-- So you're getting a rescue dog. --Well, Peggy's an ex-working dog.
Recently very neglected.
But she can spend her well-earned retirement being fussed over by me.
Affection and support, that's what's needed.
Validation.
-- Agreed.
But what about the dog?
I-I was implying a parallel between... -- No, I know.
-- So sorry to ask this, but are we back together?
-- Sure, I guess, why not?
-- Terrific.
We could break the journey and hole up in a roadside motel.
Give false names and order in pizza.
-- It's only a four-hour drive.
Look, let's concentrate on the job in hand -
finding Andrew's birth mother and using her to emotionally
and mentally crush him to dust.
-- Yes. Let's do it!
Road trip to mind fuck central.
-- Woohoo!
I'm Thelma. -- And I'm Louise.
I think I liked it better when we were Bonnie and Clyde.
-- So just to clarify,
Stephen as my best man?
-- Is that OK? -- No, sure.
Brilliant.
-- I think it'll be good for him.
-- And Cass is still definitely giving you away?
-- Oh, she really wants to.
Says it'll fuck the patriarchy in the balls.
-- Can you fuck something in the balls?
I mean, bum hole I'm aware of but...
-- I hope you don't feel left out, Andrew, wedding wise.
-- Not at all, happy to be invited.
-- I feel bad leaving for Tring.
I hope you'll be OK when I'm gone.
-- Well, I'm gonna miss you, Ellen, hugely, course I will, but...
Well, Tring calls, you have to follow.
-- I suppose you'll still have Wendy.
-- Right.
Yes.
-- Sorry, it's quite frothy.
-- When you're ready, Wendy.
-- Yeah. Ooh.
I did tilt the glass, but it maybe wasn't quite at the right angle.
I don't mean right angle as in 90 degrees,
I mean the correct angle - 45 degrees, is it?
Or less? Not less, uh, fewer?
-- Soon as you like, Wend!
-- Uh, yeah. --And a vodka Red Bull, please.
-- Red Bull, is that a wine?
-- No, energy drink.
-- What on earth's an energy drink? Like Ovaltine, do you mean?
-- I'll get it, Wendy.
-- Anyone fancy selling an angry farmer a drink?
-- With you in a second, chief.
Andrew, uh, I know Wendy wanted a job
and it's kind of you to give her this opportunity, but...
-- It's not really working out, is it?
-- No. CLATTERING AND SPLASHING
She's - and I don't mean this unkindly - shit.
-- Yeah, she's not quite doing it, is she?
-- Geoff needs a fucking drink!
-- It's like we're cops, isn't it?
They get out of the car like this.
Slam the door.
Stand still for a bit. Look around.
Adjust the waistband.
It's times like this I wish I smoked.
-- We should have badges we can flick open.
-- My leisure centre card comes in a little leatherette wallet,
but sadly it's in my other jacket.
So which one's Andrew's mum's?
-- Uh, 86 Eversleigh Close.
-- There it is.
Are we doing this?
-- We're doing this. --CAR DOOR LOCK BEEPS
No, I assure you.
-- I am just not interested in becoming a Jehovah's witness.
-- We're here about Andrew.
-- Andrew? -- I know.
A blast from the past.
-- Prince Andrew?
-- No, your son Andrew.
-- I don't have a son.
-- You're not Sarah Donnelly?
-- No.
Oh, she did live here before us, took the light bulbs.
Should've seen the state of the garden.
-- Do you know where we'd be able to find her?
-- No, sorry.
-- Would anyone else know?
-- Old George might.
Now, he was very pally with the whole Donnelly clan.
Odd jobs, all that.
Go and see Old George.
-- And where could we find Old George?
-- I'm not sure these days.
Jake Adams could tell you, though.
-- Uh, OK. I think you might be able to anticipate my next question.
Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons?
Well, it's exactly like this, but you don't have to leave the house.
-- We've almost found her.
-- I bet this Jake Adams will give us a riddle that leads us
to Tall Kenny who sends us to Obese Paul who tells us
we have to journey across the mountains to retrieve
the chalice of destiny
from the chief ombudsman of the fucking Wombles.
Hi, we're looking for Jake Adams.
-- You police?
-- No, no, we're not the police.
-- Although I do work in the law.
-- She is a law woman. -- Oh, right.
That's him over there.
-- Hi, Jake. We're looking for Old George.
We think he might be able to help us with our enquiries.
-- Old George?
-- Yes, uh, Old George.
Do you have any idea where he might live,
or do you know friends of his, acquaintances?
Any leads at all would be a great help.
-- I'll make a call.
-- Thanks.
-- George, mate, could you come to till five, please?
That's till five.
-- Thanks.
-- I just feel you're not happy, Wendy.
-- Very perceptive as usual, Andrew.
I'm not.
I think we've made a mistake.
-- Are you sure?
-- No, no, I...
I'm confused.
Phil called.
He's on a tour of Dunkirk.
He doesn't like it.
He wants to come home, and I want him home.
-- So you think you guys should get back together?
-- I-I don't know.
Should we?
-- That's not my decision to make, Wendy, that's yours and Phil's.
-- Oh. -- Although, I did think you'd made your decision.
-- Oh, no, I know.
Sorry.
-- Are you still in love with Phil? --Y-Yes.
I think.
What do you think? Yes or no?
Am I? I-I think I am.
-- Wendy, if you wanna get back with Phil, just do it.
This doesn't have to be some huge epic drama. -- OK.
-- Now, let's get your husband back from Dunkirk.
-- Finish this off, Sarah, then you should take your break.
-- Thanks, will do.
-- S-Sarah?
-- Yeah?
-- My name's Alison, and this is Stephen, my friend.
-- Boyfriend. Hi. -- Right.
-- We have a mutual friend.
-- Who's that, then? -- Andrew.
-- No, can't think of an Andrew.
-- Your son?
-- I haven't got a son called Andrew.
-- Fuck Old George.
-- Are you sure?
-- Uh, I know how many children I've got, thanks.
-- No, of course. Sorry.
-- Yeah. Sorry to bother you.
-- Is he all right?
This Andrew?
-- Why would you want to know that?
-- His actual name is Chris.
I think he took to calling himself Andrew after we...
Well, it's his middle name.
Is he OK?
He's not ill? -- He's fine.
Uh, are you free to chat?
-- I just can't shake this Luca business.
The betrayal. And it's got me thinking about my late Lily,
my proper partner.
You know she's in that old picturesque bit of the cemetery?
I bought the plot next to Lily's years ago for when I pass,
but a guy's been in touch asking if I'd flog it to him.
-- Sell it.
-- But that'd mean he'd with Lily for eternity.
-- Only his bones, Jan.
I mean initially his flesh, but not for long.
I'm tempted.
I need the money.
But Lily was my one true love.
-- Have you not had a serious relationship since Lily went?
-- Not really.
I had a brief dalliance with the woman who used to collect
bull semen from my farm.
Very strong wrists.
I used to get her to open all my jars.
After she washed her hands, of course. -- Well, of course.
-- And she was the only one who could get my lawnmower started.
-- Aw.
-- So you don't wanna see Andrew? Sorry - Chris.
Not even to say hi?
-- No. Sorry.
It sounds harsh, but it wouldn't do either of us any good.
I was a kid when I had him.
My life was in turmoil.
I tried having him back, and it didn't work.
He was better off without me, and I was better off without him.
-- So, you definitely don't want to see him?
-- No. Sorry.
I don't want to see him,
and I don't particularly want to see you two either.
Now, time's up.
Fuck off.
-- No, she really, really wants to see you.
-- How did she find me?
-- She checked with all the places she definitely remembered
you'd been fostered and,
because Alison dealt with Laurie's will,
she got in touch.
-- OK.
-- The bottom line is your birth mother has reached out
and wants desperately to see you, if that's what you want.
-- I'm feeling a bit ambushed here.
You seem keen for me to see her.
-- Oh, look no, no, no.
Neither keen nor unkeen, I'm neutral -
pH7, like Laura Kuenssberg.
-- Where are you at the moment?
-- I'm crossing a busy road,
so I-I'd better look both ways and listen.
Bye!
Is this wrong? It...it seems a bit wrong.
-- My parents were happily married for 43 years.
Andrew broke them up - for sport.
For a game.
You spent months being treated for acute mental distress,
which he initiated - deliberately.
And the fucker killed Maureen.
He's the devil.
-- You're right.
And we're gonna destroy him.
-- Andrew's on the hook.
We're gonna reel him in, stun him and gut him.
-- Like a fish.
-- You didn't need to add that.
-- MOTOR REVS
Hey, everyone. This is Peggy.
-- Hello, Peggy. -- Peggy.
Oh, what a sweetheart.
-- She's an ex-working dog.
-- Prostitute?
-- What was her job? Drug sniffing?
-- Bio detection.
She used to work in a private hospital. -- Bio detection?
What's that when it's at home?
-- She used to sniff out various cancers in people.
She was never wrong, apparently.
-- Alison, Alison. It's your dad.
He's in a cab at the station.
-- Put him on speaker.
-- ..I'm looking forward to seeing you.
Nearly home now. What a prize idiot I've been.
Like I said in my text,
I...I never really wanted to have sex with other women.
I couldn't have managed it anyway.
-- No, your poor knees.
-- Well, that's generous of you.
I was thinking penis.
-- Dad, Dad you're on speaker.
-- Am I? Oh, fuck nuts.
Oh, penis.
-- Dad, you're still on speaker.
-- Tits. Am I still?
Oh, God, I've just said tits as well now.
Shall I stop talking?
-- It's OK, love.
No, it's just me now.
So when will you get here?
-- So, so have you thought any more about going to see your mum?
She...she was very keen to see you.
"I'd love to see Chris", she said.
What...what do you think? Road trip?
Get...get some closure?
-- I don't need closure and I don't need to see my mum.
-- You can't sell the plot next to Lily.
I'm holding up a red card, Geoff,
and what is red the international symbol for?
-- Plain crisps. -- It means stop.
Stop thinking about selling the plot.
Even though you and Lily had a combative relationship,
you loved each other.
-- What do you mean combative?
-- What were Lily's final words to you on her death bed?
-- She told me to fuck off.
-- Lily's final words on this Earth.
-- Were, "Fuck off, Geoff", yes.
-- Because you'd told her, on her death bed, that you'd had a big think
and you decided that you probably would get married again
to a younger more fertile woman
so you could have the children that you and she had never had.
-- In retrospect, it was poorly timed.
But I never did have kids,
so she's had the last laugh.
Miss you, babe.
-- Ooh, is the hot chocolate machine working, Jan?
-- Certainly is. Two?
-- With marshmallows and sprinkles and all the trimmings, please.
-- DOG WHINES LIGHTLY
-- Oh, how lovely.
Hello.
Ooh, hello, sweetheart.
Ah is this yours, Alison?
Oh, you're very beautiful.
Dogs don't usually like me.
What?
-- Sorry, Julian, I've searched high and low for sprinkles
but I'm fucked if I can find any.
-- SHE LAUGHS
Uh, I'm going to see her now, Mum.
Yeah.
Will do.
How is chemo?
Right.
I'm sorry.
-- Two sugars.
-- Thanks.
-- The same as me.
Not many folk left who have sugar in their tea.
-- Why do people who no longer take sugar always
evangelise like born-again Christians?
-- I know, "You can really taste the tea, just give it two weeks".
-- Twats.
-- I'm really glad you came round, Stephen.
-- I...I just thought that...
..I...I...I'm your big brother and...and this is huge.
And...and I should be a shoulder to cry on.
-- That's very sweet.
-- And...and I...
..I know that Mum would...would want me to...
HE SOBS
-- It's OK.
-- Sorry. -- It's OK.
-- No, it's not.
-- You should let it out.
-- I should keep it in.
I'm not normally good at letting it out.
-- You're doing great.
-- HE STARTS CRYING
-- I'm sorry. This isn't helping.
-- Hello, Stephen.
I think I'm ready to go and see my mum.
"Sorry", that's what I want to hear.
Sorry she gave me away.
That she gave up on me
and just to acknowledge that she was my mum, you know?
And that part of her might regret that she didn't see me
growing up and part of her might...might still love me.
-- No, that seems...
That...does seem like an important thing to hear.
Text me as soon as you get this.
I've had a road-to-Damascus moment on the A46.
This is all wrong, Alison.
Uh, all wrong.
We...we've turned into Andrew.
Uh, a two-headed, multi-limbed hermaphrodite Andrew.
We can't do this to him.
It'll destroy him.
I...I need to talk to his mum and try and turn this around.
I...I'll just pop in to make sure Sarah's there
and let her know you've come to see her. -- OK.
-- Back soon.
Sh...she'll be pleased to see you, don't you worry.
-- Because I don't want to.
Why should I?
-- Because he's your son.
-- I'd be lying though.
I don't regret what I did.
It was the best decision under impossible circumstances.
-- Can't you just say it? Uh, apologise?
-- Uh, nothing to apologise for.
Seriously. You are not going to guilt trip me about this.
-- Act it, pr...pretend.
-- £79.90, please, my love.
I don't even know you.
You barge into my life, ordering me about.
What's in it for me?
-- I...I'll...I'll pay you.
-- How much?
-- 150. -- 200.
-- 160. -- 190.
-- 175. -- Done.
-- Haven't got any cash.
-- We do cashback.
-- OK I'll...I'll have £175 cashback.
-- You need to buy something first.
-- We...we need dog biscuits.
-- Aisle nine.
-- Well?
-- She apologised.
She said part of her regretted giving me away
and not seeing me grow up and she would always be my mum.
-- Good, great.
That's great.
-- How much did you pay her?
-- 175.
Thanks.
MESSAGE TONE
It's Cass.
Mum and Julian want to bring forward their engagement party.
Mum's not feeling great.
-- Uh, so we've decided the wedding will be in a week's time.
Register office, not church, no flowers, minimal everything.
-- Just keeping it simple.
-- We just want to get married.
-- Oh, yes. -- They're very much in love.
-- OK.
-- What does that mean?
-- Do I have to be the one who says it?
-- Seemingly.
-- OK, if Mum is in danger and...and she marries Julian...
-- Oh, God is this a money thing?
Stephen.
-- All I'm saying is there's a possibility
they'll be married in a few days.
Maybe for just a matter of weeks,
and then Julian could get everything.
Pub, house, the jackpot.
-- I don't want to have this conversation.
-- I...I feel like the worst person in the world
but I mean, has Mum made a will?
-- I presume she's made a will.
-- Presumption butters no parsnips.
-- What? -- Uh, I...I don't know.
I...I just think we need to talk about this urgently.
Julian could get everything.
-- Hang on.
You don't think...
-- What?
-- That he suspected she had cancer from the beginning
and this is all a plan?
-- Fuck.
Maybe.
You meet a shit load of ill people, if you're a vicar.
You'd get to know the signs.
-- So do we need to stop Julian marrying Ellen?
-- Andrew, Stephen, woo.
Ah, I...I just wanted to say I love Julian and I want to marry him.
But that doesn't mean that I don't still love Laurie
and I think about him every day.
And I love you three.
And I hope you'll be happy for me.
-- We are. -- Very happy.
-- Yes.
-- But I don't want glum faces.
I've no intention of dying any time soon.
-- ALL LIGHTLY: -- Hooray.
-- Oh, Geoff, put on your lovely 70's playlist, yes.
-- All right.
-- Stephen, pop up to my room and get my cannabis resin
and tobacco, would you, sweetheart?
-- MUSIC: Tiny Dancer by Elton John
-- Please.
Oh.
This is nice.
-- # Blue-jean baby
# LA lady
# Seamstress for the band... #
CHURCH BELL TOLLS So...
I don't know what to say.
Of course.
I didn't know what to say to my dead dad
and I don't know what to say to my dead mum.
-- Be in the moment.
Just blurt out what you feel.
-- OK.
Panic.
Cold.
Trousers too thin.
Hungry.
Feet hurt.
Hate funerals.
Hate myself.
-- Just say you love her.
For your own sake.
I'm being straight with you here, no games.
Please.
-- I love you, Mum.
-- I love you too, Mum.
-- Love you, Mum.
I'll miss you.
Good to see you again.
-- # Hold me closer, tiny dancer
# Count the headlights on the highway
# Lay me down in sheets of linen
# You had a busy day today
# Hold me closer, tiny dancer
# Count the headlights on the highway... #
Subtitles by Red Bee Media