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This programme contains
very strong language, adult humour
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and some scenes viewers
might find distressing
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You have to travel, and not
just for two months.
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But for five, maybe six.
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Heartbreaking.
You're insured, though?
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Of course. It renews automatically.
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I think. What shall we do?
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It'll be fine. Trust me.
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All done. Made safe until
you can renovate.
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We propped Strongboy heads over
the Acro Plates
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instead of needle beam,
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and the brace couplers are obviously
swivelled, not fixed.
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Obviously. Nice one.
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Cheers, mate.
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The bank lady laughed down the phone
when I mentioned the amount we need.
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She claimed it was a sneeze,
but it was a laugh.
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Well, something needs to happen,
because you forgot to renew
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the fire insurance.
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It was a collective forgetting.
We all thought Dad had done it.
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Whoever's to blame - you, Stephen -
or whoever,
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we're up widdle creek like
a bunch of cunts.
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Jeff was actually responsible
for the fire.
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If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't
be responsible for the pub not being
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insured, which I'm not.
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I should get going. I need to head
back and check my rucksack before
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I leave this afternoon.
I've checked it six times,
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so I just need to check it another
four and then I'm good to go.
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Cass the Traveller! Are you excited?
Fuck, yes.
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And you'll be away for two months.
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No, it's six now.
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Half a year just bloody travelling
like a traveller.
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Morning. Thought we could
all do with a coffee.
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Stephen, you all right there with
your morning wine?
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I'm fine with my morning wine,
thank you.
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So, Cass, how can you afford
to travel for six months?
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I can earn some money along the way,
you know?
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Shearing sheep in New South Wales,
or helping to harvest corn
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for the Incas. The Incas?
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Or whoever. Plus, Andrew's bought
my shares in the pub, so...
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What? That means you've got
a 30% share now, more than me.
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I just thought, if I had a greater
share in the business,
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then it would make sense for me
to pump more money into it,
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pay for all these repairs.
You're a superhero!
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Cass didn't want to sell
to a stranger.
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This keeps it in the family.
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No, it doesn't. You're not family.
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You're just some bloke.
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Stephen! I made a promise to your
dad as he lay there with the cancer
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eating his oesophagus like it was
a fucking cannelloni that we'd keep
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his beloved pub going,
and I'll keep that promise.
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And I'm some kind of hindrance
to that, am I?
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I'm taking Maureen for a walk.
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I may be some time.
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And that's corked, by the way.
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Don't throw it out.
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Is it legal?
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Cass is very easily influenced.
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Remember when she bought all those
crab sticks from that guy in his
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transit van?
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They were just loose in a holdall.
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Well, unless you can prove
Andrew coerced her,
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there's not much you can do.
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No, I know. How's Maureen?
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I'm walking her now.
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She's a lot better.
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Has she got the little pink
coat on I gave her?
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She has got the little
pink coat on, yes.
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Oh, you know I said
we were moving away?
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Yes. Are you not now?
Are you staying around here?
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BROKEN REPLY
Alison?
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No signal. Fucking masts.
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DOG YELPS
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Bollocks!
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You're not leaving that there?
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My dog's ran off.
I have to catch her.
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It can send kids blind, dog muck.
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Do you enjoy blinding toddlers?
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I genuinely don't.
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I'll clear that up when I find
my dog.
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Next time, why don't you just get
your dog to shit straight
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in a baby's eyes?
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They should exterminate vermin
like you.
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You are subhuman filth!
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Maureen!
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Come see Daddy, Mau-mau!
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AIR RUSHES
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HE QUIETLY WHISTLES
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BRANCH BREAKS
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Maureen!
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Hello?
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Oh, fuck!
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Oh, my God.
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Oh, fuck! Oh, Jesus! Fuck!
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Shit! Signal.
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Shit! Shit! Shit!
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Why don't you... Shit!
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Just one fucking bar.
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God, you fucking...
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Fuck, fuck!
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Jesus, fuck!
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Hi, can you help me?
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Someone's dead on purpose.
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You OK? Where's Maureen?
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There's a body. A man.
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A dead man. We need policemen.
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We have to get someone with
a signal.
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I'm a bit puffed. Can you carry me?
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Give me a piggyback?
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No, that's mad, but...
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I'll call the police.
Have you got a signal?
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How have you got a signal?
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Fucking hell. Yeah, police, please.
Thank you.
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Shall I speak to them?
As I found him.
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Hi, yeah, we think
we've found dead body.
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Not think! And then you say we,
but I actually discovered it...
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Him. Charlesworth Woods.
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Yeah, give me a cell number.
I'll ping you the GPS deets.
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You read about dog walkers finding
bodies, but you never think
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it'll be you.
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I feel weirdly... Not excited,
that would be wrong but...
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Oh, Jesus.
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I know. The colour.
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Like a Premier Inn.
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Should we lift his legs up in case
there's any chance he might...
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Do you want to do it?
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I don't think you can look like that
and not be completely dead.
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I can't look.
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Can you imagine ever being
that desperate?
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Yup. Really?
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Oh, God, yes. I'm precisely
the sort of man who kills himself.
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Yeah, I'm not sure you could end
your own life, Stephen.
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What do you know?
I could totally kill myself.
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In fact, I often think that's how
I'll go. Hanging, vodka and pills,
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level crossing.
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I just don't know, that if the
moment came, YOU could actually...
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Are you daring me to kill myself?
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No! Because if/when I do,
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don't go spouting off about how you
goaded me into it,
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because, believe me,
I was going to do it anyway.
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I've drafted five suicide notes
in my time.
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Three in my head, and two on paper.
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I don't need your help.
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Are you angry about Cass' shares?
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I'm angry about fucking everything.
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Oh, Cass will like this.
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She loves seeing her name
written in big.
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Has she had all her jabs?
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I think it's all fine these days,
isn't it, in terms of jabs?
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I'm not sure it is, Geoff.
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Typhoid, hepatitis, cholera.
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They should let the kids catch all
that stuff like they used to.
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Build up resistance.
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To cholera?
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Oh, we had this through the door.
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It's a proposal for that new estate
they're planning. Looks great.
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It's a terrible idea, Jan.
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Yeah. I know people have to live
somewhere, but it really doesn't
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take long for a place
to get built up.
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Just look at Dubai.
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A lot of farmers are selling up
to these estates chancers.
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Even offered me a small fortune
for my place.
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More fool them - you'd never sell.
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The only way I'd leave that farm
is in a box.
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I mean a coffin,
not just a normal box.
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So, can we protest?
Go to the next council meeting?
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Sadly, Ellen, the following
words spring to mind -
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horse, door, stable, and bolted.
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Yes, but if we... And closed.
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No, closing. I get it, Geoff.
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Closing, like, the, is...
That's after has.
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Got you. And another the.
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That's like closing the stable door
after the horse has bolted.
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Spot on. Well, I think it's rotten,
profit over everything.
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Yeah. I'm going to ice
Cass' goodbye cake.
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You're selling them your farm,
aren't you, Geoff?
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Course I fucking am.
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Shall I make you the primary
contact, Mr Donnelly?
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No.
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As we mentioned, Stephen was
here a few moments before I was.
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I'll put you both down.
It was minutes rather than moments.
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Not tens of minutes, but certainly,
you know, fives of minutes.
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OK. I think that's it for now.
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Thank you, Detective Sergeant.
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A grim old discovery...
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..for me to make...
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..on my own.
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Sorry, again, about the vomit.
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That's fine.
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I hope it doesn't compromise
the work of the forensics boys.
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No. Will they be putting up one
of those special tents?
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I don't know. Probably.
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If we're done here, I might
carry on with my run.
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Shake off this tension. All done.
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Would you like me to remain in situ?
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Happy to answer any more questions.
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No, you're good to go.
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Need to find your dog, anyway.
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Oh, God, yes. I'd forgotten.
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OK, you've got my number.
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You're off on your run, then?
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Yeah. I'll just warm up again.
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Maureen!
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I'm just so excited.
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00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,760
It feels a bit like fear,
huge fear, but it isn't.
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It's excitement.
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I feel sick to my stomach
with brilliant excitement.
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I admire you. I've seen the world.
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All manner of things could go wrong.
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Yeah, but they won't, will they?
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Aw!
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I'm sorry, but they've offered
a tonne of money.
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More than I'd ever get otherwise.
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I can't turn it down.
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Your lovely farm.
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00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,520
It's not lovely, though, is it?
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It's a shit farm, really.
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Never makes a profit.
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Bleak as all fuck.
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So, why not take the money,
and feel like a winner for once?
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In this life, no-one gets
a medal for coming second.
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Yes, they do.
They get a silver medal.
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Yeah, no, I realised that
as I said it.
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Done all yours? Yep.
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Varied the height of the posters
on each lamp post
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for optimum visibility.
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We will find her, won't we?
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She's only little. It's been hours.
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She'll come back.
She's probably having some amazing
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Disney-like adventure
with a Labrador and a Siamese cat.
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Solving crimes!
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So, moving away?
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00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,400
Have you changed your plans?
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00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,200
Oh, you know. Yeah.
234
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,880
But it's nothing and something,
and feelings and things.
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00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,280
But not really.
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00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,320
But also really, and...
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You know. Sure.
238
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,760
So, you and Tom are a bit...?
239
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,400
I sometimes think he has no idea
who I am.
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00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,080
You always knew who I was.
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I felt it was the least I could do.
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It's Janet, isn't it?
243
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Fuck you!
244
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,720
Ready or not, world, here I come!
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Quick, world! Hide!
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Make sure you've packed
a fuckload of hand sanitizer.
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Oh, look. Turn this up.
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This is my body.
249
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A man has been named locally as
Martin Edward Barry,
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whose car dealership recently
went into administration.
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His body was discovered this morning
by the landlord of the John
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00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,320
Barleycorn public house
in Snow's Hill Road.
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00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,760
My thoughts and the thoughts of
everyone at the John Barleycorn
254
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:54,240
are with this gentleman's family
and friends at this tragic time.
255
00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,360
I'm the landlord.
256
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:56,800
You're not the landlord.
257
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,080
It just makes the narrative clearer
for the layperson.
258
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,120
And you didn't find him.
259
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,840
I did. Do you say that on camera?
260
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:04,600
Do you say that I found the body?
261
00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:05,720
Will the public know?
262
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,360
Sure, I think.
263
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,120
Although, it might not have made
the edit.
264
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,280
I did talk for quite a while.
265
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,000
Fuck this! This is my body
we're talking about.
266
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:14,680
I have rights over my body.
267
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:15,920
A man died, Stephen.
268
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,840
Took his own life.
That's the main thing here.
269
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,720
I'm aware of that. I know he took
his own life, because I found his
270
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,920
swinging, purple corpse,
but I've received no credit.
271
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,880
Credit? Not credit,
but you know what I mean.
272
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,080
Sort of credit.
273
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,760
Not credit as in credit, but credit.
274
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,120
It's the lack of bloody phone masts.
275
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,360
I need to be going.
I'll never find another body.
276
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,800
This was my one chance.
277
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,560
Me! My cab's here.
278
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,720
Oh, darling. Come here.
279
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,280
There you go, my sweet.
280
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,520
Mum, I'll have to take this off
again to get in the car.
281
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:50,040
My baby! All grown up at 36,
and off to see the world.
282
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,280
PHONE RINGS
283
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:52,320
Hello?
284
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:54,560
Yes, it is. Yeah.
285
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,040
Yeah, so we've found your dog.
286
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,280
Pink coat.
287
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,640
Brilliant. Where are you?
288
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,160
A grand, or I kill it.
289
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,440
What? You bring me £1,000 cash,
or I put your dog behind
290
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,000
my back wheel, and I drive over it.
291
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,160
Nailsworth multistorey, one hour.
292
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,560
Money or she gets crushed.
293
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,560
Call the police, she gets crushed.
294
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,640
We've got people in the police.
295
00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:16,840
OK. Cass is off, guys.
296
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,040
Come and wave goodbye.
297
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,120
Do you want me to come with you?
I'm fine.
298
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,640
They might try to really hurt you.
299
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,120
Maybe just pop along, then.
300
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:34,200
This Programme Contains Very Strong
Language And Some Violence
301
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,160
Does that guy look like he kidnaps
dogs? Yes. But then...
302
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,680
..so does that one.
303
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,680
And him.
304
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,760
They all look like they kidnap dogs.
305
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:47,200
And if you told me they also wanked
them off for money, I wouldn't be
surprised.
306
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:50,680
You here about the dog?
307
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:52,600
We are. Now, we're very concerned...
308
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,600
Shut up! ..and you are very angry.
309
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,520
So, let's attempt to triangulate
those...
310
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,240
Shut the fuck up! You got the money?
311
00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,600
I need to see the dog first.
312
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,400
No, money now or I run her over
until she fucking bursts.
313
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:04,800
Hey, let's everyone calm down.
314
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,160
Hey, let's you fuck off.
315
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,520
Don't burst Maureen!
316
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:08,840
I will fucking burst her.
317
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,880
I'm not even lying. A grand, now.
318
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,200
You look like a reasonable guy.
319
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,560
Yeah, and you look like a bender.
320
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,800
I've told you to shut up.
321
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,120
What I'd like to do now is to
actively listen
322
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,160
to what you want out
of this scenario.
323
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:20,400
Oh, don't tell me you were a
324
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,360
dog hostage negotiator in the
fucking Lebanon or somewhere.
325
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,800
Right, I'm going to burst her like
a fucking space hopper full of guts.
326
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,840
No! No, no.
327
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,880
Oi, city balls! Come here,
you little shit!
328
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:35,200
Geoff? Is that you?
329
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:36,240
Don't call me Geoff.
330
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:37,680
He'll know I'm called Geoff.
331
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,560
Sorry...Lenny.
332
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:40,720
Dog killer, are we?
333
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,240
No, I haven't got the dog, all
right?
334
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,640
It was a con. I just saw the poster.
335
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,240
You want to kill dogs, is that it?
336
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,440
No, leave me alone! I love dogs.
337
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,680
KIDNAPPER SCREAMS
338
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,760
They are sweet and trusting
creatures.
339
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,520
No, I haven't got the dog!
340
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,600
You ever looked in a dog's eyes?!
341
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,040
Pure devotion!
342
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,800
Beautiful, moves you to tears!
343
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,160
KIDNAPPER SCREAMS
344
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:06,280
STEPHEN'S PHONE BEEPS
There is no greater love than a dog
for its master and vice versa.
345
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,960
KIDNAPPER YELPING
Geoff! I'm sorry...
346
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,640
Lenny! He's telling the truth!
347
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,200
A text from Jan.
KIDNAPPER COUGHING
348
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,760
Maureen's come home!
She's back at the pub. She's fine!
349
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,360
I know, mate. The dog came back just
before I left!
350
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:22,000
So, Andrew IS up to something.
351
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:24,280
I knew it. You can't fool me.
352
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:26,920
Although, I was once tricked into
buying a mini disk player.
353
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,400
So, what exactly did he tell you,
this Greg...?
354
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,640
Greg Fuller. He's the clerk of
works for the new estate.
355
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,600
Comes to my Pilates class and
pretends
356
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,520
to be gay so we won't mind
him staring.
357
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:41,160
Classic Greg.
He said that your pub is sitting on
a potential access road like a goose
358
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:45,200
on a golden egg. They're going to
offer you 40% over market price to
knock it down.
359
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:48,680
So, this is what Brother Andrew's
pilgrimage is about.
360
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,280
Worm his way in, sell the pub, cash
up, and cunt off.
361
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:53,960
It's possible. Possible,
shmossible.
362
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,240
It's probable. Actually, probable
shmobable!
363
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,760
It's certain. So, advantage, you.
364
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,920
Knowledge is power, and you know
something Andrew doesn't know you
know.
365
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,200
One step ahead.
366
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,680
Like I was for a brief moment in the
367
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:08,560
school cross-country before I
tripped over my own laces.
368
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,040
Life's looking good.
And Maureen's safe.
369
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,800
Do you know where she got to?
Just chilling in the woods,
370
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,600
like the three bears or Savile.
371
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,600
I really wasn't sure she was clever
enough to find her own way home.
372
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:20,720
Oh, she's a very clever girl.
373
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,640
Who's the cleverest girl in the
whole world?
374
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,800
I suspect that's probably a human.
375
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,080
MAUREEN PANTING
376
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,440
So, when will your architect guy be
here to plan the rebuild?
377
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,520
Soon. He's finishing another project
in Zurich.
378
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:36,840
Oh, Zurich?
379
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:37,960
Very architect-y.
380
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,560
Ah, Andrew.
381
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,040
Here's an interesting thing I heard
about this new estate.
382
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,320
Apparently, they want to...
383
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,280
CASS: Bonjour!
ELLEN: Cass! Is everything all
right?
384
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,040
Brilliant. I have had such an
amazing time.
385
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,280
Crazy amazing!
386
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,040
You've only been away four days.
387
00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:55,800
Is that all? It feels like years.
388
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,560
How are you all? Andrew, dear, sweet
Andrew.
389
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,920
Look at you.
390
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,760
I have got so much to tell you, my
good friend.
391
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,840
Erm, s-should we pay the cabbie?
392
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:07,560
How much, mate? Oh, sorry.
393
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,200
Everyone, this is Paul.
394
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,440
Paul, this is everyone.
Hello there.
395
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:12,760
We're sort of married.
396
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,720
I've got so much to tell you...
How old is he?!
397
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,960
WHISPERS: 70!
..I feel like I went away a
caterpillar
398
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,520
and I've come back a butterfly!
399
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,960
GEOFF: And you brought back one of
the blokes from Cocoon.
400
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:23,200
I got as far as Lille,
401
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,840
then there was a problem with
basically all of my train bookings.
402
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,920
They said that I hadn't clicked the
payment thing.
403
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,440
Not your fault.
404
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,160
Bad web design.
PAUL KISSES CASS
405
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,240
So, I ended up staying at this hotel
near Lille Station.
406
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,760
Met Paul, made this connection, and
just thought,
407
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,640
"Do I really need to actually travel
for six months?"
408
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:43,160
You can see the world in a grain of
sand.
409
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,400
Or on the telly.
410
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,120
Travelling to me is just moving from
one place to another
411
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,960
in some kind of a vehicle.
412
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,320
A fascinating theory.
413
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,520
I-Is Paul OK, do you think?
414
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,800
He's fine. He spends a lot of time
in the toilet.
415
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,160
It's one of his quirks.
416
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,600
Isn't he great? Where's he been all
my life?
417
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:12,960
At a day centre.
418
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,360
And you're married to him?
419
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,520
Sort of. Paul did a kind of selfie
marriage ceremony,
420
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,800
and he's an ex-pilot so it felt
legal.
421
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:23,520
ANDREW: Your Lille experience was
obviously a very powerful one.
422
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,240
I think of everything out as pre-and
post-Lille.
423
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,080
Hanging out there has changed me so
much.
424
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,600
They do Fanta in Lille, but a
different Fanta.
425
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,000
It's made of lemons and they call it
"Limon."
426
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:34,320
It's another world.
427
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,520
You wouldn't understand unless
you've been to Lille.
428
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,680
Ham for breakfast, tabac shops...
429
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,400
..God, I could go on.
430
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,480
Cass tells us your an ex-pilot,
Paul.
431
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,960
So, civilian or military?
432
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,320
Hovercraft.
433
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,880
He was a hovercraft pilot.
434
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,440
Isn't that amazing?
It can go on the land and the water.
435
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,120
Like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,
although that could also fly.
436
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:53,840
It couldn't ALSO fly.
437
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:55,320
I-It's main thing was that it flew.
438
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,520
To be fair, Chitty was an amphibious
craft.
439
00:17:58,560 --> 00:17:59,680
No, I-I get that, Paul.
440
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:00,720
I've seen the film,
441
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,560
but that's not what people remember
about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
442
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:04,600
It's the flying.
443
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:09,760
It's like when hearing the word
"pilot" my mind doesn't immediately
go to "hovercraft."
444
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,880
So, what's been happening here since
I've been away? Any goss?
445
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,680
Well, I heard some top goss today.
446
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,800
Apparently, the estate guys want to
447
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,320
demolish this pub to build an
access road,
448
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,280
and they'll offer as 40% over
the market price.
449
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,280
40?! Fuck my old banjo.
450
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:26,560
I wonder, Andrew if...
451
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,400
ANDREW: You're not going to accept
this offer are you, Stephen?
452
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,560
No, it's not about me accepting the
offer.
453
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,680
It's about you.
Stephen, how could you?!
454
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,920
If Stephen's insisting we sell and
take all the money,
455
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,400
then maybe we should...
No, no, I'm...
but I'm dead against it.
456
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,800
I'm not insisting anything.
I'm saying that Andrew...
457
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:42,720
We must keep the mighty Barleycorn
going.
458
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:43,800
We simply have to.
459
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,000
Laurie's dying wish was that his pub
should carry on.
460
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,680
Who are we to deny a dying man
right, Ellen?
461
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,280
Right. Who cares how many hundreds
of thousands of pounds they offer.
462
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,520
I fucking do!
463
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,480
This could scupper the whole
project,
464
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:58,440
and I'll die on my shitty farm and
465
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,320
be eaten by all the emaciated
fucking animals!
466
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:04,880
Here's the plan - we repair the J
bar, I put in some more cash,
467
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,160
get some mates to help out,
468
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,400
and we turn this place into the best
pub in a 30 mile radius.
469
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,760
Let's do this!
470
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,240
Hear, hear!
I like this guy.
471
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,400
He's glib, but he has an aura.
472
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,160
To the John Barleycorn!
473
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,600
ALL: The John Barleycorn!
474
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,280
Yeah, fuck the lot of you.
475
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,400
Good, renovations start Tuesday
morning.
476
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:32,720
So, if you want to be there to meet
477
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,440
the architect and the project
manager...
478
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:36,920
I'm not sure if this is a double
bluff
479
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,000
or some kind of 3D Escher
bluff
480
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:43,560
or a fucking Rubik's bluff, but I'm
onto you, my friend.
481
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,720
Onto me? You find the teats on
anything
482
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,080
and then just milk it into
your fucking bucket, don't you?
483
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,480
You should get away, Stephen, for a
weekend.
484
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,320
Finding Martin's body will have
taken its toll mentally.
485
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,640
I am not mad.
486
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,360
I'm the sanest man alive.
487
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:00,760
Oh, there's Jo.
488
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:01,960
I should say hello.
489
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,520
Who's Jo?
Martin Barry's widow. Widow?
490
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:05,640
How do you know the widow?!
491
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,000
She got in touch via the police.
492
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,640
She's such an extraordinary
woman,
493
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,600
having to hold it together
for those poor girls.
494
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:12,160
You piece of shit!
495
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,400
You've stolen my body.
496
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,760
You're a body snatcher!
497
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,240
If the handling of this story about
498
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,640
a father's suicide has caused you
distress, I'm sorry.
499
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,200
Don't try to make me out to be the
500
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,240
unreasonable one here, or
hysterical.
501
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,360
You've took my dead businessman away
from me,
502
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,280
and it's perfectly reasonable to be
angry!
503
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,280
Do you think, maybe, this is more to
do with the pub?
504
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,920
That you feel I'm taking a part of
your late father away?
505
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,720
Don't analyse me, Sigmund Fuck.
506
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,120
I'm gonna say hi to Jo.
507
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,600
Hi, there. Hello.
508
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:44,240
The girls are just off to their
nan's,
509
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:48,160
but they've done you a drawing to
thank you for everything.
510
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:52,560
You must have been very traumatised
by the discovery.
511
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,720
You've been a real rock for us.
512
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,880
Um, actually...
513
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,000
Don't.
514
00:20:58,040 --> 00:20:59,840
I found him...
515
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,520
..M-Martin, y-your husband.
516
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,240
A-And your dad.
517
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:05,720
Hi, I'm Stephen.
518
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,720
Hello. A-Andrew actually arrived a
bit later,
519
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,480
but because of the mobile mast
situation,
520
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,760
which I've e-mailed Ofcom
about...
521
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,000
..twice...
522
00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:18,840
..I-I had no signal.
523
00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,800
B-But it was my...
524
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,880
..dark privilege to, you know, be
there at...
525
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,720
..Martin's...
526
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,480
..Daddy's departure.
527
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,880
I-I hope I brought him comfort.
528
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:41,480
H-He was already dead, I-I couldn't
have saved him, but maybe...
529
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:45,080
..I d-don't know, d-does
consciousness remain at all after
530
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:46,440
asphyxiation?
531
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,560
Nice to meet you all...
532
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,040
Finally. Thoughts are very much...
533
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,080
MUSIC: Leaving The Table
by Leonard Cohen
534
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,640
# Lonely then the table
535
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,280
# I'm out of the game
536
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,640
# I'm leaving the table
537
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,480
# I'm out of the game
538
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,040
# I'm leaving the table
539
00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:36,400
# I'm out of the game. #