1 00:00:11,026 --> 00:00:13,610 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:45,402 --> 00:00:47,610 ( both laughing ) 3 00:00:51,276 --> 00:00:53,026 It's bigger than I thought. 4 00:00:53,110 --> 00:00:54,443 ( both laugh ) 5 00:01:01,944 --> 00:01:05,694 Jimmy: This is nice. This is nice. This is fuckin' nice. 6 00:01:07,527 --> 00:01:09,485 This is nice. 7 00:01:09,568 --> 00:01:10,860 ( shaking spray paint can ) 8 00:01:12,568 --> 00:01:13,985 Oh, man. 9 00:01:17,735 --> 00:01:19,360 - G-Bo. - Yeah? 10 00:01:21,193 --> 00:01:23,151 - ( laughs ) - How ya doin', Pop? 11 00:01:24,402 --> 00:01:26,652 Oh, man. 12 00:01:26,735 --> 00:01:28,360 Now we're in room 104. 13 00:01:29,485 --> 00:01:31,902 - What a trip. - Great set. 14 00:01:31,985 --> 00:01:33,694 What a trip. 15 00:01:33,777 --> 00:01:36,527 ( rock music playing ) 16 00:01:41,652 --> 00:01:45,485 Oh, look at this. This is good stuff here too. Look at this, G-Bo. 17 00:01:45,568 --> 00:01:48,610 Oh, my God. They got all kinds of stuff over here. 18 00:01:48,694 --> 00:01:51,026 There's a lot of dynamics with this room. 19 00:01:56,026 --> 00:01:58,902 Oh, G-Bo! Look at this. Look at this. 20 00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:00,276 ( pats box spring ) 21 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,443 - Yeah, that's good. - Perfect. 22 00:02:02,527 --> 00:02:04,443 It's got like a canvas texture to it. 23 00:02:04,527 --> 00:02:05,819 Perfect. 24 00:02:05,902 --> 00:02:07,944 Jimmy: If you had told me a year ago, 25 00:02:08,026 --> 00:02:09,819 where we were and where we are, 26 00:02:09,902 --> 00:02:13,318 that this is the deal, I would've never believed it. 27 00:02:13,402 --> 00:02:15,610 - OK, so I have a thought. - What? 28 00:02:15,694 --> 00:02:17,735 I think if we flip these babies around 29 00:02:17,819 --> 00:02:20,485 and throw-- get our paint on 'em, they're gonna dry, 30 00:02:20,568 --> 00:02:22,568 and then we can flip 'em back around 31 00:02:22,652 --> 00:02:25,443 and put our-- our strings on while they're kinda drying. 32 00:02:25,527 --> 00:02:27,985 'Cause at some point I'm gonna put it on the wall. 33 00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:29,026 OK. 34 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,902 These are nice and light, this is perfect. 35 00:02:32,985 --> 00:02:35,652 - The box springs are light. - They're like a canvas, 36 00:02:35,735 --> 00:02:38,402 so the objective is to use the box springs 37 00:02:38,485 --> 00:02:40,777 so we have two separate pieces-- 38 00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:43,026 Gianni Arone, Jimmy Ray Flynn-- 39 00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:45,694 and then everything else is up for grabs. 40 00:02:49,568 --> 00:02:50,860 Yeah, nice. 41 00:02:50,944 --> 00:02:53,360 Uh, you're not gonna hit the edges? 42 00:02:53,443 --> 00:02:54,944 I'm just going... 43 00:02:55,026 --> 00:02:57,819 - Hit those edges. - You hit those edges. 44 00:02:57,902 --> 00:03:00,610 - OK. - I didn't mean it for real. 45 00:03:00,694 --> 00:03:02,610 ( laughs ) 46 00:03:04,276 --> 00:03:05,151 - Hey. - What? 47 00:03:05,235 --> 00:03:06,652 You said I could hit the edges. 48 00:03:06,735 --> 00:03:08,860 - No, leave it. - No, baby, come on. 49 00:03:08,944 --> 00:03:11,151 - They gotta have the balance. - No, they don't. 50 00:03:11,235 --> 00:03:13,694 - No, you don't. - Just let me finish it. 51 00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,235 All right. 52 00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,735 Yeah, I'm gonna have to wait till this dries. 53 00:03:22,819 --> 00:03:24,485 Yeah, it's gotta dry a little bit. 54 00:03:24,568 --> 00:03:26,568 Do you wanna do like... 55 00:03:26,652 --> 00:03:28,193 a lamp, or you want to do something else? 56 00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:30,610 Because I'm gonna be doing some collage stuff. 57 00:03:37,068 --> 00:03:38,735 Gianni: I'm not an artist 58 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,402 who is formally trained 59 00:03:40,485 --> 00:03:42,985 and who is doing oils 60 00:03:43,068 --> 00:03:45,735 and, like, rendering lifelike drawings. 61 00:03:45,819 --> 00:03:48,235 I just like makin'. 62 00:03:48,318 --> 00:03:50,610 Jimmy: Looks good. 63 00:03:50,694 --> 00:03:54,402 Did I spell "experiencing" right? Dad? 64 00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,735 Oh, shit. Is this, like, a spelling thing? 65 00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:58,860 - I don't know. - "Experien..." 66 00:03:58,944 --> 00:04:00,568 Can't tell. I can't remember. 67 00:04:00,652 --> 00:04:02,777 Spelling's not my thing. 68 00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:07,360 I think so. Jimi Hendrix Experience. Let's see... 69 00:04:07,443 --> 00:04:09,652 - I don't know. - Yeah, it's fine. 70 00:04:09,735 --> 00:04:12,068 Jimmy: I work fast and in the moment, 71 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:14,193 I stay in the process. 72 00:04:14,276 --> 00:04:16,151 ( Jimmy laughing ) 73 00:04:16,235 --> 00:04:18,735 I like that. I like when you do that shit. 74 00:04:18,819 --> 00:04:20,026 That's, like, my favorite, 75 00:04:20,110 --> 00:04:21,944 when you start spoofing on heads. 76 00:04:22,026 --> 00:04:24,652 Gianni: I just like getting into it, 77 00:04:24,735 --> 00:04:26,777 and I love installations. 78 00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:30,110 So to be able to use the parameters of the room... 79 00:04:30,193 --> 00:04:32,527 because it's an installation. 80 00:04:33,985 --> 00:04:37,443 I like that. That's great. We gotta chop that wall up. 81 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,276 That's a piece. 82 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,985 Jimmy: I am his biggest fan. I'm his number-- 83 00:04:42,068 --> 00:04:44,402 I love a lot of artists, but he's-- he's the best. 84 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,610 Gianni, you picked out some really good things. 85 00:04:47,694 --> 00:04:49,735 This is great. It's got tape on it, too. 86 00:04:49,819 --> 00:04:50,944 Yeah, that's the one I liked. 87 00:04:51,026 --> 00:04:52,985 - You keep this one. - No, use it. 88 00:04:53,068 --> 00:04:54,235 - Keep it. - Use it. 89 00:04:54,318 --> 00:04:55,652 OK. 90 00:04:55,735 --> 00:04:57,360 Jimmy: He kinda like inspired me. 91 00:04:57,443 --> 00:05:00,985 We had talked about collaborating for a long time, 92 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:03,235 but there's something that happened this year 93 00:05:03,318 --> 00:05:06,276 with Gianni dealing with his-- 94 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,652 I call it "mental wellness," 95 00:05:07,735 --> 00:05:10,026 that allowed it to flow 96 00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,443 in a way that didn't feel forced. 97 00:05:11,527 --> 00:05:13,610 I said, "Hey, man, you wanna do this?" 98 00:05:13,694 --> 00:05:16,735 "Yeah, let's do it." We started doing it. 99 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,193 I like this, G-Bo. 100 00:05:20,276 --> 00:05:22,527 I like the two ones. 101 00:05:22,610 --> 00:05:24,527 - Yeah? - Yeah. 102 00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:25,902 I like it. 103 00:05:25,985 --> 00:05:29,110 This is like my favorite material. Yeah. 104 00:05:36,568 --> 00:05:39,402 Jimmy: Can you get out of that light for a second, please? 105 00:05:40,610 --> 00:05:43,193 - Yeah, you. - ( camera clicks ) 106 00:05:43,276 --> 00:05:45,860 Tell me that doesn't look fucking cool. 107 00:05:45,944 --> 00:05:47,652 Yeah. 108 00:05:47,735 --> 00:05:49,568 Gianni: I know a lot of my friends 109 00:05:49,652 --> 00:05:51,944 have fractured relationships with their dads. 110 00:05:58,610 --> 00:06:00,276 Younger Jimmy: My buddies. 111 00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:04,819 Say, "Hi, Mom." 112 00:06:04,902 --> 00:06:08,402 Gianni: As a little kid, I just remember a present father. 113 00:06:12,276 --> 00:06:14,318 He just created, like, 114 00:06:14,402 --> 00:06:16,860 a nurturing environment for creativity. 115 00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:19,860 He would put on, like, Tracy Chapman and music 116 00:06:19,944 --> 00:06:22,944 and we would get pots and pans and play the drums. 117 00:06:23,026 --> 00:06:25,235 Jimmy: Happy birthday. I'm gonna go now. 118 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,235 I want you to give me a kiss. 119 00:06:27,318 --> 00:06:28,735 ( kiss ) 120 00:06:28,819 --> 00:06:32,694 And he's grown into my best friend. 121 00:06:32,777 --> 00:06:34,985 It wasn't always like that. 122 00:06:37,318 --> 00:06:39,735 Jimmy: Ahh, yeah, 123 00:06:39,819 --> 00:06:42,318 it really didn't start to happen until the friggin'-- 124 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,527 started with the drugs and alcohol. 125 00:06:44,610 --> 00:06:46,902 I mean, that's when it just became a whole 'nother animal. 126 00:06:46,985 --> 00:06:52,068 That's when it started to be this clear kind of... uh-oh. 127 00:06:52,151 --> 00:06:53,402 ( paint can rattling ) 128 00:06:53,485 --> 00:06:55,402 You gotta be careful with the spray paint, though. 129 00:06:55,485 --> 00:06:57,485 - I know. - All right. 130 00:07:00,276 --> 00:07:02,735 Gianni: Yeah, it was shortly after high school 131 00:07:02,819 --> 00:07:05,944 when I just opened up to something and I just 132 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,944 ( snaps fingers ) went in. I mean, 133 00:07:08,026 --> 00:07:11,318 you go from smokin' weed after high school 134 00:07:11,402 --> 00:07:12,652 to next year doin' meth, 135 00:07:12,735 --> 00:07:15,235 - like smokin' crystal meth, - Ohh. 136 00:07:15,318 --> 00:07:16,944 - which is just like a-- - The fuckin' worst. 137 00:07:17,026 --> 00:07:19,151 Which is like a epidemic of a drug, 138 00:07:19,235 --> 00:07:23,026 and took me to places I thought I'd never go to 139 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,819 emotionally, physically, 140 00:07:25,902 --> 00:07:28,235 mentally, spiritually, psychologically. 141 00:07:28,318 --> 00:07:30,026 It'll steal your friggin' soul. I don't give a shit, 142 00:07:30,110 --> 00:07:31,694 I hear him say the word "meth," 143 00:07:31,777 --> 00:07:34,610 and I get like, "I'm goin' to another place now," 144 00:07:34,694 --> 00:07:37,151 'cause I just-- it's, like, evil. 145 00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:41,485 Gianni: Not only did I do meth, but I did LSD, 146 00:07:41,568 --> 00:07:42,735 I did mushrooms, I smoked weed. 147 00:07:42,819 --> 00:07:44,652 I smoked heroin once. 148 00:07:44,735 --> 00:07:46,068 I went down the pipeline of, 149 00:07:46,151 --> 00:07:48,360 "What does it do? How does it affect me? 150 00:07:48,443 --> 00:07:49,443 Let's try it." 151 00:07:51,568 --> 00:07:54,485 I was microdosing LSD for, like, a year straight. 152 00:07:54,568 --> 00:07:59,235 And, like, that has a huge effect on your brain chemistry, 153 00:07:59,318 --> 00:08:02,068 and I started hearing voices. 154 00:08:09,402 --> 00:08:13,026 I'm gonna start my collaging. I'm gonna collage over here. 155 00:08:13,110 --> 00:08:15,110 I'm gonna work over here. 156 00:08:15,193 --> 00:08:17,318 You know, it's interesting we're doing this now, 157 00:08:17,402 --> 00:08:20,235 we're literally coming up on the year anniversary. 158 00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:25,151 Let me just back it up a second. 159 00:08:25,235 --> 00:08:27,193 Younger Jimmy: Make a little wish, OK? 160 00:08:27,276 --> 00:08:29,694 The night Gianni was born, I remember him coming out 161 00:08:29,777 --> 00:08:32,193 and watching the life come into his body. 162 00:08:32,276 --> 00:08:34,276 He just looked at me. It was surreal. 163 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:39,860 Cut to December fifth... 164 00:08:39,944 --> 00:08:41,944 of last year. 165 00:08:42,026 --> 00:08:44,902 He came to my house 166 00:08:44,985 --> 00:08:47,860 in a full-blown psychotic episode. 167 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,819 I didn't know who the fuck he was. 168 00:08:54,860 --> 00:08:56,819 We had this thing literally in the backyard, 169 00:08:56,902 --> 00:08:59,151 we were sitting there, we were talking across from each other, 170 00:08:59,235 --> 00:09:01,026 and he was like in a full-blown episode. 171 00:09:01,110 --> 00:09:02,443 At one point he said to me, 172 00:09:02,527 --> 00:09:04,568 "Don't worry, I'm not gonna kill you." 173 00:09:04,652 --> 00:09:07,026 And I thought, "Is this motherfucker thinkin' about killin' me?" 174 00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:09,360 And I was petrified. 175 00:09:09,443 --> 00:09:11,610 I said, "Gianni, I'm gonna go in the house and get some water." 176 00:09:11,694 --> 00:09:13,360 I went in the house and I called the cops. 177 00:09:13,443 --> 00:09:15,985 And I said, "You gotta come and get my son." 178 00:09:18,193 --> 00:09:19,318 Ahh... 179 00:09:19,402 --> 00:09:21,985 All I know is, it was like 180 00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:24,985 the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. 181 00:09:30,318 --> 00:09:33,568 The cops come, Gianni got in the car 182 00:09:33,652 --> 00:09:35,402 and, you know, they took him 183 00:09:35,485 --> 00:09:37,068 to the fucking psych unit and shit, 184 00:09:37,151 --> 00:09:39,068 and we went there, first night I go in, 185 00:09:39,151 --> 00:09:41,735 he's like fuckin' doing cartwheels 186 00:09:41,819 --> 00:09:43,068 or backflips in the thing, 187 00:09:43,151 --> 00:09:44,568 he's head-butting me, 188 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,527 he's really angry, really agitated. 189 00:09:46,610 --> 00:09:48,026 And then we found out 190 00:09:48,110 --> 00:09:50,694 that he's got a dual diagnosis. 191 00:09:50,777 --> 00:09:54,360 Couple that with the addiction-- it's a mental illness. 192 00:09:54,443 --> 00:09:57,360 So now you're dealing with a whole 'nother thing. 193 00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:03,026 - How ya doin', G? - Eh. 194 00:10:03,110 --> 00:10:05,276 Yeah, it's... 195 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:08,443 - It's all over the place. - Yeah. 196 00:10:08,527 --> 00:10:10,902 All right, well, it's your thing, baby. 197 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:20,694 Let's put a whole series together... 198 00:10:20,777 --> 00:10:23,527 Gianni: I've been diagnosed bipolar I and II, 199 00:10:23,610 --> 00:10:25,735 schizoaffective, schizophrenic. 200 00:10:25,819 --> 00:10:28,735 I don't know if my mental illness was caused from my drug use-- 201 00:10:28,819 --> 00:10:30,944 Is it chemically induced mental illness, 202 00:10:31,026 --> 00:10:32,902 or is actually something that's biological? 203 00:10:32,985 --> 00:10:34,402 Or something that onset later? 204 00:10:36,068 --> 00:10:37,985 They would diagnose me, 205 00:10:38,068 --> 00:10:39,985 and I'd do the meds for a little bit, 206 00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:42,235 then I'd take myself off 'em because I was just like, 207 00:10:42,318 --> 00:10:44,860 I'm an alcoholic and I'm an addict, 208 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,318 and I like feeling high, 209 00:10:46,402 --> 00:10:49,652 and when I'm unmedicated and I go into mania, 210 00:10:49,735 --> 00:10:51,443 I feel high from that. 211 00:10:54,443 --> 00:10:56,026 I like feeling a little off, 212 00:10:56,110 --> 00:10:57,610 I like feeling a little weird, 213 00:10:57,694 --> 00:10:59,985 I like feeling a little askew 214 00:11:00,068 --> 00:11:03,235 and not totally bolted to the ground. 215 00:11:06,276 --> 00:11:08,151 Can you throw me one of those rags real quick? 216 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,402 Like the big hand? 217 00:11:11,110 --> 00:11:13,652 It's a little too big for my taste, but-- 218 00:11:13,735 --> 00:11:15,443 Can you throw me one of those rags, please? 219 00:11:17,527 --> 00:11:19,652 Maybe it is too big of a hand. 220 00:11:21,819 --> 00:11:24,777 Wanna have a seat? Wanna sit down? 221 00:11:24,860 --> 00:11:26,610 G-Bo. 222 00:11:26,694 --> 00:11:28,318 Wanna sit down? 223 00:11:32,235 --> 00:11:35,527 I don't like it at all right now. 224 00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:38,360 There's no question in my mind you're gonna get there. 225 00:11:38,443 --> 00:11:40,568 No, I know, I'm not worried about getting there. 226 00:11:40,652 --> 00:11:44,610 You jumped in, the paint was still wet... 227 00:11:44,694 --> 00:11:47,068 - You know what I mean? - Looks like a big chicken. 228 00:11:47,151 --> 00:11:48,944 I don't see a chicken at all. 229 00:11:49,026 --> 00:11:51,026 I just see like a fuckin'... 230 00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,527 - A blob. - I don't see a blob, 231 00:11:53,610 --> 00:11:56,985 I just see a very exaggerated, grotesque... 232 00:11:57,068 --> 00:11:59,652 If I were you, one of the things I would do is, 233 00:11:59,735 --> 00:12:03,902 I would hit your canvas so there's kind of a little bit more white to it, 234 00:12:03,985 --> 00:12:07,360 and then as you go over it, the other things will pop out. 235 00:12:07,443 --> 00:12:09,068 - Yeah, I agree. - Right? 236 00:12:09,151 --> 00:12:10,527 So just hit it again. 237 00:12:14,235 --> 00:12:16,026 What are you doin'? Why don't you hit it with the roller? 238 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,652 'Cause I don't like the roller. 239 00:12:17,735 --> 00:12:21,944 Ohh, Gianni, the paint's gonna take forever to dry. 240 00:12:22,985 --> 00:12:24,735 Ohh. 241 00:12:24,819 --> 00:12:27,944 He's not fuckin' listenin' to me. 242 00:12:30,151 --> 00:12:31,860 The way you're doing that, man, it's gonna take 243 00:12:31,944 --> 00:12:33,819 a long time to dry. 244 00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:39,193 These are lessons that I was supposed to learn 245 00:12:39,276 --> 00:12:41,610 about, like, backin' off, 246 00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:43,985 not micromanaging. 247 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,318 Yeah, man, I would just hit that. 248 00:12:47,402 --> 00:12:48,902 Hit the edge too. 249 00:12:50,026 --> 00:12:51,360 Yeah, there you go, brother. 250 00:12:53,151 --> 00:12:54,860 Yeah, man, that's much better. 251 00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:01,193 Gianni: For me, being born into a human body 252 00:13:01,276 --> 00:13:04,276 on planet Earth didn't make sense to me. 253 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,610 I'm like, what am I-- what is this? 254 00:13:06,694 --> 00:13:09,902 What's this night/day, love/hate, good/bad, 255 00:13:09,985 --> 00:13:12,485 all this polarity, all this separation? 256 00:13:12,568 --> 00:13:15,694 This doesn't make sense to my inherent nature and my inherent being 257 00:13:15,777 --> 00:13:19,610 of oneness and completeness and, like, a unified whole. 258 00:13:19,694 --> 00:13:22,652 I feel fractured and separated and alone and weird, 259 00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:26,819 and I've always been fascinated with the moment of death, 260 00:13:26,902 --> 00:13:30,527 and so I... 261 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,151 wanted to meet death a couple times on my own sword. 262 00:13:33,235 --> 00:13:35,944 Maybe I'll just do a big horse on it. 263 00:13:41,276 --> 00:13:43,402 For me, I had... 264 00:13:43,485 --> 00:13:46,068 two attempts on my life, 265 00:13:46,151 --> 00:13:48,985 one was when I was younger, 266 00:13:49,068 --> 00:13:51,819 and then the last one was more intentional. 267 00:13:51,902 --> 00:13:53,694 Gonna wait for it to dry. 268 00:13:53,777 --> 00:13:56,485 I had an episode that I can only describe 269 00:13:56,568 --> 00:13:58,485 as losing the letters and the numbers. 270 00:13:58,568 --> 00:14:01,485 I couldn't articulate myself, and therefore, 271 00:14:01,568 --> 00:14:03,527 when I came out of the psychosis 272 00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:04,860 I couldn't relate to anyone. 273 00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:07,652 And I created this rig, 274 00:14:07,735 --> 00:14:10,694 and I was about to turn on the switch, 275 00:14:10,777 --> 00:14:12,443 and then there was a knock on my door, 276 00:14:12,527 --> 00:14:16,068 and my ex-girlfriend Sunshine knocked on-- opened the door 277 00:14:16,151 --> 00:14:19,527 and saved my life, called my dad. 278 00:14:19,610 --> 00:14:21,568 Jimmy: As he's telling you he's whatever, 279 00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,443 I have to respect what he's saying, 280 00:14:23,527 --> 00:14:24,860 'cause it's real for him. 281 00:14:24,944 --> 00:14:27,985 There was a point when he was either 282 00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:30,110 in the hospital or just getting out, 283 00:14:30,193 --> 00:14:32,652 I said, "You know something? I will talk to you, 284 00:14:32,735 --> 00:14:34,276 but I won't talk to your psychosis." 285 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,777 So for him to tell you this story, 286 00:14:37,860 --> 00:14:39,985 and for me to listen to it, whatever, 287 00:14:40,068 --> 00:14:41,276 I have to remind myself 288 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,026 they're very real for him. 289 00:14:43,110 --> 00:14:45,193 I don't relate to it, you know? 290 00:14:45,276 --> 00:14:46,860 I mean, I don't fuckin' relate to it, 291 00:14:46,944 --> 00:14:48,860 but it's real for him, so I gotta respect it. 292 00:14:48,944 --> 00:14:50,568 Yeah. Well. 293 00:14:50,652 --> 00:14:53,276 - A horse. - Yeah. 294 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,944 ( both laugh ) 295 00:14:55,902 --> 00:14:57,276 Gianni: Yeah, 296 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,276 today I want to live, like, uh, 297 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,819 when I had those suicide attempts, 298 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:04,735 I didn't feel like 299 00:15:04,819 --> 00:15:06,985 this life that I'm living today was possible 300 00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:09,860 or even on my radar, so more will be revealed 301 00:15:09,944 --> 00:15:12,151 if you stick around. 302 00:15:15,068 --> 00:15:17,235 Today, like, I like peace of mind. 303 00:15:17,318 --> 00:15:20,110 For the most part if someone asks me how I'm doing, 304 00:15:20,193 --> 00:15:22,985 it's like, not too high, not too low, 305 00:15:23,068 --> 00:15:25,694 not a lot going on upstairs, it's just quiet. 306 00:15:25,777 --> 00:15:28,443 This is the first time in my life I've felt like that, 307 00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:30,485 but it's two components: 308 00:15:30,568 --> 00:15:33,193 being sober and being med-compliant. 309 00:15:33,276 --> 00:15:35,944 You got so much friggin' paint on it. ( laughs ) 310 00:15:36,026 --> 00:15:38,443 You got a ton of paint on this, Gianni. 311 00:15:38,527 --> 00:15:40,443 - Yeah. - Ohh. 312 00:15:40,527 --> 00:15:42,193 Jimmy: I myself had a-- 313 00:15:42,276 --> 00:15:44,151 I don't want to call it a suicide attempt, 314 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,902 but I ended up in a 72-hour hold in a psych unit 315 00:15:45,985 --> 00:15:50,318 back in whatever year, it was 1989, '90. 316 00:15:50,402 --> 00:15:53,276 Gianni's mom and I were going through 317 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,944 a really hard time and we split up, 318 00:15:57,026 --> 00:15:59,110 and I don't want to get into details, 319 00:15:59,193 --> 00:16:01,443 but I never forget this friggin' guy 320 00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,110 sittin' across from me and saying, 321 00:16:04,193 --> 00:16:07,402 "You realize you're never gonna see your kids again, right?" 322 00:16:07,485 --> 00:16:09,610 And it was like, boom. 323 00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:12,860 Sound. Be ready. 324 00:16:12,944 --> 00:16:14,777 ( power tool whirs ) 325 00:16:14,860 --> 00:16:17,652 I'm from that generation of men 326 00:16:17,735 --> 00:16:18,985 where you didn't go to therapy. 327 00:16:19,068 --> 00:16:21,360 When you got into those places, 328 00:16:21,443 --> 00:16:23,193 you just friggin' toughed it out. 329 00:16:23,276 --> 00:16:25,610 But you know what? It doesn't always work that way. 330 00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:30,318 When you're in crisis, when you're in that state, 331 00:16:30,402 --> 00:16:32,902 you have to find a way to ask for help. 332 00:16:32,985 --> 00:16:35,944 You have to find a way to get yourself into 333 00:16:36,026 --> 00:16:38,318 a safe environment with professionals, 334 00:16:38,402 --> 00:16:41,777 and there's people out there that will help you 335 00:16:41,860 --> 00:16:44,068 take one foot in front of the other. 336 00:16:44,151 --> 00:16:45,276 Yeah, it takes a lot of courage. 337 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:46,610 It takes guts. 338 00:16:46,694 --> 00:16:48,652 And on some level I have a lot of guilt, 339 00:16:48,735 --> 00:16:50,527 and I think sometimes my behavior 340 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,318 in what I did at that time, 341 00:16:53,402 --> 00:16:54,735 when I hurt myself-- 342 00:16:54,819 --> 00:16:56,527 Gianni was like seven years old. 343 00:16:56,610 --> 00:16:59,610 I made mistakes, man, I did some things, 344 00:16:59,694 --> 00:17:01,652 and I can't take any of it back, 345 00:17:01,735 --> 00:17:03,860 but I realize, you know what, 346 00:17:03,944 --> 00:17:07,110 it's just part of what's happened in my life. 347 00:17:10,193 --> 00:17:13,860 Gianni: Oh, yeah, man, that looks good! 348 00:17:13,944 --> 00:17:15,860 That's dope. 349 00:17:15,944 --> 00:17:17,110 Fuck yeah. 350 00:17:17,193 --> 00:17:19,193 What do you think? G-Bo. 351 00:17:19,276 --> 00:17:20,652 Oh, yeah, dude. 352 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,527 I like the way that hangs and shit. 353 00:17:25,610 --> 00:17:26,819 - You like that? - Yeah, man. 354 00:17:26,902 --> 00:17:28,402 Jimmy: Looks pretty good. 355 00:17:28,485 --> 00:17:32,694 I'm faced with a little bit of a decision. 356 00:17:33,985 --> 00:17:35,235 Revolver Head? 357 00:17:35,318 --> 00:17:37,652 Gianni: No Revolver Head, no. 358 00:17:37,735 --> 00:17:40,026 See how the Grotjahn looks. 359 00:17:42,652 --> 00:17:44,276 I love this fucking guy. 360 00:17:45,610 --> 00:17:46,985 I'm not sure if that's gonna work. 361 00:17:47,068 --> 00:17:48,777 - There's too much color. - Yeah. 362 00:17:50,026 --> 00:17:51,652 Ahh. 363 00:17:51,735 --> 00:17:53,443 I don't think that's gonna work. 364 00:17:53,527 --> 00:17:55,819 - I like the donut. - I like the donut too. 365 00:17:55,902 --> 00:18:00,610 Yeah, this is-- this is not gonna work like that. 366 00:18:03,443 --> 00:18:06,902 Gianni: For me, the mainstay has been this mantra I've had 367 00:18:06,985 --> 00:18:09,568 which is "Process is king." And I find that, like, 368 00:18:09,652 --> 00:18:11,276 in the moment of creating, 369 00:18:11,360 --> 00:18:13,235 no matter what your mental state is, 370 00:18:13,318 --> 00:18:15,985 there's some magical machination 371 00:18:16,068 --> 00:18:18,485 that happens in the moment of doing something. 372 00:18:18,568 --> 00:18:20,485 Whether you're hitting the keys on the piano, 373 00:18:20,568 --> 00:18:22,485 whether you're a dancer and you're in the moment of flight, 374 00:18:22,568 --> 00:18:24,777 whether you're hitting the canvas for the first time, 375 00:18:24,860 --> 00:18:26,944 and it's just that movement of the brush 376 00:18:27,026 --> 00:18:28,485 on the canvas. 377 00:18:28,568 --> 00:18:30,610 In that moment, that's where it is, 378 00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:31,985 that's where it's at. 379 00:18:33,527 --> 00:18:35,068 Is that a Christmas tree? 380 00:18:35,151 --> 00:18:38,402 These weird little trees I've been drawing lately... 381 00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,360 that bring me joy. 382 00:18:40,443 --> 00:18:42,944 Gianni: No matter what my state is, 383 00:18:43,026 --> 00:18:44,610 I can go to that and have that 384 00:18:44,694 --> 00:18:46,235 as my, like-- phtt!-- 385 00:18:46,318 --> 00:18:47,944 centered, boom, know what to do. 386 00:18:48,026 --> 00:18:49,902 That's the gratifying thing, 387 00:18:49,985 --> 00:18:51,443 that's why I do art. 388 00:18:51,527 --> 00:18:54,276 There's restraint and pause 389 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,777 and peace now, 390 00:18:55,860 --> 00:18:57,860 where I can go to a work, 391 00:18:57,944 --> 00:18:59,527 work on it, 392 00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:02,068 feel that it's OK to stop there, 393 00:19:02,151 --> 00:19:04,568 just be like, "OK, we're good." 394 00:19:05,735 --> 00:19:07,235 ( sighs ) 395 00:19:10,235 --> 00:19:12,235 I kinda like where mine's at right now. 396 00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:14,318 You gonna leave it there? It's done? 397 00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:15,402 Kinda. Yeah. For now. 398 00:19:15,485 --> 00:19:17,402 Jimmy: What about the head? 399 00:19:17,485 --> 00:19:19,985 - I like it like that. - Really? 400 00:19:20,068 --> 00:19:21,819 I just like the silhouette of the head. 401 00:19:21,902 --> 00:19:24,193 I don't want to put eyes on it or anything. 402 00:19:24,276 --> 00:19:27,777 I got the good jawline on the horse head. 403 00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:31,985 Gianni: Last year around this time, like, I was scared, 404 00:19:32,068 --> 00:19:35,443 I thought I wouldn't be able to do art again, but you just do art. 405 00:19:35,527 --> 00:19:38,360 I did art about not being able to do art again. 406 00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:40,944 I did a piece of art 'cause I was frustrated 407 00:19:41,026 --> 00:19:43,694 'cause it didn't feel right, but I still did it. 408 00:19:43,777 --> 00:19:47,610 And now I kinda like the piece, looking at it a year later. 409 00:19:47,694 --> 00:19:49,819 But in the time, I was just so angry 410 00:19:49,902 --> 00:19:52,026 I just felt like, "This is foreign to me, 411 00:19:52,110 --> 00:19:54,276 I don't know what to do," but you persist, 412 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,110 you continue to do your craft a little bit each day. 413 00:19:57,193 --> 00:19:59,610 And if you really love it, you're gonna be inherently consistent 414 00:19:59,694 --> 00:20:01,568 because you're gonna want to do it each day. 415 00:20:01,652 --> 00:20:03,735 And the results are gonna vary, 416 00:20:03,819 --> 00:20:06,777 but process is king-- stay in the process. 417 00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:08,276 Stay in the process. 418 00:20:08,360 --> 00:20:11,026 Both: Creativity doesn't know what time it is. 419 00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:13,068 That's why we want to sleep here. 420 00:20:13,151 --> 00:20:15,318 I get up in the middle of the night and work on a collage 421 00:20:15,402 --> 00:20:17,944 'cause creativity doesn't know what time it is. 422 00:20:41,819 --> 00:20:43,735 - ( both laugh ) - Go ahead, hit it. 423 00:20:43,819 --> 00:20:45,985 - I did. - No, hit it again if you want. 424 00:20:46,068 --> 00:20:49,026 I know you're dying to make a mark on it. Go ahead. 425 00:20:49,110 --> 00:20:51,610 Gianni: These are pretty singular, 426 00:20:51,694 --> 00:20:53,568 but he put on this "Sweet Dreams" last night... 427 00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:55,985 Because it was on the wall. 428 00:20:56,068 --> 00:20:57,485 and I was like, "That's awesome." 429 00:20:57,568 --> 00:20:59,110 Somebody in the crew was kind enough 430 00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:00,652 to put "Sweet Dreams" on the wall 431 00:21:00,735 --> 00:21:02,652 and I saw it and I said, "Put it in the piece." 432 00:21:02,735 --> 00:21:05,485 - It's the name of the horse. - We don't know who it is, 433 00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:07,527 but whoever it is, we love you. It works. 434 00:21:07,610 --> 00:21:10,235 And I made a little gold mark on his just now. 435 00:21:10,318 --> 00:21:11,735 He wants to, like, make marks, 436 00:21:11,819 --> 00:21:13,443 I don't have a problem with it. 437 00:21:13,527 --> 00:21:15,777 Like, we did this thing, the Grotjahn thing, 438 00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,610 and I said, "Just go hit it," 439 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:20,527 and he just did this little friggin' whatever-it-is, 440 00:21:20,610 --> 00:21:21,652 and I think it's perfect. 441 00:21:21,735 --> 00:21:23,151 I think the collaboration, too, 442 00:21:23,235 --> 00:21:25,777 is, like, executing the tone of the room too, 443 00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:30,235 does this wall come together as a seamless whole? 444 00:21:47,402 --> 00:21:51,193 I, uh, caused a lot of wreckage 445 00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:52,652 and a lot of pain 446 00:21:52,735 --> 00:21:54,402 and a lot of chaos. 447 00:21:54,485 --> 00:21:58,235 And I'm still a work in progress, you know, 448 00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:00,151 I'm still really new to this. 449 00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:02,652 But a lot's changed over the course of the year 450 00:22:02,735 --> 00:22:04,652 because I put in some intense work 451 00:22:04,735 --> 00:22:07,110 and I've been trying to get-- get sober 452 00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:09,151 and get healthy for a long time. 453 00:22:09,235 --> 00:22:12,777 And my living amends to my dad 454 00:22:12,860 --> 00:22:14,985 is to grant him peace of mind. 455 00:22:15,068 --> 00:22:16,652 It's a lifetime of work, 456 00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:18,610 and it's something I get to practice-- 457 00:22:18,694 --> 00:22:22,151 I have the opportunity to practice each day. 458 00:22:24,110 --> 00:22:27,568 Jimmy: I had to, like, learn about patience, acceptance, 459 00:22:27,652 --> 00:22:29,777 those things that really test you. 460 00:22:29,860 --> 00:22:31,652 You say you love somebody, you say whatever, 461 00:22:31,735 --> 00:22:33,860 but until you're in that arena 462 00:22:33,944 --> 00:22:35,735 and you're wrestling with those beasts and stuff, 463 00:22:35,819 --> 00:22:38,193 that's where you find out where your character's at. 464 00:22:38,276 --> 00:22:39,944 You know, at the end of the day, 465 00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:41,610 he's someone that needs help, he's sick. 466 00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,485 I gotta figure out a way to have a relationship, 467 00:22:43,568 --> 00:22:45,068 but have a boundary, 468 00:22:45,151 --> 00:22:46,944 that I can protect myself and take care of myself 469 00:22:47,026 --> 00:22:49,735 and my wife and my family. 470 00:22:55,193 --> 00:22:58,485 You know, maybe part of the thing about doing this thing 471 00:22:58,568 --> 00:23:00,694 is that I'm hoping, when somebody sees this, 472 00:23:00,777 --> 00:23:03,402 is that yeah, there's a lot of pain, 473 00:23:03,485 --> 00:23:05,527 there's a lot of scars, there's a lot of wounding, 474 00:23:05,610 --> 00:23:08,026 but you know, there is healing and there is-- 475 00:23:08,110 --> 00:23:10,735 there's a light at the end of the tunnel. 476 00:23:10,819 --> 00:23:15,193 But you gotta do the work, you gotta do the time. 477 00:23:15,276 --> 00:23:18,735 When you told me the other day that you trusted me again... 478 00:23:18,819 --> 00:23:22,110 was huge... that was huge. 479 00:23:22,193 --> 00:23:24,735 - Yeah, but you had to earn it. - Yeah, I know. 480 00:23:24,819 --> 00:23:26,694 You had to earn it. 481 00:23:26,777 --> 00:23:28,276 And you have. 482 00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:32,652 You know, trust is a key component of any relationship. 483 00:23:32,735 --> 00:23:35,402 You don't have trust, man, you don't have honesty, 484 00:23:35,485 --> 00:23:38,235 you don't have the tenets, you don't have the foundation, 485 00:23:38,318 --> 00:23:39,985 you don't have anything. 486 00:23:40,068 --> 00:23:41,694 That's what I'm saying, you know, 487 00:23:41,777 --> 00:23:43,777 some of the stuff that went on between you and I, 488 00:23:43,860 --> 00:23:46,235 I just... it was hard shit. 489 00:23:46,318 --> 00:23:51,652 And... And I know that everything happens in life for a reason, 490 00:23:51,735 --> 00:23:55,485 but... there was a lot of pain there. 491 00:23:55,568 --> 00:23:59,652 But you know, trusting you is... 492 00:24:06,985 --> 00:24:09,735 - ( voice breaking ) Thank you. - You're welcome, Papa. 493 00:24:09,819 --> 00:24:11,819 No, really, fuckin' thanks. 494 00:24:11,902 --> 00:24:14,735 I'm not gonna fuckin' cry through the whole fuckin' thing. 495 00:24:14,819 --> 00:24:17,026 - ( laughs ) - Fuck. 496 00:24:17,110 --> 00:24:19,318 Seriously. Shit. 497 00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:23,902 ♪ I hope my body's a ghost ♪ 498 00:24:23,985 --> 00:24:28,068 ♪ I just want to lay around town ♪ 499 00:24:30,068 --> 00:24:32,485 ♪ I hope my body's a ghost ♪ 500 00:24:32,568 --> 00:24:36,568 ♪ I just want to lay around town ♪ 501 00:24:38,777 --> 00:24:42,610 ♪ Take cover when the city burns ♪ 502 00:24:42,694 --> 00:24:44,068 ♪ Lay low ♪ 503 00:24:47,068 --> 00:24:48,568 ♪ I love you, brother ♪ 504 00:24:48,652 --> 00:24:51,568 ♪ Will you shoot me when they say so? ♪ 505 00:24:56,068 --> 00:24:59,110 ♪ Take cover when the city burns ♪ 506 00:24:59,193 --> 00:25:01,110 ♪ Lay low ♪ 507 00:25:03,568 --> 00:25:05,068 ♪ I love you, brother ♪ 508 00:25:05,151 --> 00:25:08,110 ♪ Will you shoot me when they say so? ♪ 509 00:25:14,110 --> 00:25:16,652 ♪ I hope my body's a ghost ♪ 510 00:25:16,735 --> 00:25:20,110 ♪ I just want to lay around town ♪ 511 00:25:27,568 --> 00:25:30,527 MAN: (SINGING) ♪ I know the secret of it all ♪ 512 00:25:30,777 --> 00:25:32,485 ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 513 00:25:32,860 --> 00:25:33,944 ♪ Longing ♪ 514 00:25:35,110 --> 00:25:36,235 ♪ Waiting ♪ 515 00:25:37,402 --> 00:25:39,402 -♪ You're... ♪ -(SCREAMING) 516 00:25:39,985 --> 00:25:41,110 (SILENCE) 517 00:25:41,443 --> 00:25:44,777 For it is love and love alone, the rules for aye. 518 00:25:45,193 --> 00:25:47,151 ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪ 519 00:25:49,694 --> 00:25:51,193 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪