1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:08,000 This programme contains strong language. 2 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,080 New paintings, new collage work... 3 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,320 Is that sticking things down? 4 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,520 It's so much more than sticking things down, Jan. 5 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,000 It is sticking things down. 6 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,520 I need to make two grand from selling my art. 7 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:18,800 Finally going travelling. 8 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,680 Two months away, just going to do it! 9 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:21,720 Great. 10 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:22,760 Fuck you! 11 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,400 What? You don't believe I'll go, do you? 12 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:26,000 You never believe I'll go travelling. 13 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,320 Your disbelief has been this kind of cosmic lasso 14 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:29,720 keeping me here for years. 15 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,600 It is your fault that I've never travelled. 16 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,640 I haven't got a cosmic lasso! 17 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,840 You've been saying for 20 years you'll go travelling, 18 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,520 and you've never been travelling, so... 19 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:39,280 I'm not scared, if that's what you think. 20 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,440 Andrew thinks I'm a natural traveller. 21 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,560 He says we're all basically nomads. 22 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,040 If you ignore the last 12,000 years of human history, 23 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,680 he makes a powerful point. 24 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:48,920 Haven't you got itchy feet? 25 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,200 Literally, yes, but I don't want to travel. 26 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,960 Although, Mum will want me to do the sup-viz this week. 27 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,040 Go on the road and glad hand our suppliers like Dad used to. 28 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,560 All right, Neil Armstrong. 29 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,560 Cass, you've spent time with Andrew recently, haven't you? 30 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,640 Is he definitely the same guy we fostered 30 years ago? 31 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,600 Yeah, maybe. Does it matter? 32 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,520 It's who you are now that's important. 33 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,760 Oasis and I think Jesus both said that. 34 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:15,040 I was saying to Alison that I think he might be the Devil wanting to steal my life. 35 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:16,080 No offence, Stephen, 36 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,000 but who the fuck would want to steal your life? 37 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,080 This was his itinerary for the last supplier visit. 38 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,280 Brewers, farmers, vineyards, places he stayed... 39 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:37,400 I'm honoured to keep the tradition going, 40 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,600 and to pass on the sad news about Dad to those who don't know. 41 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,720 Oh, I've asked Andrew to do the sup-viz. 42 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:44,840 Right. 43 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,760 So the face of the business is now his face? 44 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:48,880 Great, thanks. 45 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,000 Well, one of you has to stay and run the pub. 46 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,560 I'm helping Julian with the church's drug outreach. 47 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,120 Geoff could run the pub. Geoff? 48 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,920 He's done it before in the old days. 49 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,640 Oh, he did a grand job. He's a natural publican. 50 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,600 A lot like, you know... 51 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:02,680 your dad. 52 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,000 So, share the driving? 53 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:11,760 I can only drive an automatic. 54 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,440 Who only drives an automatic? 55 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:16,600 Modern people. You think it's a less manly kind of car? 56 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:20,040 You think pulling a gear stick makes you Isambard Kingdom Brunel? 57 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:23,280 Never mind. I went coast to coast USA in an RV one summer, 58 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,640 so I think a round trip to Hunstanton should be fine. 59 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,120 Is there anything you haven't done? 60 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,200 I mean anything in the whole fucking world? 61 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,280 Uh, I've never done a parachute jump. 62 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,640 Wow, good God! 63 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,880 We finally found something the great Andrew... 64 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,440 No! Actually, I have! 65 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:37,480 ANDREW LAUGHS 66 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,680 I forgot. I raised £3,000 for Barnardo's. 67 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,840 What can I do you for? The usual? 68 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,160 I don't know what that is. 69 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,160 Is it beer? 70 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,120 Don't worry, if the wife rings, I'll say you're not here. 71 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,520 But you've probably got a mobile. 72 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:55,640 Just popping out for a fag. 73 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:56,840 Oh, light up in here, mate. 74 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,040 A pub needs smoke. 75 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,360 You shouldn't be able to see the hand in front of your face 76 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:02,600 or smell the rank stench of the guy next to you. 77 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:03,720 No offence, Colin. 78 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:04,960 What about the smoke alarms? 79 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,200 I'll take the batteries out. 80 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,120 We're not in the EU now, Jan. 81 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:12,160 Anyway, how many people used to actually die from second-hand smoke in pubs? 82 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,400 About 600 a year. 83 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:14,720 OK, well, that is a lot. 84 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,560 But this is only for a few days. 85 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:19,400 Think of it as an olden-days theme pub. 86 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,920 Smoking, cheese-and-pickle rolls, and a collection for the lifeboat men. 87 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,880 My first patron. 88 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,160 Oh, the stampede begins! 89 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,640 Just got a text from Stephen. 90 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,120 Pissed off Andrew's on his sup-viz safari. 91 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,560 I'm concerned at how obsessed Stephen's become with him. 92 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,880 He is totally obsessed with Andrew. 93 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:37,920 Oh... 94 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:40,920 This one's, uh...good. 95 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,520 You know, dolphins are actually more intelligent than humans. 96 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,680 It's just they haven't got any hands, so that sort of fucked them. 97 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:47,960 Is that Andrew? 98 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,240 Suppose it looks a bit like him, I hadn't thought. 99 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:51,880 And is that Andrew? 100 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:53,280 No, that's a little old lady. 101 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,000 Her face looks quite a lot like Andrew's face. 102 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:58,480 Seems like someone else is a bit obsessed with Andrew. 103 00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,560 Yes. 104 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,240 Don't worry, I won't tell Tom. 105 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,640 So immediately before you came to us, you were... 106 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,480 With my dad, my actual dad. 107 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,440 Briefly and horribly. 108 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,360 But before that, I was in care for quite a while. 109 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:13,920 And after us was... 110 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:19,080 Care, Mum, fostered in Stoke with chaotics, Dad again, 111 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,520 care, fostered with some quite nice boring people, 112 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:23,360 then care, then done. 113 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,440 Wide world. 114 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:25,480 Got you. 115 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,800 So care, fostered, Mum... 116 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,160 No, care, Mum... 117 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:30,200 Is this a test? 118 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,160 No, just interested! 119 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,720 Must have been tough. No-one has an easy life, Stephen. 120 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,360 We all have a cross. Yeah, what's mine? 121 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,320 That you're still in love with your ex-wife. 122 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,440 Alison's with Tom, she's moving away, 123 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,280 you need to move on but you can't. 124 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,440 We need to find someone for you while we're on tour. 125 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,000 We're not on tour. 126 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:50,240 Jimmy Page didn't visit pork scratchings factories. 127 00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:51,800 Not at his peak, anyway. 128 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,400 So this is Sunnyvale Farm Foods. 129 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,120 I was expecting a farmhouse. 130 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,000 I thought we might get a cream tea. 131 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,280 Hi, looking for Kevin Patterson? 132 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,320 Yeah, that's me. 133 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,320 We're from the John Barleycorn in Stroud. 134 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,320 I have some bad news. 135 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,600 Laurie passed away a few weeks ago. 136 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,920 We've come in his place to carry on the tradition. 137 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,640 I'm his son, Stephen. 138 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,320 And this is... 139 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,120 his Andrew. 140 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,400 Laurie passed away? 141 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,960 I know it's...it's very sad, very sudden. 142 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:27,400 Who's Laurie? 143 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,800 Laurie Nichols, from the John Barleycorn. 144 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,200 In Stroud. Laurie visited you every year at about this time. 145 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,240 Every year? 146 00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:37,840 He'd do a little tour visiting his suppliers, the sup-viz. 147 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,120 Why? No-one else does that, do they? 148 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,440 So you obviously stock our snacks in your pub? 149 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:45,640 The pork scratchings. 150 00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,480 They're great scratchings. Texture, fat ratio, seasoning, 151 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,520 excellent. 152 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,160 You want to come see how we make them so it's not a wasted journey? 153 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,120 Sure, good to know the links in the supply chain. 154 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,040 Oh, Jesus! Good God! 155 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,440 We have to stop selling them! 156 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:58,920 We can't be involved with that! 157 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,040 They really do scratch the shit out of those pigs! 158 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:04,880 Three Jagerbombs, please. 159 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,840 ID? 160 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,720 What, was this taken ten years in the future 161 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,360 just after you had a head transplant? 162 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,560 Come on, hop it! Give the lads a drink. 163 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,880 They're underage! Chillax, Jan. 164 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,280 Lads need to learn to drink in pubs. 165 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,480 The alternative, staying at home not drinking, 166 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,600 can lead often to jihad. 167 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,160 Just keep yourselves to yourselves. 168 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,440 What if I say "Free drinks or I grass you up"? 169 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,720 I would fucking blind you! 170 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,240 Geoff, this is a kind of anarchy. 171 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:34,800 If a copper comes in here now, 172 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:36,680 that's our licence right up the pictures. 173 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:40,120 I'm just bringing a taste of the '70s back, like BBC Four. 174 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,080 But it was a different era back then, 175 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,840 like all the sex cases say. 176 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:47,000 As a boy, I'd watch bare-knuckle fights down at the rec. 177 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,920 Two fit, young Gypsy men, 178 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,440 not necessarily Gypsies, that's racist, 179 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:52,840 but they were always Gypsies, 180 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:57,360 stripped to the waist punching seven shades of shit out of each other. 181 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,800 Magic. 182 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:01,000 I've only ever had weed, so I... 183 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,360 I can't relate directly to your situation. 184 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,920 But know that you are loved by God and by those who believe in Him. 185 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,800 The outreach team are here to do exactly that. 186 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,200 Reach out. 187 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,760 So not exactly that, but you understand. 188 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,000 You've never had acid, Ellen? 189 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,760 No, just weed. 190 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,040 Never succumbed. 191 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,640 HE MOUTHES 192 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:25,360 SHE MOUTHES 193 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,480 Oh, the restaurant's Thai. 194 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:38,600 Fantastic! 195 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,800 Yeah, I'm not great with chilli and so on. 196 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,120 Intermittent IBS. 197 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:44,320 Sometimes, it's fine. 198 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,280 Sometimes, it's sort of mayhem. 199 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,880 Don't worry, I'll choose for you. 200 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,720 Thai food isn't about heat, it's about complex flavours. 201 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,320 Presumably, you've been to Thailand. 202 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,680 Who hasn't been to Thailand? 203 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,080 Oh, God, now I come to think of it, you're right. 204 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,600 No-one! 205 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,600 Do you want to find somewhere else? 206 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,160 No, it's fine. 207 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,600 We don't want to be stuck on the moors in a storm. 208 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,240 Might get fucked by bears or something. 209 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:09,520 Sorry, I'm sure you've been fucked by bears in a yurt in Istanbul 210 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:10,960 and it was magical. 211 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,320 Oh, Jesus. 212 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,840 Are you, uh...? Let's not even mention it. 213 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,000 Have some rice, maybe? 214 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:30,800 Shall I ask for a spoon? 215 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,120 It's fine, really. 216 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:33,240 I don't like any of it, 217 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:36,040 so not being able to pick it up is actually an advantage. 218 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,280 What wine is that? 219 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:40,760 Screw-top. 220 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,760 I'm sorry you don't like your food. You used to love spicy Nik Naks. 221 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,360 You ate those all the time when we played Clunk Splash. 222 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,120 What was Clunk Splash? 223 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,120 The game we played on the waste ground. 224 00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,160 Down by the canal. 225 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:53,920 Bad luck. Clunk, but no splash. 226 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,880 BOTH: Clunk splash! 227 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,320 Do you not remember? It was you, me and... 228 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:05,480 Smelly Ellis. 229 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:06,560 Smelly Ellis? 230 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,120 You don't remember Smelly Ellis? 231 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,240 Dark hair, looked a bit like... 232 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,000 Harris, thingy Harris. 233 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,040 Rolf Harris? 234 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,040 No, the other one, Keith Harris! 235 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,440 But without Orville. 236 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:17,800 Remember? 237 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,600 I think so, quite smelly. 238 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:23,160 Very. Smelled like damp biscuits with a bit of shit on them. 239 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,440 And then he just...disappeared. 240 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,280 How is everything? 241 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,680 Oh, perfect level of grachai. 242 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:33,520 And the prawn crackers with the nam phrik shouldn't work, but so does. 243 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:34,640 More wine? 244 00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:37,400 Yes, please, we're on the second cheapest red. 245 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,600 How do you mean Smelly Ellis disappeared? 246 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,600 He just wasn't there. One day, no Smelly Ellis. 247 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,720 I guess his family moved away... 248 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,040 really suddenly with no warning. 249 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,000 And so we stopped going to the waste ground... 250 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,720 by the canal. 251 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:53,760 Right. 252 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,480 Would you like to taste it? 253 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,560 I drink it so quickly, the tongue doesn't really get involved. 254 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,240 KNOCK ON DOOR 255 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,280 Andrew? 256 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,760 We didn't... 257 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:07,800 What? 258 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,560 Did we kill Smelly Ellis? 259 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,280 And dump him in the canal? 260 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,160 People don't just disappear! 261 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,960 Sometimes children kill other children! 262 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,400 Lord Of The Flies... 263 00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:20,840 Not Bugsy Malone, but... 264 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,160 We didn't kill Smelly Ellis. 265 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:27,800 His overnight disappearance can be explained away, I'm sure. 266 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,720 I'm really scared we killed him. 267 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,240 I didn't kill Smelly Ellis. 268 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:32,680 But... 269 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,160 did I kill Smelly Ellis? 270 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,600 Do you remember killing Smelly Ellis? 271 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,960 I'm not doing this! 272 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,120 This didn't actually happen! 273 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,760 I genuinely don't know! 274 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,120 What's it say in your diary? 275 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,840 I did look this up earlier, 276 00:10:53,880 --> 00:11:00,080 and there is an entry saying that you and Smelly Ellis went to the waste ground without me 277 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:02,160 because I had to have my verruca frozen. 278 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,720 Fuck! Do you think...? 279 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,680 But my diary isn't gospel. 280 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:08,320 Maybe he said goodbye and we forgot. 281 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,760 That's far more likely than you killing him. 282 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:18,000 But... But what if I got a red mist and lost control like Kenneth Noye or Naomi Campbell or the Hulk? 283 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,520 Can we google Smelly Ellis? 284 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,160 Do you know his first name? 285 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:22,720 Or maybe Ellis is his first name, 286 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,200 in which case, do you know his surname? 287 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,440 No. 288 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,560 Let's get some sleep. 289 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,480 Do you want to sleep in here? 290 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,480 I met Laurie once at a tasting when I first opened the vineyard. 291 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,120 And I spoke to him on the phone but he didn't come here every year. 292 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,560 No, we're hearing this a lot. 293 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:54,720 So red is absolutely an option in England right now. 294 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,680 It needs to be lighter stuff. 295 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,560 This is a Dornfelder. 296 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,520 Medium tannins. So there's a very rich mouth feel. 297 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:09,360 But some acidity, which is good. Oh, there we go. 298 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,520 A lovely glimpse of a floral note. 299 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:13,120 It's tasty. Fruity. 300 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,120 I like it. 301 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:19,040 It is incredibly fruity and "tasty" is exactly the word I'd use. 302 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,480 Is it quite strong? 303 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,520 14. Nice. 304 00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:25,240 Not really worth bothering with anything below a 14, is it? 305 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,400 Absolutely. Below 14, it's a mixer. 306 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,960 Do you like a dry white? As I am one, yes, I do! 307 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:36,240 STEPHEN AND ANNIE LAUGH 308 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:41,440 That's when I decided to be as happy as possible as often as possible. 309 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,200 Jesus, please tell me how you do that! 310 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:45,160 I've never been happy. 311 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,080 What does it feel like? 312 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:48,720 This! 313 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,880 Stephen, really, you've never been happy? 314 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:55,760 I have moments, you know, but not for longer than a few minutes... 315 00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:57,520 ..a couple of times a year. 316 00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:59,880 I imagine you're happy much of the time, Andrew? 317 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,800 Does that make me shallow and simple? 318 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,320 Oh, no. I can tell you're far from that. 319 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,880 It looks like we need another bottle of happiness. 320 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,920 Fuck me, she's perfect. 321 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:13,120 She likes you. 322 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,400 No, she doesn't. 323 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,640 Does she? She is definitely into you. 324 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,320 I want to stay here forever. 325 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,800 It's idyllic. 326 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:26,000 I'll marry Annie and there'll be no more worry 327 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:29,680 other than the worry about which delicious wine to drink next. 328 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:30,800 Ta-da! 329 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,720 We should be getting a cab to a B&B or something. 330 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,280 Stay here. I've got a spare bedroom with two beds already made up. 331 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,240 But is anyone else getting chilly? Shall we go inside? 332 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,680 I think I'll be turning in, actually, if that's not too boring. 333 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,320 Oh. 334 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,560 You'll stay up, won't you, Stephen, for a nightcap? 335 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,840 Thanks, I will. 336 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,360 Pop a jaunty little cap on the night. 337 00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,800 My blood alcohol must never drop below a certain level, 338 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:02,880 like in Speed. 339 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,360 STEPHEN LAUGHS You're funny. 340 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:06,480 So are you. 341 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,800 They say that's key to being attracted to someone. 342 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,400 Oh! Do they say that? 343 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,800 They do say that, whoever "they" are. 344 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,520 ANNIE LAUGHS 345 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:16,680 This is a new bottle. 346 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,680 What are you getting? 347 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,560 Plums. Mmm. 348 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,720 Big, full plums. 349 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,360 Yeah, I'm getting that too. 350 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,720 Big, full... 351 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,720 ..bursting plums. 352 00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,760 STEPHEN SNORES 353 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:03,440 I think Annie's an alcoholic. 354 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:04,640 Possibly. 355 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,160 I don't like to judge. 356 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,800 You should keep in touch. She could help you to get over Alison. 357 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,320 I'm totally over Alison. 358 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,280 It's YOU who needs to get over the fact that I'm over her. 359 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:17,000 Do you think you might also have an issue with drink? 360 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,360 No. 361 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:20,400 I mean, sure, I could never actually stop, 362 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,480 that would be terrifying, but I function just fine. 363 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,400 It's like my medicine, like a tasty insulin. 364 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:31,000 Oh, I found an entry in my diary with Smelly Ellis's first name. 365 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,440 Fuck! 366 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:33,560 OK. 367 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,000 It was Harri. But the Welsh form, with an I, not a Y. 368 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:39,120 So, easier to find him on Google? 369 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,360 Yes. 370 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,560 Did you google him? 371 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:42,760 I did. 372 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,960 Someone with that name, our age, 373 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,120 is a chiropodist in Toronto. 374 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,160 So his family must have emigrated. 375 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,280 I guess. It's the most plausible explanation. 376 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,800 And there's a photo. Does it look like him? 377 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,160 Yeah, I think. 378 00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,240 I mean... 379 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:00,360 ..yeah, why not? 380 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,840 I can certainly imagine it's him. 381 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:04,680 So we can say... We can agree pretty conclusively, 382 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:08,680 that I didn't kill a little boy with a piece of metal. 383 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,680 Yeah, sure. 384 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,000 Phew. 385 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,600 Just sent my telly off. Sold it on eBay. 386 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:19,200 I won't need a TV when I come back from Indonesia or wherever I go. 387 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:20,880 You've sold a lot of your stuff. 388 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,440 All my stuff. Feels like a detox. 389 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,800 Ridding myself of all my possessions. 390 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,760 How big is your travel fund now, then? 391 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:28,920 £2,000. 392 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,920 Great, that's enough to go travelling, then, isn't it? 393 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,520 Not quite. It's not really, no. 394 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,920 I thought you said that was the exact amount you needed. 395 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,080 I mean, I'm tripping, but I think I remember. 396 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,240 OK. 397 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:42,360 Yes. 398 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,120 Here I go, then. Travelling! 399 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,440 Did you say you're tripping? That's why I'm here. 400 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:51,240 Pastoral care. Ellen's in the sky with diamonds. 401 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,440 She's "fried on bong-go", as I believe they say. 402 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,440 I just want you to know, Cass, I can see inside your throat. 403 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,840 I thought you should know, I can see that. 404 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,520 It feels, in a way, like Andrew and I might 405 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,840 possibly have sort of bonded on this trip. 406 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:09,800 Kind of. Has he brainwashed you? 407 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:10,920 I don't think so. 408 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,840 In fact, he's been reassuring me that I didn't kill a child. 409 00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,080 What? 410 00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:18,360 W-W-We thought I might have beaten a boy to death when I was 12. 411 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,080 But he worked out that I almost certainly didn't. 412 00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,760 Of course you didn't kill a child! 413 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:23,960 What are you talking about?! 414 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,240 No, right. 415 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:29,560 Saying it out loud to someone else does make it seems a bit weird. 416 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,280 Do we still think Andrew might be the Devil? 417 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,640 Demon minimum. 418 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,400 How's the rest of the trip, apart from him fucking your mind to hell? 419 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,760 Well, I almost had sex last night... 420 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,280 ..with another person. 421 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,200 I'm chalking it up as a technical win. 422 00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:43,880 Go, you! Oh, sorry, Stephen, phone. 423 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,360 PHONE RINGING I'll catch you later. 424 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:49,720 Who was that? 425 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,360 Annie from the vineyard. 426 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,040 Just checking in. Right. 427 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,400 Shall we head home via the pasty suppliers? 428 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:58,520 Sure, let's go and collect some old baffled stares. 429 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,040 Hi, two steak pasties, please. 430 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:07,880 Right you are, my love. Hot? 431 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,640 Yes, please. We do actually stock your pasties in our pub. 432 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,120 Oh, yeah? Which one? 433 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,720 The John Barleycorn in Stroud. 434 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:15,960 What, Laurie's place? 435 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,440 Is he parking up? He's terrible at parking. 436 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,440 You have to leap two foot to the kerb. 437 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:21,800 He... 438 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,080 I'm afraid Laurie passed away. 439 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,000 No! 440 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,200 No! 441 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:30,840 SHE SOBS 442 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,320 Look, can I get you a...? 443 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:37,000 It's just pasties, sorry. 444 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,600 So, Laurie was... 445 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:40,920 ..a friend? 446 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,320 Or just a very loyal pasty buyer? 447 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,520 He was my lover. 448 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,640 Shit the bed. 449 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,720 This would be the main time of year... 450 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,600 ..a week in the summer. 451 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:56,520 But he'd nip down for the odd weekend. 452 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,280 How long were you...? 453 00:18:58,320 --> 00:18:59,440 22 years. 454 00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,760 He loved me and I loved him. 455 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,360 We made the most of our time together. 456 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,160 We used to go salsa dancing. 457 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,520 We used to water-ski. 458 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,000 Dad, water-skiing? 459 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,160 A bit of scuba, too. 460 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,920 I'm very sorry that we had to bring you such bad news. 461 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,400 I can't believe it. I'll have to... 462 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:19,080 ..dig out the old videos of me and Laurie later, give them a watch. 463 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:22,240 V-Videos of Dad? Could I possibly...? 464 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:23,480 They're sex videos. 465 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,480 You're fine, then. 466 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,360 I'm just saying she deserves to know. 467 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,920 It'll open a wound. 468 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,000 Which can heal and close. 469 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,000 He's dead, so it won't close! 470 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:37,640 It'll remain open all the time like Chicken Cottage. 471 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,480 We should tell her. Tell who what? 472 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,160 We found out Dad was having an affair! 473 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,000 Which one? What do you mean, which one? 474 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,880 There were a few over the years. He was like a dog with two dicks. 475 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,760 Was this Christine, with the funny arm, or Old Big Tits? 476 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,760 What was her name? Marion? Dad had various mistresses?! 477 00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:56,080 Mum and I weren't sure that you had the emotional resources to handle it. 478 00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,320 I'm not some emotional cripple! I can handle emotion! 479 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,320 Stephen, you just need to breathe. Fuck off. 480 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:03,400 Just take a breath, mate. Fuck off! One breath. 481 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:07,360 Thank you. I can hear every word of this, by the way. 482 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,720 Shit. 483 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:12,320 Julian came to sit with me because I'm tripping... 484 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,560 ..balls. Is it acid? 485 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,680 She has taken LSD. 486 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,240 Laurie didn't tell me about this... 487 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,240 ..Ruth. 488 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,640 S-So that means he loved her. 489 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,840 No. No, I really don't think so. 490 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:29,160 I mean, we always told each other about our flings. 491 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,680 Each other? You had flings, too?! 492 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,320 It was quite an open marriage. 493 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,000 No, it wasn't, was it? 494 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,520 This is the acid talking. Flings?! Breathe. 495 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:40,040 I took various lovers over the years. 496 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,600 Chris Branigan. 497 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,240 Leslie Saddler. 498 00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,800 Mike Dewar. 499 00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,760 Hugh Clough. Was it Clough? 500 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,720 How many flings did you have, Mum?! 501 00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,640 I don't know. 502 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,520 11. 11 flings? 503 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:53,960 Who are you, Madonna?! 504 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,600 Calm down, love. 505 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,120 I'm going to make some coffee. 506 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,520 Let me plunge the cafetiere. 507 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,240 Is she having a fling with him, 508 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:03,400 a Christian fling?! 509 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,120 Is he the 12th, like a dirty apostle? 510 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,120 That's a bit of a double standard, Stephen. 511 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,040 I mean, how many partners have you had over 40-odd years? 512 00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:12,080 Three. 513 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:13,800 Four, if you count just rubbing. 514 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:14,880 Andrew... 515 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,560 ..could I have a quick word? 516 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,760 This is very minimalist. 517 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,760 I sold everything to pay for my travelling. 518 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,280 But I can't go. Because...? 519 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,600 I've fallen in love with you. 520 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,640 I realised all my paintings were of you, 521 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,320 even the old ladies and the Buddha. 522 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,840 So although I want to go travelling, obviously, 523 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,480 I can't, because I'd have to leave you. 524 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:36,680 Come and sit down. 525 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,360 I sold my chairs to a man in Leicester. 526 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:39,640 On the floor. 527 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:46,280 You're an old soul with a capacity to heal and to love 528 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,280 and you need to take that gift into the world. 529 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:54,200 You have to travel and not just for two months, but for five, maybe six. 530 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,160 How could I afford that? 531 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,920 You've got your shares in the business. 532 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:01,160 Yes, I could sell my shares in the business! 533 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,360 But let's not think about that now. 534 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,920 You've got a lot of love to give. Loads. 535 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:10,400 And before you think about giving it to me or to anyone else, 536 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,680 you need to learn to love yourself. 537 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,200 And that happens on the open road 538 00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,960 with your backpack strapped on and your Gore-Tex boots full of dust. 539 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,960 It happens in a cafe in Istanbul, as you sip thick, black Turkish coffee, 540 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,160 hit by the spice smells of the noon-hot street stalls. 541 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:30,760 It happens as you make love with some other old soul 542 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,320 on a beach at dusk in Cambodia. 543 00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:36,440 It happens in Tuscany and Mozambique and Uzbekistan... 544 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,040 ..among ancient temples and neon streets. 545 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,760 That's where you get to know yourself 546 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,680 and what you're capable of. 547 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:51,560 # You've gotta search for the hero inside yourself 548 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,720 # Search for the secrets you hide 549 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,560 # You've gotta search for the... # 550 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,640 Shh. # The hero inside yourself 551 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:03,040 # Until you find the key to your life. # 552 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:07,000 Stephen, Geoff's texted to say the pub's on fire. 553 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:08,360 You're tripping, Mum! 554 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,360 You're off your tits! 555 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,040 SIRENS BLARE 556 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:13,720 FIREFIGHTERS YELL 557 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,920 See? It is on fire, isn't it? 558 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,120 Was it electrical? 559 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,600 We think it was a bunch of badly extinguished cigarettes. 560 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,320 Were people smoking in the pub?! 561 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,040 No way. We've got CCTV. 562 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,920 Everyone was smoking in the pub. 563 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,280 Fucking hell! 564 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,560 Heartbreaking. You're insured, though? 565 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,080 Of course. 566 00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:33,120 I-I-It renews automatically... 567 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,320 ..I think. 568 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:37,360 I-I haven't renewed it since Dad died but I'm sure it does... 569 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,320 ..renew automatically. 570 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:40,880 Pretty sure. 571 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,960 Does it? I mean, they all do now, don't they? 572 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,560 S-So ours will. 573 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,760 That's the standard, isn't it? Automatic renewal. 574 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:48,160 Andrew... 575 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,800 ..what shall we do? 576 00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:51,280 ELLEN SOBS 577 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,200 It'll be fine. 578 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,080 Trust me. 579 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,160 MUSIC: Season of the Witch by Donovan 580 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,960 SIRENS BLARE 581 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:06,520 # Mmm, must be the season of the witch 582 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:11,000 # Must be the season of the witch, yeah 583 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:15,520 # Must be the season of the witch. #