1
00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:03,873
[Insects chirping]

2
00:00:03,916 --> 00:00:10,923
♪♪

3
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,449
Don't scream.

4
00:00:14,492 --> 00:00:16,146
Okay, Zach.

5
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:17,495
I want to be with you.

6
00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:19,193
I just...

7
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:20,846
I don't know.

8
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,979
Cheryl...

9
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:26,243
if you could just
accept my love,

10
00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:30,073
we can stay together
through all of eternity.

11
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,857
♪♪

12
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,946
Okay, Zach.

13
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,471
I love you.

14
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:39,256
I want to be with you
forever.

15
00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:42,912
So, it's time?

16
00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:44,087
It's time.

17
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:49,005
♪♪

18
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,789
Announcer: "Vampire Creek"
will return in a moment.Hey, uh,

19
00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:52,182
what are you guys watching?

20
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:53,575
"The Goddamn Asshole Show"?

21
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:54,967
"Vampire Creek".

22
00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:57,448
It's a show about
sexy teen vampires.

23
00:00:57,492 --> 00:00:59,059
They live in a creek?No.

24
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,669
It's the name of the town.

25
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:02,149
Oh, no.

26
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,846
You want to see a sexy vampire,
you gotta --

27
00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:06,153
you gotta watch those
Hammer Films with Ingrid Pitt.

28
00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,372
It's a British chick
with good teeth

29
00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:10,418
and a couple of
horn-honkin' milk jugs.

30
00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:12,942
Oh, I got to tell ya.

31
00:01:12,985 --> 00:01:14,509
♪ Peaches♪♪ Mmm-mmm♪

32
00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:16,337
♪ Peaches♪♪ Oh, boy♪

33
00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,686
Boy: I found
a can of peaches!What?

34
00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:19,470
[Doorbell rings]

35
00:01:19,514 --> 00:01:21,559
Announcer: And now
back to our programming.

36
00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:24,301
Y-Y-You guys --
You guys stay there.

37
00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:26,129
I'll get it.

38
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:29,437
[Soft music plays on TV]

39
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,047
Zach's a shapeshifter.

40
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,006
He can put his butt
in the front.

41
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:36,748
[Zach breathing heavily]Can he turn his butt
into a wolf?

42
00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,359
No.

43
00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:40,143
But his wiener
becomes a tail.

44
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:44,800
[Inhales sharply]
Oh, Zach, you dirty dog.

45
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:48,108
Yeah.
Is, uh,
Denise Miller home?

46
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:50,197
Hold your horses.
[Whistles] Denise!

47
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,113
That won't be necessary.
Here.

48
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,028
Thank you too many.

49
00:01:56,942 --> 00:01:58,248
Uh...

50
00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:00,468
It's, uh, probably
one of those things

51
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:02,818
you ordered off the TV
and forgot about.

52
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:04,298
Maybe it's a monkey.
You know what?

53
00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:05,908
I'll tell --
I'll t-tell you what it is.

54
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,562
It's one of those necklaces
that beeps

55
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:09,129
when you
fall off the toilet.

56
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,565
Not for nothing,

57
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:12,175
but how in the hell
do you fall off a toilet?

58
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:14,830
It's shaped like a seat,
for the love of God.

59
00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:17,528
If Elvis had one of those,
he'd still be alive.

60
00:02:17,572 --> 00:02:20,488
Still be alive and big
as a house with a neck...

61
00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,490
[Screams, laughs]
Aah!

62
00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:24,231
"Congratulations,
Denise Miller.

63
00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:26,494
You've won the 'Vampire Creek'
Slash Fiction competition

64
00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:28,365
with your story
'Chad The Impaler'!

65
00:02:28,409 --> 00:02:30,846
We want to reward you
with this prop from the show"!

66
00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:33,414
Slash fiction?
Denise, wow.

67
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:35,285
It's when you write a story
about your favorite show,

68
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:37,026
like "Star Trek",
but Kirk and Spock are gay

69
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:39,376
or "Gilmore Girls", but
they're guys and they're gay,

70
00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:42,031
or "Stranger Things",
but it's a movie set in the '90s

71
00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:44,251
and they're --Yeah, I get -- I get it.

72
00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:46,078
It's my second
favorite hobby.

73
00:02:46,122 --> 00:02:47,689
My first is...

74
00:02:47,732 --> 00:02:49,125
We should open it!

75
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,387
I wonder what it is.

76
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,347
A mirror
from Zach's house!

77
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:56,132
[Gasping]

78
00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:58,613
♪♪

79
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:00,223
[Thunder crashes]

80
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:01,920
[Laughs evilly]

81
00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:08,971
♪♪

82
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:18,285
♪♪

83
00:03:21,984 --> 00:03:24,029
And you think they're slobs
when they're alive.

84
00:03:24,073 --> 00:03:26,249
Kevin! Kevin!

85
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,729
I won!

86
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,513
My story, "Chad The Impaler",

87
00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:31,646
won the Vampire Creek
Slash Fiction competition.

88
00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:33,604
[Laughs]
What are you doing tonight?

89
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,867
Oh, uh, tonight?

90
00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:37,782
I-I can't tonight.
Let's celebrate tomorrow night!

91
00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,480
No, I want to celebrate
tonight.

92
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:41,482
I'm sorry, Denise.
I have a class.

93
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,397
A what?
[Scoffs]

94
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,268
Do you think all I
want to do with my
life is dig graves?

95
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:46,748
I mean,
I don't want to brag,

96
00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:48,576
but I always thought
that if I applied myself,

97
00:03:48,619 --> 00:03:51,405
that I could one day,
you know...

98
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:52,710
What?

99
00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,277
Dig swimming pools.

100
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,497
Okay,
you can miss one class.

101
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,150
[Chuckles]

102
00:03:58,194 --> 00:04:00,196
Why don't you tell an astronaut
to miss one class?

103
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,676
Or an assassin.

104
00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,982
Or one of those guys
that helps pandas have sex.

105
00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:06,811
They have a very low libido
'cause all they eat is bamboo.

106
00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:08,204
Kevin.

107
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,727
What am I to you?

108
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:12,339
Am I the real deal,
or am I just some side piece?

109
00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:14,993
What's a side piece?I don't know,

110
00:04:15,037 --> 00:04:16,517
but they say it a lot
on "Vampire Creek",

111
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:17,953
and I know it's not good.

112
00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:19,650
But it also makes me
think of chicken,

113
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:20,825
and now I'm hungry.

114
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:22,653
[Clears throat]
Later, hater!

115
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,004
[Sighs]

116
00:04:26,048 --> 00:04:27,441
[Water spraying]

117
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,662
Male sex symbol.
Seven letters.

118
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:32,750
Jack.

119
00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:34,709
Oh.

120
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:36,363
Klugman.

121
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:37,799
[Door opens]Rascal.

122
00:04:39,366 --> 00:04:42,673
Dad,
I am soupset with Kevin.

123
00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:45,633
Prostate flare.

124
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,112
Got to go.

125
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,073
I just wish things
were as romantic

126
00:04:51,116 --> 00:04:53,858
as they are
on "Vampire Creek".

127
00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,251
Mirror:
[Whispering] Denise.

128
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,775
Or that cooking show,
"One-Armed Chef."

129
00:04:57,819 --> 00:04:59,473
Denise!

130
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,779
[Sighs] If I was dating
a guy with one arm,

131
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,694
he wouldn't be digging
all the time.

132
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:05,000
Hello!

133
00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:08,046
Yes, thank you.
Oh. Huh?

134
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:10,048
Denise.

135
00:05:10,092 --> 00:05:14,357
♪♪

136
00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:16,881
[Portal whirring]

137
00:05:16,925 --> 00:05:18,274
What?!

138
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,320
Whoa.

139
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:21,625
Zach: Denise!
[Gasps]

140
00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,323
♪♪

141
00:05:23,366 --> 00:05:24,715
You're finally here.

142
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:27,196
Is this Vampire Creek?

143
00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:29,372
Yes, Denise.

144
00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,200
I am in love with you.

145
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:32,984
Oh,
but TV shows aren't real.

146
00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:35,204
Anything is possible
with love.

147
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,336
Is this a dream?Don't speak.

148
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,467
Okay. I can't.

149
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:39,208
Everything
you've ever wanted

150
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,775
is in this world.

151
00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:43,038
Cats dressed
as munchkins!
Sure.

152
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,909
Munchkins dressed
as cats!Yeah, okay, fine.

153
00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:46,737
Giraffes with tap--Denise, Denise,
Denise, Denise.

154
00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:49,000
There is a reason
I brought you here.

155
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:51,351
In the world
of the Nosferatu,

156
00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:52,700
there is one night

157
00:05:52,743 --> 00:05:55,703
that towers above
all other nights.

158
00:05:55,746 --> 00:05:58,270
The junior prom of
Vampire Creek High School.

159
00:05:58,314 --> 00:05:59,924
And I want you
to go with me.

160
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:03,450
[Moans lightly]
I want to go to vampire prom.

161
00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:04,973
But to go,

162
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:07,323
you have to become
one of us.

163
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:10,761
I am notbecoming a boy
to go to prom.

164
00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:11,806
No.

165
00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:13,373
I meant a vampire.

166
00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:15,592
[Gasps]
Just let me bite you,

167
00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:18,203
and you can stay here with me
forever.

168
00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:21,816
If I become a vampire,
can I eat Pop-Tarts?
No.

169
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:24,688
Can I go home and visit my dad
and all my friends?

170
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:25,907
No!

171
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:27,430
But you won't want to,

172
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:28,953
to watch them age and die

173
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:31,086
as you live on
through the eons.

174
00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:33,305
And no Pop-Tarts.
No.

175
00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:36,047
I know this is a difficult
decision to make,

176
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,049
but keep in mind,
we have a pretty good chance

177
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:40,182
of being voted cutest couple
in the yearbook.

178
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:43,098
Is there any way I could,
like, have a [clears throat]

179
00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:46,449
a trial period?
Figure it out?

180
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,756
I can give you some time
to decide,

181
00:06:48,799 --> 00:06:50,497
but once you commit
to me,

182
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:52,890
the only way
you can leave this world

183
00:06:52,934 --> 00:06:53,935
is through death!

184
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,806
Oh.
We cool?

185
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,460
Yeah, totes.
All right.

186
00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:00,332
Remember, I am immortal,
but, uh, ticktock.

187
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,160
♪♪

188
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,731
[Insects chirping]

189
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:08,993
[Clatter in distance][Gasps]

190
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:23,921
♪♪

191
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,010
I knew it.

192
00:07:26,054 --> 00:07:30,450
32 years old and she thinks
she can stay out all night.

193
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,539
Kids these days.

194
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,497
No wonder
we can't win a war.

195
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:37,979
[Pounding on door]

196
00:07:38,022 --> 00:07:40,329
Aah! Aah.

197
00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:41,809
Stan, it --

198
00:07:41,852 --> 00:07:43,550
i-it's 5:00 in the morning.
What are you doing here?

199
00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,900
Kev-o, you just started
seeing Denise this week, right?

200
00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,989
Well, it comes down
to your definition --

201
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:50,165
Don't you think it's
a little early for sleepovers?

202
00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:51,775
Certainly do.

203
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,429
Let me talk to her.Oh, she's not here.

204
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,170
Go get Denise.No, really, she's not here.

205
00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:56,911
Y-You're welcome
to come in and look.

206
00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:59,870
[Owl hoots]

207
00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:03,961
Kev-o, you and I have been
amigos for quite a while.

208
00:08:04,005 --> 00:08:05,615
So, be honest with me.

209
00:08:05,659 --> 00:08:07,791
Did you murder
my daughter?
No!

210
00:08:07,835 --> 00:08:09,489
You buried her alive?
No!

211
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:10,881
Ya drowned her?
No.

212
00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,187
Where'd ya do it?
Winnipesaukee?
No.

213
00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:13,188
Squam?
No.

214
00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:14,189
Kancamagus?
No.

215
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:15,190
Guilty men would say "no."

216
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:16,278
Then I diddo it!

217
00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:17,409
No!

218
00:08:17,453 --> 00:08:19,977
I don't know
what your game is,

219
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:23,503
but I'm going to play along
because, Kev,

220
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:24,808
I'm global.

221
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:26,854
[Sighs]
[Whistles]

222
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:29,639
[Whistles]

223
00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:35,819
[Sighs]

224
00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:40,781
[Sniffles]
And no cryin'!

225
00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:42,826
I'm not crying.
You're crying!

226
00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:44,088
[Cries]

227
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:46,134
♪♪

228
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:49,790
Oh, this house looks
just like it does on TV.

229
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:53,315
[Gasps]
Oh, it's so cool.

230
00:08:53,358 --> 00:08:54,795
Wow.

231
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:56,884
[Zach
exhales sharply]

232
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:58,407
Aah! Hey!

233
00:08:58,450 --> 00:08:59,843
So [chuckles]

234
00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:02,498
you given any more thought
to what we talked about?

235
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:03,586
[Sighs]

236
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,327
I know this isn't real,

237
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:06,676
and I-I know
this is a dream.

238
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,939
I-I know everything, okay?
It's just...

239
00:09:08,983 --> 00:09:09,940
I don't know.

240
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,159
But it's so perfect.

241
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:12,682
You will get to live here
forever,

242
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:14,815
and I really need to feed now
anyways.

243
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:17,600
Ah!Aah! It's just a really big
commitment, Zach.

244
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:18,775
I-I'm just not ready!

245
00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:20,168
I know, but...

246
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:23,171
Is there any other way
I can help?

247
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:28,480
♪♪

248
00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:33,007
Stan! I'm here!

249
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,574
I came
as soon as I could.

250
00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:36,053
Where'd you last
see her?

251
00:09:36,097 --> 00:09:39,535
Right here in this room
in front of that mirror.

252
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,668
Oh, is that the mirror
she won the other night?Yeah.

253
00:09:41,711 --> 00:09:43,670
From that show where
all the guys shave their chests.

254
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,149
And what is thatabout?

255
00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:47,108
You don't see Sean Connery
shave his chest.

256
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,806
That guy had a front
like a baboon's back.

257
00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,199
Okay, it's because
they're vampires

258
00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:52,635
and they want to date
teenage girls,

259
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,245
so even though
they're hundreds of years old,

260
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:55,725
they do...
[Groans]

261
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,422
...shave their -- When
you say it out loud, I mean...

262
00:09:57,466 --> 00:09:59,947
[Telephone ringing]Ah.

263
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:03,559
I-It's a show
about feelings.

264
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,344
-Yeah?
-Stan, it's Kevin.

265
00:10:06,388 --> 00:10:07,911
I dig graves
down at the cemetery.

266
00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:09,913
I know who you are,
Kev-o.
Right. Okay.

267
00:10:09,957 --> 00:10:11,436
After you left,

268
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,047
I went and checked out
all of Denise's old haunts --

269
00:10:13,090 --> 00:10:14,526
the abandoned car wash,

270
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:17,007
that big pile of wigs
behind the church,

271
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:18,487
the false teeth museum,

272
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,968
the funeral home that's only
for circus people...

273
00:10:21,011 --> 00:10:22,839
Mirror:
[Whispering] Evie.

274
00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:26,364
♪♪

275
00:10:26,408 --> 00:10:27,801
...that building
with no windows

276
00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:29,237
where they make
old people sew,

277
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,108
the record shop
that became a video rental

278
00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:32,936
that's now a phone store
that's closing,

279
00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:35,199
that bridge that
the goats are afraid of...

280
00:10:35,243 --> 00:10:37,462
Evie.

281
00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:39,682
Evie.

282
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,336
[Portal whirring]

283
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,643
...that homeless guy who has
a house he just won't go in.

284
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:47,951
Hello?

285
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:50,388
Hang on to your hat.
The phone store's clos--

286
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:54,131
Oh, hell, not again.

287
00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:56,960
♪♪

288
00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:59,571
[Indistinct conversations,
dog barking]

289
00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:03,053
Lookin' good, Crazy Ray.
Lookin' good.

290
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:06,404
Okay, you kill a hobo,
and I'll drink his blood.

291
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:09,016
Denise: Zach, why can't you
do this again?

292
00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:10,495
If I'm seen
killing a hobo,

293
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:11,801
I'm gonna be linked
to all the other murders,

294
00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,281
and I'll be kicked off
the yearbook.

295
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:14,586
Please.

296
00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:15,762
[Gulps]

297
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,677
Okay, Denise,
you can do this.

298
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:24,684
♪♪

299
00:11:26,381 --> 00:11:28,775
Denise!
What are you doing?!

300
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:31,865
Killing a hobo with a hammer!
What are youdoing?!

301
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,910
Stopping you, for one.

302
00:11:33,954 --> 00:11:36,826
It's okay.
This isn't real.

303
00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:39,350
It's a dream,
and now you're in it!

304
00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:40,917
Denise,
this is not a dream.

305
00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:42,789
This is some kind of
tailored reality,

306
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,921
and we got to find a way
to get out of here.

307
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:47,010
Ah!
Aah!

308
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:48,185
Aah!

309
00:11:48,229 --> 00:11:49,534
Ah!
Found a can of peaches!

310
00:11:49,578 --> 00:11:51,449
Woman:
I found a can of peaches!

311
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:56,324
[Cellphone rings, beeps]

312
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,673
Hello?

313
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,588
Leon,
Denise and Evie are missing.

314
00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:00,720
You better get over here.

315
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:01,938
On my way!

316
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:03,505
[Cellphone beeps]

317
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:09,772
[Chuckles]

318
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,078
Buckets.

319
00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:13,254
[Lid opens]

320
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,169
♪♪

321
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:17,693
[Grunts]

322
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,261
Oh, yeah,
that's the stuff.

323
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:22,132
[Grunts]

324
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,743
Rise, my child.

325
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:27,311
♪♪

326
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:28,704
Aah!
Depeche Mode.

327
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,053
Aah!

328
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:31,576
Why did you bring
Denise and me here?

329
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:33,187
You're not even
supposed to be here.

330
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,232
This world was made for Denise.
She was chosen.

331
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:36,625
Why wasn't Ichosen?
[Grunts]

332
00:12:36,668 --> 00:12:38,105
It's not about you.

333
00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:39,628
Then why did you
bite me?!

334
00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,239
I wanted to bite Denise,
but it has to be her choice.

335
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:43,371
Ugh!

336
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:44,633
Ow!

337
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:46,069
♪♪

338
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:47,549
How do I
get outta here?

339
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:48,811
Oh, that's easy.

340
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:51,379
Denise just
has to kill you.

341
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:52,989
Oh!

342
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:55,383
Peachy.

343
00:12:55,426 --> 00:12:56,993
Ow! Cut my tongue.

344
00:12:57,037 --> 00:12:59,256
So hungry.

345
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:02,085
Oh, a fridge full of blood.

346
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,565
[Groans]

347
00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:05,349
Zach is back.

348
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:07,917
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I scare you, my love?Yes.

349
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:11,616
Okay, Zach, we don't always
have to be touching.

350
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:14,750
What? But how is everybody gonna
know that we're dating, baby?

351
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,883
There's no one here.

352
00:13:16,926 --> 00:13:19,668
Uh, I'm here.
[Scoffs] Not that anyone cares.

353
00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:21,452
♪♪

354
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,019
Zach,
I need a little space, okay?Oh.

355
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:24,586
Do you want to go do that
together?
No!

356
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,066
♪♪

357
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,502
Zach is confused.

358
00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:29,678
[Sighs]

359
00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:32,028
[Shudders]

360
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:34,030
[Sighs] I miss Kevin.

361
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,379
Oh.

362
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:37,207
Oh, so you have
two boyfriends now?

363
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,600
[Hisses]
Aah!

364
00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,123
Must be nice to be you.

365
00:13:41,646 --> 00:13:43,387
[Sighs deeply]

366
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,999
I'd kill for a ham.

367
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,522
[Sighs]

368
00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:49,698
Like I said, the last time
I saw either one of them

369
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:51,961
was -- was right here
on this spot

370
00:13:52,005 --> 00:13:53,789
in front of that mirror.

371
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,138
Chew on that for a second,
Leon.

372
00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,879
And I'm gonna
go get a beer.

373
00:13:58,141 --> 00:14:00,578
Mirror:
[Whispering] Leon.

374
00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,798
[Whispering] What?

375
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,192
What are you reading?

376
00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:07,847
A magazine.

377
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,109
Oh, my gosh.
That's so cool.

378
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,806
Can I see it?

379
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,460
Yes.

380
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:13,983
Bring it over.

381
00:14:14,027 --> 00:14:17,421
I don't have
my glasses on.

382
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,728
There you go.

383
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,776
Did you know
that mirror can talk?

384
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,561
It keeps
saying my name.

385
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:27,910
It's a shame Denise left

386
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:29,303
before she knew
she had a magic mirror.

387
00:14:30,782 --> 00:14:31,871
Oh.

388
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:33,655
[Up-tempo music plays]

389
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:36,266
[Indistinct conversations]

390
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:42,751
♪♪

391
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:44,318
Okay.

392
00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:45,623
Oh.

393
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:52,413
Hey, hey, hey. Slow down.
You just turned.

394
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:55,285
I think I know
what I'm doing, okay?

395
00:14:55,329 --> 00:14:59,942
♪♪

396
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:01,161
Whew!

397
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:02,858
Hachi machi.

398
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,207
Ahh.

399
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,122
All right, Leon,
listen carefully.

400
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,819
I'm going in that mirror.

401
00:15:07,863 --> 00:15:09,821
I want you to hang on to --
to that end of the rope,

402
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,040
and don't let go.

403
00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:12,259
You got it?

404
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:14,174
I won't let you down.All right.

405
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:16,959
There you go, pal.

406
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:20,049
[Portal whirring]

407
00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:21,921
♪♪

408
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:22,878
No!

409
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,141
Jackass.

410
00:15:25,185 --> 00:15:26,838
Eh.

411
00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:31,060
Stan?!

412
00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:34,020
[Up-tempo music plays]

413
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:36,109
♪♪

414
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:37,762
Zach: Evie, slow down.

415
00:15:37,806 --> 00:15:43,507
♪♪

416
00:15:43,551 --> 00:15:45,074
Hey!

417
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,380
You're cute.

418
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:47,511
What's your name?

419
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:48,512
Uh-oh.

420
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:49,731
Bartholomew.

421
00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:51,080
King of the Southern Realm.

422
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:52,995
Well, Bart...

423
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:56,564
your name
rhymes with "fart".

424
00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,174
Deal with it.

425
00:15:58,218 --> 00:15:59,654
♪♪

426
00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:02,700
[Making fart noises]

427
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:04,964
[Telephone rings]

428
00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,878
Hello?
Stan.

429
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,097
No, this is Leon.

430
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,490
Leon,
what are you doing there?

431
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,927
You're not dating Stan,
are you?

432
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,799
No! I'm talking
to the magic mirror
that ate Denise.

433
00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,062
[Chuckling] Oh, good.

434
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:17,977
Because if you were
dating Stan --

435
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,674
The magic mirror?!

436
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:21,850
What the hell is this?

437
00:16:21,893 --> 00:16:24,809
Why is everybody
dressed like a pirate?

438
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:27,551
Evie?
What the hell happened to you?

439
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:28,639
Stan!

440
00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:30,554
Oh, Stan.

441
00:16:30,598 --> 00:16:32,948
I'm so happy to see you!

442
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:36,691
You know, earlier tonight,
I met a guy named Fart.

443
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,432
Woman,
have you seen yourself?

444
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:39,650
Oh, no, I can't.

445
00:16:39,694 --> 00:16:41,696
I don't have a reflection
anymore.

446
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:44,177
But seriously,
who would name their baby Fart?

447
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:46,483
Oh!

448
00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,442
Yeah![Chuckles]

449
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,313
Bye-bye, Stan.

450
00:16:50,357 --> 00:16:52,098
Oh, my God.

451
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,884
Bats are just
hang-gliding mice.

452
00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,755
I better tell Fart.

453
00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:00,280
All right, you hang on
to this end of the rope.

454
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:02,021
I'm going
through the mirror.

455
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,892
You good?
Got it.

456
00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:05,676
Let's do it!

457
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,069
Wait!
You might want to --

458
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:08,114
[Portal whirring]

459
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:12,466
♪♪

460
00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:13,771
Oh, shit.

461
00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:15,121
Oh, poop.

462
00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:22,084
[Up-tempo music plays]

463
00:17:22,128 --> 00:17:23,651
Mm.

464
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:27,046
[Gags]

465
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:30,571
[Vomits]

466
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:31,920
Ew!

467
00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:34,531
Ohh.

468
00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,664
I'm okay!

469
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,145
Nope.

470
00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:41,234
Don't be mad at me!

471
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:42,278
[Vomits]

472
00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:43,888
Zach: Everyone?

473
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:45,977
Excuse me, if I can get
your attention, please.

474
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:49,503
It is time to announce
prom royalty!

475
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:50,765
[Applause]

476
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,680
Our beautiful prom queen...

477
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:54,247
[Vomits]

478
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,857
...D-D-D-Denise!

479
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:56,901
What?

480
00:17:56,945 --> 00:17:58,294
It's me.

481
00:17:58,338 --> 00:18:00,166
[Laughs]

482
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:01,776
♪♪

483
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:03,386
Huh?

484
00:18:03,430 --> 00:18:09,871
♪♪

485
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:11,307
[Vomits]

486
00:18:11,351 --> 00:18:14,354
♪♪

487
00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:16,617
Time to decide, Denise.

488
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:18,184
Want to stay here?

489
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:20,316
-Denise, join us.
-Join us.

490
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,449
The floor is nice.

491
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,059
[Cheers and applause]

492
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,539
Kevin: Denise!

493
00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:27,018
Denise, it's me!

494
00:18:27,062 --> 00:18:28,977
Kevin?

495
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,500
It's me -- Kevin!

496
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:31,893
[Exhales sharply]

497
00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:34,243
Hi.
I dig graves
in the cemetery!

498
00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:36,506
I-I hear you.
I-I-I see your face.

499
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:39,422
[Grunting]

500
00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:41,424
Denise!

501
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:42,773
[Breathing heavily]

502
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:45,776
Denise, come home.

503
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:47,169
[Sighs]

504
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:48,214
I was afraid.

505
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,302
Of what?

506
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:51,086
[Sighs] I-I was afraid

507
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,696
you'd get to know me

508
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,350
and think I was gross.

509
00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:55,873
No!

510
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,484
Well...
Doesn't matter.

511
00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:59,921
You can't stay here.
This is a fantasy.

512
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:02,706
This whole thing is something
you want to be real,

513
00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:04,186
and it's not.

514
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:07,320
Like -- Like guardian angels
or -- or the Hulk.

515
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:10,236
Ow!
No!

516
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:12,455
Ohh!

517
00:19:12,499 --> 00:19:14,022
Oh, that hurts!

518
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,197
Yeah.

519
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,243
It's like stepping
on a nail,

520
00:19:17,286 --> 00:19:18,983
but with your neck.

521
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:21,421
♪♪

522
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,640
All right, Zach,

523
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:26,252
I will let you
turn me into a vampire.

524
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:28,123
But please
let my friends go.

525
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,603
The only way
your friends can leave

526
00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:31,431
is if you kill them.

527
00:19:31,474 --> 00:19:35,348
Kill them as in
they'll be...dead?

528
00:19:35,391 --> 00:19:37,437
That's the only way
they can go back.

529
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,135
[Laughs evilly]

530
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,224
[Coughs]

531
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:43,965
[Groans, clears throat]

532
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,837
[Scoffs] Okay.

533
00:19:46,881 --> 00:19:50,972
Kevin, I really, really
liked what you had to say.

534
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,103
Thanks.

535
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:54,584
Ohh!

536
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:55,846
[Crowd gasping]

537
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:58,849
Ohh!

538
00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:00,677
Denise:
Evie, I'm really sorry,

539
00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:02,244
but I'm gonna have to stab you
through the heart

540
00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:03,680
with this table leg.

541
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:06,205
Oh, that's okay.
Just don't move me.

542
00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:07,423
Okay.

543
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:10,209
5, 6, 7, 8.

544
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:13,647
[Crowd gasps]

545
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:15,301
You ever found yourself
on the back of a Harley

546
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:19,653
at sunrise
in Kennebunkport?

547
00:20:19,696 --> 00:20:21,002
No, no.

548
00:20:21,045 --> 00:20:22,395
Now,
don't you go turning me

549
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,614
into a sparkling pile
of lady dust.

550
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:28,749
Dad, I think I'm gonna enjoy
killing you most of all.

551
00:20:28,792 --> 00:20:30,141
No, no.

552
00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:33,101
No! Ohh!

553
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:35,364
Aah!

554
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:39,107
[Crowd gasps]

555
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:41,283
[Breathing heavily]

556
00:20:41,327 --> 00:20:43,024
It's time, Denise.

557
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:45,156
This world
was made for you.

558
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,029
I know.
That's the problem.

559
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:52,251
Aah!
Ohh, you can't kill Zach!

560
00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:54,992
Obviously, you can.
I'm just being dramatic.

561
00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:56,820
♪♪

562
00:20:56,864 --> 00:20:59,301
[Crowd gasps, murmuring]

563
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:00,998
Still the queen, though,
right?

564
00:21:01,042 --> 00:21:04,045
[Crowd murmuring]

565
00:21:04,088 --> 00:21:05,264
Yeah!

566
00:21:07,353 --> 00:21:08,484
Is everyone okay?

567
00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,878
This never happened.

568
00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:13,620
Is everybody
understood on that?

569
00:21:13,663 --> 00:21:16,405
Uh-huh.

570
00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:18,320
So, my plan worked.

571
00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:22,324
♪♪

572
00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:23,934
Mirror:
[Whispering] Bye, nerds.