1
00:00:06,351 --> 00:00:10,321
We're a very outward
facing school here at Millmead.

2
00:00:10,355 --> 00:00:11,865
What a load of shit.

3
00:00:11,908 --> 00:00:13,528
I told you this was
a bell end factory.

4
00:00:13,565 --> 00:00:15,735
...a twinship program
with a school in Poznan.

5
00:00:15,774 --> 00:00:17,224
It's twinned with Poznan.

6
00:00:17,258 --> 00:00:18,738
-Where is that, love?
-Poland.

7
00:00:19,916 --> 00:00:22,366
It's got the second-best
women's handball team

8
00:00:22,401 --> 00:00:23,371
in the country.

9
00:00:23,402 --> 00:00:24,712
[Liz] Ah, this place.

10
00:00:25,301 --> 00:00:27,101
Someone's gonna get
a flute out in a minute.

11
00:00:28,545 --> 00:00:30,505
[Mr. Taylor]
...grading us outstanding

12
00:00:30,547 --> 00:00:33,207
in all categories in June 2017.

13
00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:37,212
The inspectors commented
that learning is paramount...

14
00:00:37,244 --> 00:00:38,564
I didn't think
you were going down

15
00:00:38,590 --> 00:00:39,630
the state school route.

16
00:00:40,764 --> 00:00:41,774
I thought you were sending Manus
to that posh school?

17
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,490
Yeah well, Hersham House
is still second choice.

18
00:00:44,527 --> 00:00:46,387
I'm not paying
for Hersham House.

19
00:00:46,425 --> 00:00:47,595
I'm not paying
thirty grand a year

20
00:00:47,633 --> 00:00:49,153
for Manus to wear a boater.

21
00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:51,291
So, it's still very much
up in the air.

22
00:00:51,327 --> 00:00:52,287
It's not.

23
00:00:53,708 --> 00:00:55,468
-You get me, Meg.
-What's that?

24
00:00:55,503 --> 00:00:57,893
Where did Bill go? I bet he went
to one of the biggies?

25
00:00:57,919 --> 00:00:59,299
Eton, Harrow?

26
00:00:59,611 --> 00:01:00,611
God, no.

27
00:01:01,751 --> 00:01:03,651
His dad was in the army,
so they were out in Cyprus.

28
00:01:03,684 --> 00:01:04,654
-Oh.
-[Meg] No.

29
00:01:04,685 --> 00:01:06,135
I'm the posho in the family.

30
00:01:06,169 --> 00:01:07,579
-Where did you go?
-St. Paul's Girls.

31
00:01:07,895 --> 00:01:10,205
-Putney High.
-I probably beat you at hockey.

32
00:01:11,899 --> 00:01:14,729
No, I think I'd remember
if I'd played you at hockey.

33
00:01:15,627 --> 00:01:16,657
Why's that?

34
00:01:17,353 --> 00:01:18,323
Uh...

35
00:01:18,768 --> 00:01:20,358
[Mr. Taylor]
...this means we expect

36
00:01:20,632 --> 00:01:22,122
a lot from our student...

37
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,145
Netball was, like,
more my game so...

38
00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:27,327
Oh yeah.

39
00:01:27,363 --> 00:01:28,883
Without further ado,
please welcome

40
00:01:28,916 --> 00:01:31,256
Shannon Bell with her version
of Mozart's

41
00:01:31,298 --> 00:01:33,328
Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.

42
00:01:33,714 --> 00:01:34,854
Take it away, Shannon.

43
00:01:35,854 --> 00:01:37,244
That's it, I'm off.

44
00:01:37,269 --> 00:01:39,339
Whoa, whoa, matey.

45
00:01:41,653 --> 00:01:44,283
[theme music playing]

46
00:01:48,625 --> 00:01:51,105
Science hub is named
after Marie Curie.

47
00:01:51,559 --> 00:01:52,839
Where's Mr. Julia tonight?

48
00:01:53,492 --> 00:01:54,702
Oh, he's, uh, nil by mouth.

49
00:01:54,735 --> 00:01:55,975
You know what he's
like around snacks.

50
00:01:56,012 --> 00:01:57,842
Oh, it's Paul's
vasectomy tomorrow?

51
00:01:58,394 --> 00:01:59,604
Do send my love.

52
00:01:59,636 --> 00:02:01,256
Hmm, to his balls.

53
00:02:01,293 --> 00:02:02,643
Oh, goodness. He'll be fine.

54
00:02:02,881 --> 00:02:04,191
What's the worst
that can happen?

55
00:02:04,227 --> 00:02:05,367
Uh, he dies?

56
00:02:05,401 --> 00:02:06,541
That it doesn't work.

57
00:02:06,574 --> 00:02:09,164
And through here
is one of our science labs.

58
00:02:10,026 --> 00:02:11,916
Whoa, it's like
Laboratoire Garnier.

59
00:02:11,959 --> 00:02:14,199
This term's project
is recycling.

60
00:02:14,237 --> 00:02:16,957
We're looking at an enzyme
that can eat plastic bags.

61
00:02:17,378 --> 00:02:18,238
Next month we'll be...

62
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,309
She had me
at plastic eating enzyme.

63
00:02:20,761 --> 00:02:21,871
Fan of science?

64
00:02:25,662 --> 00:02:27,702
It's a bit Russian roulette
with this school. Your kid's

65
00:02:27,733 --> 00:02:29,943
either gonna be a Malia Obama
or a Barron Trump.

66
00:02:31,496 --> 00:02:33,256
Oh, my God.

67
00:02:33,291 --> 00:02:34,711
Look at that, it's Lee.

68
00:02:35,396 --> 00:02:36,776
-Which one?
-That one.

69
00:02:37,226 --> 00:02:39,606
With the stupid smirk
and the greasy curtains.

70
00:02:39,918 --> 00:02:41,918
God. Did you ever have
that haircut?

71
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:43,304
Me? No, no.

72
00:02:43,749 --> 00:02:46,199
I was affectionally called
pube head at school.

73
00:02:46,235 --> 00:02:47,815
Which is ironic
'cause I didn't have a single

74
00:02:47,857 --> 00:02:49,617
actual pube
till I was nigh on 16.

75
00:02:49,893 --> 00:02:52,523
To think I was married to that
oily bollock for four years.

76
00:02:52,551 --> 00:02:53,661
I guess you didn't know

77
00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:55,000
he was an oily bollock
when you met him.

78
00:02:56,003 --> 00:02:57,323
To be fair, I didn't know

79
00:02:57,349 --> 00:02:59,349
Jill was a man hating sociopath
when I met her.

80
00:02:59,627 --> 00:03:01,277
How's the divorce
of the decade going?

81
00:03:01,526 --> 00:03:02,796
I got a letter
from her lawyer.

82
00:03:03,528 --> 00:03:04,698
He seems like a top bloke.

83
00:03:04,736 --> 00:03:06,566
In another world,
we might be pals.

84
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,840
Anyway,

85
00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:09,567
he says I've got to move
out of the family home.

86
00:03:09,603 --> 00:03:10,953
So yeah, that's happening.

87
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,263
You need to get tooled up, Kev.

88
00:03:13,848 --> 00:03:14,878
Get your own lawyer.

89
00:03:14,918 --> 00:03:15,988
Oh, I don't know.

90
00:03:16,437 --> 00:03:18,607
That's like fighting fire
with fire, Liz.

91
00:03:18,646 --> 00:03:20,366
No, it's like fighting fire
with a fireman.

92
00:03:20,855 --> 00:03:22,715
Listen, use my woman.

93
00:03:23,272 --> 00:03:25,722
She's great. And by great,
I mean cheap.

94
00:03:26,378 --> 00:03:27,408
She mainly texts

95
00:03:27,448 --> 00:03:28,928
which really keeps
the price down.

96
00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:31,276
Speaking of which,
I've got to log on.

97
00:03:31,314 --> 00:03:32,384
I'm Ubering tonight.

98
00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:33,770
Oh, you get the job?

99
00:03:34,110 --> 00:03:35,940
More like the job got me
in the end.

100
00:03:36,526 --> 00:03:38,626
Beggars can't be choosers,
but they can be Uberers.

101
00:03:38,666 --> 00:03:39,736
I'll see you later, Kev.

102
00:03:39,771 --> 00:03:40,811
Yeah. See ya.

103
00:03:42,049 --> 00:03:43,879
Right. I'm gonna make a move.

104
00:03:43,913 --> 00:03:45,433
Oh, where are you off to?

105
00:03:45,673 --> 00:03:46,923
Nowhere. An appointment.

106
00:03:46,950 --> 00:03:48,540
Oh, come on.
I wasn't born yesterday.

107
00:03:48,573 --> 00:03:49,883
Those are your date chinos.

108
00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:53,514
If you're going to meet
a woman, that's cool.

109
00:03:54,061 --> 00:03:56,271
Hey, if you're gonna meet
a man, that's cool too.

110
00:03:56,581 --> 00:03:58,451
Johnny, you're making
something I'm totally cool about

111
00:03:58,479 --> 00:03:59,859
a little bit weird here.

112
00:04:00,412 --> 00:04:02,972
Okay yes, I'm gonna see
my girlfriend.

113
00:04:04,105 --> 00:04:05,825
Girlfriend? Ah.

114
00:04:05,866 --> 00:04:06,686
Yeah.

115
00:04:07,108 --> 00:04:08,248
Cool.

116
00:04:09,628 --> 00:04:11,318
When am I gonna meet
this girlfriend

117
00:04:11,354 --> 00:04:12,874
Mr. Secret Squirrel?

118
00:04:12,907 --> 00:04:13,937
Uh, never.

119
00:04:13,977 --> 00:04:15,357
Can I at least get a name?

120
00:04:15,738 --> 00:04:17,668
-Tamara.
-[whispers] Tamara.

121
00:04:18,396 --> 00:04:20,396
I used to work with
a Tamara at Bibendum.

122
00:04:21,088 --> 00:04:22,368
Yeah, she was a stupid fat bitch

123
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,880
but I'm sure
yours is really nice.

124
00:04:23,918 --> 00:04:25,298
Someone order an Uber?

125
00:04:25,334 --> 00:04:26,614
That'll be me.

126
00:04:26,645 --> 00:04:28,435
I'll meet you out front
in three minutes, yeah?

127
00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:30,985
Goodnight, Amanda.

128
00:04:31,409 --> 00:04:32,579
My love to Tamara.

129
00:04:38,795 --> 00:04:40,655
[Julia] All right, maties. Ooh!

130
00:04:40,694 --> 00:04:42,904
I love an after-school club.
I'll take anything, me.

131
00:04:42,937 --> 00:04:45,627
Do you know 80% of visits
to children's A&E

132
00:04:45,664 --> 00:04:47,434
are from
trampolining accidents?

133
00:04:47,459 --> 00:04:48,599
Yeah, that's true.

134
00:04:48,633 --> 00:04:50,083
I've broken nine ankles

135
00:04:50,117 --> 00:04:52,527
on trampolines. Uh,
three of them my own.

136
00:04:52,568 --> 00:04:53,878
Oh, I love sitting in A&E.

137
00:04:53,914 --> 00:04:55,644
God, anything that kills
four hours of the afternoon.

138
00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:57,326
-All right, Mands.
-[Amanda] Yeah.

139
00:04:57,366 --> 00:04:59,016
Why are you walking like a goat?

140
00:04:59,057 --> 00:05:00,577
I just had my feet treated.

141
00:05:01,024 --> 00:05:03,104
I've found
the most amazing podiatrist.

142
00:05:03,130 --> 00:05:04,960
I'm going to go every week
because she literally sanded

143
00:05:04,994 --> 00:05:06,554
ten years off my feet,
I swear to God.

144
00:05:07,099 --> 00:05:08,379
I mean they look 22.

145
00:05:09,516 --> 00:05:10,896
So, what did you think about
the Millmead open day?

146
00:05:10,931 --> 00:05:12,831
Oh, Millmead's definitely
on the list.

147
00:05:12,864 --> 00:05:14,354
We're also on the waiting
list for Elmfield.

148
00:05:14,624 --> 00:05:15,634
So brilliant.

149
00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:17,696
They call their teacher
by their first name,

150
00:05:17,731 --> 00:05:19,911
they do International
Baccalaureate. And I think

151
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:23,120
Lilly Allen and Gemma Arterton
both got expelled from there.

152
00:05:23,668 --> 00:05:25,078
It's so cool, you know?

153
00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:27,597
For me, it's between
Boundary Road Academy

154
00:05:27,637 --> 00:05:29,467
and Boundary Road Academy, so

155
00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:31,950
we'll probably plump
for Boundary Road Academy.

156
00:05:31,986 --> 00:05:33,566
What's your beef
with Millmead mate?

157
00:05:33,609 --> 00:05:34,609
-Lee went there.
-[Liz] Yeah.

158
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:36,540
There's no way I'm sending
my kids to the same

159
00:05:36,577 --> 00:05:38,577
dickhead school
as their dickhead dad.

160
00:05:38,614 --> 00:05:40,554
Oh well, I, for one, will be
thrilled to send my children

161
00:05:40,581 --> 00:05:43,001
to an Ofsted rated
outstanding dickhead academy.

162
00:05:43,032 --> 00:05:45,382
Uh, sadly Julia, turns out

163
00:05:45,414 --> 00:05:47,004
we're not actually in the
catchment for Millmead.

164
00:05:47,726 --> 00:05:49,176
-Ah.
-Sorry, what, what...

165
00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:50,700
wh... wh... what, what the what?

166
00:05:50,729 --> 00:05:51,939
Yeah. We've been
outside of it

167
00:05:51,972 --> 00:05:53,702
since those flats went
up on Sandy Way.

168
00:05:53,732 --> 00:05:55,562
So, I guess we're destined
for Boundary Road too.

169
00:05:55,596 --> 00:05:57,526
-Ah.
-Oh my god. Flip off.

170
00:05:57,564 --> 00:05:58,814
Flip the flats.

171
00:06:00,118 --> 00:06:01,568
Even if they do have a really
good Budgens underneath them.

172
00:06:01,602 --> 00:06:03,222
God, I'm starting
to hate my house.

173
00:06:03,259 --> 00:06:05,119
I've got this builder coming
round this afternoon

174
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:07,397
to install grab rails and ramps.

175
00:06:07,436 --> 00:06:09,776
It's gonna be like living
on a cross channel ferry.

176
00:06:10,059 --> 00:06:11,649
I'm mortgaged up to the nips

177
00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:12,961
and we've got subsidence.

178
00:06:12,993 --> 00:06:14,863
I'd hang on in there.
Your foundations

179
00:06:14,891 --> 00:06:17,001
might slide you into
the Millmead catchment area.

180
00:06:17,031 --> 00:06:18,931
Actually, we're thinking
of moving

181
00:06:19,517 --> 00:06:20,927
closer to Millmead.
So...

182
00:06:22,036 --> 00:06:24,066
you can come live with us
if you like Julia?

183
00:06:24,107 --> 00:06:25,177
You can live in the attic.

184
00:06:25,212 --> 00:06:26,562
You could start a commune.

185
00:06:26,593 --> 00:06:27,463
[tuts]

186
00:06:29,078 --> 00:06:30,458
What's wrong with you king tut?

187
00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:33,010
Well, I just don't agree with
middle class people effectively

188
00:06:33,703 --> 00:06:35,263
buying
their way into state schools.

189
00:06:35,291 --> 00:06:37,641
I-- I'm sorry Meg, I think,
I think that's immoral.

190
00:06:37,673 --> 00:06:38,573
[Amanda] Kevin.

191
00:06:38,915 --> 00:06:40,395
Meg has cancer.

192
00:06:41,953 --> 00:06:43,513
Although saying that,
it might actually work

193
00:06:43,541 --> 00:06:45,131
-in your favor at Millmead.
-In what way?

194
00:06:45,163 --> 00:06:46,163
Big C.

195
00:06:47,130 --> 00:06:48,620
They wouldn't turn away
a cancerous mother.

196
00:06:48,649 --> 00:06:49,889
You should totes tell them.

197
00:06:49,926 --> 00:06:50,956
No, I'm not going to do that.

198
00:06:51,169 --> 00:06:52,139
Yeah. That's the spirit.

199
00:06:52,584 --> 00:06:54,414
God love ya. Come on.

200
00:06:54,621 --> 00:06:56,111
-Hug?
-No, no you're all right.

201
00:06:56,139 --> 00:06:57,659
-Okay.
-Bye, babies.

202
00:06:57,693 --> 00:06:59,213
Meg, look if you need anything,

203
00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:01,560
anything at all,
please just holler.

204
00:07:01,593 --> 00:07:02,803
Actually, I have
a couple of pallets

205
00:07:02,836 --> 00:07:04,596
in the garden that need
taking down to the dump.

206
00:07:04,631 --> 00:07:06,631
Oh. Laughing
in the face of cancer.

207
00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:07,877
You're my hero.

208
00:07:08,497 --> 00:07:10,217
Hasn't affected
your sense of humor, Meg.

209
00:07:12,604 --> 00:07:13,614
Oh.

210
00:07:22,303 --> 00:07:23,553
[door closing]

211
00:07:25,721 --> 00:07:26,891
Is the bathroom up there?

212
00:07:27,274 --> 00:07:28,214
-Hmm?
-[builder] Bathroom?

213
00:07:28,689 --> 00:07:29,789
-Uh, upstairs?
-Yeah.

214
00:07:34,592 --> 00:07:35,802
[whistles]

215
00:07:35,834 --> 00:07:37,704
Um, builder. Builder!
Builder, mate!

216
00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:39,630
Matey, mate. Oi, oi, oi!

217
00:07:40,529 --> 00:07:41,769
-It's Garry.
-Cool.

218
00:07:41,806 --> 00:07:43,076
Just could you take
your shoes off

219
00:07:43,117 --> 00:07:44,667
when you, um, come
in the house generally?

220
00:07:44,947 --> 00:07:45,807
Please would be nice.

221
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,190
Uh, please can you

222
00:07:48,226 --> 00:07:49,916
please take your shoes off
when you generally

223
00:07:49,952 --> 00:07:51,572
come in, please,
thank you, please.

224
00:07:52,092 --> 00:07:53,652
Seeing as
how you asked so nicely.

225
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:01,723
What's your name?

226
00:08:01,757 --> 00:08:02,897
-It's still Garry.
-[Julia] Yeah.

227
00:08:04,035 --> 00:08:04,995
Julia. Enchante.

228
00:08:06,313 --> 00:08:08,043
Sorry, can,
can we roll back a bit?

229
00:08:08,073 --> 00:08:09,903
Sorry, I'm so sorry
it's just that my mum's just,

230
00:08:09,937 --> 00:08:11,317
um, moved in
and the whole building...

231
00:08:11,352 --> 00:08:13,772
Um, I mean with every
respect to your trade, it is--

232
00:08:13,803 --> 00:08:16,053
it's a bit galling having
to pay for your lovely, um,

233
00:08:16,081 --> 00:08:17,571
en suite to be ripped out
in favor of

234
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:18,910
a geriatric sheep dip so...

235
00:08:19,326 --> 00:08:20,326
but then she did

236
00:08:20,948 --> 00:08:22,738
give birth to me so I suppose...

237
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,605
-It's nice.
-Hey?

238
00:08:24,814 --> 00:08:25,884
What you're doing
for your mum.

239
00:08:26,609 --> 00:08:27,709
It's a good thing.

240
00:08:29,647 --> 00:08:30,647
Thanks.

241
00:08:31,096 --> 00:08:31,956
Garry.

242
00:08:32,891 --> 00:08:34,691
Uh, would you like
a cup of tea or...?

243
00:08:35,687 --> 00:08:36,687
Yeah.

244
00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:45,109
Blimey, Liz.

245
00:08:45,145 --> 00:08:46,965
-Blast from the past.
-All right.

246
00:08:47,181 --> 00:08:48,391
I was just having my lunch.

247
00:08:48,424 --> 00:08:49,914
I didn't know anyone
was out here.

248
00:08:49,943 --> 00:08:51,083
This is Kev, who I was

249
00:08:51,116 --> 00:08:52,766
texting you about.
Kev, this is Linda.

250
00:08:52,808 --> 00:08:54,568
Hi, hi. I'm very nervous.

251
00:08:55,224 --> 00:08:58,684
Nice office. I didn't realize
you could still smoke indoors.

252
00:08:58,710 --> 00:09:00,330
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Help yourselves.

253
00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:02,921
-No.
-So Liz, how are you doing?

254
00:09:03,853 --> 00:09:06,173
How's Lee? 'Cause I think
of you often, you know,

255
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,340
'cause you're one
of my few clients

256
00:09:07,374 --> 00:09:09,134
that managed
to give it another go.

257
00:09:09,410 --> 00:09:11,310
[laughs] Yeah right. As if.

258
00:09:11,792 --> 00:09:13,282
Oh, so you did go through

259
00:09:13,311 --> 00:09:14,801
with the divorce
in the end then?

260
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,660
What? Yeah, yeah. You sorted it.

261
00:09:16,935 --> 00:09:17,965
Oh no, no, no.

262
00:09:18,005 --> 00:09:20,075
I just, I just did
your decree nisi.

263
00:09:20,111 --> 00:09:22,011
I sent you
that text remember saying...

264
00:09:22,285 --> 00:09:23,245
That'll do nisi.

265
00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:27,011
So, I just assumed that
when you didn't apply

266
00:09:27,049 --> 00:09:28,709
for your decree absolute
you'd just

267
00:09:29,085 --> 00:09:30,045
-got it together.
-What so,

268
00:09:31,122 --> 00:09:32,642
what does that mean?
I'm still married to Lee?

269
00:09:32,675 --> 00:09:34,325
I mean if you didn't get
your absolute

270
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:35,776
then technically, yeah.

271
00:09:35,816 --> 00:09:38,026
Fuck's sake, Linda.
You might have mentioned it?

272
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:39,680
I just send the texts, mate.

273
00:09:40,338 --> 00:09:42,198
Keith, what can I do you for?

274
00:09:42,236 --> 00:09:43,336
Um, well,

275
00:09:43,686 --> 00:09:44,996
I w... uh...

276
00:09:45,032 --> 00:09:47,242
Ooh, can-- can someone hear
a car alarm?

277
00:09:47,690 --> 00:09:50,040
Uh, Liz I... I think
that's our car alarm, Liz.

278
00:09:50,072 --> 00:09:52,142
I'm-- I'm just gotta, um--
I'm just gonna

279
00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:54,107
go and do,
um, I'm just gonna...

280
00:09:54,904 --> 00:09:56,154
'King hell Linda.

281
00:10:08,780 --> 00:10:10,780
I can't wait for
that bloody builder to finish.

282
00:10:11,749 --> 00:10:13,099
Mother, you always do this.

283
00:10:13,129 --> 00:10:14,889
-[Marion] Do what?
-The queen of finding fault

284
00:10:14,924 --> 00:10:16,064
with anyone
I've ever brought home.

285
00:10:16,443 --> 00:10:17,343
Where's this coming from?

286
00:10:18,203 --> 00:10:19,203
I'm stressed.
I'm really stressed

287
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,100
about the whole school
catchment area thing.

288
00:10:22,138 --> 00:10:24,378
How did you decide
where we were gonna go?

289
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:26,726
Well, you just went
to the nearest big school.

290
00:10:26,764 --> 00:10:28,014
That's the worst one
in the borough.

291
00:10:28,041 --> 00:10:29,461
Well, that's just
how it was, Julia.

292
00:10:29,490 --> 00:10:31,080
Oh, okay, Mother.

293
00:10:31,113 --> 00:10:33,323
Well, um, I tell you what
I'll give some, um,

294
00:10:33,736 --> 00:10:35,426
'70s parenting a go.
See where that gets me.

295
00:10:35,462 --> 00:10:37,122
Well, you turned out all right.

296
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:40,189
Got a good job,
nice husband, lovely house.

297
00:10:40,225 --> 00:10:41,675
I'm quite clearly
mentally insane, mum.

298
00:10:41,710 --> 00:10:43,130
That could have
easily been avoided.

299
00:10:44,298 --> 00:10:45,958
-Yes what?
-Hey baby.

300
00:10:46,266 --> 00:10:47,956
-Yes.
-[Paul] Just rang to say that

301
00:10:47,992 --> 00:10:50,132
you know, if I don't wake up
from the anesthetic,

302
00:10:51,305 --> 00:10:52,815
God forbid, then

303
00:10:52,859 --> 00:10:55,519
I love you and say goodbye
to the kids.

304
00:10:55,551 --> 00:10:58,351
[Julia sighs]
One, it's a local anesthetic,

305
00:10:58,381 --> 00:10:59,971
and two I've just found out
we're not

306
00:11:00,004 --> 00:11:01,214
in the catchment
area for Millmead.

307
00:11:01,246 --> 00:11:02,896
Well, what do you want me
to do about that?

308
00:11:02,938 --> 00:11:04,838
Oh, have an opinion?

309
00:11:04,871 --> 00:11:07,181
I'm about to undergo
a life changing operation here.

310
00:11:07,218 --> 00:11:08,528
It's just keyhole surgery, Paul.

311
00:11:08,564 --> 00:11:10,884
-In my testes.
-[Julia] Okay,

312
00:11:10,911 --> 00:11:12,361
well, um, I've got to go.

313
00:11:12,395 --> 00:11:14,535
So, um, good luck with having
your sperm hose severed yeah.

314
00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:15,810
You are going to regret it

315
00:11:16,952 --> 00:11:17,712
if that is the last thing that
you ever say to me.

316
00:11:17,746 --> 00:11:18,776
Oh, fuck off.

317
00:11:20,024 --> 00:11:22,514
Hi. Sorry about all this chaos,

318
00:11:22,543 --> 00:11:24,413
I'm just having a total mare
with-- with schools.

319
00:11:24,442 --> 00:11:27,072
I'm just usually much,
much, much more chilled.

320
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:29,970
Just I really want my daughter
to go to Millmead.

321
00:11:29,999 --> 00:11:32,139
So, um, does that make me
a bad mum?

322
00:11:32,174 --> 00:11:34,144
No. You want what's best
for your kids, right?

323
00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:37,176
Yes. Yes.
Yes. Thank you.

324
00:11:37,213 --> 00:11:39,733
My brother had the same thing.
He went to mass so

325
00:11:39,768 --> 00:11:41,148
his kids could get
into catholic school.

326
00:11:41,183 --> 00:11:42,913
Wow. God,

327
00:11:42,943 --> 00:11:44,983
that's a really good idea. I'm--
I'm definitely gonna do that.

328
00:11:45,566 --> 00:11:47,016
Uh-- Uh, are you a believer?

329
00:11:47,051 --> 00:11:48,501
Did you get married
in church or...

330
00:11:48,535 --> 00:11:49,705
No, I'm not married.

331
00:11:50,848 --> 00:11:51,808
I mean even if I was, I wouldn't
go down that route.

332
00:11:51,849 --> 00:11:53,569
-Never tempted? Ever come close?
-[Garry] No.

333
00:11:53,609 --> 00:11:54,919
No, no me neither.

334
00:11:55,473 --> 00:11:56,443
Well, I am

335
00:11:57,199 --> 00:11:58,989
but...
I-- I just, I think, um,

336
00:11:59,028 --> 00:12:01,378
I think marriage is very much
a social construct so...

337
00:12:02,307 --> 00:12:04,137
-[Julia screams]
-Oh, oh. Sorry.

338
00:12:04,171 --> 00:12:05,411
Are you, you okay?

339
00:12:07,071 --> 00:12:08,001
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

340
00:12:08,037 --> 00:12:08,937
-[Garry] Yeah.
-Yeah.

341
00:12:09,349 --> 00:12:10,449
Uh.

342
00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:14,909
Ah I don't... I don't think
it broke the skin

343
00:12:14,941 --> 00:12:17,051
-so... [laughs]
-[Garry] Sorry.

344
00:12:17,081 --> 00:12:19,051
-No, it's fine. T...
-[Garry] Oh.

345
00:12:19,083 --> 00:12:20,223
Hardly felt it.

346
00:12:20,809 --> 00:12:21,809
So...

347
00:12:28,195 --> 00:12:30,465
So, I've narrowed it down
to 27 Tamaras,

348
00:12:30,508 --> 00:12:31,608
all based
on Johnny's type;

349
00:12:31,647 --> 00:12:33,297
young, blond,
athletic shoulders,

350
00:12:33,338 --> 00:12:34,368
defined jawline,

351
00:12:35,616 --> 00:12:37,026
around five foot seven and
a half, say five ten in heels.

352
00:12:37,239 --> 00:12:38,829
And approximate
geographical location

353
00:12:38,861 --> 00:12:40,241
between Reading
and Central London.

354
00:12:40,276 --> 00:12:41,966
Are you sure young and blonde
is his type?

355
00:12:42,002 --> 00:12:43,352
Because, like, you're 42

356
00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:45,253
and weren't you brunette
when you met?

357
00:12:45,523 --> 00:12:47,183
Fake news, Anne. I'm 38

358
00:12:47,214 --> 00:12:48,564
and I was born blond.

359
00:12:48,595 --> 00:12:50,075
-[cell phone rings]
-Yeah.

360
00:12:50,390 --> 00:12:51,490
[Amanda] Speak of the devil.

361
00:12:57,328 --> 00:12:59,048
[laughs]

362
00:12:59,088 --> 00:13:00,188
Hang on just a sec.

363
00:13:00,227 --> 00:13:02,087
Hey Johnny, how's Tamara?

364
00:13:02,436 --> 00:13:03,636
[Johnny] Uh, fine. Listen,

365
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,819
uh, I can't make
Boundary Road open day now.

366
00:13:05,854 --> 00:13:07,584
Ooh, are you out with Tamara?

367
00:13:07,614 --> 00:13:09,274
[Johnny] No, I'm in Manchester.

368
00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:10,815
One of us has to go.

369
00:13:10,859 --> 00:13:12,269
Maybe I should go with Tamara?

370
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:13,454
[Johnny] Sorry?

371
00:13:14,345 --> 00:13:15,585
Well, if this is
a serious relationship,

372
00:13:15,622 --> 00:13:17,622
if she's going to meet our kids
one day, I should meet her.

373
00:13:19,005 --> 00:13:20,415
[Johnny sighs]
I suppose you should.

374
00:13:20,972 --> 00:13:22,182
So, she is going
to meet our kids?

375
00:13:22,491 --> 00:13:24,081
Wow, that was fast.

376
00:13:24,113 --> 00:13:25,843
[Johnny] So, are you gonna go
to the open day?

377
00:13:26,081 --> 00:13:28,571
I'm just not sure that Manus
is a Boundary Road type of guy.

378
00:13:29,015 --> 00:13:30,325
[Johnny] Amanda, please.

379
00:13:30,361 --> 00:13:32,231
Okay, you know what,
I will go to your open day,

380
00:13:32,259 --> 00:13:33,499
and in return,
you can organize lunch

381
00:13:33,536 --> 00:13:35,156
for the three of us,
you, me and Tamara.

382
00:13:35,469 --> 00:13:36,569
[Johnny] God's sake.

383
00:13:37,471 --> 00:13:39,471
-Fine.
-I can do Wednesday.

384
00:13:43,236 --> 00:13:44,336
-Coffee?
-Okay.

385
00:13:44,547 --> 00:13:46,447
[Liz] Thought I'd cancelled
my subscription

386
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,030
to shit husband monthly

387
00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:49,548
but turns out
I've been technically married

388
00:13:49,587 --> 00:13:50,997
to Lee for eight years.

389
00:13:51,347 --> 00:13:52,307
Oh, mate!

390
00:13:54,005 --> 00:13:56,555
Oh jeez.
It's Jill's solicitor again.

391
00:13:56,594 --> 00:13:59,424
I replied to one text, it's like
I've opened the flood gates.

392
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:01,501
All right hags? And Kevin.

393
00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:02,670
No, no it's all right,
I'm not stopping.

394
00:14:02,703 --> 00:14:04,023
I'm just getting a takeaway.

395
00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:05,570
On my way to have a
sneaky peek at Hersham.

396
00:14:06,431 --> 00:14:08,361
Fuck it. Jade'd look really cute
in a boater.

397
00:14:09,124 --> 00:14:10,334
God knows how many miles

398
00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:12,126
I'd have to drive
to even afford the boater.

399
00:14:12,437 --> 00:14:14,157
Yeah, even if I re-re-mortgaged

400
00:14:14,198 --> 00:14:15,368
our unmortgage-able house

401
00:14:15,406 --> 00:14:16,926
I still couldn't afford Hersham.

402
00:14:16,959 --> 00:14:19,309
Yeah, I might give, um,
St. Cuthbert's a crack.

403
00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:20,551
What the Catholic school?

404
00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:22,516
By the bridge that lorries
always get stuck under?

405
00:14:22,551 --> 00:14:24,101
Yeah, Garry said
that his brother managed

406
00:14:24,139 --> 00:14:25,239
to get his kids in there so...

407
00:14:25,726 --> 00:14:27,896
-Who's Gary?
-Oh, he's my lovely builder.

408
00:14:27,936 --> 00:14:28,936
And it's Garry.

409
00:14:29,351 --> 00:14:30,251
Two Rs.

410
00:14:31,422 --> 00:14:32,632
Didn't think you could make
the name Garry any worse.

411
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,984
You know it's not that easy
to get into Catholic school.

412
00:14:35,012 --> 00:14:36,532
You do actually have to be
Catholic for starters.

413
00:14:36,565 --> 00:14:38,115
Whoa, some news for you Anne,

414
00:14:38,153 --> 00:14:39,533
I actually do identify
as Catholic.

415
00:14:39,568 --> 00:14:41,258
I love bread, I love wine,
I love the pope.

416
00:14:41,294 --> 00:14:43,124
And you wouldn't feel guilty
about doing any of that?

417
00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:45,439
-No.
-There you go then you see, uh.

418
00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:46,330
You're not Catholic.

419
00:14:47,196 --> 00:14:48,126
I-- I'm with Anne on this.

420
00:14:48,370 --> 00:14:49,680
You can't pretend
to be a religion

421
00:14:49,716 --> 00:14:51,956
just to get your kids
into a certain school.

422
00:14:52,236 --> 00:14:53,406
Oh Kevin,
who's going to punish me

423
00:14:53,444 --> 00:14:54,484
for being a lying atheist?

424
00:14:54,514 --> 00:14:56,074
Richard Dawkins? Ricky Gervais?

425
00:14:58,725 --> 00:15:00,965
Oh, God, it's Jill's solicitor.

426
00:15:01,210 --> 00:15:03,040
I'm absolutely
spinning out here.

427
00:15:03,316 --> 00:15:04,766
This was my worst
nightmare, ending up

428
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,530
penniless and alone
in a bedsit.

429
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,110
And now
it's actually coming true,

430
00:15:08,493 --> 00:15:10,153
except I haven't
even got a bedsit.

431
00:15:10,392 --> 00:15:12,772
I've got a great lawyer
for you, Kev.

432
00:15:12,808 --> 00:15:14,708
She did Frank and
Christine Lampard's prenup.

433
00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:16,091
She's the best of the best.

434
00:15:16,122 --> 00:15:17,612
-Guys.
-Hey.

435
00:15:18,055 --> 00:15:18,945
Guys.

436
00:15:20,022 --> 00:15:21,682
Nice of you to leave
your sick friend standing.

437
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:23,443
-Oh no, no, I'm okay, Mands.
-No, no, no.

438
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:25,100
Excuse me, sorry.

439
00:15:25,131 --> 00:15:26,441
Could I borrow your chair,

440
00:15:26,477 --> 00:15:27,997
it's for my friend,
she's got cancer.

441
00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:28,760
-Oh.
-Yeah.

442
00:15:46,704 --> 00:15:47,984
[clears throat].

443
00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:50,673
[clears throat].

444
00:15:52,227 --> 00:15:53,607
[clears throat].

445
00:15:56,127 --> 00:15:57,717
Did you want
to light a candle?

446
00:16:00,166 --> 00:16:01,096
Yes.

447
00:16:08,036 --> 00:16:08,756
Thank you.

448
00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:21,192
Thank you, God,
for these gifts,

449
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:24,603
gift of life,
the lamb of God.

450
00:16:24,638 --> 00:16:26,428
Spiritus

451
00:16:26,468 --> 00:16:27,608
Sanctus

452
00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:29,710
crispus.

453
00:16:31,818 --> 00:16:33,508
Candidus

454
00:16:34,062 --> 00:16:35,552
et ast

455
00:16:35,856 --> 00:16:37,096
horus.

456
00:16:38,238 --> 00:16:40,168
Agnes

457
00:16:41,552 --> 00:16:44,562
Deyn.

458
00:16:51,631 --> 00:16:52,771
[exhales]

459
00:16:53,495 --> 00:16:55,145
Sorry, just a quick question,
who-- who runs

460
00:16:55,186 --> 00:16:56,386
the school next door?

461
00:16:56,705 --> 00:16:57,705
Oh, uh, well

462
00:16:57,740 --> 00:16:59,600
Sister Benedict
is the head teacher.

463
00:17:00,088 --> 00:17:02,608
Ah, coolio. How--
how could I wangle, um,

464
00:17:02,642 --> 00:17:04,232
a meeting with this
Sister Benedict?

465
00:17:04,264 --> 00:17:05,584
It's just that my daughter, Ivy,

466
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,650
she's actually named after
Saint Ivy of course.

467
00:17:07,681 --> 00:17:09,101
She's, um, she's deeply,
deeply,

468
00:17:09,131 --> 00:17:11,131
heavily religious and, um,

469
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:12,578
she's just so desperate
to go to the school.

470
00:17:13,239 --> 00:17:15,409
Maybe if I-- if I left you
my name and number, you--

471
00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:16,858
you could put
in a word for me or...?

472
00:17:17,243 --> 00:17:18,553
I think it's best if you make

473
00:17:18,589 --> 00:17:20,179
an appointment
to see Sister Benedict.

474
00:17:20,694 --> 00:17:22,804
Now I'm sorry to rush you,
but I'm just about

475
00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:23,844
to start locking up.

476
00:17:23,870 --> 00:17:25,840
Oh, yes, of course.
Yes, thank you,

477
00:17:25,872 --> 00:17:27,222
thank you so much
for your time.

478
00:17:27,563 --> 00:17:28,633
I'll just, um...

479
00:17:29,324 --> 00:17:30,434
Okay.

480
00:17:33,914 --> 00:17:35,644
I'm not, I'm not gonna tell you
what I wished for

481
00:17:35,675 --> 00:17:37,395
because then
God won't grant it so...

482
00:17:37,435 --> 00:17:39,225
Just suffice to say,
I think I'll be seeing you

483
00:17:39,265 --> 00:17:40,845
on the first day of next term.

484
00:17:54,452 --> 00:17:55,592
Come on, guys.

485
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:09,920
All right, fellas.

486
00:18:10,399 --> 00:18:11,849
Did you get my email
about Linda?

487
00:18:12,781 --> 00:18:14,851
-Who's Linda?
-Linda, who did our divorce.

488
00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:15,886
Oh, Barely Legal Linda.

489
00:18:15,922 --> 00:18:17,682
You know she was in the paper
for shoplifting.

490
00:18:18,304 --> 00:18:19,864
Anyway, I've got some
fucking terrible news.

491
00:18:20,271 --> 00:18:22,201
The kids are mine?
[laughs]

492
00:18:22,239 --> 00:18:23,759
No. We're not divorced.

493
00:18:24,551 --> 00:18:26,381
-You what?
-We got the first bit,

494
00:18:26,415 --> 00:18:28,485
but not the second bit. So,
we're still legally married.

495
00:18:29,591 --> 00:18:31,251
[laughs]

496
00:18:31,282 --> 00:18:33,252
Why are you laughing? You know
that makes you a bigamist?

497
00:18:33,284 --> 00:18:35,154
Are you serious? It makes me
like Henry the Eighth.

498
00:18:35,183 --> 00:18:36,293
He had eight wives as well.

499
00:18:36,322 --> 00:18:37,632
No, he didn't, he had six.

500
00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:39,288
No, that's why they called him
Henry the Eighth.

501
00:18:39,325 --> 00:18:40,565
You know one of his wives
was a ghost?

502
00:18:40,602 --> 00:18:41,952
Didn't you have to prove
your divorce

503
00:18:41,982 --> 00:18:43,432
when you married
Dairylea Cheese?

504
00:18:43,674 --> 00:18:45,234
It's Debbie Louise.
And no.

505
00:18:45,262 --> 00:18:47,232
And for your information we got
married by what turned out

506
00:18:47,264 --> 00:18:49,404
to be a drug dealer
on some beach in Ibiza, so...

507
00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:51,891
legally it wasn't worth
the sand it was written in.

508
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,413
Right well, we need
to sort this,

509
00:18:53,442 --> 00:18:55,002
so read your emails
and get back to me.

510
00:18:55,030 --> 00:18:56,550
Ooh. What's the hurry?

511
00:18:57,308 --> 00:18:58,718
You wanna marry your farmer
or something?

512
00:18:58,758 --> 00:19:00,448
No. God, no.

513
00:19:00,484 --> 00:19:01,734
You've put me off marriage
for life.

514
00:19:01,761 --> 00:19:03,251
Well, what if I don't want
to divorce you?

515
00:19:03,763 --> 00:19:05,213
What if I like
having two wives?

516
00:19:05,247 --> 00:19:06,697
Well, if you like having
two balls,

517
00:19:06,731 --> 00:19:07,911
reply to my email.

518
00:19:14,877 --> 00:19:16,807
-[Amanda] Meg. Hey.
-Oh, hey.

519
00:19:16,845 --> 00:19:17,915
-Look at you.
-After you.

520
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:18,989
Oh, thank you.

521
00:19:20,469 --> 00:19:22,889
Wow, you've made an effort
to see Mrs. Lamb.

522
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,300
Oh. No, I'm, uh,
going for lunch actually.

523
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:27,610
With Johnny
and his new girlfriend.

524
00:19:27,649 --> 00:19:29,929
-Oof, I'm sorry.
-For what?

525
00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:32,211
Well meeting
the ex's new girlfriend,

526
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,210
we've all been there, babes.
It sucks.

527
00:19:34,242 --> 00:19:35,452
Well, bless you,

528
00:19:35,484 --> 00:19:37,214
it actually the opposite
of sucks.

529
00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:40,249
It blows.
[laughs]

530
00:19:40,489 --> 00:19:41,839
No. It's absolutely cool.

531
00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:43,630
All good in the hood.
Now, listen,

532
00:19:43,665 --> 00:19:45,975
you focus on your
wellbeing, yeah?

533
00:19:46,564 --> 00:19:48,364
We're the ones worrying
about you, Meggy.

534
00:19:48,394 --> 00:19:49,604
What are you doing here?

535
00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:50,906
Uh, trampoline club.

536
00:19:50,948 --> 00:19:52,878
-Oh, me too.
-Oh.

537
00:19:52,915 --> 00:19:53,915
Ahh.

538
00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:55,301
There's only one place left.

539
00:19:55,539 --> 00:19:57,779
Really? Could you pop
Manus down, please?

540
00:19:59,301 --> 00:20:00,961
Just pipped you to it there
I'm afraid, Meg.

541
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,962
Meg would be at the top of
the waiting list though, right?

542
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:04,314
-No.
-[Amanda] Okay.

543
00:20:04,651 --> 00:20:06,861
Sorry, I'd totally
give you my spot

544
00:20:06,895 --> 00:20:10,655
but I just bagged this
weekly podiatrist appointment

545
00:20:10,692 --> 00:20:14,252
and, you know, it's my feet...

546
00:20:15,628 --> 00:20:18,358
-Right.
-Yeah, so annoying, I'm sorry.

547
00:20:18,389 --> 00:20:19,459
It's just...

548
00:20:19,942 --> 00:20:21,392
I have cancer so...

549
00:20:21,668 --> 00:20:23,048
Yeah but...

550
00:20:24,947 --> 00:20:25,847
my feet.

551
00:20:26,742 --> 00:20:27,782
-She's got cancer.
-[Amanda] I know.

552
00:20:28,330 --> 00:20:29,920
She doesn't stop
going on about it.

553
00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:32,609
No, you should absolutely
have it, Meg, no.

554
00:20:32,955 --> 00:20:34,745
Definitely, of course.
Honestly.

555
00:20:34,785 --> 00:20:35,645
It's yours.

556
00:20:35,993 --> 00:20:38,003
Yeah, pop Meg down. Yeah.

557
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:39,549
Good for you. Yeah.

558
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:42,862
Can't not be nice, can I?
[laughs]

559
00:20:44,519 --> 00:20:45,519
Thank you.

560
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,420
This place is very Suits.

561
00:20:55,737 --> 00:20:57,737
Do you think
these monstera are real?

562
00:21:02,537 --> 00:21:03,677
Thanks for coming with.

563
00:21:04,366 --> 00:21:05,436
You're a good mate.

564
00:21:05,712 --> 00:21:07,442
Yeah well, if she's any good

565
00:21:07,473 --> 00:21:08,853
I might get her
to finalize my divorce.

566
00:21:09,164 --> 00:21:12,514
I cannot spend one more day
married to that penile wart.

567
00:21:12,547 --> 00:21:13,507
Mr. Brady?

568
00:21:14,549 --> 00:21:15,959
-Hannah Grove.
-[Kevin] Hi.

569
00:21:16,758 --> 00:21:17,688
Ah.

570
00:21:50,654 --> 00:21:52,554
-This your wife?
-Oh, no, sorry,

571
00:21:52,587 --> 00:21:54,377
um, sorry, this is Liz.

572
00:21:54,416 --> 00:21:55,136
I'm his escort.

573
00:21:55,555 --> 00:21:57,135
Uh, no, no she's just

574
00:21:57,523 --> 00:21:59,563
a friend. She's just here
for moral support.

575
00:21:59,594 --> 00:22:02,084
Yeah and a bit
of business actually.

576
00:22:02,528 --> 00:22:04,458
Um, how much would it cost

577
00:22:04,495 --> 00:22:06,075
for you to do
my decree absolute?

578
00:22:06,808 --> 00:22:08,118
I'm just going to be dealing
with one

579
00:22:08,154 --> 00:22:09,984
-at a time, if that's okay.
-Oh.

580
00:22:10,018 --> 00:22:11,948
So, Mr. Brady, you wanna

581
00:22:11,985 --> 00:22:12,915
give me some background?

582
00:22:13,470 --> 00:22:14,750
Yes, okay, um,

583
00:22:14,781 --> 00:22:16,511
my wife and I have been together

584
00:22:16,542 --> 00:22:17,892
for fourteen years,

585
00:22:18,406 --> 00:22:19,786
married for eleven.

586
00:22:20,097 --> 00:22:20,927
It's a funny story actually.

587
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,070
Our friend Shona
does a rounders game

588
00:22:23,100 --> 00:22:25,900
-every year at Brockwell Park...
-Okay, that's great.

589
00:22:25,930 --> 00:22:27,660
So, I guess
my next question is...

590
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:30,380
what do you want?

591
00:22:30,625 --> 00:22:31,795
Well, I want my wife back.

592
00:22:32,558 --> 00:22:34,558
Is-- is that something
you-- you can arrange?

593
00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:38,007
Just it's a little joke.
Sorry, no.

594
00:22:38,046 --> 00:22:39,766
Um, what I really want is

595
00:22:40,048 --> 00:22:41,978
equal access to my girls

596
00:22:42,015 --> 00:22:43,465
and a warm bed.

597
00:22:43,741 --> 00:22:45,021
Sure. But I mean,

598
00:22:45,467 --> 00:22:47,087
she's the one
divorcing you, right?

599
00:22:47,124 --> 00:22:48,164
You've done nothing wrong.

600
00:22:48,194 --> 00:22:49,894
I-- I mean, I could have
learnt to drive,

601
00:22:50,196 --> 00:22:52,086
and-- and I sort of
hold my breath

602
00:22:52,129 --> 00:22:53,749
and then breathe out
when I'm asleep,

603
00:22:53,786 --> 00:22:55,166
but it's kind
of sinus related...

604
00:22:55,201 --> 00:22:56,411
But from what Meg tells me

605
00:22:56,444 --> 00:22:58,144
you're the main carer
for these kids,

606
00:22:58,169 --> 00:23:00,689
right?
You're Mr. Daddy Daycare.

607
00:23:00,724 --> 00:23:02,694
Yeah, okay but I hate
that expression.

608
00:23:02,726 --> 00:23:04,586
'Cause, uh, I'm
just being a parent.

609
00:23:04,624 --> 00:23:06,564
But you put your career
on hold, right?

610
00:23:06,592 --> 00:23:07,942
Well, I don't really have
a career.

611
00:23:08,248 --> 00:23:10,148
What did you always envisage
yourself doing?

612
00:23:10,561 --> 00:23:12,871
I mean as an adult?
What did you want to be?

613
00:23:15,946 --> 00:23:17,146
What about your children's book?

614
00:23:17,603 --> 00:23:19,613
So, you put your career

615
00:23:19,639 --> 00:23:21,989
as a successful
children's author on hold

616
00:23:22,021 --> 00:23:24,131
to care for your kids
while your wife

617
00:23:24,541 --> 00:23:27,061
selfishly pursued
her dream job as a...

618
00:23:27,992 --> 00:23:28,892
A bookkeeper.

619
00:23:30,063 --> 00:23:31,133
Well, it sounds to me
like we should be going after

620
00:23:31,168 --> 00:23:33,408
at least 50% of your
wife's earnings, Mr. Brady.

621
00:23:34,067 --> 00:23:35,137
Oh. [chuckles]

622
00:23:36,656 --> 00:23:38,996
-You think?
-You don't hire me to think.

623
00:23:39,935 --> 00:23:40,965
You hire me to know.

624
00:23:41,316 --> 00:23:43,486
Yes. Okay. Yeah.

625
00:23:43,905 --> 00:23:44,935
Yeah?

626
00:23:45,631 --> 00:23:47,181
-Yes.
-[Hannah] Great.

627
00:23:47,633 --> 00:23:49,533
Let's take this bitch
to the cleaners.

628
00:23:49,738 --> 00:23:50,738
Yes.

629
00:23:53,777 --> 00:23:55,607
What just happened
in there, Liz?

630
00:23:56,296 --> 00:23:57,256
What have I done?

631
00:24:01,888 --> 00:24:04,548
Transubstantiation.

632
00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:07,096
Ecumenical.

633
00:24:08,550 --> 00:24:10,210
Ecumenical, ecumenical.

634
00:24:10,241 --> 00:24:11,761
Yes, we were in church
yesterday,

635
00:24:11,795 --> 00:24:12,895
um, actually.

636
00:24:13,244 --> 00:24:14,594
And if you don't
believe me the--

637
00:24:14,625 --> 00:24:15,725
the duty nun can vouch for us.

638
00:24:16,075 --> 00:24:17,655
We're just totally into
the Bible.

639
00:24:17,697 --> 00:24:19,007
It's actually on my Kindle.

640
00:24:19,216 --> 00:24:21,146
It is at the heart
of our teaching.

641
00:24:22,012 --> 00:24:23,572
So, what's your favorite bit?

642
00:24:25,533 --> 00:24:27,163
I wouldn't like
to get into it because it's...

643
00:24:28,984 --> 00:24:30,234
very personal.

644
00:24:30,572 --> 00:24:32,092
Uh, when I talk
about the Bible it's a very

645
00:24:32,988 --> 00:24:34,058
personal...

646
00:24:36,233 --> 00:24:38,753
The Bible means
a lot to me, and so

647
00:24:38,787 --> 00:24:40,787
I wouldn't really want
to get into specifics.

648
00:24:41,203 --> 00:24:44,003
No particular verses or stories?

649
00:24:44,034 --> 00:24:45,734
Stories? Oh!
[laughs]

650
00:24:46,070 --> 00:24:47,930
Yes. Right, sorry.

651
00:24:47,969 --> 00:24:49,829
No. The Nativity,
love that.

652
00:24:50,074 --> 00:24:51,254
Um, that's a cracking yarn.

653
00:24:51,628 --> 00:24:52,908
The four horsemen
of the apocalypse,

654
00:24:53,146 --> 00:24:54,526
I mean, what a twist.

655
00:24:54,562 --> 00:24:56,672
The bit where the guy
is walking along the beach

656
00:24:56,702 --> 00:24:59,122
with the footsteps, it turns out
it's Jesus holding the...

657
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:01,709
the fella. I mean, uh,

658
00:25:01,741 --> 00:25:03,121
what a twist
that gets me every time.

659
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,780
Well, it was lovely
to meet you,

660
00:25:05,814 --> 00:25:07,994
Mrs. Johnson. And as I said
at the start,

661
00:25:08,023 --> 00:25:10,343
admissions are decided
through the local authority.

662
00:25:10,370 --> 00:25:11,650
What about the higher authority?

663
00:25:11,682 --> 00:25:13,272
Does he have a say or...?

664
00:25:14,098 --> 00:25:15,578
It's Ealing Council.

665
00:25:15,893 --> 00:25:17,693
Also, a lot of places
go to siblings.

666
00:25:17,723 --> 00:25:19,553
Yes, gosh. Yes, of course,
you being Catholics.

667
00:25:19,587 --> 00:25:21,347
I mean, my hubby's not keen
on the old condoms either.

668
00:25:21,381 --> 00:25:22,801
I'll tell you what
I'll do for you,

669
00:25:23,073 --> 00:25:24,733
I'm gonna leave you my card,
it's got my deets.

670
00:25:24,971 --> 00:25:27,151
I'll give you
a little tinkle tomorrow

671
00:25:27,180 --> 00:25:28,700
and just see
if there's anything

672
00:25:28,734 --> 00:25:30,674
-you can do personally.
-There won't be.

673
00:25:31,426 --> 00:25:33,356
Hmm. Final answer?

674
00:25:33,808 --> 00:25:35,048
I can see what you're doing,

675
00:25:35,085 --> 00:25:36,565
so let's stop wasting
each other's time.

676
00:25:36,983 --> 00:25:39,613
I meet about twenty blaggers
like you a day.

677
00:25:41,781 --> 00:25:42,781
Wow.

678
00:25:43,852 --> 00:25:45,612
That's a sucker punch.
Um...

679
00:25:46,234 --> 00:25:48,244
You nuns, you're,
you're very superior,

680
00:25:48,270 --> 00:25:49,200
aren't you?

681
00:25:50,169 --> 00:25:52,099
Um, with the wimple,
um, I googled that.

682
00:25:52,136 --> 00:25:54,306
So, is it my fault that a
block of flats is built

683
00:25:54,345 --> 00:25:55,895
and thereby pushing us
out of a catchment

684
00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:57,940
for a really good school? No,
it's not. I'm a great mother.

685
00:25:57,970 --> 00:25:59,630
And if that means
I'm gonna bullshit a nun

686
00:25:59,661 --> 00:26:01,041
from time to time,
to get my kid

687
00:26:01,076 --> 00:26:02,596
a cracking education,
that's what I'm gonna do.

688
00:26:02,630 --> 00:26:03,700
And I would do it again.

689
00:26:03,734 --> 00:26:05,744
She knows. She knows

690
00:26:05,771 --> 00:26:07,981
because she is the most famous
mother of them all.

691
00:26:08,256 --> 00:26:09,326
That's Mary Magdalene.

692
00:26:09,844 --> 00:26:11,334
She's a childless prostitute.

693
00:26:14,918 --> 00:26:15,948
Exactly.

694
00:26:25,825 --> 00:26:27,855
[Meg] Yeah, I'm just arriving
at Boundary Road,

695
00:26:27,896 --> 00:26:28,896
I'll call you later.

696
00:26:48,054 --> 00:26:48,924
Oh.

697
00:26:51,333 --> 00:26:52,333
Fair enough.

698
00:26:53,370 --> 00:26:55,480
But what we lack in space,

699
00:26:55,510 --> 00:26:57,270
we more than make up
for with visits

700
00:26:57,685 --> 00:27:00,135
to local sports grounds
and swimming pools.

701
00:27:00,860 --> 00:27:02,070
Physical activity,

702
00:27:02,344 --> 00:27:03,794
one of the tentpoles

703
00:27:03,829 --> 00:27:05,689
of our teaching here
at B.R.A.,

704
00:27:06,314 --> 00:27:08,904
as well as our renowned
music program.

705
00:27:09,144 --> 00:27:11,254
Oi, Kev. You ghosting my lawyer?

706
00:27:11,284 --> 00:27:13,804
Sh-- she, she, c--
can she sue me for that?

707
00:27:14,046 --> 00:27:16,666
I can't go back there, I felt
like I was hiring a hitman.

708
00:27:16,911 --> 00:27:17,981
That's why I like her.

709
00:27:18,464 --> 00:27:20,364
Gonna get her to do
my decree absolute.

710
00:27:20,742 --> 00:27:22,682
I cannot wait to be free
of that dick weed.

711
00:27:22,951 --> 00:27:24,471
You know she's £400 an hour,
yeah?

712
00:27:24,988 --> 00:27:27,368
Oh, guess I'm still married
to him then.

713
00:27:27,404 --> 00:27:28,474
So, um,

714
00:27:29,061 --> 00:27:30,271
Hersham House

715
00:27:30,925 --> 00:27:33,195
was overpriced
and underwhelming.

716
00:27:33,755 --> 00:27:36,405
-How was it with the nuns?
-Um, no.

717
00:27:37,034 --> 00:27:38,694
No, no. No, no, no.

718
00:27:39,347 --> 00:27:41,517
We're gonna plump
for Boundary Road so...

719
00:27:41,556 --> 00:27:42,446
Hmm.

720
00:27:43,454 --> 00:27:44,284
I think this place has
a really good vibe.

721
00:27:44,317 --> 00:27:46,907
[laughs]
Look at you all slumming it.

722
00:27:47,148 --> 00:27:49,148
The science block
smells of farts.

723
00:27:50,047 --> 00:27:52,187
I know where I am in a school
that smells of farts.

724
00:27:52,222 --> 00:27:53,532
So please
put your hands together

725
00:27:53,568 --> 00:27:56,258
for the Year 10
symphony orchestra.

726
00:27:57,434 --> 00:27:58,994
Oh, fuck this.

727
00:28:03,820 --> 00:28:06,100
[theme music playing]