1 00:00:09,460 --> 00:00:10,960 ♪♪ 2 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,800 Crowd: [Chanting] Brock! Brock! Brock! 3 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:17,530 Brock! Brock! Brock! [Cheers and applause] 4 00:00:17,540 --> 00:00:19,900 Jim: Hey, all right! 5 00:00:19,910 --> 00:00:21,770 All right. That's very nice. 6 00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:25,810 My God, look at this sea of Millennial faces. I am... 7 00:00:25,810 --> 00:00:28,210 Crowd: Yeah! [Cheers and applause] 8 00:00:28,210 --> 00:00:29,650 I'm terrified. 9 00:00:29,650 --> 00:00:31,220 Let's get right into it. 10 00:00:31,220 --> 00:00:34,350 I need a suggestion for a monologue. 11 00:00:34,350 --> 00:00:37,820 -The one that got away! -The one that got at away. 12 00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:40,420 My God! 13 00:00:40,430 --> 00:00:43,790 [Cheers and applause] 14 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,900 Ooh! 15 00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:50,170 Wow. You people aren't kidding around tonight. 16 00:00:50,170 --> 00:00:52,600 So much has gotten away from me lately. 17 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:55,710 I mean, friends, family -- my father. 18 00:00:55,710 --> 00:00:58,510 Um, hard to narrow it down to just one thing. 19 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,980 [Clicks tongue] Folks, you ever have something 20 00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:05,120 so pure, just so real... 21 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,550 you almost felt like you didn't even deserve it? 22 00:01:07,550 --> 00:01:09,520 Can you relate to that? Crowd: Yeah. 23 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,520 For me, that one thing... 24 00:01:12,530 --> 00:01:14,460 was Molly Malone. 25 00:01:14,460 --> 00:01:17,090 [Laughter, cheering] 26 00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:19,730 Man: Yeah! [Whistling and scattered applause] 27 00:01:19,730 --> 00:01:21,730 Molly Malone is a street name 28 00:01:21,730 --> 00:01:23,970 for the purest MDMA in existence. 29 00:01:23,970 --> 00:01:26,740 [Laughter and applause] 30 00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:33,080 Yeah? 31 00:01:34,210 --> 00:01:36,050 Hi. 32 00:01:36,050 --> 00:01:38,280 Hi! 33 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,950 You know, I didn't expect to see you here. 34 00:01:40,950 --> 00:01:43,950 Or ever again, really. 35 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,690 I thought it'd be creepy if I saw your show 36 00:01:45,690 --> 00:01:47,560 and then didn't come say "hi" afterwards. 37 00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:51,930 Right now, "creepy" doesn't seem like such a bad thing. 38 00:01:51,930 --> 00:01:53,630 No, wait, whoa! Oh. What are you do-- 39 00:01:53,630 --> 00:01:55,170 why are you in New Orleans? 40 00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:57,100 I have a layover. I'm on my way to Colombia. 41 00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:59,040 I've been approached about buying an ownership piece 42 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,440 of a winter ball team down there. 43 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,440 My flight leaves at midnight. -Midnight! 44 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,510 Well, that's practically tomorrow, isn't it? 45 00:02:04,510 --> 00:02:06,380 Come on, can -- Let's grab a drink. 46 00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:08,180 -That's not a good idea. -All right. 47 00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:10,510 Got other plans, huh? -I do. 48 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,780 The in-flight magazine said that I can't leave New Orleans 49 00:02:12,780 --> 00:02:15,550 without getting a beignet from Cafe Du Monde. Du Monde?! 50 00:02:15,550 --> 00:02:17,850 No, that's overpriced and overcrowded, Jules. 51 00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:19,320 I know where the locals go. 52 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:21,490 Come on. Please. It'll be my treat. 53 00:02:21,490 --> 00:02:23,490 Don't you have an after-party to go to? 54 00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:25,800 After-party? No, I don't. 55 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:29,330 What, my life just seems like one big party to you, huh, from the outside? 56 00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:32,870 I assure you, it's, uh -- it's very lonely, Jules. 57 00:02:32,870 --> 00:02:34,270 So, we fucking? 58 00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:36,540 That was unfortunate timing right there. 59 00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:39,340 So, I'm gonna say goodbye. -Fine. Let's go. 60 00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:42,480 Really? Don't give me time to change my mind. 61 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,010 -Um, hello? -He'll fuck you tomorrow. 62 00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:49,020 ♪♪ 63 00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:50,820 Jim: So, Jules, can I ask what you're doing here? 64 00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:52,120 Jules: I told you. I have a layover. 65 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,990 No, I mean what are we doing here? 66 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,890 Okay, can I tell you why I'm here? 67 00:02:57,900 --> 00:03:00,500 Because I am desperate to absorb any moment 68 00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:01,830 I can possibly get with you, 69 00:03:01,830 --> 00:03:04,500 no matter how awkward it might be. 70 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,170 Kind of like the way Johnny The Hat would wring 71 00:03:06,170 --> 00:03:08,240 the bar mat into his mouth after last call. 72 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:09,910 You...remember that? 73 00:03:09,910 --> 00:03:13,040 The saddest part was he'd always leave me a tip afterwards. 74 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,680 Just be honest with me. Please. 75 00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:22,590 Okay, fine. I set up a Google Alert for "Jim Brockmire dead." 76 00:03:22,590 --> 00:03:24,590 Jesus Christ. Everybody I know has one of those things. 77 00:03:24,590 --> 00:03:26,190 So, when I got the e-mail with that headline, 78 00:03:26,190 --> 00:03:28,230 I felt terrible -- worse than when my dad died, 79 00:03:28,230 --> 00:03:29,930 'cause the last thing I said to him was "I love you." 80 00:03:29,930 --> 00:03:32,130 Last thing I said to you... 81 00:03:32,130 --> 00:03:33,830 I don't remember exactly what it I was, but it -- 82 00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:36,330 You said, "Back up," and then you slammed the door in my face. 83 00:03:36,340 --> 00:03:38,130 Yeah. So, for a second, 84 00:03:38,140 --> 00:03:41,240 I thought that was our last moment together. 85 00:03:42,510 --> 00:03:44,010 And I knew I had to tell you something. 86 00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:47,480 I don't hate you. 87 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,880 Boy, this is a real roller coaster. 88 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,810 You're selfish, and you did a selfish thing. 89 00:03:50,820 --> 00:03:53,350 I can hate the way you did it, but I knew who you were. 90 00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:57,820 Okay. I mean, that's progress, I guess. 91 00:03:57,820 --> 00:04:00,090 I mean, at least I am not dead to you anymore. 92 00:04:00,090 --> 00:04:03,290 Life is too short to hold that kind of grudge. 93 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:06,030 Just ask these two. -Oh, yeah. 94 00:04:06,030 --> 00:04:10,430 You know why all the cemeteries in New Orleans are above ground? 95 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,700 'Cause we're below sea level here. 96 00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,300 If they actually buried their dead, 97 00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:17,510 they'd find themselves swimming in a river of corpses. 98 00:04:17,510 --> 00:04:22,510 These monuments, they all house actual bones and -- and rotting flesh. 99 00:04:22,510 --> 00:04:25,250 So, if I don't ask for macabre New Orleans trivia, 100 00:04:25,250 --> 00:04:27,120 just assume I don't want to hear it, okay? [Chuckles] 101 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:28,390 Just trying to be a good tour guide. Yeah, well... 102 00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:30,050 Seriously. No, speaking of which, 103 00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:32,660 right down that road there lies the bar 104 00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:35,630 that invented the French 75. 105 00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:37,130 [Chuckles] 106 00:04:37,130 --> 00:04:38,730 Well, I think of you every time I go in there. 107 00:04:38,730 --> 00:04:41,460 I do, because for some ridiculous reason, Jules, 108 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:43,070 that's your favorite drink. 109 00:04:43,070 --> 00:04:45,270 Because it's like a white wine spritzer without the shame. 110 00:04:45,270 --> 00:04:47,140 Oh, God, there's so much shame. 111 00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:50,010 ♪♪ 112 00:04:50,010 --> 00:04:51,940 -We have a new mascot. -Ah. 113 00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:54,140 It's an oil derrick now. Derek the Derrick. 114 00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:56,750 Mm. Boy, you anthropomorphized the very thing 115 00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:58,480 that will be the undoing of the human race. 116 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,480 That's -- [Chuckles] That's a very nice touch. 117 00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:02,420 I thought so. 118 00:05:02,420 --> 00:05:05,420 And I started a "When Harry Met Sally" promo night -- 119 00:05:05,420 --> 00:05:07,360 two-for-one drinks if you fake an orgasm 120 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,160 at the concession stand. -Wow. 121 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:12,230 It's the "I'll have what she's having." 122 00:05:12,230 --> 00:05:14,700 Nice, but I'm kind of glad I missed that one. 123 00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:16,900 Not sure I could have handled seeing Dale 124 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,040 in the throes of pleasure like that. 125 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,840 -Dale died. -What? 126 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:22,840 -Yeah. -Get out of here. 127 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:25,640 How'd he die? He was so young. Meth fire. 128 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,380 Meth -- Yeah, well, makes sense, doesn't it? 129 00:05:27,380 --> 00:05:29,310 You know, I-I told him. 130 00:05:29,310 --> 00:05:31,580 I said, "You can cook meth as a hobby 131 00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:33,180 or you can siphon gasoline. 132 00:05:33,190 --> 00:05:35,320 You cannot do both." -Yeah. 133 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,120 -You seeing anybody? -Nice segue. 134 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,190 [Slurps] I know, I'm sorry. I just -- I-I gotta know. 135 00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:41,390 You know, it's all I can think about 136 00:05:41,390 --> 00:05:43,390 since the moment I saw you. 137 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,060 I'm seeing a few people. 138 00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:48,000 Not as many as you, probably. 139 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,130 Oh, no, no, no. Wait a minute now. 140 00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:51,870 At first, I, uh... 141 00:05:51,870 --> 00:05:54,200 dated attractive, age-appropriate women 142 00:05:54,210 --> 00:05:56,270 as kind of a substitute for you. I did. 143 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,940 [Inhales sharply] 144 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,210 Desperately aping the magic of our relationship 145 00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,350 like Woody Allen trying to boil a lobster 146 00:06:02,350 --> 00:06:05,550 with whoever that non-Annie-Hall-type person was. 147 00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:07,550 Now, I just, uh... 148 00:06:07,550 --> 00:06:10,690 I stick to the one-night-stand groupie well. 149 00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:12,960 I mean, it's transactional, but at least it's honest. 150 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,690 You poor baby. 151 00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:16,760 So many women jumping on your dick. 152 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,690 [Gulps] It's not easy. 153 00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,700 Hey, I gotta get going. My flight is -- 154 00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:23,430 No, no-- Hey, no. Come on. Don't get on that plane. 155 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,400 Seriously, just...stay. 156 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,210 ♪♪ 157 00:06:28,210 --> 00:06:29,940 Stay for what? 158 00:06:29,940 --> 00:06:31,680 Jules, you haven't had a beignet yet. [Chuckles] 159 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,910 No, you can't visit New Orleans and not have a beignet. 160 00:06:33,910 --> 00:06:35,710 That's like -- That's a slap in the face 161 00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:37,810 to the editors of Delta Sky Magazine. 162 00:06:37,820 --> 00:06:40,420 [Scoffs] Okay. Really? 163 00:06:40,420 --> 00:06:41,650 Well, don't make me overthink it. 164 00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:43,520 I'm pretty sure I'm making a mistake. 165 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,460 [Stammers] Well... [Laughing] No, you're not. 166 00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:48,990 Since I'm staying, you can buy me another drink. 167 00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:51,860 [Gulping] 168 00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:55,060 ♪♪ 169 00:06:55,070 --> 00:06:57,470 This one's done. 170 00:06:57,470 --> 00:06:58,770 I really missed you. 171 00:07:02,310 --> 00:07:04,140 Hey, Pasquale. Yo, how you doing? 172 00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:06,480 Double for me, usual. 173 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,550 Pint glass full of White Zin for the lady. 174 00:07:08,550 --> 00:07:09,750 You heard that right. 175 00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:11,680 [Laughs] 176 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,550 Kind of a regular here. Don't like to brag. 177 00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:16,890 No, I know. You mentioned it on your podcast. 178 00:07:16,890 --> 00:07:18,150 This is where you like to take a woman 179 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:19,890 when you really want to impress her. 180 00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:22,090 -I did? -I believe your exact words were 181 00:07:22,090 --> 00:07:23,890 "put a napkin down or it's gonna look like 182 00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:27,160 there was a snail race on that barstool." 183 00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:29,630 -Get out of here. I said that? -Yeah, you did. 184 00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:32,570 You broadcast it to anyone who'd listen. Oh, my goodness. 185 00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:35,040 Well, Ol' Blackout Jimmy is just full of surprises, isn't he? 186 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:37,240 But you know, my -- Thank you, Pasquale. 187 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,710 My takeaway from that story is...[Chuckles] 188 00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:43,180 you're a regular listener to my podcast. 189 00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:46,180 I gotta have something to do while I'm folding the laundry. 190 00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:47,720 -Oh, don't we all. -Hey, I gotta pee. 191 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,050 Uh, I'm assuming you've had sex in the ladies' room. 192 00:07:50,060 --> 00:07:51,990 -Oh, you know that I have. -Is it gross? 193 00:07:51,990 --> 00:07:53,660 -No, it's not bad at all. -Oh. 194 00:07:53,660 --> 00:07:55,260 Straight back that way. 195 00:07:55,260 --> 00:07:57,860 -Thank you. -Oh, sure. Enjoy. 196 00:07:57,860 --> 00:08:01,260 ♪♪ 197 00:08:01,270 --> 00:08:04,030 There you are. I had a feeling I'd find you here. 198 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,340 What are you doing here? Well, I came down to let you know 199 00:08:06,340 --> 00:08:09,470 that word's coming in from Atlanta this weekend. 200 00:08:09,470 --> 00:08:11,470 -This weekend? -Yeah. 201 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,480 This weekend's almost over, isn't it? Exactly. 202 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,380 And I'm pretty sure no news is not good news. 203 00:08:16,380 --> 00:08:19,980 Right. Yeah, okay. I'll see. 204 00:08:19,990 --> 00:08:22,690 -You gonna be okay? -Yeah, Charles. 205 00:08:22,690 --> 00:08:25,090 You know, if Atlanta doesn't happen, it... 206 00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,220 It wasn't meant to be. -Okay. 207 00:08:27,230 --> 00:08:28,820 Okay. 208 00:08:28,830 --> 00:08:30,490 What's going on with you? 209 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:33,300 Nothing is going on with me. What's going on with you? 210 00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:36,370 -[Laughing] Hey! I missed you! -Oh, my God! 211 00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:38,300 -I missed you so much! -This -- 212 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:39,770 This is great! 213 00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,240 It's like my parents are getting back together. 214 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,510 Except, you know, I actually want this to happen. 215 00:08:43,510 --> 00:08:45,510 -Just relax. -Where's your girlfriend? 216 00:08:45,510 --> 00:08:47,640 Girlfriend? This guy doesn't have a girlfriend! 217 00:08:47,650 --> 00:08:50,310 I had to bribe this guy just to have sex with somebody. 218 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:51,920 [Laughs] 219 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:55,550 You know what it does have, though, is someplace else to be. 220 00:08:55,550 --> 00:08:56,890 Right. Got it. 221 00:08:56,890 --> 00:08:59,520 I'll leave you two to catch up. 222 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:02,530 [Quietly] It's happening! -Nothing is happening! 223 00:09:02,530 --> 00:09:04,190 -Okay! -Stop it. 224 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,600 I mean, something -- something's happening. 225 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,330 I just don't want to label it, 226 00:09:07,330 --> 00:09:09,270 because that will kill what's happening... whatever that is. 227 00:09:09,270 --> 00:09:10,430 -Shut up. -All right. 228 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,200 Cheers. 229 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,940 [ "When the Saints Go Marching In" plays] 230 00:09:14,940 --> 00:09:17,140 You know what -- do you have -- you don't have saxophones? 231 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:24,880 ♪♪ 232 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,420 Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! 233 00:09:26,420 --> 00:09:28,080 Is there, like, another saxophone guy? 234 00:09:28,090 --> 00:09:30,390 I will take two trumpets if that's all you got. 235 00:09:30,390 --> 00:09:31,820 Here. Cheers. 236 00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:41,800 ♪♪ 237 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,200 ♪♪ 238 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,440 Oh, yeah. See, that's good. 239 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:47,900 You can taste the jazz! 240 00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:52,610 ♪♪ 241 00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:55,240 Oh! Oh, shit! 242 00:09:55,250 --> 00:09:56,380 Oh, are you all right? 243 00:09:56,380 --> 00:09:58,510 -No! -Oh, shit! 244 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,950 God damn it! God! -[Laughs] 245 00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:03,050 How's that ankle doing? Still smarting back there? 246 00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:06,720 It hurts. And my head hurts. 247 00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:09,130 Oh, are you sobering up? No. Can't have that. 248 00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:10,460 We gotta get you another drink. 249 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:11,990 [Chuckles] 250 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,600 I used to keep up with you. 251 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,470 What's happened? -I...Oh! 252 00:10:16,470 --> 00:10:19,400 Uh, I may not be in the major leagues, 253 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:22,340 but I've really upped my game when it comes to my alcoholism. 254 00:10:22,340 --> 00:10:23,870 Yeah, New Orleans is -- 255 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:25,740 it's really the place to go pro. 256 00:10:25,740 --> 00:10:29,150 And you know who has an up-and-coming bar scene? 257 00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:30,550 Morristown. 258 00:10:30,550 --> 00:10:32,680 Oh, yeah, Morristown has its charms. 259 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:34,750 It does. -Mm-hmm. 260 00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:37,890 Ooh, Jules, you know what night I always think about? Mmm, which one? 261 00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:40,960 The time that we drank Sambuca... [Gasps] 262 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,690 ...at home plate there. -Oh, babe, me, too. 263 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:45,560 But this time, can we have sex in a bed, 264 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,160 'cause I don't want to pick dirt 265 00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:48,900 out of my ass crack for two weeks. 266 00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:51,170 I don't, either. Sure thing! I'm gonna run. 267 00:10:51,170 --> 00:10:56,410 ♪♪ 268 00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:57,970 Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. 269 00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:59,240 [Chuckles] 270 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,240 You just have this hotel room all the time? 271 00:11:01,250 --> 00:11:03,450 Oh, yes, this is where I take the strange 272 00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:05,520 I don't want to bring home. 273 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,450 Charles can be a real judgy little prick sometimes. 274 00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:10,750 I see. So, am I the strange? 275 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,020 Oh, yes, you are. You're -- You are the strange. 276 00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:14,490 -Yes! -Yeah, you are. 277 00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:16,330 -Your slut. -[Chuckles] 278 00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:17,660 So... 279 00:11:17,660 --> 00:11:19,900 did you have a-a good time tonight? 280 00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:21,360 Are you kidding? I'm in love. 281 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,670 With New Orleans. [Sighs] 282 00:11:26,670 --> 00:11:28,810 -Please! -Ugh. 283 00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:30,340 No, well, I am, too. 284 00:11:30,340 --> 00:11:33,480 God, you terrified me there. 285 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,680 I mean, you know, it's nice to finally find a home, you know, 286 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:37,680 and... 287 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,150 finally settle down. 288 00:11:39,150 --> 00:11:41,750 All it took was the love of a good... 289 00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:43,490 city. 290 00:11:43,490 --> 00:11:46,790 -I don't believe in a soul. -Okay. 291 00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:49,160 I think it's just a delusion that masks the fact 292 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:51,290 that we're all just lumpy sacks of meat 293 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,830 marching towards our inevitable obsolescence. 294 00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:57,700 Can we dispense with the graveyard play-by-play...? Since I don't believe in a soul, 295 00:11:57,700 --> 00:11:59,900 I can't say that I believe in a soul mate, Jules. 296 00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:01,240 But I'll tell you something. 297 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:03,910 Uh, I do know that the connection 298 00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:06,940 that I feel between the two of us -- I'm serious now -- 299 00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:11,580 It's the most profound thing I've ever known. 300 00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:23,390 I just messed it up, didn't I? 301 00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:24,930 -No. -I did. 302 00:12:24,930 --> 00:12:28,130 No, I-I know what you mean. 303 00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:29,870 Usually when someone hurts me, 304 00:12:29,870 --> 00:12:33,940 I could cut them out of my life like the tumor they are, but... 305 00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:36,610 [Sighing] oh, with you, I can't. 306 00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:38,410 Okay, so to me, you're a profound love, 307 00:12:38,410 --> 00:12:40,210 and to you, I'm a tumor? -Yeah. 308 00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:44,010 You're a tumor. Tumor I like. Like a benign one. 309 00:12:44,020 --> 00:12:47,550 You know what? I'll take it. 310 00:12:47,550 --> 00:12:49,950 At this point, I'll take it. 311 00:12:49,950 --> 00:12:53,360 Am I still the only person you've ever had sex with on home plate? 312 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,830 Oh, yeah. Absolutely. 313 00:12:56,830 --> 00:12:59,760 Although Uribe and I did jerk off on the pitcher's mound. 314 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,600 -Now you ruined it. -[Chuckles] 315 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,100 How about that beignet? 316 00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:06,240 Oh. I-I-I don't have any clothes. 317 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:10,170 You spilled Curaçao all over my -- my -- my -- my shirt. 318 00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:12,510 You ripped my pants. My bag is at the airport. 319 00:13:12,510 --> 00:13:13,540 I mean-- -I got you covered. 320 00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:15,310 Why are there so many bras? 321 00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:17,510 Are women in that big of a hurry to leave afterwards? 322 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,720 Hey, my love life's kind of like the airport TGI Fridays. 323 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,950 It is all about turning those tables. 324 00:13:22,950 --> 00:13:26,390 Look at this. I feel like I'm in Filene's Basement. [Cellphone vibrates] 325 00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,990 Oh, shit, I've gotta take this. 326 00:13:28,990 --> 00:13:30,730 Brockmire. -It's Whitney. 327 00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:33,500 Is this a good time? -Well, uh, you tell me. 328 00:13:34,570 --> 00:13:36,200 [Water running] 329 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:40,040 ♪♪ 330 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,670 Hi. I was interested in changing my flight. 331 00:13:42,670 --> 00:13:45,010 I have a flight tonight, and I was wondering 332 00:13:45,010 --> 00:13:47,610 what your policy is about getting reimbursed. 333 00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:49,610 I reviewed the data, and, overwhelmingly, 334 00:13:49,610 --> 00:13:51,480 it seems like the greatest benefit to the franchise 335 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,950 would be to go with Raj. 336 00:13:53,950 --> 00:13:55,620 Okay. [Sighs] That's... 337 00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:58,760 pretty much what I figured. -But I was overruled. 338 00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:02,160 What? 339 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:03,360 [Gags] 340 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,560 My flight got canceled. 341 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,060 [Confused] My flight got canceled. 342 00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:11,170 Hey. 343 00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:13,700 You're not gonna believe this, but my flight got canceled. 344 00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:14,970 Jules, I got it. 345 00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:18,510 I got the job! I am -- I'm going to Atlanta! 346 00:14:18,510 --> 00:14:21,310 Yeah! -Wait, what? 347 00:14:23,180 --> 00:14:25,050 How is this possible? 348 00:14:25,050 --> 00:14:26,780 You never mentioned there was a chance you were leaving. 349 00:14:26,790 --> 00:14:27,980 Jules, I didn't think there was, 350 00:14:27,990 --> 00:14:29,390 but I gotta get to Atlanta 351 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:30,450 and press the flesh of my benefactors. 352 00:14:30,460 --> 00:14:32,520 -When? -Now. 353 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,120 You're meeting them today? Well, the meeting's not till Wednesday, 354 00:14:35,130 --> 00:14:36,630 but I'm taking the next flight. 355 00:14:36,630 --> 00:14:38,460 -Well, change it. -Oh, Jules, I would love to. 356 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,660 No, I really would, but, you know, 357 00:14:40,670 --> 00:14:42,530 I-I-I kind of like to tool around a city 358 00:14:42,530 --> 00:14:45,330 and get to know it for a couple of days before I represent it. 359 00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:47,770 I mean, you know... kinda my process. 360 00:14:47,770 --> 00:14:49,670 Your process? What are you, Basquiat? 361 00:14:49,670 --> 00:14:51,010 You report things that people 362 00:14:51,010 --> 00:14:52,640 can already see with their own eyes. 363 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,510 Well, some people would say there's kind of an art 364 00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:57,410 to what I do. -I changed my flight for you! 365 00:14:57,420 --> 00:14:58,880 You told me it was -- it was cancelled. 366 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,950 I lied! Obviously! 367 00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,550 Jesus, just -- Yeah. Call a taxi. All right. 368 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,360 No, no, no, no, no. I'll -- I'll push my flight. 369 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,990 -Don't do me any favors. -Ple-- I want to. I do. 370 00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,360 Of course, I wanna push my flight, J-- 371 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,830 Hey, come on. Please don't leave now. 372 00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:19,040 Why not? 373 00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:23,770 Well, beignets. 374 00:15:23,780 --> 00:15:27,440 ♪♪ 375 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:28,710 -What will it be? -Two beignets, 376 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,510 we know that for sure, and... 377 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:31,910 A chicory coffee. 378 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,380 No, uh, regular. Two regular coffees, please. 379 00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:35,850 Allow me to explain. 380 00:15:35,850 --> 00:15:38,390 Um, chicory was originally marketed 381 00:15:38,390 --> 00:15:41,120 as kind of a filler to make coffee go farther. 382 00:15:41,130 --> 00:15:43,530 It's kind of like it's a dried up old beet root 383 00:15:43,530 --> 00:15:45,060 with absolutely no caffeine in it. 384 00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:47,730 Drinking chicory coffee when regular coffee is available 385 00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:52,130 is kind of like seeing a bong full of fresh Jack Herer and going, 386 00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:53,870 "Nah, no, thanks. I'll just, uh -- 387 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,540 I'll take that half-smoked spliff 388 00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,970 out of that ashtray over there." [Sniffs] 389 00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:00,740 -Do you ever shut up? -I do not, no. 390 00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:04,280 But, hey, you knew that, didn't you? 391 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,550 -I'm such an idiot! -No, you're not. 392 00:16:06,550 --> 00:16:08,350 You're not an idiot. You didn't know. 393 00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:10,350 Chicory is real popular around here. 394 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,830 Jules! 395 00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:20,230 [Cellphone clicks] 396 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:21,830 What's up? [Cellphone chimes] 397 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:29,570 I started thinking, "I like it here, and... 398 00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:32,810 I like being with Jim." 399 00:16:32,810 --> 00:16:34,640 If I don't buy into this team, 400 00:16:34,650 --> 00:16:36,650 that's five months during the off-season. 401 00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:38,110 Maybe I could split my time between -- 402 00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:41,120 Well, yes. We -- Why can't we do that? 403 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,720 An hour ago, it was New Orleans. 404 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,520 Now it's Atlanta. What's it gonna be in six months? 405 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,460 I can't just follow you around! -Why not? 406 00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:50,030 Jules, I am... I am very delightful. 407 00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:53,130 I have a life in Morristown, in case you forgot. No, I know. 408 00:16:53,130 --> 00:16:54,600 I know better than to ask you to leave there. 409 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:56,270 But, look, Jules -- -Then what are you saying? 410 00:16:56,270 --> 00:16:59,330 I am saying I've been doing some thinking, too. 411 00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:02,200 Tonight was amazing. I mean, it was just -- 412 00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:04,210 Right? It was unbelievable. [Sniffs] 413 00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:05,810 Why can't we meet up once a month 414 00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:07,480 at one of my road games? 415 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,150 Could be in Miami or St. Louis, Cincinnati, wherever. 416 00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:12,150 The point is, it will be a night just like tonight, 417 00:17:12,150 --> 00:17:14,150 we'll be two people, we won't know anybody. 418 00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:15,750 We'll be free to just explore a new city. 419 00:17:15,750 --> 00:17:18,490 We can just drink and dance and just... 420 00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:20,290 screw and... 421 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,730 We can just -- We can disappear, Jules. 422 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,430 So, a bender? 423 00:17:28,430 --> 00:17:31,300 No, okay, yes -- no. But, yes, all right. 424 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,070 Well, just think about it, just for a second. 425 00:17:33,070 --> 00:17:35,300 All highs, no lows. Right? 426 00:17:35,310 --> 00:17:38,040 We'll never have to fight over who empties the dishwasher 427 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,580 or pick up each other's dry cleaning 428 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:42,450 or ask each other, "How was your day, hon?" 429 00:17:42,450 --> 00:17:43,650 Jules, I'll never have to pretend 430 00:17:43,650 --> 00:17:45,250 that I didn't just hear you fart. 431 00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:47,320 Okay, think about that. No, wait -- no, really! 432 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,450 We just cut out all the mundane bullshit 433 00:17:49,450 --> 00:17:52,490 and get right to the perfect relationship. 434 00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:58,830 The "mundane bullshit" is a relationship. 435 00:17:58,830 --> 00:18:01,000 Yeah, but I know, but why settle for that when we can -- 436 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:05,600 you know, we can make up our own rules! Because I'd still be settling. 437 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,170 I want someone to have a night like tonight with 438 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,140 who'll also be there when I wake up in the morning. 439 00:18:09,140 --> 00:18:10,640 I want to have adventures with someone, 440 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,480 but I also want someone to pay the bills with and... 441 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:14,940 go grocery shopping 442 00:18:14,950 --> 00:18:17,550 and tell me when it's time to wash my smelly jeans. 443 00:18:17,550 --> 00:18:20,220 And I deserve all that. -Jules, you do. 444 00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:22,950 Dear God, you do. 445 00:18:22,950 --> 00:18:26,960 It's all I can offer you right now, though. 446 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,490 You have a choice, and you're not choosing me -- again! [Cellphone chimes] 447 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,630 Come on. That's a very harsh way to put it. 448 00:18:33,630 --> 00:18:35,970 What are you doing? I was gonna take you to the airport. 449 00:18:35,970 --> 00:18:39,300 I won't subject you to that mundane shit, hon. 450 00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:42,570 [Car door closes] 451 00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:44,540 Your beignets are ready. 452 00:18:46,110 --> 00:18:48,040 [Chuckles] 453 00:18:49,950 --> 00:18:51,850 [Discordant jazz plays] 454 00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:54,720 ♪♪ 455 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:59,190 [Giggles] 456 00:18:59,190 --> 00:19:00,790 [Clicks tongue] 457 00:19:00,790 --> 00:19:10,800 ♪♪ 458 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:20,010 ♪♪ 459 00:19:20,010 --> 00:19:21,940 [Door creaks open] 460 00:19:21,950 --> 00:19:24,680 ♪♪ 461 00:19:28,290 --> 00:19:29,620 Hey. 462 00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:32,350 I'll have what he's having. -What? 463 00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,560 It's a callback, asshole. 464 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,460 Give me a Sazerac, neat. 465 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:41,830 [Exhales deeply] 466 00:19:41,830 --> 00:19:45,100 Well, everybody, I want you to enjoy yourselves! 467 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,300 Soak up every last moment of New Orleans 468 00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:49,310 that you possibly can. Why? 469 00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:52,110 Because the sea levels, they are rising faster 470 00:19:52,110 --> 00:19:55,310 than even the most dire predictions, and nobody, 471 00:19:55,310 --> 00:19:59,320 and I mean nobody in power seems to give a shit about that. 472 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,580 Two generations. Two. 473 00:20:01,590 --> 00:20:04,120 All the above-ground cemeteries, they're gonna be underwater. 474 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,460 So, uh...yeah, we're all just playing a fiddle 475 00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:09,990 while Rome drowns, aren't we? 476 00:20:09,990 --> 00:20:11,860 So salud. 477 00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:17,000 [Woman laughs] 478 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,330 What's so funny down there? 479 00:20:18,340 --> 00:20:20,740 Oh, nothing, Al Gore. 480 00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:24,010 Thanks for the climate-change lecture. 481 00:20:24,010 --> 00:20:25,970 I'll be sure to buy a Prius. 482 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:27,540 Not saying we should try to stop it. 483 00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:30,810 I'm saying we should embrace it. Just embrace the futility. 484 00:20:30,820 --> 00:20:32,950 [Chuckles] 485 00:20:32,950 --> 00:20:36,620 You sound like a junior-high kid who just discovered Nietzsche. 486 00:20:36,620 --> 00:20:39,920 Yeah, well, it's not my first nihilist rodeo, I assure you. 487 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,320 [Chuckles] 488 00:20:45,030 --> 00:20:50,670 So you really think our actions are meaningless? 489 00:20:50,670 --> 00:20:52,900 That... 490 00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:55,040 consequences don't matter? 491 00:20:57,070 --> 00:20:59,640 Prove it. 492 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,340 And how would you like me to do that? 493 00:21:05,450 --> 00:21:08,050 -[Screams] -Oh, shit! 494 00:21:08,050 --> 00:21:10,220 [Man groaning] 495 00:21:12,590 --> 00:21:16,460 -What the hell are you doing?! -Looking for my Tide Pen. 496 00:21:16,460 --> 00:21:18,460 Jesus Christ! 497 00:21:18,460 --> 00:21:21,330 When you're really ready to go down the rabbit hole, 498 00:21:21,330 --> 00:21:23,530 call me. 499 00:21:23,530 --> 00:21:25,530 All right, okay. 500 00:21:25,540 --> 00:21:26,870 Shit. 501 00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:31,410 ♪♪ 502 00:21:31,410 --> 00:21:33,940 Are you -- Are you all right? 503 00:21:33,940 --> 00:21:35,740 [Straining] Mm-hmm. 504 00:21:35,750 --> 00:21:42,950 ♪♪