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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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It's bigger than I thought.
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This is nice. This is nice.
This is fuckin' nice.
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This is nice.
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Oh, man.
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- G-Bo.
- Yeah?
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How ya doin', Pop?
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Oh, man.
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Now we're in room 104.
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- What a trip.
- Great set.
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What a trip.
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_
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_
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Oh, look at this. This is good
stuff here too. Look at this, G-Bo.
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Oh, my God.
They got all kinds of stuff over here.
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There's a lot of
dynamics with this room.
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_
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_
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Oh, G-Bo! Look at this. Look at this.
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- Yeah, that's good.
- Perfect.
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- It's got like a canvas texture to it.
- Perfect.
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If you had told me a year ago,
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where we were and where we are,
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that this is the deal,
I would've never believed it.
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- Okay, so I have a thought.
- What?
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I think if we flip these babies around
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and throw... get our paint on 'em,
they're gonna dry,
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and then we can flip 'em back around
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and put our... our strings on
while they're kinda drying.
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'Cause at some point I'm
gonna put it on the wall.
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Okay.
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These are nice and
light, this is perfect.
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- The box springs are light.
- They're like a canvas,
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so the objective is to
use the box springs
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so we have two separate pieces...
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Gianni Arone, Jimmy Ray Flynn...
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And then everything
else is up for grabs.
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Yeah, nice.
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Uh, you're not gonna hit the edges?
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I'm just going...
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- Hit those edges.
- You hit those edges.
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- Okay.
- I didn't mean it for real.
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Hey.
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What? You said I could hit the edges.
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- No, leave it.
- No, baby, come on.
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- They gotta have the balance.
- No, they don't.
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- No, you don't.
- Just let me finish it.
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All right.
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Yeah, I'm gonna have to
wait till this dries.
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Yeah, it's gotta dry a little bit.
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Do you wanna do like...
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a lamp, or you want
to do something else?
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Because I'm gonna be
doing some collage stuff.
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_
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I'm not an artist
who is formally trained,
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like... and who is doing oils
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and, like, rendering lifelike drawings.
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I just like makin'.
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Looks good.
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Did I spell "experiencing" right? Dad?
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Oh, shit.
Is this, like, a spelling thing?
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- I don't know.
- "Experien..."
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Can't tell. I can't remember.
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Spelling's not my thing.
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I think so. Jimi Hendrix Experience.
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Let's see...
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- I don't know.
- Yeah, it's fine.
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I work fast and in the moment,
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I stay in the process.
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I like that.
I like when you do that shit.
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That's, like, my favorite,
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when you start spoofing on heads.
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I just like getting into it,
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and I love installations.
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So to be able to use the
parameters of the room...
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because it's an installation.
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I like that. That's great.
We gotta chop that wall up.
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That's a piece.
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I am his biggest fan. I'm his number...
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I love a lot of artists,
but he's... he's the best.
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Gianni, you picked out
some really good things.
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This is great. It's got tape on it, too.
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Yeah, that's the one I liked.
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- You keep this one.
- No, use it.
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- Keep it.
- Use it.
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Okay.
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He kinda like inspired me.
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We had talked about
collaborating for a long time,
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but there's something
that happened this year
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with Gianni dealing with his...
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I call it "mental wellness,"
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that allowed it to flow
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in a way that didn't feel forced.
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I said, "Hey, man, you wanna do this?"
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"Yeah, let's do it."
We started doing it.
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I like this, G-Bo.
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I like the two ones.
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- Yeah?
- Yeah.
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I like it.
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This is like my favorite material.
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Yeah.
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Can you get out of that
light for a second, please?
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Yeah, you.
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Tell me that doesn't look fucking cool.
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Yeah.
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I know a lot of my friends
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have fractured relationships
with their dads.
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My buddies.
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Say, "Hi, Mom."
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As a little kid, I just
remember a present father.
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He just created, like,
a nurturing environment for creativity.
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I mean... He would put on, like,
Tracy Chapman and music
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and we would get pots and
pans and play the drums.
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All right. Happy birthday.
I'm gonna go now.
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I want you to give me a kiss.
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And he's grown into my best friend.
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It wasn't always like that.
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Ahh, yeah,
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it really didn't start to
happen until the friggin'...
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Started with the drugs and alcohol.
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I mean, that's when it just
became a whole 'nother animal.
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That's when it started to be
this clear kind of... uh-oh.
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You gotta be careful with
the spray paint, though.
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- I know.
- All right.
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Yeah, it was shortly after high school
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when I just opened up
to something and I just
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... went in. I mean,
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you go from smokin'
weed after high school
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to next year doin' meth,
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- like smokin' crystal meth,
- Ohh.
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- Which is just like a...
- The fuckin' worst.
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Which is like a epidemic of a drug,
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and took me to places I
thought I'd never go to
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emotionally, physically,
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mentally, spiritually, psychologically.
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It'll steal your friggin' soul.
I don't give a shit,
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I hear him say the word "meth,"
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and I get like,
"I'm goin' to another place now,"
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'cause I just... it's, like, evil.
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Not only did I do meth, but I did LSD,
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I did mushrooms, I smoked weed.
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I smoked heroin once.
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I went down the pipeline of, just like,
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"What does it do? How does it affect me?
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Let's try it."
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I was microdosing LSD for,
like, a year straight.
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And, like, that has a huge
effect on your brain chemistry,
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and I started hearing voices.
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I'm gonna start my collaging.
I'm gonna collage over here.
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I'm gonna work over here.
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You know, it's interesting
we're doing this now,
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we're literally coming up
on the year anniversary.
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Let me just back it up a second.
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Make a little wish, okay?
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The night Gianni was born,
I remember him coming out
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and watching the life
come into his body.
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He just looked at me. It was surreal.
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Cut to December fifth...
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of last year.
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He came to my house,
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in a full-blown psychotic episode.
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I didn't know who the fuck he was.
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We had this thing
literally in the backyard,
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we were sitting there, we were
talking across from each other,
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and he was like in a full-blown episode.
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At one point he said to me,
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hHe said, "Don't worry,
I'm not gonna kill you."
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And I thought, "Is this motherfucker
thinkin' about killin' me?"
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And I was petrified.
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I said, "Gianni, I'm gonna go in
the house and get some water."
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I went in the house
and I called the cops.
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And I said, "You gotta come
and get my son."
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Ahh...
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All I know is, it was like
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the hardest thing I've
ever had to do in my life.
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The cops come, Gianni got in the car
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and, you know, they took him
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to the fucking psych unit and shit,
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and we went there, first night I go in,
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he's like fuckin' doing cartwheels
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or backflips in the thing,
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he's head-butting me,
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he's really angry, really agitated.
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And then we found out
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that he's got a dual diagnosis.
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Couple that with the addiction...
It's a mental illness.
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So now you're dealing with
a whole 'nother thing.
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- How ya doin', G?
- Eh.
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Yeah, it's...
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- It's all over the place.
- Yeah.
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All right, well, it's your thing, baby.
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Let's put a whole series together...
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I've been diagnosed bipolar I and II,
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00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:16,833
schizoaffective, schizophrenic.
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I don't know if my mental illness
was caused from my drug use...
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Is it chemically induced mental illness,
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or is actually something
that's biological?
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00:10:24,055 --> 00:10:25,928
Or something that onset later?
199
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:28,920
They would diagnose me,
200
00:10:28,945 --> 00:10:30,584
and I'd do the meds for a little bit,
201
00:10:30,609 --> 00:10:33,725
then I'd take myself off
'em because I was just like,
202
00:10:33,897 --> 00:10:36,153
I'm an alcoholic and I'm an addict,
203
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:37,614
and I like feeling high,
204
00:10:37,639 --> 00:10:40,829
and when I'm unmedicated
and I go into mania,
205
00:10:40,854 --> 00:10:42,564
I feel high from that.
206
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,262
I like feeling a little off,
207
00:10:47,287 --> 00:10:48,565
I like feeling a little weird,
208
00:10:48,590 --> 00:10:50,942
I like feeling a little askew
209
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:54,195
and not totally bolted to the ground.
210
00:10:57,486 --> 00:10:59,176
Can you throw me one of
those rags real quick?
211
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,368
Like the big hand?
212
00:11:02,389 --> 00:11:04,622
It's a little too big
for my taste, but...
213
00:11:04,909 --> 00:11:06,850
Can you throw me one
of those rags, please?
214
00:11:08,623 --> 00:11:10,662
Maybe it is too big of a hand.
215
00:11:13,014 --> 00:11:14,959
Wanna have a seat? Wanna sit down?
216
00:11:15,518 --> 00:11:17,695
- G-Bo.
- Yeah.
217
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,131
Wanna sit down?
218
00:11:23,359 --> 00:11:25,412
I don't like it at all right now.
219
00:11:26,905 --> 00:11:29,372
There's no question in my
mind you're gonna get there.
220
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,973
No, I know, I'm not worried
about getting there.
221
00:11:31,998 --> 00:11:35,220
You jumped in,
the paint was still wet...
222
00:11:36,045 --> 00:11:38,428
- You know what I mean?
- Looks like a big chicken.
223
00:11:38,780 --> 00:11:40,270
I don't see a chicken at all.
224
00:11:40,295 --> 00:11:41,993
I just see like a fuckin'...
225
00:11:42,643 --> 00:11:44,554
- A blob.
- I don't see a blob,
226
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:47,655
I just see a very
exaggerated, grotesque...
227
00:11:48,585 --> 00:11:50,622
If I were you, one of
the things I would do is,
228
00:11:50,647 --> 00:11:52,319
I would hit your canvas,
229
00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:55,153
so there's kind of
a little bit more white to it,
230
00:11:55,178 --> 00:11:58,092
and then as you go over it,
the other things will pop out.
231
00:11:58,561 --> 00:12:00,280
- Yeah, I agree.
- Right?
232
00:12:00,305 --> 00:12:01,952
So just like, hit it again.
233
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:07,725
What are you doin'?
Why don't you hit it with the roller?
234
00:12:07,749 --> 00:12:08,989
'Cause I don't like the roller.
235
00:12:09,014 --> 00:12:13,149
Ohh, Gianni, the paint's
gonna take forever to dry.
236
00:12:13,887 --> 00:12:15,102
Ohh.
237
00:12:16,399 --> 00:12:18,905
He's not fuckin' listenin' to me.
238
00:12:21,524 --> 00:12:22,885
The way you're doing that,
man, it's gonna take
239
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,688
a long time to dry.
240
00:12:27,953 --> 00:12:30,094
These are lessons that
I was supposed to learn
241
00:12:30,119 --> 00:12:32,454
about, like, backin' off,
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00:12:32,759 --> 00:12:34,789
not micromanaging.
243
00:12:36,996 --> 00:12:38,316
Yeah, man, I would just hit that.
244
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,842
Hit the edge too.
245
00:12:41,070 --> 00:12:42,609
Yeah, there you go, brother.
246
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,807
Yeah, man, that's much better.
247
00:12:49,598 --> 00:12:52,467
For me, being born into a human body
248
00:12:52,492 --> 00:12:55,291
on planet Earth didn't make sense to me.
249
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,827
I'm like, what am I... what is this?
250
00:12:57,852 --> 00:13:01,155
What's this night/day,
love/hate, good/bad,
251
00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:03,772
all this polarity, all this separation?
252
00:13:03,797 --> 00:13:06,891
This doesn't make sense to my
inherent nature and my inherent being
253
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,195
of oneness and completeness and, like,
254
00:13:09,220 --> 00:13:10,741
a unified whole.
255
00:13:10,766 --> 00:13:13,643
I feel fractured and separated
and alone and weird,
256
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:18,014
and I've always been fascinated
with the moment of death,
257
00:13:18,039 --> 00:13:21,211
and so I...
258
00:13:21,236 --> 00:13:24,499
wanted to meet death a
couple times on my own sword.
259
00:13:24,922 --> 00:13:27,287
Maybe I'll just do a big horse on it.
260
00:13:32,391 --> 00:13:34,039
For me, I had...
261
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,561
two attempts on my life,
262
00:13:37,586 --> 00:13:40,062
one was when I was younger,
263
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:43,234
and then the last one
was more intentional.
264
00:13:43,445 --> 00:13:44,653
Gonna wait for it to dry.
265
00:13:44,678 --> 00:13:47,389
I had an episode that
I can only describe
266
00:13:47,414 --> 00:13:50,234
as losing the letters and the numbers.
267
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,038
I couldn't articulate myself,
and therefore,
268
00:13:53,063 --> 00:13:54,459
when I came out of the psychosis
269
00:13:54,484 --> 00:13:56,311
I couldn't relate to anyone.
270
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,975
And I created this rig,
271
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,632
and I was about to turn on the switch,
272
00:14:01,657 --> 00:14:03,087
and then there was a knock on my door,
273
00:14:03,111 --> 00:14:07,071
and my ex-girlfriend Sunshine
knocked on... opened the door
274
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:09,641
and saved my life, called my dad.
275
00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:12,780
As he's telling you he's whatever,
276
00:14:12,805 --> 00:14:14,395
I have to respect what he's saying,
277
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:15,754
'cause it's real for him.
278
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:19,057
There was a point when he was either
279
00:14:19,082 --> 00:14:21,127
in the hospital or just getting out,
280
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:23,671
I said, "You know something?
I will talk to you,
281
00:14:23,695 --> 00:14:25,681
- but I won't talk to your psychosis."
- Right.
282
00:14:26,056 --> 00:14:28,697
So for him to tell you this story,
283
00:14:28,722 --> 00:14:31,012
and for me to listen to it, whatever,
284
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,500
I have to remind myself
285
00:14:32,525 --> 00:14:34,109
they're very real for him.
286
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:36,570
I don't relate to it, you know?
287
00:14:36,595 --> 00:14:37,938
I mean, I don't fuckin' relate to it,
288
00:14:37,962 --> 00:14:40,322
but it's real for him,
so I gotta respect it.
289
00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:42,041
Yeah. Well.
290
00:14:42,205 --> 00:14:44,275
- A horse.
- Yeah.
291
00:14:47,812 --> 00:14:52,008
Yeah, today I want to live, like, uh,
292
00:14:52,033 --> 00:14:53,826
when I had those suicide attempts,
293
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,291
I didn't feel like...
294
00:14:56,002 --> 00:14:58,594
this life that I'm living
today was possible
295
00:14:58,619 --> 00:15:01,508
or even on my radar,
so more will be revealed
296
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,053
if you stick around.
297
00:15:03,478 --> 00:15:06,005
_
298
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,736
Today, like, I like peace of mind.
299
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,750
For the most part if someone
asks me how I'm doing,
300
00:15:11,775 --> 00:15:14,013
it's like, not too high, not too low,
301
00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:17,437
not a lot going on upstairs,
it's just quiet.
302
00:15:17,462 --> 00:15:19,378
This is the first time in my
life I've felt like that,
303
00:15:19,402 --> 00:15:21,740
but it's two components:
304
00:15:21,765 --> 00:15:24,393
being sober and being med-compliant.
305
00:15:24,702 --> 00:15:27,204
You got so much friggin' paint on it.
306
00:15:27,229 --> 00:15:29,507
You got a ton of paint on this, Gianni.
307
00:15:29,532 --> 00:15:31,708
- Yeah.
- Ohh.
308
00:15:32,077 --> 00:15:33,460
I myself had a...
309
00:15:33,485 --> 00:15:35,362
I don't want to call
it a suicide attempt,
310
00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:37,173
but I ended up in a 72-hour
hold in a psych unit
311
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:41,593
back in whatever year, it was 1989, '90.
312
00:15:41,618 --> 00:15:44,496
You know... Gianni's mom
and I were going through
313
00:15:44,521 --> 00:15:48,166
a really hard time and we split up,
314
00:15:48,191 --> 00:15:50,069
and I don't want to get into details,
315
00:15:50,094 --> 00:15:52,729
but I never forget this friggin' guy
316
00:15:52,754 --> 00:15:55,513
sittin' across from me and saying me,
317
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,898
"You realize you're never gonna
see your kids again, right?"
318
00:15:58,325 --> 00:16:00,811
And it was like, boom.
319
00:16:02,202 --> 00:16:04,116
Sound. Be ready.
320
00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:08,803
I'm from that generation of men
321
00:16:08,828 --> 00:16:10,427
where you didn't go to therapy.
322
00:16:10,452 --> 00:16:13,028
When you got into those places,
323
00:16:13,053 --> 00:16:14,591
you just friggin' toughed it out.
324
00:16:14,616 --> 00:16:16,878
But you know what?
It doesn't always work that way.
325
00:16:16,903 --> 00:16:20,663
When you're in crisis,
when you're in that state,
326
00:16:21,561 --> 00:16:23,882
you have to find a way to ask for help.
327
00:16:23,907 --> 00:16:26,991
You have to find a way
to get yourself into
328
00:16:27,016 --> 00:16:29,514
a safe environment with professionals,
329
00:16:29,539 --> 00:16:32,999
and there's people out
there that will help you
330
00:16:33,024 --> 00:16:35,355
take one foot in front of the other.
331
00:16:35,380 --> 00:16:36,567
Yeah, it takes a lot of courage.
332
00:16:36,591 --> 00:16:37,842
It takes guts.
333
00:16:37,867 --> 00:16:39,786
And on some level I have a lot of guilt,
334
00:16:39,811 --> 00:16:41,888
and I think sometimes my behavior
335
00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:44,514
in what I did at that time,
336
00:16:44,539 --> 00:16:45,873
when I hurt myself...
337
00:16:45,898 --> 00:16:47,784
Gianni was like seven years old.
338
00:16:47,809 --> 00:16:50,812
I made mistakes, man,
I did some things,
339
00:16:50,837 --> 00:16:53,075
and I can't take any of it back,
340
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:54,569
but I realize, you know what,
341
00:16:54,594 --> 00:16:57,764
it's just part of what's
happened in my life.
342
00:17:01,406 --> 00:17:04,507
Oh, yeah, man, that looks good!
343
00:17:04,910 --> 00:17:06,452
That's dope.
344
00:17:06,911 --> 00:17:08,079
Fuck yeah.
345
00:17:08,358 --> 00:17:10,249
What do you think? G-Bo.
346
00:17:10,274 --> 00:17:11,928
Oh, yeah, dude.
347
00:17:14,669 --> 00:17:16,530
I like the way that hangs and shit.
348
00:17:16,555 --> 00:17:18,048
- You like that?
- Yeah, man.
349
00:17:18,073 --> 00:17:19,575
Looks pretty good.
350
00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:23,887
I'm faced with a little
bit of a decision.
351
00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:26,431
Revolver Head?
352
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:28,909
No Revolver Head, no.
353
00:17:28,934 --> 00:17:30,952
See how the Grotjahn looks.
354
00:17:33,737 --> 00:17:35,364
I love this fucking guy.
355
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:37,711
I'm not sure if that's gonna work.
356
00:17:37,735 --> 00:17:39,811
- See, there's too much color.
- Yeah.
357
00:17:40,964 --> 00:17:42,319
Ahh.
358
00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:44,716
I don't think that's gonna work.
359
00:17:44,741 --> 00:17:47,405
- I like the donut.
- I like the donut too.
360
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:51,085
Yeah, this is... this is
not gonna work like that.
361
00:17:55,186 --> 00:17:58,129
For me, the mainstay has
been this mantra I've had
362
00:17:58,154 --> 00:18:00,740
which is "Process is king."
And I find that, like,
363
00:18:00,765 --> 00:18:02,526
in the moment of creating,
364
00:18:02,551 --> 00:18:04,427
no matter what your mental state is,
365
00:18:04,452 --> 00:18:07,552
there's some magical machination
366
00:18:07,577 --> 00:18:09,888
that happens in the moment
of doing something.
367
00:18:09,913 --> 00:18:11,628
Whether you're hitting
the keys on the piano,
368
00:18:11,652 --> 00:18:13,967
whether you're a dancer and
you're in the moment of flight,
369
00:18:13,991 --> 00:18:16,247
whether you're hitting the
canvas for the first time,
370
00:18:16,272 --> 00:18:18,364
and it's just that
movement of the brush
371
00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:19,751
on the canvas.
372
00:18:19,776 --> 00:18:21,820
In that moment, that's where it is,
373
00:18:21,845 --> 00:18:23,138
that's where it's at.
374
00:18:24,575 --> 00:18:25,882
Is that a Christmas tree?
375
00:18:25,907 --> 00:18:29,160
These weird little trees
I've been drawing lately...
376
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:31,087
that bring me joy.
377
00:18:32,186 --> 00:18:34,007
No matter what my state is,
378
00:18:34,032 --> 00:18:35,617
I can go to that and have that
379
00:18:35,642 --> 00:18:37,185
as my, like... phtt!
380
00:18:37,397 --> 00:18:39,419
Centered, boom, know what to do.
381
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,921
That's the gratifying thing,
382
00:18:40,954 --> 00:18:42,414
that's why I do art.
383
00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:45,350
There's restraint and pause
384
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,897
and peace now,
385
00:18:46,922 --> 00:18:48,924
where I can go to a work,
386
00:18:48,949 --> 00:18:50,534
work on it,
387
00:18:50,807 --> 00:18:53,189
feel that it's okay to stop there,
388
00:18:53,214 --> 00:18:55,633
just be like, "Okay, we're good."
389
00:19:01,501 --> 00:19:03,377
I kinda like where
mine's at right now.
390
00:19:03,433 --> 00:19:07,336
- You gonna leave it there? It's done?
- Kinda. Yeah. For now.
391
00:19:07,361 --> 00:19:08,675
What about the head?
392
00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:11,064
- I like it like that.
- Really?
393
00:19:11,089 --> 00:19:12,841
I just like the silhouette of the head.
394
00:19:12,866 --> 00:19:15,160
I don't want to put
eyes on it or anything.
395
00:19:15,185 --> 00:19:17,830
I got the good jawline
on the horse head.
396
00:19:20,002 --> 00:19:23,492
Last year around this time,
like, I was scared,
397
00:19:23,517 --> 00:19:26,693
I thought I wouldn't be able to do
art again, but you just do art.
398
00:19:26,718 --> 00:19:29,613
I did art about not being
able to do art again.
399
00:19:29,638 --> 00:19:32,711
I did a piece of art
'cause I was frustrated
400
00:19:32,736 --> 00:19:34,893
'cause it didn't feel right,
but I still did it.
401
00:19:35,205 --> 00:19:38,872
And now I kinda like the piece,
looking at it a year later.
402
00:19:38,897 --> 00:19:40,900
But in the time, I was just so angry
403
00:19:40,925 --> 00:19:43,293
I just felt like,
"This is foreign to me,
404
00:19:43,318 --> 00:19:45,487
I don't know what to do,"
but you persist,
405
00:19:45,512 --> 00:19:48,265
you continue to do your
craft a little bit each day.
406
00:19:48,290 --> 00:19:50,884
And if you really love it, you're
gonna be inherently consistent
407
00:19:50,909 --> 00:19:52,786
because you're gonna
want to do it each day.
408
00:19:52,811 --> 00:19:55,149
And the results are gonna vary,
409
00:19:55,174 --> 00:19:58,367
but process is king...
Stay in the process.
410
00:19:58,392 --> 00:19:59,501
Stay in the process.
411
00:19:59,526 --> 00:20:01,245
Creativity doesn't know what time it is.
412
00:20:01,269 --> 00:20:03,706
Creativity doesn't know a time.
That's why we want to sleep here.
413
00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:05,651
I get up in the middle of the
night and work on a collage
414
00:20:05,675 --> 00:20:08,177
'cause creativity doesn't
know what time it is.
415
00:20:33,959 --> 00:20:35,011
Go ahead, hit it.
416
00:20:35,036 --> 00:20:37,017
- I did.
- No, hit it again if you want.
417
00:20:37,042 --> 00:20:40,308
I know you're dying to make
a mark on it. Go ahead.
418
00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:42,642
These are pretty singular,
419
00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:45,008
but he put on this "Sweet Dreams"...
420
00:20:45,033 --> 00:20:46,518
- last night...
- Because it was on the wall.
421
00:20:46,542 --> 00:20:48,596
He took it off the wall...
And I was like, "That's awesome."
422
00:20:48,620 --> 00:20:50,163
Somebody in the crew was kind enough
423
00:20:50,188 --> 00:20:51,648
to put "Sweet Dreams" on the wall
424
00:20:51,673 --> 00:20:53,592
and I saw it and I said,
"Put it in the piece."
425
00:20:53,617 --> 00:20:55,650
- I didn't care...
- We don't know who it is,
426
00:20:55,690 --> 00:20:57,964
- ... it's like the name of the horse.
- ... but whoever it is, we love you.
427
00:20:57,988 --> 00:20:59,563
- It works.
- And I made a little
428
00:20:59,588 --> 00:21:01,148
gold mark on his just now.
429
00:21:01,173 --> 00:21:02,795
He wants to, like, make marks,
430
00:21:02,820 --> 00:21:04,060
I don't have a problem with it.
431
00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:07,043
Like, we did this thing,
the Grotjahn thing,
432
00:21:07,068 --> 00:21:08,820
and I said, "Just go hit it,"
433
00:21:08,845 --> 00:21:11,682
and he just did this little friggin'
whatever-it-is,
434
00:21:11,707 --> 00:21:12,750
and I think it's perfect.
435
00:21:12,775 --> 00:21:14,193
I think the collaboration, too,
436
00:21:14,218 --> 00:21:17,053
is, like, executing the tone
of the room too,
437
00:21:17,078 --> 00:21:21,673
does this wall come together
as a seamless whole?
438
00:21:38,659 --> 00:21:42,454
I, uh, caused a lot of wreckage
439
00:21:42,479 --> 00:21:43,855
and a lot of pain
440
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:45,824
and a lot of chaos.
441
00:21:45,849 --> 00:21:49,444
And I'm still a work
in progress, you know,
442
00:21:49,469 --> 00:21:51,421
I'm still really new to this.
443
00:21:51,446 --> 00:21:53,865
But a lot's changed over
the course of the year
444
00:21:53,890 --> 00:21:55,495
because I put in some intense work
445
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,469
and I've been trying to get...
446
00:21:57,494 --> 00:22:00,430
Get sober and get
healthy for a long time.
447
00:22:00,455 --> 00:22:04,059
And my living amends to my dad
448
00:22:04,084 --> 00:22:06,211
is to grant him peace of mind.
449
00:22:06,329 --> 00:22:07,914
It's a lifetime of work,
450
00:22:07,939 --> 00:22:09,816
and it's something I get to practice...
451
00:22:09,841 --> 00:22:12,814
I have the opportunity
to practice each day.
452
00:22:15,303 --> 00:22:18,765
I had to, like, learn
about patience, acceptance,
453
00:22:18,790 --> 00:22:20,917
those things that really test you.
454
00:22:20,942 --> 00:22:23,094
You say you love somebody,
you say whatever,
455
00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:25,063
but until you're in that arena
456
00:22:25,328 --> 00:22:27,000
and you're wrestling with
those beasts and stuff,
457
00:22:27,024 --> 00:22:29,657
that's where you find out
where your character's at.
458
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:30,833
You know, at the end of the day,
459
00:22:30,857 --> 00:22:32,686
he's someone that needs help, he's sick.
460
00:22:32,711 --> 00:22:34,756
I gotta figure out a way
to have a relationship,
461
00:22:34,781 --> 00:22:36,010
but have a boundary,
462
00:22:36,035 --> 00:22:37,970
that I can protect myself
and take care of myself
463
00:22:37,995 --> 00:22:39,838
and my wife and my family.
464
00:22:46,476 --> 00:22:49,771
You know, maybe part of the
thing about doing this thing
465
00:22:49,796 --> 00:22:51,923
is that I'm hoping,
when somebody sees this,
466
00:22:51,948 --> 00:22:54,534
is that yeah, there's a lot of pain,
467
00:22:54,559 --> 00:22:56,778
there's a lot of scars,
there's a lot of wounding,
468
00:22:56,803 --> 00:22:59,222
but you know,
there is healing and there is...
469
00:22:59,247 --> 00:23:02,086
There's a light at
the end of the tunnel.
470
00:23:02,111 --> 00:23:05,392
But you gotta do the work,
you gotta do the time.
471
00:23:06,102 --> 00:23:09,199
When you told me the other day
that you trusted me again...
472
00:23:09,881 --> 00:23:13,378
was huge... that was huge.
473
00:23:13,403 --> 00:23:15,678
- Yeah, but you had to earn it.
- Yeah, I know.
474
00:23:16,030 --> 00:23:17,688
You had to earn it.
475
00:23:17,713 --> 00:23:19,214
And you have.
476
00:23:19,576 --> 00:23:23,682
You know, trust is a key
component of any relationship.
477
00:23:23,707 --> 00:23:26,566
You don't have trust, man,
you don't have honesty,
478
00:23:26,591 --> 00:23:29,343
you don't have the tenets,
you don't have the foundation,
479
00:23:29,368 --> 00:23:30,735
you don't have anything.
480
00:23:31,793 --> 00:23:32,923
That's what I'm saying, you know,
481
00:23:32,947 --> 00:23:34,706
some of the stuff that
went on between you and I,
482
00:23:34,730 --> 00:23:37,485
I just... it was hard shit.
483
00:23:37,510 --> 00:23:38,510
And...
484
00:23:39,837 --> 00:23:42,714
And I know that everything
happens in life for a reason, but...
485
00:23:45,448 --> 00:23:46,695
... there was a lot of pain there.
486
00:23:46,719 --> 00:23:50,441
But you know, trusting you is...
487
00:23:58,257 --> 00:24:00,151
- Thank you.
- You're welcome, Papa.
488
00:24:00,175 --> 00:24:03,034
No, thanks like...
No, really, fuckin' thanks.
489
00:24:03,059 --> 00:24:05,895
I'm not gonna fuckin'
cry through the whole fuckin' thing.
490
00:24:06,629 --> 00:24:07,956
Fuck.
491
00:24:07,981 --> 00:24:10,143
Seriously. Shit.
492
00:24:12,985 --> 00:24:14,985
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www.addic7ed.com