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This programme contrains
strong language and adult humour
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00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,000
And how are our desserts here?
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This cherry clafoutis is exquisite.
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It's one of Juliet's specialities.
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She trained in the Limousin region,
the home of clafoutis.
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Well, I've never had clafoutis
like it.
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I fear we may have ruined all other
clafoutis for you.
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The clafoutis that Juliet makes is
quite simply a phenomenal clafoutis.
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Hiya, Geoff, how's it going?
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My father died in 1982.
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Right, anything we can do or...
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I had a rummage last week,
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looking for photos for Laurie's
birthday memorial,
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found Dad's death certificate.
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Died of bowel cancer.
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Oh, Laurie, had that, too, right?
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00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:47,800
Well, Laurie started with bowel,
then it went to his stomach, lungs,
and oesophagus, liver and kidney.
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He was like a cancer pasty
in the end.
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So, I'm having myself tested.
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I wouldn't worry, Geoff,
you're an active guy,
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you don't look your age at all.
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How old do you reckon I am then?
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Five years younger than whatever you
really are?
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00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,520
Well, that's very kind, Jan,
thank you.
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But genes are genes.
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Do you have blood in your
stools, Geoff?
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You know, if you don't
mind me asking.
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I don't seem to, Mike, so that's a
blob of comfort.
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Awww. How about a lunch, Geoff,
settle yourself down.
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Do you still do paninis?
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We're not a panini kind of pub
any more.
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Here's a bar menu.
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Go on, then, I'll have the
warm beetroot and fennel salad
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with sheep's curd and
red onion marmalade.
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And a Diet Dr Pepper?
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Magic.
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Yeah.
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SHE KNOCKS ON DOOR
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It's open.
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Hi.
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00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,120
How're you doing?
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Fine, you know,
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lying still, chilling,
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having a nice stare.
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I tried calling you but...
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Andrew's won, hasn't he?
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Transformed the pub into a
terrible brilliant success in a way
I simply couldn't.
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Owns a bigger share of
it than me, customers love him,
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he's won.
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Only if you accept he has.
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00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,360
I accept he has.
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He's stolen my life, and he's living
it better than me.
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He deserves everything that wasn't
coming to me,
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but will come to him
now that he is me.
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Andrew is just a guy.
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No, he's got powers.
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Mum's asked us both to give speeches
at Dad's birthday memorial.
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Whose speech will be brilliant?
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Who will people think is
Laurie's heir?
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You know who.
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You are his heir.
You're his blood family.
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Come on, you can hire people to
write speeches.
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Let's find you a guy to...
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Are you OK?
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Anxiety pills.
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00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:39,360
Not pills to give me anxiety,
to prevent it.
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My GP calls them "keep calm and
carry on" pills.
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Because he's a dreadful fucker.
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You're not meant to drink alcohol
with them, are you?
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No, that's why I'm only having
white wine.
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Right.
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I am not going to let you wallow in
a half-pissed haze of self-pity.
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This is the moment we do the
Rocky montage.
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Out of bed! This is your pub.
You are Laurie's son.
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So let's sort you out.
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When was the last time you had
a shower?
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This morning. Oh, right.
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Why, do I smell?
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No.
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I mean it was literally two
hours ago.
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No, sorry, it was sort of a
rhetorical flourish.
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Do I stink?
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Is that something else to feel
anxious about?
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Oh, for fuck's sake, Stephen!
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I don't think we've ever had
so many covers.
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Oh, you're a marvel, Juliet.
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And how clever of you to bring her
over here, Andrew.
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Not seen Paul back for a few days.
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No, he died.
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I'm joking. We split up,
it wasn't working.
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He's really old, had you noticed?
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He did seem a little bit agey.
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I'm sorry it didn't work out.
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It was completely amicable.
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We both agreed I'd made a
massive mistake and he had to
leave immediately.
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Cancer results are in.
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Zero! Clean as a lady's glove.
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You could ice a cake
with my rectum.
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Large scotch, Geoff?
Don't mind if I do.
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You're clear, that's good news.
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Cass, you need to get
checked out, too.
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Because your dad and your
grandfather both got bowel cancer,
you're higher risk.
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00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:05,440
Oh, God! I say higher risk,
that just means a
bit higher than average.
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Chances are you'd be fine, like me.
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00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,400
Oh, my God, I've got cancer.
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00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,080
No, you misheard me.
107
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You just need to get checked out
because of the increased risk.
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I always felt I might have a limited
time in this physical body,
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this temporary vehicle.
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No, fuck's sake, you'll be fine!
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Go to the doc's, get a referral,
get checked!
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Whatever becomes of me, remember we
are but dust and shadow.
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Be there any greater wisdom than
this? Aye, yet there be.
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Love one another.
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So, for this meeting, in a short
speech with up to 20 gags,
it's 175.
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I'd like to it feel natural,
you know, not forced.
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I've got you, understood.
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I offer a bespoke service,
no off-the-peg jokes here.
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Great, it needs to be sharp,
polished, but also real, sincere,
with a depth to it.
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OK.
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Was he a fat guy, your dad?
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Hang his pants on the line, people
thought there was an eclipse?
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He wasn't particularly fat.
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00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:10,240
Oh, that's a shame, because there's
a lot you can do with weight and
slimming and so on.
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He was just a sort of normal size.
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OK. Did he get on with your mum?
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You could say he didn't speak to Mum
for 18 months once,
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well, he didn't like to
interrupt her.
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They got on very well.
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Ah, fair enough.
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Another avenue shut, never mind.
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Did your dad take you fishing?
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No. No?
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Jesus!
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I got a tonne of stuff on fishing.
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Difference between fishing and sex,
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00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,160
you go fishing, you actually want to
catch something.
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00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:40,520
That's hilariously funny, but it's
not really the tone I'm after.
139
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,640
OK, you'd rather stay clear of the
adult material.
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00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,080
That's fair by me,
I can do any style.
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00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,920
Do you remember Adam Cassidy?
142
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I wrote for Adam Cassidy for years.
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Dead at 48, poor sod.
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But he could do everything,
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00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,600
from the family-friendly
gentle pointing stuff
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00:05:56,640 --> 00:06:00,480
to really dark jokes about missing
children, bestiality,
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00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,680
physical deformities.
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00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,800
Let's try leaning more towards the
pointing side of things.
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Fine.
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00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,000
You got any brothers or sisters?
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That's a rich scene.
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00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:10,920
No.
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No brothers or sisters.
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00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,040
Have you prepared your speech?
155
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,960
I thought I'd read the room vibe,
then wing it, speak from the heart.
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00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,000
You?
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00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,440
I've got a speech worked out
with 20 jokes.
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Some are about fishing.
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Did Dad used to take you fishing?
160
00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:31,320
No, never, I was going to
pretend he did.
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00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:32,840
And that he had big pants.
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00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,080
I got my appointment to be checked
out for the, you know...
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The cancer?
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00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:38,600
Are you getting checked?
165
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,600
No! I don't want to know, I'd rather
be ignorant of most things.
166
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:42,920
You really should get checked.
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00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,520
Fine! But I'll almost certainly have
bowel cancer.
168
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,800
My colon is like a
Passchendaele trench.
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00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,200
Anyway, I'd like you both to
have this.
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00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,000
It's a memory box,
for to remember me by.
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00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,160
To be opened in the event of,
you know...
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00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,280
Your death.
173
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,720
I'm sure it's all going to be fine.
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00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,840
Inside there are some photos of me,
a lock of my hair, some drawings,
175
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:05,680
and a recording of me aged 14
singing Billie Holiday's
Strange Fruit.
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I sincerely hope I won't have to
listen to that for a long time.
177
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:10,720
Thanks.
178
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:14,000
You know, I can't help
thinking of the baby I never had,
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00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,400
crying for the mummy she never knew!
180
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,040
I'm sorry, God bless both of you!
181
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,080
Do you...? No, that's yours, mate.
182
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:26,200
A box of hair for you and Cass's
weeping, fictional baby.
183
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:27,320
Oh, Chris!
184
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:28,360
Hello!
185
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:29,600
Who are they?
186
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,600
Oh, Mum invited some of the other
foster kids to come along.
187
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,000
The favourite ones she stayed in
touch with.
188
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,560
Right, lovely surprise,
what a sweet gesture.
189
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:38,680
Look at you.
190
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,640
Do you recognise any of them?
191
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,160
No, I don't think so.
192
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,200
Alfie Tate!
Oh, it's lovely Alfie Tate!
193
00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,040
Oh!
194
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:47,720
Boys, look!
195
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,800
It's lovely Alfie Tate!
196
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,600
Oh, he was here a year or two
before you, Andrew.
197
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,560
Laurie cherished Alfie Tate.
198
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,160
Absolutely adored him.
199
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,480
Hi, Alfie! Hey!
200
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:02,440
Lovely Alfie Tate, lights up a room,
doesn't he?
201
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,800
Women want to fuck him, men want to
buy him a drink.
202
00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,160
And then fuck him.
203
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,080
I am, I think, a little bit drunk.
204
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:11,200
CHEERING
205
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,440
But I don't care.
206
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:16,200
We are all here to celebrate what
would have been Laurie's
207
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,360
69th birthday.
208
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,680
And here to say a few words about
him is our boy,
209
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:22,840
Stephen!
210
00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,880
APPLAUSE
211
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:29,360
I did hire a joke writer to help
with his speech.
212
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,000
Hooray! This'll be good then.
213
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:35,760
But reading the room, his material
doesn't feel right in the moment.
214
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:36,800
Oh...
215
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,840
Instead, I'm going to speak
from the heart.
216
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:39,880
Shit.
217
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,840
My dad never took me fishing.
218
00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,640
That might sound odd to some people.
219
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:48,080
Isn't that what normal dads do
with their sons?
220
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:53,480
But Laurie wasn't a normal dad,
he wasn't an off-the-peg dad.
221
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,000
He was a bespoke dad,
222
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,640
a particular, peculiar dad
223
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:04,080
and husband and foster father and
brother and friend and publican.
224
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,080
Today, all of those unique
figures would,
225
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,840
should have been 69.
226
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:13,040
Still young.
227
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,960
Gone too soon.
228
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,720
Here's to him.
229
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,200
Happy birthday, Laurie Nichols.
230
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,200
Happy birthday, Laurie Nichols!
231
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,240
APPLAUSE
232
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,840
Barrel of fucking laughs.
233
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,800
Now, I think that Andrew...
234
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,560
Oh, this would have been the point,
wouldn't it, Geoff,
235
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:36,240
on Laurie's birthday when he'd sit
and play Rocket Man on the pub
piano. Oh...
236
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:37,640
Can anyone play?
237
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:42,120
Alfie Tate, lovely Alfie Tate can
play, can't you?
238
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:43,640
I remember.
239
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:44,840
Come on!
240
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
241
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,600
I haven't played in ages.
242
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:04,840
# And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time
243
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:09,320
# Til touchdown brings me
back again to find
244
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:13,000
# I'm not the man they think
I am at home
245
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,920
# Oh, no, no, no
246
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:20,320
# Cos I'm a rocket man
247
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:25,040
# Rocket man,
burning out his fuse up here alone
248
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:31,240
# And I think it's gonna be
a long, long time... #
249
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,440
Guy there with the murder face,
someone said it's Andrew Donnelly?
250
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:35,720
It is Andrew Donnelly.
251
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,920
Really? Yeah, why?
252
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,760
I was in a halfway house with
Andrew at 14, 15.
253
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:44,400
Shit hole. We both had great
memories of being fostered here.
254
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,400
That's not him. Not him?
255
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,880
You're saying that man there is not
Andrew Donnelly?
256
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,400
Well, I didn't think so,
but looking at him now from the
side, maybe he is.
257
00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,120
I mean it was a long time...
258
00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:56,600
I'm going back to the caravan!
259
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:57,960
The game's afoot!
260
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,440
I'm going to finally find out the
truth about Andrew or "Andrew",
261
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,560
that inflection was implying
inverted commas.
262
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,040
Do you think he's losing his powers?
263
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,120
Yeah, Alfie Tate's his kryptonite.
264
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:10,240
The ladder's wobbling,
and I'm going it smash it into it in
my vengeance bus.
265
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,080
Good luck, don't go too mad.
266
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:13,960
Don't worry, I won't go too mad.
267
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,520
# Rocket man!
268
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,960
# Rocket man, burning
out his fuse up here alone... #
269
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:26,120
So, the map is...
270
00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:30,000
This is where Google tells me
Andrew, or ANDREW, has been living
271
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,480
and working in the last ten years.
272
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,640
Right. Look at the dots,
the pattern.
273
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,560
Is he spelling a word out
on the map? Is it kiln?
274
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,160
It looks like kiln to me.
275
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:39,320
Kiln, as in...?
276
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,320
As in kiln. Do we have a kiln here?
277
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,960
Is there maybe treasure in
an old kiln that he knows is here?
278
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,000
Gold hidden in a buried kiln!
That's why he came back.
279
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,080
Where's the K?
280
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,040
That's the K, clearly that's a K.
281
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,120
Now, look here.
I've blown these pictures up.
282
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:56,600
Andrew's nose width in
this one, 23mm. Mouth, 31mm.
283
00:11:56,640 --> 00:12:01,920
But this photo, mouth 31 again.
But look, nose 21, maybe even 20.
284
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,960
I really do think it's
the same guy, Stephen.
285
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,240
But Chris at the party,
he swore it wasn't.
286
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:07,880
Also, the eyes, look there.
287
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,480
He has inconsistent eyes.
288
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,920
It's clearly Andrew.
289
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,440
Andrew is Andrew.
290
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,600
I think what we really need to do
is focus.
291
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:15,800
Good idea, focusing.
292
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,440
Great, I love the way your mind...
No, actually focus.
293
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,160
Calm down and focus on me.
294
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:24,160
We need to look at the period of
Andrew's life where he goes dark and
295
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,800
evaporates from the internet. Yes!
296
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,960
He's in the Limousin region,
then nothing about him at all for
297
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,680
18 months, then he's running
an ethical casino in Utrecht.
298
00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,920
Right. That's what we need
to concentrate on.
299
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,920
That is the key to who Andrew is
and what he wants. Agreed.
300
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,880
Should you be boozing when you're
still on medication?
301
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,440
I stopped the medication - it was
making me feel woolly headed.
302
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,160
I need clarity.
And these are single malts,
303
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,360
so it's not boozing, per se,
it's more studied appreciation.
304
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,800
Lovely, unhackable, microfiche.
305
00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:00,960
The big corporates in Russia can't
delete it
306
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,560
like they can with the internet.
307
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,880
Microfiche is under the radar.
308
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,320
How often are you here,
looking at newspapers on microfiche?
309
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:09,760
All day, every day.
310
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,640
I have an illegal kettle.
If I use the plug just here,
311
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,640
no-one can see and I can make
a pot noodle.
312
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,120
I just have to eat it quickly
because of the smell,
313
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,320
so I have burnt my throat
quite a bit.
314
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,800
And nothing yet on Andrew's missing
18 months?
315
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,080
Not yet, but it's just a matter
of time.
316
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,880
Don't you think maybe you
should ease up a bit? Why?
317
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,320
This is medicinal, by the way,
for my burnt throat.
318
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:32,680
For your health!
319
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,200
Physical and mental.
You've got high blood pressure.
320
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:38,760
Sure, but might be a good thing,
the blood coursing around,
321
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,640
taking vital nutrients very quickly,
322
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:43,320
and under enormous pressure to where
they're needed.
323
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,360
So, how are you?
324
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,320
Oh, you know...
325
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,880
Tom's moved out, so...
326
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:52,800
Right. I think we're done.
It wasn't working.
327
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:55,400
It's been over for
a while, apparently. Yep.
328
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,920
My head's all over the shop,
if I'm honest.
329
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,320
Don't suppose you fancy
a long, chatty, boozy dinner?
330
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,720
Talk it over?
331
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,080
Oh...
332
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,160
There's a thought. You could have
a boozy dinner with Andrew.
333
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,800
You're a clean skin. He might let
slip something to you about his
334
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,640
missing 18 months.
335
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,000
Right, you want me to go
for dinner with Andrew?
336
00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,200
It's just a pizza at Sergio's
or something.
337
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,480
Could you maybe cover me while I put
the kettle on
338
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,040
and make up an illicit Options?
339
00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,520
Knock a book off a shelf.
340
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,440
Look, Andrew, I've had a card
from lovely Alfie Tate
341
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,520
saying thank you for the party.
342
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:33,920
You never met as kids, did you?
343
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,120
No, but I...
344
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:37,600
..I knew about him.
345
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:43,680
Bye, Mum.
346
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,320
Say goodbye to Cass and Stephen.
347
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,560
Look after yourself, son.
Been lovely having you with us.
348
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,960
You know what, Dad? The time
I've lived here has been the best
349
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,320
five months of my life.
Pleased to hear it.
350
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,080
Bye, Dad.
351
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:01,440
Ta-ta, Alfie.
352
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,640
DOOR SLAMS
353
00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,440
It was such a treat to see
him again.
354
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,520
Laurie doted on him.
355
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,320
Yeah. Now, I know he...
356
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,400
Results, Cass? Yep, all clear.
357
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,160
I'm back to being a normal person.
358
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,440
All of that horrible cancer drama is
over with,
359
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,760
which is obviously
totally brilliant. Hurray!
360
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,400
You can stop inspecting your stools,
I mean, if you like.
361
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:29,360
It's actually a very healthy habit
we should all get into. Aw!
362
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,760
SHE BLOWS A KISS
363
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,440
Ten minutes to closing.
364
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,720
If you're borrowing any books,
please bring them to the desk now.
365
00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,320
Oh, my God.
366
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:44,560
"Monsieur Donnelly a gravement
blesse l'enfant."
367
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,280
Oh, yes.
368
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,760
Oh, joy!
369
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,480
Oh, fucking joy!
370
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:52,880
Andrew maimed a child!
371
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,400
Yes! Fucking yes!
372
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,520
He almost killed a little boy!
373
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,840
This is such fantastic news!
374
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:02,680
Get in! The boy nearly died!
375
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,680
Oh, my word! The boy nearly died!
376
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,040
He maimed a child!
377
00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,640
He maimed a child!
378
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,840
Black Betty! He maimed a child!
379
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:18,080
Kettle in my holdall the entire
time, you fucking bookworms.
380
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,120
Andrew!
381
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,920
I'm home!
382
00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,280
Hi.
383
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,640
Everything all right?
Everything's fine.
384
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,520
The cup that cheers.
385
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,040
Hmm.
386
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:52,880
I've been meaning to put these away.
387
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,240
Did you want anything in particular?
388
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:03,600
Yeah, I've come to run you out
of town - like a cowboy.
389
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:04,880
Like a cowboy?
390
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,640
No, I meant Sheriff.
391
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:12,520
I know you went to prison in France,
Andrew, and I know why.
392
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,000
Right.
393
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:16,840
And you'd like to weaponise
this information.
394
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,840
The Licensing Act of 2003
395
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,680
tends to frown on drink-driving
child maimers.
396
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,720
And what would Cass and Mum say?
397
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:28,200
Wonder Boy almost killed actual boy?
398
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,200
You've had your
triple cooked chips, mate.
399
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,440
You weren't there. You don't know
what really happened.
400
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:37,800
You need to fuck off and sell the
share of the business you got from
401
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,240
Cass to me, mate's rates.
402
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:41,640
This is all about Dad, isn't it?
403
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,000
No, it's not all about Dad.
404
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,760
This is about the game you've been
playing to take over my life.
405
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,760
Well, we're playing hardball now
and that's checkmate.
406
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,520
I know I'm mixing my games up, but I
haven't really slept for the last
407
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:57,040
two months. I've never wanted
to take over your life, Stephen.
408
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,400
I just wanted to come back to where
I was happy.
409
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:00,720
Bullshit.
410
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:06,000
If I go, you won't tell anyone about
what happened in France?
411
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,520
Not a soul.
412
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,400
I'll go and pack then.
413
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:13,560
Go on, take them both.
414
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,400
Let go on this side. Let go. Let go.
415
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,720
How was everything?
416
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:23,520
Mostly fine. Excellent!
417
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,040
A very good night to you.
418
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,600
Satisfied customers tonight,
I think.
419
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:33,480
I still don't get it. Andrew
seemed on tiptop form yesterday.
420
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,160
His voice mail was vague.
421
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,840
It just said he had to deal with
a ghost from his past,
422
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:42,080
like he had a dark or possibly
guilty secret.
423
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,280
I'll miss him. He had an energy
about him, didn't he?
424
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,760
Yeah, real energy. An electricity.
425
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,200
He shone. And buzzed. Well, sadly
he's unplugged himself,
426
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,200
but we can still run
this place without him.
427
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,800
I have to say, I don't know how you
guys are going to run this place
428
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,760
without Andrew. He had an energy.
429
00:18:56,800 --> 00:19:00,800
What was Andrew's ghost from
the past, do we think?
430
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,560
Was it a sexual ghost?
431
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,720
I think I might know
Andrew's secret.
432
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,800
Really? Whatever could it be?
433
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,040
I'm sure it's nothing, right,
Juliet?
434
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,520
I can't imagine Andrew doing
anything really terrible.
435
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,000
Probably be just a very minor
tax thing.
436
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,080
For a while, Andrew lived in our
village, a few kilometres outside of
437
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,000
Limoges. Everyone found him...
438
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,160
..very charming.
439
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,920
Very brilliant. He is, isn't he?
He's got an energy.
440
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,480
We already know about the energy.
441
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,720
He would do anything
to help others -
442
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:38,080
mend roofs, sweep chimneys, plant
a wide flower meadow,
443
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,440
break in a horse.
444
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,560
I imagine you two were
sexually involved.
445
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,400
No, purely friends and colleagues.
446
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,080
Right. I might still
imagine it, though.
447
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,160
A few years ago,
my father died very suddenly.
448
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:54,160
My mother, a much-loved teacher in
our village, was distraught.
449
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,560
It's understandable.
450
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,320
She started drinking quite out
of character.
451
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,000
One evening, she gave Andrew a lift
in our car.
452
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,760
It was misty.
She'd had a lot of alcohol.
453
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,160
There was still a half bottle
of vodka in the glove box.
454
00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,640
She drove too fast.
There was a thud.
455
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:10,840
Oh, no, goat?
456
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,160
A boy. Right.
457
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:15,040
Just, in my mind's eye, I saw a
goat. Carry on.
458
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,600
She had hit an
eight-year-old boy.
459
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:21,320
Robert, one of pupils.
Badly injured. Oh, my God.
460
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,160
Andrew phoned for an ambulance
and then for the police.
461
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,280
The ambulance took Robert
to hospital.
462
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,280
My mother was prepared for her life
to be torn apart,
463
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,880
but when the police arrived...
464
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,560
..Andrew was in the driver's seat.
465
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:35,880
What?!
466
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,920
He just drank the vodka
and told the policeman
467
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,800
that he had been driving,
468
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,880
that he had hit Robert.
469
00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,120
THEY GASP
470
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,920
Andrew took the bullet for
my mother.
471
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:50,920
He went to court, pleaded guilty,
served 16 months in prison.
472
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,040
Bollocks.
473
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,360
I thought I might get the pub
into trouble, the Licensing Act.
474
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,160
No-one needs to know about
what happened in France.
475
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,960
It's eau under the pont.
476
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,960
Doesn't need to be public knowledge.
477
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,640
Well, if you're sure.
478
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,160
Let's just carry on as we were.
479
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,720
I think we were all perfectly happy
as we were.
480
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,680
Oh, are you off, love? Hospital.
481
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:19,440
Going to be checked out for
the bowel cancer gene. Why?
482
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,840
Because you're Laurie's son,
that's why. What?
483
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,560
You're Laurie's son.
You share his genes,
484
00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,920
You should get yourself checked out
pronto. Good idea. See you later.
485
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,560
Am I...? Sorry, are you saying
I'm not Laurie's son?
486
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:33,960
No, that's the exact opposite of
what I'm saying. Geoff...
487
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:35,080
It's fine, I've got this.
488
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:37,760
Mum, what is this? Let's not.
What is this?
489
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,120
You know I had a lot of flings.
490
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,640
Well, some of them sort of flung
a bit further than others.
491
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,400
Stephen, shall we talk about this?
492
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:50,680
So, there's no...
493
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,960
The blood link to dad is...
494
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,520
I'm like Andrew...
495
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:58,920
or Alfie, or...
496
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,160
..any of them.
497
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,640
If it helps, I didn't know about any
of this. Although, it might
498
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,200
explain why the two of us have
never fully connected.
499
00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,440
You know?
500
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,800
TV PLAYS IN BACKGROUND
501
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,760
The tablets he's on now tend
to sulk him a bit,
502
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,840
but they said he sort of
needs sulking.
503
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:24,960
It's a benign sulk. Right.
504
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,760
It's Allison, love.
505
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,040
Hi.
506
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,760
These two people want to escape
to the country
507
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,000
and this man is helping
them escape.
508
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,280
Wow, it's a good show.
509
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,200
Did you have a pizza with Andrew?
510
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:44,560
I said you should go to Sergio's
with Andrew, I didn't mean it.
511
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,360
No. I didn't go, that didn't happen.
512
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:51,600
Maybe all of this is
bluffing and switcheroos,
513
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,200
and everything I know is lies.
514
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,960
Or maybe everything I know
is true, but I think it's a lie,
515
00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,920
or another whole level up
from that,
516
00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,080
which is too difficult to think
about.
517
00:23:02,120 --> 00:23:06,360
I'm really sorry, Stephen, that you
got overloaded and shorted out.
518
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,760
I'm fine. I've stopped drinking.
519
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,280
Mum got me an exercise bike.
It's all good.
520
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,840
Just wanted to say a very quick hi,
see how you are.
521
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,480
I'm running Juliet to the airport -
she's going back to France.
522
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,520
Homesick. I miss my mother.
523
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,480
Safe travels.
524
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,520
How are you? I'm tired.
525
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,200
Don't you worry, Stephen.
You just get well.
526
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,120
Andrew can run the business.
527
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,920
He can be in charge.
528
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,720
You just rest, love, no hurry. No.
529
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:36,720
No hurry. We'll look after you,
that's what families do.
530
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,960
Right, I will leave you guys to it.
531
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:43,720
I've left the dog in the car
and she still a shit grenade.
532
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:44,760
See you later.
533
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,440
Should we...? Juliet?
534
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,680
Oui? Wouldn't your mum have been
prosecuted anyway for letting
535
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,760
a drunk person drive her car?
536
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,400
I don't follow.
537
00:23:56,440 --> 00:24:02,760
If she knowingly let Andrew drive
her car while he was intoxicated,
538
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,080
isn't that an offence in France?
539
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:07,640
No, it isn't.
We don't have that law.
540
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:10,080
Hey, I do need to get going,
plane to catch.
541
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:11,560
Bye-bye, Stephen. Get well.
542
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:20,120
Oh, when you're feeling a bit more
human, I'll take you out to eat.
543
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,560
I had a lovely pizza at
Sergio's recently -
544
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,400
really intimate vibe there -
545
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:26,880
you'd love it.