1 00:00:01,344 --> 00:00:04,143 - You close with your family? - We get on with it. 2 00:00:04,144 --> 00:00:05,743 I have this amazing new partner out there. 3 00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:07,303 He's really pushed the company forward. 4 00:00:07,304 --> 00:00:08,623 She's commuting from Finland. 5 00:00:08,624 --> 00:00:10,823 - Any friends? - Sorry? 6 00:00:10,824 --> 00:00:13,343 - Does your little cafe do canapes? - Yeah, it totally could. 7 00:00:13,344 --> 00:00:14,983 And I will hire you to do the canapes. 8 00:00:14,984 --> 00:00:17,816 Just... a girl with no friends and an empty heart? 9 00:00:17,841 --> 00:00:20,449 - By your own description. - I have friends. 10 00:00:20,474 --> 00:00:21,902 Oh, have you got to go back to Finland again? 11 00:00:21,927 --> 00:00:24,527 - No, Finland are coming here. - Oh! That's easier for you. 12 00:00:24,551 --> 00:00:26,790 Sex didn't bring anything... good. 13 00:00:26,791 --> 00:00:29,030 And what have you found in your abstinence? 14 00:00:29,031 --> 00:00:30,550 Oh, God, I fancy a priest. 15 00:00:30,551 --> 00:00:31,830 Thank you so much for helping. 16 00:00:31,831 --> 00:00:34,156 Father, we have a cupcake situation over here! 17 00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:35,870 - Okay, Pam! - Arm touch. 18 00:00:35,871 --> 00:00:37,329 - I'm sorry for your loss. - What? 19 00:00:37,353 --> 00:00:38,510 Your baby. 20 00:00:38,511 --> 00:00:39,550 Does Martin know? 21 00:00:39,551 --> 00:00:41,179 You're not supposed to tell anyone for the first twelve... 22 00:00:41,204 --> 00:00:42,218 You can tell the father. 23 00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:44,510 - Yes, Father? - Come on, have a read. 24 00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:47,470 And if you ever want to talk about stuff, I'm here, you know. 25 00:00:47,471 --> 00:00:49,511 You can come whenever you want. 26 00:00:50,631 --> 00:00:52,590 I'd like you to come. 27 00:00:52,591 --> 00:00:53,631 If it helps. 28 00:00:56,303 --> 00:00:59,432 [HOLY MUSIC] 29 00:01:06,911 --> 00:01:08,071 [SHE GASPS] 31 00:01:14,551 --> 00:01:15,710 Just don't... 32 00:01:15,711 --> 00:01:18,550 ...talk too much or try to pretend you know anything about the company. 33 00:01:18,551 --> 00:01:20,950 - Okay. - And don't be funny or clever or... 34 00:01:20,951 --> 00:01:22,710 Just don't be the centre of attention. 35 00:01:22,711 --> 00:01:24,834 These people are very important to me, so just don't... 36 00:01:24,858 --> 00:01:27,420 - Okay. - ...don't be yourself. 37 00:01:28,431 --> 00:01:29,471 I won't. 38 00:01:32,731 --> 00:01:34,911 - [FLEABAG BREAKS WIND] - For fuck's sake! 39 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,482 I know people in this building, anyone could come... 40 00:01:40,507 --> 00:01:41,907 [LIFT PINGS] 41 00:01:42,831 --> 00:01:44,655 - Hi, Claire. - Hello, Leslie. 42 00:01:50,551 --> 00:01:52,507 [LESLIE SNIFFS] 43 00:01:53,711 --> 00:01:56,113 Oh, that's lovely. What is that? 44 00:01:59,391 --> 00:02:00,670 We have a load of vegetarians, 45 00:02:00,695 --> 00:02:02,418 so make sure it's clear which ones have meat in them. 46 00:02:02,442 --> 00:02:03,377 Loves a crisis. 47 00:02:03,402 --> 00:02:04,835 We have a couple of waitresses for the drinks, 48 00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:06,265 so if you could hand round the food... 49 00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:08,429 Put her in a quiet room with a nice breeze, she'll have a panic attack. 50 00:02:08,454 --> 00:02:10,476 - Where is everyone? - She's so happy. 51 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,381 God, this is stressful. 52 00:02:13,031 --> 00:02:15,390 Don't be weird about how big my office is. 53 00:02:15,391 --> 00:02:17,110 What the fuck? 54 00:02:17,111 --> 00:02:18,510 - I know. - Are you a...? 55 00:02:18,511 --> 00:02:20,310 It's over the top, I know. 56 00:02:20,311 --> 00:02:21,750 Okay. Put them on the table. 57 00:02:21,751 --> 00:02:22,910 Not that table. 58 00:02:22,911 --> 00:02:25,230 - Ooh. You okay? - Of course. 59 00:02:25,231 --> 00:02:27,430 It's just that it's a big night and the Finnish partners 60 00:02:27,431 --> 00:02:29,550 are here, so it's all a bit... 61 00:02:29,551 --> 00:02:31,750 - Oh, check the award. - Why? 62 00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:34,310 Just to make sure it's not pink or anything horrifically female. 63 00:02:34,311 --> 00:02:35,350 She'll loathe that. 64 00:02:35,351 --> 00:02:37,390 Be careful with it. It's worth thousands. 65 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,150 - It's not pink. - Good. 66 00:02:39,151 --> 00:02:40,790 It's perfect. It looks like a sperm. 67 00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:42,670 - Your hair looks nice. - Shut up. 68 00:02:42,671 --> 00:02:43,710 Okay. 69 00:02:43,711 --> 00:02:45,470 Don't sit on that! 70 00:02:45,471 --> 00:02:47,310 Okay, put those on the posh plates. 71 00:02:47,311 --> 00:02:48,790 Put the award behind the microphone. 72 00:02:48,791 --> 00:02:49,831 Oh, and, um... 73 00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,390 ...thank you. 74 00:02:57,391 --> 00:02:59,070 You've really, uh... 75 00:02:59,071 --> 00:03:00,151 Thank you. 76 00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:03,911 Don't play with that. 77 00:03:09,671 --> 00:03:11,871 Oh, that's heavy. Argh! 78 00:03:15,191 --> 00:03:17,830 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck... 79 00:03:17,831 --> 00:03:19,472 God... 80 00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:22,391 [BELL TOLLS] 81 00:03:30,591 --> 00:03:31,671 [SHE GASPS] 82 00:03:39,751 --> 00:03:41,110 [INDISTINCT CHATTER] 83 00:03:41,111 --> 00:03:43,111 Excuse me, excuse me... 84 00:03:48,351 --> 00:03:49,391 [SHE SIGHS] 85 00:03:57,751 --> 00:03:58,873 Where have you been? 86 00:03:58,897 --> 00:04:00,294 Sorry, I had to get the vegetarian bites. 87 00:04:00,319 --> 00:04:01,600 But it's all fine. You're going to love them. 88 00:04:01,624 --> 00:04:03,190 You're sweating so much. 89 00:04:03,191 --> 00:04:04,710 - Sorry. - It's attention grabbing. 90 00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:05,831 It's only on one side. 91 00:04:07,031 --> 00:04:09,950 Um, sorry, this is Sylvia. 92 00:04:09,951 --> 00:04:11,950 She's going to be presenting the award, so... 93 00:04:11,951 --> 00:04:13,790 ...when you hear me introduce her, get on the stage. 94 00:04:13,791 --> 00:04:15,990 - Hi. - Has this got shellfish in it? 95 00:04:15,991 --> 00:04:17,910 - No. - Fine. 96 00:04:17,911 --> 00:04:20,790 Four CEOs have been fired. Two are being taken to court. 97 00:04:20,791 --> 00:04:23,590 I mean, it's just sad. We felt like a family. 98 00:04:23,591 --> 00:04:25,990 Yeah. Especially sad when you have to tell your family not to 99 00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:27,910 touch each other up by the photocopier. 100 00:04:27,911 --> 00:04:29,191 [THEY LAUGH] 101 00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,470 - Stop making jokes. - I'm sorry, I can't help it. 102 00:04:32,471 --> 00:04:34,630 Well, you can. Oh, Belinda's coming. 103 00:04:34,631 --> 00:04:36,310 Don't speak to Belinda. 104 00:04:36,311 --> 00:04:39,390 - Hello, Claire. - Hello, Belinda. 105 00:04:39,391 --> 00:04:41,270 - God, you're tasteful. - Mmm. 106 00:04:41,271 --> 00:04:42,311 Oh, are these meaty? 107 00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,384 Say something. 108 00:04:49,408 --> 00:04:50,586 No, I think they have courgette in them. 109 00:04:50,611 --> 00:04:52,590 Oh, I love courgette. 110 00:04:52,591 --> 00:04:55,923 You can treat them appallingly and they still grow. 111 00:04:59,871 --> 00:05:02,510 - She seems lovely. - Yeah, she's great. 112 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:05,310 - So, who are you so nervous about? - I'm not nervous. 113 00:05:05,311 --> 00:05:06,470 I'm being completely... 114 00:05:06,471 --> 00:05:07,590 Claire! 115 00:05:07,591 --> 00:05:09,088 Oh! Hi! 116 00:05:09,113 --> 00:05:12,230 Oh! God, sorry. I'm so glad you could come. 117 00:05:12,231 --> 00:05:14,310 Of course. It's my job. 118 00:05:14,311 --> 00:05:16,260 This is my catering. She's the sister. 119 00:05:16,284 --> 00:05:17,244 Hi. 120 00:05:17,245 --> 00:05:20,230 I ate a sausage over there thinking it was a prune. 121 00:05:20,231 --> 00:05:23,270 15 years of vegetarianism, gone! Like bang, bang! 122 00:05:23,271 --> 00:05:24,750 [THEY LAUGH] 123 00:05:24,751 --> 00:05:25,944 We do actually call them bangers. 124 00:05:25,969 --> 00:05:27,830 Ah, that's funny! 125 00:05:27,831 --> 00:05:29,334 Yes, it was. 126 00:05:30,791 --> 00:05:32,550 So, how do you two know each other? 127 00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:34,230 BOTH: We are partners... 128 00:05:34,231 --> 00:05:35,443 - Business partners. - Yes. 129 00:05:35,468 --> 00:05:37,054 She's been working with me in Finland. 130 00:05:37,078 --> 00:05:37,990 - Yes! - And... 131 00:05:38,015 --> 00:05:40,150 - We don't get to see each other that much. - No, exactly. 132 00:05:40,151 --> 00:05:41,750 - I'm a big fan. - I'm a huge... 133 00:05:41,751 --> 00:05:43,537 Thank you... admirer. 134 00:05:46,551 --> 00:05:48,910 I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything? 135 00:05:48,911 --> 00:05:50,750 Oh, champagne, please. 136 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,470 Oh, off the wagon? 137 00:05:52,471 --> 00:05:54,110 Just when I'm with you. 138 00:05:54,111 --> 00:05:55,590 [THEY LAUGH] 139 00:05:55,591 --> 00:05:57,870 Let's go fucking crazy tonight, then. 140 00:05:57,871 --> 00:05:59,630 Hmm? 141 00:05:59,655 --> 00:06:02,861 - What did you say? - No, no, I... I was... 142 00:06:02,886 --> 00:06:04,830 - No, what did you say? - Oh, just... 143 00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:08,550 I just said, "Let's go fuck like crazy tonight." 144 00:06:09,111 --> 00:06:10,390 Oh, God. 145 00:06:10,391 --> 00:06:11,751 Okay! 146 00:06:14,511 --> 00:06:15,871 [NERVOUS LAUGHTER] 147 00:06:21,751 --> 00:06:24,411 - Shut up. - Oh, my God! 148 00:06:24,436 --> 00:06:27,491 He is a very good businessman. He's just socially sort of... 149 00:06:27,516 --> 00:06:29,093 - What's...? - Shut up. 150 00:06:29,118 --> 00:06:30,247 Claire! 151 00:06:30,272 --> 00:06:32,024 Please don't, please don't. I can't cope. 152 00:06:32,048 --> 00:06:34,048 - Okay? - Okay. 153 00:06:34,111 --> 00:06:35,351 What's his name? 154 00:06:36,991 --> 00:06:38,271 What's his name? 155 00:06:39,711 --> 00:06:40,991 Klare. 156 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,630 What? 157 00:06:45,631 --> 00:06:47,790 His name is Klare. 158 00:06:47,791 --> 00:06:49,231 Don't. 159 00:06:50,447 --> 00:06:53,911 Oh, God, I have to announce. Okay, mingle, but don't talk to anyone. 160 00:06:53,936 --> 00:06:55,617 - Okay. - I'm not in love with him. 161 00:06:55,641 --> 00:06:57,359 Okay. 162 00:07:02,991 --> 00:07:07,404 Hi, everyone. I am very proud to announce the nominees 163 00:07:07,429 --> 00:07:11,404 for the Women in Business Awards, sponsored by us here at Hurbots. 164 00:07:11,429 --> 00:07:16,397 Amongst our exceptional women, we have Georgina Franks. 165 00:07:16,452 --> 00:07:18,607 [APPLAUSE] 166 00:07:18,831 --> 00:07:20,427 Belinda Friers. 167 00:07:22,591 --> 00:07:24,990 And another extraordinary woman... 168 00:07:24,991 --> 00:07:26,631 ...Klare Korhonen. 169 00:07:29,471 --> 00:07:32,470 Sorry, I think there's been a mistake, here. 170 00:07:32,471 --> 00:07:33,871 Elizabeth Sawkin. 171 00:07:37,431 --> 00:07:39,030 Congratulations to you all. 172 00:07:39,031 --> 00:07:42,377 Have a wonderful evening. We'll be presenting the award very soon. 173 00:07:42,402 --> 00:07:45,121 I'm going to introduce Sylvia, who's going to introduce Belinda. 174 00:07:45,146 --> 00:07:47,310 When you hear me introducing Sylvia, get her on stage. 175 00:07:47,311 --> 00:07:49,510 - It has to go like cockwork. - Like what? 176 00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,033 Cockwork. 177 00:07:51,057 --> 00:07:52,310 Claire, your brain is somewhere else right now. 178 00:07:52,311 --> 00:07:54,070 Sylvia, go! 179 00:07:54,071 --> 00:07:55,990 Sylvia! 180 00:07:55,991 --> 00:07:57,991 [SHE VOMITS] 181 00:08:01,431 --> 00:08:03,560 Crap. 182 00:08:03,585 --> 00:08:07,350 A huge thanks to Matthew, Mark, Luke and John for coming up 183 00:08:07,375 --> 00:08:10,341 with this award. And to LinkedIn for connecting us all 184 00:08:10,366 --> 00:08:11,864 this evening and beyond. 185 00:08:11,865 --> 00:08:15,384 I am so excited to introduce Sylvia Hamburg, 186 00:08:15,385 --> 00:08:17,584 this year's winner of Women Who Work, 187 00:08:17,585 --> 00:08:20,984 who will announce this year's Best Woman in Business. 188 00:08:20,985 --> 00:08:22,464 Sylvia. 189 00:08:22,465 --> 00:08:23,785 What a legend! 190 00:08:34,065 --> 00:08:35,625 I'll do it! 191 00:08:36,705 --> 00:08:39,064 I can do it. 192 00:08:39,065 --> 00:08:43,148 I'm sorry, it appears that Sylvia is busy, 193 00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:45,625 which shouldn't come as a surprise, really. 194 00:08:47,562 --> 00:08:51,224 I-It's been a big year for business... 195 00:08:51,225 --> 00:08:53,024 ...particularly women in business. 196 00:08:53,025 --> 00:08:56,145 Men have been pretty hands-on the past few decades. 197 00:08:56,224 --> 00:08:57,608 [LAUGHS] 198 00:08:58,265 --> 00:09:01,544 I'd like to thank all the brilliant men and women 199 00:09:01,545 --> 00:09:03,784 for supporting each other here at Hurbots. 200 00:09:03,785 --> 00:09:05,664 We're a family, really. 201 00:09:05,665 --> 00:09:08,104 And if we've learned anything during the past 12 months, 202 00:09:08,105 --> 00:09:10,304 it's that family really shouldn't touch each other up 203 00:09:10,305 --> 00:09:11,825 next to the photocopier. 204 00:09:11,849 --> 00:09:13,995 [LAUGHTER] 205 00:09:15,905 --> 00:09:20,526 I am honoured to present this award to this year's 206 00:09:20,608 --> 00:09:22,928 Best Woman in Business... 207 00:09:23,305 --> 00:09:24,950 ...Belinda Friers. 208 00:09:24,975 --> 00:09:27,106 Fuck's sake! 209 00:09:27,130 --> 00:09:29,216 [APPLAUSE] 210 00:09:49,985 --> 00:09:51,625 Thank you, thank you. 211 00:09:52,865 --> 00:09:54,265 Well, um... 212 00:09:56,865 --> 00:09:58,763 Well, I was going to say this is a bit on the nose, 213 00:09:58,788 --> 00:10:00,731 - but she doesn't seem to have one. - [LAUGHTER] 214 00:10:01,105 --> 00:10:03,064 - What were you thinking? - It'll be fine. 215 00:10:03,065 --> 00:10:06,466 It's not fine. I awarded her with a pair of tits. 216 00:10:07,185 --> 00:10:09,464 - Chase her down. - Chase her down? 217 00:10:09,465 --> 00:10:11,024 It's a stolen piece of art. 218 00:10:11,025 --> 00:10:12,944 I will deal with the photographer. 219 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:16,058 Claire! Oh, my God! You were brilliant! 220 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,344 Thank you, Klare. 221 00:10:17,345 --> 00:10:18,664 I love the joke. 222 00:10:18,665 --> 00:10:21,384 Oh, well, I didn't think it was that funny. 223 00:10:21,385 --> 00:10:23,704 - Can you go, my love?! - I'm just going to... 224 00:10:23,705 --> 00:10:26,104 - Take the stairs. - Okay. 225 00:10:26,105 --> 00:10:28,265 [THUNDER RUMBLES] 226 00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,224 I'm trained in martial arts. 227 00:10:47,225 --> 00:10:49,304 It's just the basics, but it is enough. 228 00:10:49,305 --> 00:10:51,959 - I work at Harbots. - Hurbots. 229 00:10:52,945 --> 00:10:55,424 Yes, I ate a courgette off your tray. 230 00:10:55,425 --> 00:10:57,584 - Yeah, it was delicious. - Thank you. 231 00:10:57,585 --> 00:10:58,905 What do you want? 232 00:10:59,905 --> 00:11:02,304 That. 233 00:11:02,305 --> 00:11:04,984 I need to take your award back. 234 00:11:04,985 --> 00:11:06,064 Why? 235 00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,930 It's a stolen piece of art. It's not really an award. 236 00:11:07,955 --> 00:11:09,744 It's all my fault. I can explain. 237 00:11:09,745 --> 00:11:11,504 Is it a long story? 238 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:12,905 Sort of. 239 00:11:14,825 --> 00:11:18,024 And she still doesn't know you have it? 240 00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:21,424 That's glorious! I think you did exactly the right thing. 241 00:11:21,425 --> 00:11:23,824 I think you're the only person who thinks that. 242 00:11:23,825 --> 00:11:25,224 God! 243 00:11:25,225 --> 00:11:26,904 Women's awards. 244 00:11:26,905 --> 00:11:28,264 Congratulations. 245 00:11:28,265 --> 00:11:31,544 Oh! It's infantilising bollocks. 246 00:11:31,545 --> 00:11:33,378 What? Don't you think it's good that...? 247 00:11:33,403 --> 00:11:35,228 No, no, it's ghettoising. 248 00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:37,495 It's a subsection of success. 249 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,624 Ah, it's a fucking children's table of awards. 250 00:11:41,625 --> 00:11:43,624 Why did you go? 251 00:11:43,625 --> 00:11:45,464 Because I'd be an arsehole not to. 252 00:11:45,465 --> 00:11:46,744 Miss Friers. 253 00:11:46,745 --> 00:11:47,945 Thank you, darling. 254 00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:50,904 Gosh, she's hot. 255 00:11:50,905 --> 00:11:52,224 Yeah. 256 00:11:52,225 --> 00:11:53,664 Are you a lesbian? 257 00:11:53,665 --> 00:11:55,144 Not strictly. 258 00:11:55,145 --> 00:11:56,744 - You? - Mm. 259 00:11:56,745 --> 00:11:58,543 - Do you like old films? - Some. 260 00:11:58,568 --> 00:12:00,477 And what's your favourite period film? 261 00:12:01,865 --> 00:12:03,345 Carrie. 262 00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:05,985 [BOTH LAUGH] 263 00:12:06,047 --> 00:12:07,904 God! 264 00:12:07,905 --> 00:12:10,584 God, you are a tonic. 265 00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:12,504 What do you do? Are you a woman in business? 266 00:12:12,505 --> 00:12:15,518 - I run a cafe. - Oh! Good for you. 267 00:12:16,665 --> 00:12:18,344 Did you make the canapes? 268 00:12:18,345 --> 00:12:20,205 No, actually. I stole them. 269 00:12:23,385 --> 00:12:25,224 - How old are you? - 58. 270 00:12:25,225 --> 00:12:26,695 - And you? - 33. 271 00:12:26,719 --> 00:12:27,795 Oh. 272 00:12:27,820 --> 00:12:30,544 - Don't worry. It does get better. - Do you promise? 273 00:12:30,545 --> 00:12:32,304 I promise. 274 00:12:32,305 --> 00:12:37,247 Listen, I was in an aeroplane the other day and I realised... 275 00:12:37,272 --> 00:12:40,623 Well, I... I mean, I've been longing to say this out loud. 276 00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:46,126 Women are born with pain built in. 277 00:12:46,705 --> 00:12:48,744 It's our physical destiny. 278 00:12:48,745 --> 00:12:52,425 Period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. 279 00:12:53,585 --> 00:12:57,184 We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. 280 00:12:57,185 --> 00:12:58,544 Men don't. 281 00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:00,064 They have to seek it out. 282 00:13:00,065 --> 00:13:02,104 They invent all these gods and demons and things 283 00:13:02,105 --> 00:13:04,024 just so they can feel guilty about things, 284 00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:07,024 which is something we do very well on our own. 285 00:13:07,025 --> 00:13:10,224 And then they create wars, so they can feel things 286 00:13:10,225 --> 00:13:12,168 and touch each other, and when there aren't any wars 287 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,284 they can play rugby. 288 00:13:13,309 --> 00:13:17,024 And we have it all going on in here, inside. 289 00:13:17,025 --> 00:13:20,999 We have pain on a cycle for years and years and years 290 00:13:21,024 --> 00:13:25,124 and then, just when you feel you are making peace with it all, 291 00:13:25,149 --> 00:13:26,704 what happens? 292 00:13:26,705 --> 00:13:27,984 The menopause comes. 293 00:13:27,985 --> 00:13:30,951 The fucking menopause comes and it is... 294 00:13:32,685 --> 00:13:34,925 ...the most... 295 00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:38,883 ...wonderful fucking thing in the world! 296 00:13:38,908 --> 00:13:42,267 And, yes, your entire pelvic floor crumbles 297 00:13:42,292 --> 00:13:46,052 and you get fucking hot and no-one cares, but then... 298 00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:48,824 ...you're free. 299 00:13:49,184 --> 00:13:54,315 No longer a slave, no longer a machine, with parts. 300 00:13:55,065 --> 00:13:57,572 You're just a person in business. 301 00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,464 Oh. 302 00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:01,904 I was told it was horrendous. 303 00:14:01,905 --> 00:14:04,624 It is horrendous, but then it's magnificent. 304 00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:06,185 Something to look forward to. 305 00:14:11,465 --> 00:14:13,064 You better get back to that party. 306 00:14:13,065 --> 00:14:15,024 - Your party. - Mm. 307 00:14:15,025 --> 00:14:18,024 It is not a party until someone flirts with you. 308 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:20,864 And that's the only really shit thing about getting older, 309 00:14:20,865 --> 00:14:23,584 is that people don't flirt with you anymore. 310 00:14:23,585 --> 00:14:25,784 Not really. Not with danger. 311 00:14:25,785 --> 00:14:28,251 I miss walking into a room and not knowing, 312 00:14:28,276 --> 00:14:31,864 and there's a sort of energy, a dare. 313 00:14:31,865 --> 00:14:34,253 Do not take that for granted. 314 00:14:35,825 --> 00:14:39,620 There is nothing more exciting than a room full of people. 315 00:14:40,265 --> 00:14:42,144 Yeah, except most people are... 316 00:14:42,145 --> 00:14:43,425 What? 317 00:14:45,265 --> 00:14:46,505 ...shit. 318 00:14:48,265 --> 00:14:50,144 Look at me. 319 00:14:50,145 --> 00:14:52,544 Listen. 320 00:14:52,545 --> 00:14:54,505 People are all we've got. 321 00:14:55,985 --> 00:14:57,840 People are all we've got. 322 00:14:57,865 --> 00:15:01,248 So grab the night by its nipples and go and flirt with someone. 323 00:15:02,585 --> 00:15:04,732 No, that's not what I meant! 324 00:15:09,905 --> 00:15:11,424 Oh. 325 00:15:11,636 --> 00:15:13,508 I wish you were my type. 326 00:15:14,545 --> 00:15:17,171 Take this tart back to my party 327 00:15:17,196 --> 00:15:19,144 and go and find someone to actually do that with. 328 00:15:19,145 --> 00:15:20,744 - I want to do it with you. - No. 329 00:15:20,745 --> 00:15:22,749 - Why not? - Honestly? 330 00:15:22,773 --> 00:15:23,929 Yeah. 331 00:15:23,954 --> 00:15:25,744 I can't be arsed, darling. 332 00:15:25,745 --> 00:15:29,601 I'm going to go back to my room and have one more martini, 333 00:15:29,626 --> 00:15:32,570 and if you need anything, call me. 334 00:15:32,595 --> 00:15:33,875 Anything. 335 00:15:35,306 --> 00:15:37,985 You can have whoever you want at your age. 336 00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:39,449 Except the Best Woman in Business. 337 00:15:39,474 --> 00:15:42,643 Well, that's just because she's exhausted. 338 00:15:43,674 --> 00:15:44,953 33 isn't exactly... 339 00:15:44,954 --> 00:15:47,473 And what had Jesus done by 33? 340 00:15:47,474 --> 00:15:48,953 - Died? - Exactly! 341 00:15:48,954 --> 00:15:50,634 So get out there and flirt. 342 00:16:01,068 --> 00:16:02,929 - Here you are! - Oh, hi! 343 00:16:02,954 --> 00:16:04,334 Thought you might be snogging Finland. 344 00:16:04,359 --> 00:16:07,313 Ha-ha! No, just sorting a few things! 345 00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:08,473 I got her! 346 00:16:08,474 --> 00:16:09,673 Oh! 347 00:16:09,674 --> 00:16:11,393 And Belinda gave me her card. 348 00:16:11,394 --> 00:16:12,674 Oh, that's great! 349 00:16:13,794 --> 00:16:15,833 - What? - Nothing. 350 00:16:15,834 --> 00:16:17,153 She's furious. 351 00:16:17,154 --> 00:16:18,393 Really? 352 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,233 Yes! It was a great night. 353 00:16:20,234 --> 00:16:23,903 Everything went smoothly in the end, and everyone loved the canapes. 354 00:16:23,928 --> 00:16:25,287 Really? I'm a dead woman. 355 00:16:25,312 --> 00:16:27,129 - Really? - Yes! 356 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:28,481 Really? 357 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,448 Yes! It was a great night. 358 00:16:30,449 --> 00:16:32,408 She's going to blow. I just have a feeling... 359 00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:33,848 I would've come up with my own joke 360 00:16:33,849 --> 00:16:35,888 if you hadn't put that one in my head. 361 00:16:35,889 --> 00:16:38,008 I have my own jokes. 362 00:16:38,009 --> 00:16:40,528 I am funny, I am interesting. 363 00:16:40,529 --> 00:16:42,501 I knew I shouldn't have brought you here. 364 00:16:42,526 --> 00:16:44,440 - What do you mean, interesting? - You just think you can do 365 00:16:44,465 --> 00:16:47,928 whatever you like, say whatever you like, steal whatever you like, 366 00:16:47,929 --> 00:16:50,017 - kiss whoever you like. - He kissed me! 367 00:16:50,042 --> 00:16:52,048 Oh, I know. 368 00:16:52,049 --> 00:16:53,437 You know?! 369 00:16:53,462 --> 00:16:54,537 Then why have we been spending 370 00:16:54,562 --> 00:16:55,641 - ...the entire...? - Because you're fine! 371 00:16:55,665 --> 00:16:56,648 You'll always be fine. 372 00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:59,615 You'll always be interesting, with your quirky cafe 373 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,088 and your dead best friend. 374 00:17:01,089 --> 00:17:03,209 You just make me feel like I've failed. 375 00:17:06,231 --> 00:17:07,599 Claire... 376 00:17:07,624 --> 00:17:10,645 If you mention the size of my office, I will scream. 377 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:13,964 [SHE WHISPERS]: It's huge. 378 00:17:17,969 --> 00:17:19,729 I just thought we were hanging out. 379 00:17:20,835 --> 00:17:22,475 Just as friends. 380 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,128 We're not friends. 381 00:17:25,129 --> 00:17:26,569 We are sisters. 382 00:17:28,769 --> 00:17:30,569 Get your own friends. 383 00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:36,663 [HOLY MUSIC] 384 00:17:42,969 --> 00:17:45,249 [DOORBELL RINGS] 385 00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:51,768 Oh. Hi. 386 00:17:51,769 --> 00:17:52,898 Oh, sorry. 387 00:17:52,923 --> 00:17:54,030 I didn't have your number 388 00:17:54,055 --> 00:17:55,835 and you just said come round any time with G&Ts. 389 00:17:55,860 --> 00:17:58,128 Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I just... 390 00:17:58,206 --> 00:18:00,495 This is a bit embarrassing, but recently I've been really 391 00:18:00,519 --> 00:18:02,878 enjoying going to bed at 9:30. 392 00:18:02,879 --> 00:18:04,610 - Oh, shit. - No, no, it's fine. 393 00:18:04,635 --> 00:18:06,086 I can see G&Ts! Are you okay? 394 00:18:06,111 --> 00:18:08,750 Yeah, yeah, I just... Just fancied a drink and a priest 395 00:18:08,751 --> 00:18:10,310 and a chat, maybe. 396 00:18:10,311 --> 00:18:11,630 Oh, that's my whole job. 397 00:18:11,631 --> 00:18:13,110 We'll have to be quiet, though, 398 00:18:13,111 --> 00:18:16,818 because Pam's a bit of a sound tyrant in the evenings. 399 00:18:16,843 --> 00:18:19,191 - Pam lives here? - Yeah, Pam lives here. 400 00:18:23,191 --> 00:18:25,270 - So I read your book. - Okay. Great. 401 00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,423 Well, it's got some great twists. 402 00:18:26,447 --> 00:18:27,885 - True. - But I just... 403 00:18:27,886 --> 00:18:29,726 - I couldn't help but notice... - Come on, just spit it out! 404 00:18:29,751 --> 00:18:32,910 - just one or two little inconsistences. - Okay, sure. 405 00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:35,390 So, the world was made in seven days. 406 00:18:35,391 --> 00:18:40,211 And on the first day, light came and then a few days later the sun came? 407 00:18:41,831 --> 00:18:43,070 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 408 00:18:43,071 --> 00:18:44,710 But you believe that? 409 00:18:44,711 --> 00:18:48,013 It's not a fact, it's poetry. It's moral code. 410 00:18:48,038 --> 00:18:51,568 It's for interpretation to help us work out God's plan for us. 411 00:18:51,615 --> 00:18:53,466 What's God's plan for you? 412 00:18:53,491 --> 00:18:58,563 I believe God meant for me to love people in a different way. 413 00:18:58,588 --> 00:19:01,414 I believe I'm supposed to love people as a father. 414 00:19:02,191 --> 00:19:03,990 We can arrange that. 415 00:19:03,991 --> 00:19:05,430 A father of many. 416 00:19:05,431 --> 00:19:06,670 I'll go up to three. 417 00:19:06,671 --> 00:19:08,081 - It's not going to happen. - Two, then. 418 00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:09,315 Okay, two. 419 00:19:12,410 --> 00:19:14,769 - [LOUD THUMP] - Oh, shit. Pam. She's not happy. 420 00:19:14,794 --> 00:19:16,585 [HE WHISPERS]: We should go outside. 421 00:19:20,154 --> 00:19:21,529 Do you think I should become a Catholic? 422 00:19:21,553 --> 00:19:22,790 No, don't do that. 423 00:19:22,791 --> 00:19:25,910 I like that you believe in a meaningless existence. 424 00:19:25,911 --> 00:19:29,550 And you're good for me. You make me question my faith. 425 00:19:29,551 --> 00:19:31,990 - And? - I've never felt closer to God. 426 00:19:31,991 --> 00:19:33,627 [LAUGHING]Fuck you! 427 00:19:33,652 --> 00:19:35,230 - [RUSTLING] - What was that? 428 00:19:35,231 --> 00:19:36,512 It wasn't a fox, was it? 429 00:19:36,536 --> 00:19:37,596 - I don't know. - Is it a fox? 430 00:19:37,621 --> 00:19:39,150 Shine something. Boo! Baa! 431 00:19:39,151 --> 00:19:41,041 - Oh, God. I bet it's a fox. - Oh, God! 432 00:19:41,066 --> 00:19:43,630 No, I'm not being funny, foxes have been after me for years. 433 00:19:43,631 --> 00:19:45,390 It's like they have a pact or something. 434 00:19:45,391 --> 00:19:48,910 I'm not kidding. I was on a toilet, a toilet of a train, 435 00:19:48,911 --> 00:19:50,900 and when the train stopped, a fucking fox tried to get 436 00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:53,914 through the window of a train! Its face was in the window! 437 00:19:53,939 --> 00:19:56,412 And once, when I was at a monastery, 438 00:19:56,437 --> 00:19:58,270 I woke up just feeling a bit weird, like there might be 439 00:19:58,271 --> 00:20:01,623 a fox about, and a fox was sitting underneath my window 440 00:20:01,648 --> 00:20:03,938 looking up like this, pointing at me like, 441 00:20:03,963 --> 00:20:06,911 "You, we're watching you. We're having you." 442 00:20:09,551 --> 00:20:11,270 Lucky God got there first. 443 00:20:11,271 --> 00:20:13,321 - Well, yeah. - You could be a fox boy by now. 444 00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:15,226 And we all know what happened to them! 445 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,231 - You okay? - I'm okay. 446 00:20:22,391 --> 00:20:23,629 Do you think I'm mad? 447 00:20:23,871 --> 00:20:26,215 Because of the fox thing or because of the God thing? 448 00:20:26,551 --> 00:20:28,231 You're obsessed. 449 00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:29,950 [CLEARS THROAT] 450 00:20:29,951 --> 00:20:31,990 Do you ever have doubts? 451 00:20:31,991 --> 00:20:34,810 Yes, of course, every day. It's part of the deal. 452 00:20:36,031 --> 00:20:38,177 I just don't think I could do it. 453 00:20:38,384 --> 00:20:40,052 Especially the... 454 00:20:42,810 --> 00:20:44,360 What? 455 00:20:44,563 --> 00:20:46,647 - ...celibacy and... - Oh, it's a fucking fox! 456 00:20:46,672 --> 00:20:48,024 - [RUSTLING] - Chill out about the fox! 457 00:20:48,049 --> 00:20:49,086 Ooh! Sorry. 458 00:20:49,111 --> 00:20:51,231 I just don't know what they want from me! 459 00:20:53,231 --> 00:20:54,910 Sorry. 460 00:20:55,231 --> 00:20:56,668 Celibacy. 461 00:20:56,790 --> 00:20:57,950 Go. 462 00:20:59,071 --> 00:21:00,551 I just... 463 00:21:01,582 --> 00:21:03,737 I couldn't give up sex forever. 464 00:21:04,852 --> 00:21:06,292 It's just too... 465 00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:09,143 It's too... 466 00:21:09,951 --> 00:21:15,097 Celibacy is a lot less complicated than... 467 00:21:15,215 --> 00:21:17,277 romantic relationships. 468 00:21:17,351 --> 00:21:20,097 What if you meet someone you like? 469 00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:23,114 I talk and drink and laugh and give them Bibles, 470 00:21:23,192 --> 00:21:25,231 and hope they eventually leave me alone. 471 00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:27,991 What if you meet someone you love? 472 00:21:31,311 --> 00:21:32,776 We're not going to have sex. 473 00:21:36,951 --> 00:21:41,221 I know that's what you think you want from me, but it's not. 474 00:21:42,111 --> 00:21:44,389 It won't bring any good. 475 00:21:44,671 --> 00:21:47,006 - Well, it might... - It won't. 476 00:21:47,271 --> 00:21:49,678 I've been there many times. 477 00:21:49,791 --> 00:21:52,670 Before I found this. Many, many times. 478 00:21:52,671 --> 00:21:54,591 How many times? 479 00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:00,551 Many. 480 00:22:10,921 --> 00:22:13,560 I'd really like to be your friend, though. 481 00:22:13,671 --> 00:22:15,272 I'd like to be your friend, too. 482 00:22:17,751 --> 00:22:19,311 We'll last a week. 483 00:22:20,689 --> 00:22:22,289 What was that? 484 00:22:24,031 --> 00:22:25,620 What? 485 00:22:25,711 --> 00:22:27,948 Where did...? Where did you just go? 486 00:22:28,431 --> 00:22:30,030 What? 487 00:22:30,296 --> 00:22:33,081 You just went somewhere. 488 00:22:33,667 --> 00:22:35,791 There. There. 489 00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:39,540 Where did you just go? 490 00:22:40,825 --> 00:22:42,345 Nowhere. 491 00:22:47,271 --> 00:22:48,511 Okay. 492 00:22:55,477 --> 00:22:57,357 [THEY SCREAM]