1 00:00:10,207 --> 00:00:12,082 ( music playing ) 2 00:00:42,916 --> 00:00:45,457 - ( wind whistling ) - ( door opens ) 3 00:00:55,499 --> 00:00:57,124 ( door closes ) 4 00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,249 ( static ) 5 00:01:07,332 --> 00:01:09,249 ( switching channels ) 6 00:01:09,332 --> 00:01:13,791 ( instrumental version of "O Christmas Tree" playing ) 7 00:01:23,999 --> 00:01:26,165 ( music continues ) 8 00:01:45,708 --> 00:01:47,541 ( knocking on door ) 9 00:01:50,541 --> 00:01:51,708 ( music stops ) 10 00:01:51,791 --> 00:01:53,874 You must be Jean. 11 00:01:53,958 --> 00:01:55,874 I'm Louis. Please, come in. 12 00:02:00,457 --> 00:02:03,749 I was... expecting somewhere 13 00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:06,374 a bit more... grand. 14 00:02:06,457 --> 00:02:09,666 It's our policy to engage with the client at their level. 15 00:02:11,749 --> 00:02:14,624 You thought I'd be more comfortable in a shitty motel 16 00:02:14,708 --> 00:02:15,833 than a chateau? 17 00:02:15,916 --> 00:02:17,833 Why don't you have a seat? 18 00:02:20,582 --> 00:02:22,874 Took a lot of work to track you down. 19 00:02:22,958 --> 00:02:25,916 Well, we're happy to have a high bar of entry. 20 00:02:25,999 --> 00:02:28,958 Any potential client we want to make sure is completely committed. 21 00:02:29,040 --> 00:02:31,999 Oh, I'm-- I'm committed. 22 00:02:32,082 --> 00:02:35,582 When I hear the Black Sabbath album for the first time, it changed my life. 23 00:02:35,666 --> 00:02:36,958 Black Sabbath? 24 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,833 You've never heard of Black Sabbath? 25 00:02:39,916 --> 00:02:41,666 They're this awesome rock band out of Britain. 26 00:02:41,749 --> 00:02:43,999 I thought you'd be all over that shit. 27 00:02:44,082 --> 00:02:47,332 Oh, well, I don't really listen to much contemporary music. 28 00:02:47,416 --> 00:02:50,666 Right, because you've got, like, 29 00:02:50,749 --> 00:02:52,833 the whole back catalogue to choose from. 30 00:02:52,916 --> 00:02:54,457 ( chuckles ) 31 00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:57,833 I bet a lot of the best musicians probably end up... 32 00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,874 i-- in your place. 33 00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:01,833 I'm not at liberty to discuss other clients. 34 00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:03,416 Sure. 35 00:03:05,416 --> 00:03:06,999 But... 36 00:03:07,082 --> 00:03:08,833 Robert Johnson? 37 00:03:08,916 --> 00:03:11,040 Keith Richards? Jimi Hendrix? 38 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:13,457 They're not gonna go up there, are they? 39 00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:14,749 Jean, why don't you have a seat 40 00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:16,999 and tell me exactly what it is 41 00:03:17,082 --> 00:03:19,457 you want from this arrangement. 42 00:03:23,916 --> 00:03:26,833 Everyone else is partying all the time. 43 00:03:26,916 --> 00:03:29,916 Sex, drugs and rock and roll. 44 00:03:32,708 --> 00:03:34,541 All the dumb bitches 45 00:03:34,624 --> 00:03:36,874 with their cars and their boyfriends 46 00:03:36,958 --> 00:03:40,290 and their apartments and their... hairdos. 47 00:03:42,457 --> 00:03:45,666 If they've got all that, why shouldn't I? 48 00:03:45,749 --> 00:03:47,666 Why shouldn't I... 49 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:50,082 fuck all the hot guys 50 00:03:50,165 --> 00:03:53,416 and live in a huge house and drive a cool car 51 00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:56,082 and look great all the time? 52 00:03:56,165 --> 00:03:58,082 I want to do that. 53 00:03:58,165 --> 00:04:01,541 And I want to tell all the dumb-asses who ever got in my way 54 00:04:01,624 --> 00:04:05,082 or told me no or said I was ugly or fat or square 55 00:04:05,165 --> 00:04:06,958 that they can rot in hell. 56 00:04:10,165 --> 00:04:13,749 I guess that last part is kind of your call, but you know what I mean. 57 00:04:13,833 --> 00:04:16,374 Yes, I think I do. 58 00:04:18,708 --> 00:04:22,749 You're not exactly giving this the hard sell. 59 00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:25,332 Not really trying to close the deal. 60 00:04:25,416 --> 00:04:27,708 That's not the way we do things. 61 00:04:27,791 --> 00:04:29,749 It's very important to me 62 00:04:29,833 --> 00:04:32,791 that this be one hundred percent your decision. 63 00:04:32,874 --> 00:04:35,749 So how does it work exactly? 64 00:04:35,833 --> 00:04:37,999 Well, once you've made your choice 65 00:04:38,082 --> 00:04:39,916 and you're comfortable with it, 66 00:04:39,999 --> 00:04:42,457 I have you sign some papers, 67 00:04:42,541 --> 00:04:45,416 and once I have your signature, 68 00:04:45,499 --> 00:04:46,708 the transaction is complete. 69 00:04:48,249 --> 00:04:49,749 Do I have to sign in blood? 70 00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:50,958 Ink will be fine. 71 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,082 Oh. 72 00:04:57,749 --> 00:05:00,749 Uhh-- You might want to read it through first. 73 00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,958 OK, Dad. 74 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,457 At-At least take a look at the-- at the last section there. 75 00:05:06,541 --> 00:05:08,708 Item 6.1? 76 00:05:08,791 --> 00:05:09,708 ( sighs ) 77 00:05:12,708 --> 00:05:15,666 "Service provider shall retain ownership of the client's soul 78 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,874 for a duration which shall have a floor of eternity 79 00:05:18,958 --> 00:05:21,582 and a ceiling of... eternity." 80 00:05:23,541 --> 00:05:26,624 And are you completely comfortable with that? 81 00:05:26,708 --> 00:05:28,457 Yeah. 82 00:05:28,541 --> 00:05:29,666 Yeah, it's cool. 83 00:05:29,749 --> 00:05:32,833 Uh, just forgive my asking, but... 84 00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:36,457 what are your reasons for believing it's "cool"? 85 00:05:36,541 --> 00:05:38,457 Well, I don't really believe in a soul. 86 00:05:38,541 --> 00:05:40,874 Or any of that shit. 87 00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:43,749 It's Christian dogma, I'm not into that. 88 00:05:43,833 --> 00:05:47,040 Well, I would say that, um, 89 00:05:47,124 --> 00:05:50,666 a substantial part of our whole setup... 90 00:05:50,749 --> 00:05:53,499 - is Christian dogma. - Whatever. 91 00:05:53,582 --> 00:05:57,165 You believe what you believe, I'll believe what I believe. 92 00:05:57,249 --> 00:05:58,958 Let's just agree to disagree. 93 00:06:00,582 --> 00:06:02,624 Ju-- Ju-- Just so we're 94 00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:07,124 crystal clear on this, uh... 95 00:06:07,207 --> 00:06:10,708 ownership of the soul for eternity, 96 00:06:10,791 --> 00:06:15,541 typically, that duration of ownership... 97 00:06:15,624 --> 00:06:17,791 would take place in the underworld. 98 00:06:19,958 --> 00:06:22,416 Specifically, hell. 99 00:06:23,624 --> 00:06:27,207 ( laughing ) 100 00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:30,791 Souls? Hell? 101 00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:33,207 You're really crackin' me up over here. 102 00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:34,749 OK. 103 00:06:37,332 --> 00:06:39,124 Bring it on. 104 00:06:39,207 --> 00:06:42,582 Fill me up with the cash and the drugs and the big, hard dicks! 105 00:06:42,666 --> 00:06:43,833 Let's do this! 106 00:06:52,332 --> 00:06:54,040 ( door opens ) 107 00:07:00,165 --> 00:07:01,541 ( door closes ) 108 00:07:07,791 --> 00:07:10,749 ( heavy rock playing ) 109 00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:13,999 ( techno pop playing ) 110 00:07:14,082 --> 00:07:17,165 ( bubblegum pop playing ) 111 00:07:17,249 --> 00:07:19,082 - ( knocking on door ) - ( turns music off ) 112 00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:26,624 Jean. It's been a long time. 113 00:07:26,708 --> 00:07:28,290 ( laughs ) 114 00:07:28,374 --> 00:07:31,624 Same shitty motel room. 115 00:07:31,708 --> 00:07:34,290 - Louis: So tell me, how have you been? - Great. 116 00:07:34,374 --> 00:07:36,874 Yeah, really great, as a matter of fact. 117 00:07:36,958 --> 00:07:38,624 I'm pleased to hear it. 118 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:41,958 People are so snobby about worldly pleasures. 119 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:45,624 Sex, food, drink, drugs, 120 00:07:45,708 --> 00:07:48,624 sports cars, mansions, yachts, 121 00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:53,165 helicopters, jewelry, designer clothes, sex. 122 00:07:53,249 --> 00:07:55,582 - Did I mention sex? - Yes. 123 00:07:55,666 --> 00:07:57,666 ( both chuckle ) 124 00:07:57,749 --> 00:08:01,165 May I offer you a drink? I have an excellent single malt. 125 00:08:01,249 --> 00:08:04,124 Leonard, it's great to see you again. 126 00:08:04,207 --> 00:08:06,833 - It's Louis. - But I was just wondering 127 00:08:06,916 --> 00:08:08,874 how long this was going to take. 128 00:08:08,958 --> 00:08:14,666 See, I have a private jet to St. Barts on standby. 129 00:08:14,749 --> 00:08:18,082 Ah. Well, I'm afraid to say 130 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,207 I don't think you're going to make that flight. 131 00:08:20,290 --> 00:08:22,749 What are you talking about? 132 00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:24,666 Well, Jean, today is-- 133 00:08:24,749 --> 00:08:27,833 how can I put this without sounding clichéd? 134 00:08:27,916 --> 00:08:30,332 The day of reckoning. 135 00:08:30,416 --> 00:08:34,332 - The what? - Item 6.1. 136 00:08:34,416 --> 00:08:37,916 Per our agreement, the company owns your soul. 137 00:08:37,999 --> 00:08:41,791 And today's the day we... cash it in, so to speak. 138 00:08:41,874 --> 00:08:45,040 Let me put this as simply as possible. 139 00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:47,374 You won't be going to St. Barts tonight. 140 00:08:47,457 --> 00:08:51,082 Instead, you'll be going to hell... 141 00:08:51,165 --> 00:08:52,916 for eternity. 142 00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:54,874 You're not serious. 143 00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:57,249 I'm completely serious. 144 00:08:57,332 --> 00:09:00,207 Well, I'll have my lawyer look through this. 145 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,207 I don't know why this is such a surprise. 146 00:09:02,290 --> 00:09:04,040 You'll recall that before you signed 147 00:09:04,124 --> 00:09:06,165 I did direct you to the appropriate clauses, 148 00:09:06,249 --> 00:09:07,332 the terms and conditions. 149 00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:09,207 Terms and conditions. 150 00:09:09,290 --> 00:09:12,040 Who reads the goddamn terms and conditions? 151 00:09:12,124 --> 00:09:14,791 I don't know, people who are signing away their immortal souls? 152 00:09:14,874 --> 00:09:17,916 But when I signed this, I didn't even have a lawyer. 153 00:09:17,999 --> 00:09:20,999 This is not worth the paper it's printed on. 154 00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:23,666 Hey. We kept our side of the bargain. 155 00:09:23,749 --> 00:09:26,749 You had 50 great years. You said so yourself. 156 00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,833 Now it's time to pay the check. 157 00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:30,708 Nobody likes paying the check, 158 00:09:30,791 --> 00:09:33,249 but unfortunately, the check must be paid. 159 00:09:33,332 --> 00:09:36,999 And the payment is... eternity in hell. 160 00:09:38,332 --> 00:09:40,416 I don't think so. 161 00:09:40,499 --> 00:09:43,958 I get this every time. 162 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,666 Every damn time. 163 00:09:46,749 --> 00:09:48,332 Is it so much to ask 164 00:09:48,416 --> 00:09:50,416 for someone to actually read the words 165 00:09:50,499 --> 00:09:52,791 that are written in a contract before they sign it? 166 00:09:52,874 --> 00:09:55,874 Apparently, it's the most difficult thing in the world for you people! 167 00:09:58,332 --> 00:09:59,749 Look on the bright side. 168 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:03,249 You'll have lots and lots of happy memories 169 00:10:03,332 --> 00:10:05,416 to look back on forever! 170 00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:07,874 And when you talk about hell, 171 00:10:07,958 --> 00:10:09,124 what do you mean, exactly? 172 00:10:09,207 --> 00:10:11,999 Hell. The famous hell? 173 00:10:12,082 --> 00:10:14,708 You've seen it in the paintings, the movies? 174 00:10:14,791 --> 00:10:17,791 Is this that ironic version of hell? 175 00:10:17,874 --> 00:10:19,708 Like Homer Simpson and the donuts? 176 00:10:19,791 --> 00:10:21,249 Homer Simpson-- 177 00:10:21,332 --> 00:10:24,374 No! There's no donuts. It's not ironic. 178 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,708 There's no irony down there. 179 00:10:26,791 --> 00:10:29,916 This is never-ending torment! 180 00:10:29,999 --> 00:10:32,749 With fire! Lots of fire! 181 00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,916 They love fire! They can't get enough of it! 182 00:10:34,999 --> 00:10:37,124 Hell, though, really? Hell? 183 00:10:37,207 --> 00:10:40,207 I mean, with the flames and the naked bodies 184 00:10:40,290 --> 00:10:42,791 and the little red guys with pointy tails? 185 00:10:42,874 --> 00:10:45,082 That's pretty much the size of it, yes. 186 00:10:45,165 --> 00:10:47,416 And heaven is full of clouds? 187 00:10:47,499 --> 00:10:51,082 And angels with halos playing harps? 188 00:10:51,165 --> 00:10:54,124 I've never been myself, but from what I understand, 189 00:10:54,207 --> 00:10:55,416 that's pretty much it. 190 00:10:55,499 --> 00:10:57,749 Well, I'm not buying it. 191 00:11:01,082 --> 00:11:02,457 Would you like to see a preview? 192 00:11:02,541 --> 00:11:03,416 A preview? 193 00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:13,290 - ( hissing, demonic music ) - Oh, Jesus! 194 00:11:13,374 --> 00:11:16,332 - ( voices screaming ) - Jesus fucking Christ! 195 00:11:16,416 --> 00:11:18,791 ( screams continue ) 196 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,541 ( vomiting ) 197 00:11:24,624 --> 00:11:27,457 Ohh. Ohh. Ohh. 198 00:11:27,541 --> 00:11:29,374 So as I was saying-- 199 00:11:29,457 --> 00:11:31,207 I didn't realize! 200 00:11:31,290 --> 00:11:33,332 I-I didn't realize! 201 00:11:33,416 --> 00:11:36,374 Yeah, I'd like to say that you get used to it eventually, 202 00:11:36,457 --> 00:11:38,916 but I don't think you really ever do. 203 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,332 And that happens for eternity? 204 00:11:41,416 --> 00:11:44,290 - Mm-hmm. - Oh, my God. 205 00:11:45,457 --> 00:11:47,082 Jean... 206 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:50,082 I know this may look harsh or unfair, 207 00:11:50,165 --> 00:11:54,040 but remember, everyone's down there for a reason. 208 00:11:54,124 --> 00:11:57,541 Either they sold their souls for earthly pleasures like you did, 209 00:11:57,624 --> 00:12:02,040 or they were just... major league assholes. 210 00:12:02,124 --> 00:12:04,290 Well, this is not gonna happen. 211 00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:05,999 Jean, it's what always happens. 212 00:12:06,082 --> 00:12:08,082 Well, not with me. 213 00:12:10,499 --> 00:12:12,499 George, it's Jean. 214 00:12:12,582 --> 00:12:16,249 I have this contra-- Hey! 215 00:12:16,332 --> 00:12:19,332 I've watched a thousand lawyers read a thousand contracts 216 00:12:19,416 --> 00:12:21,332 in a thousand different languages, 217 00:12:21,416 --> 00:12:23,290 many of which have since died out. 218 00:12:23,374 --> 00:12:27,040 There's no loophole. You sold your soul. 219 00:12:27,124 --> 00:12:30,207 And you're going to hell. Forever. 220 00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:31,874 The end. 221 00:12:43,207 --> 00:12:45,457 Look, Jean, you had 50 great years. 222 00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:49,040 Some people don't get 50 great minutes! 223 00:12:49,124 --> 00:12:51,624 - ( sighs ) - What are you sighing about? 224 00:12:51,708 --> 00:12:54,624 I'm the one that's going to hell. 225 00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,499 Do you know how depressing it is 226 00:12:56,582 --> 00:12:59,416 to send people to ceaseless torment 227 00:12:59,499 --> 00:13:01,124 on a regular basis? 228 00:13:01,207 --> 00:13:02,290 It's a real bummer. 229 00:13:02,374 --> 00:13:05,290 Ohh. I'm so sorry. 230 00:13:05,374 --> 00:13:07,624 Are you getting blisters on your hands 231 00:13:07,708 --> 00:13:09,374 from all the pitchfork-wielding? 232 00:13:09,457 --> 00:13:12,249 - Poor you. - Yeah. You asked for it. 233 00:13:12,332 --> 00:13:14,416 You literally signed up for it. 234 00:13:14,499 --> 00:13:17,541 But you're all stupid, mostly. 235 00:13:17,624 --> 00:13:19,290 You regret it at the end, 236 00:13:19,374 --> 00:13:20,999 and then you come back with cirrhosis of the liver 237 00:13:21,082 --> 00:13:22,958 and a trail of broken relationships. 238 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,457 I don't have either. 239 00:13:24,541 --> 00:13:27,332 And I've had a really, really good time. 240 00:13:27,416 --> 00:13:30,874 I must say it took me a while to get used to it, 241 00:13:30,958 --> 00:13:33,082 but once I got into the swing of it, 242 00:13:33,165 --> 00:13:35,332 I must say I loved it. 243 00:13:35,416 --> 00:13:38,499 Being a hard-headed, hedonistic asshole 244 00:13:38,582 --> 00:13:41,332 really worked for me. 245 00:13:41,416 --> 00:13:43,290 Well, I'm certainly glad you made the most of it. 246 00:13:43,374 --> 00:13:45,416 There was a turning point, 247 00:13:45,499 --> 00:13:49,165 a moment when things really became clear to me. 248 00:13:49,249 --> 00:13:52,332 I was fucking this guy, and fucking with his head, 249 00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:55,332 he was crying and begging, 250 00:13:55,416 --> 00:13:58,416 and I realized that I had a choice. 251 00:13:58,499 --> 00:14:01,499 I could be sympathetic, or I could just not give a shit, 252 00:14:01,582 --> 00:14:05,499 turn my compassion off like a light switch. 253 00:14:05,582 --> 00:14:09,207 And I chose option two. 254 00:14:09,290 --> 00:14:12,541 So I went on fucking him and fucking with him 255 00:14:12,624 --> 00:14:15,582 until I got bored, and then I tossed him away. 256 00:14:15,666 --> 00:14:19,290 I never turned that switch back on. 257 00:14:19,374 --> 00:14:21,457 And I did some terrible things. 258 00:14:21,541 --> 00:14:23,541 That was just the beginning. 259 00:14:23,624 --> 00:14:26,666 I did awful things. Really bad. Terrible. 260 00:14:26,749 --> 00:14:29,457 Really evil. 261 00:14:29,541 --> 00:14:33,082 ( chuckles ) Oh, boy. 262 00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:35,165 ( laughs ) 263 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:37,958 I thought you'd be interested in this, 264 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,207 being the devil and everything. 265 00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:42,290 I'm not the devil, I just work for the devil. 266 00:14:42,374 --> 00:14:44,374 - Oh, so you're a demon? - What? 267 00:14:44,457 --> 00:14:46,624 No! I'm not a demon! Fuck those assholes! 268 00:14:48,457 --> 00:14:52,416 I'm more of an executive assistant to the devil. 269 00:14:52,499 --> 00:14:56,040 - Cool. - Yeah, it was cool... 270 00:14:56,124 --> 00:14:58,249 at first. 271 00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,082 But a few millennia on, 272 00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:05,124 and I'm really just so tired of the whole thing, 273 00:15:05,207 --> 00:15:07,124 if I'm honest. 274 00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,374 I thought I was cut out for this, 275 00:15:09,457 --> 00:15:12,708 but I have bad dreams. 276 00:15:12,791 --> 00:15:16,082 Horrible dreams. Every night. 277 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:19,040 All this damnation, it doesn't... 278 00:15:19,124 --> 00:15:22,124 sit well with me. 279 00:15:22,207 --> 00:15:24,332 My digestion is shot to fuck. 280 00:15:26,207 --> 00:15:29,082 ( sighs ) I just don't know how much longer 281 00:15:29,165 --> 00:15:31,499 I can keep doing this. 282 00:15:31,582 --> 00:15:35,290 Well, if sending people to hell is making you feel so bad, 283 00:15:35,374 --> 00:15:37,165 I have a suggestion. 284 00:15:37,249 --> 00:15:39,791 - Stop. Just say no. - Take my word for it. 285 00:15:39,874 --> 00:15:42,708 Eternal damnation would be a day at the beach 286 00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:45,290 compared to what he would do to me if I walked out. 287 00:15:45,374 --> 00:15:46,791 Well... 288 00:15:46,874 --> 00:15:50,791 you know, maybe there's an answer-- for both of us. 289 00:15:50,874 --> 00:15:53,165 What? 290 00:15:53,249 --> 00:15:55,791 Well, how about if I took over? 291 00:15:55,874 --> 00:15:57,457 Took over? 292 00:15:57,541 --> 00:15:59,624 I could take over your job as demon... 293 00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:02,541 - I'm not a demon. - ...and then you could retire 294 00:16:02,624 --> 00:16:05,040 and take up waterskiing or whatever. 295 00:16:05,124 --> 00:16:07,249 Think about it. It's a win-win. 296 00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:10,416 I mean, you wouldn't be crucified for leaving your post, 297 00:16:10,499 --> 00:16:13,791 and I would avoid an eternity of torment. 298 00:16:13,874 --> 00:16:17,582 Maybe... it's a possibility. 299 00:16:20,374 --> 00:16:22,457 You would be directly involved 300 00:16:22,541 --> 00:16:24,374 in a vast amount of suffering. 301 00:16:24,457 --> 00:16:26,749 I'm not sure any human being could deal with that. 302 00:16:26,833 --> 00:16:29,499 Well, I'm not your average human being. 303 00:16:29,582 --> 00:16:32,207 I've been in training for this my whole life. 304 00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:35,833 And I feel so connected to your brand-- the whole evil thing. 305 00:16:35,916 --> 00:16:37,624 I mean, it's really me. 306 00:16:37,708 --> 00:16:40,124 OK, I get that you're a sociopathic narcissist. 307 00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:41,666 But for something like this, 308 00:16:41,749 --> 00:16:43,290 you'd really need to crank it up 309 00:16:43,374 --> 00:16:45,165 - to the next level. - Bring it on. 310 00:16:45,249 --> 00:16:46,833 Because if you take the job 311 00:16:46,916 --> 00:16:48,499 and then decide you can't handle it, 312 00:16:48,582 --> 00:16:51,499 that would rebound very badly on me. 313 00:16:51,582 --> 00:16:54,416 How about you let me prove myself? 314 00:16:54,499 --> 00:16:55,457 How do you mean? 315 00:16:55,541 --> 00:16:58,499 Dustin! Dustin? 316 00:16:58,582 --> 00:17:00,791 ( door opens ) 317 00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:02,749 I just got off the phone with the air strip 318 00:17:02,833 --> 00:17:05,207 - and the pilots on standby-- - No. Don't worry about that. 319 00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:06,416 - Jean: Come on in. - ( door closes ) 320 00:17:06,499 --> 00:17:08,791 This is Louis. Louis, Dustin. 321 00:17:09,916 --> 00:17:11,207 Hi there. 322 00:17:11,290 --> 00:17:13,374 Would you like a drink? 323 00:17:13,457 --> 00:17:15,374 - Oh, no, I'm-- - Louis and I 324 00:17:15,457 --> 00:17:19,541 have been discussing a very interesting career opportunity. 325 00:17:19,624 --> 00:17:21,541 - For me. - OK. 326 00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:25,249 I know how supportive you've been to me in my career, 327 00:17:25,332 --> 00:17:29,541 and I know that you would want me to pursue any opportunities that came my way. 328 00:17:29,624 --> 00:17:32,374 Uh, yeah, I'd be happy to help in any way that I can. 329 00:17:32,457 --> 00:17:34,332 Wonderful. 330 00:17:34,416 --> 00:17:36,708 Louis and I want to give you an opportunity 331 00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:38,666 to experience something 332 00:17:38,749 --> 00:17:42,207 that millions have argued about for millennia. 333 00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:46,582 Think of it as a reward for your years of service. 334 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,290 Now finish your drink, 335 00:17:48,374 --> 00:17:51,666 and I'm going to start you on your fantastic voyage. 336 00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:58,958 In a moment I'm going to ask you to open the bathroom door. 337 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,582 And when you do, you will be amazed at what you see. 338 00:18:02,666 --> 00:18:04,874 Amazed and astonished. 339 00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:08,249 But first I just want to tell you how pleased I am 340 00:18:08,332 --> 00:18:10,874 to have been working with you over the last two years. 341 00:18:10,958 --> 00:18:13,499 - It's been five, actually-- - And I just want to thank you 342 00:18:13,582 --> 00:18:15,708 for your patience and your forbearance. 343 00:18:15,791 --> 00:18:16,791 OK. 344 00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:21,249 ( hissing, screaming ) 345 00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:22,582 Oh! 346 00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,207 Dustin: What are you doing?! 347 00:18:29,791 --> 00:18:31,666 Do I get the job? 348 00:18:31,749 --> 00:18:32,833 Well... 349 00:18:32,916 --> 00:18:34,958 Take my Porsche. 350 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,290 Drive it to the airport, 351 00:18:37,374 --> 00:18:39,582 and take the jet to St. Barts. 352 00:18:39,666 --> 00:18:42,457 Take a mansion. Take all my mansions! 353 00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:45,666 Oh, seriously, I am so up for this. 354 00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:48,791 It's empowering! It's exhilarating. 355 00:18:48,874 --> 00:18:51,499 I finally found the job for me! 356 00:18:51,582 --> 00:18:54,499 Uh... let me just ask my supervisor. 357 00:19:03,416 --> 00:19:05,416 - He's OK with it. - Yes! 358 00:19:05,499 --> 00:19:06,999 ( both laughing ) 359 00:19:07,082 --> 00:19:08,749 Oh, boy, um-- 360 00:19:08,833 --> 00:19:11,541 Oh. There's a lot of politics, OK? 361 00:19:11,624 --> 00:19:13,541 Everyone's always jockeying for position. 362 00:19:13,624 --> 00:19:15,541 They want to be the boss's best buddy, 363 00:19:15,624 --> 00:19:17,332 they're trying to get in with the guys in the ninth circle. 364 00:19:17,416 --> 00:19:20,332 Just watch your back, that's all I'm saying. 365 00:19:20,416 --> 00:19:23,374 - Good luck! - Thank you! You too! 366 00:19:23,457 --> 00:19:25,040 - ( knocking on door ) - Oh, who's that? 367 00:19:25,124 --> 00:19:26,833 Shit! It's my next appointment. 368 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,833 No, it's my first appointment! 369 00:19:28,916 --> 00:19:30,249 Oh-- ( laughs ) 370 00:19:31,457 --> 00:19:33,416 - Hi! Come on in! - Hi. 371 00:19:33,499 --> 00:19:35,416 Oh. I thought there'd only be one of you here. 372 00:19:35,499 --> 00:19:38,499 There is. Me! I'm Jean. 373 00:19:38,582 --> 00:19:40,624 Louis was just about to take off. 374 00:19:40,708 --> 00:19:44,666 Another customer about to be satisfied. 375 00:19:44,749 --> 00:19:46,457 So you're a musician. 376 00:19:46,541 --> 00:19:48,833 Yep, that's why I'm doin' this. 377 00:19:48,916 --> 00:19:51,499 I just wanna be the greatest rock star on the planet, ya know? 378 00:19:51,582 --> 00:19:54,499 Ah. Well, good luck with that. 379 00:19:54,582 --> 00:19:57,708 She doesn't need luck. She has us. 380 00:19:57,791 --> 00:20:00,916 - I don't actually drink. - You don't drink? 381 00:20:00,999 --> 00:20:03,457 No, I'm straight edge. I'm just all about the music. 382 00:20:03,541 --> 00:20:05,666 Well, what's the point of being a musician 383 00:20:05,749 --> 00:20:07,874 if you don't use it to get fucked? 384 00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:10,040 In every sense of the word. 385 00:20:10,124 --> 00:20:11,958 I just love playing, 386 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,708 and I wanna be the best that I can be 387 00:20:14,791 --> 00:20:16,666 and for everyone to hear it. 388 00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:19,999 ( laughs ) How incredibly noble. 389 00:20:20,082 --> 00:20:22,040 Beth, right? 390 00:20:22,124 --> 00:20:24,874 - Yeah, sit down for a sec. - OK. 391 00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:26,958 I have to ask you. 392 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,374 If it's all about the music for you, 393 00:20:30,457 --> 00:20:31,916 why do this? 394 00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:34,499 Why not just practice even harder? 395 00:20:34,582 --> 00:20:36,791 She wants to take the fast track, Louis. 396 00:20:36,874 --> 00:20:38,708 That's what it is. I mean, 397 00:20:38,791 --> 00:20:41,082 why take the stairs when you can take the elevator? 398 00:20:41,165 --> 00:20:43,499 Ah, but the elevator doesn't just go up, 399 00:20:43,582 --> 00:20:44,958 it also goes down. 400 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,541 Beth has made a great effort to come here tonight 401 00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:50,374 and sign a deal. 402 00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:53,582 Now, you and I have already made our deal. 403 00:20:53,666 --> 00:20:55,791 So I think it's only right that you left 404 00:20:55,874 --> 00:20:58,332 so that Beth and I can do ours. 405 00:20:58,416 --> 00:21:01,999 I guess I'm just very ambitious. 406 00:21:02,082 --> 00:21:04,916 And with streaming, it's really hard 407 00:21:04,999 --> 00:21:06,708 to get a major label to back you. 408 00:21:06,791 --> 00:21:11,666 I'm on Bandcamp and SoundCloud and-- 409 00:21:11,749 --> 00:21:14,040 I'm just looking for all the help I can get, you know? 410 00:21:14,124 --> 00:21:16,582 Well, what if you approached some of the mini-majors, you know? 411 00:21:16,666 --> 00:21:17,874 Because they can get your stuff-- 412 00:21:17,958 --> 00:21:19,749 She wants to take the elevator! 413 00:21:19,833 --> 00:21:22,124 She's been very clear about that. 414 00:21:22,207 --> 00:21:26,541 She's always been a "fuck the stairs" kind of girl. 415 00:21:26,624 --> 00:21:29,958 Now, I'm cool with that, and Beth is cool with that. 416 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,708 The only one apparently not cool with that is you. 417 00:21:33,791 --> 00:21:36,457 And I think it's time now that you fuck off 418 00:21:36,541 --> 00:21:39,999 and let Beth and I start the adventure of a lifetime. 419 00:21:53,958 --> 00:21:59,666 You don't need to worry about reading the boring terms and conditions. 420 00:21:59,749 --> 00:22:04,499 Just sign, and know that we will just be amazed at your talent. 421 00:22:04,582 --> 00:22:06,416 ( wind whistling ) 422 00:22:17,833 --> 00:22:20,958 Hey, um, Beth, before you sign that, 423 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,833 I do have to get out of here, but I just have a-- 424 00:22:23,916 --> 00:22:25,624 it's kind of a weird favor. 425 00:22:25,708 --> 00:22:30,165 Um, I would love to experience your musical talent firsthand. 426 00:22:30,249 --> 00:22:33,457 So... would you sing me a song? 427 00:22:33,541 --> 00:22:36,124 Which one did you have in mind? 428 00:22:36,207 --> 00:22:39,124 Oh, um, how about "O Christmas Tree"? 429 00:22:39,207 --> 00:22:42,833 Sure. It's... seasonal, I guess. 430 00:22:45,249 --> 00:22:48,499 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 431 00:22:48,582 --> 00:22:51,666 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 432 00:22:51,749 --> 00:22:57,416 ♪ Thy leaves are so unchanging ♪ 433 00:22:58,749 --> 00:23:01,082 ♪ Not only green ♪ 434 00:23:01,165 --> 00:23:04,582 ♪ When summer's here ♪ 435 00:23:04,666 --> 00:23:07,457 ♪ But also when ♪ 436 00:23:07,541 --> 00:23:10,874 ♪ 'Tis cold and drear ♪ 437 00:23:10,958 --> 00:23:13,582 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 438 00:23:13,666 --> 00:23:16,499 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 439 00:23:16,582 --> 00:23:20,916 ♪ Thy leaves are so unchanging ♪ 440 00:23:20,999 --> 00:23:25,082 - I mean, she's pretty good. - Don't be a pussy. 441 00:23:25,165 --> 00:23:27,874 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 442 00:23:27,958 --> 00:23:30,582 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 443 00:23:30,666 --> 00:23:34,999 ♪ Much pleasure thou canst give me ♪ 444 00:23:36,958 --> 00:23:42,541 ♪ How often has the Christmas tree ♪ 445 00:23:42,624 --> 00:23:47,749 ♪ Afforded me the greatest glee ♪ 446 00:23:47,833 --> 00:23:49,958 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 447 00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,916 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 448 00:23:52,999 --> 00:23:57,833 ♪ Much pleasure thou canst give me ♪ 449 00:23:59,207 --> 00:24:01,958 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 450 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,958 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 451 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:10,165 ♪ How richly God has decked thee ♪ 452 00:24:11,666 --> 00:24:13,958 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 453 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,624 ♪ O Christmas tree ♪ 454 00:24:16,708 --> 00:24:21,165 ♪ How richly God has decked thee ♪ 455 00:24:29,124 --> 00:24:30,541 WOMAN: I think I found something. 456 00:24:32,541 --> 00:24:33,499 Or it found me. 457 00:24:33,582 --> 00:24:35,708 -♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ -(GASPS SOFTLY) 458 00:24:38,541 --> 00:24:39,541 Fuck! 459 00:24:39,833 --> 00:24:41,749 No, no, no. Hold on, hold on. No. 460 00:24:42,290 --> 00:24:43,416 Do not disturb. 461 00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:45,416 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪