MAN: Then, as it becomes easier for you
Play the record once a day or as needed
["FEELS GOOD" BY TONY! TONI! TONEÉ! PLAYING]
♪ Oh
♪ It feels good, yeah
♪ It feels good, whoa
♪ It feels good...
VERNA: Magic.
It has been a part of my son's life
for as long as I can remember.
I swear, he just could never get enough of that stuff.
He was always setting shit on fire,
cutting things in half.
When he was 10,
he had my tired ass driving him
to every novelty shop and garage sale
to find whatever little thingamajig
that he could use for a trick.
He even had me buy him a damn rabbit.
Where I come from, we eat them.
Can anyone say, "Rabbit stew"?
When he was 15, he decided to become a magician.
Because there's only two things in life he's crazy about.
One is magic, and the other, Robin.
Presto!
[GRUNTING]
Stop messing around, Merlin.
I'm not messing around. I'm stuck.
Can you help me out, please? The key's beside Poof.
Just-- Over there.
Why do trick handcuffs need a key?
Okay, I got it. Okay.
You better figure it out.
You don't wanna blow it in the show.
[SIGHS] I'm so not ready for this.
Don't say that.
You've wanted this since we were kids.
You always said you'd perform in Vegas.
Okay, let's see.
Am I ready for this?
I guess you're right.
This really never does lie.
Really?Yeah.
Let me try.
Will Robin marry Merlin one day?
Okay. I doubt that that will happen now.
You're literally going away to college.
Juilliard's not just college.
If I'm gonna be a dancer, it's where I need to be.
The only time I'll see you is what?
Holidays and summer breaks until you forget about me.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]You just...
You just... You just... You put your lips on mine.
Why did you do that?
I could never forget you, Merlin.
Now you got something good to think about.
And try not to lose that key again.
Well, you got something on your...
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
How did you do that?
VERNA: Hope you're ready, Merlin. Time to go.
It's my mother. You gotta hide. You know how she is. She crazy.
VERNA: What you doing, son?
Lord, I hope you ain't in there jerking your Johnson.
No.Come on. We'll be late.
We got... I don't wanna be...
[SNIFFING]
What?
What is that?
Robin, is that you on your knees over there?
Get up.
Uh... Yes, ma'am.
Got your little narrow ass hiding behind the bed.
What the hell?How did you know?
Because it smells like Now and Laters
and Prostyle in here.
Smells like hoodrat pudding.
I mean, we weren't doing nothing. I swear.
Oh, honey, I know.
He wouldn't know what to do with a girl
unless she was in a catalog.
Victoria may have her secrets, but Merlin, he ain't got none.
Mom.Look, we got to go.
I don't wanna be late.
Okay. Okay. I'm coming.
What's that she said about jerking?
VERNA: Get your little fresh ass out of my house!
We gotta go.
VERNA: See, everywhere Merlin went,
Robin went too.
They were ride or die from day one.
So when my son decided to enter the talent show,
there was no doubt who his assistant would be.
Just try to relax, Merlin.
Nothing to worry about. Except the routine.
Routine. Yeah.
The routine. The routine.
The routine.
Oh! I forgot my extra boxers for the endless-ribbon trick.
That's the whole punchline.Okay, wait. Um...
How about you use the ones you have on?
No one will be able to tell.
You don't think so? No.
You're all set.
You guys are going on last
because you had the best audition.
Really? Yes.
BOY: Best audition?
You must be talking about us, right?
Ghetto Gangsters in the house.
We ain't just rappers. We gangsters.
We about that life.
We come from the streets.
The streets of Beverly Hills.
That's what it must be,
because there's no ghetto gangsters here.
You guys are straight out of the cul-de-sac. Ooh!
That's definitely Armani.
Is that Armani?ROBIN: Yeah.
My dad has the same... Yes.
Ah... Y'all got tricked.
We ought to smoke this fake-ass clown.
I'm not a clown, okay?
I'm a magician.
And you ain't smoking nobody, honey.
What you gonna do about it, old lady?
Pour some hot coffee on me? Bitch, please.
Ooh! Well, since you asked nicely.
[COFFEE TUMBLER CLANGS]Sit your ass down somewhere.
Talking to me crazy like...
Y'all, come on. Go on.Okay.
Look here, baby.
You forget about them dumbasses, okay?
You either go big or you go home, Merlin.
Got that?Yes, ma'am.
Now, go knock them out.
I got you. All right.
Y'all thirsty? Hmm?
You obviously like your coffee black.
Behold, just an ordinary deck of cards.
Now, watch closely. Very intently.
This is gonna be the most remarkable thing
you've ever seen.
I can make them turn into something
that's kind of big like that.
Whoa! Ha, ha!
There's no way he's gonna win.
VERNA: And with Robin by his side on that stage,
he finally found his passion.
Oh!
ROBIN: Oh, my God.
VERNA: I was so proud of him, I damn near pissed myself.
Okay, I did.
But I had an extra pair of panties in my purse.
Anyway, he had everyone inside that gym feeling the magic.
Except for a few stupid-ass haters.
MERLIN: For my last trick,
I will be escaping these handcuffs here
before this candle burns this rope
and drops this water balloon over my amazing assistant.
As you guys can see, she is a Black woman
who just got her hair done.
So if I screw this up, I'm screwed. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Alrighty. Let's get this show on the road.
[ROBIN WHOOPS]
And we're lit.
Can you guys actually help me get this on?
Give it up for the Ghetto Gangsters.
They from the streets. They know what's going on.
They know about some handcuffs.
It's on there, right?It's on there.
So I know what you all thinking.
These are impossible to get out of.
I guarantee he ain't getting out of that.
But that is why they call me the Amazing Merlin!
And a-presto!
[CHUCKLES]
Presto! Presto!
Presto!
Merlin!VERNA: Them fools was so salty
about losing to a magician,
they decided to let the rabbit out of the hat.
Why?
VERNA: Except for my son,
it was more like a snake.
It's a good thing Robin had her blindfold on,
because some tricks ain't for kids.
Oh! Lord have mercy!
That boy is blessed.
ROBIN: Merlin!What do you want, Robin?
ROBIN: What's going on?I have a situation!
I really have a situation!
Y'all, stop!
Oh, my God.
That's a freak show, man. That's not a magic show.
It's a clown.
I told you, I am not a...
Clown!
GIRL: Really?
You need to tell your face.
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Very funny, little girl.
But I can assure you all, I am not a clown.
I'm a magician.
Now, watch.
You see this ball here?
All right, so I'm gonna put it in this hand.
Where'd it go?
Where did the ball go?
[LAUGHING]
Yeah! Yeah! Thank you.
It's in the other hand, dummy.
Now shut up and make a balloon animal.
Orangutan basically snuck me.
Do you guys know about me and the orangutan? No?
Baby, you ever talk about me and the orangutan?
Turn her on.
Ha, ha! Stupid clown.
Stupid--?
Why would you...?DAD: So when he get me
in a chokehold, I can't breathe.
I basically took the orangutan here, right?
Dropped down this left leg. Hip, hip!
Right? I drop it down, took that orangutan: Whap!
When I dropped it here, pivoted. Whap!
Orangutan go on his back.
I showed him mercy. Orangutan obviously didn't want no more.
You guys know I'm... What? Second-degree black belt, baby?
Second-degree?
You got to be kidding me.
Hey, man.
Get your ass down.
Get down off of that, man.
What are you doing?
The wig is--I don't wanna hear it.
Tell me, who did I hire?
Because you must be confused.
Did I hire Trixie the Clown or Dixie the Clown?
Because right now, you got your dick all on display.
I'm not a clown. I'm a magician.Okay.
Let me try to find some give-a-fuck,
because I don't care.
I don't care what you are or who you are.
All this flipping and flopping
and your goddamn elephant trunk acting.
You can't do that here, man.
If I wanted my daughter to see that, I'd take her to the zoo.
But instead, she got to look at this now.
Now I turn around, she's crying.
Now you got my sweet daughter crying.
She's actually not that sweet.
What? Boy, if I...
If I take off this watch, you're gonna know it's time.
Time to whoop your ass.
Is that what you want? No.
You want it off?Brother, I really apologize.
But you know how it is.
I mean, it's not a big deal, right? We all got one, right?
That's a shot at me? Hmm?
That's a shot at me and my personal situation?
We don't all have one, brother.
Some of us got skipped.
Me, my dad, Earl, Rob, none of us have it.
If I did, you think I'd be in this house?
You think I'd spend this type of money on a house for my wife?
A Tesla?
If I had a dick that big, you think I would do this?
I'm obviously overcompensating.
So this little thing you talking about, that you bragging about,
is something that you have.
With that being said, you're done. You're done.
Get out, man.I really need this--
I said get up out of here now.
It's coming off.
Get your dick-dragging-ass up out of here.
Honey, if you don't pick your eyes up,
I'll put them down. Goddamn.
MERLIN: I'm done. It's time to hang up my bag of tricks.
What? You can't quit.
I thought you were gonna take your act to Vegas.
Does it look like I'm ready for Vegas?
Look at me, man.
Guys, it's time to give up on the dream.
Bubbles, FX, do you mind? I'm serious, okay?
Ever since I was a kid,
there's only one thing I love more than magic...
and their plane is landing right now.
So I'm gonna go clean up...
and I'm gonna tell her how I feel.
All right. All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, sounds like we got true love here.
All right? All right.
Let's get Trixie to go see his girl!
[LAUGHING]
Pick all this stuff up. Close the door. Let's go.
VERNA: So Merlin was ready to give up one passion
to chase after another one.
And after not seeing Robin in years,
he finally planned to speak his truth.
Funny thing about plans,
they don't always go as planned.
Just like I never planned on being pregnant at 23,
but I'm allergic to condoms, y'all.
Okay, I'm gonna get out. I'm gonna change.
Yeah. I'll be right back.
I just gotta get something out the car.
Robin?
Merlin?
Is that you?
Do you still believe in magic?
Oh, my God.Oh, my God.
I was trying to surprise you, but you beat me here.
I was gonna change, but, yo, I got something big to tell you.
Well, I have a big surprise too.
What's up, babe? Oh. Oh...
Who's this clown?
Don't let the clown makeup fool you.
I'm a serious magician, not a clown.
You having trouble over there, Trix?
[HORN HONKS]
Um... Heh, I don't know them.
Oh. Yeah.Anyways, I'm Merlin.
Grew up with Robin.
She's been my girl since back in the day.
Oh. Well, I'm Blaze.
And while you were at circus school,
Robin got a new boyfriend, so she's kind of my girl now.
Surprise!
Hold still.[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
[RUBBER CHICKEN SQUEAKS DEJECTEDLY]
ROBIN: Can I get everybody's attention?
Thank you everyone so much
for coming out to see me and meet Blaze.
Though some of you know him already from his viral videos.
CROWD: You just got Blazed!
Yeah.Yes.
And now I can finally share the secret
of why I've come back to L.A.
I'm a mentor dancer on Hollywood and Grind.
[CROWD APPLAUDS]
We're so excited. It's a Black Dancing with the Stars.
And Blaze is my celebrity dance partner.
Please, everybody, go vote for us.
Hi, Verna. How are you?
Excuse me?
Ms. Owens. Thank you.
Hope you're doing great.
You still smell like Now and Laters and Prostyle, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, girl.
Hey.
Wow, He's amazing. See,
I told you everyone would love him.
You hit the jackpot.
First with the great job, and then the, um, hot boyfriend.
Yeah. All because my friend took me to her audition.
I still can't believe this.Yeah. You and me both.
Remind me why I did that again.
It was crazy.
You know I'm just playing with you, ha, ha!
Anyway, um, he's really fine, and funny, and making bank.
Who wouldn't love that?
Well, I can think of one person.
What, old Humpty-Dumpty over there?
Forget the nerdy neighbor, and go dance with your star.
Okay? Because if you don't, I will.
Okay. I'm about to go talk to Merlin.
Hey, everybody. Y'all okay? Hey.
Hey. Oh, my God.
What a wonderful surprise.
Sorry I didn't tell you about the show,
but they wanted me to keep it a secret.
You know, spending all that time with Blaze,
rehearsing and dancing closely,
sometimes stuff just sort of happens.
Yeah. I just don't get what you see in him.
All his jokes are put-downs and insults.
I've seen his videos.
That's just an act.
Really? Well, he's not that good an actor.
Wow.
All right. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, okay?
And I never even told you that I was proud of you for the show.
That's so amazing.
Like, I couldn't imagine
dancing in front of all those folks.
You never know.
Yo, look who it is.
Mr. Magic Man.
He's goofy.
Hey. Doesn't he look goofy?MAN: Yeah.
I bet when you take the rabbit out your hat,
the rabbit's like, "Put me back in!"
ROBIN: Stop. Please.BLAZE: I'm gonna stop.
I'm not going to clown you anymore.
You already clowned yourself.
Guys, look at this picture.Stop!
BLAZE: You see it? He's like a clown at a circus.
Stop.Okay. Okay.
Merlin is so much more than that.
What was that news you were gonna tell me?
Drop that scoop, Bro-dini.
I'm going to Vegas for a magic gig.
ROBIN [SCOFFS]: Las Vegas?
Merlin, that's terrific.
This is so unbelievable.
So much to celebrate.MERLIN: Yeah.
Who wants to see us dance?Yeah, we could go dance.
We're gonna dance. You're gonna wanna see this.
VERNA: Now, I knew my boy was lying.
But I also knew that every lie hides a little truth.
[CROWD CHEERS, APPLAUDS]
Why are they cheering? Is it over?
No. It's only just beginning.
What are you doing?
Oh, my God.
I just wanna keep dancing, baby.
So with your family watching,
all your friends watching, and these cameras watching,
I wanna know.
Will you marry me?
ROBIN: What?
Yeah?
Okay.
Okay. Yes. Yes.Put it on.
VERNA: And I knew the truth was, if he lost Robin,
he'd have to find a way to get the magic back.
The Amazing Merlin!
And a-presto!
Is it too late for me and Robin?
[♪♪♪]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GRUNTS]
I figured you'd be here.
Back where it all started.
My baby's first performance.
I'll never forget it.
That day didn't end well for me.
Well...
You got a chance to do it over.
You know what, Mom? It's fine, okay? Don't worry about me.
It's cool.
Boy, I'm worried about me.
When you moving out?
You 24 years old.
I am tired of sneaking men in late at night.
The last one I had there was so loud,
when I let him come in my back door,
I was scared he was gonna wake you up.
We ain't got no back door.
Hmph.
Anyways, it's time for you to move on.
Okay? Follow your dreams.
Okay, now, I get that. But if I leave,
Robin will forget all about me.
And I've always imagined us being together.
I thought me and your daddy would end up being together.
But ta-da, that didn't happen.
Look, I opened up my Expedia app,
and I got you something you needed.
Wait, serious? This?
Mom, thanks. But it's a one-way ticket.
Exactly, because there's only one way
you're gonna do this, Merlin.
Your way.
So he made his flight,
and I made his room into a rec room.
Because Lord knows
I had a few men I've been waiting to wreck.
Meanwhile, I told Merlin to go find Rita at the Hotel Moxie.
Are you sure this is Hotel Moxie?
This place is supposed to be history.
It is.
Ancient history.
♪ Show me love
♪ Come on, baby Show me love ♪
♪ It's just to show me Show me ♪
♪ Show me love
VERNA: Rita is my homegirl from back when I used to work in Vegas
inside the Cookie Club, the hottest spot on the Strip.
Sadly, it had seen better days. And so had Rita.
RITA: Only way I leave here is with a fat check or in a pine box.
You can tell those vultures
they can kiss Rita's big, white, juicy ass.
[SLAMS PHONE DOWN]
For my glaucoma.
[EXHALES AUDIBLY]
Welcome to the Vagrant Inn Las Vegas.
How many nights you need?
Uh... You know, I'm actually not sure how long I'll be here.
Well, that makes two of us, honey.
Well, um, I'm Jason Owens,
but everybody just calls me Merlin, heh.
I'm Verna's son. I guess she used to work for you years ago.
I'll be damned.
She was one terrific lady, and a great waitress.
She stuck by me through some tough times
after my daddy passed.
If you are Verna's child, I got a room for you.
And it overlooks the pool.
Ain't much to look at now,
but once upon a time, it sure was something.
This was my daddy's pride and joy,
and I ran it for a good 28 years.
Billionaire owners are trying to just take Rita's ass
for less than nothing.
Motherfucker bloodsuckers.
But we do have happy hour every day at 6
at the Cookie Club out back.
MERLIN: It's not called the Hotel Moxie anymore.
It's called the Vagina?
Wait, that's...
VERNA: Well, that sounds cozy.
Is it moist in there?
Okay, Mama, don't.
Are the people there nice, or is it mostly dicks?
You tell me.
Does it smell funny in there?
Mom, really?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby.
That was a little too much.
Yeah, whatever.
I mean, I got some auditions tomorrow,
which is kind of cool,
but I don't know, I feel like I'm wasting my time.
Boy, you've been wanting this since you was in diapers
watching Merlin the Magician cartoons.
Now, I know you was full of shit then.
You have to ask yourself, are you full of shit now?
You right.
It's now or never.
Now, never call me with this bullshit again.
You ready for round two?Mm-mm.
Oh, no. You ready for round two.
Stop crying!
[MUFFLED SCREAM]Stop crying. Shut up.
This is my first audition.
I'm really excited.
Let's get right into it, then.
VERNA: So Merlin took his first step
to becoming a real Las Vegas magician.
Unfortunately, his first audition
kind of was like the first time I had sex.
Y'all know what I mean.
Awkward. Messy. A little painful.
And for some reason, there was glitter in my ass.
But I digress.
[CAR ALARM WAILING]
And just like bad sex,
the only way to get good at it is to keep trying.
And trying, and trying.
And Merlin?
Well, he wasn't ready to give up yet.
[MARLON'S "TOUCH UP" PLAYING]
♪ When I'm down
♪ You know just how To pick me up ♪
No. No![CLATTERING]
Shit.
Who's this?
[SIGHS]
It's for my arthritis.Don't you mean glaucoma?
What are you, my doctor now?No, but--
You're a little early for happy hour.
Yeah, well, I just bombed my audition.
It's gonna take longer than an hour to get me happy.
Yeah, well, you ain't the only one unhappy.
Look at this. It's my busiest night,
and this damn karaoke machine broke down.
Can I get you anything?
Yeah. What's the hardest stuff you got?
My private stash.
I get it from the local Paiutes. It's straight firewater.
Oh, okay.You ain't ready for that.
But we do have some Crown Royal Apple. How about that?
Crown Royal Apple.Oh, yeah.
Ms. Rita, I am kind of tight for money,
so, you know, I got a deck of cards.
So how about you draw for it?
But if you win, I owe you.
But if I win, you owe me.
So pick a card, Ms. Rita.
This is so dumb.Mm...
That's a good card. I know it is. I know it's a good card.
I can't look at it. I can't look at it. Go ahead.
You cannot look at it.Put that back.
Anywhere. Anywhere. That is beautiful, Ms. Rita.
That's so good, Ms. Rita. That's so lovely.
Okay.Testing. Testing.
Was this your card?
This had to be your card, right?No, it's not my card.
All right. Was that your card? This had to have been.
No. I don't have time for this.
I have a group of single ladies coming in.
It's their busiest night in town.
With no karaoke to keep them eating my wings
and drinking my liquor,
what am I gonna do for entertainment?
Will you stop playing? I need to make some dough, kid.
Have any ideas? What?
Jesus. What is that?
That's your card, right?
You got your card, right?
Wow.[CHUCKLES]
RITA: These ladies ain't the magic-show type.
But if you keep the bar flowing, I'll pay you 50 bucks.
Cool. This is a nice place you got.
Nice place?
The Cookie Club was famous.
We used to pack the house.
Once upon a time,
we had the finest male dancing troupe in town.
The Chocolate Chips.
Look. Mr. Face, Mr. Body, Mr. Slim Sexy, Dr. X,
and the one and only Mr. Big.
It was a goddamn gold mine.
So, what happened? Why'd it stop?
Egos.
Too much success,
they argued all the time,
and then they just split up.
They talked about going back together,
but Mr. Big suffered a big depression and crashed his car.
Almost lost his leg.
The Cookie Club was over, just like that.
We lost our biggest draw.
And when I say "big," I mean "big."
Why don't you go get ready?
You got a tough crowd waiting for you.
[SCOFFS] Ms. Rita, you talking about
the lonely bunch of happy hour ladies?
They do not scare me.
VERNA: Now, my baby was fearless, for sure.
But sometimes fear is good.
There are things you should be afraid of.
[CROWD BOOING]
RITA: Give him a chance.
This guy sucks.
We want karaoke.
ALL: Yeah.
You want karaoke?Yeah.
You want karaoke? You heard that song
about the guy who liked chicken wings with two thumbs?
You know who wrote that?
No.
Who wrote it? It was me. It's me.
VERNA: Like doing magic for some thirsty hos
who'd rather be getting drunk or getting laid.
You real feisty, now.
You been giving me problems all night.
What you sipping? I'm trying to get loose.
Oh, I'm drinking on that firewater, baby.
Oh, that firewater?Yeah.
Firewater? She sipping on that firewater.
Y'all want to see some entertainment?
Get me some firewater. Jesus Christ.
Y'all want to see some entertainment? You want it?
We gonna get some entertainment in the house, okay?
Guy's a disaster.VERNA: Or like trying
his fire-breathing trick for the first time
in front of the Cookie Club's biggest star of all time,
Luther "Mr. Big" Ellis.
Oh, shit!
Goddamn.Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! No!
[ALL LAUGHING]
MERLIN: I don't know how to put--
It's on my shirt too!
It's on my legs! It's on my legs!
Oh, wait, wait.
Yeah.
♪ Of all the fine ladies...
Shake that magic wand! Yes!
That's my kind of trick.
[HOWLS]
Good Lord.
Luther, are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Yeah!
We back in business.
Man.
[SIGHS, SUCKS TEETH]
[PHONE RINGS]
Hello?ROBIN: Hey, Merlin.
Robin? Oh, hey, Robin.
You left without saying goodbye. Is everything okay?
Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. It's great. It's great.
In fact, I just had my first Vegas gig,
and I got a standing ovation.
Yeah. Wow.
Sounds like it was a hot show.
Yep, it was fire.
But not as surprising
as the party was.
Yeah, I had no idea he was gonna propose.
Yeah. Um...
I guess you and Blaze will be dancing together
for a long time.
Yeah.
RITA: Merlin, there's someone out here I want you to meet.
I actually gotta go.
Me too.
Okay. Um...
Hold on.[LINE BEEPS]
Bye.
Wait, so you want me to be a stripper?
A stripper?
No, a Chip.
But I can't dance. I'm a magician.
Can't? Can't. Can't. Ain't no "can't" in Vegas.
In Vegas, you got to be whatever you got to be to survive.
Them women gave you more tips than you ever made
doing all of that magic bullshit.
That's right.
And after you jiggled your jewels tonight,
those horny bitches ran up my highest bar tab in weeks.
You see? Everybody wins.
Rita gets to pay her bills,
and you get more cash for your stash.
Okay, so you want me to go out there alone,
and shake my ass for money every night?
Of course not.
You've got Sundays off.
[SLURPS]
LUTHER: Oh, you ain't gonna be alone.
So, what, you gonna hire more dancers?
Fuck, no. I ain't got no money for that.
No. You and the Chips.
The Chips?
You haven't talked to the Chips in years.
How you gonna find them?
VERNA: So my son left L.A.
looking for magic,
but now the one and only Mr. Big
was about to teach him some new tricks.
MERLIN: Goddamn, I hope he got a.c. up in this place.
I'm sweating my balls off in this heat.
Ain't no hotter than you lighting your ass on fire.
You're lucky you still got balls. Yeah.
How a kid like you get into magic, anyway?
My mom let me try a bunch of things,
and magic was the best path for me.
Well, every path has a detour. Thank God.
Yeah, no kidding.
I'm already lying to Robin about my magic working.
Now I gotta fool her about me being a stripper too.
Who is that? Robin. Who's that? Your girlfriend?
No, she's...
She a girl.
Okay, she's a girl, and she's, like, a friend.
She would be my girlfriend too,
but she's got this stupid fiancé, so...
Oh, she got a fiancé?
Yeah.
Your girl got a fiancé?Mm-hm.
Well, it seems to me the only person
that you're fooling is yourself.
Whatever, man.
Glad you got a big ding-ding, boy, I tell you...
[CHUCKLES] All right.
Yeah.
Des. Look at that body. Still in shape.
Willy, I need two more 255-07s.MERLIN: Oh...
So I guess the shape you meant was round.
Des?
Luther Ellis?
Oh, man.
It's been like 20 years, baby.
You still look good. Look at you.
You sure as hell don't.
I gained a little weight.
I mean, just a smidge.
Des.What?
[MUMBLING] It's good living, baby.
And the shirt's too small.
Who's your compadre right here?
I'm Merlin.Did you say "breakfast"?
Who said "pancakes"?
Well, shit, let's go. Let me wash up.
Shit, you're looking good, baby.
Grits. You a grits guy. I remember you like grits.
So you thinking about putting the band back together?
Do you think he'd be here if he wasn't?
Who the fuck is you?
And are you eating this right here?
No.DES: What about your leg?
My dancing days is over, buddy.
But I got a ringer.
Luther done found himself a new Mr. Big, huh?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
The boy's talented. So talented.
[SCOFFS] Well, we had fun back then, man.
But I don't think that group would work out now.
It ain't the group that needs to work out, Des.
Listen, I'm still the same Body underneath all this, baby.
Well, stop acting like you don't miss it.
I mean, the women, the cheers, the tips.
The tips.
I do.
But look, business is booming, baby.
Did you know that Pahrump,
the place you're in right now, Pahrump,
is the number one city to kill yourself?
Get me out of here, man.
I'm so goddamn bored.
[CHUCKLES]
I got you.
Where the party?
Where the party at?
That's right.[LAUGHING]
I'm in.LUTHER: All right. Good.
Know where to find the rest of the guys?
Hell, no. Especially that crotch-stuffing,
no-talking Dr. X.
And you know I don't talk to Slim
after he took my girl.
Get over it, baby.
But I might have Face's number.
He came here last year,
wanted me to customize a car for his girls.
LUTHER: My man Tyriq, huh?
Still pampering the ladies?
He's Pampering, all right.
Quadruplets?
Brother.
A lot has changed since the last time I saw you
with four girls in one bed.
But this right here?
I never pictured you settling down.
Does it look like I settled? [CHUCKLES] No.
He got you there, Luther. I mean, your home is beautiful.
It's not mine. It's my lady's.
When the Chips closed, I applied for every type of job.
I got nothing, so I went back to stripping.
I actually did a party here for this rich chick.
Next thing I know, spent the night.
She said I could spend another day, a week, a month, a year.
Then she just woke up one morning and she said,
"You can stay here as long as you want if we have a baby."
And we start using fertility drugs.
And, as you can see, it worked.
No shit.
MERLIN: So you finally got them to sleep?
[SIGHS]
That's a nice pic of you and your girls, man.
Check you out. Flexing the guns.
Those are not mine. Those are my lady's.
She's a top-ranked mixed martial arts fighter.
While she's out there kicking ass,
I'm stuck up in here wiping ass.
Goddamn, Face. Your girl is jacked.
Two-time champ.
And she'd put me in a four-legged omoplata
if she knew I was two-timing her with the Chips.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You ain't cheating, now. You dancing.
It look like she spends a lot of time out of town, right?
True.Oh, how's she gonna know?
You think you can hook me up with some daycare?
Brother.
Baby, come on.
Great![BABIES CRYING]
Woke up the babies. Sorry.
Look, you got any idea how the hell
we can find the rest of the guys?
Dr. X is a mystery to me.
I don't know what happened to his flat ass,
but I do know how you can get to Slim.
And he's a long way from hell.
[ORGAN PLAYING]
SLIM: I see today,
we got a lot of empty pews in this church of God.
You got to be shitting me.
Because people spent the night partying in the club.
I see a few people missing right now.
Where's Joseph?
Where's Coreen?
I don't see Bernadette.
Where's Jimmy? Jimmy?
But couldn't find it in their will
or in their soul or in their presence
to get up and make their way to church to praise the Lord.
Man, I thought you said he was the sexy one.
That ain't the Slim I used to know.
Church ain't popping.
You mean to tell me the Lord ain't popping?
You think church can't turn up?
Oh, they say the Lord will help you find the way.
But you gotta meet the Lord halfway.
Whoo! Can I get an amen?
ALL: Amen.Whoo!
What's happening in them clubs? You know what they doing
in the club?No.
Bumping and grinding all over each other
in that club last night.
Oh! They're shaking.
They bumping, and they grinding all over each other.
Hey, what's going on in here? This ain't for us.
They teabagging.
You don't get no tea.
The Lord ain't in him!
[EXCLAIMING]
Do the washing machine.
Damn, he's still got it.I know you. Whoo!
Bumping and grinding. Bumping and grinding.
Bumping and grinding all over each other.
[WHOOPING]
So you fools are really
thinking about putting the Chips back together.
Ooh!Here you go, dear.
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
It's so nice to see you all.
Have a blessed day.
Thank you, sweetie.
Are you out of your goddamn mind?
Excuse me, Lord. But that's got to be
the stupidest motherfucking idea I ever heard in my life.
Oh, it's stupid, is it? It's stupid.
Man, I just saw you do half your old dance moves.
You had these church ladies about to make it rain, baby.
I'm just using my calling
to excite these ladies about the gospel, that is all.
And also release some pent-up tension I got going on.
Yeah, no offense, pastor,
but if you get them any more excited,
your church is going to need a champagne room.
Well, if it's sexual tension you mean,
then maybe I need to talk to your wife.
Hey, don't you go near my wife.
I done told you about that before. I done told you.
Leave my wife alone.
I need some sugar.
There's the sugar.
Desmond?
Eve.
Oh, my goodness.Oh, wow.
Uh-- You look...Whoa.
I grew a beard.
It's a little different for me.
But you look lovely as ever.
Thank you.
So how are you?Amazing.
I have a little auto body place out in Pahrump, you know?
Still single, though,
so I haven't found anybody
to treat me as well as you did.
That's very sweet.
Listen, Desmond, I need to apologize to you.
Oh, no, no.No.
No.Please.
For years, I was very judgmental of your work.
And now, in hindsight, I see how women may enjoy it.
Listen, no need to apologize.
As long as you're happy.
[♪♪♪]
Amos and I are very happy.
We are blessed, and he always treats me with the utmost res--
...pect.
I would never do anything inappropriate to my wife.
He'd never do anything inappropriate to me.
But after 25 years, things can feel a little too--
Tame. My wife's an angel. I'm a lucky man to have her.
But sometimes you just wanna get wild.
So mild.
In private, he's the perfect gentleman.
Too gentle. I just wanna go crazy.
You know me.
I'll tell you what's crazy, is Slim Sexy is now a preacher.
I can't even look at you.
I tell you what you can't look at, is your feet, big man.
DES: What about you, Reverend Gyrate?
I don't know if you're born again or porn again, huh?
I don't care what you say. I'm satisfied with who I am.
Are you, big man?[SCOFFS]
The question is, is your wife?
Oh, Lord.Hold this. Mm-mm-mm.
Come on.What?
I done told you about my wife.
[GROANING]
Are you gonna do something?
That's why I brought him, work this out.
It ain't working!
♪ Keep on callin' me
All right, all right, all right!
Y'all in the Lord's house now. Sit your ass down.
Dignified. You in the church.
Luther, I don't care how you say it, nothing,
I mean, nothing is gonna change my mind.
I'm good.
Oh, is that right?That's right.
Hey, Rita. Are you there?RITA: Yes, I am.
Are you fuckers gonna help or not?
LUTHER: Look here, the Moxie's in trouble,
and it needs money ASAP.
If you ain't gonna do it for us, then do it for Rita.
Remember when she found your homeless ass on the bus stop
and made you a Chip?
MERLIN: And Face is already in.
Come on, man, what would Jesus do
if he was an old-ass stripper?
Look, even if I did say yes, you're still down a Chip,
and no one's seen that mask-wearing mute,
Dr. X, anywhere.
RITA: Well, I saw him.
I got lucky and found him on a medical database.
You mean X became a real doctor?
Plastic surgeon. I just called his office.
He's exactly where you'd expect to find a doctor on a Sunday.
We do have some special gifts, and I wanna say...
Rita must've gave us the wrong address.
The only brothers I see here are the waiters.
Yeah.
We'll go ahead now and give our final award.
You know what I'm talking about.
Let's give it up for Dr. Xander Pike.
[LAUGHS]
[APPLAUSE]
I know you Harvard men really wanted this.
Just like you guys want my wife.
I see you looking. She's mine.
Xander's white?
Thus the mask.
And the flat ass.
And the small dick.
I'm sure you guys got a lot of questions. Um--
Back in the day, I was trying to get through medical school,
and the Chippendales rejected me because I danced too big.
Saw the Chip auditions,
so I went to the tanning bed,
shaved my head, got a mask, and, bam, Dr. X.
And, bam, you lied about being Black.
Did not lie. I never said I was. You just assumed.
You know what they say when you assume?
Yeah. You make an ass out of you
and some dumbass Black strippers.
Doc is out for the reunion.
Why? That was the best time of my life.
I loved being Black.
Being white is so boring,
between the food, the music, the dance, and the TV shows.
Ever try to stay awake, watch an episode of The Crown?
You know what it was like for me?
I couldn't get a job anywhere when the Chips broke up.
Now you, you're a doctor?
I did get into a top medical school.
I'm sure you got into top everything.
You know how easy it is to get in
when your name's Alexander and not Tyriq?
I didn't name you that. Blame your parents.
DR. X: Can we take a vote? I am an original Chocolate Chip.
No. You were just chocolate-dipped.
The conditions have changed.
Okay, you know, you all changed.
All right, Face? Look, you got four kids.
Amos is a preacher.I'm a damn good preacher.
I know. And Des...
I gained a smidgen of weight.
He gained a smidgen of weight, exactly.
Look, it's all or nothing. Okay?
You got it?
If you're down, meet us
at the Cookie Club at 5 p.m. tomorrow.
I'll be there at 4:45.
Okay, I guess I'm in. You said you had daycare.
So who is it?
[SIGHS] Come on, man. You can't expect me to leave
Ella, Della, Bella, and Stella with Rita.
She can't handle all these babies.
RITA: Let me get this straight.
After I washed all your mankinis,
and then I cleaned all the crabs out of the champagne room,
that I could handle all you babies,
but I can't handle those babies?
Get the fuck out of here!
We got it, Luther.It's been a minute.
Everybody remember the steps?
Here we go. Five, six, seven, eight.
[AIDEN.J'S "STYLE" PLAYING]
♪ Style We got it, got it ♪
VERNA: So after two decades,
the Chocolate Chips were back on-stage
to show Merlin their routines.
Too bad these old motherfuckers couldn't remember them.
Slow down. I can't move that fast, man.
Y'all, get this shit right.
You know how we do this? Set this mother off.
Five, six, seven, eight!
[AIDEN.J'S "STYLE" PLAYING]
Bring it down, bring it down.
♪ Style We got it, got it ♪
[GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY]
♪ Style We got it, got it ♪
♪ Got it, got it G-g-g-g-got it ♪
♪ Style
Mm. Terrible!
Come on, man.
That's not sexy.That's not how it goes, man.
Good God.
Man, do you think they'll get it together?
Don't know, kid. Could go either way.
Lot of issues to work through.Yeah. Tell me about it.
No wonder y'all split up, with all that drama.
I can see why you're so pissed off
about losing all that money, why you're so depressed.
Rita told you that?
Rita don't know shit.
Nobody knows what really went down.
All right.
Let's try it again.
DES: Work for it!
Sexy, let's go! You don't want it.
You don't want success. I can tell you don't want it.
One, to the right.
[♪♪♪]
To the right! To the left!
Crush that, crush that!
DES: Merlin, I expect more of you.
Bang, bang, or bang, bang, bang, bang?
Your bang's up too high.He over-banging.
Push it! Push that! Push that!
Roll, roll!
Go, suck it up. Five, six, seven, eight.
Three, four, five.
Teabag! Teabag! Teabag!
DES: That's what you'll give me?Shut up!
This is how you make champions, guys!
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
That was pretty.Love it.
[SPRAY HISSING]
How do you even eat a salad?
[CHUCKLES] All right, all right.
Now they started looking like the way they used to, yeah.
Searching for music, picking out costumes.
And X pretending to be Black.
It's not Black. It's caramel.
It looks like shit to me.
This is bullshit, Luther.
Hey, hey, hey. It's a reunion show.
He's supposed to look the way he did before.
Yeah, what's Des gonna do?
Unless you got a time machine, that ain't gonna happen.
It's a fat joke.
I'm getting tired of these goddamn fat jokes!
Matter of fact, you know what? Give me this pizza--
Don't you touch that pizza.It's him!
Yo, I think I found my showcase song,
and it's one of my mom's favorite jams.
[THE SUGARHILL GANG'S "APACHE" PLAYING]
[GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY]
Yo. Turn that off, kid.
All right, goddamn it, enough of this.
No more bitching about X's color,
and no more touching the pizza.
And nobody plays that song.
[♪♪♪]
[CLEARS THROAT] You know what?
I'm gonna work on my wardrobe.
I'm gonna go look for a gym.
I'll smack you with the Black hand side.
Don't ever play that song again.
That song you just played was Mr. Big's closing song.
SLIM: Oh, boy.
♪ Help me, Lord
♪ Help!
[AIDEN.J'S "STYLE" PLAYING]
♪ Style We got it, got it ♪
VERNA: Now, Merlin had performed for crowds before,
but never like this.
So he was nervous about showing his ass, literally.
But with Robin and magic both out of the picture,
he figured he had nothing to lose.
And the only person he could talk to about it
was a man who had lost everything.
Oh, whoa. Ha-ha-ha.
I know what I'm doing here late,
trying to fix this doggone sound system.
But what you doing here?
I'm trying to figure out my solo.
I have no idea what it should be. I can't do this.
"Can't." Here you go with that "can't" again.
Ain't no "can't" in Vegas.
Boy, you look good. Don't worry about it.
Just figure out what your alter ego is.
Your special identity.
Find something that's unique to you, that makes you unique.
Easy for you to say.
It's not like you have to get up here and dance.
You think I don't want to?No.
I would if I could, but I can't.
So that's why they got you.I didn't mean nothing by that.
I just know you had to stop dancing because your leg is...
It wasn't just my leg that got broke.
You don't know nothing about that. Don't worry.
Tomorrow is a big night.
Been a while since the Chips
danced in front of a live audience,
so we're gonna have a little preview.
♪ You want it, want it
Back the fuck up.
Sorry.
You're a doctor, why don't you create a bigger cock?
That's why I became one.
Because women got a lot of options for body enhancements,
and men, we just don't.
I plan to change that.Like dick implants?
Close.
I know one woman who'd like a little something extra.
I just can't give it to her.
How did we not know this dude was white?
VERNA: And as my baby looked into the crowd,
he couldn't believe how much his world had changed.
But what the Chips didn't realize
was that the world had changed on them too.
[WOMEN WHISTLE]
Oh, shit.
What's wrong, kid? You nervous?
Yes, man. There's so many people out there.
It's a small crowd. Just work out.
If you mess up, nobody's gonna know.
You about to pop your cherry!
I know you're old, but have you heard of the Internet?
They record one mistake, and it's on there forever.
He's scared.
ANNOUNCER: This is DJ St. Aubyn.
It's been a long time, but guess who's back.
The Chocolate Chips!
[CROWD CHEERING]
Let's go!Let's go!
Let's go, yo.Let's go.
Let's go, Chips. Let's go, Chips.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you,
Des "Da Body," Dr. X,
Slim Sexy, Da Face, and Merlin!
The Chocolate Chips!
[LENNY HAROLD'S "ONE DANCE" PLAYING]
We fucking froze, man!
Ain't nobody say it was gonna be easy. Shake it off.
We looked like fools out there.
That's what tonight is for, to work the kinks out.
Face, you up next, baby.What?
Man, that's somebody's babies out there.
Go and be their daddy.You got it, Face.
Come on, man. Come on, baby.
Give them Da Face.Bring it home, Face.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies, welcome to the stage, your new daddy,
Da Face.
[CHEERING]
[ATOZZIO'S "CURE" PLAYING]
Face out here, trying to be your father figure.
Wait, wait. What?
Is the stripper brushing her hair?
That's kind of weird...
and kind of sexy.
Oh, hell.
Damn it, Face, I didn't literally mean be their daddy.
[CHEERING]
Uh-oh.
Looks like someone needs a spanking.
ANNOUNCER: Watch out, ladies.
He's about to put you in time-out.
VERNA: And even though my son's new path
was drifting away from one of his passions,
Merlin never let his journey
take him too far away from the other: Robin.
Quick, turn on your TV.
A Different World marathon is on right now.
Remember how your mom would let us watch reruns with her
when we were kids?
Yo, I'm watching it already.
Dwayne Wayne's about to crash the wedding.
It's about to go down. I know.
[COUGHS]
ROBIN: You do know he's the bad guy, right?
Byron was gonna be like Obama,
and Whitley could've been his Michelle.
Robin, you can't be serious.
He's literally saving her.
Whitley is Dwayne's true love.
Yet he waits for the last second to speak up.
He should've left her with Olivia Pope's daddy
and sat down.
Yeah, all right.
All right. Sh, sh. It's about to go down.
Whitley, I love you.
And if you'll have me, I want you to be my wife.
What the hell are you doing?I'm sorry, Byron. I love her.
Die! Just die!
Will you have me as your lawfully wedded husband
from this day forth, to have and to hold,
in richer, for poorer?
Baby, please!
Please!I do!
[LAUGHS]
[CHEERING]
It's iconic, Robin. It's iconic.
Gets me every time.
See?
Dwayne is the true hero.
No, still the bad guy.
What if somebody wanted to stop you
from marrying the wrong person?
I'd hope he'd have the courage
to do it before my damn wedding day.
This is real life, not a TV show.
Yeah, right.
I guess it is a different world.
Is anybody getting married here today?
Oh, hey, hey!
Hey, Slim Sexy. Ready for your big night?
Look, man, I'm not sure.
Look, yesterday, those ladies were way more handsy
than even in our day.Yes, they were.
They got me pacing back and forth,
talking to the Lord right now.
You know, look, I wanna help Rita, believe me,
but I love my wife, man.
I can't be in no room playing grabass
with a room full of horny women like that!
Okay, okay.I'm missing my birthmark!
Look, put it in your solo.
All right? Just pick a song.
Pick a song that tells them what to do.
Sorry to interrupt, sorry, Slim,
but I asked you about the name,
you didn't tell me if it was cool.
It sounded good in my head,
but I didn't know if it was too much or if it was too--
Look.Nah.
Nah.
I'm a Chip?
LUTHER: You a Chocolate Chip.
Do you have anything mocha brown, sugar sweet?
Good choice. It's the best in town.
Hey, you.
So, what are you doing here? You're not in Pahrump?
Are you doing some body work in Vegas?
Yeah, you can say that.
Well, I'm happy to see you.
What are you doing here?
I always stop in here after I drop Amos off
at our sister chapel to teach Bible study.
♪ Oh, somebody's singing
ANNOUNCER: Hands off, ladies.
Slim's about to take you to church.
Hallelujah!
I hope I didn't give you
the wrong idea the last time we spoke.
No.Amos and I are fine.
I just think we lost that spark.
You can always get that back.
You know what they say about a spark?
It doesn't take much to turn into a flame.
Guess that depends on who's lighting it.
Do you like what you see?Yes, Lord.
I'm talking about the menu, silly.
I was talking about the same thing you were talking about.
It's like we were reading the same menu.Exactly.
Pie menu.It's weird.
Thank you.
Mm.
[MOANING]
Forget church.
This is heaven.
Come on, a little cheating ain't so bad.
A little bit?
No, I gotta watch what I eat.
♪ From the bottom of my heart It's true ♪
ANNOUNCER: Look at that big old handsome block of chocolate.
Whipped cream, rainbow sprinkles, maraschino cherries.
We gonna change your name from Big Des to Big Diabetes.
Yo, we're gonna need some more money to cover that body.
Hey, babe.
Ladies.
Y'all ladies looking good. You're looking real good.
I'm Mr. Big, and, uh...
it has been 25 years since we've been on this stage.
And I wanna say, it is so good.
It is so good...
[CHEERING]
...to be back on the Strip.
Without further ado, ladies,
I'm gonna give you what you've all been waiting for.
Mr. Black Magic!
Ha, ha!
[DONTAE WINSLOW'S "SHIT YEAH" PLAYING]
[CHEERING WILDLY]
♪ Come on, girl
♪ Let's get busy
VERNA: And abracadabra,
just like that, my Merlin,
I mean, Black Magic,
made all his fears disappear
and kept his fans coming back for more. For real.
Them crazy ladies were lining up every night,
hoping to get a look at what my baby had up his sleeve.
Shake your booty!
Oh, that's right, the Chips are back,
and they've never been bigger.
Hold on just a second. Just--
Yeah. Credit card. Hold on.
All right. There you go.
♪ Kissin' and strokin'
♪ Finally made it
♪ We coming together Exchanging them faces singing ♪
♪ Shit yeah
♪ Gonna get you on the floor Tonight, baby ♪
But I don't want any threesomes in the bathroom.
Last time you did this,
we had to get a spackle knife to take it off.
Hey, Merlin. Hey, Robin. What's up?
I have something to tell you, but it sounds super loud there.
Oh, yeah. I'm about to do a show.
Magic! Magic! Magic! Wow. They sure do love magic.
Magic's really big out here.
WOMAN: Show us your dick!
Wait, what was that?
They said, "Show us your tricks."
I'm a magician.
They're actually calling me, sorry.
Maybe we can talk later? Wait, Merlin--
Okay, bye. Bye.
Bye.
I knew this shit would work.
I knew it would work! I knew it.
♪ Gonna get you on the floor Shit yeah ♪
What's that new move called?
I call it the Apple Pie.
Like that.Yes.
That's a nice ride.
You working that white-man-privilege stereotype.
Stereotype? Look who's talking.
You got four kids and a baby mama.
Says the man who wears blackface.
Never painted my face.
Says the man who wears Black ass.
I only do it for the show.
Not like I walk around town like that.
Dude, there's nothing you can say
to convince me that I'm privileged.
Agreed. There's nothing else to say.
You ever heard of a place called Duke's Diner?
I got some of Eve's receipts, and I call over there,
and they said she's been having coffee
every week with her husband.
But I've never been there.Maybe it's a friend.
If there's a male friend
who has the audacity to take his ass over there,
and sit with my wife, and have coffee every damn week,
he deserves an ass-whooping!
Come on, you're overreacting.
Eve wouldn't do you like that.
She's not that kind of woman.
[SIGHS] I don't know, man.
Our romance has cooled.
And it's crazy,
because I'm out here shaking my ass for strangers,
but I can't do it for my own damn wife.
I feel like a damn hypocrite.
I need to practice what I preach.
Maybe you should preach what you practice.
If you like shaking ass in front of women,
maybe you should do it in front of your wife.
If you don't, somebody else will,
and they ain't gonna want no coffee.
That's for damn sure. They gonna want that pussy.
VERNA: So as the Chips blew up again, word started to spread,
and Rita got calls for some big-money gigs.
It'll be worth it.
[WOMEN CHATTERING]
So Rita dug up some old-ass superhero costumes
and booked Merlin and the guys for a bachelorette party.
♪ Don't hold back, baby Beat it out like a drum ♪
All right, everyone.
♪ Just can't get enough
VERNA: And while my baby was up there, bumping and grinding,
they brought in the bachelorette.
Nutman! And y'all
never gonna guess who it was.
Oh, shit. Y'all already know.
[SCREAMS]
Robin? Oh, shit.
Oh, my. Oh, it's so big.
It's, uh...I'm sorry, sir.
[IN DEEP VOICE] That's fine, that's fine. It's fine.
I'm sorry to alarm you, ma'am.
Hey, wait. Wait one second, Nutman.
Come on, Gia.
All I asked for was spa time.
Massage, and to hang with my girls.
What is this?
We did all that, sweetie.
Now it's time to hang with the guys.
When I mean hang, it's like...No, no.
Okay, music! Thank you.
[SEXY MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Let me take you for a ride
Hey.Hi.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
♪ Let's go for a ride
Where do I put this?
Ooh.
I-- Okay.
Uh--
MERLIN: Miss? Miss?Wait--
Oh, my God. I'm so random!Wait. What the hell?
Gia, what are you doing? You need to take these off.
No, you two need to get a room.
You guys are a regular dynamic duo. Okay?
I'll lock you in a room until you get laid,
or we run out of stripper tips, whoever comes first.
Am I right?MERLIN: Great.
[CLEARS THROAT] Uh...
I'm sorry about all that.
You have no keys, huh, do you?
I guess it's time for Plan B.
Oh, uh-uh.
Sorry, we are not having sex, no.
No, no, no. I mean, just for the cuffs.
For the handcuffs?
Do you happen to have a bobby pin or...? Oh.
No.
But I know where we can find one.
I just thought you should know,
Robin just left with one of these stripper brothers.
Damn.
I can't believe she would do me like that.
Yeah, Rob's my girl,
but I would hate to see a good, fine man like you get played.
Good looking. I'm on it.Of course, B. Anytime.
You know I'm here for you for whatever.
I'm on it. Thank you. Good looking.
Literally, what--[LINE BEEPS]
Blaze?
We're in this room, right over here.
I'm Nutman.
Right here.
[DOOR CHIRPS]
Oh, uh, nice place.
[SIGHS] As soon as Gia said she was giving me a bachelorette party,
I booked this room.
Not into that kind of thing. No offense.
I just don't think it's appropriate
if you've already found the right guy.
Hm, I see.
But are you sure he's the right guy?
Uh...
Yeah.
I mean, he's handsome...
his career is on fire,
and everyone says I'd be crazy not to marry him, anyway,
so, yeah.
But are you in love...
with him?
What? Damn it!
I can't do this.
Why don't you just call it off?
No. The handcuffs.
I can't open them.The handcuffs.
[LAUGHS]
Silly Nutman.
911? There's an emergency. There's--
There's a young, innocent woman being taken advantage of
by some strippers in a hotel room.
Did I mention that they're all... Black?
Yeah.I'll just take one of these.
Hold it-- Hold it tight.
It's not my first time in cuffs.
Right.
Guess that's part of your job.
Nice work. Thank you.
I want them to think they got their money's worth.
Can you stay a while before you go?
Sure, sure.Thanks.
I can give you a hand.Yeah, I think I need that.
Yeah, okay.
[♪♪♪]
[SIGHS]
You think Merlin's all right?He's good, man.
He's probably somewhere butt naked with the bride-to-be.
He did leave his cape.I got it. Whoo!
Why are they searching the cars?What?
Why are they checking inside the cars?
It can't be for us, right?
We the only brothers out here.
Dr. X, you'd better drive.Why? It's your car.
You're white.
[ALL CHUCKLING]
We all know the routine.
We all get in the back, we all hide. Keep your head down.
What are we hiding for? We didn't do anything wrong.
Come on, guys, I'm not scared of the police.
That's 'cause they're not looking for you, X-y.
Right.
You sound white.Help us out. Drive the car.
I'm just saying.
Son of a bitch!What?
It's you!
You're the one who's been going out with my wife.
It's you! You dropped my fucking cigarette.
No, you backstabbing bastard.
She likes pie!Guys, guys! Chill out.
Watch yourself.It's him. He should chill out.
Tell that snake ass right there to chill out!
Somebody's going down.
According to your wife, it ain't you.
That's all I'm saying.What did you say?
According to your wife--
Guys!
Jesus Christ! Amen!
Back off, nigga!
I'm gonna snatch your beard off your fucking face!
Hello, officer. What's the problem?
Just looking for some thug male dancers.
You are free to go.
Um, hold on. Why'd you call them thugs?
Because they fit the description.
Really?
Just some ghetto stripper motherfuckers.
I'll have you know, officer...
I am one of those ghetto strippers. Motherfucker!
Keystone Kops. Shit, you got me fucked--
I'm sorry. I'm sorry! My name is Dr. Alexander Pike.
I'm work at Memorial Health. I'm sorry. I'm insured!
I give to the policeman's ball every year.
I guess you feel pretty Black now.
[SIGHS] Hey, man, I never understood.
All the shit you go through every day,
I don't have to worry about.
I'm really sorry.Yeah, don't be.
It's just like you said the first time.
We didn't do anything wrong.
It's just how it is.
You know what? I got an idea to get us out of here.
All right. Do your thing, Baby Jesus.
Wait. Wait, where you going?We're good.
What are you doing?Officer? Excuse me.
Can I speak to you for a minute?All right.
Pray for us, Slim.
We going to jail?Yes.
I got a thong on. We going to jail?
We going to jail, bro.
Hey, you four are free to go.What?
What did you show him in your phone?
I showed him a picture of Bambi,
and then I offered him a free boob job for his wife.
I gotta do it for free, but now we're free, so...
All right. Well, hey--
Oh, God. Oh, God!
He's talking to you.
I am privileged!
Oh, God.
Well, you got the privilege to drive now.
Yes. Least I could do.
[DONTAE WINSLOW'S "SHE COULD BE" PLAYING]
♪ But she could be my She could be my ♪
VERNA: Next thing you know, my son woke up in a strange bed,
unsure where he was,
wearing a mask and some torn leopard panties.
But we all been there. Am I right?
Heh. Oh, just me?
♪ She could be my salvation Take away my sin ♪
♪ She could be a dancer Stripper in the club ♪
I'm Nutman. Nutman.
I can't go walking around like this. Man!
BLAZE: A stripper in a superhero outfit?
I can't believe you let them run off.
I didn't know she had another room.
BLAZE: What's up with security?
They treated it like it was some big joke.
Well, you do have a prank show, B.
[BANGING ON DOOR]
Hold on!
Well, look who has their own room.
So what?
I needed to be alone. I mean...
And, uh, are you?
Alone?What?
Of course I'm alone, I swear.
Why would you think otherwise?
Good morning, guys. Welcome to Vegas!
What...?
Yo, why is the clown in your room?
Magician.
Why are you in my room?
Mama said that you were out here,
so I asked the maid to let me in to surprise you.
Okay, then what's up with the outfit, Mervyn?
It's Merlin.
And charity magic show at the hospital.
The kids love the King, so I'm Black Elvis.
Blelvis.
ROBIN: You satisfied?
How is this gonna work if we don't have trust, Blaze?
Not cool, Blaze.
That's really not cool, man.
[SCOFFS] Anyway, if you don't mind,
I came to take my old friend out on the town.
I don't think so, 'cause we got other plans.
Right, babe? We got other plans.No, not anymore.
I'd rather go be with someone who truly knows me.
Okay, it's like that?
It's like that? So I should just--? Yeah.
So I should just leave, then? All right.
Let's go. Let's go.Yeah, okay.
[DOOR OPENS]
He's an asshole sometimes.
I know. I sense it. I sense it.
Hey, man, that's my sign. Don't worry about the door.
First you appear in my room, now a limo?
How do you do it?
No. A magician never reveals his tricks.
Hey, man! Hey, man, that's my suit!
That's my car!Blelvis has left the building.
Drive, drive, sir, please!
He was the only one in and out of Robin's room all night?
Well, so the clown is the stripper?
Humpty is hung.
He's playing my girl for a fool. I better text her.
Wait, wait, wait.
I know a better way
you and I can show her who's the real fool.
ROBIN: So when can I see your magic show?
MERLIN: Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is actually my week off.
But this trip isn't about me.
It's about you and your bachelorette party.
ROBIN: Not really. This trip was about Blaze.
I came to see Blaze's first comedy show.
He's been blowing up ever since he announced our engagement.
But are you ready to marry him?
I have to be. Heh.
He made a deal to live-stream the wedding online
as a big event.
Blaze's dream wedding.
Wait, you're live-streaming your wedding?Yeah.
That does not sound like your dream wedding.
I pictured your wedding as something smaller.
Just people you know and a little less plan.
More free, like you and...
Damn, that does sound like me.
But the publicity helps him, so it's all good.
I just wish he knew me like you do. You know?
For the wedding, he wants me to wear my hair straight,
but I don't know, I'd rather go natural.
He's buying me a Chanel gown, yeah.
But I'd prefer something simple.
He literally wants trap music for our first dance.
I mean, really?
Well, why don't you just tell him that?
Don't you want him to know?
I want him to want to know.
You know, like, I just try to be positive one day he will.
How do you do that?
No, seriously. Ever since we were kids,
I ain't ever seen you mad.
Why bother?
If I trust you, I can't be mad at you.
And if I don't trust you, why are we even together?
[♪♪♪]
VERNA: But just as Robin was wondering
if her fiancé really had her back,
turns out it was Merlin who needed to cover his ass.
I mean, yeah...There's my Robin.
Hey, babe.Sorry about what happened
this morning. I just--
The thought of you being with another man
drives me crazy, and--
Don't even trip, man. We're just friends.
I wasn't talking about you, Melvin.
I was talking about someone who could be competition,
but listen.
My warm-up comic dropped out of my show tomorrow,
and I need a new act.
What?
You want me to be--? Tomorrow, do my magic act?
Yeah. You don't do another act, do you?
No. Of course not.So you're free?
I'm all free, man. Thank you.I appreciate you, bro.
I wanna catch up with my girl, but bring your A game tomorrow.
No prob, Mr. Blaze, sir.I'll see you.
Congrats.I'll be there early.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yo, can I get some of this Bulleit bourbon, please?
Man.
Thank you. Mm!
[LAUGHS]
DR. X: Okay.
You heard Merlin.
This is a huge shot for him
that could lead to a lot of really big things.
And it could also be the end of the Chips.
I say, fellas, we go out there tonight,
perform like it's our last show.
Hey, let's go out with a bang, guys. Bang, bang!
Hey!Hey!
Wait, guys. So where's Luther at?
Honestly, he wasn't too happy
when he heard the Chips might be breaking up again.
Look, guys, let's wrap this up,
'cause I got a private show with a lady.
Yeah.Okay. All right, Des.
Let me get the room, okay?All right. Guess we better go.
Mr. X here need a lot of time to put on that spray tan.
[LAUGHS]
No, not anymore. I threw all that stuff out.
From now on, I'm 100% me.
What about stuffing your crotch?
Okay, 95%. Gotta keep the schlong, man.
Gotta keep a big schlong.
Get out of here, man.
Dr. X!Yeah!
Go get it.
Oh, man.
Throw on something sexy, you know.
Thong, thong.
This should be a good night.
They gotta dim these lights.
Give it the right setting.
Cookie Club.Yeah, man.
I'll miss you guys, being together.
Cookie Clubbing.
Back at it again.
Some things never change.
You know what'd be a good color to put this in?
Black and blue.Black and blue?
What's up with that, huh?
You think I'm a bitch or something?
You think I'm gonna sit here while you seduce my wife?
You think that's gonna happen, playboy?
First of all, I wasn't trying to seduce your wife, okay?
I set up your solo
so she could see you dance.
She loves you. Okay?
Tired, ain't ya?
I want you to share the experience
that you have with these other women
with your wife, man.When I was choking you...
did you feel anything?No.
Boop.
Desmond, I came as you asked,
but I think you got the wrong impression.
I love my husband very, very much.
And your husband loves you.
Amos, what...?
Do you work here?
Yeah.
We've been helping Rita out with the hotel.
But the truth is...
a part of me was gone, and I had to find it.
Look, now, I know you're upset,
but I needed an outlet.
Eve... I'm sorry.
I'm not upset at what you're doing.
I'm upset at who you're doing it for.
It should be me.
I didn't think that's what you wanted.
You're a virtuous woman, Eve.
I ain't a nun.
All you had to do was ask.
Whatever it is you've been looking for,
you can share it with me.
So...
what do we do now?
I said, share it with me, damn it.
Oh.Oh.
I just happen to have an opening.
DJ, how about a little something?
[LAUGHS] I got you, Slim.
Oh.
♪ Ay
♪ I can tell you already had A few beverages ♪
♪ Feelin' yourself And your movements... ♪
That's a good thing you did, Des.
Yeah, I guess I'm just a regular old saint.
Good looking out for me too, man. I see you called my wife.
Whoo! Come on! Give me some big brown sugar!
I didn't call your wife.
Listen.
It doesn't matter who she came for.
All that matters is who she's going home with.
Now, go out there and give her a reason to want to go home.
Easy for you guys to say, you both got brown sugar.
This brown sugar, white sugar, it's just sugar.
[WHOOPING]
About to put her in a diabetic coma.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies...
I hope y'all are ready for some white chocolate.
[JARED JAMES NICHOLS' "PLAYIN' FOR KEEPS" PLAYING]
[GASPS]
ANNOUNCER: Go, white boy. Go, white boy.
Go!
Guess whose credit score just went up.
Uh-uh, girls, put your money back in your purses.
That there is my man.
All right. All right.
All right.
Now a man with something big in front of him.
Yeah!No, not that.
I'm talking about his future.
Yes, coming to the stage
for his final performance
with the Chocolate Chips.
Jesus.
Mister...
Mr. Black Magic.
[TA'RAACH'S "D.L. - MY B.G." PLAYING
Shake those jewels, baby! The crown jewels.
Oh, God.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Go, Mr. Black Magic, go.
Go, Mr. Black Magic, go!
VERNA: So as my baby gave his last dance with the Chocolate Chips,
it was clear that he had finally learned
how to do things his way.
Like I've been telling him all his life,
you have to decide if you are gonna go big or go home.
Shake them, shake them, shake them!
And for Merlin, there was only one choice. Ha.
Go big!
[♪♪♪]
Wow.
Haven't been this excited for your show
since I was your assistant.
Yo, me too.
It's-- Man.
God, I just hope I don't blow it.
Now, Merlin, stop.
You know what I'm gonna say.
Clearly, you can do this.
You believe me, don't you?
I do.
Oh, my-- Everything's so unprofessional.
Can I have the stage?
Hey, babe.Hey.
I do love you, but I need y'all to leave.
Okay.Okay.
So I can rehearse.
Okay. I'll catch you later, babe.
Blaze. Sorry.
I know you're busy,
but I just wanted to say thank you again
for looking out for me.Yeah.
And I just wanted to return the favor by looking out for you.
So listen, okay? About that wedding you planning?
Yeah?Robin not feeling it.
She told you? How do you know?
I just know her, and she's not into all the hype, you know?
Like, she's all about small and personal at her wedding,
and, dude, about the designer gowns and all that stuff?
She's not into it. Don't really float her boat.
Go more, like, cultural.Cultural?
Cultural. I'm telling you, it's the move.
That's the move?And she really prefers
old-school R&B over trap music.
So...Yeah. Good looking out.
Good looking out. I'll keep that in mind.
All right.
[♪♪♪]
VERNA: Finally, my baby's big night.
I even flew my ass in to see Merlin shine.
And he was ready to leave stripper life,
but he still had another big dick to deal with.
What's up, y'all? Y'all know me.
You just got Blazed, you know me.
"Blazed." Heh.
Welcome to Blaze's house, y'all.
[CHEERING]
And when you're in my house, it's all about fun, okay?
So I have a special treat for you tonight.
A special treat.
I want to introduce you, to start the show off,
to my main man, the Amazing...
Marlo!
Come out here, Marlo.
Did he just call him "Marlo"?
Internet jackass.
Name is Merlin.MERLIN: Hey.
What's up, everybody?That's my baby.
Is this thing on? It's actually the Amazing Merlin.
I'm actually here to perform the art of prestidigitation!
Hey, whoa, enough with the big words, buddy.
But you're here, yes?
Yeah. Because you have an impressive gift.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's quite impressive.
Let me just tell you a little backstory. Um--
It's always been a big part of me since I was a kid,
and it just kind of kept growing as I got older.
BLAZE: Yeah, well...MERLIN: It's remarkable.
Yeah, it's crazy. Well, I'm glad that you hung in there.
I've been hanging.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's clear to see that you are the total package.
Yeah.That shit ain't funny.
Come on, man.BLAZE: You're like a natural.
Like me. Like, I consider myself,
like, the Michael Jordan of comedy.
Whereas with you, I feel like you're more of a Magic Johnson.
That-- That's what I've been--
That's what I've been saying.
I've been saying that the whole time.
My mom been telling me that too.Your mom told you that?
Your mom? Look at the screens.
Like, what are the screens telling you?
That's you, yeah?
That's you. That's you, right?
Yeah?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Oh, my God.
BLAZE: That's you, right?
It looks like you, so...
[♪♪♪]
You just got Blazed!
Oh...
Did homey just trip on his third leg?
Lady, gentlemen, it's time for us to suit up.
Come on.
Merlin.
You spent that whole night with me and didn't tell me?
I don't believe this.
BLAZE: I think he just did that. I know you're not laughing.
I know you're not laughing, Mr. Narcos.
You know what? You're kind of like a knockoff Narcos.
Probably put baking soda in that shit.
VERNA: After seeing that video,
I realized that my son had a big secret
he was too afraid to tell me.
But it was hard for me to be mad at him,
since I kept a big secret from him too.
Merlin.
You know I would never judge you.
Why didn't you tell me?
I was tired of being a big joke.
I just wanted to do things my way.
But you did.
You came to Vegas, you pursued your dreams.
It's still just a dream.
Blaze exposed me in front of everybody
like a kid at a talent show, and...
The point is, I'm not a magician, okay? I'm...
It's just time to wake up.No, it's not.
You have to see it if you're gonna achieve it, baby.
Forget about him. He's a hater.
Well, that's easy for you to say.
I just lost the girl and the job of my dreams.
I can't see nothing good about it.
LUTHER: Hey, kid. You need to get back on that stage
before this fool crash and burn.
You can save this shitshow.Wait, for real?
Yeah, come on.Luther. Mm.
Good to see you again, baby.Verna? Goddamn. That's you?
How y'all two know each other?
Well, um, the truth is,
me and Luther used to get it in back in the day
until he fucked it all up.
That's because you ran out on me
when you caught me with the waitress.
Look, Verna, you had the flu, you was...
It wasn't the flu, stupid. It was morning sickness.
And don't try to blame me for your cheating-ass ways.
Merlin, I have something I need to tell you.
That's your daddy.
What?
Now, I sent you to Rita
so that you could find yourself
and potentially find him,
and you could meet on your own terms.
This is your son. It's your boy.
That's ourson.
Happy Father's Day.
[LAUGHING]
You funny, Mom. That's...
[♪♪♪]
You being serious. You being serious?
VERNA: Yes, but we don't have time to talk about this right now.
MERLIN: We do have time for--
What? Can I get a minute to process this?
I've been with this man for a month.
I don't even understand! What--?VERNA: Merlin.
It's time for you to get on-stage
and live out your dream.
Now, go and do it your way.
You can cuss me out later.
My way.VERNA: Your way.
Yeah. Okay.
Okay. Um...
All right.You make that magic.
Okay.
That's my boy?
That's your son.
Especially from the waist down.
Hm.
[CROWD JEERING]
MAN: Give Drake his jacket back.
Hey, hey, hey.I know Drake.
What's up? He doesn't know Drake. It's fine.
I'm about to save this show.
I'm gonna save the show, okay? Just...
Hey, what's up, guys? I hope you remember me.
I'm the Amazing Merlin,
and I'm gonna perform a trick
that I've never performed in my life.
And Blaze here is my little assistant, okay?
Basically, I'm gonna make him disappear.
All right? So I actually need your guys's help.
And on the count of three...
One, two, three...
ALL: Get the fuck out!
[CHEERING]
[BARKING]
[LAUGHS]
All right, so, um...
Now that that's out the way,
I think it's time to get some real magic.
What y'all think? What y'all think? Think that's cool?
[♪♪♪]
VERNA: And just like that,
my baby performed his first Vegas magic show.
Meanwhile, outside, Blaze was about to get clowned.
Bum. Bum.
Boy.
[LAUGHING]
Hey, look, guys, I don't do free handouts.
We don't want your money. We just saw your act.
Let me tell you, it sucked.
I just want to come out here and give you a joke.
What did the bowling pin say to the balls?
I don't-- I don't know.
Welcome to the club.
That's clown life, baby!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[APPLAUSE]
VERNA: I'm telling you, my baby was a star.
It was a night he always dreamed of.
Everybody was feeling the love.
[♪♪♪]
Well, everybody except Merlin.
'Cause even though he killed it on-stage,
he had lost Robin,
and found out who his dad really was, all in one night.
So the whole thing was kind of bittersweet.
And so by the next morning, he was just bitter.
[GROANS]
Let me guess. It's for your migraines?
No, I'm getting high.
I invited the guys here to celebrate.
I'm selling the hotel.
When my buyer saw us packing in that house,
they stopped lowballing me.
I'm gonna be a rich old bitch.
[LAUGHS]
That's good, Ms. Rita. That's real good. I'm glad.
Reviving the Chips worked out for you,
because it sure came back to bite me in my ass.
Yeah, I heard what happened. I'm sorry.
But I heard your magic show kicked ass.
I also heard about your little family reunion.
You better go talk to Luther.
You been around him enough to know he's a good man.
Yeah, he is.
Everyone deserves a second chance.
[♪♪♪]
[PHONE RINGING]
VERNA: Hey, baby, we need to talk.
I know you're hurting, so don't shut me out. Look...
Don't take it out on your mama, son.
Oh, so it's "son" now?
Okay, whatever you want it to be, kid.
Listen, I'm just saying, don't take it out on Verna, all right?
I was wild when we started dancing.
Chips started blowing up and blew up quick.
I mean, temptation was everywhere,
and I fell all in it.
Your mama, she... You know, she got hurt.
So she left me and took off to L.A. Wanted to find her.
Wanted to, you know, ask her to say, "Verna,
give me another chance."Yeah, sure you did.
If I'm lying, I'm dying.
Lookie here. I even got her a proper ring.
She deserved it.
I wanted to make up for all my past mistakes.
I wrecked my car and my leg, and...
it took a lot out of me.
I mean, I was young and dumb.
Well, age ain't made you no smarter.
[SCOFFS]
Okay, I'll take that.
I'll take that.
But, uh, who's being the dumb one now?
Hm?
I know what a mistake it is to lose the right woman.
I just don't want that to happen to you.
So you think I should chase after Robin?
Well, she ain't chasing after you.
RITA: Merlin, there's a girl in the Cookie Club here for you.
Don't be so sure about that...
Pops.
[♪♪♪]
Those are too small for me.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, guys.What's up?
Is there a girl here or something?
Yep. Right there.
Hi, Merlin.Hey, Gia.
Look, I don't have a lot of time, but...
I wanted to say I'm sorry about last night.
I took the video, but I didn't know what he was up to.
You seem really nice, and I know you care about Robin, so...
I felt like you should know...
they're getting married today.
It seems Blaze got it in his head
to surprise her with some resort wedding away from the Strip.
Unless someone wants to speak up.
So, what you gonna do, Mr. Magic?
What you gonna do?I don't know, Luther.
I can't stop a wedding by myself.
"Can't"? I told you.
"Can't," there's no such thing.DES: And you're not by yourself.
Your brothers got your back. Boop.
Thanks, guys, but it's not like we got invited.
How are we gonna get them to let us in?
I wonder, have they hired a pastor yet?
Yeah, it wasn't hard in Vegas.
I'm about to confirm one for Blaze now.
Ah-ah-ah. Baby girl, you just found one.
And a security team,
like we used to do for Luther's old routine.
But only if Mr. Big is in.
How about it? Ready to get back on your feet?
Well, it has been a long time since I've been out of the game,
so hell yeah, I'm in.[ALL LAUGHING]
Let's go do what we do.
Please just put that away, okay?
I'm only coming to whatever this surprise is
because I feel bad you got jumped by a motorcycle gang.
I'm still mad for what you did to Merlin.
It wasn't me who lied to you, okay?
Trust me, you're gonna love this.
After you. After you, my love. Come on.
She gonna love this.
It's gonna be great.
Whoo!
MERLIN: Mom, hey. Hey, Mom.VERNA: You okay, baby?
I'm riding back to the airport,
but I can turn around if you need me to.
No, it's fine.
And I can't even talk about that right now.
The guys are waiting outside.
Robin is getting married today, and...
I'm thinking about trying to stop it.
What the hell, Merlin?
Yeah, I know it sounds crazy. I know.
Ain't nothing crazy about love.
Hell, I've been feeling a little crazy
after seeing Luther last night.
We all need a little crazy sometimes.
Go get your girl.
I will.
Yeah, I will. I will, Mom.
I love you. I love you. Thank you.
[♪♪♪]
Uh-- Driver, can you pull over so I can change clothes?
Close your eyes, though.
You know what? You ain't gotta close your eyes.
So Merlin texts me the address
and then got ready to go get his girl back,
while Blaze had other plans.
But just like I've been telling y'all,
plans don't always come true,
because it was about to pop off.
Oh, my God.Mm-hm!
Blaze, what is this?Yeah.
Surprise. It's your dream wedding, girl, right?
Oh, my God.I thought this was more you.
You know what I mean?Yeah.
Like, intimate.
I even had a gown made by a local designer
because I wanted it to match your spiritualness.
Oh, my God.And your natural beauty.
Yeah.Yeah, it's...
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Surprise.
Blaze, I never knew you knew me this well.
Oh, I know you. Hell yeah.
All you gotta do is get dressed, walk down that aisle
and say those two magic words.
There's the dress. There's the dress. Look at that.
What are you doing here? I am absolutely shocked.
Let me take a picture of that.This is beautiful.
Girl, you ain't seen nothing yet.
Let's go. Let's get ready.Where are we going?
I'll see you later, baby.Bye, babe.
Hey, where's my suit at?Where are we going?
MERLIN: You sure I look good?
You look great.
Okay. Um...
I'm gonna need some time alone with Robin,
but I can't get to her with Blaze around,
so I'll need a distraction.
Listen, boy. The one thing that Chips know how to do
is distract people.
Hell yeah. Let's do it. Look at us.
We got on Luther's old outfits...
And Luther's old music.
Yeah, but do we get the old Luther?
Hell yeah.
Showtime, fellas.
[LAUGHS]Whoo.
Luther's back.
Let them through, please. Okay.
This is the pastor and the groom's personal security.
Blaze is expecting them.
That's all you have to say. All right, let's go.
[♪♪♪]
Thank you.
We back.We back.
You can do this, Robin.
All you have to do is say those two magic words.
It's only magic if it's true.
Merlin? What are you doing here?
I'm stopping you from marrying the wrong guy.
You're about to make a big mistake.
No. Only mistake I made was believing you.
Here I was doubting Blaze,
but turns out it's you I can't trust.
You can't trust me?
Meanwhile, Blaze knew me better all along.
Look at this wedding.
No, he didn't.
Where were you, and why are you so hot?
I'm cool. I'm cool. Super cool.
But it's about to get hotter.
Hello. Hello.
Hey, now. Hey, people.
Who's this guy?Hold up.
Hello. Hello.
He's the pastor. Yes. Yeah.Pastor you hired?
Trust me, he's huge in Vegas.
Hello.
Girl.
He does not look like a pastor.
Yeah. Hey.
Good people, we came together today
so that we can join two people
who are destined to be together.
That's a love that cannot be denied.
[LAUGHS] It's a beautiful thing. It's a special thing.
It's a special day.
It's a special day for me. It's a special day for her.
It's a special day for him. It's a special day for you.
Special day for you. Amen.Amen.
Amen.Yeah. Yeah.
Because, you know, make no mistake about it,
I done made some big mistakes, let me tell you.
Let me tell you, I lost the woman that I cared for the most.
It's terrible when you make a mistake
and you lose your soulmate.
If you got somebody that you love,
hold on to them tight.
Tight!
You understand me? Make sure you...
Make sure you find somebody that got your back.
Yeah.
Because when the Chips are down, the Chips are never out.
So listen here, good people.
When you find somebody,
and if you're lucky enough to find somebody that loves you,
you better jump on it. Jump on it.
[THE SUGARHILL GANG'S "APACHE" PLAYING]
♪ Tonto, jump on it Jump on it, jump on it ♪
I told him everything. I told him what you like.
This is me. This wedding is me.Wait.
You're saying all this was your idea?
Yes.You told Blaze?
Yes, Robin. So who am I supposed to marry? You?
Yes.
It's not a damn TV show.
You gotta go.So I'm the bad guy now?
How can I believe anything you say anymore?
I'm done. Done with this. No, don't.
Robin, come on.
Robin?
♪ Tonto, jump on it Jump on it, jump on it ♪
Can you stop? Can y'all stop?
Can you stop this?
Come on, Robin. Let me just talk to you.
Son of a bitch.
Agh.
♪ Apache, jump on--
I didn't mean it like that. Come on.
I did mean it like that, but--Hey.
Hey, hey!
Hey, Frank. Film this.
I'm about to kick this motherfucker's ass.
Get me in the shot. Come on.
Gonna kick this motherfucker's ass
for crashing my wedding.
VERNA: Love always finds a way.
And as he limped his way to me on his gimpy leg,
I was just praying for one thing.
I hope that middle leg still works.
You know how it is. You remember?
[IMITATES GASPING]
I got you smiling again.
Why don't you tell her who told you what she wanted?
Shut up. Get this. Shut up, okay?
No one's gonna believe you, because he's a clown.
I'm a clown. Who gives a...? I'm a stripper too.
Hell, I'm even a liar.
But you know what I'm not? I'm not a fake.
You don't love her like I do.I'm the one she's marrying.
You got these cameras going all the time. It's one big act.
About to hear my vows, bro.Wedding vows?
Let me tell you the wedding vows I wrote.
Do you, Robin, take me, Merlin, to be my first kiss?
To make magic with me,
to watch old TV shows together.
To always make each other laugh.
To always have each other's backs.
See, because she is my Whitley.
And I'm in love with her.
I'm in love with you too, Merlin.
BLAZE: What did she just say?
[♪♪♪]
Merlin.Did you mean it?
Of course.
I love you too. So much.
Yeah. I know.
And unlike him...
Gonna Blaze your ass at the altar, anyway.
...I know you.
You know?
Will Robin marry Merlin?
[CHUCKLES]
I mean, is this what you want, Merlin?
I want a different world.
Do you?
I do.
Wow, those words really are magic.
Well, then...
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
VERNA: See, just like when I get a massage,
my tale had a happy ending.
Merlin got his girl,
somehow Robin magically got my damn wedding ring,
with that little-ass diamond.
Luther finally got to be a dad, and we buried the hatchet.
And by hatchet, I mean his dick in my vagina.
We gonna go ahead and make you
a little sister or brother, okay?
MERLIN: Mama. Really?
I got about four eggs left.I'm gonna scramble everything.
So, husband, are you retired now?
From stripping? Oh. Yeah, absolutely.
What if I want you to dance for me?
What do you mean, like...?
That could be arranged. Back in the hotel room, later?
Yeah, of course.What if I want it right now?
Right now?DJ.
Robin, don't do this to me.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to bring to the stage right now,
Dr. X,
Mr. Body, Mr. Face,
Mr. Slim Sexy,
Mr. Big,
and the one and only Mr. Black Magic.
Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you the Chocolate Chips!
[ALL CHEERING]
ROBIN: Yeah!VERNA: Like I said,
Merlin and Robin have been crazy about each other
from day one.
So while we get our dance on,
it's time to let them get to the best part of the wedding.
The honeymoon.
Y'all know I meant fucking, right?
So come on. Here's to love.
Here's to the future.
Here's to magic.
♪ Do ya feel The magic in my hands? ♪
Raise your hand if you fought a tiger.
[JOHNNY GILL'S "RUB YOU THE RIGHT WAY" PLAYING]
Bam! Hit them with it.
Bam! Double it up.Who's talking? Who's talking?
Well, come on in here.
By the time you get in here,
I'll be on the stage, butt naked.
[LAUGHS]
[GROWLING]
I heard it.
DIRECTOR: Cut![LAUGHING]
Good living and good pussy.
Stop messing around, Merlin.
MERLIN: I'm not messing around.
Oh, shit.
Robin?Help!
[WHOOPING]
They been sent by the Lord!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Get-- Wrong way.
How do you open this door?
Use your dick.
[LAUGHS]
There you go. Shake your booty.
Earl said, "Well, yeah, I'm not where I should be."
I said, "Don't show me,
but if you could give me an example..."
Well, Earl sent me a goddamn cup.
Yeah. So Earl's dealing with a fucking sardine.
Shake it. Shake it, shake it, shake it.
Baby, dance for the Lord!
You see these calves?
Ladies love them. Can't get them at the gym.
Literally, you can't. They're implants.
Who's talking? I'm talking.That's right.
Who's walking? I'm walking.
It should be two, then slide. That's what I was trying to...
See? Perky, right?Yeah.
Maybe you need a second opinion.
Jesus, Bambi.
Stop having guys put their hands on your tits.
Took that right there. Whap!
[LAUGHING]
Wanna come back to the party with me?
Hell nah. I got plans.
Huh! You wanna do all that right there, huh?
Get on out my back door! The fuck you think this is?
Let me get it right.
All right, all right, all right. Sit your asses down.
Say it again. I can't say...
[WHOOPING]
[JOHNNY GILL'S "RUB YOU THE RIGHT WAY" CONTINUES]
♪ The magic in my hands
♪ When I touch And rub you the right way ♪
♪ Each stroke Applied with tenderness ♪
♪ When I hold And rub you the right way ♪
♪ Feel ♪ Do you feel it?
♪ Do you feel it?
♪ Touch ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
♪ Stroke ♪ Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha-ha, hey
♪ Come on, come on, do you
♪ Do you feel it, baby Feel it, baby ♪
♪ Feel it, feel it Feel it, feel it, feel it ♪
♪ Oh, baby Stroke, baby, oh, oh ♪
♪ That's my magic
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
♪ Magic
♪ Baby, that's my magic
♪ Come on
♪ Drinks on me
♪ Dance
♪ Magic
♪ Baby, that's my magic
♪ Come on
♪ Baby, that's my magic
♪ She like it
♪ She want it
♪ She got it
♪ She need it
♪ She like it
♪ She want it
♪ She got it
♪ She need it
♪ That's my magic
♪ It's magic
♪ That's my magic
♪ It's magic
♪ That's my magic
♪ It's magic
♪ That's my magic
[♪♪♪]