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This programme contains
very strong language
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Morning.
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Hi, Keith.
Sorry about Spurs.
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Oh, don't rub it in, mate.
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You're a masseur, so you can talk.
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Ha, nice one.
See you at yoga?
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Of course. When have I ever missed
yoga? Laters, potatoes.
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Hm, back to the balaclava then,
Geoff?
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Didn't you have lots of complaints
about it? Police coming around?
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Police can fuck off.
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I'm a farmer. Keeps my face warm.
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Terrorists and sex offenders
have decimated
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the balaclava industry, Mike.
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They should hang their heads.
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At the very least. Drink?
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Lilt, please.
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Sorry. Lilt.
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Lilt? I just fancy a Lilt.
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A nice Lilt.
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Hm. There's some in the
kitchen fridge.
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Hiya, when's young Stephen back.
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Oh, soon, we think.
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His therapist is
assessing him today.
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It'll be good to have him back.
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Oh, God, yes.
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It absolutely will.
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You been served, Geoff?
Mike's getting me a Lilt.
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A Lilt?
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Geoff just fancied a nice Lilt.
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JULIAN: Actually, all this talk
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of Lilt. Do you want a Lilt, Julian?
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No, I'm fine.
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Oh, go on, then.
I'll have a Lilt.
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Aw. Hey!
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Lilt.
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I forgot to say before you left for
the cash and carry. Urinal cakes.
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Got them.
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Oh, genius.
Course you have.
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Lots of activity up the road,
Andrew.
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New place is about to open.
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How do you pronounce it?
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Is it puh-ub? Or just pub?
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I've been saying pube.
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It's written p, colon, ub.
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You don't want to reference colons
if you're serving food.
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You know, the manager's upped and
left before they've even opened?
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They need someone new, quick-smart.
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Right.
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Do they?
Lee and Bryony Kingsley are legends.
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Set up so many businesses.
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They'll know your reputation,
they'll want to nab you.
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You'd fit in.
You're very modern.
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I'm very happy here, Ellen.
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No intention of being nabbed.
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Although if Puh-ub does become
the cool new place, you might
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suddenly find you're just some guy
running a middling provincial pub.
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I'll take the urinal cakes through.
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We got the Puh-ub menu through.
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Oh, yes.
It's very cool, very minimalist.
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Stove-warmed fish.
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Leaves.
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They sound nice.
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Heritage pig head.
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An egg.
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Interesting.
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Local curds.
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ALL: Ooh...
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Fucking ball bags.
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I liked it when it was the
Kings Arms.
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Spit and sawdust place,
massive car park.
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I don't know why it closed down.
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Two people were stabbed to death
there, Geoff.
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Now, get your facts straight.
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They were stabbed
in the big car park,
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but they actually died later
in hospital.
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Less of the fake news.
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So if Andrew does move on,
who'll run the Barleycorn?
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Well, I guess Stephen again.
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Right. Of course, Stephen.
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Ha! Great.
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It is a tremendous degree of
progress you've made, Stephen.
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It's like a journey, isn't it?
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Oh, it is.
It's very like a journey.
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Oh, you're absolutely right.
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I say that all the time.
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You do, Robbie.
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All the time.
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Brilliantly.
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And, like all journeys,
there'll be bumps in the road.
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Uh, twist and turns.
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T-junctions.
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Roundabouts. Filter lanes.
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You may proceed in the direction of
the green arrow when it,
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or the full green light, shows.
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I'm just quoting
the Highway Code now, but...
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Oh, but, but that's what therapy is,
isn't it?
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It's a kind of Highway Code to get
your mind back on the road.
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I'm in here for my MOT! Yeah.
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And you'll very soon be roadworthy.
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We've addressed your drinking,
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the uncertainty
over your biological father,
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your feelings towards Andrew,
that car accident in Limoges...
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I'm a very different guy from the
one who was forcibly encouraged
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by his family
and the wider community
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to become an inpatient here.
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So, I think you're ready to go home.
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Wow.
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You've really helped me get my shit
together, Robbie.
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There was a lot of disparate shit,
and now it's all in one place.
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Under control.
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Thank you.
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Genuinely.
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That fucking idiot thinks I'm cured,
the prick!
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I think so too, actually, Stephen.
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Well, maybe not cured,
but more yourself.
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I'm just pretending. I'm still mad.
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You don't seem to be...
That's the thing.
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I'm so mad, I look normal.
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Just a guy in a residential facility
being helped by a regime
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of appropriate
medication and therapy.
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What's suspicious about that?
Nothing.
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It's genius.
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MAD genius!
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Maybe stop saying mad?
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It's useful shorthand.
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Well, if your therapist thinks
you're progressing...
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Robbie knows nothing.
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We disagreed a few weeks ago
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over the correct plural form of
cup-a-soup.
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He thinks it's CUP-a-soups.
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It's quite clearly CUPS-a-soup!
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A multiple number of cups of soup.
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KNOCKS ON DOOR
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Hi, Stephen. Hi, Cath.
Did you find your phone?
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Would you believe, it was in my coat
pocket all the time?
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No, I think you're lying.
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Only joking!
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I totally believe that it
was in your pocket.
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Thanks.
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There's nothing there.
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Oh, I must have accidentally
swallowed them.
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But, usually, I pretend.
Flush them away.
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There'll be a lot of rats
in these sewers
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with excellent serotonin levels.
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What do you think Stephen will be
like when he comes back?
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I'm hoping he's no longer at war
with himself.
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I mean, what we have to do, all of
us, is support him fully.
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The last thing we want is for
Stephen to get ill again.
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You haven't been to see him at all.
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He's only wanted to see Alison.
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Not even mum, and she's the one
who's been paying for his stay.
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It's weird, isn't it?
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That he's the one who's been
having treatment
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when I've always been the one with
so much mental complexity going on.
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Stephen did get very ill, Cass.
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I mean, he was paranoid, depressed,
anxious, obsessive, compulsive.
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It's quite a cocktail.
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Oh, and he was an alcoholic.
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No, I know.
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And it just bring sit home to me
how much stuff
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I've been coping with, you know?
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Silently.
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You get very good at hiding your
massive complexity
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behind a mask of
complete ordinariness.
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How many layers are there to
an onion? No-one knows.
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Science can't tell.
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Let's hope one day they crack
that mystery.
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Sorry, Andrew, could we have a word?
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We're a bit worried about how to
speak to Stephen when he's back.
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Mm. The, the tone, you know, because
like you say, he's vulnerable.
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He's, you know...
..been treated in a facility.
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So, do we act normally, or...?
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We thought acting normally would be
the way to go.
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Mm. But it's eggshells, isn't it?
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You might say the wrong thing, or...
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Nutter - something like that. Yeah.
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Obviously, we mustn't let him be
driven into mental collapse again.
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I can't stress that enough.
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So just chat normally to him.
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OK. Oh, sure. Normally! Yeah. Good.
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Try not to act at all odd or
awkward, you know?
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Yes. Yes.
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IN ACCENT: Can do there, sir, hey?
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IN ACCENT: 10-4 on that one, my good
pal. Yeah...
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Will you be wearing these shoes?
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Not sure they'll fit me.
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I haven't worn shoes since
I arrived here,
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and my feet have become very soft
and wide. Really?
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I've been in backless
slippers constantly.
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My feet are almost as wide as
they are long.
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Like veal escalopes.
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Thanks, bye-bye. Bye.
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Oh, Stephen. Good luck.
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You got somewhere to stay?
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Oh, uh, no, we, we aren't. Oh, no.
I mean, we were, but, uh...
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I'll live with my mum for a bit and
then take stock.
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Good. Well, get some rest and some
good food.
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Wouldn't like to think of you
back in that awful caravan again,
living off pot noodles.
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Pots noodle.
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Sorry? It's fine.
Come on, Stephen.
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It's...it IS pots noodle.
Yes, all right, come on.
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It's pot noodle cos... Stephen.
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..the noodles have
become adjectival.
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Noodles, noodle, pot.
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Noodle describes the pot,
more than one pot, pots noodle.
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So, I take it you've told everyone
you're coming back this evening?
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No, I wanted to surprise them.
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Oh. M-Make an entrance.
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I've been away in treatment -
I'm the exotic one now.
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Andrew's just a boring provincial
pub landlord.
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He hasn't got the key to my
head anymore.
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Tables have turned.
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The shoes are on the other feet.
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If I could still wear shoes, yes.
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So, where is everyone?
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CASS: It was laughably bad,
wasn't it, Andrew?
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It was spectacularly poor.
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You wouldn't want to be headhunted
by that lot. Oh, shocking.
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We have no worries in terms
of losing custom.
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That plate of curds. Oh.
Abysmal shite.
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Even Little Miss Muffet would have
told them
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to stick it up their arses.
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Thought Lee and Bryony were meant to
be business legends?
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00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,800
They're business chumps,
if you'll pardon my language.
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00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:11,640
I don't like to be negative,
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but I wouldn't have fed that meal
to Judas.
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Oh, he was the worst one.
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Alison!
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Is Stephen with you, love?
Or are you just a bit stressed?
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Oh, no, he's just gone to the loo.
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Ha.
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Gin and tonic, please, love.
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Those urinal cakes look fresh.
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Got a new batch this week.
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Jeyes. Classic.
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How are you feeling, Stephen?
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I have a crystal clear mind,
wide feet,
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and I'm pissing like a greyhound.
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How are you?
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Can I apologise?
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For?
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Everything that happened before.
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Everything in the world?
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The Napoleonic Wars? Smallpox?
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The cry-laugh emoji?
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00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,560
Slavery? Declining literacy rates?
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I came into this family with
too much force
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and not enough empathy, and I know
that my arrival troubled you
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and may have added to
your mental distress.
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I don't trust a word you say.
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I know. I appreciate that.
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Those words just then,
don't trust them.
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Sure. Or that word.
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Look... That's a lie.
255
00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,760
Look, Stephen, my only hope is that
the investment I made
256
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:37,280
with the Wellness Centre pays off in
terms of your future happiness.
257
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:39,640
Investment?
Maybe that's too crude a term.
258
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:42,480
Um, assistance. Sponsorship.
259
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:46,000
YOU paid for me to stay at
Lyneham Abbey? Not Mum?
260
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,880
I had the means and Ellen felt...
261
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,280
Great. Terrific.
262
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,520
I thought it was Miss Haversham,
but it was you.
263
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,480
Big Shitty Magwitch.
264
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,880
Magwitch actually helps Pip to
fulfil his dreams.
265
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,360
I know my Dickens, Andrew.
266
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,760
Don't you DARE try to
out-Dickens me!
267
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,960
Or it will be the worst of times.
268
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,800
That's Dickens. I'm being clever.
269
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,560
I genuinely just wanted to help you.
270
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,720
By gaslighting me into thinking
I'm ill, then paying to put me
271
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:11,800
in a facility so you can gaslight
everyone else into thinking I'm ill?
272
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:13,120
Stephen, I admit it.
273
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,800
In the past, I've dissembled and
played with the truth,
274
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,320
but I've changed. Truly.
275
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,840
All I want to do now is help people.
276
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:25,080
Go fuck yourself. You can't get into
my head anymore, Andrew.
277
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,680
I don't want to get into your head.
Oh, yes, you do. But you can't
278
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,440
because I've changed the locks.
279
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,840
I still know you. I see you.
280
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,800
I'm looking at you right now.
281
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,040
I know you are.
282
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,160
Exactly, I'm staring directly
at you.
283
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,320
I'm aware of that.
284
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,720
Welcome back, Stephen.
285
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:55,280
How are you, sweetheart?
Um, you better?
286
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:56,720
Oh, you look a lot better.
287
00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,160
Are you better?
288
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:02,440
Andrew paid for my treatment?
He was my sugar daddy?
289
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:04,840
Only it wasn't sugar -
it was Citalopram.
290
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,760
Well, I don't have that
kind of money, Stephen,
291
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,480
and something needed
to be done urgently.
292
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:09,720
You were in a bad way.
293
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,800
Andrew offered to help.
294
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,240
And now you're all better.
295
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,040
I just wanted to say, if you
ever need to talk about stuff,
296
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:17,320
I've been there.
297
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,360
Right. Thanks.
298
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,440
Probably actually a bit more
seriously than you,
299
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,480
so just use me as a resource.
300
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,880
My suffering should have
a positive outcome.
301
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,040
That's meant to be kind,
so thank you.
302
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,320
Mike. Jan.
303
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,040
Yes? Hello.
304
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,480
Welcome back...
305
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,280
..to here, where we are.
306
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,400
Thank you. How's it all been?
307
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:42,680
Oh, you know, fine.
308
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,760
But not because you weren't here.
No. Shit. Sorry.
309
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,280
Um, we don't want to distress you.
310
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:51,680
I'm not distressed.
311
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:52,800
Oh.
312
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,240
Copy that!
313
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,080
10-4 can do, nice buddy.
314
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:02,960
How is he?
315
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,480
A lot better.
316
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,280
He's lucky to have you
to look out for him.
317
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,680
Oh, I remain vigilant.
318
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:09,840
And how are you?
319
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,360
Busy, busy.
320
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:15,120
Swamped at work investigating
dodgy planning applications.
321
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,360
Also my mum's getting up my nose
and on my tits.
322
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,640
Your mum? Yeah, and dad.
323
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,560
Dependent, needy.
324
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,680
I really haven't got time to fart.
325
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,280
We need to keep Stephen busy.
326
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,520
If he just sits around at Ellen's,
that'd be bad for him.
327
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,960
Am I meant to believe
you're concerned for him?
328
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:36,200
I don't expect you to believe it,
but it's the truth.
329
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,680
You leave it with me,
Luca, we'll work something out.
330
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,240
OK, mate. See you later.
331
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,040
Luca, my farm hand.
332
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:45,000
Strong as a small horse.
333
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:49,240
That spiteful fucker
from my neighbouring farm is
trying to get him deported.
334
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:50,520
That doesn't sound very fair.
335
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:52,360
Is he an arable farmer like you,
Geoff?
336
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:53,640
He's an FCQ.
337
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,040
Is that EU code?
338
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:56,360
Fat Cunt on a Quad bike.
339
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,800
Oh, hello.
340
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,000
Hello, Stephen.
341
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:17,360
Did you sleep well?
342
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:18,400
Yes.
343
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,640
You're here early.
344
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,120
In the house.
345
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,840
Did you come round early?
346
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:28,040
Uh, yes.
347
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,440
I, uh, came round early.
348
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:31,800
That would be it.
349
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,400
ELLEN: Julian, will you get the
wholemeal out of the freezer?
350
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:36,440
I'm not sure I...
351
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,880
I was just saying how Julian
has come round early.
352
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,440
Yes. An early call.
353
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,000
Good morning, Ellen. Good morning.
354
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,320
Oh, yeah, sorry, Stephen.
355
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,440
Should've told you, your mum's
fucking a vicar.
356
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,160
He's our new dad. I'm not.
357
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,320
I mean, I am a vicar, but, uh...
358
00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,120
SHE CLEARS THROAT
Julian and I are very close, love.
359
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:06,080
I didn't tell you before because I
thought it might add to your crisis.
360
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,480
It's fine. It's cool.
361
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,280
I'm happy for you.
362
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,600
Are you? Fuck no.
363
00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:13,880
But I'll get used to it.
364
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,280
Please don't eat the
Eucharist wafers, Cass.
365
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,040
They're Christ.
366
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:19,840
Can I make you some breakfast,
Stephen?
367
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,480
Are there muffins?
368
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,320
I don't think there are.
369
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:28,000
It's just, I always had muffins at
Lyneham Abbey, but don't worry.
370
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:30,480
Have you become a bit
institutionalised?
371
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:34,400
No. I just mentioned that we had
muffins for breakfast, that's all.
372
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:37,760
Lunch on Monday was soup,
Tuesday was toastie day,
373
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,560
but it's not important. OK.
374
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:44,040
Wednesday's lasagne, Thursday soup
again, and Friday's fish and chips.
375
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,360
But it's irrelevant.
I'll go with the flow.
376
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,200
Whatever's easiest.
377
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,360
I could go and get some muffins.
378
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:51,720
No. No, it's fine.
379
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,800
Although it would be nice.
380
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,360
Ugh, back on the beer, Geoff?
381
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,080
Yeah, I was just flirting.
382
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:08,400
Diddled the lilt, but
I'm married to beer. Aw!
383
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,040
Cass was saying Stephen's got
a bit institutionalised.
384
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,080
Easily done.
385
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,520
Best time of my life
was in hospital, recovering
from heart surgery.
386
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:16,920
Really? Bliss.
387
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,680
Lying there for ten days,
doing fuck all,
388
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:23,520
a catheter up your Rees-Mogg, so you
don't even have to get up to piss.
389
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,720
That's living, all right.
Can't wait for the hospice!
390
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,720
Oh, Andrew? It's come.
391
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,120
The inevitable call.
392
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,760
Lee and Bryony Kingsley left
a message about half an hour ago.
393
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,640
You can name your price now,
son. They need you.
394
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,680
You're like whoever's an expensive
footballer these days.
395
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,160
I'm going to say Trevor Francis,
but more recent.
396
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,040
What exactly was the message, Jan?
397
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:49,320
Can we meet with your brilliant
landlord? Meet with...
398
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,600
..like in America.
399
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,760
I bet they get a coffee too.
400
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:55,000
Well, a meeting can't do any harm.
401
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:56,120
See how the land lies.
402
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,320
That's it. He's gone.
403
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,840
You reckon? Puh-ub is shit!
404
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:07,160
But it's a challenge, isn't it? No
challenge for Andrew here any more.
405
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,320
He's bored.
406
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,520
In danger of becoming a fixture.
407
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,000
Time to move on.
408
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,920
Yeah, Andrew's far too sharp
409
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,960
and clever to work at the Barleycorn
for longer than a few months.
410
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,600
True. How long have
you guys been here?
411
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,720
Eight years yesterday.
412
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,280
Congrats. Oh, thanks.
413
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,080
You've eaten here? I have.
414
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,400
Thoughts? Feelings? Ideas?
415
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,560
Honestly? Sure.
416
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:33,920
No point otherwise.
417
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,600
Truth has value.
418
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,640
Bullshit's worthless.
419
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,080
OK.
420
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:42,160
Felt like there was a lot of noise,
but no clear signal.
421
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,920
Decor, ambience, menu,
422
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,400
all compromised by
conflicting influences.
423
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,160
The service was weak,
slow and pretentious.
424
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,840
Those are the headline notes.
If you want a deep dive, I could...
425
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,360
No, no. No. We agree.
426
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,040
We need to step up our game.
427
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:58,880
We're looking for a guy to
help turn things around.
428
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,280
Copy that.
429
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,240
And that's where you come in,
Stephen.
430
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,600
Stephen,
we need a firm hand on the tiller.
431
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,240
Serious realignment.
432
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,080
We're impressed with how
the Barleycorn used to be run.
433
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,640
It used to look very different.
Andrew remodelled it.
434
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,640
I'd done a lovely pine thing,
435
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:20,960
but then it all burnt down in
a massive fire and he changed it.
436
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,280
Reason we've come to you, Stephen,
437
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:26,320
is we've realised this place
is too pretentious.
438
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,240
All this minimalist,
metropolitan thing.
439
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,080
Made a mistake.
We need to go totally the other way.
440
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,920
Back to how it was
when it was the Kings Arms.
441
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,480
People round here, they want
something honest, old school.
442
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:39,280
Not elitist.
443
00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,400
Brexit style.
444
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:41,560
Tell it like it is.
445
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,360
Peppercorn sauce on a big
rump steak, swear boxes,
446
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:49,200
lifeboat boxes, little boy with
a slot in his head, some bloke
447
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:54,400
selling warm crabsticks, curry
night, geezers, saucepots, sorts,
448
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:58,960
types, Scotch eggs, but not artisan
Scotch eggs with rare-breed pork.
449
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,320
Just fucking Scotch fucking eggs!
450
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,040
Pardon my language but, I mean,
it's what people want now.
451
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:08,160
Some things may feel old-fashioned,
but they're best unchanged.
452
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,200
Exactly.
453
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,840
The reason they've never updated
Hangman is it's too difficult
454
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,520
to incrementally draw
a stick man serving a 30-year
custodial sentence.
455
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,800
I need to talk to Chef.
Will you think about it, Stephen?
456
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,800
We'd love to have you on board.
457
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,760
I will think about it.
Will I need to wear shoes?
458
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:33,680
If I take over managing Puh-ub,
in a way, I'm leaving the family.
459
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:35,880
My loyalties will be elsewhere.
460
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,320
It's a huge deal.
461
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,640
I'd probably have to
move into the flat above the Puh-ub.
462
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,240
We'd really miss you. Indeed.
463
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:44,960
But needs must.
464
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,320
Do you want to move on, Stephen?
Have a fresh start?
465
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:49,520
New beginning?
466
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,240
I do...
467
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:52,280
..I think.
468
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,320
Sometimes, you just have
to make the leap.
469
00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:55,680
I mean, like a salmon,
470
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,080
not like that Welsh guy who
jumped off the multistorey.
471
00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,840
It's wonderful to be wanted.
472
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:03,280
It's exciting to be
valued for who I am,
473
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,400
for the skills
and experience I have.
474
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,840
I feel like I've come out of Lyneham
Abbey, able to achieve anything.
475
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:11,800
So, yes.
476
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:13,160
I will take the job.
477
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,960
ALL: Cheers!
478
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:22,160
And are these the absolute
widest fit you have? Yes, sir.
479
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,800
An H fitting's the widest
we've got in the size 9.
480
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,280
You don't do a J or
anything like that?
481
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,000
No, there's no such fitting as a J.
482
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,880
No? They should do
a Bravissimo, but for big feet.
483
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:34,960
OK, I'll take them.
484
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:39,160
Why are you two together?
Are you getting married?
485
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,640
Calm down, Stephen.
486
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,200
I went to see Alison
in a professional capacity.
487
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,960
I was troubled by Lee
and Bryony Kingsley.
488
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,800
Troubled? I didn't trust them.
489
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,480
The feeling was mutual.
They thought you were Satan.
490
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,040
But I'm paraphrasing.
491
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:55,320
I wanted to pick
Alison's brains, and...
492
00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:57,520
I've been checking the archives,
and Lee
493
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,840
and Bryony are incredibly successful
businesspeople, as everyone says.
494
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,200
They're amazing.
They have a place in Tuscany.
495
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,840
Said I might be able to stay there.
496
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,280
The thing is, they do
get through a lot of businesses,
497
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:11,120
and there seems to be a pattern.
498
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:14,440
They take over a business,
it doesn't do well, they close it,
499
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:17,280
they build on the land, and that's
how they make their money.
500
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,760
So how does this affect me?
501
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,560
Well, the pattern seems to
be that they hire a...
502
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,800
They employ someone who...
503
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:29,760
What?
504
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,280
They hire a manager
who they think will be
505
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:38,040
so incompetent that he or she will
run the business into the ground.
506
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,280
Then, when the business
is seen as unsalvageable,
507
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,680
they can apply for change of use
and build houses on the land.
508
00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:46,760
Puh-ub has that massive car park.
They could make millions.
509
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,440
We may be jumping to conclusions.
510
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:52,560
There's nothing yet been proved
about their previous applications.
511
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,280
But a red flag has gone up.
512
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,800
I didn't want you
pulled into a scam.
513
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,280
You've been through enough.
514
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:01,560
Here we are, sir.
515
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,200
Take them away, please.
516
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,120
And bring me
a pair of backless slippers.
517
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:08,800
H fitting in an 11 and a half.
518
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,640
Thought you took a size 9?
Just do it!
519
00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:15,360
Don't give up completely on shoes,
Stephen.
520
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:16,640
Stupid.
521
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,040
I should've known.
522
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,480
Never dream.
523
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,520
Dreams aren't real.
524
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,280
Only nightmares.
525
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,440
I should go.
526
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,640
Mike and Jan are going to be in
late, so I need to unlock the pub.
527
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,040
# Baby
528
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,000
# You're driving me crazy
529
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:41,480
# I said baby
530
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,920
# You're driving me crazy
531
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:48,640
# Psycho
532
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,840
# Oh!
533
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,840
# Wow! #
534
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,920
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