Who's this guy now?
Oh, he's Connell from Normal People.
Oh.
Oh, yeah course. Yeah.
He looks like him, doesn't he?
Ah, little peach. Loving the peach costume Rose.
See you then. Have a good day.
She looks great.
What's the book, Kev?
Have you read Call Me by Your Name,Anne?
I have, yeah, years ago.
I don't remember anything about a peach though.
-Oh. -Very funny, Liz.
It's James and the Giant Peach, of course.
Rose, Rose, remember, try not to sit down.
Love you.
Move quicker.
Shh...
Did you forget?
No.
No, not at all. Just...
haven't got my bits and bobs out yet, so...
silly.
Oh!
It's the umbrella.
It's a book by Will Self.
Off you go then.
Here we go.
There.
And that's, uh,
that's, that's Where's Wally?suddenly...
So, right.
Bye, guys.
[music playing]
Ooh, uh, decaf, please.
No caffeine for me for another year.
Oh, god, I'm sick of March already.
It's just constant dress-up, children's parties,
then it's bloody Easter egg hunts
and then to top it off it's shitting Mother's Day.
You gonna turn down your Mother of the Year award again then?
[Kevin] I love Mother's Day.
I love that there's one day that the world remembers
they came out of a woman.
What, what are you gonna be doing, Liz?
Lee's got the kids this year,
so I'm hoping they'll get diarrhea in time.
-Get off. -[Meg] Well, I'm gonna be
totally spoilt because I'm a brilliant mum...
and I've got cancer so...
[Kevin] I refuse to do anything this year,
let bloody Jill see what she's bloody missing.
Oh, Amanda,
are you doing anything lovely for Mother's Day?
Yeah. Actually, yeah,
I'm having lunch with my mother.
She's, uh, coming down from Cheltenham especially.
You've got a mother?
I always assumed you were hatched in a laboratory.
I'm gonna take that as a compliment, Liz.
Great.
You doing anything nice for Mother's Day?
My mammy's coming over, yeah.
I've told her all about your café.
She can't wait to meet you.
Only two more sleeps.
Until what, you get your skin tags off?
No, till Mother's Day.
Aww...
All my favorite things in one day.
My mammy,
a lie-in, breakfast in bed, opening presents,
kisses from the children,
a pound of marzipan, bobbing for apples,
kittens for the day, walnuts...
I think Anne's malfunctioning.
[Anne] ...a roll down the hill.
Beer o'clock. [laughs]
[laughs]
Actually, I've only got red wine, but
I don't mind opening it,
not at all. I've got some cheese,
have a little cheese plate out in the garden or,
or we could watch that new documentary, um,
about the octopus.
Yeah, thanks, but, uh,
gotta get going.
Yeah, no, of course.
I said I'd watch it with mother anyway.
You, you doing anything nice for Mother's Day?
Sorry,
I'm assuming that you have a mother, sorry.
Yeah, yeah, I do. It's just me
and my five brothers going round to Mum's.
There's six of you?
Are you all builders?
No, no, just me.
One's an accountant, three are firemen...
-Three are firemen? -Yeah.
-[Laughs] Firemen. -Hmm.
Oh, my god.
Yeah. Uh, I, I found this, do you want it?
-For me? -It's just a...
spare tap. I found it in the back of a van.
I, I noticed the one in the en suite
was knackered so...
I was only gonna dump it otherwise.
Oh, my god.
I, I love it.
Thank you so much.
All right. I'll see you Monday then.
Okay. Yeah.
Thank you, Garry, that's a date. A day.
A day in the calendar.
Thank you, Garry. Bye.
[Julia] Children, breakfast is ready. Come on.
Mum, Mother.
[Marion] Yes.
Your porridge is ready.
[Marion] Ooh, lovely.
-And did you make it with milk? -Yeah.
[Marion] Oh, no, I can't have it with milk, love.
Why are you calling me from upstairs?
[Paul] Julia, why are the kids on the trampoline?
You know I need bed rest after the vasectomy.
Paul, love, you are aware it's Mother's Day, yes?
[Paul] Oh, shit, I've gotta call my mum.
[doorbell rings]
Ooh.
Are they for me?
Why are you all tarted up?
Oh, your sister's FaceTiming me at 11.
Oh, they're lovely.
Thank you, Julia.
Happy Mother's Day, Mother.
Look. All my love, Emily.
Both of us.
It just says, Emily.
Oh, Emily,
what a total bitch.
[Sam] Is it weird doing Mother's Day without the boys?
Yeah.
They always make me a crappy little card.
Charlie brings me a bowl of dry cereal in bed,
usually around 4 am.
Well, why didn't Lee swap weekends
with you so you could have them?
Because he's a cock and a dick.
Ah, double penis.
Fancy a spontaneous trip to London?
Ah, it's lambing season. I can't really leave.
You can come here though.
You might even get to see a little lamb being born.
Ooh, tempting.
It's actually a bit of a miracle.
You get to see them appearing and take their first breaths.
I've seen enough placenta
dragged out of my own vagina, thanks.
So, what do you think, we could meet up halfway?
Uh, what's halfway up the M4?
Chippenham Lorry Park.
Oh, they've got showers.
Sounds almost too romantic.
Ooh, your wife's calling.
-All right, speak to you soon. -Speak soon. Bye.
I am going for a bath.
Oh, there's no hot water.
-Eh? -And you've run out of milk.
Mother, you literally just said
you can't have milk in your porridge.
Yeah, but I can't drink black tea.
Jesus Christ.
Open up, it's the pigs.
Happy Mother's Day.
Oh, shove it up your hole.
Have you got any milk
-I could borrow, please? -Yeah.
I also have a Bloody Mary you can borrow.
Bloody, yes.
Oh, my God.
You guys make me want to puke.
Here, this'll settle your stomach.
Thanks.
[knock on door]
Oh, shit, what's happened?
Oh, no, no, nothing, sorry,
-I was just checking in. -Oh.
You, okay? What you up to?
Just thinking about drinking.
What's the earliest you can start if you're not
officially an alcoholic?
Friday night?
No, I-- I usually just stick to the weekends
but I'm the wrong person to ask.
I only drink for fun. Uh...
Happy Mother's Day.
Ah, thanks.
You know I'm not your mom, right?
They arrived for bloody Jill,
'cause I forgot to cancel the standing order at the florist.
Seriously, it took all my might
not to make a fuss of her.
Normally it's, you know, breakfast in bed,
homemade chocolates, I keep the kids out the way
so she can properly chill then, usually, she watches
Point Breakon her own, she loves that film.
Tell me you didn't do any of that.
No, of course not.
Well, actually, I did-- I did
make breakfast.
I-- I was just on autopilot.
I left it in the kitchen though.
Bloody Jill can bloody get it herself.
You need to toughen up, Kev.
Get some lessons from my ex on how to be a thoughtless,
self-obsessed piss bag.
I can't believe he wouldn't let you have the boys today.
Hmm, I can.
This is the bloke who went
on his stag do during our honeymoon.
-Poor old you. -No.
Not seeing Sam Shepherd this weekend?
Nah, he's knee-deep in sheep placenta.
Shall we do something?
We've got a completely free day. We...
we could do anything, we god damn, please.
Yeah, all right.
Like what?
Visit my mom?
So, I've got my last lot of chemo next week,
then I find out if I need an op to lop it off.
-Hey, no, you won't need that. -Well, if I do,
then as a booby prize, they can give me a new booby.
Ooh, that's, uh...
why are you looking at porn?
I'm researching my new rack.
I've got the search history of a 14- year-old boy.
Oh, if I was offered a free boob job
I'd go like, you know, the whole hog.
The full Sam Fox.
Yeah, no, I was thinking more the other way,
but not too flat like you because you're like concave.
Thank you.
Yes, no, they did rather give up
the ghost after, uh, the breastfeeding.
Ooh, that drink looks
delicious.
Can, can I stay here forever?
Your Mother's Day
is just much, much, much better than mine.
How come I don't get spoilt like this?
Christ, I had 32 stitches with Ivy.
When she came out, she was like
the same size as my own torso.
Well, you reap what you sow or in your case, sew.
[phone chimes]
Paul,
toilet roll.
[phone chimes]
ASAP. Sorry,
what, what, what did I sow to deserve this?
Is this, um... please can I stay here?
No, get out.
Cool.
I'm just, I'm just gonna take...
Cheers, my dears.
Would it help if I told you that
they'd never done a Mother's Day like this before?
Uh, yeah, maybe a bit.
I think they're just making a special effort
because it might be my last one ever.
God, no. No.
It's true.
D'you know, I once, um, laid down on the kitchen floor
over there, just laid down
just to see if anyone would notice
and actually, they all just, um,
stepped over me, so in the end I just sort of lay there
looking at all the shit under...
the cupboards.
[Ivy] Give it back. Give it back.
No, get your own.
-Hiya. -[Paul] Julia?
Did you get bog roll?
Can you run it up here?
Do you want a water?
Mint?
Sick bag? Condoms?
I've got them all for the Uber driving.
I'll have a water, please.
Just so you know,
even though I'm not gonna charge you for this drive,
I will need you to rate me five stars.
Mommy.
Hello, Darling, I'm so sorry I'm late.
-I totally forgot. -Ahh!
It's fine, it's only 20 minutes,
we should make it. Hopefully.
Oh, Darling, you look so tired.
I'm fine.
Okay.
I'm fine.
Are you gonna come in and say hi to the kids?
We, we should hurry. I'll shout up to them.
Hello, babies.
Love you, love you.
So good to see you.
-Shall we go? -Yeah.
Uh, Johnny,
I'm off now.
Bye, guys.
Oh, is Johnny not coming with?
Well, no,
I thought we...
well, who'd-- who'd look after the children?
Oh, that is a shame.
And we're getting a divorce, Mum.
Yes, I keep forgetting. Poor Johnny.
Right, shall we go?
Riverside Café, exciting.
Ah, they were full,
but I have got us a table at
Fed and Watered which is just on the High Street.
-Oh, that is a shame. -Mum, I tried my best
and we were actually lucky to get a table anywhere
-even though I booked weeks ago. -Oh, Darling, I'm so sorry,
-I am grateful. -Okay.
And as long as I get to see you.
Now, quickly, get ready, I'll wait in the car.
I am ready.
[Liz] Weird being in the countryside.
I don't actually hate it.
[Kevin] Ooh, ooh, ooh, stop, here we are.
[Liz] Is your mom a vicar?
No, Liz.
She's dead.
She loved nuts.
Anything salty.
That's probably what killed her in the end.
How old were you when she died?
Eight.
Ah, Kev.
My dad married again about a year later.
They live in Spain now.
Probably to get away from me.
Does she like salty nuts?
Nah, she's more of a Wagon Wheel woman.
Sweet tooth.
She couldn't be more different to my lovely mum.
My step-mum couldn't tell me and my brother Adrian apart,
so she just used to call us both Adrian.
I used to hide her slipper,
just-- just the one.
She-- she'd spend hours looking for it
and I'd just sit there knowing it was under my pillow.
Hey, you know what you should do?
What, hide Jill's slipper?
She'd have my guts for garters.
No, get back out there, sow some oats.
Oh, no bloody way.
Why not?
See if you can move on
mentally and physically.
No, no, Liz, no, I couldn't bear it.
The smell of another woman,
the feel of her hair,
-her hand on my... -All right, Kev.
On my chest, Liz.
God.
Sorry, Mum.
Nah, that's it for me.
I've had my fill with Jill.
Can we open those nuts?
Yeah.
Can I do anything?
Oh, goodness, no, it's Mother's Day.
Mothers shouldn't have to lift a finger on Mother's Day.
Food.
Ooh, come on then.
Well, this looks lovely.
Oh, I'm sorry Mum,
I'm sorry that your daughter isn't Heston Blumenthal.
-What's for pudding? -Huh, no pudding, no,
we'll just be having a seminar and living in the moment.
Pizza? Who ordered pizza?
-Pizza. -[Paul] Is that my pizza, Julia?
[Amanda] Look!
Georgie is just mad about street dance.
Wait, there's something else I wanted to show you.
That's Madison's drawing of the Houses of Parliament.
Darling, when you WhatsApp photos of the children,
they go straight into my camera roll.
-Oh, that's handy. -How do I stop that happening?
I feel bad deleting them.
Chardonnay for the beautiful sisters.
Oh, you are sweet.
-Isn't he sweet, Amanda? -Hmm.
Have you decided?
D'you want to share the fig and chorizo salad?
I'm not a fan of chorizo.
I think I'll have the mushroom velouté
and a sparkling water, please. Thank you, Darling.
-Goats cheese salad, please. -Merci.
So, Darling,
how are you with the divorce and everything?
-Oh, well... -[phone chimes]
Oh, it's Tinder.
-God. Mum. -It's from a David.
He sounds lovely.
-Great. -Darling, dating apps
-are a gamechanger. -Mummy, please, I really
don't want to see, it's actually making me feel a bit ill.
Oh, come on.
You're getting divorced,
you'll soon be doing exactly the same, you just wait.
I won't, Mummy. This is still so raw
for me and Johnny. I, uh... [sighs]
We still have so much respect for each other and...
You sound exactly like I did
when I was going through it with your father.
This is very different to your divorce from Daddy.
It's exactly the same.
He'd had his fill of me, and I was discarded.
You should take him for everything he's got.
Mummy, I'm not being discarded,
and this is not about money.
Is that what he said?
I always said Johnny was no good.
No, you didn't, you said you loved him,
and you said if you were 10 years younger,
-I'd have to watch my back. -Five years younger.
Voila.
Can I get you anything else?
[both] Another dry white wine, please.
The girls would love it here.
If I pass my driving test,
I can take them to places like this.
It always p'ed Jill off that I couldn't drive,
or swim, or grow a beard.
Actually, to be fair, that last one
was out of my hands, she hates stubble.
I'll teach you to drive.
Would you?
I'm not a complete novice,
I've had, I've had about 90 hours of lessons.
90?
For the price of them, you could've just hired a chauffeur.
It's reversing that stymies me.
I'm absolutely fine going forwards
but for some reason going backwards terrifies me.
It's the same with swings, going up,
exhilarating, coming down,
-no, thank you. -Oh, god,
Sam keeps texting me pictures of baby lambs.
Let me see.
There.
Still in the birth bag.
It's amazing, isn't it?
Life from life. That your,
your body can make another body.
Yeah, tell that to the ewe,
she just made four legs of lamb and a pound of chops.
Poor lamb.
The girls and I are vegetarian now.
Not Jill, she's always the last at the table,
sucking the living daylights out of a plate of ribs.
Do you think he's trying to tell me something?
I don't wanna plop out any more kids, Kev.
I'd have loved another baby.
-How old's Sam? -37.
Yeah, I was exactly the same at that age, very broody.
Jill said she'd rather have laser eye surgery.
I've only just reclaimed control of my pelvic floor,
I can finally sneeze without pissing myself.
Hey, do you wanna drive us back, Kev?
-What, really? -Yeah, come on, new you.
Okay.
-Okay, let's do this. -All right.
Relax.
My mum always said, you wouldn't bump into anyone
as you're walking about, would you?
So just don't bump into any other cars.
Okay, come on, Kevin, you can do this.
So, indicate. [sighs]
Indicators and mirrors.
Check the road ahead
and here we go.
Oh, my God.
Well,
that was really lovely.
Oh, god, it was absolute shit, Mother.
Sorry, I was just trying to...
it would just be, just be so lovely
if-- if my family, you know, just
could pretend that they like me just
for one day. Maybe serve me
Bloody Marys,
put my face on a t-shirt.
You don't have children to be liked, Julia.
Well then what's the blinking point of having kids
if they don't friggin' like you?
Look at us, you didn't talk to me
from the age of 13 to 22.
You were a monster, Julia.
I locked myself in the toilet once
to get away from you
and you kicked the door off the hinges.
Did I? Goodness, I don't remember that.
Why were you hiding in the toilet?
It was the only room with a key.
And look at us now, you look after me.
You let me stay in your house,
give me your bedroom
and your en suite.
Mother, I don't want to wait until
I'm infirm for my children to give a shit about me.
Oh, my god,
they used to think the sun shone out of my arsehole.
All I had to do was fart and Ivy's face lit up,
but now if I fart in front of them, they look at me like
Melania looks at Donald.
You'll get them back
and it'll all be worth it, hmm?
I promise.
[Marion farts]
Oh, pop a cork in it, Mother.
Would you like to see the dessert menu?
[both] No, thank you.
-Just the bill. -D'accord.
[knocking on the window]
Happy Mother's Day.
This is my mammy.
I burned my hand making toffee apples
so we're off to the A&E, yeah.
Is that your mammy?
Isn't she lovely.
We'll come in.
It's just Anne.
Amanda,
this is my mammy.
-Hi. -Mammy,
this is Amanda's mammy.
No, way.
You look too young to be a granny.
Not like me,
-I'm as old as the hills. -[both laughing]
Thank you.
This is baby Niamh.
Isn't she a dote?
She was nine pounds exactly.
You didn't have any stitches did you, Annie?
No, no, no. I'm pretty much elasticated down there.
Would you like a little hold?
Oh.
Ooh.
[baby coos]
-Isn't mammy gorgeous? -[chuckles]
You're lovely looking, Amanda.
-Oh. -Leg's up to your armpits.
[chuckles] Such a slim thing.
I'm not.
Neither am I.
[both laughing]
All right, dick head,
you're on speakerphone so don't say anything dirty.
All right. Check this out.
Oh, my God, what's that?
What, what, what? What's what?
Not you, Sam. Sam's lambing.
-Oh, God. -Did you get my message?
[Sam] Yes, I got your message,
but no, I don't want a baby, Liz.
Right, so that's a definite no to kids then?
Definitely not.
Anything else?
'Cause I'm sort of in the middle of something here.
-Yeah, fine. -Okay.
He doesn't want kids.
So that's that answer.
Oh, no. Do I stop?
You're a learner, he can reverse.
No, kids is a good thing...
-isn't it? -What do I do?
Just stick her in reverse, Kevin.
I mean, why doesn't he want kids?
Why doesn't he want kids with me?
-Backwards? -[Liz] I could have more kids.
I've got about 10 to 15 good periods left in me I reckon.
I can't do it. I can't, I can't reverse.
Oh, for god's sake, Kevin,
I'm having a relationship crisis here.
Yes, I know, I know but he's being really heavy on the horn.
All right, look, shove over, I'll do it.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
You know what, Liz?
I've gotta do this.
I've bloody got to grow a pair and get my license.
I can't give Jill any excuses
to cut me out of my girls' lives.
All right, look, both hands on the wheel,
use your mirrors and in your own time,
nice and easy, reverse.
[Kevin screams]
Kevin.
Oh, my God. Kevin, stop screaming.
-[car honking] -Oh. Oh.
[laughing] I did it.
I did it.
-I reversed. -Yes.
-I reversed, Liz. [chuckles] -Yes, all right.
Whatever happens with Jill,
I want custody of the kids.
I'll chain myself to the Shard if needs be.
Yeah. You're the best bloody mother I know.
Uh, do you mind if I drop you off at the station?
I've just got an Uber booking.
Hey.
-I missed you. -[car honks]
-Hello. -Hello, babies.
Lovely to see you all.
Johnny, you look fantastic, Darling.
See you on Tinder.
Mummy says I should rinse you dry.
No, I didn't, Darling.
Don't listen to her, she's just bitter.
-Nice lunch? -Wonderful, wasn't it, Darling?
No, it wasn't, it made me sad actually.
But whatever happens with this divorce,
we won't let it make our kids sad,
so thank you for that.
Happy Mother's Day, Mum.
She's quite right, you should take me to the cleaners.
Can you imagine?
-Can I keep the house? -No.
[sighs]
[knocking on door]
-Oh. -Uh, Meg?
Yeah, no, I'll-- I can take them over for her.
Happy Mother's Day again, you lucky bitch.
Oh,
oh, God, um...
it's the flowers, isn't it?
Uh, lilies, uh, you hate lilies.
Okay. That's okay,
it's cool, I-- I can take them away, I--
I didn't receive any fucking flowers, so...
I just want to say from the offset,
I'm not very good with crying or empathy.
I'm sorry.
It's just...
what if this really is my last one?
No, no, no, it...
it-- it's not gonna be.
We don't know. [sobbing]
And in the meantime, you know,
I've gotta carry on being fun Meg,
hot wife, supermum.
Whoa, let's not get carried away.
[sighs]
I'm just so...
exhausted...
[sobbing] and I'm really fucking terrified, Julia.
Yes, yes, look, look, listen,
of course, you are, of course, you are,
but you are strong.
Okay, uh...
think about, you know, Lance Armstrong,
you-- you know, he-- he was determined,
he had a positive mindset, yes, yes, he's gonna, he's--
he's gonna go to hell,
yes, for sure, but not for a long, long time
because he beat cancer.
Look, listen, right...
Come on, let's...
crack this little soldier open.
-Ooh. -[both laughing]
To Lance Armstrong.
No, no, I'm not fucking toasting Lance Armstrong.
-Um... -[laughing]
here's to all the amazing women in our lives.
To the sisters and the aunties
and the grandmas and the teachers.
And to Lance Armstrong's mum.
Fine.
Happy Mother's Day.
Oh. [laughs]
[theme music playing]
-[Meg chuckles] -[smooches]