1 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,708 (FIREWORKS EXPLODING) 2 00:00:56,875 --> 00:00:57,875 (CAR ENGINES RUMBLING) 3 00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:15,125 Oh, shit. 4 00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:17,917 Is this the... Is this the right site? 5 00:01:17,917 --> 00:01:21,375 Yes, honey. It's site 16, like always. 6 00:01:21,375 --> 00:01:23,959 Yo, Tommy, what's going on? 7 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,125 Will you call me "Dad"? 8 00:01:25,125 --> 00:01:26,708 POPS: Franklin? Yeah? 9 00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:29,250 Are you sure you booked this for us? Absolutely. 10 00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,625 I booked the last available site. 11 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:33,458 I got the permit right here. 12 00:01:33,458 --> 00:01:35,375 Site 16, July 4th weekend. 13 00:01:35,375 --> 00:01:38,000 Felipa. (SPEAKING SPANISH) 14 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,458 I just think that there's been a little bit of a mix-up, Papi, so... 15 00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:44,458 Buenas tardes, amigos! Word, bitches. 16 00:01:44,458 --> 00:01:46,125 Who you calling a bitch? 17 00:01:46,125 --> 00:01:48,125 I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 18 00:01:48,125 --> 00:01:50,792 Just trying to break up the racial tension here, that's all. 19 00:01:50,792 --> 00:01:52,458 Might've hit "bitch" a little hard. 20 00:01:52,458 --> 00:01:54,375 A little bit. Yeah. 21 00:01:54,375 --> 00:01:56,084 So, what's going on? 22 00:01:56,084 --> 00:01:58,417 Pretty sure we booked this site for the weekend. 23 00:01:58,417 --> 00:02:01,042 No, no. We're the Jones family. Yeah. 24 00:02:01,042 --> 00:02:02,917 We booked site 16. 25 00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:07,125 (CHUCKLES) Well, now, we're the Jonas family and this is our site. 26 00:02:07,125 --> 00:02:10,042 Son, we're site 16. No. 27 00:02:10,042 --> 00:02:11,500 ALL: We're site 16. 28 00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,583 You guys might be 116, but we're definitely 16. 29 00:02:14,583 --> 00:02:16,209 It's right here on the paper, okay? 30 00:02:16,209 --> 00:02:17,500 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 31 00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,542 Uno, dos, tres, quatro... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 32 00:02:19,542 --> 00:02:21,750 Spanish level two, sweetheart, that's nice. This is 16. 33 00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:23,792 I don't know how that is. We're 16. 34 00:02:23,792 --> 00:02:25,458 Yeah, I know, but we're site 16. 35 00:02:25,458 --> 00:02:27,542 Sixteen, man. Come on. Hold on. 36 00:02:27,542 --> 00:02:31,042 So, Jones, Jonas, and our last name is Jones, too. 37 00:02:31,042 --> 00:02:32,750 Well, there's the mix-up. 38 00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:34,750 What y'all trying to say, y'all our masters or something? 39 00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:37,667 No, no, not saying that. I barely even own a cat. 40 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,959 Site 16! 41 00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:41,042 Wait a minute! 42 00:02:41,042 --> 00:02:42,208 Hold up! 43 00:02:42,208 --> 00:02:44,209 Hey, guys, maybe you're 2,000 and 3,000. 44 00:02:44,209 --> 00:02:46,291 But we're definitely 16. It says here on the paper. 45 00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,041 We're also site 16! 46 00:02:48,041 --> 00:02:50,834 (CONTINUE ARGUING) 47 00:02:57,583 --> 00:03:01,375 Okay, so, it looks like the name Jones 48 00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:03,792 kind of mixed up the computers. 49 00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:06,667 And, uh, unfortunately, that's a big problem, 50 00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:09,209 because the park is completely sold out. 51 00:03:09,209 --> 00:03:12,417 I mean, this is, like, our biggest weekend of the year. 52 00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:15,125 Hey, maybe it's because it's the Fourth of July. 53 00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:17,417 Um, yeah, well, you know, we think that that's a factor. 54 00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:21,583 Come on, you guys. Please, please, please, let's not escalate this. 55 00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:24,167 How about sharing the site? 56 00:03:24,167 --> 00:03:25,166 (ALL PROTESTING) 57 00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,834 Everyone stop! 58 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,208 Ron Ron, you just gonna stand there 59 00:03:31,208 --> 00:03:32,583 and let them push us around like that? 60 00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:34,208 No, no, I won't let that happen, okay? 61 00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:35,792 Let me tell you something. 62 00:03:35,792 --> 00:03:37,708 I will have Jesse Jackson down here on a moped, 63 00:03:37,708 --> 00:03:39,417 with Al Sharpton in the sidecar. 64 00:03:39,417 --> 00:03:40,959 Okay? 'Cause they love that type of shit. 65 00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:43,209 Ooh! It just escalated. 66 00:03:43,209 --> 00:03:44,291 Yeah. 67 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:46,083 That definitely escalated, 68 00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:49,917 which was the exact opposite of what he was hoping you would do. 69 00:03:49,917 --> 00:03:56,042 Sir, if sharing the site is the only option, then... 70 00:03:56,042 --> 00:03:59,125 This weekend is important. I say we all just share the site. 71 00:03:59,125 --> 00:04:00,917 Son, are you out of your damn mind? 72 00:04:00,917 --> 00:04:02,708 Come on, Pop. I'm just saying, there's kids here... 73 00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:04,875 Yeah, but we're not gonna share the site with you. 74 00:04:04,875 --> 00:04:05,875 (ALL ARGUING) 75 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,333 There's not... There's not enough space! 76 00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:16,041 Papi, are we gonna have to go home? 77 00:04:20,291 --> 00:04:22,875 CHARLIE: Okay. Okay, so... 78 00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:26,583 So, maybe we can share. 79 00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:27,500 Yes! 80 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,875 All right, so, we're all gonna share. 81 00:04:29,875 --> 00:04:31,834 And it's gonna be great! 82 00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:41,125 All right. Little bit of a rough start, 83 00:04:41,125 --> 00:04:43,375 but this weekend's gonna be great. 84 00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:45,959 Yeah, I hope so. 85 00:04:45,959 --> 00:04:48,250 You know, this is the first time we've all been together 86 00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,041 since you and I got married. 87 00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:54,209 I just want your kids to like my kids, and my kids to like you. 88 00:04:54,209 --> 00:04:56,625 There's no reason we can't be one big, happy family. 89 00:04:57,208 --> 00:04:58,625 That speech sucked. 90 00:04:58,625 --> 00:05:00,083 Sucked balls. 91 00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:02,000 Wow. Yeah, yeah, he's right. 92 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:03,500 It came off really whiny. 93 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:06,209 I can't believe that we're brothers. 94 00:05:06,209 --> 00:05:09,417 Hey, Gravy, why don't you take these over to the campsite? 95 00:05:09,417 --> 00:05:12,625 No, my hands are full. I gotta go, I gotta... 96 00:05:12,625 --> 00:05:15,209 Hey, Thomas, did you unpack my turtle shells? 97 00:05:15,209 --> 00:05:16,583 Yeah, here. 98 00:05:19,084 --> 00:05:20,875 Can you call me "Dad"? 99 00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:22,167 Not right now. 100 00:05:22,167 --> 00:05:23,375 Thanks, Tommy. 101 00:05:23,375 --> 00:05:25,375 Hey, guys, check out my new turtle shells! 102 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,084 Give it time, honey. 103 00:05:28,084 --> 00:05:31,209 Oh! Do you think you can get Sharni to stop calling me "Fake Mom"? 104 00:05:31,209 --> 00:05:32,333 She doesn't call you "Fake Mom." 105 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:33,458 Are you doing that? You're doing that? 106 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,333 Yeah, no, no. I'll try. 107 00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:38,208 Thank you. Okay. 108 00:05:38,208 --> 00:05:41,375 Man! Sharing this site was a crap idea, Felipa. 109 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,291 We're doing this for Papi's birthday. 110 00:05:43,291 --> 00:05:45,333 Just try to hold it together for him. 111 00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:48,458 You think maybe we'll see Papi smile for once in his damn life? 112 00:05:48,458 --> 00:05:51,959 (SIGHS) He works hard, and he worries about us. 113 00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:54,167 What, he can't worry and smile at the same time? 114 00:05:54,167 --> 00:05:57,583 Hey, I bet you if Papi ever did smile, his face would creak. 115 00:05:57,583 --> 00:05:59,083 Sound like a nail being pulled from wood. 116 00:05:59,083 --> 00:06:00,917 (IMITATES CREAKING) 117 00:06:00,917 --> 00:06:04,792 We'd probably hear his face go, "Oil can! Oil can!" 118 00:06:04,792 --> 00:06:06,125 Ha, ha, ha. 119 00:06:06,125 --> 00:06:07,834 Maybe he would smile more 120 00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,708 if you stopped goofing around and went to work for Rolando. 121 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,208 As a plumber? 122 00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:16,084 Uh, no, Felipa. That's a living nightmare. 123 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:17,291 It's honest work. 124 00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:18,917 Anyways, look, it doesn't even matter. 125 00:06:18,917 --> 00:06:21,625 Wachale, one day, I'm gonna be a millionaire. 126 00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:24,000 Oh! You gonna win the lottery? 127 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,500 Won't win if I don't scratch. 128 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,625 Plus, I'm gonna get my ass on Shark Tank, 129 00:06:27,625 --> 00:06:29,792 make Mark Cuban my new best friend. (CHUCKLES) 130 00:06:29,792 --> 00:06:31,333 Well, when you become a millionaire, 131 00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:33,875 maybe you could pay me back the 75 bucks I loaned you. 132 00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:34,917 Ah! Mmm-hmm. 133 00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:36,375 Yeah, you're gonna have to fill out 134 00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:38,125 all kinds of paperwork and taxes and stuff. 135 00:06:38,125 --> 00:06:41,208 Might not be worth it, bro, so, probably not. 136 00:06:43,417 --> 00:06:45,209 Hey, did you leave the car open? 137 00:06:45,209 --> 00:06:46,875 I did. 138 00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:49,667 Did you see Fake Mom telling me how to unpack, 139 00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:52,125 like she's the boss of me or something? 140 00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:55,083 Sharni, you shouldn't call her "Fake Mom." 141 00:06:55,083 --> 00:06:57,000 I am glad that Dad remarried. 142 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,458 He's much happier, which keeps him off of my ass. 143 00:06:59,458 --> 00:07:01,750 I think she's great for him. 144 00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:04,708 Yeah, well, Fake Mom says you drink too much, too. 145 00:07:04,708 --> 00:07:07,125 Fake Mom can blow my balls. She said that? 146 00:07:07,125 --> 00:07:08,375 Yeah. 147 00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,708 That's bullshit. 148 00:07:10,708 --> 00:07:14,041 Is that a 24-hour Popeyes Chicken? 149 00:07:15,458 --> 00:07:17,667 No. That's a porta potty. 150 00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:21,250 I love chickens. 151 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:22,542 More than you. 152 00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:24,542 Screw off. 153 00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:28,667 (KIDS BICKERING) (GRUNTING) 154 00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:30,667 Y'all kids keep it down over there 155 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:32,834 with your Pokemon GO- playing selves! 156 00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:34,291 Girl, you so crazy. 157 00:07:34,291 --> 00:07:38,208 Girl, I am so tired of running around after kids. 158 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,000 I need this vacation. 159 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,041 It's beautiful here. 160 00:07:42,041 --> 00:07:44,458 It is, ain't it? 161 00:07:44,458 --> 00:07:46,834 Honey, you gonna like my brother Franklin. 162 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,209 All I got to say is, 163 00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:51,042 is hold off on having kids for as long as you can. 164 00:07:51,042 --> 00:07:53,125 'Cause they will suck the life out of you. 165 00:07:53,125 --> 00:07:56,708 I mean, it's like sticking a vacuum cleaner in a pumpkin, just... 166 00:07:56,708 --> 00:07:58,083 (IMITATES SUCKING) 167 00:07:58,083 --> 00:07:59,333 What'd you say, Mama? 168 00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,875 Just suck it all... Huh? Huh? 169 00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:04,625 Baby, nothing. Mama loves you. Go on. Go play. 170 00:08:04,625 --> 00:08:06,333 Wait. Hold up. 171 00:08:06,333 --> 00:08:09,208 Are you saying you invited me as some kind of blind date for Franklin? 172 00:08:09,208 --> 00:08:11,458 Girl, no, no, no! 173 00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,209 We enjoy your company. 174 00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:14,208 Girl, 'cause I was about to... 175 00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:15,959 But it is a blind date. 176 00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:18,458 Hey, Jose, can you get those oranges? 177 00:08:18,458 --> 00:08:20,041 Are you kidding, Felipa? 178 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:22,125 No, I can't give the other families the satisfaction 179 00:08:22,125 --> 00:08:24,084 of watching a Mexican carry a bag of oranges. 180 00:08:24,084 --> 00:08:26,125 Like I'm selling them on the side of the street. 181 00:08:26,125 --> 00:08:28,125 Okay, are you serious? 182 00:08:28,125 --> 00:08:29,542 God, you sound crazy. 183 00:08:32,333 --> 00:08:33,834 Hey, excuse me! 184 00:08:33,834 --> 00:08:36,417 How much do you want for those oranges? 185 00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:38,291 Beat it, pendejo! 186 00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:40,375 Oh, crap. Angry. 187 00:08:41,708 --> 00:08:45,125 Hey, Paco, you got any roses over there? 188 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,542 Who asked you, Oprah? 189 00:08:47,250 --> 00:08:48,917 (CLINKING) 190 00:08:48,917 --> 00:08:51,250 Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'll take that one. 191 00:08:51,250 --> 00:08:52,875 (CLINKING) 192 00:08:52,875 --> 00:08:54,542 Hey, what is that? 193 00:08:58,209 --> 00:08:59,834 In your bag. 194 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:02,875 (CLATTERING) 195 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,291 Yup, that. What's... 196 00:09:19,125 --> 00:09:23,542 Recycled glass sculpture. 197 00:09:23,542 --> 00:09:25,917 My exhibit. It's next week. 198 00:09:25,917 --> 00:09:27,500 What? You have an exhibit? 199 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,917 It's called 200 00:09:29,959 --> 00:09:31,458 "The Exhibit." 201 00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:39,125 Oh, at least there's some chicas calientes to stare at. 202 00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:43,125 Jose! What if Francesca heard you say that? 203 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:44,250 She ain't here. 204 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,166 And we ain't married. 205 00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:48,083 Besides, just 'cause I'm on a diet 206 00:09:48,083 --> 00:09:50,167 doesn't mean I can't look at the menu. 207 00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:51,708 You mean stare at the menu. 208 00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,834 Tuck dollar bills into that menu. 209 00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,042 I mean, come on! 210 00:09:55,042 --> 00:09:56,667 Man, she's got so much wiggle in her walk, 211 00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,959 she could butt dial a rotary phone. 212 00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:00,583 ROLANDO: I heard them talking. 213 00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:04,042 I guess she came as a blind date for that Franklin guy. 214 00:10:04,042 --> 00:10:05,375 Word? Word. 215 00:10:05,375 --> 00:10:07,166 What? What'd you just say? 216 00:10:07,166 --> 00:10:09,167 Are you all right? No! 217 00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:11,000 No, no, I'm not all right. 218 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,542 Listening to you two talk would make anybody sick. 219 00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,041 Men are idiots. 220 00:10:18,041 --> 00:10:20,084 Blind date, bullshit. 221 00:10:20,084 --> 00:10:21,333 Don't let her call you that. 222 00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:23,458 She's talking to you, too, pendejo. 223 00:10:23,458 --> 00:10:26,209 Is our sister on her menopause or what? 224 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,458 Ah! The Jones family! 225 00:10:27,458 --> 00:10:28,750 To Jones! Whoa! 226 00:10:28,750 --> 00:10:30,917 Kids are everywhere. 227 00:10:30,917 --> 00:10:33,291 Hey, I really hope you guys like the park, man. 228 00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:35,208 I don't know what happened with this mix-up. 229 00:10:35,208 --> 00:10:37,708 I know I booked the last available site. 230 00:10:37,708 --> 00:10:41,125 What changed your mind about coming with us this year, son? 231 00:10:41,125 --> 00:10:42,208 What? 232 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,208 I love camping. 233 00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,041 All this is me, Pops. 234 00:10:46,041 --> 00:10:49,084 Come on, Franklin. Come on, brother. That's bullshit, okay? 235 00:10:49,084 --> 00:10:51,000 Now, I hope you know this is not online camping. 236 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,792 It's actually the real thing. 237 00:10:52,792 --> 00:10:55,291 And I hope you know this won't be an online fist in your face. 238 00:10:55,291 --> 00:10:56,959 It'll be the real thing. 239 00:10:56,959 --> 00:10:58,333 You know something? I'm tired of your shit. Ron Ron! 240 00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:00,625 Stop it. You leave your brother alone. 241 00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:03,834 Sorry, Daddy. 242 00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:06,042 He's gotta dress correct. He's a district attorney now. 243 00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:08,041 And he's working his way up. 244 00:11:08,041 --> 00:11:09,417 He might be mayor one day. 245 00:11:09,417 --> 00:11:11,000 I don't know about mayor, Pop. 246 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:15,250 And this weekend, we have a fine young woman with us. 247 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,250 Shantaysia. 248 00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:19,208 Who's Shantaysia? Listen, son. 249 00:11:19,208 --> 00:11:23,417 Beautiful woman like that on your side, no telling how far you can go. 250 00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:26,375 From DA to mayor. Commander-in-chief. 251 00:11:27,083 --> 00:11:29,500 (SNIFFING) You smell that? 252 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:31,041 There's romance in the air. 253 00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:33,125 Y'all smell these potties? Damn! I smell something. 254 00:11:33,125 --> 00:11:35,209 But I didn't wanna say nothing, 255 00:11:35,209 --> 00:11:37,000 'cause I kinda thought it was... 256 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,250 (INAUDIBLE) 257 00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:40,042 Sorry, Daddy. 258 00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:41,041 (PANTING) 259 00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,291 Is that Justin Bieber? 260 00:11:54,125 --> 00:11:55,083 Is that guy naked? 261 00:11:55,083 --> 00:11:56,375 You wish. 262 00:11:59,209 --> 00:12:00,667 Is that dumpster on fire? 263 00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:05,959 Oh, my gosh. Is that Charles Bronson? 264 00:12:09,208 --> 00:12:10,583 What's in the bottle? 265 00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:13,625 Communion. Right. 266 00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:15,375 So, you're some creepy drunk priest? 267 00:12:16,084 --> 00:12:18,041 I am not a priest. 268 00:12:22,166 --> 00:12:24,209 Listen. Why don't you help Franklin... 269 00:12:24,209 --> 00:12:25,959 No! 270 00:12:25,959 --> 00:12:27,500 ...set some things up? 271 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,792 I've gotta go till some soil. Pop! 272 00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:33,792 Shantay... Sharon? 273 00:12:33,792 --> 00:12:35,000 Shantaysia. 274 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,375 Damn, they still doing that? 275 00:12:36,375 --> 00:12:39,000 That's fucked up. Here. 276 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,000 (DOG BARKS) 277 00:12:40,625 --> 00:12:42,042 "Shantaysia." 278 00:12:42,042 --> 00:12:45,083 Come on, what the hell kind of disease is Shantaysia? 279 00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:48,125 Hey, bro, what are you doing? You sleeping in your car? 280 00:12:48,125 --> 00:12:50,042 Until Denali makes a tent. 281 00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:53,209 Bro, you know it's not a real camper. You can't fool me. 282 00:12:53,209 --> 00:12:54,667 You might be able to fool Pops. 283 00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:56,500 But you can't fool me, brother. You're right. 284 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,000 You can never fool me, brother. I don't wanna fool you. 285 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,000 Since I've known you... Snake! 286 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,875 Whoa! Snake! Snake on your shoulder! Snake on your shoulder! 287 00:13:02,875 --> 00:13:05,291 Is it invisible? I don't see nothing! 288 00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:07,250 Where is it? (YELLING) Ron Ron, I'm just... 289 00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:08,875 Ron Ron, I'm just messing with you. 290 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,458 I'm just messing with you! 291 00:13:10,458 --> 00:13:11,917 I'm just messing with you, dawg. 292 00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:15,166 I just, what? I just, what, fooled you? 293 00:13:16,209 --> 00:13:17,208 (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) 294 00:13:18,417 --> 00:13:20,750 CHUCKIE: Hit those flying bastards! 295 00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,417 Chuckie, don't say "bastard." 296 00:13:22,417 --> 00:13:23,792 CHUCKIE: What about "bitch"? 297 00:13:23,792 --> 00:13:25,041 Yeah, that's not... 298 00:13:25,041 --> 00:13:26,291 CHUCKIE: "Ass slurpee"? 299 00:13:26,291 --> 00:13:27,542 No. That... No. 300 00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:29,458 CHUCKIE: "Ass waffle"! Not great. 301 00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,209 CHUCKIE: "Bitch taco"? Don't love it. 302 00:13:31,209 --> 00:13:32,458 CHUCKIE: "Shit slurpee"? No. 303 00:13:32,458 --> 00:13:34,291 CHUCKIE: "Craptalker." I don't... No. 304 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:36,208 CHUCKIE: "Assbutch"? I don't... Not a fan. 305 00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:38,291 CHUCKIE: You love "tit chicken." Tell me that. No, I don't love that. 306 00:13:38,291 --> 00:13:39,875 I kinda like that. I don't love the word "tit." 307 00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:41,083 CHUCKIE: Come on now. "Dick dog"? 308 00:13:41,083 --> 00:13:42,208 Definitely not "dick." 309 00:13:42,208 --> 00:13:43,458 CHUCKIE: "Ass lick"? No. 310 00:13:43,458 --> 00:13:45,125 CHUCKIE: "Slurpee"? No. 311 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,291 CHUCKIE: "Shit slurpee"! No. 312 00:13:47,291 --> 00:13:49,042 What else you got? CHUCKIE: Bastards! 313 00:13:49,042 --> 00:13:50,375 Mmm... Mmm. 314 00:13:50,375 --> 00:13:52,375 You know what, "bastard" is fine. 315 00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:53,792 It's... It's passable. 316 00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,166 Yeah. 317 00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:56,667 CHUCKIE: Hey, everybody, look! (BARKING) 318 00:13:56,667 --> 00:13:58,959 I made Ocho into a turtle dog! 319 00:14:00,625 --> 00:14:03,166 It's the fifth Ninja Turtle, Taco Bello. 320 00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:06,125 ROLANDO: Ha, ha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's totally funny, man. Now take it off. 321 00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:07,208 CHUCKIE: I can't. 322 00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:08,959 It's superglued. 323 00:14:11,125 --> 00:14:14,041 (DRUNKEN SINGING) 324 00:14:20,041 --> 00:14:22,041 Is that Tejano? 325 00:14:23,875 --> 00:14:25,208 (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) 326 00:14:25,208 --> 00:14:27,458 Now this is what I'm talking about. 327 00:14:27,458 --> 00:14:31,041 Jazz on the stereo, cozy fire. 328 00:14:31,041 --> 00:14:33,000 Dad, look, no offense, 329 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,542 but this old-ass music make me wanna put a gun to my head and shoot it! 330 00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,834 (CHUCKLES) Give me a sec. 331 00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:40,792 I'm gonna go get a gun. 332 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,875 Ha! Good one, Pop. 333 00:14:42,875 --> 00:14:44,166 When? (LAUGHTER) 334 00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:46,834 When? When? 335 00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:48,208 When? When what? 336 00:14:48,208 --> 00:14:50,125 I don't even know. What? 337 00:14:50,125 --> 00:14:51,875 No, no, no. 338 00:14:51,875 --> 00:14:54,125 You said someday someone's gonna have an intervention on you. 339 00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:56,041 I'm curious. When? 340 00:14:56,041 --> 00:14:58,167 She wasn't... I mean... 341 00:14:58,167 --> 00:14:59,708 When? What is she talking about? 342 00:14:59,708 --> 00:15:01,000 Wait, what? 343 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,125 I love that show Intervention. What is she talking about? 344 00:15:03,125 --> 00:15:06,834 I'm camping with my son and my daughter, we're having a good time. 345 00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:08,084 The wieners, you know. 346 00:15:08,084 --> 00:15:09,125 I don't know where this is even coming from. 347 00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,291 My brother's coherent, and... 348 00:15:11,291 --> 00:15:13,125 I love it here. 349 00:15:13,125 --> 00:15:14,875 It's great. (BURPS) This is fabulous. 350 00:15:14,875 --> 00:15:16,042 Yeah, it... 351 00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:18,542 Until I hear things about interventions. 352 00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,458 When might this intervention be happening? 353 00:15:21,458 --> 00:15:24,042 What's she talking about, Dad? 354 00:15:24,042 --> 00:15:26,000 Son... Uh... 355 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,792 When this wiener is done. 356 00:15:27,792 --> 00:15:29,125 When will it be done? 357 00:15:29,125 --> 00:15:31,084 Yeah, when will it be done? 358 00:15:31,084 --> 00:15:32,834 Well, let me just tell you that interventions are not cool. 359 00:15:32,834 --> 00:15:34,792 They sprung one on a buddy of mine once 360 00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:37,208 and I'm pretty sure he stabbed a bunch of his mom's cats. 361 00:15:37,208 --> 00:15:39,750 The vet probably had a really good night that night, 362 00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:41,917 when all those cats got stabbed. 363 00:15:45,708 --> 00:15:47,667 One of these days, I'm gonna be so rich, 364 00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,708 I'll be able to rent this whole damn park out. 365 00:15:50,875 --> 00:15:52,041 Maybe then Papi will smile. 366 00:15:53,917 --> 00:15:55,125 Oh, hey. 367 00:15:55,125 --> 00:15:57,209 I just had my best million-dollar idea yet. 368 00:15:57,209 --> 00:16:00,209 It's a soft drink, but for dogs. 369 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,458 It's called Pupsi. 370 00:16:01,458 --> 00:16:02,708 What? 371 00:16:02,708 --> 00:16:04,000 Pupsi! 372 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,250 Pepsi's not gonna let you get away with that. 373 00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,042 What are they gonna do, sue me? 374 00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:09,834 Yeah. Out your ass. 375 00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:15,291 ♪ That's a bad idea called Pupsi ♪ 376 00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:17,792 But you know what? I like your horn idea. 377 00:16:17,792 --> 00:16:19,458 Andale, right? Hey, Pops. Yeah. 378 00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:21,084 Did I tell you about my horn idea? 379 00:16:21,084 --> 00:16:23,125 Yeah, yeah, yeah? Esperame. 380 00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:25,084 What stupid horn idea? 381 00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:26,583 (GUITAR STRUMMING) 382 00:16:26,583 --> 00:16:29,708 Pops, I'm gonna make these horns that say stuff. 383 00:16:29,708 --> 00:16:31,667 Okay, so, like, let's say the car in front of you 384 00:16:31,667 --> 00:16:33,667 doesn't go when the light turns green, right? 385 00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:38,083 You tap it and the horn goes... "Umm..." 386 00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:42,166 You know, like instead of just a honk, "Hey, move it, fucker!" 387 00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:44,083 It's more like, 388 00:16:44,083 --> 00:16:46,708 "So, the light is kind of green." 389 00:16:46,708 --> 00:16:48,208 And then of course, you can get 390 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,625 a second one that says, "Fuck you, cabron." 391 00:16:49,625 --> 00:16:51,291 Like, if somebody cuts you off, 392 00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:52,959 or say you don't like somebody. 393 00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:56,417 My horn's gonna go, "I'm a rich bastard!" 394 00:16:56,417 --> 00:16:58,041 (LAUGHS) What do you think, Pops? 395 00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:03,875 Man. 396 00:17:03,875 --> 00:17:05,875 You fools have no vision. 397 00:17:09,125 --> 00:17:11,291 Hey, what about that? 398 00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,458 What? It's just hot dogs on a rake, fool. 399 00:17:13,458 --> 00:17:15,875 That's your million-dollar idea right there. 400 00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:17,542 Yeah? 401 00:17:17,542 --> 00:17:18,542 Nope. 402 00:17:19,792 --> 00:17:20,792 (GUITAR STRUMMING) 403 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:22,750 ♪ Pupsi... ♪ 404 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,208 Who made y'all the DJ of site 16? 405 00:17:26,208 --> 00:17:28,125 Turn that shit down, okay? 406 00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,750 We're trying to hear old-ass jazz over here. 407 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,083 (FRANKLIN LAUGHING) 408 00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:34,167 Look at they fire. 409 00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:36,208 We got this little fire right here. This doesn't make any sense. 410 00:17:36,208 --> 00:17:40,083 FRANKLIN: What does it matter if their fire is bigger than our fire? 411 00:17:40,083 --> 00:17:42,042 It don't matter... Thank you. 412 00:17:42,042 --> 00:17:43,834 ...if it ain't true. 413 00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:49,792 Hey, are their fires bigger than ours? 414 00:17:49,792 --> 00:17:52,125 You know, we need a bigger fire. 415 00:17:55,750 --> 00:17:57,208 Get that lighter fluid. 416 00:17:58,209 --> 00:17:59,291 (ALL YELLING) 417 00:18:01,458 --> 00:18:03,750 Let's do it. Do it more, baby! 418 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,708 Show 'em, Pop! 419 00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:12,708 Want some of this? 420 00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:15,375 You guys suck! 421 00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:27,750 Hey, what you doing? 422 00:18:30,458 --> 00:18:32,250 What the hell is wrong with y'all? 423 00:18:34,041 --> 00:18:36,834 What the hell is wrong with you men? 424 00:18:36,834 --> 00:18:39,333 Y'all trying to burn my babies? 425 00:18:39,333 --> 00:18:40,583 Tell 'em, baby. Oh, my God! 426 00:18:40,583 --> 00:18:42,000 What is wrong with you guys? 427 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,750 Yell at them. Yell at them a little bit. 428 00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,625 What the hell? Felipa! 429 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:48,375 Cool off! Tell them. 430 00:18:48,375 --> 00:18:51,000 My babies in there asleep, you know you got that from Vietnam! 431 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,458 Why would you burn that shit? 432 00:18:52,458 --> 00:18:53,458 Hey! 433 00:18:53,458 --> 00:18:54,959 The fire's still burning. 434 00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:56,084 They started it. 435 00:18:56,084 --> 00:18:57,417 Okay, come on, really? 436 00:18:57,417 --> 00:19:00,583 We had it under control. Ours was under control. 437 00:19:00,583 --> 00:19:01,625 Baby... 438 00:19:01,625 --> 00:19:03,291 Yeah, you can't kill this fire! 439 00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:13,125 What are you doing? 440 00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:15,375 Go to bed! Everybody go to bed! 441 00:19:15,375 --> 00:19:16,708 I was actually sleepy. Go to bed! 442 00:19:16,708 --> 00:19:18,458 I was sleepy. I was gonna go to bed. 443 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:20,333 I was thinking it was time to go to bed. 444 00:19:21,084 --> 00:19:22,583 (OWL HOOTING) 445 00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:24,750 (SNORING) 446 00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:33,291 This is bullshit! 447 00:19:33,291 --> 00:19:35,167 Getting eaten alive! 448 00:19:35,167 --> 00:19:38,083 Damn ants or mosquitoes or whatever the hell you are. 449 00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:39,875 Leave me alone! (GRUNTS) 450 00:19:46,166 --> 00:19:48,750 There's gotta be a 24-hour place in town. 451 00:19:51,042 --> 00:19:52,375 Oh, my God. 452 00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:56,375 What a fricking beating. 453 00:19:57,667 --> 00:19:59,041 (CAR BEEPS) 454 00:19:59,041 --> 00:20:04,542 Let's hope Benadryl or cortisone or fricking Benical... 455 00:20:04,542 --> 00:20:05,792 (CRUNCH) (TIRES SCREECH) 456 00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,917 What the hell was that? 457 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,000 Fricking pinata. 458 00:20:13,291 --> 00:20:14,917 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 459 00:20:16,625 --> 00:20:18,375 What did you do? Jesus Christ! 460 00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:19,875 You scared the crap out of me! 461 00:20:19,875 --> 00:20:20,959 Oh, my goodness. 462 00:20:20,959 --> 00:20:23,792 Okay, okay, this is not what it looks like. 463 00:20:23,792 --> 00:20:25,125 You killed them both? 464 00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:26,792 No, no, no! 465 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:30,000 This piece of shit dumbass hybrid makes no noise, and... 466 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,875 All right. You gotta help me get them to a vet. 467 00:20:32,875 --> 00:20:35,417 You drive and I'll give them mouth-to-mouth. 468 00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:36,875 I mean, mouth-to-snout. 469 00:20:53,834 --> 00:20:55,792 (DOG YELPING) 470 00:20:55,792 --> 00:20:57,417 What the hell did they do to Ocho? 471 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,542 Who would do such a thing? 472 00:21:03,875 --> 00:21:05,458 Them. 473 00:21:05,458 --> 00:21:06,917 Come on. 474 00:21:09,166 --> 00:21:10,792 Hey, man. Hey! What? 475 00:21:10,792 --> 00:21:12,708 What the heck did you do to our dog? Look. 476 00:21:12,708 --> 00:21:14,875 Nobody do nothin' to your dog. What are you talking about? 477 00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:16,000 What do you mean, didn't do nothin'? 478 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,166 RON RON: Shit. Chaka! 479 00:21:18,166 --> 00:21:19,750 What did they do to you? 480 00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:21,291 What happened to my baby? (RON RON CRYING) 481 00:21:21,291 --> 00:21:22,625 What y'all did to my baby? 482 00:21:22,625 --> 00:21:23,917 Hey, man, we didn't touch your dog. 483 00:21:23,917 --> 00:21:25,166 You're the ones that busted ours! 484 00:21:25,166 --> 00:21:27,125 Yeah, we love dogs, man. Look at our dog. 485 00:21:27,125 --> 00:21:30,959 If y'all didn't touch our dog and we didn't touch your dog... 486 00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:34,917 ALL: Wake up, white people! 487 00:21:37,125 --> 00:21:39,875 Okay, all right. Just hear me out. 488 00:21:39,875 --> 00:21:42,417 I am so sorry. 489 00:21:42,417 --> 00:21:44,458 (STUTTERING) It was an accident. 490 00:21:44,458 --> 00:21:47,083 I swear. I... I just wanted some Benadryl... 491 00:21:47,083 --> 00:21:49,333 (GRAVY SCREAMING) 492 00:21:53,125 --> 00:21:54,708 Crazy white man. What, man? 493 00:21:54,708 --> 00:21:57,209 I have no idea! 494 00:21:57,209 --> 00:21:59,250 (ALL CLAMORING) 495 00:22:02,125 --> 00:22:03,542 Come on, man, what are you doing? 496 00:22:03,542 --> 00:22:05,042 I want a freakin' refund or something! 497 00:22:05,042 --> 00:22:06,333 They seem pretty worked up. 498 00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:08,750 Yeah, if this turns into a race war, 499 00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:11,208 we'll be pulling out paperwork for a decade. 500 00:22:22,042 --> 00:22:23,041 (SIGHS) 501 00:22:24,875 --> 00:22:27,000 You people. 502 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,084 This is the Fourth of July. 503 00:22:29,084 --> 00:22:30,667 This is the day we honor 504 00:22:30,667 --> 00:22:33,959 how our great nation declared its independence 505 00:22:33,959 --> 00:22:35,375 from the king of England. 506 00:22:35,375 --> 00:22:37,083 (THUD) (ALL GASPING) 507 00:22:37,083 --> 00:22:42,125 Do you happen to even know how George Washington celebrated 508 00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:45,000 his final victory over the British at Yorktown 509 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:46,959 that great day? Hmm? 510 00:22:46,959 --> 00:22:51,625 He issued his troops a double ration of rum. 511 00:22:54,208 --> 00:22:56,417 Here we are. 512 00:22:56,417 --> 00:23:00,583 We had fought this bitter war against a tyrannical foe. 513 00:23:01,959 --> 00:23:05,208 And all we did to celebrate it, is that we drank 514 00:23:05,208 --> 00:23:09,125 four fingers of booze instead of two. 515 00:23:09,125 --> 00:23:10,125 (SLURPING) 516 00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:19,667 (CONTINUES SLURPING) 517 00:23:32,208 --> 00:23:34,667 That's about a martini and a half. 518 00:23:34,667 --> 00:23:38,000 In case you were wondering what four fingers was. 519 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:43,000 Today, if a kid happens to throw his poopy diaper into the hamper, 520 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:44,708 these parents, they go apeshit, 521 00:23:44,708 --> 00:23:47,250 and they throw the kid a party, and give him a PlayStation. 522 00:23:51,209 --> 00:23:53,458 CHARLIE: Gosh, he drinks like me. 523 00:23:53,458 --> 00:23:55,417 (WOMAN MOANING ON COMPUTER) 524 00:23:58,792 --> 00:23:59,792 Aah! 525 00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:08,708 I don't really see this issue between you people as a problem. 526 00:24:08,708 --> 00:24:11,125 I see it as an opportunity to get away 527 00:24:11,125 --> 00:24:13,458 from what the Fourth of July has become. 528 00:24:13,458 --> 00:24:16,000 Which, let's face it, is just a couple of days 529 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,500 off work for all the lazy people. 530 00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:24,125 We have become a nation of soft, puffy, pussy people. 531 00:24:24,125 --> 00:24:28,000 We have forgotten the sacrifice of those who have come before us. 532 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:33,625 And, so, in my opinion, whoever wants camping site 16, 533 00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:35,500 you're gonna have to fuckin' fight for it. 534 00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:39,542 Wait a minute, you're talking about cannons and muskets and shit. 535 00:24:39,542 --> 00:24:41,500 You're crazy. ALL: Mmm-hmm. 536 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:44,084 Hey, I am retiring in a week and a half, 537 00:24:44,084 --> 00:24:46,625 and I don't give a shit, all right? 538 00:24:46,625 --> 00:24:49,583 You don't have to use guns and knives. 539 00:24:50,208 --> 00:24:52,125 Just have a contest. 540 00:24:52,125 --> 00:24:53,583 Have a contest. 541 00:24:53,583 --> 00:24:55,375 Whatever family wins the contest, 542 00:24:55,375 --> 00:24:59,000 they get to kick the other two families' asses out of the park. 543 00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,542 How about that? 544 00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:02,834 You get no cheese with your wine around here. 545 00:25:02,834 --> 00:25:07,875 So, if I were you, I would be dedicated to gettin' it on. 546 00:25:07,875 --> 00:25:10,042 'Cause it's on. 547 00:25:10,042 --> 00:25:13,042 This whole thing is a mess, and we're sorry about it. 548 00:25:13,042 --> 00:25:17,792 We were told to help out with the contest, since it was the park's fault. 549 00:25:17,792 --> 00:25:19,000 Well, great. 550 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,291 Wow. It's really nice that the pigs are being helpful. 551 00:25:22,291 --> 00:25:23,959 Pardon? TOMMY: No, nothing. 552 00:25:23,959 --> 00:25:27,417 He just said that that cloud up there looks like a pig. 553 00:25:27,417 --> 00:25:29,041 No, I didn't. I said... 554 00:25:29,041 --> 00:25:30,917 (GROANING) 555 00:25:30,917 --> 00:25:32,959 He had a spider on his zipper there. 556 00:25:34,041 --> 00:25:35,542 Thanks! 557 00:25:36,125 --> 00:25:37,458 Thanks, guys. 558 00:25:38,041 --> 00:25:39,333 Hey, Gravy. 559 00:25:39,333 --> 00:25:42,167 He deserved that. Yeah, seriously. 560 00:25:42,167 --> 00:25:45,125 So, we're doing this contest thing? 561 00:25:45,125 --> 00:25:46,458 Yeah, we're doing this. 562 00:25:46,458 --> 00:25:49,291 What's the matter, old man? You scared? 563 00:25:49,291 --> 00:25:51,625 Scared? No. 564 00:25:51,625 --> 00:25:52,834 Just sad. 565 00:25:52,834 --> 00:25:55,708 Sad for you and all these other losers. 566 00:25:55,708 --> 00:25:57,000 Kids. 567 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,000 We're marking off an area for you to play in. 568 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,417 Do not leave this area for any reason. 569 00:26:01,417 --> 00:26:03,000 What if we get hit by lightning? 570 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,125 Try not to. 571 00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:05,708 What if we see an ice cream truck? 572 00:26:05,708 --> 00:26:06,834 Try not to. 573 00:26:06,834 --> 00:26:09,625 Dad? How long do we have to stay here? 574 00:26:09,625 --> 00:26:11,667 Just while the adults are off doing adult things. 575 00:26:11,667 --> 00:26:14,458 Yes, I'm getting a new baby brother. 576 00:26:15,542 --> 00:26:16,750 Uh... 577 00:26:16,750 --> 00:26:18,542 Not those kind of adult things. 578 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,084 (TOYS SQUEAKING) 579 00:26:21,084 --> 00:26:22,542 Okay, kids, have fun. 580 00:26:22,542 --> 00:26:24,458 Hey, don't poke your eyes out. Peace out. 581 00:26:30,125 --> 00:26:31,417 FELIPA: Hi. 582 00:26:33,209 --> 00:26:34,792 (DOG BARKS) Oh, hmm... 583 00:26:38,875 --> 00:26:40,458 I don't know what to say. 584 00:26:40,458 --> 00:26:43,417 Well, you can usually find all the right words in the courtroom. 585 00:26:43,417 --> 00:26:47,166 Look, I thought bringing our families together up here, would be 586 00:26:47,166 --> 00:26:50,125 our chance to, you know, break the news. 587 00:26:50,125 --> 00:26:52,917 Wait. You did this on purpose? 588 00:26:53,875 --> 00:26:56,084 Yeah, kinda, a little bit. 589 00:26:56,084 --> 00:26:59,000 I mean, it was easy 'cause our names are so similar. 590 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:00,500 Jones. Jonas. 591 00:27:00,500 --> 00:27:03,458 I didn't expect a white Jones family to show up. 592 00:27:03,458 --> 00:27:05,084 Man, I screwed up everything. 593 00:27:05,084 --> 00:27:07,125 It's my fault, I'm sorry. 594 00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:08,708 So, who is she? 595 00:27:09,083 --> 00:27:10,583 Who is who? 596 00:27:10,583 --> 00:27:13,166 You know who I'm talking about. 597 00:27:13,166 --> 00:27:15,125 Who, Fantasia? I don't know that girl. 598 00:27:15,125 --> 00:27:17,041 Shantaysia, why is she here? 599 00:27:17,041 --> 00:27:18,417 I don't know her. 600 00:27:18,417 --> 00:27:20,458 She's my dad's idea. 601 00:27:20,458 --> 00:27:23,042 I don't... It's my first time ever seeing her. 602 00:27:23,042 --> 00:27:25,041 Stop. Come on. 603 00:27:25,041 --> 00:27:27,208 You know I love you. Stop. 604 00:27:30,041 --> 00:27:32,417 Anyway, look, I have a plan. 605 00:27:34,583 --> 00:27:36,792 I'll make sure we win the race. 606 00:27:36,792 --> 00:27:40,458 And then, I'll convince my dad to let you... Your family stay, 607 00:27:40,458 --> 00:27:42,667 and we'll get rid of the white family. 608 00:27:42,667 --> 00:27:45,083 They'll kick rocks. 609 00:27:45,083 --> 00:27:47,208 What if your family doesn't win? 610 00:27:47,875 --> 00:27:49,291 Felipa. 611 00:27:49,291 --> 00:27:51,708 Stop smoking crack. 612 00:27:51,708 --> 00:27:53,209 Okay. 613 00:27:53,209 --> 00:27:56,209 We're black, we're gonna win. 614 00:27:56,209 --> 00:27:57,542 Mexicans are pretty athletic, too. 615 00:27:57,542 --> 00:27:59,834 What about like Big Papi? 616 00:27:59,834 --> 00:28:01,125 He's Dominican. 617 00:28:01,125 --> 00:28:04,333 Y'all gonna lose bad. Y'all gonna lose so bad. 618 00:28:04,333 --> 00:28:07,250 (ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING) 619 00:28:13,792 --> 00:28:17,166 Hey, guys, I think I hear an ice cream truck. 620 00:28:18,458 --> 00:28:21,209 Wait, but we can't leave this area. 621 00:28:21,209 --> 00:28:23,291 Well, screw that, it's ice cream. 622 00:28:23,291 --> 00:28:24,542 (ALL CHEERING) 623 00:28:32,167 --> 00:28:34,000 POPS: Look at these people. 624 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:35,959 They're like vultures. 625 00:28:35,959 --> 00:28:39,125 They're standing around watching us fight among ourselves. 626 00:28:39,125 --> 00:28:41,333 Don't think they're just out here having fun? 627 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,500 No. 628 00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:46,125 This has gotten much bigger than three mad-ass families. 629 00:28:46,125 --> 00:28:47,917 Bigger how? 630 00:28:47,917 --> 00:28:49,250 You think about it, bud. 631 00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:51,875 International sports, you root for your country. 632 00:28:51,875 --> 00:28:53,042 Yeah. 633 00:28:53,042 --> 00:28:54,000 School sports, you root for your school. 634 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,417 Yeah. 635 00:28:55,417 --> 00:28:58,042 These people are rooting for their race. 636 00:28:58,042 --> 00:29:00,083 You don't know that. Okay. 637 00:29:00,083 --> 00:29:01,792 Truth or dare? 638 00:29:01,792 --> 00:29:04,500 I'll answer a question if you answer a question. 639 00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:05,583 Okay. Truthfully. 640 00:29:05,583 --> 00:29:06,875 All right. All right. 641 00:29:06,875 --> 00:29:08,458 Now, when you first drove up here, 642 00:29:08,458 --> 00:29:11,167 and you saw that there were two families here. 643 00:29:11,167 --> 00:29:13,625 Now, were you mad 'cause there were two families here? 644 00:29:13,625 --> 00:29:17,166 Or were you mad because we weren't white? 645 00:29:17,166 --> 00:29:19,083 Yeah, well, you know, 646 00:29:19,083 --> 00:29:21,750 truth be told, when I drove up here, I was a little nervous. 647 00:29:21,750 --> 00:29:24,083 But that's because I didn't know what to expect. 648 00:29:24,083 --> 00:29:26,042 Well, I felt the same way. 649 00:29:26,042 --> 00:29:27,917 And that's textbook racism. 650 00:29:27,917 --> 00:29:30,542 You can't say I'm racist just because I didn't know what to expect. 651 00:29:30,542 --> 00:29:32,792 I've had a lot of great experiences with 652 00:29:32,792 --> 00:29:34,959 other races, and some not so great. 653 00:29:34,959 --> 00:29:37,875 Yeah, I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. 654 00:29:37,875 --> 00:29:43,000 You should know that our family isn't anything like that at all. 655 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,417 In fact, I was a total wigger back in high school. 656 00:29:46,417 --> 00:29:47,792 I had my hair braided and everything. 657 00:29:47,792 --> 00:29:49,625 You remember that? Yeah, that was so cute. 658 00:29:50,291 --> 00:29:51,750 What is a wigger? 659 00:29:56,166 --> 00:29:58,750 It's just a term for a kid that's 660 00:29:58,750 --> 00:30:01,333 trying to act tough and sound cool. 661 00:30:01,333 --> 00:30:04,167 Well, now, that's what it means. 662 00:30:04,167 --> 00:30:06,625 But what is it an acronym for? 663 00:30:06,625 --> 00:30:07,875 An acronym? 664 00:30:07,875 --> 00:30:09,458 Yeah, like the word "smog." 665 00:30:09,458 --> 00:30:12,291 It's a combination of the words "smoke" and "fog." 666 00:30:12,291 --> 00:30:14,208 That's an acronym. 667 00:30:14,208 --> 00:30:18,500 What are the words that "wigger" is an acronym for? 668 00:30:20,209 --> 00:30:21,667 Well, that's easy. 669 00:30:21,667 --> 00:30:26,125 It's a... It's a combination, a mash-up, if you will, 670 00:30:26,125 --> 00:30:28,834 of the words... 671 00:30:31,583 --> 00:30:32,750 White... 672 00:30:32,750 --> 00:30:33,834 White. 673 00:30:33,834 --> 00:30:34,834 ...and... 674 00:30:38,125 --> 00:30:39,375 Er. 675 00:30:40,083 --> 00:30:42,625 Okay. 676 00:30:42,625 --> 00:30:46,083 I mean, you know, you guys get hit with honky... 677 00:30:46,083 --> 00:30:47,250 Hey. ...crackers... 678 00:30:47,250 --> 00:30:48,542 Hey! ...peckerwood... 679 00:30:48,542 --> 00:30:50,125 Hey! ...redneck, 680 00:30:50,125 --> 00:30:51,708 white bastards, white devils. 681 00:30:51,708 --> 00:30:53,000 Hey! 682 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:57,083 But the "N" word, that cuts straight through the clutter. 683 00:30:57,083 --> 00:30:59,834 Yeah, well, once you say that, it's pretty much game over. 684 00:30:59,834 --> 00:31:01,417 You're right. 685 00:31:01,417 --> 00:31:03,125 Good going, son. Well done. 686 00:31:03,125 --> 00:31:04,917 Happy to help. 687 00:31:04,917 --> 00:31:06,333 But I still don't agree with you that these people are out here 688 00:31:06,333 --> 00:31:08,083 rooting for their own races. MAN: Hey! 689 00:31:09,125 --> 00:31:12,041 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 690 00:31:13,291 --> 00:31:14,959 JOSE: We got this, baby. 691 00:31:14,959 --> 00:31:18,000 Black and white going down like a knocked out zebra. 692 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,708 Yeah, maybe you're right. 693 00:31:19,708 --> 00:31:21,042 (ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING) 694 00:31:21,042 --> 00:31:22,834 Here, here! Ice cream! 695 00:31:24,084 --> 00:31:25,083 (ALL SCREAMING) 696 00:31:28,708 --> 00:31:30,084 BOY: Ice cream! 697 00:31:30,084 --> 00:31:31,166 Come on. Sorry I'm late. 698 00:31:31,166 --> 00:31:32,875 Hey, Franklin! 699 00:31:32,875 --> 00:31:34,041 All right. 700 00:31:34,959 --> 00:31:36,667 You know, I love that look, 701 00:31:36,667 --> 00:31:38,583 that gleam of victory in your eyes. 702 00:31:38,583 --> 00:31:40,042 Yeah, we about to win, Pop. 703 00:31:40,042 --> 00:31:42,250 And we gonna kick a family up out of here. 704 00:31:42,250 --> 00:31:44,291 Yes. That's right. You know... 705 00:31:44,291 --> 00:31:45,959 Where's Shantaysia? 706 00:31:45,959 --> 00:31:47,209 No... Shantaysia! 707 00:31:47,209 --> 00:31:48,834 You know that old Franklin here 708 00:31:48,834 --> 00:31:50,834 was a track star in high school. 709 00:31:50,834 --> 00:31:53,209 Shantaysia, come on! Dad, look. 710 00:31:53,209 --> 00:31:57,333 One time, I ate 37 eggs in six minutes, come on. 711 00:31:57,333 --> 00:31:59,084 I mean, that's impossible, you know. 712 00:31:59,084 --> 00:32:01,209 You proud of me, Daddy? You gonna brag about that? 713 00:32:01,209 --> 00:32:02,333 I'm proud of you, son. 714 00:32:02,333 --> 00:32:05,041 Not as proud as I am of Franklin here. 715 00:32:05,041 --> 00:32:06,125 RON RON: What? 716 00:32:06,125 --> 00:32:08,083 That was a joke. 717 00:32:08,083 --> 00:32:10,042 He's messing with you. That's all. 718 00:32:10,042 --> 00:32:11,291 Shitty joke. What? 719 00:32:11,291 --> 00:32:13,667 I said Keko's titty is broke. 720 00:32:13,667 --> 00:32:15,291 Yeah, I thought you said that. 721 00:32:15,291 --> 00:32:16,667 Let's do this. 722 00:32:16,667 --> 00:32:18,000 You know what? 723 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,875 Y'all enjoy your pissing contest but I'm outta here. 724 00:32:20,875 --> 00:32:21,917 You wanna go? 725 00:32:21,917 --> 00:32:23,084 Yeah, I wanna go find Shantaysia. 726 00:32:23,084 --> 00:32:24,625 Keko. Felipa. 727 00:32:24,625 --> 00:32:28,208 This is our contest pick and it's called the Potty Carry. 728 00:32:28,208 --> 00:32:30,209 That's right. 729 00:32:30,209 --> 00:32:34,209 One person goes inside of each one and the rest of us carry. 730 00:32:34,209 --> 00:32:38,291 And the winner is the one who gets across that finish line first. 731 00:32:38,291 --> 00:32:40,083 That finish line is pretty far, man. 732 00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:42,084 Dude, don't sweat it, man. 733 00:32:42,084 --> 00:32:45,042 We totally got this. Mexicans are gonna take this hands down. 734 00:32:45,042 --> 00:32:46,792 Hey, Papi! 735 00:32:46,792 --> 00:32:48,708 Papi, we're about to start the race, you gonna come cheer us on? 736 00:32:50,542 --> 00:32:52,209 Does your dad ever smile? 737 00:32:52,209 --> 00:32:53,083 No. 738 00:32:53,083 --> 00:32:55,209 You mean, Darth Valdez? 739 00:32:55,209 --> 00:32:57,042 Does he even know what a smile is? 740 00:32:57,042 --> 00:32:59,458 I bet you he can't say the word "Chuck E. Cheese." 741 00:32:59,458 --> 00:33:02,500 I bet you his face makes him stop at "Chuck." 742 00:33:02,500 --> 00:33:05,291 He'd probably need a fake ID just to buy a Happy Meal. 743 00:33:05,291 --> 00:33:07,000 That's good. 744 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,166 All right. All right. That's pretty funny, that's pretty funny, but... 745 00:33:09,166 --> 00:33:12,041 You know, he's still my dad, so could you cut it out, please? 746 00:33:12,041 --> 00:33:14,667 Well, you know, come on, let's space these potties out, 747 00:33:14,667 --> 00:33:17,041 and get the race started. I mean, we're standing around here. 748 00:33:17,041 --> 00:33:19,500 Let me just drag this one. Get out of the way, would ya? 749 00:33:19,500 --> 00:33:21,125 Okay. So, I'll just take this one. 750 00:33:21,125 --> 00:33:23,500 Are you sure, Dad? These things are kinda heavy. 751 00:33:23,500 --> 00:33:26,167 Charlie, I've been a fireman for years, you know. 752 00:33:26,167 --> 00:33:29,458 I've rescued babies from windows and fiery buildings, you know. 753 00:33:29,458 --> 00:33:31,417 Come on. Come on, put this on my back. 754 00:33:31,417 --> 00:33:33,250 I guess. Come on, let's go. 755 00:33:33,250 --> 00:33:35,417 This is... I can just... I got this. 756 00:33:36,291 --> 00:33:37,542 (SCREAMING) 757 00:33:38,375 --> 00:33:40,208 Help, please! Come on! 758 00:33:40,208 --> 00:33:41,959 Charlie, get it off of me! 759 00:33:41,959 --> 00:33:44,000 Get it off of me! 760 00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,041 We got this. We got this, Dad. 761 00:33:46,041 --> 00:33:47,542 Okay, up. 762 00:33:49,542 --> 00:33:50,542 (GROANING) 763 00:33:53,417 --> 00:33:56,125 Yeah, maybe we should slide it. 764 00:33:56,125 --> 00:33:57,375 (ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING) 765 00:34:00,042 --> 00:34:01,041 (ALL SCREAMING) 766 00:34:09,167 --> 00:34:10,125 I don't like this! 767 00:34:10,125 --> 00:34:12,500 I'm having a bad day! 768 00:34:13,250 --> 00:34:15,000 I hate kids. 769 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,875 You've ruined my life! 770 00:34:18,417 --> 00:34:19,667 (TIRES SCREECHING) 771 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,041 I got it! 772 00:34:23,041 --> 00:34:26,500 RON RON: The main problem is, is getting this potty over the ravine. 773 00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:29,125 But, luckily, Ron Ron got an idea. 774 00:34:29,125 --> 00:34:30,708 What? 775 00:34:30,708 --> 00:34:33,166 All we need to do is swing this potty by using rope. 776 00:34:33,166 --> 00:34:36,375 We need to put the rope through a hitch on top of the potty, 777 00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:38,084 and then toss the rope on branches. 778 00:34:38,084 --> 00:34:40,542 And then we swing the potty over the ravine. 779 00:34:40,542 --> 00:34:41,375 Come on. 780 00:34:41,375 --> 00:34:43,167 That's a good idea! 781 00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:44,458 We gotta get some rope. 782 00:34:44,458 --> 00:34:45,875 Daddy, look at this. 783 00:34:45,875 --> 00:34:47,250 I already got it. Taken care of. 784 00:34:47,250 --> 00:34:48,750 Look at that. Crap. 785 00:34:48,750 --> 00:34:50,583 Guess I'm smarter than Franklin now, right? 786 00:34:50,583 --> 00:34:52,084 No. 787 00:34:52,084 --> 00:34:53,291 He's right, man. The rope's gonna make it easier. 788 00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:55,250 Sharni, get a rope. Okay, got it. 789 00:34:55,250 --> 00:34:56,917 We're ready to go. 790 00:34:56,917 --> 00:34:58,458 We can't wait. No, no, don't start! 791 00:34:58,458 --> 00:34:59,792 Come on, let's get started! Wait, wait, wait! 792 00:34:59,792 --> 00:35:01,209 Wait, wait, wait. Get on your marks, 793 00:35:01,209 --> 00:35:02,125 get set... Wait, wait! 794 00:35:02,125 --> 00:35:03,458 ...go! 795 00:35:03,458 --> 00:35:04,500 Come on. 796 00:35:06,417 --> 00:35:08,083 JOSE: Keep dreamin', blondie. That rope is mine. 797 00:35:08,083 --> 00:35:09,792 SHARNI: No, I saw it first! 798 00:35:09,792 --> 00:35:11,333 Hello, open up! 799 00:35:11,333 --> 00:35:13,250 We wanna borrow your clothesline! 800 00:35:13,250 --> 00:35:14,875 This is kinda cute. 801 00:35:14,875 --> 00:35:17,375 Open up. We wanna borrow your clothesline! 802 00:35:17,375 --> 00:35:18,708 Yeah, you know, keep knocking. 803 00:35:18,708 --> 00:35:20,792 People love Mexicans at their door. 804 00:35:20,792 --> 00:35:24,750 Really funny, Blow White. Hello? 805 00:35:24,750 --> 00:35:27,458 Yeah, we'll see how much you're laughing when that rope is mine. 806 00:35:27,458 --> 00:35:29,291 Hey, what are you doing up there? 807 00:35:29,291 --> 00:35:31,209 I'm getting this damn clothes line. 808 00:35:31,209 --> 00:35:32,375 Oh, shit. 809 00:35:35,875 --> 00:35:36,875 (JOSE SCREAMING) 810 00:35:38,209 --> 00:35:39,208 (JOSE'S SCREAMS ECHOING) 811 00:35:42,250 --> 00:35:43,792 TOMMY: I don't know. 812 00:35:43,792 --> 00:35:47,250 (CURSING AND GROANING IN SPANISH) 813 00:35:47,250 --> 00:35:48,834 It pierced my love handle! 814 00:35:48,834 --> 00:35:50,042 SHARNI: Come this way. 815 00:35:50,042 --> 00:35:51,125 Oh, my God. TOMMY: What the hell was that? 816 00:35:51,125 --> 00:35:53,125 JOSE: Help me! 817 00:35:53,125 --> 00:35:55,959 Okay, puta! Come on! 818 00:35:55,959 --> 00:35:58,667 FRANKLIN: Hey, where did everybody go? 819 00:35:59,125 --> 00:36:00,458 Pop? 820 00:36:01,208 --> 00:36:03,125 Ron Ron? 821 00:36:03,125 --> 00:36:05,167 Did we win? 822 00:36:05,167 --> 00:36:07,125 SHARNI: Come on, come on, come on. (JOSE SWEARING IN SPANISH) 823 00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:09,166 Come on. CHARLIE: What happened? 824 00:36:09,166 --> 00:36:11,667 He has a TV antenna stuck in him. 825 00:36:11,667 --> 00:36:13,083 Where? JOSE: No, no, no! 826 00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:14,542 TOMMY: We need to take him to a hospital. 827 00:36:14,542 --> 00:36:16,458 All right, let's use my car. Okay. 828 00:36:16,458 --> 00:36:19,084 Wait, wait, we're gonna get him in that? 829 00:36:19,084 --> 00:36:20,708 Yeah. 830 00:36:20,708 --> 00:36:22,000 SHARNI: Here. 831 00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:23,125 (SHRIEKING) 832 00:36:23,125 --> 00:36:24,792 What the hell are you doing? 833 00:36:24,792 --> 00:36:26,750 Bactine. It stings like a bitch, but... 834 00:36:26,750 --> 00:36:29,167 (CURSING AND GROANING IN SPANISH) 835 00:36:29,167 --> 00:36:31,917 No! No more, you fucking idiot! 836 00:36:31,917 --> 00:36:33,041 (ALL CLAMORING) 837 00:36:33,041 --> 00:36:35,083 Wait, what? CHARLIE: Everybody stop! 838 00:36:37,042 --> 00:36:38,375 Do you get the NFL package? 839 00:36:38,375 --> 00:36:41,000 (CURSING AND GROANING IN SPANISH) 840 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,125 TOMMY: We're not gonna get him in the pussy car. 841 00:36:43,125 --> 00:36:44,250 Let's get him in Franklin's car. 842 00:36:44,250 --> 00:36:45,917 Okay, all right. Come on. 843 00:36:45,917 --> 00:36:47,417 CHARLIE: I'm right here. SHARNI: Come on. 844 00:36:47,417 --> 00:36:49,000 Right here. There you go. 845 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:50,209 You got it. You got it. 846 00:36:50,209 --> 00:36:51,125 TOMMY: Put him inside. 847 00:36:51,125 --> 00:36:52,375 There you go. There you go. 848 00:36:52,375 --> 00:36:54,125 Let's give him a push. All right. 849 00:36:54,125 --> 00:36:55,625 One, two... 850 00:36:55,625 --> 00:36:56,792 No. No! 851 00:36:56,792 --> 00:36:58,667 ...three! No! 852 00:36:58,667 --> 00:37:00,041 (JOSE SCREAMING) 853 00:37:02,084 --> 00:37:03,333 That went horribly wrong. 854 00:37:03,333 --> 00:37:04,792 Stop right there. 855 00:37:04,792 --> 00:37:05,792 Okay, man. Good luck! 856 00:37:05,792 --> 00:37:07,458 Okay, okay. Let's go. Come on. Vamonos. 857 00:37:07,458 --> 00:37:10,708 Don't worry. You'll get a call from Telemundo. 858 00:37:10,708 --> 00:37:11,708 (JOSE SCREAMING) 859 00:37:16,583 --> 00:37:18,959 So, are you doing number one or number two? 860 00:37:18,959 --> 00:37:21,042 What? Go get an adult. 861 00:37:21,042 --> 00:37:22,417 You look like a pinata. 862 00:37:22,417 --> 00:37:24,083 And you look the first person's ass I'm gonna beat 863 00:37:24,083 --> 00:37:25,625 if you don't go and get an adult. 864 00:37:25,625 --> 00:37:28,458 I didn't say you were one, I said you looked like one. 865 00:37:28,458 --> 00:37:32,125 I'ma beat you so bad and you're not even my kid. 866 00:37:32,125 --> 00:37:33,208 Take it easy, perv. 867 00:37:33,208 --> 00:37:35,208 I thought you kids were on lockdown. 868 00:37:35,208 --> 00:37:37,042 How did you get out of your area? 869 00:37:37,042 --> 00:37:39,375 You didn't answer me. Number one or number two? 870 00:37:39,375 --> 00:37:42,042 Why you wanna know? Chuckie, that's nasty! 871 00:37:42,042 --> 00:37:44,167 Get an adult, I could die! 872 00:37:44,167 --> 00:37:45,458 No, no. Okay, yeah. 873 00:37:45,458 --> 00:37:48,708 Please. This is not a drill. 874 00:37:48,708 --> 00:37:50,917 This is code red. You know a code red... 875 00:37:50,917 --> 00:37:52,708 Y'all went to public school. Y'all know nothing. 876 00:37:52,708 --> 00:37:54,667 Oh, my God! 877 00:37:54,667 --> 00:37:57,792 I hate kids, and I hate camping! 878 00:38:06,792 --> 00:38:09,291 ROLANDO: Hey, guys, quick. Come say hi to Mom. Come on. 879 00:38:10,333 --> 00:38:11,917 Hi, Mom! Hey, Mom! 880 00:38:11,917 --> 00:38:13,084 Cheese. 881 00:38:13,084 --> 00:38:15,166 Yep. Yo, I'm good! 882 00:38:18,708 --> 00:38:20,959 Yup, I got lucky! 883 00:38:20,959 --> 00:38:22,583 It was tough, but I'm good! 884 00:38:26,625 --> 00:38:28,291 JOSE: Hey! 885 00:38:28,291 --> 00:38:31,458 Doctor said my love handles are like a teenager's! 886 00:38:37,209 --> 00:38:38,667 Yeah, don't worry about it. 887 00:38:38,667 --> 00:38:40,500 Just gonna be here by myself, you know. 888 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:42,125 KID: Yeah. 889 00:38:42,125 --> 00:38:44,208 No family to talk to. 890 00:38:47,667 --> 00:38:50,208 Something to think about, mijo. 891 00:38:58,542 --> 00:38:59,333 Okay. 892 00:38:59,333 --> 00:39:01,875 Aunt Felipa, I can't move. 893 00:39:01,875 --> 00:39:03,750 Yes, but you're safe. 894 00:39:03,750 --> 00:39:05,041 Have fun. 895 00:39:05,792 --> 00:39:07,125 Mind if I sit? 896 00:39:07,125 --> 00:39:08,500 Sure. 897 00:39:09,291 --> 00:39:11,208 It's a pretty mantis. 898 00:39:11,208 --> 00:39:14,166 He's right there. I'm gonna kill him. 899 00:39:14,166 --> 00:39:16,375 You know, the kids don't see race. 900 00:39:17,125 --> 00:39:18,041 It's true. 901 00:39:18,041 --> 00:39:20,542 Seems they learn it from the adults. 902 00:39:20,542 --> 00:39:22,834 Kids can be a handful, man. 903 00:39:22,834 --> 00:39:24,625 I used to think that I wanted a bunch of them, 904 00:39:24,625 --> 00:39:27,458 but after this weekend, I think I'm just gonna get another cat. 905 00:39:28,291 --> 00:39:30,042 BOY: Wait, where is it? 906 00:39:30,042 --> 00:39:31,458 Where is it? It's right there, it's just moving. 907 00:39:31,458 --> 00:39:33,333 FELIPA: No, that's a... It's a praying... 908 00:39:33,333 --> 00:39:36,417 It's just a gross bug. Just put it down. 909 00:39:36,417 --> 00:39:38,458 You know, I've actually been meaning to tell you 910 00:39:38,458 --> 00:39:40,083 that I really like your hair. 911 00:39:40,083 --> 00:39:42,542 Thanks, I do it myself. 912 00:39:42,542 --> 00:39:43,834 Really? 913 00:39:43,834 --> 00:39:45,042 I have my own salon. 914 00:39:45,042 --> 00:39:46,792 That's super cool. 915 00:39:46,792 --> 00:39:50,000 Didn't I hear Charlie saying that he has his own salon, too? 916 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,500 Not a salon, a saloon. 917 00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:53,750 Okay. 918 00:39:53,750 --> 00:39:55,750 I drove with him to the vet the other night. 919 00:39:55,750 --> 00:39:58,542 He had a dog under each arm, giving them both mouth-to-mouth. 920 00:39:58,542 --> 00:40:00,583 He's got a lot of heart. 921 00:40:00,583 --> 00:40:03,291 Yeah, and dog breath, sounds like. 922 00:40:03,291 --> 00:40:05,208 Did any of the dogs get a contact drunk? 923 00:40:05,208 --> 00:40:09,083 Yeah, I think the dogs were wondering why I kept checking their IDs. 924 00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,167 You know, he's a good guy. 925 00:40:16,167 --> 00:40:18,209 Yeah, and cute, too, right? 926 00:40:18,209 --> 00:40:19,750 Yeah, he is kinda cute. 927 00:40:19,750 --> 00:40:21,458 Yeah. Super cute. Like I would. 928 00:40:21,458 --> 00:40:23,166 I think I would, too. 929 00:40:23,166 --> 00:40:26,458 Seriously, he's a bit of a charmer and girls love bad boys. 930 00:40:26,458 --> 00:40:28,792 I think he knows he has a problem. 931 00:40:28,792 --> 00:40:32,875 I don't drink. I never have, but my dad was an alcoholic, 932 00:40:32,875 --> 00:40:34,625 so, I know the signs. 933 00:40:34,625 --> 00:40:36,250 BOY: I really wanna kill it. I really wanna kill it. 934 00:40:36,250 --> 00:40:38,042 Just kill it! 935 00:40:38,042 --> 00:40:40,209 No, it's one of God's creatures, don't kill it. 936 00:40:40,209 --> 00:40:41,834 Right? Don't kill it. 937 00:40:41,834 --> 00:40:44,209 Help me, I need... 938 00:40:44,209 --> 00:40:45,542 So, how about you? 939 00:40:45,542 --> 00:40:47,417 Do you work at the courthouse back in the city? 940 00:40:47,417 --> 00:40:49,166 Yeah, I'm a stenographer. 941 00:40:49,166 --> 00:40:51,125 Franklin works in the DA's office. 942 00:40:51,125 --> 00:40:52,417 Does he? Yeah. 943 00:40:52,417 --> 00:40:54,375 Do you ever see him around there? 944 00:40:54,375 --> 00:40:56,917 Yeah, now that... Yeah. I think I have. 945 00:40:58,583 --> 00:41:00,041 Not that often. 946 00:41:00,041 --> 00:41:04,125 You know, I've been meaning to tell you, I'm not here to... 947 00:41:04,125 --> 00:41:05,542 (GIRL SCREAMING) Oh, my God! 948 00:41:06,083 --> 00:41:08,708 Get away from me! 949 00:41:08,708 --> 00:41:10,625 Oh, my God. 950 00:41:10,625 --> 00:41:12,792 Should I buy a tabby or a Siamese cat? 951 00:41:14,417 --> 00:41:16,250 RODRIGO: Okay, cabrons. 952 00:41:16,250 --> 00:41:18,583 Our pick. The eating contest. 953 00:41:18,583 --> 00:41:20,792 Yeah, but not food, huevones. 954 00:41:20,792 --> 00:41:22,125 Habaneros, baby. 955 00:41:22,125 --> 00:41:24,125 Hot peppers, bro. 956 00:41:24,125 --> 00:41:26,166 You gotta eat as many as you can in three minutes. 957 00:41:26,166 --> 00:41:28,333 And habaneros... 958 00:41:28,333 --> 00:41:31,125 Habaneros are the Devil's food. Yup. 959 00:41:31,125 --> 00:41:32,458 They can't be that bad. 960 00:41:32,458 --> 00:41:34,417 You're about to find out. 961 00:41:34,417 --> 00:41:36,000 Can I eat for the family? 962 00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,291 Yeah, Gravy, you can eat for the family for sure. 963 00:41:38,291 --> 00:41:40,750 'Cause habaneros are organic, 964 00:41:40,750 --> 00:41:42,750 and I do non-pharmaceuticals really well. 965 00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:44,125 Yeah. 966 00:41:44,125 --> 00:41:47,125 Yeah. Like, one time I got lost in the desert. Yeah. 967 00:41:47,125 --> 00:41:50,208 I had to eat 67 mushrooms to survive. 968 00:41:50,208 --> 00:41:51,708 Caps and stems? 969 00:41:51,708 --> 00:41:53,000 The whole thing. 970 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:55,333 I hallucinated for 15 days. 971 00:41:55,333 --> 00:41:57,792 My diarrhea tasted like honey. ALL: Ugh! 972 00:41:57,792 --> 00:41:59,792 TOMMY: That's beautiful, Gravy. 973 00:41:59,792 --> 00:42:01,750 That's your son-in-law? 974 00:42:01,750 --> 00:42:02,959 Your brother-in-law? 975 00:42:02,959 --> 00:42:04,125 Yes, my brother-in-law. 976 00:42:04,125 --> 00:42:05,917 That's your brother. In-law. 977 00:42:05,917 --> 00:42:09,042 You said that like you might have seen him naked or something. 978 00:42:09,042 --> 00:42:10,500 (LAUGHS) 979 00:42:10,500 --> 00:42:12,209 All right, fool, I got this. 980 00:42:12,209 --> 00:42:14,209 No, clown, I love habaneros. 981 00:42:14,209 --> 00:42:16,125 What are you talking about? Who you calling a clown, man? 982 00:42:16,125 --> 00:42:18,167 I can eat so many more habaneros than you, I always have. 983 00:42:18,167 --> 00:42:19,959 No. 984 00:42:19,959 --> 00:42:21,166 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 985 00:42:21,166 --> 00:42:22,458 You, Papi? 986 00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:25,500 What, he's resurrected. 987 00:42:25,500 --> 00:42:28,834 It's like it's Easter or something. 988 00:42:28,834 --> 00:42:31,250 I've been eating habaneros for 65 years. 989 00:42:31,250 --> 00:42:33,125 I will win for the familia. 990 00:42:33,125 --> 00:42:36,291 Mira. This is what I have been whittling? 991 00:42:36,291 --> 00:42:39,250 Ocho! (WHISTLES) (SPEAKS SPANISH) 992 00:42:40,167 --> 00:42:41,500 For cervezas. 993 00:42:41,500 --> 00:42:46,250 Ocho is now an official St. Bernardo. 994 00:42:46,250 --> 00:42:47,333 (LAUGHING) Whoo! 995 00:42:47,333 --> 00:42:49,041 Papi made a joke. Yeah. 996 00:42:49,041 --> 00:42:51,500 Habaneros are nothing to Mexicans. 997 00:42:51,500 --> 00:42:55,042 We put hot sauce on our hot sauce. 998 00:42:55,042 --> 00:42:56,125 (ALL LAUGHING) 999 00:42:56,125 --> 00:42:57,583 He made another joke. 1000 00:42:57,583 --> 00:42:58,458 That's awesome. 1001 00:42:58,458 --> 00:43:00,458 I'm ready. Let's do this. 1002 00:43:00,458 --> 00:43:03,458 All right, pendejos, the timer is set. 1003 00:43:03,458 --> 00:43:06,625 Three, two, one, go! 1004 00:43:06,625 --> 00:43:09,708 (ALL SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENTS) 1005 00:43:34,125 --> 00:43:37,041 There's something going on in my fucking mouth! 1006 00:43:39,917 --> 00:43:41,792 Look at that. 1007 00:43:41,792 --> 00:43:43,875 Do men... Do you think men ever get like 1008 00:43:43,875 --> 00:43:47,125 a POV of themselves and just go, 1009 00:43:47,125 --> 00:43:49,041 "We're really stupid"? 1010 00:43:50,209 --> 00:43:51,208 (ALL CLAMORING) 1011 00:43:54,125 --> 00:43:55,125 (YELLING) 1012 00:43:59,042 --> 00:44:00,041 BOTH: Oh! 1013 00:44:03,667 --> 00:44:04,667 (SCREAMING) 1014 00:44:06,041 --> 00:44:11,041 (SCREAM ECHOING) 1015 00:44:11,041 --> 00:44:17,417 "May the Devil use your backbone as a trellis to pick apples in hell." 1016 00:44:17,417 --> 00:44:20,625 To you, Mr. DiMaggio, and to you, Dr. Freud. 1017 00:44:20,625 --> 00:44:23,834 SHANTAYSIA: "If you don't know where you're going, there are plenty of roads." 1018 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:32,125 Okay. So, she's not just crazy beautiful, 1019 00:44:32,125 --> 00:44:34,458 she's actually smart enough 1020 00:44:34,458 --> 00:44:36,250 to see right through me. 1021 00:44:36,250 --> 00:44:38,083 She needed to look past the train wreck he is 1022 00:44:38,083 --> 00:44:39,750 and see the man that was crying when he 1023 00:44:39,750 --> 00:44:41,333 thought the doggies wouldn't make it. 1024 00:44:41,333 --> 00:44:43,084 Okay, that's a... That's a turnoff. 1025 00:44:43,084 --> 00:44:46,209 May I just say I'm not usually the crying type. 1026 00:44:46,209 --> 00:44:48,042 I thought it was sweet, you know, 1027 00:44:48,042 --> 00:44:50,041 you crying like a little sissy. 1028 00:44:50,041 --> 00:44:54,417 I cried because when I was giving them mouth-to-snout, 1029 00:44:54,417 --> 00:44:56,542 Ocho slipped me some tongue. 1030 00:44:56,542 --> 00:45:01,792 I can still taste the lamb and carrots. 1031 00:45:01,792 --> 00:45:04,000 Okay, okay. Let's... Let's recap. 1032 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:07,542 I know I come off like a... Like a bit of a tough guy, 1033 00:45:07,542 --> 00:45:13,208 but I do cry when I see that doggies are hurt, and you're half naked... 1034 00:45:13,208 --> 00:45:15,042 I'm sorry about that. 1035 00:45:15,042 --> 00:45:16,458 Are you? 1036 00:45:18,333 --> 00:45:20,500 CHARLIE: Oh, shit. 1037 00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:22,959 Don't move. That's a coral snake. 1038 00:45:22,959 --> 00:45:24,208 You'll be totally safe 1039 00:45:24,208 --> 00:45:26,750 if you stand there, just like that, 1040 00:45:26,750 --> 00:45:29,417 backlit by the sun, looking perfect. 1041 00:45:31,208 --> 00:45:33,208 Damn it! You moved! 1042 00:45:33,208 --> 00:45:34,625 Now you look awful. 1043 00:45:34,625 --> 00:45:36,875 You went from looking like a goddess, 1044 00:45:36,875 --> 00:45:39,375 to a favela in a bikini. 1045 00:45:40,583 --> 00:45:43,125 SHANTAYSIA: What are we gonna do? 1046 00:45:43,125 --> 00:45:45,959 If we meld as one, 1047 00:45:45,959 --> 00:45:49,000 it'll see us as a much larger and greater threat, 1048 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:52,458 and then slither away sheepishly. 1049 00:45:53,959 --> 00:45:57,041 So, this is us melding. 1050 00:45:57,041 --> 00:45:59,792 Here we go. Whoa, whoa. 1051 00:45:59,792 --> 00:46:02,959 In Chapter 7 in one of the most brilliant novels I've ever read, 1052 00:46:02,959 --> 00:46:06,000 the main character finds a coral snake in their barn. 1053 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,333 Roger tells her, "Red over yellow kills a fellow. 1054 00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:10,125 "Red over black, venom lack." 1055 00:46:10,125 --> 00:46:12,125 So, our little friend over there isn't poisonous. 1056 00:46:12,708 --> 00:46:14,000 Wow. 1057 00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,291 You read my novel? Twice. 1058 00:46:16,291 --> 00:46:18,042 So, I guess you know what a... 1059 00:46:18,042 --> 00:46:19,291 What a cliche I am. 1060 00:46:19,291 --> 00:46:20,708 A writer who drinks. 1061 00:46:20,708 --> 00:46:22,834 You forgot to mention "tortured." 1062 00:46:22,834 --> 00:46:25,500 And I left out "scared and insecure." 1063 00:46:25,500 --> 00:46:26,542 Ah-ha! 1064 00:46:26,542 --> 00:46:29,125 Well, perhaps that is why I drink. 1065 00:46:29,125 --> 00:46:30,542 But we never see you drink, 1066 00:46:30,542 --> 00:46:32,250 because we're always distracted by 1067 00:46:32,250 --> 00:46:34,125 the things you're pointing to, you know? 1068 00:46:34,125 --> 00:46:36,209 Justin Bieber, dumpster fires, 1069 00:46:36,209 --> 00:46:38,125 24-hour Popeyes Chicken... 1070 00:46:38,125 --> 00:46:41,750 The really tall midget, enlightened trucker. 1071 00:46:42,375 --> 00:46:44,042 Silent bagpipes, 1072 00:46:44,042 --> 00:46:46,250 Pete Best, Blockbuster Video. 1073 00:46:46,250 --> 00:46:48,042 The cast of Breakfast Club, 1074 00:46:48,042 --> 00:46:49,834 and one of my favorites, 1075 00:46:49,834 --> 00:46:52,041 "That cloud looks like a drag queen." 1076 00:46:52,041 --> 00:46:53,625 Let me see if I got this straight. 1077 00:46:53,625 --> 00:46:56,291 You wrote one novel, got lots of critical praise, 1078 00:46:56,291 --> 00:46:58,750 then you finished? What happened? 1079 00:47:01,959 --> 00:47:03,417 Wait a second. 1080 00:47:03,417 --> 00:47:06,500 Is that Charlie Jones over there? 1081 00:47:07,458 --> 00:47:09,959 Behind an empty typewriter? 1082 00:47:09,959 --> 00:47:14,250 Frozen, hammered, alone? 1083 00:47:14,250 --> 00:47:15,959 No, it isn't. 1084 00:47:15,959 --> 00:47:18,041 I guess if my head was filled with that kind of crap, 1085 00:47:18,041 --> 00:47:19,875 I'd probably drink, too. 1086 00:47:19,875 --> 00:47:21,208 But I don't. 1087 00:47:21,208 --> 00:47:23,083 So, good luck with your travels. 1088 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,875 Wait. What if I... 1089 00:47:27,875 --> 00:47:31,042 What if I didn't drink? 1090 00:47:31,042 --> 00:47:33,166 I guess we'll never know. 1091 00:47:33,166 --> 00:47:35,834 But I do know you are a brilliant writer. 1092 00:47:51,458 --> 00:47:54,875 I swear, that was not me peeing. 1093 00:48:05,458 --> 00:48:08,375 Last one to drop their hand off the car wins. 1094 00:48:08,375 --> 00:48:09,875 Ocho. (WHISTLES) 1095 00:48:09,875 --> 00:48:11,291 (BARKING) 1096 00:48:14,083 --> 00:48:15,333 Gracias. 1097 00:48:16,750 --> 00:48:21,291 Uncle Gravy saw some bad boys right over there. 1098 00:48:21,291 --> 00:48:24,875 Yeah. Yeah, you gotta be real careful. 1099 00:48:24,875 --> 00:48:28,084 They got 10,000 eyes. 1100 00:48:28,084 --> 00:48:29,959 Kind of like my ex-wife. 1101 00:48:29,959 --> 00:48:31,291 Are you gonna do it? 1102 00:48:31,291 --> 00:48:34,375 It's been a long time. I'm scared. 1103 00:48:34,375 --> 00:48:36,041 Do it. You won't. No balls. 1104 00:48:37,708 --> 00:48:39,583 "No balls"? 1105 00:48:42,125 --> 00:48:43,209 (INSECT BUZZES) 1106 00:48:43,209 --> 00:48:45,042 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 1107 00:48:45,042 --> 00:48:46,875 I got him! I got him! 1108 00:48:46,875 --> 00:48:48,667 I gotcha! You're gonna... 1109 00:48:49,209 --> 00:48:50,583 Ahem! 1110 00:48:50,583 --> 00:48:54,208 Yeah. I need one of your hairs. 1111 00:48:54,208 --> 00:48:56,834 You're ready for your little leash? 1112 00:48:56,834 --> 00:48:59,625 (LAUGHING) 1113 00:48:59,625 --> 00:49:02,208 Que paso, little flower? Yes? 1114 00:49:02,208 --> 00:49:04,209 Dad, what's sex? 1115 00:49:04,209 --> 00:49:06,125 (AWKWARD LAUGHTER) 1116 00:49:06,125 --> 00:49:08,250 Have fun with that one, Dad. 1117 00:49:08,250 --> 00:49:10,250 Listen up. He's got a lot of good advice. 1118 00:49:10,250 --> 00:49:13,291 Yeah, Felipa. Thank you very much. 1119 00:49:13,291 --> 00:49:14,917 What's sex? Tell her, Dad. 1120 00:49:14,917 --> 00:49:16,209 Let's hear it. 1121 00:49:16,209 --> 00:49:19,125 Excuse me. Thank you. 1122 00:49:19,125 --> 00:49:21,291 Um... Uh... 1123 00:49:21,291 --> 00:49:23,125 Sex is like, like... It's... 1124 00:49:23,125 --> 00:49:24,250 It's when you hug someone. 1125 00:49:24,250 --> 00:49:25,667 Come on, brother, that's it? 1126 00:49:25,667 --> 00:49:26,917 Hug real tight. 1127 00:49:26,917 --> 00:49:30,208 So, wait. So, I've had sex with my grandpa. 1128 00:49:30,208 --> 00:49:31,708 I wouldn't be surprised. 1129 00:49:31,708 --> 00:49:33,000 (LAUGHTER) 1130 00:49:34,083 --> 00:49:35,792 Okay. 1131 00:49:35,792 --> 00:49:38,291 Well, I... I guess you're old enough. 1132 00:49:39,500 --> 00:49:46,209 Sex is when Mommy and Daddy hug. 1133 00:49:46,209 --> 00:49:49,834 And we don't have any clothes on. 1134 00:49:49,834 --> 00:49:52,000 Well, you better get naked and start hugging, 1135 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:55,917 'cause they said dinner will be ready in two secs. 1136 00:49:55,917 --> 00:49:58,542 (ALL LAUGHING) 1137 00:49:59,750 --> 00:50:01,875 Yes! Yes! 1138 00:50:01,875 --> 00:50:04,625 Dinner will be ready in two secs! 1139 00:50:04,625 --> 00:50:06,959 TOMMY: He's my son and I love him, 1140 00:50:06,959 --> 00:50:09,792 but, you know, you hate to see 'em struggle. 1141 00:50:09,792 --> 00:50:14,042 This thing that he's struggling with, has this... 1142 00:50:14,042 --> 00:50:16,209 Has this got anything to do with why he's not married 1143 00:50:16,209 --> 00:50:17,875 and not settled down? 1144 00:50:18,625 --> 00:50:19,834 Yeah. 1145 00:50:19,834 --> 00:50:22,209 Well, hopefully he'll figure it out. 1146 00:50:22,209 --> 00:50:24,625 We got a guy coming up that's gonna help with that. 1147 00:50:25,792 --> 00:50:27,708 Oh. 1148 00:50:29,125 --> 00:50:31,042 I get it. 1149 00:50:31,042 --> 00:50:32,792 You do? Yeah. 1150 00:50:32,792 --> 00:50:34,125 Hey, it's fine. 1151 00:50:34,125 --> 00:50:38,875 I mean, every family has got someone who is 1152 00:50:38,875 --> 00:50:39,959 different. 1153 00:50:39,959 --> 00:50:41,583 I mean, and you're a fireman, right? 1154 00:50:41,583 --> 00:50:44,125 I mean, you've probably seen a whole lot of stuff. 1155 00:50:44,125 --> 00:50:46,458 I used to be a fireman. 1156 00:50:46,458 --> 00:50:48,333 Drinking got the best of me. 1157 00:50:48,333 --> 00:50:51,375 I couldn't control it, so, they fired me. 1158 00:50:52,875 --> 00:50:54,083 Tried the Bible. 1159 00:50:54,083 --> 00:50:56,875 Jim Beam vs. John 3:10. 1160 00:50:56,875 --> 00:50:58,125 That didn't work out. 1161 00:50:58,125 --> 00:50:59,166 Jim Beam won? 1162 00:50:59,166 --> 00:51:00,625 Yeah. 1163 00:51:00,625 --> 00:51:05,209 Then I went to AA. Let go and let God... 1164 00:51:05,209 --> 00:51:08,708 And I'm keeping my side of the street clean, you know? 1165 00:51:08,708 --> 00:51:12,500 You know, as a parent, I've made mistakes, too. 1166 00:51:12,500 --> 00:51:14,959 I mean, I know it really bothers Ron Ron 1167 00:51:14,959 --> 00:51:17,792 the way I focus in on Franklin's potential. 1168 00:51:17,792 --> 00:51:21,083 But Ron Ron, he's... (RON RON CLEARS THROAT) 1169 00:51:21,083 --> 00:51:22,208 He's special. 1170 00:51:22,208 --> 00:51:24,750 (CONTINUES CLEARING THROAT) 1171 00:51:26,875 --> 00:51:29,042 "Special." 1172 00:51:29,042 --> 00:51:33,291 You know, a couple of old school guys like you and me... 1173 00:51:34,792 --> 00:51:37,167 Gotta learn it's a new world out there, man. 1174 00:51:37,167 --> 00:51:39,167 New rules. 1175 00:51:39,167 --> 00:51:40,500 Charlie's gonna be all right. 1176 00:51:40,500 --> 00:51:41,500 Yeah. 1177 00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:43,041 And I mean, things... 1178 00:51:43,041 --> 00:51:46,125 Things are a lot easier nowadays for guys like him. 1179 00:51:47,291 --> 00:51:49,667 I'll be right back. 1180 00:51:49,667 --> 00:51:50,500 (INSECT BUZZING) 1181 00:51:50,500 --> 00:51:52,959 It's like a little fly kite. 1182 00:51:52,959 --> 00:51:55,125 He looks like a real goer. 1183 00:51:55,125 --> 00:51:57,041 Watch what I do next here. 1184 00:51:58,250 --> 00:52:00,125 Okay, big guy. 1185 00:52:00,125 --> 00:52:02,333 Time to go to work. 1186 00:52:05,792 --> 00:52:09,041 Going somewhere with all those bells and smells on? 1187 00:52:09,041 --> 00:52:10,250 (BOTH LAUGH) 1188 00:52:10,250 --> 00:52:11,917 I was just about to... 1189 00:52:11,917 --> 00:52:13,333 I know where you're going. 1190 00:52:13,333 --> 00:52:15,041 You do? Yep. 1191 00:52:15,041 --> 00:52:18,167 And I think you two make a great pair. 1192 00:52:18,167 --> 00:52:19,291 You do? Yes! 1193 00:52:19,291 --> 00:52:21,125 I even like the ring of her name. 1194 00:52:21,125 --> 00:52:22,959 Shantaysia. 1195 00:52:24,291 --> 00:52:26,125 Shantaysia. Oh. 1196 00:52:26,125 --> 00:52:27,542 Yeah. Shantaysia. 1197 00:52:27,542 --> 00:52:29,458 Now, look, I know what you're gonna say. 1198 00:52:29,458 --> 00:52:31,875 I know I push a little hard. 1199 00:52:31,875 --> 00:52:33,667 But it's because you got so much promise, 1200 00:52:33,667 --> 00:52:36,209 and I want you to deliver on it. 1201 00:52:36,209 --> 00:52:37,333 See, back in the day, 1202 00:52:37,333 --> 00:52:39,708 when I was coming up your age... 1203 00:52:39,708 --> 00:52:41,375 And the time... 1204 00:52:41,375 --> 00:52:43,042 I never would have dreamed I'd have 1205 00:52:43,042 --> 00:52:45,458 a son that's on the verge of running a city. 1206 00:52:45,458 --> 00:52:48,167 I just want to say to you, son, 1207 00:52:48,167 --> 00:52:50,000 I'm proud of you. Pop. 1208 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,917 Real proud. 1209 00:52:51,917 --> 00:52:53,250 Pop. Thanks, man. 1210 00:52:55,834 --> 00:52:58,500 Now, you go ahead on for your walk. 1211 00:52:59,250 --> 00:53:01,041 And don't make it late. 1212 00:53:01,041 --> 00:53:04,959 No son of mine is gonna take longer than a woman to get ready. 1213 00:53:04,959 --> 00:53:06,208 Come on, man. 1214 00:53:07,625 --> 00:53:10,250 You sound like an episode of Sanford and Son. 1215 00:53:12,125 --> 00:53:13,500 (SIGHS) 1216 00:53:13,500 --> 00:53:16,125 Romance is in the hizzouse. 1217 00:53:17,167 --> 00:53:18,583 Hey, hey. 1218 00:53:18,583 --> 00:53:20,792 Hey, Shay-Shay. Hey. Have a nice walk. 1219 00:53:20,792 --> 00:53:21,834 All right. 1220 00:53:23,208 --> 00:53:25,542 Well, where is he going all dressed up? 1221 00:53:26,250 --> 00:53:27,583 Who isn't here? 1222 00:53:27,583 --> 00:53:29,875 SHARNI: Hey, Charlie, where are you? 1223 00:53:30,875 --> 00:53:32,333 Charlie? 1224 00:53:35,375 --> 00:53:37,542 Charlie and Franklin? 1225 00:53:40,250 --> 00:53:41,750 Oh, Lord. 1226 00:53:47,333 --> 00:53:49,875 Oh, hey. You're here. How you doing? 1227 00:53:50,542 --> 00:53:51,458 I'm good. 1228 00:53:51,458 --> 00:53:53,250 Funny seeing you here. 1229 00:53:53,250 --> 00:53:54,542 Not really. 1230 00:53:54,542 --> 00:53:55,834 Just... 1231 00:53:55,834 --> 00:53:57,291 Well, being that I'm here, you're here, 1232 00:53:57,291 --> 00:53:59,375 I thought we could talk about this whole... 1233 00:54:00,917 --> 00:54:02,333 Fake Mom thing. 1234 00:54:02,333 --> 00:54:03,708 What about it? 1235 00:54:03,708 --> 00:54:05,125 Maybe, well... 1236 00:54:05,125 --> 00:54:08,125 Not that I thought about it a lot, but I did 1237 00:54:08,125 --> 00:54:11,125 jot down some alts, as you kids like to say. 1238 00:54:11,125 --> 00:54:12,625 I've never said that. 1239 00:54:12,625 --> 00:54:14,041 You don't say "alts" for... Okay. 1240 00:54:14,041 --> 00:54:15,417 You wrote all of that? 1241 00:54:15,417 --> 00:54:16,959 Yeah, just a few... 1242 00:54:16,959 --> 00:54:20,291 Just a few alternatives to "Fake Mom." 1243 00:54:20,291 --> 00:54:21,750 Not that I don't love it. 1244 00:54:21,750 --> 00:54:24,750 But I just thought, why not "Trophy Mom"? 1245 00:54:24,750 --> 00:54:27,291 I could be like a Trophy Mom, you know? 1246 00:54:27,291 --> 00:54:28,875 No. No. I always wanted... 1247 00:54:28,875 --> 00:54:33,208 No? Okay, not great. Okay. How about "Mom Again"? 1248 00:54:33,208 --> 00:54:35,042 Mom Again. You know what I mean? 1249 00:54:35,042 --> 00:54:36,834 Like, when you call me, you'll be like, "Mom Again!" 1250 00:54:36,834 --> 00:54:38,250 No. People might think that's... 1251 00:54:38,250 --> 00:54:39,417 Fake Mom. Okay. 1252 00:54:39,417 --> 00:54:41,458 How about "This Mom"? 1253 00:54:41,458 --> 00:54:44,500 This Mom. This Mom. You know what I mean? 1254 00:54:44,500 --> 00:54:46,125 Who would say any of this? 1255 00:54:46,125 --> 00:54:47,166 Probably nobody. 1256 00:54:47,166 --> 00:54:49,291 How about "Other Mom"? "Cute Mom"? 1257 00:54:49,291 --> 00:54:51,166 "Mom Mom"? Cute? "Cute Mom"? 1258 00:54:51,166 --> 00:54:53,458 Okay, "Mom Mom." "Mom Mom" is cute. Right? 1259 00:54:53,458 --> 00:54:55,500 You'll be like, "Mom Mom!" What am I, two years old? 1260 00:54:55,500 --> 00:54:57,125 'Cause it wouldn't be like your first mom... 1261 00:54:57,125 --> 00:55:00,792 I have my real mom, and then I have you. 1262 00:55:00,792 --> 00:55:02,041 Right, and I would never wanna... 1263 00:55:02,041 --> 00:55:03,250 And you are my fake mom. 1264 00:55:03,250 --> 00:55:05,959 And you need to stop trying to act... 1265 00:55:05,959 --> 00:55:07,417 Take the place of her. Yeah, exactly. 1266 00:55:07,417 --> 00:55:08,500 Yeah, I would never. 1267 00:55:08,500 --> 00:55:10,000 Well, you're trying to. 1268 00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:11,583 No, I don't. I wouldn't... 1269 00:55:12,792 --> 00:55:14,750 I think this has been a productive talk. 1270 00:55:15,708 --> 00:55:17,250 All right, well... 1271 00:55:17,250 --> 00:55:18,667 Do you want me to button up your shirt? 1272 00:55:18,667 --> 00:55:20,375 No. Okay. It's supposed to be like that. 1273 00:55:20,375 --> 00:55:21,959 Yeah. Okay. All right. 1274 00:55:21,959 --> 00:55:23,041 All right. 1275 00:55:29,209 --> 00:55:31,208 My family may not win this. 1276 00:55:31,208 --> 00:55:35,041 Which means my plans get flushed. 1277 00:55:35,041 --> 00:55:37,042 You've got to tell your dad. 1278 00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:39,041 We both do. I can't keep lying. 1279 00:55:41,625 --> 00:55:43,417 I know, it's just my dad is crazy. 1280 00:55:43,417 --> 00:55:47,834 It's like he wants me to be mayor someday, so it's... You know? 1281 00:55:47,834 --> 00:55:52,084 Yeah. And you can't do that with a Mexican woman by your side. 1282 00:55:52,084 --> 00:55:53,750 What? I didn't say that. 1283 00:55:53,750 --> 00:55:56,000 What... I mean, why did you... Look, Franklin, 1284 00:55:56,000 --> 00:55:58,083 I'm glad that you worry about your father. 1285 00:55:58,083 --> 00:56:00,209 I worry about my father, too. 1286 00:56:00,209 --> 00:56:05,084 They want so much for us, even though sometimes it's misguided. 1287 00:56:05,084 --> 00:56:10,417 But I think that we've been fooling ourselves hoping that this will work. 1288 00:56:10,417 --> 00:56:12,333 What are you talking about? 1289 00:56:12,333 --> 00:56:16,375 We were going to lean on each other, but maybe we can't. 1290 00:56:16,375 --> 00:56:18,583 And it's better that we learn it now, 1291 00:56:18,583 --> 00:56:21,458 before we commit to something that isn't gonna work. 1292 00:56:21,458 --> 00:56:22,917 Felipa, what are you saying? 1293 00:56:24,167 --> 00:56:25,917 Making it easier on both of us. 1294 00:56:27,834 --> 00:56:28,917 What? 1295 00:56:30,333 --> 00:56:31,708 Felipa, what are you doing? 1296 00:56:32,083 --> 00:56:33,542 Felipa. 1297 00:56:34,125 --> 00:56:35,375 (SIGHS) 1298 00:56:37,125 --> 00:56:38,458 Fuck! 1299 00:56:40,083 --> 00:56:41,959 (RON RON CLEARING THROAT) 1300 00:56:44,959 --> 00:56:47,083 Ron Ron, I told you to knock that off. 1301 00:56:47,083 --> 00:56:50,083 You're gonna mess around and put a hole in the back of your neck. 1302 00:56:50,083 --> 00:56:52,125 So, you're just telling me stuff, huh? 1303 00:56:52,125 --> 00:56:53,250 You told me? 1304 00:56:53,250 --> 00:56:54,291 Yeah, I told you. 1305 00:56:54,291 --> 00:56:55,625 You told me? 1306 00:56:55,625 --> 00:56:56,458 Yes. 1307 00:56:56,458 --> 00:56:57,875 KID: Okay. KID: Okay. 1308 00:56:57,875 --> 00:56:59,125 Okay. 1309 00:56:59,125 --> 00:57:00,458 JOSE: That's it, Ron Ron. 1310 00:57:00,458 --> 00:57:01,959 Wear those pants, brother. 1311 00:57:01,959 --> 00:57:04,166 That way you tell your wife who's the boss, brother. 1312 00:57:05,750 --> 00:57:07,417 You know something? Watch this. 1313 00:57:08,041 --> 00:57:10,041 Keko, check this out. 1314 00:57:10,041 --> 00:57:13,625 I'm in this contest where I keep my hand on this damn car, 1315 00:57:13,625 --> 00:57:15,125 so I can win for the family. 1316 00:57:15,125 --> 00:57:16,750 I'm a little thirsty now. 1317 00:57:16,750 --> 00:57:19,209 I want you to go get me one of those beers, 1318 00:57:19,209 --> 00:57:20,333 open the top, 1319 00:57:20,333 --> 00:57:22,083 and put the beer on my lips, 1320 00:57:22,083 --> 00:57:23,708 and pour it in my mouth. 1321 00:57:23,708 --> 00:57:25,167 Now! 1322 00:57:25,167 --> 00:57:26,500 KEKO: Bullshit! 1323 00:57:26,500 --> 00:57:29,417 Do I look like somebody who's gonna pop a beer, 1324 00:57:29,417 --> 00:57:32,542 put it on your lips and pour it down your throat? 1325 00:57:33,125 --> 00:57:34,458 Never mind, baby. 1326 00:57:34,458 --> 00:57:36,458 He trippin'. RON RON: Shantaysia! 1327 00:57:36,458 --> 00:57:40,708 I need you to snap a cap for me right now! 1328 00:57:40,708 --> 00:57:41,708 I don't think so. 1329 00:57:43,209 --> 00:57:44,834 God damn! 1330 00:57:44,834 --> 00:57:48,000 Wow! What a beautiful thing. I mean, look. 1331 00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:52,042 Every creed, race, and creed 1332 00:57:52,042 --> 00:57:54,959 just hanging loose. It's... 1333 00:57:56,417 --> 00:57:58,125 I wanna give a speech. 1334 00:58:03,542 --> 00:58:05,000 Uh... 1335 00:58:05,000 --> 00:58:08,000 So, you gonna make that speech, hopper, or what? 1336 00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,250 Well, I gotta write something down first. 1337 00:58:11,708 --> 00:58:13,208 That man is out of his mind. 1338 00:58:13,208 --> 00:58:14,583 He's a lunatic, man. 1339 00:58:15,125 --> 00:58:16,542 (SNORING) 1340 00:58:16,542 --> 00:58:18,375 What's up, guys? Yeah. 1341 00:58:18,375 --> 00:58:20,209 What's up, Charlie? 1342 00:58:20,209 --> 00:58:21,625 You smell what I'm stepping in? 1343 00:58:21,625 --> 00:58:23,291 JOSE: Smell something, brother. 1344 00:58:23,291 --> 00:58:25,125 Yeah, the kids used to say that. 1345 00:58:25,125 --> 00:58:27,209 What kids used to say that? I don't... 1346 00:58:27,209 --> 00:58:29,333 I heard a couple of kids say it. 1347 00:58:29,333 --> 00:58:31,333 JOSE: Hey, Charlie, man. 1348 00:58:31,333 --> 00:58:33,333 I see your hybrid's got all the latest gadgets, man, that's pretty cool. 1349 00:58:33,333 --> 00:58:36,042 It's like Star Trek. 1350 00:58:36,042 --> 00:58:37,875 What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1351 00:58:37,875 --> 00:58:41,000 You got one of those special force fields. What do they call it? 1352 00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:42,125 Pussy deflector. 1353 00:58:42,125 --> 00:58:43,250 (LAUGHING) 1354 00:58:43,250 --> 00:58:45,000 Charlie, where were you? 1355 00:58:45,000 --> 00:58:46,625 I was in the lake, washing up. 1356 00:58:46,625 --> 00:58:48,792 Yeah? Did you wash behind your ears, fool? 1357 00:58:50,417 --> 00:58:53,667 ♪ Did you wash behind your ears? 1358 00:58:56,208 --> 00:58:58,542 ♪ Wash behind the ears 1359 00:58:58,542 --> 00:59:01,583 ♪ Why don't you shut the fuck up? ♪ 1360 00:59:01,583 --> 00:59:03,625 You know, Jose, maybe you should try washing. 1361 00:59:03,625 --> 00:59:06,125 I mean, even your tent has skid marks. 1362 00:59:06,125 --> 00:59:08,917 And don't be too stingy with the Lever 2000. 1363 00:59:08,917 --> 00:59:12,291 Maybe you should call them and see if they've got a Lever 10000. 1364 00:59:12,291 --> 00:59:13,750 Dude, what are you talking about, man? 1365 00:59:13,750 --> 00:59:15,166 That's pheromones. The chicks dig that. 1366 00:59:15,166 --> 00:59:16,708 RON RON: Jose does smell. 1367 00:59:17,792 --> 00:59:19,209 You got that right. 1368 00:59:19,209 --> 00:59:20,792 Hey, pass me that bullhorn. 1369 00:59:21,583 --> 00:59:22,834 What? 1370 00:59:22,834 --> 00:59:25,625 Thank you. Wait. There's the switch. 1371 00:59:25,625 --> 00:59:27,583 Hey, y'all. 1372 00:59:27,583 --> 00:59:30,250 Jose's BO smell so bad, 1373 00:59:30,250 --> 00:59:32,250 he need the Right and the Left Guard. 1374 00:59:32,250 --> 00:59:34,750 (ALL LAUGHING) 1375 00:59:34,750 --> 00:59:37,125 You get it? 'Cause it's the Right Guard, that's what it's called. 1376 00:59:37,125 --> 00:59:40,083 And he smells, so he needs both sides of it, 'cause there's the left... 1377 00:59:40,083 --> 00:59:42,084 Yeah, they got it. They got it. 1378 00:59:42,084 --> 00:59:44,125 Y'all didn't like that one? Okay, I got another one for you. 1379 00:59:44,125 --> 00:59:49,458 What is the flattest surface that you could iron anything on? 1380 00:59:51,042 --> 00:59:52,583 A white girl's ass. 1381 00:59:53,708 --> 00:59:55,333 See, that's true. 1382 00:59:55,333 --> 00:59:57,792 Hey! Bullshit! Bullshit! 1383 00:59:57,792 --> 01:00:01,083 Check out this masterpiece of assery. 1384 01:00:01,667 --> 01:00:02,834 Yeah. 1385 01:00:02,834 --> 01:00:03,959 Yeah, yeah. 1386 01:00:03,959 --> 01:00:05,458 Mind if I do a little tucking? 1387 01:00:05,458 --> 01:00:07,875 JOSE: I don't know. It looks pretty flat to me. 1388 01:00:07,875 --> 01:00:09,667 Hold on, wait a minute. Maybe this is a bad angle. 1389 01:00:09,667 --> 01:00:11,333 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You check it out. 1390 01:00:11,333 --> 01:00:13,125 We got a challenge on the play, ladies and gentlemen. 1391 01:00:13,125 --> 01:00:14,959 Yeah. 1392 01:00:14,959 --> 01:00:16,458 Yeah, my bad. 1393 01:00:16,458 --> 01:00:18,208 I was wrong. You're right. Okay, I'll concede the point. 1394 01:00:18,208 --> 01:00:20,209 I got one, I got one. 1395 01:00:20,209 --> 01:00:21,500 All right... 1396 01:00:21,500 --> 01:00:24,542 Okay, y'all. What's 9 inches long and white? 1397 01:00:25,792 --> 01:00:28,209 Anybody? Anybody? 1398 01:00:28,209 --> 01:00:29,792 Not a damn thing! 1399 01:00:29,792 --> 01:00:32,125 (ALL LAUGHING) 1400 01:00:33,542 --> 01:00:34,542 Really? 1401 01:00:34,542 --> 01:00:36,000 Really? I call bullshit. 1402 01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:37,209 Yeah? 1403 01:00:37,209 --> 01:00:40,542 Check out this masterpiece of dickery. 1404 01:00:41,083 --> 01:00:43,042 No. No. 1405 01:00:43,042 --> 01:00:45,125 All right, all right. Fine, fine, fine. Give me that horn. 1406 01:00:45,125 --> 01:00:47,167 See? That's how it starts. Give me the horn. 1407 01:00:47,167 --> 01:00:49,834 And now Charlie has taken the bullhorn, ladies and gentlemen. 1408 01:00:49,834 --> 01:00:51,375 This competition is heating up. 1409 01:00:51,375 --> 01:00:53,250 Let's see what he's got. 1410 01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:55,166 Did you hear about the black guy and the Mexican guy 1411 01:00:55,166 --> 01:00:57,083 that opened a restaurant together? 1412 01:00:57,083 --> 01:00:59,083 WOMAN: No. It's called Nacho Mama. 1413 01:01:00,542 --> 01:01:02,458 Wait. 1414 01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:04,208 Hey, what happens when a white guy 1415 01:01:04,208 --> 01:01:06,167 with a boner walks into a wall? 1416 01:01:06,167 --> 01:01:08,041 What? He breaks his nose. 1417 01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:14,250 Franklin. 1418 01:01:14,250 --> 01:01:15,125 Franklin, he takes the bullhorn. 1419 01:01:15,125 --> 01:01:17,000 All right. 1420 01:01:17,000 --> 01:01:20,083 Why do white people love hockey? 1421 01:01:20,083 --> 01:01:21,417 Why? Why is that? 1422 01:01:21,417 --> 01:01:23,208 Because if they can't be a cop, 1423 01:01:23,208 --> 01:01:25,166 that's the only chance they get to beat something black. 1424 01:01:26,042 --> 01:01:27,542 Oh! 1425 01:01:29,167 --> 01:01:31,500 In your face! 1426 01:01:31,500 --> 01:01:33,209 What do you call a black man in a suit? 1427 01:01:33,209 --> 01:01:34,625 What? 1428 01:01:34,625 --> 01:01:35,917 The defendant. 1429 01:01:39,166 --> 01:01:42,834 I got one, I got one, you guys, wait for this. Ready? 1430 01:01:42,834 --> 01:01:45,000 Ladies and gentlemen, looks like the pole dancer 1431 01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:46,625 wants to enter the competition. 1432 01:01:46,625 --> 01:01:49,041 She's teeing it up, let's see what she's got. 1433 01:01:49,041 --> 01:01:53,542 What do you call a black... Wait... 1434 01:01:54,583 --> 01:01:57,125 Oh! And Daisy Duke's got nothing. 1435 01:01:57,125 --> 01:01:59,500 You know, fuck this shit. 1436 01:01:59,500 --> 01:02:01,917 All right. Well, there's some good news and bad news. 1437 01:02:01,917 --> 01:02:04,417 While she had the bullhorn, ratings spiked, 1438 01:02:04,417 --> 01:02:07,875 but the bad news is everybody's IQ went down. 1439 01:02:07,875 --> 01:02:08,875 (ALL LAUGHING) 1440 01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:16,083 JOSE: Okay, all right, all right. I got one for you. 1441 01:02:16,083 --> 01:02:18,959 Hey! What do white women make for dinner? 1442 01:02:18,959 --> 01:02:20,042 What? 1443 01:02:20,042 --> 01:02:21,166 Reservations. 1444 01:02:23,708 --> 01:02:24,875 (LAUGHING) 1445 01:02:24,875 --> 01:02:26,875 Oh, no, and ladies and gentlemen, 1446 01:02:26,875 --> 01:02:29,667 the park rangers are getting involved in the competition. 1447 01:02:29,667 --> 01:02:31,625 And either this brother is colorblind 1448 01:02:31,625 --> 01:02:34,333 or he is just flat out helping the wrong family. 1449 01:02:36,083 --> 01:02:37,208 You sure about that? 1450 01:02:37,208 --> 01:02:39,209 They'll love it. 1451 01:02:39,209 --> 01:02:42,208 When a black and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? 1452 01:02:42,208 --> 01:02:43,291 (INSECT BUZZING) (SNORING) 1453 01:02:43,291 --> 01:02:45,458 Who? The cop. 1454 01:02:49,208 --> 01:02:53,000 Yeah, okay, brother, go on, check on out. Okay, thank you. 1455 01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:56,041 Yeah, you can go on and clock out. Thank you. 1456 01:02:56,041 --> 01:02:58,708 And now, Franklin takes the bullhorn. 1457 01:02:58,708 --> 01:03:01,375 Let's see if he can pull one out for his team. 1458 01:03:01,375 --> 01:03:05,042 All right. Why do white folks have so many pets? 1459 01:03:05,042 --> 01:03:06,250 Why? 1460 01:03:06,250 --> 01:03:07,708 'Cause they can't own people anymore. 1461 01:03:09,500 --> 01:03:12,208 Boom! Drops the bullhorn. That's right. 1462 01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:16,041 Hey! Ya, ya, ya! 1463 01:03:16,041 --> 01:03:17,875 Ya! 1464 01:03:17,875 --> 01:03:19,166 Hey, hey, hey! 1465 01:03:20,417 --> 01:03:22,875 What's going on, everybody? 1466 01:03:22,875 --> 01:03:24,125 My name is Johnny Jon-John. 1467 01:03:24,125 --> 01:03:25,375 I'll be running the intervention. 1468 01:03:25,375 --> 01:03:27,375 And it is for Charlie Jones. 1469 01:03:27,375 --> 01:03:28,917 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is there a Charlie Jones... 1470 01:03:28,917 --> 01:03:30,125 No, no, not now. 1471 01:03:30,125 --> 01:03:32,125 An intervention for me? 1472 01:03:32,125 --> 01:03:36,250 No, no, no. You can go now. We don't need you. We're fine. 1473 01:03:36,250 --> 01:03:37,875 I should have seen you a mile away. 1474 01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:39,458 Yes, sir, let's get right to it. 1475 01:03:39,458 --> 01:03:42,250 Anybody want to speak up about this joker? 1476 01:03:44,000 --> 01:03:45,834 Okay. I'll go. 1477 01:03:45,834 --> 01:03:48,667 All right. This is an intervention. 1478 01:03:48,667 --> 01:03:50,834 Tenth one's free. Another joke we do. 1479 01:03:50,834 --> 01:03:52,375 I like to lighten the mood a little bit 1480 01:03:52,375 --> 01:03:54,250 when someone's heading to the grave. 1481 01:03:54,250 --> 01:03:57,875 Your family put together a list of things you've done while drunk. 1482 01:03:57,875 --> 01:04:00,000 They've put together a list? Yeah. 1483 01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:01,083 That's how it works. 1484 01:04:01,083 --> 01:04:02,375 Give us the short list. 1485 01:04:02,375 --> 01:04:06,083 Let's see. You burned down a farm, 1486 01:04:06,083 --> 01:04:09,291 with a barn and three cows? 1487 01:04:09,291 --> 01:04:11,375 They were goats. They were goats. 1488 01:04:12,167 --> 01:04:13,834 Only goats. 1489 01:04:13,834 --> 01:04:16,041 Well, that's cool. He's a great guy. 1490 01:04:16,041 --> 01:04:17,417 ♪ For he's a jolly... ♪ 1491 01:04:17,417 --> 01:04:19,834 No, you're horrible. I'm kidding again. 1492 01:04:19,834 --> 01:04:23,875 It keeps going. You got drunk at a carnival and you shot a fireman? 1493 01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:25,125 CHARLIE: He was off-duty. 1494 01:04:25,125 --> 01:04:27,375 And a bit shifty. 1495 01:04:27,375 --> 01:04:29,250 Oh. Okay, "off-duty and shifty." 1496 01:04:29,250 --> 01:04:30,542 He was shifty. 1497 01:04:30,542 --> 01:04:32,375 Sounds to me like you're enabling. 1498 01:04:32,375 --> 01:04:36,000 That's a pretty big word for something that I'm not really doing. 1499 01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:37,708 You unbolted the Ferris wheel, too? 1500 01:04:37,708 --> 01:04:41,458 Yeah, it's a wheel, so it could roll away. 1501 01:04:41,458 --> 01:04:43,792 To give it a head start for the next town. 1502 01:04:43,792 --> 01:04:44,625 Hello? 1503 01:04:44,625 --> 01:04:45,959 You shaved a librarian's head? 1504 01:04:45,959 --> 01:04:47,750 She may have had lice. 1505 01:04:47,750 --> 01:04:51,084 All right, and you pushed your cousin Bobby down some stairs. 1506 01:04:51,084 --> 01:04:52,333 He had lice. He had lice. 1507 01:04:52,333 --> 01:04:54,458 Right. He's got the RID and the comb. 1508 01:04:54,458 --> 01:04:56,125 All right, you did him a favor. 1509 01:04:56,125 --> 01:05:00,625 Did you shoot 72 bottle rockets at your old high school? 1510 01:05:00,625 --> 01:05:03,125 Let's just say that I enhanced its curb appeal. 1511 01:05:03,125 --> 01:05:04,917 And most of them were duds. 1512 01:05:04,917 --> 01:05:06,417 Over 50%? Duh! 1513 01:05:06,417 --> 01:05:08,834 Holy shit, what am I doing here? 1514 01:05:08,834 --> 01:05:10,208 What a waste of my time. 1515 01:05:10,208 --> 01:05:12,041 This guy seems fine to me. You single? 1516 01:05:13,167 --> 01:05:15,792 Uh... I... 1517 01:05:15,792 --> 01:05:18,417 I am, but now that you mention it, 1518 01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:20,458 I was, 1519 01:05:20,458 --> 01:05:25,125 but a few hours ago, I'm... Now I'm not... Not... No. 1520 01:05:25,125 --> 01:05:26,333 Final answer? 1521 01:05:26,333 --> 01:05:28,000 Final answer. 1522 01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:30,166 I wasn't even talking to you. I was talking to her. 1523 01:05:30,166 --> 01:05:32,208 Me? Holy God. 1524 01:05:32,208 --> 01:05:34,375 Sounds like a no. CHARLIE: You know what? 1525 01:05:34,375 --> 01:05:36,959 This, this, this... This whole "event" 1526 01:05:36,959 --> 01:05:39,291 can mange my taint. 1527 01:05:39,291 --> 01:05:41,792 I don't need this intervention. 1528 01:05:41,792 --> 01:05:43,542 Well, I fucking don't need it either. 1529 01:05:43,542 --> 01:05:45,500 All right, I'm Audi like five thouty. 1530 01:05:45,500 --> 01:05:48,209 Anybody need weed, holler at your boy. 1531 01:05:48,209 --> 01:05:50,875 It's nice out here. I'm joking! 1532 01:05:50,875 --> 01:05:54,084 This place is fun if I was the Zika virus. 1533 01:05:54,084 --> 01:05:55,917 Uber! 1534 01:05:55,917 --> 01:05:57,625 What the hell was that all about? 1535 01:05:57,625 --> 01:06:00,042 Look, son, we didn't mean to. 1536 01:06:00,042 --> 01:06:01,583 Shit. 1537 01:06:01,583 --> 01:06:03,500 Took my hand off the car. 1538 01:06:03,500 --> 01:06:07,208 Yeah. So, now it's just me and Mr. Jonas. 1539 01:06:07,208 --> 01:06:08,875 JOSE: Oh, no, Papi's going to swat the fly. 1540 01:06:08,875 --> 01:06:10,000 No, no, no. 1541 01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:12,042 Papi, Papi, Papi, wake up! What are you doing? 1542 01:06:12,042 --> 01:06:13,625 Pop! What? 1543 01:06:13,625 --> 01:06:15,542 Dad. You let go of the door, Pops. 1544 01:06:16,291 --> 01:06:18,500 I won! I won! I won, I won! 1545 01:06:18,500 --> 01:06:21,583 We won! Oh, my gosh! I've never won anything before! 1546 01:06:23,542 --> 01:06:25,458 We won? 1547 01:06:25,458 --> 01:06:28,166 Hey, I'm gonna give that speech now! 1548 01:06:28,166 --> 01:06:31,166 We are the champions! 1549 01:06:32,209 --> 01:06:35,417 You cannot deny a Jones! 1550 01:06:35,417 --> 01:06:38,291 With a family-first attitude, 1551 01:06:38,291 --> 01:06:40,834 we fought for victory, 1552 01:06:40,834 --> 01:06:43,125 and we girded our loins, 1553 01:06:43,125 --> 01:06:44,542 and marched to infamy. 1554 01:06:44,542 --> 01:06:46,084 Yes! 1555 01:06:46,084 --> 01:06:49,041 We are number one! 1556 01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:52,125 Is it raining? 1557 01:06:52,125 --> 01:06:54,542 Well, we won. 1558 01:06:54,542 --> 01:06:57,166 But it was kind of fun the way it turned out. Why doesn't everybody stay? 1559 01:06:57,166 --> 01:07:01,209 I agree! Let's just everybody stay and enjoy the weekend. 1560 01:07:01,209 --> 01:07:02,875 All right, we'll stay. 1561 01:07:02,875 --> 01:07:05,375 But you gotta be able to keep a leash on your son Charlie. 1562 01:07:05,375 --> 01:07:07,792 What? Wait, wait, wait. 1563 01:07:07,792 --> 01:07:09,583 What the hell did that just mean? 1564 01:07:09,583 --> 01:07:14,375 Madonna, some pendejo tied a pinche mosca on my shirt. 1565 01:07:15,041 --> 01:07:17,000 With a blonde hair. 1566 01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:18,250 The whites cheated. 1567 01:07:18,250 --> 01:07:20,209 Hey, I mean, come on, now. 1568 01:07:20,209 --> 01:07:24,125 The whites cheated and now Charlie is after my son Franklin. 1569 01:07:24,125 --> 01:07:25,917 What? What? 1570 01:07:25,917 --> 01:07:27,291 Pops, what are you talking about? 1571 01:07:27,291 --> 01:07:28,834 Come on, now, Franklin. 1572 01:07:28,834 --> 01:07:30,959 I mean, you should have told me that you were gay. 1573 01:07:30,959 --> 01:07:34,750 I mean, is that why you don't want to run for mayor? 1574 01:07:34,750 --> 01:07:36,625 Are you kidding? I'm not gay. 1575 01:07:36,625 --> 01:07:38,625 And if I was gay, I could get way better than Charlie. 1576 01:07:38,625 --> 01:07:40,291 You think I'm after Franklin? 1577 01:07:40,291 --> 01:07:41,792 And a drunk! 1578 01:07:41,792 --> 01:07:42,917 Okay, okay. 1579 01:07:42,917 --> 01:07:44,917 You might have me on the drunk thing. 1580 01:07:44,917 --> 01:07:46,500 But you're out of your mind. 1581 01:07:46,500 --> 01:07:48,875 Everybody knows that Franklin's in love with Felipa. 1582 01:07:48,875 --> 01:07:50,875 What? What? 1583 01:07:50,875 --> 01:07:52,417 Oh, Charlie. 1584 01:07:52,417 --> 01:07:55,959 Even me, the huge drunk, could tell 14 seconds after I got here. 1585 01:07:55,959 --> 01:07:59,042 And you still don't see it? Felipa. 1586 01:07:59,042 --> 01:08:00,041 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 1587 01:08:01,667 --> 01:08:04,084 Papi, I've been meaning to tell you. 1588 01:08:04,084 --> 01:08:05,375 Yes, okay? 1589 01:08:05,375 --> 01:08:08,041 Franklin and I have been dating for over a year. 1590 01:08:08,041 --> 01:08:09,625 What? What? 1591 01:08:09,625 --> 01:08:11,417 You need to keep your son away from my daughter. 1592 01:08:11,417 --> 01:08:15,166 Hey, no, no. You ain't calling no shots in my family, El Chapo. 1593 01:08:15,166 --> 01:08:16,708 Well, Pop, calm down. 1594 01:08:16,708 --> 01:08:19,750 No, no, no, and you. I can't believe this, son. 1595 01:08:19,750 --> 01:08:24,333 You've been sneaking around with her behind my back, and lying, 1596 01:08:24,333 --> 01:08:28,125 and standing up Shantaysia, who is hot to trot. 1597 01:08:28,125 --> 01:08:29,792 Wow. "Hot to trot" isn't accurate. 1598 01:08:29,792 --> 01:08:31,792 FRANKLIN: Okay, fine. 1599 01:08:31,792 --> 01:08:35,250 I came up here because we all needed to get together. 1600 01:08:35,250 --> 01:08:38,250 I love Felipa. That is my girl. 1601 01:08:38,250 --> 01:08:39,792 That is why we are all here. 1602 01:08:39,792 --> 01:08:41,583 I don't know where the white family came from, 1603 01:08:41,583 --> 01:08:44,166 but that's why our families are here. We planned it. 1604 01:08:44,166 --> 01:08:45,542 But you know what I hate? 1605 01:08:45,542 --> 01:08:46,959 Camping is what I hate. 1606 01:08:46,959 --> 01:08:49,959 I knew it, I knew it, I fucking knew it! 1607 01:08:49,959 --> 01:08:52,291 You are not perfect, brother. You don't want to be a camper. 1608 01:08:52,291 --> 01:08:54,125 ♪ Franklin's not perfect 1609 01:08:54,125 --> 01:08:55,834 ♪ He is a dumbass 1610 01:08:55,834 --> 01:08:57,291 ♪ He fuck with Felipa 1611 01:08:57,291 --> 01:08:58,792 ♪ I fucking knew it 1612 01:08:58,792 --> 01:09:00,625 ♪ And I thought he was gay, too ♪ 1613 01:09:00,625 --> 01:09:03,000 This camping can jump up my ass. 1614 01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:06,208 These Jurassic Park mosquitoes can jump up my ass. 1615 01:09:06,208 --> 01:09:07,667 Sleeping in my car at night, 1616 01:09:07,667 --> 01:09:09,209 waiting for somebody to come and kill me... 1617 01:09:09,209 --> 01:09:10,291 Can jump up your ass. 1618 01:09:10,291 --> 01:09:11,458 Exactly. Right. 1619 01:09:11,458 --> 01:09:12,834 All this can jump up my ass. 1620 01:09:12,834 --> 01:09:14,417 Well, if you're going to act that way, 1621 01:09:14,417 --> 01:09:16,250 then why did we say we'd let you stay? 1622 01:09:16,250 --> 01:09:17,458 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1623 01:09:17,458 --> 01:09:19,000 Let us stay? Let us stay? 1624 01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:21,875 Those whites cheated. 1625 01:09:21,875 --> 01:09:24,250 And we're going to win this contest and kick you out. 1626 01:09:24,250 --> 01:09:26,166 Yeah, man, the hell with all you guys. 1627 01:09:26,166 --> 01:09:27,542 Final contest. 1628 01:09:27,542 --> 01:09:29,209 Winner or go home. Yeah. 1629 01:09:29,209 --> 01:09:31,042 Let's get it on. Let's get it on. 1630 01:09:31,042 --> 01:09:32,125 Come on. 1631 01:09:32,125 --> 01:09:33,000 Pues, vamos. 1632 01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:34,750 Let's do this. 1633 01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:36,000 Go this way. 1634 01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:37,667 It's game over, tacos and Schlitz. 1635 01:09:40,167 --> 01:09:41,583 Hey, hey, gather around here. 1636 01:09:41,583 --> 01:09:45,417 I'm Peter Gaulke, and I'm one of the original spectators, 1637 01:09:45,417 --> 01:09:47,458 so I think I'm probably most qualified to 1638 01:09:47,458 --> 01:09:50,125 describe what we're about to witness here. 1639 01:09:50,125 --> 01:09:54,959 This obstacle course race is 2 miles total, give or take a mile or two. 1640 01:09:54,959 --> 01:09:57,375 And it's through the woods, 1641 01:09:57,375 --> 01:09:59,125 and then you gotta get past that lake, 1642 01:09:59,125 --> 01:10:02,250 and then make it up to that clearing way up there, 1643 01:10:02,250 --> 01:10:04,125 'cause that's where the finish line's at. 1644 01:10:04,125 --> 01:10:06,417 So, what do you say we all just sit back here, 1645 01:10:06,417 --> 01:10:08,792 and let's enjoy the show. 1646 01:10:08,792 --> 01:10:10,125 RON RON: Y'all ready for this? Let's do this! 1647 01:10:10,125 --> 01:10:12,542 Let's do this. 1648 01:10:12,542 --> 01:10:15,000 Let's... Okay, everybody, here are the rules. 1649 01:10:15,000 --> 01:10:16,000 Rules? Yeah. 1650 01:10:16,000 --> 01:10:17,917 No rules! Ready, set, go! 1651 01:10:19,250 --> 01:10:21,500 Hey! You got dirt on my shoes! 1652 01:10:21,500 --> 01:10:23,041 Yeah! 1653 01:10:26,042 --> 01:10:28,375 Move, move. Move, move! 1654 01:10:28,375 --> 01:10:30,041 I'm comin' after you! 1655 01:10:32,167 --> 01:10:33,166 (GROANS) 1656 01:10:36,125 --> 01:10:37,500 I want to stay. 1657 01:10:37,500 --> 01:10:39,750 Yeah, why do parents always have to ruin everything? 1658 01:10:39,750 --> 01:10:40,875 I don't want to go. 1659 01:10:40,875 --> 01:10:41,917 Me either. 1660 01:10:41,917 --> 01:10:44,041 Wait, I have an idea. 1661 01:10:44,041 --> 01:10:45,500 Rolie, you still have that map? 1662 01:10:45,500 --> 01:10:47,000 Does a bear shit in the woods? 1663 01:10:48,166 --> 01:10:50,125 Yes, young man, it does. 1664 01:10:50,125 --> 01:10:52,291 ALL: Ew! 1665 01:10:52,291 --> 01:10:53,542 He's gross. 1666 01:10:53,542 --> 01:10:55,500 He smokes too much weed. 1667 01:10:55,500 --> 01:10:58,042 One time he got so baked, he tried to take his pants off over his head. 1668 01:10:58,042 --> 01:10:59,083 What? 1669 01:10:59,083 --> 01:11:00,375 It's an old Woody Allen joke. 1670 01:11:00,375 --> 01:11:02,291 Okay, so, you see this ridge here. 1671 01:11:02,291 --> 01:11:04,084 It horseshoes around this mountain. 1672 01:11:04,084 --> 01:11:06,375 And if we cut across here, then we're there. 1673 01:11:06,375 --> 01:11:09,333 The plan only works if we can get to the finish line first. 1674 01:11:09,333 --> 01:11:10,792 Think we can get there first? 1675 01:11:10,792 --> 01:11:12,458 Hell, yeah, first is my middle name. 1676 01:11:12,458 --> 01:11:14,500 It is? No, sweetie, it's Olivia. 1677 01:11:14,500 --> 01:11:16,708 All right, let's do this. On three. 1678 01:11:16,708 --> 01:11:17,542 One, two, three. 1679 01:11:17,542 --> 01:11:20,333 Break! Let's go! 1680 01:11:20,333 --> 01:11:23,542 And the black Jones family is in the lead. 1681 01:11:23,542 --> 01:11:24,875 Hurry up! 1682 01:11:27,125 --> 01:11:28,250 You're killing it, Dad. 1683 01:11:28,250 --> 01:11:29,792 Get your arms down there. 1684 01:11:29,792 --> 01:11:31,125 Get away from me! 1685 01:11:35,458 --> 01:11:37,000 Look, Pop, I just want to say I'm sorry. 1686 01:11:37,000 --> 01:11:39,625 No talking, just winning. 1687 01:11:39,625 --> 01:11:41,959 I'm not sorry-sorry, but I'm sorry. 1688 01:11:46,041 --> 01:11:48,084 (GASPING) 1689 01:11:48,084 --> 01:11:49,583 You can't keep up, can ya? 1690 01:11:49,583 --> 01:11:51,250 Look, you're the one out of shape. 1691 01:11:51,250 --> 01:11:53,458 I'm not out of shape, I could go for hours. 1692 01:11:53,458 --> 01:11:55,542 With your old-ass self. 1693 01:11:55,542 --> 01:11:57,542 Hey. Wait. 1694 01:11:59,250 --> 01:12:00,542 Is that a snake? 1695 01:12:00,542 --> 01:12:01,625 Where? 1696 01:12:01,625 --> 01:12:02,708 Right there. 1697 01:12:04,125 --> 01:12:06,708 (SCREAMS) 1698 01:12:15,125 --> 01:12:16,667 Oh. 1699 01:12:16,667 --> 01:12:19,333 Shit, that ain't no damn snake. 1700 01:12:20,417 --> 01:12:22,458 You know, your scream was kind of 1701 01:12:24,000 --> 01:12:25,166 "hoo-hoo," you know. 1702 01:12:26,083 --> 01:12:28,208 You need to man up, you know. 1703 01:12:28,208 --> 01:12:29,708 Man up on this! 1704 01:12:31,625 --> 01:12:33,542 FELIPA: I should have told my family. 1705 01:12:33,542 --> 01:12:36,000 I don't know what happened. We just fell in love. 1706 01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:37,333 Yeah. 1707 01:12:37,333 --> 01:12:39,000 My dad's so furious, though. 1708 01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:42,167 Well, girl, your dad be overreacting, okay, if you ask me. 1709 01:12:42,167 --> 01:12:43,625 Yep. I mean, 1710 01:12:43,625 --> 01:12:45,750 it's not a bad thing, it's kind of a good thing. 1711 01:12:45,750 --> 01:12:46,834 Really? 1712 01:12:46,834 --> 01:12:48,209 I mean, I was in shock. 1713 01:12:48,209 --> 01:12:49,458 I was like, "What?" 1714 01:12:49,458 --> 01:12:51,166 I was clutching my pearls like I was watching 1715 01:12:51,166 --> 01:12:52,792 Days of Our Lives or something. 1716 01:12:52,792 --> 01:12:55,291 Like, "I did not see that coming!" 1717 01:12:55,291 --> 01:12:58,375 But it's a good thing. Yeah. 1718 01:12:58,375 --> 01:13:00,458 Y'all might make some little Obamas, 1719 01:13:00,458 --> 01:13:03,209 or something, little Baracks up in here. 1720 01:13:03,209 --> 01:13:06,417 Girl, all I can say is, I think your dad's acting like a big old kid. 1721 01:13:06,417 --> 01:13:10,500 Right. Surprise, surprise, all the men are acting like children. 1722 01:13:10,500 --> 01:13:12,208 And speaking of children, 1723 01:13:12,208 --> 01:13:13,417 I cannot hear mine. It's like... 1724 01:13:13,417 --> 01:13:14,667 Yeah, that is weird. 1725 01:13:14,667 --> 01:13:16,208 They real quiet, like when I put 1726 01:13:16,208 --> 01:13:17,959 a little bit of Benadryl in their Cap'n Crunch. 1727 01:13:17,959 --> 01:13:21,750 You know, they get real quiet then. 1728 01:13:21,750 --> 01:13:24,417 What? I wouldn't really drug my babies, that's a joke. 1729 01:13:24,417 --> 01:13:26,667 Okay, okay, I was like... 1730 01:13:26,667 --> 01:13:27,959 (LAUGHING) 1731 01:13:27,959 --> 01:13:29,959 Just a little bit, for a minute. Okay. 1732 01:13:29,959 --> 01:13:31,708 Kids! Chuckie! 1733 01:13:31,708 --> 01:13:33,458 Ron Ron! 1734 01:13:33,458 --> 01:13:35,209 Chuckie! They're not there. We should go. 1735 01:13:35,209 --> 01:13:36,041 Let's go see. 1736 01:13:36,041 --> 01:13:37,208 Let's try to parent. 1737 01:13:37,208 --> 01:13:38,458 JOSE: Hey! 1738 01:13:42,291 --> 01:13:43,834 SHARNI: Oh, my God! 1739 01:13:45,875 --> 01:13:46,875 (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) 1740 01:13:49,125 --> 01:13:50,375 (MEN CHEERING) 1741 01:13:51,167 --> 01:13:52,209 Really? 1742 01:13:52,209 --> 01:13:53,208 Seriously? 1743 01:13:53,708 --> 01:13:55,458 What? 1744 01:13:55,458 --> 01:13:57,375 You think they're going to shoot dollar bills at you with a T-shirt gun? 1745 01:13:57,375 --> 01:14:00,084 No, this is a public service. 1746 01:14:00,084 --> 01:14:04,792 I do this for charity, not dollar bills, you drunk. 1747 01:14:05,625 --> 01:14:06,583 (CHEERING) 1748 01:14:06,583 --> 01:14:07,917 All right, nothing to see here. 1749 01:14:07,917 --> 01:14:09,333 Head down the trail, down the trail. 1750 01:14:09,333 --> 01:14:10,792 Nothing to see here, nothing to see here. 1751 01:14:10,792 --> 01:14:12,458 We've got a race to run. Come on, sweetie. 1752 01:14:12,458 --> 01:14:14,750 Okay, I'm up. Come on, let's go. 1753 01:14:16,209 --> 01:14:18,583 TOMMY: Come on! Wait for me. 1754 01:14:18,583 --> 01:14:25,166 ♪ And the bombs of war will make you bleed 1755 01:14:25,166 --> 01:14:29,084 ♪ When the hugs of love 1756 01:14:29,084 --> 01:14:32,125 ♪ Are all you need ♪ 1757 01:14:33,291 --> 01:14:35,166 Hey, little buddy! 1758 01:14:35,166 --> 01:14:37,208 You want to sing the chorus? 1759 01:14:37,208 --> 01:14:41,792 ♪ The hugs of love are all you need 1760 01:14:41,792 --> 01:14:44,583 ♪ The hugs of love are all... ♪ 1761 01:14:44,583 --> 01:14:45,667 (SPRAYING) 1762 01:14:45,667 --> 01:14:46,667 (SCREAMING) 1763 01:14:48,291 --> 01:14:50,209 I'm gonna get you! 1764 01:14:50,209 --> 01:14:52,792 You slimy little bastard! 1765 01:15:02,417 --> 01:15:03,917 Do you see them yet? 1766 01:15:03,917 --> 01:15:06,291 Don't see them, but I think I hear them. 1767 01:15:06,291 --> 01:15:08,875 (COUGHING) (PANTING) 1768 01:15:08,875 --> 01:15:10,542 Hold on! Hold on! 1769 01:15:11,250 --> 01:15:13,042 Wait, wait, wait, stop! 1770 01:15:13,042 --> 01:15:14,625 What? 1771 01:15:14,625 --> 01:15:16,167 What? 1772 01:15:16,167 --> 01:15:17,500 Do you hear that? 1773 01:15:17,500 --> 01:15:19,042 Hear what? 1774 01:15:19,042 --> 01:15:20,542 What is that sound? 1775 01:15:20,542 --> 01:15:22,000 Shit! 1776 01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:26,500 Well, maybe it's a bear or even worse, a monster! 1777 01:15:26,500 --> 01:15:28,542 Damn, what's behind those bushes? 1778 01:15:28,542 --> 01:15:31,084 What beast is coming towards us? 1779 01:15:31,084 --> 01:15:32,375 Who are you? What are you? 1780 01:15:32,375 --> 01:15:35,167 Show yourself! Ron Ron! 1781 01:15:35,167 --> 01:15:36,542 Shit, worse than I thought. 1782 01:15:37,250 --> 01:15:38,708 Just kidding, baby. 1783 01:15:38,708 --> 01:15:40,375 We're looking for the kids, they ran off. 1784 01:15:40,375 --> 01:15:42,834 Is this some kind of joke, 'cause we're going to win? 1785 01:15:42,834 --> 01:15:46,625 Really, I'm just curious, on what planet might that be true? 1786 01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:48,125 FRANKLIN: I don't even know how you got in the lead. 1787 01:15:48,125 --> 01:15:49,708 No, really... 1788 01:15:49,708 --> 01:15:51,083 Uh... Uh... San... 1789 01:15:51,083 --> 01:15:52,667 What? Shantaysia. 1790 01:15:52,667 --> 01:15:54,291 It's "Shantaysia"? Can't get it right? 1791 01:15:54,291 --> 01:15:56,667 No, I thought it was "Shantaysia." What did you think? 1792 01:15:56,667 --> 01:15:57,792 I said that... 1793 01:15:57,792 --> 01:15:59,750 He said it the way I said it because... 1794 01:15:59,750 --> 01:16:04,417 Anyway, she said something about the kids and a finish line. 1795 01:16:04,917 --> 01:16:06,042 Wow. 1796 01:16:06,042 --> 01:16:07,834 Is that a bat? Really? 1797 01:16:08,542 --> 01:16:09,834 Charlie. 1798 01:16:09,834 --> 01:16:11,458 Is that another bat? Here we go again. 1799 01:16:11,458 --> 01:16:13,209 I thought you were going to quit. 1800 01:16:13,209 --> 01:16:15,167 No, no, no, wait, wait, wait. 1801 01:16:15,167 --> 01:16:17,458 Is that... Is that three bats? 1802 01:16:17,458 --> 01:16:19,291 I guess we'll never know what we could've been. 1803 01:16:19,291 --> 01:16:22,250 No, no, no. No booze, no bottle. 1804 01:16:23,625 --> 01:16:26,000 Five. Five bats. 1805 01:16:26,000 --> 01:16:27,500 Oh, my God. Seriously? 1806 01:16:27,500 --> 01:16:29,375 No, no, no, I'm serious... 1807 01:16:31,542 --> 01:16:33,041 Bats! 1808 01:16:33,041 --> 01:16:35,708 (ALL SCREAMING) 1809 01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:48,583 What? We can't stop. 1810 01:16:48,583 --> 01:16:50,125 They say bats get stuck in your hair. 1811 01:16:50,125 --> 01:16:52,208 No, no, no. That's a myth. 1812 01:16:52,208 --> 01:16:54,000 Total urban legend. 1813 01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:55,000 JOSE: Holy shit. 1814 01:16:56,167 --> 01:16:57,250 Charlie, there's a... What? 1815 01:16:57,250 --> 01:16:59,291 There is a bat on your head. 1816 01:16:59,291 --> 01:17:02,625 Okay, guys, guys, guys. Come on, I'm not a moron. 1817 01:17:02,625 --> 01:17:04,000 Clearly there's no bat on my head. 1818 01:17:04,000 --> 01:17:05,125 Oh, my God. 1819 01:17:05,125 --> 01:17:06,458 How drunk are you? Irrelevant. 1820 01:17:06,458 --> 01:17:08,333 I promise you, son, there's a bat in your hair. 1821 01:17:08,333 --> 01:17:11,208 JOSE: Up in your hair, man. Come on, Charlie! You don't feel that? 1822 01:17:11,208 --> 01:17:12,917 (SCREAMING) 1823 01:17:14,708 --> 01:17:17,667 Get it off! Get it off! Someone get it off! 1824 01:17:17,667 --> 01:17:19,458 Throw rocks at it, everybody. Throw rocks. 1825 01:17:19,458 --> 01:17:22,208 No, no, no. Bad idea. Bad idea. 1826 01:17:22,208 --> 01:17:23,458 Ow! Ow! 1827 01:17:25,333 --> 01:17:27,042 Enough with the damn rocks. 1828 01:17:27,042 --> 01:17:28,209 Hit it with the bug racket! 1829 01:17:28,209 --> 01:17:29,208 Yeah! 1830 01:17:32,125 --> 01:17:33,875 Get it, girls! Get it! 1831 01:17:33,875 --> 01:17:34,875 Get it! 1832 01:17:36,959 --> 01:17:38,834 Not my head, not my head! 1833 01:17:38,834 --> 01:17:39,959 Look, the kids! 1834 01:17:39,959 --> 01:17:41,417 The finish line! 1835 01:17:42,291 --> 01:17:44,375 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1836 01:17:44,375 --> 01:17:45,750 Hey, thanks, everybody! 1837 01:17:45,750 --> 01:17:46,583 Later, Charlie! 1838 01:17:46,583 --> 01:17:48,959 No, I'm fine. It's all good. 1839 01:17:51,084 --> 01:17:55,458 There was nothing about that that I liked! 1840 01:18:16,000 --> 01:18:17,000 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1841 01:18:23,333 --> 01:18:25,125 What the hell? Oh, my God! 1842 01:18:25,125 --> 01:18:27,291 You kids did this? 1843 01:18:27,291 --> 01:18:29,208 Yeah! We don't want to go home. 1844 01:18:29,208 --> 01:18:32,333 Us kids get along, how come you adults can't get along? 1845 01:18:32,333 --> 01:18:33,708 What? What? 1846 01:18:34,750 --> 01:18:36,458 KEKO: Well... Wow. 1847 01:18:36,458 --> 01:18:38,500 This is some muddy bullshit. Yeah. 1848 01:18:38,500 --> 01:18:40,209 But I'm damn impressed. 1849 01:18:40,209 --> 01:18:41,250 RON RON: Yeah, but who's going to get a whooping first? 1850 01:18:41,250 --> 01:18:42,834 Kids! Not bad. 1851 01:18:42,834 --> 01:18:45,458 You dug a hole, you filled it with mud 1852 01:18:45,458 --> 01:18:48,167 and made it look like the trail. 1853 01:18:48,167 --> 01:18:52,166 And you caught yourselves a bunch of dumbass men. 1854 01:18:52,166 --> 01:18:53,708 You know what's funny? 1855 01:18:53,708 --> 01:18:56,125 Everybody covered in mud like this, 1856 01:18:56,125 --> 01:18:59,125 you just can't tell anybody apart. 1857 01:18:59,125 --> 01:19:00,209 There's a lesson in that. 1858 01:19:00,209 --> 01:19:01,000 What? 1859 01:19:01,000 --> 01:19:05,083 A big obvious, fricking lesson. 1860 01:19:05,083 --> 01:19:07,500 KEKO: Tell it, girl. Preach! 1861 01:19:07,500 --> 01:19:10,834 So, being that you can't tell anybody apart, 1862 01:19:12,125 --> 01:19:14,291 the bottom line is this. 1863 01:19:14,291 --> 01:19:16,542 Are you an asshole or not? 1864 01:19:21,083 --> 01:19:22,458 Choose wisely. 1865 01:19:22,458 --> 01:19:24,042 So, let's not be assholes. 1866 01:19:24,042 --> 01:19:26,250 And let's all just 1867 01:19:26,250 --> 01:19:27,959 get along. Okay. 1868 01:19:27,959 --> 01:19:29,083 KEKO: In the words of Rodney King, girl. 1869 01:19:29,083 --> 01:19:30,125 MAN: All right. 1870 01:19:30,125 --> 01:19:31,375 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 1871 01:19:32,417 --> 01:19:34,000 What does that mean, baby? 1872 01:19:34,000 --> 01:19:35,834 It was just a Latin bonding. 1873 01:19:35,834 --> 01:19:37,041 Got it. 1874 01:19:37,041 --> 01:19:40,417 Hey, that was a really, really nice speech, Fake Mom. 1875 01:19:42,000 --> 01:19:43,333 Oh. Well, that's... 1876 01:19:43,333 --> 01:19:45,834 Still doing the Fake Mom stuff right after the... 1877 01:19:45,834 --> 01:19:47,208 Cheyenne. 1878 01:19:48,208 --> 01:19:50,875 You called me by my name! 1879 01:19:50,875 --> 01:19:53,042 Sweetheart! 1880 01:19:53,042 --> 01:19:54,458 I'm so touched by the... 1881 01:19:54,458 --> 01:19:56,000 You know, I've always felt that we had... 1882 01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:57,291 Yeah, that's a bit too much. 1883 01:19:57,291 --> 01:19:58,125 Okay, don't hit on 16, got it. Don't hit on 16. 1884 01:19:58,125 --> 01:19:59,166 Let's back it up. 1885 01:19:59,166 --> 01:20:02,167 KIDS: Ew! 1886 01:20:02,167 --> 01:20:03,667 TOMMY: Gravy! KID: Gross. 1887 01:20:03,667 --> 01:20:06,125 They said that tomato juice can get rid of skunk stink. 1888 01:20:06,125 --> 01:20:07,458 (ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1889 01:20:07,458 --> 01:20:09,208 I hear the ice cream truck! 1890 01:20:09,208 --> 01:20:10,333 CHARLIE: That's beautiful, Gravy. 1891 01:20:10,333 --> 01:20:13,042 Hold up. Hey, hey, hey. 1892 01:20:13,042 --> 01:20:14,625 Something's wrong with my knee. 1893 01:20:14,625 --> 01:20:16,125 Look, you're my brother, okay? 1894 01:20:16,125 --> 01:20:17,625 Yeah, yeah. 1895 01:20:17,625 --> 01:20:19,167 No, listen to me, I'm talking to you. 1896 01:20:19,167 --> 01:20:20,291 Yes! 1897 01:20:20,291 --> 01:20:21,834 Okay, and I love you, man. 1898 01:20:21,834 --> 01:20:23,959 And someday you are going to be married, bro. 1899 01:20:23,959 --> 01:20:25,750 'Cause if anybody can do it, you can. 1900 01:20:25,750 --> 01:20:27,084 You think so? 1901 01:20:27,084 --> 01:20:29,917 I think what he's trying to say, Pop, is that... 1902 01:20:29,917 --> 01:20:32,333 It's time to propose. You know, to Charlie. 1903 01:20:32,333 --> 01:20:35,500 (ALL LAUGHING) 1904 01:20:35,500 --> 01:20:37,458 ♪ Felipa's going to get proposed to 1905 01:20:37,458 --> 01:20:39,166 ♪ Felipa's going to get proposed to... ♪ 1906 01:20:39,166 --> 01:20:41,250 JOSE: You're next! You're next! You're next! 1907 01:20:41,250 --> 01:20:44,250 Well, Franklin, you're down on one knee, 1908 01:20:44,250 --> 01:20:46,125 I think you'd better handle your business. 1909 01:20:46,125 --> 01:20:49,125 Felipa, just follow your heart. 1910 01:20:49,125 --> 01:20:50,959 What? Is this... Are y'all for real? 1911 01:20:52,209 --> 01:20:54,125 Oh! Is he... Franklin? 1912 01:20:54,125 --> 01:20:55,417 Do it, Franklin. 1913 01:20:56,083 --> 01:20:57,625 Do it, Franklin. 1914 01:21:04,125 --> 01:21:05,125 Will you marry me? 1915 01:21:05,917 --> 01:21:07,083 Yes. 1916 01:21:07,083 --> 01:21:09,166 You will? Yes, yes, yes! 1917 01:21:10,084 --> 01:21:11,083 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1918 01:21:12,000 --> 01:21:13,583 They're gonna get married! 1919 01:21:15,125 --> 01:21:16,458 Yes! 1920 01:21:16,458 --> 01:21:17,500 Yeah! 1921 01:21:21,875 --> 01:21:23,166 Down he goes! 1922 01:21:24,542 --> 01:21:25,625 PAPI: Felipa! 1923 01:21:29,333 --> 01:21:30,583 (ALL CLAMORING) 1924 01:21:40,333 --> 01:21:44,042 Felipa! I also need help! 1925 01:21:44,042 --> 01:21:46,000 I got you! I got you! 1926 01:21:47,209 --> 01:21:48,625 We're getting married! 1927 01:21:53,625 --> 01:21:54,625 Hey, hey, hey. 1928 01:21:54,625 --> 01:21:55,875 What's with the potato salad? 1929 01:21:55,875 --> 01:21:58,125 What? I'm sorry. Are you hungry? 1930 01:21:58,125 --> 01:21:59,625 Yeah, we're trying to whenever. 1931 01:21:59,625 --> 01:22:01,000 We talked about first base and second base. 1932 01:22:01,000 --> 01:22:02,291 Yeah, I knew that. 1933 01:22:03,125 --> 01:22:04,708 Excuse me. Hello. 1934 01:22:04,708 --> 01:22:05,917 Hi. Hi. Hi. 1935 01:22:05,917 --> 01:22:07,000 Everybody. 1936 01:22:07,000 --> 01:22:08,542 I just want to say, 1937 01:22:08,542 --> 01:22:10,667 another Fourth of July. 1938 01:22:10,667 --> 01:22:13,750 Here we are again. I'm just so happy that we can all make it. 1939 01:22:13,750 --> 01:22:15,708 Yes. Yeah, right. 1940 01:22:15,708 --> 01:22:16,875 Yeah! 1941 01:22:16,875 --> 01:22:18,291 Yay! 1942 01:22:18,291 --> 01:22:19,875 Too bad Gravy couldn't make it. 1943 01:22:21,083 --> 01:22:22,583 What? Am I supposed to be somewhere? 1944 01:22:22,583 --> 01:22:25,834 No, just kidding, bro. You're here. It's now. 1945 01:22:25,834 --> 01:22:27,458 We're joking, Gravy. 1946 01:22:27,458 --> 01:22:30,167 Hi, I'm Charlie and I'm an alcoholic. 1947 01:22:30,167 --> 01:22:32,167 Hi, Charlie. Hey, Charlie. 1948 01:22:32,167 --> 01:22:33,417 I'm sorry, wrong group. 1949 01:22:35,333 --> 01:22:37,250 Check out this bad boy. 1950 01:22:37,250 --> 01:22:39,084 Six months sober. 1951 01:22:39,084 --> 01:22:40,458 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1952 01:22:40,458 --> 01:22:43,792 Look who the good influence is over here. 1953 01:22:43,792 --> 01:22:46,583 It just looks like a poker chip painted green. 1954 01:22:46,583 --> 01:22:48,458 Looks like a blue condom. 1955 01:22:48,458 --> 01:22:51,708 Uh-uh. No. That is an IUD. That's what that is. 1956 01:22:51,708 --> 01:22:53,250 Gosh, I hope you washed that, man. 1957 01:22:53,250 --> 01:22:55,000 Baby, no, no, no. It's just an onion ring. 1958 01:22:55,000 --> 01:22:56,875 An onion ring? 1959 01:22:56,875 --> 01:22:58,959 Yeah. You know, like from Mars. You know, Mars has... 1960 01:22:58,959 --> 01:23:00,125 Mars? 1961 01:23:00,125 --> 01:23:01,708 Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars? 1962 01:23:01,708 --> 01:23:02,500 What? 1963 01:23:02,500 --> 01:23:04,000 Good food, no atmosphere. 1964 01:23:04,000 --> 01:23:05,375 (LAUGHING) 1965 01:23:05,375 --> 01:23:07,500 Hey, you're getting the hang of these jokes, Gravy. 1966 01:23:07,500 --> 01:23:10,084 I have a sobriety chip, too. 1967 01:23:10,084 --> 01:23:12,500 There we go. See this? Yup. 1968 01:23:12,500 --> 01:23:17,417 Lord, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change 1969 01:23:17,417 --> 01:23:19,667 and the courage to change what I can, 1970 01:23:19,667 --> 01:23:22,167 and the wisdom to know the difference. 1971 01:23:22,167 --> 01:23:24,750 Hear, hear. Cheers. 1972 01:23:24,750 --> 01:23:26,417 Maybe he could grant you the ability to 1973 01:23:26,417 --> 01:23:28,250 change a light bulb in the house, right? 1974 01:23:28,250 --> 01:23:30,000 Or put the toilet seat down? 1975 01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:32,458 Go, Trophy Mom. 1976 01:23:32,458 --> 01:23:34,583 KEKO: I know exactly what you talking about. 1977 01:23:34,583 --> 01:23:36,792 You wake up at 3:00 in the morning to go to pee 1978 01:23:36,792 --> 01:23:38,625 and then it's like you've fallen into a hammock. 1979 01:23:38,625 --> 01:23:41,000 Booty and everything, all wet. 1980 01:23:41,000 --> 01:23:45,083 Ladies and gentlemen, and it looks like the attitudes are heating up. 1981 01:23:45,083 --> 01:23:49,583 Bring out the bullhorns, it is time to go at it one more time. 1982 01:23:49,583 --> 01:23:52,041 Round two, one year later. 1983 01:23:53,792 --> 01:23:57,834 Felipa, go ahead and show us that ring. 1984 01:23:57,834 --> 01:24:00,333 Yes, it's so heavy. 1985 01:24:00,333 --> 01:24:01,583 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1986 01:24:02,209 --> 01:24:03,333 Damn! 1987 01:24:04,000 --> 01:24:05,291 Sorry. 1988 01:24:05,291 --> 01:24:06,959 Well, you know. Thank you. 1989 01:24:06,959 --> 01:24:08,500 Very nice. Hey. 1990 01:24:08,500 --> 01:24:11,333 Francesca's got a ring, too. She got engaged with this guy. 1991 01:24:11,333 --> 01:24:12,625 Go ahead, Franny, show 'em. 1992 01:24:13,792 --> 01:24:14,792 Very nice. 1993 01:24:14,792 --> 01:24:16,041 Hey, when I become a millionaire, 1994 01:24:16,041 --> 01:24:17,917 that thing's gonna be huge, all right? 1995 01:24:17,917 --> 01:24:21,042 A millionaire? I'd be happy if you were a hundredaire. 1996 01:24:21,042 --> 01:24:25,458 This idiot brother puts an air foil on the back of my plumbing van. 1997 01:24:25,458 --> 01:24:27,333 Business has been kicking ever since we did that. 1998 01:24:27,333 --> 01:24:31,000 Hey, Jose, could you shove that antenna back into your love handle. 1999 01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:33,875 I think the Giants are playing the Dodgers. 2000 01:24:33,875 --> 01:24:35,667 Oh, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, yeah. I can do that. 2001 01:24:35,667 --> 01:24:38,458 You know, but I charge 14 bucks for the premium channels, fool. 2002 01:24:38,458 --> 01:24:41,959 Hey, y'all kids, keep it down over there! Okay? 2003 01:24:41,959 --> 01:24:43,083 This is not a library! 2004 01:24:43,083 --> 01:24:44,333 Chuckie! 2005 01:24:44,333 --> 01:24:45,583 SARA: Quit it. 2006 01:24:45,583 --> 01:24:47,000 Quit hitting your sister Sara! 2007 01:24:47,000 --> 01:24:48,333 Don't! Stop! 2008 01:24:48,333 --> 01:24:49,875 CHUCKIE: Can I hit you, Dad? Can I hit the dogs? 2009 01:24:49,875 --> 01:24:51,250 SARA: Can I hit a cupcake? 2010 01:24:51,250 --> 01:24:53,000 Me, too! I want to hit one of those... 2011 01:24:53,000 --> 01:24:55,458 (CHILDREN CLAMORING) 2012 01:24:55,458 --> 01:24:59,458 All right. It's cool. Just hit her, it's fine. 2013 01:24:59,458 --> 01:25:01,792 Excuse me. Excuse me. Yes? 2014 01:25:01,792 --> 01:25:02,875 I have a toast. 2015 01:25:05,209 --> 01:25:07,125 All that I've ever wanted to be 2016 01:25:08,125 --> 01:25:09,500 is who I'm becoming. 2017 01:25:09,500 --> 01:25:12,125 Nice. TOMMY: Hear, hear. 2018 01:25:12,125 --> 01:25:13,875 Cheers. Hear, hear. 2019 01:25:24,000 --> 01:25:25,125 Uh-oh. 2020 01:25:25,125 --> 01:25:28,000 Hey! Hey, Gunga Din. 2021 01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:30,875 What are you doing here? This is our site. Site 16. 2022 01:25:30,875 --> 01:25:32,583 No way! We have site 16. 2023 01:25:32,583 --> 01:25:34,500 Are you going to build a 7-Eleven here? 2024 01:25:34,500 --> 01:25:35,875 Yeah, right next to your nail salon. 2025 01:25:35,875 --> 01:25:37,291 Yeah. 2026 01:25:37,291 --> 01:25:38,667 JOSE: Oh, snap! Y'all hear that? 2027 01:25:38,667 --> 01:25:40,500 What are you people doing here? 2028 01:25:40,500 --> 01:25:43,041 Finish up the gardening and go. 2029 01:25:43,041 --> 01:25:47,250 Hey, things are heating up down there. I got one. I got one. 2030 01:25:47,250 --> 01:25:50,084 How do you know a Chinese guy broke into your house? 2031 01:25:50,084 --> 01:25:51,792 How? How? 2032 01:25:51,792 --> 01:25:53,250 Your homework's all done and he takes 2033 01:25:53,250 --> 01:25:54,708 an hour to pull out of your driveway. 2034 01:25:55,917 --> 01:25:57,041 Get it? 2035 01:25:57,041 --> 01:25:58,917 Come on, man. It's funny. 2036 01:25:58,917 --> 01:26:00,042 Did he just say that? 2037 01:26:00,042 --> 01:26:01,041 Yeah, he did. 2038 01:26:01,041 --> 01:26:03,834 Let me see that. Let me see that. 2039 01:26:03,834 --> 01:26:06,208 What did St. Peter say when he saw the Indian guy? 2040 01:26:06,208 --> 01:26:07,417 ALL: What? 2041 01:26:07,417 --> 01:26:09,291 "Hey, Jesus, your cab's here." 2042 01:26:10,792 --> 01:26:12,125 JOSE: Mine was funnier than that. 2043 01:26:12,125 --> 01:26:13,750 Okay, that's messed up. Yeah. 2044 01:26:13,750 --> 01:26:17,083 Hey, you guys still want campsite 16? 2045 01:26:17,083 --> 01:26:19,125 I think we need to have a little contest. 2046 01:26:19,125 --> 01:26:20,917 Yeah! 2047 01:26:21,542 --> 01:26:22,667 Contest? 2048 01:26:22,667 --> 01:26:23,667 Contest. 2049 01:26:24,375 --> 01:26:26,083 JOSE: It's over now! 2050 01:26:26,083 --> 01:26:28,667 KEKO: No math contest and no computer technology contest. 2051 01:26:28,667 --> 01:26:30,125 TOMMY: Yeah, no math and no science questions. 2052 01:26:30,125 --> 01:26:31,750 Yeah. 2053 01:26:32,792 --> 01:26:33,792 (ALL CLAMORING)