouldn't
have minded,

514
00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,442
'cause I had a huge crush
on Vicky Shimpah.

515
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,571
(BRAD AND DON LAUGHING)

516
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,028
Oh, Dad, thank you.

517
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,078
You make a five-hour trip
go by like that!

518
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,955
DON: I just wanted everybody
to have a good time.

519
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,661
Nothing like a nice,
relaxing road trip, huh, Dad?

520
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,042
KURT: Ah, it was nothing.

521
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,336
I've been in a confined space
with a chimp.

522
00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,085
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

523
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,894
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
Dylan's got a girlfriend!

524
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,483
No, I don't! Be quiet!

525
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:56,734
MEGAN: Yeah, you love her.

526
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:58,653
You want to buy her flowers
and kiss her on the lips.

527
00:19:58,823 --> 00:20:00,485
Stop it! It's not funny!

528
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,274
SARA: Megan! What did I say

529
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:03,575
about teasing your brother
about girls?

530
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,326
She's still doing it.
And she drilled him

531
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:06,699
in the head
with a snowball too.

532
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,659
(SOFTLY)
Well, I'm not her mother.

533
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,157
Now, go take
your brother inside,

534
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,332
please. Go on, sweetie.

535
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:12,492
MEGAN: Come on, Griffy.

536
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:15,003
So Dylan's started
noticing the girls, huh?

537
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,376
You know, I think it's gonna
be time to give him the talk.

538
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:21,339
The talk? You mean the talk
about the nitty-gritty?

539
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:23,174
- The "nitty-gritty"?
- I'm on it, Sar-Bear.

540
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,804
I've been looking forward
to this for a long time.

541
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,256
I got a whole speech prepared,
all right?

542
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:27,766
It's all heartwarming stuff.

543
00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:30,143
I'm sure you and Brad will do
a bang-up job with that.

544
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,225
Unless, uh, this isn't
a co-dadding moment?

545
00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:34,981
- No.
- No.

546
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,730
- I mean, no, of course it is.
- It is.

547
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,144
- Yeah, it is. It's gonna be.
- Okay, yeah.

548
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,319
Yeah, we're gonna talk
to him together.

549
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,402
Oh, Dusty! I read about some
gender-neutral flashcards.

550
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,241
- Flashcards.
- Uh-huh.

551
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,489
He's got flashcards to teach
your son how to score.

552
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:48,870
BRAD: No, of course not.

553
00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:51,494
They cover human reproduction,
puberty, and hygiene.

554
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,659
Okay, great. You tee it up
with the flashcards,

555
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:55,627
and I'll knock it home
with the heartwarming speech.

556
00:20:55,713 --> 00:20:56,829
All right? We got this.

557
00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:57,996
You're all set.

558
00:20:58,174 --> 00:20:59,381
I'll never forget when

559
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:02,426
Brad first started asking
questions about girls.

560
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,882
I took him out for "the talk."

561
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:08,094
He was so inquisitive
and attentive.

562
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,306
Then I dropped him back off
at his dorm.

563
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,385
Yeah...

564
00:21:13,063 --> 00:21:14,395
Well, come on in.

565
00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:17,770
(ALL EXCLAIM)

566
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,401
Hey, look,
there's a game room!

567
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,320
KAREN: Wow. Adrianna, look.
DYLAN: And a pool table!

568
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:24,147
This is what
I'm talking about.

569
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:25,322
Look at that view!

570
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,280
Look at all the mortise
and tenon joinery!

571
00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,661
Sittin' fat.

572
00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,446
Your old man sure
pulled the right rein

573
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:32,656
getting this place.

574
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,870
Oh, wow. I know. Better throw
you a parade, huh?

575
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,452
(LAUGHING) Oh, I am really
looking forward to that.

576
00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:39,003
Well, you want the thank yous
printed on the bass drums

577
00:21:39,089 --> 00:21:40,455
or the sousaphone covers?

578
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,795
Hey, did anyone bring
my bag in?

579
00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:48,047
My supervisor Clyde Unix...

580
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:51,217
He took over after
Kirby Keller retired in '86.

581
00:21:51,393 --> 00:21:54,056
Horse farm,
upper peninsula of Michigan.

582
00:21:54,230 --> 00:21:56,313
Gorgeous country,
if you ever get the chance.

583
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,313
Wow.

584
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:03,319
Nice shower. (CHUCKLES)

585
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:06,401
That's weird.

586
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:08,908
No controls.

587
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:11,987
Hey, honey,
how do you turn the shower on?

588
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:13,826
AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Shower on.</i>

589
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,657
Off! Shower off!

590
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,326
AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Shower off.</i>

591
00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:19,828
Gosh! Ooh!

592
00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:22,589
Voice-activated water. Cool.

593
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,757
- AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Water cool.</i>
- (YELLS)

594
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,006
- Off! Shower off!
- AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>Shower off.</i>

595
00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:29,091
- Water... Cool...
<i>- Water. Shower cool.</i>

596
00:22:29,265 --> 00:22:30,927
- Cool the water.
<i>- Water cool.</i>

597
00:22:31,725 --> 00:22:33,887
Water off! Turn off!

598
00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:36,220
Off.

599
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:37,679
Oh, my God!

600
00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:39,230
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

601
00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:40,352
SARA: Oh!

602
00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:42,604
You scored on yourself.
Friendly fire.

603
00:22:42,778 --> 00:22:44,189
KAREN: Eight ball,
corner pocket.

604
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:45,771
- KURT: Ooh! No slashing.
- Yeah.

605
00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:47,689
- Good job, babe.
- Thank you, babe.

606
00:22:48,409 --> 00:22:50,947
SARA: (GROANS) Come on, Sara!

607
00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:52,869
No, that is holding.

608
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:56,827
(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYS LOUDLY)

609
00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:58,283
It's too loud, Dylan!
Turn it down!

610
00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,413
I don't know how!

611
00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:01,119
Hey, hey, hey, turn that down!

612
00:23:01,463 --> 00:23:03,045
Griffy's asleep.

613
00:23:05,134 --> 00:23:06,215
(LOWERS VOLUME)

614
00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:08,134
Why are you dressed like
a woman, Brad?

615
00:23:08,304 --> 00:23:09,340
Oh, I can't find my stuff.

616
00:23:09,430 --> 00:23:11,137
Are you sure you got my bag
to fit in the car?

617
00:23:11,307 --> 00:23:12,639
Yeah, of course.
It fit perfect.

618
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,800
Look, can we skip this one?
I can't stand this song.

619
00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:17,932
- Skip it. Skip it, guys.
- Oh, no, no, no! No, Sara.

620
00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:19,596
This is a great song.

621
00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:22,190
This is my real dad's
favorite Christmas song.

622
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,066
Yeah, well, I'm glad
it makes him happy.

623
00:23:24,445 --> 00:23:25,856
You think I don't want
to like this song?

624
00:23:25,946 --> 00:23:27,027
Of course I want to,

625
00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:28,446
- it's a super uplifting song.
- Yeah.

626
00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:29,989
But he ruined it for me.

627
00:23:30,451 --> 00:23:31,783
What are you talking about?

628
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:33,280
All right,
so I'm 12 years old,

629
00:23:33,370 --> 00:23:34,451
and I join the Glee Club.

630
00:23:34,705 --> 00:23:35,695
(CHUCKLES) Glee Club.

631
00:23:35,873 --> 00:23:36,989
All my buddies
in the neighborhood,

632
00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,289
they gave me crap over it,

633
00:23:38,459 --> 00:23:39,825
but I don't care, because
for the holiday pageant

634
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:41,285
we're doing <i>Do They Know
It's Christmas?,</i>

635
00:23:41,462 --> 00:23:43,875
and I was determined
to land that Bono part.

636
00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:48,466
(SINGING) <i>There's a world
outside your window</i>

637
00:23:48,802 --> 00:23:52,637
<i>And it's a world
of dread and fear</i>

638
00:23:52,973 --> 00:23:56,466
<i>Where the only
water flowing is...</i>

639
00:23:56,727 --> 00:23:57,968
DUSTY: <i>So my buddy
Derrick Lindmeyer</i>

640
00:23:58,062 --> 00:23:59,553
<i>is laying
into the Sting part,</i>

641
00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:02,271
<i>when out in the audience,
what do I see?</i>

642
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:05,188
<i>My dad giving Scotty Kimball's
mom a foot rub,</i>

643
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:06,484
<i>not even paying attention!</i>

644
00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:12,732
<i>I totally missed
the Bono part,</i>

645
00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:14,362
<i>and everybody made fun of me.</i>

646
00:24:14,954 --> 00:24:16,570
(GIGGLING)

647
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:21,909
(SINGING) <i>And there won't be
snow in Africa</i>

648
00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:23,288
<i>this Christmastime...</i>

649
00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:26,087
I got no recollection of that.

650
00:24:26,173 --> 00:24:27,163
Yeah, well, I do, all right?

651
00:24:27,257 --> 00:24:28,714
And I got a lot of
other stories just like it.

652
00:24:28,884 --> 00:24:29,874
Science Fair, you left with

653
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:31,085
- Brian Higby's mom.
- (SCOFFS)

654
00:24:31,178 --> 00:24:32,669
Little League regionals, you
left with Mark Fitzgerald's

655
00:24:32,763 --> 00:24:33,924
mom and his aunt!

656
00:24:34,098 --> 00:24:35,930
(STAMMERS) Oh, yeah,
now that I remember.

657
00:24:36,183 --> 00:24:37,594
Yeah, yeah.
That went into extra innings.

658
00:24:37,685 --> 00:24:38,846
Know what I mean, kid?
(CHUCKLES)

659
00:24:39,019 --> 00:24:40,351
- No.
- Ah.

660
00:24:40,813 --> 00:24:41,894
- (CUE STICK THUDS)
- Nice.

661
00:24:45,901 --> 00:24:48,063
Dusty! Dusty! Come on.

662
00:24:48,237 --> 00:24:50,570
He's gonna ruin Christmas,
Brad, I'm telling you.

663
00:24:50,739 --> 00:24:52,822
(SIGHS) Look, I hate to hit
you with the tough love,

664
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,234
but the only person
who can ruin your Christmas

665
00:24:55,911 --> 00:24:58,574
is looking back at you
from that mirror.

666
00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:01,994
- All I see is you, Brad.
- Oh.

667
00:25:02,251 --> 00:25:04,083
Okay. Well, sorry. Here. Here.

668
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:06,327
There. There we go.

669
00:25:06,964 --> 00:25:08,455
- Still you, Brad.
- Is it?

670
00:25:08,632 --> 00:25:09,713
- Yeah, it's still you.
- Oh.

671
00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:12,672
Okay, well, look, I'm looking
at you, so I meant you.

672
00:25:12,845 --> 00:25:14,211
Well, I'm looking at you,
so I see you.

673
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:15,340
Forget the mirror.

674
00:25:15,431 --> 00:25:17,343
You're the only one
who can ruin your Christmas.

675
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:18,506
Don't look at the mirror!

676
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,011
I'm still looking at you
if I look in the mirror.

677
00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:22,302
Don't worry about the mirror.
That was bad.

678
00:25:22,396 --> 00:25:23,682
- Forget the mirror exists.
- Okay.

679
00:25:23,981 --> 00:25:25,722
Let's just focus
on those kids

680
00:25:25,816 --> 00:25:27,648
and giving them a better
childhood than you had.

681
00:25:29,570 --> 00:25:30,651
- You're right.
- Yeah?

682
00:25:30,738 --> 00:25:31,728
It's about them.

683
00:25:31,822 --> 00:25:32,903
It's about giving them
a better Christmas.

684
00:25:32,990 --> 00:25:34,026
There you go.

685
00:25:34,116 --> 00:25:35,106
Yeah, and then we jam
that amazing Christmas

686
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,190
right in his butthole!

687
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:38,325
Yes, we do.
Wait! Whoa, whoa! No.

688
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:39,485
DUSTY: Yes!

689
00:25:39,997 --> 00:25:41,989
You know, Dusty, I'm, uh, just
gonna take the mirror down.

690
00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:43,698
Then we don't have to
worry about it.

691
00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:45,909
(ALL LAUGHING)

692
00:25:46,378 --> 00:25:47,368
Yeah!

693
00:25:48,172 --> 00:25:49,663
MEGAN: Here we go.
BRAD: Here we go.

694
00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:51,664
Hey, where's your glove?

695
00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:52,749
(GRUNTS)

696
00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:55,217
No! Griffy!

697
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:57,670
Excuse me.

698
00:25:57,765 --> 00:25:59,722
(GRUNTING)

699
00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:01,473
Griffy!

700
00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:02,800
(LAUGHING)

701
00:26:03,103 --> 00:26:04,389
Griffy! Hey!

702
00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:06,562
(GASPS) Griffy!

703
00:26:07,066 --> 00:26:08,557
Griffy!

704
00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:10,896
- Watch out, honey!
- (SARA GROANS)

705
00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:12,269
(YELPING)

706
00:26:14,281 --> 00:26:16,318
(GRIFFY BABBLING)

707
00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:18,987
- (BRAD SCREAMING)
- Is that Brad?

708
00:26:20,537 --> 00:26:21,744
(ALL EXCLAIM)

709
00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:23,571
DON: That's Brad!
KURT: That's Brad.

710
00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:25,282
(PANTING)

711
00:26:25,501 --> 00:26:27,743
- DON: That boy never...
- (ALL LAUGHING)

712
00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:29,498
Hey, come here. Look at this.
(LAUGHING)

713
00:26:35,552 --> 00:26:37,839
- Mmm. Honey.
- (GASPS)

714
00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:40,422
- Oh.
- Ow!

715
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:44,346
Dusty, you like that, huh?

716
00:26:47,106 --> 00:26:49,143
Let me capture this
for posterity.

717
00:26:49,650 --> 00:26:51,858
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

718
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,482
DON: The Nativity
is a big deal in Terre Haute.

719
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:58,399
This is the Redeemer,
this is Abundant Life.

720
00:26:58,492 --> 00:26:59,482
Dad.

721
00:26:59,827 --> 00:27:02,285
- (STAMMERING)
- Let's go, Pop-Pop.

722
00:27:04,748 --> 00:27:05,909
(COCKS GUN)

723
00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:09,159
- It's real pretty.
- We'll take the pretty gun.

724
00:27:09,378 --> 00:27:11,461
No. No, no, no, no.

725
00:27:12,005 --> 00:27:13,121
We're not gonna
take that today

726
00:27:13,215 --> 00:27:15,172
'cause we are
a gun-free family.

727
00:27:15,342 --> 00:27:18,335
Good Lord. What has he
turned you into?

728
00:27:19,263 --> 00:27:21,550
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

729
00:27:25,769 --> 00:27:27,351
- Ahh!
- Ha-ha!

730
00:27:28,355 --> 00:27:29,846
All right, throw it down!

731
00:27:30,023 --> 00:27:32,015
All right,
here it comes, Braddie!

732
00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:39,776
Brad!

733
00:27:46,165 --> 00:27:47,326
SARA: Hey, honey!

734
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:48,998
Brad! Brad!

735
00:27:49,459 --> 00:27:51,542
You need a hat.
You're gonna freeze, babe.

736
00:27:51,753 --> 00:27:53,119
Oh, thanks, sweetie.

737
00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:54,749
- You look cute.
- (CHUCKLES)

738
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,583
Hey, I want to talk to you.
I'm worried about your dad.

739
00:27:57,676 --> 00:27:59,542
- (INDISTINCT)
- Don't you think he seems

740
00:27:59,636 --> 00:28:01,093
slightly less chatty
than normal?

741
00:28:01,263 --> 00:28:03,596
You got to be shitting me.

742
00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:05,674
I mean, he shows up here
without your mom?

743
00:28:05,851 --> 00:28:08,013
Don't you think that's weird?
There might be a problem?

744
00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:09,394
With my mom
and dad's relationship?

745
00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:10,515
Yeah!

746
00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:13,272
What? They love each other
more than we do!

747
00:28:13,609 --> 00:28:14,690
Yeah.

748
00:28:14,902 --> 00:28:16,234
I brought you your hat!

749
00:28:16,612 --> 00:28:18,353
No, honey,
I didn't mean it that way.

750
00:28:18,447 --> 00:28:20,234
It's a huge compliment.
Come on.

751
00:28:20,324 --> 00:28:21,360
You got to understand.

752
00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:23,274
Brad! The Christmas lights!

753
00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:26,573
No, no, no, no. (GROANS)

754
00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:28,696
All the light strands
are connected.

755
00:28:28,790 --> 00:28:30,201
A terrible idea!

756
00:28:34,087 --> 00:28:35,544
None of these switches work!

757
00:28:37,758 --> 00:28:39,545
- Heads up.
- (YELPS)

758
00:28:40,093 --> 00:28:42,255
Dad! What are
these levers for?

759
00:28:42,512 --> 00:28:43,548
Ow!

760
00:28:43,639 --> 00:28:45,255
- Sara!
- Stand clear!

761
00:28:45,349 --> 00:28:47,011
SARA: Brad! (WHIMPERING)

762
00:28:50,354 --> 00:28:51,845
(GRUNTING)

763
00:28:52,105 --> 00:28:53,471
DUSTY: Brad, let it go!

764
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:55,022
I don't want it to hit
your car.

765
00:28:55,192 --> 00:28:57,354
- SARA: Let it go!
- (BRAD SCREAMING)

766
00:28:59,071 --> 00:29:00,903
- Tell him to let it go.
- Let it go!

767
00:29:00,989 --> 00:29:02,981
- (YELLING)
- (SARA SCREAMING)

768
00:29:11,124 --> 00:29:12,456
DUSTY: Are you all right?

769
00:29:14,086 --> 00:29:16,669
Look what you did
to the side of my car, man.

770
00:29:16,922 --> 00:29:19,380
(ALARM BLARING)

771
00:29:19,967 --> 00:29:21,003
(SIGHS)

772
00:29:21,093 --> 00:29:23,005
Dusty, I'm so sorry.

773
00:29:23,387 --> 00:29:25,174
- (GROANS)
- SARA: Honey!

774
00:29:26,515 --> 00:29:28,347
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- (LAUGHING)

775
00:29:30,435 --> 00:29:32,427
I'm not putting that
Santy Claus back up there.

776
00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:34,937
I don't want to put it back
on the roof, either.

777
00:29:35,565 --> 00:29:37,397
- Why didn't he let go?
- (LAUGHING)

778
00:29:37,734 --> 00:29:39,896
Because he's an idiot!

779
00:29:44,032 --> 00:29:46,615
(PANTING)

780
00:29:49,955 --> 00:29:50,945
(SCOFFS)

781
00:29:52,374 --> 00:29:53,910
Son of a...

782
00:29:54,001 --> 00:29:56,539
(DON SNORING)

783
00:30:01,341 --> 00:30:02,331
Don.

784
00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:04,166
Don.

785
00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:06,176
Don, wake up. Don!

786
00:30:07,264 --> 00:30:09,051
Don, wake up! Don! Don!

787
00:30:09,141 --> 00:30:10,928
(MUMBLING)

788
00:30:11,685 --> 00:30:15,178
Kurt, are you okay?
Did you have a bad dream?

789
00:30:15,439 --> 00:30:16,771
Do you need to talk?

790
00:30:16,940 --> 00:30:19,273
Yeah, I need to be held.
My heart hurts. No!

791
00:30:19,609 --> 00:30:21,942
Did you touch the thermostat?
Did you turn it up?

792
00:30:22,112 --> 00:30:23,523
Well, of course not.

793
00:30:23,697 --> 00:30:25,233
Did somebody fiddle
with the thermostat?

794
00:30:25,324 --> 00:30:26,360
Yes! It's 85 degrees.

795
00:30:26,533 --> 00:30:28,991
85! Do you have any idea
how much

796
00:30:29,077 --> 00:30:31,034
even a few degrees
can impact the gas bill?

797
00:30:31,204 --> 00:30:32,911
Of course I do!
It's unthinkable.

798
00:30:33,081 --> 00:30:35,664
Dad? Kurt?
What's going on in here?

799
00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:37,075
Why is it so hot?

800
00:30:37,169 --> 00:30:38,785
Someone fiddled
with the thermostat!

801
00:30:39,004 --> 00:30:41,121
What? Who would do that?

802
00:30:41,631 --> 00:30:43,042
(DOOR OPENS)

803
00:30:48,347 --> 00:30:50,179
What do you think
you're doing?

804
00:30:50,390 --> 00:30:51,722
It's roasting in here!

805
00:30:51,933 --> 00:30:53,845
I like to sleep
with my window open.

806
00:30:54,019 --> 00:30:55,009
Hey, kid.

807
00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:56,719
Are you allowed
to touch the thermostat

808
00:30:56,813 --> 00:30:57,894
at your mom's house?

809
00:30:58,148 --> 00:30:59,855
(SCOFFS) Duh.

810
00:31:01,985 --> 00:31:03,021
(DOOR CLOSES)

811
00:31:03,111 --> 00:31:04,352
What is going on?

812
00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:07,025
Adrianna! She turned up
the thermostat!

813
00:31:07,199 --> 00:31:09,065
Said she fiddles with
the thermostat at your place

814
00:31:09,159 --> 00:31:10,695
any time
she damn well pleases.

815
00:31:10,994 --> 00:31:13,407
Dusty, is that true?
Tell me that's not true.

816
00:31:14,790 --> 00:31:16,122
Oh, criminy, Dusty!

817
00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:17,623
You might as well
give her your wallet

818
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,041
and your 401(k)
while you're at it!

819
00:31:19,127 --> 00:31:20,208
Brad, do you let the kids

820
00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:21,411
touch the thermostat
at your house?

821
00:31:21,505 --> 00:31:24,839
What? No! The thermostat
is a sacred covenant.

822
00:31:25,008 --> 00:31:27,375
I can't believe
we're even talking about this!

823
00:31:27,469 --> 00:31:28,630
This is madness!

824
00:31:28,804 --> 00:31:30,761
Oh, God, even Brad's got
his house in order.

825
00:31:30,931 --> 00:31:32,263
Hey, you got no right
to talk, all right?

826
00:31:32,432 --> 00:31:34,048
It wasn't hard to keep me away
from the thermostat

827
00:31:34,142 --> 00:31:35,349
once you shipped me off
to military school.

828
00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:36,509
Kurt, you didn't.

829
00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:37,684
He was out of control.
He was a bedwetter.

830
00:31:37,854 --> 00:31:39,595
I was a bedwetter.
Were you a bedwetter?

831
00:31:39,689 --> 00:31:40,930
I was four years old!

832
00:31:41,108 --> 00:31:42,724
BRAD: Okay,
everyone take it easy.

833
00:31:42,943 --> 00:31:44,400
It's not Dusty's fault

834
00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:45,943
that he lets Adrianna
walk all over him.

835
00:31:46,113 --> 00:31:47,979
She does not walk all over me!

836
00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:49,897
I can see
how being a stepdad,

837
00:31:50,075 --> 00:31:52,442
you might not feel
empowered to discipline

838
00:31:52,536 --> 00:31:54,027
- someone else's child.
- (SCOFFS)

839
00:31:54,121 --> 00:31:55,783
Hey, quit your scoffing,
all right?

840
00:31:55,956 --> 00:31:57,618
And you two quit helping me.

841
00:31:57,791 --> 00:32:01,125
Look, Karen and Roger
spoil her to no end.

842
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,252
It's crazy!

843
00:32:03,463 --> 00:32:05,204
And there's nothing
you can do. I get it!

844
00:32:05,298 --> 00:32:07,585
You're the stepdad.
You're screwed.

845
00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:09,421
That kid's never gonna
respect you

846
00:32:09,511 --> 00:32:11,047
unless you bring
the hammer down.

847
00:32:20,230 --> 00:32:22,267
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- What the hell was that, Brad?

848
00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:24,519
(CHUCKLES) I know.
He's old school.

849
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:26,685
I think you handled this
really well, Brad.

850
00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:28,610
I'm so proud of the way
you express yourself.

851
00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:30,521
Come here.

852
00:32:31,450 --> 00:32:32,941
Again? Really?

853
00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:36,118
Good night, Dusty!

854
00:32:36,288 --> 00:32:38,655
BRAD: Good night, Dad.
DON: Good night, Brad.

855
00:32:49,843 --> 00:32:51,550
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

856
00:32:53,847 --> 00:32:55,679
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

857
00:32:57,893 --> 00:32:59,725
SARA: Jump! Jump!
DON: Come on, Griff.

858
00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:01,552
Jumpy, jumpy, jumpy!

859
00:33:02,147 --> 00:33:03,228
Casey's here!

860
00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:04,638
Hey, guys.

861
00:33:05,358 --> 00:33:06,348
Hey.

862
00:33:06,610 --> 00:33:08,397
ADRIANNA: Hey, Dylan, look.
Casey's here.

863
00:33:08,487 --> 00:33:09,523
You want to come French her?

864
00:33:09,863 --> 00:33:12,606
Yeah, you want to go do French
on your girlfriend, Dylan?

865
00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:14,774
SARA: Megan! Leave him alone.

866
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:17,201
And where did you learn
"do French"?

867
00:33:17,370 --> 00:33:18,702
I'll go talk to him.

868
00:33:21,583 --> 00:33:23,996
Dylan? You okay, buddy?

869
00:33:24,461 --> 00:33:25,918
(SIGHS)

870
00:33:27,172 --> 00:33:29,755
I just... I don't get
the whole girls thing.

871
00:33:30,091 --> 00:33:31,081
Oh.

872
00:33:31,301 --> 00:33:33,634
Girls, yeah.
Yeah, that can be tricky.

873
00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:35,378
But you know
who'd be really good

874
00:33:35,472 --> 00:33:36,679
in explaining that department?

875
00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:38,589
Your dad. Let me go grab him.

876
00:33:38,767 --> 00:33:40,633
No, Brad! I just want to talk
to you about this.

877
00:33:40,727 --> 00:33:41,717
Just you, Brad, please?

878
00:33:41,895 --> 00:33:43,887
Me? You sure you don't want
to talk to your dad?

879
00:33:45,190 --> 00:33:47,273
Oh, well, girls. Okay.

880
00:33:47,609 --> 00:33:49,441
Huh. Um...

881
00:33:49,778 --> 00:33:51,861
All right,
the girl talk. Um...

882
00:33:52,197 --> 00:33:54,359
You know, boys have a...

883
00:33:54,866 --> 00:33:56,482
A dingle, right?

884
00:33:56,576 --> 00:33:57,817
And girls have a hoo-hoo
or a whim-wham.

885
00:33:57,911 --> 00:33:58,947
Brad, I already know
about that stuff.

886
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,027
You do?

887
00:34:00,121 --> 00:34:01,111
Yes. From school,
and it's gross.

888
00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:02,196
Perfect!

889
00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:04,577
I just want to know
what to do if I, you know,

890
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:06,083
I like somebody.

891
00:34:06,253 --> 00:34:07,289
Oh. Right, well...

892
00:34:08,255 --> 00:34:09,996
You want to become
her friend first.

893
00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:12,335
You want to be that one
that she confides in,

894
00:34:12,509 --> 00:34:14,216
that she tells you
about all of her problems

895
00:34:14,302 --> 00:34:15,588
with the guys
she's actually dating.

896
00:34:15,762 --> 00:34:16,878
Got it.

897
00:34:16,972 --> 00:34:18,429
It's called the Friend Zone.

898
00:34:18,515 --> 00:34:21,633
And it's where
we Whitaker men thrive.

899
00:34:22,185 --> 00:34:25,019
We're the best in the biz.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.

900
00:34:25,188 --> 00:34:27,350
Here we are
in a wild frontier,

901
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:28,931
full of majestic pines,

902
00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:30,937
and you two numbnuts
are sorting through

903
00:34:31,027 --> 00:34:33,485
a bunch of dried twigs
on a Rite Aid parking lot.

904
00:34:33,572 --> 00:34:34,653
You just can't go out
on public land

905
00:34:34,739 --> 00:34:35,775
and cut down a tree, Dad.

906
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:38,482
Dusty, we are the public.
We own those trees.

907
00:34:38,577 --> 00:34:40,068
(SCOFFS)

908
00:34:40,787 --> 00:34:43,450
Oh, I get it. You need to
ask co-dad for permission.

909
00:34:43,623 --> 00:34:45,364
Oh, shut up. I know
what you're trying to do.

910
00:34:45,542 --> 00:34:46,623
What am I doing?

911
00:34:46,793 --> 00:34:47,874
Make it look like
I can't make a move

912
00:34:47,961 --> 00:34:49,077
without checking in
with Brad first.

913
00:34:49,254 --> 00:34:51,792
Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
Am I right about that, huh?

914
00:34:52,007 --> 00:34:53,839
(CHUCKLING) Oh, God.

915
00:34:54,134 --> 00:34:55,500
(SNIFFING)

916
00:34:56,219 --> 00:34:57,255
(SCOFFS)

917
00:34:57,512 --> 00:35:00,175
BRAD: And we own the paint
in the Friend Zone.

918
00:35:00,515 --> 00:35:02,677
And sure we're gonna
lose some. Doesn't matter.

919
00:35:02,851 --> 00:35:04,513
We're gonna lose a lot,
I'll be frank with you.

920
00:35:04,686 --> 00:35:06,097
Well, what do you know?

921
00:35:06,187 --> 00:35:08,850
Brad's having that
nitty-gritty talk for you.

922
00:35:09,357 --> 00:35:10,643
Must be nice to have someone

923
00:35:10,734 --> 00:35:12,191
to handle
the tough stuff, huh?

924
00:35:12,527 --> 00:35:14,519
(SIGHS) And eventually
you'll keep in touch.

925
00:35:14,696 --> 00:35:16,688
You might even be invited to
their wedding!

926
00:35:17,115 --> 00:35:19,232
And their dad's like, "Brad,
what are you doing here?

927
00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:21,443
"Teresa never talks
about you!"

928
00:35:21,703 --> 00:35:23,410
And you're like,
"I'm invited."

929
00:35:23,496 --> 00:35:25,613
And he's like,
"I wonder about that."

930
00:35:25,790 --> 00:35:27,452
And you show them the proof!

931
00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:29,204
Always bring
the wedding invite with you.

932
00:35:29,502 --> 00:35:31,494
- Then they can't kick you out.
- Okay.

933
00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:32,752
But you'll be sad ultimately

934
00:35:32,839 --> 00:35:35,081
knowing that she's not
with you, and

935
00:35:35,383 --> 00:35:36,544
you want to
prepare yourself

936
00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:38,547
with, like,
a mixtape of sad songs.

937
00:35:38,762 --> 00:35:41,596
Anything from Chicago
is usually pretty good.

938
00:35:42,098 --> 00:35:44,306
(SINGING)
<i>If you leave me now</i>

939
00:35:44,768 --> 00:35:48,762
<i>You take away
the biggest part of me</i>

940
00:35:49,105 --> 00:35:50,312
I don't really know that song.

941
00:35:50,899 --> 00:35:54,734
<i>Ooh-wee, no, baby,
please don't go</i>

942
00:35:55,528 --> 00:35:57,690
Wait! No, no, no! Dylan,

943
00:35:58,448 --> 00:36:00,064
that is the worst advice
anyone could give you.

944
00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:01,444
Listen to your dad, please.

945
00:36:01,785 --> 00:36:02,821
It's okay, Dad.

946
00:36:02,911 --> 00:36:04,197
We don't have to talk
about it.

947
00:36:04,371 --> 00:36:06,203
No, no, buddy, buddy,
wait, wait, look!

948
00:36:06,373 --> 00:36:07,784
Hey, this stuff
is all about confidence.

949
00:36:07,874 --> 00:36:09,035
You just got to believe
you're the best

950
00:36:09,125 --> 00:36:10,206
she's ever gonna find.

951
00:36:10,293 --> 00:36:11,500
You believe that to your core,

952
00:36:11,586 --> 00:36:13,043
and she will, too,
I promise you.

953
00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:14,290
But what if she doesn't?

954
00:36:14,381 --> 00:36:16,498
Whoa, buddy, you can't be
afraid of rejection.

955
00:36:16,675 --> 00:36:18,132
You'll never find love
if you're too scared

956
00:36:18,218 --> 00:36:19,504
to put yourself out there.

957
00:36:19,844 --> 00:36:21,005
KURT: Hey, Goggles?

958
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,295
Mistletoe is your ticket.

959
00:36:22,389 --> 00:36:23,470
You walk right up to her,

960
00:36:23,556 --> 00:36:24,842
you dangle this
over her head,

961
00:36:25,016 --> 00:36:26,052
and then you slap

962
00:36:26,142 --> 00:36:27,428
your spaghetti suckers
right on her.

963
00:36:27,602 --> 00:36:28,843
I don't know
if that's appropriate.

964
00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:30,431
It's a time-honored
holiday tradition,

965
00:36:30,522 --> 00:36:31,638
Mr. War-On-Christmas.

966
00:36:32,107 --> 00:36:34,064
Then you give her a nice smack
on the caboose

967
00:36:34,150 --> 00:36:35,766
and tell her
what a lucky girl she is.

968
00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:36,850
Don't listen
to that part, all right?

969
00:36:36,945 --> 00:36:38,026
Yeah, don't listen
to that part.

970
00:36:38,196 --> 00:36:39,186
Look at me. Look at me.

971
00:36:39,364 --> 00:36:40,650
You want to be like Brad
and be in the Friend Zone,

972
00:36:40,740 --> 00:36:42,026
or you wanna be like Dad
and get in the end zone?

973
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,736
This worked for me
when I was your age.

974
00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:44,863
You want to go for it, buddy?

975
00:36:46,705 --> 00:36:48,162
Come on, you can do this.

976
00:36:48,498 --> 00:36:53,493
(SINGING) <i>A love like ours
is love that's hard to find</i>

977
00:36:56,756 --> 00:36:59,749
<i>How could we let it slip away?</i>

978
00:37:00,260 --> 00:37:02,343
No! I like Brad's way more.

979
00:37:02,512 --> 00:37:05,505
I just want to be her friend
and listen to her problems!

980
00:37:13,231 --> 00:37:15,564
MEGAN: My tree, my tree,
my tree, my tree.

981
00:37:16,109 --> 00:37:17,225
My tree, my tree.

982
00:37:17,318 --> 00:37:18,308
Can I yell "Timber"?

983
00:37:18,403 --> 00:37:20,269
- Sure can, sweetheart.
- Yay!

984
00:37:20,363 --> 00:37:21,524
DON: Is this okay?

985
00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:24,027
Are any of these trees
even gonna fit in the cabin?

986
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,816
We're gonna cut off
the top 25 feet

987
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:27,902
and chop the rest up
for firewood, Don.

988
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:29,115
Oh.

989
00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:31,162
Now, this is
the Duster Buster I remember.

990
00:37:31,249 --> 00:37:34,617
A certified badass that makes
his own rules! Whoa.

991
00:37:35,128 --> 00:37:37,120
Go find a good tree,
would you?

992
00:37:38,465 --> 00:37:40,707
Boy, I don't know
about this, Kurt.

993
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,133
Isn't it illegal to harvest
a tree from public lands?

994
00:37:43,303 --> 00:37:45,420
Oh, hell, yeah.
It's a federal crime.

995
00:37:45,597 --> 00:37:46,758
I tried to talk him out of it,

996
00:37:46,848 --> 00:37:48,760
but you know how stubborn
that kid can be.

997
00:37:48,850 --> 00:37:49,840
Okay.

998
00:37:50,435 --> 00:37:52,552
Dusty, look, I know
you're upset about Dylan,

999
00:37:52,645 --> 00:37:53,681
but I just...

1000
00:37:53,938 --> 00:37:55,554
I told you, Brad,
I'm not upset, all right?

1001
00:37:55,648 --> 00:37:56,855
We're co-dads!

1002
00:37:57,025 --> 00:37:58,436
If he prefers
your terrible advice,

1003
00:37:58,526 --> 00:37:59,607
fine, I'm cool with that.

1004
00:37:59,778 --> 00:38:00,814
I just want to find
the perfect

1005
00:38:00,904 --> 00:38:01,940
Together Christmas tree.

1006
00:38:02,030 --> 00:38:03,020
Well, I just don't know if

1007
00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:04,150
it's the best choice,
you know?

1008
00:38:04,324 --> 00:38:05,485
Well, maybe we're not always
gonna do

1009
00:38:05,575 --> 00:38:07,407
everything your way
every time.

1010
00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:09,034
Trouble in paradise, fellas?

1011
00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:11,196
- No, we're picking a tree.
- Just having a conversation.

1012
00:38:11,706 --> 00:38:14,039
- (CHUCKLES)
- MEGAN AND DYLAN: El Padre!

1013
00:38:14,459 --> 00:38:15,449
Lookit!

1014
00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,619
Hey, what, kids? What,
you find a dead squirrel?

1015
00:38:18,046 --> 00:38:19,833
We don't have
to do things my way.

1016
00:38:19,923 --> 00:38:20,959
- Really?
- Yeah.

1017
00:38:21,049 --> 00:38:22,039
What about baseball snack?

1018
00:38:22,133 --> 00:38:23,499
I just wanted to give out
Fruit Roll-Ups,

1019
00:38:23,593 --> 00:38:24,629
and what's the big deal?

1020
00:38:24,803 --> 00:38:26,965
No, I just feel like organic
fruit is much more nutritious

1021
00:38:27,055 --> 00:38:28,421
than its rolled-up
counterpart.

1022
00:38:28,598 --> 00:38:29,588
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

1023
00:38:29,682 --> 00:38:30,763
And what about
Megan's diorama?

1024
00:38:30,850 --> 00:38:31,840
You didn't want to use
any of my ideas.

1025
00:38:32,060 --> 00:38:33,722
Your only idea
was the Bay of Pigs!

1026
00:38:33,895 --> 00:38:34,885
But it's an important event

1027
00:38:34,979 --> 00:38:36,060
- in our nation's history!
- It was bloody.

1028
00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:37,517
You wanted her to do
green energy

1029
00:38:37,607 --> 00:38:39,143
so you could look
like Mr. Perfect Dad.

1030
00:38:39,317 --> 00:38:41,559
- I'm not Mr. Perfect Dad.
- You act like Mr. Perfect Dad.

1031
00:38:41,736 --> 00:38:42,817
I'm not Mr. Perfect Dad.

1032
00:38:42,904 --> 00:38:44,065
And we don't
have to do things my way.

1033
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:45,650
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

1034
00:38:47,408 --> 00:38:49,741
Okay. You don't think I can
operate a chainsaw, do you?

1035
00:38:50,245 --> 00:38:53,579
Guess who got his woodlands
management badge in Webelos.

1036
00:38:53,915 --> 00:38:55,907
I did! Brad Whitaker.

1037
00:38:56,167 --> 00:38:57,157
(CLEARS THROAT)

1038
00:38:57,502 --> 00:38:58,492
Ah!

1039
00:38:59,254 --> 00:39:02,668
Dusty, look at this one.
Perfectly symmetrical.

1040
00:39:03,132 --> 00:39:04,122
Okay.

1041
00:39:04,926 --> 00:39:06,087
- (GRUNTS)
- (CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

1042
00:39:06,386 --> 00:39:07,422
(REVVING CHAINSAW)

1043
00:39:07,512 --> 00:39:08,844
Oh, yeah.

1044
00:39:09,097 --> 00:39:11,009
Keep an eye out for rangers!

1045
00:39:11,307 --> 00:39:14,550
I've got to pinpoint
a 60 degree angle top cut.

1046
00:39:15,478 --> 00:39:17,470
That's what
I'm gonna do first.

1047
00:39:18,982 --> 00:39:21,144
Oh, yeah!
She's cutting like butter!

1048
00:39:22,527 --> 00:39:24,109
Hey, Brad, isn't that a...

1049
00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:29,652
- (TREE CRACKING)
- (CHAINSAW WHIRRING)

1050
00:39:34,247 --> 00:39:35,488
Hold it, hold it!

1051
00:39:36,541 --> 00:39:38,032
MEGAN: Timber!

1052
00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:42,044
(LAUGHS) Wow!

1053
00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:44,167
Brad, you cut down
a cell phone tower.

1054
00:39:44,257 --> 00:39:46,715
Why'd you cut down
a cell phone tower?

1055
00:39:46,801 --> 00:39:48,508
- (PHONE BEEPS)
- No bars? No bars?

1056
00:39:49,012 --> 00:39:50,844
(SCREAMS)

1057
00:39:51,806 --> 00:39:53,217
- KURT: That was excellent!
- Get up.

1058
00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:54,381
You really stuck
that landing, man.

1059
00:39:54,475 --> 00:39:55,465
Would you get up?

1060
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,051
I'd give you a 9.2
on my card.

1061
00:39:57,145 --> 00:39:58,135
Brad, get up.

1062
00:39:58,313 --> 00:39:59,303
I think Brad's dead again.

1063
00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:01,104
Oh, man,
you killed the poor bastard!

1064
00:40:01,524 --> 00:40:03,186
Brad, don't go into the light!

1065
00:40:03,359 --> 00:40:05,521
It's okay, sweetheart.
El Padre will bring him back.

1066
00:40:05,612 --> 00:40:07,023
- Stand clear.
- I got it, all right?

1067
00:40:07,113 --> 00:40:08,399
It's your fault
we're even out here.

1068
00:40:08,489 --> 00:40:09,570
You're getting in our heads

1069
00:40:09,657 --> 00:40:10,647
and starting static
between me and Brad.

1070
00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:12,108
(SCOFFS)
There's plenty of static

1071
00:40:12,201 --> 00:40:13,658
between you and Brad already.

1072
00:40:13,828 --> 00:40:14,818
And you know what?
Deep down,

1073
00:40:14,913 --> 00:40:16,404
you want him dead, don't you?

1074
00:40:16,581 --> 00:40:17,571
You can say it.

1075
00:40:17,665 --> 00:40:18,906
We all want him dead.
I want him dead.

1076
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:20,241
- Everybody does.
- What?

1077
00:40:20,501 --> 00:40:21,491
Come on, admit it.

1078
00:40:21,669 --> 00:40:23,706
Why don't you admit why you
invited yourself to Christmas?

1079
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:25,337
Oh, well, why don't you
tell me, smart guy?

1080
00:40:25,506 --> 00:40:27,042
'Cause you knew I was back
here trying to be a good dad,

1081
00:40:27,133 --> 00:40:28,840
be around for my kids
the way you never were for me.

1082
00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:30,714
That's why you want
to crap all over it.

1083
00:40:30,887 --> 00:40:32,003
- Get up, Brad!
- (GASPS)

1084
00:40:33,681 --> 00:40:35,172
Oh, my God, what happened?

1085
00:40:35,350 --> 00:40:37,012
You cut down
a cell phone tower, Brad.

1086
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:38,676
You know, you're right.

1087
00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:40,102
I did invite myself
to Christmas.

1088
00:40:40,897 --> 00:40:42,559
But that's because
you never do.

1089
00:40:43,983 --> 00:40:45,190
(BRAD GROANS)

1090
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:47,518
I feel like I died again.
Did I die again?

1091
00:40:47,695 --> 00:40:49,027
A little bit. Come on.

1092
00:40:52,575 --> 00:40:54,567
Okay.
Our report's all squared away.

1093
00:40:54,744 --> 00:40:56,451
Yimmy, Bill,
thank you guys so much

1094
00:40:56,537 --> 00:40:57,744
for the understanding.
We really appreciate it.

1095
00:40:57,914 --> 00:41:00,076
BRAD: I'm so sorry.
I'm truly embarrassed.

1096
00:41:00,249 --> 00:41:02,366
BILL: No, hey.
It was an honest mistake.

1097
00:41:02,460 --> 00:41:03,496
YIMMY:
Okay, you're all set.

1098
00:41:03,753 --> 00:41:05,369
BILL: Okay, we'd better
get back to the site

1099
00:41:05,463 --> 00:41:06,499
and lock it down.

1100
00:41:06,673 --> 00:41:09,006
Hold on one second.

1101
00:41:09,467 --> 00:41:12,301
Is there any way we could
do better than $20,000?

1102
00:41:12,470 --> 00:41:14,803
Can't you reuse some
of the antenna equipment?

1103
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:18,678
Sorry, no. These old 4G units
are obsolete already.

1104
00:41:18,851 --> 00:41:20,513
That's why you're getting
this one so cheap!

1105
00:41:20,603 --> 00:41:21,764
It looks really nice, though.

1106
00:41:21,938 --> 00:41:23,349
It sure does.
Hey, guys, keep it up,

1107
00:41:23,439 --> 00:41:25,021
it looks great.
Happy Holidays.

1108
00:41:25,191 --> 00:41:26,682
Happy Christmas, guys. Thanks.

1109
00:41:26,859 --> 00:41:28,191
Please tell me
you did not just spend

1110
00:41:28,277 --> 00:41:29,939
$20,000 on a Christmas tree?

1111
00:41:30,279 --> 00:41:32,862
$20,000.
"Can you hear me now?"

1112
00:41:33,741 --> 00:41:35,323
You want some eggnog?

1113
00:41:38,413 --> 00:41:39,745
- Mmm, yummy.
- Hey!

1114
00:41:39,998 --> 00:41:41,739
- I want some!
- Me, too!

1115
00:41:41,916 --> 00:41:43,407
Now, girls,
that's a grown-up drink.

1116
00:41:43,668 --> 00:41:45,330
Yes. Thank you, Karen.

1117
00:41:45,586 --> 00:41:47,202
So we're only gonna have one.

1118
00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:48,328
SARA: What? No, no, no!

1119
00:41:48,506 --> 00:41:50,498
There's rum in there,
so not any.

1120
00:41:50,717 --> 00:41:52,049
BOTH: Aw!

1121
00:41:53,469 --> 00:41:54,960
Are you writing about me?

1122
00:41:55,430 --> 00:41:56,511
All right.
Somebody want to plug her in?

1123
00:41:56,597 --> 00:41:58,259
Yeah, I got it.

1124
00:41:59,892 --> 00:42:00,882
DYLAN: Cool!

1125
00:42:02,145 --> 00:42:03,477
That's weird.

1126
00:42:06,607 --> 00:42:07,939
DYLAN: Wow!

1127
00:42:23,291 --> 00:42:24,372
What do you think?

1128
00:42:25,793 --> 00:42:27,125
It's so pretty.

1129
00:42:27,295 --> 00:42:29,878
Well, it ought to be
at 1,200 bucks a foot.

1130
00:42:30,048 --> 00:42:32,040
Dad, we're lighting the tree!

1131
00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:33,711
- Where's my dad?
- Yeah, I thought it was

1132
00:42:33,801 --> 00:42:35,008
a little quiet around here.

1133
00:42:35,386 --> 00:42:37,378
- Pop-Pop? Pop-Pop?
- Don?

1134
00:42:39,057 --> 00:42:40,969
Is he still outside?

1135
00:42:43,728 --> 00:42:45,219
BRAD: Dad!

1136
00:42:46,481 --> 00:42:47,813
Dad?

1137
00:42:48,858 --> 00:42:49,939
Dad?

1138
00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:51,983
DON: Brad!

1139
00:42:52,153 --> 00:42:53,985
Dad! Where are you?

1140
00:42:54,155 --> 00:42:56,272
- I found him! Where are you?
- DON: I don't know.

1141
00:42:56,491 --> 00:42:58,153
BRAD: Are you hurt?
DON: Oh, no, no!

1142
00:42:58,367 --> 00:43:00,950
No,
I just can't quite get up.

1143
00:43:01,537 --> 00:43:02,618
(PANTING) Oh!

1144
00:43:02,872 --> 00:43:04,238
Dad, don't move.

1145
00:43:04,332 --> 00:43:05,539
There's a pack of wolves
on you.

1146
00:43:06,084 --> 00:43:07,916
DON: Oh, is that what it is?
BRAD: Yeah.

1147
00:43:08,252 --> 00:43:10,414
DON: I can feel something
tugging at my trousers.

1148
00:43:10,588 --> 00:43:13,126
- What color are they, Brad?
- They're gray wolves.

1149
00:43:13,299 --> 00:43:15,382
DON: That'll be <i>Canis lupus.</i>
They're dangerous.

1150
00:43:15,551 --> 00:43:16,712
BRAD: Really?
They look like you could

1151
00:43:16,803 --> 00:43:17,839
just reach out and pet them.

1152
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:19,344
I kind of want
to pet them, Dad.

1153
00:43:19,514 --> 00:43:22,052
DON: Now, Brad. Don't make eye
contact with the alpha wolf.

1154
00:43:22,225 --> 00:43:24,342
I already did!
Right in the eyes.

1155
00:43:24,519 --> 00:43:26,010
DON: Don't show any fear.

1156
00:43:26,187 --> 00:43:28,144
I don't want to watch
the wolves eat you!

1157
00:43:28,314 --> 00:43:30,146
DON: Breathe deep
and pull yourself together.

1158
00:43:30,316 --> 00:43:31,557
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1159
00:43:31,734 --> 00:43:32,724
Hut!

1160
00:43:34,987 --> 00:43:36,649
Hut! Hurt!

1161
00:43:36,989 --> 00:43:38,651
Are you saying
"hut" or "hurt"?

1162
00:43:38,825 --> 00:43:39,815
Dad, what happened?

1163
00:43:39,992 --> 00:43:42,359
Oh, you know,
I saw the nicest tree

1164
00:43:42,453 --> 00:43:43,660
a ways off, and

1165
00:43:43,830 --> 00:43:45,662
I got a little off course.

1166
00:43:45,832 --> 00:43:47,448
I tried to call you,
but all of a sudden

1167
00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:48,578
my signal dropped!

1168
00:43:48,668 --> 00:43:49,658
Really?

1169
00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:51,744
I tried to find
my way back, but

1170
00:43:52,046 --> 00:43:53,787
at some point
I lost consciousness.

1171
00:43:53,881 --> 00:43:57,045
That's about when the wolves
must have come across me.

1172
00:43:57,385 --> 00:43:58,375
It's all right, fellas.

1173
00:43:58,469 --> 00:44:00,882
You didn't have to go
to any trouble. It's all good.

1174
00:44:06,561 --> 00:44:08,974
I'm sorry for all the hugs.

1175
00:44:09,313 --> 00:44:11,020
I kind of don't want
to let go.

1176
00:44:11,107 --> 00:44:13,019
I almost thought
I'd lost you out there

1177
00:44:13,109 --> 00:44:14,316
to those nasty wolves.

1178
00:44:14,485 --> 00:44:16,477
Do you have any idea
how much I love you?

1179
00:44:16,654 --> 00:44:19,818
Well, of course I do.
You tweet about it every day.

1180
00:44:19,991 --> 00:44:22,153
You know how much I love you,
too, don't you?

1181
00:44:22,577 --> 00:44:25,069
- Your answer is right in here.
- (GASPS)

1182
00:44:25,913 --> 00:44:27,245
I can see it!

1183
00:44:27,331 --> 00:44:28,367
(SCOFFS)

1184
00:44:28,457 --> 00:44:30,949
Okay, now that everyone
is accounted for,

1185
00:44:31,294 --> 00:44:33,206
can we please talk
about who is paying

1186
00:44:33,296 --> 00:44:34,628
for that monstrosity?

1187
00:44:34,964 --> 00:44:37,627
Well, you know, it was Dusty's
idea to cut down the tree.

1188
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:38,790
DUSTY: Yeah,
and it was your idea

1189
00:44:38,885 --> 00:44:40,217
to cut down
the cell phone tower, Brad.

1190
00:44:40,386 --> 00:44:42,548
Great, so as per usual
we get stuck paying.

1191
00:44:42,722 --> 00:44:44,964
- Wait, what does that mean?
- I think it's a nice tree.

1192
00:44:45,141 --> 00:44:46,882
I don't know. Dylan's
retainer? Megan's flute?

1193
00:44:47,059 --> 00:44:48,925
What about Tae Kwon Do
that you signed them up for

1194
00:44:49,020 --> 00:44:50,227
and didn't even ask us about?

1195
00:44:50,396 --> 00:44:52,729
Yes, and who paid for the trip
to the aquarium last week?

1196
00:44:52,815 --> 00:44:54,101
It's a really nice tree.

1197
00:44:54,192 --> 00:44:55,182
So now we're
keeping score, huh?

1198
00:44:55,276 --> 00:44:56,266
Well, who paid for the parking

1199
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:57,942
and bought each one of them
a blowup orca?

1200
00:44:58,112 --> 00:45:00,069
After we told them they
couldn't have a blowup orca!

1201
00:45:00,198 --> 00:45:01,188
Yeah, because
you were too cheap

1202
00:45:01,282 --> 00:45:02,272
to buy them a blowup orca!

1203
00:45:02,366 --> 00:45:04,449
DUSTY: Who crushed my car with
a snow blower? You did, Brad.

1204
00:45:04,619 --> 00:45:05,860
Who crushed my car
with a motorcycle?

1205
00:45:05,953 --> 00:45:06,989
Hello! You again!

1206
00:45:07,079 --> 00:45:08,069
DON: Hey!

1207
00:45:08,164 --> 00:45:09,496
It's a beautiful tree!

1208
00:45:09,832 --> 00:45:11,619
It's beautiful, all right?

1209
00:45:11,709 --> 00:45:12,995
- (KURT CHUCKLES)
- BRAD: Okay, yeah.

1210
00:45:13,085 --> 00:45:14,292
Dad's right.

1211
00:45:15,296 --> 00:45:16,787
It's a beautiful tree.

1212
00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:20,040
KURT: Whoa!

1213
00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:22,171
Don, I'm sorry, I don't think

1214
00:45:22,261 --> 00:45:23,342
I'm gonna be able
to save the foot.

1215
00:45:23,512 --> 00:45:24,502
Yeah, that baby's coming off.

1216
00:45:24,597 --> 00:45:26,338
I'll need some morphine
and a bread knife.

1217
00:45:26,515 --> 00:45:27,847
Brad, hold him down.

1218
00:45:28,017 --> 00:45:30,134
(LAUGHS) Oh, no.
That's just my feet.

1219
00:45:30,311 --> 00:45:32,223
It's the mail carrier's curse.

1220
00:45:32,396 --> 00:45:34,638
Back when I used to
sleep with your mom,

1221
00:45:34,815 --> 00:45:37,023
I once scratched
her leg so bad

1222
00:45:37,109 --> 00:45:38,771
with a piece
of rogue heel skin,

1223
00:45:38,945 --> 00:45:40,607
it actually drew blood.

1224
00:45:40,780 --> 00:45:43,022
What do you mean,
used to sleep with Ginny?

1225
00:45:43,324 --> 00:45:44,314
What?

1226
00:45:45,534 --> 00:45:48,197
Oh. We sleep
in separate bedrooms.

1227
00:45:48,371 --> 00:45:50,784
You know how badly
I snore, Brad.

1228
00:45:51,290 --> 00:45:53,202
Boy, that is inspiring!

1229
00:45:53,501 --> 00:45:54,992
You know?
The way you're always

1230
00:45:55,086 --> 00:45:57,419
so considerate
to the other person.

1231
00:45:58,172 --> 00:45:59,162
KURT: Ugh.

1232
00:45:59,757 --> 00:46:01,840
I really want
to take this foot off.

1233
00:46:01,926 --> 00:46:04,088
(SNORING)

1234
00:46:11,227 --> 00:46:12,217
DUSTY: Hey, sweetie.

1235
00:46:12,561 --> 00:46:14,052
You know, you might want
to close your window.

1236
00:46:14,146 --> 00:46:15,307
You know, since it's winter?

1237
00:46:15,481 --> 00:46:16,471
You're not my dad.

1238
00:46:16,649 --> 00:46:17,890
You know, I appreciate you
reminding me of that

1239
00:46:17,984 --> 00:46:19,225
every few hours.

1240
00:46:19,402 --> 00:46:20,643
But, you know, we're not
the only people here,

1241
00:46:20,736 --> 00:46:23,319
so maybe we set
the thermostat to like 75?

1242
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:25,234
I mean, that's still
really toasty, right?

1243
00:46:25,324 --> 00:46:26,314
85.

1244
00:46:26,659 --> 00:46:27,740
Okay, well,

1245
00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:29,902
what if I counter you
at like 78?

1246
00:46:30,037 --> 00:46:31,198
And then you negotiate
with me, you come back

1247
00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:33,781
at like 83, and then
maybe we settle at like 80.

1248
00:46:33,874 --> 00:46:35,331
- What do you say to that?
- 81.

1249
00:46:35,418 --> 00:46:36,408
Deal!

1250
00:46:36,585 --> 00:46:38,167
Look at that. The two of us
are starting to see

1251
00:46:38,254 --> 00:46:39,244
- eye to eye.
- (DOOR SLAMS)

1252
00:46:39,505 --> 00:46:40,666
Thank you, sweetie.

1253
00:46:40,965 --> 00:46:42,046
Oh, thank God.

1254
00:46:42,341 --> 00:46:44,378
Oh, there's Brad
with some makeup cocoa

1255
00:46:44,468 --> 00:46:46,460
for being such a jerk.
Thank you.

1256
00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:49,130
- Brad! What are you doing?
- (GROANS) Oh, God.

1257
00:46:49,223 --> 00:46:50,839
(SCREAMS)

1258
00:46:50,933 --> 00:46:51,969
Why would you do that?

1259
00:46:52,059 --> 00:46:53,049
Look what you made me do!

1260
00:46:53,227 --> 00:46:54,217
- I didn't do anything.
- I didn't make you do it!

1261
00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:55,644
I thought you were bringing me
hot makeup cocoa

1262
00:46:55,730 --> 00:46:56,891
and you just, like,
threw it all over yourself.

1263
00:46:57,064 --> 00:46:58,271
You almost burned me, Brad!

1264
00:46:58,357 --> 00:46:59,723
I wasn't bringing you
makeup cocoa.

1265
00:46:59,900 --> 00:47:00,981
Why not?

1266
00:47:01,068 --> 00:47:02,229
I would've said, "Here, bud,
some makeup cocoa."

1267
00:47:02,361 --> 00:47:03,351
I've been waiting
for my makeup cocoa.

1268
00:47:03,446 --> 00:47:04,436
I didn't know that!

1269
00:47:04,613 --> 00:47:06,900
If I knew you wanted
makeup cocoa, I would've...

1270
00:47:07,241 --> 00:47:08,231
81!

1271
00:47:08,409 --> 00:47:09,490
No, no, don't touch that!

1272
00:47:09,577 --> 00:47:10,567
I talked her down
from the high 80s.

1273
00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:12,323
I'm making progress with her.
This is good.

1274
00:47:12,496 --> 00:47:13,657
Oh, I thought you had
your house in order.

1275
00:47:13,748 --> 00:47:14,989
Look, don't you see?

1276
00:47:15,166 --> 00:47:16,498
We're doing
exactly what he wants.

1277
00:47:16,584 --> 00:47:17,825
We're letting things
out of the harbor!

1278
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:18,950
- So you are harboring.
- Of course I'm harboring!

1279
00:47:19,045 --> 00:47:20,035
And so are you.

1280
00:47:20,212 --> 00:47:21,202
Harboring was working
just fine

1281
00:47:21,297 --> 00:47:22,504
before he showed up.

1282
00:47:22,673 --> 00:47:24,039
Let's get everything
back in the harbor

1283
00:47:24,133 --> 00:47:26,420
and let's harbor it all back
in and close up the harbor.

1284
00:47:26,594 --> 00:47:27,926
I don't know if I can!

1285
00:47:28,095 --> 00:47:29,586
Remember you said let's put
the focus back on the kids?

1286
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:31,467
- That was a great idea!
- (BRAD SIGHS)

1287
00:47:32,308 --> 00:47:34,550
Fine. Harbor's closed.

1288
00:47:34,643 --> 00:47:35,633
Good.

1289
00:47:35,728 --> 00:47:37,469
But we're going halfsies
on the cell tower.

1290
00:47:37,563 --> 00:47:39,145
Fine, halfsies
on the cell tower.

1291
00:47:39,315 --> 00:47:41,307
Brad, are you okay?

1292
00:47:42,318 --> 00:47:43,308
Yeah.

1293
00:47:43,486 --> 00:47:46,024
- Did you make tee-tee in bed?
- No, it's cocoa.

1294
00:47:46,197 --> 00:47:48,029
Did your cocoa
make you tee-tee in bed?

1295
00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:49,735
You're sleepwalking.
Go back to sleep.

1296
00:47:49,825 --> 00:47:52,283
The big boy doesn't have
to be embarrassed.

1297
00:47:54,914 --> 00:47:56,746
How would I pee upwards?

1298
00:47:57,416 --> 00:47:59,373
(ROCKABILLY MUSIC PLAYING)

1299
00:48:01,379 --> 00:48:02,711
7½. 13.

1300
00:48:09,220 --> 00:48:10,210
(EXCLAIMS)

1301
00:48:11,097 --> 00:48:12,087
- Pretty good.
- Yeah.

1302
00:48:12,264 --> 00:48:13,471
Better than before.

1303
00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:14,923
Yeah, the skip
was really cool.

1304
00:48:16,644 --> 00:48:19,057
Hey. Do you mind?
Bowler's etiquette.

1305
00:48:19,230 --> 00:48:21,222
- What do you mean?
- It means you're crowding me.

1306
00:48:21,399 --> 00:48:23,061
What? You can't bowl
with me here?

1307
00:48:26,779 --> 00:48:28,020
That sounded like a strike.

1308
00:48:34,578 --> 00:48:35,910
How's your hearing?

1309
00:48:37,415 --> 00:48:39,247
- Dylan, come on, you're up!
- KURT: All right.

1310
00:48:39,417 --> 00:48:41,249
Let's go. Hey, come on.
You can do this, okay?

1311
00:48:42,211 --> 00:48:44,624
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's with the kiddie stuff?

1312
00:48:44,797 --> 00:48:46,004
- What? The rails?
- Yeah.

1313
00:48:46,090 --> 00:48:47,797
It's how the kids
learn how to bowl, Dad.

1314
00:48:47,967 --> 00:48:49,674
You learn by fearing
the gutter.

1315
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:50,876
Like in life, Dusty.

1316
00:48:51,053 --> 00:48:53,261
Now, Kurt.
The rails help a young bowler

1317
00:48:53,347 --> 00:48:54,883
build a positive self-image.

1318
00:48:55,224 --> 00:48:57,136
Dylan, come here.

1319
00:48:58,185 --> 00:48:59,721
Do you want to bowl
with those sissy rails up,

1320
00:48:59,812 --> 00:49:02,350
or do you want to stand
and bowl like a man?

1321
00:49:03,732 --> 00:49:04,893
I don't need the rails,
I guess.

1322
00:49:04,984 --> 00:49:06,145
Attaboy!
I'm proud of you, kid.

1323
00:49:06,318 --> 00:49:08,150
Hey, I'm proud of you too,
big guy, all right?

1324
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:10,061
BRAD: Dylan's going
without the rails.

1325
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:12,652
(GASPS) No rails?
Whoo! All right, Dylan!

1326
00:49:12,825 --> 00:49:14,817
BRAD: Don't be afraid
to release it high.

1327
00:49:14,910 --> 00:49:15,900
Here we go.

1328
00:49:17,079 --> 00:49:18,411
BRAD: Good try.

1329
00:49:18,664 --> 00:49:19,871
When he's up there
with the tears

1330
00:49:19,957 --> 00:49:21,198
and "I suck at everything"
business,

1331
00:49:21,292 --> 00:49:23,033
that's on you,
Mr. School of Hard Knocks.

1332
00:49:23,210 --> 00:49:24,621
Hey, better than him
living in your basement

1333
00:49:24,712 --> 00:49:26,203
in 20 years, Mr. Sissy Rails.

1334
00:49:30,509 --> 00:49:31,875
Come on, buddy.
Give it another shot.

1335
00:49:32,219 --> 00:49:33,801
Okay. New start,
new beginning. Here we go.

1336
00:49:34,930 --> 00:49:35,920
(GRUNTS)

1337
00:49:36,015 --> 00:49:37,426
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

1338
00:49:38,934 --> 00:49:39,924
- Yay!
- (ALL CHEERING)

1339
00:49:41,604 --> 00:49:42,594
- KURT: Oh, yeah.
- (WHOOPS)

1340
00:49:48,903 --> 00:49:49,893
(GRUNTS)

1341
00:49:53,991 --> 00:49:56,483
Are we certain
he understands the game?

1342
00:49:56,577 --> 00:49:58,819
He seems to almost be trying
to put it in the gutter.

1343
00:49:58,996 --> 00:50:01,079
I know. He needs to get
more height on the ball.

1344
00:50:11,258 --> 00:50:12,248
(GRUNTS)

1345
00:50:16,764 --> 00:50:19,427
I hate this frickin' game!
It's so frickin' stupid!

1346
00:50:21,101 --> 00:50:22,637
Hey, everybody, check it out!

1347
00:50:22,811 --> 00:50:24,552
This kid's about to bowl
a perfect zero.

1348
00:50:24,688 --> 00:50:25,974
Hey, mind your business!

1349
00:50:26,065 --> 00:50:27,772
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

1350
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:28,894
Hey, how do you think
this is gonna make him

1351
00:50:28,984 --> 00:50:29,974
feel about himself?

1352
00:50:30,152 --> 00:50:31,814
Well,
this is character building.

1353
00:50:31,987 --> 00:50:33,478
Even the ridicule.

1354
00:50:33,948 --> 00:50:35,689
- Come on, bud.
- Come on, Dylan!

1355
00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:37,607
- (CROWD GASPS)
- It's okay.

1356
00:50:37,868 --> 00:50:39,530
I suck at everything!

1357
00:50:39,703 --> 00:50:41,786
I quit, I quit!

1358
00:50:44,166 --> 00:50:45,498
- Hey. Hey, kid, listen.
- (SOBBING)

1359
00:50:47,086 --> 00:50:49,920
We Mayron men
might not always show up.

1360
00:50:50,256 --> 00:50:52,248
I mean, we want to show up,
we intend to, but

1361
00:50:52,424 --> 00:50:54,165
sometimes we get trashed
the night before,

1362
00:50:54,260 --> 00:50:55,751
or we wreck a speedboat, or

1363
00:50:55,928 --> 00:50:58,420
hook up with some Emirates
flight attendants and

1364
00:50:58,597 --> 00:51:01,340
somehow end up
on a redeye to Dubai.

1365
00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,550
You know what I mean.

1366
00:51:03,811 --> 00:51:05,643
The point is, we may not
always show up,

1367
00:51:05,813 --> 00:51:08,476
but when we do,
we finish what we start.

1368
00:51:08,774 --> 00:51:10,857
Now you get up there
and grab those balls.

1369
00:51:16,824 --> 00:51:18,315
DUSTY: Come on, you got this.

1370
00:51:19,577 --> 00:51:20,943
(CROWD CHEERING)

1371
00:51:26,333 --> 00:51:27,540
Go, bro!

1372
00:51:28,002 --> 00:51:29,834
BOOKIE: I'll take that.

1373
00:51:30,170 --> 00:51:31,661
I'll cover that.

1374
00:51:34,341 --> 00:51:35,673
Come on, honey!

1375
00:51:37,011 --> 00:51:38,752
- Come on, buddy.
- You can do it, kid.

1376
00:51:51,525 --> 00:51:53,016
Please. Please.

1377
00:52:05,289 --> 00:52:07,076
(ALL CHEERING)

1378
00:52:08,959 --> 00:52:10,291
Whoo! I did it!

1379
00:52:10,502 --> 00:52:12,585
(ALL CHEERING)

1380
00:52:13,130 --> 00:52:15,042
Thanks for believing in me,
El Padre!

1381
00:52:15,215 --> 00:52:17,878
You bet, buddy!
I knew you had it in you!

1382
00:52:20,054 --> 00:52:22,467
You're a winner!
You're a winner!

1383
00:52:23,515 --> 00:52:24,972
(WHOOPING)

1384
00:52:27,936 --> 00:52:30,053
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

1385
00:52:33,359 --> 00:52:34,645
Hey, where were you guys?

1386
00:52:34,735 --> 00:52:35,942
We're almost at the front
of the line here.

1387
00:52:36,111 --> 00:52:38,649
We were at the Starbucks
checking out the local talent.

1388
00:52:38,822 --> 00:52:40,108
Cute little number
at the next table

1389
00:52:40,199 --> 00:52:41,360
was giving this one the eye.

1390
00:52:41,533 --> 00:52:43,115
And El Padre got a phone
number from the lady

1391
00:52:43,202 --> 00:52:45,945
who made the coffees.
We got free ones!

1392
00:52:46,038 --> 00:52:47,028
(KURT CHUCKLES)

1393
00:52:47,956 --> 00:52:50,289
- I drink coffee now.
- DUSTY: What? Get in here.

1394
00:52:50,501 --> 00:52:51,833
Big jump!

1395
00:52:53,170 --> 00:52:54,502
(GUNFIRE ON TABLET)

1396
00:52:57,174 --> 00:52:58,460
Hey, honey,
are you sure you don't want

1397
00:52:58,550 --> 00:52:59,666
to go see Santa with the boys?

1398
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,251
You were so excited.

1399
00:53:03,180 --> 00:53:05,763
Mom, Santa is so lame.

1400
00:53:06,433 --> 00:53:08,425
- Come on.
- He can hear you, you know!

1401
00:53:10,354 --> 00:53:12,266
You know, I'm sorry, um...

1402
00:53:12,940 --> 00:53:16,354
My daughter thinks that
your daughter is amazing.

1403
00:53:16,777 --> 00:53:18,109
Oh, that's sweet.

1404
00:53:19,279 --> 00:53:21,271
Which is cute,
you're right, but

1405
00:53:21,448 --> 00:53:23,861
sometimes when Adrianna
does certain things,

1406
00:53:24,034 --> 00:53:25,445
then Megan thinks
that it's okay to do it

1407
00:53:25,536 --> 00:53:26,777
because you said that...

1408
00:53:32,126 --> 00:53:33,116
Oh, my God.

1409
00:53:33,836 --> 00:53:35,498
Are you really
stealing right now?

1410
00:53:35,671 --> 00:53:37,378
Sometimes I shoplift
a little bit.

1411
00:53:37,464 --> 00:53:38,671
It's exciting!

1412
00:53:39,842 --> 00:53:42,505
No! I mean... Okay, yeah,
it's a little exciting.

1413
00:53:42,594 --> 00:53:44,176
My heart's really
beating out of my chest.

1414
00:53:44,346 --> 00:53:46,429
What if we get caught?
You got to put it back!

1415
00:53:46,598 --> 00:53:47,634
You're so obedient.

1416
00:53:47,725 --> 00:53:49,341
You're always following
the rules, you know.

1417
00:53:49,518 --> 00:53:50,599
Come on, Sara.

1418
00:53:50,686 --> 00:53:52,177
Have a little fun with me.
Relax.

1419
00:53:52,354 --> 00:53:54,186
(SIGHS) I mean, I would love
to have a little fun with you,

1420
00:53:54,273 --> 00:53:56,686
but I just want you to know,
I am not obedient, okay?

1421
00:53:56,859 --> 00:53:59,317
- Then put this in your pants.
- Uh, no. No, thank you.

1422
00:53:59,486 --> 00:54:01,478
And don't touch my boobs.
It's weird.

1423
00:54:01,655 --> 00:54:04,068
Stop it!
I'm not going to shoplift!

1424
00:54:04,241 --> 00:54:05,652
- Why not?
- Because...

1425
00:54:06,118 --> 00:54:08,110
Because
you're about to see why.

1426
00:54:08,287 --> 00:54:09,778
- Pardon me, miss?
- Yes?

1427
00:54:09,997 --> 00:54:12,080
- Is this woman bothering you?
- What?

1428
00:54:12,374 --> 00:54:15,538
She's a little judgmental,
but she's fine. Thank you.

1429
00:54:15,836 --> 00:54:17,247
No worries.

1430
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:20,830
(SCOFFS)

1431
00:54:22,885 --> 00:54:23,875
(LAUGHS HEARTILY)

1432
00:54:24,970 --> 00:54:26,632
Welcome to the North Pole!

1433
00:54:26,805 --> 00:54:28,592
And what do you want
for Christmas?

1434
00:54:28,682 --> 00:54:29,672
(SQUEALING)

1435
00:54:34,813 --> 00:54:36,475
Oh, I didn't miss it. Hi!

1436
00:54:36,648 --> 00:54:38,640
Right there.
This is a great shot.

1437
00:54:38,984 --> 00:54:41,226
- Are you getting it, honey?
- Yeah, I got a good one.

1438
00:54:41,403 --> 00:54:42,564
That's a great shot.

1439
00:54:43,322 --> 00:54:44,312
BRAD: Thank you, Santa.

1440
00:54:44,406 --> 00:54:45,487
- SANTA: Oh, you're welcome!
- Hi, honey.

1441
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:47,406
What about you, big brother?

1442
00:54:47,493 --> 00:54:49,610
I'm sure you've been good.
What's on your list?

1443
00:54:49,912 --> 00:54:51,653
I kind of want

1444
00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:53,366
a 20-gauge shotgun,

1445
00:54:53,457 --> 00:54:55,198
so I can go turkey hunting
with my El Padre!

1446
00:54:55,375 --> 00:54:56,866
What the heck?
Where'd he come up with that?

1447
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:58,041
Did he just ask for a firearm?

1448
00:54:58,212 --> 00:55:00,295
Sure did! 20-gauge.
Kid knows his guns.

1449
00:55:00,464 --> 00:55:02,171
Kurt, we've already been
through this. Dusty and I...

1450
00:55:02,257 --> 00:55:03,873
Yeah, it is final. That's it.
It's not happening.

1451
00:55:04,051 --> 00:55:05,167
Really?
Because I don't remember

1452
00:55:05,260 --> 00:55:06,376
being part of that discussion.

1453
00:55:06,637 --> 00:55:08,424
Or am I just some
little obedient wife

1454
00:55:08,514 --> 00:55:09,721
who does whatever
the men folk say?

1455
00:55:10,140 --> 00:55:11,722
Yeah, that doesn't
seem quite fair to me.

1456
00:55:11,809 --> 00:55:12,799
Oh, piss off, Kurt.

1457
00:55:12,976 --> 00:55:14,467
Honey, he's talking
about a gun.

1458
00:55:14,812 --> 00:55:17,304
If I may, can I just

1459
00:55:17,648 --> 00:55:20,311
have a word
with my grandson?

1460
00:55:21,151 --> 00:55:23,188
I just want you
to fully understand

1461
00:55:23,278 --> 00:55:24,644
what you're asking for.

1462
00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:27,901
To take a gun
into the wilderness,

1463
00:55:28,242 --> 00:55:30,780
find an animal
living free,

1464
00:55:30,953 --> 00:55:32,910
and take away its life.

1465
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:34,992
So that it can never
breathe or run

1466
00:55:35,916 --> 00:55:38,408
or play ever again. Now,

1467
00:55:38,752 --> 00:55:40,744
is that what
you really want?

1468
00:55:40,921 --> 00:55:42,128
Yes.

1469
00:55:42,673 --> 00:55:45,131
- No. I don't want to do that.
- Ah.

1470
00:55:45,217 --> 00:55:47,049
You have a good heart, Dylan.

1471
00:55:47,302 --> 00:55:48,964
I'll do it!
I'll kill a turkey!

1472
00:55:49,137 --> 00:55:50,799
Can I shoot one? Please?

1473
00:55:50,889 --> 00:55:52,005
(SANTA GROANS)

1474
00:55:52,099 --> 00:55:54,091
I'll have one shotgun,
please, Santa.

1475
00:55:54,184 --> 00:55:55,846
And gobs and gobs of bullets.

1476
00:55:56,144 --> 00:55:58,227
No, no, no, cupcake.
No, I'm sorry.

1477
00:55:58,397 --> 00:56:02,061
No, the men do the hunting.
You ladies cook what we kill.

1478
00:56:02,526 --> 00:56:03,516
Excuse me?

1479
00:56:05,237 --> 00:56:06,899
Yeah, excuse you?

1480
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:09,151
Here, turkey, turkey, turkey!

1481
00:56:09,324 --> 00:56:10,440
Be patient, sweetheart.

1482
00:56:10,534 --> 00:56:11,741
The decoys are right
around the corner.

1483
00:56:11,910 --> 00:56:13,117
KURT: This is nice, huh, Dust?

1484
00:56:13,203 --> 00:56:15,820
You and me, the fresh air.
Just like old times.

1485
00:56:15,998 --> 00:56:17,159
What do you mean
"just like old times"?

1486
00:56:17,249 --> 00:56:18,330
You only took me once, Dad.

1487
00:56:18,625 --> 00:56:19,615
DON: Aw, jeez, I don't know.
Are you sure

1488
00:56:19,710 --> 00:56:21,451
this is a good idea, Sara?

1489
00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:23,711
Megan is a strong
independent woman.

1490
00:56:23,881 --> 00:56:25,918
If she wants to help thin
the wild turkey population

1491
00:56:26,091 --> 00:56:27,957
so that they don't starve
to death in the winter,

1492
00:56:28,135 --> 00:56:29,717
that is her right
by the Second Amendment.

1493
00:56:29,803 --> 00:56:31,715
Boy, you bought into that
real quick.

1494
00:56:31,889 --> 00:56:32,925
I mean, I think for Megan

1495
00:56:33,015 --> 00:56:34,426
this is less
about wildlife conservation

1496
00:56:34,516 --> 00:56:35,632
and more about bloodlust.

1497
00:56:35,809 --> 00:56:38,472
Looks like somebody picked
the wrong day to be a turkey.

1498
00:56:38,896 --> 00:56:41,309
KURT: Keep your elbow down
and cradle the stock, okay.

1499
00:56:41,481 --> 00:56:42,471
Yeah, I get it.

1500
00:56:42,566 --> 00:56:44,057
Can I shoot
the damn thing or not?

1501
00:56:44,234 --> 00:56:45,566
Yeah, that's the spirit.

1502
00:56:45,903 --> 00:56:47,394
DUSTY: Take a deep breath,

1503
00:56:47,654 --> 00:56:48,690
and then
squeeze that trigger

1504
00:56:48,780 --> 00:56:50,737
as you're letting it out.

1505
00:56:51,867 --> 00:56:53,824
Megan, are you sure
this is what you want to do?

1506
00:56:53,911 --> 00:56:54,901
(SHUSHES)

1507
00:56:54,995 --> 00:56:55,985
DON: Let's name it.

1508
00:56:56,079 --> 00:56:57,490
She's not gonna kill it
if it has a name.

1509
00:56:57,664 --> 00:56:59,826
- Yes! Uh... Gertrude.
- Sam? Tom?

1510
00:57:00,292 --> 00:57:01,624
Billie Holiday! No.

1511
00:57:01,793 --> 00:57:02,874
- Elijah.
- Elijah!

1512
00:57:02,961 --> 00:57:04,827
DON: Elijah, run home!
KURT: Stand your ground, kid.

1513
00:57:04,922 --> 00:57:05,912
Save yourself, Elijah!

1514
00:57:06,048 --> 00:57:07,038
Take the shot, kid.
Take the shot.

1515
00:57:07,132 --> 00:57:08,339
BRAD: No, Elijah has feelings!

1516
00:57:08,425 --> 00:57:09,632
Take the shot!

1517
00:57:09,718 --> 00:57:10,708
- (MEGAN SCREAMS)
- (GUN FIRES)

1518
00:57:11,261 --> 00:57:12,627
(GRUNTS) Oh, God!

1519
00:57:13,096 --> 00:57:14,086
Dad!

1520
00:57:14,306 --> 00:57:16,389
Oh, my God.
Honey, are you okay?

1521
00:57:16,642 --> 00:57:17,632
- BRAD: Kurt!
- Dad, Dad, are you all right?

1522
00:57:17,726 --> 00:57:18,967
I'm okay. She just winged me.

1523
00:57:19,144 --> 00:57:20,476
I'm sorry, El Padre!
I'm sorry.

1524
00:57:20,646 --> 00:57:21,636
That's okay, kid.
I've been shot

1525
00:57:21,730 --> 00:57:23,141
worse than this
plenty of times.

1526
00:57:23,315 --> 00:57:24,647
DUSTY: Make your scarf
into a tourniquet.

1527
00:57:24,733 --> 00:57:26,395
Wrap it around his shoulder.

1528
00:57:26,735 --> 00:57:28,226
Lift his legs!

1529
00:57:28,403 --> 00:57:30,315
- You'll be fine, sweetheart.
- KURT: I'm gonna bleed out.

1530
00:57:37,955 --> 00:57:38,945
Wow.

1531
00:57:39,247 --> 00:57:41,739
Two for two.
Makes getting shot worth it.

1532
00:57:41,917 --> 00:57:43,249
Get the birds, Brad.

1533
00:57:43,418 --> 00:57:45,580
God! I don't know
who this child is.

1534
00:57:45,754 --> 00:57:47,086
You get that one.

1535
00:57:48,298 --> 00:57:49,539
(SIGHS)

1536
00:57:55,305 --> 00:57:56,967
What? I know, okay?

1537
00:57:57,265 --> 00:57:59,427
It's on me. I'm the worst mom
in the world.

1538
00:57:59,685 --> 00:58:01,017
I put a gun
in my daughter's hand,

1539
00:58:01,103 --> 00:58:03,095
and then
she nearly killed somebody.

1540
00:58:03,438 --> 00:58:05,521
She's gonna be scarred
for life.

1541
00:58:06,108 --> 00:58:07,189
MEGAN: Hi!

1542
00:58:07,359 --> 00:58:08,645
I just shot a turkey
and a man.

1543
00:58:09,319 --> 00:58:10,981
Guess which one's dead.

1544
00:58:15,909 --> 00:58:18,652
Okay, fine, maybe
she's a little too unscarred.

1545
00:58:18,745 --> 00:58:19,781
Jeez.

1546
00:58:20,247 --> 00:58:22,364
- (BEEPING)
- (DOOR CLOSES)

1547
00:58:24,668 --> 00:58:26,330
- You all right?
- Yeah, good.

1548
00:58:26,670 --> 00:58:27,660
All right. So, listen,

1549
00:58:27,754 --> 00:58:28,835
the doctor said everything is
gonna be all right.

1550
00:58:29,006 --> 00:58:30,622
He just wants to keep you
for a couple of hours

1551
00:58:30,716 --> 00:58:31,832
to watch your blood pressure.

1552
00:58:32,009 --> 00:58:33,671
I'm fine. Where's my pants?

1553
00:58:33,844 --> 00:58:35,676
Hey. Oh, I forgot.
Nothing ever hurts you.

1554
00:58:35,846 --> 00:58:37,087
Why don't we just round up
all the nurses?

1555
00:58:37,180 --> 00:58:38,170
We can bring them in here.

1556
00:58:38,265 --> 00:58:39,301
You could do some pushups
for them,

1557
00:58:39,474 --> 00:58:40,464
maybe bench press
the couch a little bit,

1558
00:58:40,559 --> 00:58:41,720
prove
you're still a tough guy.

1559
00:58:41,852 --> 00:58:43,263
Still tough enough
to lick you, Junior.

1560
00:58:43,353 --> 00:58:44,343
- (SCOFFS)
- Was that a scoff?

1561
00:58:44,479 --> 00:58:45,469
I didn't scoff.

1562
00:58:45,564 --> 00:58:46,645
Yeah, I heard you scoff
just then.

1563
00:58:46,732 --> 00:58:47,768
All right, I scoffed. So what?

1564
00:58:47,941 --> 00:58:49,273
Why, because you think
you can lick me, right?

1565
00:58:49,359 --> 00:58:50,349
Oh, I never said
I could lick you,

1566
00:58:50,444 --> 00:58:51,434
but I could whoop you
for sure.

1567
00:58:51,611 --> 00:58:52,601
Oh, now we're talking!

1568
00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:53,857
Come on. Best out of
three falls, come on.

1569
00:58:54,031 --> 00:58:55,522
Hey, cut it out, okay? I'm not
gonna wrestle an old man

1570
00:58:55,615 --> 00:58:57,072
whose ass is hanging out
of his hospital gown.

1571
00:58:57,242 --> 00:58:58,733
Greco-Roman style. Best way.
Come on.

1572
00:58:58,910 --> 00:59:00,902
Hey, Great Santini, I'm not
gonna do this, all right?

1573
00:59:01,079 --> 00:59:02,695
- Cut it out. Get some rest.
- All right.

1574
00:59:02,956 --> 00:59:04,447
Hey! (GROANS)

1575
00:59:04,708 --> 00:59:06,540
That's one, candy-ass.
(CHUCKLES)

1576
00:59:06,710 --> 00:59:08,201
Oh, now you're gonna
get whipped, old man.

1577
00:59:08,295 --> 00:59:09,376
Come on. Bring it on.

1578
00:59:11,131 --> 00:59:12,497
(THUDDING)

1579
00:59:14,593 --> 00:59:15,629
Tap out!

1580
00:59:15,719 --> 00:59:17,255
Nah. I can keep going
all night, kid.

1581
00:59:17,345 --> 00:59:19,052
You hear that heart rate?
You can set your watch to it.

1582
00:59:19,222 --> 00:59:21,134
Oh, yeah. 'Cause ice water
only flows at one speed, huh?

1583
00:59:21,308 --> 00:59:23,300
That's right, pal.
Now go to sleep.

1584
00:59:23,477 --> 00:59:24,558
You know I came in to
say something nice,

1585
00:59:24,644 --> 00:59:25,680
but now you can forget it.

1586
00:59:25,854 --> 00:59:27,436
Huh. What nice thing?

1587
00:59:27,606 --> 00:59:28,938
No. Forget it.

1588
00:59:29,107 --> 00:59:31,144
You know,
when that gun went off,

1589
00:59:31,234 --> 00:59:32,270
I thought you were a goner.

1590
00:59:32,444 --> 00:59:33,525
There's something that
we never say that

1591
00:59:33,612 --> 00:59:35,820
one of us should say
before it's too late.

1592
00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:37,272
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)

1593
00:59:37,783 --> 00:59:39,115
Yeah? Like... Like what?

1594
00:59:39,284 --> 00:59:40,320
No, I'm not gonna say it now,

1595
00:59:40,410 --> 00:59:41,992
but maybe
you want to say something.

1596
00:59:42,079 --> 00:59:43,069
I don't know
what you're talking about.

1597
00:59:43,163 --> 00:59:44,199
Oh, yeah?

1598
00:59:44,289 --> 00:59:46,531
Seems like you might want to
get something off your chest.

1599
00:59:46,708 --> 00:59:47,698
No. Nothing comes to mind.

1600
00:59:47,793 --> 00:59:49,034
But if you want to
say something,

1601
00:59:49,127 --> 00:59:50,288
I'm not gonna stop you
or anything.

1602
00:59:50,462 --> 00:59:51,498
No, I'm good.

1603
00:59:51,588 --> 00:59:52,704
But you might wanna
unburden yourself

1604
00:59:52,798 --> 00:59:54,585
before you bust that
frickin' machine.

1605
00:59:54,925 --> 00:59:57,258
Yeah. Well, if I was gonna say
something, and I'm not...

1606
00:59:57,427 --> 00:59:58,417
What are you gonna say?

1607
00:59:58,512 --> 01:00:00,048
But if I was, I might want to
tell you that I...

1608
01:00:00,222 --> 01:00:01,258
- BRAD: Hello?
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)

1609
01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:02,429
Wait, it's Brad! Don't,
don't say it! Don't say it.

1610
01:00:02,516 --> 01:00:03,506
BRAD: Knock, knock!

1611
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:04,590
DUSTY: Time out on three,
okay? One, two, three.

1612
01:00:04,684 --> 01:00:05,925
- (WHEEZES)
- Hey, Brad.

1613
01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:07,601
- What's going on?
- (PANTING)

1614
01:00:07,771 --> 01:00:09,342
Hey.
Am I interrupting something?

1615
01:00:09,523 --> 01:00:10,934
- What? No, nothing.
- No, we're fine.

1616
01:00:11,108 --> 01:00:12,269
Why are you being so weird,
Brad?

1617
01:00:12,359 --> 01:00:13,440
BRAD: Just seems
a little awkward in here.

1618
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:14,726
(SNIFFS)

1619
01:00:14,820 --> 01:00:16,561
Oh, gosh.
It smells like a bullfight.

1620
01:00:16,988 --> 01:00:18,399
So, look, guys,

1621
01:00:18,740 --> 01:00:20,606
I'm not here to tell you
I told you so,

1622
01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:21,736
even though I did.

1623
01:00:22,702 --> 01:00:23,988
(SIGHS)
I've just been thinking that

1624
01:00:24,079 --> 01:00:26,366
we've had a lot of tensions
as of late, and I thought

1625
01:00:26,540 --> 01:00:29,032
maybe we could use
a Dads' Night Out. Right?

1626
01:00:29,209 --> 01:00:31,451
Yeah.
So what are we thinking, Brad?

1627
01:00:31,545 --> 01:00:32,581
Strip club?

1628
01:00:32,921 --> 01:00:34,913
Even better.

1629
01:00:35,257 --> 01:00:38,750
Oh, look, it's a cute
tiny monkey on your back.

1630
01:00:38,969 --> 01:00:40,050
(ALL LAUGHING)

1631
01:00:43,098 --> 01:00:44,305
Give us all the money
in the drawers

1632
01:00:44,391 --> 01:00:45,882
and all the lollipops.

1633
01:00:48,186 --> 01:00:49,677
(LAUGHING MOCKINGLY)

1634
01:00:49,896 --> 01:00:51,478
Guys, I can't keep up.

1635
01:01:01,116 --> 01:01:02,106
I'm gonna hit the head.

1636
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:03,236
I'll get us
a couple more drinks.

1637
01:01:03,326 --> 01:01:04,316
KURT: Sure.

1638
01:01:04,411 --> 01:01:06,744
Hey, am I crazy or are
you guys having a good time?

1639
01:01:06,913 --> 01:01:08,370
I don't know.
I think we kind of are.

1640
01:01:08,748 --> 01:01:10,489
- That's wonderful, Dusty!
- Thanks, Don.

1641
01:01:11,376 --> 01:01:13,163
I told you
we'd rub off on you two.

1642
01:01:13,336 --> 01:01:14,872
In this room right now,

1643
01:01:14,963 --> 01:01:18,172
uh, there's a man who,
despite his advancing years,

1644
01:01:18,341 --> 01:01:20,503
is apparently
an improv ninja.

1645
01:01:21,261 --> 01:01:22,593
Brad, you didn't.

1646
01:01:22,762 --> 01:01:25,425
I did. I so did!

1647
01:01:25,682 --> 01:01:27,594
Don Whitaker,
ladies and gentlemen!

1648
01:01:27,934 --> 01:01:30,096
All right. All right.

1649
01:01:30,270 --> 01:01:31,636
(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

1650
01:01:32,856 --> 01:01:34,267
You are the greatest.

1651
01:01:36,693 --> 01:01:38,434
ACTRESS: Don!
Let's hear it for Don!

1652
01:01:39,279 --> 01:01:40,645
We're gonna play
a little "Arms Akimbo."

1653
01:01:40,739 --> 01:01:41,775
Do you know that one?

1654
01:01:41,948 --> 01:01:43,029
- Oh! Of course I do!
- Awesome.

1655
01:01:43,116 --> 01:01:44,152
They're gonna love this.

1656
01:01:44,534 --> 01:01:47,117
- Can somebody do my Velcro?
- ACTRESS: Yes.

1657
01:01:47,454 --> 01:01:49,286
He's got
tiny little girl arms!

1658
01:01:49,456 --> 01:01:50,572
(CROWD LAUGHING)

1659
01:01:51,166 --> 01:01:52,623
DON: Okay.
We're gonna do a scene,

1660
01:01:52,709 --> 01:01:54,621
and we need some suggestions.

1661
01:01:54,711 --> 01:01:56,168
Can you suggest an animal?

1662
01:01:56,338 --> 01:01:57,670
MAN: Raccoon!
BRAD: A panda!

1663
01:01:57,839 --> 01:01:59,580
DON: Raccoon, good! All right.

1664
01:01:59,674 --> 01:02:01,506
And, sir,
what is your profession?

1665
01:02:01,676 --> 01:02:03,008
MAN: I'm a dermatologist.

1666
01:02:03,178 --> 01:02:06,012
DON: And finally
we need a human relationship.

1667
01:02:06,181 --> 01:02:07,262
Oh! Father and son!

1668
01:02:07,349 --> 01:02:08,931
A healthy father
and son relationship.

1669
01:02:09,142 --> 01:02:10,633
Or how about a divorce?

1670
01:02:12,145 --> 01:02:13,886
Oh. Now you're getting
in the spirit, Dusty.

1671
01:02:14,105 --> 01:02:15,186
Yes. Okay.
We're taking "divorce."

1672
01:02:15,273 --> 01:02:16,434
That's all we need.
Give it up!

1673
01:02:16,608 --> 01:02:18,224
That's really dark.

1674
01:02:18,985 --> 01:02:20,021
KYLE: Oh, come on, babe.

1675
01:02:20,111 --> 01:02:21,647
Just a little fun
before he gets here.

1676
01:02:21,821 --> 01:02:23,028
No. Stop it. I told you, okay?

1677
01:02:23,114 --> 01:02:25,572
No canoodling until
the divorce is finalized.

1678
01:02:25,742 --> 01:02:27,324
- It's not right.
- Oh, come on.

1679
01:02:27,577 --> 01:02:28,943
- (KNOCKING)
- Knock, knock.

1680
01:02:29,246 --> 01:02:32,080
(LAUGHING) He has no idea
what he's walking into!

1681
01:02:33,166 --> 01:02:34,657
Oh, you're home!

1682
01:02:34,834 --> 01:02:35,995
Yes.

1683
01:02:37,045 --> 01:02:38,206
Where were you?

1684
01:02:39,839 --> 01:02:42,832
Uh... I took our raccoon
to the dermatologist.

1685
01:02:43,009 --> 01:02:44,295
He got two of
the suggestions already.

1686
01:02:44,386 --> 01:02:45,422
He's on fire!

1687
01:02:45,595 --> 01:02:48,258
Aren't you even gonna address
the strange man in your home?

1688
01:02:48,431 --> 01:02:50,923
Yeah, bro, don't you even
want to know who I am?

1689
01:02:51,518 --> 01:02:53,009
I know who you are.

1690
01:02:53,186 --> 01:02:54,927
KYLE:
Don, if you'll excuse me,

1691
01:02:55,105 --> 01:02:56,846
I think I'm gonna start
giving it to your wife.

1692
01:02:57,357 --> 01:02:58,347
Shut up!

1693
01:02:58,525 --> 01:03:00,482
Just shut up
with that kind of talk!

1694
01:03:01,444 --> 01:03:04,278
When we met on that flight,
I was really nice to you.

1695
01:03:04,447 --> 01:03:06,404
I listened to you
tell your stupid story

1696
01:03:06,491 --> 01:03:08,448
over and over again, and

1697
01:03:08,702 --> 01:03:10,785
I complimented your hat!

1698
01:03:11,037 --> 01:03:12,244
(ALL LAUGHING)

1699
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:16,407
- Brad, we have to stop this.
- He's killing!

1700
01:03:16,501 --> 01:03:17,708
Don't you see
what's happening?

1701
01:03:17,877 --> 01:03:19,869
I do. I see a room of people
laughing at my father.

1702
01:03:19,963 --> 01:03:20,953
- It's amazing.
- Okay.

1703
01:03:21,256 --> 01:03:24,249
- Have some water.
- No, I don't want water.

1704
01:03:27,137 --> 01:03:28,127
Oh!

1705
01:03:28,513 --> 01:03:31,426
I don't want water!
I want my wife back.

1706
01:03:31,725 --> 01:03:35,435
And I want our Sunday brunches
at the Cracker Barrel.

1707
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:36,556
Braddie, we've got to get him
off the stage.

1708
01:03:36,646 --> 01:03:37,682
(SHUSHES)

1709
01:03:37,772 --> 01:03:40,606
All you needed was somebody
to listen to you, and

1710
01:03:41,776 --> 01:03:43,438
all I do is talk.

1711
01:03:43,778 --> 01:03:44,859
On and on and on.

1712
01:03:44,946 --> 01:03:46,858
When am I ever gonna learn
to shut my

1713
01:03:47,032 --> 01:03:48,739
big fat mouth?

1714
01:03:48,825 --> 01:03:49,815
Ooh.

1715
01:03:50,368 --> 01:03:51,779
Oh, Ginny.

1716
01:03:53,621 --> 01:03:54,611
Ginny.

1717
01:03:55,415 --> 01:03:57,077
My sweet Ginny.

1718
01:03:57,417 --> 01:03:59,750
Why is he using
my mom's real name?

1719
01:04:02,172 --> 01:04:03,504
Hey, Dad?

1720
01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:05,923
Is this true?

1721
01:04:07,635 --> 01:04:09,467
Are you and Mom divorced?

1722
01:04:11,556 --> 01:04:13,468
I wanted to tell you, Brad.

1723
01:04:17,228 --> 01:04:20,096
Son, you're home
from summer camp!

1724
01:04:21,608 --> 01:04:24,601
I don't go to summer camp,
I'm a grown man. Okay?

1725
01:04:24,986 --> 01:04:26,067
(PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)

1726
01:04:29,407 --> 01:04:31,820
Why are you laughing?
I'm not part of this! Okay?

1727
01:04:31,993 --> 01:04:33,609
You are a part of this family,

1728
01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:35,035
and you will respect
your parents.

1729
01:04:35,121 --> 01:04:36,202
- Yeah.
- Shut up!

1730
01:04:36,289 --> 01:04:37,325
- Brad.
- Just shut up.

1731
01:04:37,415 --> 01:04:38,451
Let me out of this bit!

1732
01:04:38,792 --> 01:04:40,704
What about him?
Is he still around?

1733
01:04:40,877 --> 01:04:42,664
Do I have a stepdad?

1734
01:04:42,754 --> 01:04:44,040
(CROWD LAUGHING LOUDLY)

1735
01:04:44,381 --> 01:04:47,545
Stop doing that to me!
I'm a paying customer!

1736
01:04:48,218 --> 01:04:49,709
Brad, let's go.

1737
01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:52,427
Come on.

1738
01:05:01,689 --> 01:05:03,851
Will you please just go
out there and talk to him?

1739
01:05:04,317 --> 01:05:06,900
He won't talk to me,
and I don't blame him.

1740
01:05:08,029 --> 01:05:10,191
You know, it's not really
all your fault.

1741
01:05:11,408 --> 01:05:12,899
You can't blame Dusty.

1742
01:05:13,076 --> 01:05:14,817
He couldn't have known
about Ginny and me

1743
01:05:14,911 --> 01:05:16,743
when he made that
improv suggestion.

1744
01:05:19,040 --> 01:05:21,532
- You did know!
- It was pretty obvious, Don.

1745
01:05:21,709 --> 01:05:23,200
A guy your age either joins
an improv group

1746
01:05:23,294 --> 01:05:24,410
because his wife left him,

1747
01:05:24,504 --> 01:05:25,494
or his wife left him

1748
01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:26,624
because he joined
an improv group.

1749
01:05:26,714 --> 01:05:29,206
- So you did it on purpose?
- No! Well...

1750
01:05:29,634 --> 01:05:31,125
Well, yeah. All right? I did.

1751
01:05:31,302 --> 01:05:32,338
You and Brad are
all lovey-dovey

1752
01:05:32,429 --> 01:05:33,465
and smug
about your relationship.

1753
01:05:33,555 --> 01:05:34,966
I mean, you make out
every chance you get.

1754
01:05:35,140 --> 01:05:36,472
Meanwhile,
my dad's ditching out on me.

1755
01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:38,299
Maybe I got a little jealous,
all right?

1756
01:05:38,476 --> 01:05:39,512
Look, I didn't think
you'd freak out

1757
01:05:39,602 --> 01:05:42,140
and spill your guts to
a room full of drunken skiers!

1758
01:05:42,313 --> 01:05:44,179
- Hey. What is wrong with you?
- What? I didn't...

1759
01:05:44,357 --> 01:05:45,689
Go out there
and fix this right now.

1760
01:05:45,775 --> 01:05:46,765
- Go!
- All right.

1761
01:05:51,823 --> 01:05:53,234
Are you serious?

1762
01:05:53,408 --> 01:05:54,819
I'm keeping this.

1763
01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:14,589
(GRUNTING)

1764
01:06:17,098 --> 01:06:18,339
Are you okay?

1765
01:06:19,809 --> 01:06:20,799
Uh...

1766
01:06:21,561 --> 01:06:23,223
My parents are divorced.

1767
01:06:23,396 --> 01:06:25,012
Oh. Mine, too.

1768
01:06:25,398 --> 01:06:26,388
Sucks.

1769
01:06:26,983 --> 01:06:29,316
- Yeah.
- I think it was my fault.

1770
01:06:29,944 --> 01:06:33,358
- Was yours your fault, too?
- I don't know. I hope not.

1771
01:06:33,531 --> 01:06:35,614
I just found out last night.
When did you find out?

1772
01:06:35,783 --> 01:06:38,196
- I was a baby.
- Oh, when you were a baby?

1773
01:06:38,703 --> 01:06:41,195
Maybe it was your fault.
Were you a difficult baby?

1774
01:06:41,372 --> 01:06:43,034
Um, I don't know.

1775
01:06:43,208 --> 01:06:44,540
You know what?
Your lack of specifics

1776
01:06:44,626 --> 01:06:46,367
leads me to believe
it was your fault.

1777
01:06:46,544 --> 01:06:48,706
No, no, no! You were not
a difficult baby, sweetheart.

1778
01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:50,621
Brad, dude,
what are you telling the kid?

1779
01:06:50,798 --> 01:06:53,040
Come on, man. I know
you're upset about last night.

1780
01:06:53,218 --> 01:06:54,709
All right? I'm sorry
about what happened, okay?

1781
01:06:54,886 --> 01:06:56,093
I didn't mean to give that
improv suggestion.

1782
01:06:56,179 --> 01:06:58,011
It just...
It just kind of slipped out.

1783
01:06:58,097 --> 01:06:59,304
(SIGHS)

1784
01:06:59,390 --> 01:07:01,302
Know what, Dusty? It's okay.

1785
01:07:01,392 --> 01:07:02,382
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

1786
01:07:02,560 --> 01:07:03,550
Oh. Thanks, Brad.

1787
01:07:03,645 --> 01:07:04,726
Look, why don't you come in
and talk to Don?

1788
01:07:04,812 --> 01:07:05,848
- He's feeling a little...
- (ENGINE REVVING)

1789
01:07:05,939 --> 01:07:07,805
BRAD: Oh, my gosh.
I wonder who that could be?

1790
01:07:08,233 --> 01:07:10,145
(GASPS)
Ooh, what a nice truck!

1791
01:07:10,318 --> 01:07:11,775
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

1792
01:07:18,117 --> 01:07:19,107
ADRIANNA: Daddy!

1793
01:07:19,619 --> 01:07:23,078
- What are you doing here?
- Come on. What am I doing?

1794
01:07:23,248 --> 01:07:25,581
I want to celebrate Christmas
with my perfect little girl.

1795
01:07:25,750 --> 01:07:26,957
Don't you want to
spend the holidays

1796
01:07:27,043 --> 01:07:28,830
with your one true real dad?

1797
01:07:29,003 --> 01:07:30,335
ADRIANNA: Yeah, come on!

1798
01:07:30,505 --> 01:07:31,791
- Let's come see the cabin.
- BRAD: Hey, Roger.

1799
01:07:31,881 --> 01:07:33,747
ADRIANNA: It's so cool!

1800
01:07:35,677 --> 01:07:36,758
Come on, hurry.
You're going too slow.

1801
01:07:36,844 --> 01:07:37,834
ROGER: I'm coming, sweetheart.

1802
01:07:38,388 --> 01:07:40,630
You invite him all the way up
here just to get back at me?

1803
01:07:40,807 --> 01:07:41,923
Yeah, I did.

1804
01:07:43,935 --> 01:07:46,678
- WOMAN: Bye, Kurt! Call me!
- Yeah, next time I'm in.

1805
01:07:46,938 --> 01:07:48,600
(LAUGHING)
That's her dad, yeah?

1806
01:07:48,690 --> 01:07:50,181
Uh-huh. (CHUCKLES)

1807
01:07:51,359 --> 01:07:52,725
KURT: And you invited him,
too, didn't you?

1808
01:07:52,819 --> 01:07:54,151
I sure did, yep.

1809
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:55,561
I don't know what I missed,

1810
01:07:55,655 --> 01:07:58,318
but this is getting good,
boys. (LAUGHS)

1811
01:07:59,450 --> 01:08:01,112
- I like your style, Brad.
- Hey, hey, hey.

1812
01:08:01,202 --> 01:08:02,613
(LAUGHING)

1813
01:08:04,247 --> 01:08:05,704
You're opening up
the harbor, Brad.

1814
01:08:05,915 --> 01:08:08,248
Oh. The harbor is wide open,
and it's Fleet Week!

1815
01:08:08,334 --> 01:08:09,370
All right, good.
'Cause I got a few boats

1816
01:08:09,460 --> 01:08:10,450
that want to set sail.

1817
01:08:10,545 --> 01:08:11,581
Yeah, good. So do I.

1818
01:08:11,796 --> 01:08:13,128
You favor little Griffy
over my kids.

1819
01:08:13,214 --> 01:08:14,295
What? I do not!

1820
01:08:14,465 --> 01:08:15,581
He gets to sleep in your bed
all the time.

1821
01:08:15,675 --> 01:08:17,211
Megan and Dylan never get to.

1822
01:08:17,385 --> 01:08:18,751
You want them to sleep
in my bed with me?

1823
01:08:18,845 --> 01:08:20,711
God, no!
Don't ever think about it!

1824
01:08:20,888 --> 01:08:22,129
I'm not thinking about it!
You brought it up.

1825
01:08:22,223 --> 01:08:23,259
Good! You better not.

1826
01:08:23,433 --> 01:08:24,423
BOTH: Shut up!
BRAD: Hey, you shut up.

1827
01:08:24,601 --> 01:08:26,183
- You shut up!
- No, you shut up!

1828
01:08:26,394 --> 01:08:27,475
Okay. Well, he's not gonna be
part of that

1829
01:08:27,562 --> 01:08:28,643
special thing
we got planned tonight,

1830
01:08:28,813 --> 01:08:30,395
if that's what
you're thinking.

1831
01:08:30,565 --> 01:08:31,601
Oh, yeah?
So you're gonna tell Adrianna

1832
01:08:31,691 --> 01:08:33,227
that everyone's invited
to that special thing

1833
01:08:33,318 --> 01:08:34,650
we have planned for tonight,

1834
01:08:34,819 --> 01:08:36,560
except her dad.

1835
01:08:41,576 --> 01:08:43,863
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

1836
01:09:12,982 --> 01:09:16,316
BRAD: Hey. Five more minutes
and I get to be Joseph.

1837
01:09:16,486 --> 01:09:19,024
You're not the right type
to play Jesus' dad, Brad.

1838
01:09:19,238 --> 01:09:21,946
He wasn't Jesus' dad,
he was Jesus' stepdad.

1839
01:09:22,241 --> 01:09:23,903
And I'm exactly
the right type.

1840
01:09:24,952 --> 01:09:26,033
You'd better stop hitting me

1841
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:27,452
with that shepherd stick,
Brad. I'm warning you.

1842
01:09:27,622 --> 01:09:29,454
Brad's right.
Let him be Joseph.

1843
01:09:29,624 --> 01:09:30,660
Thank you, Roger,
I appreciate that.

1844
01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:32,286
It's Brad's turn, Dusty.

1845
01:09:32,460 --> 01:09:34,122
Dad, don't break character.

1846
01:09:34,212 --> 01:09:35,453
And stop trying to
butter me up.

1847
01:09:35,630 --> 01:09:38,213
- Can we show some decorum?
- I'm showing decorum.

1848
01:09:38,383 --> 01:09:40,500
Shh! You guys, zip it!
You're gonna wake Baby Jesus.

1849
01:09:44,180 --> 01:09:45,341
That's it. Give me the beard.

1850
01:09:45,431 --> 01:09:46,672
Don't touch
my Joseph beard, Brad!

1851
01:09:46,849 --> 01:09:48,340
- Give him the beard!
- Dad, stay out of it!

1852
01:09:48,518 --> 01:09:49,634
Can we have some respect
for the Nativity?

1853
01:09:49,727 --> 01:09:50,888
Cut it out!

1854
01:09:51,396 --> 01:09:53,979
This is stupid.
I don't even get it.

1855
01:09:54,357 --> 01:09:57,020
Why go on a trip when
Mary's about to have a baby?

1856
01:09:57,193 --> 01:09:58,434
What's so damn important

1857
01:09:58,528 --> 01:10:00,690
you got to go to Bethlehem
in the middle of the night?

1858
01:10:00,780 --> 01:10:01,770
There was a census, okay?

1859
01:10:01,864 --> 01:10:02,980
We covered that
in Sunday School.

1860
01:10:03,282 --> 01:10:04,989
SARA: Megan, what is going...
(SNIFFS)

1861
01:10:05,952 --> 01:10:07,614
Did you get into the eggnog?

1862
01:10:07,787 --> 01:10:08,903
Hey. Who's up for some IHOP?

1863
01:10:08,996 --> 01:10:10,703
Oh, yeah,
that kid's pickled all right.

1864
01:10:10,873 --> 01:10:12,830
Mom, you're pretty.
Can we go to IHOP?

1865
01:10:13,543 --> 01:10:14,579
(STAMMERS) I'm sorry, folks.

1866
01:10:14,669 --> 01:10:16,535
Having some
technical difficulties.

1867
01:10:16,713 --> 01:10:19,456
Great, Dad. Now
you've broken the fourth wall!

1868
01:10:19,799 --> 01:10:21,290
None of it's real, folks.

1869
01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:24,801
I want to go wait in the car.
Give me the keys, Braaad!

1870
01:10:25,012 --> 01:10:27,174
No, I am not giving you
the keys to the car,

1871
01:10:27,265 --> 01:10:29,348
because you're drunk
and you're a child.

1872
01:10:29,517 --> 01:10:33,852
Nobody likes your dumb,
stupid Brad voice.

1873
01:10:34,105 --> 01:10:35,767
And you smell like pumpkins!

1874
01:10:35,940 --> 01:10:38,353
- And you're a mean drunk.
- Kid's got an arm.

1875
01:10:38,526 --> 01:10:40,688
Drunk nine-year-old.
Real nice parenting.

1876
01:10:41,154 --> 01:10:43,111
- You better watch it, Roger.
- (CHUCKLING)

1877
01:10:43,614 --> 01:10:45,230
(CROWD GASPING)

1878
01:10:45,408 --> 01:10:46,774
KAREN: Adrianna!
Are you okay, sweetheart?

1879
01:10:46,868 --> 01:10:47,904
Is she okay? Is she...
What is she...

1880
01:10:48,745 --> 01:10:49,781
(CHUCKLING)

1881
01:10:49,871 --> 01:10:51,157
SARA: Oh. What a shock.

1882
01:10:51,247 --> 01:10:52,863
Now we know
where Megan got the eggnog.

1883
01:10:53,040 --> 01:10:54,827
You always assume
she's the bad influence.

1884
01:10:54,917 --> 01:10:57,204
Maybe your daughter plied
my daughter with alcohol.

1885
01:10:57,378 --> 01:10:58,368
Maybe your daughter's that way

1886
01:10:58,463 --> 01:11:00,125
because her mother is
a shoplifter.

1887
01:11:00,298 --> 01:11:01,914
Shoplifterrr.

1888
01:11:02,633 --> 01:11:04,625
Sara, we've been working on
the shoplifting thing, okay?

1889
01:11:04,802 --> 01:11:05,918
But that has nothing to do
with Adrianna

1890
01:11:06,012 --> 01:11:07,219
being such a little nightmare
all the time.

1891
01:11:07,388 --> 01:11:08,629
My daughter is not
a nightmare!

1892
01:11:08,723 --> 01:11:09,713
Come on, Adrianna.

1893
01:11:09,891 --> 01:11:11,632
DUSTY: No, sweetheart,
I didn't mean that. Honey!

1894
01:11:11,726 --> 01:11:12,716
ROGER: Hey.

1895
01:11:13,144 --> 01:11:15,557
- What'd you call my daughter?
- He called her a nightmare.

1896
01:11:15,730 --> 01:11:17,517
Hey. I'm a lot of things,
but I'm not a heathen.

1897
01:11:17,607 --> 01:11:18,723
Let's take this outside.

1898
01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:20,266
Yeah, let's step outside
the manger.

1899
01:11:20,359 --> 01:11:21,395
He called her a nightmare.

1900
01:11:21,569 --> 01:11:23,105
ROGER: Here we go.
DON: Now, now, boys,

1901
01:11:23,488 --> 01:11:25,150
we can't just leave!

1902
01:11:25,323 --> 01:11:28,031
Joseph and the Innkeeper
rumble outside the manger!

1903
01:11:28,201 --> 01:11:29,317
Make the first move,
Innkeeper.

1904
01:11:29,410 --> 01:11:30,651
Kick his ass, Joseph!

1905
01:11:30,828 --> 01:11:32,911
We are not going to do this
in front of the children!

1906
01:11:32,997 --> 01:11:35,159
Now, what kind of fathers
are you, anyway?

1907
01:11:35,333 --> 01:11:36,619
Oh, that's rich!

1908
01:11:36,709 --> 01:11:39,622
Coming from a guy who lies
to his son for six months.

1909
01:11:39,796 --> 01:11:41,037
Maybe that's why
everyone thinks

1910
01:11:41,130 --> 01:11:42,462
your stories
are so "delightful,"

1911
01:11:42,548 --> 01:11:44,084
because they're all lies!

1912
01:11:44,592 --> 01:11:46,333
Sara, get the kids out
of here, okay?

1913
01:11:46,552 --> 01:11:49,135
Happily. I don't want them
watching this anyway.

1914
01:11:49,347 --> 01:11:50,929
Have fun, morons!

1915
01:11:51,474 --> 01:11:54,308
- Pancakes, bitches!
- Do not say "bitches."

1916
01:11:54,477 --> 01:11:55,467
Kids are gone. Let's go.

1917
01:11:55,561 --> 01:11:56,927
I'm not hitting a guy
dressed like Joseph.

1918
01:11:57,605 --> 01:11:58,937
The beard's off, Roger.

1919
01:11:59,106 --> 01:12:00,517
How many excuses you want to
pull out, man?

1920
01:12:00,608 --> 01:12:01,598
Oh, now it's on.

1921
01:12:01,776 --> 01:12:03,108
- You know what, Brad?
- Don!

1922
01:12:03,277 --> 01:12:04,484
Yes, I lied!

1923
01:12:04,570 --> 01:12:07,563
Because whenever there's
anything wrong in your life,

1924
01:12:07,782 --> 01:12:09,739
if it isn't roses
and rainbows,

1925
01:12:09,826 --> 01:12:11,362
you completely fall apart.

1926
01:12:11,536 --> 01:12:13,448
I thought
we had an honest relationship!

1927
01:12:13,621 --> 01:12:15,032
Oh, yeah. Brad, I bet you
never told him

1928
01:12:15,122 --> 01:12:16,954
about that procedure
you had last year, did you?

1929
01:12:17,124 --> 01:12:18,114
Oh, my God. What procedure?

1930
01:12:18,209 --> 01:12:20,792
It was nothing,
just some benign tissue.

1931
01:12:20,962 --> 01:12:23,705
How about that? You're both
a couple of lying sacks.

1932
01:12:23,881 --> 01:12:24,871
And, you!

1933
01:12:25,049 --> 01:12:26,130
From the minute you got here,

1934
01:12:26,217 --> 01:12:28,550
you've been nothing but mean
and sarcastic.

1935
01:12:28,719 --> 01:12:29,960
Well, you know what, Kurt?

1936
01:12:30,137 --> 01:12:31,628
- F you!
- (GASPS) Dad!

1937
01:12:31,806 --> 01:12:33,468
That's right. Forget you!

1938
01:12:33,641 --> 01:12:35,974
Attaboy, swami.
Throwing down F words.

1939
01:12:36,143 --> 01:12:38,009
Not the F word, but an F word,
and that's a good start.

1940
01:12:38,104 --> 01:12:39,640
Now, come on, give me
the finger, big boy. Come on.

1941
01:12:39,730 --> 01:12:41,392
- Come on.
- ROGER: Hey! Hey!

1942
01:12:41,482 --> 01:12:43,314
Are we gonna still fight
or what?

1943
01:12:43,484 --> 01:12:45,692
Roger brings up a good point.
Let's get the momentum back.

1944
01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:48,149
Come on, Roger.
Get some! Let's get in there!

1945
01:12:48,322 --> 01:12:50,564
- Come on!
- No, no, no, no, no!

1946
01:12:50,741 --> 01:12:52,949
If you lay one hand
on each other,

1947
01:12:53,035 --> 01:12:54,401
whether the kids are here
or not,

1948
01:12:54,579 --> 01:12:56,741
it will
negatively impact them.

1949
01:12:57,331 --> 01:12:59,664
All right. I'm not gonna
lay a hand on him.

1950
01:13:01,586 --> 01:13:02,918
DON: What are you doing?

1951
01:13:03,087 --> 01:13:05,670
Oh. Oh, I see.
Yeah, yeah. Snowball fight.

1952
01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:08,207
I've got some Nerf guns
in the back of my car.

1953
01:13:08,301 --> 01:13:09,587
Want me to get them?

1954
01:13:09,760 --> 01:13:11,922
I pitched triple-A for
the Red Sox in their

1955
01:13:12,013 --> 01:13:13,254
farm system, Roger
Don't say I didn't warn you.

1956
01:13:13,431 --> 01:13:15,172
Take your best shot.

1957
01:13:19,437 --> 01:13:20,518
Dad!

1958
01:13:20,855 --> 01:13:22,266
Don, I'm sorry!

1959
01:13:23,649 --> 01:13:24,981
That sucks.

1960
01:13:25,443 --> 01:13:28,106
- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, no, no, it was all right.

1961
01:13:30,156 --> 01:13:31,818
Hey, no fair.
That's an ice ball.

1962
01:13:31,991 --> 01:13:32,981
You bet it is.

1963
01:13:33,075 --> 01:13:34,941
You know, you throw that
and we are no longer co-dads.

1964
01:13:35,077 --> 01:13:36,443
Oh, I'm way ahead of you,
dickhead.

1965
01:13:36,537 --> 01:13:37,527
You know, from now on,

1966
01:13:37,622 --> 01:13:38,738
we'll just act like
a normal blended family

1967
01:13:38,831 --> 01:13:39,992
with me hating your guts.

1968
01:13:40,082 --> 01:13:41,072
The kids will never know,

1969
01:13:41,167 --> 01:13:42,408
because I'm
too good of a dad to

1970
01:13:42,501 --> 01:13:44,208
ever throw their stepfather
under the bus.

1971
01:13:44,378 --> 01:13:45,744
But that's right where
you're gonna be, Brad.

1972
01:13:45,838 --> 01:13:47,670
Under my bus.

1973
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:49,251
Well, guess what,
I'm gonna celebrate you

1974
01:13:49,342 --> 01:13:50,674
morning, noon and night

1975
01:13:50,843 --> 01:13:52,050
because
it's the right thing to do

1976
01:13:52,136 --> 01:13:53,172
in front of the kids.

1977
01:13:53,346 --> 01:13:55,178
But just know the way
I really feel about you

1978
01:13:55,264 --> 01:13:57,221
is you can suck a fart, Dusty.

1979
01:13:57,516 --> 01:14:00,179
A wet, greasy fart.

1980
01:14:02,772 --> 01:14:04,388
You gonna keep
pump-faking that thing

1981
01:14:04,482 --> 01:14:05,598
or you gonna take a shot,
Brad?

1982
01:14:05,691 --> 01:14:06,681
Huh?

1983
01:14:07,109 --> 01:14:10,102
What? What? Huh?

1984
01:14:10,446 --> 01:14:11,937
He's never played sports ever.

1985
01:14:12,031 --> 01:14:13,567
Maybe it's stuck to his hand.

1986
01:14:13,658 --> 01:14:15,069
Oh! Oh!

1987
01:14:16,077 --> 01:14:17,943
Huh? Huh?

1988
01:14:25,044 --> 01:14:26,455
That's what I thought.

1989
01:14:26,629 --> 01:14:27,995
You know what, Dusty,
you're not worth it.

1990
01:14:28,089 --> 01:14:29,205
Come on, Dad.

1991
01:14:29,382 --> 01:14:30,498
(GROANS) Good.

1992
01:14:30,716 --> 01:14:32,298
Psych.
You're totally worth it!

1993
01:14:33,719 --> 01:14:34,709
Dad!

1994
01:14:34,929 --> 01:14:35,919
(LAUGHS)

1995
01:14:36,305 --> 01:14:38,968
- That was an ice ball.
- Treating your dad like that!

1996
01:14:39,141 --> 01:14:40,131
Dad.

1997
01:14:40,559 --> 01:14:42,551
Look, it was an accident.

1998
01:14:45,356 --> 01:14:46,517
Go ahead, Roger.

1999
01:14:46,983 --> 01:14:48,975
Brad was right the first time.

2000
01:14:49,652 --> 01:14:51,143
You're not worth it.

2001
01:14:51,737 --> 01:14:52,727
(DON GROANS)

2002
01:14:53,197 --> 01:14:55,189
Dang! Right down my neck!

2003
01:14:55,408 --> 01:14:56,569
ROGER: Don! Sorry! Sorry!

2004
01:14:57,910 --> 01:14:59,902
That guy's like
a snowball magnet.

2005
01:15:00,121 --> 01:15:02,454
You were right about
everything. You happy now?

2006
01:15:02,790 --> 01:15:04,531
Ah, Dusty,

2007
01:15:05,209 --> 01:15:07,041
I do like being right.

2008
01:15:11,716 --> 01:15:12,877
Hey, is that your baby
in there?

2009
01:15:12,967 --> 01:15:13,957
(GASPS) Griffy!

2010
01:15:14,218 --> 01:15:15,254
(CRYING)

2011
01:15:15,344 --> 01:15:17,961
I know. I know, sweetie.
It's okay, it's okay.

2012
01:15:18,139 --> 01:15:19,801
I know, I know.

2013
01:15:20,099 --> 01:15:22,762
This was Dusty's idea.
I never wanted to do this.

2014
01:16:00,556 --> 01:16:02,548
Hey, Brad. That one's mine.

2015
01:16:03,642 --> 01:16:05,975
- Oh, is this bag yours?
- Yeah.

2016
01:16:11,650 --> 01:16:13,357
Sara? Sara!

2017
01:16:29,460 --> 01:16:31,167
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

2018
01:16:35,341 --> 01:16:36,798
- Oh, my gosh.
- Ew.

2019
01:16:36,884 --> 01:16:38,671
What is going on here?

2020
01:16:43,432 --> 01:16:44,422
What's happening, Officer?

2021
01:16:44,517 --> 01:16:46,679
Avalanche hit
the highway up ahead.

2022
01:16:46,852 --> 01:16:48,514
It's gonna take
a few hours to clear it,

2023
01:16:48,604 --> 01:16:50,266
so follow the traffic back
into town, all right?

2024
01:16:51,107 --> 01:16:53,599
What caused the avalanche?
Was it all the snow?

2025
01:16:53,776 --> 01:16:54,983
Yeah, I'm pretty sure

2026
01:16:55,069 --> 01:16:56,935
snow had something to do
with the avalanche.

2027
01:16:57,113 --> 01:16:58,854
Keep it moving!

2028
01:17:03,202 --> 01:17:06,366
Well, I guess we could stop
and have lunch to kill time.

2029
01:17:06,539 --> 01:17:08,201
On Christmas Day?

2030
01:17:08,624 --> 01:17:11,367
- What's gonna be open?
- I don't know.

2031
01:17:15,381 --> 01:17:16,997
(CHOIR SINGING
CHRISTMAS CAROL)

2032
01:17:17,675 --> 01:17:19,166
(CHUCKLES) Oh, look at that!

2033
01:17:20,344 --> 01:17:21,880
Looks like everyone had
the same idea.

2034
01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:37,188
Oh, no. Everything's sold out.

2035
01:17:37,486 --> 01:17:38,602
Well, I guess we could see
<i>Missile Tow.</i>

2036
01:17:38,696 --> 01:17:39,732
What's that about?

2037
01:17:39,905 --> 01:17:40,986
It's Liam Neeson.

2038
01:17:41,157 --> 01:17:42,398
He's a tow truck driver

2039
01:17:42,491 --> 01:17:43,732
who's on his way home
for Christmas

2040
01:17:43,826 --> 01:17:44,907
with his kids and

2041
01:17:45,077 --> 01:17:46,488
happens along
some terrorists

2042
01:17:46,579 --> 01:17:48,286
who've hijacked a mobile ICBM.

2043
01:17:48,455 --> 01:17:49,536
So he hooks it to his rig

2044
01:17:49,623 --> 01:17:51,455
and has to get it to NORAD
before Christmas morning.

2045
01:17:51,625 --> 01:17:53,116
I hear it's really good!

2046
01:17:53,294 --> 01:17:55,627
I don't know, Brad,
it's PG-13.

2047
01:17:55,796 --> 01:17:58,584
I don't really care
for the salty language.

2048
01:17:58,757 --> 01:17:59,964
Well, it has cute little kids
in it.

2049
01:18:00,050 --> 01:18:01,040
I mean, how dirty can it be?

2050
01:18:01,260 --> 01:18:02,296
Besides, you love Liam Neeson.

2051
01:18:02,386 --> 01:18:03,376
I do.

2052
01:18:03,554 --> 01:18:05,045
- Let's just give it a shot.
- Yes!

2053
01:18:05,222 --> 01:18:06,804
BRAD: Looks very heroic.

2054
01:18:06,891 --> 01:18:09,008
- I'll say that much.
- SARA: I mean, really. Man!

2055
01:18:11,353 --> 01:18:13,720
The front row?
I don't know, Brad.

2056
01:18:13,898 --> 01:18:15,139
- What about the...
- Dad, please stop!

2057
01:18:15,316 --> 01:18:16,523
It's gonna strain your eyes.

2058
01:18:16,609 --> 01:18:17,975
We don't have a choice,
all right?

2059
01:18:19,820 --> 01:18:21,482
DYLAN:
Look, it's Mom and Brad!

2060
01:18:22,448 --> 01:18:23,655
(TIRES SCREECHING)

2061
01:18:23,741 --> 01:18:25,903
LIAM NEESON: <i>Santa's got
a present for you bastards.</i>

2062
01:18:26,160 --> 01:18:27,651
- (GUNSHOT)
- (MAN GROANS)

2063
01:18:30,998 --> 01:18:32,455
(LAUGHING)

2064
01:18:35,252 --> 01:18:37,335
<i>You're impounded, asshole.</i>

2065
01:18:38,088 --> 01:18:40,171
BOY: <i>You did it, Daddy!</i>
GIRL: <i>You killed them all.</i>

2066
01:18:40,507 --> 01:18:43,250
LIAM NEESON: <i>No, kids.
We did it. We killed them all.</i>

2067
01:18:43,594 --> 01:18:44,926
<i>Together.</i>

2068
01:18:45,095 --> 01:18:46,506
CHILDREN: <i>We love you, Daddy.</i>

2069
01:18:46,847 --> 01:18:48,429
LIAM NEESON: <i>I love you, too.</i>

2070
01:18:48,891 --> 01:18:51,725
<i>The only thing that matters
to me in this crazy world</i>

2071
01:18:52,144 --> 01:18:53,555
<i>is you kids.</i>

2072
01:18:54,563 --> 01:18:56,555
<i>And I'm sorry
your holiday was ruined</i>

2073
01:18:56,649 --> 01:18:58,641
<i>by those godless mother...</i>

2074
01:18:58,734 --> 01:18:59,770
(DIALOGUE DISTORTS)

2075
01:19:00,694 --> 01:19:02,276
(AUDIENCE GROANING)

2076
01:19:05,407 --> 01:19:06,488
ROBERTO: Sorry, folks.

2077
01:19:06,575 --> 01:19:08,237
Looks like we're having
a bit of a power outage.

2078
01:19:08,535 --> 01:19:10,492
Uh, we don't know when the
power's gonna come back on,

2079
01:19:10,663 --> 01:19:11,949
so you guys are all welcome

2080
01:19:12,039 --> 01:19:13,200
to stay in here
or in the lobby.

2081
01:19:13,374 --> 01:19:14,581
The DOT wants everybody

2082
01:19:14,667 --> 01:19:16,033
to stay inside
and off the roads,

2083
01:19:16,126 --> 01:19:17,367
so we might be in here
for a while.

2084
01:19:17,920 --> 01:19:19,627
(ALL GRUMBLING)

2085
01:19:20,047 --> 01:19:22,039
You know, I bet this is
because of the snow, too.

2086
01:19:22,383 --> 01:19:24,215
Gee, Dad, you think so?

2087
01:19:26,136 --> 01:19:27,923
(CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING)

2088
01:19:50,369 --> 01:19:51,780
DON: I need to use the gent's.

2089
01:19:51,870 --> 01:19:53,361
Brad, do you need to
go tee-tee?

2090
01:19:53,539 --> 01:19:54,996
Dad, don't say that in public!

2091
01:19:55,082 --> 01:19:56,118
- Just go.
- All right.

2092
01:19:58,627 --> 01:20:00,289
Is he still looking at me?

2093
01:20:01,297 --> 01:20:02,287
Yes.

2094
01:20:02,464 --> 01:20:05,127
Is he doing that one look that
he does? You know, like...

2095
01:20:07,011 --> 01:20:08,877
- Is he doing that look?
- Yeah.

2096
01:20:09,221 --> 01:20:11,338
Where he doesn't blink? Yeah.

2097
01:20:12,725 --> 01:20:13,715
Yep.

2098
01:20:14,476 --> 01:20:15,717
You know,

2099
01:20:15,978 --> 01:20:17,014
when I said that

2100
01:20:17,104 --> 01:20:18,766
Brad was turning you into
something that you're not?

2101
01:20:19,857 --> 01:20:22,440
Maybe, you know,
what I really meant to say

2102
01:20:22,776 --> 01:20:24,108
was that

2103
01:20:24,778 --> 01:20:27,191
Brad's turning you
into something that I'm not,

2104
01:20:27,573 --> 01:20:28,814
a good dad.

2105
01:20:29,033 --> 01:20:30,444
(SCOFFS)

2106
01:20:30,534 --> 01:20:32,241
No? No,
that didn't do it for you?

2107
01:20:32,328 --> 01:20:33,364
Come on.
I thought it was pretty good.

2108
01:20:33,537 --> 01:20:35,449
That whole speech was
in the movie we just saw.

2109
01:20:35,622 --> 01:20:36,863
- Was it?
- Yeah. Word for word.

2110
01:20:36,957 --> 01:20:38,038
Dramatic pauses and all.

2111
01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:39,574
Liam Neeson just said that.

2112
01:20:39,668 --> 01:20:41,705
Oh, it must've been
in my subconscious.

2113
01:20:42,004 --> 01:20:43,085
I'm gonna go drain the lizard.

2114
01:20:43,172 --> 01:20:44,162
Yeah. Yeah.

2115
01:20:49,303 --> 01:20:51,795
Whoa!
That is a very impressive

2116
01:20:51,972 --> 01:20:55,386
watch. Is that a Rolex?
Mine's a Casio.

2117
01:20:58,520 --> 01:20:59,601
(SIGHS)

2118
01:21:04,360 --> 01:21:06,272
You know what, Kurt?

2119
01:21:06,445 --> 01:21:07,435
When we first met,

2120
01:21:07,529 --> 01:21:10,112
I was so excited about
our being co-grandpas.

2121
01:21:10,449 --> 01:21:13,533
And now everybody's miserable!
And my son won't forgive me.

2122
01:21:14,870 --> 01:21:17,032
You know what you and Brad
really need?

2123
01:21:17,206 --> 01:21:18,538
Oh, no.

2124
01:21:18,957 --> 01:21:21,620
I'm not taking any advice
from the likes of you.

2125
01:21:21,710 --> 01:21:22,791
- No, thank you.
- (FLUSHES)

2126
01:21:26,382 --> 01:21:27,873
Okay, what do we need?

2127
01:21:31,220 --> 01:21:33,212
MEGAN: Hey! Adrianna's here!
ADRIANNA: Megan!

2128
01:21:33,389 --> 01:21:34,425
MEGAN: Hi!

2129
01:21:34,515 --> 01:21:37,098
- I can't shake this guy.
- I can't shake this guy.

2130
01:21:37,267 --> 01:21:38,849
- You guys got stuck here, too?
- ADRIANNA: Yeah.

2131
01:21:39,019 --> 01:21:41,762
And, Dylan, look who else
got stuck. Your girlfriend!

2132
01:21:42,606 --> 01:21:43,767
MEGAN: We should
put her under the mistletoe.

2133
01:21:43,857 --> 01:21:44,847
ADRIANNA: Yeah!

2134
01:21:45,067 --> 01:21:46,899
- Come on, stay under.
- Stay.

2135
01:21:50,030 --> 01:21:52,022
You like that girl, don't you?

2136
01:21:53,158 --> 01:21:54,194
Hmm.

2137
01:21:54,284 --> 01:21:55,274
Well,

2138
01:21:55,452 --> 01:21:57,865
who knocked down a pin
all by himself?

2139
01:21:58,705 --> 01:22:00,697
- I did?
- Damn right, you did.

2140
01:22:00,874 --> 01:22:02,866
Now go in there
and pick up that spare.

2141
01:22:03,043 --> 01:22:05,205
- Here she is, Dylan!
- (ALL LAUGHING)

2142
01:22:05,879 --> 01:22:07,620
It just doesn't seem right.

2143
01:22:09,425 --> 01:22:10,415
Brad?

2144
01:22:10,676 --> 01:22:12,759
Dad, I really don't want
to dis...

2145
01:22:12,970 --> 01:22:14,632
- (GRUNTING)
- Jeez.

2146
01:22:14,721 --> 01:22:17,634
We're gonna settle this
physically, like men!

2147
01:22:17,808 --> 01:22:19,970
And when it's all over, we're
gonna feel a whole lot better.

2148
01:22:20,144 --> 01:22:22,136
At least somebody's
taking my advice today.

2149
01:22:22,312 --> 01:22:23,848
Cut it out! This is
child abuse! Honey, help me!

2150
01:22:23,939 --> 01:22:25,555
Don't be such a snowflake.
Fight back!

2151
01:22:25,649 --> 01:22:26,639
Hey, guys,
come on, knock it off.

2152
01:22:26,733 --> 01:22:27,723
You're making a scene,
all right?

2153
01:22:27,901 --> 01:22:29,062
Yeah, Don, lean on him!

2154
01:22:29,236 --> 01:22:31,694
Engage me, son,
for the sake of our male bond.

2155
01:22:34,074 --> 01:22:35,565
No, wait, wait, look. Look!

2156
01:22:36,910 --> 01:22:38,617
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

2157
01:22:40,456 --> 01:22:41,788
What's he doing?

2158
01:22:47,963 --> 01:22:49,795
Oh, my God. He's going in
for his first kiss.

2159
01:22:49,965 --> 01:22:51,501
Look, she's standing
under the mistletoe.

2160
01:22:51,592 --> 01:22:52,958
Oh, my God. Where's my phone?
Where my phone?

2161
01:22:53,302 --> 01:22:54,634
Oh, my God,
where's your phone?

2162
01:22:54,720 --> 01:22:55,961
Brad, where's your phone!

2163
01:22:56,138 --> 01:22:57,549
Okay, it's right here.
Right here. Yeah. Yeah.

2164
01:22:59,516 --> 01:23:01,678
Look how brave he is.
She's all yours, buddy.

2165
01:23:02,853 --> 01:23:03,843
Unless she's got a boyfriend.

2166
01:23:03,937 --> 01:23:05,018
In that case, there's always
the Friend Zone.

2167
01:23:05,105 --> 01:23:06,312
No, there's nothing wrong
with the Friend Zone.

2168
01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:07,559
Guys, he's not going
in the Friend Zone, okay?

2169
01:23:07,733 --> 01:23:08,894
Look at that smile.
She likes him.

2170
01:23:08,984 --> 01:23:10,566
KURT: Yeah, she wants a kiss.

2171
01:23:37,638 --> 01:23:39,129
My God, he kissed his sister!

2172
01:23:39,306 --> 01:23:41,468
Congratulations,
you lucky gal.

2173
01:23:42,476 --> 01:23:44,889
I did it, El Padre!
I kissed the girl I like!

2174
01:23:45,062 --> 01:23:47,725
Yeah! Attaboy! (LAUGHS)

2175
01:23:48,065 --> 01:23:51,149
Whoa! Did you just kiss
your sister? You sick kid!

2176
01:23:51,318 --> 01:23:52,399
Stepsister.

2177
01:23:52,653 --> 01:23:54,360
I mean, still not okay,
I know that.

2178
01:23:54,446 --> 01:23:56,062
What? No, no, wait, he's just
a little confused, all right?

2179
01:23:56,156 --> 01:23:57,897
It's no surprise when you look
at who raised him.

2180
01:23:58,075 --> 01:23:59,816
Adrianna, come on.
We're going home.

2181
01:24:00,202 --> 01:24:02,194
Wait, wait, Roger, you can't
go out in that storm.

2182
01:24:02,371 --> 01:24:03,487
I was an alternate
for Season 3

2183
01:24:03,580 --> 01:24:04,616
<i>Ice Road Truckers.</i>

2184
01:24:04,790 --> 01:24:06,622
- I'll be fine.
- Oh.

2185
01:24:07,292 --> 01:24:08,624
That was their best season.

2186
01:24:09,419 --> 01:24:10,751
I got this.

2187
01:24:11,088 --> 01:24:12,670
Wait a minute.
Roger, hold up, man.

2188
01:24:12,839 --> 01:24:15,331
No. From now on, I don't want
you anywhere near my daughter.

2189
01:24:15,509 --> 01:24:17,171
I don't want anything to do
with any of you people!

2190
01:24:17,344 --> 01:24:18,334
Look, I never wanted to be

2191
01:24:18,428 --> 01:24:19,418
family with you,
either, Roger.

2192
01:24:19,513 --> 01:24:20,754
Just like Brad never wanted to
be family with me,

2193
01:24:20,847 --> 01:24:21,837
did you, Brad?

2194
01:24:22,015 --> 01:24:23,847
No. Not at all.
I hated your guts.

2195
01:24:24,017 --> 01:24:25,758
In fact, I still kind of do
right now.

2196
01:24:25,936 --> 01:24:27,177
Yeah. Me, too, Brad.

2197
01:24:27,354 --> 01:24:28,765
But we're all connected
by these kids.

2198
01:24:28,855 --> 01:24:29,891
No one's going anywhere.

2199
01:24:30,315 --> 01:24:32,227
- You gonna stop me?
- If I have to, yes.

2200
01:24:32,401 --> 01:24:34,438
Yeah, right. You couldn't stop
a clock, you weak tit.

2201
01:24:35,654 --> 01:24:37,236
The hammer.

2202
01:24:40,200 --> 01:24:41,532
You know what, Adrianna?

2203
01:24:42,035 --> 01:24:43,196
You're not gonna like this,
young lady,

2204
01:24:43,287 --> 01:24:45,028
but this is long overdue.

2205
01:24:48,542 --> 01:24:49,532
I love you.

2206
01:24:49,710 --> 01:24:50,700
CROWD: Aww.

2207
01:24:51,378 --> 01:24:53,119
- That got me.
- Got me, too. Right here.

2208
01:24:53,297 --> 01:24:54,333
What the hell
did you just say?

2209
01:24:54,423 --> 01:24:55,959
You heard me. I said,
I love my stepdaughter!

2210
01:24:56,133 --> 01:24:58,546
And I meant it. I should've
said it a long time ago,

2211
01:24:58,719 --> 01:25:00,130
but I was afraid to
put myself out there

2212
01:25:00,220 --> 01:25:02,052
- and risk getting rejected.
- CROWD: Aww.

2213
01:25:02,556 --> 01:25:03,592
Sweet.

2214
01:25:03,682 --> 01:25:05,014
You know what?

2215
01:25:05,642 --> 01:25:08,134
Adrianna, you're gonna spend
Christmas with your mom, okay?

2216
01:25:10,314 --> 01:25:11,976
You're not leaving us, Roger.

2217
01:25:12,482 --> 01:25:13,973
'Cause I love you, too.

2218
01:25:16,403 --> 01:25:18,395
- You take that back!
- Nope. I can't.

2219
01:25:18,572 --> 01:25:19,608
Can't take it back now.

2220
01:25:19,698 --> 01:25:21,485
Everybody heard it.
It's out there.

2221
01:25:21,658 --> 01:25:23,524
- Everybody hear it?
- CROWD: Yeah.

2222
01:25:24,494 --> 01:25:26,110
You're her dad,
you made her who she is,

2223
01:25:26,204 --> 01:25:27,365
and despite her
currently harboring

2224
01:25:27,456 --> 01:25:28,992
a fair amount of resentment
towards me,

2225
01:25:29,166 --> 01:25:31,249
I love her,
so that means I love you, too.

2226
01:25:31,585 --> 01:25:33,372
And I've never been too good
about saying it,

2227
01:25:33,462 --> 01:25:34,919
but I'm gonna follow
Brad's example,

2228
01:25:35,088 --> 01:25:36,169
who I also love.

2229
01:25:36,340 --> 01:25:38,423
Now you're just saying things
to choke me up.

2230
01:25:38,592 --> 01:25:39,753
Brad! Cut it out.

2231
01:25:39,885 --> 01:25:41,842
- I'm trying.
- I'm a hot mess here.

2232
01:25:41,928 --> 01:25:42,918
Don, please!

2233
01:25:43,096 --> 01:25:44,177
You've got to understand,

2234
01:25:44,264 --> 01:25:45,505
when it comes out of nowhere
like that,

2235
01:25:45,599 --> 01:25:46,589
what do you expect?

2236
01:25:46,767 --> 01:25:47,974
- Stop!
- I'm stopping.

2237
01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:49,050
- I'm currently stopping.
- We're...

2238
01:25:49,227 --> 01:25:51,389
Yeah, guys. Cut it out,
you're embarrassing me.

2239
01:25:51,563 --> 01:25:52,679
I love you, Brad.

2240
01:25:53,065 --> 01:25:54,806
And I love Karen,
I love Sara,

2241
01:25:55,734 --> 01:25:57,396
and I love my kids.

2242
01:25:58,904 --> 01:26:00,065
(CLEARS THROAT)

2243
01:26:00,322 --> 01:26:01,563
I, uh,

2244
01:26:05,202 --> 01:26:06,534
I might need a little
more time with that one.

2245
01:26:06,620 --> 01:26:07,610
Sure, understood.

2246
01:26:07,788 --> 01:26:09,825
But we're making progress.
Maybe for your birthday.

2247
01:26:09,998 --> 01:26:10,988
Yeah.

2248
01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:12,119
You know. Unless
you want to say anything?

2249
01:26:12,876 --> 01:26:14,708
- Anything at all?
- DON: Say it, Kurt.

2250
01:26:14,878 --> 01:26:16,710
- Now's the time.
- Just say it, Kurt.

2251
01:26:16,880 --> 01:26:17,870
DUSTY:
You want to say anything?

2252
01:26:17,964 --> 01:26:19,205
BRAD: It's not that bad.
Just say it.

2253
01:26:19,383 --> 01:26:21,249
- You can do it.
- Do it.

2254
01:26:22,302 --> 01:26:24,794
Nah, the birthday's
a good target. Good target.

2255
01:26:25,180 --> 01:26:27,092
All right, Roger,
what do you say?

2256
01:26:27,307 --> 01:26:29,799
It's not too late to spend
Christmas with your family.

2257
01:26:36,108 --> 01:26:37,849
(CROWD GROANING)

2258
01:26:41,613 --> 01:26:43,400
(MUSIC PLAYING)

2259
01:26:48,912 --> 01:26:51,495
(SINGING) <i>It's Christmastime</i>

2260
01:26:52,833 --> 01:26:56,167
<i>There's no need to
be afraid, Roger</i>

2261
01:26:57,379 --> 01:26:59,371
<i>At Christmastime</i>

2262
01:27:00,215 --> 01:27:03,208
<i>We let in light
and we banish shade</i>

2263
01:27:03,427 --> 01:27:05,419
Damn, that's my favorite song
of all time.

2264
01:27:05,595 --> 01:27:09,760
<i>- And in our world of plenty</i>
- (CHOIR VOCALIZING)

2265
01:27:10,058 --> 01:27:13,551
<i>We can spread a smile of joy</i>

2266
01:27:14,229 --> 01:27:17,563
<i>Throw your arms around
the world</i>

2267
01:27:17,899 --> 01:27:19,231
<i>At Christmastime</i>

2268
01:27:22,446 --> 01:27:24,153
<i>But say a prayer</i>

2269
01:27:26,491 --> 01:27:28,904
<i>Pray for the other ones!</i>

2270
01:27:29,077 --> 01:27:31,069
I'll play this in August,
I don't even care.

2271
01:27:31,246 --> 01:27:32,908
<i>At Christmastime</i>

2272
01:27:33,248 --> 01:27:38,243
<i>It's hard,
but when you're having fun</i>

2273
01:27:38,837 --> 01:27:43,172
<i>There's a world
outside your window</i>

2274
01:27:43,759 --> 01:27:47,503
<i>It's a world of dread and fear</i>

2275
01:27:47,804 --> 01:27:51,969
<i>Where the only water
flowing is</i>

2276
01:27:52,309 --> 01:27:55,143
<i>The bitter sting of tears</i>

2277
01:27:56,229 --> 01:27:59,973
<i>And the Christmas bells
that ring there</i>

2278
01:28:00,317 --> 01:28:03,810
<i>Are the clanging chimes
of doom</i>

2279
01:28:04,154 --> 01:28:07,147
<i>Well, tonight thank God
it's them</i>

2280
01:28:07,991 --> 01:28:10,483
<i>Instead of you</i>

2281
01:28:11,286 --> 01:28:13,027
Yes! Fantastic!

2282
01:28:17,959 --> 01:28:19,541
He heard it!

2283
01:28:29,429 --> 01:28:30,761
Come on, Roger.

2284
01:28:31,973 --> 01:28:34,056
Look.
Yes, we're all stuck here,

2285
01:28:34,392 --> 01:28:36,133
but we're with
our loved ones.

2286
01:28:36,311 --> 01:28:38,303
I'm not. I came alone.

2287
01:28:38,480 --> 01:28:39,937
Oh. Okay, well,

2288
01:28:40,023 --> 01:28:41,264
he came to the movies alone
on Christmas,

2289
01:28:41,358 --> 01:28:42,474
and that's a little sad.

2290
01:28:42,651 --> 01:28:44,608
(SINGING)
<i>That's a little sad!</i>

2291
01:28:45,654 --> 01:28:47,145
But you're not alone, sir.

2292
01:28:47,322 --> 01:28:48,312
I mean, think about it.

2293
01:28:48,406 --> 01:28:49,897
We come to the movies
all the time.

2294
01:28:50,492 --> 01:28:52,404
We sit with hundreds
of people.

2295
01:28:52,744 --> 01:28:55,987
And we laugh together,
we cry together,

2296
01:28:56,331 --> 01:28:58,493
but we never look
at each other, do we?

2297
01:28:58,750 --> 01:29:01,413
Brad, it's not a microphone,
it's a mallet. See?

2298
01:29:01,670 --> 01:29:03,662
- They can hear you.
- You can still hear me, right?

2299
01:29:03,755 --> 01:29:04,996
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

2300
01:29:05,173 --> 01:29:06,664
Take a look at each other.

2301
01:29:07,092 --> 01:29:08,173
- That's right.
- Hi.

2302
01:29:08,927 --> 01:29:11,590
BRAD: Give a hug.
Give an embrace.

2303
01:29:11,930 --> 01:29:13,421
What we have here
are the makings

2304
01:29:13,515 --> 01:29:15,427
of a really great
Christmas party.

2305
01:29:15,725 --> 01:29:19,218
We have a Christmas tree.
We have music and snacks.

2306
01:29:19,479 --> 01:29:22,438
We have Christmas spirit.
We have mirth.

2307
01:29:22,649 --> 01:29:24,060
We have snow!

2308
01:29:24,150 --> 01:29:25,311
DUSTY: You know
who doesn't have snow?

2309
01:29:26,194 --> 01:29:28,356
I'll bet he knows who doesn't
have snow, don't you?

2310
01:29:30,991 --> 01:29:33,324
Yeah. Yeah, I know.

2311
01:29:33,952 --> 01:29:35,784
I know where there isn't snow.

2312
01:29:36,371 --> 01:29:39,864
<i>And there won't be snow
in Africa</i>

2313
01:29:40,500 --> 01:29:43,163
<i>This Christmastime!</i>

2314
01:29:45,255 --> 01:29:50,250
<i>Do they know
it's Christmastime at all?</i>

2315
01:29:53,221 --> 01:29:54,632
Merry Christmas!

2316
01:29:54,848 --> 01:29:56,259
Merry Christmas, folks!

2317
01:29:57,851 --> 01:30:01,640
(SINGING) <i>Feed the world</i>

2318
01:30:01,980 --> 01:30:05,724
<i>Let them know
it's Christmastime</i>

2319
01:30:06,067 --> 01:30:08,150
<i>Feed the world</i>

2320
01:30:08,236 --> 01:30:09,272
What?

2321
01:30:10,238 --> 01:30:12,730
<i>Let them know
it's Christmastime</i>

2322
01:30:12,908 --> 01:30:14,399
"Sara.

2323
01:30:15,076 --> 01:30:16,738
"Beautiful and smart.

2324
01:30:17,078 --> 01:30:19,411
"The mom that everyone loves"?

2325
01:30:20,040 --> 01:30:22,703
Oh, my God. She's basing
a character on me!

2326
01:30:23,960 --> 01:30:25,076
(GIGGLING)

2327
01:30:39,643 --> 01:30:41,600
(ALL CONTINUE SINGING)

2328
01:30:56,201 --> 01:30:57,863
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

2329
01:30:59,746 --> 01:31:00,736
DUSTY: All right, guys.

2330
01:31:00,914 --> 01:31:02,155
We're not gonna see them again
till Easter,

2331
01:31:02,248 --> 01:31:03,830
so everybody say good-bye
to El Padre and Pop-Pop.

2332
01:31:04,000 --> 01:31:05,491
- Bye, Dylan.
- MEGAN: Good-bye, El Padre!

2333
01:31:05,794 --> 01:31:07,285
Hey, next time you want to
shoot a guy,

2334
01:31:07,379 --> 01:31:09,792
don't just wing him,
go for center mass, okay?

2335
01:31:10,131 --> 01:31:11,121
Good-bye, Adrianna.

2336
01:31:13,510 --> 01:31:15,342
I don't want you to go,
Pop-Pop!

2337
01:31:15,512 --> 01:31:16,673
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, really?

2338
01:31:16,846 --> 01:31:18,212
Oh, sure.
Of course, he gets a hug.

2339
01:31:18,390 --> 01:31:19,506
Maybe you can call me

2340
01:31:19,599 --> 01:31:20,965
and tell me more
Pop-Pop stories.

2341
01:31:21,142 --> 01:31:22,633
I would love to!

2342
01:31:22,811 --> 01:31:25,098
Oh. And I also signed you up
for SeniorMatch.com.

2343
01:31:25,313 --> 01:31:27,430
It's a dating website
for old people like you.

2344
01:31:27,607 --> 01:31:29,098
Thank you, sweetie.

2345
01:31:29,985 --> 01:31:31,772
Oh, honey,
it's your mom texting.

2346
01:31:31,861 --> 01:31:33,397
They're just getting off
the plane.

2347
01:31:33,571 --> 01:31:35,028
I'd better go
before they get here.

2348
01:31:35,115 --> 01:31:36,902
I don't want to
make anything awkward.

2349
01:31:37,158 --> 01:31:38,990
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye, big man.

2350
01:31:39,327 --> 01:31:41,819
BRAD: Love you.
DON: I love you, too, Brad.

2351
01:31:43,081 --> 01:31:45,073
Hey, well, yeah,
you have a good flight.

2352
01:31:58,638 --> 01:32:00,425
Yeah,
let's not get that going.

2353
01:32:00,598 --> 01:32:01,805
I agree. You've got to
start that younger.

2354
01:32:01,891 --> 01:32:02,972
We missed that window.

2355
01:32:03,143 --> 01:32:04,133
DUSTY: I really appreciate
the gesture.

2356
01:32:04,227 --> 01:32:05,468
You do? Oh, then okay.

2357
01:32:05,645 --> 01:32:07,477
- Hey. I'll see you, kid.
- See you soon, yeah.

2358
01:32:07,647 --> 01:32:08,728
Yeah, bye, kid.

2359
01:32:09,149 --> 01:32:11,482
- Are you coming, Pop-Pop?
- DON: Come on, Captain!

2360
01:32:12,152 --> 01:32:13,142
Bye, Dad.

2361
01:32:14,112 --> 01:32:16,024
You know, Don,
I've been thinking.

2362
01:32:16,114 --> 01:32:17,446
You don't need a dating app.

2363
01:32:17,615 --> 01:32:19,777
What you need is a wingman.

2364
01:32:20,076 --> 01:32:21,408
I switched our flights
to Vegas.

2365
01:32:21,494 --> 01:32:23,486
New Year's at Caesar's,
fix you right up.

2366
01:32:23,663 --> 01:32:25,404
Oh, that sounds wonderful!

2367
01:32:25,832 --> 01:32:27,744
Where are
we connecting through?

2368
01:32:27,834 --> 01:32:29,166
Don't start with me, Pop-Pop.

2369
01:32:29,919 --> 01:32:31,911
Hey, Braddie.
Don't be nervous now.

2370
01:32:32,172 --> 01:32:33,288
You are the kindest,

2371
01:32:33,381 --> 01:32:35,748
most gentle
and honest guy I know.

2372
01:32:36,092 --> 01:32:38,505
And whoever your mother
brings down that escalator,

2373
01:32:38,678 --> 01:32:39,964
he's gonna love you,
you hear me?

2374
01:32:40,055 --> 01:32:41,341
Grandma!

2375
01:32:45,518 --> 01:32:47,009
Is that Sully?

2376
01:32:47,729 --> 01:32:48,890
Wait, wait, who?

2377
01:32:49,147 --> 01:32:50,558
DUSTY: Sully Sullenberger.

2378
01:32:50,648 --> 01:32:52,230
The guy who saved
155 passengers

2379
01:32:52,317 --> 01:32:53,478
on the miracle on the Hudson!

2380
01:32:53,651 --> 01:32:55,142
Clint Eastwood made
a frickin' movie about it.

2381
01:32:55,236 --> 01:32:56,898
Wait. We watched it at
your house, it was awesome!

2382
01:32:57,072 --> 01:32:58,233
Right.
Tom Hanks and Aaron Eckhart.

2383
01:32:58,323 --> 01:32:59,404
I really enjoyed it.

2384
01:32:59,574 --> 01:33:00,781
DUSTY:
That guy is a national hero,

2385
01:33:00,867 --> 01:33:02,483
and he's gonna be
your stepdad.

2386
01:33:02,869 --> 01:33:03,950
Wow, amazing.

2387
01:33:04,120 --> 01:33:06,032
I bet you
he gets free flight vouchers.

2388
01:33:06,206 --> 01:33:07,196
And maybe get us
some vouchers!

2389
01:33:07,290 --> 01:33:08,280
Maybe.

2390
01:33:08,374 --> 01:33:11,458
Well, don't make him wait.
Go say hi. Go! Go!

2391
01:33:11,753 --> 01:33:12,743
MEGAN: Grandma!

2392
01:33:14,339 --> 01:33:16,331
You must be Brad.

2393
01:33:16,424 --> 01:33:17,414
Nope.

2394
01:33:17,592 --> 01:33:19,299
- No, Brad.
- You're not my dad!

2395
01:33:19,469 --> 01:33:20,630
Brad, no, that's a mistake!

2396
01:33:20,804 --> 01:33:22,636
I don't care
how many lives you saved!

2397
01:33:22,722 --> 01:33:25,089
You'll never replace him,
do you hear me?

2398
01:33:27,435 --> 01:33:29,301
Brad, he's so nice! Come back!

2399
01:33:29,479 --> 01:33:33,223
You only have one good story,
my father has a million!

2400
01:33:39,072 --> 01:33:40,688
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

2401
01:35:12,832 --> 01:35:14,619
<i>You're listening to
Jason Sinclair at the Panda,</i>

2402
01:35:14,709 --> 01:35:17,076
<i>and I've got a little holiday
recipe for you tonight.</i>

2403
01:35:17,170 --> 01:35:20,208
<i>Two cups of eggnog,
one serving of silk pajamas,</i>

2404
01:35:20,298 --> 01:35:22,711
<i>and a heaping helping
of a loved one.</i>

2405
01:35:22,800 --> 01:35:25,383
<i>And I'm gonna add
a pinch of smooth jazz</i>

2406
01:35:25,470 --> 01:35:26,802
(WHISPERS) <i>on the Panda.</i>

2407
01:35:26,971 --> 01:35:28,803
<i>And I have one question
for you.</i>

2408
01:35:28,890 --> 01:35:30,131
<i>Do you know what time it is?</i>

2409
01:35:30,225 --> 01:35:32,262
BRAD: (SINGING)
<i>It's Christmastime</i>

2410
01:35:33,978 --> 01:35:38,188
<i>There's no need to
be afraid, Roger</i>

2411
01:35:38,566 --> 01:35:44,904
<i>At Christmastime, we let in
light and we banish shade</i>

2412
01:35:46,491 --> 01:35:51,236
<i>And in our world of plenty</i>

2413
01:35:51,329 --> 01:35:55,323
<i>We can spread a smile of joy</i>

2414
01:35:55,583 --> 01:35:58,826
<i>Throw your arms around
the world</i>

2415
01:35:58,920 --> 01:36:01,333
<i>At Christmastime</i>

2416
01:36:03,508 --> 01:36:05,215
DON:
<i>But say a prayer</i>

2417
01:36:07,553 --> 01:36:09,966
<i>Pray for the other ones!</i>

2418
01:36:11,849 --> 01:36:13,511
<i>At Christmastime</i>

2419
01:36:13,851 --> 01:36:18,846
<i>It's hard,
but when you're having fun</i>

2420
01:36:20,191 --> 01:36:24,526
MEGAN: <i>There's a world
outside your window</i>

2421
01:36:25,113 --> 01:36:28,857
<i>It's a world of dread and fear</i>

2422
01:36:29,158 --> 01:36:33,323
DYLAN: <i>Where the only water
flowing is</i>

2423
01:36:33,663 --> 01:36:36,497
<i>The bitter sting of tears</i>

2424
01:36:37,583 --> 01:36:39,119
SARA AND KAREN:
<i>And the Christmas bells</i>

2425
01:36:39,210 --> 01:36:41,327
<i>That ring there</i>

2426
01:36:41,671 --> 01:36:45,164
<i>Are the clanging chimes
of doom</i>

2427
01:36:45,508 --> 01:36:48,501
DUSTY: <i>Well, tonight thank God
it's them</i>

2428
01:36:49,345 --> 01:36:51,837
<i>Instead of you</i>

2429
01:36:53,933 --> 01:36:57,426
ROGER: <i>And there won't be snow
in Africa</i>

2430
01:36:58,062 --> 01:37:00,725
<i>This Christmastime!</i>

2431
01:37:02,775 --> 01:37:07,736
MEGAN: <i>The greatest gift
they'll get this year is life</i>

2432
01:37:08,197 --> 01:37:10,689
DUSTY: <i>Life, life</i>

2433
01:37:10,783 --> 01:37:14,868
ROGER:
<i>Where nothing ever grows</i>

2434
01:37:14,954 --> 01:37:18,618
BRAD:
<i>No rain nor rivers flow</i>

2435
01:37:19,667 --> 01:37:24,583
ALL: <i>Do they know
it's Christmastime at all?</i>

2436
01:37:28,009 --> 01:37:29,671
<i>Here's to you</i>

2437
01:37:29,761 --> 01:37:32,219
DYLAN:
<i>Raise a glass for everyone</i>

2438
01:37:32,305 --> 01:37:33,716
ALL: <i>Here's to them</i>

2439
01:37:33,806 --> 01:37:36,264
<i>Underneath that burning sun</i>

2440
01:37:36,351 --> 01:37:41,392
ALL: <i>Do they know
it's Christmastime at all?</i>

2441
01:37:57,330 --> 01:38:01,119
<i>Feed the world</i>

2442
01:38:01,459 --> 01:38:05,203
KURT<i>: Let them know
it's Christmastime</i>

2443
01:38:05,546 --> 01:38:09,711
ALL: <i>Feed the world</i>

2444
01:38:09,801 --> 01:38:13,841
<i>Let them know
it's Christmastime</i>

2445
01:38:13,930 --> 01:38:17,719
<i>Feed the world</i>

2446
01:38:18,059 --> 01:38:21,803
<i>Let them know
it's Christmastime</i>

2447
01:38:22,146 --> 01:38:26,390
<i>Feed the world</i>

2448
01:38:26,484 --> 01:38:30,524
<i>Let them know
it's Christmastime</i>

2449
01:38:30,613 --> 01:38:34,402
<i>Feed the world</i>

2450
01:38:34,742 --> 01:38:38,486
<i>Let them know
it's Christmastime</i>

2451
01:38:38,830 --> 01:38:42,949
<i>Feed the world</i>

2452
01:38:43,042 --> 01:38:47,833
<i>Let them know
it's Christmastime again</i>

2453
01:38:52,760 --> 01:38:55,423
You know. Last year, the folks
at St. Benedict's, they...

2454
01:38:55,680 --> 01:38:57,262
They had a...
A modern-dress Nativity.

2455
01:38:57,598 --> 01:38:58,714
Everybody hated it at first,

2456
01:38:58,808 --> 01:39:00,720
but you know
the folks at St. Benedict's,

2457
01:39:00,810 --> 01:39:02,267
they got back at 'em,
all right.

2458
01:39:02,520 --> 01:39:05,103
They won the prize
for most original.

2459
01:39:05,440 --> 01:39:08,604
Then, of course, you have
the Maplewood Christians.

2460
01:39:08,943 --> 01:39:11,026
They had a kind of
friendly competition

2461
01:39:11,112 --> 01:39:13,274
with the Nazarenes,

2462
01:39:14,282 --> 01:39:17,275
and took all their hay
last year.

2463
01:39:17,618 --> 01:39:19,450
Yeah, you just try
setting up

2464
01:39:20,621 --> 01:39:22,453
a Nativity without hay.

2465
01:39:22,790 --> 01:39:24,622
Merry Christmas, fellas!