[music playing]
♪ Crash and burn ♪
♪ Wouldn't you say that's only way we learn? ♪
♪ We don't need nobody ♪
♪ When the red light and the brake lights lit your face, ♪
♪ and you take me on a joyride back to your place ♪
♪ We don't need nobody, no...♪
♪ We don't need nobody ♪
♪ Take me home tonight ♪
♪ Don't deny ♪
♪ It's not fair, but I'm too scared ♪
♪ I don't know why ♪
♪ They can't tell us what to do ♪
[phone ringing]
♪ They don't even know the truth ♪
[groaning]
♪ I can't help falling for you ♪
♪ It's chemical, and I don't need to hear it ♪
♪ When the red light and the brake lights lit your face, ♪
♪ and you take me on a joyride back to your place ♪
♪ I don't need nobody ♪
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): Every day
when you wake up, before you even
put your feet on the ground, you tell yourself
"it's gonna be a great day."
It's gonna be a great day.
[music playing ♪]
♪ Take me away to a different place ♪
[phone ringing]
♪ I can't keep myself off of you ♪
♪ Drive me down, drop me off into town ♪
♪ And I will follow you ♪
♪ When the red light and the brake lights lit your face, ♪
♪ and you take me on a joyride back to your place ♪
♪ We don't need nobody ♪
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): You
can't greet each day with negative energy
and expect positive results.
So start positive and stay positive.
It's gonna be a great day.
Say it and mean it.
Today's gonna be a great day.
[vomiting]
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): It's been clinically proven
that exercise increases energy and libido,
improves health and enhances self-esteem.
Look good, feel good.
Wow.
So you asked me to take you to work,
and you're doing Jane Fonda.
No, no, no, no. Not this.
We're gonna be late.
Let's go!
Really?
What time is it?
Oh, crap.
What happened to push-ups?
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): No excuses, no exceptions.
Stop being a spectator and get into the game.
Want to attract high caliber mates?
You'll need low body fat and high
endurance, both in and out of the bedroom.
Winners look good.
Oh, sod off.
Taxi!
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): Chapter 2, dressing
for success.
If you want to track successful people,
you need to dress the part.
Dress like you're as successful as you one one day
hope to become.
Sloppy slouchers as end up with supermodels, do they?
To differ, Jessica, I got Jonah Hill and Donald Trump.
Wait a second.
Who are you calling "Jessica?"
Don't tell me you're so reading that girly crap.
No I'm just thinking out loud.
Oh, oh, God, what is that?
Oh, God!
- It's confidence. - "Confidence?"
You need a lot of confidence to wear that cat piss.
Where'd you get it, at the dollar store?
I can't do it this morning.
I-- I can't--
You know, I was thinking, you need to do a little spring
cleaning around here.
I mean, seriously, what the hell is that?
No, what are you doing?
My grandma gives me one every year.
We don't wanna hurt grandma's feelings,
but you should shove that into a drawer fast.
Thank you.
Are-- look, are you taking me, or am I ubering?
Like, what? What am I doing?
Excuse me?
What are you doing here?
Piggy collection.
I need a boost this morning.
I need don't need a nag!
Her wedding was this morning.
Oh.
Hi, Sasha.
SASHA: Hm?
Can I raid your closet again?
Again?
Please?
My Chanel is your Chanel, especially if you don't
throw Elvis out the window.
Did he poop on the free zone again?
In your suitcase, you know what?
It's only because he trusts you, because he doesn't
just poop anywhere, do you?
No, you don't.
Oh, my little baby.
Oh, I really need to get my own place!
Why?
Devon's hardly around, and I like having you here.
So does Elvis, apparently.
Now that you are broken up, I want
you to focus on your goals, your dreams, and achieve them.
Right now, all I want to do is achieve looking as good as you
in one of your Chanel dresses.
Hm, good luck with that.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): Wanna marry up?
Don't dress down.
Wanna climb the corporate ladder all the way to the top?
Then dress like you're already there.
You are the master of your own fate.
So be punctual, be diligent, be efficient,
and you will accomplish all of your goals.
So Linda, how's the desk?
LINDA: Hello, Andy.
You're late.
Again.
You know, it is the 21st century.
There are some exciting new products called
razors and ironing boards.
You should give them a try.
Good one, boss.
I mean, I-- I sacrificed underwear today in an effort
not to be late.
Yeah, I'm going commando!
You're disgusting.
TMI.
You're right.
It's clearly TMI.
The toilet in the executive washroom is clogged.
I'd like you to take care of that after you clock in.
Kev, buddy, that's not in my job description.
Can't maintenance do it?
Oh, they can, but you will.
Call it your penance for your allergy to being punctual.
You see, one of the perks of having
a high level job like mine is it gives
me the right to be capricious.
I'm sorry, Andy.
That may be a big word for you.
You know what that means?
It's 8:02 in the morning, OK?
I'm not gonna let you ruin my day.
You think that I'm gonna capriciously clean that toilet?
So sad.
Yes, I do.
And if you have a problem with that, why don't you take it
up with our boss, Mr. Warren?
We all know the reason why he feels he has to tolerate you.
So go ahead and take care of that dump, Andy.
Oh, oh, "Dumpty."
That will be your new nickname.
It's perfect because it's "dumb" and "dee."
I squeeze it--
I wasn't finished with you.
Welcome to the Revelle.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): Not everyone will like you.
Not everyone will want you to succeed.
Life doesn't always give you what you want,
but it does equip you with what you need to learn.
OK.
[flushing]
What?
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): Wanna take over the world?
You better own it first.
The world is yours.
Say it loud.
The world is mine."
The world is mine.
Really, is it?
Could have fooled me.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): You're on your way.
You're on the path.
You're getting closer every day.
You have to believe you can get what you want.
The world is mine.
You sure you don't a copy of this book?
Mhm.
I'm telling you, you wanna work here forever?
This book will impact your life.
Right now, I am hoping that a margarita will impact my lip.
I love you.
I love you too.
Good night, mama.
Good night, baby.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): In a rat race like this,
you have to be the strongest and the fastest rat
if you wanna get the cheese that's
waiting on the other side of that finish line.
And that is why we are all here, to do the best we can,
to make the most of who we are--
to win the race and to win the game.
Thank you.
[applause]
Hello. - Hi.
Hi.
Wow, you're so much prettier in person.
Well, that's a little bit upset actually.
Thank you.
You have great taste.
And I love your accent.
What's your name?
Um, Hayley.
H-A-Y-L-E-Y.
Mhm.
I'm actually-- I'm thinking about writing a book myself.
Oh, awesome.
What about?
Oh I don't know.
I don't know what my story is yet?
Why don't you get out there and find out.
And when you have a book signing,
I'll be front and center.
Deal?
Deal, yes.
Can I shake your--
Yes, nice to meet you.
Lovely to meet you.
Thank you.
Good luck to you.
Thanks.
Hi.
Wow, you are prettier in person.
Ah, you can tell with those shades on, huh?
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Oh, you have beautiful eyes.
You should use them.
And stitch up that shirt.
You're better than that.
Oh, OK.
Thank you. Sorry.
Thank you.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): Want more and you'll get more.
Ask for more, and you'll receive more.
You wanna be rich, be rich.
You wanna be successful, be successful.
You are made of unrealized greatness.
Believe it.
Can I ask you to fix my shirt?
Stupid.
My mamita, you're dreaming.
I'm not.
Why?
Why am I dreaming?
OK, rich.
- Yeah. - Handsome.
Yeah.
Funny.
Under 35 with an IQ over 125?
Mamita, that's like an anomaly.
That sounds like a place in Italy.
No, it does. Yeah.
I love the pizza in Anomaly.
That's not finding nature.
OK, that's like-- that's like a nudist
that you really want to see naked.
Wait.
Any man like that is going to stray or he's gay.
That rhymes.
It does Well done.
Exhibit A--
Joey.
Hey, what have we spoken about?
We do not say his name aloud, do we?
Sorry, please, don't get violent.
Exhibit A-- he whose name we do not say out loud.
Thank you.
He was cute.
Yeah.
He had a nice butt.
He did have a nice butt.
He had a really nice butt.
He was successful.
Yeah.
What did he do?
Sleep with a Hooters waitress.
OK, first off, Hooters has lovely chicken wings.
Second of all, maybe he did not mean to sleep with her.
Sure, honey.
And listen, I don't like cocaine.
I just like the way it smells.
Look, I don't wanna settle.
Everyone settles to varying degrees.
People, actual living, breathing human people,
will never live up to the fantasy.
Never.
Like Taylor Swift, never, ever, never.
OK.
Thank you for doing my nails, though.
They look pretty.
I wanna look really good for when I jump
off [inaudible] in my head in.
She's driving me crazy.
You need to slap that bitch.
I do.
I do need to smack her.
Like a huge one.
All five fingers.
Thumb.
Oh, watch where you're going.
Are you serious?
Welcome to the Revelle in New York.
Hi.
I'm looking for for colleagues.
Well, we have a bulletin over there with today's post.
Do you have a meeting room?
I don't know where I wrote that down.
Do you know your colleague's name?
Cruella DeVille.
Are you British?
You're a smart one.
Let me guess.
Kate or Diana.
Pardon?
Oh, my name?
ANDY: Yeah.
No, why?
Well, you look like royalty, or a beautiful princess.
Um, I'm Hayley.
So Princess Hayley.
I'm Andy.
Oh, I gotta go.
What do you mean?
Wait, you're leaving?
I don't think I can face the world without you.
Oh, I think you underestimate yourself.
No, but really, I'd love to see you again.
Well, find me and you never know.
You're late. What happened?
I know.
I'm so sorry.
The bloody traffic was awful.
I nearly broke my heel.
I tore my [inaudible] it's just a bad morning.
Are you OK?
Thank you for asking that.
Um, if I'm honest, I'm really missing my ex.
I stupidly went onto Instagram, and I
saw him with his new girlfriend, and that was just a really--
I don't actually care.
I have no time now to go over these.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Make sure this never happens again.
You got it?
I-- I'm sorry.
I did ask them, though, to get--
No, no, you don't ask.
You demand what you need, and you make them give it to you.
And by the way, you represent my spa,
and I looked better during my first labor
than you look right now.
Go fix your face.
You should be nicer as a mother--
Sleeves rolled up, still unshaven,
and what were you doing flirting with a guest?
I wasn't flirting with a-- and she wasn't even a guest.
She was looking--
Everyone who walks through that door is a guest!
Listen here, Dumpty, did you enjoy cleaning
the toilets the other day?
Because I've got a lot more jobs just like that waiting for you.
Do you got it?
Got it.
Good.
Not gonna ruin my day.
Oh.
Mr. Warren, playing with Kevin's computer again, hm?
It's a beautiful day out, isn't it?
You know your father hired me when I was 20 years old, right?
When I got here from Denmark, right?
Yeah, I've heard the story a few times.
You had no shoes.
You used to put your used gum in water and then take it out
when you wanted to chew it.
Yeah.
ANDY: I mean, such as, such as.
Your father was like a brother to me.
If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been able to move up
from the mailroom to be the eventual CEO
of the Imperial Hotel Group.
When he passed, he made me promise
to look after the hotels and look after you.
Only you and I know of this promise.
And I think you've done pretty well on both of them.
Wrong.
I've done tremendously well at running this hotel.
We've turned a profit every year I've been at the helm,
went from having 21 hotels in 12 countries to having
49 hotels in 37 countries.
It's amazing.
And Mr. Warren, I just--
I have an idea--
But I've failed at you.
I see a lot of potential in you, but you get in your own way.
You lack discipline, you lack focus, motivation.
The list goes on.
Look, that's not entirely true.
These are facts not open for debate.
I'm bored.
I need more to do.
I need more responsibility.
And I'm very capable of having it.
I agree, so I'm going to try to motivate you.
What exactly does that mean?
I'm going away for four weeks to Sri Lanka with my wife
on a yoga retreat.
She thinks I work too hard, and so she's worried.
Ever since I had that heartburn last year
she thought was a heart attack, she
hasn't been able to move on.
So we will go to a spiritual retreat, vegan, possibly
nudist, and I just hope I still have
the tree-hugging days in me.
I'm there.
I would love to go with you guys.
I want you to be in charge of this office while I'm gone.
You're a free spirit.
I'm a free spirit.
And I think you can handle it.
Plus, I don't really trust Kevin.
Wait, so you're asking me to run this hotel.
Would you send Kevin in, please?
WOMAN: OK.
Sir, I--
Don't speak.
Yes, sir.
While I'm gone, Mr. Palazzo will be my personal bridge
between Sri Lanka and New York.
Mr. Warren, um, Dumpty is not qualified.
That's "Mr. Palazzo" to you.
Mr. Warren, Mr. Palazzo is not qualified to run a mile
around a high school track.
He's not qualified to run a taco stand, to run a fever,
to run amok.
No offense.
I am not interested in your perspective
on this, Mr. Hargrove.
For the next month, Mr. Palazzo will
no longer be working for you.
You two will work together.
Mr. Warren!
Is that understood?
Mr. Warren, I cannot stress what a bad idea--
Is that understood?
Yes, sir.
You will have access to the corporate account,
which you will only use for corporate affairs.
Is that understood?
You will have access to the company car, which you will
only use for company matters.
Is that understood?
Yes.
You will work out of my office,
but you will not be making any decisions major or minor.
Is that understood?
Yes.
This is your opportunity to show I should
take you seriously, Andy.
Is that understood?
Yes.
Mr. Hargrove, Mr. Palazzo, make it work.
Namaste to you both.
Namaste.
Mr. Warren, before you go, I just want to say thank you.
And I know if my dad were here too,
he'd say thank you as well.
You're welcome, Andy.
I'm not gonna let you down.
I am counting on that.
I'm so sorry.
I--
Don't be.
It happens.
I'm sorry I have to do this.
It's just our policy.
You know, actually, we're having a recession special.
One free drink for every decline credit card.
Thank you.
It's actually my reversary.
I thought I've heard it all, but what's a reversary?
It should have been my anniversary, but it's not.
Because my ex decided to go to Hooters,
get a plate of hot wings and a slutty waitress on the side.
I'm sorry, hon.
I'm just gonna down this.
Please don't judge me.
It's a British thing.
BARBARA: OK.
Here, just have--
That would be great.
Sasha, I'm contemplating bankruptcy.
Seriously, all my cards are maxed out.
Oh, well, let's see what Miss Jessica
DeBenedetto has to say about filing chapter 11, shall we?
OK.
OK, let's see here.
"Never date down."
Blah, blah, blah.
"In any capacity.
If you do, he or she will bring you down,
down to their financial class, down
to their stage of emotional development,
down to their lack of confidence."
Wow, Jesus.
What is her next book gonna say?
"Men are like coffee and chocolate,
and they taste better rich?"
I mean, what's the plan here?
You're gonna, like, find some sugar daddy who
has an abundance of self-confidence and an
amazing emotional development?
Yeah, why not?
Oh, because, I don't know, what about, like, chemistry,
and passion, and love?
Ugh, stop it.
Oh, sorry, Miss Shallow.
Yeah, I forgot.
What was the plan again?
Climbing social status, seven figure bank account, house
in the Hamptons, and then--
wait, what's the other thing I'm forgetting?
Private jet.
Oh, yes, the very, very important private jet.
I've always wanted a private jet.
Is that too much to ask?
Why don't you start with something smaller?
Like, stop spending and start thinking.
Stop washing hair and put that MBA to use.
Do a product that you love, like write that book
you're always talking about.
And you want to find your own place,
and you want your career to take off.
And despite what "Rich Boy, Rich Girl" says,
you, my dear, want to fall in love.
Hah.
Yeah.
I cannot believe nobody ever taught you how to tie a tie.
I feel like Cinderfella
Just relax, OK?
I'm not trying to bone you.
Thanks.
Whoa.
What the heck is it?
That is--
Is that what I think it is?
Do you know how many times I've applied for one of those?
Even I don't make enough money for that.
You're like a millionaire.
Yeah, but apparently not millionaire enough.
What the hell are you doing with it?
It's the company card.
I use it for company expenses.
That's very admirable of you.
Don't Andy it up.
What the hell is this?
I thought I was the only one man enough to get a mani-pedi.
Pedi
Why are you always just grabbing stuff?
That's what I do.
It's something that my future wife dropped at the hotel.
Your future wife?
Really?
Have you even taken her out?
Not yet.
Uh-huh. so you're stalking her.
No, I'm-- I'm I'm wooing her.
By stalking her.
No, by politely courting her.
How does one politely court another, exactly?
Flowers.
This isn't the '80s, kid.
Come on, these days we need a little more than flowers.
Like a limousine or a nice dinner, maybe a show?
Really?
Really.
Uh, I can't.
You can.
Yeah, I shouldn't.
But you will.
[bell rings]
Hayley.
Shh. HAYLEY: Not here.
You're right there.
I can see you. HAYLEY: No, no, no, I'm not.
He's gonna come in.
Hi.
Maybe you can help me out.
I'm looking for Hayley.
Is she here?
Um, excuse me.
Oh no, do your thing.
Hayley's in her office.
OK.
You can take a seat.
She'll be with you shortly.
Oh, OK.
Thank you.
Thanks.
She loves you.
What?
Excuse me?
Sorry, nothing.
You can just-- you can go have a seat.
This is stupid.
I'm sorry.
What?
What was that?
Nothing.
I'm talking on the phone.
Sorry.
Oh, sorry.
[dial tone]
OK, what the heck are you doing?
I can't let him know that I sweep hair.
Is he sitting down?
No, he's breakdancing.
What?
Yes, he is sitting down.
That was a mean thing to do.
I have a favor to ask you, just a teeny, tiny--
could you-- what size dress are you wearing?
Absolutely not.
Take this off.
No, I don't want to.
OK, so I can't do 2:00.
Can we move it to 3:00?
Mhm.
Also, Mr. Johnson wants to invest in one
of your new business ventures.
Oh, fine, but if he wants a meeting,
you must tell him that it's a minimum investment
of 100K to get me out to lunch.
I'm just not doing it anymore.
Do we have any messages?
No, your highness.
Delia, what are you wearing?
We have a dress code here.
Place, observe it.
There's a gentleman.
HAYLEY: Hi.
Hi.
You found me.
Oh, I'm very resourceful.
Delia, can you grab me a latte?
DELIA: Yeah.
Thank you.
Remind me of your name again?
Andy.
And there are for you.
Oh, what are these?
Flowers.
Flowers?
Yeah.
I've heard of those.
So I hope you don't mind me coming
to see you at work like this.
No.
What exactly do you do around here?
Just some consulting here and there
at the other Midtown affiliates.
You know, amongst other things.
You?
Oh, I have a job that's got way too many titles and hyphens
to fit on a business card.
So.
You impressed?
Maybe.
When When asking someone out to dinner--
So you feeling spontaneous?
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): Confidence is key.
Maybe.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): Dictate the situation,
and don't hesitate.
I want you to meet me at 6:00 for a gorgeous sunset,
and, you know, never ending laughter, and maybe
some dinner.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): You are in control.
You are in demand.
I'm not sure if I can do that.
Let me just check my--
[bell chimes] Yeah, I can.
Good.
- Did you even check? - Yeah, yeah.
Weird that you didn't see it.
No, we're fine.
So good.
See you later, see you later.
OK.
You are late.
Someone needs their hairwashing.
Bye.
What the hell is going on?
I think the coffee is ready.
OK.
Go ahead.
So what does he do?
I think he's some sort of hotel executive.
Oh, well, that sounds too good to be true.
Oh, so are his eyes.
When you see them, you just wanna
take a skinny dip in them.
Easy tigress.
Sorry.
There may also be, like, one teeny tiny other problem.
He might have a slightly skewed perception of what
I actually do for a living.
You have got to own it.
Own your status.
No, I know, but Jessica says to get success
you have to exude success.
You hate the book, don't you?
We're not gonna talk about that, are we?
No, we're not.
We're not gonna talk about that at all, because we don't care.
[speaking gibberish]
- That's looking pretty good. - Yeah.
Maybe just a little bit messier on the top right there.
Can you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like that.
That's perfect.
OK, so where were we?
She's beautiful, she's successful?
Oh, she's incredible.
And her-- and her accent is so adorable.
She says tuh-moh-row instead of tuh-morrow.
And she's cute, and she's just beautiful.
Yeah, I think we covered the beautiful thing.
Listen, this is starting to sound
a little too good to be true, so cool your jets there, OK?
There's a little confidence for you.
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): Use good wine
terminology to handle conversations.
Oaky, creamy, and buttery.
It shows that your wines.
It's hard.
Love it.
It's round.
Velvety textured.
Courtesy of the chef.
Enjoy.
Thank you.
Wow.
Look at that.
Oh, I don't think you eat those!
Yeah, they're edible.
No, I don't think they are!
Wow, look at the bar.
Ptui.
You know, I'm really happy that,
um that you found me as fast as you did.
Yeah, I can be tenacious.
I do have one thing, though.
It's kind of a little rule of mine.
I don't like to mix work with my personal life.
I like to keep work as work and my personal life
is my personal life.
Yeah, no.
I'm the same way.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I mean, running a hotel is tough.
Yeah, I bet.
So let's do that.
Let's make a deal.
No shop talk while we're together.
That is quite a commitment after knowing
me for hardly any time at all.
Yeah, well, like I said, I can be--
"Tenacious."
Yeah, I got it.
Have I told you how pretty you look?
And if I say "your body is amazing,"
would you hold it against me?
I--
That is-- that is smooth.
I snuck it right in there.
Did-- did you research that?
Did you google it?
I did.
You did?
Yeah, I went "cube functional pick up."
That's what you typed in?
Yeah.
Can I tell you what I'm thinking about?
A little bit closer than that.
The maitre d' is really freaking me out.
Shoo-shoo.
[music playing]
♪ It's not hard to fall ♪
♪ It's too easy to break ♪
♪ So I'll keep on pretending that you're not perfect for me ♪
♪ as long as it takes ♪
♪ It's not all my fault ♪
♪ I know you feel the same ♪
♪ But we can't be the just friends we've just been trying to be ♪
♪ I know it's too late ♪
Thanks.
I would invite you up, but--
But?
I gave up being a slut for Lent.
Ah, so you're not a slut and you honor Lent?
Yeah.
Thank you for wasting my time.
Have a good night.
No, you know I wouldn't.
I just have an early meeting tomorrow.
That's fine.
No, me too.
I gotta go straight back to the office to handle a few things.
So until next time?
Yes.
Until the next time.
OK.
Good night, Princess.
Good night, Fair Rita. [music playing]
♪ We've built around our hearts ♪
♪ Broken fences mend ♪
♪ Second chances start ♪
♪ A new life ♪
Huh?
You see?
That's what I'm talking about.
That looks sharp?
Yeah?
I don't know how I'm gonna explain the charges
as a hotel expense, but--
Are you kidding me?
These are clothes for meetings.
And as Mr. Warren's personal liaison,
it is important for you to look good.
Right.
I mean, you like this girl, don't you?
Yeah, she's incredible.
Oh, and I have an amazing idea for the second date,
by the way.
Excellent.
I'm like a high class criminal.
Not exactly the look I was going for, but hell, I will take it.
Oh, I set up the meeting at the bank to air my idea.
Get out of here.
Come on, come on, give me a hug.
Come on, all right, all right.
You're out of your mind.
No, Keith Grant is better than John Bonham.
John Bonham was incredible.
Are you kidding me?
When you see him live, you just--
you just feel it.
This is so beautiful.
Thank you for bringing me out here.
I-- I have a surprise for you.
We've already had a surprise.
The yacht.
Close your eyes.
Close 'em!
HAYLEY: OK.
Can I open them?
(SINGING) Simple but it's complicated,
conversation underrated.
I could be your open book when you're call close.
Tell me, is it too imposing, asking
you to stay till morning?
It's a familiar feeling we all know.
Now let's roll along and stay up talking shit all night
and climb the roof and watch the world we set on fire,
break the rules and look for things
we shouldn't find inside.
'Cause lately I've been growing crazy.
I think this might have saved me.
Exactly what I needed.
I needed tonight, night.
Tonight.
I needed tonight, night.
Exactly what I needed.
I needed tonight.
I didn't know you couldn't do that.
That was amazing.
Aw.
I wrote it for you.
Did you really?
Thank you.
I'm not using him.
No, not for the nine course meals, the limo, yacht.
All right, well, when you get it like that,
you have a fair point.
But Sash, I really like him.
You do, don't you?
That's why I can't tell him the truth.
Yet.
I can't tell him the truth yet.
Well, it's not real until you do.
You know that, right?
Oh my god.
What happened to the Hayley I know, huh?
The one who's a force of nature, who's tough,
and strong, and confident.
Student body president, never earned
less than a B in her life, huh?
Where'd she go?
Because Hayley I know would never
lie about who she is, about her status,
or how hard she works for her dreams.
Baby girl, you have got too much going on inside.
You're better than this.
I just don't know anymore.
Oh my god.
So you got a little banged up and bruised.
We all do.
Yeah, I haven't gotten laid in months.
Well, there is that.
I'm gonna keep going.
- Yeah, I'm not. - OK.
OK.
Fair enough.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Thanks.
So that's basically it.
All I need is the startup capital.
To cover what, exactly?
Well, I need an architect for one.
But you don't have the money to build the hotel.
Well, no.
I mean, I need to build the model first.
And you would use the model to?
Show the investors what the hotel might look like.
You know, so they'll invest in the build.
A bigger model?
Exactly, you know.
And I need money for-- for market analysis,
and to put the prospectus together.
And I mean--
Couldn't you sort of do all this yourself?
Well, no.
Well, I mean, maybe if I had a computer.
A computer.
You know, and then, in theory, I
could do some of those things.
Actually, heck, I could do all of those things.
This is-- this is true.
Honestly, who?
Who doesn't have a computer?
Your main problem, Mr. Palazzo, is--
Oh, you can call me Andy.
I mean, we're past that point, right?
I can call you Tom.
No.
Your main problem, Andy, is that you don't have any assets,
liability, and collateral.
And it would be impossible for us to give you a loan.
Find someone to bankroll your startup capital
and get you going.
Thanks for coming in.
When you say "impossible"?
Impossible.
Thanks for coming in.
Great, thank you.
I'm gonna go and take a pen.
Look, the answer is no, OK?
Why not?
Because I don't invest in friends' businesses.
I mean, eventually the friendship will suffer
and the business will fail.
My business is not gonna fail.
Why don't you ask Mr. Warner?
It's Mr. Warren, and no, he's already done
way too much for me already.
You've got nothing to lose.
Besides, he might like it.
I mean, it's a good idea.
It's just all about the presentation.
I'll tell you what I will do.
I've got the complete Adobe Suite--
Photoshop, Illustrator.
Everything you need to make a kickass presentation.
I'll help you with that.
You can use my computer.
Computer?
I want you to invest in the company.
I want your money.
It's not gonna happen, OK?
You can have my computer or nothing.
Oh, how's Holly doing?
It's Hayley, and she's good.
You guys done the Macarena?
ANDY: No.
Really?
That must be some kind of record for you.
No, it's just, it's different with this one, man.
And it's a mutual thing.
It's just, there's no rush.
You must really like this girl.
Yeah.
All right, really, it's killing me.
I'm-- I'm dying.
Hey, you got plans for Saturday?
No.
I got a couple of tickets for the opera.
You can have 'em.
The opera?
Yeah, the opera.
Trust me, one night at the Met and you'll get laid.
The opera.
What?
All right, forget it. I'll give 'em to someone else.
No, no, no, I'll take 'em.
I'm gonna give 'em to someone else.
Forget it. - I trust you.
I just-- the opera?
Right?
That's what-- that's what's gonna turn her on?
That will close the deal.
Yes, I'm heading to the caterer right now.
I'm taking the corporate limo.
But nothing.
I will talk to you later.
Dumpty.
Dumpty!
Janine!
JESSICA DEBENEDETTO (VOICEOVER): The opera
is a cultural benchmark, a sophisticated and elegant
affair.
And although it can be emotionally overwhelming,
unlike a wide receiver in the end zone,
try and pretend like you've been there before.
[opera music playing]
[shutter clicking]
[singing in Italian]
[shutter clicks]
[inaudible]
No.
It's kind of cute.
It's cute.
[speaking chinese]
Well, listen.
$40 million.
That's a lot of renminbi.
So let's just not screw this up.
[speaking chinese]
Bye.
OK, sorry.
Hi.
Um, hi.
You must be Andy.
Hi, yeah.
How are you?
Hi.
Um, I know we-- we just met, and it's not my place to criticize,
but your Cantonese is bad.
Hm, well, then it was a good thing I was speaking Mandarin,
isn't it?
I was-- yeah, it was-- it was a bad joke.
So how was the opera for the first time this season?
Great.
The first season.
It was brilliant, if anything.
Yeah.
Not as good as the Zeferetti production we saw last year.
The Zeferetti.
Right.
Yeah, I-- l love Zeferetti.
Was
- Really? - He's amazing.
- You too. - Ah.
Yeah, especially, um, Labawama, right?
Labahama is just--
It's stunning.
Unreal.
Yeah, absolutely.
Maybe.
Yes.
I so--
I-- we didn't mean to disturb you, but business call.
What do you do, exactly?
Oh, um, a hedge fund manager.
Oh, so you handle, like, investments with,
you know, with other people's money in different fields.
Yes.
Yes, I do.
Primarily high risk VCs.
You know, thinking outside the box type stuff, a lot of it
very cutting edge.
It's not safe.
So that is what makes it fun.
I've heard.
She's important.
Yeah.
Ahem, and you, Andy?
What exactly do you do?
Oh, hotel business.
It's-- it's-- well, it's--
I don't want-- it's a lot.
I mean, maybe if we, you know, talk later,
I can give you more details.
Um, it's just, yeah, a hotel business.
OK, well, I--
I'm bushed.
So we'll talk later about that hotel business,
and you guys just, um, enjoy yourselves, because I'm gonna--
I'm gonna sleep in your bedroom, if that's OK?
That's fine.
Anything that you need is more than OK with me,
because we just want you to get back on your feet.
Yes, OK, got it.
Yes, uh-huh.
Thank you, OK.
And yeah, you kids need anything, just help yourselves.
Did sh just say that we can have
whatever we want in your house?
Did she?
No.
Really?
Her sense of humor's really, really strange,
but I find it funny.
OK.
I gotta come clean.
OK.
I've never been to the opera.
My god.
That's not-- that's not what I thought you were gonna say.
[inaudible]
OK, but I actually do have something serious to tell you,
though.
I feel like I've been a little bit misleading about something.
I don't know who Zeferetti is, and I've
never heard of him before, and I don't know if that's his name.
Me either.
What?
No, I just told you that I--
no.
Is the Labahama thing--
is the Bahama thing a real thing?
I don't know.
I thought you knew what that was.
It probably is.
Where's the bathroom?
It's-- it's down there.
Down there to the right.
OK.
Yeah, good.
-
Yeah.
I like this girl.
I really like this girl.
No idea.
Sorry.
Hey.
I was gonna go get us a drink.
[music playing]
♪ Seven shots [inaudible] ♪
♪ Is that deep enough? ♪
Don't get it.
[music playing]
♪ Seven means more, gonna be seven tonight ♪
♪ Dirty minds think alike ♪
♪ You ain't gotta say nothing ♪
♪ We made it to the floor ♪
♪ Now we can't get up ♪
♪ Just move with me ♪
♪ Get loose with me ♪
♪ Fuck your past, girl ♪
♪ Show me what you're gonna do with it ♪
♪ Come trough with it ♪
♪ Pass through with it ♪
♪ You got some thoughts ♪
♪ I got 'em too ♪
♪ You got me like oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Good morning.
Sorry, did I wake you?
No.
How come Sasha's in all these photos
and you're in none of them?
That's just really--
it's a weird thing.
I just, I don't like posing for photos, like, at all.
So she just-- she just stands in for me.
ANDY: So these are your parents?
Yep, yep.
You don't look anything like 'em.
Well, it's just--
I think I look like my grandfather, George.
God rest his soul.
So and this must be your husband.
No, no.
That-- that's Devon.
He-- he's away on business.
So.
But you'll meet him.
Oh.
So that means you plan on keeping me around for a while?
I don't know.
Maybe. - Yeah.
Yeah.
[phone ringing]
It's a call from Italy.
I gotta take this.
OK.
I'll be right back.
Mr. Warren, how are you, sir?
Are you in a bathroom?
I-- I'm at the gym on the way to work.
I don't really care where you are.
I'm worried.
Well, I've been doing the downward dog all morning,
and all I can think about is you and why I haven't
heard from you in two days.
Anything I should know about?
No, no, sir.
Everything is-- it feels great.
[moaning]
Have you heard from Roman about the acquisitions?
No, sir, but I've reached out multiple times.
[moaning]
Well, light some fire under their asses.
Get this thing moving.
[moaning]
Sir?
Is everything OK?
Yeah, everything's-- everything's good.
I just had to iron out a few wrinkles
on a hotel acquisition.
You just acquire a hotel?
I have this idea.
Mhm.
Where I wanna create hotels that are more like apartments.
You know, instead of hotel rooms,
where the interior, the decor is casual,
and instead of room service, you're
having a fridge in your place and beer and hot pockets.
And stuff like that.
And the staff, they're all your friends,
and they're dressed in street clothes
instead of bellhop uniforms.
And it's just a cool, casual place that feels like home.
But it just happens to be a hotel.
Yeah, I wanna call it "Crash Pad."
It's a bad idea?
No.
No?
Actually, it reminds me a little bit of something
that I'm working on.
ANDY: Really?
I want to open up a full service
bar salon that's more social.
When you say "full service?"
Shut up!
Seriously, you know, like, when you go to get your hair done
and whatever at a salon, everyone's chatting
and they're gossiping.
And it's, like, communal.
But when you go to a spa, like to get a body scrub
or a massage, it's just so isolated.
So I wanna combine them both.
And I wanna have like a bar and a buffet,
and I don't know, just make it like a more social experiment,
I guess.
Kind of like "Cheers," but for women.
So what are you gonna call it?
"Community Zen."
Oh.
Oh no.
Do you think I'm crazy?
No, I think you're zensational.
You see what I did there?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's very clever.
I'm afraid of you.
Good.
Because if your falling for me half
is harder than falling for you, then we're in big trouble.
I gotta go.
I wanna stay.
[inaudible]
OK, go call a hotel.
You have any plans tomorrow?
Did you have something in mind?
Maybe.
I wanna take you somewhere that requires skill.
OK.
We'll see if you're up to par.
Oh, good morning, Princess.
Details, details, details.
Because, like, Grandpa George, really?
Well, I-- what was I supposed to do?
I'm not in any of the photos.
Well, whose fault is that?
Well, we did not think that through.
I did not think that through.
So did we--
did we give the American a good wank?
Stop it!
Did we?
Come on, spill it.
He was amazing.
It was amazing.
We were amazing.
I mean, the whole thing was just really amazing
in, like, a lot of ways.
Was it-- was it amazing?
HAYLEY: It was amazing.
- Yeah, I'm getting that. - Yeah.
You know last night with the opera talk?
Mhm?
Yeah, it was his first time that night.
Oh, really?
Labawama, my ass!
You're smitten.
I am.
That initial little pitter patter
of feelings that if we could just bottle up and sell we
would be millionaires.
Oh, I'm pathetic now, aren't I?
No, not exactly pathetic.
You're at the intersection of pathetic and cute.
And I'm happy for you.
But you do know that he thinks he's dating the owner
and boss of a series of spas.
I know.
What am I gonna do?
Unity
You gotta tell him.
I can't.
You gotta just spit it out.
Every pun intended.
Oh my God.
I don't want to.
Oh, you ridiculous, petulant little child.
God, whatever.
It's your life.
I'm gonna make us some tea, OK?
And you're gonna wash the sheets.
No.
No, seriously, wash the sheets.
I'll wash the sheets. SASHA: Yeah.
Here it comes.
Ready?
OK, you gotta keep your eye on the ball.
That's all I know what to tell you.
OK.
Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't you guys come and hang with us at the beach house
this weekend?
Really?
Yes.
Check in with Hayley.
See if she's down with it.
but what about Eva?
I mean, does she-- does she know what's going on?
Because if we go, then, I mean, you both are gonna have to--
Lie about your professional life?
Look, I don't think she's gonna do that,
but I'll make sure she keeps her mouth shut.
OK, thanks, man.
Yeah.
Oh, you're not so great at this.
Give me one more.
Yeah, let's go do a little Putt Putt golf.
Come on, Babe Ruth.
I hate you.
Real skill, huh?
Hell, yes.
Hi, two for minigolf?
Yes, please.
[shutter clicks]
Learn to golf and to golf well.
Wait, did you just quote--
Huh?
Never mind.
Here's your score card.
Thank you.
You guys are so cute.
- Aw, appreciate that. - Thanks.
You're cute.
Yes, Mr. Dumpty.
[shutter clicks]
OK, so you can take it.
OK.
So what you're gonna do is, you are going to move your arms
and your shoulders together like a pendulum.
OK?
OK.
Gorgeous, velvet, pendulum.
OK, OK.
You got it.
Just watch and learn.
OK.
Yeah, I learned how to play golf before you
discovered pocket pool.
Just be grateful we're not on a real gold course,
because the I'd--
I'd really embarrass you.
Noted. We could--
Yeah, you'll be fine.
Thank you.
[shutter clicking]
Thank you.
There's no way this is right.
Well, with the nine mulligans I gave you
and the penalty strokes that I did add because you thought
that getting your ball lost in the windmill
was penalty enough.
All of that is correct.
OK, that it is.
Traumatized?
No.
Yes.
I just don't think I've ever been so thoroughly
emasculated in my entire life.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- You're not sorry. - No.
Mm-mm.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Nothing I can't move around.
Why?
- Because maybe I wanna see you. - Yeah?
Take you somewhere.
Where?
Definitely not minigolf.
Yeah, we won't do minigolf anymore.
Never again.
No, it didn't make you look good.
No.
It's messed up.
Yeah.
Peter.
How we doing?
Fine.
What you have?
This just came up from legal.
They said everything is copacetic,
but Mr. Warren would feel better if--
Yeah, yeah. I'll Take a look.
Thank you.
Anything else?
I wanna talk to you about an idea that I've been working on.
An idea?
It's a new hotel chain.
Do you know how much effort it takes to make a proposal
for a new hotel chain?
To even build one?
I-- I-- I do.
And-- but this is--
this is great.
Look, everyone knows Mr. Warren sees something
in you that no one else sees.
But that'll take you so far.
It got you in this conversation.
But all due diligence, you gotta start hustling or this
is how far you're gonna get.
Goodbye, Andy.
Mia?
What?
I was just wondering if you could give me some advice.
On?
I have this idea about setting up a spa, like yours.
Well, this should be interesting.
Go on.
No, not--
I mean, vastly different to yours.
Like, considerably different to yours.
But I was just--
how did you start this place up?
Like, did you get an LLC?
Where did you get the start up funds for it?
You do realize you're asking your current boss
how to start a business that will
directly compete with hers?
Oh, no, no.
No, it's just a-- it's just a hypothetical.
It's not--
Should I start looking for your replacement?
No, no, definitely not.
Because I'm asking for the feature, a galaxy far away.
Not now is what I'm saying.
Like, not now at all.
So I really appreciate the advice.
Have a lovely weekend.
Just not now is--
yeah.
[laughter]
I hope you guys are ready for an amazing weekend
at the beach.
Andy, thanks for the limo.
No, no, no, it's the least that we can do.
Honey, did I tell you?
Andy's company is picking up the limo ride for us.
Isn't that a personal expense, though?
Is your-- are your shareholders OK with that?
How many shareholders is it that you have?
I forget.
Honey, we don't wanna talk about this boring stuff
when there's a lot of expensive champagne to be drinking.
Yeah, but no champagne, no shoptalk.
Let's just sit back and enjoy the ride.
OK, OK.
Come on in, make yourselves at home.
Wow, this is your house.
No, technically, it's our house.
Mi casa, su casa.
So what do you guys wanna do?
I wanna get some sun.
Oh, yeah, you could use a little sun on that pasty
white butt of yours.
Wow, that view looks amazing.
Listen, why don't you guys just chill out a little bit,
and we'll go and have some dinner, OK?
And I have an idea for tomorrow, so let's go talk.
This guy.
Right?
What?
What, what, what?
You know what.
You're smitten over her.
Not that I blame you.
She's adorable.
You're falling for this girl.
"Fallen."
This is past tense.
Really?
Yeah, that was fast.
I know.
I'm sold.
Good for you.
Somebody is a little p-whipped.
ANDY: OK. - Right?
Mr. p-whipped over here.
We got Mr. p-whipped right there.
It's the accent.
It's priceless.
No, it's just--
she's everything I wanna be.
What, like a fraud and a liar?
Wow.
Come on, I'm just saying.
When you gonna tell her the truth?
I don't know.
I mean, maybe when I feel like I'm not gonna
lose her when she finds out.
You'll never know until you tell her the truth.
You're not the first guy to do something stupid because you
want to impress a girl.
What are you talking about?
Was she looking at me?
Huh?
Oh
Jeez.
Andy, what is going on?
I have left you over 20 messages.
Call me immediately.
[music playing]
♪ Deep down in the jungle, where the wild grass grows high, ♪
♪ where life is a miracle and they never really ask why, ♪
♪ can I get a ride down there? ♪
♪ Need a bit of action ♪
♪ I know ♪
♪ Take me to the DJ ♪
♪ Show me how the party goes ♪
♪ You have come too far away from home ♪
I can't believe you talked me into taking
dance lessons right now.
You've had a few drinks.
We're gonna have a good time.
Thank God we've had drinks.
You're OK with this?
Are you kidding?
This is awesome.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go, come on!
[music playing]
♪ Shake it up into the night ♪
♪ Time to dance my life away ♪
♪ Shake it up into the night ♪
♪ Remember the days I prayed for what I have now ♪
♪ Ivy League with old friends, dreams, and cocktails, ♪
♪ sharing the [inaudible] tones, the good times ♪
♪ and the best times. ♪
♪ What's in us is stronger than what's there to defeat us ♪
♪ Oh way oh ♪
♪ And we only get one chance at this thing called life ♪
♪ Oh way oh ♪
♪ Chase after your dreams till you feel alive ♪
Ooh, honey.
Come on, we're home.
Hey.
We're gonna step out, guys.
This is us.
OK.
I had a great time, had a great time.
Have fun.
Thanks for everything, buddy.
Thank you again.
BLAKE: Come on, baby. - Good night.
Good night.
[engine starts]
I don't want this weekend to end.
Yeah.
It doesn't have to.
Really?
Have you ever had a Neapolitan orgasm?
It's always been on my to-do list.
Well, some would call it Italian food.
Yeah, I'd like to do that.
Gary.
Take us to Patsy's.
I miss you more and more.
Wow, Italian orgasm of the soul, indeed.
Oh, but it's not Italian.
It's-- Tony, will you remind her what this is?
It's Neapolitan.
Chef Boyardee in a can is Italian food.
Sal isn't with us this evening.
However, I would like to present to you
both a copy of his latest book.
May our recipes become your family dinners.
That's so nice of you.
Thank you.
Prego.
Get it?
I crack myself up.
So first communal property.
Come here.
Thank you for dinner and for this weekend.
OK, I'm gonna go use the ladies.
I'll be right back.
Tony, can I get the check, please?
Here you go, my friend.
I am sorry, but--
I'm assuming this meal has nothing to do
with official hotel business.
Am I wrong in that assumption?
What are you doing here?
Just making sure Mr. Warren knows
that you are not to be trusted.
Now, you would never use the company credit card, would you?
Oh, I'm so sorry.
That was a mistake.
Um, I'm gonna go ahead and leave cash.
Thanks.
Give my regards to your girlfriend.
And I hope you brought enough cash.
I can't wait for Mr. Warren to come home.
Limos, yachts, expensive dinners?
Dumpty, Dumpty.
The point is, you're in a lot of trouble!
Hey.
- You OK? - Yeah.
Everything's fine.
Are we good?
All set?
Yeah, I just--
why don't you meet me in the limo, and yeah,
I wanna do one more thing.
OK.
Don't forget that.
I'm not going to.
Hey.
Oh, hi.
Gary, take us home.
Thank you for dinner.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry, come here.
Kevin, good morning.
We should talk.
Not a good day for you, Dumpty.
Yeah.
I just got off a Skype call with Mr. Warren and Gina
up in accounting, all those expenses that you've rung up.
[blowing]
What are you doing?
I'm trying to whistle.
That's not a whistle.
That's not the point.
The card, please?
Thank you.
Mr. Warren would like you to go home.
And he will deal with you when he returns.
Kevin, you're not--
I don't wanna hear it.
You can't fire me.
That's correct, but I can suspend you.
And that's what I'm doing right now.
Wait.
Just because I--
"Just because?"
Corporate fraud is not a "just because."
You have always been a world class slacker,
but congratulations.
You have just graduated to an epic screw-up and a criminal.
If it was up to me, I would send you to jail today,
but Mr. Warren insisted that he takes care of it himself.
But don't fret, Dumpty.
We'll survive just fine without the lackluster services
of our hotel greeter.
A hotel greeter?
Oh, yes.
And a bad one at that.
What's he talking about, Andy?
Nothing, he's just--
You told me you were the manager.
Oh, he did?
Oh, that's funny.
[laughing] That's funny.
Because I'm the manager.
Is that true?
It's-- yes.
You lied to me?
Hayley, wait.
Don't touch me!
OK!
I'm sorry, but you've gotta let me explain.
Explain what?
Explain what, Andy?
Every single moment that you and I have spent together
has been a lie.
I wanted to tell you the truth, but--
But?
But I thought you would leave me.
OK, I thought that--
No, no, what, Andy?
That you're this insanely beautiful, successful business
woman, and I'm a loser.
OK, tell me you didn't fall in love with my AMEX card.
Tell me that you fell in love with the schmuck who
cries like an infant at the opera
and accidentally eats flowers.
Tell me that you don't care that I'm
a flat broke greeter who lives in a 200 square foot apartment.
I know you would never lie, and I would never stoop this low,
but I don't think that you would fall for me if I--
if I wasn't as successful as you were.
And that was wrong.
But I am in love with you.
I don't know you.
Hayley, come on.
Dress to impress?
Bollocks!
It's gonna be a great day.
A great day.
[music playing]
♪ Thinking tomorrow I'll see your face ♪
♪ So sad that I let you go ♪
♪ And the memory of your kiss still hugs me each night ♪
♪ when I'm not with you, baby ♪
♪ Lost is what I feel when you take me to your eyes ♪
♪ And words cannot describe as I kiss your lips goodbye ♪
♪ Lost is what I feel when you take me to your arms ♪
♪ And words cannot describe as I kiss your lips goodnight ♪
♪ When I kiss your lips goodbye ♪
♪ Goodbye ♪
Hey, what's going on?
Who are you?
I'm the guy whose door you knocked on.
I'm Andy.
I'm looking for-- for Hayley.
She lives here.
Yeah, I guess you could say that,
but she went out with Sasha.
She's not here right now.
I was--
I recognized you.
You-- you're the guy from the pictures in her room.
I'm Devon.
Oh, I know exactly-- all right, cool.
I know who you are.
She's gonna be back in a little bit.
You wanna come in?
Yeah, yeah.
Come on in, man.
Come in. OK.
DEVON: Yeah.
So it's poker night.
Make yourself comfortable.
Have a seat.
Oh, I don't wanna--
This is Doc, Dopito, Bashful, and Grumpy.
Why do I gotta be Dopito?
Because you look like a Mexican.
That's a little racist.
That's-- that sounds a little racist to me.
- This is Hayley's friend-- - Andy.
Andy.
Nice shirt, man.
Who's Hayley?
Freeloader who lives in Sasha's closet.
Let's be nice, all right.
Helping out a friend, thank you.
I-- sure.
Why did he just say that?
We're all a little banged up.
Who knows what he says half the time.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, can we smoke in here?
No, I told you that like a couple of months ago.
You want Sasha to freak?
Well, how am I supposed to play poker
and drink without smoking?
My apartment, my rules.
Hey, what do you mean?
So with Haley, I think that maybe if you just
give it a little bit of time--
Honestly, this-- this--
I mean, this sucks.
Next time, we're not gonna play at your place,
because is like a nunnery.
[laughter]
But he keeps saying "your place."
This is a place where nuns are made.
Don't worry about it.
First of all, it's also where he met his ex-wife
and buys his weed, so there we go, right?
Uh, I'm gonna throw up.
Oh, dude, dude, dude, right through the hallway,
first door on the right.
See, it wasn't so bad.
I mean, the drinks were really good.
Hey, babe.
DEVON: Hey, honey.
We have a guest.
So what exactly did you mean when you said that this--
this is your house?
Andy?
ANDY: Hi.
Oh my God.
ANDY: So what do you mean you live here?
OK, this is when you spit it out.
It's theirs, OK?
I haven't been entirely honest with you either.
Why would you tell me that this
is your-- this was your place?
I don't--
It means I don't exactly have my own place right now.
And?
And I'm not a consultant.
I'm a shampoo girl.
And a failure, and now a fraud.
Apparently.
So that's good.
[vomiting]
Um, poker game over.
DEVON: Yes. - Yeah.
HAYLEY: I'm sorry. I'm sorry
SASHA: No worries, no worries.
You'll clean it up.
ANDY: I'm sorry.
DEVON: I think it might be time to leave anyway.
ANDY: Yeah, sorry.
We were just lying to each other.
You know what?
I wanted to love you.
And I still wanna love you.
Maybe one day, we can, but not until we
find the courage to love ourselves as we
are, and just not someone else.
This is embarrassing.
I'm gonna go.
OK.
Look, it's not the end of the world, right?
No, I'm just probably gonna get fired from my job,
and I just lost the girl that I thought I was gonna spend
the rest of my life with, but it doesn't
feel like the end of the world.
Well, my point is, she's never gonna see you again.
Blake, that's my point.
No, I'm-- I'm agreeing with your point.
I'm just saying she's not gonna see you
again because you lied to her.
So?
So you don't need to be embarrassed that you
threw up at her friend's house.
That's not the reason it didn't work out.
You are just a huge help.
Look, do you even wanna see this chick again?
You don't even know her.
I just really thought I loved her, man.
You thought you loved her, or you loved the idea of her?
I don't know.
Whatever it is, I miss it.
I just wish I would have never read that damn book.
What book?
Sasha, I think there was something real there.
Under the lies and all that deception and everything
we both did, I--
I think it was real.
I-- Oh, God, I must be crazy.
Yes, you are.
But so was he.
And maybe you both being crazy is why
you're perfect for each other.
If we were perfect for each other, we wouldn't have lied,
though.
Well, I wouldn't be too hard on yourself.
You were just, ahem, following instructions.
Jessica.
Yes.
You know, I think my copy was broken.
Is there security?
No, no, no.
Don't worry.
I'm leaving.
But thank you for nothing.
Well, I am--
I'm so sorry.
That may have been my fault. You don't know me.
I'm Hayley.
Hi.
I met you at a book signing a few months ago, and yeah, I--
I'm pretty sure that--
that was me.
Sorry.
Do you know him?
I do.
Um, he's my ex.
Oh.
Well, your ex didn't like my book very much.
He burned it, dumped it on my desk,
and told me it was broken.
Your book?
Was.
Yeah, I-- I see that.
Sorry, again.
We've both been reading your book and following your advice.
We-- we did do that.
Where we sort of-- we projected to be successful like we wanted
to be, but we're not really.
Yes, you read it wrong.
What?
It's project success in business, not in love.
Is there any way you wanna go get a drink?
I'd love to just talk to you and maybe get some advice.
You know what?
I could use a drink.
Really?
Yes.
Well.
Yes, and the first one is on me.
Thank you, because I'm broke.
I don't care that you spent $20,000 of the company's money.
I don't care that you committed what
amounts to corporate fraud.
What I do care about is that I gave you an opportunity
and you squandered it.
What I do care about is that I saw potential in you
that was never really there.
What I care about is that I wasted 15 years on you.
Now, you have to find a way to help yourself.
Help yourself grow.
I can no longer help you.
You're fired.
See yourself out.
Sir, I--
I understand.
I would fire me too.
But I am incredibly grateful for everything
that you've done for me.
And well, there's nothing I can say
to let you know how sorry I am that I've let you down
and let myself down.
I've got work to do.
I'm coming back, but I'm not coming back as your clerk.
I'm gonna come back as your partner,
and I'm gonna show you.
Grandma, you are a lifesaver.
Hi.
I'm Hayley.
Nice to meet you both.
OK, so my idea is, is to combine a spa and a salon.
[music playing]
♪ Conversations said our mouths did not move ♪
♪ I didn't drink ♪
♪ I think I'm wasted on you ♪
♪ I'm paralyzed and yet I feel like I can run ♪
♪ Hey ♪
♪ We light the fire when we pull out the plug ♪
♪ There's no ink under your skin♪
♪ Inside the tattoos lie within ♪
♪ I'm here to stay ♪
♪ Here to stay ♪
♪ There's no ink under my skin ♪
♪ Inside the tattoo lies within. ♪
♪ I'm here to stay ♪
♪ Here to stay ♪
♪ Even if I meet you tomorrow, I'll ♪
♪ be here to wake you up in the morning ♪
♪ and dance with you until nightfall yesterday and today ♪
♪ and the day after that ♪
♪ I'll stay with you tomorrow. ♪
♪ Good nights no end to good morning ♪
♪ We pick up our love as we trust fall yesterday and today ♪
♪ and the day after that ♪
♪ I'll stay with you ♪
♪ The king of hearts has been dealt on my sleeve. ♪
♪ It is no card without the hand of its queen ♪
♪ If you're afraid to jump then how will you ever fall? ♪
♪ There's no shame in loving this deeply ♪
♪ There's no ink under my skin ♪
♪ Inside the tattoo lies within ♪
♪ I'm here to stay ♪
♪ Here to stay ♪
♪ Even if I meet you tomorrow, I'll ♪
♪ be here to wake you up in the morning ♪
♪ and dance with you until nightfall yesterday and today ♪
♪ and the day after that ♪
♪ I'll stay with you tomorrow ♪
Man, I've been working on that thing for eight months.
Listen, Crash Pad is a great idea.
Yeah.
Now that it's out of my hands, all I can think about is her.
Well, it's been inspiring, watching
you work on something so hard.
And listen, good things happen to good people, right?
I mean, you keep your heart in the right place,
you're gonna get everything.
You'll get the girl and the job.
You deserve it.
Thanks, man.
[knocking on door]
What are you doing here, Andy?
I would love to see Mr. Warren.
Come in.
Make yourself comfortable, and I'll go grab him.
Listen, don't tell him that I'm telling you this,
but he really wanted you to come visit for Christmas.
We both did.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I missed it.
Good.
Go sit down.
What's that?
How are you, sir?
That--
Spit it out, Andy.
Yes, sir.
It's your 50th hotel.
And it's my first of many.
I have no time for games, Andy.
Yeah, I understand.
I'm not here to play games.
Sit down.
Mr. Warren, I need to apologize.
I know that you're sorry, Andy.
You don't need to apologize.
I do.
I mean, you've been incredibly gracious to my family and I.
You've been like a second father.
You deserve more respect and more gratitude
than I, obviously, can give to you.
And I'm just--
I appreciate that, Andy.
Thank you.
Well, shut the hell up and show me what's in this case.
I'd like to present to you Crash
Pad Inc by Andrew Palazzo.
And look, I mean, the projected revenue from the first quarter
is there, and, you know, if you flip here,
actually it's our-- yeah.
But wait.
There's more.
I'd like you to take a stroll through the hotel.
I've created an idea to make a hotel feel like home,
like an apartment.
The interior, it's casual, it's friendly, it's affordable.
I mean, we have a staff that dresses in street clothes
rather than bell hop uniforms, and the refrigerators
are filled with beer and Hot Pockets, if they want.
And I want a--
I want a home away from home.
That's-- that's thee Crash Pad.
I put my heart into this, Mr. Warren, and I just--
I feel like it can work.
And I mean--
Scotch?
No, I'm--
I'm off.
Yeah.
A home away from home.
It's very, very risky.
No, Mr. Warren.
I--
Stop.
It's also brilliant.
The hotel VCs are tight-asses.
They don't like to stray too far off the comfort zones.
So if this is gonna happen, it has to be outside the box.
Investors with balls.
Well, Mr. Warren, if you--
Sebastian.
If we're gonna be business partners,
it's gonna be on a first name basis.
Sir, great.
Thank you.
Here we are.
To the first step.
Remind me again what the next step is?
We find a company to partner with.
Mhm.
Someone who will be the perfect fit for the spa.
Well, aren't you happy?
No, I am.
I just miss him.
So call him.
You know I can't.
I gotta straighten myself out first.
If it's mean to be, we'll find each other again,
but this takes priority.
Good girl.
Nice suit.
Shiny.
Thank you.
Dude, you fart?
That was me.
I'm sorry.
I'm nervous.
[phone ringing]
Hey, babe.
Nothing.
I am stocking conditioner.
Yes, it's riveting.
What?
[screaming]
[inaudible] They said yes!
They said yes. They said yes.
They said yes!
OK.
What is going on with the screaming?
What is happening?
They said yes!
I don't care who said yes to what.
Your behavior is completely unacceptable.
You know what, Mia?
Blow it out of your arse.
Shove it in your face.
I'm out, bitches! What?
They said yes!
So construction starts when?
A few months from now.
Tonight is just a groundbreaking party.
You know, a chance for everyone to meet each other.
I cannot believe that this is happening.
Well, I can.
Because you deserve it.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
HAYLEY: I can't see.
I know.
Good, good, good.
Right here, and right here.
It's beautiful.
That's because it's yours.
Thank you.
Sasha?
Hm?
What's this hotel called?
What is this hotel called?
You know, that is a really--
it's a really good question.
You know, I thought I'd answered that.
You know what?
You did.
I'm gonna go find some more liquid food.
Thanks, Sasha.
You're welcome.
What, you don't remember the name?
Crash Pad?
Yeah.
How did you do this?
With a lot of help, some good advice, and some bad,
and Mr. Warren.
We like Mr. Warren.
When I found out we were gonna have the space for a spa,
I knew a little someone that had some wonderful ideas, just
hadn't got the opportunities yet.
It was true.
Us.
When you said that everything we ever had together was a lie,
that wasn't true either.
Because the moment you came through those doors,
I fell in love with you.
I know that could sound crazy--
Shut up and kiss me.
Show me Crash Pad.
ANDY: OK.
[music playing]
♪ Simple but it's complicated, conversation underrated ♪
♪ I could be your open book when you're closed ♪
♪ Tell me, is it too imposing, asking ♪
♪ you to stay till morning ♪
♪ It's a familiar feeling we all know ♪
♪ Let's roll on out ♪
♪ We'll stay up talking shit all night and climb the roof ♪
♪ and watch the world we set on fire, break the rules ♪
♪ and look for things we shouldn't find tonight ♪
♪ 'Cause lately I've been going crazy ♪
♪ I think this might have saved me ♪
♪ Exactly what I needed ♪
♪ I needed tonight ♪
♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪
♪ I needed tonight ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Spend a little time that's wasted ♪
♪ We can jump into the pool ♪
♪ We can get naked ♪
♪ If you wanna take it too far, that's where we'll go ♪
♪ Let's roll on out ♪
♪ We'll stay up talking shit all night, and climb the roof ♪
♪ and watch the world we set on fire, break the rules ♪
♪ and look for things we shouldn't find tonight ♪
♪ 'Cause lately I've been going crazy ♪
♪ I think this might have saved me ♪
♪ Exactly what I needed ♪
♪ I needed tonight ♪
♪ Oh, oh, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I needed tonight ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I needed tonight ♪
♪ Oh, oh, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ 'Cause lately I've been going crazy ♪
♪ I think this might have saved me ♪
♪ Exactly what I needed ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Oh, oh, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I needed tonight ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I needed tonight ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
♪ I needed tonight ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I needed tonight ♪