( theme music playing )
- Man: What the fuck? - ( water sloshing )
( man breathing heavily )
♪ A yellow jacket ♪
♪ Kiki Alvarez ♪
♪ Falling ♪
♪ I only came to drink one beer ♪
( groaning )
♪ How did I end up... ♪
- ♪ Here? ♪ - ( cell phone ringing )
- Wait a minute. - ( ringing continues )
Hold on. No, no no. No, no, no, no.
- ( ringing ) - Yes.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
Ahh. Hello? Hello?
- ( beeping ) - Damn it!
- Yeah. Come on, P-man. - ( dialing )
Don't let me down, bro.
- ( line out ringing ) - ( grunts )
( sighs )
- Recording: You have reached the voicemail box of-- - Oh, come on.
( phone chimes )
P-Dawg ( baby-talking ): Oh, oh, I'm Arnold,
and I hate going out because no one understands me
and I should just stay at home and be alone forever.
( normal voice ) Shit, Arnold! I guess you were wrong, huh?
- Are you still with her? - "Her"?
I want deets, OK? P-Dawg out!
All right. Uh, "her."
Who's "her"? Start at the beginning.
And where we go, where we...
( panting; sighing )
♪ A yellow jacket ♪
Come on, man, what's the last thing you remember?
( groans )
Wait.
- ( theme music playing ) - Right. Hah!
Right! OK. It was Saturday.
Yeah, it was Saturday.
Where was I, though? I was, uh, I was at home, uh--
Aw, come on, Arnold. That's right!
♪ It was Saturday night ♪
♪ And I was at home ♪ Alone.
♪ Rereading "Stranger in a Strange Land" ♪
♪ For the seventeenth time ♪
- ♪ And that's when P-Dawg called ♪ - ( phone rings )
- He said.... - P-Dawg: Hey, Arnold!
God!
♪ "Get your ass off the couch ♪
♪ And get your ass over here ♪
For at least one beer."
Right. Yeah, and I was like, "It's gonna be crowded and loud
and I don't do well in places like that, man,"
and then P-Dawg started complaining
and saying how I bailed on him last time
and the time before that and then the time before that,
and then he said if I bailed on him this time, he'd be really butt-hurt,
and then he started using that whiney voice that I hate
and I was like, "Dude, OK, shut up.
Shut up, I'll go. I'll go!"
♪ And when I arrived it was crowded as hell ♪
Oh, well...
♪ Even worse than I imagined ♪
Oh, God!
♪ So I hid by the jukebox ♪
( crowd in bar chattering )
♪ And there was this girl ♪
In the yellow jacket.
♪ She was way out of my league ♪
But then she put on Dante Dupre's "Sorry Not Sorry,"
which is like my favorite song, and part of me was like,
"Oh, this is a sign, this is the girl!"
Then part of me was like "No, she's just listening ironically,
you're just gonna embarrass yourself,"
and I was like, "I don't know. Fuck it."
♪ Hello, hi, my name is Arnold ♪
She smiled.
♪ "My name is Vicki" ♪
And I said, "Nice to meet you, Mickey ♪
And she said, ♪ "Uh, actually, it's Vicki" ♪
So I turned around and got the fuck outta there because I blew that.
Whoo! Arnold, way to go!
But then she grabbed me by the hand,
turned me back around, and she said,
"Nice to meet you, Arnold." What brings you to a place like this?"
And I was like, "Ah, my friend P-Dawg, he called me, I was at home
reading 'Stranger in a Strange Land,' actually,
and he guilt-tripped me to come out,"
and she said, "Huh! Cool!
I'm more of a 'Childhood's End' person myself."
At which point, I totally shit my pants
because that's my second favorite book of all time.
And then, then I can't really remember what happened next.
Oh, yeah!
♪ Then we just hung out by the jukebox ♪
Talkin' Dante Dupre and David Bowie
and all the crazy shit that we had in common!
And I was like, ♪ "What the fuck is happening?" ♪
♪ It was all going so well ♪
But of course, ♪ It all want to hell ♪
But suddenly, I noticed this scary-lookin' guy walking towards us.
He had, like, a neck tattoo, and was lookin' at me like he wanted to kill me.
Well, he came over and put his arm around Vicki and said, "'Sup, girl?"
And I thought, "Oh, dear."
♪ Here's where I disappear ♪
But she she pushed him away and put her around around me!
♪ So here we all were by the jukebox ♪
Me, this asshole, and Vicki.
♪ And that's when Vicki said ♪ "Hey, Chris.
♪ Meet my new boyfriend Arnold ♪
I was pretty startled.
♪ And I shrugged at Chris ♪
And that's when Vicki, she-- she gave me a kiss.
Yeah, she kissed me!
♪ And I thought Chris was gonna stab me ♪
But before he could, Vicki grabbed me and said,
"Later, Chris.
♪ Arnold and I have big plans for tonight ♪
♪ We gotta split" Holy shit! ♪
That's when we ran out of the bar
and... ran down the street?!
And then we...
( music stops )
Where did we go?
Come on, Arnold, where did we go? Think.
Shit, man!
OK, maybe--
Uh...
K--
♪ Kiki Alvarez ♪
Hashtag Kiki Alvarez?
All right, come on.
"Just say the words Kiki Alvarez when you want to party."
Alvarez.
The password. Ha ha!
OK, the password to a party...
( whoosh )
Whoa. I was at that party.
( phone chiming )
What? Why am I just now getting these?
( theme music playing )
P-Dawg: Someone posted a pic of you
at a sick warehouse party. What's happening?
Waldo: Hey, man. Dave said he saw you
at the old Stormgrens plant.
L-O-L. He said you looked freaked the fuck out,
like you've never been to a warehouse party before.
I bet those three beers that girl made you chug
had you feeling a little better though.
Beer emoji. Beer emoji. Beer emoji.
Choir: ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ Arnold's out tonight ♪ - Shit!
P-Dawg: Bro, just saw you on Marv's Insta story.
How long have we been friends?
And how many times have I begged you,
pleaded with you, to hit the damn blunt with me?
- Shit! - You won't hit a single bleazy with your boy,
but now you're burning them with strangers
and doing bong rips?!
Guess my chronic isn't good enough for you.
I'm really fucking pissed, dude. Just kidding!
Marcus: Breaking news: Arnold is out past 10 p.m.
Did hell freeze over? You must really like her.
Choir: ♪ Arnold's out tonight ♪
Jenny: Oh, so you blew off Overwatch League
to get roofied by some hot chick?
- No. No, man! No! - Nice. Nice.
Yeah, I heard she slipped a molly into both of your drinks
and you like totally flipped out when she told you.
- What the fuck? Shit! - Marcus: Arnold are you off a molly?
Shit, man! Dude, you know they drug test at work, right?
- Choir: ♪ Arnold's out tonight ♪ - Ohh, man.
♪ Arnold's out tonight ♪
- It's hot. It's really hot! - ♪ Arnold's out tonight ♪
♪ Arnold's out tonight ♪
- What's up? - Female choir: ♪ And he's falling in love ♪
- Male choir: ♪ No, he's getting fucked up ♪ - Woman: Whatever.
- Shit. - Choir: ♪ Arnold's out tonight ♪
- ( Arnold laughing ) - ♪ Arnold's out tonight ♪
P-Dawg: One beer, huh?
By "one beer," did you mean "one keg stand"?
- Whoa! - Fuckin' dead.
Braaa! I can't believe I missed you doing karaoke
on top of a fucking table!
- And stage diving? - What?!
- You're a real savage, brah. - My face. ( groans )
Oh, God.
OK, met her at a bar, went to a party, then what?
( sighs ) OK.
OK. OK. OK.
( panting ) OK.
Ahhh.
♪ A yellow jacket... ♪
♪ Kiki Alvarez ♪
♪ Falling ♪
( whoosh )
Yeah. Yeah, OK.
That's her.
( chuckles )
♪ It's calling ♪
♪ It's calling me ♪
♪ I am-- ♪
♪ I am-- mmm-- ♪
♪ Falling ♪
♪ It's calling me ♪
♪ I am falling ♪
Fuck! Aw, of course! Arnold, come on, man,
Dante Dupre featuring Cecily VelJohnson, "Sorry Not Sorry."
I mean, like, come on, man.
♪ Tonight ♪
♪ I feel your love ♪
♪ Is calling me ♪
♪ I am falling ♪
No?
OK. Uh, uh--
( clearing throat )
♪ Tonigh-- ♪ What?!
( laughing ) You gotta be--
Oh, girl.
♪ Tonight ♪
♪ I feel your love ♪
♪ It's calling me ♪
♪ I am falling ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
♪ I'm shivering ♪
♪ Please hold me close ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm scared to take that leap ♪
♪ Of faith ♪
♪ But I'm way too excited ♪
♪ To wait ♪
Both: ♪ So take ♪
♪ My hand ♪
♪ And close your eyes ♪
♪ And we'll take a walk together ♪
♪ Towards the ledge ♪
♪ Holding me closer, I am falling ♪
♪ As we teeter on the razor's edge ♪
♪ If we fall we are not sorry ♪
♪ Sorry ♪
♪ Not sorry ♪
♪ Sorry ♪
♪ Not sorry ♪
( both laughing )
- Hey, that was pretty fun. - Yes.
Do you remember the music video for this one?
Of course! Of course.
Dante, I'm so afraid of these feelings.
Don't be afraid, Cecily.
Look into my eyes.
Both: ♪ So ♪
♪ Take ♪
♪ My hand ♪
♪ And close your eyes and we'll ♪
♪ Take a walk together towards the ledge ♪
♪ Hold me closer I am falling ♪
♪ As we teeter on the razor's edge ♪
♪ If we fall we are not sorry ♪
♪ Take a walk together towards the ledge ♪
♪ Hold me closer, I am falling ♪
♪ As we teeter on the razor's edge ♪
♪ If we fall we are not sorry ♪
♪ Sorry ♪
♪ Not sorry ♪
♪ Sorry ♪
♪ Not sorry ♪
- Whoa. What? - What? I--
( laughing ) What? Why would you do that?
( stammering ) I just--
I thought that you were into me.
I thought that you were giving me signs.
Oh, no, I was just playing around, man, it's just karaoke.
Yeah, well, I-- I just thought you were into me, that's all.
I-- Yeah, I think you're a really cool dude,
but I was just having fun.
Like, I didn't want you to... kiss me.
Well, you told that guy that I was your boyfriend.
Why would you tell him that if you weren't into me?
That guy's my ex. I don't know. Our shit ended really badly.
He got really scary. I just wanted to get the fuck out of the bar.
OK, so, you were just using me. That's--
I shoulda never come out tonight.
This is all so fuckin' pointless.
Why is this pointless? I thought we were having fun.
Because I blew it again.
I never-- I just--
I meet a girl, and fall in love with her,
and I blow it on the same night.
OK, love, dude? We just met each other tonight.
- I blew it. - Heh. Well, I do think
that if you wouldn't tell chicks that you just met that you're in love with them,
then you wouldn't be in this situation. But--
Can you get away from me? Please? Just leave me alone?
- Yeah, sorry, OK. - Just-just leave me alone!
God, just leave me alone.
Ohh.
( sighs )
( short exhale )
Fuck.
How did I end up here?
( theme music playing )
♪ I only came to drink one beer ♪
♪ How did I end up here? ♪
♪ How did you end... ♪
♪ I only came to drink one beer ♪
- ♪ To have one beer ♪ - ♪ To drink one beer ♪
♪ I only came to drink one beer ♪
♪ ...end up ♪
- ♪ Here ♪ - I only came to drink one beer ♪
♪ I only came to ♪
- ♪ Drink one beer ♪ - Arnold: ♪ Why did I have more than one beer? ♪
♪ How did you... ♪
♪ How did I end up here? ♪
- ♪ Up here? - ♪ How did I end up here? ♪
♪ How did I end up here? ♪
( phone chimes )
Jesus Christ. What--?
What now, man?
Video.
Vickie ( on video ): I just-- I'm not--
Man: Where do you wanna go? You're my chick.
Vicki: I can't go anywhere.
I came here to be with fucking friends
and you fucking show up. How?
Man: I don't trust you.
Vicki: How do you know?
You go into my house, went into my apartment--
Man: You're pissing me off.
Vicki: I don't care! Just go away!
- ( shouting ) - Arnold: What the fuck is wrong with you, man?!
Arnold: Are you OK? Are you all right?
Man, what the fuck is your problem
putting your hands on a fuckin' female, man?!
What the fuck is wrong with you?!
You're a piece of shit, dude!
- ( blow lands ) - Vicki: What?
Arnold: Real fucking nice, man. Real fucking nice.
Fuck you, dude!
( all shouting )
Whoa. Wait.
( video stops )
( panting )
Falling.
Man.
Arnold: Don't fuckin' push me, dude.
I don't even fucking know you--
Vicki: Chris! Chris!
Arnold: Real fucking nice. I guess that makes you
a big fuckin' man, huh?
That makes you a big fuckin' man?
Fuck you, dude!
( Vicki screaming )
- Ohh! - ( clatter )
- Oh, no. - ( shouting, screaming )
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No.
Oh, no! ( panting )
That's not-- Oh, sh--
No, no, no. No, no.
( panting ) No, no. No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
OK.
( sniffs ) Oh, shit.
( phone chiming )
- ( slapping pant pockets ) - ( chiming )
Come on. Come on!
- What--? - ( chiming )
Vicki: Hello?
Hi, yeah, is this Arnold's mom?
Hi. Um, my name's Vicki.
I'm really sorry about what happened.
Um... Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I'm a friend.
I don't-- I don't know,
I just met Arnold last night.
It was just a really... horrible accident,
I'm so sorry.
It was my fault. He-- He, um--
He was protecting me.
I was really mean to him, and he was protecting me.
I just want you to know that about your son. I--
We barely even knew each other,
and he was helping me.
( exhales )
Yeah, yeah.
Um, yeah, you can come get his phone. Um...
I'll text you the address.
Yeah, I'll just be waiting here.
( sighs )
No.
No, no, no.
No, please. Please.
You don't have to feel bad, OK?
♪ We took a walk together towards the ledge ♪
♪ You held me close ♪
♪ I was falling ♪
♪ And we teetered on the razor's edge ♪
♪ I fell ♪
♪ But I'm not sorry ♪
Sorry.
♪ Not sorry ♪
( music playing )
Male vocalist: ♪ Tonight ♪
♪ I feel your love ♪
♪ It's calling me ♪
♪ I am falling ♪
Male/female duet: ♪ So ♪
♪ Take ♪
♪ My hand ♪
♪ And close your eyes ♪
♪ And we'll take a walk together towards the ledge ♪
♪ Hold me closer, I am falling ♪
♪ As we teeter on the razor's edge ♪
♪ If we fall we are not sorry ♪
Female: ♪ Sorry ♪
Male: ♪ Not sorry ♪
♪ Sorry ♪
Together: ♪ Not sorry ♪
(DOOR OPENS)
ROSIE: Meow.
EROL: What's this?
A kitty has wondered into my room.
That's a pretty kitty.
(ROSIE CONTINUES MEOWING)
EROL: Yeah, wait a sec.
Meowing is kinda taking me out of it.
-It's... It's a little-- -Okay.
Do you want to do it? Maybe it's your turn.
(KNOCKING)
You know, I just don't know what--
Oh my God, I'm in the-- Sorry, I'm in the wrong room--
ROSIE: Oh no, I think you're in the right room.
♪ (PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪