This programme contains strong language
and adult humour from the start
Wow.
Strap in, cos it's time for the End of Agency Gala.
We are shocked.
The task was simple - pick a plus-one to enjoy
a future of fun.
Atomic Kitten's Kezza didn't fancy sinking her claws into anyone...
You're a big deal.
..until she met plucky PT Paolo.
I do see a bit of a future.
Wait till you get me in the bedroom. You'll be on all knees proposing.
Meow!
After a flaccid start...
Have you ever been spat on?
I have not.
..six-years celibate S Club Jon exploded when he met Jordan.
Have you got your phone in your pocket?
You've given me a lazy lob.
Actress Donna struggled to find her leading man...
You could have called me Daddy.
Oh, the one that got away!
Then she met bilingual Ben...
What's your love language?
Heh-hoh-heh. Stop it!
..leaving us all wondering if she'd invite him to the gala or not.
Louis locked lips with more girls than
a CPR training doll, including fellow celeb Liv,
but only one date has come close to tying him down.
But will Louis bring Harriet to the gala tonight?
We all thought Liv's lousy luck ended when she met Jordan,
but after last night's dud second date...
I just don't know if I feel that, like, romantic spark.
..confirmed she'll be flying solo tonight.
Despite some dating faux-pas...
Oh, that wasn't a drink?
..the ladies have waxed lyrical
and loved chasing our Chaser,
but it was Deanne who got the Beast's buzzer ringing.
Wow, very impressive.
...and hard-to-please MIC's Sam Prince
finally met his princess in Mahan...
I was more excited about this date than
I have been about any other date.
..but a last-minute twist
in the fairy tale sealed his gala fate...
I'm going to go.
Get home safe.
I'm going to the gala alone.
..as for one last time, our celebs...
I was so confused with the whole thing.
..go...
I feel like I've wasted this journey.
..dating!
Have you said "I love you" to each other?
Welcome to Celebs Go Dating, and tonight it's gala time, baby.
I hope stomachs are lined,
legs are shaved and ample amounts
of anti-chafing cream have been applied,
because no-one wants to be walking like John Wayne
at the end of the night.
Whoo!
Well, butter me up and call me Sally -
the agents have filled the room with previous datees.
This should get some bum holes twitching.
Even Annie from Manny's here.
I'm sure Sam can't wait to see HER again.
The venue is looking splendid for tonight's soiree.
It's going to be the epitome of elegance
and exquisiteness, perfect for tonight's celebration.
Oh, look at that stonking organ.
I've never seen such a big one.
I have - on the daily.
And talking of sexy organs, here comes the brains,
the heart and the lungs of the agency.
It's the lieutenants of love, the agents.
And would you look at that - P-dog's chest is looking smoother than
a freshly lubed dolphin.
Delish.
This place is incredible. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
Well, at least we didn't come underdressed.
Hello, everyone.
Hey, what's up, what's up? Very good to see you all.
Hello, hello, what's up?
How you guys doing? My man, how you doing? You good?
It's that time, the famous Agency Gala.
We are buzzing our little titty-tassels off, quite frankly,
because never have we had
so many promising prospects during our time in the agency.
Lurking behind you is a little present of the pink variety. Oh!
Calm down, guys - it's just a bit of fizz.
After a journey of highs and lows
and plenty of surprises,
this is the perfect send-off for our celebs.
We've invited some old datees so that
the celebrities can bring closure
to some unfinished business and tie up loose ends.
This could be the most successful agency we've ever had.
Mr B, I think this is
THE most successful time at the agency.
The real question is,
have the celebrities made enough progress
to actually have brought someone. Or will they show up alone?
It really is the moment of truth. Yeah. Yeah.
We are going to need a lot of champagne on ice. OK?
I think so. It'll be a well lubricated evening.
The way we like it.
If Paul's chest gets any more lubed up,
we could use it as a Slip 'N Slide.
Cheers. Cheers. Cheers, my loves!
Let's get this show on the road.
We'll see you, T. See you in a moment, doll.
And here comes our first celeb to tonight's gala -
and would you look who it is?!
The Fresh Prince of Belgravia himself, Sam.
And look who it isn't -
that's right, a plus-one.
After the last chance saloon we gave him,
I'm hoping he's pulled out all the stops and,
yeah, he's nailed it with Mahan and he's coming with her.
Sorry to shit on your chips, Anna,
but be prepared to see
a lonely silver spoon-sucking Sammy boy in three, two, one.
He's here. On his own.
Hello, guys. Wow. Sam, welcome.
Hi. We are shocked.
At what?
Er, Mahan, mate.
They've got no idea she legged it from your last date.
You're here solo.
Where's... Mahan! Where's Mahan?
I just had to be honest with her, and I...
For the first time, I was really honest.
Was there a spark? I think I was trying to force it,
and I just, erm... I just said no.
You said no.
Wow, OK.
Yeah, it's just me.
Something tells me there may be more
to Mahan's no-show than Sam is making out.
We'll make sure we have a little catch-up with him later.
Sam, you can go get a drink, hang out, relax.
Guys, thank you so much. I appreciate all of you.
You're very welcome. We have lots of champagne.
Oh, really? Perfect. Go enjoy.
I think you're going to need it, mate.
Annie from Manny at 12 o'clock.
Annie's going to kick his ass. Yeah. Again.
Fingers crossed, A-Dubz.
But it's safe to say no-one's kicking this fella's ass,
unless they've brought a stepladder with them.
He's a unit.
It's our resident genius, Beastie Boy,
with his B-E-A-U-tiful date, Deanne.
And don't they look bloody good together? Fair play, Markie boy.
It's the Beast. It's Mark! Oh, my gosh, look at this.
How are you doing? Look at this.
Spectacular. Look at this smile. Look at this smile.
Turning up to the gala with Deanne on my arm is wonderful.
Deanne looks absolutely stunning,
and once again I'll say I'm a very lucky man.
Well, Mark, you really know how to date.
Who knew? We keep saying
neither of us are each other's type, but we've just clicked.
I really appreciated it after the last date,
and at the end she just put her hand in mine,
and I thought... Even I can pick up, "Oh, she kind of likes me."
It was a good little clue to get.
Love that. Love that.
So perhaps the embers, the embers are burning
of something quite lovely between the two of you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't rush out and get the hat just yet, though.
I know you're looking.
I wouldn't worry about a hat, Mark. Paul couldn't even find a shirt.
Have fun at the gala. Thank you very much.
Thanks, guys. Thank you.
Bye! See you later. Bye.
I mean, seriously, who'd have thought that
Mark would have been the stand-out dater?
I would personally give that award to these two legends.
Arriving to the gala like a new hybrid pop band...
..it's Kerry and Paolo and S Club Jon and Jordan.
Must have been buy-one-get-two-free at Moss Bros.
Ah, look at this. Look at this.
My goodness!
Wow. Welcome, welcome. Wowie.
Speechless. You all look incredibly happy.
Yeah. Yeah, we are. Very much so.
Look how they looked at each other. Oh, my God.
SQUEAKILY: I didn't know Paul's voice could get so high.
It feels amazing to arrive at the gala with Jordan.
In him I've found someone who's kind, gentle,
and he's got this really calming energy that
I definitely gravitate towards.
He's a really good guy.
Guys, this is amazing, it really is.
Welcome, to all of you.
Six years ago, I walked into the gala alone.
But tonight, I'm walking in with a partner.
Who'd have bloody thought it, eh?
Jordan and Paolo, like, for real,
this is a whole new ballgame for you two.
So how has it been for you,
stepping into this weird old celebrity world?
I've really enjoyed it. Like, me and Jon get on really well,
and it is a bit of a different world, but, you know what,
it's been fun.
I don't actually want it to end, and it isn't going to end.
Definitely not.
Paolo? From my perspective, it just feels like
we're in a really lovely bubble.
So regardless of the celebrity world,
I've found the person that I want to be with.
So, you know, that's that.
It really does mean the world to us that, both couples here,
you have found something truly special.
As dating coaches, as agents here at the Dating Agency,
it's all we ever hope - is that this happens.
So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. See you later. Bye-bye.
OK, on the real, who ever saw that coming?
Maybe you should give yourself some credit, A-Dubz,
but please don't say "on the real" ever again, OK?
Maybe more with Jon.
If we had to bet, we would say that Jon would be the most successful
at the agency, but you would also bet that Kerry would be
the least successful. Yes. You would definitely have bet that.
Don't you think we look like we should be standing on top of
a big gay cake? Yeah. Yeah, I think so.
Do we look like we should be stuck on the top of a big gay cake?
A big gay cake, yeah.
Maybe if the big gay cake was from Greggs and they needed
a couple of extras for the promotional discount flyer, Kezza.
Oh, what's going on?
It's our handsome horn-dog, Louis.
Has he brought Harriet?
Come on then, show us. Show us!
Oh, you absolute piss-take.
Bloody adverts!
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where arriving at the gala is a man who's made
more oral contact than a cut-price Turkish dentist.
But the big question is,
has Louis Arm-schlong decided to bring Harriet,
or will he be blowing his own trumpet tonight?
He has!
Oh, they actually look quite sweet together, to be fair.
Oh!
Oh, look at that.
Oh, my God. Louis and... Greetings.
Doesn't she look wonderful?
Welcome, welcome, welcome. She does. She looks phenomenal.
Thank you. Sir, you look excellent.
Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Speechless. Yes.
I thought long and hard about whether I should take Harriet
to the gala or not, and that's not because I don't like her.
It's because I'm not sure if I'm 100% ready for commitment.
But I'm not going to be fully ready
for someone until I actually give them a chance.
I mean, the pair of you, wow. Hot, hot couple.
You do look happy about that. Oh, do I? Gosh. Yeah!
I'm not going to lie - we were all expecting Louis
to show up alone tonight.
So the fact that he's found a connection with Harriet
strong enough to show her off in front of everyone
is a positive sign that we'll take from one
of our most challenging clients.
OK, guys. Well, you look amazing.
Go and grab yourself a drink and go
and say hi to everyone. We'll catch up with you soon.
Thank you. Enjoy the party.
Appreciate you guys. Thank you. Thank you very much.
And Louis's wasting no time in sniffing out his fellow celebs
to show off his plus-one to.
You look very dapper, my friend, I have to say.
Thank you. I thought a suit was right for the occasion. Yeah.
Even though the invite said black tie.
You brought a princess along with you.
Exactly. Goddess. Oh, thank you. Goddess, yeah.
You look gorgeous. Stunning.
How are you feeling about all this?
There's been no pressure from the start, so I feel like
the last thing you want is pressure going forward.
I like that, but I've got to say,
as I look around the room, let's be honest,
it's half your dates in here, Louis.
Surely not. They wouldn't all fit in the room.
Every other person, innit? Let's look. Let's just look.
Christ, she's got a point. Yes, yes, yes.
Yes, kiss but no date.
Date but no kiss.
And take his glasses off, give him a shave, why not?
Yes, actually...
Don't worry, Harriet, he's a one-woman man tonight.
We hope.
But open wide, Louis, cos I hope you've got room for one more,
as here comes another one to chuck into the mix.
Your ex-flame and fellow celeb Liv,
arriving single but dressed to mingle.
It's Liv!
Hi. Liv.
Can I just say, you all look gorgeous, just to soften the blow?
Nice try, Liv, but they don't look best pleased.
We were expecting someone with you.
Yes. What...what happened to Jordan?
It was really good.
Started off flirty, and then towards the end, it went very serious.
OK. So then I was really honest.
I spoke about today and I said,
"I just don't feel that spark between us."
But this is such a surprise, because... I know.
..at the agency, there was a spark.
I know, there was.
My goodness. I could have put money on the fact
that she would bring Jordan.
I would never have anticipated that Liv would be ending her time
at the agency solo.
Well, babe, thank you for putting in the work.
We'll chat to you later. Now go enjoy the gala.
All right. I'll see you in there.
See you in there, Liv. Bye.
And there she is. There she goes. Single, but happily so.
Yeah. Yeah. The night is young.
The night is young, but it's old romances
that are burning on Liv's mind.
If you could look back,
is there anybody that you would give a second chance to now?
It would have only been Louis.
Oh, God, here we go again.
Always? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And how do you feel about that now?
I don't know.
Really? Liv!
I know me and Louis officially put a close to things,
but we have been messaging for the last week.
I'm not going to lie, it's got me a tiny bit confused.
You're not the only one. These two have been on and off
more times than Wayne Lineker's lucky boxers.
So how do you feel about him turning up with someone?
I'm not sure. Really? I still care about him.
Yeah.
Like, I genuinely want to see him with someone else,
but I don't think he wants to see me with anyone else.
And I did say... I said,
"Liv will not come here with someone just for the sake of it."
No, of course not.
They have to be so special.
I'm really proud of you.
I love you. I love you too.
Cheers, baby. Cheers.
I wonder if Donna will come with anyone.
And speak of the devil...
..here she comes now.
And after her best date so far with Ben,
I think we all know who's going to be by her side tonight.
Oh, Donna, no!
What the hell happened?
SHE GASPS
Hi, angels.
Oh... Donna!
How are you? ..my goodness.
You've arrived here alone. Was this a conscious decision?
Oh, yes.
I think the agents are quite
disappointed that I didn't bring anyone,
but I didn't have a connection with Ben,
and I'm not going to go out with someone because they're available.
Independent, strong woman, OK.
Well, you know, I didn't get that spark from anyone,
and I've decided I'm happy - alone, with my cat...
Ah.
..and my dildos.
Christ. I hope it's an outdoor cat.
Oh, it's such a shame to see Donna turning up on her own tonight.
But you know what? To be honest, if you've been dating
and you just haven't found that spark with somebody,
then you have to be honest with yourself,
and she's done the right thing.
We hope that you've found some tools to help you along
the way in your dating journey from now on.
Weren't you listening earlier, Doc?
Many tools.
Dildo-Donna doubling down. Respect.
We've watched you step outside of your comfort zone,
which is never easy.
Thank you. And I've met some wonderful people as well.
It's lovely just to see you ending your experience here with us with
a big smile on the face. Always.
And you're looking banging as well. Thanks, baby cakes.
So, you need a drink. Yes! You need to go and mingle.
Catch up with you in a bit.
Hello. Are you OK?
I think we're definitely seeing her step into a phase where she feels
a little bit more empowered about
making better choices for herself. Yes.
Yes, I have come alone.
Tell me more. Well, I'm happy, babe. Love that.
And I'm not settling. No. Good for you. I love that.
I love that for you, and rightly so.
Do you know what? I've come alone too.
SHE GASPS
I have. Well done, babe.
Look at us boss women.
This is it, isn't it? It's really empowering.
BOTH: Cheers.
Nice improvising, Donna.
Careful, though - those breadsticks are left over from last year's gala.
Fantastic.
Get it down you.
Hello, Mark. Hello, there. Nice to see you again. Cheers.
Oh, hello, what's going on here?
Looks like Mark's been cornered by ex-date Jolly Josie.
This shouldn't be awkward at all.
Good to see you again, love.
So how are you?
Oh, I was looking forward to having another date. I know.
Won't you consider dropping the restraining order?
Don't worry, Mark, she's joking. At least I hope she is.
Oh, I don't know, we'll have to see.
The Beast was sent to date Josie in order
to test his commitment to Deanne.
I'm amazed I can hit the board.
And while Josie thought she'd hit the bull's-eye,
Mark was never going to do
a ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY on his glam gran.
You're great.
I think Deanne is slightly ahead of you.
I'm sorry, I'm going to be brutally honest. Oh, OK.
But I'm sure she's over it now...
Can I ask why you didn't pick me?
Er, maybe not.
I just felt I was going to get a better date with Deanne.
You like a blonde, don't you?
I wondered why he slid into my DMs last week, the kinky Beast.
I think you'd rather have the truth straight up than me doing...
Oh, of course. .."Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'll see you again."
And then in between, suddenly go, "No, I don't want to see you."
"I'm going to ghost you."
Well, that should surely put things to bed.
Are you sure you made the right decision?
She ain't giving up, is she?
I am not that guy. No, I understand.
Put it this way - you'd never trust me if I did.
Makes no sense, but OK.
But I'll leave it there, anyway. All right, take care.
A pleasure. See you later.
Yeah, if in doubt, just start walking away
and she'll get the message.
So as the singles continue to mingle,
00-solo-Sam has been commandeered by the agents
to find out the real reason our Chelsea charmer's arrived alone.
Hello. Hello, there. Hello, there.
The Prince of Chelsea.
We made it to the gala.
Well, YOU made it to the gala. Just.
But you made it on your Jack Jones.
After a string of unsuccessful dates, Sam met Mahan on the away trip.
You've got your shit together,
and I think that's really attractive. Is it?
Like, tomorrow, I want to go on a date with you. All right.
I feel like I need to have, like, a little private conversation
with you, I think. OK.
I'll lead the way. We will be back in a minute.
And after momentarily throwing
a posh paddy on their first date, when Louis stole Mahan for a chat...
I've had a bad day.
..the prince worked his charm to win back her affections...
You're dreamy, for sure.
..but on their last date, Sam made an unexpected U-turn.
I just don't feel like there's like this spark.
I could have been on another date with somebody else.
I did want to try, cos there is initial attraction with Mahan.
She's a beautiful girl.
It was just very kind of mundane, and that may be me, too.
How did the date end?
Time to 'fess up, Sammy boy.
I mean, terribly, to be honest. It was...
Mahan left - pretty abruptly.
I think it's cos I said, "I don't see we have a spark."
He's dropped the S-bomb.
The agents look like they're going to explode.
Well, we actually have her here.
It's important for us to get her side of the story. OK.
So we'll call her in right now.
Sam Prince, you're in the shit.
Welcome back to Celebs Getting Bollocked,
and regular attendee Sam Prince is about
to receive another bollocking from former datee Mahan.
And I have to say, it's been the highlight of the series.
Hi, how are you? Hi, lovely to see you. Good to see you too.
Mahan, good to see you. Come and sit down. How are you?
I'm good. How's it going?
Yeah, enjoying the gala? Yeah, this is lovely.
I would quite like this sofa to swallow me whole.
I feel extremely uncomfortable.
I don't know where to look, I don't know where to sit,
and I don't know what to say.
He's explained to us that he said there wasn't a spark towards you,
and that you got up and left the date.
Personally, I think there was a spark.
Actually, the energy was quite strong,
and that's why I picked Sam.
But I think Sam is quite...
He's not really good at communication.
Obviously, we went on three dates in three weeks
and the communication was so little, that when you called me and asked me
on another date, I was slightly confused. I was like, "Why?"
Mm-hm, mm-hm. Like, "Why do you want to go out with me?"
We have spoken on the phone, we have been texting.
I couldn't see us together,
and I'd rather not waste your time, and also my time, and I just...
Yeah. That's why I was honest in that moment.
But I...I've always been intentional with dating you.
I always have been. Yeah.
And out of everyone in this process,
you're the one person who I have been more intrigued
to get to know than anyone else I've met.
I was so confused with the whole thing.
I am, I promise you, I am sorry.
Thank you, Mahan.
Sam, I don't think your intentions are bad at all.
No. Without a doubt, you're a good guy, OK?
With just some slightly dicky actions, but you're not a dickhead.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Not sure you should be thanking that, but fair play.
What a way to finish my time at the agency - I'm not a dickhead.
Give that man a Blue Peter badge!
Something to brag to the boys about at the polo club.
One man who's also starred
a fair few times on Celebs Getting Bollocked is Louis.
But tonight he seems to be keeping a low profile,
which is impressive,
as half the room are disgruntled ex-datees.
Surely one of them wants to give him some shit.
What about you, Jazmine?
Hello. How're you doing?
Ah, perfect.
You OK? Yeah. Oh, I'm getting a handshake.
No, no, I was going to bring you down and then give you a hug. OK.
Louis and Jazmine's first date was out in Ibiza,
and guess what, it ended with a snog.
I know, hard to believe, isn't it?
The face-vacuuming continued on their second date back in Blighty.
But then at the brunch, things blew up.
You've been necking two girls, a girl in Ibiza,
Liv, me, and then choosing a girl that you've just met.
You're just popping off for no reason.
You have been a fuck-boy.
In short, this conversation could be a cracker.
I feel like, for me and you, we had such a good connection,
and, like, you know we did.
And then, like, straight from the date,
you kissed someone 24 hours after.
That's what I'm on about. Did I? Mm-hm. You did.
Hang on, let me consult the big book of Louis's snogs.
SLAM
Fucking hell, it's massive!
PAGES RUSTLE Hang on. Hang on.
Bear with me. Mm-hm...
Who? Nadia.
Ah... Yes, you did, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, you did.
Um, yeah, I apologise.
Got it! Nadia. It was Nadia.
Oh, am I too late?
Cos now you're acting all loved-up with,
like, Harriet, in front of me.
It's a bit shitty.
Listen, I'll hold my hands up.
I do feel bad about the way I treated Jazmine,
and I'll take all her points on board, but...
..I want to know who invited her, because it weren't me.
I reckon Tom. Don't let the sweet and innocent act fool you.
He's actually a world-class shit-stirrer.
So where does that leave us now?
We can be acquaintances, but, yeah, I think that's...that's it.
Before you go there, Louis,
acquaintances with benefits is not a thing.
From one former Louis lip-locker to another now,
and as Liv turned up to the gala solo...
Hello.
..she's catching up with the agents.
Hello. Is this giving glamorous funeral?
It is.
..which perfectly suits the mood,
as Liv's chances of finding love at the agency have died. RIP.
The agents have had their work cut out
to help find forever-single Liv a match at the agency.
Obviously I've never been in a relationship,
but I've had two back-to-back long situations.
Maybe I'm too picky.
But after finding Louis too hot to handle...
It just doesn't really mean anything now. Why not?
Because you're just kissing everyone.
..she continued to date.
Who comes first?
Me.
Oh, so that's why you've been single for 29 years.
But Liv struggled to find a spark with anyone
because of that rascal Louis.
I'm here to actually find someone.
I feel like my journey has,
like, been so, like, distracted by you.
We need to know everything.
So, what happened?
If I was to have brought someone here,
it would have to have been someone really special.
If I'm being completely honest,
there was only ever one person that I saw that potential in.
Who is this person?
Well, it would have been Louis...
..before.
I do feel like he's been
a massive distraction from start to end,
if I'm completely honest.
Since the last brunch,
he's been messaging again, saying he misses me.
Since the last brunch? Yeah.
Did you respond back to him?
I said, "Of course you do".
See? So here we go. Is that bad?
Yes.
Cos reciprocity means interest. OK.
Yeah. And when we were in Kent, I specifically asked you to...
Cut all ties.
..stop all the communication, cut all ties.
So you see how you both have played
a role in this state of confusion that you're in.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm disappointed in what's going on between Liv and Louis.
Now, clearly she still has feelings for him,
but she knows deep down he will never,
ever be the right partner for her.
She needs to move on and get closure once and for all.
The test of your value is by what
and whom you allow in your life.
That's the test of truly what you value.
Yeah. The way you've said it then,
oh, it really, like, resonates, and I think,
"Oh, it's such a shame."
I could have met someone really special,
and I wasted it on someone that didn't deserve it.
I think I'm more disappointed in myself,
because I've kind of gone back to bad habits.
It's definitely time to put Louis into
the back of my mind and start a new chapter for me.
Do you know what, Liv? We do love you.
Yeah. I love you too.
You have brought a sparkle. You light up everywhere you go.
Thank you. Right?
So we just don't want to see that light dimmed.
Yeah.
Tonight is going to be a big night for you.
It is. Yeah. Big, big night.
I'm ready for it, though.
OK.
So, as Liv prepares to give Louis both barrels later...
..there's a running theme tonight.
Sam gets in trouble, then Louis gets in trouble,
and now it's Sam's turn again,
as for some reason he's decided to go head to head
with Annie for Manny.
Brave man, Sammy.
Hello. Hi, Annie. Lovely...
Lovely to see you. Lovely to see you.
Pair of absolute liars.
Sam and Annie first met back in Ibiza...
Good to see you. How are you?
How are you? I'm good.
..where they had a date that hit new levels of awks.
What's your type?
So, to be honest, my type is probably Louis.
But it was at the brunch when things got personal.
So, Annie, did you feel physically attracted to Sam?
I got, basically, the ick straight away.
I have a cream that can help with that.
Nice.
You are the one person... I will never forget our date. Good.
Honestly, I've never got such a bad review.
I just found you very fake,
a bit dismissive and a bit arrogant.
I bet Sam's regretting RSVPing to this gala now.
It's so nice to hear from Annie again,
and she's listing all the things she hates about me.
Perfect.
I thought your comments at the brunch were quite a lot.
No?
No, no, I'm just honest.
"I'm just honest."
I just don't like being disrespected and I don't like being...
Disrespected?
Yeah, I felt disrespected, yeah.
You didn't wanna be there.
Listen, Annie, it's been an absolute...
Shitshow? Bin fire? Clusterfuck?
..interesting experience,
and one thing I will never forget is Annie from Manny.
Yeah. Damn right.
He'll probably wake up sweating
and screaming every night hearing her say,
"I'm just being honest, Sam, I'm just being honest.
"I'm mad for it, me. I'm Annie from Manny."
Anyway, Annie, thank you so much. Oh, you too. Nice to see you.
Cheers. Yeah, cheers.
Oops, missed the second one.
Fuck.
Sam's not having his best night, is he?
That can't be said for the rest of the gala,
as it's absolutely buzzing with romance.
Easy on the tongue, Paolo, you randy sausage!
Someone else full of love is Mark,
and he's checking in with the agents with his delightful date Deanne.
We have the Bauty and the Bast.
A tale as old as time.
After a sleepy start to his time at the agency...
Oh, Mark, am I really that bad?
Oh, sorry.
..and some nightmare run-ins with the agents...
Let's face it, we're smarter than you.
Oh. That's contempt.
You know, you want to be a teacher all the time,
but be a damn student first.
..our gentle giant has been nothing short of impressive.
I do love the dress. It looks amazing on you.
And he's been in dreamland ever since meeting dishy Deanne.
Would you like to go to the gala?
Yes, I would.
A big part of Mark's journey here has been, you've come in as
a very intelligent man, known for your high IQ,
but I think what became abundantly clear to us was that
the EQ, the emotional intelligence, needed some work.
Would you say that, though?
Yes. I really need to work on
conflict resolution and avoidance.
So, really, self-awareness.
Yeah.
It hasn't always been an easy time for Mark at the agency,
but he does listen and he has definitely learned.
I am genuinely really excited
to see where him and Deanne might go.
We would love to know, Deanne,
does Mark flirt, and if so, how?
He does, by getting off his nut on candlewax
and reciting World War II stats.
He does,
he's just very considerate and he's going at my pace.
Like, my nan would love him.
My nan would absolutely love him.
And my son does as well.
My son says to me,
"The way that you're talking about him,
"you've always wanted to date an old-fashioned gentleman."
Oh, OK. So, yeah.
Would you say at this point you are
only interested in dating each other?
I would feel it would be totally inappropriate to not be exclusive.
Get in there, Beastie Boy.
Yay!
Took the words right out of my mouth. Yay!
Like every episode of The Chase,
old clever bollocks ends his time at the agency bloody winning.
Hang on, what's this? A new arrival?
The series is over.
It's a bit late to join now.
Has Pete Wicks had a wax?
Wow-wa-wee-wa!
Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
where we're all on tenterhooks
to find out whose legs are these,
and who that incredible pair of, um...
..necklaces belong to.
Oh, it's only the return of Christine bloody McGuinness.
Yeah, don't worry about the whole process, Christine -
you just come back for the fun bit at the end with all the free booze.
Is that Christine?
Hey! Yo!
Oh, my God.
She's back!
My baby girl.
I missed you so much.
I missed you too.
Mum-of-three Christine arrived at the agency ready
to make some serious life changes.
Been dating before, or...?
For the last three years I've only dated women.
Oh, have you? Yeah. OK.
And at the opening mixer she battled nerves and met the lovely Leanne.
Do you have any children? I've got three.
So have I! I've got three as well.
I've got twin boys. I've got twins.
Fuck off. Have you got twins? Yeah!
But after flying her to sunny Ibiza...
I'm a Sagittarius. I get what I want.
..the spark soon fizzled,
and after struggling with
the pressures of dating in the public eye...
I wanna be able to just live freely
and date whoever I want,
and then decide how much I want to share publicly.
..she made the tough call to fly home early.
I've made the decision to leave the agency.
Oh, wow.
Sorry.
So tell us how life's been. What's happened?
Me? Wow, honestly...
You look like the whole world has lifted off your shoulders.
That's what I feel like.
I do. And I didn't realise how heavy it was for me.
Yeah. Being away from home,
just thinking about my kids constantly,
the outside noise around my love life,
the attention was just... It was too much.
Really loud.
All's I've cared about was my children, so I went home.
I had a minute to, like, just take everything in,
and then I spoke to the kids and it was fine.
And since then, honestly, it's been like a switch.
I've carried on with life.
I feel completely free, just like, just not bothered.
Yeah, nice one, mate. Good for you. Love that, love that.
Baby.
What a lovely surprise
to have Christine here at the gala.
She looks amazing, as always,
and she seems in a much better place.
We've got loads to catch up on.
Guess who's found love on the show.
Would you have guessed it? Kerry, have you met someone?
Yeah. Properly?
Yeah.
Told each other they loved each other, the whole shebang.
Oi, you. What? When?
You what? Yeah, when?
Look, I'm the gay guy. I'm allowed to gossip.
You're not allowed to say that. I am allowed to gossip.
Nothing like the bond of an old pop star friendship
to keep a secret safe, eh, Kez?
I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Everyone... So is she.
..would want you.
So is she.
And was it instant or...?
Pretty much, yeah.
No way. Yeah.
That's how long it's been since we've not seen you.
What about you? I've found someone as well.
Yeah. No way!
Yeah. I have, yeah.
All right, Christine, don't act too surprised.
You'll give the agents a complex.
I should have stayed. You should have stayed.
I could have been walking out of here with the love of my life.
Well, if these two can find love,
you could have been on your honeymoon by now, Christine.
Liv, on the other hand, has already experienced
the equivalent of two marriages and divorces with Louis,
but this time she looks like she means business,
as she marches over to Louis with strict agent orders.
Hello. Hello, how are you doing?
Me and Louis have tried to shut this down,
but tonight we need to be really clear with each other,
otherwise this is never gonna end.
I feel like I've wasted this journey,
cos you've been a distraction throughout my whole time.
Is that my fault, though?
A little bit, yeah.
I apologise for being a distraction.
I mean, you was a distraction for me too.
Oh, really?
You don't think?
That much of a distraction that you brought someone here tonight?
Um...
I've been distracted by you the whole time. I haven't...
Well, that means you didn't like anyone else enough
to go with them.
Cos if you really had a connection with someone else,
bar me, you would have probably found them.
I think saying that I'm a distraction...
No, but I think it's the whole, like,
me cutting it off and then you being like, "I've missed you..."
It's just not helpful, is it?
I feel like me and Liv had a really strong connection at some point,
and I think that it could have led to something.
But she's so hard to read
it's kind of fizzled out.
I have genuinely enjoyed our time together.
But no more "I miss you"s.
Yeah. OK.
I think it's for the best.
That chat was difficult, but I'm glad we had it,
and we can finally put a full stop to this situation.
And that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Enjoy the rest of your night.
Bye. Goodbye.
HE RETCHES I feel sick.
I bet you do.
Probably gutted he didn't squeeze in one final smooch
for old times' sake, eh, fella?
We're back again. You look incredible.
And speaking of missed opportunities,
Christine is spilling the tea with Dr T.
We would have had so much fun.
Do you know what? It was just, like...
Everything felt so, so intense,
and I hadn't spoken to my children about... Yeah.
..sexuality, about Mummy dating women.
But the conversation has happened really naturally.
That is incredible to hear.
It's really, really good to hear. I needed... I needed to do it.
You needed that time.
It was important that I'd done that. Yeah.
I remember saying to Anna and Paul, they asked me,
"What are you hoping to find?" And I said,
"More than anything, I'd really like to find myself,"
and I went, and I've done that,
and now I do feel like I can completely just be myself.
Are you now sort of in a space where you're open to...?
Yeah, completely. Yeah?
Completely.
It's an exciting journey, and you're just starting,
and, you know,
the agency doors are open whenever you wanna come back.
I'll be back.
I can't believe that some of them have actually found love,
and they're really, really happy.
I know!
Who'd have thought these agents are actually capable
of doing their job?
Well, I think let's cheers to having an orgasmic day.
Cheers. Having an orgasmic day. Multiple times.
Multiple times. All night long.
Yeah, as many as possible, please.
Might help drown out the sound of Kerry
and S Club Jon snogging their plus-ones all night.
Here she is.
Look at you two, my lovely-jubblies.
Talking of which, looks like our Kezza's managed
to pull herself away from Paolo for a final catch-up
with A-Dubz and the Doctor.
Do you know what? I don't know about you,
but I'm sitting here
and little lump in the old throat, Kerry.
Oh, stop it.
Might be the breadsticks.
Luckless-in-love Kezza returned to the agency with all
the caution of a kitten near a cucumber.
I feel like I'm in a really good place with me,
and I'm a little bit worried about letting somebody in my energy.
And after writing off date after date
faster than a cat up a drainpipe,
the agents convinced her to take a punt on PT Paolo.
How old is he?
33.
But despite low expectations on his height...
No. Why? Oh, my God,
I might as well just push him round in a bastard pram.
5 foot fucking 8?
..Kerry was on a high from their very first date.
I've got to say to you, it's my favourite date so far. Is it?
And the dates just kept on getting better and better,
leaving our Kezza feeling whole again.
You've gone all this way through the agency, again.
Yeah. And here we are.
I think this is your real transformation era.
And I don't think it's the Paolo effect.
I think it's the Kerry effect.
I agree. Yeah.
I think it's seeing the green flags
and accepting the green flags as healthy.
So I'm a different person.
You are really, really doing well.
And actually you do need, but also want,
someone in your life that helps to complement you.
Absolutely, definitely.
And we found that in Paolo. Yeah.
Kerry, there's a lot of affectionate feelings in the room.
Yeah.
Have you said "I love you" to each other?
Hello, moment of truth...
I am madly, deeply, head over heels.
Wow. I am. I think he's a really... Oh!
He blows my mind. I think he's amazing.
Has anyone got any tissues?
I used my last one when Christine walked in.
It was emotional, OK?
Kerry came into the agency
very guarded from her previous relationships.
But after learning to look beyond the superficial,
she has landed herself
a loving relationship, which she thoroughly deserves.
I couldn't be happier for her.
So, tell us, babe. Yes.
What is the future gonna be with Paolo? Yes!
I think just spending more time together.
He makes me really happy.
Do you have plans of moving in together?
I feel like it's going that way, I'm not gonna lie.
What advice would you give the Kerry of old?
I've got you.
Everything will be all right.
We fucking got you.
I think it's the first time I've been in the agency and not cried.
On that note, see you later!
Have fun at the party... Bye, guys.
Bye-bye, beautiful. Thank you.
..with your hot date.
Ah, she makes me wanna cry.
It's like sister vibes, huh?
Well done, Kez. Yes. Incredible.
Yes. Incredible.
So as the singles mingle their way into the night,
and the couples continue to cop off,
Tom's assembled everyone in
the main hall for a special announcement.
Darlings, all, lend us your ears.
What's up with the headsets?
Is Tom opening a call centre?
Before we round off the festivities,
my beloved colleagues have a few final thoughts for you.
So please put your hands together for our agents.
We love the love!
Well, guys, here we all are.
It's been a big one.
OK? What a few weeks.
I mean we've had twists, we've had turns.
It has been an emotional roller-coaster.
You've dated, we've debated. And...
I've been pretty good as well, I think.
..most of you have listened.
A few of you - needs improvement.
I'm really grateful for the agents
and everything that they've taught me.
They've really actually helped me become a man.
And as for Harriet, we have a great time,
good vibes, but there's no pressure.
I'm not gonna miss all the telling-offs,
but I do feel grateful
and I have loved being part of the agency.
I do secretly think they like me, a little bit.
There's deffo a good guy in there somewhere.
Lots of dramas, but also breakthroughs.
But at the end of the day, you were all honest,
and that was the most important thing.
We grew together.
I may not be leaving with a man,
but it's put me in
a space where I'm kind of open
to get to know people, which is nice.
Jon, Kerry,
you came to us with your hearts on lockdown.
Look at you now.
I'm so grateful to the agents.
The future is gonna be amazing.
Definitely.
I could never have dreamed that my time at the agency
would end like it has.
I'm leaving here with a boyfriend,
someone who's helped me connect with
a part of me that I haven't connected with
in a really long time,
and I'm really, really happy.
In love, dare I say?
Don't push it, Tara.
Finally got your end away, though, didn't you, S Club?
You naughty little not-so-celibate sex ban.
To all of you, all the datees...
Yeah! Yeah, OK, OK, OK.
And to all the celebrities,
we want to say thank you for going on this journey with us.
I know I may not have found a partner,
but I've learned that I've probably been looking in
the wrong places.
At least, I know where to start now.
Lots of things in life surprise me.
Discovering I'm a good dater is right up there. I'm shocked.
Deanne and I are gonna take things slow,
but who knows what the future is gonna be?
The Chaser wins again.
You opened up,
and that's not easy, but you all did it,
so for that we thank you so much.
All right.
All right. So, before we go,
we have one last surprise for you,
and this is going to be epic.
I want you to give it up for...
..the celebrities!
What's going on here?
Are they doing a McBusted
and giving us a new tune from S Club Kitten?
Oh, holy shit.
Buckle up your seat belts, people.
Looks like we're S Clubbing it.
# Don't stop moving to the funky, funky beat... #
If the Beast does the robot,
my life's work is complete.
# DJ got the party started, there's no end in sight... #
Yeah!
# Everybody's moving to the rhythm that's inside... #
Yes, S Club Jon. Work it, baby.
# It's a crazy world, but tonight's the right situation... #
Yeah! Go on, Jon.
# Don't get left behind.
# Just go with the magic, baby
# I can see it there in your eyes... #
Fucking hell, it really is S Club Kitten.
I'm currently dancing in my booth with a semi on.
# Right here on the dance floor is where you gotta let it go
# Don't stop moving, can you feel the music? #
Yes, Mark! Robot, robot! Come on, Mark.
# Don't stop moving, find your own way to it
# Listen to the music Taking you to places... #
I think this is the happiest I've ever been. Even P-Dog's up there.
# That you've never been before, baby now... #
Work it, Beastie Boy.
He's like a fucking wardrobe of Wikipedia up there.
# Don't stop moving to the S Club beat... #
And they say TV's dying.
Try prompting AI to make that shit happen.
It would fry its stupid little robot brain.
Laters, bitches.
Beckett out.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media