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APPLAUSE

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Hello, I'm Frank Skinner
and welcome to Room 101.

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Exploring a world of woe tonight
are This Is England, Vicky McClure,

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00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,120
This Is Denmark, Sandi Toksvig,

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and This Is Devon, Josh Widdicombe.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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OK, what's winding up Josh?

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LAUGHTER

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So, this is people being rude
about Paul McCartney.

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Top of the list, your production
team, seemingly, with that picture.

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Yeah!

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Um...

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It looks like there should be
a dog's tail above that mouth.

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Anybody else feel sick now?

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Um, yeah, I feel quite strongly
about this.

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It seems to have been a thing that's
kind of happened in the last decade,

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that being half of the greatest
songwriting partnership of all time,

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changing the face of popular music,
changing the face of society,

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doesn't deem respect if you're
a bit of a square 74-year-old.

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Hm. Like, he's 74.

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We're lucky he's not doing an advert
for walk-in baths.

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Do you listen to his
more recent solo albums?

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No, of course not.

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Hold it,

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is this a person being rude
about Paul McCartney?

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Right, I thought this might happen.

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I've made a list of the pros
and cons of Paul McCartney.

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Oh, brilliant. Wow.

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OK, so this is
basically how the argument goes.

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So, the pros - he was responsible
for changing popular music forever.

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He wrote Hey Jude.
He invented the concept album.

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He produced the greatest Glastonbury
headline set ever while in his 60s.

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He wrote Blackbird. The Frog Chorus
was quite good.

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LAUGHTER
He took a decade of public abuse.

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He headlined Live Aid. He made it
OK to be a vegetarian.

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He wrote Helter Skelter, Fool On The
Hill, Paperback Writer, Michelle,

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Eleanor Rigby, For No-one,
and Let It Be.

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Cons - he dyes his hair.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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I think Paul McCartney has achieved
so much at such a young age

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that he should have a free pass
to do whatever he wants.

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Isambard Kingdom Brunel, when he was
old, no-one was going, "Yeah,

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"but what bridges
has he built recently?"

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You know, Alexander Fleming,
no-one said,

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"But what did he follow
penicillin with?"

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Abraham Lincoln, no-one said...

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"What did he do good after whatever
it was he was meant to have done?"

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And I'd say Paul McCartney is up
there with the greatest people that

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has ever lived, and people are rude
about him and they shouldn't be.

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But nobody criticises him for
Eleanor Rigby, or for all the early
stuff.

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They criticise him
for giving the evil eye to burgers.

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I mean, it's fine if he wants
to be a vegetarian.

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Just the rest of us are doing
a public service by eating cows
and keeping them off the road. So...

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LAUGHTER

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Think of the accidents there could
be if I wasn't doing my bit
keeping the livestock back.

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So, you don't observe meat-free
Mondays?

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What on Earth is that?
I'm from Denmark, darling -
what on Earth is that?

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This was his little blurb for it.

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Please, just log in -

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pledge.meatfreemondays -

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all one word - .com.

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pledge.meatfreemondays.com.

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pledge.meatfreemondays.com.

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pledge.meatfreemondays.com.

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You can do it, right now, please.

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Wow!

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What was that? It's definitely not
as good as his early work.

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See, you say that's bad.

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Yeah. The first time I heard that,
that was in my head for a week.

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Have you met him?
No, I'd love to meet him.

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I saw him at this thing
and I went over and he went,
"Oh, hello, Frank."

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And I thought, A, he knows my name,
and then he said to his fiancee,

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"This is a very famous
British comedian."

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And I can't tell you
how good I felt.

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And I was so pleased,

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and then someone went past
with a tray of little bits of food,

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and I took a small burger off it
and went like that, and he went.

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And I tried to put it back,
but they'd gone.

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I ended up... I held...

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You know when you're
behind the bike shed having a smoke

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and the teacher... I held the burger
behind my back like that,

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hoping that he might have forgotten
about it.

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Do you like his stuff?
Yeah, I mean, I love the Beatles.

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We was at the NME Awards and he was
there and my partner is a massive

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Beatles fan so I was like, "You've
got to tap him when he comes past."

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And he did stop and say hello,
but that was about it.

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I'm a bit disappointed that this has
become me coming on to talk about
how much I love Paul McCartney

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and then just hearing stories
about how everyone else has met
Paul McCartney.

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There are some amazing
Paul McCartney lookalikes around.

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Look at this woman.

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Look at this woman!

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God bless her. Brilliant!

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Can I say, God bless her?

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I do not mock this lovely old lady
in her little Welsh home.

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She's so cute. But it has to be said
that she does have more than
a passing resemblance.

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They certainly share a hairdresser,
I think.

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00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,120
Yeah. That's fantastic.
And what about this woman?

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That is him!

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Wow! He's allowed to relax
if he wants to.

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What do you Google if you want to
find people who look astonishingly
like Paul McCartney?

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Exactly that. Just that?

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And so to Sandi.

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Yeah, pointless things you learn
at school.

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APPLAUSE
I have got... Yeah.

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So, let's start with mathematics.

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OK, so I spent many,

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many hours of my youth learning
about something called logarithms.

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Now, I didn't understand
what they were for,

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they seemed to me
entirely pointless,

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and the very day that I finally
understood what they were about,

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we moved on and did something else

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and they've never come up again
in my entire life.

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So, not just the intellectual stuff
that I think is a waste of space

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00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,680
in my brain. I know, for example,
how an oxbow lake is formed.

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Who cares?

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It was physical education.

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They used to strip us down to
our underwear and make us try
and do a forward roll.

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Now, I do not know...

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LAUGHTER

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I am never going to throw myself off
a train at high speed...

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The forward roll, I have to say,

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is still a great way
to arrive in a tent.

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It's my personal favourite.

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But I was asked to do one
on a TV show about two years ago.

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I hadn't done one for 40 years
but they said, "Can you do
a forward roll?"

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And I said, "Yes," because I could
remember doing one.

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So, I did it with
tremendous confidence and gusto.

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I honestly felt like I'd fallen out
of a helicopter.

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I do cartwheel occasionally, if the
lift doors are beginning to close.

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I have to say my father was
brilliant about all these things

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because he was a very patient man

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and I was struggling with some
French one day,

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and he said, "Yes, yes, funny thing,
French -

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"in French, "cheval" means "horse."

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"It's like that all the way through.

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"They have a different word for each
one of ours. It's very annoying."

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In art class - I can't really draw -

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the only tip I remember was they
were teaching us to draw faces

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and they said, "Start with the eyes,
and always remember that eyes are
halfway down the head."

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And that's... Well, that's not true.

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Oh, yeah, of course they are,

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that's why I have my glasses on
under my ears.

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We're not 50% forehead.

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You speak for yourself.

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LAUGHTER

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Do you know what...

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The worst thing about that,
I started saying it,

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and for the last 30 seconds
I've been thinking,

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"I can't even look at Frank."

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There is a professor from Newcastle
University who says there is

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no longer any point in teaching
how to spell

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because in the age of spell check
and predictive text,

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it's a completely pointless skill.

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That's not true, though, darling,
because predictive text can be

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unpredictable and therefore you need
to make sure it's right, you know?

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00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:05,080
Well, I had...
I was trying to write,

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for some reason I won't go into,
a text message,

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which included the name Nostradamus.

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And I spelt it wrongly
and it offered me "nostril."

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And you'd think predictive text
would have some respect
for Nostradamus!

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The Godfather of all predictivity.

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00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:36,680
So, I went to get... You have to get
a birth certificate done,

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we'd just had a baby,
and her middle name is Virginia.

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Oh, no.

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And you'd think the one thing that
you could do if you're a registrar
is spell.

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So she turns
the birth certificate round

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and it says "vagina" on it!

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But I was so embarrassed.

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So she's still got that now?

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No, no, no.

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I...

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00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,840
You can change it?

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00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,880
The worst thing is, her first name's
Frannie, she got that wrong as well!

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00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,240
No, it's not!

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00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,760
There must be some things
you learned from school
that you still use.

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00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,880
Of course, I mean, you know, it was
quite useful to learn to read.

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00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:21,720
It seemed like every science lesson
I was learning to use
a Bunsen burner.

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00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,120
Not a skill that has come up once
in my life.

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00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:25,880
Comes round, do you want
a cup of tea?

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00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,760
I'll just pop on the Bunsen burner.

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00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,960
Blue flame, I'm not an idiot.

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00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,920
All you do with the orange flame,

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00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,800
all you did with the orange
flame, one use...

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00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,040
That's all you do.

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00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,120
Tiny piece of copper, big tongs,
goggles on.

186
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,320
What's the point?

187
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:47,560
And in science we'd be dispatched
into the car park with a wheel

188
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:51,760
on a stick and we'd just walk around
clicking for hours.

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00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,120
Just going, "I don't know
what I'm learning here."

190
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,400
Would you like to relive
that moment?

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00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,040
Go on.

192
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:03,480
Brilliant! And you're going, "Is
this going to come up in the exam?"

193
00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,680
"How big's the car park?"

194
00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:07,960
Oh, it is satisfying, though,
isn't it?

195
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,640
Oh, isn't it!? Isn't it!?

196
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:13,200
Do you know what, I'm back...
It's 1993 again.

197
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,960
Ooh.

198
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,080
Wait for it. Oooh!

199
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,680
CLICKS

200
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,000
Oooh!

201
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,760
Sounds like I've got a bad knee.

202
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,680
Oooh! That is weirdly satisfying.

203
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,080
It is, isn't it?

204
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,760
It's great if you don't want
the responsibility of a real pet.

205
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,480
Yeah!

206
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,880
Do you know what you should have,
you should have that with a

207
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,800
hamster in it. That's good.

208
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,560
And then you could go, "I'm just
going to take my hamster for a
walk."

209
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,320
Marvellous. It is the precise method
that the American pioneers used on

210
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:46,120
the wagon wheels as they went across
to try and work out how many miles

211
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,560
they had travelled. Is that right?

212
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,560
Yeah. And did they click?

213
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:50,880
Uh...

214
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:53,520
They got on but I wouldn't say
they clicked.

215
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,320
And so to Vicky.

216
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,560
Leaflets in hotel rooms.

217
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,920
Hm! I live in hotels quite a lot
because, you know,
I live in Nottingham,

218
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,120
which is miles away from London. Hm.

219
00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,720
And you go into the room,

220
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:23,600
you go to put your bag down and you
can't see the table for, you know,

221
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,280
the trips to here and there.

222
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,320
You just need your bed
and your telly, done.

223
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,600
Sparse.

224
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,440
There we go, keep it simple.

225
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,400
Then, there's even phones now.

226
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,680
There's these weird things
where you go in

227
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,480
and they're like mobile phones,

228
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,320
just in a port.

229
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,000
Oh, yes.

230
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,680
Does that operate the television?

231
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:42,800
I've no idea.

232
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,840
I've no idea.

233
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,840
Here am I thinking, "Nottingham,
are they still going?"

234
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:55,960
Let's have a look at some leaflets
from hotel rooms.

235
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,200
Some of them are
a little disturbing.

236
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:01,880
Wow. Whoa.

237
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:05,480
At first I thought, "Why has she got
a vest on in the shower?"

238
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,520
Yeah.

239
00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,400
What is the point
of that leaflet, though?

240
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,640
Well, it says, "Showering
just got a whole lot more fun."

241
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,440
That looks like one of those things
you're meant to hang on your door.

242
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,680
Yeah. Is that the third option?

243
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,000
Leave me alone, tidy my room,

244
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,400
or shower me in fun.

245
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,760
I have one which I find
even more unnerving.

246
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,120
Oh, wow.

247
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,760
There is a man getting
his money's worth

248
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,600
from the free Wi-Fi, I would say.

249
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,800
Look at his face. Yeah.

250
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:44,320
Yeah, he's gelled for the event.

251
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,200
God, I hope he's gelled.

252
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,160
Oh!

253
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,800
"Do not disturb.

254
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,760
"Favor de no molestar."

255
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,280
I'm hoping that's a translation
of "do not disturb."

256
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:06,160
Not the hotel slogan,
"special favours for molesters."

257
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:11,280
I'll tell you what I hate,
when you have to phone down
for the Wi-Fi code.

258
00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:14,880
The way they kind of smugly reply
to you, like,

259
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:18,400
there's an element that they're
going, "We know what you're up to."

260
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,360
And I'm not, 10% of the time,
I'm not.

261
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:29,560
What about... This is the sign
on a hotel lift.

262
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,560
LAUGHTER

263
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,160
I don't even understand what that...

264
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,160
It... What else
could it possibly mean?

265
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,400
What is after hours ass?

266
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,400
There's only one way to find out,
isn't there?

267
00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:52,800
Yeah! Yeah, I wonder how many...

268
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:56,000
If you're are not pressing that
out of curiosity...

269
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,040
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ..you need to have
a long hard look at yourself.

270
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,040
Yeah. You don't want to be woken up
at three o'clock by someone leading

271
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,320
a donkey into your room.

272
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:08,320
Or maybe you do.

273
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,640
Um... It is a nightmare,

274
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,920
the leaflets thing, I must admit.

275
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,640
I agree we are taught
pointless things.

276
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:24,680
But one of my favourite things is
pointless knowledge of all kinds.

277
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,800
Bear in mind that Sandi's talking
about pointless things being taught

278
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,400
and she's the presenter of QI.

279
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,640
Yeah, those things are not
pointless.

280
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,160
LAUGHTER

281
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,760
So, I think it's about time
this wrong was righted.

282
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,680
I am going to put people
who are rude about Paul McCartney
into Room 101.

283
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,560
Yes! Yes!

284
00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:56,760
OK, what's making Josh angry?

285
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:58,160
Right.

286
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,600
AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

287
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,480
Oh!

288
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:05,760
Bring it on.

289
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,560
This I truly believe.

290
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:15,480
I spent my teenage years teaching
myself to like the taste of lager

291
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:19,640
so that I could be considered
one of the boys.

292
00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,280
I managed it.

293
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,840
I've been fine with that,

294
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,640
even though we all know none of us
actually like the taste.

295
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:30,720
Now, they've brought along
this worse drink called real ale.

296
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,080
Have you seen...

297
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,480
Awful. Right, these people
who drink real ale,

298
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,560
they act like they're better
than you, Frank.

299
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,560
They act like they're better
than you. Hm.

300
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,680
They'll go, "Oh, it tastes so much,
so good."

301
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,000
No-one is drinking alcohol
for the taste.

302
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,440
You're not. Otherwise
you wouldn't keep drinking it.

303
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,760
I like the taste of milk.

304
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,800
I stop after one glass.

305
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,840
You don't find me at 2am
eight pints of milk down.

306
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,800
There's got to be another dairy
somewhere, hasn't there?

307
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,480
I mean,

308
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:01,200
you go and buy it,

309
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,480
and you have to queue behind them
because they're sampling it and then

310
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:05,720
they have to kind of...

311
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,120
Have you seen them trying
to push it out of the pump?

312
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,760
It's like they're kind of sluicing
a chemical toilet.

313
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,040
And you have to stand there
and it looks like a canal,

314
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,720
it might as well have
a shopping trolley in it.

315
00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,920
And they're acting
like they're cooler than you.

316
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,320
You're not cooler than me
because you drink real ale.

317
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:28,920
James Bond wouldn't be as cool if
when he was in the casino the woman

318
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,760
came over and said, "Can I get you
another drink, 007?"

319
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,080
"Yeah, just a pint of Otter's Cock,
please."

320
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,920
That is one of my...
One of my problems with it is

321
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,360
it's all slightly ironic, isn't it?

322
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,160
It's all got comedy names.

323
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:50,640
Yeah! People go and have
a pint of Needless Cruelty.

324
00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,840
It's in a pub called,
like, The Uncertain Zebra.

325
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,240
It's like you might as well go in
and ask for a pint of mead.

326
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:04,160
I didn't go to the pub
to drink like Henry VIII.

327
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,000
No, that's a good motto.

328
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,160
Yeah.

329
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:15,840
I remember in the '80s, the first
time, the first wave of real ale,

330
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:20,000
and then it was all about men in
jumpers and big beards and stuff

331
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,600
like that drinking it. Yeah. But now
I think it's become quite cool,
hasn't it?

332
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:28,360
Yeah, it has. I live in East London
and it's full of people, you know,

333
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,920
you'll go to their house
and they'll go, "Do you want...

334
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,080
"I've made some home-brew,
do you want it?"

335
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,480
and you go, "No."

336
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:38,680
"I'll have the one that passed EU
safety standards, please."

337
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,240
But you must...

338
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,360
I mean, but they're...

339
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,760
You must like the taste
of some alcohol.

340
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,240
Wonderful wines and whiskeys.
Yeah, I enjoy them.

341
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,960
Is it all just about getting drunk?

342
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:50,520
Life? Yes.

343
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:57,240
No, it's this kind of celebration of
the drink that does taste worse.

344
00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,320
You know, let's be honest,

345
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:04,440
it doesn't taste as good
as a nice cool, crisp lager.

346
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,200
You go to someone's house
for a home-brew and,

347
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:08,840
"Oh, we mixed it, you know,

348
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:12,360
"I mixed it in my bath but don't
worry, I washed the bath first."

349
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,120
That's not... I don't care,
it is a bath.

350
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,840
If you said, "Is this plate clean?"

351
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,640
"Well, I washed it but before that
I was sat on it naked."

352
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,600
It's the confidence.

353
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,560
Why do you think you can make beer?

354
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,400
I can't get the, you know,
the ratios of Ribena right.

355
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:32,400
At least that's not going to send me
blind if I get it wrong.

356
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,520
I love that people are trying to do
the old crafts themselves.

357
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,000
I think that's a wonderful thing,
to make your own beer.

358
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,840
I don't think I've ever tried
a real ale but I think you should be
applauded for giving it ago, no?

359
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:46,080
Well, come back to me when you've
tried a real ale and been unable
to see for 48 hours.

360
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:52,240
What about this? This is a bit of
old footage from BBC Nationwide.

361
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:56,640
And just listen out, by the way,
to how much this man can drink.

362
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,160
This takes me back.

363
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,960
Alan Hunter, a man who can
really hold his beer,

364
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,360
whichever way you look at it.

365
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,520
For nearly a year now,
he's been defying the laws of
specific gravity.

366
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:12,400
Drinking beer the right way up,
his form is impressive.

367
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,080
He's capable of sinking 32 pints
in an evening.

368
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:19,200
The only time he's ever tasted
defeat was when he was beaten

369
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:22,200
by two seconds
over a five-pint sprint.

370
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,600
But to be fair, on that occasion
his opponent was a horse.

371
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:33,840
When I saw him like that
it reminded me of your story
of doing a forward roll.

372
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,120
OK, to Vicky.

373
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,560
Yeah, coat hangers.

374
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,960
Hm. Yeah.

375
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:51,480
The one thing that really bugs me
is when you go into a shop,

376
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:56,000
you've not even attempted to look
at something and it's on the floor.

377
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,600
Before you know it you're doing
a shift, you're there,

378
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,880
every time you touch something
it's on the floor.

379
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,640
Oh, yeah, get up.

380
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:05,080
They don't hang. They just...

381
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:06,520
Why is that, though?

382
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,320
I don't know. And then
you've got so...

383
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:12,080
Look at that, you've got like
a variety of coat hangers.

384
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:16,000
The velvet ones, you can't get
your clothes off.

385
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,560
That's it.

386
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,800
That's just the way it is.

387
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,720
Also, the one thing that really
annoys me is if you've, like,

388
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,280
got a bit of a backlog,

389
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,760
so you've got your bag of coat
hangers and you think, "Oh,

390
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,200
"I'll just go and grab a coat hanger
from the bag."

391
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,200
No, it's like the whole thing
comes out.

392
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,000
It's rattling around,
it's in your face.

393
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:38,240
You know, it's...
I've got a real problem.

394
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,440
I think those are all
very good points.

395
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:44,400
They are.
If you look at a coat hanger...

396
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,440
um...

397
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:50,120
even my shoulders don't slope

398
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,160
to that degree.

399
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:58,000
Why on Earth did they make that you
have to hang something on a slope?

400
00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:02,240
Yeah. With a normal one,
when I hang my pants up to dry...

401
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:05,720
You know when you hang your pants
up to dry?

402
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,520
No.

403
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,440
I don't mean
when you've washed them.

404
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,400
They will not...

405
00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:15,040
Look, everything is...

406
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:19,080
They will not... And I've ended up
putting pants on hangers...

407
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:21,760
..like this.

408
00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:27,920
And there's something very unnerving
about coming through the fly.

409
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,320
It's like a very terrible scene
from Peter Pan

410
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:33,560
that didn't make the book.

411
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:37,560
Wouldn't it make more sense if
coat hangers were shaped like that?

412
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,400
Yes. And then you'd have
the proper shoulders.

413
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:45,600
Try it with the pants.
Look, these were born for pants.

414
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,680
Yeah, they're good. Well, it hangs.
Absolutely.

415
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,280
Also, if it ever rains
two-dimensionally...

416
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,480
Someone asks you directions
in the street.

417
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,280
"Do you know where the chemist is?"

418
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,720
I honestly think that is a more...

419
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,280
It's way more practical, I agree.

420
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,800
Somebody's going to steal that
off you, you know that, right?

421
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,240
I don't care. God, I don't need
any more money.

422
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,720
I find it difficult to get
the trouser balance right.

423
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:17,000
Yeah. Yeah.

424
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,120
Because one side of the trouser is
heavier than the other side of the

425
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,200
trouser. It slips off. It slips off.

426
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,440
You need staff. I need staff?

427
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:29,720
There is... Have you seen these ones
that stop trousers slipping off?

428
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,760
So, they've got like an extra...
Oh. Oh. Have you seen that?

429
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,520
Yeah. You look like Robin Hood.

430
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:38,960
You can actually... I have
just for leisure at home...

431
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,880
It will actually...

432
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,520
Watch yourselves.

433
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,200
And if you get that into
the wardrobe door you can hang

434
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:51,640
a coat hanger on it.

435
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,400
OK, and so to Sandi.

436
00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:55,880
Ah, yes.

437
00:23:57,640 --> 00:23:59,280
Yes, bar stools.

438
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,440
So, what happens is... Again,

439
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,160
let us imagine that you're on a
first date and you've dressed up,

440
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:09,320
you look rather marvellous, and you
walk into the bar thinking you look
rather marvellous and they say,

441
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:12,960
"Shall we meet at the bar for a
drink?" "What a marvellous idea."
And the stool is here.

442
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,160
Now, we've already established
I'm not a gymnast.

443
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,440
I can't leap onto the thing.

444
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,440
So I try and sort of casually...

445
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:29,760
"No, I don't want to sit, actually,
I'm fine."

446
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:35,960
And then always, as I'm waiting,
some woman who is fresh off a
basketball court and sevenfoot tall

447
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,720
comes to the bar stool next to me
and just goes like that.

448
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,160
So... I don't even like the name
of them.

449
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,000
Bar stools. It just sounds rude.

450
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,320
Hm. So I think they're...

451
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,960
Bar stools! I'd never thought of
that. Yeah, they're heightist.

452
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,160
We should have a...
We've got a bar stool here.

453
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:57,880
Oh, dear God. This I think is
a fairly standard bar stool.

454
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,200
Would you be happy with this?

455
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:00,920
Yes, I mean, the thing is,

456
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,920
once you're on it, as well, I don't
know how you're supposed to...

457
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,680
Look at it, just straightaway,
I'd have no idea how to...

458
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,600
No, it does... I've never really...

459
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,640
So, I'd have to clutch the bar,
I think, to start with.

460
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:15,680
Imagine I've arrived,
I haven't had a drink yet.

461
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,040
Oh, goodness me, I'm anxious.

462
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:23,840
Plus, it's a bloody swivel one...

463
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,720
Oh, my God.

464
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,960
At this precise...

465
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:42,080
At this precise moment,
my date arrives.

466
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,600
And then you're on
and you have a couple.

467
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,040
Now you've got to get off again.

468
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,280
It's a nightmare!

469
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:56,160
Do you do a leap? Now, the forward
roll now would be very helpful.

470
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,560
Oh, that would be interesting.
That would be cool, right?

471
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,560
Yeah. But they say,
"Your table's ready."

472
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:04,600
And you think, "OK." "You go ahead,
I'll be... I'm just...

473
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,440
"I'm going to wipe the bar down
for a little bit."

474
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:15,200
Thank you, darling.
Frank's got terrible manners.

475
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:25,760
I'm 5'10", and as you say, I dread
any first date on one of these.

476
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:29,760
Yeah. Because the thing is
when you slide off, which you do,

477
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,680
your trousers ride up quite a bit,

478
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,160
which you don't want
on a first date,

479
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:35,840
especially as I am...

480
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,920
..I favour a garterette.

481
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:47,160
What is that? And it's something you
want them to find out maybe week two
or three. Yeah.

482
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,040
Are they real or painted on
with Bovril?

483
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,080
But it's not... I mean...
Have a go...

484
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:58,000
Vicky, have a go. See if you can be
elegant, darling. Do try it, Vicky.

485
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,160
Because you're taller than me
and you've got heels.

486
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,640
The thing is they do make me nervous
because...

487
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,440
Oh, yeah.

488
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,040
I'm not a fan of them,
I have to agree.

489
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,480
I find myself clutching the front.

490
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:13,200
Yeah. So, I look like I've been
caught mid-leapfrog.

491
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,480
Oooh!

492
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,160
Oh!

493
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,880
Sandi!

494
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,200
Yay!

495
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,120
We've come to the end of that round.

496
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,320
Real ale, I don't... Really,

497
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:42,360
I just want to put alcohol in
but that would be very unfair.

498
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,240
Yeah, I'd fight against that.

499
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:49,520
Oh, God, the bar stools thing
is very tempting because
it's never occurred

500
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,680
to me that if you're...
I'm not saying you're short
but if you're not tall,

501
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,680
shall we say, it's a problem.

502
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,600
But coat hangers, they're badly
designed, they're upside down,

503
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,080
they're complicated,
they're hostile,

504
00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:05,400
I'm going to put coat hangers
into Room 101.

505
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:06,920
Yay!

506
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,600
And that brings us to the end
of the show.

507
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,040
Well done, Josh, you were the most
persuasive guest, so you are
this week's winner.

508
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:32,520
Thanks very much Josh Widdicombe,
Sandi Toksvig and Vicky McClure,

509
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,520
and thank you. Goodnight.

510
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,120
Subtitles by Red Bee Media