1
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,350
What?
2
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:09,320
A lads' holiday, in China?
3
00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:11,830
Why are you doing that?
4
00:00:11,880 --> 00:00:14,070
Oh, well, he's been
away at uni for a year.
5
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:15,190
You know, he's a student.
6
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:17,030
So we thought we'd have
a bit of a catch up.
7
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:18,630
And he just got dumped, so it's a bit...
8
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,110
Oh, I'm sorry, but that's not
what I meant. I meant, why China?
9
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,550
That was me. That was Dildo's
idea. Erm, Dylan. Yeah.
10
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:26,070
I don't really mind where we
go, as long as we get smashed,
11
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,590
soak up the sun, meet
some girls, you know.
12
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Oh, no, you're not going
to get to do that.
13
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Of course we can.
What do you mean we won't do that?
14
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Cos this is what I do. It's
my job. I'm a travel writer.
15
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So trust me when I say that
China is not right for you.
16
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This is not ideal, is it? Hearing
about this right now, on the plane.
17
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Not really. No.
Sorry about that.
18
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But you have made a mistake.
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Unless you're going for a
reason that I'm not aware of.
20
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No. No, course not.
21
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We just wanted to do something
a bit different. Different.
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Out there. Yeah. Didn't want to
fall into the same old tourist traps
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as everyone else.
Yeah, but you will though.
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You will. You'll find them.
25
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What's them? Who's them?
Everyone else.
26
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The kids exactly like you.
27
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It's like two dung beetles
on top of a pile of lion poop,
28
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and one says to the other,
"Hey, fancy meeting you here!"
29
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You know? No. No.
30
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You're all into the same shit.
31
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Anyway fellas, I hope that
your friendship still functions
32
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:22,630
in a different context.
33
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In my experience, it may not.
34
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So just enjoy Thailand.
35
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But we're not going to Thailand.
36
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But you will.
37
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Don't listen to her. No.
This is going to be amazing.
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Promise! China!
39
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,870
Hey, I'm in love
40
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My fingers keep on clicking
to the beating of my heart
41
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Hey it's cause of you
42
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The world is in a crazy hazy hue
43
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My heart is beating like a jungle drum
44
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Bad-a-dunk-da-dunk-da-dunk
45
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My heart is beating like a jungle drum
46
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Rack-a-dug-a-dunk-dunk
a-rack-a-dunk-dunk.
47
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:17,070
Are like... are there
any beaches in Beijing?
48
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:19,030
Or is it more...
49
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,230
This? It's this, yeah,
but it's amazing, right?
50
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,430
Yeah! Yeah, definitely.
51
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The sheer rate of progress.
52
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15 years ago these guys
were just riding bikes.
53
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Yeah. I mean, so were we.
54
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Shall we find a bar or something
then, get this holiday going?
55
00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:36,350
Sean, it's 7am.
56
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Well, it's midnight in London.
It's not a holiday, by the way.
57
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We're travelling.
58
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It's all about embracing new experiences.
59
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Yeah, OK. Let's travel then.
60
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Eh, look out for a toilet.
Let's go, Beijing!
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I think I'm going to find another one.
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Something a bit more Western.
63
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,760
Yeah. I think I might change
out of these flip-flops.
64
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,390
Dyl? Are you all right in there?
65
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:25,230
Have you got the shits already, or what?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
66
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Just give me a sec, OK?
67
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,190
There's another guy waiting
to use the toilet though.
68
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Ah, no, you're all right,
bud. Don't you worry.
69
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,070
Been there, done that, blocked the U-bend.
70
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:39,070
There are just so many squat toilets
in China that when you actually do
71
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,630
find a proper sit-down
job, it's good to...
72
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,030
enjoy yourself. Let rip.
73
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,630
Really open her up.
74
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Fill your boots, mate.
75
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,310
I've just come back from Guilin.
76
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,470
Oh! Oh, yeah. Right,
right. Nice. Yes. Have you been?
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Nope.
What is it?
78
00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,950
What's Guilin? Yeah. Wow!
79
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,510
Magical. It's the one
with the big green hills.
80
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,310
The hillocks.
81
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,470
We went rafting, me and...
82
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:09,790
I'm travelling with two girls.
83
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,390
Oh, nice.
Yeah, not bad.
84
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,550
We went rafting. It's just
cheaper as a threesome.
85
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,710
We're not a threesome. I wish we were.
86
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:21,870
But, no, It's just very expensive
to hire a raft on your own.
87
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,470
Or any vessel.
88
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:26,230
You learn that the hard
way, believe you me.
89
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:28,310
Oh, I must tell you, I got
given a massive water proof.
90
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,390
Right, do you know what?
I'll meet you outside, yeah?
91
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:31,550
All right, mate.
All right.
92
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,430
All right. Nice to meet
you. Nice to meet you.
93
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,950
Old school.
94
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,040
Hey!
95
00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,590
Hi!
Hi, hi.
96
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,550
Do you speak English?
Yeah, yeah, I can.
97
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,750
I'm... I'm... I can... I'm English.
98
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,910
OK, amazing. Erm, so, could you...
99
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,590
This stuff belongs to a friend of ours.
100
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,070
He's just inside using the bathroom.
101
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:54,870
And we just don't want
to leave it unattended.
102
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,470
Oh, yeah. I just met him.
Could you just watch it till he gets back?
103
00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,790
Yeah, yeah, sure. Sure, sure, sure.
Amazing. OK. Thanks.
104
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,030
Sorry, but why can't you do it?
105
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,430
Why can't I do it?
We're going to miss our train.
106
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:07,390
Right, we're going to miss our train.
So isn't he going with you?
107
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,840
He, erm...
108
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,430
Yeah, May, this isn't working.
109
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,030
OK, look. We met this guy at Guilin.
110
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Shared a raft? I know.
111
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,230
Right. And he tagged along to Beijing.
112
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,390
And now he wants to come and camp by the Great
Wall with us. Oh, cool. I know, right?
113
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,230
It's with the Beijing Panda Hostel,
if you want to do it, it's ready cool.
114
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:31,470
No, Ash, stop inviting people.
115
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,790
OK. Anyways, we're just
going to leave these here.
116
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:35,630
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't dump him on me.
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He's not my problem.
118
00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,310
OK.
119
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:42,070
Please, there's a lot riding
on this for me, you know?
120
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,720
It's like a big homecoming trip, so...
121
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We've had him for four days.
122
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,070
This isn't a take-it-in-turns thing.
123
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It's not my turn with him.
124
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If you guys don't want
him around, just tell him.
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00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,070
Thank you, that's exactly what I said.
126
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,310
But she's... She's scared.
127
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,150
Sean, come on. We've got
to get a wiggle on, man.
128
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Come on.
129
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,390
OK. Well, maybe we'll see you guys around.
130
00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,630
Bye! Bye. See you.
131
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,230
Why's it so heavy? Have you got
your plumbing tools in here or what?
132
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,190
That's Mum's old one.
Yeah, is your mum in here?
133
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,030
You all right in there, Janine?!
134
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,680
They were cute.
135
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:30,910
Why do I have to tell him?
136
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,750
You're the one who has
a problem with the guy.
137
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,710
You invited him on our raft.
You caused this... shit show.
138
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,310
He would have come anyway.
He wouldn't.
139
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,710
People like him need to be invited in.
Oh, like vampires?
140
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:40,950
Yes. Yes, like vampires.
141
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,230
He's like a very chatty British vampire.
142
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,590
And I am paying for all of this.
143
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,830
So... May, your
mom's paying, not you.
144
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:49,230
Please, it's not like
he's adding anything.
145
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,990
Just found a load of money.
146
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,550
Whoopsie!
147
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,350
Hundred. Hundred. Hundred.
Way to go, Greg!
148
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,950
Smell the money, May. I'm not
smelling the money, Ashley. Come on.
149
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,070
Cos those girls were saying
there's this place by the
150
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,670
Wall where we can go camping.
151
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,590
Which could be kind of sick,
and cultural, for you.
152
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,390
Maybe we could see a panda.
I've heard pandas are a bit shit.
153
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:10,510
What? How can a panda be shit?
How can it not be, in a way?
154
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,710
I've got it all mapped out, OK?
155
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:12,750
Over the next ten weeks,
156
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,230
we're going to see every
Asian culturally good thing.
157
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,390
Beaches, walls, ninjas, the lot.
158
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,230
We don't have to follow the first
couple of girls we meet. OK?
159
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,190
All right. I'm just
saying. You're single now,
160
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,310
it's the best way of getting
over Hitler, isn't it?
161
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,350
Sean. Can you not call
Lauren Hitler? Yeah?
162
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,710
What? Why not?
163
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,230
Because it's Hilter. It's
a Scottish name, Hilter.
164
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:33,670
She just gets upset when people
confuse her with the Fuhrer.
165
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,750
Well, I think it suits her.
They're both arseholes.
166
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,670
They both got the...
167
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:42,150
What?! She dumped you. You should
be calling her Hitler as well.
168
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,870
Yeah, but just because we broke up
doesn't mean I want to besmirch her.
169
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,630
Right, if that means
slag her off, then yeah,
170
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,310
that's exactly what you should be doing.
171
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:51,460
Just let me handle it,
OK? I know what I'm doing.
172
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,550
What is it?
173
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,870
This is your money now.
OK? Finders keepers.
174
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,950
I just think, guilt-wise, I'd
be happier if we split it.
175
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,070
Yeah. Yeah. Me, too.
Yeah, you want some?
176
00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,710
Yeah, that's great. That's a great idea.
177
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,760
Yeah, you take that.
OK, thank you. Boom.
178
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:12,670
OK, I cannot keep relying on
your mom's very anal budget, May.
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00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,590
I need some cash for me.
180
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,550
I'm really going to need some sunglasses.
181
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:20,470
Yeah, gotcha. You know, we
might see them again anyway.
182
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,070
We don't know. Come back down from
the Great Wall, bump into them,
183
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,390
who knows?
Greg, about that.
184
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,790
It'll be really uncomfortable
and boring up there,
185
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,830
so if you don't want to come camping...
186
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:34,110
Two girls, on their own, in a
tent in the middle of nowhere.
187
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,910
Yes, please.
What?
188
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,110
Is what your attacker will be thinking.
189
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,550
Of course I'm coming, May.
190
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,270
Look after you both.
191
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,860
Hey, guys? I'll have a piece of this.
192
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:47,870
Oh, my God, this is a nightmare.
193
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,270
He will not take a hint.
What's happening?
194
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,070
Yes, please!
195
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,750
With the rucksack on.
196
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,150
How much was it?
50 to 200, something like that.
197
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,310
Well, which one, 200 or 50?
198
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,550
It doesn't matter, it's gone.
It's not going to be there.
199
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,070
I'm going to have 45-grand's
worth of student debt.
200
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,950
What's another few hundred quid?
201
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,190
Yeah, another reason why I'm
grateful I'm not a student.
202
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,710
Yeah. Here.
203
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,550
Put this on. For the pollution.
204
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,470
No, I've got that covered, really.
205
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:16,790
So how's it all going
then, at uni and stuff?
206
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,940
Yeah, yeah, it's good.
Yeah? Walk and talk?
207
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,270
Well, like Tony won't let me work in gas,
208
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,790
so I only get to work in
like taps and showers.
209
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,150
It's pretty wet work. I'm wet a lot.
210
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,390
Hang on a sec, Sean. This is...
211
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,390
We're going to stop
here. OK. Cool.
212
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,230
What? Aren't we carrying on then?
No, we're here. We're here.
213
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,270
Cool. So, what is it?
214
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,950
Well, it's a traditional park.
215
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,550
Your bamboo, your pagoda.
216
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,670
Wow, we've even got some
traditional Chinese buskers.
217
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,470
Oh, sick.
218
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,350
What, is it like an attraction?
219
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,470
Oh, yeah. Big-time. A big attraction.
220
00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,590
It's definitely up there.
221
00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,230
So should we find a hotel now then?
222
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,710
Yeah, in a bit.
Catch up, have a beer.
223
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,110
We need to take it in first, Sean.
224
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,910
I have taken it in.
You can't have taken it in.
225
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,190
You just got here.
Seriously, I need to put my bags down.
226
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,030
Well, just a sec, Sean.
Why?
227
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,150
Just because...
228
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:11,870
Dylan!
Lauren?
229
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:14,390
Wow! Lauren!
230
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,040
What are the...
231
00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:19,430
What are the chances?
Oh, my God, Dylan, you can't be here.
232
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,150
No! We're just on holiday.
233
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,030
You know, travelling around Asia.
234
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,310
Erm... We were coming here anyway.
235
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,190
Really?
So... How mad is this?
236
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,070
What, she's here?
Well, evidently I'm here.
237
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:32,790
No, I mean, is that why we're here?
238
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,590
No, we came to see the park.
239
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,910
Asia. I'm talking about Asia.
240
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,830
No, this? We, erm...
241
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,750
This is coincidence.
242
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:41,830
Or fate.
No, stalking.
243
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,510
Stalking? Wow! We're stalking?
244
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,750
No, we're not stalking.
245
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,510
Is that why you made
me wear this facemask?
246
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:48,910
No, that's for the air.
Oh, my God, is this even an attraction?
247
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,750
No, it's a park.
Well, it's an attractive park.
248
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,270
Look, I cannot believe you're
accosting me like this, Dylan,
249
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,310
in public. It's really not on.
250
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,950
You didn't reply to any of
my e-mails, so how did I know?
251
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,830
And you just ended it.
Why did you do that?
252
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,110
Oh, yeah, Dylan, I can't do this.
Babe, please. I'm sorry.
253
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,350
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just listen to me.
254
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:06,910
You are my home.
255
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,190
I lived in you and wanted for naught.
256
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:10,270
What are you doing now?
257
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:12,590
It's a poem, Sean.
It doesn't even rhyme.
258
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,750
Just wait by the bags, yeah?
259
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:15,670
What, like a caddie? Like
your stalking caddie?
260
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,350
No, Sean. That's golf.
261
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,430
OK?
262
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,630
And now I'm homeless,
263
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,560
caught. And I've...
264
00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,070
I've tried... I've tried...
Sorry, who's this guy?
265
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,350
Oh, Norm, Nailer.
266
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,990
Hey, everyone calls me Social Norm.
267
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,870
On acount of me being very social.
268
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,460
Running in the AM, funning in the PM.
269
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,870
Yeah, Norm, this is Dylan.
270
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,750
He was...
271
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,190
We go to university together.
272
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,150
And this is Dylan's home friend.
273
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,870
It's Sean.
Right.
274
00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,630
Nice. Well, welcome.
275
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:53,590
Well, it was really great
to see you guys briefly,
276
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,870
but I've really got to go, Dylan.
Babe, please.
277
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,750
I've only got a very narrow time window.
278
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,110
Just wait, there's just one more
thing I need to say to you...
279
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,360
Have a good trip, hombres.
Don't do any ONE I wouldn't do!
280
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,630
All right!
281
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:07,880
Dyl?
282
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,670
I don't get it.
283
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,430
We were each other's everything.
284
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,710
We'd run together, we'd breathe together.
285
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,550
And we'd make simple, but
delicious Lebanese food together.
286
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,150
And then she just... Out
of nowhere, she ends it.
287
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,140
And won't tell me why.
288
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,110
You think you know someone
and then they just change,
289
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,390
you know what I mean?
I do, actually, yeah.
290
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:30,590
I mean, what did you think I
was? Just some kind of idiot?
291
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,350
That I'm going to think
the whole thing was
292
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,350
just some kind of miraculous
miracle or surprise?
293
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:35,830
No, I thought that I could talk to her,
294
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,430
and the three of us could go travelling.
295
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,430
Three of us? We're not three, Dyl.
No, of course not yet!
296
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,150
I don't want to go
travelling with a couple.
297
00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,030
I live at home. I spend
all my time with a couple.
298
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,470
Yeah, but it wouldn't be like that.
299
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,390
It's me and Lauren, it's
not your mum and Tony.
300
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:48,470
Yeah, I know it's not.
301
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,750
They're not always banging on
about jogging or being vegans.
302
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,340
Vegetarians.
303
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,590
From Nish in Glastonbury.
304
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,110
We could have been anywhere, Dyl.
305
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:02,150
But we're in China,
306
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,230
with all this smell of
people shitting on the floor.
307
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,590
I'm sorry. Stalking
Hitler and her new boyfriend.
308
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,870
I don't think they're a couple.
He had his arm around her.
309
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,670
Yeah, but he's Social
Norm. He's famously social.
310
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:12,790
He slapped her on the bum!
311
00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,030
Yeah, but that could be a
running thing, I'm sure. My God!
312
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,390
Dyl, are you serious?!
313
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:19,030
Give it up! You've gone mad!
314
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,870
OK?
315
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,320
It's over.
316
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,150
Yeah, it's over.
317
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,440
I'm sorry.
318
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,270
You know what? Whatever.
319
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,390
It don't even matter. Let's just...
320
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:42,870
We can turn this trip around.
321
00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,790
Forget about Lauren. It's not about
her any more, it's about me and you.
322
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,710
Old-school fun times.
323
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,270
Yeah?
Yeah.
324
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,260
And thank you so much.
325
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,190
I'm up for getting lashed, if you want.
326
00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:57,110
No, it's cool. I've got a better idea.
327
00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,830
Drink up. Quick.
328
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,810
Oh, hi. Hi, sorry, do you know
which side is better for the wall?
329
00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:08,300
Cos we want the most sun, but
the least tourists, so...
330
00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:10,890
OK, er...
331
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:16,010
American, you?
No, Chinese. Shen...
332
00:14:16,060 --> 00:14:18,130
What was that? Shen...?
333
00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:20,530
Hey, I think that's what
the raff guy called you.
334
00:14:20,580 --> 00:14:21,930
"Shen jao" something.
335
00:14:21,980 --> 00:14:24,250
I'm pretty sure that...
All right?
336
00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:26,970
Oh, hey! Hey! You made it. Yeah.
337
00:14:27,460 --> 00:14:29,810
So, you managed to get rid of him, then?
338
00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:32,090
What.
Ooh!
339
00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:34,330
Hey. I'm Sean.
Greg Lavelle.
340
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:36,850
We met earlier. In the boys'
bogs! In the boys' bogs.
341
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:39,210
Yeah, we did. How are you? I'm
good, how are you? Yeah, yeah.
342
00:14:39,260 --> 00:14:42,010
I'm good, thank you. You
must be captain constipated.
343
00:14:42,060 --> 00:14:44,730
He was waiting for you for ages.
Hi, yeah. Dylan Nutkin.
344
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:47,930
Hey... OK, you're doing that. Lovely
to meet you. Hi. Here he comes. Hi.
345
00:14:47,980 --> 00:14:49,930
The old smoothie. Greg Lavelle.
346
00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:52,210
This is May. And this is Ashley.
347
00:14:52,260 --> 00:14:54,810
Ashley. And together we
are the three Rafter-teers.
348
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:58,610
That's not our name, Greg.
We're not a group. Oh, brother?
349
00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:00,450
I think you might be in luck here.
350
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,130
No. Did you leave some
money in the boys' bogs?
351
00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:07,450
Yes! What? Oh...
Amazing. Oh, wow. Amazing.
352
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,490
Yeah, that was my Thomas Cook,
yeah. Thank you so much. Oh, yeah.
353
00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:14,170
Any time. There you go. OK. We
just spent, like a little bit.
354
00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:15,850
Erm, I hope that's OK.
355
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,090
Sure.
356
00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:19,680
That's fine. That's fine.
Yeah.
357
00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:28,170
So then the Helen broke her arm
cycling in to an ambulance,
358
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:29,650
which is pretty hilarious,
359
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,730
so she couldn't come, and Helen
knew that I didn't have any plans
360
00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:36,170
over the summer, so she was like,
"Why don't you go to China instead?
361
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:39,690
"Because it's free and you
and May will get along great."
362
00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:43,010
So, yeah, we do. We do,
right? Mm. It's great.
363
00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:45,770
So you guys didn't know
each other from before this.
364
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,530
No, amazing, just pure fortune.
365
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:49,970
No, sorry, I was just
talking to Ashley and May.
366
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:53,570
Well, I mean, I knew of her. But
my mum wouldn't let me go on my own.
367
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,930
Thank God. We've seen
some crazy-ass shit here.
368
00:15:56,980 --> 00:15:58,970
Yeah, I mean, it's not crazy for me.
369
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:01,770
But you've never been here before either.
No, I know, it's just...
370
00:16:01,820 --> 00:16:03,850
You know, it's my heritage, so...
371
00:16:03,900 --> 00:16:06,650
I get it. What about you guys?
372
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:09,090
Oh, we're sort of a
lads holiday. What?
373
00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:11,690
No, Sean.
No, travelling. I mean travelling.
374
00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:13,570
Just travelling. Around Asia.
375
00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:15,090
OK, so why China?
376
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:18,090
Er, well, we just thought
it would be interesting.
377
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:21,690
You know, we both like
kung fu and... rice.
378
00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,280
Right, dildo?
379
00:16:24,380 --> 00:16:28,250
Yeah, no, and I'm doing a module
in the Chinese philosophy. So...
380
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,370
Well, I study philosophy.
381
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:32,490
"Dildo". Are you called dildo?
382
00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:33,930
Yeah!
383
00:16:33,980 --> 00:16:36,970
No, no. Of course not.
That's just an old nickname.
384
00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:38,490
It's Dylan.
385
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,460
You bell-end!
386
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:42,890
Jeez.
Sorry, can you tell the driver
387
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:44,930
to just drive a bit
more carefully, please?
388
00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:46,130
Sure. Sure.
389
00:16:50,980 --> 00:16:53,050
Is it a case of charades?
390
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:55,930
Xiangjiao ren.
391
00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,520
OK, I'm finding out what that means.
392
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:00,970
You know, this happens all the time.
393
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,020
I think she's actually
been learning Japanese.
394
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:07,010
"Xiangjiao ren, banana person.
395
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,970
"Derogatory Chinese term for
simulated Asian-Americans,
396
00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:12,960
"yellow on the outside,
white on the inside."
397
00:17:18,060 --> 00:17:20,600
It's OK, it's meant as a joke. So...
398
00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:25,350
And that is you all over.
She's a total banana.
399
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,270
He's got your number.
400
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,380
Winding you up.
401
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,740
Oh, yes.
402
00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:54,250
Sean, just a quick one...
403
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:56,850
Erm, maybe don't call me
"dildo" in front of the others.
404
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:59,770
Just, dildos are a bit offensive to women.
405
00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:01,530
Dildos are offensive to women?
406
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:04,810
No. Maybe. It's an
interesting moral conundrum.
407
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:08,210
Cos you have been a bit of a dildo.
I know, I'm sorry.
408
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:10,250
Just makes us look bad.
409
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:11,890
Obama!
410
00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:14,410
And there's buying
this tourist tat. What?
411
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:15,890
I'm sorry...
412
00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:18,250
I'm honestly not trying to be a dick.
413
00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:21,540
Try a bit harder.
I know, I am. I will. I'm on it.
414
00:18:22,740 --> 00:18:24,730
This is going to be so ideal.
415
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:26,580
That's a guarantee.
416
00:18:28,420 --> 00:18:29,770
Right.
417
00:18:29,820 --> 00:18:32,250
Oi, oi, oi, oi.
418
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:34,050
Do you know what you're getting?
419
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:37,010
Not specifically, but my mum
says Chinese snacks are the best.
420
00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:40,010
Oh, because you cannot go
wrong with the old Pringles.
421
00:18:40,060 --> 00:18:41,810
Hey, are we allowed to buy wine now?
422
00:18:41,860 --> 00:18:44,050
Cos the camping's meant
to be more relaxed, right?
423
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:46,850
Well, my mum isn't meant to
be paying for alcohol and,
424
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,330
you know, we'd have to
buy a corkscrew as well.
425
00:18:49,380 --> 00:18:52,050
Sorry, guys! Did I just buy 30 beers?
426
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:55,050
Yes, brother!
What, seriously? 30?
427
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:57,490
Yeah. Old school fun times, mate.
428
00:18:57,540 --> 00:18:59,250
That's I'm talking about, dildo.
429
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:02,330
I'm beginning to fall in love with you.
430
00:19:02,380 --> 00:19:04,090
Yes, please.
431
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,290
Getting lashed on the Great Wall.
432
00:19:08,340 --> 00:19:10,570
As God intended.
433
00:19:10,620 --> 00:19:12,290
We do all right.
434
00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:14,810
Right...
435
00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:16,930
Hey. Which one do you think you fancy?
436
00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:19,320
Cos I reckon May might like you.
437
00:19:24,980 --> 00:19:28,210
Wall... ees!
438
00:19:28,260 --> 00:19:31,210
"Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"
439
00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:33,330
That's what I'm talking about.
440
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:36,250
What a wall! China!
Greg!
441
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,050
Can you ssh, please?
Sure, sorry.
442
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:42,210
Can I just take this in...
Of course... in silence! Yes.
443
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,530
Been to the Berlin wall.
444
00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:46,650
Been to the Wailing Wall.
445
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:49,170
But then you get to this
wall and you just think,
446
00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:52,090
"Well, they were shit walls."
Greg! Ssh!
447
00:19:52,940 --> 00:19:54,410
Sure.
448
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:55,730
Shh...
449
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:58,120
China has absolutely nailed it.
450
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:01,730
Mum? Yeah.
451
00:20:02,780 --> 00:20:03,970
I'm safe.
452
00:20:04,020 --> 00:20:06,170
There's a slide on the wall, apparently.
453
00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:07,770
Where? Here?
454
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:10,370
No, somewhere totally different.
Because!
455
00:20:10,420 --> 00:20:12,210
It doesn't matter. Yeah.
456
00:20:12,260 --> 00:20:14,210
Great.
457
00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:19,290
Well, I'm trying to appreciate...
Wall-to-wall... wall, isn't it?
458
00:20:19,340 --> 00:20:23,640
This is it, this is the camp site.
OK, I got to go, mum. Goodbye.
459
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:29,300
OK, yeah, this is really amazing.
460
00:20:31,260 --> 00:20:32,490
Um...
461
00:20:32,540 --> 00:20:34,810
Why are there other
people camping over here?
462
00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:37,210
That's the whole point
of coming to wild wall,
463
00:20:37,260 --> 00:20:41,090
to watch the sunrise without having
tourists in our fricking eye-line!
464
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:42,130
What do we do?
465
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:44,690
We could erect some kind of wall.
466
00:20:44,740 --> 00:20:47,210
I'll, um, I'll ask them to move.
467
00:20:47,260 --> 00:20:50,140
Thank you, Dylan. Great.
Big guy.
468
00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:54,530
Can you put your bloody comic book down
469
00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:56,730
and help me inflate this thing, please?
Graphic novel.
470
00:20:56,780 --> 00:20:59,130
And I can't help you inflate
it because there's only one...
471
00:20:59,180 --> 00:21:00,850
Er, hello? Hi.
472
00:21:00,900 --> 00:21:04,290
Sorry, erm... I just wondered, have you
guys seen a music festival anywhere?
473
00:21:04,340 --> 00:21:06,730
It's meant to be on the wall,
but it's not back that way...
474
00:21:06,780 --> 00:21:10,050
Where on the wall? You see, I
don't know, but it's just on the wall.
475
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,170
So maybe you walked past it, or...?
Walked past it?
476
00:21:12,220 --> 00:21:14,330
Do you know how long this thing is?
I know it's long...
477
00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:17,490
It's 5,000 miles. Even The
Proclaimers couldn't walk this.
478
00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:20,730
So, you haven't walked past
it, then? No. Great, OK.
479
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,370
Well, it's actually pretty good,
480
00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:24,890
cos my ex-girlfriend's going
to be there and I really don't
481
00:21:24,940 --> 00:21:27,570
want to see her, but I do really
want to see her. It's just...
482
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,330
Yeah, we don't give a shit.
OK, Kendra. Don't be rude.
483
00:21:30,380 --> 00:21:31,850
I'm being rude?!
484
00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:34,610
He's the one sticking his head into
our tent without even knocking.
485
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:37,530
I'm sorry, but it's a tent,
it's not very knock-able.
486
00:21:37,580 --> 00:21:38,980
Hey.
487
00:21:40,780 --> 00:21:44,080
Could you get a photo of us, please?
Yeah, sure.
488
00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:46,570
Smile.
489
00:21:46,620 --> 00:21:48,890
Cheese. That's great.
490
00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:50,850
You're so sweaty.
491
00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:53,810
We're doing our honeymoon
photomontage thing.
492
00:21:53,860 --> 00:21:55,110
Wait, you two are married?
493
00:21:55,660 --> 00:21:58,130
I thought you were
brother and sister. What?
494
00:21:58,180 --> 00:22:01,130
Well, no, you just look similar
and your overall vibe is...
495
00:22:01,180 --> 00:22:03,530
What vibe? What
vibe? Is there vibe?
496
00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:06,010
No, no, no, there's no vibe.
497
00:22:06,060 --> 00:22:07,530
Could you piss off now, please?
498
00:22:07,580 --> 00:22:11,930
Yeah. No, I want to. Oh, actually,
can you guys just scooch down a bit?
499
00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:15,690
It's just we're to get... Yeah, you
should really go now. Yeah, I... OK.
500
00:22:15,740 --> 00:22:18,690
Jesus Christ. Right, yeah.
Leave the flap open, why don't you?
501
00:22:18,740 --> 00:22:20,210
Some people have no manners.
502
00:22:20,260 --> 00:22:23,420
Well, this one's some kind of... fungus.
503
00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:27,210
And that is...
504
00:22:27,260 --> 00:22:29,170
duck.
505
00:22:29,220 --> 00:22:30,970
Neck.
Neck.
506
00:22:32,140 --> 00:22:35,810
Well, that's what you get when you
let a banana buy your food for you.
507
00:22:35,860 --> 00:22:38,050
Let's get this mega-lash
underway, shall we?
508
00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:43,970
Let's, er, you know, take it slow,
Greg. Uh? It's 7pm. 7pm? Yeah.
509
00:22:44,020 --> 00:22:46,050
Oh, my godfathers.
What?
510
00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:48,250
The bloody cricket's started.
511
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,570
Thank you, Mavis.
What?
512
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,330
Ooh...
513
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,010
Fuller delivery this time,
pitched just outside...
514
00:22:55,060 --> 00:22:57,170
How long's that going to be on for?
515
00:22:57,220 --> 00:23:01,010
About five days. Oh. Oh, yes.
516
00:23:01,060 --> 00:23:02,890
Come on, England!
517
00:23:02,940 --> 00:23:04,410
Give me another yucky ducky.
518
00:23:04,460 --> 00:23:07,380
Oh, yes, Greg.
Stuart Broad...
519
00:23:18,780 --> 00:23:20,730
So, what do you think of the beer?
520
00:23:20,780 --> 00:23:22,330
Mm.
521
00:23:22,380 --> 00:23:24,730
Yeah, it's good. It's just very warm.
522
00:23:24,780 --> 00:23:26,610
Yeah, sorry, they didn't
have any cold ones...
523
00:23:26,660 --> 00:23:28,860
Ooh, I bought you something.
524
00:23:30,260 --> 00:23:31,690
Ah...
525
00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:40,290
Just to say sorry, you know, for
the whole Lauren thing. Obama.
526
00:23:41,700 --> 00:23:43,210
Thanks, mate.
Well, yeah, it's just,
527
00:23:43,260 --> 00:23:46,010
it's over between us now and...
It's just me and you, so...
528
00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:47,460
Yes, Dill.
529
00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:50,100
Just like old times.
530
00:23:53,780 --> 00:23:55,320
Thanks, Dill.
531
00:23:59,420 --> 00:24:02,530
There're probably trying
to decide who they fancy.
532
00:24:02,580 --> 00:24:04,370
Love it, love it...
533
00:24:04,420 --> 00:24:06,490
Where are we supposed to hide?
I don't know.
534
00:24:06,540 --> 00:24:09,090
You're the one who suggested it.
You said we'd lose them up here.
535
00:24:09,140 --> 00:24:11,170
No, I know! It's just...
536
00:24:11,220 --> 00:24:13,610
These other guys are
here now, so... So?
537
00:24:13,660 --> 00:24:16,570
But they're fun! And...
Come on, Greg was...
538
00:24:16,620 --> 00:24:19,210
He's not that bad.
Howzee!
539
00:24:19,260 --> 00:24:21,610
Yes! Bowled!
Clattering into off stump.
540
00:24:21,660 --> 00:24:24,370
I don't even know what
cricket is, and I hate it.
541
00:24:24,420 --> 00:24:26,850
Please, I've been planning
this trip for years, you know?
542
00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:28,610
And that plan never included...
543
00:24:28,660 --> 00:24:31,050
Bye-bye. Off you pop, mate!
544
00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:32,500
Piss off!
545
00:24:33,460 --> 00:24:35,850
.. that!
OK, OK.
546
00:24:35,900 --> 00:24:37,930
I've got a plan. All right?
547
00:24:37,980 --> 00:24:40,330
We're going to take care
of this right now. OK.
548
00:24:40,380 --> 00:24:44,170
Greg. Yes! 38-3, and
we are beasting them.
549
00:24:44,220 --> 00:24:46,690
Great. May has something to say. Oh.
550
00:24:46,740 --> 00:24:48,690
No, Ashley has something to say.
551
00:24:48,740 --> 00:24:51,250
No, I don't. You do, please.
I have literally nothing to say.
552
00:24:51,300 --> 00:24:53,370
Who has something to say?
553
00:24:53,620 --> 00:24:55,330
Go ahead, May. Tell him.
554
00:24:55,380 --> 00:24:57,250
Tell me what?
555
00:24:57,300 --> 00:25:00,700
OK, er... I was just going to say, um...
556
00:25:02,580 --> 00:25:05,290
People are different.
Sure. Different strokes.
557
00:25:05,340 --> 00:25:08,530
And I think it would be better
for me, for all of us, if...
558
00:25:08,580 --> 00:25:10,570
You know, in the long
run, in the short run...
559
00:25:10,620 --> 00:25:13,420
Both runs.
Yes. Er... If you didn't...
560
00:25:14,740 --> 00:25:17,250
If you weren't...
Oh, shit. What's that?
561
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,100
Yeah, what is that?
562
00:25:20,700 --> 00:25:22,170
Oh, awesome!
563
00:25:22,220 --> 00:25:24,690
I think it's the music festival.
Oh, we should go!
564
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:27,610
Yeah, we should go. No, no, no.
We should definitely not go. Sean!
565
00:25:27,660 --> 00:25:30,050
Yeah!
We probably shouldn't go.
566
00:25:30,100 --> 00:25:32,490
What? Why? You want to
go. You said you want to go.
567
00:25:32,540 --> 00:25:35,570
No, we have to be up at 5:30 for
the sunrise on the wall, remember?
568
00:25:35,620 --> 00:25:37,490
I've never really got the whole, um...
569
00:25:37,540 --> 00:25:39,770
seeing things at sunrise thing anyway.
570
00:25:39,820 --> 00:25:42,730
Just the same as seeing things at
noon, except you're cold and tired.
571
00:25:42,780 --> 00:25:44,690
Well, I need to see it, OK?
Sure.
572
00:25:44,740 --> 00:25:47,890
I'm not! I just firmly believe that we
should not be going to the festival!
573
00:25:47,940 --> 00:25:49,970
Why?
Because...
574
00:25:50,020 --> 00:25:51,890
What, cos it's not arts and you're clever?
575
00:25:51,940 --> 00:25:53,770
No, because it might be rubbish!
576
00:25:53,820 --> 00:25:57,290
What? What else are we meant to do?
Sit in a tent and drink rank beer?
577
00:25:57,340 --> 00:25:59,370
We won't sleep anyway,
we're jet-lagged to shit.
578
00:25:59,420 --> 00:26:03,650
Are we going to go to the festival
or not? Yes! Oh, come on, Dill.
579
00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:07,620
I really want to do this. We might
as well. We're missing Glastonbury.
580
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,180
Well, OK. If you want to
go to the festival, then...
581
00:26:15,450 --> 00:26:16,450
we'll go to the festival! Yay!
582
00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:17,700
Yes!
583
00:26:18,980 --> 00:26:20,180
Greg.
584
00:26:30,790 --> 00:26:34,930
500 yen, that's like...
£60, brother. Whoa!
585
00:26:34,980 --> 00:26:37,290
Well, we could go back into
town. Listen to the cricket.
586
00:26:37,340 --> 00:26:39,290
Oh, no, no, no, we're going in.
587
00:26:39,340 --> 00:26:40,770
I'll pay for us, Sean, it's cool.
588
00:26:40,820 --> 00:26:42,490
I owe you anyway.
589
00:26:42,540 --> 00:26:44,610
Oh, my God, how much did you spend?
590
00:26:44,660 --> 00:26:47,570
Uh, yeah. I bought some ice creams.
591
00:26:47,620 --> 00:26:49,130
And, um...
592
00:26:49,180 --> 00:26:51,850
these Ray Bans. Sorry.
593
00:26:51,900 --> 00:26:53,730
Well, em...
594
00:26:53,780 --> 00:26:56,250
But I need that money.
I don't have any money.
595
00:26:56,300 --> 00:26:58,890
You can afford to go to university, so...
596
00:26:58,940 --> 00:27:00,130
you can afford to pay me back.
597
00:27:00,180 --> 00:27:02,330
Oh, I can't afford university,
I'm on a scholarship.
598
00:27:02,380 --> 00:27:04,250
What? You're on a scholarship?
599
00:27:04,300 --> 00:27:05,890
What's so weird about that?
No, nothing,
600
00:27:05,940 --> 00:27:08,610
I just didn't peg you as a scholar.
601
00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:11,410
I can't afford to pay, so you're
going to have to cover us.
602
00:27:11,460 --> 00:27:13,490
It'll only be about 90 quid! I've got 30.
603
00:27:13,540 --> 00:27:15,810
But that's, like, two
days' wages for me, Dyl.
604
00:27:15,860 --> 00:27:17,730
Come on, Sean. Please?
605
00:27:17,780 --> 00:27:19,890
Yeah, I really don't think
this is Chinese enough.
606
00:27:19,940 --> 00:27:22,650
Especially for 500 yen - no.
607
00:27:22,700 --> 00:27:24,130
But...
608
00:27:24,180 --> 00:27:28,690
Oh, oh! Hang on! Look! The price
is less for Chinese people.
609
00:27:28,740 --> 00:27:30,610
Does the Chinese price apply to bananas?
610
00:27:30,660 --> 00:27:33,610
Stop calling me a fucking banana!
Whoa, whoa! Hey, mate, come on,
611
00:27:33,660 --> 00:27:35,290
Chill it. Chill it out.
612
00:27:35,340 --> 00:27:38,610
I'm sorry May, I didn't know that
that actually upset you, I'm sorry.
613
00:27:38,660 --> 00:27:41,130
It... It doesn't. I don't
care, it's just, um...
614
00:27:41,180 --> 00:27:43,290
I already get enough shit
from the Chinese, OK,
615
00:27:43,340 --> 00:27:46,130
I don't need it from you too. OK?
616
00:27:46,180 --> 00:27:49,010
It's fine, it's nothing.
Stop looking at me.
617
00:27:49,060 --> 00:27:51,410
I got this, I'll just pay for us.
Are we going in?
618
00:27:51,460 --> 00:27:53,930
Yay!
619
00:27:53,980 --> 00:27:56,730
Hey, I need to go to the toilet first...
Ooh... So, I'll catch you later.
620
00:27:56,780 --> 00:28:00,290
No, I know, I had a bit of that.
I think it's the old neck.
621
00:28:00,340 --> 00:28:02,930
Yeah, yeah.
622
00:28:02,980 --> 00:28:04,720
Good luck to you.
623
00:28:18,260 --> 00:28:21,890
Woo! We're going to hit
the dance floor. OK! OK.
624
00:28:21,940 --> 00:28:25,780
Hey, should we get a beer?
Should we get a beer? Yeah, sure.
625
00:28:44,900 --> 00:28:47,490
"I lived in you, and wanted for more."
626
00:28:47,540 --> 00:28:50,740
Lauren... Lauren, baby. Bam.
627
00:28:51,820 --> 00:28:53,290
Want to get married?
628
00:28:53,340 --> 00:28:55,930
Hey! I'm so glad we met you guys.
629
00:28:55,980 --> 00:28:58,670
They would never let
us do this on our own.
630
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,250
Dyl's the same.
631
00:29:00,300 --> 00:29:03,930
He's always trying to make my
decisions for me. I know, right?
632
00:29:07,540 --> 00:29:09,090
Yes!
Woo!
633
00:29:09,140 --> 00:29:12,010
I'm really glad we met
you too, by the way.
634
00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:15,210
So, where are you heading next?
635
00:29:15,260 --> 00:29:17,450
Uh...
636
00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:19,810
You should totally come
to May's cousin's wedding.
637
00:29:19,860 --> 00:29:23,090
Dyl would be into that, right?
Yeah. Probably.
638
00:29:23,140 --> 00:29:26,440
I mean, he's binned his
itinerary now, finally, so...
639
00:29:42,540 --> 00:29:45,370
Hey. So, you made it?
640
00:29:45,420 --> 00:29:47,850
Um...
Where's Dylan?
641
00:29:47,900 --> 00:29:50,500
I... I don't know!
OK.
642
00:29:55,860 --> 00:29:58,370
Hey. What? Who's that?
643
00:29:58,420 --> 00:30:00,170
Er... Lauren.
644
00:30:00,220 --> 00:30:03,690
Sorry, I need to look for
Dyl. One minute. Um. OK.
645
00:30:03,740 --> 00:30:06,620
Excuse me! Hi. Can I get...?
646
00:30:08,420 --> 00:30:10,810
I think he's actively
ignoring me. I know.
647
00:30:10,860 --> 00:30:13,210
Where is he? Where's Dyl?
648
00:30:13,260 --> 00:30:15,260
Bogs. Shitting up neck.
649
00:30:17,260 --> 00:30:19,050
What's that all about?
650
00:30:19,100 --> 00:30:20,460
Um...
651
00:30:28,580 --> 00:30:31,210
Wait, so... he didn't
tell her he was coming?
652
00:30:31,260 --> 00:30:33,090
That's... creepy.
653
00:30:33,140 --> 00:30:34,970
Or, you know, romantic?
654
00:30:35,020 --> 00:30:37,090
It's a fine line. Can be.
655
00:30:37,140 --> 00:30:39,650
I've very much been there, done
that, got the restraining order.
656
00:30:39,700 --> 00:30:41,850
What? What does that mean?
657
00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:44,210
No... No, I'm joking!
658
00:30:44,260 --> 00:30:46,090
Although, actually, I did, um...
659
00:30:46,140 --> 00:30:48,450
Yeah, I stalked my wife a little
bit, just towards the end.
660
00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:50,690
Oh, my God. Are you married?!
Yeah.
661
00:30:50,740 --> 00:30:53,770
What do you mean, "Oh, my God"?
Well, I... Why's that, "Oh, my God"?
662
00:30:53,820 --> 00:30:56,930
I just didn't think you'd have a...
Yeah, I do have a wife!
663
00:30:56,980 --> 00:30:58,490
Not for long, maybe.
664
00:30:58,540 --> 00:31:02,210
It all depends on whether she
proceeds with this... divorce.
665
00:31:02,260 --> 00:31:04,660
Oh. "Oh". Greg, I'm sorry.
666
00:31:05,980 --> 00:31:07,450
It's fine.
667
00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:10,730
And anyway, being cheated on is
the single best thing that has
668
00:31:10,780 --> 00:31:13,130
ever happened to me. Without
that, I wouldn't be back in Asia,
669
00:31:13,180 --> 00:31:14,450
tearing Asia another new one!
670
00:31:14,500 --> 00:31:16,770
Gap year two, girls.
Woo. Back in the habit.
671
00:31:16,820 --> 00:31:20,720
Now, where are these beers?
Yeah, um... I'm trying, but...
672
00:31:20,860 --> 00:31:22,850
I think this asshole knows I'm American.
673
00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:25,410
HEY! HEY!
674
00:31:31,260 --> 00:31:33,370
Three beers, OK.
675
00:31:33,420 --> 00:31:36,210
There you go! Woo!
You got through!
676
00:31:36,260 --> 00:31:37,860
Well done, May!
677
00:31:47,180 --> 00:31:48,940
Dyl! Dylan?
678
00:31:50,180 --> 00:31:51,450
Dylan?
679
00:31:53,580 --> 00:31:55,770
Dyl! Yeah, just give me a sec, Sean.
680
00:31:55,820 --> 00:31:58,370
Dyl, you in there?
Yeah.
681
00:31:58,420 --> 00:32:01,610
I've just seen Lauren.
Oh, right.
682
00:32:01,660 --> 00:32:03,530
Come out.
No, I'm on the loo!
683
00:32:03,580 --> 00:32:06,770
And you're angry at me. It's...
Come out, now! Wait... Sean!
684
00:32:06,820 --> 00:32:08,370
Come out, Dyl!
Waah!
685
00:32:08,420 --> 00:32:09,970
Come out!
It's tipping!
686
00:32:10,020 --> 00:32:11,570
Nooo!
687
00:32:23,140 --> 00:32:26,730
Look what you've done. There's
shit all over my poetry book.
688
00:32:26,780 --> 00:32:28,930
Yeah, I know. I've heard your poems.
689
00:32:28,980 --> 00:32:31,890
What do you mean, what I have done?
You're still stalking that bellend.
690
00:32:31,940 --> 00:32:33,530
You suggested it, not me!
691
00:32:33,580 --> 00:32:37,050
The wall was your idea. And
do not call Lauren a bellend.
692
00:32:37,100 --> 00:32:39,090
Well, she is a bellend.
I love her!
693
00:32:39,140 --> 00:32:41,370
Wow! I love her as much as possible!
694
00:32:41,420 --> 00:32:44,330
And I tried to forget her, I have, but...
695
00:32:44,380 --> 00:32:46,210
my heart's made up its mind.
696
00:32:46,260 --> 00:32:48,330
What does that even mean?
697
00:32:52,580 --> 00:32:55,850
Ohh! Oh, Dyl. I...
698
00:32:55,900 --> 00:32:58,850
I quit my job. I wouldn't have come.
So, why did you come?
699
00:32:58,900 --> 00:33:01,100
I came here to see you, Dyl.
700
00:33:01,860 --> 00:33:04,370
This past year's been shit
for me. Do you not get that?
701
00:33:04,420 --> 00:33:07,090
I've been sat at home on a
Saturday night watching The Voice
702
00:33:07,140 --> 00:33:09,530
with my stepdad, who's also my boss,
703
00:33:09,580 --> 00:33:13,130
constantly giving me shit
about failing my plumbing exam.
704
00:33:13,180 --> 00:33:16,170
I put all this on you, on getting away.
705
00:33:16,220 --> 00:33:18,560
I'm just sorry it wasn't enough.
706
00:33:20,500 --> 00:33:24,250
You know what? I'm sorry.
No, no. Go. Go find Lauren.
707
00:33:24,300 --> 00:33:26,010
Seriously, see what happens.
708
00:33:26,060 --> 00:33:29,860
I don't even care, I'll just
carry on with the rest of them.
709
00:33:38,420 --> 00:33:41,780
What the hell is that?
That is a banana milkshake.
710
00:33:43,060 --> 00:33:44,930
I... Is that meant to be funny?
711
00:33:44,980 --> 00:33:48,250
Uh, no, that is not cool.
That's basically a hate crime!
712
00:33:48,300 --> 00:33:50,170
HEY! NUMB NUTS!
Oh, wait, no, Ash...
713
00:33:50,220 --> 00:33:52,610
No, I am not letting them get
away with this. Not this time, May.
714
00:33:52,660 --> 00:33:56,570
Hey! We know what you're doing, and
it's disgusting! She's Chinese!
715
00:33:56,620 --> 00:34:00,890
Her mum is from China! You racist asshole!
716
00:34:00,940 --> 00:34:02,850
No! No!
717
00:34:05,140 --> 00:34:07,120
Oh, my God, it was her milkshake.
I'm sorry...
718
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:10,120
Do not touch me! I'm an American!
719
00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:18,330
Oh, shit!
720
00:34:20,260 --> 00:34:21,730
Sean! Sean!
721
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,070
Get out the way!
722
00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:35,170
Oh, sorry. Excuse me.
723
00:34:44,780 --> 00:34:46,450
Stop chasing me!
724
00:34:47,220 --> 00:34:49,690
Yeah! OK!
725
00:34:50,740 --> 00:34:52,570
Sean!
726
00:35:06,900 --> 00:35:08,740
Sean.
727
00:35:10,020 --> 00:35:12,420
Sean.
728
00:35:15,100 --> 00:35:17,460
Where have you been?
729
00:35:18,780 --> 00:35:21,650
I've been looking
everywhere for you, Dilly.
730
00:35:22,620 --> 00:35:24,090
So have I.
731
00:35:24,140 --> 00:35:26,810
I mean, I came all the
way to China to find you.
732
00:35:26,860 --> 00:35:31,180
OK, well, I'm here and I'm
listening so talk to me.
733
00:35:32,460 --> 00:35:34,450
OK, Lauren, listen...
734
00:35:34,500 --> 00:35:36,650
I've been thinking a lot about us, yeah,
735
00:35:36,700 --> 00:35:40,050
and how important you are to me
736
00:35:40,100 --> 00:35:42,730
and... I just want to...
737
00:35:52,740 --> 00:35:55,050
Can you give me a sec? I
really need to take this.
738
00:35:55,100 --> 00:35:57,090
What, you're putting ME on hold?!
739
00:35:57,140 --> 00:36:00,370
Oh, my God! Sean, I'm so
sorry, man, I've been a total prick.
740
00:36:00,420 --> 00:36:02,490
No, no, I want that too.
741
00:36:02,540 --> 00:36:04,210
Just me and you.
742
00:36:04,260 --> 00:36:06,770
Yeah, just you and me, exactly.
743
00:36:06,820 --> 00:36:08,250
Forget it!
744
00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:11,980
Things with me and Norm, they're
really good so it's over, Dylan.
745
00:36:16,460 --> 00:36:19,170
OK, calm down, Sean. Where are you?
746
00:36:19,220 --> 00:36:22,050
I don't know where I am, man. I just ran.
747
00:36:22,100 --> 00:36:23,410
What?
748
00:36:23,460 --> 00:36:25,530
No, no, I can't hear shit.
749
00:36:25,580 --> 00:36:28,940
Er, I'm in a little town
just like a Chinatown.
750
00:36:30,060 --> 00:36:31,650
Sean?
751
00:36:31,700 --> 00:36:33,970
Do we.. Shit!
752
00:36:34,020 --> 00:36:35,890
Where is he?
I don't know.
753
00:36:35,940 --> 00:36:38,690
His phone's just died and
he's in a town nearby.
754
00:36:38,740 --> 00:36:41,970
Does he know the name of the
place we're staying or anything?
755
00:36:42,020 --> 00:36:45,770
OK, I've got this. I've seen
almost every episode of The Hunt.
756
00:36:45,820 --> 00:36:47,170
So we need to find the nearest town,
757
00:36:47,220 --> 00:36:50,090
establish a perimeter and keep
patrolling it in two groups.
758
00:36:50,140 --> 00:36:51,530
Yeah, great.
759
00:36:51,580 --> 00:36:54,770
We should probably do mixed
gender though for safety.
760
00:36:54,820 --> 00:36:57,220
Yeah, makes sense.
761
00:37:01,060 --> 00:37:02,500
Sean?
762
00:37:03,900 --> 00:37:06,260
Sean?
763
00:37:10,100 --> 00:37:12,330
May, I think when we
get back to Beijing...
764
00:37:12,380 --> 00:37:14,770
Greg, can you turn that off?
765
00:37:14,820 --> 00:37:16,450
Oh, sorry.
766
00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:19,650
It's OK. Yeah.
Thanks. What I am doing?
767
00:37:19,700 --> 00:37:21,620
I...
768
00:37:23,740 --> 00:37:26,970
When we get back to Beijers, I
think I'm going to go my own way
769
00:37:27,020 --> 00:37:29,610
to quote Fleetwood Mac.
770
00:37:29,660 --> 00:37:32,600
You don't need my
bodyguarding anymore and...
771
00:37:34,260 --> 00:37:35,890
.. I know you want me to eff off.
772
00:37:35,940 --> 00:37:38,370
No, Greg.
That's not in a bad way. It's cool.
773
00:37:38,420 --> 00:37:43,250
I get it, I totally get it and
I'm ab fine with rejection. I am.
774
00:37:43,300 --> 00:37:46,250
I am ab fine with rejection.
775
00:37:46,300 --> 00:37:48,180
I am.
776
00:37:49,700 --> 00:37:52,210
No, Greg, I don't want that.
777
00:37:52,260 --> 00:37:55,330
No?
No, cos...
778
00:37:55,380 --> 00:37:58,290
To be honest, none of this has
gone how I thought it would
779
00:37:58,340 --> 00:38:01,610
and, despite what I expected,
780
00:38:01,660 --> 00:38:02,890
I like having you around.
781
00:38:02,940 --> 00:38:05,050
Yeah, fun to be around.
782
00:38:05,100 --> 00:38:08,570
Yeah, if you're happy to travel
with an uptight douchebag?
783
00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:11,290
Of course I am, you silly nana.
What?
784
00:38:11,340 --> 00:38:13,690
No, no, no, no, no, that's
just an English phrase.
785
00:38:13,740 --> 00:38:15,650
That's a fun phrase we have.
OK.
786
00:38:15,700 --> 00:38:17,650
That's not meant as a slur.
Yeah.
787
00:38:17,700 --> 00:38:19,890
Greg, just stop talking now.
I've stopped, yeah. OK.
788
00:38:19,940 --> 00:38:22,690
The... Sean! Sean.
789
00:38:22,740 --> 00:38:24,370
Sean?
790
00:38:24,420 --> 00:38:27,090
He's got to be here somewhere.
791
00:38:27,140 --> 00:38:30,970
I'm such a bad friend.
No, Dylan, no, it's not your fault.
792
00:38:31,020 --> 00:38:33,500
It's just a perfect storm.
793
00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:38,500
And I'm sorry about the...
794
00:38:45,940 --> 00:38:48,130
Keep them. They suit you.
795
00:38:48,180 --> 00:38:50,340
Thank you.
796
00:39:01,620 --> 00:39:04,220
What's that smell?
797
00:39:05,900 --> 00:39:08,850
Just China.
798
00:39:08,900 --> 00:39:10,650
Have you shit yourself?
799
00:39:10,700 --> 00:39:14,370
Indirectly. It's not
actually mine if that helps.
800
00:39:14,420 --> 00:39:17,010
I'm going to go check for...
Yeah, yeah.
801
00:39:17,060 --> 00:39:19,420
I'm going to change my pants.
802
00:39:45,140 --> 00:39:48,290
Ah, there you go, Mavis.
803
00:39:48,340 --> 00:39:50,810
One sunrise.
804
00:39:50,860 --> 00:39:52,970
Have you heard from Sean?
805
00:39:53,020 --> 00:39:56,770
No, not yet. I'll just keep waiting.
806
00:39:56,820 --> 00:39:59,160
I'm not even tired or anything.
807
00:40:06,900 --> 00:40:10,290
How much longer are we going
to spend looking at it?
808
00:40:10,340 --> 00:40:13,010
Er...
809
00:40:13,060 --> 00:40:15,300
Yep, that'll do.
810
00:40:23,060 --> 00:40:24,900
Sean!
811
00:40:31,380 --> 00:40:34,020
Hey! Hey!
812
00:40:38,700 --> 00:40:40,850
Hey, do you speak English?
813
00:40:40,900 --> 00:40:42,490
English?
814
00:40:42,540 --> 00:40:45,090
I was in a festival by the Wall.
815
00:40:45,140 --> 00:40:47,010
A festival, yeah?
816
00:40:47,060 --> 00:40:49,090
Um, I need to get back there.
817
00:40:49,140 --> 00:40:51,570
Can you give me a lift?
818
00:40:51,620 --> 00:40:54,060
Yeah? Thank you.
819
00:40:59,940 --> 00:41:01,450
Thank you.
820
00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:03,740
Thank you so much.
821
00:41:07,140 --> 00:41:08,690
Er...
822
00:41:08,740 --> 00:41:12,330
I think the wall's back
that way, mate. Hello.
823
00:41:12,380 --> 00:41:14,930
Oh! Hey!
824
00:41:14,980 --> 00:41:16,490
Hey, it's you.
825
00:41:16,540 --> 00:41:18,210
Um...
826
00:41:18,260 --> 00:41:20,850
We're going back to the festival, yeah?
827
00:41:20,900 --> 00:41:23,580
My friends... My friends I was with.
828
00:41:24,900 --> 00:41:27,860
I'm so sorry if we
offended you in any way.
829
00:41:33,460 --> 00:41:35,930
Yeah, OK! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
830
00:41:35,980 --> 00:41:37,370
Just please don't hurt me!
831
00:41:37,420 --> 00:41:39,530
I have money. Take it. Here.
832
00:41:39,580 --> 00:41:41,720
Just don't hurt me, please.