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Hello, I'm Frank Skinner,
and welcome to Room 101,

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the show where three guests battle
to get the things they hate

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entombed for all eternity
in the dreaded vault.

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They'll have to argue their
case well because, in each round,

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only one item can be chosen.

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The final decision is mine.

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Let's meet this week's guests.

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Joining me tonight are
"Last Leg" Alex Brooker,

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"Break A Leg" Sally Phillips,

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and "Bite Your Legs" Jeremy Paxman.

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APPLAUSE

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OK, so what's upsetting
Jeremy Paxman?

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APPLAUSE

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Some of the audience
obviously recognise him

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from that caricature.
He eats a lot of salt.

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LAUGHTER

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I just think that David Cameron
was the worst Prime Minister

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we've had
for a very, very long time.

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Several generations.

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Certainly since Anthony Eden,
possibly since Neville Chamberlain,

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probably since Lord North, in fact,
who lost the American colonies.

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So I'm...

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That could be
the first Lord North reference

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we've ever had on this show.

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But not the last tonight,
I can assure you!

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I think you're choosing him next,
aren't you?

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LAUGHTER

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The real sin, I think,
with Cameron was - this man who,

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in the words of friend of mine,

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got to the top of the tree
in order to set it on fire...

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Hmm. ..put the interest of his party
before the interest of the country,

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and decided to have this referendum.

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Believed one thing was the only
right outcome for the country,

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didn't campaign for it,
got the opposite outcome,

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and then buggered off!

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Just doesn't seem like leadership
to me.

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No. I mean, I think his plan was
to destroy Ukip, wasn't it?

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I thought you were going to say
destroy YOU! No!

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I think that's his next plan.
LAUGHTER

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When he sees this.

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No, I think his plan
was to destroy Ukip,

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which, as we know, is Ukip's job.

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LAUGHTER

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So, when you say he's the worst
Prime Minister since Lord North,

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don't you think that Theresa May

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sort of outmistaked him

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when she called a general election?

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Yes, I suppose she did, really.

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But that election hasn't changed
fundamentally the direction

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of the country
in the way that the referendum has.

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Mm, good point.

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LAUGHTER

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I tell you what, when
he first came to power, of course,

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he was part of the coalition.

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I have a lovely souvenir
of that...of that era.

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This is a coalition mug.

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Oh, it's lovely!

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It's a fetching thing!

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Yeah, with Cameron, and...

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..they've sort of got them to scale
to match their relative power. Yes.

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Cos I always thought it was like...

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You know when you see a footballer
come on the pitch

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and he's holding hands with the
mascot who's dressed the same,

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but you know only one of them's
going to be playing?

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That's how it was
with the coalition, I thought.

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There was a time
when he left his kid in a pub.

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And I thought,
"Maybe he's not ALL bad."

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LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE

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Maybe there is a bit of him
that IS like the rest of us.

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Yeah. You're obviously,

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probably the only person here
who sort of knew him,

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is that fair to say?

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Sort of, yes. Yeah. See, I imagine
he's one of those politicians

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who's very different sort of
off-camera than he is on camera.

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Is that fair? I don't think so.
I mean, he's a smoothy chops.

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OK.

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That's the sort of analysis
we never got from you on Newsnight.

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We've got a clip of him
playing table tennis,

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which I think sort of shows
what he's like

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as an international statesman
in some way.

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OBAMA: A little spin there.

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Don't...
Don't laugh cos I'm nervous.

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Obama can play, can't he?
Of course he can play!

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He's good at everything.

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It was a very strange tweet
that David Cameron sent.

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Look at this.

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And then a photo of him
on the phone.

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As if Obama called and he said
to someone, "It's Obama!

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"Quick take a photo!"

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LAUGHTER

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He looks like
he's just been put on hold.

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LAUGHTER

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Do you actually think Obama did that
when he left office

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and never told him?

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He's got some bloke in Bangalore
trying to explain to him

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what he should do
to reboot his Wi-Fi!

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LAUGHTER

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Isn't it amazing? Don't you find
that, as a political analyst,

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the fact that for two whole terms
America wanted Barack Obama,

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and then the next thing they wanted
was Donald Trump?

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It's quite a big change of opinion,
that, isn't it? Yeah.

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It's the biggest political switch

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since Lembit Opik
went from Sian Lloyd

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to Gabriela Cheeky.

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That's an absolutely appropriate
analogy!

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OK, so, what is winding up Sally?

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Yeah.

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AUDIENCE: Oooh!

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This is going to be brilliant!

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LAUGHTER

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The cult of positive thinking,

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which is the kind of pseudoscience,

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the idea that you are magic
and that your brain,

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through the power
of quantum physics,

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can summon anything to yourself
that you want.

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So your brain is inordinately
powerful and anything you think

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materialises.

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So, if you visualise yourself
with a very attractive boyfriend,

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you will get a very attractive
boyfriend.

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But you have to be
very, very careful

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and police your mind at all times.

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Because if you accidentally envision
yourself having sex

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with David Cameron,
that also will happen!

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But presumably, you're
anti-negative thinking as well?

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I am anti-extreme optimism
and extreme pessimism.

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Anything that pretends
that the other side isn't there.

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But I think that, basically,

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to be pessimistic is less stressful
than to be...

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..optimistic. Like, being really
pessimistic is kind of fun.

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And if you have zero expectations
of life,

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you're generally delighted, I find.

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LAUGHTER

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It makes you happy.

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Well, I have to say, if you don't
like positive thinking,

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you're certainly on the right show.

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I mean, I think it's quite important

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to not go around asking
the question, "Why me?"

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when something bad happens.
But go, "Why NOT me?"

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I mean, to hold
both those questions.

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I tend not so much to ask "why me?"
as "why not them?".

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LAUGHTER

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There's always someone
who seems to deserve misfortune

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much more than I do.

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I tell you where this belief
definitely exists -

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on Deal Or No Deal.

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Cos they open the box and say,

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"I'm really now rooting for you
on this one."

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What's in the box is not going to
change from when they brought it on.

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Noel Edmonds, of course...

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He is, he's a cosmic orderer.

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A cosmic orderer? Which is basically
like intergalactic Amazon.

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He, like...

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Noel Edmonds actually believes that
if you write down a list of what you

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want, you will get everything
on that list.

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You don't even get that with Ocado.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Then there's...
There's the guy who

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ordered, in 2014 from Tesco's,
a walnut loaf,

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and they substituted it
with an octopus.

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Really? Yeah!

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Well, everyone gets a leg,
as they used to say.

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I mean, I can see the argument
for being positive in life.

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I don't know if it necessarily
would change a physical thing,

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but it seems better
than being negative.

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I just think it's dangerous
to exclude the other side.

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But I am 60 now. Ah!

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I know!

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Think positively, Frank.
You look amazing.

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But when you get...

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It feels like a bit
of an important thing,

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and you can look at it two ways.

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For example, one thing I thought
when I was 60,

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it suddenly struck me that
I've probably got enough pencils

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to last me the rest of my life.

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Now, that's a positive spin,
I would say.

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At the same time, when I heard that
Big Ben wasn't going to bong till

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2021, I thought, "That could be it
for me and Big Ben."

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LAUGHTER

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Does it seriously make you feel
better that you might have enough

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pencils to last until you die?

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It does, it does. I walk past
pencil shops now and think...

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LAUGHTER

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"Don't bother me."

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What about this? This is a jar
of smiles, it's called.

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And if you're feeling a bit down,

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you just put your hand in the jar
of smiles and take out a positive

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thought, and it raises you up
for the rest of the day.

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I can't believe I'm going to offer
one of these to Jeremy Paxman.

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LAUGHTER

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But I am, I am.

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How exciting! Come on. After you.
Dig deep, dig deep, it's not...

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You can pick any one you like.

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Thank you very much.

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I've got to be positive to think
I can pick one of these out.

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No, you can do it.

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I was rooting for you!

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LAUGHTER

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OK, what have you got, Sally?

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"Your past mistakes are there
to guide you, not define you."

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AUDIENCE: Oooh!

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Well, if David Cameron was watching
this, that will cheer him up again.

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That's true.

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Jeremy. Well, this in fact...
This is useful, too.

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"Failure is the opportunity
to begin again more intelligently."

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Looks like you're back on Newsnight.

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LAUGHTER

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Alex. "One small positive thought
in the morning

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00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,040
"can change your whole day."

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00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,960
AUDIENCE: Aww!

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00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,520
That's the best euphemism
I've ever heard in my life.

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Just to prove, one last bit of proof
that it doesn't always work,

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positive thinking, this is
a guy called Kurt Bradley.

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And Kirk Bradley was so confident
that Manchester City

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were going to win
the Champions League

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00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,000
that he had a tattoo
celebrating that very fact.

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There you go. "2011 champions."

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Didn't happen.

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Unfortunately. I have to say,
though, I know how he feels.

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I had a tattoo done.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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OK, and so to Alex...

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It's not as much
the tourist attractions themselves.

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Like, I like a pyramid
as much as the next man.

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It's the other people
that go to them that ruin it.

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Every tourist attraction
I have ever been to has been ruined

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by other people. By tourists.
It's horrendous.

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You know, we went to Mexico, went
to Chichen Itza, the big temple.

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All I wanted was
a funny little photo

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where it looked like
I was holding it.

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I don't think that's much to ask,
if you've gone to Mexico.

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People getting in the way,
in the back of shot.

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Harry Potter World,
a very different experience,

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but again ruined by other people.

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I'm sick of it.

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Went swimming to see turtles.

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The fellow, the tour guide yells
"turtle",

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00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:43,400
and you think a few people would
just put their goggles underneath,

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there's a turtle. You've seen one
before. They acted like

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he'd just yelled "mermaid"!

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It's a scramble,
there's GoPros everywhere...

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I got hit in the head with a GoPro.

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00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,320
It's like, "Why have I bothered?"

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00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:57,960
Well...

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LAUGHTER

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00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,920
I've got an idea for you, Alex.

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00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:11,640
Go on. If you don't like tourist
attractions, don't be a tourist.

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00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,800
Hmm.

249
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,960
That should have been in one of
those little jars on a bit of paper.

250
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,480
I went on -
and I swear this is a true story -

251
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:26,560
I took my partner on a romantic
weekend to Bergen, in Norway,

252
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:27,840
and we basically had

253
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,960
the Leprosy Museum to ourselves.

254
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:37,760
So what YOU'RE doing, you're going,
you know, to the massive crowd...

255
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,840
If you don't like people, you need
to just drop your sights a bit.

256
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,120
The thing is,
if I went to the Leprosy Museum,

257
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,680
I'd worry that people thought
I was part of the attraction.

258
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:50,600
"It's like Madame Tussaud's in here,
let's get a photo with this guy!"

259
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,240
You've been to Sydney?

260
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,280
Yes, I have been to Sydney.

261
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,240
Now, when you first saw
the Sydney Opera House,

262
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:02,080
weren't you blown away by it?

263
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:03,400
Yeah, I thought it was great.

264
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:07,400
The first time I went,
cos I don't drink, I don't do drugs,

265
00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,600
so the only way I can get sort of
spaced out now is with a long-haul

266
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:14,840
flight. You know when you're
in Sydney, sort of like that,

267
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,000
you've just had 24 hours on a plane,

268
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:20,440
and I went to the bay
and looked at it.

269
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:24,280
And I stood there on my own for
about ten minutes looking at this...

270
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,200
You know...
There, the Sydney Opera House.

271
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,440
And I remember of all the thoughts
you could have about that,

272
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,520
about the architecture,
about opera, whatever,

273
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,200
the thought that went through
my head most dominantly was,

274
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,280
"I bet I could make a model of that

275
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:40,880
"out of my own toenails."

276
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:44,000
LAUGHTER

277
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,320
And...

278
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:51,080
When I got home...

279
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:54,520
Now...

280
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,840
LOAD GROANING

281
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:00,400
Look at that.

282
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,120
Now, you can't get that
in the souvenir shops.

283
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:07,880
And I tell you, what about this?

284
00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:12,720
As a development I did,
when I found another nail...

285
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,440
So what I've managed to do
with this one is Sydney By Night.

286
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,480
APPLAUSE

287
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,760
Absolutely beautiful.

288
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,360
Have I won you over, Alex?

289
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,040
You know what?

290
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,160
Ignore what I've said.

291
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,960
It is a pain at tourist attractions,
a lot of people,

292
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,840
but there is something very exciting
about seeing those things.

293
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,160
The first time you see
the Sydney Opera House

294
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,760
or the Statue of Liberty,
it's really amazing.

295
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,000
So I don't think I can put those in.

296
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,320
Positive thinking, you know,
I think...

297
00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:53,080
I agree, at the sharp end it's bad,

298
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:59,400
but I am the sort of a person
who does believe in those things,

299
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:03,800
that people say if you really
believe it, it might happen.

300
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,040
David Cameron, he's in.

301
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,080
APPLAUSE

302
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:22,760
All righty, so what is winding up
Sally Phillips?

303
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,800
APPLAUSE

304
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:36,000
These basically turn someone from
a decent human being into a moron

305
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,000
in under two minutes.

306
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,840
Like that.

307
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,000
What you're saying,
this is a particular...

308
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,400
It's an activity tracker.

309
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,320
Yes, so it's a thing that keeps
track of all your steps and...

310
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,000
It's a pedometer
that's, like, more judgmental.

311
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,800
Yeah.

312
00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,920
But doesn't it keep you fit,
and isn't it an incentive to...?

313
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,880
Well, it steals all the joy
out of going for a walk

314
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,040
or doing any exercise whatsoever.

315
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,720
So it orders you to do 10,000 steps
per day.

316
00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,560
Now, this is a figure plucked
out of the air from a study done

317
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:12,560
in the 1960s on a very small group
of Japanese men.

318
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:16,600
Now, the entire world has been
ordered by these different companies

319
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,480
to do 10,000 steps a day. And that's
actually, like, too much to do,

320
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,080
so you get people at the end
of the day

321
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,720
sort of doing this in the kitchen.

322
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:26,160
No-one can concentrate
until they've done it.

323
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:27,800
I do wear one. Yeah?

324
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,520
Here it is, in fact, in case
you've never seen one in action,

325
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,080
so that's the thing.

326
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:39,560
So I've done 2.3km today.

327
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,240
Not brilliant. Or is it 1.7?

328
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:48,080
One and a half calories
I've burned off.

329
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,880
That can't be right, can it?

330
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,720
Also this oversharing thing, you can
share your workout with everyone,

331
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,400
like anyone is interested,

332
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:03,080
but people have now started sharing
what it does to their heart rates

333
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,200
during sex. Like...

334
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,280
I haven't had it THAT long.

335
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:10,320
LAUGHTER

336
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,280
Yeah, but I think

337
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:19,400
any measuring is sort of ultimately
destructive cos it takes you out

338
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:22,120
of the moment
and you stop enjoying things.

339
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,360
Well, I recently lost
a stone and a half.

340
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,880
Congratulations. Thank you.

341
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:26,920
And...

342
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,120
I'm just trying to quell
the rumours.

343
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,120
I didn't do that much.

344
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,080
I just sort of stopped eating...

345
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:39,520
I stopped eating cake,
and that was basically...

346
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,640
That'll do it. Yeah.
I had the occasional lemon drizzle,

347
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:44,120
but what do you expect at my age?

348
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,320
LAUGHTER, GROANING, APPLAUSE

349
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,720
No, but I...
Don't groan and then clap.

350
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,960
Make your minds up.

351
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,680
Do you wear one, Alex?

352
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,400
No, but the only time
I've ever kind of used it,

353
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,240
like on the iPhone
it says how many steps you've done,

354
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:05,240
and I quite like to use it
as a measurement of laziness.

355
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,440
So you'd be there on a Sunday,
and you go,

356
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,680
"I've walked ten steps today."

357
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,320
And then that gets competitive.

358
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,440
What, to do less? Yeah.

359
00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:24,360
The challenge is to do less steps

360
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,800
than there are members of Steps.

361
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,800
There is a thing called
the Hey Bracelet.

362
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,480
You buy one for you
and one for your partner.

363
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:38,920
Yeah. And your partner could be
in a different country,

364
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:43,160
but if you press the top
of your Hey Bracelet,

365
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,920
it will squeeze their wrists

366
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,760
wherever they are,
as if you'd affectionately

367
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:53,000
reached out across continents
and squeezed your partner's wrist.

368
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,480
Isn't that...? I mean, it will be
misused, I think we all know that.

369
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,760
LAUGHTER

370
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,560
So, what's upsetting Jeremy?

371
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,040
Everyone has seen these things.

372
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,080
Yes. They are completely ridiculous.

373
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:20,480
They're founded on the notion
that somehow a dog needs a jacket

374
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:25,240
cos it has no external covering,
which is just absurd.

375
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,840
I don't understand why people do it.

376
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,480
They make their dogs
look ridiculous.

377
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,400
They must get into a filthy state.

378
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,560
I would... I just don't see
the point of them.

379
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,760
Well, they're never warm enough,
are they, though, dogs?

380
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,360
How would YOU know?

381
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,840
Well, if you light a log fire,

382
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,160
they're always front row,
straightaway.

383
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,920
No matter how much fur they've got,
so...

384
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,760
Also, if you're going to put
clothing on a dog,

385
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,360
the temptation would be trousers,
wouldn't it?

386
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,360
Yeah. Because the least furry part

387
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,920
of a dog is around
the private parts.

388
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,520
There's hardly any fur there.
It's the opposite of humans.

389
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:10,440
What?! If I wore a dog skin,
I'd basically complete the jigsaw.

390
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:11,880
The whole thing would...

391
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,880
But they always put jackets on them.

392
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,560
It's like Top Cat. You know,
Top Cat just wears a waistcoat.

393
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,120
Nothing underneath. Donald Duck.

394
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:24,640
It's not right.

395
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,480
Come on, back me up on this.

396
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,800
I nearly bought a dog sweater
by mistake in Topshop,

397
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,000
I thought it looked nice.

398
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,120
I was like,
"What are these holes for?"

399
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,160
Oh, for yourself? For myself,
I thought, "This is nice."

400
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:37,400
It turned out it was for a dog.

401
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:44,560
Yeah, but speaking of dog sweaters,
are you aware of chiengora?

402
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:49,440
Chiengora is wool that is made
from the hair of a dog,

403
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,320
so when you brush your dog,

404
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:54,960
you save that stuff out of the brush
and then it can be woven into a

405
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,960
garment. I am not making this up.

406
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,080
No, I believe you.
This is a woman wearing

407
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:02,240
the excess fur of her own dog.

408
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:07,920
It's true, so that cardigan
and scarf is made from that dog.

409
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,320
And her wig, by the look of it.

410
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:11,960
I don't know where she got that
from.

411
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,280
She must have a ginger cat.

412
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:16,840
LAUGHTER

413
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,480
I'm glad I said cat!

414
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,920
I actually have got a poncho.

415
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:32,080
This is genuine.
This is a dog hair poncho.

416
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:34,160
AUDIENCE GROANS

417
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,760
Don't like it? It's lovely...

418
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,160
And... Smelly?

419
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,520
I'm sorry, higher legs now,
I'm walking a bit like this.

420
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,640
You know how they do that thing
with their hind legs?

421
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,440
I hate it when they do that.

422
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,520
That sort of
"here's my genitals" look.

423
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,200
This is... Feel that,
that's proper, proper...

424
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,720
Do you want to feel a bit of dog?

425
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:58,480
What do you think? Doggie.

426
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,200
It is doggie. This is from a chow.

427
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,920
MUFFLED LAUGHTER

428
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,200
That wasn't a joke.

429
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:10,160
Do you have any idea
how ridiculous you look?

430
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,200
I've just seen myself
on the monitor, I do look a bit...

431
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,960
I look like I've just emerged

432
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,640
through the skin of a rice pudding.

433
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,160
LAUGHTER

434
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:34,240
But it's a dog jacket
of a whole different kind,

435
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,840
I think you'll agree.

436
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,120
OK, and so to Alex.

437
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:48,800
There's become a worrying trend
in football now of football fans,

438
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:54,880
not children, grown adults who have
decided to voice their displeasure

439
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,520
using a sign
which they've made at home.

440
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,360
And I am completely baffled by it.

441
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,080
I'm an Arsenal fan,
so we had a spate in the last...

442
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:07,760
AUDIENCE GROANS

443
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:11,120
We had a spate in recent seasons

444
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:14,720
where a lot of people
want the manager to go.

445
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:19,480
And these Wenger Out signs appeared
from everywhere, and everyone

446
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,440
seemed to have them,
very much like Fitbits.

447
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,800
This is sort of a classic example
of it at the Emirates.

448
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,360
It's absolutely baffling.

449
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,800
The idea that before you go
to football,

450
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:32,360
you could be sat at home

451
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,920
and, like, your child would turn
around and just go,

452
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,480
"Mum, what's Dad doing
with my felt tips?"

453
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:44,040
"Well, he's making a sign to tell
Arsene Wenger that he wants him to

454
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:45,800
"leave, if you just leave him to it,

455
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,000
"cos he's trying not to go out of
the lines," while being very angry.

456
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,400
And it's just baffling.

457
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,560
Do you think it's because
Emirates Stadium is so quiet,

458
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,160
people are self-conscious
about shouting out loud?

459
00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,600
LAUGHTER

460
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,160
There used to be a bloke by me,
every summer, a bloke, an old guy,

461
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,480
and every time somebody missed
a shot, he'd say,

462
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,120
"You'd have been no good
on the five-inch mortars."

463
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:16,120
I thought, "When did you
first shout that? 1941?"

464
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:21,800
The Wenger Out campaign
was an absolute...

465
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,560
It went kind of global.

466
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,120
It was absolutely ridiculous.

467
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:31,920
Well, this... We have a shot here
of an anti-Donald Trump protest in

468
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,200
Parliament Square. Obviously,
a lot of people felt very,

469
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,480
very strongly about Trump
becoming President,

470
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,880
but if you look on the right there,
next to...

471
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,560
LAUGHTER

472
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:48,600
There's actually a Wenger Out sign.

473
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:53,480
All sorts of sports now are going
for this sort of protest thing.

474
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:58,000
Golf and snooker
have had this phenomenon.

475
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:36,520
To me, that's worth it.

476
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:41,720
There is one home-made sign
phenomenon I really like,

477
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,680
and that is, you know,
FC Magdeburg, in Germany,

478
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,560
they went five games
without scoring a goal.

479
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:54,120
And their fans
had these arrows made.

480
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,600
LAUGHTER

481
00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:00,160
And every time they attack,
they would point them at the goal!

482
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:07,320
Ironically, we used very similar
arrows to taunt them from our coast

483
00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:09,280
during the Dad's Army opening...

484
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,080
LAUGHTER

485
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:12,880
OK, so...

486
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,280
I'm not going to put dog jackets in.

487
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:23,120
And I think Fitbits, they might make
some people like automatons,

488
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:26,040
but there are some people who maybe
wouldn't do exercise who are doing

489
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,360
exercise, and that's got to be
a good thing.

490
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:29,880
They do exercise for two weeks.

491
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:33,240
Yes, but I think that is what you're
supposed to do exercise for,

492
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,840
according to most gym membership
research.

493
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,760
But I like people to shout and swear
at football matches,

494
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,760
I don't think it should involve
writing.

495
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:47,000
So much of our communication now
is about texts and tweets and stuff,

496
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:51,880
so I am going to put home-made
football signs into Room 101.

497
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,920
APPLAUSE

498
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,320
And that brings us
to the end of the show.

499
00:28:06,360 --> 00:28:09,680
Well done, Jeremy, you were the most
persuasive guest, so you are this

500
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:12,160
week's winner. Thank you.

501
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:15,680
APPLAUSE

502
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,680
But you were all truly marvellous,

503
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,720
so please give a big thank-you
to Alex Brooker,

504
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:26,920
Jeremy Paxman and Sally Phillips.
And thank you. Goodnight.

505
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:53,000
Subtitles by Red Bee Media