1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,880 This programme contains very strong language 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,480 Morning, Geoff. Off to a wedding? 3 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:06,720 Just been to one, Jan. 4 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:07,800 Who? 5 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,040 Me. Jan meant who was getting married. 6 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,160 Me. 7 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:12,840 Bloody hell, Geoff. 8 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:13,920 You kept this quiet. 9 00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:15,120 Who's the lucky lady? 10 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,800 Luca, the Italian bloke who's been working on my farm. 11 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:19,600 Sexy Luca? 12 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:20,840 Not that I've noticed. 13 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,080 Oh, that's great Geoff. I, I didn't know you were, uh... 14 00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,360 It's a visa thing. 15 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:25,880 We're not lovers. 16 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:27,480 Oh. They were gonna deport him. 17 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:29,120 Easiest way to keep him here. 18 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,160 It helps him, it helps me, it fucks the Home Office. 19 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,760 Win, win, win. 20 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,560 Eh, ciao, ragazzi. 21 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:36,760 Ciao. Bonjour. 22 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,800 What are you having husband mine? A double Jack Daniels please, Geoff. 23 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,120 You will need to be driving the horse box later, mate, so... 24 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:44,680 OK, yes strong lager then. 25 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,000 Two very strong lagers please, Jan, for me and my new husband. 26 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,280 Coming right up. 27 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,080 Congratulations. Oh, feel quite emotional. 28 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,480 It's a fake wedding, Jan. 29 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,360 Yeah, I know but still. Oh. 30 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,720 We've still got to have a celebration, haven't we? 31 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,680 Yeah, a few sandwiches, some Cava. Mini Scotch eggs? Sure. Magic! 32 00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:14,200 I am not one of those awful mothers who insist their children be normal. 33 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,080 That's simply not me. 34 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,760 That's simply not you at all, Ellen. 35 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:20,440 But Stephen's become a lot more normal recently. 36 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,480 Hasn't he? 37 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,120 He's the most normal I've ever seen him. 38 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:26,760 He's almost normal-normal like a normal person would be. 39 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,080 Good, great. 40 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,440 I mean, he doesn't have to be normal, of course he doesn't. 41 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,040 It's just, hmm, really, really terrific that he is. 42 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:36,360 Here's to normal children. 43 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,800 How many spare tagines have we got? 44 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,640 We don't have any tagines at all I don't think, love. 45 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:42,880 Oh, fucking hell! 46 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,040 Big shitty Christ. Cass! 47 00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,880 Uh, why do you want a tagine, Cass? 48 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,360 You can't be in a shared student house without a tagine. 49 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,080 Everybody will have tagine and a poster of The Kiss 50 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,800 by Gustav Klimt and a toastie maker and incense sticks 51 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,840 and a notepad on the door with a pen to write funny messages. 52 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,760 "Call for you, where are you? We're in the pub getting wrecked." 53 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,560 I still don't know why you want to live in a shared house, sweetheart. 54 00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:06,800 You're only doing a part-time A Level course. 55 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:10,440 I think I know. Oh, do you? Did Jesus tell you? 56 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,200 No, he didn't because he's actually just a Jewish revolutionary. 57 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,120 Cass, we know you're an atheist, love, and that's great. 58 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:17,960 You don't have to keep on telling us. 59 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,880 I think you want to get away because you feel cramped. 60 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:24,480 I'm living here now and Stephen's back and you crave your own space. 61 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,480 You think that, do you? Yes, I do. 62 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,280 Yeah, well, that is precisely how I feel but it might not have been. 63 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,360 I just want the full student experience. 64 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,280 That's who I am. I've realised - I am a student. 65 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:38,080 Soak me with knowledge for I am kitchen roll. 66 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:41,120 DOOR CLOSES Ah, phew! 67 00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,240 Hi, sweetheart. 68 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,160 How far this morning? 69 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,920 Oh, just under 16K. 70 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:46,960 Wow! 71 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,800 The endorphins are racing around my body like, 72 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,400 I don't know, ants in tiny cars. 73 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,120 Time for a shower and a big bowl of porridge. 74 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,520 I'm going to buy a tagine. 75 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,560 Brilliant! 76 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,680 Happy fake wedding, Geoff. 77 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,080 Thanks, Stephen. Drink? I've got a fizzy water, thanks. 78 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,800 Right, I forgot you're Captain Fitness now. 79 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,520 I'm not sure about Captain. 80 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,640 Uh, maybe Second Lieutenant Fitness. 81 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:19,400 You look well on it. 82 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,840 Your mum was worried you might relapse with all that 83 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,080 business about who your dad was. 84 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,360 I, I've got the fitness bug instead. 85 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,280 Ah, I should actually go and do a quick 10K now. 86 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,320 Don't cycle too hard and stay off the fucking pavements. 87 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:33,880 See you later. 88 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:37,960 Excuse me. 89 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,160 How's married life treating you? 90 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,720 You know it's good to know I can stay here. Hmm. 91 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,800 So, you'd have been deported back to Italy if you hadn't married Geoff? 92 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,400 Yes. All this Brexit shit. 93 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,600 SUCKS TEETH I know. 94 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,440 Wouldn't you have had right of permanent residency anyway? 95 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,320 Uh, no, I haven't been here five years. 96 00:03:58,360 --> 00:03:59,560 Only four. 97 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,480 I thought the other day I heard you say you were 98 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,960 here for the London Olympics? 99 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,640 HE LAUGHS 100 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,480 We understand each other, huh, you and me? 101 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,520 We are, uh, very similar. 102 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:20,920 I'm not sure we are. 103 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:25,120 Yeah, we are in what we are doing here with these people. 104 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,920 We are like two, as the saying goes. 105 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,840 Peas. 106 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:32,880 In a pod. 107 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,640 What? The saying is two peas in a pod. 108 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,000 Pot? Pod. 109 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,200 Pot? Pod. 110 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,280 Why? Why would there be only two peas in a pot? 111 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,120 It's a waste of a pot. Pod. 112 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:45,040 You see, we don't understand each other at all. 113 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,160 Oh, we do understand each other, my friend. 114 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,920 Like two peas boiling together... 115 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,000 ..in the pot. 116 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,720 Fucking hell! 117 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:06,160 Hawthorne, cherry tree, phone box, road sign... 118 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,840 Right! 119 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,000 Hedge vodka. 120 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,800 The best vodka. 121 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000 Tring? Tring? 122 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,480 Tring. But it's not written in stone. 123 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,320 Neither were the Ten Commandments. 124 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,920 That's all bullshit. 125 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,040 It might be that Julian will be transferred to a new 126 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,560 parish near Tring. 127 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,160 And would you go too, Ellen, to Tring? 128 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,560 Yes. I think I would. 129 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,160 OK. 130 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,360 It's a big decision, though. 131 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,680 Tenure there would be at least ten years. 132 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:51,720 Right. 133 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:52,760 Excuse me. 134 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,720 Where is Tring? It's Scotland, isn't it? 135 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:57,760 Come ye back to bonny Tring? 136 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,400 I thought it was an isle, off the Kent coast. 137 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,440 Isle of Tring. 138 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,080 It sounds Cornish to me. 139 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,200 Or Devon. 140 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,480 Actually, isn't it a forest? The Forest of Tring... 141 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:07,520 Tring Forest? 142 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:08,760 It's in Hertfordshire. 143 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:10,120 That's not ringing any bells. 144 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,880 No, really. Tring is in Hertfordshire. 145 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,400 Are you sure? Sounds more like Scotland to me. 146 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:15,680 Tring golf course. 147 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:16,720 Tring distillery. 148 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:17,880 I, I, I know where it is, Jan. 149 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,080 I looked it when I was asked about moving there. 150 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:21,360 OK. 151 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,800 Maybe you two can compromise and say it's in the Midlands. 152 00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,000 Great, yeah. Works for me. 153 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,360 No, that's lunacy! 154 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,360 It's in Hertfordshire. It's on bloody maps. 155 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,600 All right, vicar. 156 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,040 Steady on. 157 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,080 It really is. I know. 158 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,960 I'm fooling you, idiot robot monitor. 159 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,760 You think this is activity. 160 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,080 Gullible twat watch. 161 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,960 Geoff, can I talk candidly to you? 162 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,200 In a sexual way? 163 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,240 No. Great. 164 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:02,800 Go ahead. All ears. 165 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,920 How well do you know Luca? 166 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,040 Pretty well. 167 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:08,720 We spend a lot of time together. 168 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,040 We like to watch episodes of Kavanagh QC on VHS. 169 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,480 Right. And old Springwatches, too. 170 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:15,920 The Bill Oddie years. 171 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,680 Pre 9/11. 172 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,120 You can watch a wren building its nest oblivious to the coming chaos. 173 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,480 Still feeling the ripples now, aren't we? 174 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,560 I mean, the wren isn't - they only live seven years. 175 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,160 What's that in dog years? 176 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,680 Can you mix them up? 177 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,560 Or is it like metres and yards? 178 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,000 Although, a metre is roughly a yard, isn't it? 179 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,640 Sorry, where was I? 180 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,000 Bill Oddie and the attack on the World Trade Centre. 181 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,320 I wasn't implying Bill was involved. 182 00:07:45,360 --> 00:07:46,520 So Luca. 183 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,160 Yeah. You trust him? 184 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,680 As much as I trust any man. Why? 185 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:54,240 I just get a vibe from him. 186 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,360 I'm not saying he is but I can spot a grifter. 187 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,560 Oh, yeah. You meet a lot in care. 188 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,120 People who take advantage of others to advance themselves. 189 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,960 I'm grateful for your intervention, Andrew, but fuck off. 190 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,360 I trust Luca. 191 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:12,200 He's my Kavanagh buddy and my lawful wedded husband. 192 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,760 Now if you'll excuse me my vast prostate is tapping me 193 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,720 on the bladder. 194 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,920 I really like Geoff. 195 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,360 I mean, he's a bit bluff sometimes but... 196 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,600 At Halloween, he wires his door knocker to a car battery. 197 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,800 That's just him trying to be spooky. 198 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:30,520 At heart, he's a good man. 199 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,720 Well, I mean, I can certainly do some checks. 200 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:36,240 Land registry etc, see, see what Geoff owns, 201 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,720 what Luca might get in the event of a divorce. 202 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:39,760 But it will take a while. 203 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,400 I'll pay. Oh, no. 204 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,520 No, it's Geoff. He's sort of family. 205 00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,400 No, I insist. It's your professional time. 206 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,120 I wouldn't dream of asking someone of your calibre to work for free. 207 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,360 Well, poor Maureen's vet bills have been pretty eye watering lately. 208 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,680 What's wrong with her? 209 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,360 Absolutely everything. 210 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,240 I've heard that can be tough to treat. 211 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:01,160 I'll find out what I can. 212 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,200 See if Luca is on the level. 213 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:06,280 I just don't like the idea of older people being taken advantage of. 214 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,080 This is a really studenty area. 215 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,240 It's like a kind of Greenwich Village. 216 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:27,720 Ideas and art and music and politics and tagines and dope and fucking. 217 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,080 All the main post enlightenment advances. 218 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,600 Yeah, I'm gonna need to be pretty bloody sharp to join in. 219 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,200 I'm reading On the Road, 220 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,400 the Jack Kerouac, one not the DVLA booklet about your theory test. 221 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,440 Are, are you sure it's a student house? 222 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,280 Well, the landlord says it's mostly students in these houses. 223 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,480 Right. Just not necessarily this particular one. 224 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,200 KNOCK ON DOOR Hi! 225 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,120 Hi, hello, I'm Cass. 226 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,200 Sally. Hi, Sally. 227 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,760 Come in, come in, come in. 228 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:55,960 Do you want a tea? 229 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,200 Uh, where's the kettle? No idea in all this craziness. 230 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,160 It'll be in one of these two boxes. 231 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,200 Oh, no, I'm fine, don't worry about the tea. 232 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,240 When did you move in? 233 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:05,280 This, is it? 234 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,920 Literally just minutes ago. 235 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,560 I'm about to unpack tagines etc. 236 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,440 Got these couple of dudes helping. 237 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:14,280 We might have a smoke in a bit and I don't mean tobacco. 238 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,440 Right, I was just... 239 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:16,880 I mean cannabis. 240 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,960 I was just calling to say hello. 241 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,600 You'll probably see me around maybe a couple of times a day. 242 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:22,720 What are you studying? 243 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:23,920 I'm not. 244 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,320 I'm Mrs Walsh's carer. 245 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,040 She's in the room on the ground floor. 246 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,360 Emergency housing. 247 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:29,880 Her old place wasn't fit to live in. 248 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,000 How old is she? 249 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,160 She's 89. 250 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,920 Not doing very well sadly but still fairly independent. 251 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,520 So who, who, who else lives here? 252 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,120 Well, there's Tom on the first floor. 253 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,880 He's going through a divorce right now. 254 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,680 Cries a lot. You can hear him crying most of the time. 255 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:44,800 CRYING IN BACKGROUND 256 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:48,200 There we go. Then there's Sean - 257 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,520 a tiny man with a big set of conga drums who 258 00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:53,800 never speaks, and Katie, primary school teacher. 259 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,280 OK, she sounds nice. 260 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:56,440 She's really not. 261 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,240 I might organise a dinner party. 262 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:01,600 STEADY BEAT OF CONGA DRUMS 263 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:24,960 Fucker! 264 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,440 Someone's had it. 265 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:29,880 My auxiliary hedge vodka. 266 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,480 You look cross. What's up? Nothing. 267 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:45,880 I'm absolutely fine. 268 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,520 I'm cycling, which I love, and I'm sober, which is brilliant. 269 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,560 You going to work? I thought you took Fridays off. 270 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,360 Yeah, I'm gonna see what I can find out about Geoff's properties. 271 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,560 Why? 272 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:00,920 Andrew thinks Luca might be trying to scam Geoff. 273 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:02,640 Andrew? I know. 274 00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,760 Andrew's worried about scamming? 275 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,400 Sorry, my mind just turned into an Escher staircase. 276 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:08,840 Andrew thinks something's up. 277 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,200 I guess it takes a fucker to catch a fucker. 278 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,960 Yeah, well, he's paid me to find out if this fucker is fucking Geoff. 279 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,560 OK, but it feels uncomfortable and weird. 280 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,000 Like when there's a teenager on Countdown. 281 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:22,520 Come on. 282 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:33,960 DRUMS PLAY IN DISTANCE 283 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,440 Oh, is it tonight, Jess? Cass. 284 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:41,840 Oh, sorry. It's OK. 285 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,600 Jess, Cass, they're just labels. 286 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,680 It is tonight, Tom. Entree. I got your note under the door. 287 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,840 "Bring some food, bring your stories, bring your humanity." That's the one, yeah, yeah. 288 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,320 And there was a drawing of two tadpoles having sex. 289 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,800 That's the Yin-Yang symbol. 290 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,400 Oh, right. Sorry. 291 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,600 I thought that we could get together as a house and shoot the shit 292 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:02,760 about politics and life and theology and Love Island. 293 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,360 Serious and silly, you know? 294 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,200 I don't have a TV. 295 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,320 Um, and, and I don't really pay much attention to politics. 296 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,760 They're all the same at the end of the day, aren't they? 297 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,560 I've made two tagines - 298 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:15,560 lamb for the carnivore, mushroom for the vegans. 299 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:19,960 And I've made hummus, courgette kofte, flatbreads and tabouleh. 300 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,200 Brought some Popchips. 301 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,800 Great! Yum. 302 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,520 Oh, also, uh, I brought some whisky, but is it OK if just I had that? 303 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:32,160 No. Sure. I invited the conga guy, but... Oh, he won't come. 304 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,400 He just lives for his congas. 305 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,800 Yeah, I asked Mrs Walsh if she'd like to come 306 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,400 or we could go and visit her. 307 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,240 Who the fuck do you think you are putting a note under my door? 308 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,880 I'm sorry? 309 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,040 Answer my fucking question. 310 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,160 Who the fuck do you think you are? 311 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,440 My name's Cass. 312 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,880 You slide another note under my door, Cass, 313 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,840 and I will finish you. 314 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,560 Is she the primary school teacher? Yeah. 315 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,960 I think she gets stressed by all the marking. 316 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,680 DOOR SLAMS Tagine? 317 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,080 Uh, no, I'm fine with my Popchips, thanks. 318 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:11,200 Oh, hi, Sally. 319 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,800 Mrs Walsh on her way? 320 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,800 Oh, uh, sorry, I thought you knew. 321 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:17,600 Mrs Walsh passed away last night. 322 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,440 Oh, no. Yeah, I thought you might have heard the commotion. 323 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,520 No, I wear ear plugs because of the congas and the... 324 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,480 My weeping? Yeah. 325 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,040 Oh, right. She had a fall. The ambulance was called. 326 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,880 She was taken into St Agnes and her poor old heart just gave up. 327 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,640 Oh, dear. Are you OK? Do you want some tagine? 328 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:36,200 Oh, God, you know what I would love some tagine. 329 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:37,680 Thank you, Cass. 330 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:38,960 No thank you, Sally. 331 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,440 Sit down. 332 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,320 PHONE RINGS, DOG WHIMPERS 333 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,280 Hi, Mum. Hi, love. 334 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:57,280 Thank you. Uh, you working? Uh, yes. Confidential. 335 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:58,440 Geoff stuff. 336 00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,680 Oh, thought so. 337 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,280 It went fine, so no worries. 338 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,600 I'm heading home in a bit. 339 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:03,880 Sorry, what went fine? 340 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,240 The hospital appointment. 341 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,080 The tests for my, you know, procedure. 342 00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:12,120 Oh, God, I was meant to drive you there and stay with you, wasn't I? 343 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,800 Oh, shit my tits, I'm so sorry. 344 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:15,720 Listen I'll...I'll come and take you home. 345 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,480 No, no, it's fine. 346 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,440 A friend took me, waited around and they'll bring me back. 347 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,520 I'm so sorry. Don't be silly. 348 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,960 You're the one who's working. 349 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:28,240 I'm just swanning around being a burden on the NHS. 350 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:30,520 OK. See you, Mum. Bye, love. 351 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,080 SHE SIGHS 352 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,560 LAUGHTER 353 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,480 I haven't had this much fun in ages. 354 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,040 We are having fun, aren't we? We are. 355 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,840 I might start crying again in a moment if that's OK. 356 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:48,440 Oh, of course. Cry away, Tom. We don't mind. 357 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,720 Crying is the debt one owes to laughter. Who said that? 358 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,480 It's from a poem I wrote about clowns when I was 22. 359 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:58,480 It's very profound. Thanks. The lamb tagine is lovely, Cass. 360 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,760 It all is. And the Popchips. 361 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,440 Thanks. Tagines are just great, aren't they? 362 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,960 My mum has at least five different tagines she uses. 363 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:10,200 My mum, too! She's tagine crazy. Too many tagines! 364 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:11,760 THEY LAUGH 365 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,280 This is almost exactly how I pictured being a student would be. 366 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:17,320 TOM WAILS 367 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,640 Hummus, Tom? 368 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:20,920 Thanks. 369 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,040 I love dips. 370 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,960 And I've got a friend, Sally. 371 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,160 She's not a student, but she acts like one. 372 00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,400 And I loved History of Art, session three, so much 373 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,720 that I'm gonna sign up for more A-Levels 374 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:34,680 and apply to uni, be a proper student. 375 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,840 Wow. You're moving on. 376 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:40,280 Yeah, I think Mum's finally ready to fly the nest, bless her. 377 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,080 I've done what I can. Tring's the trigger. 378 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,520 New lives all round. 379 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,160 I don't know why anyone wants to go to university. 380 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,320 The fees! 381 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,800 You're 60 grand in debt before you know it. 382 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,400 Well, it's a springboard, isn't it? And a step ladder. 383 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,080 I mean, not at the same time - that'd be a deathtrap. 384 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,760 Knowledge and learning are wonderful things. 385 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,680 Times change, though, Cass. 386 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,960 We've all got access to Wikipedia now. 387 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,400 Ask me anything. 388 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,560 What's the smallest duck in the world? 389 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,840 What's the biggest duck in the world? Hairiest baby? 390 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,600 Who invented Scart leads? Love Scart. Solid. 391 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,560 Like Stickle Bricks, no fucking about. 392 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,520 DOOR OPENS Hey. 393 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,920 Ah! Eh, my husband. 394 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:22,680 Still feels weird to say it. Well, it is weird, Geoff. 395 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:25,600 You're two heterosexual men married for immigration purposes. 396 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,640 Yeah, fair enough, I suppose. Hmm. 397 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,840 Hey, Geoff, I looked into the Government's rewilding programme. 398 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,520 Oh, yeah, interesting? 399 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:36,600 Government pays you not to farm, to let nature take its course 400 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,280 and encouraging nature, wildlife, uh, like, uh, deer, 401 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:41,480 pine martens, wild boar... 402 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:43,280 Right all them cunts, got you. 403 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:44,720 Pays really well. 404 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:48,320 And we can sell off all the farm machinery and vehicles. 405 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,200 Great. Sounds perfect. 406 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,720 Can you sort out the admin and paperwork and whatnot? 407 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,840 Does my head in. Sure. Leave it with me. 408 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,160 The rinse aid guy has just been. 409 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,400 Brilliant. You off on a cycle? 410 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,760 Yes, Poirot. I am. Have a good one. 411 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,240 Thank you. 412 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:21,680 Is it you? You look debauched. 413 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:27,840 Or is it you? 414 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:32,040 You enormously furtive man. 415 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,320 TRICKLING 416 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,800 HE GAGS 417 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:02,360 Ha, caught you! 418 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,360 That's rinse aid, you sweaty pissing fuck! 419 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:06,720 You're drinking rinse aid. 420 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:11,560 Enjoy your shiny shits, you thieving fucking dog! 421 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,720 What have you done? 422 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,360 I've protected my property, 423 00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:18,280 as is my right in common law as an Englishman. You're insane. 424 00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:22,360 No, I'm reliant on alcohol, trying to disguise that fact from my family 425 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:26,440 and you've stolen my only source of the drug to which I'm addicted. 426 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,000 That's sane as balls. 427 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:29,600 Hang on, you stay there. 428 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:30,840 I'm calling the police. 429 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,080 You've tried to poison me. No, I didn't. 430 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:35,720 I'm an eccentric man who, as well as vodka, 431 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:39,400 leaves his rinse aid in bushes, so he's always got some spare. 432 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,160 You poisoned yourself. 433 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,880 You keep bottles of vodka hidden in hedges? 434 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,440 Sure. Oh, Stephen. It's no big deal. 435 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,480 It's just some hedge vodka. 436 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,920 Uh, I've suddenly realised now I say it 437 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,800 that the words "hedge vodka" 438 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:56,160 don't sound great, so let's just call it outdoor vodka. 439 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,680 All right, for some reason that doesn't sound good either. 440 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,160 Uh, normal vodka. 441 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,920 OK, not that. Vodka. 442 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,640 Look, let's just imagine I'd said vodka. 443 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,000 Although, now even vodka doesn't sound great. 444 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,000 I really thought you'd kicked the booze, Stephen. 445 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,800 Look, I don't like my brain. 446 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,480 I want it to feel different. 447 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,640 I only drink because it's the easiest way to do that. 448 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:19,800 If they did yoghurt with morphine in it, I'd have that instead. 449 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,640 I'm a victim of other people's lack of imagination. 450 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:23,680 Full name please, sir. 451 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,480 He was drinking the hedge vodka, too. 452 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,680 Joggy Johnson there. 453 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,880 Why am I the only freak? Name please, sir. 454 00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,000 Stephen Richard Nichols. 455 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,640 I thought he was normal again. 456 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,280 I thought he'd turned a corner, but he'd turned two more corners 457 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,120 and ended up back where he started. 458 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,000 Maybe Tring is the answer. 459 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,760 If I go away with you to wherever Tring is... 460 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,480 Hertfordshire. And Cass goes away to study, 461 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,360 and maybe if Geoff gets his rewilding money 462 00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,840 and moves away, then perhaps Stephen will find some get-up-and-go. 463 00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:04,240 And she said he actually looked like a bald Iris Murdoch. 464 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,960 Wow, that's a powerful look. 465 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,280 You don't have to pretend you weren't talking about me. 466 00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:12,440 I've disappointed you, I know. 467 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,600 I'm not disappointed. 468 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,280 I'm concerned for you, for your health. 469 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:17,840 You should maybe get some help. 470 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,800 I got help, remember? It didn't help. 471 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,120 I'll find a way through. 472 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:24,760 Don't worry about me. 473 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,720 OK, fine. We won't worry. 474 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,400 SCRATCHING 475 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:30,440 Post. 476 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,840 It is just milk. Good. 477 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,160 That's a blessing. 478 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,600 He's not getting miniatures sent in a Jiffy bag, is he? 479 00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,320 So all's still in Geoff's name? Seemingly. 480 00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:56,160 Farm, farmhouse, he rents an extra field, but all in his sole name. 481 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,560 Luca not mentioned. 482 00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,120 Hmm, I still don't trust him. 483 00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,440 Something's going on. 484 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:03,000 What makes you so sure? 485 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,040 Look, I'm not stupid. 486 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,400 I know what Stephen thinks of me and what you think of me. 487 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:12,200 Bottom line is I know what a liar looks like 488 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:19,680 because sometimes to survive in care and beyond I've...lied. 489 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,640 OK. 490 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,200 What about? 491 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:24,960 Nothing big. 492 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,720 Maybe I've finessed a past job 493 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,200 to make it seem more important than it was. 494 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:34,920 My point is I can spot a liar a mile off, and Luca's a liar. 495 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,200 OK, well, I appreciate your honesty. 496 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:41,000 About the lying. 497 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,640 I appreciate your appreciation. No lie. 498 00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:46,840 Well, look, I, uh, I should head off. 499 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:50,000 Oh, Wendy dropped this in my car last Friday. 500 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,760 Um, didn't know if she needed it. Mum? 501 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,280 Yeah, she called to ask if I'd take her up to the hospital. 502 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:56,600 You were working. 503 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,080 On the Geoff thing that you asked me to work on. 504 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:00,560 I hope you don't mind. 505 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:04,160 No... No. Thanks for doing it. 506 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:09,080 I'm not imposing or anything? No. Not at all. Great. 507 00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:11,360 She's a lovely woman. 508 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,120 I bet she's a great mum. 509 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,400 She is. My mum. 510 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:17,680 My lovely mum. 511 00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:26,400 # He's evil, he's evil 512 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:30,240 # He's evil, he's evil, he's evil 513 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:34,040 # He's evil, he's evil 514 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:39,600 # He's evil, he's evil, he's evil 515 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,320 # He's got wit, he's got charm But when he gets rough... # 516 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:46,360 Subtitles by Red Bee Media