( music playing )
Mom: ...because Bill is a tits guy.
Dad: Yeah, I know that.
Mom: Well, that's all I was saying.
Dad: How are we still talking about this?
All I was doing was complimenting
your big ol' tits in that dress.
Mom: Insinuating that I should use them
to get Bill to refinance the mortgages.
Dad: Well, don't you want him to do it?
Mom: Are you testing me here?
Dad: I'm not-- no, I'm not testing you.
I just wanna know if you want Bill to do the refi.
Mom: Don't be an ass. Of course I want him to do it.
I just don't like the insinuation.
Dad: Oh, come on. We both know you use those tits
to get whatever you want-- especially when I'm not around.
Mom: Why are you starting arguments with me?!
Dad: I didn't start this argument.
Mom: Yes, you did!
Dad: Look, it really sounds
like you were the one who started it.
Mom: No, I wasn't. You always do that.
Dad: Aw, don't do that. Don't hyperbolize it.
Don't do the, "you always do that."
No. OK, can we just go?
- Please, can we just go? - Yeah, yeah. OK.
- I'm the one waitin' here. - All right, fine!
Mom: Let's just go. Go!
( door shuts )
( music from cartoon playing on TV )
Girl 1: Play with me.
- Girl 2: Where? - Girl 1: At Sonia's house.
Girl 2: Let's go!
- ( phone dialing ) - Girl 1: Have fun!
( phone ringing )
( music from TV continues )
Woman: Hello?
Hi.
Hello?
Who's this?
I received a missed call from this number. Who is this?
This is Barbara. I'm sorry, who is this again?
This is Sonia.
I don't know anyone named Sonia.
Well, then maybe it was your husband that called?
Maybe he's making calls you don't know about.
Maybe he's doing things in hot tubs
that he doesn't want you to know about.
- ( phone receiver clicks ) - Oh, Barbara.
- ( cartoon continues on TV ) - ( sighs )
( munching )
( sighs )
Come on, Bill. Do it.
Do it, Bill.
I want you to get into the hot tub with me.
I want you to turn me into a woman, Bill.
My big ol' tits...
I want you to rub oil
all over my big ol' tits, Bill,
until it's time for you to...
You know what I mean.
Yeah.
You know what... Bill?
( coughing )
( dialing )
( ringing )
Woman: Hi! You've reached the Bronsons.
We're not home, so leave a message, and one of us...
- Child 1: Me! - Child 2: Me!
- Husband: Me! - Wife: Or me...
will call you back.
( voicemail beeps )
TV: ♪ My father had a beard on his chin ♪
♪ My mother's favorite color is the color of the sea ♪
♪ This is why I love my family ♪
- ♪ Who's that? ♪ - ♪ He's my brother ♪
- ♪ Who's that? ♪ - ♪ She's my sister ♪
- ♪ Who's that? ♪ - ♪ That's my family ♪
- ♪ Who's that? ♪ - ♪ He's my brother ♪
( children's giggles echoing )
( dialing )
( ringing )
Man: Hello?
Hello?
Are you busy?
Who's this?
Does it matter?
Uh, I suppose you could make an argument that it doesn't.
I'm going to tell you that my name is Lisa.
And then I'm going to tell you that Lisa
is definitely not my real name.
OK...
Lisa, my name is George,
and I'm going to tell you that George
is definitely my real name.
( sighs ) What are you doing tonight, George?
Not much.
Just finished dinner
and was gonna watch a little TV.
Well, that sounds absolutely... boring.
( chuckles ) Yeah, I guess that's a fair assessment.
Don't you have a special someone in your life?
Sure...
if you count my cat Beatrice.
She's about the most special thing in the world to me.
( laughs flirtatiously )
George: What's so funny?
You.
Me? No, I'm-- ( chuckles )
Uh, I'm not funny.
I'm just, um, I don't know... regular.
Don't try and sell yourself short.
You're funny, you're smart...
...and you're a little bit naughty.
Naughty?
Uh-huh.
How's that?
Well, first of all,
you're flirting with me, George.
I am?
Yes.
I don't think so.
Don't play dumb with me.
You're definitely flirting with me.
Why do you say that?
Because I know men.
I know when they're thinking about me...
...and my big ol' tits.
I see.
What do you see?
This is a prank call.
What makes you say that?
( sighs ) You found some lonely sucker
to talk to you on the phone,
but you just wanna mess with my head.
Now, George, I would never do that to you.
Uh-huh. Sure. Good night, Lisa.
No, wait. Don't hang up.
We're just getting started.
You're just getting started.
I think I'm done here.
Come on, George. I'm just having a little fun.
Don't you like to have fun?
Yes. Yes, I do,
but I don't like being made fun of.
I'm not making fun of you.
I just wanna talk to you.
I wanna get to know you a little.
Maybe see where this goes.
I would love that.
I would love to make a connection.
I'll admit it. I'm a lonely guy.
And I could use some-- but your just here to prank me, so--
I already told you I'm not a prank caller.
I don't believe you.
Let me prove it to you.
How?
I don't know.
I'm sure we can think of something.
Tell me your real name.
How will you know it's real?
I won't... for sure.
Adrienne.
Adrienne...
Yeah, that is your real name. I can tell.
Thank you for that, Adrienne.
You're welcome.
Friends now?
Yeah, friends.
So what now?
Now we get to have fun.
OK.
I want you to listen to me,
and I want you to do exactly as I say.
OK.
I want you to sit down,
and I want you to turn off all the lights.
( light switch flicks off )
Good.
Are you doing it, too?
What?
Are you in the dark, too?
Don't worry about me.
I just wanna know if you'll be joining me in the dark.
I'm with you... in the dark.
OK.
Now...
I want you to close your eyes,
and I want you to listen to me.
You're at an open house for a new house that's for sale,
and you don't really like the house, but your wife does,
so you have to stay.
And you go into the backyard.
There's a shed there.
There's a hot tub inside.
Also, there's another woman in there... alone.
Her name is Adrienne.
That woman is me.
And you know you should turn and leave,
but something comes over you in that moment--
something you don't understand at all.
And then, on instinct,
you turn and close the door
and lock it.
And I should scream, but I don't.
I rip my shirt off,
and I look you in the eye, and I say,
"I want you to grab my big ol' tits now,"
and we waste no time.
You rip your clothes off, and I rip mine off,
and we dive into the hot tub,
and you bury your face in my big ol' tits,
and I say, "I want you now, George! Now!
I want you to keep going. Keep going and keep doing me.
Keep grabbing my tits, George.
Keep doing me. Oh, George! Oh, George! Oh, George!"
Mmm. ( sighing )
( clears throat )
( panting )
Adrienne?
( childish music playing on TV )
( knocking on door )
( music continues )
Maid: Housekeeping.
( sighs )
Did you call for fresh towels?
No. No, thank you.
( music continues )
( gasps )
Hi, Adrienne.
It's me. I'm here.
Aren't you gonna rip your shirt off?
Isn't that right? You're gonna take your shirt off
and say something like, "Grab my big ol' tits"?
Something like that.
It was, uh, caller ID. Got me to the hotel.
You weren't hard to find.
You should close your blinds.
So are you gonna take your shirt off?
I'll remind you that you said it wasn't a prank.
You promised.
And I expect you to follow through on that promise.
( breathing heavily )
- No. No, no, no. No. - ( breathing quickly )
( whimpers )
You are a very, very lucky girl.
Do you have any idea what could be happening in this room tonight?
What could be happening to you?
I bet you make prank calls all the time, don't you?
And you think you can just mess with people and get away with it,
but you are so lucky it was me on the other end of that line and not some crazy person.
I want you to look at something.
This is my family.
That's me. That's my wife, Suzanne.
Those are my daughters. Claire and Rebecca.
This was taken right down the road from our house at First Redeemer Church.
I run the youth league.
I want you to think about that for a second, OK?
You got me tonight.
A good person. A man of God.
I was on the phone and I was willing
to just listen to what you had to say, just hear you.
And I came here to pretend to do something awful to you
to teach you a lesson out of the goodness of my heart...
because I have daughters, and I don't want them to end up
in a situation like you could've ended up in tonight.
Do you understand me?
I said, do you understand me?
Hmm. OK. Have it your way.
If you can't at least be thankful,
I'll at least know I've done right by your parents tonight,
and I've done right by you, too, even in you can't see it.
( sighs ) You know, just a simple thank you
right now would not be out of line.
You called me, Adrienne.
You started this with your filthy hot tub talk.
I was at home.
I was watching TV, I was comfortable,
my family was asleep in the other room.
I didn't have to come over here
and do what I did for you tonight.
I could've just let you keep going
with your little pranks until you got yourself
in some really serious trouble, but I didn't. So?
Unbelievable. I know that your generation
is used to having everything just handed to you,
but to not even be able to summon a simple thank you
in a situation like this-- a situation where, frankly,
there could be a strange man in this room
doing unspeakable things to you.
Ungodly things.
There could be a man in this room
with a gun, pointing it at you,
saying, "if you don't show me those big ol' tits
in that hot tub over there,
then... then..."
( breathing heavily )
You wanna see my big ol' tits, George?
No, no. Not me. I'm a man of God.
I'm talking about other men.
You're not like those men?
No... no, of course not. Those-- those men are evil.
Those men deserve to die. They deserve to rot in Hell.
Then why are you staring at my big ol' tits, George?
- I'm not. - Yes. You're staring.
You wanna get me in that hot tub, don't you, George?
I told you already. No. Absolutely not.
You are no man of God. I know what's in your heart.
I am a man of God.
Would a man of God-- would he look at...
these?
Stop that right now, you filthy little whore.
Do you really want me to stop?
You're just a child--
But isn't that what you like best about me, George?
Stop. Stop--
You wanna see my big ol' tits, George.
- Don't you do it. Don't do it. - Yeah, you do.
You wanna see my big ol' tits
in that hot tub, don't you, George?
- No! No. - Yes, you do.
You will be no man of God
after you see my big ol' tits, George.
- Our Father... - You don't want to see them?
- Hallowed be thy name. - Just look away.
Just look away, George. It's happening right now!
- George, just look away! - Stop it!
- No-- ( stammering ) - You can't look away, can you?
Because you are no man of God!
- You are the devil! - I'm not the devil!
( screaming )
( music playing )
♪ (MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
MAN: I don't think you can handle the wine I drink.
Really?
♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪
-(RETCHES) -(LAUGHTER)
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪