1
00:00:00,897 --> 00:00:04,521
[Creepy music plays]

2
00:00:05,453 --> 00:00:06,834
STAN:
"In our darkest hour,

3
00:00:06,834 --> 00:00:12,667
we commit these souls unsettled
to graves unblessed."

4
00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:15,843
Why's everything a goddamn poem?

5
00:00:15,843 --> 00:00:17,155
Stan!
Help me!

6
00:00:17,155 --> 00:00:19,019
She's gonna
burn me alive!

7
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,848
28 years.

8
00:00:20,848 --> 00:00:23,368
I was the sheriff
for 28 years.

9
00:00:23,368 --> 00:00:26,267
Never got tied
to a stake.

10
00:00:26,267 --> 00:00:28,545
You're here
exactly one week.

11
00:00:28,545 --> 00:00:31,652
[Growls]

12
00:00:31,652 --> 00:00:32,894
Geez, lady!

13
00:00:32,894 --> 00:00:33,964
Anybody ever tell you

14
00:00:33,964 --> 00:00:35,794
you look like
a barrel of assholes?

15
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♪♪

16
00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:40,695
Ouch.

17
00:00:40,695 --> 00:00:44,182
♪♪

18
00:01:00,715 --> 00:01:02,476
♪♪

19
00:01:02,476 --> 00:01:05,444
PRIEST: Earth to earth,
ashes to ashes,

20
00:01:05,444 --> 00:01:10,173
in sure and certain hope
of eternal life.

21
00:01:10,173 --> 00:01:13,487
And of the dear souls
that Claire hath left behind,

22
00:01:13,487 --> 00:01:16,283
none more dear
than her daughter, Denise,

23
00:01:16,283 --> 00:01:22,565
her beloved husband,
our sheriff, Stanley Miller --

24
00:01:22,565 --> 00:01:25,430
or, as we lovingly call him,
Stan.

25
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,571
Stanley.

26
00:01:29,848 --> 00:01:31,781
Sheriff Miller.

27
00:01:33,231 --> 00:01:36,199
"Hope will not leave us
disappointed.

28
00:01:36,199 --> 00:01:37,718
Because the love of God

29
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has been poured out in our
hearts through the Holy Spirit,

30
00:01:41,722 --> 00:01:43,758
who has been given to us.

31
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At the appointed time,
when we were still powerless,

32
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Christ died for us godless men.

33
00:01:49,419 --> 00:01:50,593
It is rare

34
00:01:50,593 --> 00:01:54,321
that anyone should lay down
his life for a just man,

35
00:01:54,321 --> 00:01:56,840
though it is barely possible
that, for a good man,

36
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,085
someone may have
the courage to die."[Laughing]

37
00:02:00,085 --> 00:02:03,123
You want to start
some shit with me?

38
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,779
Stanley, please!Eh, clamp.

39
00:02:04,779 --> 00:02:07,230
[Heart beating]Someone put you up
to this?

40
00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:08,852
[Laughing]

41
00:02:08,852 --> 00:02:10,958
What do you think?
It's funny?
DENISE:
Dad, stop it!

42
00:02:10,958 --> 00:02:12,580
Why can't we just have
a nice funeral?!

43
00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:13,926
[Shrieks]

44
00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:16,860
Come here.

45
00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:18,414
[Grunting]

46
00:02:18,414 --> 00:02:20,278
Dad!

47
00:02:21,106 --> 00:02:23,039
No, Stan!

48
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[All gasping]

49
00:02:24,213 --> 00:02:25,317
[Laughing]

50
00:02:25,317 --> 00:02:27,216
MAN:
Sheriff Miller!

51
00:02:27,216 --> 00:02:29,321
WOMAN:
Sheriff Miller!

52
00:02:29,321 --> 00:02:31,116
Somebody do something!

53
00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:33,739
[Siren wails]Sheriff Miller!

54
00:02:33,739 --> 00:02:35,914
[Laughing continues]

55
00:02:35,914 --> 00:02:39,262
♪♪

56
00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:56,106
[Electricity buzzing]

57
00:02:56,106 --> 00:02:57,763
Oh, boy.

58
00:02:57,763 --> 00:02:59,282
[Stan groans]

59
00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:04,632
[Door creaks]

60
00:03:04,632 --> 00:03:06,255
Oh.

61
00:03:06,255 --> 00:03:07,980
Who the hell
are you?

62
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,499
I could ask you
the same question.

63
00:03:09,499 --> 00:03:11,467
Of course you could.
That's what women do.

64
00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:12,916
You ask them
a question,

65
00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:14,746
and then they answer
your question witha question.

66
00:03:14,746 --> 00:03:16,817
But do they ever answer
your question?

67
00:03:16,817 --> 00:03:17,887
No, no, no, no, no.

68
00:03:17,887 --> 00:03:19,682
Because that would be
a sign of weakness.

69
00:03:19,682 --> 00:03:20,924
Am I right?

70
00:03:20,924 --> 00:03:22,650
Are you Sheriff Miller?

71
00:03:22,650 --> 00:03:23,548
Ah.

72
00:03:23,548 --> 00:03:25,653
You just did it again,
didn't you?

73
00:03:25,653 --> 00:03:27,966
I'm Evelyn Barret.

74
00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:30,140
Ah.
I'm the...

75
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:31,659
n-new...

76
00:03:31,659 --> 00:03:34,041
Hmm.

77
00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:36,216
They -- they said
you stepped down.

78
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,804
I-I just assumed your deputy
would be the guy --

79
00:03:38,804 --> 00:03:39,771
Leon? Yeah.

80
00:03:39,771 --> 00:03:42,498
He's about as useful
as tits on a flashlight.

81
00:03:42,498 --> 00:03:44,948
His family owns the building,
so if I can him,

82
00:03:44,948 --> 00:03:46,640
I got to move
the whole department

83
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:47,779
over to
the fire station,

84
00:03:47,779 --> 00:03:50,195
and what a nest of shitheads
that place is.

85
00:03:50,195 --> 00:03:52,404
Honest to Christ,
since when

86
00:03:52,404 --> 00:03:54,268
does pointing a hose
at something make you a hero?

87
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,476
Give me a break.

88
00:03:55,476 --> 00:03:57,892
Sheriff Miller,
have you...

89
00:03:57,892 --> 00:04:00,447
have you
been home since...

90
00:04:02,828 --> 00:04:06,280
Not so much.
No.

91
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,801
♪♪

92
00:04:20,915 --> 00:04:23,366
[Door creaks]

93
00:04:25,989 --> 00:04:28,164
Hello?

94
00:04:28,164 --> 00:04:33,031
♪♪

95
00:04:35,689 --> 00:04:39,900
[Sighs]

96
00:04:44,939 --> 00:04:47,045
[Door creaks, closes]

97
00:04:52,637 --> 00:04:53,776
♪♪

98
00:04:53,776 --> 00:04:58,298
WOMAN:
♪ Ring-a-round the rosie

99
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,715
♪ Pocket full of posies

100
00:05:01,715 --> 00:05:05,443
♪ Ashes, ashes

101
00:05:05,443 --> 00:05:09,205
♪ We all fall down

102
00:05:09,205 --> 00:05:12,967
♪ Ring-a-round the rosie

103
00:05:12,967 --> 00:05:16,143
♪ Pocket full of posies

104
00:05:16,143 --> 00:05:19,526
♪ Ashes, ashes

105
00:05:19,526 --> 00:05:23,771
♪ We all fall down

106
00:05:23,771 --> 00:05:26,878
Oh, Jesus Christ!

107
00:05:26,878 --> 00:05:28,397
Oh, hey.

108
00:05:28,397 --> 00:05:29,812
You -- you want
to get shot?

109
00:05:29,812 --> 00:05:31,158
No!

110
00:05:31,158 --> 00:05:33,436
I don't ever want
to get shot.

111
00:05:34,886 --> 00:05:36,646
Where have you been?

112
00:05:36,646 --> 00:05:39,200
You haven't been home
in like three days.

113
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,443
I'm starving.

114
00:05:40,443 --> 00:05:42,618
I had some Goldfish at the wake,
and that's it.

115
00:05:42,618 --> 00:05:45,931
I was gonna come home,
but, you know...

116
00:05:45,931 --> 00:05:49,107
Well, the bank needs
Ma's life-insurance information.

117
00:05:49,107 --> 00:05:50,419
Yeah, yeah.

118
00:05:50,419 --> 00:05:53,456
All that crap's in your mother's
sewing room, and...

119
00:05:53,456 --> 00:05:55,493
we're not allowed
in there.

120
00:05:55,493 --> 00:05:57,978
She locked it,
for God's sake.

121
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,775
She called it
her sacred space.

122
00:06:01,775 --> 00:06:03,086
[Laughs]

123
00:06:03,086 --> 00:06:05,606
Can you imagine what she'd do
if she found me in there?

124
00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:07,781
She'd -- she'd...

125
00:06:13,131 --> 00:06:16,341
Oh, God damn it.

126
00:06:16,341 --> 00:06:18,412
[Sighs]

127
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:21,760
I'm so hungry.

128
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:25,799
♪♪

129
00:06:25,799 --> 00:06:27,145
[Chuckles]

130
00:06:27,145 --> 00:06:28,629
[Electricity buzzes]

131
00:06:28,629 --> 00:06:32,392
You ain't entering
the pie contest, are you?

132
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,084
Big mistake.

133
00:06:36,844 --> 00:06:38,259
Deputy Drinkwater.

134
00:06:38,259 --> 00:06:39,916
Just call me Leon.

135
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:42,160
Deputy.
Evie Barret.

136
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:45,335
See, if you enter
the pie contest, you might win.

137
00:06:45,335 --> 00:06:46,716
And you don't want that.

138
00:06:46,716 --> 00:06:50,030
You don't want people thinking
you're some flashy outsider.

139
00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:53,585
Boston cop moves out to the
sticks with her big-city pies.

140
00:06:53,585 --> 00:06:55,863
Explain to me again
how you got this job.

141
00:06:55,863 --> 00:06:57,071
[Chuckles]

142
00:06:57,071 --> 00:07:00,350
Deputy is the job you want
around here, not sheriff.

143
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:02,111
[Chuckles]
Here's the deal.

144
00:07:02,111 --> 00:07:04,803
Starting today,
you're as good as dead.

145
00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:07,323
So, it's just you
and your daughter?

146
00:07:07,323 --> 00:07:08,842
No man
around the house?

147
00:07:11,051 --> 00:07:12,604
O-okay, so...

148
00:07:12,604 --> 00:07:14,468
[Clears throat]

149
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:15,538
I'm as good as dead

150
00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:17,437
and I shouldn't enter
the pie contest?

151
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,645
Mm.
There she is.

152
00:07:18,645 --> 00:07:20,750
There's the woman
whose husband left her.

153
00:07:20,750 --> 00:07:21,786
What?

154
00:07:21,786 --> 00:07:23,166
What? No.
He didn't lea--

155
00:07:23,166 --> 00:07:25,168
You see,
way back in the 1600s,

156
00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:28,758
Willard's Mill had a constable
named Thaddeus Eccles.

157
00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:31,796
You know the witch trials
down in Salem, right?

158
00:07:31,796 --> 00:07:35,213
You know how many witches
they burned down there?

159
00:07:35,213 --> 00:07:36,352
20.

160
00:07:36,352 --> 00:07:37,595
You know
how many witches

161
00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:39,700
Thaddeus Eccles burned
in Willard's Mill?

162
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,046
♪♪

163
00:07:41,046 --> 00:07:42,841
172.

164
00:07:43,704 --> 00:07:49,089
One person burned 172 people
for witchcraft?

165
00:07:49,089 --> 00:07:51,160
One sheriff.

166
00:07:54,094 --> 00:07:57,649
And ever since,
every sheriff we've ever had

167
00:07:57,649 --> 00:08:01,204
has died an early,
violent, horrible death.

168
00:08:01,204 --> 00:08:02,378
Eh.

169
00:08:02,378 --> 00:08:04,449
Except Stan,
right?

170
00:08:04,449 --> 00:08:05,761
Except Stan.

171
00:08:05,761 --> 00:08:10,144
I think someone or something
was looking out for him.

172
00:08:12,802 --> 00:08:14,528
Hey.

173
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:16,565
You know what?

174
00:08:17,738 --> 00:08:20,361
You shouldenter
that pie contest.

175
00:08:20,361 --> 00:08:21,535
Enter it and win.

176
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:24,193
You got to live life
while you can.

177
00:08:31,269 --> 00:08:34,790
[Door creaks]

178
00:08:45,041 --> 00:08:48,044
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

179
00:08:48,044 --> 00:08:53,084
♪♪

180
00:08:58,641 --> 00:09:03,025
[Laughing]

181
00:09:06,407 --> 00:09:08,962
Didn't I say that when Mommy's
not home, Karen's in charge?

182
00:09:08,962 --> 00:09:10,619
But I don't want
a new nanny.

183
00:09:10,619 --> 00:09:12,068
I like Tallon.

184
00:09:12,068 --> 00:09:14,243
I-I like Tallon, too.

185
00:09:14,243 --> 00:09:16,452
Sheriff.

186
00:09:16,452 --> 00:09:19,144
You've got a visitor.

187
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:25,081
Uh, you know, Mommy's gonna have
to call you back, sweetheart.

188
00:09:25,081 --> 00:09:28,119
♪♪

189
00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:51,694
Claire Miller,
what the hell were you up to?

190
00:09:51,694 --> 00:09:53,385
WOMAN:
And one and two and...

191
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:56,457
Did, uh -- did you ever see
your mother with this book?

192
00:09:56,457 --> 00:09:58,736
Yeah,
all the time. ...down and...

193
00:09:58,736 --> 00:10:00,013
Really?
How come I didn't?

194
00:10:00,013 --> 00:10:02,049
'Cause you were never home,
and when you were,

195
00:10:02,049 --> 00:10:03,810
you just sat in your chair
and you didn't pay no attention.

196
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,018
Of course
I don't pay no attention,

197
00:10:05,018 --> 00:10:06,778
you two
sitting around all day,

198
00:10:06,778 --> 00:10:09,298
chirping away like two birds
fighting over an onion ring.

199
00:10:09,298 --> 00:10:10,299
Give me a break.

200
00:10:10,299 --> 00:10:12,612
What --
What is this thing?

201
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,889
It's Mom's necklace book.

202
00:10:13,889 --> 00:10:15,580
You know Mom's necklace
with the glass thingy?

203
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:16,650
She used to
put it on the page,

204
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,756
and she'd read the words
through the glass.

205
00:10:18,756 --> 00:10:20,620
She did it all the time
before she went out.

206
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,069
Before she went out?Yeah.

207
00:10:22,069 --> 00:10:24,037
She'd go out
after you went to bed.

208
00:10:24,037 --> 00:10:25,625
Doing what?
I don't know.

209
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,557
Where is
this necklace now?

210
00:10:27,557 --> 00:10:28,835
Well,
she liked it so much,

211
00:10:28,835 --> 00:10:30,630
I put it on her,
you know, down in the...pbht.

212
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,424
The grave?Yeah.

213
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,461
That's just terrific work.

214
00:10:34,461 --> 00:10:36,152
One and two.Broke the mold.

215
00:10:36,152 --> 00:10:38,810
Good job. Okay.Judy,
I like your buns.

216
00:10:38,810 --> 00:10:40,570
I'm gonna get
those buns.

217
00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:42,193
Hello.

218
00:10:42,193 --> 00:10:43,539
I'm Evie Barret.

219
00:10:43,539 --> 00:10:45,368
How can I help you?

220
00:10:45,368 --> 00:10:47,301
I just thought
I'd stop by

221
00:10:47,301 --> 00:10:49,027
and meet
the new constable.

222
00:10:49,027 --> 00:10:53,307
The last one wasn't
very nice to me, you know.

223
00:10:54,170 --> 00:10:57,311
Are you the woman
from the funeral?

224
00:10:57,311 --> 00:11:00,176
Is that
your daughter?

225
00:11:00,176 --> 00:11:01,522
♪♪

226
00:11:01,522 --> 00:11:03,386
She's lovely.

227
00:11:03,386 --> 00:11:04,422
Uh, thank you.

228
00:11:04,422 --> 00:11:07,321
Sorry,
I didn't catch your name.

229
00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:10,117
[Electricity crackling]

230
00:11:10,117 --> 00:11:13,258
♪♪

231
00:11:13,258 --> 00:11:14,881
Aah!

232
00:11:14,881 --> 00:11:18,125
There's no
meddling old biddy

233
00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:21,715
to protect you
orhim anymore!

234
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:26,582
Bring me
her seeing stone!

235
00:11:26,582 --> 00:11:31,898
Bring me
her seeing stone!!

236
00:11:31,898 --> 00:11:34,348
[Electricity crackles]

237
00:11:34,348 --> 00:11:39,112
♪♪

238
00:11:41,459 --> 00:11:43,012
Mm.

239
00:11:43,012 --> 00:11:45,290
[Static]

240
00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:47,776
[Groans]

241
00:11:48,535 --> 00:11:50,433
Now what?

242
00:11:50,433 --> 00:11:53,885
All I want to do is nothing,
and I can't even do that.

243
00:11:53,885 --> 00:11:55,059
For the love of God.

244
00:11:55,059 --> 00:11:57,268
DENISE:
I think it's the TV.

245
00:12:00,823 --> 00:12:03,930
For the love of God.

246
00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:11,178
There you go.

247
00:12:11,178 --> 00:12:14,112
Surprise!
Aah!

248
00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:15,562
[Screams]

249
00:12:15,562 --> 00:12:16,805
[Thud][Static]

250
00:12:16,805 --> 00:12:18,427
[Stan groans]

251
00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:26,297
Sheriff Miller?

252
00:12:26,297 --> 00:12:29,196
You know that, uh,
woman from the funeral

253
00:12:29,196 --> 00:12:30,266
that you beat up?

254
00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:33,028
I think she attacked me
in my office today.

255
00:12:34,477 --> 00:12:35,824
Oh, I-I-I see.

256
00:12:35,824 --> 00:12:39,275
Now it's --
Now it's youroffice?

257
00:12:39,275 --> 00:12:40,311
[Whistles]

258
00:12:40,311 --> 00:12:42,071
I have to tell you --
that -- that -- that --

259
00:12:42,071 --> 00:12:44,004
that was --
that was pretty quick.

260
00:12:44,004 --> 00:12:46,696
What I'm saying is --
I think that we...

261
00:12:46,696 --> 00:12:48,353
I think
we're cursed.

262
00:12:48,353 --> 00:12:50,631
Well,
don't crap an apple.

263
00:12:50,631 --> 00:12:52,772
I will
take care of it.

264
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,945
When?

265
00:12:53,945 --> 00:12:55,844
[High-pitched voice]
Uh...in a minute.

266
00:12:55,844 --> 00:12:57,535
I mean,
now is a good time.

267
00:12:57,535 --> 00:12:58,674
Oh, dear God.

268
00:12:58,674 --> 00:13:01,539
One day in charge,
and look at you.

269
00:13:01,539 --> 00:13:03,058
Mrs. Do This, Do That.

270
00:13:03,058 --> 00:13:05,923
Has it even occurred to you
to ask me why

271
00:13:05,923 --> 00:13:10,479
I'm laying facedown in my yard,
holding two bags of skin?

272
00:13:10,479 --> 00:13:12,930
No! No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

273
00:13:12,930 --> 00:13:16,036
Of course -- Of course
it hasn't, because...

274
00:13:16,036 --> 00:13:18,176
it's all about you,
isn't it?

275
00:13:18,176 --> 00:13:21,973
Well, I have a -- I have
a gangbuster suggestion for you.

276
00:13:21,973 --> 00:13:24,355
Here -- Here's a souvenir
for a happy fan.

277
00:13:24,355 --> 00:13:25,287
What?
What is --

278
00:13:25,287 --> 00:13:27,565
Why don't you just go home,
make a salad,

279
00:13:27,565 --> 00:13:29,222
have some wine,
get your period,

280
00:13:29,222 --> 00:13:31,051
call your mother,
just go nuts,

281
00:13:31,051 --> 00:13:33,467
do whatever it is
that you people seem to do,

282
00:13:33,467 --> 00:13:36,160
and let me
take care of it.

283
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,576
KAREN: No,
you can't come over.

284
00:13:38,576 --> 00:13:41,234
I'm babysitting
the new sheriff's daughter.

285
00:13:41,234 --> 00:13:43,098
[Knock on door]

286
00:13:43,098 --> 00:13:44,513
Hold on.

287
00:13:48,689 --> 00:13:51,623
You must be Karen.

288
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:54,350
I'm Grace's grandmother.

289
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,318
May I come in?

290
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:01,841
♪♪

291
00:14:20,135 --> 00:14:21,722
What are you doing?

292
00:14:21,722 --> 00:14:24,070
What does it look like
I'm doing?

293
00:14:24,070 --> 00:14:26,003
I'm digging up
my wife.

294
00:14:26,003 --> 00:14:27,452
May I ask why?

295
00:14:27,452 --> 00:14:28,971
Oh, no reason.

296
00:14:28,971 --> 00:14:33,976
All right, look, Stan,
if -- if this is real,

297
00:14:33,976 --> 00:14:35,598
then we're gonna have to
work together.

298
00:14:35,598 --> 00:14:37,359
No, we'renot.

299
00:14:37,359 --> 00:14:40,327
Sheriff Miller,
if you don't tell me

300
00:14:40,327 --> 00:14:43,227
why you weren't killed
in office...

301
00:14:43,227 --> 00:14:46,540
I might kill you
now that you're out.

302
00:14:48,749 --> 00:14:51,511
[Door creaks]

303
00:14:51,511 --> 00:14:53,893
Oh, my God.

304
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,687
♪♪

305
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:58,069
[Gasps]

306
00:14:58,069 --> 00:15:00,520
So, your wife
was keeping you alive.

307
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:02,177
Well,
it's like I said --

308
00:15:02,177 --> 00:15:05,490
I-I haven't been in here
since that gay cop show was on.

309
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:07,976
What gay cop show?"Starsky & Hutch."

310
00:15:07,976 --> 00:15:09,978
Starsky and Hutch
weren't gay.

311
00:15:09,978 --> 00:15:11,186
[Laughs]

312
00:15:11,186 --> 00:15:12,739
Guy's sweater
had a belt.

313
00:15:12,739 --> 00:15:13,913
Give me a break.

314
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,880
You're a cop.
Read the signs, would you?

315
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,537
Stan,
look at this.

316
00:15:17,537 --> 00:15:18,918
No!

317
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,850
Not until you say
Starsky and Hutch were gay.

318
00:15:20,850 --> 00:15:22,576
Just come here,
would you?

319
00:15:22,576 --> 00:15:24,854
I think this is the --
like, the town ledger

320
00:15:24,854 --> 00:15:26,511
that's documenting
Constable Eccles

321
00:15:26,511 --> 00:15:28,306
and -- and all
the witch burnings.

322
00:15:28,306 --> 00:15:30,688
Isn't this the woman
from the funeral?Yeah.

323
00:15:30,688 --> 00:15:32,552
Her name was,
uh...

324
00:15:32,552 --> 00:15:35,003
yeah,
Stella Stanas.

325
00:15:35,003 --> 00:15:36,038
It says
her last words

326
00:15:36,038 --> 00:15:38,040
before she was burned alive
on the stake

327
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,078
was a-a-a curse
on all future constables

328
00:15:41,078 --> 00:15:42,527
of Willard's Mill.

329
00:15:42,527 --> 00:15:44,046
Get a load
of this shit.

330
00:15:44,046 --> 00:15:45,979
This is written
in some kind of

331
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,050
ass-backwards
Mexican cha-cha talk.

332
00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:49,879
Supposedly,
Claire's necklace

333
00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:51,398
helped you read
all this baloney.

334
00:15:51,398 --> 00:15:53,573
Oh!
Where is it?

335
00:15:54,436 --> 00:15:57,059
Oh, now, it's funny
you'd mention that.

336
00:15:57,059 --> 00:15:59,303
You want to take
your best guess

337
00:15:59,303 --> 00:16:01,891
at just exactly
what I was trying to get

338
00:16:01,891 --> 00:16:04,342
when youthreatened
to kill me?

339
00:16:05,792 --> 00:16:08,105
Why didn't you
say something?

340
00:16:08,105 --> 00:16:10,762
Just to prove you don't have
any idea what you're doing.

341
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:13,593
[Scoffs]
You women --
you always got to be right.

342
00:16:13,593 --> 00:16:15,836
"I got to be right.
It's important I'm right.

343
00:16:15,836 --> 00:16:19,633
I got to be right this week,
next week, all month, this --"

344
00:16:19,633 --> 00:16:23,327
You risked both of our lives
just to tell me I was wrong?

345
00:16:23,327 --> 00:16:25,812
Personal foul.
You just did it again.

346
00:16:25,812 --> 00:16:27,676
Wh--
I asked you
a question.

347
00:16:27,676 --> 00:16:30,161
You answered my question
with a question. You werewrong.

348
00:16:30,161 --> 00:16:31,473
Try it on for size.
See -- See if you can say it.

349
00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:32,336
This is unbelievable."I was wrong."

350
00:16:32,336 --> 00:16:34,131
And for
the Daily Double,

351
00:16:34,131 --> 00:16:36,202
include,
"Starsky and Hutch were gay."

352
00:16:36,202 --> 00:16:38,204
Well --
Go ahead,
give -- give that a try.

353
00:16:38,204 --> 00:16:40,171
You can't even do it.

354
00:16:40,171 --> 00:16:42,346
You can't.
You can't.

355
00:16:42,346 --> 00:16:44,313
We are gonna go
back to the cemetery

356
00:16:44,313 --> 00:16:45,901
and dig up
your dead wife.

357
00:16:45,901 --> 00:16:47,351
Yeah.

358
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,285
Soon as I call
my sitter.

359
00:16:52,425 --> 00:16:54,116
[Dialing]

360
00:16:54,116 --> 00:16:57,706
[Clears throat]

361
00:16:57,706 --> 00:17:00,053
[Ringing]

362
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:04,644
[Telephone ringing]

363
00:17:05,817 --> 00:17:07,543
Grace!

364
00:17:07,543 --> 00:17:09,752
Oh, Jesus!

365
00:17:09,752 --> 00:17:12,065
Karen!

366
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,308
Don't be mad.

367
00:17:13,308 --> 00:17:15,448
Grace's grandmother
came over to get her,

368
00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:17,622
but Grace said
she didn't know who she was,

369
00:17:17,622 --> 00:17:18,796
so I tried
to stop it.

370
00:17:18,796 --> 00:17:20,487
Karen,
w-where is Grace?

371
00:17:20,487 --> 00:17:21,488
Hey.

372
00:17:21,488 --> 00:17:23,973
If I'm dead,
I shouldn't be talking, right?

373
00:17:23,973 --> 00:17:26,252
Karen,
where is my daughter?!

374
00:17:26,252 --> 00:17:28,012
I know!
[Screaming]

375
00:17:28,012 --> 00:17:33,155
[Both laughing]

376
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,747
What if I don't need
no book or spell, huh?

377
00:17:38,747 --> 00:17:41,991
What if I just hit her
over the head with a pipe?

378
00:17:41,991 --> 00:17:44,132
Or a series of pipes. [Laughs]

379
00:17:51,829 --> 00:17:54,003
[Woman screams]

380
00:17:54,003 --> 00:17:57,904
Oh, for the love of God.

381
00:17:57,904 --> 00:18:00,872
Stan,
help me!

382
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,943
Evie,
why'd you do that?

383
00:18:02,943 --> 00:18:04,152
I didn't.

384
00:18:04,152 --> 00:18:05,291
This is the gravesite

385
00:18:05,291 --> 00:18:07,293
of all those people
who got burned.

386
00:18:07,293 --> 00:18:08,535
And Stella's got Grace.

387
00:18:08,535 --> 00:18:10,365
She's gonna
burn me alive.

388
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:12,608
28 years.

389
00:18:12,608 --> 00:18:16,957
I was the sheriff
for 28 years.

390
00:18:16,957 --> 00:18:19,063
Never got tied
to a stake.

391
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:20,927
You're here
exactly one week --

392
00:18:20,927 --> 00:18:22,963
Could you just
untie me, please?

393
00:18:22,963 --> 00:18:24,827
One week.

394
00:18:24,827 --> 00:18:27,140
[Shrieks]

395
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:28,762
Geez, lady!

396
00:18:28,762 --> 00:18:29,694
Anybody ever tell you

397
00:18:29,694 --> 00:18:31,903
you look like
a barrel of assholes?

398
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:35,355
♪♪

399
00:18:35,355 --> 00:18:36,805
Grace!

400
00:18:37,771 --> 00:18:39,532
Grace!

401
00:18:39,532 --> 00:18:43,674
[Laughs]

402
00:18:47,402 --> 00:18:48,575
[Hisses]

403
00:18:48,575 --> 00:18:49,852
Stella Stanas!

404
00:18:49,852 --> 00:18:51,958
Uh, using my authority

405
00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:54,685
as the current constable
of the Willard's Mill township,

406
00:18:54,685 --> 00:18:58,275
I hereby pardon you of
the false charge of witchcraft.

407
00:19:00,725 --> 00:19:02,831
Pipe to the head.

408
00:19:02,831 --> 00:19:04,039
Never fails.

409
00:19:04,039 --> 00:19:06,075
Not that I've ever...

410
00:19:06,075 --> 00:19:08,526
done that
to a suspect.

411
00:19:08,526 --> 00:19:11,702
That would,
of course, be...

412
00:19:11,702 --> 00:19:13,117
illegal.

413
00:19:13,117 --> 00:19:14,912
GRACE: Mommy.It's okay, sweetie.

414
00:19:14,912 --> 00:19:16,362
Mommy's here.

415
00:19:16,362 --> 00:19:17,984
You know,
I always hated this thing.

416
00:19:17,984 --> 00:19:19,123
It looks like
that crap you get

417
00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:21,160
at those Renaissance fairs
over towards Vermont.

418
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,747
You ever --
You ever go to those things?

419
00:19:22,747 --> 00:19:24,232
They are for shit.

420
00:19:24,232 --> 00:19:27,062
But they got themselves
a turkey leg.

421
00:19:27,062 --> 00:19:28,788
Oh, doctor!

422
00:19:28,788 --> 00:19:30,445
[Clears throat]

423
00:19:30,445 --> 00:19:32,067
Un-Un-Untie you.
Right.

424
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:33,862
Right.
There we go.

425
00:19:33,862 --> 00:19:35,104
Thanks.

426
00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:37,314
There you go.Okay.

427
00:19:38,142 --> 00:19:40,040
28 years.

428
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:41,732
Oh, God, sweetie.

429
00:19:41,732 --> 00:19:42,871
Okay.
All right.

430
00:19:42,871 --> 00:19:45,632
I need you to go hide behind
that tree -- okay? --

431
00:19:45,632 --> 00:19:47,565
and don't come out
until I say it's safe.

432
00:19:47,565 --> 00:19:49,740
Okay? Can you do that?
All right.

433
00:19:52,398 --> 00:19:53,985
I can't read
this thing.

434
00:19:53,985 --> 00:19:55,677
I didn't bring
my glasses.

435
00:19:55,677 --> 00:19:57,196
Well, here.

436
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,404
Uh...
all right.

437
00:19:58,404 --> 00:20:01,372
Okay, it says we need
to encircle her in salt.

438
00:20:01,372 --> 00:20:03,202
Shit.
We don't have salt.

439
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,550
The hell we don't.

440
00:20:06,550 --> 00:20:08,552
Wha--

441
00:20:08,552 --> 00:20:10,312
Uh, you're --
you're gonna judge me

442
00:20:10,312 --> 00:20:11,727
because I steal
condiments?

443
00:20:11,727 --> 00:20:15,352
♪♪

444
00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:24,395
"In the name of the great lady
I hunt by sea,

445
00:20:24,395 --> 00:20:25,948
by flower,
by fruit of evil --"

446
00:20:25,948 --> 00:20:28,537
STAN: Again, like those
Renaissance fairs in Vermont.

447
00:20:28,537 --> 00:20:30,505
But -- boy, oh, boy --
that's good eatin'.

448
00:20:30,505 --> 00:20:31,678
Aah!

449
00:20:31,678 --> 00:20:33,232
[Both scream]

450
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,545
[Growling]

451
00:20:36,545 --> 00:20:38,098
Aah!

452
00:20:38,098 --> 00:20:39,859
[Screams]

453
00:20:46,072 --> 00:20:47,246
Ugh.

454
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:51,422
Come on, you.
Let's go.

455
00:20:51,422 --> 00:20:53,355
EVIE:
Creature of night...Come on,
you son of a...

456
00:20:53,355 --> 00:20:55,219
You want
some of that medicine?

457
00:20:55,219 --> 00:20:57,117
EVIE: Let the sacred circle
bind you.How do you like this?

458
00:20:57,117 --> 00:20:58,981
Great mother
of three times three,

459
00:20:58,981 --> 00:21:00,776
I cast
thy magic upon you

460
00:21:00,776 --> 00:21:04,228
a-and banish thee
from the realm of the mortals!

461
00:21:04,228 --> 00:21:07,266
[Screaming]

462
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:11,339
♪♪

463
00:21:15,584 --> 00:21:19,899
So...
according to that book...

464
00:21:19,899 --> 00:21:22,315
we're still cursed.

465
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:26,423
There's 171 other demons
who...

466
00:21:26,423 --> 00:21:28,114
are determined
to carry it out.

467
00:21:28,114 --> 00:21:31,082
STAN: Eh.
I wouldn't worry about it.

468
00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:34,845
♪♪