1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,000
This programme
contains strong language.
2
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,080
New paintings, new collage work...
3
00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,320
Is that sticking things down?
4
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,520
It's so much more than
sticking things down, Jan.
5
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,000
It is sticking things down.
6
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,520
I need to make two grand
from selling my art.
7
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:18,800
Finally going travelling.
8
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,680
Two months away,
just going to do it!
9
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:21,720
Great.
10
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:22,760
Fuck you!
11
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,400
What? You don't believe I'll go,
do you?
12
00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,000
You never believe I'll go
travelling.
13
00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,320
Your disbelief has been this
kind of cosmic lasso
14
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:29,720
keeping me here for years.
15
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,600
It is your fault that
I've never travelled.
16
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,640
I haven't got a cosmic lasso!
17
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,840
You've been saying for 20 years
you'll go travelling,
18
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,520
and you've never been
travelling, so...
19
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,280
I'm not scared, if
that's what you think.
20
00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,440
Andrew thinks I'm a
natural traveller.
21
00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,560
He says we're all basically nomads.
22
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,040
If you ignore the last 12,000 years
of human history,
23
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,680
he makes a powerful point.
24
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:48,920
Haven't you got itchy feet?
25
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,200
Literally, yes, but I
don't want to travel.
26
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,960
Although, Mum will want me to
do the sup-viz this week.
27
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,040
Go on the road and glad hand our
suppliers like Dad used to.
28
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,560
All right, Neil Armstrong.
29
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,560
Cass, you've spent time with
Andrew recently, haven't you?
30
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,640
Is he definitely the same guy we
fostered 30 years ago?
31
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,600
Yeah, maybe. Does it matter?
32
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,520
It's who you are now
that's important.
33
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,760
Oasis and I think Jesus
both said that.
34
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:15,040
I was saying to Alison that I think
he might be the Devil wanting to
steal my life.
35
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:16,080
No offence, Stephen,
36
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,000
but who the fuck would want to
steal your life?
37
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,080
This was his itinerary for
the last supplier visit.
38
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,280
Brewers, farmers, vineyards,
places he stayed...
39
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,400
I'm honoured to keep the
tradition going,
40
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,600
and to pass on the sad news about
Dad to those who don't know.
41
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,720
Oh, I've asked Andrew to do
the sup-viz.
42
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:44,840
Right.
43
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,760
So the face of the business
is now his face?
44
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:48,880
Great, thanks.
45
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,000
Well, one of you has to stay
and run the pub.
46
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,560
I'm helping Julian with the
church's drug outreach.
47
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,120
Geoff could run the pub. Geoff?
48
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,920
He's done it before in the old days.
49
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,640
Oh, he did a grand job.
He's a natural publican.
50
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,600
A lot like, you know...
51
00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:02,680
your dad.
52
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,000
So, share the driving?
53
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:11,760
I can only drive an automatic.
54
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,440
Who only drives an automatic?
55
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:16,600
Modern people. You think it's a less
manly kind of car?
56
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:20,040
You think pulling a gear stick makes
you Isambard Kingdom Brunel?
57
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,280
Never mind. I went coast to coast
USA in an RV one summer,
58
00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,640
so I think a round trip to
Hunstanton should be fine.
59
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,120
Is there anything you haven't done?
60
00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,200
I mean anything in the
whole fucking world?
61
00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,280
Uh, I've never done a
parachute jump.
62
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,640
Wow, good God!
63
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,880
We finally found something
the great Andrew...
64
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,440
No! Actually, I have!
65
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:37,480
ANDREW LAUGHS
66
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,680
I forgot. I raised £3,000
for Barnardo's.
67
00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,840
What can I do you for? The usual?
68
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,160
I don't know what that is.
69
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,160
Is it beer?
70
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,120
Don't worry, if the wife
rings, I'll say you're not here.
71
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,520
But you've probably got a mobile.
72
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:55,640
Just popping out for a fag.
73
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:56,840
Oh, light up in here, mate.
74
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,040
A pub needs smoke.
75
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,360
You shouldn't be able to see the
hand in front of your face
76
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,600
or smell the rank stench
of the guy next to you.
77
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:03,720
No offence, Colin.
78
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:04,960
What about the smoke alarms?
79
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,200
I'll take the batteries out.
80
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,120
We're not in the EU now, Jan.
81
00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:12,160
Anyway, how many people used
to actually die from second-hand
smoke in pubs?
82
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,400
About 600 a year.
83
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:14,720
OK, well, that is a lot.
84
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,560
But this is only for a few days.
85
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,400
Think of it as an olden-days
theme pub.
86
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,920
Smoking, cheese-and-pickle rolls,
and a collection for the
lifeboat men.
87
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,880
My first patron.
88
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,160
Oh, the stampede begins!
89
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,640
Just got a text from Stephen.
90
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,120
Pissed off Andrew's on his
sup-viz safari.
91
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,560
I'm concerned at how obsessed
Stephen's become with him.
92
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,880
He is totally obsessed with Andrew.
93
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:37,920
Oh...
94
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:40,920
This one's, uh...good.
95
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,520
You know, dolphins are actually more
intelligent than humans.
96
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,680
It's just they haven't got any
hands, so that sort of
fucked them.
97
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:47,960
Is that Andrew?
98
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,240
Suppose it looks a
bit like him, I hadn't thought.
99
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,880
And is that Andrew?
100
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,280
No, that's a little old lady.
101
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,000
Her face looks quite a lot like
Andrew's face.
102
00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,480
Seems like someone else is
a bit obsessed with Andrew.
103
00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,560
Yes.
104
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,240
Don't worry, I won't tell Tom.
105
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,640
So immediately before you came
to us, you were...
106
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,480
With my dad, my actual dad.
107
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,440
Briefly and horribly.
108
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,360
But before that, I was in care
for quite a while.
109
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:13,920
And after us was...
110
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:19,080
Care, Mum, fostered in Stoke with
chaotics, Dad again,
111
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,520
care, fostered with some quite nice
boring people,
112
00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,360
then care, then done.
113
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,440
Wide world.
114
00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:25,480
Got you.
115
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,800
So care, fostered, Mum...
116
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,160
No, care, Mum...
117
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,200
Is this a test?
118
00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,160
No, just interested!
119
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,720
Must have been tough.
No-one has an easy life, Stephen.
120
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,360
We all have a cross.
Yeah, what's mine?
121
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,320
That you're still in love
with your ex-wife.
122
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,440
Alison's with Tom,
she's moving away,
123
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,280
you need to move on
but you can't.
124
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,440
We need to find someone for you
while we're on tour.
125
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,000
We're not on tour.
126
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,240
Jimmy Page didn't visit
pork scratchings factories.
127
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:51,800
Not at his peak, anyway.
128
00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,400
So this is Sunnyvale Farm Foods.
129
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,120
I was expecting a farmhouse.
130
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,000
I thought we might get a cream tea.
131
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,280
Hi, looking for Kevin Patterson?
132
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,320
Yeah, that's me.
133
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,320
We're from the
John Barleycorn in Stroud.
134
00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,320
I have some bad news.
135
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,600
Laurie passed away a few weeks ago.
136
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,920
We've come in his place
to carry on the tradition.
137
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,640
I'm his son, Stephen.
138
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,320
And this is...
139
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,120
his Andrew.
140
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,400
Laurie passed away?
141
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,960
I know it's...it's very sad,
very sudden.
142
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,400
Who's Laurie?
143
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,800
Laurie Nichols, from the
John Barleycorn.
144
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,200
In Stroud. Laurie visited you every
year at about this time.
145
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,240
Every year?
146
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:37,840
He'd do a little tour visiting
his suppliers, the sup-viz.
147
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,120
Why?
No-one else does that, do they?
148
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,440
So you obviously stock our
snacks in your pub?
149
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,640
The pork scratchings.
150
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,480
They're great scratchings.
Texture, fat ratio, seasoning,
151
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,520
excellent.
152
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,160
You want to come see how we make
them so it's not a wasted journey?
153
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,120
Sure, good to know
the links in the supply chain.
154
00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,040
Oh, Jesus! Good God!
155
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,440
We have to stop selling them!
156
00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:58,920
We can't be involved with that!
157
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,040
They really do scratch the shit
out of those pigs!
158
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:04,880
Three Jagerbombs, please.
159
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,840
ID?
160
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,720
What, was this taken ten years
in the future
161
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,360
just after you had
a head transplant?
162
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,560
Come on, hop it!
Give the lads a drink.
163
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,880
They're underage!
Chillax, Jan.
164
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,280
Lads need to learn to drink in pubs.
165
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,480
The alternative,
staying at home not drinking,
166
00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,600
can lead often to jihad.
167
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,160
Just keep yourselves to yourselves.
168
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,440
What if I say "Free drinks
or I grass you up"?
169
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,720
I would fucking blind you!
170
00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,240
Geoff, this is a kind of anarchy.
171
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:34,800
If a copper comes in here now,
172
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,680
that's our licence right
up the pictures.
173
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:40,120
I'm just bringing a taste of
the '70s back, like BBC Four.
174
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,080
But it was
a different era back then,
175
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,840
like all the sex cases say.
176
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:47,000
As a boy, I'd watch bare-knuckle
fights down at the rec.
177
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,920
Two fit, young Gypsy men,
178
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,440
not necessarily Gypsies,
that's racist,
179
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:52,840
but they were always Gypsies,
180
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:57,360
stripped to the waist punching seven
shades of shit out of each other.
181
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,800
Magic.
182
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,000
I've only ever had weed, so I...
183
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,360
I can't relate directly to
your situation.
184
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,920
But know that you are loved by God
and by those who believe in Him.
185
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,800
The outreach team are here to
do exactly that.
186
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,200
Reach out.
187
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,760
So not exactly that,
but you understand.
188
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,000
You've never had acid, Ellen?
189
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,760
No, just weed.
190
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,040
Never succumbed.
191
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,640
HE MOUTHES
192
00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,360
SHE MOUTHES
193
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,480
Oh, the restaurant's Thai.
194
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:38,600
Fantastic!
195
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,800
Yeah, I'm not great with
chilli and so on.
196
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,120
Intermittent IBS.
197
00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:44,320
Sometimes, it's fine.
198
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,280
Sometimes, it's sort of mayhem.
199
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,880
Don't worry, I'll choose for you.
200
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,720
Thai food isn't about heat,
it's about complex flavours.
201
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,320
Presumably, you've been to Thailand.
202
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,680
Who hasn't been to Thailand?
203
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,080
Oh, God, now I come to
think of it, you're right.
204
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,600
No-one!
205
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,600
Do you want to find somewhere else?
206
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,160
No, it's fine.
207
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,600
We don't want to be
stuck on the moors in a storm.
208
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,240
Might get fucked by bears
or something.
209
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:09,520
Sorry, I'm sure you've been fucked
by bears in a yurt in Istanbul
210
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:10,960
and it was magical.
211
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,320
Oh, Jesus.
212
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,840
Are you, uh...?
Let's not even mention it.
213
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,000
Have some rice, maybe?
214
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,800
Shall I ask for a spoon?
215
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,120
It's fine, really.
216
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:33,240
I don't like any of it,
217
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,040
so not being able to pick it up is
actually an advantage.
218
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,280
What wine is that?
219
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:40,760
Screw-top.
220
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,760
I'm sorry you don't like your food.
You used to love spicy Nik Naks.
221
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,360
You ate those all the time when
we played Clunk Splash.
222
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,120
What was Clunk Splash?
223
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,120
The game we played on the
waste ground.
224
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,160
Down by the canal.
225
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,920
Bad luck. Clunk, but no splash.
226
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,880
BOTH: Clunk splash!
227
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,320
Do you not remember?
It was you, me and...
228
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:05,480
Smelly Ellis.
229
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:06,560
Smelly Ellis?
230
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,120
You don't remember Smelly Ellis?
231
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,240
Dark hair, looked a bit like...
232
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,000
Harris, thingy Harris.
233
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,040
Rolf Harris?
234
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,040
No, the other one, Keith Harris!
235
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,440
But without Orville.
236
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,800
Remember?
237
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,600
I think so, quite smelly.
238
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:23,160
Very. Smelled like damp biscuits
with a bit of shit on them.
239
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,440
And then he just...disappeared.
240
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,280
How is everything?
241
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,680
Oh, perfect level of grachai.
242
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,520
And the prawn crackers with the nam
phrik shouldn't work, but so does.
243
00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:34,640
More wine?
244
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,400
Yes, please, we're on the
second cheapest red.
245
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,600
How do you mean
Smelly Ellis disappeared?
246
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,600
He just wasn't there.
One day, no Smelly Ellis.
247
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,720
I guess his family moved away...
248
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,040
really suddenly with no warning.
249
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,000
And so we stopped going
to the waste ground...
250
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,720
by the canal.
251
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:53,760
Right.
252
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,480
Would you like to taste it?
253
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,560
I drink it so quickly, the tongue
doesn't really get involved.
254
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,240
KNOCK ON DOOR
255
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,280
Andrew?
256
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,760
We didn't...
257
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:07,800
What?
258
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,560
Did we kill Smelly Ellis?
259
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,280
And dump him in the canal?
260
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,160
People don't just disappear!
261
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,960
Sometimes children kill
other children!
262
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,400
Lord Of The Flies...
263
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:20,840
Not Bugsy Malone, but...
264
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,160
We didn't kill Smelly Ellis.
265
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:27,800
His overnight disappearance can be
explained away, I'm sure.
266
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,720
I'm really scared we killed him.
267
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,240
I didn't kill Smelly Ellis.
268
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:32,680
But...
269
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,160
did I kill Smelly Ellis?
270
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,600
Do you remember killing
Smelly Ellis?
271
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,960
I'm not doing this!
272
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,120
This didn't actually happen!
273
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,760
I genuinely don't know!
274
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,120
What's it say in your diary?
275
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,840
I did look this up earlier,
276
00:10:53,880 --> 00:11:00,080
and there is an entry saying that
you and Smelly Ellis went to the
waste ground without me
277
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,160
because I had to have my
verruca frozen.
278
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,720
Fuck! Do you think...?
279
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,680
But my diary isn't gospel.
280
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,320
Maybe he said goodbye
and we forgot.
281
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,760
That's far more likely than you
killing him.
282
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:18,000
But... But what if I got a red mist
and lost control like Kenneth Noye
or Naomi Campbell or the Hulk?
283
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,520
Can we google Smelly Ellis?
284
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,160
Do you know his first name?
285
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,720
Or maybe Ellis is his first name,
286
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,200
in which case, do you know
his surname?
287
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,440
No.
288
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,560
Let's get some sleep.
289
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,480
Do you want to sleep in here?
290
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,480
I met Laurie once at a tasting
when I first opened the vineyard.
291
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,120
And I spoke to him on the phone
but he didn't come here every year.
292
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,560
No, we're hearing this a lot.
293
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:54,720
So red is absolutely an option in
England right now.
294
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,680
It needs to be lighter stuff.
295
00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,560
This is a Dornfelder.
296
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,520
Medium tannins. So there's
a very rich mouth feel.
297
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:09,360
But some acidity, which is good.
Oh, there we go.
298
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,520
A lovely glimpse of a floral note.
299
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,120
It's tasty. Fruity.
300
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,120
I like it.
301
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:19,040
It is incredibly fruity and "tasty"
is exactly the word I'd use.
302
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,480
Is it quite strong?
303
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,520
14. Nice.
304
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:25,240
Not really worth bothering
with anything below a 14, is it?
305
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,400
Absolutely. Below 14, it's a mixer.
306
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,960
Do you like a dry white?
As I am one, yes, I do!
307
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,240
STEPHEN AND ANNIE LAUGH
308
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:41,440
That's when I decided to be as happy
as possible as often as possible.
309
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,200
Jesus, please tell me how you
do that!
310
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,160
I've never been happy.
311
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,080
What does it feel like?
312
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:48,720
This!
313
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,880
Stephen, really, you've never been
happy?
314
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:55,760
I have moments, you know, but not
for longer than a few minutes...
315
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,520
..a couple of times a year.
316
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:59,880
I imagine you're happy much
of the time, Andrew?
317
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,800
Does that make me
shallow and simple?
318
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,320
Oh, no. I can tell you're
far from that.
319
00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,880
It looks like we need another
bottle of happiness.
320
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,920
Fuck me, she's perfect.
321
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,120
She likes you.
322
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,400
No, she doesn't.
323
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,640
Does she? She is definitely
into you.
324
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,320
I want to stay here forever.
325
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,800
It's idyllic.
326
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:26,000
I'll marry Annie and there'll be
no more worry
327
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,680
other than the worry about which
delicious wine to drink next.
328
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:30,800
Ta-da!
329
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,720
We should be getting a cab
to a B&B or something.
330
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,280
Stay here. I've got a spare bedroom
with two beds already made up.
331
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,240
But is anyone else getting chilly?
Shall we go inside?
332
00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,680
I think I'll be turning in,
actually, if that's not too boring.
333
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,320
Oh.
334
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,560
You'll stay up, won't you,
Stephen, for a nightcap?
335
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,840
Thanks, I will.
336
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,360
Pop a jaunty little cap on
the night.
337
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,800
My blood alcohol must never
drop below a certain level,
338
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:02,880
like in Speed.
339
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,360
STEPHEN LAUGHS
You're funny.
340
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,480
So are you.
341
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,800
They say that's key to being
attracted to someone.
342
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,400
Oh! Do they say that?
343
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,800
They do say that,
whoever "they" are.
344
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,520
ANNIE LAUGHS
345
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:16,680
This is a new bottle.
346
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,680
What are you getting?
347
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,560
Plums. Mmm.
348
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,720
Big, full plums.
349
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,360
Yeah, I'm getting that too.
350
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,720
Big, full...
351
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,720
..bursting plums.
352
00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,760
STEPHEN SNORES
353
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:03,440
I think Annie's an alcoholic.
354
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,640
Possibly.
355
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,160
I don't like to judge.
356
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,800
You should keep in touch. She could
help you to get over Alison.
357
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,320
I'm totally over Alison.
358
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,280
It's YOU who needs to get over the
fact that I'm over her.
359
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,000
Do you think you might also have an
issue with drink?
360
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,360
No.
361
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,400
I mean, sure,
I could never actually stop,
362
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,480
that would be terrifying,
but I function just fine.
363
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,400
It's like my medicine,
like a tasty insulin.
364
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:31,000
Oh, I found an entry in my diary
with Smelly Ellis's first name.
365
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,440
Fuck!
366
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:33,560
OK.
367
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,000
It was Harri. But the Welsh form,
with an I, not a Y.
368
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,120
So, easier to find him on Google?
369
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,360
Yes.
370
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,560
Did you google him?
371
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:42,760
I did.
372
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,960
Someone with that name, our age,
373
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,120
is a chiropodist in Toronto.
374
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,160
So his family must have emigrated.
375
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,280
I guess. It's the most
plausible explanation.
376
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,800
And there's a photo.
Does it look like him?
377
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,160
Yeah, I think.
378
00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,240
I mean...
379
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:00,360
..yeah, why not?
380
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,840
I can certainly imagine it's him.
381
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,680
So we can say... We can agree
pretty conclusively,
382
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:08,680
that I didn't kill a little boy
with a piece of metal.
383
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,680
Yeah, sure.
384
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,000
Phew.
385
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,600
Just sent my telly off.
Sold it on eBay.
386
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:19,200
I won't need a TV when I come back
from Indonesia or wherever I go.
387
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:20,880
You've sold a lot of your stuff.
388
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,440
All my stuff. Feels like a detox.
389
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,800
Ridding myself of all my
possessions.
390
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,760
How big is your
travel fund now, then?
391
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:28,920
£2,000.
392
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,920
Great, that's enough to go
travelling, then, isn't it?
393
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,520
Not quite. It's not really, no.
394
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,920
I thought you said that was the
exact amount you needed.
395
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,080
I mean, I'm tripping,
but I think I remember.
396
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,240
OK.
397
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:42,360
Yes.
398
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,120
Here I go, then. Travelling!
399
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,440
Did you say you're tripping?
That's why I'm here.
400
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:51,240
Pastoral care. Ellen's in the
sky with diamonds.
401
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,440
She's "fried on bong-go",
as I believe they say.
402
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,440
I just want you to know, Cass, I can
see inside your throat.
403
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,840
I thought you should know,
I can see that.
404
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,520
It feels, in a way,
like Andrew and I might
405
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,840
possibly have sort of bonded
on this trip.
406
00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:09,800
Kind of. Has he brainwashed you?
407
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:10,920
I don't think so.
408
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,840
In fact, he's been reassuring me
that I didn't kill a child.
409
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,080
What?
410
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:18,360
W-W-We thought I might have beaten a
boy to death when I was 12.
411
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,080
But he worked out that
I almost certainly didn't.
412
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,760
Of course you didn't kill a child!
413
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,960
What are you talking about?!
414
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,240
No, right.
415
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:29,560
Saying it out loud to someone else
does make it seems a bit weird.
416
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,280
Do we still think Andrew
might be the Devil?
417
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,640
Demon minimum.
418
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,400
How's the rest of the trip, apart
from him fucking your mind to hell?
419
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,760
Well, I almost had sex last night...
420
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,280
..with another person.
421
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,200
I'm chalking it up as
a technical win.
422
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,880
Go, you! Oh, sorry, Stephen, phone.
423
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,360
PHONE RINGING
I'll catch you later.
424
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:49,720
Who was that?
425
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,360
Annie from the vineyard.
426
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,040
Just checking in.
Right.
427
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,400
Shall we head home via the
pasty suppliers?
428
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,520
Sure, let's go and collect some
old baffled stares.
429
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,040
Hi, two steak pasties, please.
430
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,880
Right you are, my love. Hot?
431
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,640
Yes, please. We do actually stock
your pasties in our pub.
432
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,120
Oh, yeah? Which one?
433
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,720
The John Barleycorn in Stroud.
434
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,960
What, Laurie's place?
435
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,440
Is he parking up?
He's terrible at parking.
436
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,440
You have to leap two foot
to the kerb.
437
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,800
He...
438
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,080
I'm afraid Laurie passed away.
439
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,000
No!
440
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,200
No!
441
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,840
SHE SOBS
442
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,320
Look, can I get you a...?
443
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:37,000
It's just pasties, sorry.
444
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,600
So, Laurie was...
445
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:40,920
..a friend?
446
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,320
Or just a very loyal pasty buyer?
447
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,520
He was my lover.
448
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,640
Shit the bed.
449
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,720
This would be the main time
of year...
450
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,600
..a week in the summer.
451
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,520
But he'd nip down for the
odd weekend.
452
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,280
How long were you...?
453
00:18:58,320 --> 00:18:59,440
22 years.
454
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,760
He loved me and I loved him.
455
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,360
We made the most of our
time together.
456
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,160
We used to go salsa dancing.
457
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,520
We used to water-ski.
458
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,000
Dad, water-skiing?
459
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,160
A bit of scuba, too.
460
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,920
I'm very sorry that we had to bring
you such bad news.
461
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,400
I can't believe it. I'll have to...
462
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:19,080
..dig out the old videos of me and
Laurie later, give them a watch.
463
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:22,240
V-Videos of Dad?
Could I possibly...?
464
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,480
They're sex videos.
465
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,480
You're fine, then.
466
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,360
I'm just saying she deserves
to know.
467
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,920
It'll open a wound.
468
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,000
Which can heal and close.
469
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,000
He's dead, so it won't close!
470
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,640
It'll remain open all the time
like Chicken Cottage.
471
00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,480
We should tell her. Tell who what?
472
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,160
We found out Dad was
having an affair!
473
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,000
Which one?
What do you mean, which one?
474
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,880
There were a few over the years.
He was like a dog with two dicks.
475
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,760
Was this Christine, with the
funny arm, or Old Big Tits?
476
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,760
What was her name? Marion?
Dad had various mistresses?!
477
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,080
Mum and I weren't sure that
you had the emotional
resources to handle it.
478
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,320
I'm not some emotional cripple!
I can handle emotion!
479
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,320
Stephen, you just need to breathe.
Fuck off.
480
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:03,400
Just take a breath, mate.
Fuck off! One breath.
481
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:07,360
Thank you. I can hear every
word of this, by the way.
482
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,720
Shit.
483
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:12,320
Julian came to sit with me
because I'm tripping...
484
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,560
..balls.
Is it acid?
485
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,680
She has taken LSD.
486
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,240
Laurie didn't tell me about this...
487
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,240
..Ruth.
488
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,640
S-So that means he loved her.
489
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,840
No. No, I really don't think so.
490
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:29,160
I mean, we always told each
other about our flings.
491
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,680
Each other? You had flings, too?!
492
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,320
It was quite an open marriage.
493
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,000
No, it wasn't, was it?
494
00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,520
This is the acid talking. Flings?!
Breathe.
495
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,040
I took various lovers over
the years.
496
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,600
Chris Branigan.
497
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,240
Leslie Saddler.
498
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,800
Mike Dewar.
499
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,760
Hugh Clough. Was it Clough?
500
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,720
How many flings did you have, Mum?!
501
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,640
I don't know.
502
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,520
11. 11 flings?
503
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:53,960
Who are you, Madonna?!
504
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,600
Calm down, love.
505
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,120
I'm going to make some coffee.
506
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,520
Let me plunge the cafetiere.
507
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,240
Is she having a fling with him,
508
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:03,400
a Christian fling?!
509
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,120
Is he the 12th,
like a dirty apostle?
510
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,120
That's a bit of a
double standard, Stephen.
511
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,040
I mean, how many partners have you
had over 40-odd years?
512
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,080
Three.
513
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:13,800
Four, if you count just rubbing.
514
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:14,880
Andrew...
515
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,560
..could I have a quick word?
516
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,760
This is very minimalist.
517
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,760
I sold everything to pay for my
travelling.
518
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,280
But I can't go.
Because...?
519
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,600
I've fallen in love with you.
520
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,640
I realised all my paintings
were of you,
521
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,320
even the old ladies and the Buddha.
522
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,840
So although I want to
go travelling, obviously,
523
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,480
I can't, because I'd
have to leave you.
524
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:36,680
Come and sit down.
525
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,360
I sold my chairs to a
man in Leicester.
526
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:39,640
On the floor.
527
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:46,280
You're an old soul with a capacity
to heal and to love
528
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,280
and you need to take that gift into
the world.
529
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:54,200
You have to travel and not just for
two months, but for five, maybe six.
530
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,160
How could I afford that?
531
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,920
You've got your shares
in the business.
532
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,160
Yes, I could sell my shares
in the business!
533
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,360
But let's not think about that now.
534
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,920
You've got a lot of love
to give. Loads.
535
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:10,400
And before you think about giving it
to me or to anyone else,
536
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,680
you need to learn to love yourself.
537
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,200
And that happens on the open road
538
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,960
with your backpack strapped on and
your Gore-Tex boots full of dust.
539
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,960
It happens in a cafe in Istanbul, as
you sip thick, black Turkish coffee,
540
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,160
hit by the spice smells of
the noon-hot street stalls.
541
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,760
It happens as you make love with
some other old soul
542
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,320
on a beach at dusk in Cambodia.
543
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:36,440
It happens in Tuscany and Mozambique
and Uzbekistan...
544
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,040
..among ancient temples and neon
streets.
545
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,760
That's where you get to
know yourself
546
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,680
and what you're capable of.
547
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:51,560
# You've gotta search for the hero
inside yourself
548
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,720
# Search for the secrets you hide
549
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,560
# You've gotta search for the... #
550
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,640
Shh.
# The hero inside yourself
551
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:03,040
# Until you find the key
to your life. #
552
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:07,000
Stephen, Geoff's texted to say the
pub's on fire.
553
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:08,360
You're tripping, Mum!
554
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,360
You're off your tits!
555
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,040
SIRENS BLARE
556
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,720
FIREFIGHTERS YELL
557
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,920
See? It is on fire, isn't it?
558
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,120
Was it electrical?
559
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,600
We think it was a bunch of badly
extinguished cigarettes.
560
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,320
Were people smoking in the pub?!
561
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,040
No way.
We've got CCTV.
562
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,920
Everyone was smoking in the pub.
563
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,280
Fucking hell!
564
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,560
Heartbreaking.
You're insured, though?
565
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,080
Of course.
566
00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:33,120
I-I-It renews automatically...
567
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,320
..I think.
568
00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:37,360
I-I haven't renewed it since Dad
died but I'm sure it does...
569
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,320
..renew automatically.
570
00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:40,880
Pretty sure.
571
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,960
Does it? I mean,
they all do now, don't they?
572
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,560
S-So ours will.
573
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,760
That's the standard, isn't it?
Automatic renewal.
574
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,160
Andrew...
575
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,800
..what shall we do?
576
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,280
ELLEN SOBS
577
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,200
It'll be fine.
578
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,080
Trust me.
579
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,160
MUSIC: Season of the Witch
by Donovan
580
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,960
SIRENS BLARE
581
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:06,520
# Mmm, must be the season
of the witch
582
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:11,000
# Must be the season
of the witch, yeah
583
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:15,520
# Must be the season of the witch. #