1 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,110 [audience laughing] 2 00:00:08,310 --> 00:00:09,700 [Gordon] So, I had to bump a guest last night 3 00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:11,070 who was supposed to be on the show when we ran out of time, 4 00:00:11,270 --> 00:00:12,910 and it's not without its dangers. 5 00:00:13,110 --> 00:00:14,160 One night, I bumped Jackie Gleason. 6 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:15,700 Next day, he bumped me straight to the moon. 7 00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:17,410 Yeah. 8 00:00:17,610 --> 00:00:19,430 I was black and blue for a week. 9 00:00:22,270 --> 00:00:24,210 Winter weather's taking hold all over America. 10 00:00:24,410 --> 00:00:26,210 Right now, the roads are wetter than Richard Nixon 11 00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:29,380 during a televised debate. 12 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,590 - Slippery, very slippery. - And the winner for the least interesting joke goes to... 13 00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:33,220 - Hmm? - Huh? - [Gordon] Hey, will someone 14 00:00:33,420 --> 00:00:35,010 please tell the Shirelles that, yes, 15 00:00:35,210 --> 00:00:37,600 I will still love them tomorrow? 16 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,640 The band's waiting half a beat when I throw to them 17 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,810 after the monologue. They got to jump in quicker 18 00:00:42,010 --> 00:00:43,190 so I'm not hanging out there. 19 00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:45,020 Exactly, I keep saying they got to jump in quicker. 20 00:00:45,220 --> 00:00:47,240 - I'll talk to Tony. - [mouthing] 21 00:00:47,430 --> 00:00:48,860 And is Teddy's writing getting smaller, or are my eyes 22 00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:50,410 - getting worse? - [George] His writing's getting smaller. 23 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,370 Much smaller. I noticed that, too. 24 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,870 - I'll talk to Teddy. - [mouthing] - [Gordon] So, now, 25 00:00:55,070 --> 00:00:56,950 the Kerouac joke-- why didn't that get a bigger laugh? 26 00:00:57,150 --> 00:00:58,960 Felt like a lot of people didn't know who he is. 27 00:00:59,150 --> 00:01:00,620 The guy's a best-selling author, what gives? 28 00:01:00,820 --> 00:01:03,170 - I know who he is. - [Gordon] We got to stop 29 00:01:03,370 --> 00:01:04,750 with the outdated references. Keep it fresh. 30 00:01:04,950 --> 00:01:05,960 [George] Well, said, Gordie. 31 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:07,050 See you at Toots? 32 00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:08,260 I've got to get home to the missus. 33 00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:09,510 She's under the weather. 34 00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:11,090 She was fine when I left her this afternoon. 35 00:01:11,290 --> 00:01:12,840 - Clever. - Hey, tally's wrong. 36 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,300 Gordon dropped the orphanage joke. 37 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:15,560 Oh, sorry, Cess. 38 00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:17,270 Well, still more jokes than you. 39 00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,730 [Ralph] This isn't a contest. 40 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:19,770 [Cecil] Of course it's a contest. 41 00:01:19,970 --> 00:01:20,940 You know what that means. 42 00:01:21,130 --> 00:01:22,270 [Cecil] Maisel's 0 for 30. 43 00:01:22,470 --> 00:01:23,980 - [Mel] Broke the record. - [Cecil] Yup. [laughs] 44 00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:25,440 [Ralph] Thanks again, Midge. 45 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,020 Didn't get a joke in again, huh? 46 00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:29,820 No, but I do know who Jack Kerouac is. 47 00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,050 Who? 48 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:38,950 Oh! 49 00:01:39,150 --> 00:01:40,080 [sighs] 50 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,220 [♪ Ofra Haza: "Tzur Menati"] 51 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,600 [indistinct chatter] 52 00:01:55,780 --> 00:01:57,450 Beautiful yield today. 53 00:01:57,990 --> 00:01:59,990 God looked down and smiled. 54 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,960 [exclaiming] 55 00:02:22,430 --> 00:02:23,810 Ethan. 56 00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:29,300 Oh, Ethan, let me look at you. 57 00:02:29,490 --> 00:02:31,800 Mama, you know there's an airport here. 58 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,550 Oh, it's practically in Egypt it's so far. 59 00:02:33,750 --> 00:02:34,900 [woman] Ethan. 60 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,600 It's okay! It's just my mother! 61 00:02:37,790 --> 00:02:39,410 She's visiting from New York. 62 00:02:39,780 --> 00:02:42,640 - [others] Oh. - They act like they've never seen a Jewish mother before. 63 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,390 Well, it's Israel, Mama. 64 00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:46,020 Helicopters suddenly appearing in the sky 65 00:02:46,220 --> 00:02:47,360 make people very nervous. 66 00:02:47,550 --> 00:02:49,110 Who's gonna invade a lettuce farm-- 67 00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:51,920 health-conscious anti-Semites who want a salad? 68 00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:56,950 Does he just wait for you? 69 00:02:57,150 --> 00:02:58,800 He's fine. He's got a book. 70 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:01,740 [Ethan] And when the parsnips 71 00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:03,960 started peeking out, we were all stunned. 72 00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:05,620 I mean, you think you're planting horseradish, 73 00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:07,540 and then up come parsnips. 74 00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:10,040 God works in mysterious ways. 75 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,380 Well, actually, we just got the packets mixed up. 76 00:03:12,580 --> 00:03:14,760 Oh, good, you haven't changed completely. 77 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,680 So... 78 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,140 how are your studies going? Are you a rabbi yet? 79 00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:20,560 Oh, no, not yet. 80 00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:22,140 You've been at rabbi school for years now. 81 00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:23,600 It's not called rabbi school. 82 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:24,980 I mean, you didn't want to go to college, 83 00:03:25,180 --> 00:03:26,810 fine, but should it take longer to become a rabbi 84 00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:28,230 than it does to become a lawyer? 85 00:03:28,430 --> 00:03:29,610 Yes. 86 00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:33,030 Yes. I... I got my answer. 87 00:03:33,230 --> 00:03:35,240 So, for tonight, I'm sending a car 88 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,740 to pick you up at 6:30 sharp. 89 00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:38,990 - You got the suit I sent? - I did, but... 90 00:03:39,190 --> 00:03:40,580 Ethan, do not give me a hard time about this. 91 00:03:40,770 --> 00:03:42,620 It's not every night the UJA-Federation 92 00:03:42,820 --> 00:03:45,660 honors your mother, and I need my son to look handsome. 93 00:03:45,860 --> 00:03:47,870 Make sure you shave and bathe. 94 00:03:48,070 --> 00:03:49,920 Twice, because some of this seems permanent. 95 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,590 - I work in the fields. There's dignity in labor. - Your labor, 96 00:03:52,790 --> 00:03:55,590 - maybe. Mine involves a roomful of people staring at my - Mama. 97 00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:59,140 cabbage patch. See? I kept it thematic for you. 98 00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:01,220 I don't understand why you say such things. 99 00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:03,060 Well, good thing you don't book the Copa. 100 00:04:03,260 --> 00:04:05,140 - Oh, I have a little news. - Hm? 101 00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:07,280 Chava. Chava. 102 00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:10,650 Mama, I'd like you to meet... 103 00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,690 Let me guess-- Chava? 104 00:04:12,890 --> 00:04:14,040 We're getting married. 105 00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:16,820 This is a "little news"? 106 00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,570 It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Maisel. 107 00:04:18,770 --> 00:04:20,160 I'm sorry, did you say you're getting married? 108 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,990 Yes, after harvest. 109 00:04:22,190 --> 00:04:23,830 - No clue when that is. - [Chava] I understand marriage 110 00:04:24,030 --> 00:04:25,490 is not a happy topic for you. 111 00:04:25,690 --> 00:04:26,870 Ethan told me about your divorce. 112 00:04:27,070 --> 00:04:28,790 Oh, yeah? Which one? 113 00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:31,750 Not to have felt pain is not to have been human. 114 00:04:31,950 --> 00:04:35,380 Well, that was beautiful, I assume. 115 00:04:35,580 --> 00:04:37,880 So, Chava, 116 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,800 - are your parents kibbutz-ers, too? - [Chava] No. 117 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,010 I was born in Tel Aviv but we moved to Minnesota 118 00:04:43,210 --> 00:04:45,310 when my father became head of surgery at the Mayo Clinic. 119 00:04:45,510 --> 00:04:46,970 I moved back to join the army. 120 00:04:47,170 --> 00:04:49,560 I didn't see much combat, but I did break my leg in four places 121 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,100 when my parachute opened late. 122 00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,690 I was separated from my platoon, so I had to set it myself 123 00:04:53,890 --> 00:04:56,400 and climb a date tree to sleep in. 124 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:57,820 I still get teased about that. 125 00:04:58,020 --> 00:04:59,570 Yeah, you'll never live that down. 126 00:04:59,770 --> 00:05:00,910 Okay, I have to go. 127 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,130 Ethan, walk Mommy to her helicopter? 128 00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:07,410 Be faithful to that one 129 00:05:07,610 --> 00:05:10,120 or she'll rip your nuts off and plant them next to the onions. 130 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:14,040 I will be completely faithful to her, always. 131 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,130 Okay. I'll see you at 6:30 sharp. 132 00:05:17,330 --> 00:05:19,170 Wear the suit. 133 00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:21,320 [helicopter blades whirring] 134 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:26,610 Wish you'd told me you had a fiancée. 135 00:05:27,820 --> 00:05:29,370 Sorry. 136 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,570 I don't like her. 137 00:05:40,770 --> 00:05:43,260 Well, she's my mother. 138 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,530 {\an8}- [tape rips] - [Midge] There. 139 00:05:46,730 --> 00:05:48,290 {\an8}This is ridiculous. 140 00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:50,200 {\an8}He's a little boy. You tell a little boy 141 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:51,660 {\an8}what to do, you don't trick him into doing it. 142 00:05:51,860 --> 00:05:54,420 {\an8}This is what the school therapist told us to do, okay? 143 00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:56,290 {\an8}There. We make it a game. 144 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,250 {\an8}Every night, he sleeps two feet closer to his room 145 00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:00,460 {\an8}until finally he makes it to his bed. 146 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,090 {\an8}He wins. There. 147 00:06:03,290 --> 00:06:04,640 {\an8}We should put him in a new school. 148 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,760 {\an8}Any school we put him in is gonna think we're bad parents. 149 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,100 {\an8}- Why? - We're divorced. I'm a comic. 150 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,930 {\an8}I've been to jail. You own a nightclub. 151 00:06:11,130 --> 00:06:12,940 {\an8}Ah, but we make our son sleep on the floor of the hallway 152 00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,440 {\an8}and suddenly we're Ozzie and Harriet? 153 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:15,600 {\an8}You have a better idea? 154 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,190 {\an8}Tell him to sleep in his own bed. 155 00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:19,900 Wow, I did not think of that. No wonder men run the world. 156 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,590 There. 157 00:06:23,210 --> 00:06:25,070 Probably should've let Ethan talk to him. 158 00:06:25,270 --> 00:06:27,370 To the school therapist? No fucking way. 159 00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:29,990 I don't want some quack messing with my son's mind. 160 00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,410 Five minutes, he'll have Ethan convinced 161 00:06:31,610 --> 00:06:33,410 - his whole family's insane. - Did you hear that? 162 00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:34,580 What, Mama? 163 00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:36,170 I just... 164 00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:38,520 Nothing. Who wants tea? 165 00:06:40,690 --> 00:06:42,010 It's weak to go to a therapist. 166 00:06:42,210 --> 00:06:44,840 Yes, your opinion has been stated, loud and clear. 167 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,050 And don't you dare talk about any of this in your act. 168 00:06:47,250 --> 00:06:49,450 Why are you so cranky? There. 169 00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:52,100 Is it Moishe and Shirley? 170 00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,600 You mean the unstoppable force and the immovable object? 171 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,440 - Oh. - They're driving me crazy. 172 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:58,020 They insist on staying in that house together 173 00:06:58,220 --> 00:06:59,110 but they won't speak to each other, 174 00:06:59,310 --> 00:07:00,480 so everything goes through me. 175 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:01,860 I spent the morning negotiating 176 00:07:02,060 --> 00:07:03,690 what the temperature should be when they sleep. 177 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,360 65 or 66. 178 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:06,990 An hour and a half on a one-degree difference. 179 00:07:07,190 --> 00:07:08,450 - [front door slams shut] - Oh! There. 180 00:07:08,650 --> 00:07:10,120 You heard that, right? It was a thump or a bang. 181 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,330 - It was the front door, Rose. - But who came through? 182 00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,910 Oh, Abe. It's... you. Oh, Abe. 183 00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:16,210 What are you doing down there? 184 00:07:16,410 --> 00:07:18,750 Well, we met with Ethan's school, and they... 185 00:07:18,950 --> 00:07:22,150 Never mind. I can't even pretend to care. 186 00:07:23,730 --> 00:07:25,050 - [Midge] Papa. - [Rose gasps] 187 00:07:25,250 --> 00:07:27,050 [Midge] It's just me, Mama. 188 00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:28,550 Anything wrong, Papa? 189 00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:31,310 I spelled Carol Channing's name wrong. 190 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:32,970 Oh. How did you spell it? 191 00:07:33,170 --> 00:07:34,520 Wrong! Does it matter? 192 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,190 I did it and the paper had to issue a correction. 193 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,360 A correction for everyone to read. 194 00:07:39,550 --> 00:07:41,570 Does anyone really read corrections? 195 00:07:41,770 --> 00:07:42,650 Of course they do. 196 00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:45,440 I start every paper reading the corrections. 197 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:47,660 That's how you know who the idiots are. 198 00:07:47,850 --> 00:07:50,780 And up until now, I was the only person 199 00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:54,540 at the Voice that had never been corrected in print. 200 00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,580 Now I, too, am an idiot. 201 00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,210 Well, maybe now they'll let you sit at their table at lunch. 202 00:07:59,410 --> 00:08:00,840 Look at it. 203 00:08:01,030 --> 00:08:04,340 "On Monday, Carol Channing..." two N's, 204 00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:06,880 "was incorrectly spelled as 'Chaning,'" one N. Ugh. 205 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,680 I've been branded. I'm-I'm Hester Prynne. 206 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,140 Two N's in Prynne, by the way. 207 00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:13,350 I just can't remember the last time 208 00:08:13,550 --> 00:08:14,560 I made a mistake like this. 209 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,060 Look, now, come on. 210 00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:18,230 [Abe] Not in 25 years at Columbia, 211 00:08:18,430 --> 00:08:20,810 not in high school, elementary school. 212 00:08:21,010 --> 00:08:23,110 I may have gotten something wrong in kindergarten, 213 00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:26,740 but there are no existing records of my time there. 214 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,200 I checked. 215 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,740 You're divorced. What are you doing here? 216 00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:32,490 Ethan's school therapist told us... 217 00:08:32,690 --> 00:08:34,870 - I told you, I don't care! - [Rose gasps] 218 00:08:35,070 --> 00:08:36,660 You had to hear it that time. 219 00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:39,620 It was a gun being cocked or a sword being unsheathed. 220 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,790 I just dropped the paper down on the table. 221 00:08:41,990 --> 00:08:46,300 You... Are you trying to drive me mad, Abe Weissman? 222 00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:49,400 Yeah. There's no way I'm keeping this out of my act. 223 00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:51,970 [Mel] "I mean, the kid 224 00:08:52,170 --> 00:08:53,760 had to take kindergarten a second time. 225 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,140 He failed finger paints." 226 00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:56,430 Something other than finger paints. 227 00:08:56,630 --> 00:08:57,850 - "He failed sharing." - Better. 228 00:08:58,050 --> 00:08:59,640 - "He failed snack." - Bit of a thinker. 229 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,230 We give 'em one a night. Go with snack, guys. 230 00:09:01,430 --> 00:09:02,690 How do you spell "discombobulated"? 231 00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,770 Teddy, that was two jokes ago. You're two jokes behind? 232 00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:06,110 I have a mind like a steel trap. 233 00:09:06,310 --> 00:09:07,610 And a butt like a bowl of spaghetti. 234 00:09:07,810 --> 00:09:09,700 - Look who's talking. - Guys, stop. We need one more, 235 00:09:09,890 --> 00:09:12,280 so focus. We need something, anything. 236 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:13,280 Well... 237 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,200 Never mind. 238 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:17,080 - You got something? Let's hear it. - Your every thought 239 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:18,870 - is the property of The Gordon Ford Show. - So don't fight it. 240 00:09:19,070 --> 00:09:22,170 Okay. Well... 241 00:09:22,370 --> 00:09:24,500 [sighs] "Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, 242 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:26,130 was recently in a car accident. 243 00:09:26,330 --> 00:09:27,880 He's recovering nicely, though authorities 244 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,090 are still questioning the voice of Elmer Fudd." 245 00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:31,050 [chuckles] 246 00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:32,220 - I like it. - Me too. 247 00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:33,510 Gordon'll like it, too. Put it in. 248 00:09:33,710 --> 00:09:35,260 Wait, put it in? 249 00:09:35,460 --> 00:09:37,010 Uh, when you say "put it in," you mean 250 00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,350 "put it in"? Shut up, Mel. 251 00:09:38,550 --> 00:09:40,730 [Alvin] Yeah. It was good, it's going in. 252 00:09:40,930 --> 00:09:42,480 Wow. Wow. 253 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,400 Just has to get past the man upstairs. 254 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,360 - [Trudy] Here he comes. - Whew. 255 00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:47,980 Smells like an elephant's ass crack in here. 256 00:09:48,180 --> 00:09:49,190 - Trudy, you ready? - Got it. 257 00:09:49,390 --> 00:09:50,630 Gimme. 258 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,530 Okay. 259 00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:59,160 - [writers exhale] - [Alvin] Nice work, guys. 260 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:00,790 [Cecil] Ooh, another squeaker, though. 261 00:10:00,990 --> 00:10:02,210 [Mel] Humbly speaking, we're the best in the business. 262 00:10:02,410 --> 00:10:03,790 [Alvin] Let's take a break. We've earned it. 263 00:10:03,990 --> 00:10:05,170 [Teddy] Oh, good, my mother's called me three times. 264 00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:06,170 [Susie] You sing? 265 00:10:06,370 --> 00:10:07,380 [Tessie] You know I sing. 266 00:10:07,580 --> 00:10:08,590 When did I ever hear you sing? 267 00:10:08,790 --> 00:10:10,300 In all the school plays. 268 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:12,720 Don't you remember me doing The Band Wagon in high school? 269 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,640 I remember you doing the band back in high school, 270 00:10:14,830 --> 00:10:16,050 but not you singing. 271 00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:17,470 You always diminish my dreams, you know that? 272 00:10:17,670 --> 00:10:19,220 You're very consistent in that way. 273 00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:21,230 One of the reasons I'm in this terrible rut 274 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,100 is because I get no help from you or anyone. 275 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,400 I will try to find you something, Tess, I promise. 276 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,150 Don't break this promise. 277 00:10:27,350 --> 00:10:29,570 Since Skint died, I'm feeling very vulnerable. 278 00:10:29,770 --> 00:10:31,320 - Wait, Skint died? - Yeah. 279 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:32,900 Your husband? My brother-in-law? 280 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:33,900 Yeah, last week. 281 00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:35,320 And you didn't think to tell me? 282 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,830 It was natural causes, so there was nothing to tell. 283 00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:39,370 I'll call you later, Tess. 284 00:10:39,570 --> 00:10:40,370 [Nicky] Susie, chime in here, 285 00:10:40,570 --> 00:10:42,040 is this floral print too busy? 286 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,750 Eh, the decor's Dinah's call, Nicky. 287 00:10:43,950 --> 00:10:45,420 - She's the one who gives a shit. - [phone rings] 288 00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:47,080 Thank you. 289 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,340 Susie Myerson and Associates. 290 00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:50,380 Oh, hi, Midge. She's right here. 291 00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:51,920 [door shuts] 292 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,090 Hey, what's up? 293 00:10:53,290 --> 00:10:54,800 - I got a joke in. - [Susie] Finally. 294 00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:56,840 It took me four weeks to get the hang of it. 295 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,140 No, it took them four weeks to realize their fucking cocks 296 00:10:59,340 --> 00:11:01,060 wouldn't fall off if they put a lady joke in. 297 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,270 - Be sure to watch tonight. - [door opens] 298 00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:03,890 - Dinah, too. - I'll, uh... 299 00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:05,440 - handle this. - [door closes] 300 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,270 Miriam, I got to go right now. Your mother just walked in. 301 00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:09,150 Ha, ha, very funny. Goodbye. 302 00:11:09,350 --> 00:11:10,980 Bye. 303 00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:12,230 Rose. 304 00:11:12,430 --> 00:11:14,450 I tried to call, but I couldn't get through. 305 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:15,990 Well, my business is really picking up. 306 00:11:16,190 --> 00:11:17,950 It's a busy professional office now. 307 00:11:18,150 --> 00:11:19,950 [Frank] Fuck me? Fuck you 308 00:11:20,150 --> 00:11:22,080 and the donkey you rode in on 309 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,620 and fuck the donkey's sister, too. 310 00:11:24,820 --> 00:11:25,620 Come on in. 311 00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:28,580 Sit down. 312 00:11:28,780 --> 00:11:31,050 So, uh... what's up? 313 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,670 Susie, you're the angriest person I know. 314 00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:36,050 - All right. - [Rose] And you associate 315 00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:38,340 with angry people. There's always a frightening, 316 00:11:38,540 --> 00:11:39,930 terrible energy coming from you. 317 00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:41,350 Where you going with this, Rose? 318 00:11:41,550 --> 00:11:43,060 Well, I was wondering if you could help me get a gun. 319 00:11:43,260 --> 00:11:45,810 - What? - Nothing fancy, and not too heavy. 320 00:11:46,010 --> 00:11:48,440 It has to fit in my purse and be quick on the draw. 321 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:49,730 You a righty or a lefty, sweetheart? 322 00:11:49,930 --> 00:11:51,270 Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Rose, 323 00:11:51,470 --> 00:11:52,690 why on earth would you need a gun? 324 00:11:52,890 --> 00:11:55,900 I stepped on some toes with my matchmaking business. 325 00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:58,950 Encroached on the turf of some not very nice people. 326 00:11:59,150 --> 00:12:01,370 So, you're gonna shoot them? These old women with a gun. 327 00:12:01,570 --> 00:12:03,410 Oh, no, not shoot. Just brandish. 328 00:12:03,610 --> 00:12:04,910 Wave it around a little. 329 00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:06,790 Pistol whipping can be very effective, too, 330 00:12:06,990 --> 00:12:08,040 and it's a shorter sentence. 331 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:09,210 Really? Don't speak. 332 00:12:09,410 --> 00:12:12,170 They've threatened me and my family. 333 00:12:12,370 --> 00:12:13,590 - Come on. - [Rose] They cornered Abe 334 00:12:13,790 --> 00:12:16,590 at his tobacco shop. Said terrible things about the Torah. 335 00:12:16,790 --> 00:12:18,930 We've had flights canceled, mail stolen, 336 00:12:19,130 --> 00:12:21,430 - dry cleaning ruined. - Who hasn't? 337 00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:23,220 And I'm fairly certain they burned the tea room down. 338 00:12:23,420 --> 00:12:25,060 Wait, they burned down the tea room? 339 00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:26,390 - My tea room? - [Rose] Yes. 340 00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:27,940 [Susie] With the delicious whipped cream? 341 00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:29,480 That has just the right amount of vanilla 342 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,980 and a hint of nutmeg that makes it downright celestial? 343 00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:33,110 It burned to the ground. 344 00:12:33,310 --> 00:12:34,320 I was gonna invest. 345 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,240 - [Rose] It's gone. - Holy shit. 346 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,990 - [Frank] I'll kill you, you hear? - [loud thud] 347 00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:41,990 Oh. 348 00:12:42,190 --> 00:12:44,410 I'm... I'm, uh, sorry for any language 349 00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:46,040 you may have heard in there. 350 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,040 Uh, call got pretty contentious. 351 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,160 Everything okay, partner? 352 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,370 It's the ticket office to Camelot. 353 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,210 Wife wants tickets, and these theater people, 354 00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:54,460 they don't respond to threats. 355 00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:57,340 Look, please don't go shooting up any ladies' luncheons. 356 00:12:57,540 --> 00:12:59,010 In the meantime, you need a place 357 00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:00,180 to do business for a while, 358 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:01,510 with the tea room gone? 359 00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:03,510 For a couple days, perhaps. I just need a table 360 00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:04,890 and a phone. 361 00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:07,390 - Hey, Maggie! - Yeah? 362 00:13:07,590 --> 00:13:09,890 I'm sending Midge's mom over. Find a space for her. 363 00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:13,020 - What? - Just open the fucking door. 364 00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:14,820 Go down the hall and take a right. 365 00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:15,900 Thank you, Susie. 366 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,230 How beautiful. 367 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,070 - Damask? - Mm-hmm. Told you. 368 00:13:19,270 --> 00:13:20,990 - I'm in the minority. - [Susie] Bullies. 369 00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:22,530 Man, do I hate bullies. 370 00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:24,580 Screwing with a nice, crazy lady like Rose. 371 00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:27,080 - You can't let her get a gun. - No, of course not. 372 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,460 So, uh, how about... [mumbles] 373 00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:32,540 - Them? No, no, no, no, no. - Why not? 374 00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:35,710 - [mumbles] - No, I don't want to... [mumbles] 375 00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:40,010 You guys do know that we speak "mumble" pretty fluently, right? 376 00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:41,260 You want us to get into this? 377 00:13:41,460 --> 00:13:42,300 - No. - Maybe. 378 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:44,180 - [Frank] You sure? - Hey, Susie! 379 00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:46,760 Who's this uptown broad making me rearrange my furniture? 380 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,680 Just let her hang there a while. 381 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,230 Mm, this is perfect, Susie. Thank you. Uh, no. 382 00:13:52,430 --> 00:13:53,440 I think facing the door is better. 383 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:54,610 She's Midge's mom, right? 384 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:55,860 There's nothing for you guys 385 00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:57,360 to do on this. Thanks. 386 00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:58,610 - Okay. - All right. 387 00:13:58,810 --> 00:13:59,990 [Nicky] I wish you'd come to me. 388 00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:01,740 - I could get you tickets. - [Frank] Oh, yeah? 389 00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:03,410 - [Nicky] I know Robert Goulet. - [Frank] That's right. 390 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,450 [Nicky] Yeah, we golf on Saturdays. 391 00:14:05,650 --> 00:14:06,950 - [audience laughing] - Have a great time. 392 00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:08,740 Make a lot of noise and show Gordon 393 00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:11,370 and all the folks back home that you're having a great time. 394 00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:13,770 - Enjoy the show, everyone. - [applause] 395 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:19,920 Hey, Teddy, can you save me the card with my joke on it? 396 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,470 It's my first to get on. 397 00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:22,930 Gladly. That's exciting. 398 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,840 - It is. - [chuckles] 399 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,680 [band playing fanfare] 400 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,310 Ladies and gentlemen, it's The Gordon Ford Show. 401 00:14:30,510 --> 00:14:32,980 - [applause] - Tonight's guests: Pat Boone. 402 00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:35,270 From Dobie Gillis, Bob Denver. 403 00:14:35,470 --> 00:14:37,940 And comedian Lester Simms. 404 00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:39,980 Now, here's your host, 405 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,530 Gordon Ford! 406 00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:44,670 - [audience cheering] - [applause] 407 00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:49,700 - [music ends] - [chuckles] 408 00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:52,160 So, President John F. Kennedy. 409 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,870 I have to say, it's gonna be strange having a Catholic 410 00:14:54,070 --> 00:14:55,460 president from Massachusetts. 411 00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:57,210 I just worry when it comes to important matters, 412 00:14:57,410 --> 00:14:58,920 his allegiance will always be to the Red Sox. 413 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,510 - [laughter] - [Gordon] Yeah. 414 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,920 Oh, this was in the news, in preparation 415 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,680 for a potential showdown with Cuban guerrillas, 416 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:08,890 the U.S. military recently purchased a B-52 bomber 417 00:15:09,090 --> 00:15:10,720 and 10,000 bananas. 418 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,930 [Gordon] Sprinkle those out. 419 00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,940 Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny, 420 00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:17,020 was recently in a car accident. 421 00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:18,810 He's recovering nicely, though, 422 00:15:19,010 --> 00:15:19,940 authorities are still questioning 423 00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:21,280 the voice of Fell-mer... 424 00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:23,150 [groans loudly] 425 00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:25,130 [audience murmuring] 426 00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,740 That's a new character, folks: Fell-mer. 427 00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:33,010 - [laughter] - Sidekick to Forky Pig. He's hysterical. 428 00:15:35,140 --> 00:15:36,370 Speaking of cartoons, 429 00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:38,960 Disney recently released 101 Dalmatians. 430 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:40,750 A lot of people are complimenting the art, 431 00:15:40,950 --> 00:15:42,500 but, personally, I found it a bit spotty. 432 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,970 - [laughter] - [Gordon] It's just me, I guess. 433 00:15:46,170 --> 00:15:48,110 [indistinct conversation] 434 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,350 Hey, Midge, uh, here's your card. 435 00:15:57,550 --> 00:15:59,230 - Thanks, Teddy. - You gonna frame it? 436 00:15:59,430 --> 00:16:01,820 - Or burn it for heat. - Okay. 437 00:16:02,010 --> 00:16:03,900 - Was it as loud as it seemed? - Louder. 438 00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:06,030 - You... - Yes? 439 00:16:06,230 --> 00:16:07,900 ...have nothing to worry about. 440 00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,910 Just flash that hundred-watt smile at Gordie 441 00:16:10,110 --> 00:16:11,740 and it'll all blow over. Piece of cake. 442 00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:13,450 - You think? - I know. 443 00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:15,370 - Thanks. - If you want to keep your job, 444 00:16:15,570 --> 00:16:17,540 - grovel. - But George just said... 445 00:16:17,740 --> 00:16:19,880 George is wrong about everything, in the world. 446 00:16:20,070 --> 00:16:21,380 I am telling you, grovel. 447 00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:24,730 Grovel like you have never groveled before. 448 00:16:27,980 --> 00:16:30,470 Someone will be here at 1:00 to accept the delivery. 449 00:16:30,670 --> 00:16:32,390 Nope, not before 1:00. 450 00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:34,430 Because we're a nightclub, not a preschool. 451 00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:36,730 [knock on door] 452 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,060 Yeah. We'll see you at 1:00. What you need? 453 00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:42,360 Remember when we opened the club, 454 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,730 how we discussed exactly what we wanted it to be? 455 00:16:44,930 --> 00:16:46,940 - Yes. - Good music, hip clientele? 456 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,910 - Yes, I remember. - Especially the hip clientele. 457 00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:53,280 We felt very strongly that a certain element would, say, 458 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,950 dampen the festive atmosphere of the place? 459 00:16:56,150 --> 00:16:58,790 - Shit, the Mormons came back? - Oh, I wish. 460 00:16:58,990 --> 00:17:00,040 [Shirley] Some people say you don't 461 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,880 salt your veal till the very end, 462 00:17:02,070 --> 00:17:04,210 but what are they waiting for? The roof could cave in. 463 00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:05,630 Outer-space men could land 464 00:17:05,830 --> 00:17:07,590 in your backyard, zap you right in the tuchus, 465 00:17:07,790 --> 00:17:09,840 then you're dead with unsalted veal. 466 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:10,970 - Ma. - Yeah? 467 00:17:11,170 --> 00:17:12,890 - What are you doing here? - Mm. Joely, 468 00:17:13,090 --> 00:17:15,810 I'm having the best time with my new friends, 469 00:17:16,010 --> 00:17:18,100 "What's His Name" and "What's Her Name." 470 00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:19,560 They're from somewhere, 471 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,980 and they came here to celebrate something. 472 00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:23,020 - Archie. - Yep. 473 00:17:23,220 --> 00:17:24,060 Can I take that? 474 00:17:24,260 --> 00:17:25,070 Uh-uh! If you try, 475 00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:26,570 I'm gonna put you over my knee 476 00:17:26,770 --> 00:17:28,780 and spank you. When he was a boy, 477 00:17:28,980 --> 00:17:31,150 he was so afraid of my hairbrush 478 00:17:31,350 --> 00:17:32,950 that he would hide in my closet, 479 00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:35,240 put on my wig and just lie there 480 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,950 - like I wouldn't notice. - [laughter] 481 00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:41,620 Hello, there. You look like you're about to throw up. 482 00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:44,000 Have a cracker sandwich. 483 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,250 Who else is hungry? 484 00:17:46,450 --> 00:17:48,880 You really should sell some snacks here, Joel. 485 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:50,380 But then, of course, 486 00:17:50,580 --> 00:17:54,010 you'd have to turn up the lights so they could see the menu. 487 00:17:54,210 --> 00:17:57,640 It's so dark in here. I can't see myself think. 488 00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:00,770 Ma, how long have these been in your purse? 489 00:18:00,970 --> 00:18:02,730 Oh, God! 490 00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:05,060 - Here you go, Mrs. Maisel. - I didn't ask for that. 491 00:18:05,260 --> 00:18:06,820 I just thought something warm... 492 00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:08,190 You know, I've had about enough of men 493 00:18:08,390 --> 00:18:09,860 telling me what they think. 494 00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:11,030 I'm sorry. 495 00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:12,360 I think you should drink it. 496 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,530 That's what I think. 497 00:18:13,730 --> 00:18:16,780 Hello, there. I'm Shirley Maisel. 498 00:18:16,980 --> 00:18:18,990 That's my son, Joel, the owner. 499 00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:21,080 Won't be seeing much of him soon because 500 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,080 he's about to have a baby. 501 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,460 He's gonna be at home cleaning up the poo-poo. 502 00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:28,250 - Ma! - [Shirley] There he goes again with the "Ma." 503 00:18:28,450 --> 00:18:30,260 Go home. 504 00:18:30,450 --> 00:18:31,420 I can't stay in that house anymore. 505 00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:33,840 Ma, please, you guys have to figure this out. 506 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,760 He's not gonna retire, Joel. 507 00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,350 Of course he's not gonna retire. 508 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:38,850 He was never gonna retire. 509 00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:42,100 He will die at work yelling at his yarn guy. Accept it. 510 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:45,190 Well, his yarn guy is a real schmuck. 511 00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:47,270 I'll get you a cab. 512 00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:51,030 - How come she gets to stay? - She works here. 513 00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,150 - Why? - Why, what? 514 00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:55,700 Why do you work for my son? It's weird. 515 00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,780 Do you two have some sort of weird sicko thing going on? 516 00:18:58,980 --> 00:19:01,790 Mr. Maisel, I certainly hope your mother can take a punch. 517 00:19:01,990 --> 00:19:04,370 - Oh, she can. - Hey, hey, no! Stay... 518 00:19:04,570 --> 00:19:07,130 She won't leave. She's had... I don't know how many drinks. 519 00:19:07,330 --> 00:19:09,210 - Oh, boy. - She's got baggies of rotten food. 520 00:19:09,410 --> 00:19:10,590 She's passing them out to everyone who looks drunk. 521 00:19:10,790 --> 00:19:11,960 So, everyone. 522 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,880 Yeah, that's a lethal purse if you're not careful. 523 00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:15,090 She keeps trying to turn on the lights. 524 00:19:15,290 --> 00:19:16,680 She keeps asking where we keep the mop. 525 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,010 She hates the music. She wants everyone to put on a sweater. 526 00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:21,010 Oh, she tried to fight Mrs. Moskowitz. 527 00:19:21,210 --> 00:19:22,560 That seems like a pretty fair fight. 528 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:23,680 - Pop. - Sorry. 529 00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:25,810 I'm not gonna have a club if this continues. 530 00:19:26,010 --> 00:19:27,270 Please, help me with this. 531 00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,650 - Yep, I'm on it. - Thank you. 532 00:19:29,850 --> 00:19:32,000 I found the mop. [chuckles] 533 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,390 Hm... 534 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,460 No, this is why I'll never cover hockey-- 535 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:51,960 because it's a baseball town. 536 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,960 - Okay? - Excuse me, 537 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,380 what's Mr. Ford drinking? 538 00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:57,630 - Bourbon and branch. - One of those, please. 539 00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,180 Heavy on the bourbon, easy on the branch. 540 00:19:59,380 --> 00:20:00,600 [Jimmy] The Pirates are gonna repeat. 541 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,100 It's not what I want, but it's what's gonna happen. 542 00:20:02,300 --> 00:20:04,350 - No, it's gonna be the Yanks. - Without Stengel? 543 00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:06,480 Good riddance to Stengel. Don't quote me on that. 544 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:08,060 Word is, he's talking to the Mets. 545 00:20:08,260 --> 00:20:09,810 The Mets? What's the Mets? 546 00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:12,980 Gordon? Sorry to interrupt. Hi. 547 00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:15,280 Hello, and you are interrupting. 548 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,200 Yes, but I come bearing gifts. 549 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,860 Bourbon and olive branch. 550 00:20:19,060 --> 00:20:21,510 Already got one. Thanks. 551 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,790 This is awkward. 552 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,750 And getting more awkward. 553 00:20:25,950 --> 00:20:27,710 I just wanted to say I'm very sorry 554 00:20:27,910 --> 00:20:28,750 for groaning like that. 555 00:20:28,950 --> 00:20:30,420 It was totally unprofessional. 556 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,460 She groaned during the show, audibly. 557 00:20:32,660 --> 00:20:33,960 Stupidly. Involuntarily. 558 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:35,010 Oh, so someone forced you? 559 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,720 No, but there was a reason. 560 00:20:36,910 --> 00:20:38,380 Were you going into labor? That would be a good reason. 561 00:20:38,580 --> 00:20:39,930 I don't know how you women do it. Having babies... 562 00:20:40,130 --> 00:20:41,970 No. See, it was just... 563 00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:43,640 It was the first joke I got on the show, 564 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,060 and when what happened happened, 565 00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:46,430 I let the emotion of it get to me. 566 00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:47,680 - That was your first joke? - [Midge] Yes. 567 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:48,690 You've been there a number of weeks. 568 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,440 It's a tough room. 569 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,020 - [Gordon] It's the best room in the business. - Definitely. 570 00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:53,270 Anyhow, when you bobbled the line, 571 00:20:53,470 --> 00:20:54,980 I was just really disappointed, that's all. 572 00:20:55,180 --> 00:20:56,400 And whatever happens from here on, 573 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,570 please accept my apology. 574 00:20:58,770 --> 00:21:01,800 Fine. I accept your apology. 575 00:21:03,170 --> 00:21:05,790 And I'm sorry I interrupted. 576 00:21:05,990 --> 00:21:08,200 Leave the drink. [scoffs] Bobbled it. 577 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:10,210 Joke was gonna bomb whether I bobbled it or not. 578 00:21:10,410 --> 00:21:12,250 - [laughs] - Mm... 579 00:21:12,450 --> 00:21:13,590 No, it wasn't. 580 00:21:13,780 --> 00:21:15,500 What do you mean, "No, it wasn't"? Yes, it was. 581 00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,920 No, the joke was good. You just stumbled over Elmer Fudd. 582 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,170 I didn't stumble over Elmer Fudd. 583 00:21:19,370 --> 00:21:20,590 - [Midge] Uh, yes, you did. - No, I didn't. 584 00:21:20,790 --> 00:21:21,840 Kind of want to hear this joke. 585 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,470 Gordon, I'm a comedian. I know about rhythm. 586 00:21:23,670 --> 00:21:24,800 You blew the joke. It's okay. 587 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:26,430 - I got the laugh. - [Midge] By pointing out 588 00:21:26,630 --> 00:21:28,390 - that you blew the joke. - I did that on purpose. 589 00:21:28,590 --> 00:21:30,600 You blew a perfectly good joke so you could point out 590 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,600 to the audience that you blew a perfectly good joke? 591 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:33,940 Yes. They love that. 592 00:21:34,140 --> 00:21:35,320 It makes me human, and I got a laugh. 593 00:21:35,510 --> 00:21:36,780 Yeah, but you got the wrong laugh. 594 00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:38,440 A laugh is a laugh. There is no wrong laugh. 595 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:39,490 [Midge] It was a cover laugh. 596 00:21:39,690 --> 00:21:40,860 It's a trick, I've done it myself, 597 00:21:41,060 --> 00:21:41,990 but if you had just done the real joke 598 00:21:42,190 --> 00:21:43,030 correctly, you would've gotten 599 00:21:43,230 --> 00:21:44,950 a bigger laugh, the right laugh. 600 00:21:45,150 --> 00:21:47,450 That joke was gonna bomb. End of story. 601 00:21:47,650 --> 00:21:50,000 - Then why'd you okay it? - What? 602 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,830 You okay every joke. Are you saying you okayed a joke 603 00:21:52,030 --> 00:21:53,330 that you knew was destined to bomb? 604 00:21:53,530 --> 00:21:55,170 - Now, wait a minute... - Or you saying you okayed it, 605 00:21:55,370 --> 00:21:56,590 not knowing it was gonna bomb till you got 606 00:21:56,790 --> 00:21:58,670 on stage and your special bomb detector kicked in 607 00:21:58,870 --> 00:22:00,050 and you suddenly knew it was gonna bomb, 608 00:22:00,250 --> 00:22:01,170 so you saved it by blowing it 609 00:22:01,370 --> 00:22:02,180 and getting the wrong laugh? 610 00:22:02,370 --> 00:22:03,800 There is no wrong laugh. 611 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,390 There's absolutely a wrong laugh. 612 00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:07,060 A wrong laugh is a laugh you get by accident 613 00:22:07,250 --> 00:22:08,390 because you fucked up the right laugh. 614 00:22:08,590 --> 00:22:10,230 That is a wrong goddam laugh. 615 00:22:10,420 --> 00:22:12,310 Now, look here, Miss "I finally got one fucking joke in 616 00:22:12,510 --> 00:22:13,480 after six months on the job..." 617 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:14,690 So, you can't read a calendar either? 618 00:22:14,890 --> 00:22:15,900 It's only been a month. 619 00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:17,940 I have been doing this a very long time. 620 00:22:18,140 --> 00:22:19,900 I'm a professional goddamn performer. 621 00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:23,130 Who made a goddamn mistake and won't admit it. 622 00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:29,910 - That is a terrible drink. - [murmuring] 623 00:22:30,110 --> 00:22:32,760 There are no wrong laughs. 624 00:22:53,530 --> 00:22:55,600 [Abe] I was writing 625 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,270 deep into the night. That is, 626 00:22:57,470 --> 00:22:59,690 when I wasn't consulting Cicero for inspiration. 627 00:22:59,890 --> 00:23:02,490 I hope it will undo at least some of the damage. 628 00:23:02,690 --> 00:23:04,610 You misspelled "Channing," Abe. 629 00:23:04,810 --> 00:23:06,910 Don't you think you're being a bit too hard on yourself? 630 00:23:07,110 --> 00:23:08,660 Mm, not according to Cicero. 631 00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:10,370 Okay, here's the bottom line, 632 00:23:10,570 --> 00:23:13,500 I cannot publish a 1,500 word apologia 633 00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:15,500 because you left out one "N." 634 00:23:15,700 --> 00:23:17,500 - How many words should it be? - 15? 635 00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:18,920 - 15? - [line beeps] 636 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:20,210 [operator] This is the operator, 637 00:23:20,410 --> 00:23:21,670 I have an emergency breakthrough call 638 00:23:21,870 --> 00:23:23,300 for the Weissman household from Susie Myerson. 639 00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:25,760 - What? No, thank you, operator. - Hold, please. 640 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,550 [Abe] Operator, I'm declining it. 641 00:23:27,750 --> 00:23:29,510 Shouldn't you see what the emergency is, Abe? 642 00:23:29,710 --> 00:23:31,100 We're discussing my emergency. 643 00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:32,930 - [Susie] Hello? - Hello? 644 00:23:33,130 --> 00:23:34,430 Who is this? I'm calling for Midge. 645 00:23:34,630 --> 00:23:36,440 Susie? It's Abe. I'm on the phone. 646 00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,270 [Susie] I know. Your damn line's been busy all morning. 647 00:23:38,470 --> 00:23:40,070 Well, I started the day 648 00:23:40,260 --> 00:23:42,780 trying to call every Village Voice subscriber 649 00:23:42,980 --> 00:23:44,860 and apologize to them individually. 650 00:23:45,060 --> 00:23:46,950 - Oh, my God. - [Susie] Abe, please put Midge on. 651 00:23:47,150 --> 00:23:49,200 Fine. Miriam. 652 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,330 Goodbye, Abe. 15 words. 653 00:23:52,530 --> 00:23:54,830 It's Susie. 654 00:23:55,030 --> 00:23:56,750 - Hello? - [Susie] Did you get into a fight 655 00:23:56,950 --> 00:23:58,500 with Gordon Ford in front of everybody, 656 00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:00,420 and I mean everybody in show business 657 00:24:00,620 --> 00:24:01,920 last night at Toots Shor's? 658 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:04,340 - How in the world did you know? - It made the papers. 659 00:24:04,540 --> 00:24:07,880 "The usual 'you had to be there' revelry at Toots 660 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,970 seemed tame compared to last night's showdown 661 00:24:11,170 --> 00:24:13,310 between Mr. Ford and his mouthy lady writer." 662 00:24:13,510 --> 00:24:14,890 Sounds bad out of context. 663 00:24:15,090 --> 00:24:16,100 Give me the context. 664 00:24:16,300 --> 00:24:18,020 He flubbed my joke on air, 665 00:24:18,220 --> 00:24:19,400 and I groaned on air, 666 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:21,520 but it was an accidental groan, and I apologized. 667 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,900 "It was a shocking moment, as late night television's 668 00:24:24,100 --> 00:24:26,690 boy wonder lost his trademark cool. 669 00:24:26,890 --> 00:24:28,490 The aforementioned lady writer 670 00:24:28,690 --> 00:24:30,570 might want to start polishing her résumé, 671 00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:31,990 in another line of work, 672 00:24:32,190 --> 00:24:34,410 in another city, across state lines." 673 00:24:34,610 --> 00:24:35,620 Oh, my God. 674 00:24:35,820 --> 00:24:37,250 I am building up quite a scrapbook 675 00:24:37,450 --> 00:24:38,750 with all your clippings, you know that? 676 00:24:38,950 --> 00:24:41,460 Help me out. What-what do I do? Apologize again? 677 00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:42,790 Normally, I'd say yes, 678 00:24:42,990 --> 00:24:44,500 but, apparently, you aren't great at that. 679 00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:46,590 I mean, I have to go in on Monday, right? 680 00:24:46,790 --> 00:24:47,970 I-I have to show my face. 681 00:24:48,170 --> 00:24:49,590 Yes, you do, and bring a box. 682 00:24:49,790 --> 00:24:51,090 A box? Why should I bring a box? 683 00:24:51,290 --> 00:24:53,010 Well, you know, when you get fired, 684 00:24:53,210 --> 00:24:54,720 you want to have a box to put your stuff in, 685 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,350 so bring a nice, big box. 686 00:24:56,550 --> 00:24:58,430 Well, I don't have an office, so I don't have a lot of stuff. 687 00:24:58,630 --> 00:24:59,770 A small box will do. 688 00:24:59,970 --> 00:25:02,110 I am so glad we figured out the size of the box 689 00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:03,730 you're gonna bring on Monday when they fire you. 690 00:25:03,930 --> 00:25:05,610 So, you definitely think I'm getting fired? 691 00:25:05,810 --> 00:25:06,780 I'll make some calls. 692 00:25:06,980 --> 00:25:08,610 It's a Saturday, so all these fuckers 693 00:25:08,810 --> 00:25:11,240 are gonna be off golfing or whacking off on their boats. 694 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:13,580 - [phone ringing] - Oh, shit. - What? 695 00:25:13,770 --> 00:25:15,120 You think it's them? To fire me? 696 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,540 Don't panic. I'll-I'll keep you posted. 697 00:25:17,740 --> 00:25:19,180 Okay. Bye. 698 00:25:21,430 --> 00:25:24,340 Susie Myerson and Associates. 699 00:25:24,540 --> 00:25:26,340 Wait, what? 700 00:25:26,540 --> 00:25:27,880 Come to where? 701 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:29,690 [buzzer sounds] 702 00:25:46,250 --> 00:25:47,980 - Who are you? - Who are you? 703 00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:49,110 I'm Susie Myerson. 704 00:25:49,310 --> 00:25:50,320 Get out of here. 705 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:51,820 - No. - You? 706 00:25:52,020 --> 00:25:53,530 Yeah. Why? 707 00:25:53,730 --> 00:25:55,030 I pictured someone taller, thicker. 708 00:25:55,230 --> 00:25:56,450 - Although... - Watch it. 709 00:25:56,650 --> 00:25:57,450 Now, who the hell are you? 710 00:25:57,650 --> 00:25:59,040 Hilarious. 711 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,460 Thank you for the gift, by the way. Very clever. 712 00:26:01,660 --> 00:26:03,920 - What gift? - The call. 713 00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,170 Someone tells me there's a gift at my door, 714 00:26:06,370 --> 00:26:08,500 courtesy of Susie Myerson and Associates. 715 00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:11,670 I opened the door, and a fleet of cops hauls me off 716 00:26:11,870 --> 00:26:13,050 for a crime I did not commit. 717 00:26:13,250 --> 00:26:14,840 Oh, that gift. 718 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,180 - You're welcome, Miss... - Molly is dead. 719 00:26:17,380 --> 00:26:19,520 - Who's Molly? - My Irish associate. 720 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:20,980 She got the same call, 721 00:26:21,180 --> 00:26:22,690 had a heart attack, dropped dead in the kitchen. 722 00:26:22,890 --> 00:26:24,350 - Jesus. - Our Jewish friend 723 00:26:24,550 --> 00:26:25,610 is on a plane to Argentina. 724 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,150 Miss Em is AWOL. 725 00:26:27,350 --> 00:26:28,690 Who the fuck are all of you people? 726 00:26:28,890 --> 00:26:30,530 What do you mean, "who are we"? 727 00:26:30,730 --> 00:26:32,200 Didn't Rose Weissman send you? 728 00:26:32,390 --> 00:26:34,070 Yes. 729 00:26:34,270 --> 00:26:35,570 Rose sent me. 730 00:26:35,770 --> 00:26:36,990 - You sure? - Well, 731 00:26:37,190 --> 00:26:39,580 who can be sure of anything in life, right? 732 00:26:39,780 --> 00:26:41,450 This is bullshit, by the way. 733 00:26:41,650 --> 00:26:44,250 Framing me for a ridiculous tea room fire? 734 00:26:44,450 --> 00:26:45,460 It's not gonna work. 735 00:26:45,660 --> 00:26:47,290 Hang on a second, that was you? 736 00:26:47,490 --> 00:26:49,340 You burned down the greatest fucking tea room 737 00:26:49,540 --> 00:26:50,880 in the history of tea rooms? 738 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,630 Never mind the tea, have you ever had their whipped cream? 739 00:26:52,830 --> 00:26:54,430 - What? - I don't know what they did to it, 740 00:26:54,630 --> 00:26:55,970 whether it's extra cream or extra sugar 741 00:26:56,170 --> 00:26:57,680 or a combination of both, 742 00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,350 maybe it's the pinch of nutmeg. 743 00:26:59,550 --> 00:27:02,100 God knows I have tried to make it at home and failed miserably, 744 00:27:02,300 --> 00:27:04,520 but there is something about that whipped cream. 745 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,900 I hope you get the fucking chair. 746 00:27:07,100 --> 00:27:08,980 I didn't realize Rose Weissman had protection. 747 00:27:09,180 --> 00:27:10,070 Well, she does, 748 00:27:10,270 --> 00:27:11,820 and a gun, and she'll use it. 749 00:27:12,020 --> 00:27:14,110 - She's not just gonna wave it around or something. - Okay. 750 00:27:14,310 --> 00:27:16,950 Fine. You got me. 751 00:27:17,150 --> 00:27:19,490 Can we just get down to this, please? 752 00:27:19,690 --> 00:27:20,930 Down to what? 753 00:27:22,970 --> 00:27:25,540 Rose Weissman can keep the Upper West Side. 754 00:27:25,740 --> 00:27:29,170 She just can't go above 125th or below 60th. 755 00:27:29,370 --> 00:27:30,500 Now that Molly's dead, 756 00:27:30,700 --> 00:27:32,130 she can take Hell's Kitchen if she wants, 757 00:27:32,330 --> 00:27:34,880 but she better bone up on limericks and the potato famine. 758 00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,800 What? Not good enough? 759 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:39,430 Hey, I'm just the muscle. 760 00:27:39,630 --> 00:27:41,350 I'll take it to Rose, see what she says. 761 00:27:41,550 --> 00:27:44,140 Female muscle. Shit. I should have thought of that. 762 00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:45,560 Yeah, they never see you coming. 763 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:46,940 Well, not you. 764 00:27:47,140 --> 00:27:48,690 Well, it's been a delight. 765 00:27:48,890 --> 00:27:50,230 That outfit suits you, by the way. 766 00:27:50,430 --> 00:27:52,400 Some women your age just look silly in stripes. 767 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,780 Tell Rose Weissman this is a good deal. 768 00:27:54,980 --> 00:27:56,530 Hey, if they just booked you, why are you here? 769 00:27:56,730 --> 00:27:58,050 Why aren't you in the county jail? 770 00:27:59,090 --> 00:28:00,420 I have priors. 771 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,260 ♪ ♪ 772 00:28:08,220 --> 00:28:10,130 So... 773 00:28:10,330 --> 00:28:12,500 - this is different. - Can't believe it. 774 00:28:12,700 --> 00:28:14,880 He was supposed to help me with her. Instead, 775 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:16,380 he's taking up two tables over there, 776 00:28:16,580 --> 00:28:18,090 and she shows up at the door, first thing she does 777 00:28:18,290 --> 00:28:19,760 is ask for a family and friends discount. 778 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:21,140 Did you give it to her? 779 00:28:21,340 --> 00:28:22,720 Well, she's my mother. 780 00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:24,310 [Shirley] Can you believe it? 781 00:28:24,510 --> 00:28:26,850 She's telling me how to pick a melon? 782 00:28:27,050 --> 00:28:29,980 I can sniff out a ripe melon in Jersey if I had to. 783 00:28:30,180 --> 00:28:31,360 You should've slapped her face. 784 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:32,860 I just had a manicure. 785 00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:35,030 - Prunes do nothing. - They do something for me. 786 00:28:35,230 --> 00:28:37,490 Bullshit. It's got nothing to do with food. 787 00:28:37,690 --> 00:28:39,280 Willpower and a schedule. 788 00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,450 What if you have to be somewhere? What're you gonna do? 789 00:28:41,650 --> 00:28:43,580 I could pull the fire alarm and clear the place out. 790 00:28:43,780 --> 00:28:45,290 And then they'll just come back tomorrow with their rabbi, 791 00:28:45,490 --> 00:28:47,710 barber, and canasta club. Oh, good. 792 00:28:47,910 --> 00:28:49,170 Your dad's friend pulled a nickel 793 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,500 out of the waitress's ear again. 794 00:28:50,700 --> 00:28:53,040 Hey. Hi. What are you guys staring at? 795 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:54,500 In this corner, 796 00:28:54,700 --> 00:28:56,880 the undefeated purse snacks champ, Shirley Maisel. 797 00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:58,720 And in that corner, the challenger 798 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,430 and prune skeptic, Moishe Maisel. 799 00:29:00,630 --> 00:29:01,800 And they are not together? 800 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:02,930 Not by a long shot. 801 00:29:03,130 --> 00:29:04,970 - So, two bad tippers. - Bye, folks. 802 00:29:05,170 --> 00:29:07,310 Come again. Who am I kidding? 803 00:29:07,510 --> 00:29:09,640 Well, sorry that your dreams are coming to an end, 804 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:11,020 but before they do, can I get ten minutes 805 00:29:11,220 --> 00:29:12,980 - when the band breaks? - [Moishe] An apology 806 00:29:13,180 --> 00:29:14,520 and some music lessons would help a lot. 807 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:16,190 Fuck this shit. 808 00:29:16,390 --> 00:29:18,240 - You're on. - [Shirley] Moishe, we were 809 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:19,780 - enjoying the music. - [Moishe] Everyone's so sensitive 810 00:29:19,980 --> 00:29:21,920 - these days. - That's it? - [indistinct chatter] 811 00:29:25,380 --> 00:29:27,660 [woman] Is the band coming back? 812 00:29:27,860 --> 00:29:30,040 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 813 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:31,710 - I'm Mrs. Maisel... - [Shirley] Miriam! 814 00:29:31,910 --> 00:29:34,290 That's my former daughter-in-law. Miriam! 815 00:29:34,490 --> 00:29:35,880 - So pale. - What are you doing up there? 816 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,420 - I'm going to do my act. - [Shirley] For who? 817 00:29:38,620 --> 00:29:42,140 For all the nice people looking very perplexed right now. 818 00:29:42,330 --> 00:29:43,300 [Moishe] Leave her alone, Shirley. 819 00:29:43,500 --> 00:29:45,510 If she wants to try and tell a joke, 820 00:29:45,710 --> 00:29:47,010 let her learn the hard way. 821 00:29:47,210 --> 00:29:49,430 My butcher is funnier. He's not funny. 822 00:29:49,630 --> 00:29:50,890 Nice-looking. She should sing. 823 00:29:51,090 --> 00:29:52,270 I'm not a singer, 824 00:29:52,470 --> 00:29:54,150 but I am currently a writer for The Gordon... 825 00:29:54,350 --> 00:29:56,440 Wait, I was distracted. Miriam, start your act again. 826 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,190 I haven't really started my act yet, Shirley. 827 00:29:59,390 --> 00:30:00,650 Trust me, when she starts it, you won't laugh. 828 00:30:00,850 --> 00:30:01,820 Pop, shut up. 829 00:30:02,020 --> 00:30:03,700 Shut up, he says, the fruit of my loins. 830 00:30:03,900 --> 00:30:05,070 [Joel] If you're not gonna help, then get out. 831 00:30:05,270 --> 00:30:06,410 I am helping. 832 00:30:06,610 --> 00:30:08,200 She needs to rethink this career. 833 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:09,870 - Who else would tell her? - [Shirley] Miriam, 834 00:30:10,070 --> 00:30:12,210 ignore him. Pretend he's not there. 835 00:30:12,410 --> 00:30:15,460 Okay, so, I am a single woman living in New York. 836 00:30:15,660 --> 00:30:16,540 Me too. 837 00:30:16,740 --> 00:30:17,960 You're not single, Ma. 838 00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,760 - Joel, really? - Sorry. 839 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,220 Have you ladies ever approached a subway station, 840 00:30:22,420 --> 00:30:23,840 and it's really dark at the bottom of the stairs? 841 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:25,680 They don't light them properly. 842 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:28,060 That was a rhetorical question, Shirley. 843 00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:30,180 She only asked it to set something up. 844 00:30:30,380 --> 00:30:31,270 Not that it was going anywhere. 845 00:30:31,470 --> 00:30:32,850 So, the other night, I'm heading down 846 00:30:33,050 --> 00:30:34,150 these really dark stairs, and... 847 00:30:34,340 --> 00:30:35,610 [Shirley] You didn't have a flashlight? 848 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:37,190 I have two. 849 00:30:37,390 --> 00:30:38,570 One for light 850 00:30:38,770 --> 00:30:41,400 and one to use as a weapon. 851 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,530 - [bubbie] She's so small. - Shirley, you're blinding me. 852 00:30:43,730 --> 00:30:45,820 Just like the attacker. That's good, right? 853 00:30:46,020 --> 00:30:47,870 Okay, moving on. 854 00:30:48,070 --> 00:30:49,490 Uh, yesterday, the principal tells me 855 00:30:49,690 --> 00:30:50,870 my son is sleeping during class... 856 00:30:51,070 --> 00:30:51,870 [Shirley] What happened to Ethan? 857 00:30:52,070 --> 00:30:54,080 - He's sleeping in class. - Why? 858 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,040 Because he doesn't drink coffee? I don't know. 859 00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,130 Okay, folks, the show is up here. 860 00:30:58,330 --> 00:31:00,550 I-I... forgot where I was. 861 00:31:00,750 --> 00:31:02,590 For the love of God, do not start again. 862 00:31:02,790 --> 00:31:03,970 Here, I have a joke. 863 00:31:04,170 --> 00:31:05,470 Guy walks into a bar 864 00:31:05,670 --> 00:31:07,930 holding a one-foot-tall man playing the piano. 865 00:31:08,130 --> 00:31:09,510 The bartender says, 866 00:31:09,710 --> 00:31:11,180 "My genie must be hard of hearing. 867 00:31:11,380 --> 00:31:13,180 I didn't ask for a 12-inch pianist." 868 00:31:13,380 --> 00:31:14,190 [laughter] 869 00:31:14,380 --> 00:31:17,060 Miriam, there you are. 870 00:31:17,260 --> 00:31:20,360 I have to tell you, I thought you were just terrific up there. 871 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:22,030 Gee, thank you, Shirley. 872 00:31:22,230 --> 00:31:24,030 I enjoyed every minute of it. 873 00:31:24,230 --> 00:31:25,780 Is this how your shows always go? 874 00:31:25,980 --> 00:31:27,910 No. Most of the time, I get to tell a joke. 875 00:31:28,110 --> 00:31:29,990 Really? That's so interesting. 876 00:31:30,190 --> 00:31:32,290 Well, it was a delight. 877 00:31:32,490 --> 00:31:33,750 Listen, while I have you here, 878 00:31:33,950 --> 00:31:35,210 I need some information from you. 879 00:31:35,410 --> 00:31:36,210 - About? - Mei. 880 00:31:36,410 --> 00:31:38,080 Where is she? Joel told me 881 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:39,750 she was interviewing for a doctor job. 882 00:31:39,950 --> 00:31:41,710 Yes. She was. 883 00:31:41,910 --> 00:31:44,010 - How long does that take? - I don't, I don't really know. 884 00:31:44,210 --> 00:31:45,880 How many questions can they ask? When I go to the doctor, 885 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,390 all he does is take my pulse and bum a cigarette. 886 00:31:48,590 --> 00:31:50,100 Well, I think it's a bit more involved than that. 887 00:31:50,300 --> 00:31:52,890 - So, you do know something. - Me? No. 888 00:31:53,090 --> 00:31:56,980 Just tell me, is she carrying high or low? 889 00:31:57,180 --> 00:31:59,150 I've been knitting pink booties and blue booties. 890 00:31:59,350 --> 00:32:00,940 I'm completely in the dark. 891 00:32:01,140 --> 00:32:03,650 - Well... - This baby can't come into the world with cold feet. 892 00:32:03,850 --> 00:32:05,280 What a terrible start. 893 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,150 - Shirley... - I'm going crazy, Miriam. 894 00:32:07,350 --> 00:32:09,620 Please, just tell me. Something. 895 00:32:09,820 --> 00:32:10,700 Anything. 896 00:32:10,900 --> 00:32:12,030 I think she went to visit her family. 897 00:32:12,230 --> 00:32:14,120 - Where's her family? - In... China. 898 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,250 Wasn't there a revolution in China? 899 00:32:16,450 --> 00:32:19,250 Yes, there was, which is why she's not back yet. 900 00:32:19,450 --> 00:32:20,420 Did she enlist? 901 00:32:20,620 --> 00:32:22,300 No, it's just, there's a lot of red tape. 902 00:32:22,490 --> 00:32:24,760 [chuckles] Get it? Never mind. She'll be home soon. 903 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:28,070 Will you excuse me? I-I think I left the... 904 00:32:31,110 --> 00:32:33,220 You didn't tell Shirley about Mei, did you? 905 00:32:33,420 --> 00:32:36,310 - Why? - Because she just grilled me in the ladies' room about Mei. 906 00:32:36,510 --> 00:32:38,480 "Why is she gone so long? When is she coming back? 907 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:40,310 Is she carrying high or low?" 908 00:32:40,510 --> 00:32:42,060 Your mother has a terrible doctor, by the way. 909 00:32:42,260 --> 00:32:44,150 She really needs to see someone else. 910 00:32:44,350 --> 00:32:45,400 Anyhow, I was cornered, so I said 911 00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:46,990 she was visiting her family in China 912 00:32:47,190 --> 00:32:49,050 and she can't get out because of the revolution and then I ran. 913 00:32:50,090 --> 00:32:51,700 You said Mei was in China? 914 00:32:51,900 --> 00:32:54,040 I didn't know what to say, Joel. 915 00:32:54,230 --> 00:32:55,580 How is it when other people don't know what to say, 916 00:32:55,780 --> 00:32:56,870 they say, "I don't know what to say," 917 00:32:57,070 --> 00:32:58,250 but when you don't know what to say, you say, 918 00:32:58,450 --> 00:32:59,420 "She's in China and can't get out 919 00:32:59,610 --> 00:33:00,540 'cause there's a revolution." 920 00:33:00,740 --> 00:33:02,540 - Because I'm an artist, Joel. - Great. 921 00:33:02,740 --> 00:33:05,000 Hey, this is not my fault. 922 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,630 I know. 923 00:33:06,830 --> 00:33:08,130 I'm sorry. It's mine. I... 924 00:33:08,330 --> 00:33:09,630 Really, I'll fix it. 925 00:33:09,830 --> 00:33:11,680 Okay. 926 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,050 Are you gonna fix it now, or should I... 927 00:33:13,250 --> 00:33:14,570 Back way's good. 928 00:33:23,210 --> 00:33:24,870 [sighs] 929 00:33:38,220 --> 00:33:40,670 {\an8}[grunting] 930 00:33:40,860 --> 00:33:42,420 {\an8}[door opens] 931 00:33:42,620 --> 00:33:44,000 {\an8}Why are you grunting? 932 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:45,960 {\an8}- Did you do this? - You woke me up. Do what? 933 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,210 Move Ethan off his Saturday sleep mark? 934 00:33:48,410 --> 00:33:50,130 He was in the way of the bathroom. 935 00:33:50,330 --> 00:33:52,260 Well, hop over him. We all agreed, we'd hop. 936 00:33:52,460 --> 00:33:53,430 I never agreed to hop. 937 00:33:53,630 --> 00:33:54,800 Well, then hold it in till morning. 938 00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,600 You know what? This whole thing is ridiculous. 939 00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:00,060 {\an8}Papa, stop. 940 00:34:00,260 --> 00:34:03,310 {\an8}He'll never know he was off his Saturday sleep mark. 941 00:34:03,510 --> 00:34:05,150 {\an8}Papa, we are on a path with this 942 00:34:05,350 --> 00:34:06,860 {\an8}and we need to stick to it. 943 00:34:07,060 --> 00:34:08,780 {\an8}The whole point of this is trust, 944 00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:10,440 {\an8}and if he wakes up and he's not where he's been, 945 00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:11,900 {\an8}he may not know where he is. 946 00:34:12,100 --> 00:34:14,620 He's lived here all his life. He'll know where he is. 947 00:34:14,820 --> 00:34:18,490 Do not move him off his mark again. Promise me. 948 00:34:18,690 --> 00:34:21,390 I make no promises. 949 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,330 Papa. 950 00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:26,540 You claim to be a man of science. 951 00:34:26,740 --> 00:34:28,170 I don't claim, I am. 952 00:34:28,370 --> 00:34:30,300 This is science, and you are the last person 953 00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:32,510 - who should be doubting it. - Miriam, 954 00:34:32,710 --> 00:34:34,970 you know full well I'm experiencing 955 00:34:35,170 --> 00:34:36,470 a dark night of the soul 956 00:34:36,670 --> 00:34:38,510 from this whole Carol Channing thing. 957 00:34:38,710 --> 00:34:42,140 Please, stop further assassinating my character. 958 00:34:42,340 --> 00:34:43,310 Remember the cookie? 959 00:34:43,510 --> 00:34:44,730 The cookie? What cookie? 960 00:34:44,930 --> 00:34:46,650 When I was seven, you took a black and white cookie 961 00:34:46,850 --> 00:34:48,940 and you broke it into 16 parts, remember? 962 00:34:49,140 --> 00:34:51,030 - No. - It was a reward system. 963 00:34:51,230 --> 00:34:53,610 Each time I proved to you I could properly use a semicolon, 964 00:34:53,810 --> 00:34:54,990 I got a piece of cookie and then Noah 965 00:34:55,190 --> 00:34:56,570 found my cookie pieces and ate them 966 00:34:56,770 --> 00:34:58,450 and when I told you what he did, you said, 967 00:34:58,650 --> 00:34:59,540 "I don't want to hear about this. 968 00:34:59,730 --> 00:35:00,790 Work it out amongst yourselves." 969 00:35:00,990 --> 00:35:02,200 So? 970 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:03,960 You abandoned me and my cookie lesson, 971 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,500 and to this day I have no idea how to use a semicolon. 972 00:35:06,700 --> 00:35:08,170 It's used to indicate a pause, 973 00:35:08,370 --> 00:35:10,350 - usually between two... - Too late. 974 00:35:17,740 --> 00:35:20,820 Do not move him. 975 00:35:23,620 --> 00:35:25,160 {\an8}[doors close] 976 00:35:26,870 --> 00:35:28,230 {\an8}Mommy? 977 00:35:28,430 --> 00:35:30,370 [phone ringing] 978 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:34,740 Hello? 979 00:35:34,940 --> 00:35:37,280 Whoa, slow down, Pop. 980 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,450 I'm sorry, I didn't get that last... 981 00:35:39,650 --> 00:35:42,950 What? Pop? Are you in a closet? 982 00:35:43,150 --> 00:35:45,120 Why are you so... 983 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:47,830 I can't... I don't... 984 00:35:48,030 --> 00:35:50,600 I... I'm coming over. 985 00:35:52,690 --> 00:35:54,340 Hello? 986 00:35:54,540 --> 00:35:57,510 Ma? Pop? 987 00:35:57,710 --> 00:35:58,900 Joel! 988 00:36:00,820 --> 00:36:01,850 What are you doing here? 989 00:36:02,050 --> 00:36:03,600 Is everything all right? When you called 990 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:05,100 you sounded like you had a bag over your head. 991 00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:06,100 I thought you'd been kidnapped. 992 00:36:06,300 --> 00:36:07,390 No, not kidnapped. 993 00:36:07,590 --> 00:36:09,100 I did have a bag over my head, though. 994 00:36:09,300 --> 00:36:11,360 - Why? - Trying to muffle the sound. 995 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:12,900 - Of what? - Sensitive topics. 996 00:36:13,100 --> 00:36:14,500 - Neighbors have ears. - Moishe? 997 00:36:15,670 --> 00:36:18,490 It's okay. It's my son, Joel. 998 00:36:18,690 --> 00:36:20,370 [indistinct chatter] 999 00:36:20,570 --> 00:36:22,620 All right, you're here. Be useful. 1000 00:36:22,820 --> 00:36:24,910 What do you mean, "be useful"? What's going on here? 1001 00:36:25,110 --> 00:36:27,290 Shh. Why are you yelling? Read the room. 1002 00:36:27,490 --> 00:36:29,120 Listen, we're gonna get her out. 1003 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:30,710 - Get who out? - Your girl. It's all planned, 1004 00:36:30,910 --> 00:36:32,340 - just a couple more details. - What's planned? 1005 00:36:32,540 --> 00:36:34,090 Now, I didn't want to involve you directly-- 1006 00:36:34,290 --> 00:36:36,420 plausible deniability-- but as long as you're here, 1007 00:36:36,620 --> 00:36:38,010 - you can answer a few questions. - Pop... 1008 00:36:38,210 --> 00:36:39,640 Don't worry. These are the guys 1009 00:36:39,830 --> 00:36:42,050 that got the 13 Jews out of Germany. 1010 00:36:42,250 --> 00:36:44,010 - Oh, no. - They are the best. 1011 00:36:44,210 --> 00:36:45,980 That one there is the original guy's son. 1012 00:36:46,170 --> 00:36:47,520 The original guy's dead 1013 00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:49,520 and the son's a bit of a yutz, but he has the plane. 1014 00:36:49,720 --> 00:36:51,020 Pop, I have to talk to you. 1015 00:36:51,220 --> 00:36:53,900 I know, communication seems very important to you today. 1016 00:36:54,100 --> 00:36:57,950 Later. For now, when you say she's in China... where? 1017 00:36:58,140 --> 00:37:01,240 I mean, I know it's a big place. I don't need an address, 1018 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,830 - unless you have one. - There's no address. 1019 00:37:04,030 --> 00:37:06,330 Okay. Is there a street name, perhaps? 1020 00:37:06,530 --> 00:37:09,500 Or a landmark? Uh, maybe a library nearby? 1021 00:37:09,700 --> 00:37:11,000 [speaks Yiddish] 1022 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:12,790 He's asking what the weather's like. They run cold. 1023 00:37:12,990 --> 00:37:14,630 Really? These guys are the best? 1024 00:37:14,830 --> 00:37:16,090 You know a good extraction team 1025 00:37:16,290 --> 00:37:17,420 that's just hanging around waiting to extract? 1026 00:37:17,620 --> 00:37:18,420 No. 1027 00:37:18,620 --> 00:37:20,630 [speaks Yiddish] 1028 00:37:20,830 --> 00:37:22,850 [men] Oh. Mmm. 1029 00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:24,510 Shirley, we're working here. 1030 00:37:24,710 --> 00:37:28,140 I don't see anyone complaining about some fresh Danish, do you? 1031 00:37:28,340 --> 00:37:30,440 They're planning a very sensitive covert mission. 1032 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,610 They can't think with you galloping in and out 1033 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,400 like you're pulling a carriage around Central Park! 1034 00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:36,400 If I'm a horse, then you're an ass. 1035 00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,570 Okay, enough barnyard animal insults. 1036 00:37:38,770 --> 00:37:40,990 Can you two, please j... 1037 00:37:41,190 --> 00:37:42,460 [sighs] 1038 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:53,170 There's something I have to tell you guys. 1039 00:37:53,370 --> 00:37:54,710 What's the matter? 1040 00:37:54,910 --> 00:37:57,670 It's about Mei and me. 1041 00:37:57,870 --> 00:37:59,550 There is no more Mei and me. 1042 00:37:59,750 --> 00:38:02,470 No. Joely, don't worry, we're getting her out of China. 1043 00:38:02,670 --> 00:38:04,850 She's not in China, Ma. She's in Chicago. 1044 00:38:05,050 --> 00:38:06,600 Oh, well that should be easier. 1045 00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:08,850 She moved to Chicago, Ma. 1046 00:38:09,050 --> 00:38:12,270 - But... - The-the baby. 1047 00:38:12,470 --> 00:38:14,100 There's no baby anymore. 1048 00:38:14,300 --> 00:38:16,320 Oh, no. Oh, Joel. 1049 00:38:16,510 --> 00:38:17,750 She lost it? 1050 00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:20,780 Yeah. She lost it. 1051 00:38:20,980 --> 00:38:22,610 I'm so sorry. 1052 00:38:22,810 --> 00:38:24,740 Oh, honey. 1053 00:38:24,940 --> 00:38:27,870 But you can try again when you get married. 1054 00:38:28,070 --> 00:38:30,050 We're not getting married, Ma. 1055 00:38:33,180 --> 00:38:35,790 - Are you okay? - Sure. 1056 00:38:35,990 --> 00:38:39,000 Would you like something to eat? There's so much food. 1057 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:40,920 - So much food. - No. 1058 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,010 Thank you. I have work to do. 1059 00:38:44,210 --> 00:38:46,260 I'm gonna make you a to-go package. 1060 00:38:46,460 --> 00:38:48,240 I better tell the boys. 1061 00:38:54,370 --> 00:38:55,370 [elevator bell dings] 1062 00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,960 [indistinct chatter] 1063 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,110 [man] It was supposed to come in today. They said they mailed it. 1064 00:39:05,310 --> 00:39:07,320 Uh... 1065 00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,450 [phone rings] 1066 00:39:10,650 --> 00:39:12,870 [Doris] The Gordon Ford Show. 1067 00:39:13,070 --> 00:39:15,460 Yes, you are right. 1068 00:39:15,660 --> 00:39:17,670 Thank you for bringing that to our attention. 1069 00:39:17,870 --> 00:39:20,170 - Thank you. Thank you. - [Mike] Oh, good. 1070 00:39:20,370 --> 00:39:21,670 You brought a box. 1071 00:39:21,870 --> 00:39:23,420 [Gordon] Everyone to the railing. 1072 00:39:23,620 --> 00:39:25,260 - [man] To the railing, people. - [woman] Railing, guys. 1073 00:39:25,460 --> 00:39:26,720 [Gordon] All right, listen, guys, 1074 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:28,800 we have too many relatives coming to the shows. 1075 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:30,680 Mothers, brothers, uncles, aunts. 1076 00:39:30,880 --> 00:39:32,270 They're not the best laughers. 1077 00:39:32,470 --> 00:39:34,180 - Show some restraint? - Yes, Mr. Ford. - You got it. 1078 00:39:34,380 --> 00:39:36,290 Got couple other things we got to deal with, too. 1079 00:39:37,790 --> 00:39:39,290 Morning, all. 1080 00:39:40,790 --> 00:39:42,360 - Look who's here. - [Gordon] Okay, 1081 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,360 looks like George brought a few of the network bigwigs 1082 00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:45,950 down for an unexpected visit. 1083 00:39:46,150 --> 00:39:47,570 Hello, Charlie. Hello, Isaac. 1084 00:39:47,770 --> 00:39:48,870 Hello, third person I don't know. 1085 00:39:49,070 --> 00:39:50,160 Syd Greenberg, Mr. Ford. 1086 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:52,120 This is a friendly ambush, we swear. 1087 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,120 Not sure there is such a thing. 1088 00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:55,660 Come on up. 1089 00:39:55,860 --> 00:39:56,830 We'll finish this later. 1090 00:39:57,030 --> 00:39:58,980 [indistinct chatter] 1091 00:40:05,150 --> 00:40:06,550 [narrator] The young bears seen here 1092 00:40:06,750 --> 00:40:08,010 are not just play-fighting, 1093 00:40:08,210 --> 00:40:10,300 they're learning necessary defensive skills. 1094 00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:12,810 - Throughout the first... - Ethan. 1095 00:40:13,010 --> 00:40:14,270 - [narrator continues indistinctly] - Time for bed. 1096 00:40:14,470 --> 00:40:17,810 I sleep in spot number three tonight. 1097 00:40:18,010 --> 00:40:19,980 How about sleeping in your bed tonight? 1098 00:40:20,180 --> 00:40:22,900 My therapist says I'm not ready yet. 1099 00:40:23,100 --> 00:40:24,990 Okay. 1100 00:40:25,190 --> 00:40:28,160 - [narrator] After that... - [TV mutes] 1101 00:40:28,350 --> 00:40:31,930 Okay, now, Ethan. 1102 00:40:33,470 --> 00:40:36,250 Look at me and not at the bear on TV. Up here. 1103 00:40:36,450 --> 00:40:38,670 Hello. Now, Ethan, 1104 00:40:38,870 --> 00:40:40,210 we must discuss 1105 00:40:40,410 --> 00:40:43,050 the rationale behind your sleeping in the hallway, 1106 00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:46,010 or the very lack of it, actually. 1107 00:40:46,210 --> 00:40:48,300 I understand that, for some reason, 1108 00:40:48,500 --> 00:40:50,590 you are afraid of your bed. 1109 00:40:50,790 --> 00:40:52,930 Well, you should know that fear 1110 00:40:53,130 --> 00:40:54,720 is very natural. 1111 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,520 It's there to help you survive. 1112 00:40:57,720 --> 00:41:01,020 It tells you to run when something large with teeth 1113 00:41:01,220 --> 00:41:02,480 is going to eat you, 1114 00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,730 or to duck when a rock has been thrown at your head. 1115 00:41:05,930 --> 00:41:08,780 And there are so many things in this life 1116 00:41:08,980 --> 00:41:11,800 to be legitimately afraid of. 1117 00:41:13,050 --> 00:41:14,450 Have you heard of Park Slope? 1118 00:41:14,650 --> 00:41:16,330 - No. - Recently, 1119 00:41:16,530 --> 00:41:18,750 a United Airlines airplane 1120 00:41:18,950 --> 00:41:21,040 and a Trans World airplane 1121 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:23,630 collided in midair, just... 1122 00:41:23,830 --> 00:41:25,920 flew right into each other, 1123 00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,010 and the wreckage rained down 1124 00:41:28,210 --> 00:41:30,380 onto a Park Slope intersection, 1125 00:41:30,580 --> 00:41:32,430 killing every passenger on board 1126 00:41:32,630 --> 00:41:34,930 and six people on the ground. 1127 00:41:35,130 --> 00:41:37,890 Six people just walking down the street, 1128 00:41:38,090 --> 00:41:40,390 going to the market or to school 1129 00:41:40,590 --> 00:41:43,520 or the movies, got instantly crushed 1130 00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:45,980 by falling pieces of flaming metal 1131 00:41:46,180 --> 00:41:47,690 and various arms 1132 00:41:47,890 --> 00:41:49,700 and legs and torsos 1133 00:41:49,890 --> 00:41:52,200 from previously intact bodies. 1134 00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,530 That's pretty scary, right? 1135 00:41:54,730 --> 00:41:56,700 - Yes. - Yes, it is. 1136 00:41:56,900 --> 00:41:58,700 There are wars, 1137 00:41:58,900 --> 00:42:01,960 floods, sometimes tigers escape from the zoo. 1138 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,960 Lightning can strike you, even on a sunny day. 1139 00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:08,590 You could eat bad clams and be evacuating 1140 00:42:08,790 --> 00:42:11,300 from every orifice in your body for a week. 1141 00:42:11,500 --> 00:42:15,050 - But I hate clams. - Hating clams won't keep you safe, Ethan. 1142 00:42:15,250 --> 00:42:18,600 Y-You could fall down a well that you never knew was there. 1143 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:20,430 Go flying through a windshield 1144 00:42:20,630 --> 00:42:22,850 when your daddy stops too fast. 1145 00:42:23,050 --> 00:42:25,770 You could accidentally spell 1146 00:42:25,970 --> 00:42:28,820 Carol Channing's name wrong 1147 00:42:29,020 --> 00:42:33,320 and instantly become a man who must be apologized for... 1148 00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:34,740 in print. 1149 00:42:34,940 --> 00:42:36,200 Yes. 1150 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:37,780 Yes, I think you're beginning 1151 00:42:37,980 --> 00:42:39,580 to understand what I'm telling you. 1152 00:42:39,780 --> 00:42:43,000 It's time you learn to live with fear. 1153 00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:44,920 To accept it's there, 1154 00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,540 and there is not enough tape in the world 1155 00:42:47,740 --> 00:42:49,590 to keep you safe. 1156 00:42:49,790 --> 00:42:51,420 And though your mommy and your daddy 1157 00:42:51,620 --> 00:42:53,090 and possibly even your therapist 1158 00:42:53,290 --> 00:42:55,590 mean well by making you think 1159 00:42:55,790 --> 00:42:57,430 that sleeping on the floor is a mark 1160 00:42:57,630 --> 00:43:00,430 of being a big brave boy, 1161 00:43:00,630 --> 00:43:03,600 your grandpa is here to tell you 1162 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,690 death comes for all of us, 1163 00:43:06,890 --> 00:43:09,040 even the brave. 1164 00:43:10,540 --> 00:43:11,940 Now, 1165 00:43:12,140 --> 00:43:13,570 would you like me to read you a bedtime story? 1166 00:43:13,770 --> 00:43:15,070 [Gordon] How has 1167 00:43:15,270 --> 00:43:18,080 working with Thelonious Monk influenced how you play? 1168 00:43:18,270 --> 00:43:19,870 Well, no one hits the keys like Thelonious. 1169 00:43:20,070 --> 00:43:21,950 - No, no argument here. - He finds notes 1170 00:43:22,150 --> 00:43:23,460 I didn't even know existed, 1171 00:43:23,650 --> 00:43:25,870 and I can't say I haven't borrowed a few over the years. 1172 00:43:26,070 --> 00:43:27,580 - [laughter] - [Gordon] Well, what with Blue Train 1173 00:43:27,780 --> 00:43:29,040 and Giant Steps, 1174 00:43:29,240 --> 00:43:30,880 you've been hitting all the right notes lately, John. 1175 00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:32,510 Thank you so much for being here tonight. 1176 00:43:32,710 --> 00:43:34,720 Ladies and gentlemen, the great John Coltrane. 1177 00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:35,900 [applause] 1178 00:43:38,030 --> 00:43:39,760 [Gordon] Yeah. Oh. Hold it, everybody. 1179 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:42,430 I got a little announcement to make. As of this week, 1180 00:43:42,630 --> 00:43:45,190 The Gordon Ford Show is the number one 1181 00:43:45,390 --> 00:43:47,230 - talk show in the country. - [applause] 1182 00:43:47,430 --> 00:43:49,190 - [audience cheers] - [exclaiming] 1183 00:43:49,390 --> 00:43:52,570 [grunts] Yes! Yes. 1184 00:43:52,770 --> 00:43:54,490 I have you, my viewers, 1185 00:43:54,690 --> 00:43:56,420 to thank for that. Bring it out here, guys. 1186 00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,450 Now, ladies and gentlemen, I don't thank them enough, 1187 00:44:03,650 --> 00:44:06,710 my staff, my crew, my writers. Come on out here, guys. 1188 00:44:06,910 --> 00:44:08,880 [indistinct chatter] 1189 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:11,090 [Gordon] They are the best in the business. 1190 00:44:11,290 --> 00:44:13,630 I would not be here tonight without them. 1191 00:44:13,830 --> 00:44:15,420 Grab some champagne, everybody, 1192 00:44:15,620 --> 00:44:17,130 and grab some at home, folks. 1193 00:44:17,330 --> 00:44:19,340 - We'll see you tomorrow. - [all exclaim] 1194 00:44:19,540 --> 00:44:21,490 [band begins playing] 1195 00:44:24,910 --> 00:44:26,350 What are we thinking, Toots Shor's? 1196 00:44:26,550 --> 00:44:28,060 - We can't all fit into Toots Shor's. - Ooh. 1197 00:44:28,260 --> 00:44:31,440 Ah, forget Toots Shor's. I know the perfect place. 1198 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:33,580 [♪ Fantasys: "Why Oh Why"] 1199 00:44:41,510 --> 00:44:43,450 ♪ Why, why, why, why ♪ 1200 00:44:43,650 --> 00:44:46,500 ♪ Soundtrack to me, why, why, why... ♪ 1201 00:44:46,700 --> 00:44:48,710 [laughter] 1202 00:44:48,910 --> 00:44:49,620 [shrieks] 1203 00:44:49,820 --> 00:44:52,590 Oh, my God. 1204 00:44:52,790 --> 00:44:54,710 Whoo! 1205 00:44:54,910 --> 00:44:57,510 ♪ Why, why, why... ♪ 1206 00:44:57,710 --> 00:44:59,510 Hey! 1207 00:44:59,710 --> 00:45:01,550 ♪ Why, why, why... ♪ 1208 00:45:01,750 --> 00:45:04,180 [shrieks] 1209 00:45:04,380 --> 00:45:07,310 Whoo! 1210 00:45:07,510 --> 00:45:09,230 [grunts] 1211 00:45:09,430 --> 00:45:10,230 You guys are crazy. 1212 00:45:10,430 --> 00:45:12,150 Come on down here. It's a party. 1213 00:45:12,350 --> 00:45:13,940 [Mel] You're not Jack Paar spies, are you? 1214 00:45:14,140 --> 00:45:15,730 [laughter] 1215 00:45:15,930 --> 00:45:18,290 Hey, hey. [laughs] 1216 00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:24,550 ♪ May God bless you, have your fun... ♪ 1217 00:45:27,850 --> 00:45:30,540 [Susie] Hey. Miriam. 1218 00:45:30,740 --> 00:45:32,290 Miriam! 1219 00:45:32,490 --> 00:45:33,710 What is all this? 1220 00:45:33,910 --> 00:45:35,090 We're number one. 1221 00:45:35,290 --> 00:45:37,800 - What? - Well, they are. I might be. 1222 00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,340 - What? - I'm not sure yet. 1223 00:45:39,540 --> 00:45:40,340 What? 1224 00:45:40,540 --> 00:45:43,720 Someone down here is number one. 1225 00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:45,720 - What?! - Jesus Christ. 1226 00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:47,530 Come down here. 1227 00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:54,610 We're number one. 1228 00:45:54,810 --> 00:45:56,110 Gordon announced it at the end of the show. 1229 00:45:56,310 --> 00:45:57,690 Wow, they did it. They really did it. 1230 00:45:57,890 --> 00:45:59,360 Hey, Maisel, get out here. 1231 00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:01,110 Are-are you sure? 1232 00:46:01,310 --> 00:46:03,370 - Well, you're on skates. - Oh, no, 1233 00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,990 I wore these to the office today. This is fashion. 1234 00:46:06,190 --> 00:46:07,910 Yippee! 1235 00:46:08,110 --> 00:46:09,450 Guess you're not fired. 1236 00:46:09,650 --> 00:46:11,120 Guess not. 1237 00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:13,500 Can you skate or is this really fashion? 1238 00:46:13,700 --> 00:46:14,790 Well, seriously, it's less nuts 1239 00:46:14,990 --> 00:46:15,880 than a lot of your other getups. 1240 00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,170 I'll have you know I played a magic snowball 1241 00:46:18,370 --> 00:46:20,470 in the Hadassah Women's Zionist Organization winter pageant, 1242 00:46:20,670 --> 00:46:22,090 and Sonja Henie was there, 1243 00:46:22,290 --> 00:46:24,050 and she strongly encouraged my parents to get me some lessons. 1244 00:46:24,250 --> 00:46:26,050 - Yeah, that's not a compliment. - [Midge] Fine. 1245 00:46:26,250 --> 00:46:27,930 - You watch. - I'm watching. 1246 00:46:28,130 --> 00:46:29,680 Number one, Gordon! 1247 00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:31,140 We're number one! 1248 00:46:31,340 --> 00:46:33,120 [cheering] 1249 00:46:34,830 --> 00:46:36,790 [laughing] 1250 00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:42,490 - There you go. - [shrieks] 1251 00:46:42,690 --> 00:46:44,630 [laughing] 1252 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:01,770 Too cool for skates? 1253 00:47:02,980 --> 00:47:04,340 Not anymore, apparently. 1254 00:47:04,540 --> 00:47:06,850 - Need a medic? - Thanks, I'm good. 1255 00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:08,220 I was a candy striper in college, 1256 00:47:08,420 --> 00:47:09,600 so I have some medical skills. 1257 00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:11,180 They called me the Enema Queen. 1258 00:47:11,380 --> 00:47:13,890 Well, I don't need one of those, but if I ever do... 1259 00:47:14,090 --> 00:47:15,980 You're making me dizzy. 1260 00:47:16,180 --> 00:47:17,620 Oh, if I had a nickel... 1261 00:47:19,170 --> 00:47:20,940 Okay, all right, maybe I need a little bit of help. 1262 00:47:21,140 --> 00:47:23,070 Glad to be of service. 1263 00:47:23,270 --> 00:47:25,200 Ooh! What was that? 1264 00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:26,620 What do you think? 1265 00:47:26,810 --> 00:47:28,740 I... think you tried to kiss me. 1266 00:47:28,940 --> 00:47:30,830 Yeah, that's pretty much what that was. 1267 00:47:31,030 --> 00:47:32,040 Didn't stick the landing, though. 1268 00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:34,040 I'm sorry, but don't you hate me? 1269 00:47:34,240 --> 00:47:36,040 How could I hate those eyes, those lips? 1270 00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:38,840 Toots Shor's. I yelled at you, a lot. 1271 00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:40,090 Are you kidding? That was fantastic. 1272 00:47:40,290 --> 00:47:41,760 It was Tracy-Hepburn. 1273 00:47:41,950 --> 00:47:43,840 Loy and Powell. Robinson-La Motta. 1274 00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,930 In the paper it was more like, "Insubordinate nobody 1275 00:47:46,130 --> 00:47:47,550 yells at major TV personality." 1276 00:47:47,750 --> 00:47:50,430 Look at us now, number one. 1277 00:47:50,630 --> 00:47:51,930 I won that argument, by the way. 1278 00:47:52,130 --> 00:47:54,310 Oh, but that's... 1279 00:47:54,510 --> 00:47:56,440 - Biting your tongue? - No. 1280 00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:58,520 - Well, then can I? - Aren't you married? 1281 00:47:58,720 --> 00:47:59,730 I'm not that kind of married. 1282 00:47:59,930 --> 00:48:01,230 Mm, I think that's what my husband 1283 00:48:01,430 --> 00:48:03,360 told his girlfriend before he became my ex-husband. 1284 00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:04,880 He sounds like a cad. 1285 00:48:07,380 --> 00:48:08,820 Your butt getting cold? 1286 00:48:09,020 --> 00:48:10,410 I'll admit, I can't feel it, 1287 00:48:10,610 --> 00:48:11,700 but you can, if you want. 1288 00:48:11,900 --> 00:48:15,310 And with that, she skated off into the sunset. 1289 00:48:24,190 --> 00:48:26,260 This is a sight I never thought I'd see. 1290 00:48:26,460 --> 00:48:29,050 Yeah, well, Sonja Henie told me to take lessons, too. 1291 00:48:29,250 --> 00:48:31,560 I told her to suck it, Norwegian style. 1292 00:48:31,750 --> 00:48:33,060 And I got to hit the john. 1293 00:48:33,260 --> 00:48:34,720 There's one by the skate rental. 1294 00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:36,850 A toilet that's been peed on by a million little kids 1295 00:48:37,050 --> 00:48:39,350 who can't get their tights down in time? No thanks. 1296 00:48:39,550 --> 00:48:41,790 I'll find something sanitary. 1297 00:48:55,220 --> 00:48:56,750 Mike, you seen George? 1298 00:48:56,950 --> 00:48:58,710 I've looked all over. He needs to sign this. 1299 00:48:58,910 --> 00:49:02,170 Yeah, bet he does. [sighs] Gimme. 1300 00:49:02,370 --> 00:49:04,130 Been forging George's goddamn signature 1301 00:49:04,330 --> 00:49:06,050 for ten goddamn years. 1302 00:49:06,250 --> 00:49:09,190 Illegible G, loopy R. 1303 00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:13,850 - Hey there, Mike. - I just want to know, 1304 00:49:14,050 --> 00:49:16,270 is yours the last face I'll see in this life? 1305 00:49:16,470 --> 00:49:18,180 I just wanted to say congratulations. 1306 00:49:18,380 --> 00:49:19,640 Not bad, number one. 1307 00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:20,940 Yeah, doesn't stink. 1308 00:49:21,140 --> 00:49:22,690 Why aren't you celebrating? 1309 00:49:22,890 --> 00:49:25,230 I booked Truman Capote 1310 00:49:25,430 --> 00:49:27,190 for next week, but he's doing Jack Paar this week, 1311 00:49:27,390 --> 00:49:28,860 so I got to cancel 'cause we got a rule. 1312 00:49:29,060 --> 00:49:31,950 And Doris Day's ostrich got sick, so she postponed. 1313 00:49:32,150 --> 00:49:33,370 Yeah, she's got an ostrich. 1314 00:49:33,570 --> 00:49:35,790 And the British band that I don't even like fell out 1315 00:49:35,990 --> 00:49:37,370 because their drummer died in a hot air balloon accident. 1316 00:49:37,570 --> 00:49:40,290 My talent board is a mess, 1317 00:49:40,490 --> 00:49:41,960 and my talent board is all I care about. 1318 00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:43,080 Well, that and the Christmas tree lot. 1319 00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:44,710 It's a farm, not a lot. 1320 00:49:44,910 --> 00:49:46,100 I stand corrected. 1321 00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:49,670 You know, we're bringing Sophie Lennon back this week. 1322 00:49:49,870 --> 00:49:52,220 I did not know. 1323 00:49:52,420 --> 00:49:53,600 She's a good guest. 1324 00:49:53,790 --> 00:49:56,100 People tune in for her, so... thanks. 1325 00:49:56,300 --> 00:49:58,600 I'm sorry, little louder? 1326 00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:00,060 You really drop her? 1327 00:50:00,260 --> 00:50:02,060 After getting her on that game show? All that's true? 1328 00:50:02,260 --> 00:50:04,190 I have my priorities. 1329 00:50:04,390 --> 00:50:05,360 What about the money? 1330 00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:06,870 Money comes, money goes. 1331 00:50:08,250 --> 00:50:10,200 Let's lunch next week, 1332 00:50:10,390 --> 00:50:11,820 if you're available. 1333 00:50:12,020 --> 00:50:13,200 Really? A real lunch? 1334 00:50:13,400 --> 00:50:14,570 Yeah, a real lunch. 1335 00:50:14,770 --> 00:50:16,200 I don't have to make it? Someone else will? 1336 00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:17,410 - Yes. - And it's not lunch 1337 00:50:17,610 --> 00:50:19,950 where I show up, and you say, "Fuck off, 1338 00:50:20,150 --> 00:50:21,920 - keep walking"? - Closing my door now. 1339 00:50:22,110 --> 00:50:24,060 - My girl'll call your girl. - [door closes] 1340 00:50:40,620 --> 00:50:42,620 [music playing in distance] 1341 00:51:10,230 --> 00:51:12,230 [♪ Doris Day: "I Love the Way You Say Goodnight"] 1342 00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:20,850 - ♪ I love the way ♪ - ♪ I kinda like ♪ 1343 00:51:21,050 --> 00:51:22,680 ♪ You say ♪ 1344 00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:24,770 - ♪ The way you always say ♪ - ♪ Good night ♪ 1345 00:51:24,970 --> 00:51:26,730 ♪ The way you always whisper ♪ 1346 00:51:26,930 --> 00:51:28,270 ♪ Honey, nighty night ♪ 1347 00:51:28,470 --> 00:51:30,980 ♪ I kinda like the way you mumble ♪ 1348 00:51:31,180 --> 00:51:33,190 ♪ While you fumble for the key ♪ 1349 00:51:33,390 --> 00:51:35,240 ♪ Mmm ♪ 1350 00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:38,320 - ♪ More time for kissing me... - [sighs] 1351 00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:40,240 - ♪ I love the way ♪ - ♪ I kinda like the way ♪ 1352 00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:42,580 - ♪ You say ♪ - ♪ The extraordinary way ♪ 1353 00:51:42,780 --> 00:51:44,580 - ♪ Good night ♪ - ♪ The way you always... ♪ 1354 00:51:44,780 --> 00:51:46,960 Ethan. 1355 00:51:47,160 --> 00:51:49,590 You're supposed to be on spot three tonight. 1356 00:51:49,790 --> 00:51:52,760 Did you know about the Park Slope plane crash? 1357 00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:54,260 Been spending time with Grandpa? 1358 00:51:54,460 --> 00:51:56,220 He told me about the torsos. 1359 00:51:56,420 --> 00:51:57,220 Yep. 1360 00:51:57,420 --> 00:51:59,550 And tigers escape from zoos 1361 00:51:59,750 --> 00:52:01,140 and get hit by lightning. 1362 00:52:01,340 --> 00:52:03,180 Go to sleep, baby. I'll keep the tigers out. 1363 00:52:03,380 --> 00:52:06,480 - And the torsos? - And the torsos. 1364 00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:08,730 ♪ I kinda like the way ♪ 1365 00:52:08,930 --> 00:52:10,480 - ♪ The extraordinary way ♪ - ♪ You say ♪ 1366 00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:11,860 ♪ Good night ♪ 1367 00:52:12,060 --> 00:52:14,440 ♪ The way you always say don't go ♪ 1368 00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:17,070 - ♪ Just hold me tight ♪ - ♪ I kinda like the way ♪ 1369 00:52:17,270 --> 00:52:20,490 ♪ You linger with your finger on the bell ♪ 1370 00:52:20,690 --> 00:52:22,370 ♪ Mmm ♪ 1371 00:52:22,570 --> 00:52:25,540 ♪ More kisses, and they're swell ♪ 1372 00:52:25,740 --> 00:52:27,620 ♪ When you say ♪ 1373 00:52:27,820 --> 00:52:29,420 ♪ Got to get home by 12:00 ♪ 1374 00:52:29,620 --> 00:52:31,960 ♪ I always say ♪ 1375 00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:33,670 ♪ Let's go ♪ 1376 00:52:33,870 --> 00:52:36,880 ♪ But you can take ♪ 1377 00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:39,010 ♪ Longer to say good night ♪ 1378 00:52:39,210 --> 00:52:43,180 ♪ Than any three others I know ♪ 1379 00:52:43,380 --> 00:52:45,770 - ♪ I love the way ♪ - ♪ I love the way ♪ 1380 00:52:45,970 --> 00:52:47,850 - ♪ You say ♪ - ♪ You say ♪ 1381 00:52:48,050 --> 00:52:48,850 ♪ Good night ♪ 1382 00:52:49,050 --> 00:52:50,690 ♪ The way you got me ♪ 1383 00:52:50,890 --> 00:52:53,070 ♪ Flying higher than a kite ♪ 1384 00:52:53,270 --> 00:52:55,490 ♪ I like the way you snuggle ♪ 1385 00:52:55,680 --> 00:52:57,900 ♪ While you juggle with your comb ♪ 1386 00:52:58,100 --> 00:52:59,860 ♪ Mmm ♪ 1387 00:53:00,060 --> 00:53:01,370 ♪ It looks as though ♪ 1388 00:53:01,570 --> 00:53:04,800 ♪ We're never going home ♪♪ 1389 00:53:11,930 --> 00:53:14,960 [♪ Johnny Mathis: "When Sunny Gets Blue"] 1390 00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:17,260 - [knock on door] - Yup. 1391 00:53:17,460 --> 00:53:20,050 ♪ When Sunny gets blue ♪ 1392 00:53:20,250 --> 00:53:21,800 ♪ Her eyes... 1393 00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:23,910 [Shirley crying] 1394 00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:26,980 Moishe... 1395 00:53:27,170 --> 00:53:28,580 ♪ Then the rain begins to fall ♪ 1396 00:53:31,830 --> 00:53:35,110 ♪ Pitter patter, pitter patter ♪ 1397 00:53:35,310 --> 00:53:39,150 ♪ Love is gone so what can matter ♪ 1398 00:53:39,350 --> 00:53:41,870 ♪ No sweet loving man ♪ 1399 00:53:42,060 --> 00:53:45,490 ♪ Comes to call ♪ 1400 00:53:45,690 --> 00:53:48,790 ♪ When Sunny gets blue ♪ 1401 00:53:48,990 --> 00:53:53,540 ♪ She breathes a sigh of sadness ♪ 1402 00:53:53,740 --> 00:53:58,560 ♪ Like the wind that stirs the trees ♪ 1403 00:54:00,860 --> 00:54:04,390 {\an8}♪ Hurry, new love, hurry here ♪ 1404 00:54:04,590 --> 00:54:07,520 {\an8}♪ To kiss away each lonely tear ♪ 1405 00:54:07,720 --> 00:54:11,310 {\an8}♪ And hold her near ♪ 1406 00:54:11,510 --> 00:54:15,900 {\an8}♪ When Sunny ♪ 1407 00:54:16,100 --> 00:54:21,340 {\an8}♪ Gets blue ♪♪ 1408 00:54:34,810 --> 00:54:36,810 {\an8}[♪ Jean Knight: "Mr. Big Stuff"] 1409 00:54:39,310 --> 00:54:41,320 {\an8}♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1410 00:54:42,650 --> 00:54:44,680 {\an8}♪ Whoo ♪ 1411 00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,640 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪ 1412 00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:49,850 {\an8}♪ Who do you think you are ♪ 1413 00:54:50,050 --> 00:54:52,600 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪ 1414 00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:55,730 {\an8}♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪ 1415 00:54:55,930 --> 00:54:58,110 {\an8}♪ Now because you wear ♪ 1416 00:54:58,310 --> 00:55:00,820 {\an8}- ♪ All those fancy clothes ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1417 00:55:01,020 --> 00:55:05,110 {\an8}♪ And have a big fine car, oh, yes, you do now ♪ 1418 00:55:05,310 --> 00:55:08,030 {\an8}♪ Do you think I can afford ♪ 1419 00:55:08,230 --> 00:55:10,870 {\an8}- ♪ To give you my love ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1420 00:55:11,070 --> 00:55:13,080 {\an8}♪ You think you're higher ♪ 1421 00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:15,500 {\an8}♪ Than every star above ♪ 1422 00:55:15,700 --> 00:55:18,540 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪ 1423 00:55:18,740 --> 00:55:20,670 {\an8}♪ Who do you think you are ♪ 1424 00:55:20,870 --> 00:55:23,510 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪ 1425 00:55:23,710 --> 00:55:26,470 {\an8}♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪ 1426 00:55:26,670 --> 00:55:28,970 {\an8}♪ Now, I know all the girls ♪ 1427 00:55:29,170 --> 00:55:31,470 {\an8}♪ I've seen you with ♪ 1428 00:55:31,670 --> 00:55:34,390 {\an8}♪ I know you broke their hearts, one after another now ♪ 1429 00:55:34,590 --> 00:55:36,690 {\an8}♪ Bit by bit ♪ 1430 00:55:36,890 --> 00:55:39,320 {\an8}♪ You made them cry ♪ 1431 00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:41,990 {\an8}♪ Many poor girls cry ♪ 1432 00:55:42,180 --> 00:55:43,950 {\an8}♪ When they try to keep you happy ♪ 1433 00:55:44,140 --> 00:55:46,860 {\an8}♪ They just try to keep you satisfied ♪ 1434 00:55:47,060 --> 00:55:49,370 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff, tell me, tell me ♪ 1435 00:55:49,570 --> 00:55:51,490 {\an8}♪ Who do you think you are ♪ 1436 00:55:51,690 --> 00:55:53,830 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪ 1437 00:55:54,030 --> 00:55:56,390 {\an8}♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪ 1438 00:56:06,610 --> 00:56:09,260 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff, tell me ♪ 1439 00:56:09,460 --> 00:56:11,810 {\an8}♪ Who do you think you are ♪ 1440 00:56:12,010 --> 00:56:14,520 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪ 1441 00:56:14,720 --> 00:56:17,060 {\an8}♪ You're never gonna get my love ♪ 1442 00:56:17,260 --> 00:56:20,020 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪ 1443 00:56:20,220 --> 00:56:21,860 {\an8}♪ You're never gonna break my heart ♪ 1444 00:56:22,060 --> 00:56:24,920 {\an8}♪ Mr. Big Stuff ♪♪