[indistinct cheerful chatter]
Happy 50th show, everyone!
[cheering and laughter]
- Oh, my God, we're middle-aged! - [laughter]
Okay, one, two, three!
[all blow, cheering]
- Who wants to cut? - Oh, I will.
- Okay. - [Stacey] Make sure I get a rose.
- Carmen, do you need any help? - No, not with that.
- Can I get a... Arth, I got it. - Don't touch it.
[Melrose] Arthie.
[sighs]
[Melrose] Mm. I'm just such a big helper is,
I think, a thing that people don't really realize about me.
["Cities In Dust" by Siouxsie and the Banshees playing]
[indistinct cheerful chatter]
♪ Water was running ♪
♪ Children were running ♪
♪ You were running out of time ♪
♪ Under the mountain ♪
♪ The golden mountain ♪
♪ Were you praying at the Lares shrine? ♪
♪ But, ohhh-ohhh ♪
♪ Oh, your city lies in dust, my friend ♪
♪ Ohhh-ohhh ♪
♪ Oh, your city lies in dust, my friend ♪
♪ We found you hiding ♪
♪ We found you lying ♪
♪ Choking on the dirt and sand ♪
♪ Your former glories ♪
♪ And all the stories ♪
♪ Dragged and washed with eager hands ♪
♪ But, ohhh-ohhh ♪
♪ Oh, your city lies in dust, my friend ♪
♪ Ohhh-ohhh ♪
♪ Oh, your city lies in dust, my friend ♪
♪ Ohhh-oh-ohhh ♪
♪ Oh, your city lies in dust, my friend ♪
♪ Ohhh-oh-ohhh ♪
♪ Oh, your city lies in dust, my friend ♪
♪ Your city lies in dust, my friend ♪
♪ Ohhh-oh-ohhh ♪
♪ Oh, your city lies in dust My friend... ♪
[sighs]
[Debbie] What number is it?
Oh, um...
Oh, 200!
Oh, my God, you guys!
- Happy 200th show! - Yippee!
We should celebrate.
I’m late for a date with Tex.
- I have a date too. - Yeah, me too.
- With your prostitute boyfriend? - Shut up.
I pay him, I control the terms, and I’m happy. Don’t judge.
Okay, bye.
Night.
Hey, wait up.
[downbeat electronic music playing]
[man] Excuse me, Ruth?
- [Ruth] Yes? - Phone call. I can transfer it.
No, I'll take it here. [clears throat]
- Hello? - [Russell] Hey, it's me.
- Guess what? - What?
Okay, so you know this director, Menahem Golan, who directed The Apple,
about the evil recording company and Adam and Eve?
- What’s the news? - Okay, right, right, right.
Okay, so he was at KDTV last week,
and I asked him if he needed a camera operator for anything
and he was like, "No, I have no idea who you are."
But today, I get a call from him
saying that his second unit operator has shingles,
and that he needs someone to hop on this movie that he’s directing in Sevilla.
Spain?
Yeah. It’s only two months, but I’m kind of freaking out.
Wow. Yes, I mean, that’s huge. That’s...
No, it's huge.
Now we don’t have to get into fights about you working in Vegas
and me staying at home waiting for you.
Hold on. I gotta... I gotta drain the spaghetti.
[pot clatters]
[Russell] Hey, sorry, I feel like I bulldozed you.
No, it’s fine.
You’re excited. I...
You know, maybe I can come to LA... this weekend to celebrate.
Okay, so, um, my flight leaves on Friday.
Wow. [chuckles]
But maybe... maybe you'll come to Spain for New Year's?
Um...
I don’t know, Russell...
Oh, no, no, no.
No, don't... don't... don't do this on the phone.
I’m not doing anything.
[sighs]
Hello?
I'm still here.
- How's the house coming? - Ah, fantastic.
Love the architect you recommended. We... We landed on French château...
...meets desert deco.
You know, we really should set up an office for you here at the hotel.
You’re producing two shows on-site now. It makes sense.
Maybe I’ll just buy the penthouse.
[laughs]
I like how you two spend money.
- Yeah. - And thanks to your investment,
we will finally be able to give Rhapsody the face-lift it deserves.
- [Rhonda gasps] - [Bash whistles in amazement]
- [Sandy] How about that sign? - [chuckles] I love it.
Yeah.
And...
- What's this? - I have been wanting to add...
a "tribute to old Hollywood" number for years now.
A classic Ginger Rogers/Fred Astaire number
with huge production value. And...
we’ve never been able to afford it, but now...
Well, Sandy... [chuckles]
pardon my French, but fuck Hollywood, right?
I mean, who wants a classic face-lift?
And what does that even mean? You still look old, but better? It...
Well, yes. That’s the idea.
Well, how about this for an idea?
We bring Rhapsody into...
the ‘80s.
What did you have in mind, Bash?
[upbeat rock instrumental playing]
Whoo!
[grunts]
Ahhh!
[music stops]
Whoo!
It’s Bash Howard’s Rhapsody, featuring BMX Babes!
‘Cause that’s his brand.
Girls doing something you thought only a boy could do.
Look, if I’m gonna pump more money into Rhapsody,
then it's gotta have a Bash Howard stamp.
Now, everybody in town's got a showgirl show, right?
But no one in town has a BMX showgirl show.
Yeah. Maybe there’s a reason for that.
It's very exciting.
- Thank you. - [Sandy] But...
how about, instead of all the, uh, hoopla,
we update the music?
A little Huey Lewis?
And that way, it's different,
but we're still giving audiences what they love.
But people aren’t actually coming to Rhapsody anymore.
Ticket sales have been a little soft.
Uh, I had Rhonda take a look at the books. Rhonda?
The profits have been quite low for a few months now.
There’s always a dip at the end of the year. Uh, holidays.
Well, if GLOW took this sort of a nosedive in ticket sales,
- I mean, you'd pull us from the showroom. - [Rhonda] What Bash is trying to say is,
if we can't make these improvements,
I'm not sure Rhapsody is the right investment for us.
[sighs]
If you pull out your money now,
we have to shut down.
There will be 80 showgirls out of a job.
[exhales] Believe me, Sandy, I know.
So, let's introduce these girls to the future, huh?
You two are quite a team, huh?
[chuckles]
[Sheila] He got a job in Spain?
[sighs] Yup.
- And are things better with you guys? - Not really.
It's like everyone's moving on with their lives,
and I'm doing performance reports.
You wanna do a scene together?
[laughs]
That’s very sweet, but...
you know, I don’t think Miss Julie is gonna cheer me up right now.
[Sheila] Not Strindberg.
Sam Shepard.
Bobby asked me to perform
at this charity ball he throws every winter.
Well, the first year it was to raise money so he could go on vacation to Hawaii,
but now all the money goes to help local AIDS groups.
There’s a costume contest
and a stage where you’re supposed to perform things
you couldn’t perform in your own show.
But True West, isn’t that two men?
Yeah, I was supposed to perform it with Bobby,
but he’s so stressed out about pulling this whole thing together.
And two women doing it?
Last night... Last night was a roller coaster, right, Rita?
- It was. - I was down 1,200,
and then these four sisters from Florida show up to the table.
- It was her 40th birthday. - Fiftieth.
Cut to five hours later, I’m up $2,000,
and they invited me to Miami for New Year's Eve.
[man] Cherry Bang?
That's me.
I’m with the casino. Can you come with me, please?
Uh-uh. I’m staying right here. I got money to win back.
You should go with him.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, I’m sure they’re taking me to the high rollers room.
Is she in trouble?
- I’m not at liberty to say. - Rita.
[quietly] Yes, she’s in trouble. You should go help her.
This never happened.
Hey, Al. You know she’s one of our performers.
Oh, I know. That’s why we let it go this long.
She owes the casino $5,000.
I’m gonna pay it back.
The casino usually takes legal action after 30 days, so consider yourself lucky.
How about you give her a little more time, Al?
It is the holidays.
She can have one week.
Wh...
You don't have any savings?
I can’t touch that.
- You do work for a very wealthy man. - No.
I don't... I don't want him or anyone to know.
I’ll figure it out.
"Why don’t we try to see this through, Lee?
Just for the hell of it. Maybe you’ve really got something here.
What do you think?"
"Maybe so.
I mean, no harm in tryin’.
You know, you think it’s such a hot idea.
Besides, I always wondered what it would be like to be you."
- "You did?" - [Sheila] "Yeah, sure.
I used to picture you...
walking around some campus
with your arms full of books, blondes chasin’ after ya."
"Blondes? [chuckles]
That’s funny."
- Eh... Ah. - [Sheila] What?
I’m not sure if this really translates to women.
Men can be blond.
"What’s funny about it?"
Oh, uh...
"Because I always used to picture you somewhere."
"Where’d you picture me?"
[clears throat] "Oh, I don’t know. Different places.
Adventures. You were always on some adventure."
"Yeah."
"And I used to say to myself,
‘Lee’s got the right idea. He’s...
out there in the world, and here I am.
What am I doing?’"
"Well, you were settin’ yourself up for somethin’."
Are you off-book?
Oh, I have a good memory. [chuckles softly]
But, hey, I love all the stuff that...
you’re doing with Austin.
The self-doubt.
Uh, I wasn’t acting yet.
Oh.
Do you wanna, uh, try out some blocking?
Sure.
- What, you want, like, a punch card? - Yeah, maybe I do.
Well, you still owe me from the first time we were together.
[Melrose] Oh, I’m never paying you for that.
- It’s a matter of principle. - [Randy wailing]
[Debbie] Okay. Love you Randy, be nice to Jenny. Bye-bye!
Hey, hey!
Do you want to come see a man about a horse?
Don’t make fun of my play.
I was not talking about your play.
I have a three o’clock with an American Quarter Horse
named Viceroy.
And, if we hit it off, I guess he’ll move here from North Dakota,
where he currently lives in semi-retirement from the rodeo.
It’s a gift from Tex for our six-month anniversary.
I have to work on my lines for the thing with Sheila. I...
No, please! I’ll run them with you. Come on, come on.
I'm late.
[quietly] Please.
- Fine. - [Debbie] Yes!
[horse neighs]
[Debbie] Whoa, too fast, too fast.
[Ruth] You’re fine.
Just talk to me
so I stop thinking about falling off this horse and breaking my neck.
I think Sheila might be a good actor.
Better than me.
It’s not a competition, Ruth. It’s a scene for a charity ball.
You should have seen her navigate that scene.
She had... all the right instincts.
It was like...
she was on a black diamond, and I was on the bunny slopes.
You need to stop comparing yourself to other people.
Well, it’s hard when you’re sharing a room with a young Shirley MacLaine.
Sheila says the ball might not happen anyway.
Bobby’s supposedly a disaster with money, which is probably for the best.
Then nobody will hear me do a terrible Western drawl.
[Debbie] Ruth.
What?
You’re supposed to be helping me.
Wanna give him a little kick?
Uh... Okay.
- Whoa! Oh, my God! - [man clicks tongue]
[upbeat instrumental country music playing]
See? You don't need my help.
[chuckles]
[Ruth] You’re a natural.
- [Debbie] That was kinda fun! - [man] Good job.
I like it!
It's definitely weird seeing you on a horse.
I know. It's like a Jordache commercial.
Oh. Thank you, Miranda.
No, I mean, um...
you know, we came to Vegas to do a wrestling show, and...
now I’m stuck in a loop, and...
you put on a whole new life, and it fits you.
It is not a whole new life.
Debbie, you’re dating a rich rancher, he bought you a horse,
and we’re sitting on his porch being served tea.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, I know things have always moved faster
for you, but...
[sighs] I wish we could just go back to LA
and find a little theater and do a play.
We could do True West, you and me. We could do 'night, Mother.
God, that sounds awful.
[chuckles]
What? It does!
I mean, if... if we were, uh, 25, fine, but I want my life...
to get bigger, not smaller.
And I don’t care about playing all the great roles.
I mean, it’s not realistic.
So, if Liberty Belle was the last part you ever played, you’d be fine?
I would.
And I have a lot of other exciting things on my plate right now.
- Like what, producing? - Yeah.
Come on.
GLOW's been running on autopilot for months.
You keep saying you wanna do a project of your own,
but you're clearly not doing anything to make that happen.
[Debbie scoffs]
Sorry.
Do you want to start running lines?
Um, yeah, sure. We only have an hour, though.
I thought Tex was off on a business trip.
He is, but he’s getting back for dinner, and I haven’t seen him in a week.
So, you brought me all the way out here? How am I supposed to get back?
I’ll have Bob drive you, it’s fine.
What scene is it?
Scene four.
[unenthusiastically] "Night. Coyotes in distance, fade.
Sound of typewriter in dark, crickets..."
[jazz version of "Silent Night" playing on speakers]
[Carmen] Where you going?
[Cherry] Out.
Why are you wearing a disguise?
- Shut up, Carmen. - [exhales] Well, I'll come with you.
No, you're not. Don't babysit me.
I'm just trying to stop you from doing something you'll regret later.
[sighs, scoffs]
- [loud rock music playing] - [cheering]
Mud wrestling?
Do any of those girls know how to wrestle?
[chuckles] I don’t think wrestling is really the point.
[cheering]
Cherry, you could get hurt. And it’s gross.
Well, Carmen, it's not stripping, and that was Denise’s other option.
Hey, nudes make fast cash.
[sighs] What if I wrestle Cherry?
- I’m not asking you to do that. - [chuckles]
You shouldn't wrestle a untrained waitress with fake boobs
who doesn't even know an arm bar.
[sighs]
[groans in annoyance] I can't believe we're doing this.
- Hey, let's go old-school. - What's that supposed to mean?
I try to pin you, you try to pin me. Whoever gets there first, wins.
- [announcer] And the winner is Sapphire! - [cheering]
[ring bell clangs]
[announcer] All right, everyone, back up!
And now, for our heavyweight match tonight,
featuring Cheetara
- and Pumyra. - [chuckles]
That's us?
What? I wasn’t gonna give them our real names. [laughs]
Named us after the ThunderCats.
[exhales]
Come on! Let me hear you, everybody! Let's go!
[announcer] Take a look, ladies and gentlemen!
- Make your bets! - [booing]
[announcer] Make some money tonight!
Take a look at these ladies!
The heavyweights of tonight's match!
[Cherry] Let's do it!
Who you got?
[announcer] Last call for bets. Place your bets now!
Place your bets, ladies and gentleman, place your bets!
Take a look!
Ladies... take the ring.
["Barracuda" by Heart playing]
On my whistle...
wrestle.
[blows whistle]
[both grunting]
♪ So, this ain't the end ♪
♪ I saw you again today ♪
♪ I had to turn my heart away ♪
♪ Smiled like the sun ♪
♪ Kisses for everyone ♪
♪ And tales, it never fails ♪
Go! Come on, ladies! Go!
♪ You're lying so low in the weeds ♪
♪ I bet you gonna ambush me ♪
♪ You'd have me down, down, down ♪
- ♪ Down on my knees ♪ - [screams]
- Okay, okay! - [ring bell clangs]
And the winner is Pumyra!
- [cheering] - Yeah!
So, I was going over the plans, and tell me what you think about this...
What if we just scrap the guesthouse,
and instead we go for a tennis court and a pool?
I mean, Birdie’s never gonna come visit and stay in a guesthouse.
Hello, Mr. Howard.
Aren’t you cold?
Maybe you could warm me up.
I'm brushing my teeth.
- Is there anything I could do? - [Bash scoffs]
Pretty sure I can brush my teeth on my own.
It feels like you haven’t really been interested much lately.
Oh, come on, that’s not true.
We haven’t had sex in, like, two months.
I know it’s not the honeymoon phase anymore, but...
I miss you.
Hey, that’s... that's crazy, all right? I'm right here.
But has something changed?
I know building a house and an entertainment empire is stressful.
Nothing’s changed. I love you.
And, hey, I'd wanna stay married to you even if we never had sex ever again.
Okay?
Hey, Bob, can we pull over?
[mysterious lounge jazz music playing]
- [man speaking indistinctly on TV] - [knock at door]
- Come in. - [door chimes jingle]
[clears throat]
Oh, hi.
You want a reading?
Um, I do, I think.
- Have a seat. - [television clicks off]
[woman] Ten dollars.
[Ruth clears her throat]
I was just with my friend and her horse, Viceroy.
You have a question about the horse?
No.
You have something you wanna focus on?
[cards shuffling]
I wanna know if I’m...
wasting my life.
Should I just give up now and do something else?
Okay. Let's take a look.
Shuffle the cards.
[cards shuffling awkwardly]
I don't spend a lot of time in... a casino.
This better be good.
I haven’t been up this early since the Carter administration.
[laughs uncertainly]
Here.
[Bobby clears his throat]
I made a few calls, and I found an LA sponsor
who wants to donate all the liquor for your charity ball.
It is a good tax write-off, and tomorrow, we can start combing through the budget.
You have a party that needs producing, I need something to produce.
GLOW is on autopilot.
Let me get this straight.
You wanna help produce an underground AIDS fund-raiser?
Yeah.
For free?
It’s always been my dream.
You and Elizabeth Taylor.
[hairdryer blowing]
Hey, I got breakfast, and then we can work.
[Sheila] Thanks! I think there's a message.
[line beeps]
[Sam] Hey, Ruth.
It’s me, Sam.
Hey, oh, thanks for the five million performance reports.
That was... good.
And, uh, look, you know, I'm sorry, I, uh...
Anyway, I'm sure you’ve heard, but, uh, we’re making Justine’s movie,
and we’d like to, uh, bring you in.
There’s a part, and I think you’d be great.
Give me a call if that sounds interesting.
All right?
Okay, bye.
[Sam hangs up]
[gasps softly]
Ready?
Yeah.
[upbeat rock music playing]
♪ Two-headed dime ♪
♪ Making me nervous ♪
♪ They're all around ♪
♪ I will never do this again ♪
♪ This again ♪
♪ Driving at night ♪
- ♪ Walking the streets ♪ - ♪ Walking the streets ♪
♪ You're walking free ♪
♪ And I don't want to miss the end ♪
♪ This again ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ We never will miss again ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ We never, never will miss again ♪
♪ Walking the streets ♪
♪ Never, never miss again ♪
♪ Never will miss again ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Never will, never will miss again ♪