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- Okay. - Wait up, we gotta mark this.
Hey, I'm-- I'm exhausted.
Hey, just give me a sec, hey.
Okay.
This is all yours, slugger.
You did it, babe.
Is somebody here?
Uh, your sister was here earlier.
She probably just left the door unlocked.
Oh my God, everything hurts.
Oh my God, it stinks in here.
Just a little musty.
MEREDITH: Oof!
I can't believe all that came out of me.
It was like a pipe exploded between your legs.
Gross.
But then look what came after.
Come here. Oh.
JARED: (SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Yeah.
Hmm.
Shh, you're so cute.
♪ The itsy-bitsy spider went up the waterspout ♪
♪ Down-- ♪
♪ Came the rain and washed the spider out ♪
♪ The itsy-bitsy spider went up the waterspout ♪
SHUSHES
♪ The itsy-bitsy spider ♪
Hi.
Okay, put him down.
Put him down, I got you somethin'.
Okay.
Hey.
All right. Whoops.
Hey.
There. No, no, no, no.
SHUSHES
- There. - (SIGHS)
Um, just like-- yeah.
Yeah.
SHUSHES
There. Ain't that better?
Um, it's a push present.
I was told that's a thing guys do.
Thank you.
I think I'm actually touchin' the water.
JARED: What?
I think I'm actually touchin' the water!
What did you do to me?
You can do origami with these things.
Just stop worrying.
It's normal.
How'd you feel if your dick stretched past your knees?
I mean, I'd like it. That was a bad example.
The internet moms say you'll shrink back to normal
in like another week or so.
What do the internet moms know
about my fucking destroyed vagina?
Hey, hey, hey, hey, we talked about swearing.
No, I just don't get why you're readin' stuff online.
Because I wanna learn.
And, uh, these women are hilarious,
but they're also like a-- a supportive community.
Yeah, community. More like a judgy fucking coven.
We like his name, right?
MEREDITH: Uh, I think. Don't you?
He's such an Alex.
Lil' slugger.
What does that even mean?
He can't be an Alex. He didn't even do anything yet.
MEREDITH: You can't just decide to change his name
like a month later.
I don't wanna go back to work.
Are you gonna be okay without me?
Yeah.
Of course I'll be okay.
I know it's a lot.
Taking care of him in the house and get dinner ready.
Dinner?
You love cooking.
It doesn't have to be every night,
but we need to get into some sort of routine.
Didn't need a routine before.
We weren't a family before.
You know what I miss?
- Mm-hmm. - Your roast.
Oh, I thought you miss this.
Oh yeah, we're good, you and I, huh?
Yeah.
Okay. Okay. Hmm.
Ooh, I didn't know this was a bump.
SHUSHES
What the fuck?
Tell me what brought you here.
Oof, stinky.
Ooh!
SHUSHES
Oh.
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh!
Oh my God, you have the worst timing.
Oh!
Oh my God, you're a hose.
You're my dearest hose.
Hey.
Let me see that smile.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Oh, stinky.
Okay, yeah.
Oh, of course, yeah.
I think I finally got it off the chair.
Ugh, man, this reeks.
What are you-- what are you doing?
Use this.
You need to support him.
Oh yeah. Okay.
Good night.
Oh, hey.
SHUSHES
Oh.
There you go. All clean.
See? You don't need to cry.
Hmm?
absolutely driving me bonkers.
My boss's whole family's comin' to town
and I have to go this restaurant that's good with kids.
They're bringin' their kids!
I mean, what am I supposed to do with this?
M? Hello? Are you listening?
I miss Mom.
Yeah. She'd be babysitting the fuck out of Alex right now.
Yeah, that would be really nice.
She would have been really proud of you.
All nesting and shit.
I wanna see his face.
Come over then.
well, I can't today.
Tomorrow then.
I'll try. How is he?
He's fine. He's starting to look like Grandpa.
Well, let's hope he grows out of it.
Hey, what's that crap around your neck?
Shut up. It's not crap.
It's my present for rippin' myself in two.
That calls for diamonds.
Come on, it's nice.
At least it's not a fucking horseshoe.
Fuck!
What-- what happened?
M?
Meredith!
Fuck, Fuck.
Hello?
M? I'm home.
Hey, hey.
I lost it.
What?
My mind. My temper. I--
I smashed the smoke detector.
Is he hungry?
No, I fed him.
When?
I don't know.
Breakfast, lunch. He's-- he's full.
Okay, well, maybe, uh,
maybe he just needs to be changed.
I need a break.
When you get home, just give me a minute.
I'm just saying I don't think
he should be sitting there in a dirty diaper.
Well, then why don't you go change him?
Okay, yeah, I will.
I'm happy to.
SHUSHES
Hey, yeah, let's get you comfortable.
...nice clean clothes.
Yeah.
SHUSHES
Do you have any help? Parents?
Uh, mine are dead.
Mine are, uh, um, we're not close.
I'm sorry.
What do you see when you look at Alex?
Um...
Mm, what do I see? I...
Hey.
I don't know what I see.
Um, I see a helpless baby.
Well, do you see accomplishment?
Uh, a burden? The present? The future?
Hey.
SHUSHES
Come here, baby.
Oh gosh.
Okay.
Oh.
SHUSHES
Oh.
SHUSHES
There it is.
Alex?
Mommy.
Alex?
SHUSHES
M?
Yeah.
What are you doing?
When did you leave?
I don't know.
You were screaming.
Was I?
I think he's hungry.
Oh no.
I saw him as a young boy.
I had a vision of him as a young boy
the other day.
And he spoke.
It felt real.
Well, that's really good that you see past
this exhausting stage.
It means that you see a future in your dreams.
That's not how it feels.
I'm going to, um, give you something to take.
It'll help you feel a little bit more like yourself.
(♪)
I don't get it.
It's so easy for you.
You didn't even want this.
Neither did you, but when it happened,
we wanted what was best, right?
Now he's here.
And I'm a dad, thanks to you.
And you're a mom, thanks to me.
Call me if you need anything.
Mm-hmm.
Just you and me, buddy.
There you go.
See? You don't need to cry.
Meredith.
There you go.
Hey, hey.
Look! Look, what I got you.
Hey.
Oh fuck, come on.
Hello?
Oh my God.
Oh no.
Oh. Alex?
(♪)
Oh fuck.
Jesus.
You scared the shit out of me!
Oh my God.
I didn't mean to.
Oh, it's okay.
What are you doin' here?
Okay.
I missed my nephew.
Why didn't you ring the doorbell?
I did.
You didn't answer, and I got sick of waiting.
I was just in the basement.
I found a bottle in the fridge.
He was hungry.
Yes, you are.
I was just getting a swing.
Why don't you come over more often?
You're a pro. You don't need me.
No.
You want a little help with this?
It's only been three years.
Uh, I don't know where everything goes.
Well, I'm taking this. I need a printer.
Just there's so much space that I feel like nothing fits.
Oh, you're complaining about too much space?
You're a teacher.
I'm not complaining.
Oh, you loved these.
Double-under queen!
You shouldn't have stopped. You're obsessed.
Not anymore.
Wake up.
Mom.
Wake up. She's here.
Oh my God! No!
Go away!
- Hey. Hey, hey! - Go away!
Hey, it's okay. It's okay. It's me. It's me there.
It's okay.
Okay. It's okay.
He just did the cutest thing.
He farted and burped at the same time.
His face was like, “Oh, what the fuck just happened?”
Great.
Look at what Betty gave us.
You-- you put it on his thingy when you change his diaper,
so he doesn't pee all up in the air.
No more hosin' us down!
Gonna keep you contained, slugger.
No more hosin' us down.
Hey, you sure I should go?
Yeah. Why?
No, it's all good.
Um, I thought maybe you could clean up a bit
while I'm at work.
I'm not on vacation, Jared.
No, I just mean when he's napping or something.
Oh, that I shouldn't take a break
so you can come home to a perfect house.
Okay.
Will you just stop putting words in my mouth?
I haven't complained about you not cleaning.
I haven't said anything about wanting a perfect house.
Clearly perfect is not the bar we're setting.
Uh-huh.
And I'm fine with that.
I don't know.
Okay, what-- what are you doing?
Hmm, here.
Nice and tidy for Prince Jared.
S-- stop it.
Stop what? I'm cleaning. What?
Just-- you're being childish.
Huh?
I-- I haven't asked for or-- or wanted a housewife.
I just want some help.
You need help?
Oh!
Yeah, M, just like I help you.
- Fuckin' go away! - Go!
Hey, enough!
Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh my--
Fine, fine. It's fine.
Hey. Hey.
What is wrong with you?
Do you wanna hurt Alex?
No.
I love him.
I know you do.
Do you feel depressed?
More like I should be replaced.
Like he deserves someone better.
This is so fucked up.
Do you wanna-- do you not wanna be a mom anymore?
That's not at all what I said.
Tell me about the kitchen incident.
She-- she's erratic. Seeing things.
Yelling. Violent.
I'm obviously
twistin' things in my head.
What makes you say that?
I keep seein' our neighbors.
They won't leave me alone.
They're just gardening.
Like always.
I, uh, it's not the first time I see them.
Of course you fuckin' see them.
They're the neighbors. They live next door.
They're our friends.
I get that this is fucked up, Jared.
I-- I'm here, aren't I?
I'm-- I'm here.
And it's good that you're here.
It's good.
I feel like I've woken up in someone else's life.
You did.
A mother's life.
But everything feels off.
SHUSHES
No, no, no, no, no, no.
SHUSHES
There's so much pressure to instantly connect.
But every relationship takes time to grow.
Even with our own children.
It's better that you accept that you need to try
than to be ashamed that you need to try.
SHUSHES
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
Jeff was up in his face over $30.
Suddenly it's like all our expenses
are being scrutinized.
I mean, you should have seen Claire
trying to hide the new coffee machine.
I was pissing my pants.
Jeff?
Yeah.
Oh, I told you,
he's the new guy tightening everyone's belt.
Why all of a sudden?
Are you guys losing money?
Yeah, the money they're spending on Jeff.
Oh, he smiled!
Oh.
It's just gas. He's too young to smile.
Uh, no, no, I'm telling you, he liked my story, he smiled!
I'm glad he smiled for you.
I'm sure it's just gas.
Hey.
Work sounds fun.
You should take him out.
You both need air.
We're fine. We like bein' home.
What does that feel like?
SHUSHES
Like it sounds.
Oh, well, uh, I did the last feed.
Don't you wanna try?
You don't think I don't try all day?
You can do it.
It's supposed to be the most natural thing there is.
Well, maybe it doesn't come naturally to me.
You could be so good at this if you tried.
Quiet!
Fuck me. Holy shit.
I'm sorry.
Oh, just-- oh.
SHUSHES
I love you.
SHUSHES
Come on.
What is wrong with you?
Hmm? Hmm?
Am I a bad mother?
This is not normal.
She doesn't take him when he cries.
She-- she barely talks to him.
Why do you think he cries with you, Meredith?
Because I'm not good at it.
Because he's scared.
I'm scared.
I mean, we're scared.
Face what scares you.
It takes its power away.
Remember as a child when you stared hard enough
at the monsters in your room,
you'd realize they were just shadows?
Um, pile of clothes in a heap, or your toys.
Just stare at it.
Count to ten.
The monsters aren't real.
There's nothin' to be scared of.
Okay, there's the owl.
Okay, that's the elephant.
That's the elephant mommy, okay?
SHUSHES
And that's Daddy.
Hi.
And there's the owl.
SHUSHES
Go to sleep.
Go to sleep. Sleep.
SHUSHES
Hey, this is your hallway.
Look, this is your hallway.
Okay. It's okay, baby.
Hey, this is your hallway.
Look, this is your hallway.
Okay.
SHUSHES
Don't be afraid.
Not of me.
Oh, oof!
You need a bath.
Hey, baby, hey.
SHUSHES
Hey.
You like this.
I love you.
Mommy?
Mommy.
She is calling you.
Who?
Oh my God, no, please.
Please leave us alone.
1,
2...
4,
5...
And that's the owl.
No, no, no. No, no!
That's the elephant.
Oh God!
That's the monkey.
What did you do?
That's the elephant.
And that's the owl.
Everyone's here.
Um, so, uh, we, um,
we know that, uh, nothing will ever take this pain away.
And, well, that you probably wanna die.
But you'll see one day you'll turn around
and realize that... (MUFFLED SPEECH)
I should've prepared more things.
Maybe tidied up a bit.
Come over more.
Maybe take him off your hands like Mom would have.
Why is it so big?
Does it matter, Betty.
She said he needed space to grow.
She was unwell, and I let it simmer.
Accidents can happen to anyone.
You need help.
You broke.
But you're not a monster.
When are they coming?
In a half hour.
You want me to stay?
No.
I'm gonna pack her favorite sweater.
I'll go see her tonight. She might need me.
No.
Let's just--
She's gonna need to be able to trust at least one of us
after that.
Not real.
Just stare.
1, 2, 3...
Mommy?
Alex?
Are you real?
Oh my...
You're real.
They're-- they're here to take you to the hospital.
I can't leave him.
You need help.
They just-- they just wanna take care of you.
Take care of me? What--
For how long?
A few months.
A few months!
Don't you understand what you did?
A few months in a hospital is the best
of many terrible options.
Think of our son.
You couldn't be with our real child,
but you want us to be here for the ghost in your head?
We're a family.
I can't do this anymore!
Then you go! Why do I have to go?
I'm staying!
No! What is wrong with you?
Get off of me! Just-- I said--
Okay. Okay.
Get off!
Are you gonna stay with her?
Jared?
I don't know, but I can't be in that house.
Does she know that?
Yes, I think she understands that.
She has to be checked on.
The aftercare plan needs to be followed.
I know.
I'm so sorry. It wasn't better.
Jared?
Katherine?
Alex?
One,
Two,
Four,
Three,
Five,
Seven,
Six,
Eight,
Nine,
Ten.
What did you do?
No, no. Oh God!
What is wrong with you?
Mommy.
It's not funny anymore.
Meredith.
She is calling you.
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
Wake up!
You've reached Katherine. I'll call you right back.
Hey, it's me. You were right.
It's a lot bein' home.
God, the pills are making me crazy,
giving me nightmares.
Come over.
I miss you.
Oh, I'm ramblin'. I'm ramblin'.
Okay? Anyway, bye.
Oh my fucking God.
It's so hot.
Oh God.
Oh fuck.
Oh God.
Mom.
Oh my God.
Mom?
Alex.
I've missed you so much.
Please don't leave again.
I won't. I love you.
How you holdin' up?
You seem good.
I am.
You should come over.
I redid his bedroom.
I cleaned up.
It's never been like this here before.
Good, good. I'm happy to hear that.
You deserve to feel good.
Come for dinner this weekend.
Um--
Katherine's comin'. Betty--
Uh, I'm still not ready. I can't be there.
It's just a dinner.
Yay!
Just a normal dinner.
How am I supposed to--
Oh my God.
I don't know.
Come on. We have to start somewhere.
Please, just-- just a dinner.
I love you right up to the moon.
And back.
Hey, slugger, get over here.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday, dear Alex ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Okay. Just a dinner.
Can you please bring me the wine glasses?
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
Can you please bring me the wine glasses?
Okay.
Hey.
What?
It's gonna be okay. Hmm?
Yeah. Okay.
Alex. Alex.
Oh, God!
The fucking squirrels destroyed it all.
Driving me mental.
(MUFFLED CONVERSATION)
I spent 200 bucks on tomatoes and peppers.
You know how many I ate? Not one.
They ate everything. And wasteful, too.
They take a bite, drag it off.
You should get that, um, mesh stuff.
The chicken wire stuff.
Oh, I hate the way that stuff looks.
Mm.
It's like vegetable jail.
How you feeling?
She's fine.
You don't need to answer for me.
Well, look, how well you're doing now, huh?
I'm just saying it was, uh, it's good for you.
Hope everyone's hungry.
Hmm.
Her roast is fucking delicious.
Mm, friendly. Not friends.
They're friends.
Done.
Hope you all like it pink.
Looks perfect.
Wow, M, you really outdid yourself!
Beautiful.
So, what were we all talkin' about?
Work. Chit chat.
Mm, boring stuff.
Oh, I can handle borin' stuff.
Well, I-- I can't even remember the topic.
Your, um, your beautiful roast just wiped my thoughts clean.
Okay, well, we don't all need to tiptoe.
Tiptoe? We never tip toe around you.
Well, you certainly love to tiptoe around my windows.
Hey, hey.
How's Sam?
Good.
Uh, we got him all packed up for summer camp.
Well, Walmart was having a sale on ponchos,
so I went out and bought five.
Uh, but then had to return them because I remembered
that the camp wanted a full rain get-up,
pants and all.
Um, I mean, sounds exhaustin', your life.
Buyin' things, returnin' things.
And in traffic, it's like a whole day.
Sam hit two home-runs at the last game.
We still lost, but he's getting so good.
Well, Alex was thinkin' of tryin' out next season.
Hmm?
Um, what did you just say?
I was thinkin' of givin' him your old bat.
Hmm?
He-- he can't try out for the team, Meredith.
Take it easy. She just got out.
Got out? I wasn't in jail, Jared.
I mean, you would know if you'd visited, but...
I couldn't.
All I see is him.
He's right here.
Please, M, don't.
Finish up, Alex. it's past your bedtime.
JARED: He's not-- just--
Meredith, you're fine.
You're okay, but he's not here.
M, he's not here.
He's not-- he isn't here.
You're okay.
He's not here?
He's not here.
Yes, I am!
We should take her back to the hospital.
That'll kill her. She just needs to sleep.
She misses you.
You know, I'm gonna call you tomorrow, okay?
I'll walk you.
I'm tellin' her.
Don't. Just wait.
I'm not getting promoted.
I'm sorry.
I just--
I can't afford both this house and my place much longer.
Then get rid of the apartment.
I'm not moving back, M.
You just left me?
What I feel doesn't matter, Meredith.
I can't move back in with you even if I do love you.
We're family.
This is home.
I gotta go.
Okay, no, please.
I'm sorry.
Please just stay tonight.
Just until I fall asleep, please.
Fine.
Just tonight.
And I mean it, just until you fall asleep.
Mommy?
Are you mad at me?
Come here.
Does Dad hate us?
No.
He hates himself.
But when he looks in the mirror, he sees us.
This isn't his home anymore.
For the tooth fairy to grant my wish.
I want Dad to die.
Don't say that.
Don't say that, the three of us are family.
Yes. The three of us.
Oh, what the--
What's this, M?
It's his first tooth.
Enough.
What is wrong with you?
Me? You need help. Oh my God.
Alex is upset!
You're fucking crazy.
You upset him!
What the fuck?
You see?
I just want you to get better.
I'm great.
I can't help you if you don't let me.
She's here.
Oh, please! Oh, please, let him go!
Look, we're worried about you.
I heard what happened.
Maybe it's time to get back on the pill.
Uh, I don't know.
They were making me crazy.
Okay.
What happened with your tooth?
The tooth?
Yeah.
Jared told you about that?
I
Um, well, I had a rotten tooth and it was hurtin' me.
I can't believe he called you.
Meredith, that's-- that's...
I don't want them to come back!
It's not what people do when they have a rotten tooth.
We're gonna need to check you more often.
No, you don't.
That's not how this works.
Now, you wanna come around more?
- Meredith. - Fuck this.
Alex, it's okay. Nobody's coming back.
It's just you and me, buddy.
I wonder where Alex is.
Gotcha!
Oh.
Oh fuck!
Mommy!
Alex!
Alex?
Alex!
Alex, come out! You're scaring me!
I want it to be just us.
It is. It will be.
Is Dad coming home?
Hey, it's his choice.
I want to choose.
Kids don't get to choose.
They just hope to hell that they're born
in the right home and--
If they're not--
They're not.
But moms can choose.
We can be a family, just you and me.
I can't believe you made all of these.
I'm so proud of you.
What's this?
Is that me?
Is that you?
No.
That's me.
I'm the dragon.
And who's the dragon eating?
That's also Mommy.
Am I a bad mother?
Do you remember when you started feeling this way?
Think, Meredith.
Can you see it?
What are you doing?
What? I'm changin' his diaper.
You can't just leave him there.
Wake up.
Will you be okay without me,
taking care of him, and the house,
and get dinner ready?
Dinner?
You're broken.
You're not a monster.
I thought you miss this.
Yeah, I miss that, too.
Just a-- just a few more weeks, right?
The doctor said, we'd be good to go by now.
Yeah, but you're not ready, are you?
Not, that's-- that's not what I mean.
Don't do that thing where you retreat.
Can you hear yourself?
You're not a monster.
Am I a bad mother?
I think it's, um...
It's too early to tell.
You knew and you did nothin'.
You ever wanna hurt Jared?
Or yourself?
I don't want to.
Meredith?
When I was a kid, I had a hamster Delia...
and she was pregnant.
And I was so excited. It was amazin'.
All these tiny little pink creatures.
She had like seven of them.
And even though my mom told me not to,
I held one of the babies right after it was born.
I held it.
I nuzzled it.
And then I put it back in its cage
to be with its mother.
And I watched in horror as Delia ate its head.
She nodded its neck until it popped off.
I made this sound like--
like when a cherry is pulled from its stem.
And it was all because of me.
I held her.
I held it.
I held the baby.
Uh, my smell transferred
and changed Delia's instinct.
My smell confused her.
She-- she was no longer hardwired to love.
Does Alex's smell confuse you?
All I smell is nothin'.
Like damp.
Like our house.
It's like he's been dragged through its ducts.
You're a great mom.
You're the best kid.
Think, Meredith.
Can you feel it?
See it.
Do you see?
Alex?
Jesus!
Why are you here?
This-- this isn't okay, M. Look around you.
We don't need your help. Alex and I are fine.
Come on, Meredith. Alex is dead.
Do you wanna see him?
Of course.
He's in bed.
Meredith.
He's hiding.
He's scared of you.
Alex?
Mommy?
Jared?
Katherine, I'm, uh, I'm sorry to call so late.
Mommy?
Mommy.
Meredith.
Don't leave.
I'm crying.
I don't wanna do this.
Meredith.
I don't wanna do this.
What are you doing?
No, get off me!
- Get up! - No! No! Jared, no!
I'm taking you to the hospital!
He's gonna drown!
Oh, Alex!
Oh!
Come with me.
Just stop makin' it so fucking hard!
Don't leave me!
Mommy!
Don't touch my son.
You don't have a son.
You were never meant to be a mother.
What have we done?
We?
There.
Okay, in to bed.
Goodnight.
I have a present for you.
You're the double-under queen.
Thank you.
But that's not me anymore.
You're still you.
There you go.
See? You don't need to cry.
1,
2,
3,
4,
5,
6,
7,
8,
9,
10.
Hey!
- Okay. - Wait up, we gotta mark this.
Hey, I'm-- I'm exhausted.
Just give me a sec, hey.
Okay.
This is all yours, slugger.
You did it, babe.
Hey!
Is somebody here?