America Goes Poddy is sponsored by the online hiring site,
Double Duty Hiring.
So, Bill, what's on tap for America Goes Poddy this week?
More lies from "Individual #1"
Uh, no, it's a positive story, actually.
Democrats are suddenly doing well.
And the question being asked by all my bro friends is,
"Who is cutting into Trump's base?"
You're talking about the taking down
- of the Republican troll farms? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But also the doxing of the Red Jackets
when they tried some uncool voter intimidation.
And the country singer, Sabrina Wynne,
she finally comes out against Trump.
So who are the badasses doing this?
- You know, you know what? - L-Let's not find out.
Let's just ask these brahs to keep it going.
Because that's what we always said
when we worked at the Obama White House:
don't get in the way of someone kicking ass.
So, go for the jugular, guys.
Okay. We're taking America Goes Poddy...
♪ We shall overcome ♪
♪ Someday. ♪
Oh.
Diane. You heard America Goes Poddy this morning?
Yes. Amazing.
We thought we'd christen our new bat cave.
Yeah. - We're kicking ass.
There's a story in Huffington Post, too.
"The new progressive activists."
Whoa. We're like folk heroes.
Everybody's wondering who we are.
So... wow... what next? What do we do now?
- We have to top it. - Oh. With what?
A slam dunk. We go after his personal life.
I can prove Trump fucks men.
How are you gonna do that?
No, go after Melania.
In what way?
Find out what she knows.
I'll see if I can hack her e-mail.
Good. And I suggest we name ourselves.
I'm sick of just calling us "The Resistance."
How about what I tell my assistant about this group?
What? It's my book club.
Oh. "The Book Club."
I like it. - Yeah.
Book Club. - Who would suspect? - All right, to the Book Club.
What is that all about? - Second Helix.
Oh, right. That's gotta take a month to get through.
You may want to join the argument down the hall.
But it's Roland Blum.
It's $4 million
for a few months' work.
He was here a few days,
and he stole a client list.
Are we really already back to this?
I mean, we already agreed to Second Helix's terms.
They insisted we work together. But does that mean he has to work here?
- As opposed to where? - Well, we could work
at Blum's place of business.
He doesn't have a place of business.
Well, then, we could rent a space.
Find a place that's neutral.
The problem is having him here, in our building.
Marissa is watching him, Diane.
And the man is not a wizard.
I mean, what can he do if we're watching him
from the moment he arrives to the moment he leaves?
This is a mistake.
Liz, what's your take?
Stop talking about him.
I mean, this is our, what, our third meeting
dedicated to him?
Blum lives on attention, so starve him.
Don't give him the oxygen.
Don't forget, tell 'em I want Anya.
Keep the car running, I may need it for lunch.
Okay, I need a number.
That's the fee, the perks package, and your end.
Well, figure it out and get back to me.
Jesus, more boxes?
Hey, what was your name again?
Are you talking to me?
Want to run out, get us some fries?
Sure.
You're Eli Gold's daughter, right?
Yeah, I knew your mother.
Vanessa.
Hell of a fuck.
What do they say about Jewish women?
Lying there like a lox?
Not her.
She knew more tricks than a monkey on a flagpole.
So, you're my dad. Is that what you're saying?
Can I have some money?
Don't tell me. Shtetl roots. Temple Shalom.
Camp in Oconomowoc.
Did Aliyah at 21, fell for an Israeli in the special forces.
Good thing you met Roy Cohn, or you'd be what, a dentist?
Must have been tricky when he broke you in like a stallion.
What do they say about Nancy Reagan and a trailer hitch?
Your mother could beat her. Suck the chrome right off.
There was this one time, at the Tunnel.
Your mom was doing shots of tequila with this hand...
♪ One singular sensation ♪
♪ Every little step she takes... ♪
What are you doing?
♪ One thrilling combination ♪
♪ Every move that she makes... ♪
This is like those convenience stores
playing classical music to get rid of the kids?
♪ One smile and suddenly ♪
♪ Nobody else will do... ♪
Oh, dear fucking God.
♪ You know you'll never be lonely... ♪
♪ And you can forget the rest ♪
♪ For the guy is second-best ♪
♪ To none ♪
♪ Son ♪
♪ Ooh! Sigh! Give him your attention ♪
You want to watch me crap?
♪ Do I. ♪
Of course he had to be Jewish.
The beard, the greed, the deceit.
I can hear Grandma Sylvia say,
"He's bad for the Jews."
He's everything wrong with the diaspora
wrapped in one.
A dybbuk practicing law.
I should probably kill him.
Oh, God, I almost kind of like him a little bit.
He makes me laugh.
What's that Dylan song?
"Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace"?
Sometimes Satan just comes with a whoopee cushion.
So never laugh.
Show him your laugh, and you're dead.
No matter what he does, just give him that look.
What look?
This look.
Did you wash your hands?
So, can I get you anything?
Some coffee, mister...
Wade V. Uh, no, lovey.
I'm all about the juices right now.
Oh.
So, um, you said this is not
about a divorce, it's for a postnup? - Yes.
And how long have you been married?
Oh...
No, it's-it's not about me.
But thanks for thinking I give off the marriage vibe.
Your haircut is 97% perfect.
- Oh. - It accentuates your cheekbones just right.
But do ask your stylist about a razor on top.
It wants volume here and here,
and also over here.
And use the five-inch scissors, not the five and a half.
Sorry, what were you saying?
Uh, you're not here for yourself?
No, uh, for a friend. A client.
Friend. She's a star. A major star.
You probably know who she is,
but I can't say her name, and she can't be seen
going in and out of lawyers' offices.
So I'm just screening for her a little bit.
Uh, would you give me a second?
Of course.
Uh, he's a hairdresser. Wade V.
It's a postnup for a star client.
Got it.
So...
this star...
I can't help her if I don't know her name.
But whatever we say here is completely confidential.
No. But she's prepared to pay you triple your rate.
And she also gets to set the rules.
Huh.
Yeah?
Kardashian.
Which one?
Kim.
Adrian, you may want to stay on top of this.
Why, what is it?
Lucca with a new client.
A divorce? Does it matter?
Kim and Kanye.
So, how would you like this to work?
Oh.
Do you want me to...
You're on with Lucca Quinn in Chicago.
Good morning. Thanks for your interest
in Reddick, Boseman and Lockhart... ma'am.
Uh, the question is about unconscionability,
I'm assuming in the context of a postnup.
Well, there is no standard criteria,
but if you can prove lack of choice,
or lack of knowledge at the time of the postnup...
For example, if one of the parties
misrepresented their fortune...
Then you have a very good shot.
That's your answer?
Yes.
Anything else? We're good?
Okay, I'll ask her.
She wants to know are you free today
at noon for a meeting?
In person?
Yeah.
Ye-Yeah.
I-I-I could move... I can move a few things.
Okay, don't make a big deal out of it.
You know, there's a very short list of women
who could pull off that cut.
Good job.
Kim and Kanye.
I'm not sure.
She didn't speak on the phone,
but she's coming in at noon.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I know.
- That's a $300 million divorce.
500 million. I googled it.
Okay, so we line up all the lawyers...
No, no, I... I think I should do this alone.
Lucca, this is a really big deal.
I know, and you need to trust me.
She's skittish. She wants this private.
Small. And she wants someone she can trust.
If she didn't talk on the phone,
how do you know that?
The vibe.
Adrian, trust me.
Jesus Christ.
So you called upstairs as soon as you found out
it was a Kardashian?
Yes.
And if I'd asked you not to call upstairs?
I would have agreed, and then called upstairs.
Hmm. As long as we know where we stand.
Blum, we need to talk.
Uh, privately.
Hey, kids, fuck off.
Just for a minute.
So, look at all that.
Yeah. How far are we?
Well, requires more than a cursory read.
Uh-huh.
Anyway, Roland, I'm gonna need you to rein it in.
Well, have I been... un-reined?
It's all the personnel, Roland.
Oh. Well, tell me, uh, how many is too many?
You can have one assistant,
no masseuse
and no outside meetings here.
You can arrange your meetings somewhere else.
Hmm. No problemo.
Good.
Vernon was hoping to meet you
but, uh, another time.
Uh, Vernon?
Jordan, yeah.
Oh, we go way back.
Uh-huh.
Oh.
He has a meeting today at 2:00, he can take it
in the upstairs boardroom, that's it.
♪ Way back in the middle... ♪
♪ I began to ride ♪
♪ Keep listening... ♪
How do you rent those?
Uh, you don't. These are mine.
Where did you, uh, buy them?
How long have you been throwing?
A month.
Do you want to get serious?
Actually, I do.
Ask for Hannah.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Working. - In reception?
Yes. We were just...
trying to use all the spaces.
Okay. Get out of here. Come on.
Go. Now.
Embarrassing.
You guys. Are you sure you don't need help?
No, it's fine, Kevin. Thank you. Good-bye, Kevin.
Oh, hey.
That's why we don't share information.
I didn't share with anyone but Adrian. It doesn't matter.
It gets out, it always gets out.
Lucca Quinn.
- Yes? - That's her.
The haircut. - Mr. V.
I like the way that sounds.
This is Zelda Raye.
The noon appointment.
Yes. Is there somewhere we can talk, Ms. Quinn?
We're good, you guys.
Who is that?
The client.
Yeah, it looks like we got ahead of ourselves
on the Kardashian front.
Come in.
This is her office?
Oh, God, you are a snob.
I'm not a snob, it's just this is a big case.
That's why she needs someone he doesn't know.
Do you want me to step out?
No. - Yes.
Wait.
They should have the conversation at least.
She's the only one who answered the question well.
Are you the one with the postnup, Zelda?
My client would like to speak to you directly.
Hello?
Is anyone there?
Hello?
This is Lucca Quinn.
May I help you?
I have to ask something sensitive.
Nothing of this can be repeated.
Of course.
Well, you don't need to worry
about that, attorney-client privilege prevails here.
You promise?
I do... promise.
Okay.
My husband is a very important man.
And he is very bitter.
He has ways to find out things
and to hurt me.
He also has a team of lawyers.
I need someone who is on my side.
Someone who can tell me
how to respond.
Do you understand?
I do.
Shall we talk?
♪ ♪
♪ Melania came with her name and a dream ♪
♪ Maybe, I mean, what do I know? ♪
♪ First Ellis Island ♪
♪ And then quarantine ♪
♪ Smallpox, perhaps impetigo ♪
♪ Teeming Slovenia town, near Little Rome ♪
♪ Poles and Italians and Irish ♪
♪ Some kind of stewed meat that tasted like home ♪
♪ Lonely but stylish, she'd sigh ♪
♪ And say "I wish that I ♪
♪ "Lived in a castle somewhere in the sky ♪
♪ "With someone who'd always take care of me ♪
♪ Why is it so hard to get there from here?" ♪
♪ Maybe she struggled and toiled and tried ♪
♪ Hard work and determination ♪
♪ One day she woke ♪
♪ With a man by her side ♪
♪ Finally she rose to her station ♪
♪ Now that she be's the best ♪
♪ That she can be ♪
♪ Does she recall her beginning? ♪
♪ Poor, huddled masses ♪
♪ That yearn to breathe free ♪
♪ Does she feel tired of winning ♪
♪ Does she feel tired? ♪
So. First things first.
Why don't you tell me a little bit about this postnup?
Hello?
Are you still there?
The new postnup, it says
I must stay married for...
more years, or I will get nothing.
I see.
How many more years?
I must stay until December 2020.
Okay, 2020.
And you might want
a divorce earlier, is that it?
I-I don't know.
I... I want options.
There is a lot of pressure.
And that's why you asked about unconscionability?
Whether the postnup can be terminated?
Yes. And there are possible criminal issues.
I don't want to be in trouble
for.. some things
he did.
Well, without discussing the exact details
of these criminal "issues,"
a postnup shouldn't impact this.
But he has given me some gifts
where there might be some questions.
Are these "gifts" titles to properties? Did he...
transfer them to you?
I don't want to answer that.
Okay, got it.
Completely.
Zelda, are you there?
You want me to put it on speaker?
Yes.
I'm here.
I like her.
Give her the document and let her look.
Then we must talk.
Of course, whatever you wish.
This is all the background you'll need.
Take a look and we'll be in touch.
Uh, does the...
President know that his wife is consulting a lawyer?
It's a mistake to conclude that from this conversation.
I can't be an effective lawyer
without knowing these... details.
She doesn't trust you fully yet.
Gain her trust and then we'll talk.
Help her. She's in over her head.
What the f...
So who's the...?
Who's the client?
I'm not sure.
Why are there... redactions in their postnup?
I don't know if this is a prank or if this is for real.
What is real?
That was a hairdresser.
And a woman named Zelda Raye.
And they supposedly put me on the phone with...
The First Lady.
You're being punked.
I thought so, too, but...
this is a lot of work for a prank.
Can you do some digging into Zelda Raye?
Can't you just walk beside me?
It looks like you're guarding me.
Okay. Leave me now.
I'm having the lunch.
Lemond.
Mr. Blum.
Mister? What'd I do to rate a Mister?
You embarrassed a district attorney
in the Antonelli trial, that's what you did.
I kept that motherfucker out of prison
four times, he stiffed me the last two.
I told him, if he ever called me again,
I would personally make sure they locked him up
up under the jail, yeah. Sounds about right.
You know he was trying to peddle your ass to the Feds, right?
Oh, I know, I know.
Hey, this is the guy who's looking out for me right now.
So... we're here.
It's just the three of us.
What's so secret?
I asked Jay to look into
a new client I was on the phone with.
Is this still about the Kardashians? - No.
Lucca was worried it was a prank, but I did
some research on the client's conduit.
It's a Wade V... A New York hairdresser...
And Zelda Raye.
A conduit? I don't understand. - The client doesn't want
to be seen coming into a law firm. - Why?
Zelda Ray runs a management company in New York.
Uh, not one of the big ones.
Oh, so the client is a model.
She was one. She is no longer.
Why are you two being so cagey?
I think I was put on the phone with Melania Trump.
What...
Are you suggesting that Melania Trump...
wants to use her manager from her modeling days?
We're not suggesting anything, it's just a fact.
Zelda Raye is her ex-manager,
or she was for a few months, and she was in here.
Why would she use a hairdresser
and her ex-manager? I mean, she has a staff.
Her husband told her she didn't need a lawyer
to review the changes in their postnup.
Her husband. Meaning Trump.
I-I don't know.
But, if it is Trump, I think she went outside
his D.C. circle to get a second opinion.
An opinion from a mid-size Chicago law firm
with mainly African-American lawyers?
Yeah.
Or we're being set up.
For?
Uh, what is, um, what is in this postnup?
She loses all her money if they divorce before 2020.
She wants to divorce before 2020?
She wants the freedom to divorce.
Holy fuck.
When do you speak with her again?
Tomorrow.
All right. Keep us informed.
Okay.
Does this seem weird to you? - What?
The fact that we were talking about Melania Trump
this morning and now she wants to hire us? - Yes.
I mean, the various levels of weirdness here
are... really hard to untangle.
So, we're saying...
someone is surveilling our resistance group?
Book group. - Book group.
And now they want to dangle some...
irresistible bait in front of us?
Uh, y-yeah.
To what purpose?
I, I don't know.
But we better be careful.
Maybe it's... maybe it's good news.
And we're just not used to it.
Oh, yeah, how likely is that?
I don't know, I'm just,
I'm just so in the mood for...
looking up.
Ooh.
Oh, well, that ended fast.
Hey, Lemond
Good to see you.
Sorry to keep you waiting, man. - Oh, I wasn't waiting.
I was catching up.
Uh, you two know each other?
Mm. From way back. - Yeah, we used to run into each other
at opium tastings at the Jewish Community Center.
Very good.
So I know that, uh, Lemond wants to talk
some business with us, Mr. Blum.
So why don't we just go upstairs?
Oh, actually, I was hoping Roland could stick around.
Uh, that might cause a problem
if there are any attorney-client issues.
Oh. I thought he was working here.
No, he is. But it's just on the one case,
and it's not criminal, so...
Well, this isn't criminal.
Oh, I have been known
to blunder onto a good idea now and then.
You know, you're better off incorporating in Delaware.
I'd just as soon not have another state
full of agencies to pay off.
Ah, you do give a shitload of money
to so-called "good causes."
"So-called" like, uh, the Johns Hopkins
Malaria Research Institute, uh, Habitat for Humanity...?
I'm always suspicious when liberals use the word humanity.
You gave $200,000 to Georgetown?
Yeah, my son has his heart set on going there.
How's it look?
They wait-listed him.
$200,000, and they fucking wait-listed him?
Are you kidding me?
Apparently, a lot of applicants give that much more.
So what's the moral of this story?
200,000 doesn't mean what it used to?
No, before you put your hand in your pocket,
you talk to your lawyers.
I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, Adrian,
but this is a phone call, is it not?
Getting my son into Georgetown?
Well, I mean, we can definitely put our heads together...
They're being modest.
One phone call, and it's done.
I always said you needed a hammer.
And there he is.
Your hammer.
Yep, there he is.
Why would you tell Lemond
that we could get his son into Georgetown?
Uh, because we can?
What is with this "we" bullshit?
There is no "we" here.
Uh, the "we bullshit," dearest Diane,
is a nod to my very generous nature.
Are you medicated right now?
No. I forget. Look,
even though it'll be me who calls Father Pat to remind him
who kept his nephew out of prison,
it'll benefit us.
Hi.
I was told to ask for Hannah?
Hi.
Oh.
Hello.
So you're here to go to the next level?
Well, I'm here to see what the next level looks like.
Uh, here's the thing about axes: once you start buying them,
you'll never stop.
Like fine wine.
This is what I suggest.
Oh, well, that's probably more than I, uh...
Oh, my God.
Those are beautiful.
This is a Morvan Q-P.
Morvan has been making axes in Prussia since 1646.
They're hand-forged, they've got a clear tempered zone
that adds to the strength of the blade.
Go ahead, lift one.
Oh, wow... My.
Whoa, that feels good.
- Oh, my. - It's solid steel
with a rubber grip, uh, to ensure a smooth toss,
and it's got a double-bit head, allowing you to swap sides
between throws.
I, um... I want them.
So, hi.
How did you get my address?
How do you think?
Better answer it.
This is Lucca.
Did you look at the contract?
I did.
Uh, it's not good.
He has all the rights, you have none.
Look, we can talk about specific language,
but if you were any other client, I would advise...
you threaten your husband with divorce.
I know it's a big play, but, you know, the only reason
he's pushing for this is because
he's the vulnerable one, not you.
So, you know, threaten him with divorce, call his bluff,
and you'll get a better deal.
Hello?
I should go. - No, wait.
There-there's always a way to fight it.
This was a mistake. - Wait, no, uh...
You're Catholic, right?
Why? Why does that matter?
Annulment.
You threaten annulment.
That wouldn't just void the marriage,
that would void the prenup, too.
Any non-disclosure agreements in the original contract,
they-they would cease to exist.
Which means you could speak freely.
You know, you could write a book,
hit the talk show circuits, whatever you want.
I'll call you back.
- And we're back. - Today, on America Goes Poddy,
you know who we have on the phone?
- Who? - Melania.
Melania, a-are you there?
Yes, Bill, I am here.
Oh, do you mind to wait, so I can get the cheeseburgers
- out of my bed? - Yeah.
I'm sorry, uh, Mrs. First Lady,
I-I was not aware that you still slept with each other.
Oh, yes. He comes into my room
to check on spelling for his tweets.
Uh-oh. - "Oh, my God," I say,
"that's not how you spell 'hamburgers.'"
Is that her?
Who, my Melania? No.
No. No, that's an imitator.
But does it sound like her? - Yeah.
But it's a highly identifiable voice.
People know how to imitate it.
So what's our thinking? We're being pranked?
I don't know, but, um, that imitator is Emmylou Roundtree.
She looks like the first lady,
and hires herself out as a Melania impersonator.
But if it was a prank, why would they pay our retainer?
$60,000?
I don't know.
But until she's proved to be a fake,
you've been paid, so you should represent her.
Okay.
But Lucca, if you have any suspicions
that she is a fake, bring them to us.
There's a chance that there's a leak.
What do you mean? Why?
The exact same day that we discussed hacking Melania,
we were approached at our law firm about a Melania divorce.
- You're kidding. - No.
- But we don't think it's real. - Why not?
Because we're not a law firm that you would go to about this.
And we talk to her on the phone.
It's a voice easily faked.
Okay. Uh, well, I can talk to the group
about not telling anyone,
but I don't know what else to do.
Can you check what Internet traffic there is?
I can, but is that what we want to do?
Do it.
Keep it low-key. Keep the results just to us.
But, Liz, Diane, maybe you should consider this.
Maybe she's real.
I keep hearing rumors of Melania wanting a divorce.
This is... it's unlikely.
If it's real,
it's important to get all the financials.
The tax returns, everything.
So, I heard that the partners
are voting to freeze me out?
Is that true?
♪ One... ♪
I fucking hate you. Julius.
Mr. Blum.
How are things going in here?
Ah, piece of cake.
I'm making great strides with, uh, S-Second Helix.
Good to know.
Julius, uh, I just-I just wanted to say,
I am so sad, uh, to hear about you losing your judgeship.
It really
tears me up,
the way the Historical Law Society shined you on.
Actually,
if you would like me to make a call, I'd be happy.
There's a certain congressman,
owes me a favor. The two of you,
maybe, you know, could have lunch.
No.
Uh, thank you, but, uh, it's okay.
Hey.
What are you doing?
What do you mean?
Blum offers to make a call, and you say no?
You think he's offering out of the goodness of his heart?
There is no goodness in his heart. - Exactly.
It'd be a quid pro quo.
Just because you get the quid
doesn't mean you have to come through with the pro.
I'd owe him.
So what? My father owes all kinds of people.
He pays who he wants to pay.
For you.
Thank you?
And it's not a hat, by the way.
I would never do that to you.
Hmm.
Welcome.
To what?
Oh, you finally made it, baby.
Roll around in it a little.
At some point, one of these will ring, and you'll answer it.
And when you're done talking, pop out the SIM card,
toss it in the trash,
place the phone in the waste receptacle
of your choosing. - Ah...
Oh, that's it. Answer it.
Which one is it?
Hello? - Lucca, ju...
Don't put it back in. - Well, I don't, I... I'm trying to...
No, it's that one.
I-I can... it's vibrating. I can feel it.
Lucca, you gonna miss the call. - I know. I can feel it.
There it is. I got it, I got it, I got it. Hello?
Hi. - I'll leave you to it.
Your advice is good.
I did what you said.
He yells, and I bring up annulment.
And after that, he yells less.
Great. So he's dropping the postnup?
I do not know.
But what I do know,
I want to proceed with a divorce.
A divorce?
The actual divorce?
Yes. I never wanted any of this.
I just want to live a normal life.
Without people thinking my Christmas trees are ugly.
They're cranberry clusters.
It's art.
Can I, uh, ask you one question?
What?
What does the name Emmylou Roundtree mean to you?
Vernon Jordan, Adrian Boseman.
Great to meet you. I knew Carl Reddick quite well.
He was a, a great man.
You're doing great work.
Thank you. Thank you for saying that.
See, this is what I love, bringing people together.
Let me see if your car is here. Vernon has to race off to D.C.
Uh, please. - Thank you.
You know, Mr. Jordan,
I don't want to put you on the spot, but, um,
what in the world do you make
of what's going on right now in this country?
You cannot let circumstances defeat you.
I mean...
I grew up in the first public housing project in America.
I'm listening to the radio with my father,
after dinner,
and Eugene Talmadge is the governor.
This is Georgia? Hmm. Yeah.
He comes on and he says, "This is your governor,
"Eugene Talmadge, and I'm running for reelection.
"I have two planks in my platform:
"niggers and roads.
I'm against the first and for the second."
That was my introduction to politics.
To "politics."
So tell me, Mrs. First Lady,
what's the worst thing about living in the White House?
'Cause when we were working in the White House...
The Obama White House... It was, uh, the long hours.
Yes, I think it's the Big Macs and all the Whoppers everywhere.
I like real food. I'm from Slovenia.
But he, of course, is a pig. - Zelda.
Is everything okay?
I would like for you to take a step back from my client.
I... I don't understand.
I feel you're putting ideas in her head.
I feel that you're corrupting her.
I'm taking these back.
Uh, n-no. No.
Let go. - What? N-No.
If Melania wants to fire me, she can fire me.
That is not your decision. - Well,
it's sure as hell not yours.
Let-let go. Let go! - Give it...
Is this about me asking if she's a fake?
You're mean.
What the fuck?
What...? Hey! My phones.
Those are, those are... Hey!
My phones! - Ladies, ladies, stop it.
Stop it! Stop it, stop it!
You're good, you're good. They're not yours.
Who... Are you crazy?
Julius here is the real deal, isn't he? Huh?
That classy, conservative demeanor.
It's like he's from Central Casting.
Uh, we were, we were just talking about decency.
Yeah. Oh, decent as the day is long,
but with balls.
Huh?
Oh!
Judge Cain,
uh, gets champagne.
I'm still a long way from the bench.
Not anymore, you're not.
Here's to, uh...
The president.
Mmm. Mmm.
Thank you for the help.
I'm deeply appreciative. Oh, happy to do it.
Just know it wasn't an act of kindness.
Now, when I call,
you come running.
Just kidding!
Oh...
Oh. Your face.
It's me.
I know. What can I do for you?
I didn't sleep last night.
I am so much worrying about this divorce.
I need more to frighten him.
I think...
your firm has maybe a special way to help me.
What are you talking about?
Somebody told me you have the tape of him, in Moscow,
with the women who pee on the bed.
I...
I-I don't know what you mean.
Can you get this tape for me?
Um...
We got played.
I don't understand. She's just asking
to see this tape, and if we don't...
have... this tape...
We have the golden shower tape?
We have a copy of a tape that might be the...
tape you're referencing.
Don't you think that was important to tell me?
It has nothing to do with your work.
I'm representing the First Lady.
Or a first lady imitator who wants to find out what we know.
That doesn't make sense.
Jay. After Zelda Raye represented models,
she started to sign other talent.
One person she signed was Emmylou Roundtree.
So what would you like me to do?
Break off any communication
with this divorce client contacting you,
and, uh, we'll just refund her retainer.
♪ ♪
You told the receptionist to answer the phone,
"Law offices of Roland Blum"?
On one line only.
The receptionist also accepted
service of a subpoena for you?
Now, I most definitely did not tell her to do that.
Why were you served a subpoena?
'Cause the idiot suing me lacks a basic understanding
of the mail fraud statute.
Hey, thanks for everything. Mr. Bishop.
We just heard from Georgetown, Dylan's in.
- Ah! - Oh!
Congratulations. - Fantastic.
This is a case of Romanée-Conti to show my appreciation.
Uh, you can put it down now.
Thank you.
And to really show my appreciation,
I've fired Charles Lester.
From now on, the only lawyers I need
are right here in this room.
Oh, that's great news.
Yes, indeed.
Blum and Boseman.
What a concept. Hmm?
What do you need? You.
Why? Because you're not answering her phone calls.
Because I don't know who she is.
You know who she is.
She's a lady, and she needs your help.
She sent me here to talk to you. She fired Zelda,
and Zelda's the one who convinced her to ask
for the tape in the first place. She said she's sorry.
Hmm.
One-one more thing.
Okay. She wants to know if you'd be willing
to meet with her in person.
Are you up for that?
Why?
So she can say all of this face to face,
and you can see that she means it.
What do you think?
Uh...
Penthouse 1
at the Farrow. 7:30 p.m.
That work out all right, breaking it off with the client?
Yeah, perfectly.
Good. If you hear anything from that client ever again,
you tell us.
I definitely will.
Okay.
I would argue that we move Blum off-site.
He hasn't achieved anything on Second Helix
since he's been here all week.
All he's done is cozy up to clients,
cavort with associates, and ruin morale.
Adrian?
Well, he is a different flavor from what we're used to,
but he has brought in new business.
Lucrative business.
I certainly didn't want him here,
but... eh... yeah, it's... something.
Oh, my God. Liz?
I ignore him.
All right. Let's put it to a vote.
All those in favor of telling Roland Blum to leave?
I'm gonna tell you a secret.
Feel free to keep it to yourself.
I'm a people person.
I am.
You know, I-I-I know
it seems like I wouldn't be,
but deep down,
I just want people to see me and-and like me.
I-I-I know it's childish...
Well, you are a child.
But I'm more sensitive than I may appear.
Why don't you like me, Diane?
You know, I-I think you are
an incredible specimen.
You remind me of my mother.
We could be great together. Professionally, of course.
Though, I'll warn you, you may find yourself
eventually falling for me.
My pheromones are merciless.
I know what this is.
You've managed to sink your fangs
into most of my colleagues and that gives you a high
because you're a desecrationist.
I've never been called that before.
My pants just got a little tight.
You're compelled to defile, Mr. Blum.
It's pathological.
And you may think you've made some inroads at my firm,
but I guarantee you, it's not gonna last.
Because you are the light that drives out the darkness?
No, because your tactics work,
and I'm happy to become you...
in order to get you the fuck out of my way.
Hello?
Hi. I was told,
um, to...
Do you want me to...
Thank you for coming. - Of course.
Do you want wine? I'm going to have some.
I'm a little bit nervous.
Sure.
I didn't know you were black.
I-I am.
You're pretty.
Thank you?
Do you have any tattoos?
No.
I have two.
Oh?
My husband doesn't like them.
I see.
Have you changed your mind about divorce?
I have.
Why?
Because of Jackie Kennedy.
We're very connected, you know.
I am the second Catholic First Lady,
so now it is up to me to carry the torch.
I think so hard
what she would do?
What did she do?
She knew about those women,
but she also understood the man that she married,
as I understand the man I married.
She put on her lipstick and she turned the other cheek.
She gave support.
And she found some happiness.
That is what I will do, too.
Are you sure?
You don't need to be subservient.
It is my duty to the American people
to see this through.
I must be best too, no?
And my husband,
he buys me this for me yesterday.
It's beautiful, no?
I have to go.
You don't need to do what people tell you.
It was very nice to meet you.
I like black people.
If you change your mind...
Um...
There is one thing that might make me change my mind.
What?
If you do have that pee-pee tape,
I could use that to help fight against my husband.
You're a faker,
aren't you?
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